1
00:00:03,381 --> 00:00:05,115
Well, kitchen is clean.
2
00:00:05,149 --> 00:00:07,050
(Yawns) I'm tired.
3
00:00:07,085 --> 00:00:08,819
- Ooh, I'm not.
- Yeah, me neither.
4
00:00:08,853 --> 00:00:10,654
My yawning was code for let's get upstairs.
5
00:00:10,688 --> 00:00:13,690
Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm hosting book
club tomorrow. I've got to finish this.
6
00:00:13,725 --> 00:00:15,725
- Didn't you already read that book?
- Yeah, twice.
7
00:00:15,727 --> 00:00:18,328
You really need to read Lovers
In Bondage more than once?
8
00:00:18,362 --> 00:00:20,297
What part of that book
was unclear? I mean...
9
00:00:20,331 --> 00:00:23,200
He delivers the pizza, she doesn't
have enough money to pay for it,
10
00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:24,367
they work something out.
11
00:00:25,470 --> 00:00:28,038
Ha ha, get all your
snarky comments out now.
12
00:00:28,072 --> 00:00:30,240
One of the girls of our
book club knows the author.
13
00:00:30,274 --> 00:00:32,876
Noelle Devereux is gonna be in our house
14
00:00:32,910 --> 00:00:33,950
- tomorrow night.
- (Gasps)
15
00:00:33,978 --> 00:00:35,712
She's gonna be here in our house?
16
00:00:35,747 --> 00:00:38,582
Is she gonna be doing a Q&A
17
00:00:38,616 --> 00:00:40,684
or is she just gonna be explaining
in vivid detail how to put a cue...
18
00:00:40,718 --> 00:00:42,385
In an A?
19
00:00:43,721 --> 00:00:46,423
Lovers In Bondage is only the
best-selling book in this genre
20
00:00:46,457 --> 00:00:49,259
since 50 Shades of Grey. So before
you judge it, you might want to read it.
21
00:00:49,293 --> 00:00:51,495
May I? Mind if I just take a quick look?
22
00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,330
Let's see here.
23
00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:57,068
"As Derek expertly
nibbled my belly button,
24
00:00:57,103 --> 00:00:58,970
my eyes rolled back in my head."
25
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:01,673
Sounds like The Exorcist.
26
00:01:01,707 --> 00:01:04,387
Sure, it's easy to make fun if you
take one sentence out of context.
27
00:01:05,144 --> 00:01:06,912
You're right, honey. That was
probably just an isolated incident.
28
00:01:06,946 --> 00:01:08,847
Let's see here.
29
00:01:08,881 --> 00:01:10,749
(Hums)
30
00:01:12,318 --> 00:01:13,518
Ah...
31
00:01:13,553 --> 00:01:16,588
All right. "Derek never earned
his wings at flight school,
32
00:01:16,622 --> 00:01:21,126
but clearly he was an
experienced bush pilot."
33
00:01:23,095 --> 00:01:26,164
Oh, honey, come back! Wait, I
have to know how the book ends now!
34
00:01:29,202 --> 00:01:30,242
(Theme music playing)
35
00:01:30,269 --> 00:01:32,270
- ♪ It's all good ♪
- ♪ all good ♪
36
00:01:32,305 --> 00:01:34,172
- ♪ it's okay ♪
- ♪ okay ♪
37
00:01:34,207 --> 00:01:35,974
- ♪ it's all right ♪
- ♪ all right ♪
38
00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:37,909
♪ as far as I can see ♪
39
00:01:37,944 --> 00:01:39,845
- ♪ it's all good ♪
- ♪ all good ♪
40
00:01:39,879 --> 00:01:41,179
- ♪ it's okay ♪
- ♪ okay ♪
41
00:01:41,214 --> 00:01:43,134
- ♪ it's all right ♪
- ♪ all right ♪
42
00:01:43,149 --> 00:01:48,119
♪ I guess you're stuck with me ♪
43
00:01:48,143 --> 00:01:50,143
Sync & Corrections by Darcade
- Addic7ed.com -
44
00:01:54,260 --> 00:01:56,828
- McKenna.
- Call me "Cassandra."
45
00:01:56,863 --> 00:01:59,865
Oh, right. You're staying
in character 24 hours a day,
46
00:01:59,899 --> 00:02:02,834
but you know, this is just a
meeting between the filmmakers.
47
00:02:02,869 --> 00:02:04,936
We don't need any actors
until we shoot tomorrow.
48
00:02:04,971 --> 00:02:06,805
Zander: Hey, babe,
Lennox is on her way over.
49
00:02:06,839 --> 00:02:09,140
And just to remind you she doesn't
know we're seeing each other,
50
00:02:09,175 --> 00:02:12,895
I'm just waiting for the
right moment to tell her.
51
00:02:13,012 --> 00:02:15,492
'Cause I really don't think she'll be...
52
00:02:16,315 --> 00:02:17,883
Hi, Lennox.
53
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:20,118
Guess what?
54
00:02:20,152 --> 00:02:22,954
Oh, I don't know. You
two are seeing each other?
55
00:02:22,989 --> 00:02:25,290
Yes. I was just waiting
for the right moment
56
00:02:25,324 --> 00:02:27,804
for you to overhear that. (Nervous laugh)
57
00:02:28,961 --> 00:02:30,521
And you thought this might get awkward.
58
00:02:32,031 --> 00:02:33,932
Zander is so unprofessional!
59
00:02:33,966 --> 00:02:36,134
He's dating the girl who plays Cassandra.
60
00:02:36,168 --> 00:02:38,203
And that's a problem because...
61
00:02:38,237 --> 00:02:40,105
The character's based on me.
62
00:02:40,139 --> 00:02:42,874
I mean, it's so obvious what he's doing.
63
00:02:42,909 --> 00:02:44,042
Absolutely.
64
00:02:45,278 --> 00:02:46,558
No, I'm lost.
65
00:02:47,914 --> 00:02:50,982
He had no interest in her when
she was just a ditzy cheerleader.
66
00:02:51,017 --> 00:02:52,851
Once I taught her to be like me...
67
00:02:52,885 --> 00:02:54,125
She's even wearing my clothes...
68
00:02:54,153 --> 00:02:55,387
Zander totally fell for her.
69
00:02:55,421 --> 00:02:58,156
Oh, I get it. You want to
get back together with Zander.
70
00:02:58,190 --> 00:03:01,192
No. I do not have feelings for him at all.
71
00:03:01,227 --> 00:03:03,928
That's why I don't want
him going out with me.
72
00:03:03,929 --> 00:03:07,165
Through her. While she's being me.
73
00:03:08,267 --> 00:03:10,835
I bet he even thinks about
her when they're... (Gags)
74
00:03:12,838 --> 00:03:14,239
You know, the same exact thing happened
75
00:03:14,273 --> 00:03:16,107
in this Noelle Devereux novel.
76
00:03:16,142 --> 00:03:18,843
The main character Dominique
ties up her houseboy Enrico
77
00:03:18,878 --> 00:03:21,279
and she will only feed him
if he gives her sexual favors.
78
00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:26,217
- How is that like what I said?
- Yeah, it's not.
79
00:03:28,220 --> 00:03:29,940
I just really love talking about this book.
80
00:03:33,859 --> 00:03:36,699
This is the first time everyone in
the book club has read the whole book.
81
00:03:36,729 --> 00:03:38,697
When I read your book,
I thought my water broke,
82
00:03:38,731 --> 00:03:40,491
but it turns out I was
just really turned on.
83
00:03:42,735 --> 00:03:45,203
Thank you for that image, Nancy.
84
00:03:45,237 --> 00:03:47,405
I'm gonna put that quote
on the back of my next book.
85
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,241
So was Dominique based on you?
86
00:03:50,276 --> 00:03:52,243
Well, they say write what you know,
87
00:03:52,278 --> 00:03:55,013
however, I know a few
more knots than Dominique.
88
00:03:57,216 --> 00:03:58,783
- Hey, Joe.
- Hey.
89
00:03:58,818 --> 00:04:00,852
Uh, it's book club night, remember?
90
00:04:00,886 --> 00:04:02,587
Oh, yeah, I forgot. You know why, honey?
91
00:04:02,622 --> 00:04:05,523
Because the neon "Adult Bookstore"
sign outside wasn't lit up.
92
00:04:06,626 --> 00:04:08,466
Because my book's just smut, right?
93
00:04:09,495 --> 00:04:11,496
You know, if the leather mask fits.
94
00:04:13,499 --> 00:04:15,500
Noelle, this is my husband, Joe,
95
00:04:15,534 --> 00:04:16,668
- who was just leaving.
- Yeah.
96
00:04:16,702 --> 00:04:18,502
Wait. Don't run off.
97
00:04:18,504 --> 00:04:19,604
Have you read my work?
98
00:04:19,639 --> 00:04:22,307
Trust me, I've... I've read enough.
99
00:04:22,341 --> 00:04:24,075
Well, what didn't you like?
100
00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:26,190
You can tell me. I'm not easily offended.
101
00:04:29,248 --> 00:04:31,208
Nope. I'm married enough to know
102
00:04:31,217 --> 00:04:32,984
I've got nothing to say.
103
00:04:35,721 --> 00:04:37,201
(Chuckles) Men.
104
00:04:38,791 --> 00:04:40,759
See? I was respectful to your guest.
105
00:04:40,793 --> 00:04:43,554
- Thank you.
- No matter what kind of crap she writes.
106
00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:45,597
You know, I've figured it out.
107
00:04:45,631 --> 00:04:47,365
It's not that you don't
like Noelle's books.
108
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,300
- It's that you don't get it.
- Oh no, honey, I get it.
109
00:04:49,335 --> 00:04:52,203
I get that it's thinly-veiled,
poorly-written ladyporn.
110
00:04:52,238 --> 00:04:54,272
The only reason that hack is
writing this one-handed literature
111
00:04:54,306 --> 00:04:56,386
is because she's not talented
enough to cut it... Hi!
112
00:04:58,010 --> 00:05:00,345
You know, Joe has some
strong feelings about...
113
00:05:00,379 --> 00:05:02,180
J.K. Rowling.
114
00:05:03,883 --> 00:05:05,784
Yes, the Harry Potter books
115
00:05:05,818 --> 00:05:07,786
are just thinly-veiled
poorly written ladyporn.
116
00:05:08,754 --> 00:05:10,722
We all know what those
magic wands really symbolize.
117
00:05:10,756 --> 00:05:12,724
(Forced laughter)
118
00:05:12,758 --> 00:05:14,459
Magic... (Forced chuckle)
119
00:05:14,493 --> 00:05:15,593
Can I help you find something?
120
00:05:15,661 --> 00:05:17,729
I just need a quiet place
to make a quick call.
121
00:05:17,763 --> 00:05:19,364
Right through there.
122
00:05:23,636 --> 00:05:25,537
Great. Now she's gonna
tell the whole book club
123
00:05:25,571 --> 00:05:27,272
what you said and then
they're gonna shun me.
124
00:05:27,306 --> 00:05:28,506
They're gonna shun me hard.
125
00:05:28,541 --> 00:05:31,376
- You have to apologize to her.
- Okay, fine.
126
00:05:32,912 --> 00:05:34,112
It went to voicemail.
127
00:05:34,146 --> 00:05:36,247
Can you believe how sober
everybody is today?
128
00:05:36,282 --> 00:05:38,883
I am gonna fix that right now.
129
00:05:44,023 --> 00:05:46,491
So, um, Noelle...
130
00:05:46,525 --> 00:05:48,760
So, look, what I was saying...
131
00:05:48,794 --> 00:05:51,329
- About J.K. Rowling?
- Yes, yes.
132
00:05:51,363 --> 00:05:53,843
That was really not meant
for you to hear and...
133
00:05:55,534 --> 00:05:57,235
I'm very sorry.
134
00:05:57,269 --> 00:05:58,369
No you're not.
135
00:05:58,404 --> 00:06:00,238
In fact, tell me more.
136
00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:02,307
What?
137
00:06:02,341 --> 00:06:04,943
I get fawned over everywhere I go.
138
00:06:04,977 --> 00:06:07,045
I never know if anyone's ever being honest.
139
00:06:07,079 --> 00:06:10,014
And frankly, hearing negative
things about my book
140
00:06:10,049 --> 00:06:11,750
really turns me on.
141
00:06:13,619 --> 00:06:14,819
Come again?
142
00:06:15,955 --> 00:06:18,790
Tell me it's crap. Tell
me that I can't write.
143
00:06:19,792 --> 00:06:22,594
- Yeah.
- Tell me that with every keystroke,
144
00:06:22,628 --> 00:06:24,295
I degrade myself.
145
00:06:25,865 --> 00:06:29,585
Maybe I could just write you a one-star
review online somewhere or something.
146
00:06:31,337 --> 00:06:33,071
No, Joe.
147
00:06:33,105 --> 00:06:34,985
- Tell me to my face.
- Yeah. (Laughs)
148
00:06:35,374 --> 00:06:36,975
Look into my eyes
149
00:06:37,009 --> 00:06:39,210
and tell me that I'm a bad, bad writer.
150
00:06:41,013 --> 00:06:43,782
My wife's having her book
club like 10 feet from here.
151
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,985
- Right, of course.
- Yeah. What are you...
152
00:06:47,019 --> 00:06:49,554
In case you want to criticize me later.
153
00:06:49,588 --> 00:06:52,724
I would enjoy your penetrating insight.
154
00:06:54,727 --> 00:06:57,207
Cheese and crackers? (Forced laugh)
155
00:06:57,596 --> 00:06:59,489
- What?
- Cheese and crackers.
156
00:06:59,523 --> 00:07:02,092
For the ladies. To go with the wine.
157
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:08,640
All right, so this is the first time
158
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:09,953
that we see Cassandra in the movie,
159
00:07:09,954 --> 00:07:12,256
instead of just finding
her there blogging, boring,
160
00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:15,959
what if Sam uses this scooter
to do, like, a cool Dolly shot,
161
00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:17,928
so we see her whole apartment
and we discover her there?
162
00:07:17,962 --> 00:07:20,063
Yeah, that a much more
exciting way to meet her.
163
00:07:20,098 --> 00:07:22,799
- Good idea, Zander.
- It was my idea.
164
00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:24,535
Really?
165
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,403
Well, you know, it's...
166
00:07:26,437 --> 00:07:27,717
It's not about the credit, right?
167
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,606
- It's about the good idea.
- You're right.
168
00:07:29,641 --> 00:07:31,174
But it was my idea.
169
00:07:33,311 --> 00:07:36,480
Okay, Zander, look, I think I know
why you want to use McKenna's idea.
170
00:07:36,514 --> 00:07:38,148
'Cause is the best thing for the film.
171
00:07:38,182 --> 00:07:40,050
No, because you want to get in her pants.
172
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,164
Which are my pants, by the way.
173
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,887
Hey, can we start shooting?
174
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,923
I got to get my grandma's
scooter back real soon.
175
00:07:45,957 --> 00:07:47,957
I just noticed her oxygen tank's attached.
176
00:07:49,861 --> 00:07:51,595
- Okay, yeah.
- We should go.
177
00:07:54,566 --> 00:07:56,847
Hey, I really appreciate you
apologizing to Noelle for me.
178
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:01,260
Yeah, well, you asked me to apologize,
so, you know, that's what I did.
179
00:08:01,294 --> 00:08:03,595
So how did she react? Was she
open to what you had to say?
180
00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:06,198
Yeah, she was... She was open.
181
00:08:07,467 --> 00:08:09,968
Um, wide open, actually.
182
00:08:11,237 --> 00:08:13,839
- What does that mean?
- Honey, she...
183
00:08:13,873 --> 00:08:15,841
She didn't care about my apology, okay?
184
00:08:15,875 --> 00:08:18,210
My... my insults turned her on.
185
00:08:18,244 --> 00:08:20,078
Truth is...
186
00:08:21,114 --> 00:08:23,594
Your dirty little book friend hit on me.
187
00:08:23,883 --> 00:08:25,884
Oh, please. You think every
woman's hitting on you.
188
00:08:25,919 --> 00:08:28,587
It's my burden. I mean...
189
00:08:28,621 --> 00:08:31,021
You think I'm irresistible by choice?
190
00:08:31,758 --> 00:08:34,426
Uh, I think you're trying to
distract from the real issue.
191
00:08:34,460 --> 00:08:37,660
Reading about women as powerful as Noelle's
characters makes you a little squirmy.
192
00:08:37,664 --> 00:08:40,399
I think you have to admit that
this is one area of the bedroom
193
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:42,301
where you're not as liberated
as you think you are.
194
00:08:42,335 --> 00:08:45,370
Please, I am insanely comfortable
in every area of the bedroom.
195
00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:47,206
Except if a woman is in charge there.
196
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,993
I'm telling you, Noelle hit on me.
You know what?
197
00:08:48,994 --> 00:08:50,108
I'll prove it to you. Hold on a second.
198
00:08:50,109 --> 00:08:52,077
Wait, wait. Hold on.
199
00:08:52,111 --> 00:08:55,831
Look at that. She gave me her
business card. See that? Look.
200
00:08:55,915 --> 00:08:59,818
Oh. Well, I guess that proves
that she wants me too.
201
00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:02,721
She left a whole pile of them on the table
202
00:09:02,755 --> 00:09:06,475
which clearly means Noelle also
wants to get busy with the table.
203
00:09:06,499 --> 00:09:08,939
From what I read in the book,
anything with legs is fair game.
204
00:09:13,132 --> 00:09:16,235
So if Sam starts the shot on
the poster behind the bed.
205
00:09:16,269 --> 00:09:19,229
- It'll foreshadow what's gonna happen.
- Yeah, that'll be cool.
206
00:09:21,007 --> 00:09:22,941
Wait. Where did this idea come from?
207
00:09:22,976 --> 00:09:24,877
Why? Do you like the idea or not?
208
00:09:24,911 --> 00:09:26,631
I want to know whose it was.
209
00:09:27,146 --> 00:09:28,881
Was it yours, McKenna?
210
00:09:28,915 --> 00:09:30,682
McKenna.
211
00:09:30,717 --> 00:09:31,917
Who is this McKenna?
212
00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:35,387
Was it yours, Cassandra?
213
00:09:35,421 --> 00:09:36,588
Oh, you're talking to me.
214
00:09:36,623 --> 00:09:37,723
No.
215
00:09:37,757 --> 00:09:39,658
Oh, then whose idea was it?
216
00:09:39,692 --> 00:09:41,526
Mine. Please don't fire me.
217
00:09:43,196 --> 00:09:45,564
No, a foreshadowing poster. I like it.
218
00:09:45,598 --> 00:09:48,166
I just wanted to know
who to thank. Thanks, Sam.
219
00:09:48,201 --> 00:09:50,435
(Cell phone chimes)
220
00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:53,305
Oh crap. Rory's not
coming. He's got mono again.
221
00:09:53,339 --> 00:09:55,040
We gotta shoot the
one-night stand scene tonight
222
00:09:55,074 --> 00:09:57,276
and we don't have another actor to play
the guy that Cassandra hooks up with.
223
00:09:57,310 --> 00:09:59,177
I will do it.
224
00:10:01,681 --> 00:10:03,482
I know who we could get. Zander.
225
00:10:03,506 --> 00:10:05,505
We've kind of rehearsed
this the past few days.
226
00:10:05,506 --> 00:10:07,792
- Plus he's the only guy here.
- Hey.
227
00:10:10,456 --> 00:10:11,657
You know what? I'll just have to do it.
228
00:10:11,691 --> 00:10:13,458
It's what's best for the film.
229
00:10:13,493 --> 00:10:15,133
Well, aren't you a hero?
230
00:10:17,563 --> 00:10:19,197
Yo.
231
00:10:20,199 --> 00:10:22,234
- Pick which tie you like.
- For what?
232
00:10:22,268 --> 00:10:24,469
I'm gonna show you that I'm not
threatened by a woman in control.
233
00:10:24,504 --> 00:10:27,172
So go ahead, tie me up.
234
00:10:27,206 --> 00:10:29,286
I can do that. Hey, wait.
235
00:10:29,310 --> 00:10:31,109
These are Ryder's ties.
236
00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:34,230
Yeah. No matter how good the sex is, I'm
not gonna ruin a $300 tie, sweetie.
237
00:10:35,682 --> 00:10:36,782
All right.
238
00:10:37,984 --> 00:10:39,952
There. Now you're my prisoner.
239
00:10:39,986 --> 00:10:42,554
Yeah. So, look, um...
240
00:10:42,588 --> 00:10:44,589
Maybe instead of reading all that erotica
241
00:10:44,624 --> 00:10:46,325
you should try picking
up a boy scout manual.
242
00:10:46,359 --> 00:10:48,593
- Well, I can do better?
- You can do better? Show me. Show me.
243
00:10:48,628 --> 00:10:51,530
What do you got? Ooh, this is tight.
244
00:10:51,564 --> 00:10:54,333
- There you go.
- Nice.
245
00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:56,201
So, look, honey...
246
00:10:56,235 --> 00:10:58,136
If you ever actually do get me tied up,
247
00:10:58,171 --> 00:11:00,038
what are you planning on doing with me?
248
00:11:00,073 --> 00:11:03,793
I don't know. What do
you want me to do to you?
249
00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:06,178
You know, honey, I'm not
really sure if you're clear
250
00:11:06,212 --> 00:11:08,013
on the role of the dominatrix.
251
00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:09,982
The way it works is that the dominatrix...
252
00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:11,883
(Muffled grunt)
253
00:11:11,918 --> 00:11:14,398
I've been wanting to
do that for four years.
254
00:11:16,823 --> 00:11:19,591
- So, listen...
- Who are you? Houdini?
255
00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:20,792
No, it's just that...
256
00:11:20,827 --> 00:11:23,562
Look, I've been doing some
thinking, and I think that maybe
257
00:11:23,596 --> 00:11:25,664
we need to bring someone else
258
00:11:25,698 --> 00:11:28,300
into the bedroom to help us out.
259
00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:30,369
Oh?
260
00:11:32,338 --> 00:11:35,974
Boy scout: And that's how you make
proper square knot roop 212 style.
261
00:11:36,009 --> 00:11:38,143
Go wolverines!
262
00:11:38,177 --> 00:11:40,679
Yep, I think someone
just earned a merit badge.
263
00:11:40,713 --> 00:11:42,781
All right. Oh yeah.
264
00:11:44,017 --> 00:11:46,752
Oh, I need whip cream and marshmallows.
265
00:11:46,786 --> 00:11:48,754
And graham crackers. And chocolate!
266
00:11:48,788 --> 00:11:51,423
Are we getting kinky here
or are we making s'mores?
267
00:11:52,492 --> 00:11:53,692
I can multitask.
268
00:11:53,726 --> 00:11:55,494
Don't move.
269
00:12:03,169 --> 00:12:06,104
(Cell phone rings)
270
00:12:07,306 --> 00:12:09,241
Ooh. Hey, Nancy.
271
00:12:10,243 --> 00:12:13,078
Are you sure? Yeah,
okay, I'll be right there.
272
00:12:18,117 --> 00:12:20,919
Hey, Joe? Nancy just went into labor,
273
00:12:20,953 --> 00:12:23,688
Bob's in France, and I have
to drive her to the hospital.
274
00:12:23,723 --> 00:12:25,457
Do you need me to untie you?
275
00:12:25,491 --> 00:12:27,459
Please, honey. I got this!
276
00:12:27,493 --> 00:12:28,853
Mel: Okay.
277
00:12:38,204 --> 00:12:40,806
Joe: These things are actually
tighter than I thought, sweetie.
278
00:12:42,041 --> 00:12:43,875
(Grunts)
279
00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:48,847
Come on.
280
00:12:48,881 --> 00:12:51,750
Okay. Okay, I'm gonna just go like...
281
00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:54,820
(Grunts)
282
00:12:57,657 --> 00:12:58,657
(Grunts)
283
00:13:01,594 --> 00:13:03,261
Come on!
284
00:13:11,237 --> 00:13:13,305
Mel? Joe?
285
00:13:16,114 --> 00:13:17,981
I think I left my phone here.
286
00:13:18,016 --> 00:13:19,950
Is anybody home?
287
00:13:19,984 --> 00:13:22,085
- Hello?
- Mel!
288
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,960
Oh thank God! Can you
come up here please, honey?
289
00:13:29,794 --> 00:13:31,714
Need a little help in here, honey.
290
00:13:32,563 --> 00:13:33,730
Mel?
291
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:38,234
Well, hello, Joe.
292
00:13:45,109 --> 00:13:46,843
Thanks a lot, boy scouts.
293
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,574
Well, look at this.
294
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:54,975
Chapter seven in the flesh.
295
00:13:55,605 --> 00:13:56,885
I'm warning you lady...
296
00:13:57,573 --> 00:13:58,853
My feet are deadly weapons.
297
00:13:59,776 --> 00:14:02,445
Oh sure. Act like you don't want this.
298
00:14:02,478 --> 00:14:03,645
I don't. I don't want this.
299
00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:05,447
I can read between the lines.
300
00:14:05,481 --> 00:14:07,415
There are no lines, all
right? Get away from me.
301
00:14:07,450 --> 00:14:09,618
You're a terrible person.
You write terrible books.
302
00:14:09,652 --> 00:14:12,087
Terrible?
303
00:14:12,121 --> 00:14:13,455
That's a little harsh.
304
00:14:13,489 --> 00:14:15,924
Come on, look at you. You write smut.
305
00:14:15,958 --> 00:14:17,292
You threatened a man in his own home.
306
00:14:17,326 --> 00:14:19,160
I write feminine erotica.
307
00:14:19,195 --> 00:14:21,162
You can't even admit what you do. Lady...
308
00:14:21,197 --> 00:14:22,998
You write porn!
309
00:14:24,133 --> 00:14:26,001
I know, I know!
310
00:14:26,035 --> 00:14:27,836
I wanted to write children's books,
311
00:14:27,870 --> 00:14:29,704
but the market is oversaturated.
312
00:14:29,739 --> 00:14:31,606
Oh, I'm living a lie.
313
00:14:31,641 --> 00:14:33,541
I feel so embarrassed.
314
00:14:33,576 --> 00:14:35,577
(Crying) Oh God, oh God.
315
00:14:35,611 --> 00:14:38,380
Excuse me. Before you fall completely
apart, can you maybe untie me?
316
00:14:38,414 --> 00:14:41,383
Oh God. "Noelle Devereux"
isn't even my real name.
317
00:14:41,417 --> 00:14:43,351
I'm really Suzy Dorfman.
318
00:14:43,386 --> 00:14:45,186
My publisher didn't think
that was sexy enough.
319
00:14:45,221 --> 00:14:47,222
I got lucky with one book
320
00:14:47,256 --> 00:14:49,290
and now I have this image to maintain.
321
00:14:49,325 --> 00:14:51,026
I'm not into bondage.
322
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:53,194
I don't even like
putting a leash on my dog.
323
00:14:53,229 --> 00:14:55,930
(Crying)
324
00:14:55,965 --> 00:14:58,099
Noelle, Suzy... Whoever you are.
325
00:14:58,134 --> 00:15:00,669
I'm really starting to
lose feeling in my hands.
326
00:15:00,703 --> 00:15:02,570
Of course, of course. I'm so sorry.
327
00:15:02,605 --> 00:15:05,494
- Okay.
- Wow, that's really tight.
328
00:15:05,494 --> 00:15:06,741
Yeah, it is. Yeah.
329
00:15:06,776 --> 00:15:08,710
- Let me get on top.
- All right.
330
00:15:09,945 --> 00:15:11,713
Is that the best you can do?
You're not even getting it off.
331
00:15:11,747 --> 00:15:14,449
If you'd stop resisting
and start relaxing...
332
00:15:14,483 --> 00:15:16,217
- Joe: I...
- (Grunts)
333
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,055
- What the hell?
- Mel!
334
00:15:20,089 --> 00:15:22,190
Honey... Hey, this is not
really what it looks like.
335
00:15:23,192 --> 00:15:25,099
Noelle stopped by because
she lost her phone.
336
00:15:25,134 --> 00:15:27,235
It's true. I left it here but I...
337
00:15:27,269 --> 00:15:28,770
I just don't remember where.
338
00:15:28,804 --> 00:15:30,672
And you thought bouncing on my husband
339
00:15:30,706 --> 00:15:31,739
might jog your memory?
340
00:15:34,944 --> 00:15:38,346
Okay, so, Cassandra, you just
met my character at a party
341
00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:40,315
and you think he's pretty cute.
342
00:15:40,349 --> 00:15:41,649
Actually, she's just drunk.
343
00:15:43,419 --> 00:15:47,070
Thank you.
344
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,673
So we're about to make out and it'll
dissolve to the shoes by the bed
345
00:15:49,707 --> 00:15:50,841
just like the foreshadowing poster.
346
00:15:50,875 --> 00:15:52,776
That was my idea.
347
00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:54,511
I know, Sam. Shut up.
348
00:15:56,814 --> 00:15:59,380
And we're rolling.
349
00:16:02,518 --> 00:16:03,965
This is the part where
you say action, Lennox.
350
00:16:03,965 --> 00:16:05,253
Yeah, I'm getting there.
351
00:16:05,287 --> 00:16:07,188
Action or whatever.
352
00:16:08,290 --> 00:16:10,925
You know, I... I don't even know your name.
353
00:16:10,959 --> 00:16:13,928
And you don't need to. Now shut
up and make yourself useful.
354
00:16:13,962 --> 00:16:16,063
- Cut!
- What... what... What's wrong?
355
00:16:16,098 --> 00:16:18,866
Nothing. That was a great
take. I think we got it.
356
00:16:18,901 --> 00:16:21,068
- All right, moving on.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
357
00:16:21,103 --> 00:16:24,605
No, no, 'cause it says in
the script that Cassandra
358
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,741
and one-night-stand
guy kiss passionately.
359
00:16:26,775 --> 00:16:28,476
Actually...
360
00:16:28,478 --> 00:16:31,579
It says that Cassandra kisses the stranger
like his tongue is a life-saving elixir
361
00:16:31,613 --> 00:16:34,973
and she'll die if she
doesn't swallow it whole.
362
00:16:37,452 --> 00:16:39,520
Okay, you kissed. Get the idea.
363
00:16:39,555 --> 00:16:42,290
Can I talk to my co-director...
364
00:16:42,324 --> 00:16:44,091
In there?
365
00:16:46,962 --> 00:16:49,263
Oooh-hoo-hoo-hoo.
366
00:16:49,298 --> 00:16:51,832
I thought you didn't have a
problem with me and McKenna dating?
367
00:16:51,867 --> 00:16:53,147
I don't. What makes you say that?
368
00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:55,069
Come on. You're ruining
a key part of the film
369
00:16:55,103 --> 00:16:57,004
just because you don't want
to see me and McKenna kiss.
370
00:16:57,039 --> 00:16:58,673
You really want another take?
371
00:16:58,707 --> 00:16:59,840
Yes, I think the integrity of your script
372
00:16:59,875 --> 00:17:01,475
and the moment demands it.
373
00:17:01,510 --> 00:17:03,910
(Mocking) Oh, "integrity of my script."
374
00:17:04,646 --> 00:17:07,046
Fine. Let baby have his bottle.
375
00:17:07,549 --> 00:17:09,617
I'm sorry. I'm not a bad person.
376
00:17:09,651 --> 00:17:12,587
I've just been playing this
character that's not me,
377
00:17:12,621 --> 00:17:14,522
and things just got out of hand.
378
00:17:14,556 --> 00:17:16,424
- Please believe me.
- It's okay, Noelle.
379
00:17:16,458 --> 00:17:18,578
Oh, and here's your phone.
380
00:17:20,095 --> 00:17:22,096
Call me Suzy. I'm really Suzy.
381
00:17:23,198 --> 00:17:26,002
I promise I'm gonna
stop writing this trash.
382
00:17:26,036 --> 00:17:29,905
Oh, wait. Not before you finish
writing Lovers In Bondage two, right?
383
00:17:33,643 --> 00:17:34,844
What are you smiling for?
384
00:17:34,878 --> 00:17:36,712
Oh, because she's a big phony.
385
00:17:36,747 --> 00:17:39,482
Why can't you let this go?
Whats really bothering you?
386
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:41,517
You want to know what's
bothering me? I don't understand
387
00:17:41,551 --> 00:17:44,031
why you need to keep reading this porn.
388
00:17:44,654 --> 00:17:47,289
I don't understand why you
need to look at all those links
389
00:17:47,324 --> 00:17:48,684
that Charlie's always sending you.
390
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,093
I never opened up those picture.
391
00:17:53,163 --> 00:17:54,263
One in ten.
392
00:17:56,099 --> 00:17:57,933
All right, five in ten.
393
00:17:57,968 --> 00:17:59,101
So, we agree.
394
00:17:59,136 --> 00:18:01,103
Men and women each have their own porn.
395
00:18:01,138 --> 00:18:03,806
Yeah, fine, we do. But we
don't have clubs devoted to it.
396
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,076
All right? Guys, you know, we
enjoy our porn alone and ashamed
397
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:08,711
just like God intended.
398
00:18:08,745 --> 00:18:12,715
My point is, clearly, different
things turn on men and women.
399
00:18:12,749 --> 00:18:14,917
Fine, I get it. All right,
men, we like our pictures.
400
00:18:14,951 --> 00:18:16,786
Women, you all like your stories.
401
00:18:16,820 --> 00:18:19,655
Yes, because men are
visual and women are better.
402
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:24,393
All right.
403
00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:27,296
You like stories, huh?
404
00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:29,365
I got a story for you.
405
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:32,234
It's about this incredibly handsome
406
00:18:32,269 --> 00:18:36,772
former Wall Street titan who
was in desperate need of a job.
407
00:18:36,807 --> 00:18:37,887
Not now, not gonna happen.
408
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,008
You're gonna wanna hear this story
409
00:18:39,042 --> 00:18:40,042
because it's got an amazing ending.
410
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:42,111
So, one day, this, um...
411
00:18:42,145 --> 00:18:44,647
This..
412
00:18:44,681 --> 00:18:46,649
Amazingly masculine man,
413
00:18:46,683 --> 00:18:48,751
building with maleness.
414
00:18:49,786 --> 00:18:51,687
Showed up at the door of this
415
00:18:51,721 --> 00:18:53,689
very, very accomplished blonde.
416
00:18:53,723 --> 00:18:55,546
- Was she hot?
- Smoking. Smoking.
417
00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:57,548
- Okay, then go on.
- Okay, all right.
418
00:18:57,582 --> 00:19:00,317
So, obviously she hired him immediately.
419
00:19:00,352 --> 00:19:03,320
And every morning, he
would make her coffee.
420
00:19:03,355 --> 00:19:04,989
And he would watch her as she brought
421
00:19:05,023 --> 00:19:06,357
that cup of coffee to her lips.
422
00:19:06,391 --> 00:19:09,226
And as she took that cup of coffee
423
00:19:09,261 --> 00:19:13,030
and slowly drank that
thick, dark, brown liquid...
424
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:15,065
No, no, no. No, no. Not sexy.
425
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:17,968
I'm sorry, this is my...
It's my first novel.
426
00:19:18,003 --> 00:19:19,937
Will you just give me a
break, here? All right, okay.
427
00:19:19,971 --> 00:19:22,006
So... so every morning,
428
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,775
as she would drink her coffee,
429
00:19:24,810 --> 00:19:26,911
she would look across her cup
430
00:19:26,945 --> 00:19:31,415
at that insanely ripped
man and she would wonder
431
00:19:31,449 --> 00:19:33,929
what it would feel like if he was...
432
00:19:34,586 --> 00:19:38,422
Up against her, pressing
her with all of his...
433
00:19:38,456 --> 00:19:39,490
Male...
434
00:19:41,526 --> 00:19:42,693
Male...
435
00:19:44,729 --> 00:19:45,729
Maleness.
436
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:50,534
Okay, not bad.
437
00:19:50,569 --> 00:19:52,929
But, I don't know, it's not
going on my nightstand just yet.
438
00:19:52,938 --> 00:19:54,872
Well, one night in New Jersey,
439
00:19:54,906 --> 00:19:57,641
this hot stud couldn't take it anymore.
440
00:19:57,676 --> 00:20:01,478
And he gave in to his desire
to have this hot blonde.
441
00:20:01,513 --> 00:20:02,813
At that moment,
442
00:20:02,848 --> 00:20:06,617
his lips touched hers for the first time...
443
00:20:06,651 --> 00:20:08,686
- Bingo! Upstairs, now.
- Wait a minute!
444
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,487
I'm not finished.
445
00:20:10,522 --> 00:20:11,522
You better not be.
446
00:20:24,753 --> 00:20:26,187
(Zander moans)
447
00:20:26,188 --> 00:20:28,289
You wrote one steamy scene, Lennox.
448
00:20:28,290 --> 00:20:30,691
And they are nailing it.
449
00:20:34,796 --> 00:20:36,730
Must be awesome to have
your vision realized.
450
00:20:36,731 --> 00:20:38,098
Yeah, you know what else I'm visualizing?
451
00:20:38,099 --> 00:20:39,266
You shutting up.
452
00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:43,371
Well, I don't think they're acting.