字幕制作:吴国源,动力来源:国源一家, 特别感谢:亲爱的老婆:刘丽诗 片名:瘦身男女
混蛋!又在想那个女人! He's at it again!
晚安 Good evening.
今晚是我全国巡回演唱的最后一晚 This is the last show of my tour.
我想将最后一首歌... I want to dedicate the last song...
送给一个特别的人 to a specia! someone.
不要... No...
岂有此理!当我这未婚妻不存在? Think I don't exist? I'm your fiancee!
表演中...表演中呀! On Stage ... On Stage!
没事吧? You all right?
CD... CD...
这个送给你 This is for you.
你叫什么名字? What's your name?
MINI Mini
你每次都来捧场,我认得你 I've seen you in every show.
一定花了很多钱 Thanks for your support.
谢谢 Thank you.
我以前的女朋友也叫MINI I had a girlfriend with the same name.
再见 Good-bye.
晚安! Good evening!
不好意思! Excuse me!
打扰了! Sorry to bother you!
有没有人可以帮我? Can someone help me?
早安! Good morning!
不好意思! Excuse me!
早安! Good morning!
搞什么呀? What's going on?
不好意思! Excuse me!
这么狼狈呀? What a mess!
烦死啦! She's better off dead.
你太太去世很久了 Your wife died a long time ago.
应该找个女人作伴 It's time to find a new love.
MINI MO小姐是香港人 Mini is from Hong Kong.
人品不错,是个贤良淑德的好女子 She's sweet. She's gorgeous.
胖是胖了点 She may be a little fat,
瘦一点也挺漂亮的 but can be attractive after losing some weight
真是个美女呀! What a beauty!
我这里有些刀 Here are the kitchen knives.
是最出名的「关孙六」出品,钢质很好 They're made of top-quality stainless steel.
请你买吧 Please buy them.
笑一笑... Smile...
真是个美女呀 Isn't she beautiful?
你们慢慢聊吧 I'll let you two chat.
我要去厕所 I have to go to the toilet.
不要! No!
别碰人家的东西! Don't touch his things!
我要去厕所 I have to go to the toilet
喂,喂...是... Hello? Yes...
我现在很忙 I'm busy right now.
有什么事吗? What is it?
我回来了 I'm back.
你回来了?路上辛苦了 Welcome back.
十八号 Room 18.
是,十八号房 Yes.
给你钥匙 Here's your key.
谢谢 放心... --Thanks. --Don't worry.
这次应该真的去厕所 The delivery boy's lunch box is still here.
那个外卖箱还在 He really went to bathroom.
你尽管放心吧 Don't worry!
不好意思,等一下 Wait.
请进 Yes?
打扰了 Sorry to bother you.
你一个人在外面奔波一定很寂寞 Being single can be lonely.
真的应该找个女人作伴了 You should find a companion.
MINI MO小姐是香港人,人品不错 Mini is from Hong Kong.
是个贤良淑德的好女子 She's sweet and gorgeous.
胖是胖了点,但瘦一点也挺漂亮的 She can be attractive after losing some weight.
想像一下,是不是? Use your imagination!
真是个美女呀 Isn't she beautiful?
笑一笑... Smile...
真是个美女呀 What a beauty!
你们先聊聊吧 I'll let you two chat.
别害羞,说句话呀 Say something.
不好意思,我也想吃 Can ! have a piece?
对不起,刚刚吃光了 Sorry, just finished it.
薯片碎也好呀 I'll eat the bits.
岂有此理!太不争气了! You're helpless!
我不理你了! Forget it! I'll call the police,
你再不给钱,我就找警察来捉你! if you don't pay the rent!
等一等 Wait.
MINI MO小姐很可爱 Mini is cute.
是吗?真的很可爱? You think so?
她欠我五天房租 She owes me 5 days of rent.
只要你替她付钱 If you'll pay for her,
你就可以带她走 she's yours.
我这里有些刀具 Here I have kitchen knives.
是「关孙六」,造工一流... They're made of stainless steel.
你看,钢质多好 Top quality!
我都说不买了 Told you I don't want them.
你帮我买两套 If you buy 2 pairs,
我才有钱替她交房租 I'll pay for her rent.
哪有这回事? That's no fair.
请你买吧! Please buy them!
是! Fine.
谢谢! Thanks!
朋友号,出发啦! Let's go!
我也是香港人 I'm from Hong Kong too!
再见!一路顺风! Good-bye.
祝你们幸福快乐! Have a nice life!
这个车站通往全国各地 This station will take you to anywhere.
你喜欢去哪里就去哪里 You decide where to go.
再见 Bye!
看在都是香港人的份上我才帮你 I helped you because you're from Hong Kong.
我并非对你有意思 I'm not interested in you.
好...我明白... I got it.
没车费是吧? You can't afford train fare.
来,我给你 Here.
拿着 Take it.
不用还的,来 It's yours.
我告诉你,我是黑社会 Listen. I'm a gangster.
卖你到歌舞妓町,你怕不怕? I'll sell you to the brothels!
怕就行了,来... Scared?
乖乖的走吧 Go now!
大姐呀... I beg you.
我是穷光蛋,养不起你呀 I'm a deadbeat. I can't afford you.
你跟着我只有死路一条 We'll both be dead if you stay with me.
你明白吗? Understand?
求求你,拜托啦 Please leave!
下车吧,来... Come on.
算了... Fine. You win!
算我倒霉,你要钱,我给你 I'll give you money.
所有家当都给你,够不够? I'll give you everything. Enough?
下车吧... Get out.
下车! Get out!
告诉你,我开车了 I'm leaving.
要不要行李你自己决定 I'm leaving your things here.
你不下车是吗? Are you getting off?
那就一辈子别下车 Stay in there if you want.
在这里吃,睡,拉,臭三八! You can eat and sleep in the car!
给我一个房间 I need a room.
谢谢! Thank you!
打扰了! Excuse me.
不好意思 Give way.
晚安 Good night.
搞了半天,搞什么鬼? What the hell?
晚安 Good night.
再见 Bye-bye.
好吃... Delicious...
你怎么开车的? What the hell?
差点被你撞死啦! You almost ran me over!
对不起 Sorry.
不是你错 I don't blame you.
都是他不好! It's his fault!
什么态度? What's with your attitude?
对不起 Sorry.
是他的错! It's his fault!
对不起 Sorry.
要不是走投无路,我也不会打扰你 I have nowhere else to go.
你当然是走投无路了! Easy to see why!
你多久没工作?有一年了吧? How long have you been out of work?
人家全国巡回演奏 Kurokawa toured the country.
你就全国巡回跟着看 You followed him the whole time,
几十场,几万円一张票,不上吊才怪! and spent everything on the tickets!
不是呀 No ...
什么不是! Admit it!
这么大的人,不务正业 You're a grown-up.
迷偶像,歌迷呀?像个白痴! Stop acting like a fan.
我不是迷偶像... You don't understand.
黑川是我男朋友呀 Kurokawa is my boyfriend!
饭岛爱是我老婆! And Drew Barrymore is my wife!
夕树舞子是我马子呢! Angelina Jolie is my girlfriend!
小沢圆是我私人看护 Cameron Diaz is my nanny!
还给我按摩呢,花痴! She bathes me everyday!
什么? What?
你看看... Look.
看什么鬼东西? What is this?
你看看吧 Just look.
有没有搞错?! Are you serious?
十年前,我刚来读书 10 years ago I came to Japan to study.
就在铁塔下面邂逅了学音乐的黑川 I met Kurokawa under the tower.
我们在一起很开心 We were happy together.
他还为我作了他一生的第一首歌 He wrote a song for me.
但也是因为这首歌 But because of this song,
他获取奖学金去美国深造 he won a scholarship to study abroad.
接着,可怕事情就发生了 Then, the nightmare began.
不知是否因为芳心寂寞... Maybe it was loneliness,
还是荷尔蒙失调 maybe it was hormonal imbalance,
我变得很贪吃 I couldn't stop eating.
越吃越胖,越胖越吃... And my body grew...
终于变成一个三百磅的大肥婆 Until I became a 300 lbs. fatty!
黑川回国后,成为当红的音乐家 Kurokawa became a famous musician.
我唯有像歌迷那样,偷偷看他 I could only admire him from afar...
直到前几天... Until a few days ago.
我以前的女朋友也叫MINI I had a girlfriend with the same name.
他一点都不认得我了 He didn't recognize me!
你别这样,都到了这地步 Take it easy.
我该怎样做你才会好过点? How can I help?
让我咬一口行吗? Can I have a bite?
行 Sure!
谢谢你 Thanks.
我现在心里舒服多了 I feel better now.
那就好了,早点睡吧 Good. Go to bed.
晚安 Good night.
你真好人呀 You're a nice guy.
早安! Good morning!
别把东西吃光,留点给我 Don't eat everything. Leave some for me.
糟啦...有四套刀不见了! I'm missing 4 pairs of knives.
五套! 5 pairs!
五套? 5?
对,是五套 Yes.
你怎么知道,你拿了? You took them?
卖光了 I sold them.
卖光?! What?
你贱价卖光我的刀? You must've sold them cheaply.
我的刀很贵,一万五千円一套 Each pair is worth 15,000 Yen.
你卖多少钱? How much did you sell them for?
一万八 18,000
五套才卖一万八千円,有没有搞错? For all 5 pairs? You crazy?
亏大本啦! I lost big!
是每套 No. For each pair.
拿来! Give me.
走... Go...
上车呀! Get in!
我减肥 I'm on a diet.
减什么肥?吃点东西吧 You? Why torture yourself?
我好不容易找到一份新工作 I finally found a job.
我老板又那么好人 My boss is sweet.
这次我下决心要重新做人 I've decided to start a new life.
恭喜你,做什么工作? Congratulations! What's the job?
帮你卖刀 Selling knives for you.
神经病!帮我卖刀? For me? You crazy?
是呀,你几时发工资给我? When do I get my salary?
发你个头! Yeah right!
欢迎! Welcome!
走吧 Let's go.
干什么? Why?
好香呀! It smells good.
坐吧,难道找家臭的吗? That's why we're here!
我不客气了 Bon appetite!
(烧牛肉) Beef Teriyaki
一百七十八个卡路里 170 calories.
猪扒 Pork Chop.
青椒 Green pepper.
可以吃啦! Ready!
别引诱我吧 Don't tempt me.
明知我在减肥,你就别引诱我呀 I'm trying to lose weight!
惹火了我,你就大难临头 If I lose control it won't be pretty.
我现在没钱了,你会后悔的 You'll regret it.
好吃,好吃 Delicious.
我吃起来会失控的 My appetite is huge.
你负担不起,一定破产的 Once I start I can't stop
你别再引诱我呀! Don't tempt me!
我真会狂吃不停,不知饱呀! Or else I'll start ordering!
好吃,好吃 Delicious.
还引诱我?我叫东西吃了! Still won't stop?
我乱叫了,全部都要! I'll get everything in the menu!
不好意思 Sorry.
开玩笑的,不好意思,对不起... I'm just kidding.
你还引诱我? Stop that!
我哪里有呀? What?
干嘛吃得津津有味? Stop making sounds!
多难吃呀! I'm not!
还吃得津津有味! You are!
你闭上眼吧,不见就没事了 Close your eyes!
你还引诱我! You're doing it again!
不吃啦!真讨厌! Fine.
不好意思,来一瓶清酒 One sake please.
好,要几只杯子? How many cups?
两只 Two.
好吃! Delicious!
胖子,我好开心呀! I'm so happy, fatso!
开心就要喊出来! You have to let it out!
怎么喊? How?
你肚皮向前顶,手向后弯... You have to stick your stomach out.
我好开心啊! I'm so happy!
对,就是这样... That's it!
你高兴喊多远就喊多远 Yell as loud as you want.
多大声就多大声,来! Let yourself go!
我要忘记过去! I want to forget the past!
做个开心的肥婆! I want to be happy!
黑川,我不爱你了! I don't love you, Kurokawa!
你死心吧,再见! I'm over with you!
饭岛爱,我不爱你了,你死心吧! I'm over with you, Angelina Jolie!
再见! Good-bye!
(黑川龙也将于十月迎娶工藤惠美) "Superstar Kurokawa to wed Kudo in October"
你为什么开车啊? Pull over!
你乱兜圈子干什么? Stop making circles.
兜来兜去...浪费汽油! Stop! You're wasting gas!
我叫你别乱兜圈,不是叫你直冲呀! I didn't mean to go straight!
你疯够了没有?还来! You lost your mind?
昨天你不是很潇洒,说不再爱他吗? You did it yesterday.
把他忘得一干二净了? You put him behind you!
现在人家结婚关你屁事! Who cares if he's getting married?
早该料到会有今天了 It's bound to happen.
你死心吧! Let it go!
你去哪里... Where are you going?
前面不是路呀! There's no road!
不是路呀! There's no road!
我叫你死心,不是叫你去死! "Let it go" doesn't mean killing yourself!
海呀!海呀... The ocean!
海呀!我无辜的! I'm innocent!
"朋友号"也是无辜的! My car is innocent!
我真的放不下呀 I can't forget him.
我真的很爱... I really really...
很爱我的男朋友呀 慢慢来... really love my boyfriend.
放得下的... Take it easy.
山盟海誓骗人的 It'll go away.
他现在要结婚,把我忘了... What we had was a lie.
他没福气,他丢了宝! He's getting married. He forgot me.
来... He doesn't know better.
看着我,来 Come on.
来,深呼吸... Look at me.
是不是好点? Take a deep breath.
鼻涕都流出来了 Feeling better?
来,擦干净 Your nose is running.
自己拿着 Clean it up.
听音乐... Keep it.
今天很荣幸请来名音乐家黑川龙也先生 Let's hear the radio.
黑川先生,谢谢 "My guest today is musician Mr. Kurokawa."
关掉它... "Thank you."
不许关... 好... I'll turn it off.
黑川先生,恭喜你即将结婚 --No... --Fine.
恭喜! "Congratulations on the good news."
谢谢 Congratulations!
这个问题,我是代表全国不甘心的女性 Thanks.
包括我自己发问的 All my listeners want to ask the same question.
请问... I'm one of them.
你一生中最爱的女人是谁? Tell me...
一定是工藤小姐了 Who's the love of your life?
黑川先生? It has to be Ms. Kudo.
混蛋!他又在想那个女人! Mr. Kurokawa?
我一生最爱的人... He's at it again...
是十年前的女朋友 The love of my life...
你当我这未婚妻是什么?! is a girl I knew 10 years ago.
直播中...直播中呀... I'm your fiancee. How dare you!
黑川先生 On air...On air...
黑川先生? Mr. Kurokawa.
MINI,如果你听到的话 Mr. Kurokawa?
我想告诉你 Mini, I hope you can hear this.
十年前,我们在铁塔下说的话 I want you to know,
我没有忘记 the vow we made at the tower...
我觉得你这次去美国 I never forgot it.
我们就没有机会再见了 I worry that after you go to the States,
如果我们真的失散了 I'll never see you again.
那十年后今天,二零零一年九月三十日... If we ever become lost,
我们再来这里相见 10 years from now on Sept. 30th 2001,
死啦!死啦... let's meet again here.
干什么...又疯了? I'm dead!
原来他没忘掉我 What's wrong?
他还爱我,怎么办? What should I do that he still loves me?
没事...你去见他就行了 Just go see him.
我现在这样子,怎么见他? How can I go with the way I look?
我该死! I messed up!
我没福气!我要死呀! I'd rather die!
又来? Again?
不要! No!
你冷静点! Calm down!
不要... No...
有办法...有办法... I got an idea...
减肥! Go on a diet!
你会帮我吗? You'll help me?
帮... Sure.
不会食言? You'll keep your words?
不会... Of course.
勾手指 Promise?
打印! Deal!
非常抱歉,真的帮不了你 Sorry I can't help you.
半年减一百磅已不容易 Losing 100 lbs. in 6 months is difficult.
要减二百磅,简直是"不可能的任务" Losing 200 lbs. is "Mission lmpossible"!
"不可能的任务",走吧 lt's "Mission lmpossible". Let's go.
肥婆,光看不会瘦的,走吧 You won't get thin just by staring!
自找麻烦 Troublemaker!
肥婆,别搞人家东西 You're gonna break it!
下来呀,走! Let's go! Come on!
还要搞? Won't quit?
你弄坏了我真的没钱赔呀 I can't afford any damage!
我求求你,拜托了... I beg you.
走吧! Let's go!
你忘掉所有事情吧 Forget everything.
当没事发生过,走 Pretend they never happened.
乖乖的走,来 Come.
这是街上呀 We're out side.
很多人看着,好丢脸的 Everyone's watching!
你走吧! Let's go!
你还来? Will you stop?
现在不是我不帮你 I want to help you.
是专家说不行,不是我不帮 But you heard the expert.
我欠你的?我上辈子欠你吗? Why are you doing this to me?
勾过手指就当真?你都白痴! So what if we had a deal?
我忍你很久了,把车匙给我 Give me the car key.
拿来! Give me!
拿来!拿来! Come on!
你敢放进嘴巴,我敲掉你的牙! I'll break your teeth if you eat it.
你走不走? Are you coming?
妈的! Damn!
肥婆! Fatty!
早安! Good morning!
下车... Get out...
你回来了! You're back!
胖子! Fatsol
你还没死? You're not dead?
来... Come...
这里... Here...
这件事你们明白了 This is the problem.
半年减二百磅,有什么办法? How can she lose 200 lbs. in 6 months?
我有... I know.
白粉强,别跟我说是吸毒 Don't say drugs, Cocaine Ken.
那当我没说过 Then I pass.
胖子,你说 How about you?
让她吞下一条蛔虫 She can swallow a tapeworm.
她吃多少,那条虫吸多少 lt'll absorb whatever she eats.
什么营养都没了,一定瘦 She'll lose weight fast.
这样...半年能减多少磅? How much?
照我经验... Based on my experience,
瘦四十磅一定没问题 at least 40 lbs.
四十磅... 40 lbs.
胖子,你说 Any ideas?
灌肠,不怕辛苦早晚一次,包减三十五磅 Try getting an enema. She'll lose 35 lbs.
那我的虫怎样?胖子... But that'll kill my worm!
你的虫有勾嘛,胖子 Your worm can survive it.
胖子,你说 Your turn.
我家有条祖传秘方 I know a secret medicine.
专用来去湿,泻油,排毒... lt helps digestion,
通便,消脂肪的 and cleans up the intestine.
一天泻五次,包减三十五磅 Take it 5 times a day and she'll lose 35 lbs.
三十五... 35 lbs...
那我的虫怎样,胖子? But that'll kill my worml
都说你的虫有勾了 Told you the worm will live.
别老想着那条虫,胖子 Stop worrying about the worm.
加起来百一磅,还剩九十磅... Total is 110 lbs. 90lbs. Left...
随缘乐助,每人多负责一点吧 Can you each adopt more?
我要二十磅! 20 lbs.l
你二十磅,我二十五磅! 25 lbs. for mel
你二十五磅,真慷慨 How nice.
胖子多少我多少! I'll match that.
厉害! Cooll
凑起来...还剩二十磅 Still 20 lbs. left.
胖子...你们再加十磅可以吧? Can you each adopt 10 more?
找条大点的,不择食的... I'll find a bigger worm...
让她吞下去 and make her swallow it.
我下重药量,一天泻十次,包搞定 I'll increase the dosage.
那我的虫... But my worm...
都说你的虫有勾了! Told you it'll livel
给我筷子 Give me my chopsticks.
没问题就散会,各自行动 lf you're fine with this we'll call it a day.
搞定 All donel
走吧! Let's go.
时间不多... There's no time left...
你少做点吧,鬼上身似的 Don't get too excited.
时间不多... There's no time left...
趁热喝 Drink it.
真的那么难喝? lt tastes that bad?
倒掉它,不是人喝的! Dump it!
不!不要... No!
会拉肚子吗? lt'll give me diarrhea?
拉! Yes!
一定拉? For sure?
拉! Yes!
拉了! I have to go!
太棒啦!我拉了... This is greatl
是不是?拉了 See? lt works.
别动...我会刺错 Stay still.
哪痛成这样子? lt hurts that much?
感像疗法 Yogal
问世间,情为何物? What people will do for lovel
这么笨的事也做得出来! What did you do to her?
你们有没有常识? Where's your common sense?
别担心,胖子 Don't worry, fatso.
西医不行,我们就自己来 We can help Mini ourselves.
这个胖子会脚底按摩 He knows foot massage.
这个胖子会感像疗法 He knows Yoga.
我会针灸 I know acupuncture!
我还有条秘方,专治奇难杂症 I have a secret medicine.
还可以起死回生呢 lt cures everythingl
回去打麻将吧 Go play your Mahjongl
也好 Why notl
想想办法帮帮肥婆吧 Think of ways to help Mini.
胖子,别翻肥婆的东西 Don't touch her stuff.
有了,找一张女明星海报来 Let's get a poster.
性感女郎那种 A sexy centerfold.
贴到柱上,激励她 That'll motivate her.
饭岛爱吧 How about Angelina Jolie?
她隆过胸,还是小沢圆正点 I like Drew Barrymore.
小沢圆,太婴儿肥了 But she has baby fat.
未必行得通,我有张相片 I have a good one.
有这个呀 How about this?
是肥婆呀! lt's Minil
是呀,是肥婆 Yeah.
来... Here.
有多大放多大 Blow it up.
快点... Quick.
你是不是有问题? What's wrong with you?
哪有问题! Me?
没有?你这么帮她,还出钱出力? Why are you helping her?
香港人帮香港人嘛 We're all from Hong Kong.
我也是香港人,来张万子吧 I'm too. I want Character.
给你! Here!
碰! Pong!
九张! 9 tiles.
香港人帮香港人,我要筒子 Help your own people. I want Circle.
碰! Pong!
九张 9 tiles.
香港人帮香港人,我等索子 Help your own people. I want Bamboo.
上!九张! Chow! 9 tiles.
有没有听过那日本人的歌? Ever heard of Kurokawa's songs?
哪有贝多芬好 Beethoven's more talented.
碰! Pong!
十二张 12 tiles.
他有没有钱呢? ls he rich?
比尔盖兹还差得远呢 Bill Gate makes more money.
六筒 6 Dots.
碰!十二张 Pong! 12 tiles!
他人品怎样? ls he a nice guy?
我比较尊敬德兰修女 Mother Teresa is a better role model.
六索 6 Dots.
上!十二张! Chow! 12 tiles!
他红不红? ls he popular?
红不红很难说,国宝嘛 He's more like a national treasure.
你会不会这样形容中国的熊猫? You mean like pandas?
红中...给钱,大四喜! Red! The Four Happiness!
香港人帮香港人?你们都白痴! You think I'll help you?
我当然有"问题"啦! Of course not!
来,给钱... Pay up...
干什么,肥婆?你偷走? Why did you come back?
医生说我营养不良 Doctor said I have malnutrition.
要我吃营养餐呀 He want me to eat a nutritious meal,
又要替我止泻 and to stop diarrhea for me
又要我吊葡萄糖水 then let me to hang the glucose water
还要把我肚里的虫弄出来 He even tried to kill the tapeworm!
你没告诉他你在减肥吗? You told him you're losing weight?
有呀...我说了三次,他都不理我 3 times! He didn't care.
三次...把水擦干! Dry your hair.
不是擦地板呀! Not the floor!
真是冤孽! This is a curse!
快点! Faster!
不行呀胖子... 快点! --That's not enough... --Faster!
大声点,你现在是魔鬼教练呀! Louder! You're now my trainer!
快点! Faster!
大声点呀! Louder!
快点呀! Faster!
对...这个音量很好 Right!, This volume is very good
好就快点!快点! That's perfect! then run faster!
快点! Faster! Faster!
好爽呀!打多几下! That feels good!
我喜欢!.....快! --I like it! --Faster!
1, 2, 3, 4 1, 2, 3, 4
2, 2, 3, 4 2, 2, 3, 4
乖!加油! Keep it up!
1, 2, 3, 4 1, 2, 3, 4
我要喝水 I need water.
这么急? Slow down.
快点!快点! Quick!
快点呀!快! Quick!
什么事? What?
什么事? What is it?
怎么了? What?
你看,你看看 Look.
瘦了! I'm thinner!
六十磅?快啦快啦!你看肥婆! 60 lbs? You're getting there!
不得了啦,快去告诉胖子 I have to tell the guys.
胖子... Fatso!
你看 Look!
胖子!胖子... Fatso!
你看 Look!
不要啦 Come on!
不用害羞,好事嘛 Don't be shy. lt's good news.
胖子... Fatso.
你看! Look!
肥婆有喜啦? ls she pregnant?
瘦啦! She lost weight!
瘦了? Really?
白粉强,你看 Look, Cocaine Ken.
几个月了? How many months?
是几磅,六十多磅啦! No. She lost 60 lbs.
胖子! Fatso!
恭喜恭喜,继续努力! Congratulations! Keep it up!
你看! Look!
不是有了,是瘦了 She's not pregnant, but thinner.
小姐... Miss.
瘦了也没你的份 What's it to you?
人家老婆呀 She's not yours anyway.
这么开心,傻蛋! What a fool!
肥婆,你在干什么? What are you doing?
你干什么?拿来! What are you doing?
不给! 拿来呀! --No! --Give me!
不给! No!
你在减肥,知不知道? You're on a diet.
我不减了! I give up!
上次减了几十磅 I lost 60 lbs. last time.
现在整个月一点也没瘦 But I haven't made any progress since.
第一阶段是这样的! The first stage was easier.
我好辛苦呀! I'm worn out!
调整期要撑住!你要撑住呀! Now you have to stick to it.
我要吃呀! Don't stop me!
肥婆...肥婆你别吃呀! You can't eat!
不要前功尽废!肥婆! You can't give up now!
不用翻了,那里没吃的东西 There's no food there.
肥婆,你坏到要偷钱? Stealing money now?
包呀!我要肉包... Give me a bun!
我有钱,快给我肉包! I have money!
不准卖肉包给她! Don't do it!
你卖给她就是跟我作对 Don't get me upset!
你是不是要跟我作对? You want to see me upset?
你这样我很难做呀 What should I do?
你有种就卖给她! I dare you!
我要向老板交代呀 I have a business to run.
你当我的话是耳边风? Did you hear what I said?
胖子,先给她解馋吧 Give her a break!
这事与你无关,走! lt's none of your business!
总之一句话 Listen up.
谁卖东西给她,天皇都不给面子! Anyone helping her will have to answer to me!
不要吞! Don't swallow it!
吞了你就回不了头!瘦不了! Or there's no turning back.
减肥好辛苦呀 Losing weight is hard!
我知道 I know.
你哪知道?你餐餐大鱼大肉! How would you know if you eat all the time?
好,我陪你一起减 Okay, I'll join you.
我们一班胖子全陪你一起减 We'll all go on a diet!
又关我们的事? Why are we involved?
以后说话别这么肯定! Don't be so sure next time!
我也帮! I'll help!
听听,大家多帮你 See? Everyone wants to help.
你要帮自己呀! You shouldn't give up!
来 Come on.
吐出来 Spit it out.
吐吧 Come on.
我们要瘦! We'll get thinner!
一定要成功! We will succeed!
我们要人见人爱! We want to be popular!
我们要努力! Go for it!
减什么肥? What's the point?
自讨苦吃 lt's asking for trouble.
不吃东西,不如去死 I'd rather die.
好难吃呀! lt tastes awfull
是吗?让我尝尝你的 Let me try it.
好呀 Sure.
我的更难吃,你尝尝 Mine's worse. Try it.
不是吧? You serious?
真的好难吃 You're right!
深更半夜跳弹床?鬼附身了 Bouncing off the trampoline at night?
出事了... This is out of control!
真是冤孽 lt's fate!
祝你好运! Good luck!
谢谢你,胖子 Thanks, fatso!
黑川先生 Kurokawa!
MINI小姐 Mini!
你瘦了 You've lost weight.
停! Cut!
怎么了? What?
你看什么? What are you looking at?
楼下不准停车,抄牌呀 I may get a parking ticket.
现在彩排,你认真点好吗? This is a rehearsal. Focus!
怎么认真?我又不是那个黑川先生 How? I'm not Kurokawa.
这个塔又不是那个塔 We're not at the tower.
你对白肉麻得要命,哪是人说的? And your lines are cheesy.
你真情一点表白嘛 Try to get into it.
你为我幸福着想好不好? Do it for me.
好,随便吧,来 Fine. Whatever.
下去重新开始 We'll try again.
有没有搞错,在这里吧 Let's just do it here.
怎能这么马虎? Can you be more serious?
那怎样? What?
随便吧,转过头去 Fine. Turn your head over.
开始! Action!
黑川先生 Kurokawa.
MINI小姐 Mini.
你瘦了 You've lost weight.
我好想你 I miss you!
以后...别离开我 Don't ever leave me.
黑川先生! Kurokawa!
停! Cut!
行不行? How was it?
好,再来一个更好的 We can do better.
开始! Action!
黑川先生 Kurokawa.
MINI小姐 Mini.
你瘦了 You've lost weight.
我好想你 I miss you!
以后...别离开我 Don't ever leave me!
黑川先生! Kurokawa!
我爱你! I love you!
我也爱你! I love you too!
这次演得可以吧 How's this take?
演得很好 lt's an okay take.
刚才我加那句"我爱你"真棒 I improvised the line "I love you".
我那句"我也爱你"也接得不错呀 "I love you too" was a good touch
简直专业呢 We're like pros.
给抄牌了 You got a ticket.
是呀 Yeah.
为什么我们会这样,胖子? What happened to us?
月圆吧...影响了荷尔蒙 Must be the full moon effect.
光天化日呀 But it's daylight.
可能我们吃了减肥东西 Must be the diet food we ate.
我看过成分,都是化学东西 The ingredient contains chemicals.
有副作用 lt causes side effects
那么我们没事吧? So we're okay?
没事没事,不用担心 Sure. Don't worry.
晚安 Good night
我们出事啦! What's happening to us?
事态严重! This is serious!
为什么我会变成这样? What have I turned into?
勾三搭四,淫娃荡妇... I'm having an affair!
不...不能这样说自己 Don't blame yourself.
人之常情嘛 We're only human.
几个月了,朝夕相处 We've been together for months.
日久生情很自然的 Of course there's attraction.
我们都是血肉之躯 We're made of flesh and blood.
七情六欲理所当然,对不对? How can we not have feelings for each other ?
死啦! I'm dead!
不用死...有办法! Come on. Here's an idea.
这里放一桶水 We'll put a bucket here.
然后你赶快多穿几条裤子 You'll wear extra pants.
再加一道帘 Then we add a screen.
又哭了...肥婆! Don't cry.
你让我想一想嘛 Let me think.
来,你转过身去 Turn around.
转过去,看那边 Face the wall.
我们背靠背,不看对方就没事了 We'll be okay if we don't face each other.
胖子,你在做什么? What are you doing?
干嘛? Why?
我有点想你 I miss you.
我也是 Me too.
那怎么办? What should we do?
这样吧... Then...
你走 You leave.
胖子,你不要我了? You don't want me here?
不是 No.
我打算明天带你去减肥医院 Tomorrow I'll take you to the weight-loss center.
我早就想过了 I gave this some thoughts.
还有一个月,减八十多磅的确很难 lt's hard to lose 80 lbs. in one month
不找专家不行的 We need professiona! help.
其实我现在已经不错了 But I've made progress.
不一定要减到十年前的水平 I'm fine with the way I am.
尽力而为吧,能减多少算多少 Just keep trying.
如果因为我胖了一点就不要我 lf Kurokawa despises me because I'm fat,
这种人我才不稀罕 then he's not worth it.
能完美一点就完美一点吧 The more perfect the better.
这样,明天一早就去 We'll leave tomorrow morning.
那我们过得了今晚吗? How about tonight?
不睡觉,等天亮 We'll stay up.
我好困呀 But I'm tired.
你睡吧,我不睡 Then you sleep.
那辛苦你了 Thank you.
根本是个骗钱的地方 This place is a rip-off!
物有所值 lt's worth it.
走啦...别刷啦! Don't use your card.
物有所值... lt's worth it...
胖子,我花掉你很多钱了 I spent a lot of your money.
有多少?我们这些冰山一角 lt's nothing.
只是点皮毛,小意思 I can afford it.
拜托你们了! Please help her.
是! Yes!
加油! Try your best!
胖子,记得来看我呀! Remember to visit me!
行啦! Sure!
要我打,真的下不了手 I don't think I can do it.
这样糟塌自己来赚钱? Why be a human punch bag?
听说他欠很多债,有一亿多 I hear he owes a huge debt.
一点尊严也没有! Where's his dignity?
若是我,宁愿做牛郎! I'd rather be a gigolo.
你想得美! 我当然想! --You wish! --I do!
别看了,这么残忍,找东西吃 I've seen enough. Let's eat.
来呀!一千円打一分钟! 1,000 Yen a minute! Everyone's welcome!
一千円打一分钟! 1,000 Yen a minute!
喊破喉咙都没生意 There's no business.
不如收摊吧,胖子 Let's close up.
不如去吃东西 We should go eat.
一分钟,九百円! 900 Yen a minute!
八百円,一分钟! 800 Yen a minute!
一分钟,七百円! 700 Yen a minute!
六百円一分钟! 600 Yen a minute!
两分钟...五百円! 500 Yen...for 2 minutes!
我报名! I'm in!
胖子,我刷卡签了很多账 I signed many bills.
这里样样都要收费 Everything here costs money!
只是小意思吧 That's nothing.
不是小意思呀 What?
用条毛巾都要八百円呀 A towel costs 800 Yen!
不贵嘛,吃条鱼也要八百円呀 A dish of sashimi costs the same.
不是的,这里东西真的很贵呀 Things here are really expensive!
贵不贵,因人而异 Not for people like us!
对我们来说,只是冰山一角 It doesn't bother me.
鸡毛蒜皮,有多贵? I can afford it.
小意思而已 It's nothing!
胖子... Fatso...
这次发财啦! Look at the money we made!
对...他们就在那边摆摊 That's right...A human punch bag...
你在干什么? What are you doing?
对不起,我只是拍一会儿 We'd like to shoot a little.
真的发火啦,走呀! Let's scram!
吃完了没有? Did you take it?
胖子,你怎么不来看我? Why won't you come, fatso?
我去北海道吃蟹嘛 I went to Hokkaido to eat crabs.
又去北海道? Again?
你上次不是说去北海道吃蟹吗? You said the same thing last time.
上次是吃松叶蟹 Last time was snow crab.
这次是去吃长脚蟹,不同的 This time it's baby crab.
我瘦了很多呀 I've lost weight.
你周末来看我吧 Come see me this weekend.
不行,我要去... But I'm going to...
又去北海道? Hokkaido again?
你是不是有事,不能来见我? Are you hiding something from me?
行...马上到!明晚就到! I'll come tomorrow.
肥婆,不用等我了 Don't wait for me, fatty.
我在北海道吃蟹 I'm at Hokkaido
是呀 Yes.
这次不同,是吃毛蟹 I'm having soft-shell crab.
上菜了,不跟你说了,再见 The food's here. Bye.
一分钟一千円! 1,000 Yen a minute!
"唐山有个马永贞" "There was this warrior."
"他拳头如斗大" "His fists are like rocks."
"他真威风" "He is really powerful!"
"他把恶霸大打特打" "The bad guys are no matches for him."
"打得个个屁滚尿流地上爬..." "They're beaten to the ground."
很晚了,该休息了 lt's too late.
请你快走吧! Please leave it soon!
我要关灯了! I'm turning the lights off.
白粉强,胖子在哪里? Where's fatso, Cocaine Ken?
在火车站摆摊 He's at the train station.
摆摊?摆什么摊? What for?
卖刀? Selling knives?
给人打 Human punch bag!
这傻胖子挣钱给那肥婆减肥 He's making money for Mini to lose weight.
收一千円让人打一分钟 1,000 Yen a minute.
美女,你是谁?怎会认识我? Who are you? How do you know me?
好正点! Gorgeous!
胖子,来吧! fatso, come on!
佐佐木先生! Next!...Mr. Sasaki!
让我们以热烈掌声,欢迎佐佐木先生! Applause for Mr. Sasaki!
物有所值呀! It's worth it!
什么物有所值? What's worth it?
肥婆啊! It's fatty!
肥婆? Fatty?
她是肥婆?看看... ls it really her?
真是肥婆呀! Yes! It's really her.
完全变样了! She's changed completely!
好正点呀! Fabulous!
欢迎回家! Welcome home!
来... Come...
这个给我 Let me take that.
干什么? What?
行呀!完全一样! Yes! Exactly the same!
差点忘了 Almost forgot.
换上它 Put it on.
来,拿着 Take it.
来... Here...
胖子,明晚我不想去 I don't want to go tomorrow night.
好漂亮呀! Beautiful!
你要出去? Going out?
是呀,约了那帮胖子打牌 Yes,it's Mahjong night.
明天要走了 I'm leaving tomorrow.
今晚还不杀他们个片甲不留? I want to win tonight.
告诉你,最近我鸿运当头 I've been on a winning streak.
每次都赢三十多万円呢 Everytime can win about three hundred thousand yen!
你牙齿怎么了? What's wrong with your tooth?
吃蟹咬崩了 Chipped it while eating crabs.
我明晚不想去 I don't want to go tomorrow night.
怎么? Why?
不喜欢你男朋友? Don't like your boyfriend?
你早点睡吧 Go to bed.
明天一早我来接你,肥婆 I'll pick you up tomorrow, fatty.
现在不能叫你肥婆了 Guess I can't call you "fatty" anymore.
就这样 That's all.
祝你好运! Good luck!
我以后怎样找你? How will I find you?
我也不知会去哪里 I'm always on the move.
可惜我们都没有手机 Too bad we don't have cell phones.
不然就可以交换电话 Otherwise we can exchange numbers.
随缘吧,我要找你,一定能找到 But I know I'll find you.
又不是小孩子,走吧 We're not kids. Go on.
去吧 Go on!
胖子,一直这样叫你,不知你叫什么名 I kept calling you fatso. What's your real name?
我名字好土的 My name sounds stupid.
我这种胖子,有名字还是叫胖子 People like us are always called fatso.
你叫我胖子吧 You can call me fatso.
谢谢你,胖子 Thanks, fatso.
黑川十年前的女友MINI终于出现了! Kurokawa's girlfriend Mini is finally here!
以后不要再离开我 Don't ever leave me.
我爱你! I love you!
本年度最感人肺腑的场面呀! The most touching moment of the year!
恭喜呀!太棒啦... Congratulations!
混蛋!混蛋! Jerk!
混蛋! Jerk!
工藤小姐在这里呀! Miss Kudou is here!
最后,我代表所有观众祝福你们二位 We wish you love and happiness.
谢谢 Thanks.
停!好! Cut! OK!
谢谢你们接受访问,谢谢 Thanks for the interview.
我们正在剪辑你们的特辑 We're editing your TV special.
希望你们去看一下 Take a look and give us your opinion.
多多指教 Please.
"唐山有个马永贞" "There was this warrior."
"他拳头如斗大" "His fists are like rocks."
"他真威风" "He is really powerful!"
"他把恶霸大打特打" "The bad guys are no matches for him."
"打得个个屁滚尿流地上爬" "They're beaten to the ground."
"没讲就打,迷踪拳一出" "Don't talk just to hit When he throws punches"
"动手动脚,大显神威" It can show magic power that move the hands and feet"
"马永贞大战精武门" He shows who's the boss!
胖子...怎样,胖子? fatso...Are you okay...fatso?
每天挨打几小时 Be beaten a few hours a day!
肥婆又不知道,值得吗? DO you think this is worth it that Fatty does not know?
下一位! Next!
值得! It's worth it!
下一位! Next!
对不起 I'm sorry.
很高兴请到名作家MINI小姐接受访问 Today we have popular author Mini on the show.
恭喜你的「瘦身的幸福」荣登畅销榜冠军 Congratulations. "Happy Dieting" is now a best a seller.
谢谢 Thank you.
书中提到吞蛔虫减肥方法是真的? ln the book,you mentioned swallowing tapeworm. ls it true?
是真的 Yes. lt's true.
好可怕呀 Sounds scary.
但是很有效 But it works.
负心人! Cheater!
狐狸精! foxtrel!
怎么我的点心还没来? Where's my dessert?
麻烦你 Excuse me.
为什么我的面还没来? Where's my pasta?
工藤小姐! Ms. Kudo!
黑川先生! Mr. Kurokawa!
这个你的,这是我的... This is yours, this is mine...
我要那个... I want this...
谢谢 Thank you.
不用客气 You're welcome.
找到了你男朋友没有? Have you found your boyfriend?
还没有,不过我会努力 Not yet. But I'll keep trying.
你瘦了 You've lost weight.
好想你 I missed you.
"瘦身的幸福" Happy Dieting
不要离开我 Don't ever leave me.
要不要打个印? Promise?
最好 Promise.
我们要减肥! We will lose weight!
我门一定要成功! We will succeed!
我们要人见人爱! We want to be popular!