Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah
With broken hands and weathered souls
Emancipated from all you know
You got to go dig those holes
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah
You got to go dig those holes
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Get that straight. Get that straight.
Let me tell you, boy, we're burnin' up back here, man.
This global warmin'.
Hole in the ozone is directly above my head.
The hole's in your head.
Barf Bag!
- Man, what you doin'?! - Barf Bag!
It ain't that bad! Come on, man!
Come on, man!
This ain't funny, Dog. Get back, Barf Bag, for real!
Come on! What are you doin'?!
- Barf Bag, deal with it, baby! - Barf Bag!
All my life, I seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
My grandpa, Stanley Yelnats Il,
says it's all because of this 150-year-old curse.
Now, I don't really believe in the family curse,
but when things go wrong,
it kind of helps if you can blame it on something.
And for me, things went wrong a lot.
Oh, jeez! Oh!
Grandpa says our destiny is sealed.
Could a pair of shoes falling from the sky really be part of my destiny?
Come here, boy!
- Hold it right there! - Hey, why you runnin'?
- Did you steal those shoes? - Officer, I didn't do anything.
- What's your name, boy? - St... I'm Stanley. Stanley Yelnats IV.
You see, my father, Stanley Yelnats Ill,
is an inventor,
and for the last few years, he's been trying to find a cure...
for foot odor.
I'm glad you're here.
This whole floor smells like stinky feet.
What did you do to my Stanley?
Don't freak out. It's a bruise.
Can I just say right off the bat, this is a big mistake.
Don't say nothing until we talk to our lawyer!
You're gonna be sorry you ever messed with Stanley Yelnats!
Let me see that.
Just don't grab it out of their hands.
- Why not? - Because you're gonna make 'em angry.
Would you like a piece of cake?
Excuse me.
How about some coffee? A little cup of coffee?
Now, that is a fine pair of shoes.
Could I just smell your shoe?
How about if you take your shoe off, and I'll just...
Check the bedroom.
Just a minute! Where you going?!
This warrant isn't warranted!
This will never hold up in court!
Uh-huh. Here it is.
We got him.
We share the room. How do you know that's not mine?
- Which bed is yours? - You don't have to answer that.
We have the right to remain silent.
- Oh, wouldn't that be nice. - I sleep here.
It's all because of your no-good, dirty-rotten,
pig-stealing great-great-grandfather.
There is no curse on this family.
There is on the men in this family.
"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs,
Please don't sing that song.
"the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies."
Please don't sing that song, not at my table!
Ma, relax. I don't believe in the curse, anyways.
We're gonna need a damn good lawyer.
We can't afford a lawyer, pop.
We don't need a lawyer, Stanley. We'll just tell the truth.
Stanley Yelnats, please rise.
Stanley Yelnats IV.
Sit down!
I could send you to jail,
and I would not lose one bit of sleep over it.
But I don't know what good that would do.
There is currently a vacancy at Camp Green Lake.
They help troubled youth build character.
The choice is yours.
Camp Green Lake... or jail.
Uh, well, I never have been to camp before.
Eighteen months, Camp Green Lake, son.
Well, the sun is shinin', but it don't feel good
Don't smile down on this neighborhood
When I go walkin' through this stinkin' town
This is why I keep my eyes down
You keep your eyes down
The brotherhood of the misunderstood
Live and die here, in all likelihood
You're livin' in this town, better pray for sundown
Like all the men, you go downtown
You keep your eyes down
Hey, baby!
You keep your eyes down
Thanks for the ride.
You keep your eyes down
Yo, fresh meat!
So, uh, where's the lake?
Hey, what did I just tell you? Don't be a wise guy.
Follow me.
Sit down.
What's with the sunflower seeds, man?
I give up smokin'.
Stanley Yelnats...
- ...The fourth? - Yeah.
Everyone in my family names their son Stanley 'cause it's...
Yelnats backwards.
It's like this... it's a little...
It's a...
It's a tradition.
My name is Mr. Sir.
Whenever you speak to me, you will call me by my name.
Is that clear?
Yes, Mr. Sir.
Do you think that's funny?
Huh?
No, Mr. Sir.
This isn't a girl scout camp.
Understand?
Here.
Boy, you're a bag o' tricks.
Thanks.
You thirsty, Stanley?
Yes, Mr. Sir.
Well, you better get used to it.
You're gonna be thirsty for the next 18 months.
Look around you, Yelnats. What do you see?
Any guard towers?
How about an electric fence?
Hmm?
No, Mr. Sir.
You want to run away?
Go ahead, start running. I won't stop you.
I'm warnin' you!
You heard the man, Spence.
Oh, don't worry.
This here's for yellow-spotted lizards. I wouldn't waste a bullet on you.
I'm not gonna run away, Mr. Sir.
Good thinkin', Yelnats.
Doesn't nobody run away from here. You know why?
We got the only water for 100 miles.
Our own little oasis.
You want to run away, them buzzards will pick you clean
by the end of the third day.
Hi, Mr. Sir.
Undress.
You get two sets of clothes.
One for work, one for relaxation.
After three days, your work clothes will be washed,
your second set becomes your work clothes.
- Is that clear? - Yes, Mr. Sir.
You are to dig one hole each day.
5-foot deep, 5-foot in diameter.
Your shovel is your measuring stick.
The longer it takes you to dig,
the longer you'll be out in the hot sun.
Sorry, Mr. Sir.
You need to keep alert for lizards and...
rattlesnakes.
Rattlesnakes?
You don't bother them, they won't bother you...
Usually.
Being bit by a rattler ain't the worst thing that can happen to you.
You won't die, usually.
But you don't want to get bit by a yellow-spotted lizard.
That is the worst thing that can happen to you.
You will die a slow and painful death...
Always.
Stanley Yelnats?
- Yeah? - I just want you to know
that you may have done some bad things,
but that does not make you a bad kid.
I respect you, Stanley.
Welcome to Camp Green Lake.
I'm Dr. Pendanski, your counselor.
Start that touchy-feely crap, I'm outta here.
Give him some towels, tokens. Set him up.
You'll be in "D" tent.
"D" stands for "diligence." that's the mess hall.
There's the rec room. And there's the showers.
There's only one knob 'cause there's only one temperature - cold.
And that's the Warden's cabin over there.
That's the number-one rule at Camp Green Lake -
do not upset the Warden.
- Yeah, he seemed kind of... - Who?
Oh, Mr. Sir? Oh, he's not the Warden.
He's just been in a bad mood since he quit smokin'.
Hey, Mom...
Who's the Neanderthal?
This is Stanley.
So, what's happening with Barf Bag?
Oh, Lewis won't be returning.
He's still in the hospital.
Stanley, meet Rex, Alan, and Theodore.
Hi.
Yo, my name is X-Ray.
And that's Squid, that's Armpit.
Him, he's Mom.
They all have their little nicknames,
but I prefer to use the names their parents gave them,
the names society will recognize them by.
Theodore, why don't we show Stanley his cot?
Go ahead, 'pit.
Welcome to your new home, Stanley.
Barf Bag slept here.
Keep your bed clean.
Hey, I'm Magnet.
That's Zigzag.
Hi.
What I told you about leaving that thing right there, man?
And this... is Zero.
Say hello to Stanley, Zero.
Do you want to know why they call him Zero?
'Cause there's nothing goin' on in his stupid little head.
Did you tell him about the lizards?
Ricky, let's not scare Stanley.
His name's not Ricky.
It's Zigzag, a'ight?
Stanley, if you have any questions, just ask Theodore.
Theodore will be your mentor.
- You got that, Theodore? - Yeah, man. Whatever, dude.
I'm depending on you.
It should be no labor to be nice to your neighbor.
Hey, Theodore, is there a place where I can fill my canteen up with water?
- I know he smells that. - Yo, my name is not Theodore.
It's Armpit.
There's a water spigot over there.
Man, 'pit, what you gotta be so mean for?
Man, I ain't mean. I'm his mentor.
Ain't that what I'm supposed to do?
Thanks, Armpit.
Man, whatever.
Today's menu - chili, string beans,
refried beans,
garbanzo beans,
green beans,
and banana jell-o.
Hey, Stanley, come here, boy.
This is where you sit. Sit down.
Hey, yo, new kid. Hey, yo.
See, you didn't dig today.
So, uh, you wouldn't mind giving up your bread
to somebody who did, now, would you?
No, you can have it.
So, what'd they get you for?
Stealing a pair of shoes.
From the store, or were they still on someone's feet?
No, no, he just killed the dude first.
You just left out that little detail, right?
They were Clyde Livingston's shoes.
Sweetfeet? What?
Man, you did not steal no Clyde Livingston's Sweetfeet shoes.
His world series cleats.
Hold on, hold on. How did you get 'em?
He's, like, the fastest guy in the majors, right?
The guy hit four triples in one game.
Clyde Livingston donated his shoes to this, uh, this... this homeless shelter.
Did they have red X's on 'em?
What?
You got Zero to talk.
Hey, yo, what else can you do, Zero?
Yeah.
Yeah, they did.
Tell us a little something of your background,
Mr. Livingston.
Besides the fact that it was your donated shoes that were stolen.
What other connection might you have with this case?
Well, I was an orphan.
I grew up in that home.
I don't understand what type of person steals from homeless children.
You're no fan of mine.
It was all because of your no-good, dirty-rotten,
pig-stealing great-great-grandfather.
That's who sealed our destiny.
Why do you think none of his inventions work?
Pa.
I learn from failure.
Doesn't matter how... how smart you are.
You need luck. Something we ain't got.
Yeah, what about your father, the first Stanley Yelnats?
He wasn't so unlucky.
You told me he made a fortune in the stock market.
Some luck.
Yeah, he lost everything.
He was robbed by Kissin' Kate Barlow.
Get on up outta there!
Gimme your loot!
Are you kidding me?
She kiss him?
Oh, no. She only kissed the men she killed.
What you got down there, huh?
Pass it up! Come on!
She left him stranded in the desert.
Come on, boys! Let's ride!
No water, no food, for 16 days.
If she'd have kissed him, she'd have killed him.
You'd have never been born.
Smiling faces! Smiling faces!
The early mole digs the deepest hole.
Shovels on the left, tortillas on the right.
Let's go!
Okay, come and get it.
Let's go! Come on, Magnet! Open them peepers!
Let's go! Let's go!
Head's still on the pillow!
This ain't no dreamland, it's... it's reality.
Let's go, hotshots! Step up and get your...
Hey, man, you picked up X-Ray's shovel.
It's shorter than the rest of them.
Smaller shovel, smaller hole.
H-e-e-e-ey
Oh, sinners, let's go down
Let's go down
Oh, sinners, let's go down
Down in the valley to pray
Oh, sinners
- - Let's go down - MR. - This isn't a girl scout camp.
Nobody's gonna babysit ya.
Let's go down
- Dig here. - Oh, sinners, let's go down
- Now, if you find anything interesting... - Down in the valley to pray
...you are to report it to me or Pendanski.
If the Warden like what you find,
you get the rest of the day off.
H-e-e-e-ey
What am I supposed to be looking for, Mr. Sir?
You're not looking for anything.
You're building character.
You take a bad boy, make him dig holes all day in the hot sun,
and it turns him into a good boy.
That's our philosophy here at Camp Green Lake.
Start digging.
Show me the way
Good lord, show me the way
One down, 10 million to go.
Show me the way
Good lord, show me the way
Oh, sinners, let's go down
Let's go down
Excuse me, can you throw that in another pile or something,
- 'cause it keeps getting in my hole. - Shut up! Just shut up!
Watch where you're moving your dirt!
Watch where you're throwing your dirt, Stanley.
It was all because of your no-good, dirty-rotten,
pig-stealing great-great-grandfather,
Elya Yelnats.
It started in a little village in Latvia.
He was shoveling in Morris Menke's barn,
When Myra, his beautiful daughter, walked by.
And that was it.
So, what does your great-great-grandfather do?
He goes to a fortune-teller, Madame Zeroni, for advice.
All you think about is Myra Menke.
I know.
That's when our troubles began.
Listen to Madame Zeroni.
You should go to America.
That's where my son is.
That's your future.
Not Myra Menke.
Her head's as empty as a flowerpot.
Mr. Menke...
I would like your permission to marry your daughter.
You too?
Igor Barkov has offered his fattest pig for her.
What do you got?
A heart full of love.
He's just a boy!
I'd rather have a fat pig.
Morris Menke is a schmuck.
Okay, here's what you do.
Take the little one.
But this solves nothing.
So, it will grow.
Every day, you carry the pig up the mountain.
Make it drink the water from the stream while you sing...
"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs...
Woodpecker sighs.
..."the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies."
While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely
He cries to the moon, "if only, if only."
Every day, the pig will get fatter,
and you will get stronger.
Now, after you give the pig to Menke,
you must carry Madame Zeroni up a mountain
and sing while I drink so I can get strong, too.
But, if you forget to come back for Madame Zeroni,
you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.
- Get your water, Dog. Get your water. - Oh, my god.
Here comes the water truck.
- First hole's the hardest, right? - Let's go!
Hey, Mr. Sir.
- What you doin', man? - Get your place in line, Magnet!
Keep your hands off of me, man!
So, how'd it go your first day, Yelnats? Got some blisters on ya?
- Big, fat blisters. - Yeah.
Well, don't worry.
Everything turns to callus eventually.
That's life. Next.
Myra!
Who do you choose - Igor Barkov...
or Elya Yelnats?
You want me to decide?
That's right, my blossom.
Gee, I don't know.
Which pig weighs more?
They are the same.
Oh, I know!
I will think of a number between 1 and 10.
Okay, I'm ready.
Marry Igor.
You can keep my pig as wedding present.
Two pigs for one daughter!
You done already?
Don't you know, man?
He's, like, the fastest digger in the camp.
He's a mole. I think he eats the dirt.
He's a weird dude.
Moles don't eat dirt.
- Worms eat dirt. - Really?
So that was it.
He took Madame Zeroni's advice and went to America, like her son,
but the dummy forgot to go back and carry Madame Zeroni up the mountain.
If you forget to come back for Madame Zeroni,
you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.
Somebody help me!
Anybody up there?!
I'm done with my hole now!
Oh, god.
Don't move.
Oh, f...
Get your stuff.
Get yourself a good sleep, son.
- Yes, sir. - Yeah.
Oh, my god!
What color was his blood?
I don't... I don't know. I couldn't tell.
I wish I'd have seen it.
Bam!
If Mr. Sir didn't shoot it...
Stanley, you'd be in a hole.
Did you know that each one's got exactly 11 spots?
Yeah, man, but if you ever get close enough to count 'em...
You're dead.
Look, it's the lizards we're working for, man.
We build their houses for 'em.
I mean, yesterday, I saw, like, 10 of them in one hole.
Man, we ain't diggin' for no lizards.
What we diggin' for then, man?
Like Mr. Sir said, we're diggin' to build some character.
- Come on! Wake up, buddy! - Feelin' mighty fine
Feelin' mighty fine this time
"Dear Mom...
I'm having a wonderful time at camp.
Yes, I am
"The food's great.
Not as good as yours, of course, but I like it."
Feelin' mighty fine
Feelin' mighty fine this time
"We've been out on the lake all day."
Where's a person go to the bathroom around here?
- Man, pick a hole, any hole. - Feelin' mighty fine
"Once I pass the swimming test, I'll get to learn how to water ski.
I've made lots of friends."
Oh, you're goin' to hell for sure.
Feelin' mighty fine
- "And the water is cool and refreshing." - Feelin' mighty fine
This time
- "You'd like my counselor. He's a doctor." - Yes, indeed
Smells like puke from a mule
been ruminating on asparagus for two weeks.
"And I'm really enjoying the wildlife."
Don't believe a word they say about me
Because I'm feelin' mighty fine
Feelin' mighty fine
- Rent time! Pay up! - This time
"The other boys aren't bad kids.
Like me, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Get on there, fool!
"Well, that's it for now, ma.
Say hi to dad and grandpa for me.
Love, your son, Stanley."
Who you writin' to?
Aw, you miss your mommy and daddy?
- I don't want them to worry. - They don't care.
- Give me the letter. - Believe me.
They're glad to be rid of you.
Found something.
- It's a fossil. You see that? - Well, that's interesting.
Do I get a day off?
- What? - That's what Mr. Sir said.
He said that, uh, if I found something interesting, I get the day off.
Stanley, the Warden isn't interested in fossils.
Let me see that.
- What is it? - Man, see, look.
Look at the little fishies!
Aww!
I mean, you know, it look like those cave pictures, man.
Ain't nothin', anyway.
Fossil. I tell you what, I think Stanley belongs in a cave, man.
I told you he was a Neanderthal the first time I saw him.
Guess there really was a lake out here once, right?
There was a town, too.
The Warden's grandfather owned the lake
and half the town.
Whoo!
- Tie her off, there, boys. - All right, now.
Get your sweet, sweet magical ointments!
Get your elixirs, health potions, onion tonics.
Onions, get your onions here, folks.
God's own chosen vegetable.
Nature's magic vegetables right here, folks.
Mr. Collingwood, let me see that head of yours.
- My head? - Yes, sir.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I got exactly what you need.
Just rub this on his head every night, Mrs. Collingwood,
and before you know it, his hair's gonna be
as long and as thick as Mary Lou's mane.
Sam, thank you.
The ancient Egyptians knew the secrets of the onions.
How its potent juices can cure stomachaches and toothaches
measles and mumps, rheumatism, hemorrhoids.
If you don't believe me, just ask Mary Lou.
All she eats is onions, and she's almost 100 years old.
- How would you know, Sam? - You're not a day over 25.
Nature's magic vegetable, Miss Katherine.
I don't care how much gold there is back there,
I ain't goin' back without some lizard juice.
I see your friend back there wasn't so smart.
Too bad he didn't know
yellow-spotted lizards don't like my onion juice.
Get your sweet, sweet onions, folks.
Health potions, lizard oils,
onion tonics, cure-alls.
And for you, Miss Katherine,
I have this special bag of onions.
Thank you.
- And your peaches. - Thank you.
Sometimes I think Green Lake, Texas, is heaven on earth.
Those peaches are the work of an angel.
I like peaches.
Come on, boys.
- Buy you a drink, Sheriff? - Buy me two.
That was some lame crap you pulled.
What?
Look, man, you ever find anything,
give it to me, you understand?
I've been here for over six months and never found anything.
No one has.
Why should you get a day off when you just got here?
You know what I'm saying. It's only fair.
Right?
- Right? - Right.
That's what I call an informed decision, Dog.
- What are you doing? No. - I'm watching that.
Not today you ain't.
Look, you broke it!
Right there!
Watch it!
You watch it, man.
What you say to me?!
Sorry, man. I didn't mean... I didn't mean to hit you.
You're a dead man!
Hey, hey.
Hey, just chill, okay, man, all right?
Look, we start a fight now,
the Warden will come down hard on all of us.
Just keep that punk away from me!
- Cool. - Just chill.
It's all right. It's all good.
Just relax.
Here's your tunes, man.
Don't look at him. He's crazy. You understand me?
Hey, nobody messes with the Caveman. Nobody.
- Did you see the Caveman back there? - No, I don't want to mess with anybody.
Let's go eat. Hey, you coming, Caveman?
Come on, Caveman.
What?
Caveman?
So, I'm Caveman?
It's better than Barf Bag.
Line up, fishies.
Get your lake water.
You get it?
Lake water. It's a joke.
You're here now, Caveman, all right?
- Let's go, fellas. - Move up, fool.
Hey, X, when you moving me up?
Oh, man.
Can I start now, your highness?
Yes, Mr. Sir.
What about you, Jose? What do you like?
I like animals.
That's what got Magnet sent here in the first place.
Man, it's criminal the way they keep them locked up in cages.
No, Jose. What you did was criminal.
No, no. Tell 'em, Magnet.
They wanted 1,000 bucks for just one puppy.
- What? - Yeah.
I would've made it out if my pocket didn't start barking.
You boys get one life,
and so far, you've done a pretty good job of screwing it up.
So, you're Caveman now, big shot.
Got a nickname.
Well, let me tell you something, Caveman,
You are here on account of one person.
You know who that person is?
Yeah.
My no-good, dirty-rotten, pig-stealing great-great-grandfather.
That's who it is.
No.
You screwed your life up, Stanley Yelnats,
and it's up to you to fix it.
It's not gonna be easy,
but you'd be surprised what you can accomplish
once you set your mind to it.
Even Zero here isn't completely worthless.
What about you, Zero?
What do you like to do?
You just won't talk with me, will you?
Man, he only talks to Caveman, you know?
You think you're better than all this?
I like diggin' holes.
Then you're in the right place for it, buddy boy.
"My dearest Stanley,
your letters make me feel like one of the other moms
who can afford to send their kids to summer camp."
Do not touch my shoes!
"Your father thinks he's real close to a breakthrough.
I do hope so, Stanley, 'cause the landlord
is threatenin' to evict us because of the odor."
Sir, you are an insult to the chemistry of smell!
- Eight months! - You know what I'm gonna do with this?
I am going to boil it with cross-trainers!
Don't do that!
Aah! Aah! Oh, yeah, "Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!"
"I feel so sorry for the old lady who lived in the shoe
'cause it must have smelled real bad."
She's crazy.
What are you laughing at?
Uh, just something my mom wrote.
She, uh She said...
"I feel sorry for the little old lady who lived in the shoe
'cause it must have smelled really bad."
You know, like the nursery rhyme.
I... I feel really awkward
with you reading over my shoulder like that, so...
I can't read.
Can you teach me?
Um...
You know, I'm... I'm not really a...
a good teacher,
and, uh, I get tired from digging all day,
so, I just wanna come back and chill, you know?
Just relax.
See you in there?
Look at this guy.
Whoo!
Armpit, put it down! Put it down!
Armpit!
Hey, look, a cloud.
Right there.
Maybe it'll move in front of the sun.
Come on, little cloud.
You can do it.
Please, that's all I'm asking for is just a little shade.
Warden owns the shade, man.
Maybe we'll get lucky.
Maybe we'll get some clouds.
It will rain for 40 days and 40 nights.
Yeah, and we'll have to build an ark and get two of each animal.
Yeah, two scorpions, two rattlesnakes,
two yellow spider lizards. All of that.
Hey.
What do you got there, Caveman?
What?
What do you got there?
I don't know.
Hey, X...
I think I might have found something.
Let me see that.
What do you think?
Looks like an old shotgun shell or something, man.
No, man, it's too skinny to be a shotgun shell.
- No. No, it's not a shotgun shell. - Yeah. No, it's not a shotgun shell.
Look at this. You see that little heart?
You see that? With the letters in it right there?
- Yeah. "K.B." that's what it is. - Let me see.
- Let me see it. - K.B.?
- Yeah. Yeah. - That's Keith Berenger.
Man, who is that?
He was in my math class.
- Stupid. - Good thinking, Zigzag.
Yeah, it must belong to him, huh?
Yeah, it must belong to him.
Well, I'm gonna go show it to Mom.
- Maybe I'll get the rest of the day off. - Rest of the day off?
No. No. Your hole's already dug.
I'm not even close. I'm gonna be out here all day.
Yeah? So?
So, uh... Why don't you, uh,
Why don't you just turn it in tomorrow? You know, give it to Mom in the morning?
Then you get the whole day off.
That's good thinking, Caveman.
I like it.
Pretty smart, Caveman. Pretty smart.
No matter how you're sad and blue
There's always someone who has it worse than you
Sometimes you gotta pay your dues
So, don't worry, just push on through
Keep'n it real
Gotta pick up all my peoples who be working on the future
Though they know they gotta struggle
- Keep'n it real - To all my Homies working on the 9 to 5
And doing right to keep themselves...
- There you are, X. - Keep'n it real
Although sometimes I know it seems impossible
Good morning, Theodore.
Man, it's Armpit.
Yo, I don't know no fool named Theodore, all right?
- Well, I don't know no fool named Armpit. - Whatever.
There's your water, whoever you are.
Hey, Mom!
I think I found something.
Come here for a second. I think I found something.
Looks like a... Gold... golden bullet or something, Doesn't it?
It's nice, right?
So, I get the day off now, right?
You just might. We're gonna call the Warden.
Hey, Lou.
You better get down here.
I think we got something.
We got something nice.
Got something nice.
We got something nice.
Sometime
Get a hump in my back, sometime
I'm going over here, sometimes
When my honey comes back, sometimes
I'm gonna rap thatjack, sometimes
Get a hump in my back, sometimes
I'm going over here, sometimes
When my honey comes back, sometimes
I'm gonna rap thatjack, sometimes
Get a hump in my back, sometimes
I'm going over here, sometimes
When my honey comes back, sometimes
- Whew. Oh, man. - I'm gonna rap that jack, sometimes
Get a hump in my back, sometimes
I'm going over here, sometimes
Right over there.
When my honey comes back, sometimes
I'm gonna rap thatjack, sometimes
Get a hump in my back, sometimes
I'm going over here, sometimes
When my honey comes back, sometimes
I'm gonna rap thatjack, sometimes
Get a hump in my back
This where you found it?
Yes, ma'am.
Dr. Pendanski, drive X-Ray back to camp.
Give him double shower tokens and a snack.
But first, fill everyone's canteen.
I already filled them.
Excuse me?
I had already filled them when you drove up in the car.
Excuse me?
Did I ask you when you last filled them?
- No. You didn't, but... - Excuse me.
Now, these fine boys have been working hard.
Don't you think it just might be possible they have taken a drink
since you filled their canteens?
It's possible.
Oh, it's possible, is it?
Caveman!
You come over here, please.
- Get over there. - That's right.
Go on. Come on over. Come on over.
Now, did you by any chance take a drink
since he filled your canteen?
Oh, no. I... I'm fine. I have plenty.
Excuse me?
I... I might have, uh, uh, drinken some.
Thank you.
May I have your canteen, please?
Oh, god.
Can you hear the empty spaces?
Yes, I can hear.
Fill it.
If that's too much trouble,
you can grab a shovel, and Caveman here can fill the canteens.
Armpit! Squid!
Get them wheelbarrows out of the truck!
Zero, you take over X-Ray's hole.
Caveman will assist you.
We're gonna dig this dirt twice.
Y'all be good now, you hear?
Get "C" and "F" over here.
Get "C" and "F" over here!
I'm gonna be a wheel someday
I'm gonna be somebody
Come on, boys, let's see it.
- Use those muscles. - I'm gonna be a real gone cat
- Keep it up. - Then I won't want you
This is a special day. I got a good feeling about today.
There you go. I'm feeling some double shower tokens, boys.
There'll be steaks for dinner tonight.
- Keep it up. - Then I won't want you
You're doing fine!
- No hurry. - You can cry
We don't want to miss anything.
While you were high high high
- We don't want to miss nothing. - If you were wondering why
I don't look at you
When I go rolling by
Pick every rock now.
Make sure it's a real rock.
- Caveman! Let's go! - Then I won't want you
- Hey, how'd she know my name, man? - Oh, she's got the whole place wired.
Oh, yeah, she's got these little, tiny microphones and cameras
all over the place.
Yeah, she's got 'em in the rec room.
She's got 'em in the tent.
- She's got 'em in the showers. - They're not in the showers.
Man, don't listen to him. I read his file.
It says he suffers from, um, acute paranoia.
Hey, so that means she watches me every day, huh?
Man, he says she got cameras and microphones,
not microscopes.
Get outta here, man.
Okay, children, come back first thing in the morning.
Okay? Rain or shine, we're gonna have school.
Put your cap on.
Oh, here, take that, Louise.
Bye, Miss Katherine.
See you tomorrow!
Hello, Miss Katherine.
Hello, Sam.
I thought you might still want some onions.
Thank you.
I can fix that.
Sam, are you gonna try to tell me now
that your onions are a cure for a leaky roof?
Naw.
I'm just good with my hands.
I built my own boat, you know.
I needed to get across the lake to my onion field.
Well, then, I guess you'd be in real trouble if your boat leaked.
I tell you what,
I'll fix that roof
in exchange for three jars of your spiced peaches.
It's a deal.
Well, Miss Katherine,
I guarantee that roof for five years.
If there's anything else...
The windows won't open.
And the children and I would enjoy a breeze now and then.
I can fix that.
"And this maiden, she lived with no other thought
than to love and be loved by me.
She was a child, and I was a child
in this kingdom by the sea.
But we loved with..."
"With a love that was more than love,
I and my Annabel Lee."
Sam.
You know, that door doesn't hang straight.
I can fix that.
"The duck swims on the lake."
- Very good, Mr. Penn. - Thank you, ma'am.
The d-duck may swim on the lake,
but my daddy owns the lake.
Tsk.
That will be all for tonight.
Thank you, class. You're dismissed.
Come on, boys.
Whew.
Hey, Katherine...
How about me and you, uh, having a little picnic?
Take a ride on my motorboat.
No, thank you, Mr. Walker.
It's brand-new.
I mean, you don't even have to row it.
No, thank you.
Uh, come on now, girl.
Hey.
No one ever says no to Trout Walker.
I believe I just did.
Come on, boys.
We're digging around, all around.
Then we're digging toward the center, see?
Got something to do with it, huh?
Today's the day.
I can feel it.
You know, the ancient Mesopotamians,
they didn't have shovels.
Glad to have you back, X-Ray. We can use your sharp eyes.
Hello, Warden.
Ma'am, I think I found something.
Are you trying to be funny? Or do you just think I'm stupid?
No, ma'am, I... I wasn't trying to be funny.
Excuse me?
Well, Armpit, your little joke just cost you a week of shower privileges.
Aww.
All right. Everyone back to work.
- Man, you sleeping outside. - You heard her, back to work.
Aside from that, everything's going real well.
I don't think so. I want results.
Sam, this is the finest schoolhouse in all of Texas.
Thank you.
Thank you, Miss Katherine.
Hello, my friend, it's been a while
It's nice to see your beautiful smile
We went our separate ways
Only to return
To face a lesson
We failed to learn
We didn't understand the truth
We're blinded by the eyes of youth
- Time kept on moving - I can fix that.
And the change has come
The change has come
You think that I don't know
Where you're coming from
Well, I feel just like you
And I cry just like you
I cry
But I heal
Heal
Just like you
Come on. Ha!
Under my skin
I'm just like you
Four days.
Four long days.
And this is all you jackasses got to show for it.
Probably ain't nothing down there. We would have found it by now.
I wouldn't tell the queen bee that.
I ain't on stupid pills.
What are you jawing about?
If you can't get 'em to dig any faster,
you can grab a shovel and join 'em.
How about that? Huh?
Get to work!
This ain't no kindergartners in the sandbox.
I want to see some effort here
Or I'll put a hurt on you.
I ain't just whistling "Bye-bye, sue" neither.
I am surrounded by cow turds.
Stop it! Stop it!
Yeah!
Lady, where you going?
Stop it!
Do something!
Yeah, girl!
How do you like me now?!
Sheriff!
Sheriff! Come quick!
They're destroying the school!
Give me a kiss.
You kissed the onion picker.
You're drunk.
I always get drunk before a hanging.
If you hang him,
then you better hang me, too,
because I kissed him back.
It ain't against the law for you to kiss him,
just for him to kiss you.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
There she is!
Come on now!
Sam!
Listen up.
After the behavior exhibited these past several days,
the Warden and I have decided
that your character-building be best served
by returning to the digging of individual holes.
Over to you.
All right!
Let's go dig, boys!
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Good morning, Sheriff.
Do you still want that kiss?
Water's the most precious commodity
on the face of the planet.
All life begins with water.
So, think of it this way...
I'm giving you life.
Say "thank you."
Thank you, Mr. Sir.
Next!
Don't get your hopes up.
Them storms never make it past the mountains.
Maybe this time they will.
I got a story for you girl scouts.
Once upon a time,
there was a magical place where it never rained.
The end.
I don't get it.
Have a nice day.
I never get anything he says.
Guys. Hey, guys.
What?
Anybody want some sunflower seeds?
Whoo!
I can't help it, man. My hands are like magnets.
Good old Magnet.
Sticky fingers.
Pass it over here, man.
Yeah, I'll take some of those. Whoo!
Hey, Zig, come on, man. Hurry up.
Mr. Sir's coming back.
Hey, he's coming back! He's coming back!
Catch it.
Oh, Stanley, you butterfingers!
He's coming back.
You better hide it.
Hide it.
Come on, man.
Well, well.
How did this get here?
What?
How did that get there?
Did it fall from the sky, huh?
No.
I stole that out of your truck.
I think maybe the Warden would like to see what you found.
Let's go.
Y'all having a nice day?
- Yes, Mr. Sir. - Good.
Hey, what are you doing, Dog?
- Caveman... - See what turns up.
What?
We found a little something in Caveman's hole.
What is it? What'd you find?
Come in. Come in.
You're letting the cold out.
Tell her.
While Mr. Sir was filling our canteens...
I snuck into his truck
and, uh, stole his sunflower seeds.
Yeah.
That's it.
Caveman, would you, uh, kindly bring me that little brass case
in the bureau over there with my nail polish in it?
Yeah, sure.
Them little diddles think I don't have eyes in the back of my head.
But I don't miss much,
as you well know.
You know, my philosophy is...
See, I keep 'em in line, punishment and reward.
Punishment... Reward.
Every time they see me coming,
a little shiver goes up their spine.
"D" tent, snaky little bunch, you know.
They think they're a step ahead of me, but I'm miles ahead of them.
I come back at night. I look around.
I see in their eyes. They know I know.
Come right over here, son.
- Here you go. - Thank you.
See this, Caveman?
This is my special nail polish.
I make it myself.
You want to know my secret ingredient?
Rattlesnake venom.
I just love what it does to the coloring.
It's perfectly harmless.
When it's dry.
So, you think he stole your sunflower seeds.
No, I don't.
I think he's covering for X-Ray or somebody.
It was a 5-pound sack, and he claims to have eaten it all.
But... but it was only half full when I got it.
And, uh, there's a lot in my hole. You could check that.
I will. I will check it.
Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
All I give you is respect and affection.
I suggest you go back to your hole now.
Uh! Uh!
Ohh! Why'd you do that? Ooh!
I liked you better when you smoked.
Aah.
Hey, look who showed up.
All right, man, we thought you were dead for sure.
Hey, Caveman, what'd you say?
Nothing.
What'd she do to you?
Nothing.
Pbbtt. Nothing?
Yeah. She didn't do nothing.
What is this?
Thank you, guys.
Man.
- Don't look at us. - Yeah, it was Zero.
That boy likes to dig holes.
- He'd dig a hole to China, man. - Yeah, man.
But where do them Chinese kids dig to?
Man, shut up.
Hey, Zero.
Why'd you dig my hole, man?
You didn't steal the sunflower seeds.
Yeah, but neither did you.
You didn't steal the shoes.
You still want to learn to read?
All right, man.
I don't like no hocus-pocus. $14 for onions.
We don't need no stinking onions.
- You told me to get onions, I get onions. - I want to taste it.
- Go ahead and taste it. I don't care. - I'll taste it then.
Go ahead. I'm tasting it.
Whoa. What happened to your face?
Something the matter with my face? Huh?
No. No, Mr. Sir.
You got that right.
Anybody see anything wrong with my face?
Huh?!
I think I'm kind of Purty, don't you?
Yes, sir.
Clean this up.
I think we just learned a valuable lesson.
We're all people, and Mr. Sir is a very sensitive man,
just like all of us.
Leader, he's a mighty good leader
He's a mighty good leader
Next.
All the way
All the way, lord
From up to heaven
You thirsty, Yelnats?
- Yes, Mr. Sir. - He's a mighty good leader
There. That should hold you.
Next!
Magnet, wipe that smile off your face.
Yes, you.
You want some water?
Remember that gold tube?
Yeah.
I think that that tube...
was a tube of lipstick, you know?
And the "K.B." stands for Kate Barlow.
Kissin' Kate Barlow?
Kissin' Kate Barlow.
I've done a lot of things that I'm not so proud of
Took a lot of turns
That turned out wrong
That's a worn-out song
Day by day, moment by moment
Takin' my chances
Trustin' my heart
It wasn't too smart
I will survive, I will endure
When the going's rough, you can be sure
I'll tough it out, I won't give in
If I'm knocked down, I'll get up again
As long as my dream's alive
I will survive
All right. Come on now.
"z"... "e"...
Okay.
"r"...
"o."
That's it.
I can help you dig your hole so you won't be so tired to teach me.
No, I'm fine.
Look, you're a slow digger.
Oh ho ho. You're trying to bag on me.
Yeah, I'm trying to bag on you. All right.
This way, we'll be done at the same time.
- Well, it couldn't hurt. - Yeah.
Go ahead.
"z"...
"e"...
No.
This has to go out like this. That's an "r."
- Okay. - Okay?
his one's easy. "o."
That's it.
You know, Zero's not my real name.
It's not?
But even Pendanski calls you "Zero."
My name's Hector, Hector Zeroni.
Hector Zeroni.
Nice to meet you, Hector.
Nice to meet you.
26 letters. So, we can do five letters a day for four days,
and then six letters on the fifth day.
That's good math.
I'm not stupid. I know everyone thinks I am.
I just don't like answering stupid questions.
Right.
Yo, Caveman, it must be kind of easy
working with your own personal slave and all, huh?
What's up, stupid?
Come on, Squid.
Whatever, man.
"m"...
"o"...
"m."
We weren't always homeless.
I remember we used to live in a lot of different places.
And then...
We didn't live anywhere.
It must have been hard.
Yeah.
My ma had problems,
but she would try so hard to make a better life for us.
Yeah.
She always used to say, "I love you more than air."
She couldn't take me everywhere she went.
I used to have to wait like on a porch or a playground.
Then one day, she didn't come back.
What happened to her?
I don't know.
That's what bothers me the most.
If I could,
I would hire a whole team of private investigators
just to find her...
or to find out what happened to her.
I used to wait at Laney Park.
Laney Park?
Yeah.
I used to go to Laney park all the time.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
I used to sleep in the tunnel next to the swinging bridge.
But no biggie.
Let's go, boys! Lunch!
Where's your whip, Caveman?
You don't want your slave to be slacking off.
It's not slavery. It's an agreement.
Yeah, man, whatever.
Line 'em up. I don't have all day. Let's go. Let's go.
We have bologna and cheese, apples, and graham crackers.
All right, let's move it along.
- Get your sandwich. - Hello, Theodore.
That's not my name, fool. It's Armpit.
Uh-huh. Alan, a good day to you.
Good afternoon.
- Ricky... - Sir.
Sandwiches?
You can have one sandwich.
This is America. We speak English here.
Hey, man, I got some extra graham crackers.
Hey, how about I give you my cookie and you let me dig your hole?
Go on. Take it.
Look, I get it, all right? I'll dig my own hole from now on.
Just let me eat my lunch.
He isn't gonna take it. Come here.
Eat the cookie.
Whoa.
Back off, man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on here?
Nothing, Mom. We was just fooling, right?
I saw what was going on. Go on, Stanley.
Teach him a lesson. Hit him back.
- Yeah, teach me a lesson. - Yeah, Stanley, teach him a lesson.
- Come on. Hit me. - Hit him.
- Come on. Teach me a lesson. - Hit him, Stanley.
Get him!
All right, all right.
Ugh!
Go get him.
Awww.
That's enough!
I said, "That's enough!"
That's enough!
Stop. Hey, stop, Zero. Hey, stop.
Come on, man.
Now, I said, "that's enough!"
When I say to end something, I mean end it.
- Come on. Let's go. - Get back to your holes!
- You all right? - Zero's crazy.
No, no, no. Leave me alone.
Basically, Zero almost killed Ricky.
Basically?
Uh, uh, Ziggy was beating up the Caveman, right?
And then Zero started choking Zigzag.
I had to pull Zero off of him.
Yeah, I mean, you know, Zig just got a little hot.
Out in the sun all day, the blood starts to boil.
Is that what happened, Zigzag?
Yep.
Like X-Ray said, you know,
working all day out in the hot sun, you know,
while Caveman sits around and does nothing.
Excuse me?
Caveman digs his hole just like everyone else.
Sometimes.
Excuse me?
Ma'am, Zero's been digging a part of Caveman's hole every day.
You're not digging holes no more?
Huh?
I... I'm teaching him how to read.
What?
He's a smart kid.
Smart?
Oh, yeah?
Hey, Zero, what does c-a-t spell?
Huh?
What's it spell?
Yeah, he's a real genius.
He's so stupid, he doesn't even know he's stupid.
Okay, from now on,
I don't want anyone digging anyone else's hole.
Is that clear?
And no more reading lessons.
Why? I mean, if the hole gets dug, who cares who's digging it, right?
You know why you're digging holes?!
'cause it's good for you. It teaches you a lesson.
If Zero digs your hole for you, you're not learning your lesson, are you?
Yeah. See that?
Why can't I still just dig my hole and teach him how to read?
'cause I said so.
We know you mean well, Stanley.
But the mental stress
just causes his brain too much of a challenge.
That's what made his blood boil, not the hot sun.
I'm not digging any more holes.
Good.
I mean, you might as well teach this shovel to read.
Go ahead, Zero. Take it.
It's all you'll ever be good for.
D-i-g.
What's that spell?
Uhh!
Ohh!
Dig.
Go, Zero! Go!
- Run, Zero! - Don't shoot!
He can't go anywhere.
You think I was gonna shoot him?
The last thing we need is an investigation.
I know that.
Misinterpretation.
Let him go, then. Let him go.
I want round-the-clock guards on all water sources.
I still expect seven holes.
I'll have the chicken tenders, Warden.
I'm a heel. I'm a heel.
I'm feeling queasy. Take it or leave it.
You still pouting?
No, I'm not pouting.
I'm just asking, are we sure that he had no family?
He was a ward of the state.
He was living on the streets when he was arrested.
Is there some prissy caseworker who might ask questions?
He had nobody. He was nobody.
I want you to destroy his records.
He was never here.
Can you get into the state files from our computer?
I can do anything, but I'm telling you, no one is going to come looking for him.
No one cares about Hector Zeroni.
I do.
They was in this thing together.
Yeah.
His blood's on your hands, then.
Man, if he's not back by morning,
he's dead.
He's dead either way.
If he stays out there or if he comes back.
When do you think they're gonna find his body?
What body?
Man, Zero's buzzard food.
You know what?
They pick out the eyeballs first.
I can't believe you just said that.
Learn how to take a joke.
She left him stranded in the desert.
No water, no food for 16 days.
Well, grandpa, how'd he survive?
They said he found refuge on God's Thumb.
- What's God's Thumb? - Who knows.
He was half crazy when they found him.
Zero!
So, what you in here for, Twitch?
Oh, ha, joyriding.
I guess you never really plan to steal one or nothing,
but when I walk past a really nice car...
Whoo! Oh... I just start twitching, you know?
Really kind of... well, you think I'm jumpy now?
You should have seen me behind the wheel of that mustang convertible.
Whoo! Vroom!
Come on, Twitch. Let's go.
Hey, Twitch, get some water.
I'm getting tired...
First hole's the hardest.
Thanks, man.
If you see me coming, I want you to jump out of that hole.
Be first in line right away.
I'm a little scratchy today, so you got to be sensitive with me.
- Yeah, I apologize, Mr. Sir. - Yeah, yeah.
Hey, man, I'm sick and tired of you cutting in line.
Man.
Chill out.
- What's wrong with you? - We all getting water.
What? What?
Don't be squabbling up in here. Both of us getting it.
Gentlemen, there's only one law around here
and that's me.
You guys want to learn the tough lessons? Here.
I'll give you a tough-guy...
Come on. Come on. Put it in gear.
Hey! Wait!
Aaaah!
Wwaahhh!
You stop this truck...
Or I'll kill you!
Wuh!
Keep going, Caveman!
Yelnats! Stop that truck!
Yelnats!
Bye-bye, Camp Green...
My truck.
You okay? Caveman!
You all right?
You done it now! You done it now!
Get back away from that truck!
Get away from the truck.
Yeah!
Keep going! Don't stop!
Yeah, keep going!
There ain't gonna be no Yelnats V!
Whoa.
No, senor. Not for me.
I'm not gonna see what's not there.
All right, fill in this section here
and start digging over there in between.
What are you gonna do about Caveman?
He ain't like Zero. He's got family.
In two weeks, we'll report he's run away.
Call in dogs, helicopters, the whole nine yards.
By then, there will be nothing left to find.
That's exactly right.
Zero?
Huh?
Stanley.
What's up, man?
- How you doing? - All right.
Oh!
We thought you were gone.
I was.
Let me see. You don't look too bad.
You got any water?
- No. I'm out. - Oh.
But, hey, you know the water truck?
I tried to drive the whole thing over here. I drove it into a hole.
Figures.
What's in the bag?
Oh, it's empty.
No.
Zero, we got to get back to camp.
I'm not going back.
Want some Sploosh?
Some what?
Sploosh.
Come on, follow me. I'll show you.
- Some w... - Come on.
Can't you get a door?
This is how I found it.
Here.
What is this?
Sploosh. That's what I call it.
Drink it. It's good.
That is pretty good.
- Yeah. - Tastes like peaches.
How many of these you got left?
That's the last one.
We need to go back to camp.
Okay? So, let's wrap it up, get your bag, put this in there, and we'll go.
I'm not going back.
You will die out here.
Here's what we're gonna do. Okay?
We're gonna go back to camp.
And we're gonna tell the Warden exactly where I found Kate Barlow's lipstick tube.
And she'll be so happy,
We won't get in any trouble.
Okay?
What's "mare-yelo"?
What are you talking about?
Mare-yelo.
I don't know.
Come on, dude.
Come on.
See?
- Oh, it's "Mary Lou." - Oh.
But I thought "y" made the "Yuh" sound.
Yeah, well, it does at the beginning of a word,
but not at the end of a...
Word.
See that mountain right there?
- That one? - Yeah.
Huh.
What does that look like to you?
You know, my great-grandpa almost died out here.
- Really? - Yeah.
But they say he survived because he made it to the top of God's Thumb.
- You ready? - It's a long way.
- Yeah. We better get up before dark. - Yeah.
All our dreams are gone
With a loss of faith
And we're still hanging on
Hey, Stanley. What do you think's up there?
Through another day
Oh, I don't know. Probably a great, big frosty-freeze.
It's so hard to see
Good. I could use a hot-fudge sundae.
- That it's gonna get better - You know what I keep thinking about?
Imagine how fine this Mary Lou probably looked in a bikini.
But when will that be?
- Oh! - It's hard to say
Whoa.
Don't give up never give up
We won't stop givin' all we got
Don't give up never give up
We won't stop givin' all we got
Don't give up never give up
We won't stop givin'
- All we got - Come on!
Don't give up never give up
- We won't stop givin' all we got - Don't look down, man.
Oh, my god.
You okay? Come on, Stanley. You can do it.
- Okay. - Come on.
Okay. I'm coming.
- You grab right there? - Yeah, look. That's where I got.
Whoa!
Whoa! No, no, no, no! No.
Come on, come on, come on! Come on!
Oh!
Whoo!
Oh!
Look at that.
Look at this, man.
- This isn't cool. - What happened?
All right, hold on.
- Aah! - Is it numb or is it stinging?
It stings, man.
Don't think about it now. When we get to the top of the mountain,
I'm gonna get you a hot-fudge sundae, all right?
- I promise. - Good.
All that Sploosh is getting to me.
Maybe he found Zero.
Maybe they're both still alive.
Maybe the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy are still alive too.
Yeah.
Maybe my Mom will stop drinking and my dad will come home.
Man, when Caveman stole that truck...
That was awesome.
Yeah, man.
Caveman did have style.
Give me another word.
R-o-c-k.
R-rock?
Yep, that's right, man. You're doing good.
Keep practicing.
We're almost there. Come on.
You all right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Zero!
Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero! Got you, got you, got you!
Got you. You good? You good? Hold on.
All right. All right. All right, hold on.
Hold on. Let me get in front of you. Stay right there.
Okay. Here.
Slide this down. Okay. All right.
There you go.
Nice and comfy.
Stanley...
I got to tell you something, man.
What?
Huh?
Come on, Zero.
Zero, Zero.
All right. We can't sit here.
Got to keep going.
We're gonna go get the shovel,
and we're gonna fill it full of ice cream.
You must carry Madame Zeroni up the mountain
and sing while I drink
so I can get strong, too.
Damn bugs.
All right.
Wait a minute...
Wait.
If there's bugs, that must mean there's...
...water.
Hector, wake up, man!
Hector, wake up!
All right, buddy. All right.
There we go.
Wake up, Hector, huh?
Hector, wake up. Wake up.
Ooh!
Oh! Oh!
Dude, this feels so good!
We made it!
Stanley!
Ah, ha ha! Hector, we made it, buddy!
Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Cool, cool, cool!
What are you doing?
Here, try this.
Try this.
What is it?
It's a hot-fudge sundae. Just eat it.
- It's good, huh? - Mmm. Yeah!
That's the sweetest onion I ever tasted.
Mmm.
"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs,
"the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies."
As the wolf waits below hungry and lonely
Cries to the moon, "if only, if only."
"If only, if only," the woodpecker...
Honey...
- Would you smell the shoe? - Oh, my god, honey.
Can't you just wait till I'm finished eating?
I know I've asked you a million times. Just a million and one more.
Smell the shoe.
- Honey, I don't smell anything. - What?
I don't smell anything.
Uh-huh.
Pa... What do you smell?
Nothing.
Peaches and onions. That's the secret.
I don't smell anything.
You don't smell anything.
- I don't smell anything. - Whoo.
- Whoo, I don't smell anything. - Smell anything.
We don't smell anything.
I told you I was on the brink...
- I don't smell anything. - ...of no stink.
I don't smell anything.
- I don't smell... - I don't smell anything!
Stanley doesn't smell anything!
- I don't smell anything! - Oh, no!
Mm-mmm.
Rise and shine on you, man.
Been farting all night. I can't sleep.
I think you overslept.
- How long have I been sleeping? - A long time.
Stanley, I got to tell you something.
What?
It's my fault you were sent to Camp Green Lake.
I stole the shoes.
I didn't know they were Sweetfeet's.
I mean, a lot of people donated, um,
all their old stuff to the homeless shelter.
And I saw the shoes and I just...
I liked them.
I didn't know they were famous.
Next thing I know, everyone's bugging out...
"The shoes are gone. The shoes are gone.
Where are the shoes?"
Walking down the street, I heard the sirens coming after me.
I got scared.
I end up getting busted the next day,
lifting a pair of shoes from a Payless.
That's destiny.
Hey, yo, check it out.
Maybe they're coming for Caveman's body.
Jaguar. That's a nice car.
Don't even think about it, Twitch.
Back up! You can't keep him from me.
- Excuse me... - I'm Stanley's attorney.
- I don't care if you are his attorney. - You have no rights, okay?
- We have a right to protect our kids! - That's it!
Come back here with a signed court order, and then we'll talk.
What kind of operation is this? What kind of malarkey is this?
I'm telling you, I'm not done with him. I'll tell you that right now!
I'm not done with you. That's right.
Excuse me!
We ain't seen the last of her. She'll be back.
And next time with a court order.
We'll just tell her the truth...
He ran away.
Right?
He ran away after he was told he was gonna be released?
Been almost three days. He's a goner for sure.
What are we gonna do?
You'll do as I say.
What did she say?
Not much.
What'll we do?
You'll do as I say.
But you didn't say anything either.
Hector...
I'm glad you stole those shoes and threw them on my head.
What?
None of this would have happened.
When I first got sent to Camp Green Lake...
I thought I got sent there
because of my... my... my family's curse.
But we're not even at camp anymore.
You know, we're... we're on God's Thumb.
I just have this weird feeling...
Everything's cool.
- Yeah. Same here. - You got the same feeling?
- Same feeling. - It's a good one.
You know, those stars look like a shovel to me.
Exactly.
Hector...
What's up?
I feel lucky.
The onions have gone to your head.
What do you say we dig one more hole?
It's so hot, Sam...
But I feel so cold.
Sam...
I can fix that.
Ah.
You got five seconds to tell me where you buried your loot!
I've been waiting for you, Trout.
I ain't gonna kill you.
Go on.
Where's the loot?!
There ain't no loot.
Don't give me that.
You robbed every bank from hell to Houston.
We saw you headin' back with the shovel, Miss Katherine.
Linda Miller, is that you?
I've been Linda Walker for the last 13 years.
- One... - Aw, Linda...
You were such a good student.
You must have married him for his money.
- Well, it's all gone now! - Two!
It's dried up with the lake!
Hasn't rained here since the day they killed Sam.
Now, you better tell him what he wants! He's a desperate man!
- Three... - Go on. Kill me.
The lake goes on for miles.
I ain't gonna kill you.
But by the time I'm finished with you,
you gonna wish you was dead.
I've been wishing I was dead for a long time.
You...
Your children, and your children's children...
will dig for the next 100 years,
and you will never find it.
Look out!
Come here, sweetheart.
Start digging, Trout.
Come on!
Ready?
You see right there?
- That's it? - Yeah.
Book!
- Is this the hole? - Yeah, this is it.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm positive.
It's gonna take too long, man. I got to go find another shovel.
- All right. Be careful, though. - All right.
Of course, she's gonna make you pay for it...
It's your truck. Now you're accusing me of doing something!
You think I did this to my own truck?
You left the keys inside of a truck in front of a...
This is a juvenile work camp with juvenile delinquents.
Don't get me heated because I... Don't insult me!
A truck with a tank full of gas?
I said, "get me a wrench." Did I say, "get me a wrench"?
All right, fine, I'll get you a wrench.
Get me a wrench! You dumb... Read my lips! Get me a wrench!
I'm gettin' it, you sideburned Neanderthal!
I ain't here to be a mechanic!
Aah! Don't you throw nothing at me!
Whoa!
Man, you really been working. Yeah.
- Coming down. - Go.
How's it going?
Who knows? I could be digging up diamonds and not see 'em.
I don't think Kissin' Kate Barlow would have buried her treasure this deep.
Come on. We got to make it wider.
How do we know one of her gang
didn't already come back and dig up the treasure, man?
We don't.
Did you hear that?
What's this?
Watch out, watch out.
Hoo Hoo! We found it!
Come on, come on, come on!
This is it!
- What did I say?! What did I say?! - Oh, man!
Thank you, boys. You've been a big help.
MR. - Oh, jeez!
Get back!
Oh, my god.
O-o-oh ho. Ho ho.
Don't move.
Well, get in there, and pull it out.
You get in there.
Fine. I'll just wait.
Won't take long.
No, it won't take long.
Oh, my goodness!
Yeah, check it out. Oh, my god.
Oh!
- Here we go. - Hey, Stanley, guess what?
You're innocent.
Your lawyer came by yesterday to get you.
Too bad you weren't there.
Don't listen to him, Stanley.
Least now we'll have a body to give her.
What about Zero?
Zero was never here.
We got lots of holes to choose from.
Do you know how long I've been waiting for this?
My granddaddy owned the whole lake,
then it dried up.
He drove himself crazy out here digging holes.
Made me dig, too...
Even on Christmas.
All Righty. Today's the day.
I'm tired of this, grandpa.
That's too damn bad!
You keep digging!
Well, excuse me.
You'll thank me one day.
Maybe we should just shoot them.
The lizards or the kids?
You don't want to shoot any of those lizards.
They'll start leaping all over the place.
I just want to know why they haven't been bitten yet.
Oh, crap.
Oh, for Pete's sake. That can't be her already.
Well, it ain't the girl scouts selling cookies.
All right, keep holding the boys in the mess hall.
Tell them not to talk to anyone.
As long as they keep their mouths shut, they won't have to dig any more holes.
But if they talk... they'll be severely punished.
What should I tell them we're gonna do to 'em if they do talk?
Use your imagination.
Go on!
Ugh!
I just don't get it.
Nothing makes sense anymore around here.
- Stanley... - What?
Is your last name your first name spelled backwards?
Yeah.
We wanted to call, but the phone lines go down out here sometimes.
- Well, you could have tried harder. - Watch your step here.
- You can always reach me. - We did. We called several times.
Don't go no further! It's danger!
- Where's Stanley? - I'll tell you.
He broke into my cabin about an hour ago.
I woke up and saw him running out with my trunk.
They ran out here.
I don't know what the hell they were thinking!
I witnessed it myself, counselor.
Don't go too close!
Oh, my god!
Don't move.
- How long have they been down there? - Have you tried to get them out?
Well, just what do you suggest, counselor?
Well, this wouldn't have happened if you had released him to me yesterday.
Excuse me. This wouldn't have happened if he wasn't a thief.
What?
- A thief? - That's right.
- Oh, back up. Those things'll bite. - Oh!
That's a lie!
Stanley didn't steal anything!
Thank god.
- Thank god, you're okay! - What are you doing?
It's Stanley's. What are you doing? Let go!
Now, listen, you've been caught red-handed.
I could send Stanley right back to prison if I pressed charges.
However, in view of all the circumstances, I think I'll just take...
It has his name on it!
What?
- No, it doesn't! - Let go!
- Oh, my god. - You see?
"Stanley Yelnats."
He... he can't read.
That's not possible.
Stanley, I'm taking you home. Let's go.
Come on, Zero. We're getting out of here.
- What did you do? - Come on.
Get your hands back. Come on, get your hands off.
No, I have to look inside. Get your hands off. Listen... don't.
This is mine, it was on my property,
- and you are a thief! - It is not yours!
- My granddaddy... - It has absolutely nothing to do...
- This is un-American. - Stanley, come on.
Put your things in the trunk. Your parents are waiting. Let's go.
I can't leave without Hector.
I'll be okay.
Stanley, there is nothing that I can do for your friend.
Don't worry...
We'll take good care of Hector.
I'm not leaving here without him.
Earl...
Would you please get me Hector's file?
Most certainly, Carla. Ms. Walker...
Well?
Get me the file of Hector Zeroni.
Well, just do it.
They're alive!
What are you gonna say? Think of something.
- Caveman! - Hey, Zero!
What's up, Zero?
What's up? What's up, man?
I can't believe you guys made it.
Oh, man! We thought you were buzzard food.
No, I'm not. I'm going home.
- Going home? - Man, you stink, dude.
What you been eating, man?
You smell like onions!
Whoo! Well, uh...
There seems to be no file of...
- Hector Zeroni. - What?
Is that so?
What kind of a camp you running here?
A nice one.
If the state would give us some money,
then we'd have some decent filing.
I am ordering an investigation of this facility.
Hey, lady, you got a pen and paper I could borrow?
No, I don't. But it looks like he does.
Yeah. You got a pen?
Yeah. Here.
Here's a pencil.
You got paper?
Um...
Here.
Here you go.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Hey, call my Mom.
What?
Tell her I said I was sorry.
Tell her, "Theodore said he was sorry."
- I will, man. - Thanks, man.
I will. I definitely will.
Marion Sevillo.
Oh, crap.
It's been a long time since el Paso, Marion.
You're in violation of your parole, carrying this weapon.
I had no knowledge of that.
Oh, yeah, just like you didn't know Pendanski wasn't no doctor neither.
What?
Sit down, Marion. You're under arrest again.
Marion? Tell ya, I didn't know that was a man's name.
It ain't.
Ooh!
Okay...
This facility is now under our jurisdiction.
- What? - Boys...
Put these three bozos right over there,
let them see the other side of the criminal justice system.
Excuse me?
Don't push me! I'm a lady!
Come on, Hector. You're coming with us. Let's go.
Come on, boss.
What's that?
Oh!
It's rain!
Ahh!
Whoo!
Hector!
Stanley!
Come on!
You be careful out there in the real world, a'ight?
- All right, boss. - Everyone's not as friendly as us.
Hold on for me.
We'll miss you, man!
All right, guys. Be good!
- Keep your head up! - We'll miss you!
All right! Stanley...
Stanley, won't you just open it?
Just let me see what's inside it, please.
Excuse me?
- Have a seat over here. - "D" tent!
- See you again! - I'll see you!
"D" tent!
You have the right to remain silent.
If you give up that right, anything you say can,
and will, be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to be represented by an attorney.
If you cannot afford one, the court...
Okay, one more thing, no matter what is in this box...
- Mm-hmm. - We are still family.
- We are the Yelnats. - Okay.
We know.
- One... - Cross your fingers.
- Two... - Two...
- Three. - Oh, my god, honey, you've still got it.
You are so strong.
Oh, my god!
- Yeah? - Oh, mama.
Oh, boy.
Oh, my goodness.
Let me see that.
- Sure. - Look at this.
Okay, guys, hold on. Hold on.
Before we do anything, I think that it's only fair
that half of whatever is in this box goes to my best friend, Hector Zeroni.
Aw... You want to go halfsies? Well...
Did you say "Zeroni"?
Sure did.
Ha!
Oh, my god! Is that really worth $25,000?
Hold on. Check the date, though.
AT&T.
1905.
What's it worth, honey?
It's worth a lot more now.
- Millions. - Millions?
- Millions. - Millions.
- One for us... - One for Mr. Zeroni.
One for us...
One for Mr. Zeroni.
Boys.
Do good, bro.
Right this way, ma'am.
Thank you.
I love you. I love you.
So, Hector was able to hire
his own team of private investigators.
Turns out his Mom had been looking for him, too.
I love you.
And that's how the great-great grandson
of Elya Yelnats
and the great-great-great-grandson of Madame Zeroni
became next-door neighbors.
Camp Green Lake was closed
and the boys released for time served
and sent to real counselors.
They say Camp Green Lake will be reopened soon
as a girls' camp.
At least they won't have to worry about lizards anymore.
Just as long as the girls eat lots of onions.
Come on, everybody! Out of the pool!
It's showtime! Book it out!
Come on, boys! Hurry! Hurry! It's on!
It's on!
Come on!
Sit down, sit down. Oh, good.
To my fans, I'm known as Sweetfeet...
But to my wife, I was known as...
Stinkyfeet. None of his teammates ever wanted to sit
next to him in the dugout.
But that's all over now, thanks to Sploosh.
Sploosh.
I just spray a little on each foot every morning...
And now he really does have sweet feet.
Sploosh! Now available in the Sweetfeet collectible decanter.
A product of K.B. Industries.
Plus, I like the tingle.
The world we know was built on skills
But that alone don't count
I guess you have to fill the rest of the holes yourself.
Without the sweat and toil of mine
Wouldn't be worth a dime
You got to live and give
Share and care
Really put some love in the air
When your neighbor's down got to pick him up
Nobody can live in despair
Everybody let's sing, sing, sing
Let freedom ring
Everybody let's sing, sing, sing
Everybody, let's...
Let's all pitch in do our thing
Make a better world to live in
Everybody let's sing, sing, sing
Let freedom ring
Everybody let's sing, sing, sing
Everybody, let's...
Let's all pitch in do our thing
Make a better world to live in
"D" tent.
Oh, that's what we're doing, we're singing.
Oh
Y'all don't know nothing about this. Watch me. Watch me.
Come on. Come on.
Prove yourself.
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Two suits two tokens in hand
I got no respect 'cause I'm the new man
Got my shovel, shoes full of sand
Check out the tag the name is "Caveman," Unh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Take a bad boy make him dig five feet
The dirt in these shovels will give us a beat
Okay, you gotta find something never found before
If not, we'll just have to dig some more
Na-na na-na na-na-na-na
Na-na na-na
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
- You got to go and dig those holes - Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
- You got to go and dig those holes - Dig it, oh-oh oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah
Your eyes may blister Your muscles, they sore
You want a break knock on the Warden's door
Uh-huh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
A-r-m-p-i to the "t"
What is that you're smelling? Dawg, that's me
I don't take showers and I don't brush my teeth
That's all I do is dig holes, eat, and sleep
There is no late there is no shade
There is no place to hide
So just sit and wait to fry
You got to go and dig those holes
Na-na na-na na-na-na-na
Na-na na-na
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
- Wake up in the morning before the sun - Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Keep digging that hole till the day is done
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
- Wake up in the morning before the sun - Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Keep digging that hole till the day is done
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
- You got to go and dig those holes - Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
- You got to go and dig those holes - Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
The old man's been stealing
She's holding a grievance for a hundred-odd years
We all keep believing
That history repeats itself year after year
All I fear is that the future is worse
We have to give in to a hundred-year curse
Sweat in the sun like we're digging a grave
Dig deep enough and our fortune we'll save
"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs
"The bark on the trees was as soft as the skies"
As the wolf waits below hungry and lonely
He cries to the moon, "If only, if only"
Chasing the skirt of a beautiful wife
You'll make mistakes and it's my back that breaks
And forever my past steals my life
To submission I'm beat
But there's hope beneath these feet
Blisters and blood and the sun makes you blind
You don't let it eat you can't help but be kind
'cause you know what's important
With your back to the wall
You can break metal chains
You and your friends won't let you fall
"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs
"The bark on the trees was as soft as the skies"
As the wolf waits below hungry and lonely
He cries to the moon, "if only, if only"
But if you forget to
come back for Madame Zeroni,
you and your family will be cursed
for always and eternity.