MIKE: Yeah, they're the guilty party.
LISA:
MIKE: Ow!
Oh. You're smoking me out.
JOHN: You've had about 2,500 of them.
LISA: I know.
I don't even like Bacardi.
JOHN: Yeah, you do. You love it.
You can't get enough of it.
You're a little bit too sparky for me this morning.
You look wrecked, mate.
MIKE: I am wrecked, mate.
FRANK: I think about 10 gallons of water to go in this one.
MIKE: You know you are all right, Frank... you
kind of feel you are all right.
And you had that one drink that you shouldn't have.
Is anybody listening?
Lisa, I fucking expect you to listen to me.
I won't tell you again.
I'll drag you outside and give you a beating.
LISA: You've got my full attention now.
MIKE: Thank you.
LISA: That's it.
I'm never going to drink again.
JOHN: You always say this.
You always...
MIKE: You always say...
I haven't even hit my prime yet.
JOHN: You get wrecked, and then you come and go,
how many times have you said that?
It's so shallow... so shallow.
MIKE: I can honestly...
I can honestly say.
I can honestly say that I love feeling this shit.
[MUSIC - HUMAN LEAGUE, "LOVE ACTION"]
MAN: You know you're in love.
You know you're in love, no matter what you try to do.
You might as well resign yourself
to what you're going through.
If you're a hard man, or if you're a child,
it still might get to you.
Don't kill yourself.
You've seen it all before, a million miles
have said that too.
I've had my hard times in the past.
I've been a husband and a lover too.
I've laid alone and cried at night
over what love made me do.
And the loved ones who let me down and couldn't
share my point of view.
But this is Phil talking.
I want to tell you what I've found to be true.
I love your love action.
Love is just a distraction.
No talking, just looking, watching your love action.
Here she is.
Sorry girls, my car was packed up again.
Again?
I can't believe it.
Oh, neither can I.
Oh, John, you are not having much luck with that car,
are you?
Oh, mate.
It's like it hates me.
You know what I mean?
It's like I've done something wrong.
It makes me... it makes me sick thinking I'm
going to have to pay for it.
You've got money now.
I don't... I don't know why you don't buy a decent car.
One that works would be nice.
I never spend my money on such, um, frivolous things,
you know?
Are they new?
100 quid.
What?
Oh, they are fantastic.
They look, um...
Yet you wouldn't spend your money on such frivolous things.
You pay 100... they are like a couple of of Verruca socks,
aren't they? Release.
Do you want to do some work then have a break, John?
Or do you want to have a break before you start?
JOHN: I'll have a break now I think, yeah.
MIKE: All right.
Is there anything that me or frank can get you?
JOHN: A cup of tea would be lovely actually, yeah.
MIKE: A cup of tea?
JOHN: Cheers, man.
MIKE: What about a cake?
JOHN: Cake, yeah.
It'd be very nice.
Hiya.
Hi. You all right?
Yeah.
I'm all right.
You?
Good.
Just getting up?
Yeah.
Mmm.
You get your messages?
I did, yeah.
Going to call him up.
FRANK: I might yeah.
Good lad.
Well.
You were working late last night.
Yeah, nothing else to do.
You didn't fall asleep in your clothes again, did you?
No.
Certainly not.
Mmm, because I saw you lying on top of your bed
this morning.
Oh, gee.
Yeah, OK, yeah.
Game's up.
Yeah, I must stop doing that.
Mmm.
I might have found someone to rent the room.
Oh, yeah?
Who's that?
Do you remember Anna?
The beautiful Anna?
Anna yeah.
TERRY: I think right that she thinks I'm in love with her.
So I think she's a bit, you know, apprehensive.
Yeah.
You are in love with her, aren't you?
TERRY: Yeah.
So I don't know, do you think it's a good idea to pick
a flatmate you're in love with?
I don't know.
Why do you think it's a bad idea?
I don't know.
Can I help you?
Um, yeah, I'm thinking of buying a flat in this
area around here somewhere.
So I want to know what you've got on offer, you know?
OK.
Um, well, can I ask you to fill this in first, please?
All right.
It's just your details, your name, and address.
Right, yeah, well, on here?
Yeah, and if you put down some idea
of what you're looking for.
Is it one bedroom or two bedroom?
That kind of thing.
Right, yeah, I see.
GIRL: Paul?
Paul?
FRANK: Will this um, will this take long?
RUBY: No.
Why?
Have you got to be somewhere?
FRANK: No, not really.
RUBY: Have you seen many places?
FRANK: No... no, this is my first.
RUBY: Oh, dear.
It's um, pokey, isn't it?
Um...
RUBY: I haven't actually seen this flat before.
Oh, right.
RUBY: This is really bad.
For the money, I mean, look out there.
It's just nasty.
Yeah, there wouldn't be much danger of you missing
your train around, would there?
To be honest, I think you can find, um, a much better
place than this for your money.
Well, that's very honest of you.
Don't you work on commission?
Yeah, I do.
They're going to have real trouble selling this place.
You really shouldn't let this place put you off there though.
There really are some nice places out there.
FRANK: Yeah, I really don't feel like buying a house at all,
you know?
Even somewhere nicer.
RUBY: Yeah, it's a big step, isn't it?
You're a first-time buyer, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I mean, a mortgage and all that.
You know?
I don't know.
"Mort" is the French word for death, isn't it?
Death gage.
I don't like the sound of it.
I'm sorry.
RUBY: Sorry.
Yeah.
RUBY: What for?
FRANK: I just feel like I'm wasting your time.
Oh, god, no, not at all.
Glad to get out of the office.
Oh, I don't want to go back to the office.
Thank god it's the weekend tomorrow.
Oh, mate, what are you doing?
Don't say that.
What?
Oh, bollocks.
No.
Oh, mate, I'm so fucked.
I can't drive though, honest.
I've got to say, mate, the idea of going out in the country
now...
Ewww, you know what what I mean?
All right, come in, yeah?
Come in, and we'll discuss.
FRANK: Yeah, all right.
Yeah?
FRANK: But no going back to bed, all right?
Would I go back to bed?
Whoa.
Jesus.
So what?
Are we going out or what?
Oh, mate.
I'm fucked.
Look at me.
I saw Jeanne last night.
I thought you said that was finished.
She has got such an amazing body.
FRANK: Yeah?
I just...
I love black women's skin.
What about Karen?
JOHN: Oh.
Oh, I don't know what I'm doing.
You're such a slut, man.
JOHN: Oh. You can talk.
You're as bad as me.
- In fact, you're worse. - Mmm.
No, I'm not anymore.
Much worse.
Not anymore.
I've changed.
Yeah, I have changed.
JOHN: Changed?
Is that it?
Is that the conversation over? Is that it?
Are you hungry?
I could kill for a bacon sandwich.
FRANK: No, I've already eaten.
Ah, I got to get something to eat.
I'm starving.
You want to go down the caf?
FRANK: Yeah, no, I've already eaten.
MIKE:
LISA: You are in the bathroom more than me.
MIKE: I'm not vain. I'm mellow.
Bad.
- She's. - Mhm.
FRANK: Ah, you can have it. - A bit like Sharon...
MIKE: Sharon Stone.
JOHN: Sharon Stone?
Yeah, you know what Sharon Stone is like.
She's something like Sharon Stone.
LISA: But I'm going to keep my knickers on.
Oh, it's a shame.
I don't understand it... this lovely...
LISA:
Wait a minute...
Lovely long hair.
She's having it cut off.
Will you let me get a word in edgewise here?
It's boring.
What do you want to do that for?
Oh, you are driving me fucking crazy.
I've thought about this a lot.
And I really don't know why.
I don't understand why you want to like somebody else.
Have you not a mind of your own?
LISA: A mind of me own?
At least I can have a conversation without having
to resort to impersonation.
Oooh.
FRANK: I won't do it no more then.
LISA: Good.
Yeah, good, you fucking cow.
Why do you talk to her like that?
How you two have stayed together for, what is it?
Six, seven years?
I don't remember.
I really don't know.
LISA: What do you mean?
JOHN: Are you two going to have children?
You have already got one, have you?
JOHN: Can I take a photo of you two?
Hmm?
I want to take a photo of you two.
MIKE: What? Naked.
I want to take a photo of all my friends and family...
Everyone in my life.
I've got this idea...
Taking these photos... all the people in my life like friends,
family, and then use those images to make sculpture...
3-D sculpture.
3-D sculpture of myself.
So like, you are who you meet, you know?
You are formed by the.
MIKE: Yes Have you got any friends for that though?
.
No, serious.
LISA: I think it sounds excellent.
JOHN: Thank you.
This is nice.
Well, thanks, do you like it?
Yeah. Yeah, it's nice.
- You look, um, very outer spacey. - Oh, thanks.
I think it's probably one of the best books I've ever read.
Oh, yeah, that's it.
It is good, isn't it?
Have you read it?
Yeah, well, no, I've read half of it.
I read the crime.
But I didn't read the punishment.
Oh, you should finish it.
It's brilliant.
It's really good.
FRANK: It's just if I put a book down for too long,
I don't seem to be able to pick it back up again.
RUBY: I couldn't put it down.
I've read quite a lot of good books recently.
I'm thinking of doing an English literature degree.
FRANK: Really?
RUBY: Yeah, part time, maybe.
I hate when knowing you are at a party or something,
and you're talking to somebody, and you're
having a great conversation.
Everything's going fine.
And they always ask you, what do you do?
What do you mean?
What do you do for a living?
Yeah, what do you do for a living?
And you're like evaluated by what you do for a living,
as if that's the most important thing, you know?
What do you do?
Is that a joke?
No, what do you do?
You know, make props for TV comedy shows, game shows...
That sort of thing...
Unlike all these creative people.
And you know the trouble with creative people is?
What?
FRANK: They do something great, and they
think that makes them great.
It doesn't, you know?
I like your tree.
Is it one of your props?
No.
No, that's something I pioneered at college.
Oh, that's good... six of them.
Did you paint that picture?
FRANK: What picture?
That one there.
Yeah.
Hmm.
FRANK: I used to like...
Like painting at night.
You've got, um...
Quite starey eyes, haven't you?
I'm sorry.
No, I've just got, um...
I overcompensate, you know?
I've, um... I've got this really terrible concentration,
you know? I inherited it from my mother.
Your mother?
She's one of these people, you know,
that, um, nods and looks away when you're talking to her,
you know?
And she's not really listening.
RUBY: I see what you mean.
No, don't do that.
Do you mind if...
Do you mind if we don't do the...
More than this the first time.
Yes, sure, of course not.
I just don't want anything sexual.
I wasn't even thinking of that.
How could you even think that now?
Jesus.
Thanks.
You know, It is nice.
It's very big.
It is big.
Yeah, it's the biggest room on the flat.
Mmm.
Yeah.
Wow.
His tree is crazy.
Yeah.
Comes in handy.
Um, I'm sorry I had to see the room again.
- I'm messing you around? - Oh, no, don't be sorry.
- Take as long as you want.
Yeah.
Oh, I love that.
It's...
Oh.
So, uh, do you think you'd like to take the room then?
Um, the room...
I'm sorry.
I'm not sure.
No, so there's no pressure.
No, am I going to be messing you around?
Oh, god no. No.
There's plenty of time...
Plenty of time.
You are very sweet.
Mhm.
Hey, what are you doing on Friday?
Uh, don't know. Nothing, I don't think.
Why?
Um, would you like to come around for some dinner?
Oh, I better go and check my diary.
No, that would be lovely, yeah. Thanks.
Thanks. That's great, yeah.
Thank you.
Never say no to a free meal.
No, um, no, thanks.
That would be lovely, yeah, great.
Thank you.
WOMAN: Excuse me.
Can you help me, please?
I really need some help.
I'm trying to get some money together
to get my fare back home.
I just need 15 pence for my coach fare.
I've got to get to Victoria before 12 o' clock.
My kids are on the road at home.
I've got to get back tonight.
Come on, please, I'll pay you back.
Pay me back.
Yeah, yeah, give us your address, and I'll pay you back.
Look, I'll give you the money, all right?
But you don't have to pay me back.
I... I'll send it back to you, I promise...
Get it to your address.
You know, uh, you really don't have to.
No, no.
I will send the money back to you.
I don't mind if you don't send it back.
It's all right.
No, I swear on my kids' life you'll get this money back.
Give us your address.
Hello?
WOMAN: Hello, Tina there?
Tina?
WOMAN: Yeah, Tina, you know who I'm talking about.
Tina. She there or what?
I think you must have the wrong flat house.
This is not Tina, yeah.
WOMAN: Stop lying to me, you cunt.
I'm not lying to you actually.
Uh, there's a Terry.
You don't mean Terry, do you?
WOMAN: He says she's not there.
Where's the fucking bitch gone?
What flat... what flat are you looking for?
WOMAN:.
Hello?
For fuck's sake.
Oh.
Hello.
Hi.
Are you busy?
No, no, I'm not, really.
No.
I have something to show you.
Yeah?
Did you just buzz me a minute ago.
Just then?
Yeah, just before that.
No.
Why?
Are you going to let me in then?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Just wait there, all right?
Hi.
I'm sorry about you.
Shit.
There it is.
It's hot, isn't it?
Yeah.
FRANK: You said you should wear a skirt.
RUBY: Why?
I wouldn't be seen dead in a skirt.
FRANK: Why not?
RUBY: Because I've got bandy legs, that's why?
FRANK: You don't have bandy legs.
RUBY:.
I can see your legs now, you know,
and they look all right to me.
No, they don't.
I wear long skirts sometimes.
But I think past the knee...
That's where my legs go suddenly wrong.
FRANK: I think you're a bit paranoid about your legs.
I'm not paranoid if it's true.
All right, after you.
FRANK: Oh, this is nice.
RUBY: So why don't you like that place then?
I didn't say I didn't like it.
No, it was nice.
So why don't you want it then?
I just want to live anywhere that's too posh or anything.
RUBY: Too posh.
Yeah.
RUBY: You're mad.
If I had the money, I'd move in this straight away.
You know, there will always be something
that bugs you about a place.
FRANK: Yeah, but it's finding the place that bugs you
the least, isn't it?
So can you... can you not do that, please?
RUBY: What's the matter?
It just... you know, hurts my back a bit.
You want to fight, do you?
Yeah?
I think I know more about boxing than you do.
Oh, yeah?
Do you?
Yeah, I've had classes.
Oh, you've been to boxing lessons, have you?
Yeah.
You ever read that book, "The Fight"?
No.
By Norman Mailer, you know, the Rumble in the Jungle.
Oh, yeah, yeah, right.
It's brilliant.
It's such a good book.
Yeah, I'm sure it is.
You should read it.
Yeah.
Well, maybe I will.
Oh.
I, um, didn't tell you this before.
But I've just come out of, um, quite a long relationship.
All right.
So how come you broke up?
He let me down quite a bit, you know?
Right.
RUBY: He was a very unhappy man, a lot of problems.
Right.
FRANK: Yeah, I've just out of quite a long relationship too.
RUBY: Oh, yeah?
How come you broke up?
FRANK: I fucked it up, you know?
Right.
FRANK: Yeah, it's a little bit of a mess, really.
She won't speak to me.
Do you want a chewy?
RUBY: No, thanks.
FRANK: Make your breath fresh.
So, uh, you should take things a bit easy then, I guess.
Well, um, yeah, I suppose so, yeah.
OK.
I'll speak to you in a bit then?
OK.
See you.
Yeah, bye.
How's it going, John?
Yeah, good.
What?
That's a bid mad.
Do you like it?
, you know?
It's a beautiful color, isn't it?
Very strong.
Well, yeah, you're building colors on it.
What?
You're building colors different...
No, I was thinking of doing it all... just leaving like this.
What do you reckon?
They're quite sort of...
And really surreal.
We're all like that.
Yeah, do you not like it?
No, I like the color.
It's nice.
But I'm not too sure about the hand thing.
Quite sort of... do you know, it shows quite sort
of
I think it would be a bit boring to just make it flesh,
because that's like... I don't know.
It's been done, hasn't it?
Yeah.
Well, give it a go, yeah?
Yeah.
Let's see how it looks.
All right, we'll give it a go, but a bit more flesh
tone I reckon would be good.
You know I think...
Fleshy, more fleshy.
Flesh tone. Come on.
- They want it. - Trust me.
Trust me, then. Trust me.
It'll be good. It'll be good.
I know.
But at the moment, it looks like it's got
fucking jaundice or something.
I think I like it.
Can we run it by them, yeah?
Or just go over it again anyway...
And see what it's going to need.
You got a bit of paint on your glasses as well.
Of course I have.
It's my job.
Why are you still painting it?
Oh, god, uh, 24.
It's going to have to be 60 more.
Sorry about that.
Yeah.
Thanks very much.
Goodbye.
My boys. My boys.
Hey.
MIKE: Youse two guys.
- You on the TV. - Nice to see you.
How's it going?
Nice to see you.
Thank you very much.
How's the show doing?
All right.
You know, the ratings are nice and low.
Yeah?
And it's just the way we like them.
You're not in it for the ratings, are you?
- No. - Nah, just for the money.
What we're doing down there is a bit rare.
Just a bit.
But we thought we'd come and check on how you're getting on.
Fantastic.
Hey, look at that.
Wow!
It's huge.
You like it?
Yeah, it's amazing.
All right, yeah, how it's going.
Good work.
Good to see you.
That's a work of modern art.
Seriously.
That should be in a museum.
Seriously really nice.
Fucking perfect.
So that, um... presume that's the undercoat.
MIKE: Oh, yeah, that's not the color now.
No? MIKE: It's not finished.
Oh, not.
That's the color.
The undercoat?
No, no.
It's got color though, reckon?
Yeah.
It just looks funny.
Yeah, it just looks slightly, um...
He looks a tiny bit like-jauniced
- like he's pissed himself. - Exactly.
Exactly.
That's what you're going for? MAN: Size-wise, it's...
- He's joking. - It's massive.
- No, man. - Yeah.
I'm not going to paint it again.
You know what I mean?
You don't have to. I will.
He's only messing.
He's messing around.
Yeah, seriously.
Hey, look at this.
It's Uncle Peter.
Uncle Peter... it's the head of Uncle Peter.
Hey.
That is spot on.
That is magic.
Oh hi, Terry. TERRY: Hello.
Hi, glad you came.
Yeah.
Come in.
Congratulations.
Wow, I like your jacket.
Well, thank you.
Come in.
Oh, yeah,.
Oh, great.
What did you get?
Well, I didn't know what to get.
Great.
? - Yeah.
Go ahead.
Come in.
- Meet everybody else. - All right.
See you later.
Bye, see you.
Bye.
See you later, Adam.
Go.
See ya.
Bye.
Put it on.
Good luck.
Oh, wankers.
Shut up.
See you later.
What are you on about wankers?
Eh?
Don't start out you...
Naughty... naughty nose.
Just paint that back.
Yeah, I suppose.
John, they are our best clients, mate.
They don't make the most of our days though, do they?
Eh?
Of course they do.
We are talking about the great.
I like the funny.
They are good lads. Come on.
- Give them a break. - Well, big hands all the time.
Ha ha.
MIKE: Ah, that's a cynical that.
JOHN: You're such a brown nose Mikey boy.
You love it.
You loved licking their ass, didn't you?
You can't get enough of it.
Oh, you're the licking asses.
We should... you know, we should
be taking the initiative, putting ideas to it,
making the moves. We're the artists.
Do you know what I mean?
Right.
What the fuck is he talking about?
What are you talking about?
Nothing.
You lack vision, mate.
You know what I'm saying.
Don't take that the wrong or nothing, yeah.
No, I couldn't.
Why would I?
You know, you just want to be careful.
- Wha... wha... - Otherwise, you'll take it.
You'll be in 10 years time doing the same shit.
Like I really...
I don't give a fuck.
MIKE: Where are you going to be?
Come on.
Where are you going to be?
What?
Right.
Mad.
I love you.
You're great. Hey.
Man, do you talk some shit or what?
Wipe your mouth.
Yeah, but Mikey, shit is up today.
Shit is gold, yeah?
Yeah?
Yeah.
You better believe it, man.
Then you're going to be fucking loaded, mate.
Yeah, baby.
I could...
I suppose I could do my Loyd Grossman here.
Ahh.
Woo!
.
I'd just like...
Sorry, Loyd Grossman.
I'd just like to say,
thank you for dinner.
Cheers.
No.
WOMAN: Don't mind.
Don't mind them.
MAN: I love all that, mate.
I love all that.
Oh, I love all that.
I demand more.
FRANK: Whenever I hear a plane flying low,
I often think I'm going to hear a crash.
Do you think that?
No, I think about going on holiday.
Oh, that's a bit more positive than me, isn't it?
Yeah.
GIRL: Paul.
Paul.
FRANK: Fear eats the soul.
I'm just going to get a drink of water.
Do you want one?
No, thanks.
FRANK: What?
Woo!
I've got a terrible, quick temper, you know?
It's not my fault though I get it off my dad.
RUBY: You like to grind your jeans a lot,
don't you?
FRANK: Oh, god, yeah.
It frees you from all sorts of responsibilities.
- Hello.
- I'm good. - Nice to see you.
Hi.
This is, uh... this is Ruby.
Hi, Ruby Nice to meet you.
We thought you were bloody Jehovahs.
Oh, yeah. Mike and Lisa.
Hi.
Yeah, we're just... we're just passing by, you know,
and thought, let's just call, you know?
Come in. Come in.
Come in. FRANK: Thanks for that.
LISA: Cheers.
But you like turning up unexpected.
We was about to have some sex then.
FRANK: Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah, sorry about that.
Would you like a cup of Ruby Lee?
Rosie Lee.
Would you like a cup of Rosie Lee, Ruby?
Oh, it's lovely in here, isn't it?
Oh, it's all right, isn't it?
You should have seen it when we moved in.
It were a right mess.
Was it?
She's nice.
Yeah.
Very dreamy.
Yeah, she is...
She's lovely... she's, uh, very down to earth.
She's horny.
Yeah, there's two bedrooms upstairs
and then the bathroom is downstairs.
RUBY: Yeah?
No, we've been here about five years now I think.
It's gorgeous.
Where do you live?
About five minutes just out there
at the side of Valhalla Road.
Oh.
I've got to talk to you about something.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What?
Um, I've been thinking about this a lot.
And I don't know how to say it, but I'm thinking how do
you feel about letting John go?
There, I've said it.
What?
MIKE: Well, look, I know he is...
I know you two go way back.
And you know, he's a good friend of mine too.
There you see the pictures. Mike did them.
RUBY: Did he? LISA: Yeah.
Cool.
LISA: And it's a nice men's toilet there.
Oh, yeah, it is, yeah.
I see what you mean.
LISA: Yeah.
RUBY: Didn't see that before.
Do you paint as well?
LISA: No.
The other day?
That's not the first time, is it?
Come on.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
But what about... what about all this lateness lark?
Ha, what's he playing that?
Now, his car seems to be, you know, fine on the weekends.
Yeah.
He does... he does... he does love the job, though, you know?
I know that.
Bollocks.
He'd rather be doing his own stuff, wouldn't he?
Wouldn't he? Wouldn't he?
. - Come on.
- You talked about it enough. - Come on.
It's all talk, you know?
You know he's never going to do his own stuff.
He goes on about it.
But you know he's never... He's never going to get up
and do his own stuff, you know?
You know he's like... he'd been doing it for two years
- before he came to work for us. - I know.
I know.
He was... he was in a mess, you know?
I'll talk to him about it.
I'll talk to him, and I'll clear it with him.
Mhm?
Yeah.
All right, well, put it this way, it can't go on like that.
I know it can't.
No, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
It can't.
But I'll clear it...
I'll clear him.
All right.
Well, we do a bit a coke on like a really big night out.
But that's about it, really.
It's too expensive, isn't it?
Yeah, I can get it quite cheap before, yeah.
LISA: Can you?
Yeah cheaper down here.
Anyway, you know how I feel about that.
She's really horny.
Stop it.
No, it's only because I'm not getting nothing.
- No.
How come?
Well, I don't know how come.
I've tried everything.
I'm pulling everything out of the bag... nothing.
As well?
Don't you say nothing.
GIRL: Paul?
Paul?
RUBY: What the fuck is that?
GIRL: Paul?
I see a girl.
She does this a lot.
RUBY: If she does it once more, she's dead.
GIRL: Paul?
RUBY: Jesus.
I live next door to a crack house.
RUBY: Excellent. Maybe we could score some.
GIRL: Paul.
When are you going to choose a new place?
Why? What's the rush?
I love living around here.
GIRL: Paul.
You are strange.
GIRL: Paul.
FRANK: Why am I strange?
RUBY: You could have moved out here ages ago.
If I had the money, I'd move out of my place tomorrow.
Mmm.
Well, it must be my student's blood.
GIRL: Paul?
FRANK: I'm going to fucking stab that girl.
RUBY:
Put her out of her misery.
GIRL: Paul?
It used to be... it used to be the front line out here,
you know?
Yeah.
It used to be extremely dodgy.
RUBY: It used to be.
GIRL: Paul?
Paul?
RUBY: Then why does she keep going on?
He's obviously not in. GIRL: Paul?
Maybe... maybe he's...
Maybe he's deaf.
Maybe he's dead.
GIRL: Paul?
What's he like?
Who?
Paul.
I don't know.
I've never even met him.
Forever do me I'm going to get on the doorbell.
FRANK: You're very pretty.
RUBY: This.
FRANK: John Where are you?
You lazy fucker.
Yeah, I'm here now.
Where are you?
Oh, how could you forget?
Yeah, you arranged it.
Yeah, I've been standing on the court for 10
minutes like a fucking idiot.
No, look, it is too late, you know?
So go back to sleep or whatever.
You need your sleep.
God knows you... you know, you don't get enough of it.
All right, well, um, I'll see you later then maybe.
And, uh, thanks a lot.
Yeah, bye.
SQUASH PLAYER: Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Are you... are you... are you waiting for someone?
Uh, I was actually, yeah.
My, uh, my colleague is blowing me out.
Yeah?
Yeah, the same thing happens to me actually.
Do you want to play a bit?
Should I come down?
Eh, yeah.
Yeah, all right. SQUASH PLAYER: Yeah?
- You sure? - Yeah, come down.
That'd be good.
Great.
I'll.
Right.
FRANK: Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hiya.
Hey.
All right.
Yeah.
Hi.
So you any good?
Well, I'm all right.
I'm uh... I teach squash, actually, yeah.
- Nah.
I'm joking.
Shit.
Fuck!
So what do you do?
Me?
I do, uh... I make props.
Oh, really, what for?
TV, game shows, you know, quiz shows... that sort of thing.
Oh, really, really?
What about you?
What do you do?
College lecturer.
Oh.
Right.
Hmm.
What subject do you teach?
Politics.
That's... that's interesting.
Mmm.
Yeah.
You know, I always wanted to get into socialism, you know,
communism.
Right, yeah.
Yeah.
But it's... it's...
You know, it's difficult, isn't it, because not knowing
what books to get, you know?
To find out more...
More about it.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, the books are out there.
Yeah.
Oops.
Very good.
You're a genius.
Mmm.
Bitch.
RUBY: But you wrote your own stuff?
FRANK: No, not really.
Why not?
It's easier doing what I do, I guess.
It's just a lot easier.
MAN: Strolling down the highway.
I am going to get there my way.
Dusk till dawn I'm walking.
Can you hear my guitar rocking?
I stroll on down...
On down the highway.
People think I'm a crazing.
But Lord above I ain't lazing.
The sun shines all day long.
The garlic is far too strong...
While I stroll on down...
On down the highway.
FRANK: So, um, do you like what you do?
RUBY: Yes, OK.
It's only temporary.
I just said that three years ago.
FRANK: Be careful, you know?
That's what I'm saying.
JOHN: I am careful. I'm always careful.
FRANK: Yeah, well, be twice as careful, because you know,
he's not going to put up with it forever.
You know what your problem is, mate?
You worry too much about what people think.
Fuck them.
I do worry.
You do.
I worry about you.
What are you worried about me for?
Because you've got such a big mouth.
That's why.
I speak my mind.
Yeah, you speak your mind, but it's like...
It's just mostly bollocks.
BARTENDER: OK, lads, I'm sorry, but...
Cheers, mate.
FRANK: It's true
I'm sorry, but, uh...
PATRON: It's sick.
It's time.
Three more there, yeah? BARTENDER: Sorry, after time.
Time's gone. PATRON: Just the one.
I can't do it. I would if I could.
But I can't. PATRON:
BARTENDER: I'm sorry.
But I can't do no more for you.
- All right? - Yes, you can.
- No, I can't. - Come on.
- Buy him one. - Go on.
- Have one yourself. - Oh, no, no, no, no.
It is all right. Don't worry.
Come on, mate. Just get yourself a pint?
I can't. I would if I could.
I'm sorry, lads.
Listen you Irish fuck.
Just stick another drink in there.
BARTENDER: I'm closing up, sir.
I told you I can't do it.
- I can't.
- No. - You can.
It's after time.
- I'm not deaf.
- You're not deaf. - I'm not deaf.
Tell me. Are you deaf?
- I'm not deaf. - You need waking up.
There you go. Wake up.
Right, Tom, get the police.
Tom. Call the police, Tom.
Fuck the police.
Call the fucking police, mate.
Think about that, huh?
BARTENDER: They're called all right.
They won't be long sorting me out now.
Give me a fucking drink.
You're.
- Are you? - No, mate.
Huh?
All right, mate, yeah.
Fucking looking at my cock?
No, mate.
Don't look at my cock, you cunt.
All right, mate, look.
Fucking look at me, all right?
I'm sorry, yeah.
Sorry, you fucking cunt.
I'm sorry.
STEVEY: What are you looking at? PATRON: Leave it, Steve.
What are you looking at? FRANK: I don't know, mate.
Eh?
What are you fucking looking at?
Fucking cunt there, are you?
What are you?
Do you know what you fucking are?
PATRON: Stevey. - I'll tell you what you are.
You're a cunt, are you?
PATRON: Come on, man, let's go.
You're a cunt.
Tell me what you fucking are!
I'm a cunt.
PATRON: Come on, man, they called
the fucking police, mate.
STEVEY:.
Yeah, all right, all right. I'm all right.
Fuck off.
Fucking.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
PATRON: Let's go, yeah?
STEVEY: All right. All right.
Don't fucking touch me. I'm all right.
Right.
I'm all right.
Oh, shit.
RUBY: How fucking scared.
Did you see his eyes?
Fucking hell.
Honestly, there was no one there.
Oh, I was just crap.
I'm like, you know, violent situations...
Mate.
My fucking knees just buckle.
What are you looking at?
Are you looking at my cock?
Get the fuck out of this fucking county, man.
Mate?
You looking at my cock?
Cunt.
Oh, yeah, you're a cunt.
FRANK: I'm really sorry.
You know?
I'm so sorry I just went out of my mind.
I just went out of my head.
Yeah, well, you've lost that place now.
- No, we can't.
I'm really... I'm so sorry, you know?
It just... it completely went out of my head.
I'm such an idiot.
It just went out of my mind, you know?
I'm really sorry I kept you waiting like that.
I didn't do it on purpose.
I know.
It was you that lost out, not me.
Yeah, but I kept you waiting.
RUBY: Yeah, you did.
Don't worry.
I won't wait for you again.
I'm such an idiot.
This is not my fault, you know?
My brain just packs up on me sometimes.
Does it?
PJ HARVEY: Catherine liked high places.
High up, high up on the hills...
A maze of making noises like whales...
Noises like the whales.
Here she built a chapel with her image, an image of the wall
and places where she could rest and rest
and a place where she could wash.
And listen to the wind blowing.
And listen to the wind blow.
And listen to the wind.
Listen to the wind.
Dreamt of children's voices... and torture.
And torture on the wheels.
Torture on the wheel.
Patron saint of nothing.
Nothing.
The woman of the hills.
She was once a lady.
Is that all you want to do?
For drink?
Yeah, OK.
Don't know how.
Yeah.
You sure that you left that window open?
Why, what do you think is going to happen?
I don't know.
It just looks like an open invitation, that's all.
Don't be silly.
For who?
I don't know just say like, anyone
wanted to get in they could.
That's all.
Those blokes saw us leave.
Oh, I don't know.
Do you really think someone is going to climb up the front
of a building this time a day?
I guess not.
I'm just being silly.
Just ignore me.
What are you doing?
Oh!
No, listen, I have to go back.
RUBY: Great.
Should we go?
What's the matter?
I can't walk out there now.
RUBY: Why not?
Well, because they're going to know the reason we came back
was to close the windows.
That's why.
RUBY: So?
So they're going to know we thought bad of them.
No they're not.
I think they are.
You know, we'd go out, leave the windows open,
they see us go past, right?
Two minutes later, we come back.
We close the windows, and then we go out again.
You know what?
They're going to fucking rob us now, because we
did think about them.
That's what's going to happen.
It's fine. Let's just go.
No, it's not fine.
Yes, it is.
No, we can't go now.
We can't.
I've fucked it up.
I really.
Are you joking?
No.
I fucked it up.
It's fine. We can just go.
FRANK: It's not fine.
I fucked it up.
- RUBY: You haven't. - I have.
You know?
It was just like a night out in the pub.
It was simple and all that.
RUBY: It can still be though.
And no, it's not like it can.
RUBY: Yeah, it can.
Ah, fuck.
Do you like the new top?
Oh,.
Does anyone want a drink?
Come on. What's the matter?
You all right. Sorry.
I'm all right, yeah.
Huh?
Darling, I arranged yours.
Hey, you, get off your fucking flabby ass and get it yourself.
- I told you.
Don't talk to like that.
LISA: Fuck off, you.
My ass isn't fat.
MIKE: (AMERICAN ACCENT) That I like.
That I like.
Keep it coming, baby.
That I like.
I have room for the both of us.
Come on.
Have a fucking drink, you miserable bastard.
Have a drink.
Come on.
Have a drink.
Have a little taste...
- Just a swig. - Leave me alone, man.
- Come on. - Leave me alone.
Party.
Just have a bit of the froth.
Hmm?
Everyone's having a very shit time, because you're
not having a drink.
You're having a shit time because I'm having a drink.
I don't want to have a drink.
I know it's real annoying, and I'm sorry.
But I'm not going to stop until you have some.
OK, just fucking force me.
Just force me.
Is that what it is?
You want.
Is that what you want?
WOMAN: I'll try to make it happen.
Breathe faster,.
Ha, ha, ha.
.
MIKE: My I got chicken shawarm.
Chicken biriyani.
Oh, I've got some papadums.
I've got whatever you want.
.
Has anyone seen the naans here?
Has anyone seen the naan bread?
Probably in the other one, are they?
I don't fucking believe it.
Naans, because no one bothered
that I've got no naans.
Is this Lisa?
Is this just me?
There you go.
Terry. Are you serious?
Right, Terry.
Terry, are you being serious?
It's all right.
Everybody was worried about the naan bread.
We've got the slice bread.
It's all right.
Hey.
Hello.
TERRY: Hello.
How are you?
Oh, it's cozy in here, isn't it?
Can I come in?
Of course you can.
Sit yourself down.
For the 150 blanks, blank, oh, blank,
Father Christmas...
Father Christmas caught his blank oh blanks
on the television aerial.
What are your?
That is just tremendous, isn't it?
Superman's game.
RUBY: Hey Terry, can I ask you something?
Yeah, of course, what?
Frank told me something.
Did he?
About me?
Why, what does he be saying about me?
I hope you don't mind me asking you.
No, no, go ahead.
That's fine.
I'm so nosy.
That's OK.
No!
I am really nosy.
Frank said, you tried to kill yourself once.
Is that true?
Give me what you've got here.
Give me what you've got.
I will be with you in a moment.
I want to have your job, shithead.
I'm going down to.
I don't care whose nephew you are, whose dick you are sucking
on, job, shithead.
I'm sorry, Terry, if it embarrassed you.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I am a bit drunk.
Don't worry.
So am I.
Terry, I didn't mean to be so nosy.
No, no.
It's OK.
It was a long time ago.
I was very young.
I was very foolish.
No, Terry.
Oh, yes, I think so... over a girl.
What happened?
Oh, she let me down, you know.
But we were both very young.
Anyway, I survived.
I am still here... just.
I went to that exhibition. Yeah?
The one you were talking about.
I thought it was brilliant.
I was like, you know, ah, with the, um,
the uh, the bricks and the tar.
Oh, I thought was demonic.
You know, it just blew my head off.
MIKE: What?
Demonic? JOHN: Yeah, it was.
It was so violent.
Ah, demonic.
Are you taking a piss?
MIKE: No.
Well, to be honest with you, John,
you're talking a load of bollocks.
Oh, no, I'm not.
Serious.
Straight out I thought it was...
MIKE: The thing is like, mouth almighty,
we did all this stuff.
We did all this stuff at college We did it all.
We've done it.
Did you... did you see the exhibition?
MIKE: Yeah, yeah, I did.
Yeah, yeah... excuse me.
I did.
Frank.
I did actually.
And I thought... I thought that...
I thought they were weak, the colors.
I thought they were much richer in print.
Ah.
Now, the layers and the...
I think it's fucking excellent.
No, it's shit.
It's shit.
Shit.
Poo.
JOHN: I am trying to have a serious conversation with you.
Yeah, well... yeah.
You better try a bit harder.
Oh.
I am sorry... um, I don't like it.
Can you stop for a minute?
Oh.
Don't do that, please.
Mmm.
Oww.
Oh, you hurt me.
Sorry.
Let's just... it is sort of.
I'm going to shave it off.
No.
Yeah, no, I'll go and shave it off.
- No, it's OK. - No, I'm going to shave it off.
No, that's all right.
I'll be back in a minute, all right?
That's all right.
You're going?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I am going to go home.
Oh.
How come?
Um, lie in bed tonight.
All right.
So is there something wrong.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's just, um, I'm just really tired like...
You know, don't they ever have a.
I'm sorry.
Do you want me to call you a cab or something?
No, it's OK.
I've already called one.
WOMAN: Excuse me, mate.
How is it going?
You all right?
Yeah.
Listen, uh, can you help us out, mate?
No, I'm sorry. I can't.
I just need some cash.
I need about 15 quid.
It sounds a lot, but you know, you'd be helping me out a lot,
you know?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I just can't help.
Well, we can go upstairs and do it proper, if you want.
What?
Do it properly.
No, I don't want...
I don't want to do that.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, of course you're pretty.
So what's your problem, you know?
That's not a problem.
I just don't want to do it.
You don't have to do that.
Say, man, what's the matter with people nowadays, man?
I'm asking for a little bit of help, you know?
My girlfriend has just left me.
The baby has just been taken away from me.
Al I get is a slap in the face all the time.
15 quid... it's all I need...
15, quid, mate.
I'll give you some money, all right?
You know, you don't have to...
You don't have to do anything for it.
- You need to work for it. - Fine that.
That's fine by me. That's all right.
All right, and well, come in.
WOMAN:
FRANK: Come in off the street.
Haven't you changed your mind a bit quick though?
No, come on.
All right, come in.
It's all right.
All right.
I have to... you just...
You just wait here until I get the money, yeah?
Who do you live with then?
A girlfriend?
No, I... I live with my... with my mate.
Your mate?
Are you queer?
No.
Not as far as I know anyway.
There you go.
Thanks. Thanks.
I really appreciate that.
That's all right.
Hey, look at his, right?
I was standing on the street today, yeah.
I walked into some girl on a huge bike... a bruise on that.
FRANK: Yeah, that's not good, is it?
It's not good at all, mate.
Listen, why don't I come back here tonight.
Once I go and get my stuff, I'll come back, yeah?
Nah.
Nah, you better go.
Look, I don't want to be in that shithole next door
tonight.
No, I don't think so.
You're really sweet, you know?
It's OK, yeah?
Cheers.
Good that.
Yeah?
Whoa.
Here she is.
There you go.
That's the way to do it.
Oh, there's something missing, isn't it?
What is it?
Oh, yellow.
Yeah, more yellow, mate.
Yeah, fuck off.
- What would you do? - Don't mess...
What would you do if I poured this on here now?
John, don't mess around.
I'm taking off in about 10 minutes.
- Woo. - John, stop it.
John, stop fucking.
Fuck.
What were you doing?
You knocked my hand, man.
No, your hand? What am I doing?
What were you doing messing around with that?
I wouldn't have come near you, you idiot.
All right, mate, it's an accident, yeah.
Accident my ass, John.
What?
So.
Well, I don't know what you meant to do,
but it's up and.
You've done it.
It's just typical you, isn't it, John?
It's just so typical of you.
Sorry.
This is typical of what, exactly?
Of you fucking around.
JOHN: My fucking around?
Uh, I'm sorry.
MIKE: Come on, John. JOHN: Oh, OK.
MIKE: You don't really want to be here anymore, do you?
Do you?
I don't know.
I'm asking.
Do you?
No, I don't no.
Right.
No, I don't want to be fucking here if you're going to behave
like a fucking psycho.
It's a fucking accident, Mike, yeah?
Like sense of humor.
For fuck's sake.
Some epoxy fucking hand on some epoxy fucking TV show.
Like hello?
Perspective.
You two suck dick here doesn't mean I have to,
right?
Where's your fucking balls, yeah?
You're spineless.
You're lackluster.
You lack luster, yeah?
Is that right?
Yeah.
Fuck, I hate to think you two are where the talent is, yeah?
I have lost all fucking respect.
Is a whole line-0-
A couple of fucking sheep.
All right, why don't you fuck off then, John?
Yeah, fine, I don't want to work
for you cunts in this fucking shit place anyway.
Hold on.
Oh.
All right, mate.
Get off me.
Jesus, man.
Frank, man.
Frank.
Jesus, mate, come on.
Get up.
Woo!
Jesus.
It was like being ringside.
You all right?
Man, I thought you were going to do a fucking Tyson.
I'm waiting for you to start chomping on his ear.
Woo.
Hello?
MIKE: Listen, we haven't... We haven't told you, have we?
No.
Me and Lisa is getting married.
Honestly?
What?
Oh, no.
Come here, lad, give a kiss.
MIKE: Ready for a pound.
LISA:
MIKE: Ready for a pound now.
FRANK: What?
MIKE:
LISA: Made a deal with us.
He said, if you don't get your hair cut, I'll marry you.
Ohh,.
LISA: So I said, right.
Fuck you, then.
No, you didn't.
WOMAN: So, right, you know?
Even rung me dad, and asked for my hand, and everything,
didn't you?
MIKE: Because he sounds like Les Dawson, no doubt.
LISA: He doesn't.
MIKE: He says, I didn't think you were that serious, he says.
I said, you know, I've been goosing
your daughter for six years.
I'd like to make a lady of her, and, uh, we went oh, all right,
then.
And that was it.
FRANK: Yeah, cheers.
MIKE:.
[MUSIC - GROOVE ARMADA, "AT THE RIVER"]
MAN: If you're fond of sand dunes in salty air.
Quaint little villaages here and there.
If you're fond of sand dunes in salty air.
Quaint little villages here and there.
If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air.
Quaint little villages here and there.
If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air
quaint little villages here and there.
If you're fond of sand dunes.
If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air.
Quaint little villages here and there.
If you're fond of sand dunes.