-Boy, oh, boy, let me tell you about my ex-wife.
My ex-wife wanted to be an actress,
but I tell you, she's so ugly,
she couldn't even get a part in a hot dog.
[rimshot] Hey-oh!
-Man, this is so exciting.
I've been dying to come to this comedy club.
-Yeah, me too.
-Whoa, Midget Apple.
-That's Little Apple!
-What are you doing back there?
-I'm trying to watch the show, but you're blocking my view.
-Maybe that's why they call it "stand-up."
[both laugh]
-[groans]
-She's stupid, too.
You wanna know how stupid?
She thought a sirloin was a knight.
[rimshot] Ho!
-Was that supposed to be funny?
-Just give him a chance, okay?
-Oh, is she a lowsy driver.
Just last week, she T-boned my car. [rimshot]
[crickets chirp]
-I don't know why we had to come to this place to laugh.
I'm way funnier than this meatball.
-Hey, doo-da-dip, zip the lip.
-Hey, do-da-daff, make me laugh. [laughs]
-Dude, knock it off. Now he's gonna pick on us.
-All right, looks like we got another comedian here, folks.
What's your name, huh? Bozo.
[rimshot] He-he-hey!
-I'm not Bozo, I'm an orange.
-Well, thanks a lot, Captain Obvious. [rimshot]
-No problem, Major Meatball. [laughs]
-Oh, so you wanna see a joke, huh?
Quick, somebody get this guy a mirror.
[rimshot] He-hey!
-Really? That's all you got?
-And what about your little buddy there?
-That's Little Apple!
-Not you, munchkin. The other guy.
-Whoa, leave me out of this.
-Boy, does this guy need some exercise.
He's looking a little pear-shaped. [rimshot]
-Dude, I am a pear.
-Yeah, a pair of jokers.
[rimshot] Ho-ho!
-Wow, did you ever notice that Meatball's a real ham-burger?
[rimshot, laughs]
-Orange, you are so stupid,
you thought photosynthesis had something to do with a camera. [rimshot]
-Yeah, well you're so dumb, you tried to go fishing in a gravy boat.
[rimshot, laughs]
-[groans] Can we go home now?
-What? You guys don't wanna leave already, do you?
-(Pear and Midget Apple) Yes.
-Why don't you make like a hockey stick
and get the puck out of here? [rimshot]
-But I'm totally winning. This guy's dead meat.
[rimshot, laughs]
-Oh whatever, Orange.
I'm the one "rinding" you down.
[rimshot] He-hey!
-Hey, hey Meatball.
-What?
-Hey, can I call you Chuck?
-Uh... okay.
-Hey, Chuck! Hey, hey Chuck!
-What do you want now?
-Guess what?
-What?
-Spatula.
-Wha-- [yelling]
-Whoa!
[Meatball groaning]
Talk about a "patty" pooper.
[rimshot, laughs]
[groaning continues]
-Ooh!
-What's that? I can't hear you.
Your delivery's a little "flat."
[rimshot, laughs]
[Meatball screams]
-Ouch, that looked like it hurt.
-Geez, all I wanted to do was laugh.
What a letdown.
-I'll say.
I've been staring at Orange's butt all night.
-Aw, poor Meatball.
His show really got "panned." [rimshot]
[laughter]
I guess Marty Meatball was all sizzle and no steak. [rimshot]
[laughter]
Can you guys believe he had a "beef" with me? [rimshot]
[laughter]
-Yeah, Spatula's all like,
"Can me have a cheeseburger?" [laughs]
[record scratches, crickets chirp]
[laughter, rimshot]
Captioned by SpongeSebastian
-Hey, hey Midget Apple.
You should tell another one of your short jokes.
-That's little joke!