For intense periods of our lives, we suffer the agony of unrequited love我们在情感热烈的时期会饱受单恋的折磨
Our sorrow is accompanied by a certainty that这种悲伤是必然的
if only the elusive being would return our smiles, come for dinner or marry us除非我们爱的那个人冲我们笑 共赴晚餐 或者和我们结婚
we would know bliss我们才能感到幸福
Epochal happiness seems tantalisingly close, wholly real and yet maddeningly out of reach这种幸福似乎近在眼前 极其真切 却又让人触不可及
At such moments, we are often counselled to try to forget the beloved在这种时候 一般都会有人规劝我们 还是忘了人家吧
We should – given their lack of interest – try to think of someone or something else人家对你没意思 何必吊死在一棵树上
Yet this kindness is deeply misguided然而这种善意的安慰却只会帮倒忙
The cure for love does not lie in ceasing to think of the fugitive lover单恋并不是靠不去想单恋对象就可以治好的
but in learning to think more intensely and constructively about who they might really be而是要经常去思考 TA 真实的样子是什么样的
From close up, every human who has ever lived proves deeply challenging近距离接触任何一个人都具有相当的挑战性
We are all – at close quarters – trying propositions因为近距离观察 每个人都有很多惹人烦的地方
We are short-tempered 脾气暴躁
vain deceitful crass自负 虚伪 愚蠢
sentimental woolly cold over-emotional and chaotic玻璃心 难以捉摸 冷酷 喜怒无常 思想混乱
What prevents us from holding this in mind in relation to certain people我们没看到一些人的这些方面
is simply a lack of knowledge只是因为我们还不够了解他们
We assume – on the basis of a few charming outside details -被感情冲昏头的我们只看到了他们迷人的外在
that the target of our passion may miraculously have escaped the fundamentals of the human condition看不到他们基本的缺点
They haven’t但他们都有的
We just haven’t got to know them properly只是我们还不了解
This is what makes unrequited love so intense, so long-lasting and so vicious这就是为什么单恋都很热烈 持久而又痛苦
By preventing us from properly growing close to them, the beloved also prevents us from tiring of them我们不能近距离接触他们 也就无法了解这些缺点而厌倦他们
in the cathartic and liberating manner that is the gift of requited love我们得到的情感宣泄和释放 其实是真正爱情的特点
It isn’t their charms that are keeping us magnetised并不是他们的魅力一直吸引着我们
it is our lack of knowledge of their flaws而是我们一直不了解他们的缺点
The cure for unrequited love is, in structure, therefore very simple治疗单恋的方法其实就是这么简单
We must get to know them better我们必须要更好地了解他们
The more we discovered of them, the less they would ever look like the solution to all our problems我们越了解对方 就会发现对方越不是我们的解药
We would discover the endless small ways in which they were irksome我们会发现它们有很多讨人厌的小毛病
we’d get to know how stubborn; how critical; how cold and how hurt by things that strike us as meaningless they could be会知道那些吸引我们的东西本身毫无意义 而且棘手 讨厌 冷血和伤人
That is, if we got to know them better, we’d realise how much they had in common with everyone else也就是说 我们越了解对方 就会发现他们跟普通人没什么两样
Passion can never withstand too much exposure to the full reality of another person热情总是抵不过太多的现实打击
The unbounded admiration on which it is founded我们对对方无限迷恋的根源
is destroyed by the knowledge which a properly shared life inevitably brings总是会被一起生活后对彼此更多的了解所摧毁
The cruelty of unrequited love isn’t really that we haven’t been loved back单恋的残忍之处并不是我们的爱没有回应
rather it’s that our hopes have been aroused而是我们的希望被人唤醒
by someone who can never disappoint us, someone who we will have to keep believing in这个人从来不会让我们失望 甚至称得上是我们的信仰
because we lack the knowledge that would set us free而这只是因为我们并不够了解他们 才一直困在其中
We must, in the absence of a direct cure, undertake an imaginative one我们必须在没有直接解药的情况下 用想象力来治愈自己
We must accept, without quite knowing the details我们必须接受这个事实 即使我们还不够了解他们
that they would, of course, eventually prove decisively irritating但他们一定有一些讨人厌的地方
Everyone does每个人都不例外
We have to believe this我们必须相信这一点
not because we know it exactly of them, but because they are – in the end – human不是因为我们了解他们的方方面面 而是因为他们毕竟是人
and we know this dark but deeply cheering fact about everyone who has ever lived我们知道这个消极却又让人庆幸的事实 每个活过的人都是如此