支援者总想知道 怎样才能最有效地帮助 Supporters often wonder how they can best help someone
受到过性侵害的人 who's experienced sexual assault.
当我们想为幸存者提供支援时 When thinking about how to provide support to survivors,
我们主要关注三点 we focus on three simple ideas
倾听他们 相信他们 以及 探索他们的选择 of listening to them, believing them, and exploring their options.
首先 非常重要的是 要为幸存者提供一个安全的环境 First of all, it's really important to create a safe space for a survivor
使他们能不受干扰地倾诉自己的遭遇 to talk about their experience without interruption.
单纯地倾听就是一件很有力量的事情 Just listening can be a really powerful thing.
尽管你在为你关心的人提供帮助的时候 Although it's really natural to want to ask a lot of questions
内心肯定充满疑问 when supporting someone you care about,
很重要的一点是 it's important to only ask questions
只询问幸存者说了但没说清楚的事情 that will clarify what the survivor is telling you,
而不要出于你的好奇心而提问 not just to satisfy your own curiosity.
我们也应该避免带有"为什么"的问题 We also want to stay away from why questions,
因为这可能会无意中对幸存者进行责备或评判 as they tend to inadvertently blame or judge the survivor.
要记住 哪怕是一些出于好意的问题 Remember, even something as well-intentioned
比如"你怎么不早点告诉我" as "why didn't you tell me earlier"
都可能会把幸存者置于一种 can put the survivor in a position
不得不向你辩护他们的决定的处境 to have to defend their decision to you.
其次 因为很多幸存者会担心 Next, since many survivors are afraid
没有人相信他们 that no one will believe them,
又或者他们会因为自己的遭遇受到指责 or that they'll be blamed for what happened to them,
所以让他们知道你相信他们是很重要的 it's important to show the person that you believe them.
尽管我们在新闻中听过一些不实的性侵害案件 Although we hear about alleged sexual assaults
或者谎报的案例 or false allegations in the news.
有研究表明 Studies have found that
在报警的性侵害案例中 只有百分之二到三 only two to three percent of all sexual assaults reported to police
是谎报的 are false allegations.
这个百分比和其他犯罪的谎报比例是一样的 This is the same percentage for false allegations of other crimes,
比如入室盗窃或者抢劫 such as breaking and entering, or robbery,
这就意味着人谎报性侵案的情况 which means people don't lie about being sexually assaulted
不比谎报其他犯罪行为更多 any more than they lie about any other crime.
事实上 性侵害是被严重隐瞒的犯罪行为 In reality, sexual assault is a severely underreported crime,
在所有性侵案中 只有9%被报告给了警方 with only about nine percent of sexual assaults ever being reported to police.
最后 你还能帮你支援的幸存者探索更多的选择 Finally, something else you can do is explore options of the person you're supporting.
谈到探索选择 When we talk about exploring options,
很多人会觉得 a lot of us may have the sense that
有一些事情是幸存者在受到了性侵害之后 there are certain things that survivors should do
必须要做的 after experiencing a sexual assault.
然而 问幸存者想做什么 对他们更有帮助 However, asking the survivor what they would like to do is much more helpful.
你或许可以和幸存者一起探寻一些选择 比如 Some options you could potentially explore with the survivor are:
去当地的性侵害中心 或者拨打24小时危机热线 going to a local sexual assault center or calling a 24 hour crisis line,
找一位咨询师或者亲密的朋友倾吐心声 finding a counselor or a close friend to confide in,
寻求医疗帮助 seeking medical attention,
向当地的执法机关报案 reporting to local law enforcement.
如果幸存者不想做其中的任何一件事 And for survivors who don't feel comfortable with any of these options,
也完全没有问题 not doing any of them is completely valid.
尽管这三件事好像还不够 Although it may seem that these three things aren't quite enough,
它们的确很有力量 in fact, they're very powerful.
而且如果你能够倾听 相信 并帮他们探索可能的选择 And if you're able to listen and believe and explore options with someone,
你很可能是唯一一个能为他们做到这些的人 you're probably one of the only people that's doing this for them.
往往 幸存者得到的援助与此大不相同 Typically, support that survivors get is very different,
但有人只倾听不质疑是很温暖人心的 and it's so powerful to be heard without questions,
有人对你所经历的一切 it's so powerful to be believed
都无条件相信 是很让人感动的 without being questioned about your experience.
探索他们接下来可能想采取的行动 And to explore options if someone's interested,
积极鼓励他们自主选择任何自己想做的事 and be empowered in making whatever choice feels right for them,
把选择权交给他们 putting the power back in their hands
让他们主导自己的恢复过程 以及其他需求 to take charge of their own recovery and what they need.
每个人恢复的过程都是不一样的 Every person is so unique in their recovery,
所以我们必须要遵从他们的意见 that really we have to use them as a guide,
因为他们最为了解自己的经历和需求 and an expert on their own experience and what's best for them,
并相信他们能做出对自己最好的选择 and trust that they know what's best for them.
在讨论我们实际上能做些什么 Before we look at some of the things
来阻止性侵害之前 that we can actually do to stop sexual assault,
我们想更广泛地聊聊如何预防它 we want to talk a bit about prevention more generally.
以往 当人们想到预防性侵害时 Traditionally when people think about preventing sexual assault,
他们把重点放在女性应该遵守传统的安全建议和规则上 they focus on traditional safety tips or rules for women to follow.
你知道我们指的是什么 You know the kind that we're talking about.
晚上不要一个人回家 Don't walk home alone at night.
看管好你的酒杯[以免被下迷药] Always cover your drink.
衣着不能太暴露 Don't show too much skin.
那让我们来想想这些传统规矩真正的含义 But let's think about what these traditional tips are really saying.
当我们告诉别人晚上不要独自回家 When we tell someone to not walk home alone at night,
我们事实上说的是 what we're really saying is that
他们要负责避免自己受到性侵害 they're responsible for preventing their own sexual assault.
更糟的是 如果真的发生了性侵害 What's worse, if a sexual assault does happen,
被责备的还是这个幸存者 that same person is often blamed,
因为他们没有好好遵守规矩 because they didn't follow the rules closely enough.
所以尽管这些建议本意是让人们注意安全 So although tips are meant to keep people safe
和预防性侵害 and prevent sexual assault,
它们事实上却起了反作用 they actually do the opposite
因为不应该让幸存者来承担这些责任 because the wrong person is held responsible.
个人的人身安全可能 The thing about personal safety is that
对每个人来说有不同的含义 it's likely to mean something different for each person,
把我们认为他们应该做的事情强加到 and passing on specific tips to friends and family
朋友和家人的身上 about what we think they should do
其实有两个很严重的坏处 can actually be harmful in two important ways.
第一点 我们常常听说很多幸存者不会对给他们建议的朋友 First, we often hear that many survivors won't confide in a friend
倾吐心声 who has given them tips,
因为他们觉得自己没按朋友的建议做 一定会受到责备 because they feel like they'll be blamed for not following their advice.
不幸的是 这使得人们在最需要支援的时候 Unfortunately, this leaves people without the support they truly need
无法得到别人的支援 at a time when they need it the most.
第二点 当幸存者觉得被性侵是自己的错时 Second, when survivors feel like they're to blame,
他们往往不那么愿意向执法机构报案 they're also less likely to report to law enforcement,
这意味着作恶者无法受到应有的惩罚 which means perpetrators aren't held accountable for their actions.
总而言之 我们希望大家能够 At the end of the day, all we're asking each of us to do
更严肃地审视给人建议可能造成的影响 is to be more critical of the impact that passing on tips has,
因为这些建议并不是无害的 because it's certainly not harmless.
那么我们能实际做些什么 So what are some of the ways that we can actually work towards
来让社区免遭性暴力侵害呢 creating communities free of sexual violence.
首先 不要对任何人进行性侵害 First of all, don't sexually assault anyone.
如果我们真的想要杜绝性侵害 If we truly want to stop sexual assault,
那么每一个人都有责任完全接纳这个观念 then the responsibility is on each and every one of us to fully accept
绝对不要在未经他人同意的时候 that none of us is ever entitled to touch someone else's body
触摸他人的身体 without their voluntary consent.
无论何时我们都要征得伴侣的同意 In every instance we need to ask our partners for consent,
并且尊重他们是否想做 什么时候做 和怎样做的决定 and respect their right to choose if, when, and how they want to be sexual
不管你的性欲望有多么强烈 regardless of how badly we may want to have sex.
如果让我们感性趣的人喝得烂醉 And if the person that we want to have sex with is really drunk,
我们必须等他/她清醒过来 then we need to wait until they're sober,
征得他/她的同意之后才能有所行动 and can give their voluntary consent before we do anything with them.
因为少了哪一步都算是性侵害 Because anything less could be sexual assault.
还有其他方法也能改变性侵害的现状 There are other ways to make change in this issue too.
你们当中可能有人想要利用学到过的知识 Some of you might want to use the knowledge that you've learned
反驳有关性暴力的谬论 to challenge the myths about sexual violence
并且去谈论真相 and talk about the realities instead.
你们当中可能有人想加入当地社区 Some of you might want to get involved in your local community,
通过在性侵害中心或类似的服务机构做志愿者 maybe by volunteering at a sexual assault center or a similar service.
最后 我们可以成为积极作为的旁观者 Finally, we can all work towards ending sexual assault in our communities
共同杜绝我们身边的侵害事件 by becoming active bystanders.
尽管性侵害不是除了作恶者之外 Although sexual assault is not the responsibility
任何一个人的责任 of anyone other than the perpetrator,
我们都能尽自己的力量避免性侵害的发生 we can all have a hand in helping make sure it doesn't get to that point.
这意味着 每一个人都能通过各种方式 That means that there are many ways that each of us can intervene in situations
干预那些发生在我们生活中的事情 that come up in our own lives
并用我们能接受的方式进行阻止 and step in in ways we feel comfortable with.
举个例子 想象一下你在一个聚会上 For example, imagine sitting at a party
无意听到别人说 and over hearing someone say something like
"哇塞 那个辣妹已经喝挂了 我今晚一定能跟她上床" "oh wow that hottie is totally wasted, I'm definitely getting laid tonight"
首先 如果有人醉到不省人事 First of all, if somebody is totally wasted,
他们是没有能力同意的 对吧 they're not capable of giving consent, right?
所以如果我们能意识到这一点 And if we can realize that,
我们就已经向成为一个积极作为的旁观者迈进了一步 then we've already taken the first step to being an active bystander.
当然 仅仅意识到 Of course, it isn't enough just to recognize something
这些事很有可能导致性侵害是不够的 that's having the potential to become sexual assault.
下一步是想办法去干涉 The next step is to intervene in some way.
也许你选择简单地说一句 Maybe you choose to just make a simple statement like
"他/她已经醉的不行了 不要去骚扰他/她" "whoa, they're way too drunk, leave them alone".
或者你决定和这个图谋不轨的人打局台球 Or maybe you decide to just distract the person
转移他的注意力 who made the comment with a game of pool.
又或者你让这个人的朋友确保他/她安全到家 Or maybe you ask this person's friends to make sure they get home alright.
总之就是找到一个可行的解决方案 It's just about finding what works.
而且由于每种情况都不同 And since every situation would be different,
每一个人都会用不同的方式采取干预 each one of us will intervene in different ways.
尽管在强奸文化里与性侵害作斗争时常会感觉很挫败 Although combating sexual assault with a rape culture can feel daunting at times,
但希望我们为你提供了参与进来的新方法 hopefully we've provided you assume new tools to get involved.
重要的是我们共同意识到了这件事的重要性 What matters is that we collectively recognize how important this issue is,
然后我们尽己所能杜绝身边的性暴力行为 and then we do what we can to end sexual violence in our communities.
这个视频是艾伯塔大学性侵害中心特辑系列的一部分。 想要获取更多这种详尽的性侵害觉醒和预防教育， 并到你的学校宣传，请联系uasac@ualberta.ca。
支援与预防
塔蒂亚娜·拉芙尔索博士 注册心理学家
支援
你怎么不早点告诉我
我相信你
在报警的性侵害案例中 只有百分之二到三是不实的
人们一般不会谎报受到性侵害
在所有性侵案中 只有9%被报告给了警方
你想怎么办
你可以试试这些选择
去当地的性侵害中心 或者拨打24小时危机热线
找一位咨询师或者亲密的朋友倾吐心声
寻求医疗帮助
向当地的执法机构报案
如果幸存者不想做其中的任何一件事 也完全没有问题
预防
帕克·勒夫纳尔 反性暴力倡导者
受到指责
我告诉过你不要一个人走夜路
我想还是怪我自己吧
没法说了
将来可采取的预防措施
莎娜·巴罗斯 反性暴力倡导者
哇塞 那个辣妹已经喝挂了 我今晚一定能跟她上床
醉到不省人事的人是没有能力同意的
他/她已经醉的不行了 不要去骚扰他/她
我们来打台球吧
@JoinFeminism字幕组
片源/监制：车厘子 时间轴：喵 翻译：Shel 校对：铝蜜蜂 压制&特效：柚子
原链接：https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NswJ4kO9uHc