So kind of wrapping up here, how can we be more influential with others?
So I want to give you a few strategies and techniques.
I can't do a whole course because that would be a whole course how we can work specifically with others.
You also see some of these are pretty good for yourself, too, because these are basically tools of
influence.
I love this little kind of cartoon thing that I made up here with the different texts and things, how
to be more influential.
This is literally the gun to the head technique.
So the cat's holding the gun to the ducks head and the other ducks trying to, you know, encourage
him to go along with it.
So there's a little bit of peer pressure going on there.
A lot of different kinds of leverage.
So you got a muscle there, right?
We recognize that you got the peer support.
You recognize that?
Yeah.
These these are this this section is going to be about tools of influence.
I've actually got an entire course about tools for influence, another shameless plug.
But again, if you're going to be effective, both influencing yourself to make change and influencing
other people to make changes, this is great for sales.
This is great on selling yourself on the idea of getting better.
This is great on the idea of selling your kids, on doing better in life.
If you're a parent, you're a salesman.
You need tools of influence.
You've got to sell people on these little kids like we talked about on wearing their clothes, brushing
their teeth, going to bed, getting good grades.
You got to sell them and everything.
If you don't have these tools of influence, I swear, I swear you are unarmed and you don't even know
it.
It's amazing you've made out as well as you have and that you even survived without these tools.
I don't know how anybody gets by without these tools.
It just shocks me.
It's that analogy again, they're going through life with the brakes on.
They don't know it because they don't have the simplest basic tools of how to influence themselves and
others.
That's insane.
I don't know how we get through school, even high school or even grammar school without having learned
these, but somehow we do so driving on.
Let's learn some of these specific things like ability.
I'm a therapist and I'll tell you, Kirchhoff did a study back in the 80s, I believe it was, and he
said 75 percent of why a client or patient gets better is because they like their therapist.
They will do things for their therapist that they won't even do for themselves.
I would be working with addicts they had, like, just gotten out of jail or they're trying to stay
out of jail.
They're on probation.
And I say, hey, you got to get to an AA meeting.
You know, it's part of your probation.
They're going to throw your butt in jail and or even worse, you might get drunk and hop in your car
and kill somebody.
You know, if you got a car, if you still can drive and you're like, yeah, yeah, I might get to
a meeting, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But, you know, I really don't think so.
And they usually don't unless what?
Unless they liked me.
If I said, you know, I'm going to feel like I'm a horrible therapist if you don't go, you know,
I remember one time I had a patient and they didn't go to a meeting and they got in their car and they
drove and they died.
I cried about that.
I'm worried you're going to be the next patient that I shed a tear over.
And if they like you and they don't want you to feel bad, they'll go.
If they want to make you proud, they will go.
If they just don't want to disappoint you, they will go.
Some people will go.
Just using you as an excuse.
They don't when when clients come in, sometimes they don't like themselves enough to do things for
themselves.
I mean, we said this is likability.
When I would have a you know, clients and mental patients come in and addicts, they didn't like themselves
enough to do anything.
That's part of why they were constantly screwing themselves.
They hated themselves.
What do you do to people you hate?
You screw them and you don't do anything nice for them.
But going to a meeting, getting their life back and money and finances and their kids back and getting
off probation and having a nice job and driving a nice car, they didn't feel like they deserved that
yet, but they would do these things that were going to lead there for me.
So likability is huge.
If you want to be influential with somebody, I'm going to give you the three things they got to know.
You like you and trust you know, you, like you, like you is the big one.
Likability is huge, so you got to like yourself enough to do things and people have to like you if
you're going to influence them, it's twofer.
Similar traits we like, people who are like us, were always more comfortable with people that are
like us, and that can be a lot of different similar traits, the same or similar height, same or similar
weight, same or similar dress.
You can see this guys dressing, you know, five different ways.
He probably likes the guy in the vest better than he likes the guy in the button down shirt, better
than he likes the guy and the wife beater shirt and t shirt.
OK, why more similar?
You know, he'd fall in love with some guy who walks in with a nice suit.
He's got all three pieces, but it can be a lot of things.
People can talk at the same pace that we do, similar intellectual level, a lot of different things.
So we have similar interests are another big thing, so people that like to do the same things, talk
about the same things, go to the same places, either the same places, like the same kinds of food,
all these types of things.
I remember I had a boss once and it was kind of hard to get close to him.
And he was always busy and he was a little standoffish.
But the people that got close to him were a couple other counselors and they were his golfing buddy.
So they would always be going on golf trips or, you know, talking about golf in the hallways or kicking
each other about golf.
And, you know, they give each other, you know, funny little golf things or golf calendars, you
know, for Christmas and stuff like that.
And I felt like I don't play golf.
And, you know, golf looks like it might be a fun game, but I don't really play it.
And of course, I'm too cheap to spend the money.
So how am I going to get in on there?
I can't say, oh, yeah, I'll go golfing too, because I don't know how to play.
Then I thought about it for a minute.
I said.
Don't people like a sense of contribution, don't they like to feel superior to other people?
I said I'll let them feel superior as hell, I'll be the idiot.
They can train me, they can mentor me, they can bring me along and on a golf trip.
And I'll be the fun guy.
I'll be the mascot that they get to show off how good they are at this.
They'll finally feel really good about their golf game, because if you didn't before after you see
me play, you'll feel fantastic.
So even though I wasn't similar to them, we had nothing really in common that I could find.
I made something in common by using that one little strategy.
So that's why I always kind of bring this up and use this technique.
Similar beliefs, our belief system is very important, so some people be friends and you'll say, why
one skinny ones, fat ones tall and one short one's funny and one's quiet.
Why do they come together?
Paul said it was about similarity.
Well, it can be, but it's also about similar beliefs.
They like the same things.
They believe the same things.
They had to say, you know, maybe spiritual values, political values.
They think alike.
They believe the same things, the same things are important to them.
They like to focus on the same things again.
We like people who are like us.
Great, great tool of influence.
And remember, you can use those beliefs to what influence them.
Remember, the biggest influence tool is getting someone coordinated with you that they know you like
you trust you.
After that, you can come up with your own techniques for how to influence people.
And we've given you quite a few here because motivating somebody is what you influenced them.
You got to do something.
And we said it was change.
What is influence?
It's a certain way.
Now I want to influence it to be a different way.
That's changed.
So you know the strategies now you just have to have what they call rapport.
Matching and mirroring.
It's kind of our last piece here.
You can coordinate with somebody, be more like them just by shifting the way that you do things a little
bit, you don't want to be matching and mirroring in terms of monkey see, monkey do.
I love this slide.
Don't you watch the cow and the dolphin.
That's awesome.
Doing similar things and mirroring each other.
You can do it in certain areas.
So if a person sits a certain way like they like to sit there and, you know, they lean to one side
and they got their hand on their chin, I won't do the exact same thing, you know, but I'll do something
similar.
Maybe I put my hand on my face, you know, they follow their arms.
I cross my arms.
It's an approximation.
I'm listening for their speech.
If I talk a little faster and they talk a little slower, I'm not going to be artificial.
I'm not going to go all the way down to their speed.
But I'll kick it down a notch.
I can slow it down a little bit.
If I'm talking a little higher, I could talk a little deeper, just little adjustments, trying to
meet in the middle a little bit so you can do with mannerisms.
You can do it with pace.
I tend to be more fast paced, but when I was slower people, I do a little bit slower.
And this is a natural thing.
This isn't an artificial thing.
I just want you to think about it.
And as you think about it, first it'll be a technique.
Later it'll be second nature.
And you know what you kind of already is?
People that are good friends will start to average out each other.
If one talks a little faster and one talks a little slower, the slower one will actually start talking
a little faster, the faster talking one will tend to start talking.
A little slower happens over and over and over again.
The research, it's rare that it doesn't happen.
That's why they become in sync.
They'll say couples, old married couples start looking like each other.
Why?
Because they start doing this.
Do you know there was a study if you put two clocks together, you'll get a sympathetic harmony because
they'll actually start swinging together in rhythm, even though they weren't before.
You pluck one piano key or one guitar string, the ones around it will start sympathetically coming
in tune with it and vibrating at the same frequency, even though they're not making a sound.
They had women that were roommates and they did a study and they said their periods will sync up even
though they didn't know when the other person's period was.
Synchronicity is just a weird thing, it's not a it's it's an actual science to it.
We're still trying to figure out exactly why it works and I'm not going to get into that.
But people sync up with each other.
It's a natural thing.
So I don't think this is an unnatural technique.
OK, big finish.
Final strategy.
Another shameless plug, go to my training on persuasion strategies, it's awesome.
We talked about that earlier.
To get anywhere in life you to be able to persuade yourself, persuade other people and feel good about
doing it, moving everybody towards the positive.
If I couldn't persuade people, I wouldn't be able to teach you.
I wouldn't be able to get you to use these strategies.
And I would be completely useless as a therapist, as a martial arts instructor, as a son, as a brother,
as a friend and as a husband.
We have to have good persuasion.
I want to thank you guys, it's been an absolute honor and a pleasure to be working with you here today.
You guys have been fantastic.
My company has Advanced Ideas Inc.
That's me and my buddy J.J. there.
I do have additional free information.
You have to go to my advanced ideas dot com.
There's some page stuff there.
But, you know, like 90 percent of it's all free stuff, so grab it for free.
There's some extra tools and techniques there that you might find helpful.
I have a ton of videos there and all kinds of different stuff, so if you like this area and you want
to learn a little bit more, I'll have some additional stuff on motivation there, some additional handouts
and things like that will also be there.
I'm in actually in the middle of developing that site.
So it may take a little while, but hopefully you're listening to this later on and there's a ton of
stuff there by now, which is fantastic.
Please leave a comment for me and please leave me a positive rating.
That would be awesome.
I will.
Thank you.
And J.J. Will, thank you.
Appreciate you taking this course.
Helps put a little kibble in the bowl for J.J..
If you have any questions for me, go ahead and message me and I'll certainly respond back as quickly
as I can.
Thanks so much and I'll see you in the next course.