MUSIC AND LAUGHTER
PHONE RINGS
Samaritans.
Can I help you?
It's OK, you don't have to talk yet.
Take your time.
My name's Joe.
What do I call you?
Mick.
I'm glad you called us, Mick.
What's on your mind?
Is there something you'd like to talk through?
FIREWORKS EXPLODE
OUTSIDE: Happy New Year!
FIREWORKS, CHEERING
It's mad, innit?
It's New Year's Eve.
Usually I love it.
So, what's different this year?
Me and my wife have split up.
It's over. 30 years, and we're done.
That must be hard.
Happens all the time though, don't it?
You know, marriages, they always break up.
It's rife.
What with the lockdown and everything else,
I'm sure there's thousands of couples, just like us.
I don't know why I'm bothering you, really. I feel a bit silly.
I'm sure you've got more important things to do.
I'm just a middle-aged man,
feeling sorry for himself on New Year's Eve.
Sounds like you've been going through a difficult time.
CHILDREN'S VOICES ECHO FAINTLY
I reckon it's the sleep.
It's the sleep. I just can't sleep.
How do you mean? You know, I lay there...
..looking at the ceiling for hours.
My wife...
..just laying there beside me, sound-o.
You talked to her about it?
So, what did you do Christmas? Tell us all about it.
Beer, Xbox...
..pile of burnt turkey.
Got a takeaway in the end.
SHE CHUCKLES
I definitely want to come back next year, though.
You know, we should get Nancy and Johnny,
do it proper, old school, as a family.
Yeah.
Where's Ollie?
He's with your nan.
We wanted to focus on you today.
Why?
What's wrong?
It's hard.
We got a lot on.
We're busy.
Getting things done.
So why now?
After all these years?
We can't stay together, just cos of you kids, you know.
You know, never works.
You just... You need to trust us.
Right? We done everything we could.
But, but... Yeah, that magic...
..that special thing is just gone.
So...
..what now?
Erm... I'm...
I'm going to take some time out.
Go away, you know? Have a break.
Where?
New Zealand. To see Nancy?
Yeah.
Just you?
Not Dad?
You're not going on your own, are you?
Like what, Mick?
My kids, they rely on me.
They look up to me.
And now I've got nothing left to offer.
I used to be their hero,
and now I'm just a disappointment.
Why do you think they'll be disappointed in you?
Oh, I'm a disappointment, don't you worry about that.
Hold on a minute, don't defend her,
when she's been cheating on you, Dad!
After everything he's been through with his anxiety,
and putting up with your boozing? No, no, it wasn't cheating. I said it was all right.
I gave her permission.What? It weren't quite like that...
No, I mean, I said if that's what you wanted.Why would you do that?
Because there's some things I couldn't give her and he could.
Oh, yeah? Like what? A couple of STDs?
I don't really want to talk about it, because there's certain things
a father and a son, you know, even me and you...
So you're just going to let her swan off to New Zealand with Ollie, are ya? She's not.
Are you?
I was going to tell you, I...
This is messed up.
This is a mess, this is. It's not her.
It's not her, it's me.
It's me, I've done this. Where you going?
Mick!
You can't blame yourself.
I don't blame her.
She had an affair and that was down to me.
That must have been really hurtful.
Let me tell you something now -
she's the one who's been hurt, not me.
And it's not for the first time, I've been doing this all my life.
I've been pushing people away since I was a kid.
I had this mate, when I was in care.
He was a lovely kid.
He invited me to his birthday,
and I knocked him back.
A nice gesture from a lovely kid, and I threw it back in his face.
I ain't changed.
What makes you think about that now?
You're missing the point.
It's not about the kid, it's not about my wife,
it's about me. I push them away.
I didn't fight for her, and I didn't fight for my family.
It's good that you can see your part in the break-up, but...
..discovering a partner's been unfaithful can be tough.
You're not listening to me, Joe, are ya?
It's not down to her.
Answer me this - would you want a husband that can't have sex?
It's pathetic.
I pushed her away, when she was trying to help me.
I can't give her what she needs.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about New Zealand.
I didn't know how to say it.
How you'd react.
When are you going?
Tomorrow.
It's just for four weeks, though.
Mick?
It's fine.
It's not fine, obviously.
Look, Lee...
..Lee thinks you're depressed.
That you're not well.
Is that true?
I can help.
Right? I want to help.
Look, I won't go if you don't want me to.
I'll talk to Max, call the whole thing off.
No, don't.
You've got a plan, you stick to it.
Don't you care?
Mick?
What difference does it make?
I'm weak.
What makes you think you're weak?
Someone told me I was weak and insecure.
And they was right.
Who was this?
A girl.
A girl?
Yeah, it's not like that, she's...
She's someone who I thought was my...
I thought she might have been a...
Might have been?
My daughter.
You thought this girl was...
Frankie.
Frankie was your daughter?
She's the daughter of a friend of mine, who I met in care.
And I got it wrong.
So are you still in touch with this friend?
Katy.
Her name's Katy.
Why do you keep asking me all these questions? I feel like you're trying to get inside my head.
You don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to. Really?
Why do you keep asking me all these questions then about my life? What do you want?
Mick, I... What do you want? You don't know me.
You don't know anything about me.
You don't have to tell me anything, if you don't want to.
I'm just here to help. I've been in this flat for hours, I need to get out.
It's all right. I need some air.
I can't breathe.
There's no need to panic.
I need to breathe.
Let's keep talking, just take your time.
FIREWORKS AND MUSIC
Sounds like you're outside.
This isn't something you have to face alone.
# Oh, yeah, you really got me now... #
Sounds like a party.
# You really got me
# You really got me... #
Right, five minutes. So fill up your glasses.
CHEERING FROM BAR
You don't have to talk, if you don't want to.
I'm here.
I'm not going anywhere.
How you doing now?
I'm here to listen.
Whatever you want to talk about is fine with me.
HE BREATHES SHAKILY
Do you want to say something? Just to let me know you're still there?
I think I'm going to go now.
What's the rush?
Let's talk a little more.
I'm here to help you through this.
I can't.
Why do you think you got so upset earlier?
Talking about Frankie. Being in care.
I had a tough time, years ago. Erm...
I thought I came through it, though.
Has something changed recently?
I met Frankie.
Was that difficult for you?
As soon as I met her, I had this feeling.
What kind of feeling?
It's like a pain.
It's like a pain, and it just won't go away.
What's wrong with me, Joe?
It's all right.
Take your time.
We can talk it through.
I don't want to talk any more.
You're doing just fine.
I can't live like this.
I won't live like this any more.
I'm worried, Mick.
Where are you now?
A few years ago, my eldest boy, Lee...
..he nearly ended his life.
And I couldn't understand it.
But I do now, I get it.
We can carry on talking, Mick.
Can you get somewhere safe?
I just want it to stop.
OK...
Well, before you do something that's...
..irreversible...
..do you think it would help
to get to the bottom of why you feel this way?
I can't.
I'm going to go now.
I want to thank you, though,
thank you for talking to me. I'm so sorry.
Isn't something like this worth a few more minutes?
LEE: Dad?
Dad.
I'm sorry, boy, I didn't want to tell you like this.
Ain't got nothing to be sorry for. This is all Mum. No.
It's not your mum's fault. It's mine, it's mine. What has she done to you?
She hasn't done nothing to me. She's an unbelievable woman,
she's a lovely woman, I don't want you to blame her.Then what is it?
What's going on? Nothing's going on! I'm a geezer that's lost his wife. How do you want me to be?
Dad, listen to me.
Listen to me - you need to talk to Mum,
and you need to tell her the truth about how you're feeling.
How you're really feeling.
Talk to her, talk to her properly, before it's too late, eh?
I can't. Talk to me.
Talk to me now.
I'm here for you.
I'm your son and I love ya, talk to me.
I can't.
You need to talk to someone, because you don't look right.
I should know.
I should know, I've been there, remember?
Exactly where you are now. I know what's it like,
and I know where it leads.
THUNDER
LEE: Dad, talk to someone. Please.
JOE: You said your son, Lee, thought about ending it once.
Aren't you glad he didn't go through with it?
Of course I am! He's the reason why I've called you,
he's the reason, everything he said. Sounds like he loves you very much.
What made Lee decide to give life another chance, do you think?
Because he talked to someone!
Which is what you're doing now.
You've done the right thing, Mick.
You've called us.
I'm talking to you.
I'm listening.
You're not alone.
When did you start having these thoughts?
When I met Frankie...
..and I re-connected with her mum.
And it brought it all back.
When I was a kid, when I was in care...
..and I was lonely,
and I, I just couldn't connect...
..and that's how I feel now. Have you always felt like this?
No!
Not with my Linda.
She saved me, and my kids.
But now?
Now I do,
because I've been talking to Katy.
She's been listening to me, she's been giving me advice.
Has that helped? No!
And I've been listening to every single word that she said,
just like I used to, and it don't work any more!
What did she say?
She told me to keep myself to myself.
Don't talk to anyone else about it.
Keep safe.
Do you feel safe?
Why do you think Katy might have said that?
Mick.
You remember that birthday?
You know, the one I elbowed when I was in care? What about it?
I never really...
I could never really fit in.
You know, I couldn't believe I had a friend.
Katy told me I shouldn't go, that it was all going to go wrong,
they were going to embarrass me, they were going to leave me out.
She told me I'd have more fun round hers.
She told me some bad things about this kid, like, nasty things.
She told me I shouldn't be his friend.
He never spoke to me again.
Why did Katy want you to miss out on something
that you would have enjoyed so much?
I don't know.
She did it with the other kids as well, she was always warning me.
"You'll get hurt. They don't like you.
"They think you're stupid. They don't know you like I know you."
So I always had doubts.
And always with a bellyache.
You know she's the one who told me to leave Linda?
"Let her go, she doesn't understand you,
"don't embarrass yourself, she doesn't care about you."
Why do you think Katy did that?
Why did she do all those things?
To protect me.
You see...
..I've got memories.
I've got a photo.
I was only little, I was only 12.
What did she do?
What did she do, Mick?
I was just a child.
Do you want to tell me what she did?
Can you tell me what she did, Mick?
She abused me.
I'm her victim.
She's been covering it up ever since.