Any plans for, um, this box though?
I'm not taking the part.
I can't believe you're moving to America and leaving me here, alone.
Who I'm gonna go to the movies with for God's sakes, huh?
You're my only friend left here in London, you know.
It's just too expensive, love.
You'll be fine.
And maybe you'll finally make a few new friends.
If you stop hanging around that bloody boss of yous so much.
He is engages. And 100% straight.
It's not healthy, Vikas.
You haven't been one date since you took that job tow yeas ago.
I know.
But how do you tell your straight boss
you need to stop playing tennis with him in his private club
because you're finally to move on from your ridiculous obsession with him, huh?
Splendid game today, Vikas. You actually beat me.
Don't get any ideas on the only one, 'cause I crack pumped those strings of mine.
Hey, suppose just to have Eva give me a good clip rubbed on tonight.
So, uh... you said you want to...
talk to me about something?
Yeah. You know how we, uh,
have just expanded into a bunch of new international territories.
This is the last deal with the office.
Well, I'm gonna need you to go to India to do a full status report for the work.
What? Just because I'm Indian?
I haven't spoken a word of Hindi since my parents died.
And it was pretty dodgy even back then.
Oh trust me, man.
I wish there could be anyone else I could send instead, I do.
But you're the best candidate.
It'll make me mental.
It's bloody germ warfare ever there is.
Sticky stress, people with polio, and begging you for Rupees.
Oh come on, don't give me that crap.
- You're an Indian, aren't ya? - I'm Australian.
- So what anyway? - Despite what you may think.
India is probably the fastest growing economy in the entire global market.
Sorry mate, but...
- you're a good one. - Oh gees.
Thank you, Mr. Thomas, please come and visit again.
Namaste.
- How was your stay? - Great.
Thank you, sir, have a nice day.
May I check you out sir?
I've been doing that for the last 5 minutes.
Excuse me, I do not understand.
It's alright. No, actually I'm, uh, checking in, my dial.
Sorry, sir. Um, your room won't be ready for 7 hours at least.
We can store your bags here. And you can wait in the lobby, if you wish.
Look, I'm desperate for some quality sleep here. I've got meetings at 9 and
I'm really sorry, sir.
These were the first people to check out. And they were in a full size suite anyway.
Guess I'll just have to try the lobby then.
Sir, if you promise not to tell anyone,
I could let you sleep in my-- service quarters.
That sounds good.
Ok. I get off in 10 minutes.
I'm afraid that will do then.
Excuse me?
Ah... well...
There was definitely no language barrier there.
So what do you want to do today?
You know, I wanna go for some sight seeing.
I have an idea. Let me take you around.
I'll finish work at one today.
The off season when it's primary business travelers.
I work Monday through Wednesday, and Thursday only in the morning.
Like we could make it Thursday then.
And I don't have to work until Monday.
Although, I do have to call and apologize for missing last night's meeting.
Double if jet-lagged, right?
Ok, now let me sneak you out of here.
You go check in properly, rest up.
And I'll meet you out at the front gate at 1:00.
- Ok? - Ok.
Go! Go, go on.
I have yo say,
this is the most shocking things to me about India.
Understand this 4-on-1 motorcycle. That's crazy!
It is difficult to navigate a crowded street in a car.
- Plus it is a lot cheaper. - I have to say
kinda imagining me having the opportunity
to be that close with my male friends going out... I mean,
that looks more like a sexual position than a safe way to ride their vehicle.
Don't be silly.
But I have to admit, there used to be this one guy
whom I used to drive home from my work,
I would insist he put his arms on me for safety's sake
and I'm so embarrassed to braking more than a few times
so that I could push him into my backside "over there, over there".
In a way, I'm strangely jealous
I think it's lovely that male friends here, you know, are just friends can
and do express themselves physically and that's an amazing thing, yeah.
I've certainly never seen so many men walking around holding hands
not even on Old Compton Street in London.
But in a way, it's only impossible, because homosexuality is so repressed of here.
It is basically unspeakable.
So there is no stigma as that to make holding hands.
I know, you're finally getting, um, humorism in gays in Bollywood movies now.
Yes, we're at the place where the United States was in the early 1970s.
We're no longer invisible.
But yet reported in a very civic overly feminine manner.
Like the flimsy hand one makes.
It is difficult in a society and nobody's openly gay.
So people do not to get to see any examples in their day-to-day lives
to counter at the vacancy of notions.
Hopefully, things should be better for our next generation.
A late 1970s disco party that should be coming soon.
So Vikas, want to try it?
Lester, I've already taken care of that.
I have got to tell ya, I'm really impressed by you, Vikas.
I mean, product activities are, it's up 17% since your arrival.
Those are the kind of numbers that get me rock hard!
What? Oh... Rock hard.
I knew they just needed a strong leader like you
to come over there and show them how it was done.
Hey, you know what say the problem with India is?
There's too many Indians and not enough chiefs!
Haha, right?
Funny.
What? Sorry buddy, what a daft thing to say.
Um... I'll talk you later, okay?
Bye.
Do you realize that in this guide to Mumbai night life
that in the gay section there isn't one single bar listed?
Just a couple of political action committee meetings
and one lesbian film screening.
I mean, I think there're 21 million people in Munbai.
Man, I feel sorry for this.
I have an idea. Let's go to Mumbai.
Come on, we're staying in this hotel for days.
Sunil, I'm staying here two months.
I'm starting to get worried that get'll fired
if you're ever caught sneaking out of my room.
That's why I carried this room service tray.
And besides, I have a better idea.
Why don't you check out on Thursday morning.
We could take trains leaving Thursday afternoon.
And I can show you all the different wonders about India.
There's so much more India I want you to see.
And we can be back to work by Monday.
I insist.
Vikas, please, let's go. Please. Vikas, come on, let's go, Vikas.
Please Vikas, let's go.
What? Yes?
- Yeah. - Yeay!
You see that?
That was made by Shah Jahan in the 14th century.
You know, my family was from this area.
You miss them?
Yes, I do.
But... it was their decision to disown me.
I knew this was the result when I told them.
It's only a duty for a good Indian boy to please his parents.
I could have kept it secret, like many others.
Maybe even married a lesbian
to stop the constant pestering of friends and family.
But I decided,
I couldn't accept the arranged marriage my parents were offering me.
And I didn't want to lie to them.
And besides,
my parents married outside their castes.
So their extended families never waned any thing to do with them.
Or me.
I have to admit
it has been quite difficult and very lonely.
And, and I do miss my parents.
That's one thing about your country I'll never understand.
The castes system.
We do have much to improve in terms of treatment of the lower caste.
I fact, that was Mahatma Gandhi's lesson and baton to the people in the west.
Improving the treatment of the untouchable caste.
It's so backwards.
You must understand--
that we appreciate each and every class as an invaluable part of society.
Each caste performs mutually beneficial service.
Maybe if more people in your country did not mind doing manual jobs
there will not be so much unemployment.
And so many illegal immigrants doing those manual jobs instead.
And we don't have discrimination in the work place
An untouchable can become a top politician.
Ok. But his children are still untouchable, alright?
There's no way to change a family's caste, ever.
Your country is not perfect, either.
I mean, isn't there still discrimination against the Aborigines?
All I know is, desperately poor people here, it's all very sad.
I love that you care so much about India.
I do prefer a better India.
For all the Indians.
So, that's the latest from here, uh,
I'll have the final stats for you tomorrow.
Nice work, man.
Not that I'm surprised, of course.
Well, I'd love to stay and chat,
but I'm afraid I've gotta go pick up Eva in a few minutes for dinner.
Oh! Um, almost forgot to tell you,
it's coming up on our two yeas anniversary.
Oh, congratulations.
What..? No,
Vikas, our two years anniversary,
I hired you two years ago on Monday.
I saw it in that personal report last week.
I just thought I'd let you know, so that...
you know, I was thinking about ya.
And how lucky I am to have you.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Well, good night, Vikas.
Take care, buddy.
Thanks, good night.
Hey, don't you just stare! Spare a few bucks.
Sorry, I don't speak Hindi.
Paisa paisa, money money.
Money, good luck. No money, bud luck.
I'm so sorry for this.
That's more like it. Here I declare gone all the evil spirits.
- He isn't homeland boy. - He isn't, is he?
Why did you give her money?
I thought you'd agree to that postings.
What the hell was her problem anyway? So damn aggressive.
That she was a he.
A hijra, a eunuch, I believe you'll call them.
Not really, right?
Men with their junk cut off?
Most of them don't do that any more. But many still do.
Hijras are everywhere.
You'll often see them in rail station and trains
where they're offering blessings in exchange for money.
But most often you'll see them in marriages.
People consider them as good luck.
And more accurately, as bad luck, if you do not pay.
And they curse a couple.
Most parents realize early that if a child is third sex of gay
and send him off at very early age to live with a local hijras
which is probably another reason why people are so accepted of them, you know.
Not that their lives is simple, any way.
Begging is a terrible way to be forced to survive.
And more and more hijras are refusing castration
which makes me wonder how many of them are gay rather than transsexual.
That's naughty.
Who knew there would be trannies in India, right?
Hey, there's someone in that movie Pride and Prejudice
- with Aishwarya in the market scene. - Oh, I saw that movie, it's so camp.
Yeah, Ash, Ashish Kaur known as the Queen of Bollywood.
Oh, I thought that would be, uh, your nickname.
Vikas, stop it.
Hello?
Vikas, sweetie. It's Amrita, how are you?
How's our homeland?
It's okay, fascinating, wowed, huh.
Sounds lovely, but not as lovely as California.
Vikas, It's just like in the movies.
Except everyone keeps speaking to me in Spanish here.
I mean, do I look Mexican to you?
How racist can you get!
But I... just decides to go with it.
Excuse me. Could you tell me where is the toilet?
I don't understand you, gorgeous.
But if you're asking me out, yes.
Amrita, I met someone.
What?
The hotel clerk.
He's adorable and really smart
- and funny too. - Honey, slow down.
Look, I've had my share of vacation flings they're nice and all.
But you can't let them get serious.
You're Indian, but you're not an Indian.
...I suppose you're right.
- He's just so sweet. - You're going to break this guy's heart.
It's for the best, trust me, it is.
I am leaving him, ain't it? I just have to do it.
I mean, how could it ever work, right?
Look, you don't have to cut it out cold turkey.
Just dial it down, keep a low key.
Casual.
When he tries to make it serious, make a joke.
Be clear you're having fun and nothing more.
Vikas, if you really like this guy,
anything else is just a crawl.
It's gonna be so hard.
Think of it like, going to the dentist, honey.
Sometimes we have to do something unpleasant now,
so we're not totally miserable later.
So, I had to bring this up, but, uh...
I'm going back to London on Monday.
Vikas...
I love you, Vikas.
What are you fool just saying that for?
Please.
Please say you'll come back and visit again.
If I had enough money saved up for flight ticket to London,
I would be there the fit vacation period I get.
The reality is-- I don't.
But... but I will send every looking-for-a-flight-ticket for you.
If you can come up
- with the majority of them-- - Sunil.
I don't think that's such a good idea.
This is already hard enough as it is.
Even if I come back for a week sometime in a few months, then what, huh?
Switch that one week a year?
It's just way too much painful.
I'm sorry, Sunil.
I wish I could stay forever, but...
we're from two different worlds, naturally.
Let's just make the most the two days we have left.
Look at me.
Believe me-- I'll remember you forever.
Not going, Vikas...
I love you, Vikas, don't go...
Welcome back, Vikas.
You know, you couldn't have done a more paying up job over there.
And the foreign office couldn't have been happier about your performance.
Well done, man, cheers.
So... actually I also called you into my office to, um,
let you know that I have been promoted
to regional supervisor over all of Western Europe. U-hur?
Wow.
And I wanted to propose something to ya.
I'm actually going to needing an assistant.
Well, actually, it's more like a right hand man.
Second in command, if you will.
- I do hate to lose you again, but... - Wait,
wait, a break, what do you mean? You mean leaving London?
Yeah, yeah, you know,
but I can't think of anybody I'd rather spend so much time with
I mean it'll be the on the road man, you and me, yeah?
Probably a lot of living in close quarters, you know,
sharing hotel rooms and such.
But I figure you're already seen me naked more times than even Eva
with our time in the gym. So what a few hundred more?
This is a lot again.
And they actually wanted to send you back to India, yeah.
Yeah, to continue the work you've been doing there.
So... what's it gonna be?
Hey, snake charmers and cow parties in New Delhi.
Or, um, wining and dining in Paris and Rome with me?
Mate?
Your room keys, Ma'am. Enjoy your stay.
Next?
Do you have any rooms?
Vikas?
- Oh, Vikas! - Sunil, I had to come back.
I love you.
I'm moving back here now, for good.
What? Oh my...
I cannot believe this.
Oh, look at the time?
Thursday at 1 o'clock.
You still get off now?
Are you trying to make another dirty joke?
And guess what?
You've been upgraded to the honeymoon suite!
Akshay, I'm talking, I'll see you on Monday.
Vikas!
Let's go.