# 如今你似乎只能在电影里看到暴力 在电视上看到性 # # It seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV # ♪ It seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
但那些古老的价值观在哪里？ ♪ But where are those Good old-fashioned values ♪
我们曾经依赖 ♪ On which we used to rely ♪
幸运的是有一个家庭的家伙 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
幸运的是，有一个男人 谁积极地可以做 ♪ Lucky there's a man who Positively can do ♪
所有让我们 ♪ All the things that make us ♪
笑和哭 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪
他是一个家庭的家伙 ♪ He's a family guy ♪
狗娘养的 Son of a bitch.
怎么了，彼得？ What's wrong, Peter?
显然，我们的 IT 人员今天告诉我了、 Eh, our IT guy told me today that, apparently,
从我在那里工作开始，我就有一个工作邮箱。 I've had a work email address ever since I started there.
所以，现在我得费力地阅读 17,000 条信息。 So now I gotta slog through 17,000 messages.
哦，糟糕，我们没必要在 9/11 的时候进来？ Aw, crap, we didn't have to come in on 9/11?
我甚至从来都不喜欢在那个愚蠢的酿酒厂工作。 I never even liked working at that stupid brewery.
我告诉你，这不是我梦想中的工作。 Hardly my dream job, I'll tell you that much.
现在有一个有趣的问题。 Now there's an interesting question.
你梦想的工作是什么？ What would be your dream job?
梦想工作？哦，这很简单。 Dream job? Oh, that's easy.
从小到大 Ever since I was a kid,
我一直幻想自己能成为一名国际间谍。 I always pictured myself being an international spy.
那么，美女，你在房间里拔掉了哪盏灯为手机充电？ So, beautiful, which lamp did you unplug to charge your phone in the room?
我的在浴室里。 Mine's in the bathroom.
你知道，我从来没听过你的名字 You know, I never caught your name.
名字叫 Band。腹带。 The name is Band. Lap Band.
小心点坏人来了 Careful. Here come the bad guys
无论来自哪个国家，都不会冒犯美国或中国观众。 from whatever country won't offend American or Chinese audiences.
你玷污了芬兰人民的名誉，班德先生。 You have dishonored the people of Finland, Mr. Band.
向他开枪吧，内向的高个子朋友们。 Shoot him, fellow tall introverts.
没错。绝对是我嗖！变焦滑雪噪音 Yep. All definitely me. Whoosh! Zoom! Ski noise!
O-- O-- Ozempic ♪ O-- O-- Ozempic ♪
他们给了我们一大笔钱我们无法拒绝 I-- They threw a ton of money at us. We couldn't say no.
好吧嘿，不知道他们找了谁来唱这首歌？ All right. Hey, I wonder who they got to do the song.
Blech. Blech.
当你是间谍 ♪ When you're a spy ♪
♪ You got a lot on your mind ♪ ♪ You got a lot on your mind ♪
You look high and low ♪ You look high and low ♪
你永远不知道你会发现什么 ♪ You never know what you'll find ♪
间谍生活 ♪ Spy life ♪
非常简短。 Mercifully brief.
早上好 555号特工 Good morning, Agent 555.
是啊因为这是电视节目里的一个数字 Ugh, right. 'Cause this is a number on a television show.
我说，你看起来还是那么迷人，塔卡彭妮小姐。 I say, you look as bewitching as ever, Miss Takeapenny.
哦，你没听说吗？我结婚了我现在是塔卡彭尼 -里维彭尼小姐了 Oh, didn't you hear? I got married. I'm now Miss Takeapenny-Leaveapenny.
哇哦幸运的先生 Wow. Lucky gentleman.
我的意思是，因为他可以犁你。 Because he gets to plow you, is what I mean.
如此放荡不羁。 So debonair.
你知道，现在我结婚了，我真的要走了。 You know, now that I'm married, I'm actually leaving.
我在训练接替我的托德 I'm training my replacement Todd.
男秘书？ A male secretary?
好吧，我想我现在只能适应并骚扰他了。 Well, I suppose I'll just have to adapt and harass him now.
小弟弟不错，托德 Nice penis, Todd.
哦，乐队先生 Oh, Mr. Band.
好，很好他知道怎么配合是啊，这是 - 这将工作。 Okay, good. He knows how to play along. Yeah, this is-- This will work.
我知道你有任务给我，M，我只能假设它代表 "人"。 I understand you have a mission for me, M, which I can only assume stands for "Man."
早上好，乐队先生。 Good morning, Mr. Band.
哇哦我的老板就是我为之疯狂的新美人鱼。 Whoa. My boss is the newLittle Mermaid I'm so mad about.
波段先生，我们有报告称，有人计划拦截一个欧洲核装置 Mr. Band, we have reports of a plan to intercept a European nuclear device
由反派主谋 Blofella 所为。 by the villainous mastermind Blofella.
或者是M -H -M 你的发音是 "嗯哼" Got it, M. Or is it maybe M-H-M, and-and you pronounce it, "Mm-hmm."
M 没问题。 M is fine.
好吧时代不同了 我得跟上时代的步伐 Okay, yeah. No-- I-- Times have changed and I-- I gotta-- I need to catch up.
哦。嘿，Q Oh. Hey, Q.
嘿，你看到 M 是谁了吗？ Hey, have you seen who M is?
顺便说一句，我完全支持这一点。 Which I totally support by the way.
事实上，这是我的想法，也是我为之奋斗的目标。 In fact, it was my idea, and I fought for it.
- 你应该听到我说的- 好吧 - You should have heard me. - Okay.
让我带你看看执行任务所需的尖端设备吧。 Just let me show you the cutting-edge equipment you'll need for your mission.
首先，我有一个冰箱，可以显示今天的头条新闻。 First, I have this fridge that displays today's headlines.
你刚去百思买了？ Did-- Did you just go to Best Buy?
不，我还有一副耳机，可以阻隔周围的飞机噪音。 No. I also have these headphones that block out ambient plane noise.
是啊，你 - 你只是去百思买。 Yeah, you ju-- you just went to Best Buy.
我没有。 I did not.
那么，我要去哪里呢？ So, where am I headed?
我们希望布卢菲拉能在比利时拦截炸弹。 We're expecting Blofella to attempt to intercept the bomb in Belgium.
Oh.真棒 Oh. Awesome.
在那个国家，早餐基本上都是甜点，对吗？ That's the country where they basically have dessert for breakfast, right?
三五探员，我再三强调，早餐不能吃甜点。 Agent Triple-Five, I cannot stress enough, no dessert for breakfast.
你好，班德先生我代表比利时情报局 Greetings, Mr. Band. On behalf of Belgian Secret Services.
哦，嘿我想和你握手，但我的胳膊被糖浆粘在桌子上了。 Oh, hey. I'd shake your hand, but my arm is syrup-glued to the table.
她的名字叫爱丽丝。爱丽丝巨乳 The name is Alice. Alice Boobs.
这样做有两个好处。 That works in two ways.
不，它 - 它真的只是一个。 No, it's-- it's really just one.
我们的情报显示，炸弹转移 Our intelligence has revealed that the bomb transfer
将在这个仓库中存放通用木箱。 is to take place in this warehouse for generic wooden crates.
什么？ What? It's very loud.
我们什么也得不到。 We're getting none of this.
如果我们听不到他的声音，他也听不到我们说听不到他的声音。 If we can't hear him, he can't hear us saying we can't hear him.
真是一团糟。 What a mess.
加文加文 关掉 关掉直升机 Gavin. Gavin, turn off-- Turn the helicopter off.
我本来想说 "抱歉打扰你的派对" I-- I was going to say, "Sorry to drop in on your party."
但是，唉，现在觉得自己很蠢。 But, ugh, feels stupid now.
干掉他们 Get 'em, boys.
就这样，布洛费拉？你就打算让你的手下杀了我们？ So that's it, Blofella? You-you're just gonna have us killed by your henchmen?
哦，好吧我希望你不要用这个词。他们是独立承包商 Oh, okay. I'd rather you not use that word. They are independent contractors.
他不想给我们福利。 He doesn't want to pay us benefits.
当他们想按自己的日程安排工作时，可以登录一个应用程序。 There is an app they log into when they want to work around their schedule.
我不是他们的雇主。应用程序才是他们的雇主。 I am not their employer. The app is their employer.
再见，乐队先生 Goodbye, Mr. Band.
情况并不乐观、 It wasn't looking good,
幸好阿 Q 为我提供了 but thankfully Q had supplied me with
美国队长的盾牌 Captain America's shield.
什么？等等，不，不 What? Wait, no, no.
你不能中途就变成漫威人物。 You can't just become a Marvel character halfway through.
此外，我们通常在一开始就能看到 Q 给你的所有东西。 Also, we usually see all the stuff Q gives you at the beginning.
这让人感觉很不靠谱。 This feels very unearned.
比利时情报部门得知布卢费拉的计划 Belgian intelligence learned that Blofella's plan
是使用他截获的核装置 was to use the nuclear device he'd intercepted
炸毁拉斯维加斯市。 to blow up the city of Las Vegas.
但这并不是我唯一要处理的紧急情况。 But that wasn't the only emergency I was dealing with.
你说过拉斯维加斯的人都穿燕尾服 Yeah, you said everyone in Vegas wears tuxedos,
我开始感到非常自卑。 and I'm starting to feel pretty self-conscious.
我没说 "肯定"我说的是 "这是我的理解" Uh. I didn't say, "Definitely." I said, "It was my understanding."
三五特工你看 Agent Triple-Five. Look!
布卢菲拉在我眼皮底下可不行 Blofella. Not on my watch.
我找不到出去的路了 I-- I can't find my way out.
好的自助早餐就在那边 Okay. Well, that says breakfast buffet that way,
但我敢肯定我们已经看过两次了。 but I'm pretty sure we've seen it twice.
唉。 Ugh.
我们又来到了北套房电梯。 And here we are again at North Suite Elevators.
我不知道我们应该 I don't know. Should we--
我们是不是应该在这里玩玩老虎机？ Should we just hit the slot machines while we're here?
这就是他们这样做的原因！ No! That's why they do this!
不，不，不我都明白我讨厌耽误事情 No, no, no. Yeah, no, I get all that. I-- And I hate to hold things up,
但是，我的意思是，桑塔纳已经 70 多岁了。 but, I mean, Santana is in his 70s.
趁现在还来得及，我们应该去看看他。 We should probably see him while we still can.
我只知道一首歌 I knew one song.
狗娘养的 Son of a bitch!
我们到了。组装完成。 There we are. Assembly complete.
因此，现在还是一个合适的时机 So, again, this would be an appropriate time
请大家注销该应用程序。 for you all to please log out of the app.
哈我抓到你了 Ha! I got you now.
乐队先生，你是怎么找到我的？ Mr. Band, how did you find me?
老实说，我是在为电影《宿醉》做导游、 Honestly, I'm on a guided tour for the movie,The Hangover,
在屋顶上结束。 which ends on the roof.
有趣的事实，伙计们。 Fun fact, gang.
给宝宝戴太阳镜其实是扎克的主意。 It was actually Zach's idea to put the sunglasses on the baby.
好吧，我看到大家都在盯着曼德勒海湾、 Okay, I see everyone staring at the Mandalay Bay,
那我就告诉你哪扇窗户是枪手的。 so I'll go ahead and tell you which window was the shooter's.
好吧，你来得太晚了。 Well, you're too late.
顷刻间，整个拉斯维加斯将从地图上彻底消失。 In a few moments, all of Las Vegas will be totally wiped off the map.
你是个疯子你为什么要这么做？ You're a madman. Why are you doing this?
我需要摆脱一份限制性很强的分时租赁协议、 I need to get out of a very restrictive time-share deal,
这是唯一的出路。 and this is literally the only way out.
没有时间了。 There was no time.
于是，我拿出了凯洛-伦的光剑 So that's when I pulled out Kylo Ren's lightsaber
把布洛费拉打下了屋顶不 and knocked Blofella off the roof. No!
不，不，不那是作弊 No! No, no, no. That's cheating.
是啊 Yeah.还有，你有一把光剑 你就这么推一个人？ Yeah. Also, you got a lightsaber, and you're just gonna push a guy?
哦，三重五你救了我的命现在就和我做爱吧 Oh, Triple-Five. You saved my life. Make love to me right now.
对不起，爱丽丝我做不到我是同性恋 I'm sorry, Alice. I can't. I'm gay.
新邦德为雪花编辑。 New Bond. Edited for snowflakes.
听到你梦想中的工作真是太棒了，彼得。 Well, that was awesome hearing about your dream job, Peter.
但实际上，我很幸运地得到了我梦寐以求的工作。 But I was actually lucky enough to have my dream job.
至少在我失去它之前是这样。 At least until I lost it.
一切始于多年前。 It all started years ago.
那是 20 世纪 80 年代、 It was the 1980s,
我一个人住在单间公寓里，海报歪歪扭扭的 and I was living alone in a studio apartment with an askew poster
因为单身汉从来不会把海报挂直。 because bachelors never hang their posters straight.
是啊，无意冒犯，Quagmire。 Yeah, no offense, Quagmire.
但我会用听大多数播客的方式来听这个故事、 But I'm gonna listen to this story the same way I do most podcasts,
速度为 1.5。 at 1.5 speed.
我因为和一个女人的虐待关系而胖了一些： I put on some weight from being in an abusive relationship with a woman:
西莱斯特妈妈 Mama Celeste.
好吧，好吧。恢复正常速度 All right, okay. Back-back to normal speed.
我加入了。我上瘾了 I'm in. I'm hooked.
生活在80年代的另一件事是 无论你走到哪里 The other thing about living in the '80s is that, wherever you went,
真正的指针姐妹会跟着你到处唱歌。 the actual Pointer Sisters would follow you around singing.
格伦，你知道这个人 只是邮寄账单 ♪ Glenn You know this man just mailed a bill ♪
To Sprint It's for his phone ♪ To Sprint It's for his phone ♪
座机电话 ♪ A landline phone ♪
我知道我需要锻炼身体。 I knew I needed to get in shape.
但 80 年代唯一的运动方式是在舞池里滑旱冰 But the only forms of exercise in the '80s were roller-skating on a dance floor
或者拖着你死去的老板去使用他的度假屋。 or lugging around your dead boss to use his vacation home.
那时，我喜欢两件事： Back then, there were two things I liked:
扭腰摆臀 gyrating my pelvis
并把通常不挨在一起的元音挨在一起。 and putting vowels next to each other that weren't normally next to each other.
我把这两个爱好结合起来，创造了一种叫做健美操的东西。 I combined those two loves to create something called aerobics.
欢迎加入。 Welcome aboard.
这是您的免费头带和两条腕带、 Here's your complimentary headband, two wristbands,
腰带、大腿带和另一条头带。 waistband, thigh band, another headband.
有很多乐队。 There were a lot of bands.
是的，我的手指一直徘徊在 1.5 按钮上。 Yeah, my finger's hovering over that 1.5 button.
是啊，好吧，好吧，好吧。于是我开始教课 Yeah, okay, okay, okay. So I started teaching classes
同一周。 that same week.
我甚至还根据性爱时身体的运动方式开设了一门高级课程。 I even created an advanced class based on how your body moves during sex.
我把它叫做 "性练习"。 I called it "Sexercise."
事情马上就有了转机。 And things took off immediately.
因为我给了 20 世纪 80 年代的女性她们想要的东西。 Because I gave 1980s women exactly what they wanted.
扁平的长屁股 Long flat butts.
来吧，女士们。长一点再长一点 Come on, ladies. Longer. Flatter.
我的健身计划大受欢迎。很快，我就准备把它推向全国。 My workout program was a hit. And soon I was ready to take it national.
我很幸运能有机会宣布 I was lucky enough to get the chance to announce
与约翰尼一起拍摄我在《今夜秀》上的视频。 the filming of my video on The Tonight Showwith Johnny.
哇哦你见过约翰尼・卡森？ Wow! You met Johnny Carson?
实际上，那天晚上还有一位嘉宾主持、 Actually, that particular night, there was a guest host,
约翰-戴维森，《不可思议》的主演！ John Davidson, star of That's Incredible!
所以，你知道，不同的约翰尼。但还是强尼 So, you know, different Johnny. But still Johnny.
从来没有人叫约翰-戴维森 "约翰尼"。 No one has ever called John Davidson "Johnny."
他客串过 87 次主持人。这还不算什么。 He guest-hosted 87 times. That's not nothing.
总之，当晚的第一位嘉宾是简-方达，她正在宣传《朝九晚五》、 Anyway, the night's first guest was Jane Fonda, who was promoting 9 to 5,
是 20 世纪 80 年代迄今为止 "最耀眼 "的电影。 by far the "blousiest" movie of the 1980s.
那么，格伦-卡格米尔 So, Glenn Quagmire.
说你在这里创造了一种叫做健美操的运动热潮。 Says here you created an exercise craze called aerobics.
是什么启发了你？ What inspired that?
强尼 Well, Johnny.
有一天，我一个人在公寓里做跳绳、 One day, as I did jumping jacks alone in my apartment,
我想，"我怎样才能把最糟糕的部分放到公共场合呢？ I thought, "How can I take the worst parts of this and put it in a public setting,
外加一面镜子墙和面向街道的窗户？" plus a wall of mirrors and street-facing windows?"
面试似乎很顺利。 The interview seemed to go great.
但第二天，我才意识到简-方达有多么无情。 But the next day, I realized how truly ruthless Jane Fonda was.
现在，泥潭先生 Now, Mr. Quagmire.
发布 20 世纪 80 年代视频的一个重要部分 An important part of releasing a 1980s video
是它开篇令人难以置信的压抑制作标志。 is the incredibly depressing production logo it opens with.
我这里有一些可供选择。 I have a few here to choose from.
首先是一些震动的彩虹文字，但始终无法聚焦。 First, is some vibrating rainbow text that never quite comes into focus.
嗯哼，我喜欢。 Uh-huh, love that.
这只是一个巨大的弹跳 V，并伴有不祥的键盘噪音。 This one is just a large bouncing V with an ominous keyboard noise.
同样出色。 Also excellent.
或者这里有三个大写字母 Or here's three capital letters
都是在数字地平线上用一条连续的粗线拼成的。 all spelled with one thick, continuous line atop a digital horizon.
哇，你不能错过。三个都要 Wow, you can't miss. Let's go with all three.
等一下怎么回事？ Wait a minute. What's-- What's going on?
我的护腿呢？ Where are my leg warmers?
那时，腿套是必不可少的、 Back then, leg warmers were essential,
因为那是迄今为止从膝盖以下最冷的十年。 because that was by far the coldest decade from the knee down.
有人拿走了我的保暖裤吗？ Did someone take my leg warmers?
取而代之的是我的保暖裤，我只找到了一张纸条。 In place of my leg warmers, I found only a single note.
起初，我以为是朱迪-福斯特偷了我的保暖裤、 At first, I assumed Jodie Foster had stolen my leg warmers,
我正要去找总统出气。 and I was about to go take it out on the president.
但后来我意识到，这只可能是一个人在故意破坏我、 But then I realized it could only have been one person intent on sabotaging me,
简-方达 Jane Fonda.
我尽力坚持下去。 I tried my best to soldier on.
好了，别看我的腿。还有一再来两下 Okay, don't look at my legs. And one! And two!
我的小腿又细又冷。 My calves are tiny and cold.
还有三个第四个 And three! And four!
但我知道，即使在那一刻，这也会是一场灾难。 But I knew, even in the moment, it was gonna be a disaster.
我从来没有机会。 I never stood a chance.
你好，格伦 Hello, Glenn.
对不起，你失败了。 Sorry you failed.
但是[笑] ......就像他们说的，爱情和有氧运动都是公平的。 But... [chuckles] ...like they say, all's fair in love and aerobics.
谁？谁说的？谁也没说 Who? Who says that? Nobody.
天哪，现在我明白为什么每个人的种族主义叔叔都讨厌你了。 God, now I get why everyone's racist uncle hates you.
很高兴和你聊天，不过我得走了 Well, it's been nice chatting but if you'll excuse me,
我得去游说我们的国家 I have to go lobby our nation
清理我们在越南造成的混乱。 about cleaning up the mess we made in Vietnam.
对不起，我打了 8 次。 Sorry, I went ahead and hit the 8x.
不 你 你做了正确的事 彼得 No, you-- you-- you did the-- you did the right thing, Peter.
至于梦想中的工作，我一直想做你做的事，乔。 Well, as far as dream jobs go, mine's always been to do what you do, Joe.
当警察 To be a cop.
但是，你知道，还差一天就退休了 But, you know, one day short of retirement
因为你们都有这么好的福利待遇。 since y'all got such a nice benefits package.
我梦想的工作和我现在做的差不多 Uh. Well, my dream job is to do pretty much what I do now
但要像个散兵游勇式的警察 but be like a loose-cannon-type cop
他不在乎自己的生死，但一定能走。 who doesn't care whether he lives or dies but can definitely walk.
这是我工作的最后一天。 It was my last day on the job.
我刚在办公室拉完最后一泡屎，就被叫到主任办公室。 And I'd just taken my last office dump when I was called into the chief's office.
早上好，先生你找我？ Morning, sir. You wanted to see me?
没错。我们一直在追踪一个臭名昭著的贩毒集团 That's right. We've been tracking a notorious drug cartel
把成吨的可卡因运进洛杉矶。 that's been bringing tons of cocaine into LA.
是的。多年来，可卡因一直在肆虐黑人社区。 Yes. Cocaine has been ravaging the Black community for years.
是啊有个白人女孩流了点鼻血 Yeah. Well, some white girl got a minor nosebleed.
所以现在我想，这是件大事了。 So now I guess it's, like, a big fricking deal.
事实上，昨晚就发生了一起巨大的爆炸事件。 In fact, last night there was a huge bust.
哇哦多少钱？ Wow. How much was it?
记住，我们衡量可卡因的单位只有公斤，没有其他任何单位。 And remember we measure cocaine-- and nothing else-- in only kilos.
- 我不知道，80磅。- 嗯？ - I don't know, 80 pounds. - Huh?
比如 36 公斤。 Like 36 kilos.
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
太重了 That's too much kilos.
哦，我还要给你指派一个新搭档。 Oh, I'm also assigning you a new partner.
不过别担心，我知道你快退休了，想要一个稳定的环境。 But don't worry, I know you're nearing retirement and want a stable situation.
我给你介绍一个叫疯子中士的人 So I'm hooking you up with a guy named Sergeant Maniac.
你好吗？我是一张疯狂的野牌 How you doing? I'm a crazy wild card
就像我现在唯一的鲻鱼一样。 as indicated by my only-right-now timely mullet.
嗯 Hmm.
你穿得不像个警探 You ain't dressed like a police detective.
我知道我们要四处追捕坏人 Well, I know we're gonna be running around chasing bad guys,
所以我穿上了我拥有的最紧的牛仔裤。 so I wore the tightest jeans I own.
嗨呀！嗨呀！ Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
嘿，何不到我的海边拖车上来？ Hey, why don't you come on out to my beachside trailer
讨论这个案子？ to, uh, discuss the case?
当然，在哪里？ Sure. Where is it?
在马里布不行他们不允许 Uh. Not in Malibu. They wouldn't allow it.
但其中一个垃圾海滩更靠北、 But one of those garbage beaches further north,
路过月影，那里是醉酒的绝佳去处 way past Moonshadows, which is, like, the perfect place to get drunk
并告诉所有人，谁该为世界上所有的战争负责。 and tell everybody who's responsible for all the world's wars.
我很快就意识到，我的新搭档有严重的问题。 I soon realized my new partner had serious issues.
他不在乎自己做了什么危险的事。 He didn't care what kind of dangerous stuff he did.
你好 Hello.
你是信用卡服务部打来的？好极了 You're calling from credit card services? Great.
我会告诉你我的社会保险号码、 I'll tell you my social security number,
然后告诉我它是否与你那里的相符。 and you tell me if it matches what you have there.
他疯了 Man is insane.
好吧现在别笑我妈妈的娘家姓了 Okay. And now don't laugh at my mother's maiden name.
这是一个有点傻的人。 It's kind of a goofy one.
廷克尔曼 Tinkleman.
对，就像尿尿一样 Yeah, it's like-- like pee.
我以为我们要讨论案情 I thought we were gonna discuss the case.
好的我马上就好 Right. I'll be ready in one minute.
但首先，我被要求确保女性也来看这部电影。 But first, I've been asked to make sure women come see the movie too.
于是，我和我的疯狂搭档开始了破案之旅 So my crazy partner and I set out to solve the case
并开始寻找利兹、 and began by looking for Leeds,
是一家颇受欢迎的床垫店 which was a somewhat popular mattress store
如果你说你是潜在客户，你会在哪里？ where if you said you were a potential customer,
他们会让你在中午小睡一会儿。 they'd let you take a nap in the middle of the day.
对不起，伙计们，我的经理说你们必须离开。 Sorry, guys, my manager says you have to leave.
离开？但我和我的搭档正在试用这张大床。 Leave? But my partner and I are trying out this queen bed.
你在傻笑什么？ What are you giggling at?
我们是警队的合作伙伴。 We're partners on the police force.
这家伙穿着牛仔裤，没穿内裤。 This guy's wearing jeans with no underwear.
是的，你们是警察。 Yeah, you're cops.
当然。 Sure.
你们还没搞清楚 You guys are no closer to figuring out
是谁把这些可卡因带进来的？ who's responsible for bringing in all this cocaine.
我有个好主意。 I got a pretty good idea.
您查过布伦特伍德的 Shalom Yisrael Temple 吗？ Have you checked Temple Shalom Yisrael in Brentwood?
这里也是他们控制天气和奥斯卡颁奖典礼的地方。 It's also where they control the weather and the Oscars.
就是这样你们别管这个案子了 That's it. You guys are off the case.
自从我们被撤案后 Since we'd been thrown off the case,
我想，邀请我的伙伴来家里做客会很好 I thought it'd be nice to invite my partner over
吃一顿家常菜。 for a home-cooked meal.
你没有冰茶吗？你没有冰茶吗？ Huh. You don't have a pitcher of iced tea?
我以为每个黑人家庭的晚餐都有一壶冰茶。 I thought every Black family dinner had a pitcher of iced tea.
我们确实有一张冰T的照片，就挂在墙上。 We do have a picture of Ice T, right up there on the wall.
各单位请注意 Attention, all units.
请注意码头可能有毒品交易。 Be advised of a possible drug deal at the dock.
- 离这里不远- 不会吧 - That's not far from here. - No way.
我们被撤下了那个案子。 We were taken off that case.
是的，但我们能在最近的巡逻车之前赶到那里。 Yeah, but we can be there before even the closest patrol car.
看那儿快，靠边停车，让我下车 There, look! Quick, pull over and let me out.
- 什么？ - What? - I'm gonna run the rest of the way.
- 我保证车会更快。- 到时见 - I assure you the car will be faster. - See you there.
在这里等了六分钟了 Been waiting here for six minutes.
好的 好的 Okay.好的 好的 Okay.Okay. - Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
六分钟一英里穿牛仔裤不穿内裤还不错。 So six-minute mile. Not bad for jeans and no underpants.
手套箱里有凡士林吗？ You got any glove-box Vaseline in there?
是局长搞什么鬼？ It's the chief. What the hell?
酋长一直是可卡因集团的主谋。 The chief has been the mastermind of the cocaine cartel all along.
这也许可以解释为什么他总是在凌晨三点给我打电话。 That might explain why he always calls me at 3:00 a.m.
与剧本创作想法。 with screenplay ideas.
好吧，听我说完 Hello?Okay, hear me out.
这是一栋楼里的 Die Hardbut。 It's Die Hardbut in a building.
虎胆龙威》在一栋大楼里。 Die Hard is in a building.
嗯，我不知道。来，听我看完，我们就知道了。 Hmm, I don't know. Here, listen to me watch it, and we'll find out.
放弃吧反正你们也抓不到我 Give it up. You guys can't arrest me anyway.
我有外交豁免权。 I have diplomatic immunity.
- 你有吗？- 依据是什么？ - You do? - On what basis?
是的，我是玛格丽塔维尔的公民 Yeah. I'm a citizen of Margaritaville.
我甚至还有最近一次度假时戴的这顶帽子来证明这一点。 I even have this hat from a recent vacation to prove it.
太糟糕了。 Too bad.
你的外交豁免权刚刚被取消了 Your diplomatic immunity's just been revoked.
这名警官的行为虽然违法，但却因为一句俏皮话而变得有理有据。 The officer's actions, while illegal, were justified by a snappy line.
电影结束。 Movie over.
我还是这个项目的制片人。 I was also a producer on this project.