♪♪
Thank the Maker. Chewbacca!
Wonderful news.
I have received a distress call from R2-D2.
Well, it's not wonderful that he is in distress,
but I now have his partial coordinates.
I always wanted to say this.
Punch it, Chewie.
R2-D2, here we come!
Fly on, partner!
Do forgive my rudeness.
I'm just so beset with worry for R2.
Here. I relinquish your seat forthwith.
That was uncalled-for.
R2 could be in any of these systems.
I only hope the fiend isn't taking him
to that horrible Hoth.
[Chewie roars]
[speaking alien language]
Cold doesn't begin to describe it.
We had to relocate to that ghastly planet
when the Empire tried to strike back at us
for destroying their Death Star.
[speaking alien language]
Yes, I would like to tell you about it.
Darth Vader was desperate to find us,
so he sent probe droids to every corner of the galaxy
to hunt us down.
[breathing heavily]
[drone speaking indistinctly]
So that's it? We're all settled now,
so you're just gonna leave us?
Hey, Your Highness, if I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt,
I'm a dead man.
[scoffs] So that's all you care about,
saving your own life.
It's kinda growin' on me, yes.
Princess Leia, Captain Solo,
Master Luke hasn't returned from his patrol.
No one has seen him for hours.
What?! I'll go out there and find him.
R2, tauntaun.
[whistles]
So that's all you care about,
saving your friend's life.
Uh, wait. That's a good thing.
[Luke] Ben, Ben.
I need you.
Luke, I'm here.
- Where are you? - Here.
[growling]
Luke, I'm glad you called.
I have important news about your Jedi training.
There's a Wampa about to eat me,
and it's kinda hard to talk to you hanging upside down.
Could you help me out?
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
How silly of me. Ah, much better.
After you get out of here, go to Dagobah
where Master Yoda will train you
in the ways of the Jedi.
He will help you find your destiny.
[ferocious growling]
Wait! How do I get out of here?
Use the Force to retrieve your light saber,
then cut yourself down.
TTFN!
Han!
Luke, you're okay.
Boy, you would not believe what I just went through.
It was crazy bad.
Well, it's all over now.
Oh, hello.
Fancy seeing an Imperial probe droid
here on this planet
where there are absolutely zero rebels, huh?
Yep. We're, uh,
just here to, uh, snowboard.
Do you think he bought it?
Of course he bought it.
He didn't buy it.
Evacuate. Prepare to leave immediately.
Wedge, our blasters are no use against those walkers.
The armor's too tough.
- We'll have to use our tow cables. - Roger.
This is the most perfect weapon ever made
on ungainly, easy-to-trip legs.
Uh-oh.
Ha ha, this is easy.
Oh, no. I'm getting cocky again.
- All right, let's go! - Come on!
All right, Chewie, let's see how fast this baby can go.
[engines dies]
Oh, now that's fast.
I don't understand it.
Sir, I couldn't help but notice
that the hyper-drive is currently--
I'm not quite sure what that gesture is supposed to mean.
[frustrated groan] Stupid claw hands.
Yes!
Oh, no.
R2, please tell me you saw that.
[R2 whistles and beeps]
To Dagobah! Wherever that is.
We better get out of here quick.
Fire.
You're just not very good shots, are you?
- I'm sorry. - There, there.
Chewie, punch it.
No, not punch it. Punch it.
You can't escape me now.
[low growling]
Don't just stand there.
Throw snow at me.
Aim for my feet.
We are.
[Han] We're free.
That was nice while it lasted.
So do you know this Yoda guy?
Yes. Know him like I know myself.
[chuckles]
- Is he close by? - Closer you cannot get.
Right in front of you, he is.
Oh, don't tell me he lives in that yucky mud hut.
What a dump.
Oh, that smell. Wow!
Teach him, I cannot.
Immature, he is.
Insulted my crib, he did.
You're Yoda.
I'm so sorry I said those insensitive things.
I just didn't think a Jedi Master
would look like a shriveled-up little green guy.
Teach you manners first, I should.
Oh, the hyper-drive is out.
Captain Solo, if I may, the hyp--
Shut your protocol hole.
We have to shake these guys.
Bingo!
Sir, the odds of successfully navigating
an asteroid field
are approximately 3,720 to 1.
And I'm gonna be that one.
Yeah, and the odds of you being off your rocker
are a million percent.
Have some faith, Your Royal Pain.
Oh, sure, fly us down a bottomless hole.
Keep that attitude up and I'll leave you here.
I think Captain Solo and the princess
might actually kill each other.
How inappropriate.
Who are we to be in the way of true love?
[both] I can't stand you!
Humans.
It's unfortunate young Skywalker
escaped your attack.
If captured, we could turn him to the dark side.
Yes, Master. I have a plan to trap him.
I know. I know everything.
What part of my plan do you like best?
Uh, well, why don't we both say the plan together
at the same time, and then I'll tell you?
Uh, very well.
[speaking a beat apart] We hire bounty hunters
to find the Millennium Falcon,
and when Skywalker tries to rescue his friends,
- we pounce. - We pounce!
See? I know everything.
[evil laughter] Still got it.
Begin your training now, we do.
Learn to harness the power of the force, you can.
Raise your ship from the swamp.
[whining] Oh, but it's all soggy.
Raise the ship.
[scoffs]
You ask the impossible.
I see now that nothing is impossible.
Master Yoda, teach me to--
Not done showing off yet, I am.
Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!
You bounty hunters have one assignment.
Find the Millennium Falcon
and deliver its crew to me alive.
Whoever does that will get a huge reward.
Maybe you could use the reward
to buy some shoes. Honestly.
[sheepish groan]
[yawns, gasps]
[screams]
Mynocks. We should take a look
and make sure they're not eating our cables.
But wear your oxygen masks in case this is the one place
in our galaxy that doesn't have a breathable atmosphere.
Nope. Don't need oxygen here either.
I don't think I ever needed it.
[loud rumbling, all yelling]
Uh, what was that?
- [Chewie roars] - You're right, Chewie.
I think we did accidentally fly down the throat
of a giant space slug. Let's get outta here!
What happened, you dumb worm? Lose your lunch?
Save me, Chewie!
You are really making it hard for me to be attracted to you.
Boba Fett to Darth Vader.
I have the Falcon.
Very good, Boba Fett.
You're the one with toilet paper on your face, right?
No, that's Dengar. I have the cool jet pack.
Oh, sorry. Touchy.
Good. Far you have come.
Concentrate.
My friends are in danger.
Ow. Ow! Oh!
Told myself to wear shoes years ago, I did.
- Go, you cannot. - I have to help my friends.
If not me you will listen to,
perhaps an older friend can persuade you.
Luke, you need more training.
How come everything is upside down?
Sorry. This is something I have to do.
That boy is our last hope.
No. There is another.
Yes, another.
Know who it is, do you, hmm?
Well, of course I do.
Let's both say it at the same time.
[speaking alien language]
Yes, R2 went along with Luke,
out of loyalty and devotion,
even though he was worried that they were heading
right into a trap, which they were.
And as it turns out, so were we.
Who is this Lando anyway?
Relax. We're old buddies. He runs things here,
and he can get the hyper-drive fixed.
I trust him completely. He's my pal.
Han, old buddy.
Why, you double-crossing no-good swindler.
No good at swindling, I mean.
I love this guy.
You got a lot of guts coming here after what you pulled.
Like me pulling your leg right now.
Or am I? I am!
[laughs]
Gotcha.
Yeah, you got me.
Come on, let me give you the grand tour.
See? Nothing to worry about.
They are going to be so surprised
when Calrissian leads them all in here,
and then, boom, here's Vader.
- [door opens] - There is no escape--
Sorry, sir. Are you ready to order?
I'm not eating, thank you.
They're all going to be, like, "Ooh, no,
Vader is here. We're doomed."
- [door opens] - I have you now.
Would you at least like to hear the specials?
The chef has some wonderful--
This is not a business lunch, okay?
It's a trap.
Admittedly, it's not the ideal room for a trap.
I get that.
But it was the only room available on short notice.
- What's Darth Vader doing here? - Oh, see what you did?
You messed up my timing.
Take them away.
Will somebody get me off this grubby floor?
I think I preferred the floor.
Nice goin', buddy.
Vader gave me no choice.
In his defense, I didn't.
You rebel scum have been most useful bait
to lure Luke Skywalker to me.
Soon, he will be frozen in carbonite
and taken to the Emperor.
[scoffs] Freezing a person in carbonite?
I hope you tested it on someone first.
You make a good point, Captain Solo.
- We'll test it on you. - D'oh!
Once you are frozen,
you will be delivered to Jabba the Hutt
by, uh, Joe Jet Pack here.
My name is Boba Fett.
Whatever.
Lower him slowly and dramatically.
- I love you. - I know.
I know that you know.
I know that you know that I know.
I know that, too.
So do I.
Lower him quicker.
That's Han. What have they done to him?
Why don't I press, and you push?
Oh, thanks. Great idea.
Hey, it's Luke Skywalker.
Luke, run. It's a trap.
[heavy breathing]
Luke Skywalker.
I've been waiting for you.
I know.
Ugh, not this again.
I can't take this sweaty fur anymore.
I want to see where I'm going.
Oh, dear, sweaty fur, here I come.
Halt.
No, you halt.
You saved us, Lando.
I knew this was your plan all along.
Um, yeah. All along.
That's what it was.
Okay, okay, I'll free them already.
R2, you're safe!
There. You're free. No hard feelings?
I had no choice. It wasn't my fault.
Okay, come on.
I can take you to the Falcon.
Give up, Luke. You can't win.
Never. I'm a Jedi,
like my father before me.
Funny you should mention that.
Obi-Wan never told you about your father.
He told me you killed him.
No.
I--
Maybe I could get you some water, or rolls?
Go away! I'm about to tell him I'm his father.
[laughing] Right. Like you're my father.
[grumbling] Once again, my timing is ruined.
[waiter screams]
Luke, seriously.
I'm your father.
No way.
Yes way.
No!! That's impossible!
Luke, join the dark side,
and together, we can rule the galaxy
as father and son.
I'll never join you.
There is no other way.
- [screams] - Well, there is that way.
[screaming continues]
Ooh. Oh. Ugh.
Leia. Hear me.
[gasps] We have to go back for Luke.
We can't. It's too dangerous.
Okay, I'll go back. I'll go back.
Thank you...
guy I don't know.
I'm a friend.
[Chewie roars]
How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
Tie fighters. Let's jump to light speed.
Excuse me, but--
Making the jump now.
They were supposed to fix it.
Will you listen to me for once?
The hyper-drive is unplugged.
The rebellion is in tatters.
Han is in the clutches of Jabba the Hutt.
R2, I thought you were lost for good.
I am so happy to see you again.
Oh, yes, doom and gloom, doom and gloom.
[quietly] So happy.
My only wish, another happy reunion with R2.
A signal from R2. He's here.
Sorry about that.
The signal is coming from there.
It's the ruined battle droid factory.
It's R2!
R2, at last, I found you.
And now, we are going to free you
from your despicable captor.
Hey, 3PO, how you doin'?
General Calrissian?
You kidnapped R2?
Ah! This is not what it seems.
It's just a business deal.
I want to rebuild my old mining company
on Cloud City, so when I saw an ad
to recycle old droids for extra cash,
I went for it. [shudders]
And then, when R2 followed me to the ship,
I decided I could use him, too.
You what?!
Not to sell for parts.
To interpret with the other droids.
That's all. I swear.
We'll leave as soon as I finish the deal
with the guy, whoever he is.
"That guy" is us.
Imperials!
What?! Your online ad was very misleading.
Captain Calrissian,
a pleasure doing business with you.
Now that I've got the factory working again,
I can use their parts to build
a new army of battle droids
to attack your rebel friends
and restore the Empire!
General, if you don't mind.
I was tricked. It's not my fault.
Nothing's ever my fault.
Enough! Start the re-battle droiding.
I'll save you two for last.
[3PO whimpers]
[horrified shriek]
Roger, roger.
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
[evil laughter]
[announcer] Will this terrible fate
befall C-3PO and R2-D2?
Find out in the concluding chapter of Droid Tales:
Gambit On Geonosis.