(dramatic music)
(glass breaking)
(suspenseful music)
- [Narrator] A long, long, long, long time ago
on a planet of average size
there lived a peculiar race of intelligent beings.
Man, as he called himself, began in the jungle.
A beast among many.
His intelligence unmatched, man soon held dominion
over all the creatures of the earth.
He built advanced civilizations and erected great monuments,
each bigger than the last.
For in his eyes, bigger was always better.
He looked outward and constructed great ships
to cross the seas
and in time, the stars.
(triumphant music)
He looked inward on his very dreams,
creating art, music, and a scintillating world
of internet pornography.
Yet despite all man's magnificent achievements,
something continued to pull at him,
drawing him back to his primordial past.
(upbeat music)
This of course, was his profound preoccupation
with the length and girth of his penis.
He had tried to deal with his obsession in various ways.
At times he embraced it, worshiping its power.
At times he demonized it,
and sometimes he opted to ignore the fact
he had a penis altogether.
But there was no defeating it.
(upbeat music)
- [Reporter] A coastal nation man
used a dumbbell gym weight, similar to something like this,
only it got stuck for three days.
The fire department was called in to the ER.
The only way they could get the weight
off the man's penis, was to saw it off.
- [Narrator] And so it was, that in this darkest moment,
when all hope was lost, one small man would stand erect
and challenge the purple headed warrior once and for all.
And it would be the fate of this most average man
that would determine the fate of all of mankind.
(ice falling)
- Three day sexual stimulant,
Triple ExtenZEN, do these work?
- People's buying a lot, I don't know if work or not,
I haven't tried.
- [Greg] Have you tried. - I never tried.
This guy tried, he tells you.
- [Greg] Is that how you got, you got bigger all around?
You got big like this?
- [Man] Bigger all the way around.
- [Greg] Do you try all day long, you try?
(speaking foreign language)
- [Greg] What do you mean all day long?
(piano music)
(water running)
My name is Greg Bergman.
I was an average guy with a big problem.
All I thought about were dicks.
And dicks and more dicks.
I hated my own because it just wasn't big enough.
My beautiful wife seemed happy with it.
But this didn't make me feel any better.
No matter what she said, I still felt small.
- It's not small, it's average.
I know you hate that word.
- You guys performing this evening
is the writer of the WTF book series, he is hilarious.
Ladies and gentlemen, Greg Bergman!
(audience clapping)
- I worked as a writer and comedian
and I wasn't exactly shy about sharing my pee-pee problem.
You never watch a porno with the girl's like this.
Oh shit.
(audience laughing)
Ooh oh fuck, what is that average?
Oh, no, no, no, no, that's average right?
Oh fuck me with that medium sized penis.
Mm, give me that mediocre cock.
Oh fuck me with that dick that balls statistically
in the mean according to most studies.
I was a pretty normal kid, got into trouble,
chased girls, played sports,
and I grew into a pretty normal adult.
And like any normal adult male,
I watched internet pornography on a daily basis.
Sometimes more than once.
I wasn't blaming porn for my obsession,
but those guys in the videos were pretty big.
(dramatic music)
And those penis enlargement pop up ads
were really starting to get to me.
(players yelling)
(crowd cheering) (whistle blowing)
- I'm Jimmy Johnson and I recently became
the spokesperson for ExtenZe
the number one male enhancement tablet.
Most men want to perform the best they can
in just about everything.
Isn't that why we buy the biggest and best of everything?
So if you want the maximum performance edge every day,
I'd say go long with ExtenZe.
- [Greg] And it wasn't just those ads
that were telling me bigger was better.
- What's going on, why are you crying?
(Samantha sobbing)
- James has a small dick.
- Oh.
(upbeat music)
- [Greg] You don't need a weatherman
to know which way the wind blows.
Fact was, sized mattered and everybody knew it.
- I was just the captain of my football team
and I was the homecoming king, I always dated models,
beautiful woman and all that.
And my biggest secret was that I had a small dick.
I hated my little dick, fucking hated it, I really did.
It used to make me want to commit suicide.
(dramatic music)
- Length.
- Girth.
- You cannot make it to London in a rowboat,
that's all I'm trying to tell you.
- Is this just for erections or it's something permanent?
- No, it's for permanent enhancement.
This ExtenZe.
- [Man On Phone] Yeah, try a couple of those.
You can try it out and see if it works,
it comes with a money back guarantee.
(upbeat music)
- [Greg] I was determined to find out once and for all
if increasing penis size was really possible.
And if I could get bigger,
would a bigger penis make me happier, more confident?
It would be a long hard road, that I knew.
But I was so sick of being small
and I was willing to do anything to be big.
- [Narrator] Chapter one, Inch By Inch.
- The first cave paintings were of a fucking dick,
the next one was a goat, okay.
That's a fact, this is what the man does,
it's funny, it's true.
But this is what man has thought about
for his entire existence.
Honey.
- [Nani] Yeah?
- I need you to measure my dick.
The curvy one, the one that wraps around.
- What for?
- [Greg] Something.
- [Clerk] Okay.
- Something velvety.
- Something velvety, okay.
That might do it though.
- You don't have a fitting room do you, I can try it on?
- No sir not at all, not even a little bit.
- Are you trying to measure it like this
or you trying to measure the circumference of it or what?
See, 'cause you might get a different like measurement.
You might get a different number.
Think of it as an experiment.
- [Greg] This experiment would last 30 days,
during which time I would try
a variety of different penile enlargement methods.
- [Nani] Official measurements.
- There have been many studies on penis size.
But the definitive study was performed
by LifeStyles Condoms in Cancun.
Unlike previous studies that rely on men
to measure themselves, in this study
the subjects were measured by a nurse.
This is important for two reasons.
One, men lie about their dick size
and two, men don't measure themselves correctly.
(upbeat music)
The scientific way of measuring your penis,
and every penis size study does this,
get your dick hard, you're standing up,
you put the ruler on the top of the shaft
in the middle and you measure it.
Here, you put it on the side, that's 8.5.
Put it like this, eight, just lost a half an inch,
won't you go fuck yourself, look at that?
(audience laughing)
And for circumference,
you need to wrap the measuring tape around your penis.
I was going to measure myself at my thickest point,
which I believed to be at mid-shaft.
And so without further adieu ladies and gentlemen,
let me go measure my cock.
Official starting measurements.
Length, 5.97 inches.
And girth,
which means circumference,
5.00 inches.
Official measurements, locked and loaded.
As you can see from this chart,
I was in the exact statistical mean
for both length and for girth.
I just got my head shots done.
You guys seem like an LA crowd,
you seem like you know what's going on.
I want to get your opinion on this.
I know it's kind of unprofessional,
but I just want to see what you,
you know what you thought of this.
You know if you can look at
(audience laughing)
- Oh my god. - Take your time.
Is that a no, or is that a yes?
- [Nani] ExtenZe.
- [Greg] ExtenZe.
- [Nani] That's a good name.
- Maximum strength male enhancement.
Enhance pleasure and performance.
Improve your sex life.
Increase your size.
(upbeat music)
it's day two, day two on the pills.
So since the experiment started,
I don't know if my penis has grown,
but my penis has been erect,
I swear to God for like 24 hours.
I'm going fucking nuts.
- [Boxer] Cross over.
- Becomin' a man, little by little.
- [Boxer] Yeah.
- What do I have to fucking lose?
- [Boxer] Yeah.
- Inch by inch.
Let's go pee-pee boy.
Let's go you little fat pee-pee boy.
Ow, ow.
(men laughing)
- On the first day, you know he tells me about his passion.
His passion is you know, dicks, penises,
whatever you guys wanna call it.
First it threw me off a little bit.
You know I was just going with the flow laughing,
and now I realize this guy is serious.
- The average cock remember
is five to 5.5 inches circumference.
This is like you are too much man, I'm sorry.
- He's very real, you know I thought
he was playing around at first
or it's just the topic of the day.
But it's a reoccurring theme every time I train him,
so as far as where it comes from,
I'll leave that to you know a specialist or somebody
who thinks they're a specialist, not me.
(metal clanking)
- Oh fuck, fuck.
(pan sizzling)
- Hey Greg. - That'd be cool.
- Yeah.
- [Nani] Eat your lunch.
- [Greg] Lunch time.
- [Nani] It's what I call the pee-pee lunch.
- Penis healthy diet.
Omega-3 in seafood, the shrimp.
And anything peanut butter, the peanut sauce here,
you can use hummus, anything that contains,
what is it, L-arginine?
- Yeah.
- L-arginine, that's also good for your penis.
Omega-3, L-arginine, I'm allergic to shrimp
but I'ma have to deal with it.
(upbeat rock music)
It's day six, day six,
just getting ready for the day,
feeling good today.
Here it goes, another ExtenZe,
another day, another ExtenZe.
(Greg sigh)
- If I look for my clothes,
I'm gonna think I'm married to a freak.
So, I just prefer to like distance myself,
let him do whatever he has to do,
and be happy I guess.
- How do I look, pretty good?
And the piece de resistance.
(Greg laughing)
Yes, yes indeed.
I am ready for the day.
All right, let's do it.
Yeah.
- [Nani] We already measured,
you're gonna measure it again and get the same thing Greg.
- [Greg] No I'm not.
Every time you measure you get something different so.
- [Nani] No, because you are pushing it.
See, same thing.
How long are you supposed to gain?
- [Greg] I don't know, but you're not supposed to lose any.
I could have been squeezing it,
I think when I was holding it,
you know if you're not even,
kind of pushing the blood last time so let's just--
- [Nani] Of course that's ...
- [Greg] Well the boys are there, one, two on both.
Okay length was I think, this time the length was,
it's hard to see with a ruler.
Girth, we have 4.75 right, why
(upbeat music)
♪ Never gonna quit, never gonna stop ♪
♪ Push yourself hard to you reach the top ♪
♪ Never gonna quit, never gonna stop ♪
♪ Push yourself, push yourself till you drop ♪
- There's a ton of instructions here.
It's like a thousand instructions.
Number one, s have the pubic hair one day prior to use
to ensure a tight seal.
Never shave the day of your session.
Massage and stretch the penis
three to five minutes prior to session.
Do not ejaculate during or prior to session.
Fine fuck it, how do you make sure
you don't ejaculate, what if you do?
There's a safety valve in case it gets,
the safety valve is located directly in front of the handle.
Pump, pump, pump.
Okay, I think that's it.
Do not share cylinders with anyone.
All right, this is all mine, okay.
Well I got everything, got my lube.
Got my top gauge and I'm ready to party,
so I will, I'm gonna need a little bit of privacy.
♪ Never gonna quit, never gonna stop ♪
♪ Push yourself hard till you reach the top ♪
♪ Never gonna quit, never gonna stop ♪
- [Nani] Are you getting tired?
(air gushing)
- [Greg] Yeah, a little tired.
I'm pumping, I'm pumping.
Oh come on, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
I've already passed the thing, stop it.
- [Nani] Okay well open it.
- [Greg] Press the thing, press the release.
It hurts.
- [Nani] No it doesn't.
- [Greg] Just take the cord out.
- Hold on. - Ow, Jesus Christ.
- [Nani] Oh my god.
- I knew I wasn't fucking five circumference, I knew it.
I wanna get to six eventually, you know.
I wanna get to top 5%.
- And that's the top 5%?
- Only the top 5% of cocks
have a six inch circumference, yeah.
Nothing is happening.
It was a little bit better at 6.1 in length
and five point, not five point, I wish,
4.9 in girth, that's up a little bit.
6.1, I'm moving six in length, which I like,
but we're still in the margin of error, but just
gonna mod.
Week two official measurements,
6.1 in length, 4.9 in girth.
There's a famous stretching device called the extender.
That's the number one.
And that, I'm ordering that.
- Well I'm updating my blog,
I have a fashion, food, and travel blog.
So I just took a trip to Catalina Island.
Food, travel, and fashion, so I post pictures
of what I wear and pictures of what I eat
and then if I go some places,
I also put some tips that I give about that.
- [Greg] Honey.
- Yeah.
- Can you help me with this thing?
- What's that?
- This thing I got in the mail.
It's the extender thing I told you about.
The stretching thing.
- Oh.
- I can't put it together, I don't know how to do it.
Can you help me?
You know I can't do these kinds of things,
I've been looking at it for half an hour.
It's got a hundred pieces.
- The instructions for mounting.
Pee-pee goes here.
- Uh-huh.
- And then you have to put this like this, the plastic.
And then the head of the pee-pee
goes inside of this rubber.
- In here?
- Yeah.
- Well give me the instructions and from there
and this is what I have.
- Here, put it in a box.
Put everything in a box so you don't lose 'em.
- This is the box it came in,
add the little, there it is.
- Yeah.
- It's nice.
It's a nice package. - Well you put
the extender here.
And then the other stuff,
you leave it in the box anyway, okay.
- Thank you.
- My dream world sometimes get interrupted by reality.
(Nani laughing)
One more day at the office.
- Yeah well, this office sucks.
I want a new business.
Unbelievable, unbelievable.
Going down, now it's six, it was at 6.1 last week.
And I was at 4.9, now I'm back down to 4.8,
right where I fucking started from.
(whiteboard crashing)
- It's okay.
- Official measurements, six inches in length,
4.8 in circumference.
I got one more week America,
one more week Jimmy Johnson, you fucker.
I hate that guy, I really do.
- What do you want now, long, stretching?
- Well now after this, you know I'm going fucking
balls to the wall this week.
I'm doing every single fucking thing I got.
(dramatic music)
This was it, the final round.
I made one more leap into the great unknown.
I clicked every pop up ad I came across.
- You weren't lying about those little pills bro.
I don't know what the heck you sent me,
but this is sick, my dick ballooned up, ha, ha.
- [Greg] I did whatever it would take to win this fight.
I maxed out my credit card,
bought more shit off the internet.
- [Ron] Now there's more.
As a bonus offer you add Naturally Huge DPT Cream.
- [Greg] Oh God.
(upbeat music)
- [Lady] Honey there's nothing wrong with your penis.
Your penis is fine.
- Perrier Line hypnotherapy.
Days blurred together.
Money back guarantee.
And each product I tried was weirder than the last.
(upbeat music)
- Ooh shit. (moaning)
- [Greg] I ran faster than I had ever run before.
Running increases blood flow,
which is good for the penis.
I pumped harder than I had ever pumped before.
- No water till you're done.
No water till you're done.
(Greg screaming)
- I stretched myself to the very limit.
- [Greg] Most men want to perform the best they can
in just about everything.
Isn't that why we buy the biggest and best of everything?
So if you want that maximum performance edge every day,
I'd say go long with ExtenZe.
- [Greg] 'Cause this experiment
wasn't just about me anymore.
It was about every boy in every locker room in America,
who had ever snuck a peek and thought to himself,
I could be bigger, I should be bigger,
I will be bigger.
I may have been born into this world an average man,
but I was damned if I was going to leave it that way.
Yeah I know.
- [Nani] If it's--
- [Greg] Yeah, I wish I did.
- Wow. (laughs)
- Ah man.
It did not work.
I do not believe that these products are effective.
And now we know.
- Did he ever think those pills would work, but oh well.
- It's not just pills man.
- Yeah, the whole process.
So that's it, life continues.
(solemn music)
- [Greg] The experiment was a failure.
None of the products I tried worked.
I wasn't any bigger.
Taking the advice of my wife and everyone I had ever met,
I went to see a therapist about my problem.
- How did you feel when you were a little boy,
did you, in terms of your sense of power in this world?
- Timid, I was kind of timid.
I was loud and funny.
- [Therapist] Mm-hmm.
- And I was always getting kicked out of class
for being the class clown for hours at a time.
I mean, we started with my educational experience.
- [Therapist] And in those years you were the class clown?
And you were doing really well,
like you had the whole class just laughing?
How did you feel in that space?
- Powerful, good.
- Powerful, sounds like you spent a lot of time
over the last decade or more measuring yourself
and things like that.
You've changed your behavior you know in many ways.
It sounds like you very might well have at least
a certain level of body dysmorphic disorder.
I don't know if it's just--
- [Greg] What if I don't have body dysmorphic disorder?
What if I really just want and need a bigger penis,
like overall big, isn't that possible?
- Well, you might want to get a journal.
I would suggest that you get a journal that is
maybe actually an art journal
and then create some kind of image
about how you're feeling
from a physical standpoint on that day.
And just put a sketch of your body.
- [Greg] I was pretty sure I didn't have
body dysmorphic disorder.
I had a physical problem, not a psychological one.
But if drawing pictures was gonna help me feel better,
I was all for it.
What do you think the biggest man looks like?
The man with the largest penis in the world,
what do you think he looks like?
- [Audience Member] Funny answers.
- No I mean his body.
What do you think he looks at.
- [Audience Member] He looks content.
- Tall and skinny.
He looks content and satisfied.
That's interesting, anybody else?
- [Audience Member] Very tall, huge hands.
- [Greg] And the general consensus
is the guy with the largest penis
should be tall, big hands, big feet,
and probably black, right?
- [Audience Member] Right.
- [Audience Member] Yeah.
- [Greg] Well he ain't.
(dramatic music)
- [Narrator] Chapter two, Jonah And The Whale Penis.
- There's a gentleman by the name of Jonah Falcon,
he has a large penis.
In fact, he's got the largest penis on record.
- Does size matter, it's a question that keeps men wondering
and women talking for a long time.
But our next guest, size is definitely an issue.
(Jonah laughing)
- [Interviewer] Now do you really truly have the record
for the world's largest penis.
- [Jonah] Officially, yeah.
- Jonah Falcon was officially traveling
and the TSA stopped him because they noticed
that there was a bulge in his pants.
(man laughing)
- Dude, they thought it was a weapon.
Come on, come on, I retired right there.
- [Greg] There are some things in this world
you have to see with your own eyes
to appreciate the grandeur.
The Great Pyramids, The Eiffel Tower,
and the world's largest cock.
- I'm under the impression it's about 13.5.
- 13..5 right, without using a ruler,
I go from here to the crook of my elbow.
- [Greg] What was this man like?
What was his life like?
What was going to happen if I sat down
in the same room with the man
with the world's largest penis?
This was daunting, this was frightening.
This was therapy.
People always talk about the inequality of wealth,
the 99% versus the 1%,
but what got me was the inequality of size.
13.5 inches, this guy was definitely a one percenter.
I wondered what it would be like
to be in the top 1% of penises.
That night I had a strange and vivid dream.
(upbeat music)
♪ Quite a long time ago
♪ I saw you in a dream
♪ So when we meet today I will redream your scene ♪
♪ Strong and sweet, away you eat ♪
♪ A continental way
♪ And so another day, one day and way ♪
♪ You sail away
♪ Into uncharted seas
♪ Uncharted like my heat
♪ That you have seen
(motors whirring) (workers chattering)
- [Lady] Yeah, yeah.
(trains rattling)
- Just got off the train, we're waiting for
Mr. Jonah Falcon ladies and gentlemen.
The biggest man in the world.
There you go, the biggest penis on the planet.
Look at this plane.
Is that him?
No it's not, fuck.
There's a whole social structure of the world
with this man and we were left
in a real post apocalyptic world,
the likes of which we see in movies all the time.
It wouldn't be Will Smith,
although I'm sure he's very hung,
he wouldn't be the last survivor.
That would be the last survivor.
This is the most specialized and therefore the most
you know, the survival of the fittest.
He's the most fit because he's the most specialized
naked ape in all the naked ape family.
- Hi.
- Jonah, it's good to meet you.
- [Greg] Oh my god, we're talking about unfair.
- Yeah, see my thumb is over here.
It's smaller here.
- It's fucking, there goes that stupid theory.
How much of your self-confidence do you think the fact--
- Okay it's not something, there's a lot of insecurities,
that's not one of them.
- [Greg] Okay.
- I'm never more insecure about my body.
You know, I feel these guys are really ripped you know.
Like that you know, eight pack, 12 pack.
Asses you could bounce quarters off of.
- If a genie came down right now and said,
Jonah Falcon I'ma give you 10 million dollars,
but you got to give me something in return.
I'm gonna make your master penis five inches,
a little smaller than average, would you do it?
- I don't know, it's rhetorical
and I wouldn't know the answer.
Have the actual genie here and have him pop in front of me
and maybe I'll be able to answer that.
- [Greg] No, I know it's hypothetical, but ...
- I don't know.
This is more like bread than it is an actual pretzel.
- [Greg] This is where the biggest man lives.
- Temporarily, so a friend of mine sent me this,
which is 15 inches long.
For me it's normal to have three fists worth.
When I look down I don't see anything special.
I just see a normal you know, dick.
(upbeat music)
- Your penis is on top of the wall.
- [Jonah] No, it's not me.
See I have it wrapped around the side, which is here.
I say prefer constriction.
I don't to swing loose 'cause it hurts me.
♪ I saw you in a dream
- [Greg] It turns out that the world's largest man
didn't want to be known for his penis size.
He dreamed of being a singer, an actor, a dancer.
♪ Only the good die young
- You sing, you dance and you have a master penis,
that's all of it, that's a triple threat.
- I guess.
- [Greg] We had a good time,
but it was nothing like I had dreamed of.
♪ Take my hand
- [Greg] Still, it was one more thing I had to do.
(heart beating)
♪ And sail under old suns
- [Greg] Nature said, if you stare long enough
into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.
(trains rattling)
- [Narrator] And so it was, that our here,
shaken to his very core at the sight
of the most monstrous of monster cocks.
Turns to his ancestors for wisdom and guidance.
What were the forces driving humanity?
Were these the same forces driving his obsession?
Is it something primal
or something he picked up along the way?
Was he alone or was he with all the world?
Why did he care that other men were larger than he?
He began to think bigger.
(upbeat dramatic music)
- 'Cause I want to be next to him, that's all I ask!
No one's asking all these people here.
You're apes, you're nothing more than naked apes.
All right, I did a little Christmas shopping
on 34th Street.
Got some dildos here.
And oh there it goes.
They make it easy to open, you know in cases of emergency.
You watch pornography?
- Every day.
- Since you were how old?
- Probably about 14 years old.
- And you watch it on like iPhone and fucking iPad?
- iPhone, BlackBerry, mags, whatever man, computer.
- Do you ever get self-conscious like,
that you weren't as big as the guys in the porno,
and get like jealous of them, like they're really big?
- Nah, nah, I mean you go too big
it's like the girls don't want that.
You know you got the right size,
you know how to use it, you're good to go.
- So you don't care, you never got jealous
like guys with the biggest penis?
- I mean a little bit I guess.
- Oh my god.
- If there are three penis left on earth
and you had to pick one,
yeah hold it, hold it.
(lady laughing)
- [Man] Look at that fucker right there man.
- I pick none of the above.
- [Greg] None of them, why not?
- They're huge.
You kind of see it when it goes in you.
So it's like, you see that it's a joke.
- [Greg] So it's a visual issue here too.
- It's a visual and a joke, kind of disgusting right?
- [Greg] Okay this one, no.
- [Lady] That's too, it would pop my lungs.
(upbeat music)
(everyone laughing)
- Look at that, let me see that.
- [Man] Uh-oh, uh-oh.
- You selling them shit?
- [Lady] You know what, I would try all them of those.
- Big cocks.
- All right.
- Here's one, they're both sticky.
They're not used but they're all sticky.
- Oh.
- I know it's gross.
Three penises left on earth, what would you do?
- If this one had balls, I would choose this one.
- You know I would like just once
for a girl to say wow, you're hurting me.
- Yes, just once.
- [Lady] This one right there.
- you know what they talk about that size don't matter,
it's a lie, it's a lie, don't lie
to yourself ladies, size does matter.
- You cannot argue with this.
There is no retort to a giant cock.
It is sexual, it is primordial,
it is a representation of everything
as human beings we dream about.
Big, powerful, and fucking, just a beautiful thing.
This is, you can't argue with someone
with a giant fucking cock.
What are you gonna say?
Never went to high school, so what, look at this?
Oh you don't have a very sophisticated idea of paw-paws,
interesting, look at this.
Why you don't eat healthy, you don't know
or understand the environment
that if you eat beef it causes tremendous negative effects
on the environment, yeah, well look at this piece of beef.
Look at this piece of beef, huh.
(solemn music)
(birds chirping)
That's Jonah Falcon, Jonah the whale,
that's his giant whale penis and his big whale balls.
You know I'm yelling help,
I feel like I'm trapped in his big penis whale body.
And I'm sad you know 'cause I'd like a penis
almost as big as his anyway.
He's sad too because Jonah is a sad big whale.
And these are all the different little penises
inside the whale 'cause it would take like
a million of my penises to fill up his whale penis.
The guy has the biggest penis, so that's something.
(solemn music)
- [Narrator] Chapter three, Naked Apes.
- If they discovered that Jesus had a two inch penis,
this big, erect and well they discovered
he had a 12 inch penis,
and that loin cloth was pulled down slowly
and you saw he had a 12 inch fucking cock
or a little micro penis, do you think that your,
just immediately, your biological reaction
would be any different and would it form
how you viewed him as both a man and a--
- [Audience Member] Ah.
(audience laughing)
- That's why they never show his dick.
You know why they never show his dick,
not because of modesty, because you don't know
what kind of dick to paint for the fucking Son Of God.
They show him with a 12 inch cock hanging down to his leg,
it's pornographic, you show him with no dick,
he's a fucking freak, that's not a God.
So what are you gonna do?
You always try to make Jesus kind of thin,
you know kind of tall but not too much,
you know kind of cut, you know what I'm saying?
'Cause you have to be careful.
- [Audience Member] That's your obsession,
obsession, obsession!
(solemn music)
(sirens blaring)
- [Greg] I was lost in the jungle.
So I went to see one of the wisest men I know,
my good friend and mentor,
Professor Steven Boss.
- Oh Greg, nice to see you.
- [Greg] How are you?
Good to see you.
- It's good to see you.
- I have maybe falsely attributed penis size
to one's own power in the world
and that is something that people have done historically,
so I'm not totally alone.
- I see you're in good, yes that's right, good company.
(men laughing)
This may be an error,
but it's an error of historic proportions.
Since the dawn of time, man has made this mistake.
(professor laughing)
- [Greg] I plan on continuing.
- [Professor] And I plan to continue.
- Who am I to correct this?
- Don't you come to think that of all the variables
in life, this may be one of the least important?
- I'll say this,
that you know, out of all,
a lot of our concerns in the west is superficial anyway.
We have a car, we have a kind of thing right.
And out of those superficial things
that people stress out about,
it is one of the least superficial.
(professor laughing)
So.
(upbeat music)
Maybe my professor and everybody else was right
and I was wasting my time.
But I still felt like I was doing something important.
And that being the conduit
for all men's insecurities was a noble cause.
And maybe that's the difference between us
and our ancestral cousins.
The ability to dream, to hope,
to make heroes out of men.
I left New York and headed up to Boston
to dig deeper into my past.
I went to speak to an ex-girlfriend,
who was yet another unfortunate victim of my obsession.
(patrons chattering)
Do you think that my penis obsession
was a major factor in our relationship?
- Well I think it was all you ever talked about really.
(Greg laughing)
- Oh, that was pretty major.
- Yeah, it was major in your world,
I mean it was all you thought about.
- [Greg] Would you look at me?
- Wasn't it?
- [Greg] Yeah, I think that I remember.
- And it made you, and you were angry. (laughs)
- Yeah, but not violent though, no.
- But it made you like, you felt really helpless
around your penis size.
- [Greg] I know, I did.
- It was silly, I thought it was silly.
But I knew you were in pain, so it wasn't, it was sad.
But I mean kind of, I mean how do you not think it's funny?
But it's a real issue, no and I think it's important
'cause I think women struggle with body image
and men struggle with it
and no one talks about men's struggle with it.
And I mean I had a, I was in a relationship
with someone for a long time that was a body builder
and he never could be big enough.
In his muscles. (laughs)
- Right, I didn't think I could feel worse,
but I think I just did, go ahead.
All right, through all the bullshit,
if you have a boyfriend with a big dick
and you're talking to your girlfriends
and you're talking about penis size,
you say my boyfriend has blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
oh my god it's crazy, I can't even do it,
on some level you're proud of him, let's face it.
And that means it means something.
All I want, I mean I want--
- No, I was proud of Kelly.
- There you go, I'm just ...
- If this was Kelly, he was so big, but ...
- [Greg] Was he long too?
- I don't know, like yeah, he was like this.
(upbeat music)
- [Lady] Oh my God.
Oh my God, my son, (laughs) hello sweetie.
♪ It's raining
- Maybe I'm just not a normal person,
but I don't, I wanna--
- Well honey you are definitely obsessed with something
that most people aren't obsessed with.
- Well I think guys are, but maybe I'm just too sensitive.
- Sensitive, well you are sensitive,
but there are better ways to exploit that sensitivity.
- There was a guy, just two days ago,
in London, who died
because he went to a female doctor
who wasn't a doctor and she was supposed to
enlarge his penis using some kind of silicone.
And she was a fraud, and he died.
- [Mom] Are you serious?
- [Greg] Yes, a few days ago.
- Well silicone, but doesn't that?
- [Greg] My point is when you hear a guy died
trying to make his penis bigger it's a little funny.
It's funny only because--
- [Mom] No it's not funny,
and now men are doing, you know.
I think it's a terrible, it's a terrible statement,
but men and women now are so obsessed with perfection,
which is not human, it's not normal.
Perfection is not normal.
It's not desirable.
And the fact that so many people now think
perfection is desirable and what to attain it
through whatever means possible,
even dangerous means, is sad.
I think it's sad.
- Well it is sad, now that the guy is dead.
- [Mom] I know and it seems like a waste.
- Unbelievable penis though, believe that, he was, no way.
This is my sister, me, my little brother.
Mom, look how pretty, in the middle, in high school.
This is my favorite picture probably of all time.
It's me, my sister, and my mom in the middle.
(country music)
While I was away, my life at home fell apart.
My wife and I had our problems like any couple.
But this completely took me by surprise.
We're separating, officially as of this Valentine's Day.
I don't want to, I'm still in love with her.
But she's no longer in love with me.
- That's correct I guess.
- I want on record as the first boyfriend you have,
first serious boyfriend, cannot be, I'm gonna draw a penis,
it can't be bigger than this, I'm serious.
That's pretty big, well.
- [Nani] You're sick.
- I know it's sick, well I'm sick.
- [Nani] That's right.
- [Greg] It's just, it could be longer,
you know what, you want a longer penis, get a longer penis.
- We're going through a divorce,
something that's so sentimentally--
- [Greg] I mean Nani I've been crying for days okay.
I'm having a little bit of fun now,
but I'm also serious about,
I don't want you to date a guy with a huge penis.
Please, just give me that.
- [Nani] The problem is not the penis.
- There's nothing I can do,
to convince you to stay with me?
- No.
- Here's my impression of divorce,
my impression of divorce is, is it's well,
look it was great meeting you,
you know I think we really learned a lot from each other,
and you learned from me, I learned from you,
and we grew as people and everything comes to an end.
There's a half-life for everything.
So I think it's just great that we can work
on it amicably and not worry about who gets what,
these kind of, give me my fucking coffee pot.
You know what take it all, no take it all, take everything!
If you take that coffee pot you're fucking dead.
(solemn music)
- [Narrator] Chapter four, The Brotherhood Of Manhood.
And so it was, on that small blue green earth,
that our hero, the man to whom humanity would owe so much,
found himself at his lowest point in our tale.
Weary and flaccid, he felt like
giving up his quest for a larger penis
and a deeper understanding of human sexuality.
But although his heart was broken,
his spirit was too engorged, his will too penetrating,
and thus he looked to the heavens
for a sign to show him the way.
- Perfection's not desirable, it's not desirable.
- Don't lie to yourself ladies, size does matter.
- It's more like bread than it is an actual pretzel.
- We cross the skin and then we freely travel under the skin
between the cavernosum and the skin.
We go all the way to the neck, all the way to the neck,
and then start doing one big,
one big clicking as we retreat.
Typically I like to draw line right.
Typically when patients leave, they leave looking like this.
- [Greg] This was Dr. Casavantes,
who operated out of Tijuana, Mexico.
Casavantes specialized in a girth enhancement procedure
using PMMA, here's how it worked.
(upbeat music)
♪ Twist it up
- [Greg] Medical grade PMMA, or Polymethyl methacrylate,
consists of tiny pieces of plastic.
These plastic microspheres, when injected into the penis,
are treated by the dick as foreign invaders.
The dick reacts by building collagen
and locking these pieces of plastic into place.
I preferred PMMA over silicone,
which can more easily migrate
to different parts of the body.
And that was the last thing I needed.
And then they're always fat injections.
Take fat out of your tummy and shove it into your dick.
Sounds perfect right?
Problem is, that the fat often gets reabsorbed
and the penis ends up looking lumpy.
♪ The underground
- [Greg] And then there was AlloDerm, or cadaver skin.
♪ You got to feel what I'm saying ♪
- [Greg] AlloDerm offered much more
of the results than fat injections,
but required a far more invasive procedure.
And what about length?
Elongating the penis is possible
by cutting the suspensory ligament,
the problem is that most of the gains
are in the flaccid state, not the erect state.
It doesn't do you much good when you're fucking.
It was also a chance of penile shortening,
and I didn't have an inch to spare.
(upbeat music)
This was a big decision, I needed time to think.
I went to see my family,
see what they thought about all this.
Hello.
- Hello, how are you Greg?
- [Greg] Good.
- [Grandpa] Good to see you, come on in.
- Hi sweetie.
- [Greg] Mom.
- Yes.
(lady laughing)
- Come on, you all right?
Go to Tijuana.
- What?
- So the surgery's in Tijuana.
- What?
- See I asked about that.
- Who?
- [Mom] Mexico?
- It's just girth enlargement via injections
with PMMA, which is a kind of plastic
little microsphere thing.
And that just makes it thicker.
- So what you're gonna end up with,
is a penis that looks like a Pepsi can.
- If you're gonna get PMMA,
you go to Dr. Cervantes.
- Well that's good to know.
- [Greg] Remember that.
- I guess.
- [Greg] He's your friend dad.
- I remember that.
- It's like people feel like you're born a woman
but they're a guy or they were born a man,
but they're a woman.
I feel I was supposed to be born with a bigger penis.
I don't think this was the penis I was supposed to have.
I just don't believe it.
I know it sounds crazy.
- It is. - But I don't this it's crazy.
- You know with the way the world is going,
I'm happy that I have lived through
what I considered to be the best years in the United States.
And I'm kind of glad that this is coming on behind me too.
(everyone laughing)
- For all their wisdom, they just didn't get it.
They were from a different generation.
I mean my grandfather still thinks Bonanza's a good show.
I went back east to see my little brother,
who's on spring break.
I need to speak to someone younger,
that can understand my plight.
- How's it going?
- It's been a long time.
- [Greg] This was gonna be a blast.
- What's the deal with this whole divorce thing?
What's going on, is this really happening?
- It's happening.
I'm fucking heartbroken, I really am.
I been fucking crying every day for like weeks now.
- That sucks bro.
I mean take your mind off of things, these next few days.
- So what else is going on with you?
- Not much bro, this is my spring break,
so we gotta rage.
Everyone else is you know, going to like Cancun
and other places, so.
- Well what about the girls, come on.
Tell me stories.
- You got me fucking thinking about
this shit all the time now, fucking--
- [Greg] Thinking about what shit?
- This fucking, this big dick shit.
Fucking, you talk about it so much.
- You do, you were telling me on the phone,
you been thinking about this?
- Yeah, fucking every since you were telling me,
you know it's fucking all about thickness and shit.
And I always thought that I was like fucking thin,
so I was worried, and I've always
thought this the whole time.
So I fucking I finally--
- [Greg] You have a big penis.
- I finally did the measurement,
fucking I never did the circumference, fucking.
- [Greg] What's the length and circumference?
- Seven, 5.5 motherfucker.
- Seven inches length, the right way,
measuring from the--
- Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Like I taught you?
I didn't show you, I taught you.
- You did not show me, but yeah, you told me--
- Seven inches, that's nice, good for you.
- Yeah, that's good,
that's fucking better than most motherfuckers.
- That's very good.
Five five circumference?
- Five five thick dude, I had no idea.
- Five five thick.
32 years old, divorced, slightly jealous of my brother
'cause his penis is thicker, what a fucking loser.
- [Bro] And longer.
- And longer.
(upbeat music)
After a heart to heart, we headed north
for a sit down with the founders
of Small Penis Support Group.
How you doing?
- [Man] How are you?
- An online organization, dedicated to increasing
awareness and sensitivity for men with small penises.
There was a brotherhood of manhood,
a tribe of men leading lives of quiet desperation.
Meet the 55%, the mini majority.
(upbeat music)
That afternoon, they told their small penis stories,
and I told mine.
- I went out with this girl.
We went to a movie theater and saw a movie,
she blew me in the movie, so it was a good experience.
- Yeah. - Overall.
Leaving from this great blowjob, by the way, (bleeping),
I give you that.
Leaving the theater she says, she's like,
"Huh, that was weird."
And I'm like, "What's weird, what do you mean?"
And she says, "Oh just, oh nothing."
I'm like, "No, what's weird?"
She says, "Well it's just strange
"'cause you're so confident and most men,
"every guy that I ever met
"that's confident is well hung."
(men laughing)
We are just about to enter Philadelphia,
the home of Will Smith and the cheesesteak.
(upbeat music)
- It has like a pressure gage, are you serious?
- Oh yeah, how else you supposed to tell when to stop, duh.
- [Bro] Oh my god.
♪ When it comes to swaggerific
♪ When your swagger is simplistic ♪
♪ I'm amazing girl, it's crazing ♪
♪ Bitch get out, game over
♪ I take the game over
♪ I'm so far from sober
♪ We gone tell the club up
- How long are you in hands, you ready?
- It's two hands plus a thumb and it's this, boom.
- Oh yeah.
- It's about eight or nine inches,
you can really slap someone's face.
- You can really slap.
(man imitating slapping)
It's like half an arm.
♪ I'm so swaggerrific
♪ When your swagger is simplistic ♪
♪ I'm amazing girl it's craving ♪
♪ Bitch get out, it's game over \ ♪
♪ I'll take the game over
♪ I'm so far from sober
- In a post apocalyptic world,
if there were only three dicks left on earth.
- [Lady] Hell no.
- [Greg] Hell no, hell yes.
♪ Take a drink
(man yelling)
♪ Yeah, are you feeling all right ♪
- That's right, those boobs.
- At a certain level you don't learn anything new
and at a certain level you got what you got.
And I got what I got.
- You motherfucker.
You motherfucker.
We're here in Philadelphia, 'bout to have lunch
at either Pat's or Geno's.
- Gotta do 'em both.
Everyone's tried Geno's and Pat's,
they're rated, they're based on taste,
but nobody has rated them based on size.
Something I believe to be more important.
It should be from the beef right?
- Beef is the meat.
- [Greg] Let's measure the meat.
- [Greg] Yeah, but what if that piece of meat slid up here?
- Yeah, you gotta do the rolls, do the rolls.
- [Greg] Do the rolls, do the roll.
All right that's what nine and--
- [Bro] 9 3/8.
- [Greg] No.
- [Bro] 9 1/4.
- [Greg] Yeah, we'll do 9 1/4.
- [Bro] All right here we go, here's the test.
Oh it's messy.
- [Greg] Ooh, that's messy boy.
Oh that's a big boy.
Squeeze it.
Nine inches, this is smaller.
- [Bro] Nine, slightly smaller.
- Slightly under nine, do circumference.
That has a lot to do with it too because a lot of meat,
you know what I mean?
That's probably even more important.
Wow, eight.
- [Bro] Ooh, it's 7 3/4.
- If I was a girl and I was touching like a dick,
I would never want it to stop.
- Just endless, endless?
- You know what I mean?
I would be like ah, no way, no way, no way.
- 10.
- [Greg] No.
- Yeah, pretty much.
Six, look at that, the metal bar goes to six.
- It's the same the whole way,
the same the whole way, right.
- It's a little thinner at the base, but not much.
Maybe an eighth of an inch, quarter of an inch at the most.
- This is it man, it's where it's at.
You know and the thing is people talk about money
and they talk about success, they talk about knowledge,
everybody has their own dreams in life you know,
but there's always a measurement of success.
Money, fame, accomplishment.
- Happiness.
- Yeah, but happiness is too broad,
you know what I'm saying.
The thing is, the truth is,
this is the one thing you can't question.
This is the one unquestionable fact about,
the one unquestionable fact, nobody can say,
there's people who say money doesn't matter,
you care about money or investment banking,
but that doesn't matter.
There's people who say, oh you think you're artist,
into art, that doesn't matter.
Oh there's people who say I have a family,
I love my kids, that doesn't matter, you have kids
and you live in the suburbs, so what.
Nobody ever says that, no one ever questions
the potency of this object.
This is beautiful in your mind no matter how you look at it.
(brother chuckling)
Doesn't mean you want to fuck it,
but it's appealing visually.
- I guess.
(both laughing)
Okay.
(solemn music)
- Hey, so here we are at Tony Luke's.
We're gonna see how big it truly is.
If what they say is true.
Oh wow, that is certainly longer.
I can tell already that it's certainly longer
than the other cheesesteaks.
Wow, it's 10 inches.
3/4 of an inch longer than Pat's and Geno's.
Geno's was 9 1/4, Pat's was nine.
Significantly larger than both.
Over 10% larger than both Pat's and Geno's.
(brother laughing)
- What's this?
- What you never had a 10 inch Tony Luke's before?
It's the biggest cheesesteak in all of Philly.
- Oh, oh.
(upbeat music)
- [Greg] We were back on the road.
I was determined to find a place in America
where penis size didn't matter.
And if there was such a place.
- [Bro] A donkey.
- [Greg] I had heard it was here.
(men laughing)
- [Both] It's spring break 2012.
- [Bro] Rolling with the Amish.
(both yelling)
- You ever looked at another
you know hoped that it was bigger?
- No.
- I think these people are probably happier
than everybody else is.
I don't think they're obsessed with penis size
to the extent that I am.
I mean are they even people
and everyone else is.
I think they'd find a simpler way of life,
maybe that's the answer for me.
(solemn music)
As my trip came to a close,
I read an article about a boy named Justin Street
in Newark, New Jersey who had died
during a botched penile enhancement procedure.
Messing with your dick had consequences.
I went to speak to his father about what had happened.
Hi, Mr. Miles?
Hi, nice to meet you.
Thank you for doing this, I appreciate it.
- Yeah, no problem.
- I read about your late son, I read the article about him.
What happened to him was very moving to me.
If you could say something to him now,
what would you tell your son?
- I would tell him you know,
God gave you that for a reason.
So you should be happy and blessed with what you got.
If a person don't accept you the way you are,
you don't need to be with them.
I definitely would have told him
not to go that route you know.
It's a hard lesson he had to learn.
- [Greg] No please, take your time.
- Why this thing is a marginal thing you know,
who wouldn't want to be the biggest?
This is the card that we made up for the obituary
before the funeral.
- [Greg] And you, oh okay.
Oh that's beautiful.
- [Dad] Thank you.
- You think it's part of an American
cultural obsession with being better?
- Yeah, yeah.
(solemn music)
- My brother's spring break was over
and it was time to return to Los Angeles, to an empty home.
Justin Street, the 55 percenters,
after all I had seen and everyone I had met,
I still didn't know what to do.
The only thing I did know for sure
was that I was a RedTube man, through and through.
(loud booming)
- [Narrator] Chapter five, The Girthening.
- Anybody ever get a computer virus,
you get a computer virus?
- [Audience Member] Yeah, plenty of times.
- From watching too much porn, is that why?
- [Audience Member] Yeah I downloaded.
- A couple of weeks ago I think my last laptop,
I went to Best Buy, the Geek Squad right?
And I was very embarrassed because
right in the middle of the store,
they open up the motherboard
to see what was wrong with it right?
- [Audience Member] Oh my god.
- And they found a 12 inch black dick about this big,
inside the computer.
No there was a big pair of tits,
and a fucking cock, and it was disgusting.
- [Doctor] These go to some really deep feelings
of feeling less than, not feeling enough.
- [Greg] Yeah.
- [Doctor] Just being in the presence or in this case
engulfed by the whale, you know puts you at
this early age you know, feeling five,
feeling helpless, not enough.
All right, so now let's go to this one.
- [Greg] That's a happy one.
I'm basking in the sun, but the I go my own way
and I leave everybody behind.
- [Doctor] Hmm, and you leave everybody behind.
- Yeah, I have bigger things to do.
The 55 percenters say that 55% of men
aren't happy with their penis size
according to statistics, 55% of men.
- [Trainer] I tune you out and probably did, go ahead.
- [Greg] Yeah, you think I'm crazy,
but over half of men think their penis is too small,
so if you're fine you're in the minority.
- I'm fine.
- I met this guys that have an online support group.
The Small Penis Support Group.
- Are you--
- They do, on Facebook.
- Oh fuck, I mean honestly, what did you learn?
You fucking traveled the country,
talked to all these people,
what did you get out of it besides torturing yourself
and fucking torturing me with these fucking dick stories
every time you come fucking back?
- [Greg] I don't know.
- You come with all these different fucking things
you could do, are you gonna do it or don't?
'Cause I'm tired of hearing about the dicks, you know.
Every time you come with these sad faces
and these fucking support groups and shit like that.
You know what I mean?
Either you gone do something or you not, you know.
- [Nurse] You're doing this for fertility?
- Yeah, to freeze it.
- [Nurse] Just checking it or you're doing it
to freeze it, okay.
- Mainly to freeze it.
- [Nurse] Yeah, it's a consult to discuss
and he'll discuss whatever your treatment plans are.
- Okay.
- [Nurse] Okay.
- Okay, thank you.
- [Nurse] You've got it.
(upbeat music)
- People always ask me why I did it.
What was the final thing to set me off?
The break-up of my marriage, my addiction to porn,
some feeling of powerlessness from my childhood,
but the answer is much simpler than all that.
I did it because I was answering the call of the naked ape.
A call I had been conditioned to ignore, to fight against.
(helicopter whirring)
- We're just gonna record the time you finished,
did everything go in the cup, yes or no.
- I did it because it was the only way
I knew how to regain my power in this world.
It's the old school, Christy Canyon huh?
I used to love her as a kid.
Butt Fucked Babes, ooh, the last guy had a,
the last guy had Hot Hairy Muffs. (laughs)
I'm a pervert.
I did it because studies overwhelmingly show
that a thicker penis provides
more sexual stimulation for the human female.
There are those who say we should suppress
these primitive instincts.
But in a world in which 55% of men
are unhappy with their penis size,
these efforts are clearly failing.
Goodbye porn machine, goodbye.
I broke three last year downloading so many porns.
- [Nani] The only laptop that is strong enough today.
- I believe that our primal instincts
do not stand in opposition to our future.
You're apes, you're nothing more than naked apes!
And in fact, the naked ape might even be the way.
- It's more like bread than it is an actual pretzel.
- [Narrator] And so, our hero journeyed forth
by shuttle to Tijuana, Mexico,
where he would undergo a series of injections
of PMMA into his penis to increase its circumference.
But while he sought to satisfy his most primal of urges,
he was simultaneously laying the foundation
for a world in which penis size no longer mattered.
If he succeeded, he knew that know and for all time,
every man could be a one percenter.
For the only way to strip the power
from the penis, once and for all,
is to make every single man as big as the next.
(dramatic music)
- [Man] You know what this is right?
- [Doctor] What we're doing here,
we're locating the urethra here.
The area where the urethra goes,
is where we'll stay away from, from that area.
The feeler, starts on the sides of it.
- [Greg] I brought some squeeze balls though.
Oh my God, this is like a--
- [Man] A bullet.
- [Man] A squeeze ball.
- [Doctor] Okay, what we're doing here
is we're going to start blocking the penis
with an injection of Lidocaine with no epinephrine.
The reason why we don't use epinephrine
is because it's one in the areas in the body
that does not indicative to use epinephrine,
so it's just Lidocaine.
Here comes a little.
- [Doctor] A little pinch.
- [Greg] Boy that burns.
- [Doctor] We're doing what is called
the circular anesthesia of the penis.
- [Doctor] More?
- [Doctor] Mm-hmm, one more.
(dramatic music)
And now this is a cannula, it's not a needle anymore.
The cannula is rather the tip.
- [Doctor] The blunt tip.
You're gonna feel pressure, that's all.
- [Doctor] And we're depositing more Lidocaine,
now underneath the skin.
- [Doctor] Did you eat today Greg?
- [Greg] I did yeah.
- [Doctor] Good.
- [Doctor] No pain?
- [Doctor] It's okay, we want you to eat.
You feel a little pinch?
Now you're numb, you're really numb.
- I'm so excited, I'm excited. (laughs)
- [Doctor] Mm-hmm.
- [Doctor] Yeah and it looks, most of the end.
- [Doctor] Give me four, using a number five.
- [Doctor] This is what we put injection gun
and it's basically every click is perfectly controlled.
If we used manual injections, we can go very regular.
But with this, every click is exactly the same amount.
So this helps to get smoother results, definitely, and ...
- [Doctor] He's got a lot of this going on,
it'll be all right?
- [Doctor] Yeah.
Big time, one, two, everybody.
(gun clicking)
And we draw, imaginary lines of product.
- [Doctor] 10%?
- [Doctor] 10%.
- [Doctor] Hold that.
We just have to wait for that.
- [Doctor] Yeah.
(gun clicking)
Done.
- [Doctor] Mm-hmm.
- [Doctor] You want to do the far side?
- [Doctor] I think the one more.
- [Doctor] Okay, good.
(men laughing)
- One more, you know what, go ahead,
Stick one more in there if you could.
- [Doctor] Okay.
(gun clicking)
Looking better.
- [Greg] Yeah, looking better.
- [Doctor] Like an 18 year old.
- It is girthening, it's happening.
- [Doctor] No pain.
- [Greg] No I feel great.
I am walking on air.
(laughs) Seriously.
- [Doctor] Look at that.
- [Greg] How fucking cool is that,
it's rock and roll you know?
- [Doctor] I think I have it.
- [Doctor] Okay.
- [Doctor] All in the same.
- [Greg] Yeah, look at it.
(gun clicking)
- [Doctor] Big ones, big money ones, I like that.
- It's unbelievable what you can do with modern medicine.
It's crazy, everyone should be doing this.
Over 18.
- [Doctor] You can take a shower tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.
- [Doctor] Soap and water, dry it off.
- [Doctor] Do the same, how do feel?
You might be dizzy after that.
A little lightheaded maybe, maybe not.
- [Doctor] a little face booger.
- [Doctor] In the morning is gonna be
the most critical time.
Hopefully you'll get an erection tomorrow.
Which you will if your anesthesiology will work,
you can work one up, semi-erect.
Check it out, make sure nothing has moved.
If you feel a collection of product down there,
move it around.
Don't leave this on any longer than you --
- [Greg] It's a wrap.
- [Doctor] It's a wrap.
Any longer than you have to
because you may continue to swell.
- You okay Greg?
- I feel great.
- [Doctor] Yeah, okay.
- I feel good.
- [Doctor] You're gonna be sore, that's it.
- Change a little,
he said take it off to improve the circulation.
I have to massage it anyway.
Just to take it off a little anyway,
just want to take it off.
I had to rip it off.
Wow, big ...
- [Man] So when did you move to LA?
- Six years ago.
Six years ago.
Be a big bright shining star.
- [Man] Did you ever become the big bright shining star?
- [Greg] Not yet, not yet.
It looks, it looks weird. (laughs)
But I think the swelling is gonna go down.
That's what fucking (bleeping) dead, so.
It just looks, I don't know, I don't think it's nice.
(Greg laughing)
Well fuck it, it's still fucking punk rocks.
Looks strange, oh fuck it, it'll feel great though.
Just different.
It's a very strange day.
I have to say, this has been one
of the weirdest days of my life and ...
Well it's been a very strange day.
It's been surreal, you know we have a dream
for over 12 years and you accomplish that dream.
Yeah, it's exhilarating.
I don't know, it looks pretty bad.
And that's fucking purple.
It's so fucking, I don't know,
I don't know, I don't think,
it's not attractive, I know that.
And my balls seem too small for it too.
Like you know what I mean?
Like my balls were meant for my normal,
my regular, my other penis.
This is like, just one fucking thing.
It looks all like that instead of like that.
Or it could be like, (sighing)
that looks a little better.
You know it's a pretty good club.
I was worried they wouldn't have
very good clubs in Mexico.
I'm actually, pretty good turkey club.
Not that many nodules, looks like not that many bumps,
looks pretty smooth, bruised and sore,
but pretty smooth, so that's good.
Good morning Tijuana!
Fucking A.
Oh dude, it's sick.
Well the end is here, going back to American soil,
being bigger and better than ever, fucking A.
Oh God.
♪ This is the end
♪ The end my friend, the end
♪ Time has come, the end
- [Narrator] Chapter six, The Measure Of A Man.
- I'm dating now, I'm on online dating.
Anybody doing online dating?
I don't know if you are, but I'm on the OkCupid,
the PlentyOfFish, I went to the websites.
And it's a very strange world now.
Now that I'm you know, I've been married seven years
and I'm out there, it's weird.
Because now all you do is send a picture of your dick.
When you think about it, it's only gonna get worse.
It's only gonna get worse.
Can you imagine what we're gonna say to our grandkids?
(audience laughing)
And I just said, well let's set up a time
for your, maybe at the ice cream parlor,
for my big fat cock to shove inside your slimy,
what kind of fucking world is this?
It's disgusting. - Cream.
- It's great, getting it great.
- [Audience Member] Hope you're damn right.
- The word's honesty, finally after all
this cultural bullshit, honesty.
Animals, naked apes, cocks and pussies,
no more religion, no more, no more false modesty,
no more demonization of the human form,
just big cocks, wet pussies, running in the fucking jungle.
iPhone or not, it's a fucking,
it's a fucking jungle out there.
It was a jungle out there.
And for the first time in my life,
I was a lion, not a lamb.
(upbeat music)
Finally, I felt the girth on the outside
matched the girth on the inside.
I was the proud owner of a penis
that was six inches in circumference.
Finally, I was a one percenter.
(dramatic music)
(speaking foreign language)
- [Narrator] And so it was,
that whispers of the great girthening spread
across the lands like a great wave across the silent sea.
For the day had come when all the kingdoms of the earth
knew of the name Bergman and his heroic transformation.
From average ordinary man to legend.
- All right, so I'm at OkCupid,
that's where I go to meet girls.
Nice black and white picture here.
My profile, you got to have certain keywords,
like I'm down to earth, I'm looking for someone interesting,
I'm down to earth, I'm a cool guy.
You know 5'10", I'm only 5'8.5",
athletic, obviously not,
but these are the kinds of phrases you have to have.
Like you know, let's pack up the car and go.
It's just, I'm more fun.
Like I'm not neurotic.
Big hair, bigger ass.
I like the sound of that.
♪ Amazing girth
♪ How sweet the sounds
♪ That's saved a wretch like me ♪
- We met online.
- Yes we did.
- And it's just nice just to have a going to a bar,
it's nice to take a walk.
- Right, right. - I like that.
- Plus you get to know a little bit about the person.
(lady laughing)
- This six stands for six inches in circumference, okay.
Which is perimeter.
I want you to meet my penis and six inches.
(lady laughing)
- No way.
- So let me show you what six looks like okay.
(singing drowns out speakers)
♪ I once was small
♪ But now I'm big
♪ Was blind but now I see
- But I'm really nice and I have a thick dick.
All right, so I always want to mention
I have a big dick, but I like to mix it up right.
Let's have a smiley face, bam sending plow.
In a post apocalyptic world, right.
- Okay.
- In a post apocalyptic world.
(lady laughing)
Would you do it?
- I don't know, it's so long.
- In a post apocalyptic world right,
we talked about it, what do you think about this?
(lady laughing)
♪ A day in Mexico
- [Doctor] Here comes a little.
- [Doctor] Pinch.
- [Doctor] A little pinch.
♪ Through many pills comes stretching devices ♪
♪ I've already come
♪ This girth that brought me safe thus far ♪
♪ And girth will lead me home
(bar patrons chattering)
- I think that's her.
In the corner, very pretty.
Just like the profile, very pretty.
Hey.
- How are you doing?
- I'm Greg.
- Very nice to meet you.
- To the future.
- I'm from Brazil and I'm an actress.
I've been here for about four years.
I went to school.
- You look like an actress,
doesn't she look like an actress?
Beautiful, very beautiful.
- Thank you.
- I just came back from Tijuana
where I did a kind of experimental surgery
to enhance the circumference of my penis.
(lady laughing)
I know, now I'm six inches, I'm above six inches
in circumference, that's why I wear this hat now
and I don't know it's a source of pride for me.
I think you know, it's kind of sexy right?
Do girls like it?
I mean honestly.
♪ We've been here a 100,000 years ♪
♪ Bright shining as the sun
♪ It's always been to girth we pray ♪
♪ My work has just begun
- I want to show you something.
I want to show you my six.
(lady laughing)
What do you think?
- Oh God, it's big.
- Six.
(both laughing)
They fucking love it man.
Six, six bro.
♪ Amazing girth how the sweet the six ♪
♪ That saved a wretch like me
- Yeah around, not like this, but around, perimeter.
(lady laughing)
Cool right.
♪ I once was small
♪ But now I'm big
♪ Was small but now I'm big
- Okay, so we are now about to try my six
for the first time.
We're gonna achieve penetration with my new six.
So you just hold on, let me mosey on over.
Now this is the first time
you've ever had a six, is it not?
- [Lady] It is.
- Okay, achieving, achieving penetration.
Achieving penetration right?
Is it different than most penises?
- [Lady] Mm-hmm, it's definitely thicker.
- [Greg] Okay, and how does it feel good?
- [Lady] It feels good.
- [Greg] It stretches it, what?
- [Lady] Mm-hmm, 'cause it feels it.
- Does it hurt?
- [Lady] No.
- [Greg] No.
- [Lady] You want it to?
- Don't be a girl, it's science.
(upbeat music)
My new six got a hell of a workout.
Every girl I fucked loved it.
Sorry fellas, I know some of you
don't wanna hear this,
but the six was proof, size does matter.
How you doing?
- Good, how are you?
- You seem happy.
- I am, right now.
- Don't worry, I'll change that. (laughs)
- [Nani] Oh I know. (laughs)
- Nani you can't be unhappy with me.
I don't want to be unhappy all alone.
Skype kiss.
♪ Amazing girth how sweet the six ♪
♪ That saved a wretch like me
♪ I once was small but now I'm big ♪
♪ Was small but now I'm big
- [Greg] Hey!
- They match the gloves.
- It is me.
- No, no, no, no.
- It's, I can't believe it.
(Nani laughs)
- You want this thing, you can have it.
- No, no, no, it's fine.
- [Nani] The house looks good.
- [Greg] P-dad stuff.
- [Nani] It looks good.
- It looks good as it can, it looks fine.
- It looks fine.
- Seem weird being here again?
- I feel like it's the same thing with a bigger dick.
(both laughing)
He's upset, are you happy?
Are you finally calm with yourself,
can you buy a wide pair of jeans
and not freak out? - I can buy,
I can buy a wide pair of jeans.
In fact I got to lose a little weight to fit 'em,
but absolutely.
(Greg sighing)
Oh hey.
- What is it?
(microwave beeping)
- [Greg] The old journal drawing.
It's only healthy.
Annigirthery.
May we never forget that this is our first annigirthery,
it's a new start.
Happy annigirthery honey.
- Whoo.
- What is this?
Is that scallops?
- Polenta.
- Oh.
- Trader Joe's stuff.
- Is it good, give me a bite.
- I haven't, I haven't tried it.
- Let me have a bite.
- Let me try it first.
- So can I have it now?
And the verdict is?
- Whoo, the verdict of what?
- The verdict.
- Of what.
- After post, is it better post op?
With the girth, is it better now than it was before?
- Yes.
- Is it?
- Mm-hmm.
- Then you don't think if you could make it longer,
we should make it longer or is it really about girth,
the length, what's the final verdict here?
(Nani yawning)
I know you're not interested but you have to answer.
- No I think just the girth is fine.
Longer hurts, no longer.
- So it's all about the girth?
- Mm-hmm, it's all about the girth.
- It's all about the girth.
You heard it here first.
- Just being in America.
- Being in America, yep.
♪ Yeah I finally made it
♪ For a minute in a minute
♪ I'll be out of this world
♪ With a game and girl
♪ Boy I think I need a mothership ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na
♪ Caught in the covenant
♪ After running this thing like the government ♪
♪ I think I'm so hot where my oven at ♪
♪ I ain't making friends, no
♪ But I'm making ends, yep
♪ I'm just doing my thang
♪ And I'm giving that game
- I've never felt better in my life, honestly.
I have the penis I've always wanted,
my wife is back, at least temporarily.
(Nani laughing)
Thank you honey.
♪ She said this, she said this
♪ They say they never take me back ♪
♪ I ain't losing sleep over this ♪
- It's not fake, this is a real thing.
- It's real. - I mean guys ...
♪ I'll be in and I'll be in
♪ I made it, I made it
♪ I'm here and I'm here
♪ I made it, I made it
♪ I'm here, I'm here
♪ I made it, I made it, you made it ♪
♪ I'm feeling all right
♪ And I'm feeling, I'm feeling all right ♪
♪ And I'm feeling all right, all right ♪
♪ I'm feeling all right
♪ I made it
♪ Yeah, I finally made it
♪ Boy I made it and I'm loving it ♪
♪ I'll be out of this world
- A couple of months later, she divorced me again.
This time for good.
So I did what anyone would do to mend a broken heart.
I went back for more.
All right amigos, let's get seven huh?
- [Doctor] All right amigo.
- Yep, if only all men could be big like me.
Fucking A.
That's it, that's my new life.
(audience laughing)
Ain't that something?
You can really do something.
(audience cheering)
- [Audience Member] Pull 'em up, pull 'em up.
- [Audience Member] Wow, empowering.
- Can you get, it is empowering.
(audience member yelling)
Look how powerful I look right now.
Look how wonderful, I stand straight up.
I'm telling you, it's the best thing in the world.
(upbeat music)
- Let me get ExtenZEN.
Yeah, Triple ExtenZEN.
(door dinging)
I had lost a lot in pursuit of my dream.
But it was all worth it.
For I was no longer just a man,
no longer just a naked ape.
I had transformed myself into an idea,
a legend, a hero.
Men who felt small everywhere.
- [Narrator] And so it was,
that they lived happily ever after.
This most ordinary of man
and this most extraordinary of cocks.
(upbeat music)
♪ Once upon a time ago
♪ I saw you in a dream
♪ So when we meet today
♪ I will redream your scene
♪ Strong and sweet away you leave ♪
♪ A continental way
♪ And some other day
♪ Another day and say
♪ We sail away into unchartered seas ♪
♪ Uncharted like a heart that you have seen ♪
♪ And we will fair so well together ♪
♪ Like a winning dream
♪ So when we meet today
♪ I will sing so keen
♪ Take my hand
♪ And lead me to my dream
♪ And sail under falling suns
♪ Ooh