- Have you ever noticed
that when negative emotions enter a conversation,
it's always the other guy getting upset
and never you, me too.
Of course, taking a second to reflect makes it clear,
this can't be true.
I'm human, you're human and it's inevitable;
that sometimes our emotions get away from us
in a conversation we care about.
The problem is that we're better
at recognizing negative emotions in others,
but we're not so good at seeing them in ourselves.
So identifying and knowing your emotions is a vital skill
to learn in order to advance your conversations.
So here's some suggestions to consider,
next time you feel your blood pressure rising
or your heart rate speeding up
or at worst,
when you feel that desire to lash out
at the person you're talking with.
First take a deep breath,
count to 10, bite your tongues, squeeze your fingers,
something, anything to diffuse this situation
and get an awareness of your emotions.
Not only does this physically slow your heart rate,
and help calm your body,
it also gives you something else to focus on,
calming your mind.
Next, don't respond to anger with anger.
Don't reciprocate the negative emotions of the other person,
counter attack them or insult them.
After all,
and that was probably why you got upset in the first place.
Furthermore, listen, instead of talking.
And as you're listening, ask yourself,
is there another way I could interpret what they're saying?
You can even try intentionally assuming a more charitable
interpretation on their behalf.
Is it at all possible that there is a subtlety you've missed
or that they aren't as confident
as they appeared at first.
To help with this,
try asking yourself another question,
perhaps one asking for clarification,
such as what exactly do you mean?
Or what makes you think that's true?
Just remember to watch your tone.
This can help redirect your anger back into the feeling
of curiosity or the potential to understand differently.
Finally, if someone is really upsetting you,
especially if they're saying something
that can't be interpreted charitably period,
it's okay to take a break or walk away altogether.
If you take a break,
you'll have the chance to monitor your emotions
and think about what to do with them.
You can also take a few more breaths,
loosen up your body
and refocus on what really matters to you.
If you walk away,
you can reflect on how the conversation went.
And if there was a moment
when you might have chosen to do something differently
or perhaps you learn something new
about what you value ora line you won't let be crossed.
Remember, it's human to get upset
and it's important sometimes to draw boundaries.
But if you're in a conversation that matters to you,
keeping your emotions under control
can be an important way to keep things on track.