myself.
Jesus is on the mainline Tell him what you want
- Lord Jesus - Tell him what you want
You gotta call him up And tell him what you want
Call him up, call him up...
You tell him!
Am I in white boy heaven or what? Yes!
That was beautiful, children.
Children? Hm!
I want to tell you about myself.
You look at me and you see a man who seems a lot like you.
But all my life I've been different.
At first, it was a curse,
but soon I discovered the blessing of my birth.
Now, what was it, you ask, made me different?
In an isolated cabin in the Appalachian mountains,
Jonas Nightengale was born with a caul about his face.
He told me his father invented Teflon.
Some say the caul's an old wives' tale,
but I've seen some smart old wives in my day!
They say a baby born with a caul is given the second sight.
The sight inside a man's soul.
Hallelujah!
Sister Jane will pass among you...
...and I want you to ask her your questions.
I'm going to reach deep inside
to find an answer placed there by God.
- What can Jonas do for you tonight? - How much longer do I have?
Brother Nightengale,
can you tell me the answer to our brother's question?
I'm hearing the voice of angels.
- He's worried how long he has to go. - Praise be!
Whether you've ten years or ten minutes, what matters is that you really live!
So when God's chariot arrives, you're ready to step on board!
- Yes, sir! - I've been widowed about a year.
When they repossessed the farm, my husband killed himself in the barn.
Has the Lord forgiven him and welcomed him to heaven?
Our sister would sincerely like to know about a loved one.
I'll give you your answer, sister.
He rests with the angels. He says God has forgiven him.
He asks you to do the same.
When's it gonna rain?
This man's question is really important.
Oh, boy.
You want to know what every man and woman in this tent wants to know.
- You want to know when's it gonna rain! - Yes! Yes!
Let me ask you this question: What is rain anyway?
Is it the sweet nectar your crops crave? Is it tears of joy?
Or is it the rain that falls on every life?
The dressing down from your boss? The bank pounding on the door?
When you say to me, "Jonas, when's it gonna rain?"
All I can say is...
"When's it gonna stop?"
In the Book of Osalms, Chapter 27 reads as thus:
"The Lord is my light and my salvation: Of whom shall I fear?"
The Lord is my light and my salvation
The Lord is the strength!
The Lord is my strength! The Lord is your strength!
The Lord is the strength of my life!
Strength of my life Of whom shall I be...
Afraid...
I feel a healing coming on.
- How many love Jesus? - Yeah!
Are you ready for a miracle?
There it is, the word of God! Yakety-yak, God's talking back!
- Hey, brother! - Amen!
Whoa, people!
Oh! Hallelujah, sister!
Praise Jesus! You're a slave in the spirit!
Receive the holy anointing of Jesus! Let Jesus fix it!
- Somebody run! - Me?
You, feel the power of the Lord! Celebrate the Lord!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Praise Jesus! Praise Jesus!
You're not gonna need this any longer. I cast out your chains!
The sign of the cross! Look!
He's in the room! He's alive!
He's in me, he's in you!
I see him in your eyes! I feel him beating in your hearts!
Reach up and touch Jesus! Nice to see you again, sister.
Praise Jesus, praise his name! Praise the Lord!
Receive his holy name! Say "Hallelujah!"
I've never seen a room so full of God! Say, "Thank you, Jesus!"
- Somebody say "Amen." - Amen!
Hey!
Wait a minute, Reverend. I want to testify.
I said I want to testify.
So speak up, Sheriff.
Before you leave your hard-earned money in those buckets,
I want you to know where it's going.
Alias Jonas Nightengale, born Jack Newton,
does not come from the Appalachians.
He was born in the Bronx.
The closest he came to a church was the Mary and Joseph Orphanage,
where he lived from five to fifteen.
Then he ran away to begin a life of crime, including convictions for...
...shoplifting,
possession of marijuana and grand theft auto,
all before the age of 18.
He was arrested for selling fraudulent art works and passing bad cheques.
If you feel you've had a good night's entertainment, then go ahead,
tip the dancing bear.
But, if you think this money's going to a man of God,
you'd better think again.
I believe in Jonas.
He's a fake!
There ain't no way he's a man of God!
Brother Will!
Everything you've said is true. Absolutely true.
Yes, I was born to lowly circumstances.
Yes, I ran with a bad crowd that taught me to smoke weed and steal.
I hung out in bars.
And I hot-wired cars.
I grew up mistreated, so I lied and I cheated.
I learned hard crime and I served hard time.
I have walked that crooked road and I have danced with Satan.
I've been down in the gutter and looked up into the face of God.
- Praise the Lord! - Amen!
I say to you, if you wanna give up the bottle,
who you gonna talk to?
- Someone who's never touched a drop? - No!
If you wanna give up womanising, who you gonna talk to?
- Some pale-skinned virgin priest? - No!
If you wanna give up sin -
and I believe everyone here tonight wants to give up sin -
who can lead you?
You need a real sinner, people.
A sinner of such monumental proportions that all your sins
couldn't possibly equal the sins of this King of Sin!
Because you know, if he can walk that righteous path,
if he can go from grift to grace, from sin to sanctity,
from lowliness to holiness,
that you, with all your everyday sins,
can rise up like an angel
and ride that golden elevator to God's own penthouse in the sky.
Hey, Jake! Jake Bradley!
The bank gave you last warning on foreclosure.
How much did you put in the bucket?
$10.
Sadie McElroy,
you've got two boys in junior college, your husband's out of work.
I put in 20, Will. I need all the help I can get.
Amen!
I don't know what to say to you.
You folks have been warned.
Sadie, you need all the help you can get. You, too, Jake. All of you.
I know what you're going through.
But there can be no price on salvation.
So I want you to take back all your money, every last cent.
Bring those buckets out. Sadie take out twenty; Jake take out ten.
Go ahead.
Because the Lord knows you still have doubt in your hearts.
Without your faith, I cannot deliver the Word.
- Praise the Lord! - For the Israelites, he parted the sea.
To Moses, he spoke from the burning bush.
And in your hour of doubt, the Lord has spoken to me.
He said, "Jonas,
"Jonas, expect a sign."
And if God's wisdom is proven to you, then may you support this ministry.
Because God don't want no doubt money, no!
And I don't want no doubt money. N-O!
Because doubt money burned the fingers of the righteous, and I will not be burned!
- You all right? - Of course.
Plant the twenties before they leave.
He'll be all right.
It's a highway up to heaven
You just can't walk up there You've got to have a pure heart
It's a highway up to heaven...
Look, Jane...
Try grovelling. It goes a long way with me.
- I told you I had a job to do. - Doing your job is one thing.
Trying to destroy a human being is another.
Nuclear winter wouldn't destroy him!
Oh, yeah?
Let me tell you something your snooping didn't turn up.
Do you know how he landed in that orphanage?
- I assume his parents died. - His parents?
God only knows where his father is.
His mother took him out shopping one day.
Told him she'd be right back and that he should wait on the corner.
Four days later, he's there waiting.
So the cops lug him off to Our Mother of Neglect,
where, for five years, he still believes his mother will come to get him.
Finally, he just wised up.
- The jails are full of stories like that. - Yeah. They sure are.
That's why, if Jonas was wearing pantyhose
and pointing a rifle, it wouldn't surprise me.
But he's not.
All he's doing is selling fairy tales to people who thank him.
The last thing he needs is a judgemental asshole like you
throwing his past up in his face.
Open up, boss. It's me.
This better be good.
Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me.
Pardon me. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
The Reverend has just arrived.
God bless you, Father.
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord! His eyes are open!
You've outdone yourself.
He preached last night that God would send a sign.
I've seen a hundred signs.
A magnificent sunrise, a green light when I thought it would turn red.
But never have I seen anything like this.
You were watching the tent last night. Anybody switch crucifixes?
No, sir. Not a soul.
Praise the Lord! It's a miracle!
Hallelujah!
An alleged miracle in Rustwater, whose population of 22,000
in the last few hours has swelled to over 31,000 people.
Rumour has it the crucifix performs miracles.
A local man who sustained a burn said his wound had miraculously healed.
- The question is... - What are we doing about the rain?
Tony's printing some pamphlets on rainmaking so we'll use them.
There'll be some really sick people there.
Seat them in the back away from the stage.
And we have our malpractice insurance: "Only if your faith is strong enough."
- Damn, this was a new shirt. - Have you tried turpentine?
It's no good. That trick's worth it, though.
An oldie but goodie.
- Have you had any sleep lately? - Too busy to sleep.
Places to go and people to do.
How's the badge taking all this?
I heard he couldn't get an art expert till Tuesday.
You heard? Little lovers' tiff? Wonder how he got so well-informed.
Screw you. I'm not the one giving out free samples.
I just feel bad is all, these people are so broke.
You feel bad for the poor people but you want their money.
What's a girl to do?
Move to Kansas? Marry old Will and slop the hogs?
You can't have it both ways.
I don't believe I defended you. I'm tired of manipulators.
Manipulators are sneaky. I'm obvious.
And right!
You feeling better now?
Yeah. I guess I just needed to be alone.
I'll take that as a compliment.
- It's before six. I've gotta go. - Whoa!
Places to go, people to rip off.
Oh, you should talk. You're consorting with the enemy.
Well, I'm an easy consort.
You ever think about settling down?
My mother taught me never to settle.
You're fast on your feet, Jane, but someday you may wanna slow down.
No.
Sorry, Will. I don't do slow.
Come on. I want to show you something.
They travel over two thousand miles and end up here,
back with the same mate, year after year.
What are you talking about? I don't see anything.
They started arriving last week. There's only a few thousand right now.
What started arriving? I don't see anything.
Watch.
Ain't they beautiful?
- Oh, they like me. - Fantastic!
Jane, I'm not a flashy guy, but what I promise I deliver.
- I'd like to make you some promises. - You've known me three days!
I'm a quick study.
By Tuesday, you'll be gone.
If I had more time, I'd take it.
Why don't you come tonight? Lt'll be fun.
The crew has a bet going.
Everybody had to come up with some ridiculous word.
Jonas has to work them into his sermon, and if he fails, you win the pot.
Guess what my phrase is.
Aluminum siding.
Aluminum siding!
You can get caught up in the frills of life!
Samsonite luggage, the Amana washer.
But you know what's really important, don't you?
Are you ready for the truth?
Are you ready for the Word?
We gotta get back to that old-time religion.
Where is she?
All right. What if I told you one good deed returns ten good ones?
Would you believe me?
If I told you that one righteous day would return ten days of fortune?
Would you believe me?
What if I told you $1 in the service of the Lord would return ten-fold?
- Would you believe me? - Yes!
- Yo, I'm here. - It's about time... for a miracle!
- I believe, brother, I believe! - What is it? Come up here.
- What's your name? - Calvin Tweedy.
Go ahead.
Last night, I only had $10 in my wallet and my wife Kate made me give it all.
God bless you, Kate!
Then you said to take it back and I did.
But this morning I had $30, and I had no $20 bill before that.
Well, hallelujah! It's a miracle!
- It happened to me, too! - I got 40!
Hallelujah, it's a miracle! Turn it loose, Bruce, and get back, Jack!
Rustwater, Kansas, is some kind of holy town.
I've never seen such a demonstration of the Lord's plenty. Say, "Amen!"
Say, "Hallelujah!"
All right, let's give some empty lives a little meaning!
I believe we'll see some miracles tonight.
Come on up, I'm working for Jesus!
He's coming through me, special delivery! Hallelujah!
A fever is on me! A fever is on me!
Do you hear him call?
Fall into the spirit of Jesus Christ!
Prepare to receive your miracle!
Oh, I'm feeling the power tonight! I'm feeling the power!
Invite him in, sisters!
Somebody has just been cured of their rheumatism.
Receive a fresh anointing! Watch out, I'm vibrating!
I'm vibrating, I'm vibrating with Jesus!
I'm feeling the power! Come on, brother!
Let Jesus in. He's speaking the language of the Lord!
The language of the Lord! Hallelujah!
Fall into Jesus!
The Angels of Mercy!
I'm boxing for Jesus!
This room is burning up with the fever of the Lord!
Hallelujah, brother!
Hey, Reverend. Hey, Rev!
Hey, Rev, what about me?
I've no more healing power left in me.
- Rev, what about me? - That's it!
I'm all done in from the service to the Lord! Thank you, Jesus!
Dance, brother, dance! Celebrate the miracles of the Lord!
- Another one! - What about Boyd?
One more! One more!
So glad you could make it.
I had to cold read 20 people and I was not brilliant.
One more! One more!
I think you've got a little problem here.
One more! One more!
Take it from me, babe, you can't have it both ways.
One more! One more!
Hallelujah!
You asked for one more demonstration of the Lord's kindness, a show of faith.
It's about faith. You gotta have it or you can't get healed.
If there's any doubt in your hearts, the Lord cannot deliver.
Even if one of you doubts, like you, Will. I know you have doubts.
You must believe, because this boy's chances of walking are in your hands.
Amen!
Brothers and sisters, I ask you to consider
the fate of an innocent rests in the heart of a cynic.
You can do it. You can do it.
Release your faith!
Hallelujah! Another miracle!
Have faith in Jesus! Faith in Jesus!
- Amen! - Hallelujah!
How did you do it, Reverend?
Son of a bitch!
Are you gonna tell me what really happened out there?
I've been had. I've been hustled.
What are you talking about?
They got a great act, the waitress and Tiny Tim!
That story about the trucker, a drunken trucker.
- Details, the mark of a great con! - Forget it. Not those two.
They're not like you.
Come on.
Remember me? I'm Jane, your partner in crime.
Did you see them? They're going out of their minds.
I had to clear the tent or they'd have torn it down.
- You should see the money coming in. - By this time tomorrow...
...we're gonna be on every TV station.
- We can play New Orleans... - Tell me the truth.
What is this, an elaborate set-up or what?
What do you think?
Holy shit!
Jonas, I gotta hand it to you. Getting that kid was genius!
Give that kid a haircut, put him in some fancy clothes on stage!
- That's money in the bank! - Maybe he can re-enact it.
Do you know what we could bring in in Dallas in one week?
Seven figures!
Seven figures, man! Jonas, man, what do you think?
Come on, Jonas.
- Do it! - You're a genius, man!
Genius!
Jonas, wait!
Listen. We made a lot of money and until now it's been great.
- But this is different. - Come on, Jane.
No! That is not one of our shills in there.
I don't know what, but something happened.
- You're right about that. - You can't take this away from him.
- You can't make him into a sideshow. - You think not?
Wow! You really don't give a shit about anybody, do you?
Janey, I never pretended I did.
God, you're right.
You never did. You still don't care who you hurt.
See how this feels.
Jane!
Janey!
Hey, boss.
Remember me? Jack Newton.
Got a question for you.
Why did you make so many suckers?
You say, "Love never endeth."
Well, I say, "Love never starteth!"
"The meek shall inherit the earth."
The meek just get the short end of the stick!
You say, "Is anyone pure of heart?" I say, "Not one!"
Rev?
Hello, Boyd.
Why aren't you out signing autographs? Or dancing?
I need to ask you a question.
I wanted to know when you planned to leave town.
Leave? A couple of days, I guess.
Well, I wanted to know if I could go with you.
- Well... - I can do things. I'll earn my keep.
You're too old to be running away with the circus.
No, it's not that.
Look, you made me walk again. Many people tried that, but they couldn't.
Hold it, kid. I had nothing to do with you walking.
Sure you did.
I run a show here. A lot of smoke and noise strictly for the suckers!
I've been pulling scams since I was your age.
If there's one thing I know, it's how to spot the genuine article.
That's what you gotta watch out for.
Not the cops. You can always get around the cops.
But what you can never get around is the genuine article.
And you, kid, are the genuine article.
- Are you saying you think you're a fake? - I know I'm a fake.
What difference does it make, if you get the job done?
Kid, it makes all the difference in the world.
Boyd?
Everyone's looking for you.
OK.
Well, what do you think?
All right, kid, I'll tell you what.
I'll meet you in front of the diner at ten in the morning.
So I'll see you then?
I'll be back in a minute.
I want to thank you.
I don't know why my brother's walking,
but I'll be grateful for the rest of my life.
Marva?
Ten in the morning, your brother's gonna be standing in front of the diner.
- Give him a message for me? - Yeah.
Tell him that just because a person didn't show up,
doesn't mean that the person doesn't care about him.
You read it? OK, we'll go over it again.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."
Here you go. Come back for seconds.
Jane. You OK?
Hi.
Thanks.
Souvenir of someone I once knew.
- Where are you headed? - Pensacola, Florida.
Never been there.
- Are you in some kind of trouble? - No, no, no.
No, sir.
Maybe for the first time in my life I'm not.
Well, damn! Would you look at that?
Yes, sir!
Praise Jesus!
Come on, baby!
Come on, baby, rain!
Rain!
Thank you, Jesus!