你就是个书呆子 You're a fucking nerd.
你能毕业就不错了 Boy, you lucky you even graduating.
靠! Fuck!
- 你很行是吧? - 是 - You're good at this, huh? - Yeah.
- 这方面你真的很行 - 是 - You're really good at this. - Yeah.
嘿 交个朋友? Hey, you want to be friends?
你还没装子弹呢 是吧? Yours isn't loaded, right?
- 抓抓看 - 我很怕 - Just touch it. - I'm scared.
抓抓看 Just touch it.
真是 好了好了好了 Seriously. All right, all right, all right.
你替我挨了一枪 You took a bullet for me, man.
你打中我的鸡鸡了! You shot me in the dick!
嘿 混球们! Boom, motherfuckers!
你们俩兔崽子要上大学了! You two sons of bitches are going to college!
阴的特征是柔和缓慢且被动 Yin is characterized as slow, soft, passive
并且总是与女性和水联系在一起 and is associated with water and femininity.
而阳则正相反 它迅速且坚定 While, Yang, by contrast, is fast and solid and...
伙计 这什么玩意儿 Man, this is BS.
我还以为我们是真的要去上大学 没想到是在网络大学 I thought we were going to actual college, not online college.
听些什么课程中的加密信息 Listening for coded messages in lectures.
你在说什么呢? What are you talking about?
你看看周围 Look around.
这是我们的城市 This is our city.
我们去大学是为了什么? What do we want to be in college for?
你说得对 You're right.
好搭档 Partners for life. 27 00:02:10,764 --> 在新都城码头 每天早上10点半开始涨潮 At Metro city port, the tide comes in at 10:30 A.M.
而后回归大海 Then it will return to the sea.
新都城 一小时车程 Metro port. One hour.
来吧 Let's do this.
我还有两只手哦 惊喜吧 Surprise. There's two more arms.
- 看 那就是鬼 - 鬼? - Shit! That's the ghost. - The ghost?
Joste nillsen Joste nillsen,
新都城最大的非法贸易商 biggest trafficker of illegal goods in Metro city.
他和一个墨西哥企业联手 He teamed up with a Mexican cartel
他们从港口把东西运出去 and they're running all this shit through the port.
我们应该要买什么才对? What the hell are we supposed to be buying?
我不知道 I don't know.
你在干嘛? What are you doing?
我在适应一个超酷炫的新身份 I got a new identity that's gonna be killer.
要靠你挺我啦 I'll be throwing it to you to make it legit.
好的 Okay.
我需要你临场发挥下 好吗? I'm gonna need you to improvise. Okay?
我不想临场发挥 I don't want to improvise.
我需要你临场发挥下 I'm gonna need you to improvise.
我临场发挥真不行 我不想这么干 I suck at improvising. I don't want to do it.
当进入角色时我需要绝对安静 I need absolute silence while I fall into character.
你能帮我开个头... Can you give me a head start on...
我需要... 我需要绝对安静 I need absolute... I need absolute silence.
- 你能... - 绝对安静 - Can you please... - Absolute silence.
你玩真的吗? Are you fucking serious right now?
好吧 我最恨别人迟到 All right. I hate people who are late.
我们想看看货 We're trying to see that product.
该死! Shit!
呆子! 怎么啦 伙计? Yo, sleepy! What's up, homie?
你认识我那多愁善感的侄子的 You know my cousin, sad boy.
我想你找错人了 伙计 I think you got the wrong guy, homes.
说什么呢! 呆子! Oh, that's bullshit, man! You sleepy!
巴里奥的人都这么说 Everyone say in the barrio,
呆子 他喜欢墨西哥狼獾什么的 sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine and shit.
这是我的搭档 他想看看货 Hey, my partner here, he want to see the product.
那他为什么不说话? Why ain't he talking?
我叫Jeff My name is Jeff.
是Jeffe That's jeffe,man.
跟他们说说mousie的成人礼 Tell 'em about mousie's quinceanera,man.
说说你们都做了什么疯事儿 Tell 'em about that crazy adventure you guys had.
我不知道你在说什么 I don't know what you're talking about.
伙计 昨晚你还给我讲故事呢 Oh, man, when you were telling the story last night,
说的那么详细! you had so much detail!
那么那么多细节! 真是充满了细节! The detail was so rich! It was rich detail!
这故事有那么多不可思议的具体细节 Go into incredibly descriptive details
我们都知道的呀 of the story, so we all know.
是啊 Oh, yes.
有Dora Diego It was Dora and Diego
还有小贼 and swiper.
小贼? Swiper?
你在嘟囔什么 伙计? Who was that you choked out, man?
他就要说出来了! 是谁? He had it coming! Who was that?
Boots Boots.
怎么会 当然不是boots! Boots根本不是个真名! No, man, that wasn't boots! Boots isn't a real name!
你可要告诉我们真的故事才行哦 You got to tell them the real story, man.
从头开始说起 Start over from the top.
那是个编出来的名字 That's a made-up name.
我真是不敢置信现在还要和这群朋克仔打交道 I can't believe the punks I have to deal with these days.
真是让我怀念起90年代了 It really makes me miss the '90s,
那时候我们还有专业户呢 when we had professionals around.
你想验验货? You want to check out the goods?
去吧 Check it out.
然后闭嘴行吗? And shut up. Right?
哪儿找来的外国佬? Where'd you find this gringo, man?
蒙福之子之类的狗屁乐队? At the fucking Mumford & sons concert and shit?
这是什么? 枪? 毒品? What is it? Guns? Drugs?
不! 不! No! No!
老兄! 太恶心了 Dude! It's gross!
它在往我嘴里喷墨! It's inking in my mouth!
我会把它弄开的 I'll get it off.
它的触角在啃我! Its tentacle is eating me!
它力气太大了! 真的很难弄 伙计 It's so strong! It's really on there, man.
它在咬我的脸! It's biting my face!
要命! Shit!
野味黑市 我们早该猜到的 Black market exotic animals, just like we expected to be in there.
你口音变了 哈? The accents are gone, huh?
把他们带出去 兄弟们 他们是警察 Take them out, guys. They're cops.
- 那是怎么回事? - 我不知道! - 我觉得我们在动 - What was that? - I don't know! - I think we're moving.
我们真的在动! We're definitely moving!
这儿还有些鸟什么的! There's fucking birds and shit in here!
还有真的屎! There's actual shit!
搞什么? What the fuck?
这里还有个变色龙! There's a fucking dragon in here!
该死! Shit!
那是什么? What was that?
伙计 那是我们的车 Dude, that was our car.
我们在那车上经历了那么多 We shared so much in that car!
为这我要朝他们脸开一枪! 那可是我们的车! I'm going to shoot them in the face for that! That was our fucking car!
你要干嘛? What are you doing?
别上车顶! Don't teen wolfon the truck!
别把我一个人留在这儿! Don't leave me here alone!
那就上这儿来! Then get up here!
我不行! I can't do that!
那就从边上爬 来 从边上爬 Then fucking climb around. Come on, climb around.
来吧 伙计 你行的 Let's go. Come on, buddy. You got it.
太可怕了! This is so scary!
开枪打他! Shoot him!
别把我留在这儿! Don't leave me out here!
我已经用尽全力了 你这白痴! I'm all out. You stupid moron!
就是这样 加油 That's it. Come on.
快上来 加油! Fucking get up here. Come on. Fuck!
- 你还好吧? - 没事! - All right, you good? - Yeah!
- 你现在只要走就可以了 好吗? - 好 - All you got to do is walk now, okay? - Okay.
该死! Shit!
你他妈在干嘛? 上来! What the fuck are you doing? Get up here!
我不行! I can't!
好吧 那我就这么拖着你 All right, fine, I guess I'll just drag you.
我会死的! I'm gonna die!
你不会死的 快给我上来! You're not gonna die. Just get the fuck up here!
把你自己拉上来 Pull yourself up here.
利用你的优势! Use your core!
行了 行了 加油 加油 好的! You got it, you got it. Come on, come on. Yeah!
好了 现在可以站稳了吧? All right. Think you can stand on your own now?
行! Yes!
我觉得我们甩掉他们了 I think we lost them.
该死! Shit!
他简直像是终结者! He's the fucking Terminator!
真他妈危险! That's fucking dangerous!
你们被逮捕了! You are under arrest!
把车停下来! Pull the truck over!
我说把这该死的卡车给我现在立刻停下来! I said pull the fucking truck over right fucking now!
你们欠我辆车 You owe me a car,
最好还我辆兰博基尼 混蛋! and it'd better be a fucking Lamborghini, you bitch!
我做到了! I did it!
你们有权保持沉默 You have the right to remain silent.
哦 该死! Oh, shit!
什么! Holy Moses!
该死 Shit.
怎么了? What happened?
我觉得他们溜了 I think they got away.
那是唇印吗? Is that a hickey?
那其实和八爪鱼攻击事件有关 Oh. This was actually an octopus-related incident.
我打开了一个板箱然后一只八爪鱼跳到我脸上 I'd opened a crate and the octopus had leapt onto my face.
显然 它们有很多 很多手 Apparently, they have many, many arms.
它们有八个触角 They have eight tentacles.
没错 接着... Yes, and...
看 女士们 Look, ladies,
你们刚来的时候 没人在乎龙虎少年队重出江湖 nobody gave a shit about the jump street reboot when you first came on.
任何人只要有半个脑子 也包括我 Anyone with half a brain, myself included,
都觉得这事都注定会壮烈失败 thought it was destined to fail spectacularly.
但你们很幸运 But you got lucky.
所以现在这个部门 So now this department has invested
投资了一大笔钱来保证龙虎少年队可以继续下去 a lot of money to make sure jump street keeps going.
我们的预算翻倍了 We've doubled their budget.
就像花了双倍的钱就该有双倍的回报一样 As if spending twice the money guaranteed twice the profit.
说得像真的似的 Like that's going to work.
没错 特派员觉得这次的失败 Yeah. Well, the commissioner's convinced this debacle happened
是因为你们不像第一次那样 because you weren't doing the same undercover student thing
做学生卧底什么的了 you did the first time.
但她没想到第二次 She doesn't get that it's always worse
总是会比第一次糟糕 the second time around.
你们俩都开始精疲力尽了 You settle into worn-out roles.
一个变得占有欲强 一个则想溜之大吉 One gets possessive, the other runs away.
你们开始缓慢而又痛苦的分离 You begin a slow, painful unraveling,
就像那些被垃圾压缩机绞碎的悲伤 as all the good things that came before
到来之前的所有美好 begin to be crushed by the trash compactor of sadness.
那听起来好像不大像我们 我是说... That doesn't sound like us. I mean...
我提议你们分开 I'm getting a divorce.
我们不想做相同的事 We don't want to do the same thing.
我们想冲破天花板 We want to burst through our ceiling.
然后你会发现还有其他天花板 And you're gonna find another ceiling
然后你就要冲破那个天花板 and you got to bust through that one,
然后你不断地忙着冲破天花板 and you just got to keep hammering ceilings.
好好好 Okay, okay, okay.
要是我们真的进到联邦经济情报局 What if we actually went into the secret service
做些 比如说 保卫白宫的工作呢? and, like, tried to protect the white house?
- 我觉得... - 我觉得那不现实 - I think... - I don't think that would work.
我希望你们别说了 I'm going to ask you to stop talking.
我觉得这主意很好 I thought it was a pretty good idea.
每次做同一件事都像最后一次做一样 这样大家都开心 Do the same thing as last time, everyone's happy.
我不敢相信韩国人把他们的教堂买回来了 I can't believe the Koreans bought their church back.
是啊 好在马路对过 Yeah. Good thing there was an even bigger
有个更大的废弃教堂 abandoned church directly across the street.
- 是啊 这样方便多了 - 是啊 很方便 - Yeah. That's convenient. - Yes, it is convenient.
明年我们或许就能回到街对过了 Next year, we'll probably just be right back across the street.
就在隔壁 Just next door.
我们别急着超越自己 Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
我们没有超越彼此 We're not ahead of ourselves.
我们就在彼此身边 We're right next to each other.
这太赞了 就像 毫无理由的变高大上了 This is awesome. Like, way more expensive for no reason.
看看Dickson的办公室 Look at dickson's office.
就像个巨大的冰立方 Looks like a giant cube of ice.
你们这些家伙觉得少年飞虎队怎么样? How you bitches like jump street now?
嘿! Hey!
想看看这些吗? Y'all see this shit?
少年飞虎队只是个开始 22 jump street is the lick.
我升职了 And I got a big-ass raise
升职到我又要给你俩做保姆了 to babysit you two fuckers again.
我自己设计的 我们有一个意式咖啡吧 Designed it myself. We got an espresso bar.
我想在那儿放一个鲨鱼缸 I'm thinking about a shark tank over there.
我喜欢鲨鱼 Ooh, I like sharks.
少年飞虎队滚吧 韩国耶稣也滚吧 Fuck a 21 jump street, and fuck a Korean Jesus.
Cap 别这样 韩国耶稣就在那儿 Whoa! Cap, come on, Korean Jesus is right there.
那是越南耶稣 That's Vietnamese Jesus.
看到没 那是越南教堂 See, this a Vietnamese church.
你这亵渎神明的家伙 You racist, sacrilegious sack of shit.
看那儿 越南耶稣超赞的 Look at that. Vietnamese Jesus just dripping swagoo.
这儿还来了几个笨实习生 And we got some new dumb-ass interns.
嘿 嘿! 活起来! Hey, hey! Look alive! Huh?
孩子们 jenko Boys. Yo, jenko.
嘿 Schmidt! Hey, Schmidt!
别那样 Don't do that.
所以他们想做一样的事 那来吧 So, they want the same shit, so here we go.
一样的身份 Same identities.
一样的任务 Same assignment.
我们要回高中去? We're going back to high school?
你的屁股让你看上去像是50岁的 Your ass look like you about 50.
你们要去摩洛哥郡 You're going to MC state.
我们真要去上大学了? We're going to college for real?
那有人在研究新药 Somebody's out there, they're cooking up a new drug.
是安非他明和兴奋剂还有点鬼知道是什么的东西混在一起 It's Adderall mixed with ecstasy mixed with God knows what else.
Wipey? Wipey?
才不是呢 是Whyphy No, you dumb motherfucker. Whyphy.
意思是卖力工作? 没错 卖力玩? 没错 Stands for work hard? Yes. Play hard? Yes.
现在 这些孩子们服用这些药 Now, these kids take this shit,
然后他们就可以整整四个小时专注于学习 and they get laser-focused for about four hours of studying,
然后像1999年那样狂欢派对 and then they party like it's goddamn 1999.
这是? Who's this?
那是Cynthia Watson That's Cynthia Watson.
是摩洛哥郡的一个学生 She was a student at MC state.
她服用了一下whyphy She took some whyphy,
被锁在宿舍外 got locked out of her dorm,
结果从楼顶上摔了下来 ended up falling off the roof.
她现在已经死了 And now she's dead.
这是她在学校里买毒品的照片 That's her buying drugs on campus.
另外一个是毒贩子 And that's the dealer.
找到他 就能找到供货人 Find him and we find the supplier.
长官 我能不能说 Sir, can I just say,
碰到这样一个受害者是黑人的案子真是耳目一新呢 it is so refreshing to have a case with a black victim. 257
我是说 我们是因为受害者是黑人才重视这案子的 I mean, we care so much more because she's black. 258
他其实是想说 I think what he's really trying to say
我们会一视同仁的 is that we care equally.
都是一样的 我的们关注度 It's a tie, really, how much we care.
嗯...不是的 如果要是个白人 我根本不关心 Uh... no, we're not. If it was a white person, I wouldn't even care.
不过少了一个瘾君子而已 One less cracker-ass cracker to worry about.
为毛你一说话我就他妈想吐呢? Why every time you speak I want to throw the fuck up?
混到毒贩子中间 找到供货人 Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier.
你还好吧? You all right?
还行 Yeah.
就是... It's just...
我是家里面唯一一个假装去上大学的人 I'm the first person in my family to pretend to go to college.
好在我们是一起的 Best part is we get to do it together.
咋样啊 大学? What's up, college?
你好吗 哥们儿? What's up, bro? We're 322.
去他妈的高中哈? Fuck high school, right?
去他妈的高中 Fuck high school.
哦 紧张死了! Oh, so tight!
哦 这地方挺好! Oh, this is so baller!
床啊...我靠 Beds... oh, shit.
嗯 起来吧 那块看起来像精液 Oh, dope. That looks like cum.
精液 好吧 That's cum. Okay. All right.
床垫上有精液哎 哥们儿 Already got cum on the mattress, dawg.
- 大学欢迎你 - 好吧 - Welcome to college. - Fuck, yeah.
表示我们喝酒了的搞笑T恤 Hilarious shirt that signals we drink alcohol.
我把给的烤培根机 Some bacon machine that my mom got me.
我都不知道怎么用 I do not understand how it works.
没错 It's true.
超高科技警用装备 Super high-tech police gear.
这些全他妈部出自财政预算 Carte Blanche with the budget, motherfucker.
我反对那个海报 I'm going to veto that poster.
真是红果果的幼稚 It's a touch childish.
兰博基尼要是被熊孩子们弄坏了咋办? Okay. What do lambos have to do with touching children?
兰博基尼弱爆了 Lambos are lame.
我有个主意 我有个东西... I get one choice. I get one thing that I'm not...
只能这样了 你知道我什么意思? We have to agree. You know what I mean?
你们好啊 兄弟们? 我们是你们对门的 What up, fellas? We're your across-the-hall neighbors.
哦 嘿 你们俩一样哎 你们是双胞胎 Oh, hey, there's two of you. You're twins.
你好吗? What's up, man?
我们是杨家兄弟 我叫Kenny Yang We're the yangs, man. Kenny Yang. What's up?
Keith Yang Keith Yang.
最近好吗? 最近好吗? What's going on? What's going on?
你们姓杨? Did you say the yangs?
没错 我们老爸是中国人 Yeah, dad's Chinese, man.
我们老妈不是 她是黑人 Our mom's not Chinese. She's black.
她可是纯种黑人 Oh. She's like real black.
就像Wesley Snipes那样的黑人 Like Wesley snipes black. Exactly.
我们也是哥俩 We're brothers, too.
他没开玩笑 说真的呢 No. He's not kidding. He's serious.
真的? Oh, really?
不是吧 你们都挺大的了 What? Like, one of y'all older?
嗯嗯 Mmm-hmm.
因为你们眼睛都有鱼尾纹了 Yeah, 'cause you got crow's feet under your eyes, man.
你的更严重 You specifically.
我们跟一般的大学生一样大 We're actually just normal college age.
我是说 就算你们岁数有点大 也挺棒的 I mean, even if you're a little older, that's cool, man,
因为 姑娘们喜欢岁数大的男生 你懂的 because, you know, girls here love older dudes.
没错 That's true.
另外 这里有好多容易上手的姑娘 Plus, there's mad fuckable girls here.
超级好上手 尤其是春假的时候 Mad fuckable. Especially during spring break.
我喜欢春假 但是我得说 I love spring break. But I do have to say,
哥已经上过无数的姑娘了 I've fucked a thousand girls by now
但是我觉得 千帆过尽 and I don't know, at the end of the day,
最终还是想要一种 you just kind of want something
更加深入的关系 that's just a little deeper really.
是啊 更加"深入" 说中了 给我买可乐 Yeah, balls deeper. Jinx. Buy me a coke.
噢 我去 我们还是说得一样 太棒了 Oh, snap, we're still saying the same thing. This is amazing!
胡萝卜 全麦面包 荧光棒 双胞胎! Carrots. Pumpernickels. Glow sticks. Twins!
- 酷毙了 兄弟 - 太诡异了 - That's dope, dude. - That's so sick.
太不可思议了 我们俩也有兄弟之间的感应 That's crazy. We have that brother connection, too.
- 准备好了? - 嗯嗯 好了 - You ready? - Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
海盗! 小脚丫! 回形针! 香蕉! Pirates! Baby feet! Paper clips! Bananas!
太阳! 愤怒! 我没词儿了! 词语! Sun! Anger! I don't know! Words!
流沙! 鞋子! Quicksand! Shoes!
轰隆! Boom!
那是嘻哈说唱啊 牛X That's hip-hop, man. Awesome.
太棒了 That's great.
这次肯定很有意思 It's gonna be super fun.
不是么? 跟上次一样 All right? Same as last time.
哥们 如果跟上次一样的话 Dude, if it's like last time,
你可能玩儿得很嗨 我就倒霉了 you're gonna have an awesome time, and it's gonna suck for me.
不会的 你也会很嗨的 No. You're gonna have an awesome time, too,
因为我很确定这一点 because I'm gonna make sure of it.
你为我挡了子弹 You took a bullet for me.
是啊 没错 太差劲了 但如果有下次 我还会做 That's right, I did, and it sucked, but I'd do it again.
拉到吧 这次该我了 我欠你一条命 No way. It's my turn. I owe you a life debt.
男女公用浴室 Co-ed bathrooms.
什么? 哦 妈的 What? Oh, shit.
我以后绝对 I'm not gonna take a shit
不在这里拉屎 the entire time I'm here.
我懂的 I know.
嘿 你好啊? Hey. How you doing?
嘿 Hey.
- 你好啊 - 你好 - What's up? - 'Sup?
为了发明脸书或者咱这个年纪 Just exhausted from inventing Facebook
爱用的其他网站 真是累坏我了 or whatever website people our age use.
他们还用书上课? They still have books?
我以为他们都把书导入电脑了 I thought they just put the books inside the computers.
我估计这些孩子们就是为了躲在书堆后面打炮 Yeah, I guess the kids just use the stacks to hide and have sex.
我们得去参加Cynthia的所有课程和活动 So we'll go to all Cynthia's classes and activities,
问问关于毒品的事 ask around about the drug
把供货人找出来 and find out who the dealer is.
跟上次一样 Yeah, it's just like last time.
一模一样 Exactly like last time.
哥们 这个人类性行为课上面 Dude, in human sexuality,
不会让你真的打炮 do you get to fuck
或者看别人打炮吧? or do you just get to watch people fuck?
都不会 Neither.
那我是去上什么课呢? What the fuck am I taking it for, then?
大家一定都听过这句话 Now, obviously, we've all heard this statement before,
我会让大家眼前一亮的 I've got a first impression for you.
哦 你们都喜欢心理学? Oh, y'all like psychology?
Tracy Morgan Tracy Morgan.
没人听说过? Nobody?
努力工作,尽情享受 对不对? Work hard, play hard, am I right?
你是要找无线信号嘛? You looking for some whyphy?
是啊 挺麻烦的 Yeah, man, that'd be sick.
你去警局 Go to the police station,
进门之后找到你们警长 然后去证物室 walk in and ask your captain to see the evidence room
因为你他妈是缉毒警 'cause you're a fucking narc.
你搞错了 I think you're mistaken.
你都带着警徽呢 You're literally wearing your badge.
你刚才是不是在看 Did you really just check to see
自己到底戴警徽了没有? if you were wearing your badge?
这货是个警察 This guy's a fucking cop.
我没往下看 I didn't look down.
等一下 Jacobs教授 历史不是很长时间以前的故事么? Wait, Professor Jacobs, doesn't history happen a long time ago?
是啊 历史发生在... Well, history happens...
这课太恶心了 This class is such a gut.
嘿 你们玩橄榄球么? Hey, you guys play football?
不是啊 这个是我的笔记本电脑 No, this is actually my laptop.
没错 我正记笔记呢 Yeah, I'm taking notes right now.
开玩笑 这就是橄榄球 I'm kidding. It's a football.
McQuaid先生? Mr. McQuaid?
共价键 Covalent bonds.
毒品战争的结果是什么? What has been the result of the war on drugs?
你干嘛问我? 我又不是警察 Why would you ask me? I'm not a cop.
因为这里是大学的讲座 Because this is a college seminar,
而且大学的讲座都是这样 and that's how college seminars work.
教授与学生生动对话 Professor gets into a lively conversation with the student.
碰撞产生火花 然后知识得以传授 Friction creates fire, and that leads to lessons learned.
想弄到毒品是很难的 Well, it's definitely harder to get drugs.
我可以负责任地告诉你 I can personally tell you that.
可卡因的均价 The average price of cocaine
在过去的三十年里跌了70% has dropped 70% in the last 30 years.
那么卖给你货的给你的一定是掺了假的破烂 Then your dealer's probably selling you some pretty stepped-on shit.
McQuaid先生 大学是个奇妙的地方 Mr. McQuaid, college is a wonderful place.
这里是你决定成为什么人的地方 This is where you get to decide who you actually are,
而不是让你变成现在装作的什么人 instead of the person that you're clearly pretending to be right now,
顺便说一句 大家都看出来了 which everyone sees through, by the way.
你得决定 是这样一直混下去 You got to decide, do I just keep doing the same thing,
还是想另寻他路 or am I gonna choose a different path
并且质疑以前的过失? and question my convictions?
我没有案底 I don't have any prior convictions.
你怎么突然提起这个 Why are you saying this stuff?
这就是我想要的答案 McQuaid先生 That's exactly the answer I wanted, Mr. mcquaid!
我想让你质疑我刚才说的 I want you to question what I'm saying.
这是这门课程的基础 This is the basis of this whole course,
也是大学的魅力所在 and that's the beauty of college.
你可以畅所欲言 You can say whatever you want.
你可以成为心中所想 You can be whatever you want.
因为我有终身教职 所以我想说什么都可以 I mean, I have tenure. I can really say whatever I want.
乔治 华盛顿是个黑人拉拉 George Washington was a black lesbian.
埃菲尔铁塔是用震动棒做的 The Eiffel tower is made of dildos.
他们不能解雇我 我是不可摧毁的 They can't fire me. I'm indestructible.
我跟自己的两个学生睡过了 I'm sleeping with two of my students.
她和她 我说真的 Her and her. I actually am.
现在 像你刚才一样 Now, just like you did before,
我想让你立刻说想说的话 I want you right now to say whatever you want.
说什么都行 Say whatever you want.
Fieto Fieto.
Fieto 不是个词 但是也可以 Fieto, not a word, but I'm gonna accept it.
你可以随意决定自己的生活 McQauid先生 You can do whatever you want with your life, Mr. mcquaid.
你挂掉这门课的唯一方法 The only way you can fail this class
就是隐藏真实的自己 is by not becoming who you truly are.
请回应我的问题 Please respond to my text.
好了 我们有时间做一次提高游戏 Okay, we got time for just one more improve game.
这一次 我们需要很多建议 For this one, we need a ton of different suggestions.
所以 我们需要大家根据 So, we just need you guys to fill in the blank
我们说的句子天空 in a sentence that we're gonna set up.
就像这样 哦 我好饿 我想吃个... So it'll go like this. Oh, I'm so hungry, I wish I had a...
卫生巾! 好吧 但是我们需要... Tampon! Okay, but we want...
我们需要真正的食物 We want it to be actual food
就是这样 就像 让游戏变得有意义些 so that it, like, makes sense with the game.
这样才更有意思 我们再试一次 It's more fun that way. So, uh, let's try it one more time.
哦 我得回家 因为我要喂我的... Oh, I've got to get home so I can feed my...
蠢货 Boner!
认真做游戏 好么? You know what? Let's just play the game, okay?
好吧 你打算... All right, so what would you...
嘿 那姑娘是跟我一起上心理课的 Hey, that girl's in my psych class.
我靠 她很辣哎 去跟她聊聊 Damn, she's hot. Go talk to her.
你跟我一块去 You come talk to her with me.
别那么软蛋 自己去 快去 Stop being a pussy and go talk to her. Go.
好吧 好吧 All right, all right.
下一个出场的是... oming to the stage, we got...
J. Bohnes 又被叫做... J. Bohnes, aka...
- 你好 - 你好 - Hey. - Hi.
我记得咱们一起上过心理课 I think we're in the same psych class.
哦 是嘛 你好 Oh, yeah. Hi.
是啊 Yeah.
药片!药片!账单!药片! Pills! Pills! Bills! Pills!
账单! 押韵是时代的标志 Bills! A sign of the times that rhymes
Amanda Bynes Amanda Bynes
放下那个破烂的安迪马戏团 drop that raggedy Andy circus
混蛋... circle jerkus...
你们是刚才做提升游戏的 对么? - You guys are the improve guys, right? - Yeah.
挺酷的... That's cool.
你就是那个提恐怖意见的 You're the guy with the terrible suggestions.
没错没错 不客气 Yeah, yeah. You're welcome, man. Yeah.
谢谢各位 下一个登场的是 J小姐 Thanks, guys.Um, lady J is gonna be up next for you.
Cynthia 就是那个死了的姑娘 Cynthia, that girl who died,
她以前经常来这里 对不对? she used to come here all the time, right?
嗯 Mmm.
这首诗的名字 叫做"乳晕" This piece is called areolas.
你认识她么? Did you know her?
认识 她住我对门 Yeah, she lived across the hall from me.
- 是嘛? - 你为什么这么关心这事? - Yeah? So why do you care so much?
我...我正在写一首... I'm... I'm writing a...
男人贪婪的手掌! Greedy man hands!
...关于她的诗 ...a slam poem in her honor.
我刚刚开始 水平很有限 Early stages, very early stages.
- 是吗? - 是啊 是啊 - Oh, really? - Yeah, yeah.
这样会不会更好 Wouldn't it be better
就是 事前做好计划 just to, like, plan the stuff out ahead of time,
不当众说出来让自己难堪 and then not say it in front of people and embarrass yourself?
人们都这样做 那是单口相声 That's a thing that people do. That's stand-up comedy.
你本应该这样做 That's probably what you should do,
因为那个挺有趣的 because that stuff's funny.
我的褐色乳头会在哺乳期泌出白色乳汁 My brown nipple will produce white milk during lactation...
你觉得这个怎么样? What do you think of this?
我觉得它很强有力 I actually think it's really powerful.
你能这样说真不错 That's cool that you said that,
因为我也觉得一个姑娘谈论她的乳头和大便 'cause I actually thought it was really powerful, too,
的确是挺强有力的 when the one girl was talking about her nips and shit.
还有没有人想分享什么东西的? Okay, does anybody have anything they want to share?
让我看看你的本事 Let's see what you got.
观众里面有没有诗要朗诵 Any more poets in the audience?
- 我... - 你真的会作诗么? - I... - I mean, do you really do poetry?
我会啊 而且我正要作 I do, and I will.
- 这里有一位 - 什么? - I got somebody. What?
好的 有人要上来 各位 热烈欢迎 Okay, we got somebody. All right, give it up, guys.
好吧 Yeah! Okay.
- 快点上去啊 - 好吧 - Just go up there. - All right, okay.
好的 别紧张 Okay. No pressure.
- 你瞧好了 会很精彩 - 是的！ - You'll see, it's good. - Yeah!
呃... Um...
这首诗还还在酝酿中 This is a work in progress.
所以 呃... So, uh...
原创诗歌! Slam poetry!
咆哮! Yelling!
愤怒! Angry!
挥舞我的手! Waving my hands a lot!
表达对物具体观点 Specific point of view on things
Cynthia! Cynthia!
Cynthia Cynthia
耶稣因我们的罪恶而死 Jesus died for our sin-thee-uhs
耶稣为逃跑的新娘 Jesus cried
哭泣 runaway bride
茱莉亚 罗伯茨! Julia Roberts!
茱莉亚抢夺 Julia rob
伤害 hurts
Cynthia! Cynthia!
Cynthia Cynthia
你已逝去 你已逝去 you're dead you are dead
你已逝去 You're dead
致 逝去的Cynthia that's for Cynthia, who's dead.
哇! Whoo!
我一点线索也没有 I don't have a single lead.
我有 我听说在学校任何时候任何角落都能找到"whyphy" I do. I hear you can get whyphy on campus anywhere 24/7.
你觉得他们所谓的"whyphy"是毒品 Do you think they mean whyphy the drug
还是无线网络? or WI-Fi like the Internet?
什么... What...
去你的 Fuck you, brain.
我们第一次是怎么那么容易就找到了毒贩子? How did we find the dealers so easy the first time?
那是因为他的号码就写在上便签贴上 Well, his number was literally on a sticker.
那好 让我们找到这次这个家伙的便签贴上 Well, let's go find this guy's sticker.
我不认为他有便签贴 I don't think this guy does stickers.
好吧 我们需要帮助 我们需要咨询专家 Well, we need help. We need to consult an expert.
哟 老兄 你射中了他的小弟弟 Yo, dude, you shot him in the dick, dude.
- 我射中了他的小弟弟 - 是的 - I got him in the dick. - Yep.
射中他的小弟弟 Shot him in the dick.
还好有Turner和酒精支撑着我这具行尸走肉 If it isn't Turner and hooch, in the flesh.
见鬼 你看起来很壮啊 Holy shit, you are looking fit.
嘿 你应该和他干两架 Hey, you should get some tips from this guy.
他看起来很强壮 瞧瞧这胸肌 He's looking good. Look at those pectoral muscles.
这就是我要你到达的标准 老兄 That's the kind of definition I want out of you, man.
- 你好么 Eric? - 嘿 - What's up, Eric? - Hey.
Walters先生 我们应该... Mr. Walters, we should, um...
我应该跟你道歉 为... Or I should apologize for, uh...
为你朝我小弟弟上开了一枪? For shooting my penis off?
对 是的 Yeah. Yeah.
别紧张 老弟 我现在想开了 完全想开了 Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated. Totally.
你知道他们给我做了个阴道? You know they gave me a vagina?
太棒了 你们想要看看么? It's awesome. You guys want to see it?
- 不 不 不 不! - 不 不 不 - No, no, no, no! - No, no, no.
没关系 好吧 Eric见过 That's fine. All right. Eric's seen it.
Eric用那个爽过了 是不是 Eric? Eric's been all up in that shit. Isn't that right, Eric?
你们两个家伙要把我从这鬼地方弄出去 You guys got to get me the fuck out of here.
嘿 猜发生了什么 Hey, guess what.
我现在是Eric的小贱人 I'm Eric's bitch.
不 你才不是 No, you're not.
不! 我就是! Yes! I am!
我就是你的小贱人 I'm your bitch.
哦 老天 我很抱歉 亲爱的 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, honey.
我不想这样的 你知道的 是不是? I didn't mean that. You know that, right?
当大姨妈来的时候(小弟弟断了) 我就变成一个小婊子了 I am such a bitch when aunt Flo shows up.
流了那么多血 太疯狂了 It bleeds so much, it's crazy.
就像沐浴在阳光下 电梯门打开了 It's like the elevator doors opening in the shining.
你的阴道一点用也没有 老兄 Your vagina doesn't fucking work, man.
昨晚才给你爽过 Worked for you last night.
你确定不是你强迫Eric和你发生关系的么? You are so clearly forcing Eric into this relationship.
Eric 我有强迫你做任何事么? Eric, am I forcing you into anything?
- 没有 - 看见没? - Yes. - See?
听着 他们让我们去大学当卧底 Look, they sent us in undercover at a college
找到卖一种新型合成毒品的毒贩子 to find the dealer of this new synthetic,
但是没人愿意给我们提供信息 and no one will tell us anything.
那是因为你们看起来就像是该死的缉毒警察 不是么? That's 'cause you guys look like fucking narcs, all right?
大学生可不像Eric那么蠢 College kids aren't dumb like Eric.
我本来是可以去伯克利大学的 I was supposed to go to Berkeley.
好吧 他们给了我们一张照片 我们只有这个 Well, they gave us a picture, so we do have that.
那就是你的线索 你个混蛋! Well, that's your lead, motherfucker!
从这个开始查起 That's what you start with.
我知道 但是我们看不见他的脸 所以我们不知道他是谁 I know, but we can't see his face, so we don't know who it is.
我们不知道他是谁 We don't know who it is.
我是Schmidt 我裤裆里全是便便 I'm Schmidt. My pants are filled with doody.
那就是你 That's you.
听起来一点也不像我 That doesn't sound anything like me.
差不多就是你 You sort of sound like that.
一点也不像我 That doesn't sound anything like me.
就是你 It's not not you.
Eric! 闭上你的眼睛告诉我现在谁在讲话 Eric! Close your eyes and tell me who's talking right now.
Schmidt那个小贱人 That's Schmidt being a little bitch.
那不是个好形象 That's just not a good impression.
哇! Whoa!
干得不错 大侦探 Nice job, super sleuths.
你们真的有看过这张照片么? Did you even bother to look at the fucking picture?
- 看过 - 哈? - Yeah. - Huh?
这里有个印子 There's a reflection right here.
那家伙有纹身 Your fucking guy's got a tattoo.
找到纹身 找出那个家伙 Find the tattoo, find the dealer.
老兄 我不知道 我为这些毛头小子纹过太多蠢兮兮的纹身了 Fuck, man, I don't know. I do a lot of stupid tattoos to drunk kids.
你还记得这个蠢兮兮的纹身么? Do you remember that stupid tattoo?
一个火箭炮? A bazooka?
我记得好像给一个橄榄球运动员纹过 Think I might have did it on a football player.
一个留红色莫霍克头的家伙 我记不清了 Guy with a red Mohawk. I don't know.
对我来说 他们都长一个样 They all start to look the same to me.
我想我知道他说的是谁了 I think I know exactly who he's talking about.
去你妈的! Fuck you!
去你的 你这个该死的练习生! Fuck you, you little walk-on fuck!
我没法 穿着这一身移动 I can't, like, move around in these things.
老天 我恨练习日! God, I love walk-on day!
去你的 对 Fuck, yeah.
这个时候用棉签掏耳朵有点奇怪 That's a weird time to be q-tipping.
你们都是些该死的娘娘腔! You're all fucking pussies!
- 你没必要这么做 - 什么? - Dude, you don't have to do this. - What?
- 我只是不想你受伤 - 我不会受... - I just don't want you to get hurt. - I'm not gonna get...
哎呀 Whoops.
- 该死 - 噢 - Shit. - Whoa.
抱歉 老兄 Dude, I am so sorry.
没关系 别担心 兄弟 It's all right, man. Don't worry about it, man.
- 你确定? 好吧... - 是的 噢 - Are you sure? All right... - Yeah. Ow.
- 该死 - 我来捡 - Shit. - I got it.
好吧 我来捡 我来捡 Okay, I got it, I got it.
- 噢! - 没事 - Ow! - That's fine.
- 我来捡 - 不 不 让我来 让我来 - I'll get it. - No, no, let me get it, let me get it.
- 不 我来 让我来 - 不 我来捡 - No, I got it. Let me just get it. - No, let me get it.
我来捡 我来 我们... I got it, I got it. Let's just...
老兄 对不住 我把棉签掉你肉上了 Dude, I'm sorry. I got my q-tip in your meat, bro.
不 是我把... 我把肉弄在你棉签上了 No, man, I got my... I got my meat in your q-tip.
就像一个全新的三明治 It's like a whole new type of sandwich.
就像 肉和棉签三明治 Like, a meat q-tip.
肉夹棉签三明治 Like a meat-qute.
很搞笑 That's funny.
嘿 你们想来点三明治么? Hey, you guys want some of this sandwich?
肉夹棉签三明治 It's a meat-qute sandwich.
我和这家伙创造了一个肉夹棉签三明治 Me and this guy are having a meat-qute.
你很搞笑 你叫什么名字? You're hilarious, dude. What's your name?
- Brad 等等... - Brad - Brad. Wait... - Brad.
呃 对 我叫Brad Uh, yeah, yeah, it's Brad.
- 我叫Zook - 很高兴认识你 Zook - I'm Zook. - Nice to meet you. Zook.
我也很高兴认识你 Nice to meet you, too, man.
蓝队二十号! Blue 20!
预备 开始! Set, hut!
你现在喜欢练习日了么? You love walk-on day now?
胳膊还好吗? 要把袖套脱下来么? Your arm all right? You want to take that sleeve off?
不用 我很好 No, I'm good.
老天 接得好 老兄 Dude, holy shit, bro. Great fucking catch, dude.
如果你看到那条安全线到那么低的时候 尽管把球给我 要更快 If you see that safety line up that deep, though, hit me quicker.
哦 好的 我之前不知道你能跑那么快 Oh, yeah, I didn't know you had wheels like that, bro.
很有趣 他是我兄弟 所以... It's funny, 'cause he's my brother. So...
呃... Um...
嘿 呃 我们在泽塔有个小派对 Hey, uh, you know, we have this rush party at zeta.
我想 你可以顺便来看看 交些朋友 But I thought, you know, you could come by and meet the guys.
会很好玩的 It'd be really fun, I think.
- 好的 - 我们也许会去的 - Great. - Yeah, maybe we will.
你们两 要一起来么? Are you guys, like, together?
- 是 - 是 这是我兄弟 - Yeah. - Yeah, this is my bro.
这... 很搞笑 老兄 你很有趣 That's... Funny, dude. You're funny.
噢 Oh.
噢 真的? 哇 好吧 Uh, really? Wow. Um, okay.
那好 当然 你 你们可以一起来 Yeah, man, sure. You, too, you can come, too.
我们会去看看的 We'll see what we can do.
还有 我要提前说 Also, I said a bunch of stuff earlier
我们并没有答应要去 that you didn't acknowledge...
- 好球 - 酷 - Great catch. - Cool, yeah.
- 一会儿见 - 你不会去的吧? - See you then. - So you won't address that?
那家伙到底怎么了? What the fuck's up with that guy?
我们现在要做的就是去参加兄弟派对 All we have to do now is rush the frat long enough
确认那个鸡冠头家伙是不是有火箭炮纹身 to confirm that rooster has that bazooka tattoo.
听着 老兄 你觉得你去真的合适么? Look, man, do you think it's cool if you come?
因为 他似乎只是邀请了我 'Cause, I mean, he kind of really just asked me.
我只是不想一开始 I just don't want to start off
就搞砸了我和他的关系 on the wrong foot with this guy.
老兄 你开什么玩笑 我们一直都在一起 Dude, you're tripping. We do everything together.
你应该把你你那贝壳项链放松一点 You should lose the puka shells, though.
因为你没上大学 一切都是截然不同的 Things are different since you didn't go to college.
哟 Brad! 你来了 Yo, Brad! What's up, dude?
一样的贝壳项链 Same puka, dude.
你也有一样的... 贝壳兄弟 You got the same... Puka bros.
老天 Holy shit!
瞧瞧你 我们穿的都是一样的 Look at him, it's, like, all the same.
你也穿了休闲裤? Dude, you wear pants, too?
- 兄弟 - 好兄弟 - What? Bros, man. - Dude.
我就知道我们会成为好朋友 就像这样 I knew we were gonna be connected, just like that.
对 你们两个家伙为什么不连小弟弟都绑在一起 Yeah, why don't you guys just tie your dicks together
然后幸福的生活在一起 是不是 鸡冠头? and get married, right, rooster?
鸡冠头 你好 老兄 Rooster. What's up, bro?
你看起来不错 You look good, man.
你好 鸡冠头 What's up, rooster?
过得怎样? 一直在挖贝壳 How you doing, man? Digging the puka.
多谢 老兄 不敢相信我们戴的一样的... Thanks, dude. I can't believe it's the same...
你好 鸡冠头 How you doing, rooster?
鸡冠头很受欢迎 Rooster is getting some pop.
你为啥不去和他好好聊聊? Why don't you go check him out?
- 你在状态了? - 完全在状态 - You in the zone, bro? - In the fucking zone, dude.
嘿 你好 Hey. What's up?
你好 我是鸡冠头 What's up? I'm rooster.
哦 我知道 Oh, yeah, no.
我们以前见过 We've met before.
真的? 我一点也不记得了 Oh, really? I don't remember that at all.
你长得太普通了 You must just have a really plain face.
是 他们都叫我大众脸 Yeah. They call me ol' plain face.
他们那么叫你? They call you that?
你身上有纹身或是标记什么的能给我看看么? So, do you have any body art or, like, any ink I could see?
这真是个随意的问题啊 That's a pretty random question.
嘿 不管怎么 和你聊天很高兴 Hey, anyway, it was so nice chatting with you, man.
见到你很高兴 Nice to meet you, man.
你干什么? Yo, what the fuck, bro?
你他妈的干什么? Yo, what the fuck are you doing, dude?
- 你来真的? - 你... - You serious right now? - You...
真是个奇怪的家伙 You're being weird.
怪异的家伙 You've been weird.
这就像 "我听到了什么? " It was just like, what am I hearing?
"我刚刚听到了什么? " What am I hearing right now?
你的灵魂这么告诉你? And the psychic told you that?
这太疯狂了 Yo. That is so crazy, dude.
嘿 你想要去屋顶看看么? Hey, dude, you want to go see the roof?
当然 去屋顶看看 Fuck yeah, I want to see the roof, dude.
快 走 走 快 Come on, let's go, let's go. Come on.
去屋顶 去屋顶 走 Come on to the roof, come on to the roof. Let's go.
加油 你可以的 上 上 上! Come on, you can do it. Come on, come on, come on!
我好怀念攀爬 来 上来吧 快 I miss climbing so much. Come on, let's go. Come on.
好吧 呃... All right, uh...
再来 One more time.
我想回去了 I'm just gonna go home.
我不会跑酷 所以... I don't know parkour, so...
好吧 All right.
嘿 大诗人! Hey, Maya Angelou!
诗歌 好吧 我想起来了 Poetry, okay. I got it.
拿诗歌专业开了个玩笑 Make fun of the poetry major.
所以 我猜你今后完全没有兴趣 So, I guess you have no interest
做诗歌方面的工作 in having a real job in the future.
- 完全没兴趣 - 没有 是不? - Absolutely not. - No, right?
你呢? What about you?
我是艺术专业的 Um, I'm an art major.
好吧 所以你绝对不能胡说八道 Okay. So you definitely cannot talk any shit, 'cause...
不 我不能 不能 No, I can't. I cannot.
... 因为你永远也挣不到钱 ...you're never gonna make any money.
我永远也挣不到钱 I'm never gonna make any money,
千万别告诉我爸妈 但... so don't tell my parents, but...
今晚和你爸妈聊天的时候 When I talk to your parents tonight,
我绝对不会告诉他们你的专业的 I will not tell them about your major.
- 好吧 多谢 - 不客气 - Okay, thank you. - You're welcome.
很好 艺术专业 All right, art major.
你觉得那个怎么样? What do you think about that?
嗯 我觉得 Um, I would say that
这两个东西 it's these two beings
相互倚靠以维持完美的平衡 leaning up against each other in perfect balance.
如果一方倒下了 它们都将失去彼此 If one were to fall, they would just lose each other.
所以它表达的是相互支持 So it's just about support.
你不觉得它们看起来很像睾丸么? You can't admit that it looks exactly like testicles?
看起来确实就是 That's exactly what it looks like.
那么 有没有人是你的后盾 So, is there someone who supports you?
没有 我是那种 No, I'm just one of those people
喜欢独处的人 that really likes to spend time with myself.
我更不用说了 Tell me about it.
我最喜欢独自一人 这几乎是 我最擅长的了 I love to be alone. I am, like, the best at it.
我好喜欢就那样坐在房间里 I just love when you're sitting there in a room,
只有自己的思想作伴 and you're just there with your thoughts,
然后感觉 上帝啊 我是孤独的 and you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm alone.
会有人来爱我吗 之类的念头 Would anyone ever love me? Or whatever.
还会想 如果我一直呆在这个房间没有出去 And, like, do I know anyone who would care
又有谁会在意 if I just ever came out of this room or not?
就这样任思绪漂浮 Or whatever and, like...
说不上为什么 非常平和 我很喜欢 I don't know. It's just peaceful. I just like it.
对 Yeah.
如果你今晚想摆脱孤独 Well, if you don't want to be alone tonight,
我们就去艺术楼转转 we are gonna go hang out at the art building,
看你愿不愿意咯 if you want to come.
愿意 愿意 Okay, okay.
愿意 愿意 Okay. Okay.
我本来以为今天晚上会发生一些让你意外的事情 I expected tonight would go in a way that you wouldn't expect,
令我意外的是 but what I didn't expect was tonight would go
今天晚上你并没有什么可意外的 in the exact way that you would expect.
- 你知道我在说什么吗 - 当然知道啦 - You know what I mean? - Totally.
你们经常在这里玩吗 So you guys hang out here a lot?
是啊 我是说 我们不会搞什么兄弟会之类的 Yeah. I mean, we're not into the whole frat party kind of stuff.
我们只是闲坐品佳酿 We like to sit around, just drink some good wine
聊聊正经事 and talk about some important stuff.
和小婊砸滚滚床单 再烂醉一整天 Banging bitches and getting wasted all fucking day.
这两样 是我最喜欢做的事情诶 Those are, like, two of my favorite things to do.
你的样子 就好像 长得比较顺眼些的... You are, like, a slightly less attractive version of...
- 毕加索吗 - 毕加索 - Picasso? - Picasso.
是吗 之前有人对我这样说过 Right? I've been told that before.
你知道我要说什么 You read my mind.
什么 What?
那是Cynthia Watson的房间 Oh, that's Cynthia Watson's room.
才两点诶 我以为多晚了呢 要进来吗 It's only 2:00. I thought it was late. Do you want to come in?
才两点吗 我常常是凌晨两点才吃晚饭的 所以... It's only 2:00? I usually go to dinner at, like, 2:00 A.M., so...
好啊 当然好啊 Sure, yeah, why not?
我要卸了它 只需要一个正确的角度 I'm gonna do it. I just got to get it at the right angle.
- 你别这样 - 这笨得要死的门柱 - Dude, stop. - Stupid fucking goalpost!
这是不可能的 你做不到的 It's impossible. You can't fucking do it.
每当比赛获得胜利之后 The fans used to rush the field
球迷们都会跑上球场把门柱拆了 after every win and tear down the goalposts,
教练非常恼怒 就用水泥把门柱封了 and coach hated it. And so he cemented them in.
球迷们还是会冲过来拆门柱 They storm the field, and still do it,
但一个个都被弹了出去 but they just bounce around.
就要办了它 伙计 Fuck this goalpost, bro!
你俩最好坐稳了 You guys might want to hold on,
因为这东西要倒下来了哦 'cause this shit is coming down.
哟 那是什么 那个纹身是什么来的 Yo, what is that? The tattoo, what's that right there?
- 这个吗 - 对 - Oh. Oh, this? - Mmm-hmm.
这是我以前的中学球队 精致的熏鲱鱼 It's my old high school team. The plainview red herrings.
看它游动的样子 Look at it swim.
- 去 - 什么意思 - Shit. - What?
我去 那真是够别出心裁的 Shit, that's a really outside-of-the-box
中学吉祥物 high school mascot.
你等着 Hold on, guys.
嘿 今天为什么不来练习 Hey, why don't you come to practice today?
你很明显是个优秀的队员 I mean, you're obviously good enough to play on the team.
其实我来这里不是为了踢足球 Look, I'm not supposed to be here to play football.
什么 What?
我来这里是为了完成任务 I'm just here to do my assignments
然后就可以离开 and get out, that's it.
我跟你讲 虽然学业是很重要 I mean, yeah, school's important or whatever,
可每当我要传球给你 but when I was throwing you those passes,
我似乎能预知你的动向 it was like I knew where you were gonna be before you went there.
我好像能看见这番场面 You know, I had this, like, vision of me
我把球扔给你 throwing bullet tds to you, dude,
然后所有球迷都开始呐喊 and then all these fans just started going, like...
Zook! Mcquaid! Zook! Mcquaid!
然后他们不停欢呼 And they were chanting and chanting,
然后门柱被拆掉 and then the goalposts came down.
你知道吗 Dude?
这几乎是我一辈子都在想象的画面 I have had that exact vision, like, my entire life.
- 兄弟 - 兄弟 - Dude. - Dude.
- 兄弟 - 兄弟 - Bro? - Bro.
- 兄弟 - 兄弟 - Dude. - Bro.
兄弟 Dude.
我们行的 兄弟 Like, well, we fucking can, bro.
你只要加入我们队 All you gotta do is join the team.
行 当然要啊 Yeah. Why not?
很好 Yes!
- 答应了 兄弟 - 答应了 兄弟 - Fuck yeah, dude. - Fuck yeah, dude.
那是什么 What's that?
我的纹身 My tattoo.
瞧 瞧 Yeah, fuck, look.
看这个 是我 Zook Look, it's me, Zook.
我在手臂上刻了个火箭筒 知道什么意思吗 Got a fucking bazooka for an arm. Know what I mean?
兄弟 你要加入我们队 Dude, I'm so fucking pumped
我真特么开心死了 you're gonna be on this fucking team, bro.
好的 Yep.
怎么啦 What's up with it?
感觉怎样 How you doing?
早安 蛮好的 Hi. Good.
你觉得 呃... How was the, um...
昨晚怎么样 How was the sex for you?
我觉得很开心 很快乐 It was fun for me. It was a good time.
对 没错 Yeah, right.
我喜欢 I enjoyed it.
是啊 Yeah.
这就是我不喝酒的原因 This is why I don't drink.
嘿 你好吗 Hey. How you doing?
还好 I'm fine.
昨天晚上我都没有留意你们一整晚交媾的动静 I mean, I'm not listening to you guys fornicate all night long.
不断冲刺碰撞 Thrusting and pumping.
好了 Okay.
我觉得你的臀部走光了 I thought your hip popped out at one point.
我就说吧 这都是很好玩的 I'm just saying, it's, like, all fun and games,
只不过你们醒过来会发现旁边床铺有个40岁的大一新生 and then you wake up in bed next to a 40-year-old freshman.
我十九... I'm 19, so...
是和老友约在公园打牌 Nineteen minutes late to pinochle,
迟到十九分钟了吗 where you're meeting your old friends in the park?
是的 我就是这个意思 Yeah, that's what I meant.
天呐 Maya 你看他 Oh, my gosh, Maya, look at him.
还这么灵敏 你真的很神奇 He's still so sharp. That's so inspiring.
跟我们说说他们的战绩吧 随便一个都行 Tell us about the war, any one of them.
而你则是我听过高潮叫得最响的家伙了 You're, like, the loudest climaxer I've ever heard.
听起来就像封闭了三十年的花洒 It was, like, the sound of, like, a 30-year-old sprinkler
终于第一次喷射出来的声音 finally going off for the first time.
好啦好啦 和你聊天真有意思 Okay, well, so lovely talking with you.
你人真好 You're a lovely person.
很高兴认识你 Nice to meet you.
我勒个去 Oh, my God.
她好像挺友好 She seems nice.
她很可怕 She's horrible.
天 God.
她原来是Cynthia的室友 She was Cynthia's roommate,
我觉得她可怜 让她来我房间住 and I felt bad for her, so I told her I would room with her.
其实... So...
你今天肯定有一大堆事情 So you probably have a bunch of stuff
要去做吧 that you have to do today.
- 对吗 - 没有 - Right? - No.
哦 这样 Oh. Okay.
听着 我只是想告诉你 Look, I just want you to know
我不是那种玩玩就算的花心萝卜 I'm not, like, a hit it and quit it type of fella.
我其实是 一旦燃烧起来 I'm, like, a hit it,
肉体和精神的激情都会一直维持下去的那种人... continue to hit it both physically and emotionally kind of guy, so...
嘿 Doug 你不会放不下的对吗 Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be weird about this, are you?
不会 No.
我的意思是 你对纯粹的一夜情没有问题吧 I mean, you're cool with just hooking up?
没有 我说 我没问题 很高兴你表明态度 Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I'm glad you said something.
因为在清醒的时候 我甚至还不知道自己喜不喜欢你 'Cause I don't even know if I like you when I'm sober.
不 我明白 这种事情 No, I know, and it's like,
也没什么难为情的 that doesn't even hurt, like, at all.
好 那么... Okay, so, um...
我要... 我要走了 稍后发信息给你 I'm gonna... I'm gonna split. I'll text you later.
很好 昨晚很赞 你表现很好 Great, that was great sex. You're good at it.
那就 三到五分钟后联系你咯 And I'll text you, three to five minutes or something?
没问题 All right.
这他妈算什么 What the fuck is this?
简直扯淡 This is bullshit.
你们又在学校鬼混了吗 Are you two fucking around at school again?
嘿 这是要花钱的啊 Hey, we got to pay for this shit.
- 我们要见到成果! - 不是 不是 不是 - We need results! - No, no, no.
听着 我们是在积极地 Look, we are looking aggressively
打探这个独特的纹身 for this very specific tattoo.
或者这个纹身根本无从考究 Or the tattoo could just be a dead end.
你说什么 这只是一模一样的案子 What the fuck? It's the same case!
按老方法来解决它 Do the same thing.
今时不同往日 因为 Well, it's not exactly the same case, 'cause
昨晚人家很性福哦 one of us got laid last night.
Schmidt Schmidt?
安静 Shh.
让我的老二好好休息下 Don't wake up my dick.
昨晚都没有消停过 Flew in on the red-eye, hasn't gotten a wink of sleep.
哟嚯 Damn.
我们说些正经的 We're talking missionary.
我们说些正经的姿势 We're talking missionary.
就是我在上 她仰躺 We're talking when I'm on top and she's on her back.
她很漂亮 是个美术生 She's smart, she's an art major.
有多漂亮 不就是个美术生吗 She can't be that smart. She's a fucking art major.
真是的 Come on.
我要"击励"一下你 Schmidt I will give you some daps, Schmidt.
你该好好"击励"我 Give me some motherfucking daps, man!
来来来 Come on, give me some.
"击励"我 好吧 Give me some. Come on!
人类性行为课堂简直令我如痴如醉 My human sexuality class is blowing my mind.
你知道我高中时把反同言论挂在嘴上吗 Did you know I used gay slurs in high school?
是啊 专门针对我呢 Yes, directed at me.
老兄 很抱歉我是个"同音词" Dude, I am so sorry for being a homophone.
你想谈谈今天你和Dickson之间有多怪异吗 Are we gonna talk about how weird you were today with Dickson?
我觉得那个纹身不一定是你们所想的那样重要 Look, I don't think the tattoo means what you think it means.
就是说 大家知道 很多人都可能去纹那个图案的 I mean, for all we know, a lot of people could have that tattoo.
你说这个 这个出离地独一无二的纹身吗 This tattoo? This absurdly specific tattoo?
你说说还有谁会有这个纹身 Name one other person who has this.
首先 Zook就有这个纹身 For starters, Zook has it.
Zook有这个纹身 Zook has the tattoo?
有没有搞错 我们辛辛苦苦找了这么多天 What the fuck? We've been looking for this tattoo for days!
你明白这意味着Zook就是毒贩吗 Do you understand this means Zook is the dealer?
我真心希望你们能一起玩玩 I really want you guys to hang out.
不是见过了吗 我被他彻底无视了 We have hung out. He's completely ignored me.
对不起了 我们一定要好好调查你这位新晋的结拜兄弟 I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to investigate your new bff.
周围都要装上摄像头 We're gonna put cameras everywhere,
我们必须严密监视他的一举一动 and we're gonna monitor the fuck out of what he's doing.
可我们总不能大摇大摆走进他家 We can't just walk into zeta house
四处安装该死的摄像头的 是不是 and just put up a bunch of fucking cameras, okay?
那里人那么多 There's dudes there everywhere.
对吧 你的计划不通的 我很抱歉 All right, your plan is stupid. I'm sorry.
- 我的计划不行 真有你的 - 什么... - 好了 - My plan is stupid? That's interesting. - What... - okay.
我已经不能继续 I'm, like, basically done
任由你一直出乱子 fucking watching your shit all the fucking time.
好好 没错 我就是个笨蛋 对 Okay, yeah, exactly. I'm the fucking stupid one. Yeah.
那个计划就是行不通 Oh, that's really fucking stupid.
天啊 不是双胞胎可真麻烦 Man, it must be hard being so different.
像我俩一模一样的 事情都简单多了 We're exactly the same. It makes everything so much easier.
童鞋 给我们一些私人空间好吗 Guys, can you just give us some space?
我们在很认真地解决一些问题 We're really trying to figure something out,
我们需要专注 好吧 and we need to focus, okay?
你很快就可以专注了 朋友 You're not gonna have trouble focusing, man.
是啊 那些爆米香里面有药 Yeah, man, those krispie treats got mad whyphy in them.
我们为整个宿舍做了一批 We made a batch for the whole dorm, man.
我吃了整整六块 I've eaten six of these.
- 你可以达到万分专注了 - 万分专注 - Then you're gonna be real focused. - Be real focused.
四个小时之后 你就会开始漫游 In about four hours, you're gonna be tripping.
没事的 你们都会好好的 You're fine. You're gonna be all right, man.
谁把药卖给你们的 Who sold you whyphy?
没有谁 Nobody sold it to us.
是的 Cynthia给了我们一大桶 Yeah, man, Cynthia gave us a butt load,
作为交换 我们帮她写逻辑学论文 and in exchange, we wrote her logic paper for her.
- 很好 - 很好 我们回见 - All right. - All right, man, we'll see you guys later.
好好享受这些美味哦 Enjoy the food.
也许这样也有好处 Maybe this is a good thing.
我们可以利用这股专注力来想到潜入Zook家的法子 Let's use that focus to figure out a way to get into Zook's house.
- 你感觉到什么没有 - 没有 你感觉到了吗 - You feel anything? - No. Do you feel anything?
没有 其实我的抵抗力超... No, but I have a super high tolerance for...
我现在专注得不得了 I'm so focused.
我也是 I'm so focused, too.
不要压在我身上 You don't have to be on top of me.
我就要 Yes, I do.
- 为什么 - 障眼法 - Why? - Camouflage.
走 Go.
我们开始吧 Let's go.
绝对不可能 No fucking way.
没有吗 Dane 好吧 Okay, so no? Dane? All right.
出局 好了 Out, all right.
- 正中 - 中 - Bull's-eye. - Bingo.
你的头盔看起来很逊 That helmet looks kind of lame.
你知道怎样比较酷吗 You know what's not lame?
安全为上 Safety.
你要干嘛 What are you doing?
我要切玻璃 I'm cutting glass.
这只是激光灯 It's a laser pointer.
- 切不了玻璃 - 神马 - It can't cut glass. - What?
一点都不好玩 That's no fun at all.
- 我无法放松 - 我们动手吧 - I'm so focused. - Let's do this.
- 再给我一个 - 摄像头就这么几个 - Give me another. - I don't have any more cameras.
- 你不需要钻这么多洞的 - 好吧 - You don't need to drill so many holes. - Yeah, okay.
这个位置棒极了 好的 放在这里 Yeah, that one's perfect. Okay, you can do that one.
我没有摄像机了 我已经说了五遍了 I don't have any more cameras. I've said it five times.
- 好了 - 是最后一个了 - All right. Okay. - That's the last of 'em.
让我们来证实Zook就是毒贩子 Time to prove that zook's the dealer.
或者不是 Or not the dealer.
下一个是Brad Mcquaid Next up is Brad mcquaid.
- 对吧? - 是的 - Right? - Yes.
同意! Yes!
很明显 对吧? 我是说 这家伙... Obviously, right? I mean, the guy's...
这家伙是绝无仅有的 各位 承认这点吧 The guy's all-time. You guys, let's be honest.
我是说 就像 他可以用眼珠子开啤酒罐 I mean, like, he was opening up beer cans with his eyeballs.
他们真好 That's so sweet of them.
所以Brad...Brad通过 So Brad... Brad's in.
- 呃 Doug Mcquaid - 不要! - Uh, Doug mcquaid. - No!
他是个草包! He's a bag of dicks!
他是Brad的兄弟 He's Brad's brother.
他们形影不离 He follows him around everywhere,
所以要Brad我们恐怕就要带上Doug so I doubt we get Brad without Doug.
那不是真的 我是有女朋友的 That's not true. I have a serious girlfriend.
- 伙计 我对这个人很反感 - 为什么? 为什么? - I got a bad feeling about this guy, dude. - Why? Why?
我和他说过话 I was talking to him for a second.
他是个大嘴巴 好吗? He's got a big mouth, okay?
我觉得他会坏我们的事 I feel like he could fuck this whole thing up for us.
看见没 你搞砸了 你说的太多了 See, you're fucking this up. You talk way too much.
这家伙是无害的 老兄 你看看他 憨憨的 That guy is harmless, dude. Look at him, he's nice.
他像是一个三十岁的八年级学生 He looks like a 30-year-old eighth grader.
他没问题的 He's gonna be fine.
我就是说说 这家伙很烂 I'm just saying, the kid sucks.
好吧 但是Brad就是我们要的人 Okay, and Brad. Brad could be, like, our guy.
他和我们是一类的 He could, like, be a part of our thing.
- 一类? - 是 - Our thing? - Yeah.
嘘 我想听他们赞美我 Shh. I'm trying to hear them be nice about me.
都是废话 靠! This is fucking bullshit. Shit!
靠 Shit.
有人在楼上吗? Is somebody up there?
靠 我们要离开这 Shit. We got to get out of here.
你锁门了吗? Did you lock the door?
我锁了 检查了两次 I did, man. I checked twice.
走 走! Go, go!
伙计 我很专注 I'm so focused, dude.
靠 Shit.
不 你只是因为马上要进入迷幻之旅而恐惧 No, you're just paranoid because we're about to trip balls.
不 我害怕是因为可能会有危险 No, I'm paranoid because it could be dangerous.
没事了 看 我们做到了 No, we're fine. Look, we made it.
我们做到了 没问题了 We made it. It's all good.
哦 靠! Oh, shit!
救命! 救命! Help! Help!
发生了什么! What's happening!
他妈的 什么啊? What the fuck?
我不能呼吸了 I can't breathe.
他们抓到我们了! They made us!
他们会杀了我们的! They're gonna kill us!
Jenko! Jenko!
你去哪? Where are you going?
哦 靠! 这个旅行糟透了! 我们的旅行糟透了! Oh, fuck! I'm having a bad trip! We're having a bad trip!
我想我们是在旅行 但是... I think we are tripping, but...
天哪 太棒了 God, isn't this great?
我这边比较吓人 My side's so much scarier than yours.
哦 靠 你那太糟了 Oh, shit, your trip sucks.
你应该过来 这边好太多了 You should come over here. It's way better.
好的 Okay.
这有个奇怪的隔离屏! It's some kind of weird split screen!
哈喽 足球 Hello, football.
Jenko! Jenko! Jenko! Jenko!
我终于有我自己的兰博基尼了! I finally got my lambo!
嘿 Schmidt 快看! Hey, Schmidt, look!
快看! 快看! Look! Look!
我累了 My legs are tired.
救命! 别放音乐了! Help! No more music!
你将永远形单影只 You'll always be alone.
- 嘿 Jenko - 什么? - Hey, jenko. - What?
你要去哪? Where are you going?
我就上去一会会 好吗? I'm just gonna go up for a little while, okay?
留下来 呆在这 Stay, stay here.
不 我不要呆在这 我在飞 太神奇了 No, I don't want to stay here. I'm flying. This is amazing.
不 天哪 别走! No. God. Don't go!
天哪 Oh, my God.
不! No!
- 呆在这! - 不 不 放手 - Stay here! - No, no, stop it.
你在拖我下去! 为什么要拖着我呢? You're dragging me down! Why would you drag me down?
- 拜托 留下吧! - 我在飞 - Please stay! - I'm flying.
留下来! Stay!
- 醒过来! 下车! - 靠 - Wake up! Get out of the car! - Shit.
下车! 跪下! Get out of the car! Get on the ground!
给我他妈的跪下! On your fucking knees!
跪下! Get on your knees!
- 你知道了 对吧? - 什么? - You already know, don't you? - What?
有什么要说的吗? Do you have anything to say?
拜托不要杀我们 Please don't kill us.
如果没什么说的 If you don't have anything to fucking say,
给我他妈张开嘴 open your fucking mouth.
他妈的 什么啊? What the fuck?
是伏特加吗? Is that vodka?
盟友们 欢迎来到Zeta Welcome to zeta, pledges!
耶 兄弟! Yeah, buddy!
盟友们 今天 我们将汰弱留强 Pledges, tonight, we separate the weak from the strong.
如果你不通过今晚的考验 If you don't make it through tonight,
你将不是我们的一员 you're dead to all of us.
Rooster Rooster,
点亮火炬! light the torch!
为了zeta! For zeta!
快喝 混账! 快喝 混账! Drink, motherfucker! Drink, motherfucker!
听着 无论今晚发生什么 你要坚持 知道吗? Look, whatever happens tonight, you have to keep up, okay?
我要吐了 I'm gonna throw up.
我知道 闭嘴 继续 I know. Shut up. Go.
准备好了吗? 开始! Ready? Go!
开始了 开始了 Here we go, here we go.
一 二 三 四 五... One, two, three, four, five...
我不行了! 我不行了! I can't do it anymore! I can't do it anymore!
记录是二十秒! Twenty's the record!
三十三 三十四... Thirty-three, Thirty-four...
...六十七... ...sixty-seven...
你可以的 你可以的 You can do this, you can do this.
不行 太恶心了 I can't. This is disgusting.
- 不 你必须要做 - 我忍受不了了! - No, you got to. - I can't do this anymore!
现在 轮到我最爱的环节 And now, for my favorite event.
操你妈 我不干了 Fuck this. I'm not doing this.
- 我不干了 - 什么... 不! - I'm not doing it. - What are... no!
我不干了 好吗? I'm not doing this, okay? All right?
嘿! Hey!
- Schmidt! - 这他妈是什么啊? - Schmidt! - What the fuck, man?
你这么回事? 不是你说要团结协作吗 What is your problem? You said you wanted to stick together.
这就是我们该做的 去获取他们的信任 This is what we have to do to win their trust.
应该是有趣的 这只是喝酒类的游戏 This is supposed to be fun. It's just drinking and bonding games.
很有趣 It's fun.
对你来说是娱乐 对我来说不是 It's fun for you. It's not fun for me.
我不知道 也许我们应该... I don't know. Maybe we should just...
也许我们应该分头调查 Maybe we should just investigate different people.
这真的是你说的吗? Did you really just say that?
你真的想分头调查吗? Did you really just say that you want to investigate other people?
那就是你想要的吗? That's what you want?
我不知道 也许是的 I don't know, maybe.
也许我们应该...应该分头行事 Maybe we should just... We should just branch out.
好吧 就只是分开调查 Okay, just sow our oats a little.
分散警力 Sow our cop oats.
听着 Zook喜欢我 Look, I have an in with Zook.
我们之间有种默契 这很好 而且... We have a thing and it's good, and...
我不知道 也许我应该更亲近他 I don't know, maybe I should just stay closer to him.
相反 你要利用你的手段 And you should do your thing
人际关系来调查 with your connections and channels
Cynthia的室友 with Cynthia's roommate.
你要弄明白她到底知不知道谁在贩毒 You should see if she knows who sold her drugs.
我只是...我只是觉得不要... I just... I just don't...
我不喜欢分头行事这个想法 I don't like the idea of us doing stuff separately.
不 听着 我们仍可以一起 No, look, we can still investigate
调查 together.
只是 你知道 调查会是多方面的 It's just, you know, now it'll be an open thing.
你想要一个独立自由的调查? You want an open investigation?
我不知道那是否是我想要的 I don't know if that's what I want.
好吗? 我只是觉得这样做对我们目前来说是正确的 All right? I just think it's healthy right now for us to try it.
好吧 Okay.
- 是吗? - 当然 - Yeah? - Sure.
好的 那我们回头见 Okay, so I guess I'll just catch you later, then.
你还好吧? You okay?
不要 现在你不能抱我 No, you can't hug me right now.
你要些钱搭计程车什么的吗? Do you need money for a cab or anything?
不 我不需要钱搭计程车 No, I don't need money for a cab.
好吧 Okay.
我他妈现在在哪啊 I don't know where the fuck I am right now.
嘿 Lauren Hey, Lauren.
我只想躺进被窝 整天看老友记 I just want to get in bed and watch friends all day.
这是城市大学的政客队 你们的欢呼声呢! Let's hear it for your metropolita city state statesmen!
政客队首场 And the statesmen take the field
对战综合大学 for the opening game against the university of college generals.
准备好了吗? Ready?
今天首个惊喜就是 And a surprise start today
新生Brad mcquaid作为临时队员上场 for walk-on freshman Brad mcquaid.
作为新生 他相当看老 Looks pretty old to be a freshman.
Bob 是牛奶中激素刺激的 It's the hormones in the milk, Bob.
准备好了吗? 预备 开始! Ready? Set, hut!
Haythe传球 Haythe drops back.
Mcquaid接到了! And connects with mcquaid!
??? Who beats safety will glock like an egg white in my famous meringue recipe.
天哪 他很棒 Holy shit, he's good.
你们一个都没说Mcquaid厉害 好吗? None of you tell mcquaid that he's good, all right?
否则他就不会出场这场破比赛 If you do, he'll leave this shitty program.
时间转瞬即逝 最后一次进攻了 And as the clock ticks down, we've got time for one last play.
Haythe和Mcquaid又一次完美配合 Another perfect hookup between haythe and mcquaid.
甚至他们在达阵区的欢庆动作也完全同步 Even their end zone celebration is in perfect sync.
Bob 这两个人就像共用同一个大脑 It's like these two share a single brain, Bob.
对的 Jim 他们各有一半 That's right, Jim. They both have one half a brain.
人群冲向场地 And the crowd rushes the field
试图撞倒球门柱 to try and knock down a goalpost.
撞不倒的! It's not coming down!
各位 祝你们好运 Good luck, guys.
看来城市大学有了一对新的强力队员 Looks like mc state's got a new power couple.
Zook and mcquaid! Zook and mcquaid!
老兄 我要过去 I got to get around you, man.
我跳不起来 踝关节不好 I can't jump up. I got a broken ankle.
耶! Yeah!
操 耶! Fuck yes!
耶! 再一次! Yeah! One more!
靠 Shit.
是谁? Who is that?
- 没什么 - 好的 准备? - Nothing. - All right, ready?
开始! Come on!
注意力集中! Focus!
快点! 快做! Come on! Do it!
操你妈 Arnold Schwarzenegger! Fuck you, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
??? 操你妈! I'm so jammed! Fuck you!
门上有袜子! 别进来! There's a sock on the door! Don't come in!
操 耶! Fuck, yeah!
我在和女人做爱 I'm having sex with a human woman.
天哪! 操! My God! Fuck!
嘿! 看看你! Hey! Look at you!
你们在这里做什么? What are you guys doing here?
什么? 你说笑吗? 这是父母亲周末 What? Are you kidding? It's parents weekend.
操 Fuck.
太棒了 你约会了 Wonderful. You're dating someone.
谢谢 妈妈 听着 我们是卧底 好吗? Thanks, mom. Listen, we're undercover, okay?
- 谢谢 - 没问题 - Thank you. - No problem.
Doug! Doug!
Maya! Maya!
- 嘿 - 嗨 -Hey. - Hi.
这是我的父母 These are my parents.
就是这个女孩? So this is the girl?
嗨 我是Annie 是你的婆婆 Hi. I'm Annie. I'm your new mother-in-law.
- 见到你很高兴 - 最糟糕的话 - Nice to meet you. - Worst thing to say.
- 嗨 - 嘿 我是David - Hi. - Hey. David.
- 我爸爸 - 见到你很高兴 My dad. Nice to meet you.
我父母也在这 Well, my parents are here, too.
Maya 快点! Maya, hurry up!
你妈妈找到她要的桌子了 Your mama done found a table she want.
你怎么会认识这个人? How do you know this person?
爸爸 这是Doug 我的约会对象 Dad, this is Doug, a guy that I'm dating.
- 这混蛋? - 我... - The fuck? - I...
Doug 你的课程进行的怎么样? How's your classes going, Doug?
你...我们只是在附近 而且... You... we were just in the neighborhood, and...
我有个建议 我们坐一起 好吗? I have an idea. Why don't we all sit together?
那会很有趣 对吧? Would that be fun?
是的 谢谢 Yes, thank you.
那么... So...
你觉得天气怎么样? Do you like weather?
你们两个认识? You two know each other?
不认识 No.
这太怪了 呃 This is crazy, all these, uh,
学生和家长 students and parents.
潜在的目击者 Potential witnesses.
你们俩怎么认识的? How did you two meet?
哦 我爱听这些相遇的浪漫的故事 Oh, I love meet-cute stories.
我们在诗歌会上遇见的 We met at a poetry slam,
然后他跟着我回了我的宿舍 and then he stalked me back to my dorm room.
- 跟踪她? - 哦 真浪漫 - Stalked her? - Oh, that's so beautiful.
然后呢? Then what happened?
然后我们一起出去 看了场电影 And then we hung out and we watched a movie.
事实上 我们看了好几遍 Actually, we watched it a couple times.
胡说! This is bullshit!
你他妈的...服务员! This fucking... waiter!
在这里 黑人要喝水要怎么做? What can a black man do to get some water around here?
他妈的快给丫上水! Give the fucking guy some water!
他是黑人! 他已经够惨了! He's black! He's been through a lot!
看在你女儿的份上 你就安分点 For the sake of your daughter, please keep it together.
再他妈的不上薄饼我就要疯了 I'm gonna need a motherfucking crepe before I go crazy.
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
你们原籍是哪儿的? So, where are you from originally?
我来自坎普顿 I'm straight outta Compton,
但我丈夫是北岭人 but my husband's from northridge.
快 哥们 给我来点 Come on, man, hook me up.
你他妈的怎么回事? 这儿还定量供应的? What the fuck y'all doing? Y'all rationing around here?
再给我来点 就他妈的两根豆角? Come on, hook me up. Two little fucking string beans?
他妈的把豆角给我 Give me the goddamn string beans.
我他妈的还要炒蛋 I want some fucking deviled eggs.
我喜欢水果 你不喜欢水果吗? I like fruit. Don't you like fruit?
我就喜欢水果 I like fruit.
但这狗屁猪肉? 得滚蛋! But this pork shit? Got to go!
他真把气都撒在自助餐台了 He's really taking it out on the omelet bar.
真他妈恶心! Shit was nasty!
他工作压力太大 He's under a lot of pressure at work.
你怎么样 兄弟? 想去看电影吗? What's up, playa? Want to go to the movies?
我他妈搞断你的腿! 搞断你的腿! I'll break your motherfucking legs! Break your legs!
干嘛? What?
你好呀 植物先生? 他妈的滚一边去 How you doing, Mr. nice plant? Get your fucking ass in there.
嘿 再要瓶啤酒吗? 我再去拿瓶 Hey, you want another beer? I'm gonna get another beer.
好 再来瓶 Yeah, yeah, I'll do another.
嘿 哥们 Hey, look, man,
你知道 你有什么思想包袱 you know you can always tell me something
都可以告诉我 if you want to get it off your chest.
我都会帮你的 不是吗? You know I'm always here for you, right?
你想说什么? What are you trying to say?
没什么 No, nothing.
好吧 就Cynthia和whyphy All right, with everything that happened
whyphy那事 with Cynthia and whyphy,
我不希望你毁了自己 I just don't want you to screw up.
你觉得我不知道自己在干嘛? You don't think I know what I'm doing?
- 什么? - 我很清楚自己在干嘛 - What? - I know exactly what I'm doing here.
我给你透露点东西 I'm gonna tell you something, all right?
- 我能信任你吗? - 当然 - Can I trust you? - Yeah, of course.
我有个哥们认识明尼苏达大学的一个人 I have a friend who knows a guy at umc.
是个星探 这是第一步 He's a scout. It's d-I.
他们的四分卫不行 Their qb, he's not playing well.
他们对目前状况不满意 They're not happy with the situation.
想让我传段录像去试镜 They want me to make a tape.
我希望你和我一起去 And I want you to be on it with me.
没别的事了? Nothing else?
去年有五个人参加选秀 They had five guys in the draft last year.
我的意思是 Brad 这可是我们大好机会 I mean, Brad, this could be our shot.
我们就像动力二人组 兄弟 We're like the dynamic duo, bro.
就像蝙蝠侠和罗宾 We're like Batman and Robin.
当然我们都是蝙蝠侠 But we're both Batman.
你以后想做什么 股票经纪人? What do you want to be, like, a stockbroker?
还是警察? Or a cop?
哥们 你的前途 Dude, your ceiling is, like,
就这么点 so high.
但你可以不断打破它... You can just bust right...
打破它 打破它 Just break right through it. Right through it.
打破它 打破它 Right through it. Right through it.
你真觉得我能在那儿立足? You really think I could make it at umc?
哥们 你都能在进名人堂 Dude, you could make it into the hall of fame.
哥们 别开玩笑了 那是你 No, dude, come on, that's you.
你能在橄榄球界名垂青史 You're gonna be in, like, the anals of football history.
哥们 你能在橄榄球界名垂青史 Dude, you could make it into the anals of football history, too.
那我们得把历史挤爆了 We're gonna have to tear those anals up.
对 我们他妈的就是要把丫挤爆 All right. We're gonna fucking tear it up.
不就是段录像吗 对吧? I mean, it's just a tape, right?
我太讨厌我爸了 I fucking hate my dad so much.
你知道整天有这么个人 Do you have any idea
有这么个人无时不刻 what it's like to have a guy like that
要你做这做那有多烦吗? telling you what to do all the time?
我只能想象了 I can only imagine.
我就搞不懂他为什么就看你不顺眼 I just don't understand what his problem is with you specifically.
我不知道 天啊 一点道理都没 I don't... Jesus. That makes no sense to me.
我是说 你是个多好的人啊 I mean, you are a perfectly good guy.
你又诚实又善良 You're very honest and nice.
为什么我爸有你电话? Why does my dad have your phone number?
不知道 也许有校友录之类的 I don't know. Maybe the school directory or something.
我们干点什么... Let's do something...
干点能让我们分心的事 Let's do something that would distract us.
好 Okay.
这样就不用再想着他了 So we don't have to think about him anymore.
好了 额... All right. Um...
Maya Maya.
我们能不能只聊聊天? Is it okay if we just talk?
好吧 Okay.
我们聊天 Let's talk.
- 不是吧 - 真的 - No way. - Yeah.
我演的彼得潘 但后来我迟到了 I was Peter Pan, but then I was, like, late.
那时你和你弟弟很亲啊 You're really close with your brother, then.
- 看上去是的 - 的确是的 - It seems like. - Yeah.
你知道... Yeah, you know...
你真他妈天才 哥们 You're a fucking genius, dude.
- 你真不觉得太过了? - 没有! - Are you sure it's not too much, though? - No!
"牛逼! 操 牛逼!" "Yeah! Fuck, yeah!"
- 这样? 这样? - 对 对 - All right? All right? - Yeah. Yeah.
- 一整晚啊 哥们 一整晚了 - 是 我知道 - All night, bro.Come on. All night. - Yeah, I know.
绝对值了 哥们 It's gonna be so worth it, dude.
绝对太他妈值了 我保证 好嘛? It's gonna be fucking worth it, I promise, all right?
哥们 你觉得这儿还缺什么? Dude, you know what this needs?
再来个星状效果 Another star wipe.
乌鸦嘴 啤酒 Jinx. Buy me a beer.
转的漂亮 Nice twist.
什么? On what?
不敢相信我们居然聊了一整晚 I can't believe we've been talking all night.
天啊 八点了 我还有课 Oh, my God, it's 8:00. I have class, actually.
- 好吧 - 我... - Okay. - I...
你需要什么就自便吧... Yeah, you can help yourself to whatever you need, and...
好的 All right.
真抱歉 Yeah, I'm so sorry, this...
我们以后再见 I'll see you.
一会儿再见 I'll see you later.
好的 昨晚真棒 Okay. Best night ever.
好的 拜 Okay. Bye.
拜 Bye.
你在这儿多久了? How long have you been there?
比你能想到的都久 Like, the longest amount of time you could think of right now.
你不该听到这些的 This stuff wasn't meant for you.
这是个人隐私 It was meant to be private.
所以我就该干坐在这儿 So, am I supposed to just sit here and not act like
假装没听见你倒苦水? I hear every one of your problems?
你有一堆问题 但年轻不是其中之一 You got 99 problems, but being young isn't one.
你就是嫉妒我和Maya很合拍 You're just jealous because Maya and I have a real connection.
我和我爷爷也很合拍 I'm pretty close with my grandpa, too.
你比Cynthia的情况还糟 You're more messed up than Cynthia was,
她一周找三次心理医生 and she went to the school shrink three times a week.
- 为什么? - 我不知道 - Why? - I don't know.
他给她开了一大堆乱七八糟的药 But he gave her a ton of pills and shit.
也许他能给你的老怪脸开点什么 Maybe he could give you something for your weird old face.
好吧 Okay.
- 嘿 - 你迟到了 - Hey. - You're late.
实际上 我在忙着调查 No, actually, I was busy with the investigation.
这是Cynthia心理医生的办公室 这才是我们该调查的地方 This is Cynthia's therapist's office. This is our investigation.
好吧 All right.
你望风 Watch the door.
我就这点用? 就他妈的帮你望风? Oh, is that all I'm good for? Just watching a fucking door?
找到了 Got it.
病人患有药物引发的妄想症 Patient exhibits drug-induced paranoia.
认为她有生命危险 Believes her life is in danger.
呃 有人 有人 Uh, door, door.
嘿 Hey.
没人告诉我早上九点有人预约 I wasn't told that I had a 9:00 A.M. session.
不 我们就是约的九点 就是我们 Yeah, no, we're your 9:00 A.M. That's us.
我们治好了 And we're cured.
非常感谢 你的医术真棒 Thank you very much. You're an amazing doctor.
别闹了 你们不是我见的第一对基友了 Please. You think you're the first partners
结果第一次和我谈话就想逃? only to try to run when you're first faced with talking with me?
你怎么知道我们是搭档? How the fuck did you know we were partners?
他不知道我们是搭档 He doesn't know we're partners.
我一猜你们就是基友 I suspect you're partners.
一段感情需要长期经营 A relationship is something that requires constant work.
我以为我们在高中就学到了 Which is what I thought we learned in high school.
你们在高中就是一对甜心了 So you are high school sweethearts.
我早就了解到了 I picked up on that early.
我们接着聊 Please, continue the dialogue.
医生 Doc.
我只是觉得有时 I just feel like sometimes
他一点也不投入 he's not even trying anymore.
好像我们之间没什么值得挽救了 Like this isn't even worth saving.
那好 有时我觉得 Oh, okay. Well, sometimes I feel like
我们更应该像杨氏兄弟那样 that we should be more like the yangs.
也许我该变得更像你美丽的Zook Or maybe I should be more like your beautiful zook.
- 噢 滚你的蛋! - 滚你的蛋! - Oh, go fuck yourself! - You go fuck yourself.
- 好了 - 你真自私 - Okay. - You're so selfish.
- 好了 粗口爆得够多了 - 哦 我的天 - All right. That's a lot of fucking. - Oh, my God.
有时我喜欢让参与者进行肢体接触 Sometimes I like to have the participants make physical contact.
你们为什么不握着手呢? Why don't you hold hands?
- 好的 - 我不干 - Okay. - I'm not doing that.
- 嗯? - 你看见了没? - Hmm? - Do you see?
把你的手伸出来 Reach out your hand.
我... I'm...
他在等着你哦 He's literally reaching out for you.
他不牵我的手 He won't hold my hand.
我不干 I'm not doing it.
我需要你伸出手 I kind of need you to do it.
- 他就是不牵我的手 - 哦 你个... - He won't hold my hand. - Oh, you...
我们得十指相扣 You got to interlock it, though.
如果不是十指相扣就不算牵手 If you don't interlock it, it's not hand-holding.
行了 Fine.
我们仅仅是普通朋友 We might as well just be friends
不是好搭档 and not partners.
不错吧? Nice, right?
行 你看见了? 这就是感情深厚 Okay, you see this? This is strong.
我想要的就是这个 What I want to be able to have is this.
这是不是... Is this...
我想要的实际上就是这个 I want to be able to have that, that same thing, in, like
但是在心里 不用真做出来 without actually having to do it.
你为你的伴侣感到丢脸吗? Are you embarrassed of your partner?
不 完全没有 好嘛? No, not at all. Okay?
你们他妈的为什么联合起来针对我? And why the fuck are you guys ganging up on me?
是他有问题好嘛 我说真的 Gang up on him. Okay, seriously.
- 好了 好了 - 他很粘人 - Okay, okay. - He's clingy.
他独处的时候真的会恐慌 He literally is terrified of being by himself.
听着 我知道Zook是你兄弟 Look, I know Zook's your buddy
你不希望他是有罪的 and you don't want him to be guilty,
但他就是我们要找的人 but he's our guy.
不 他不是我们要的人 是的话 我会知道 No, he's actually not our guy. I would know.
你们知道 有时我们会依赖某样东西 Now, you know, we sometimes cling to things
因为它们熟悉且安逸 because they're familiar and comfortable.
我教授的一种理论叫做"嵌入" I teach about a principle called embedding.
- 看看事实吧 - 事实上 我... - Look at the facts. - Matter of fact, I...
Zook有那个纹身 他认识Cynthia Zook has the tattoo. He knew Cynthia.
我知道你第一次见到他时 I know the first time he met you,
你掉了个该死的三明治在他脚上 you dropped a fucking sandwich on his foot
他朝你笑了 and he smiled at you,
但你被蒙蔽了以致看不清事实... but you are completely blind to the fact...
- 你刚说"嵌入"是什么? - "嵌入"? - What'd you say embedding was? - Embedding?
哦 "嵌入"是指我们倾向于 Oh, embedding is our tendency to latch on to
只依赖先入为主的一点点信息 the first bit of information that we're offered
而忽略甚至对矛盾的信息视而不见 and overlooking, or even ignoring, contradictory information.
很棒的理论... It's a fascinating principle...
闭嘴 我在思考 Shut up. I'm thinking.
你觉得我们可不可能 You think it's possible that
"嵌入"了? we embedded?
什么 像我们喝醉酒时那样? What, like when we were drunk or something?
- 我们互相"嵌入"了? - 好了 我想你们推荐... - We embedded each other? - Okay. I'm gonna recommend...
好了 你可以走了 Okay, you can leave the room.
快滚出去 Just get the fuck out.
滚出去 你听到他说的了 Get the fuck out. You heard him.
真是一百八十度大转弯 This took a turn.
一 二... One, two...
好吧 聊的很愉快 Okay. Yep. Good session.
我们第一次见Cynthia The first time we saw the photo
买whyphy的那张照片 of Cynthia buying whyphy,
Dickson说 这家伙就是毒贩 Dickson said, this guy's the dealer.
所有我们做的想的都是基于那个事实 Everything we've done and thought has been based on that fact,
但如果Dickson错了呢? but what if Dickson was wrong?
我们就忽视了所有其他的线索 And we've ignored all the other clues.
会不会Cynthia不是买方? What if Cynthia wasn't the buyer?
会不会Cynthia才是毒贩? What if Cynthia was the dealer?
队长 我们有十万火急的事要告诉你 Captain, we have something really, really important to tell you about.
队长? Captain?
你干嘛穿防弹背心? Are you wearing kevlar?
现在 先生们 我们不能坐在这里假装 Now, gentlemen, we're not gonna sit here and pretend
明摆着的事没有发生 there's not a big-ass elephant in the room.
他妈的发生了什么? What the fuck is going on?
这就是他妈的发生了什么 This is what the fuck is going on.
哦 天啊! 哦 天啊! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
哦 天啊! 不是吧! Oh, shit! No!
这不会是真的吧! 不会吧! That is not happening right now! No!
嘿! 大伙儿! 他上了队长的女儿! 哟! Hey, y'all, he's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo!
他每说一次这操蛋的事... Every time he say that shit...
哦 我操啊! Oh, my fuck!
你就他妈的离死更进了一步 ...that's another foot in your ass.
Schmidt 你真是... 哟 今日最佳啊! Schmidt, you clearly... Yo, this is the best thing ever!
Schmidt上了队长的女儿! Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
靠! 我操! Shit! Fuck!
你真上了队长的女儿? You fucked captain Dickson's daughter?
队长 真他妈... Captain, what the...
队长 搞什么呢 Captain, what the...
你当着他的面还在自吹自擂 You bragged to him to his face.
还是当着他的面啊 队长 To his actual face. Captain...
你认识你对面的那张脸吧 Do you understand that this face right here, you bragged to that face?
你还因为Schmidt上了你的女儿而高兴 You actually high-fived schmidt for fucking your daughter.
天啊 Holy shit!
我的上帝 简直了 Oh, my God! This is...
好吧这一点都不好笑 It's really not that funny.
我想说的是 I just want to say that
没和你说你女儿去了MC州 it was bizarre not to share the fact
的确有点奇怪 that your daughter went to mc state.
我觉得奇怪的是 I think it's bizarre
我他妈还没有把你给削了 that I haven't cut your motherfucking nuts off.
我说队长朝你脸揍一拳怎么样 What if captain gets to punch you in the face one time,
非常非常非常狠地揍一拳 really, really, really hard?
不用 Nah.
我有更好的注意 I got something way better than that.
你认为Cynthia是毒贩 You think Cynthia was the dealer?
如果毒贩死了我们还他妈怎么深入调查 How the fuck we gonna infiltrate the dealer if the dealer is dead?
我们这次绝对不能 We have to stop treating this
像上次那么处理了 like it's exactly the same as last time.
那我们有个更大的麻烦 没有预算了 And we got a bigger problem. No more money in the budget.
什么 我以为我们有Cate Blanchett就够了 What? I thought we had Cate Blanchett.
Cate Blanchett Cate blanchett?
对啊 我以为她会搞定钱的事情 Yeah, I thought we had Cate Blanchett with the budget.
你是说Carte Blanche吧 You mean Carte Blanche.
就是那个人 That one.
有点脑子好吗 蠢货 Welcome back, dum-dum.
我们是有Carte Blanche帮忙 但一个子都不剩了 We did have carte blanche. Not no more.
看看你一开始搞得奢侈追捕行动 You got that expensive chase in the beginning,
那些装备 还有他妈这间办公室 that expensive equipment, this fucking office...
这他妈就像是钢铁侠用的 贵的一逼 This look like some shit iron man would have. Shit's expensive!
我这双鞋都要八百你他妈还视而不见 I got on $800 shoes, and you can't even see the motherfuckers.
现在你们这两个混蛋被盯死了 So now you two motherfuckers is in the crosshairs.
我警告你们 I'm warning you,
给我找到上家 find the supplier,
但是不准用公家的钱 but don't cost the department no more money.
听着 Zook的事情我很抱歉 Look, I apologize about the zook thing.
你说得对 他不是毒贩 You were right, he's not the dealer.
是的好啊 你现在道歉了 Okay, great. You apologized.
有用吗 What's that worth, man?
现在我们线索断了 我们该怎么做 Now we have no leads. What are we supposed to do now?
做警察做的事 Police work.
操 Fuck.
死人的假鸡巴别扔给我啊 Don't throw a fucking dead person's dildo at me.
我们是在工作 好吗 We're at work right now, okay?
孩子们现在都不看书的对吗 Kids don't check out books anymore, right?
我觉得他们知道怎么看 I don't even think they know how to read.
- 图书馆 - 有书的地方 - Library. - Book place.
图书馆 Library.
上家把毒品藏在 The supplier is putting drugs
图书馆的书里面 inside the books in the library,
那里基本上没有人去了 where literally no one goes anymore, man.
然后毒贩去找书 And the dealers check out the books.
我们一定会抓到上家的 We're going to catch the supplier.
- 你知道这有多棒... - 等一下等一下 - Do you realize how cool... Wait, one sec, one sec.
哥们怎么了 What's up, dude?
嘿哥们 你在哪 Hey, dude, where are you?
我们在热身 比赛就快开始了 We're warming up. The game's about to start.
好的 嗯 我现在 All right, man. Um, look, I'm just gonna...
现在就来 I'm coming.
好的 待会儿见 All right, later.
你要去干嘛 别把我晾在一边 What are you doing? Don't leave me hanging.
我必须走了 不然我就要被识破了 好吗 Dude, I got to go or I'm gonna blow my cover, okay?
你一个人能行的 我两个小时就回来 You can do this alone. I'll be back in two hours.
你搞定 You got this.
担心死我了 You scared me.
喊名字 号码 名字 号码 State name! Number! State name! Number!
颜色 颜色 号码 Color! Color! Number!
就是这了 This is the place.
如果他们想要告诉我们他们的行动 You'd think if somebody wants to show us their operation,
他们至少得准时到吧 they'd at least be on time.
看看这垃圾 啊 Look at this crap. Huh?
- 我真的很怀念以前... - 糟糕 - I do miss the days... - Shit.
- 他在这里干什么 - 大家都做正常的毒品 - What's he doing here? ... - When people did normal drugs.
这是什么玩意儿 糖豆吗 What is this? Jelly beans?
垃圾 Crap!
发球了 掩护 Set, hut!
Mcquaid横穿到端线 Mcquaid crosses in an end-around.
虚晃一枪 他们两个实际上互换了位置 It's a trick play! These two are practically interchangeable.
Mcquaid长传给Haythe Mcquaid throws down the field to haythe.
他牢牢抓住 达阵得分 And he hangs on for the touchdown!
他们就像一个豆荚里的两颗豆 Bob These two are peas in a pod, Bob,
但他们不是小小的绿豆 but instead of little green balls,
他们是活生生的球员 they are human football players.
再欢呼一次 MC州 为了你们的双雄 Let's hear it once again, mc state, for your dynamic duo.
噢糟糕 我兄弟又要我帮忙了 Oh, shit. My brother needs me again.
听着 忠诚很好 Look, you know, loyalty's cool,
我尊重这点 and I admire it,
我也知道他是你兄弟 and I know he's your brother.
但是你不能总是被一个不知道放手的人 But you can't allow yourself to be held down by a guy
一直纠缠着 just because he won't let go.
是啊 Yeah. Um...
我去方便下 I gotta take a piss.
这小子真不懂礼貌 让我们等这么久 The kid's pretty rude to make us wait like this.
你能闭嘴吗 Can you shut it?
九十年代的这点传统毒品怎么了 What's wrong with those classic drugs from the '90s?
海洛因 可卡因 Heroin, you know, cocaine...
- 嘿 嘿 - 哦 我去 - Hey, hey. - Whoa. Shit.
- 我来了 你高兴了 - 小声点 - I'm fucking here. You happy? - Shh!
幽灵就在这里 The ghost is right there, okay?
他就要和上家见面了 He's about to meet up with the supplier.
- 嘿 过去看看 - 嘘 - Hey. Check that out. - You shush.
你才是说话的那个 是你太吵了 You're the one fucking talking. You're being so fucking loud.
你他妈闭嘴行吗 You shut the fuck up.
- 怎么了 - 糟糕 - What's going on here? - Shit!
呃 Um...
你打扰了我享受最棒的口活 You're interrupting a really stellar blow job.
噢 爽 我硬了 Oh, fuck, I just came so hard!
怎么回事 What the hell is going on?
没事 一对死基佬 It's okay. It's just a couple of faggots.
嘿 你他妈刚刚说什么 Hey, yo, what the fuck did you just say?
你叫我们死基佬 Did you just call us faggots?
他说你在给他口交 He said you were sucking his dick.
都2014年了 混蛋 It's 2014, asshole.
别他妈再说死基佬了 You can't fucking use faggot.
搞基也行 同性恋 都可以 Gay is okay. Homosexual, maybe.
如果是你认识的人 你可以叫他们搞同性恋的 And if you know the person, you might be able to call them a queer.
他们那么有幽默感 我可没有 If they have a great sense of humor, but I don't.
很抱歉 他上了门人性性行为学的课 I'm sorry, he took one human sexuality class,
他以为他是Harvey Milk he thinks he's Harvey milk.
我勒个去 你就顶我一次 Oh, my God. Will you please,
会死啊 just for once, just back me up?
那你为什么就不能动一次脑子呢 Why can't you just use your head for once?
噢 你要我动一次脑子是吗 好的 Oh. You want me to use my head? Fine.
操你妈 现在怎么样啊 Oh, yeah, what's up now, motherfuckers?
还记得我吗 You remember me?
我是你最棒的... I'm your best night...
我是你最糟的噩梦 I'm your worst nightmare.
噢伙计 我的记性 Oh, man, it's my memory.
最近越来越不好了 It's getting worse lately.
你是条子是吗 Are you the police?
是的 没错 你们这群混蛋都被捕了 Yeah, that's right. And you motherfuckers are all under arrest.
你的枪呢 Where's your gun?
- 什么 - 你有枪吗 - What? - Do you have guns?
没有 No.
我没枪 No, I don't.
但是我们有 'Cause we have guns.
好吧 为什么不把枪放下 我们像男人一下决斗呢 Well, why don't you put your guns down, and let's fight like men?
因为我们有枪啊 Because we have guns.
- Schmidt快跑 - 抓住他 - Schmidt, run! - Get him!
快跑 快跑 快 Go! Go, go. Go!
我靠 Shit!
很难吗 开枪啊 How hard can it be? Shoot them!
我操 我操 Fuck, fuck, fuck!
开枪 打他们 Shoot them! Shoot them!
快 这边走 更快 Come on, this way, it's faster.
别走 走这边 Schmidt Schmidt No, just come this... Schmidt! Schmidt!
快点好吗 Hurry up, okay?
Schmit 敢快点吗 Schmidt, will you hurry up!
别对我吼 你让我分心 Stop yelling at me! You're distracting me!
Schmidt 赶紧 快来 Schmidt, come on! Let's go!
我不跳 我又不是他妈的蜘蛛侠 I can't jump down! I'm not, like, fucking spider-man!
我去拿车 I'm gonna get the car.
走楼梯快多了 Stairs are so much faster.
这就是你的车 That's the car you got?
抱歉这不是兰博基尼 闭嘴给我进来 I'm sorry it's not a fucking lambo. Shut up and get in.
他们还在追我们吗 Are they even still chasing us?
是的 还在追 Yes, they're still chasing us!
为什么你要这么干 我们都快抓到上家了 Why did you do that? We were about to catch the supplier.
你怎么想的 What's wrong with you?
听着 如果你不说 Look, if you don't say something,
歧视永远不会停止 people will never stop discriminating.
拜托能不能做点什么 Will you please do something
这玩意跑的太慢了 about how slow this thing's going?
- 噢糟糕 - 当心当心 - Oh, shit! - Watch out, watch out!
那玩意就像个头盔机器 That is just like a little helmet machine.
我们不能再破坏公物了 We can't destroy any more stuff!
不能再浪费公家的钱了 We can't waste any more of the department's money!
当心那个现金机器 Watch out for that cash machine!
哇哦 Whoo!
哪边走 哪边 哪边 Which way? Which way? Which way?
走便宜的那边 Whichever way's cheaper!
右边 你走右边 Right? You went right?
你本来可以开去停车场的 You could've gone in a parking lot,
却跑来雕塑园 you went to the sculpture garden?
你知道这有多贵吗 Do you know how expensive that's gonna be?
靠 Shit!
好像他们一直在撞东西 It's like they're trying to hit 'em or something.
我是说 太棒了 I mean, it looks cool,
但是 太浪费了 but, I mean, it's just so wasteful.
他们一路碾压过来 They're destroying everything!
队长肯定会宰了我们 Captain's gonna kill us!
我们该怎么办 What are we gonna do?
好吧 我们在机器人实验室那里甩掉他们 All right, we're gonna lose 'em in the robotics lab.
什么 What?
噢 不 所有东西都坏了 Oh, no! Oh, we broke everything!
里面都是贵东西 There was a lot of expensive stuff in there!
噢 我靠 Oh, shit!
他们要进体育馆了 They're going into the stadium!
听着Schmidt 我要告诉你件事 Listen, schmidt, I gotta tell you something.
我拿了奖学金 I got offered a scholarship
明年可以在这里参加比赛 to play football here next year.
Zook说我可以顶替他的位置 And zook said I could room with him, you know,
所以我在想我可以做到的 so I was thinking that I could do that, maybe.
什么 你不能边当警察 What? You can't be a cop
边在这里和Zook一起打球 and stay here and play football with zook.
不 我知道的 只是 No, look, I know, okay? It's just...
我和Zook没有矛盾 我们是一类人 There's no friction with me and zook. We're the same.
你想退出了是吗 想退出就直说 Do you want out? If you want out, just say it.
不 我不想退出 No, I don't want out, okay?
只是当我在场上 It's just, when I'm on the football field
飞身接球的时候 我就像在飞一样 and I'm diving for a pass, I feel like I can fly.
好吗 和你在一起的时候 All right? And when I'm with you,
总感觉你拖着我 it just feels like you hold me down.
我希望我能和你一起飞 I just wish you could fly with me.
Statesmen获胜 34比14 And the statesmen win, 34-14.
球迷们都冲进场内 And there go the fans onto the field.
Jenko Jenko!
上帝啊 Jesus Christ!
- 伙计 刹车坏了 - 什么 - Dude, the brakes are out. - What?
快他妈闪开啊 Get the fuck out of the way!
快跳车 快跳 跳啊 跳啊 You gotta jump. You gotta jump, jump, jump!
别 No.
操 Fuck!
我们走吧 老板 得走了 Let's go, boss. We gotta go.
你做到了 好样的 好演的 You did it! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
你被捕了 先生 You're under arrest, sir.
嘿 我是警察好吗 Hey, I'm an officer, all right?
带我走吧 我慢慢解释 Just take me in. I'll explain later.
- 不不不 - 嘿 他是学生 什么也没做 - No, no, no. - Hey, he's a student. He didn't do anything.
等等 你干什么 干什么 Wait, wait. What are you doing? What are you doing?
我 呃 I, um...
我帮你做了决定 I decided for you.
好好打球吧 Just stick with football.
这些家伙给你的感觉我给不了你 I can't give you the same feeling that these guys can.
也许我们就这一次就够了 Maybe we were only supposed to do this once.
什么 What?
伙计 这是我人生最他们棒的时刻了 Dude, this is the fucking best moment of my life!
我们走 Let's go, man!
Mcquaid Mcquaid Mcquaid Mcquaid! Mcquaid! Mcquaid!
嘿 Maya Angelou Hey, Maya angelou.
谢谢你骗了我 Thanks for lying to me.
兰博兄弟 太棒了 Lam-bros! Yes!
Bard Mcquaid Brad Mcquaid Brad mcquaid! Brad mcquaid!
Brad Mcquaid Brad... Brad mcquaid! Brad...
- 今晚服务怎么样先生 - 很好谢谢 - How are we doing tonight, sir? - Good, thanks.
还有人来吗 还是您一个人用餐 Are we waiting on anybody or you dining alone?
可能会有人来 但是我们 Someone may swing by, but we can...
我们先点菜吧 We can order without them.
我们已经找到并逮捕了Karl Murphy博士 We have identified and arrested one Dr. Karl Murphy,
他和Whyphy余党在他的办公室被发现 who was found with whyphy residue throughout his office...
而且和死者有着亲密的个人关系 ...and had a close personal relationship with the deceased.
和我们最近在一所高中侦破的案子非常相似 Exactly like a case we had recently at a high school.
简直一模一样 Exactly the same.
案子已办结 The case is closed.
你知道你毕业后打算做什么吗 You know, like, what you're gonna do after you're out of here?
你不能扔石头 You're not supposed to throw rocks.
什么 What?
你不能扔石头 You're not supposed to throw rocks.
我要一人份的龙虾 The lobster for one person.
正好够一人吃的就行 Enough for one person only.
whyphy的卷宗里有些内容我觉得有待商榷 I found something in this whyphy case that caught my attention.
从我办公室里滚出去 Get the fuck out of my office.
- 头儿 你不想... - 我们已经抓到人了 - Sir, you don't... - We caught the guy.
耶 耶 Yeah! Yeah!
今天除了锻炼你还想做些别的事吗? Hey, you want to do anything else other than work out today?
比如呢? Like what?
来啊 老兄 只是些龙虾 Come on, dude.They're just lobsters, dude.
来啊 别害怕 Come on. No, don't be afraid.
它要夹你脸喽 它要夹你脸喽 It's gonna claw your face. It's gonna claw your face.
哥们 我们从今往后都会过得像今天这么开心 It's gonna be like this, dude, for the rest of our lives.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
你来这儿干嘛? What are you doing here?
来看看你过得怎么样 Just came to see how you are.
我他妈过得好极了 I'm doing fucking great.
我从来没这么高兴过 I'm the happiest I've ever been,
跟我自己相处的很愉快 so I'm just having a great time with myself.
很高兴你能和自己玩得开心 I'm glad you're having a good time with yourself.
我现在单飞了 像碧昂斯一样 I'm a solo artist now, like Beyonce.
本来还有小伙伴跟我一起的 但是现在 I used to have the other Destiny's Children, but now I'm just, uh,
就只剩我这个超级巨星了 a lone superstar.
真为你高兴 Happy for you.
不过是个肤如凝脂声如天籁的小公主罢了 Just a light-skinned princess with a dream and an amazing voice.
不错啊 That's great.
你怎么样? How are you?
我挺好的 I'm pretty great.
我现在淡定多了...你知道Zook很淡定的 I just chill and...You know how chill Zook is.
Zook确实是个淡定的人 Zook's such a chill guy.
面若冰霜 Just like ice.
我很为你高兴 That makes me so happy for you.
其实 我只是想跟你说 So, look, I just wanted to say that, like,
我琢磨了一下案子的事 I was thinking about the case,
我很担心他们是不是抓错了人 and I was worried that they got the wrong guy for it.
我也觉得不是那家伙 I don't think he's the guy, either.
是吗? Yeah?
我查了下Ghost的背景 I looked into the Ghost's background,
发现他给一个学生交过学费 and I saw that he pays tuition for a student at mc state.
你觉得他其实是供货商的爸爸? You think the ghost could be the supplier's dad?
可能吧 Maybe.
这是个很有价值的线索 Okay, that's a pretty good piece of information.
谢谢 Thank you.
我听说whyphy又卷土重来了 Well, I heard whyphy's coming back in a big way.
有人要带一大批货 Someone's bringing a shit-ton of that stuff
在春假时南下到墨西哥puerto down to puerto, Mexico, for spring break.
如果是真的 whyphy会肆虐全国 And if that happens, whyphy is going viral.
美国所有的学校都会受波及 It's gonna be at every college in the country.
我还以为我的消息够劲爆了 I think my information was stronger.
如果...如果你愿意的话 Look, if you...If you want to,
我们可以去南方调查 we could go down there.
一起吗? Like together?
我们不要把这事看的太认真 We don't have to put a label on it.
就像是 只合作这一次 一次性的任务 Just, like, one-time. One-time thing.
不要给彼此太多承诺或压力 No big commitment or stress to each other.
那学校和橄榄球还有你美好的新生活怎么办? What about school and football and your wonderful new life?
我有假期啊 I have time off.
我放春假了 I'm on spring break.
刺疼疼地爽 Cool tingling.
还能放下一个这玩意儿 Got room for one of these babies.
手榴弹 为什么放那儿啊? A grenade. Why you gonna put it there?
神经兮兮的 That's just unsanitary.
感觉很好 Feels right.
后面没抹 Missed a spot.
你记得我们说好只合作这一次 是吗? You know this is just a one-time thing, right?
我知道 I know.
你不会觉得有什么别扭的吧? So you're not gonna be weird about this?
好吧 Okay.
酷毙了 Perfect.
去他妈的春假 Spring break, motherfucker.
- 你没看见我走前面了? - 我原谅你 - Did you not see that I was going first? - Excuse you.
- 我原谅你 - 你想先走? - Excuse you. - You want to go first?
放春假喽 二货们! Spring break, motherfuckers!
嘿 Hey.
老天 我一身汗 My gosh! I'm sweaty.
你们在这儿还能吃东西? You guys are actually eating stuff in here?
疯了吧 That's so crazy.
拜托 把你的臭屌拿开 Come on, man, put your dick away.
把你的臭屌拿开 Put your fucking dick away.
上楼 上楼 走 Upstairs, upstairs. Let's go.
听着 我的计划是 Okay, so here's the plan.
我们要让所有在这儿过春假的小孩都迷上whyphy We're gonna get all these kids at spring break hooked on whyphy.
然后你们把货带回自己的地盘 Then you're gonna bring it back to your turf,
就可以大卖一笔 and you're gonna sell the shit out of it.
大卖一笔 看见了吗? Sell shit out of it. Do you see that?
谁要敢背叛我 我的心理学教授因为给我打了个B-就被我设计了 And if you rat me out, I framed my psych prof just for giving me a b-minus.
他现在进监狱了 所以别以为我好忽悠 He's in jail now, so don't fuck with me.
我们要建立全国性的销售网络 We're gonna build a nationwide network.
干嘛? 你干嘛呢? 小声点 What? What the fuck are you doing? Be quiet.
你为什么不卖那些九十年代的 Why don't you sell those old classic drugs
传统的毒品 像是可卡因 海洛因还有... from the '90s, like cocaine, heroin and...
老爸 那些东西根本是给老人用的 Dad, those are, like, old-people drugs.
像是黄金女郎那种三十年前的电视剧里 That's, like, what they did on the golden girls.
女主角Blanche才会吸海洛因 Like, Blanche did heroin.
好吧 我就坐着不说话了 All right, I'll just sit here and be silent.
Blanche才没吸毒呢 Blanche never did heroin.
Yang兄弟俩 你们接我前室友的盘 Okay, so, Yangs, you'll take my dead roommate's spot.
- 酷 - 毒品诶 - Cool. - Dope.
你们两个逗逼不会是正嗨着呢吧? Are you kidding me, yangs? Are you fucking high?
- 当然啦 - 是啊 没错 - Of course. - Yeah, I am.
老天爷啊 你们没被告诫过 Jesus Christ, have you ever heard of,
别吸自己卖的毒品? don't get high on your own supply?
- 我们没有啊 - 绝对的 - We didn't. - Nah.
我可没那么做 I didn't do that.
对呀 我吸了他的他吸了我的 Yeah, I used his and he used mine.
好吧 看样子我得杀鸡给猴看了 Okay, well, now I have to make a fucking example out of you.
- 那是枪诶 - 是呦 - That's a gun. - Yeah.
谁先来? Who first?
- 你想先上吗? - 我可不想死 - You want to go first? - I don't want to die.
- 你先死吧 - 我也不想死啊 - You die... - I don't want to die.
- 要不我们石头剪子布? - 石头剪子布怎样? - You want to do rock paper scissors? - Rock paper scissors?
- 就这么办 - 就这么办 - That's how we'll do it. - That's how we'll do it.
卧槽 Fuck.
算了 我们选不出来 Yeah, we won't figure this out.
- 把你们都打死得了 - 宝贝儿 - I'll shoot both of you. - Darling.
如果你要接手家族生意的话 If you're going into the family business,
你可不能脏了自己的手 you will have to have a clean record.
雇这些家伙就是要干这种事的 That's why we have these guys to do it for us.
完蛋了 又同时说了 Oh, fuck. Jinx.
我们得行动了 We got to move right now.
上了天堂再请我喝可乐 又同时了 Buy me a coke in heaven. Jinx again.
- 把枪放下! - 快照做! - Put your guns down! - Fucking guns down!
Doug? Doug?
我才不叫Doug 我叫Schmidt My name's not Doug, it's Schmidt.
- 而且你猜怎么着 我们是警察 - 吓到了吧 -And guess what, we're cops. - Boom.
噢天那 Oh, my God.
- 大家早就知道了 - 真的? - Yeah, everybody knows. - Really?
你们俩长得就像一个刑侦剧里的演员 You guys look like the stars of a cop show called Hawaiian dads.
行了 聊的差不多了 伙计们来吧! All right, enough is enough. Boys, move in!
- 我们还有小伙伴啊? - 没错! - Oh, do we have company? - Yeah!
- 扔掉你们的枪 - 你们先扔 -Drop your guns. -Drop yours first.
我们的枪可比你们多多了 快点扔 We have way more guns than you. Drop your fucking guns.
好吧 有道理 Okay, that's a good point.
哇 Wow.
你们该不会没有别的计划了吧? I mean, was this really your entire plan?
也没叫援军就这么冲进来了? Coming in here with no backup?
- 或者没准我们有个超完备的计划 - 嗯哼 - Or maybe we had a far more elaborate plan. - Mmm-hmm.
没准我的搭档口袋里正放着一个追踪器 Maybe my partner has a tracking device in his pocket right now.
没准...什么? May... what?
追踪器在你那儿啊 我没有 You had the fucking tracking device. I don't have it.
就这一件事你他妈都给忘了 That's the one fucking thing you were supposed to remember.
你脑子好使啊 你负责追踪器这种技术活 You're the smart person. You do the tracking device shit.
那是你的专长 我负责干体力活 That's your domain. I do the physical shit.
告诉你 我有时候可能是会拖你后腿 You know what, I may drag you down sometimes,
但每次你要办什么蠢事的时候 but every possible time you can do something dumb,
你都要挑最蠢的那一件 you do the dumbest possible thing.
不 最蠢的事情是 No, the fucking dumbest possible thing
两个警察在这儿叽里呱啦胡扯 is letting two cops blah-blah-blah
其他的警察都在外面等的不耐烦了 while other cops are getting in position to bust their shit in.
你是说追踪器在我身上 Oh, so you mean I brought the tracking device.
没错 逆转了吧哈? Yeah. What's up now, huh?
吵的真是精彩啊 That seemed like such a real argument.
看的开心吗 傻逼 That's improv, bitch.
行动! Move!
该放个假了 蠢货们 Spring break yourself, fool.
我们Jump Street的人喜欢打人老二 We shoot dicks off here in Jump Street.
我们也来了 We're here, as well.
我们是Jump Street的人 现在要踩爆你们的屁股 We Jump Street, and we about to jump in yo' ass.
专踩要害 Right in the crack.
悠着点 丑男 Don't do it, leatherface.
他把毒品拿走了! He's got the drugs!
真没劲啊 都没人中枪 This is so boring. No one's getting shot.
天啊 Oh, my God.
我刚说完你就被打中了 尼玛也太巧了吧? Did you just get shot, like, right after I fucking said that?
把枪给我行吗? 我喜欢大的 Can I have your gun? It's bigger.
别跑! 看我不打烂你屁股! Stop! I'll shoot you in the ass!
爸爸! Dad!
Maya? Maya?
你在这儿干吗? What are you doing here?
我们正和毒贩交火 This is a shoot-out.
你知道这时候不安全 You know what happens in a shoot-out.
坏人就喜欢绑架小姑娘 They always kidnap the girl.
不一定哦 Not always.
- Mercedes? - 你得跟我走 - Mercedes? - You're coming with me.
得了吧小婊砸 我才不跟你走 Bitch, please. I ain't going nowhere with you.
快点 Now.
老爸 我怎么办? Dad, what do I do?
那是我的泳衣吗? Is that my bathing suit?
跟我借就是了 懂点礼貌 Just ask. It's polite.
你打到我脚了! 等会! You shot me in my foot! Wait!
走! 快点! Move! Move faster now!
我得慢点 谁让你打我脚的 I'm taking my time. Shit, you shot me in my goddamn foot.
Doug? Doug! Doug? Doug!
Maya! Maya!
Mercedes挟持我爸从那边跑了! Mercedes just took my dad that way!
我们去追 Okay, we're on it.
我就算死了 半夜也要来掐死你们两个混蛋! If I die, I'm gonna kill both of you motherfuckers!
该死 现在怎么追? Fuck. How are we gonna catch him now?
兰博基尼 Lambo.
- 警察! 警察! - 滚一边去 - Policia! Policia! - Fuck off.
Ghost在那边! Shit, there's Ghost!
什么? 我们怎么办? What? What do we do?
我们得分头行动 Uh, we need to split up.
你可以吗? Are you okay with that?
没问题 我可以的 Yeah, I can do it.
你确定? Are you sure?
车得让我开 因为你跑的比较快 I need to drive, 'cause you're faster on foot.
什么? 我没机会开兰博基尼了? What? I don't get to drive the lambo?
对没机会了 快走 行动! No, you don't. Come on, let's go!
- 但是我想... - 不就是个兰博基尼吗? 快去! - But I want... - Who gives a shit about the lambo? Just go!
- 赶紧把钥匙给我! - 我做不到啊 - Let go of the fucking keys! - I can't let 'em go.
你自己把它拿下来 You're gonna have to take 'em.
好好照顾她 行吗? 保证会感觉超爽的 Take care of her, okay? It'll be glorious, I promise.
这玩意怎么开? How do you drive this thing?
记住人车合一就行了 哥们 You got to let her drive you, bro.
进不去啊 I can't get in.
嘿! Hey!
眼瞎了啊你! Look where you're going!
搞不懂啊这玩意儿! It's so confusing!
慢点臭婊子 我手都弄伤了 Easy, bitch. My hands are hurting.
哇! Whoa!
你知道后面跟的那辆车里是谁么? You know who's behind us in that car?
是我们最好的车手之一 That's one of the best drivers that we got.
卧槽! Fuck!
我去 Oh, shit.
太难开了这车 这是干嘛的? Fucking complicated. What is this?
我的老天! Holy shit!
你个混蛋害得我开不了兰博基尼！ You fucked up me driving a lamborghini, you dick!
该死的鸽子! Fuck you, doves!
墨西哥Puerto 让我听到你的热情! Puerto, Mexico, let's hear you get crazy!
简直跟蝙蝠侠的车一样啊 It's like a Batmobile.
加把劲啊Schmidt! Come on, Schmidt!
给老年人让条道! Old man coming through!
借过 借过 借过 Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
Brad! 放假喽! Brad! Spring break!
现在没时间 好吗? Look, I can't, all right?
老兄 我得走了 我得走了 Dude, I got to go. I got to go.
该闹够了吧 This is quite enough.
你现在赶紧放了我然后束手就擒吧 You need to let me go and drop all this.
闪开点! Get out of the way!
东京漂移! Tokyo drift!
这速度实在是太帅了而且... That was way too fast and pretty...
也太...太激情了点 Way too... A little bit too furious.
Schmidt! 滚过来! 我戴着手铐呢! Schmidt! Get over here! I'm handcuffed!
别挣扎了傻逼! 不过车停得不错! Give it up, asshole! And nice parking job!
该死!我马上回来 Fuck! I'll be right back.
我得走了 很快就回来 抱歉 I gotta go. I'll be right back. Sorry.
我的话你也敢不听 臭小子 快过来! That's a direct order, motherfucker! Come over here!
你真是又老又弱! You are so old and weak!
扔掉枪! 赶紧的! Drop the fucking gun! Seriously!
把你的枯手拿开! Get your wrinkly hands off me!
你们死哪儿去了都? Where the hell have you been?
在找你啊 Looking for you.
我刚才裤子都快跑掉了! I've been running like crazy!
嘿! 这边 Hey! Hey.
你不是想像个爷们一样打一架么? Want to fight like a man?
我这有两个大老爷们给你打 Then you better fight like two men.
嘿 嘿 Hey. Hey.
逗我呢你? 又是双胞胎? Really? More twins?
起来 你这个废物 Get up, old man river!
来啊 嘿 Come on!Hey.
起来给我一拳啊 你这个娘货 Get up and hit me,you fucking pussy!
我是不会跟一个女孩动手的 所以请住手 I'm not gonna fight a girl, so just stop!
那也没关系 It shouldn't matter.
如果你把我当做一个正常人而非女人的话 If you thought of me as a person instead of a woman,
你就会揍我一顿而且完全不用觉得过意不去 you would hit me and not feel bad about it.
- 好吧 - 来啊 - Okay. - Bring it!
我已经准备好了 I'm ready.
真是逊啊 It's on now, dawg.
老子今天竟然被一个女人打了 Girl fight.
- 噢 - 喔 - 噢 老天 - Oh. -Oh .Oh, my God.
- 我的眼睛是不是出血了- 噢 天呐 你还好吗 - Is there blood in my eye? - Oh, my God.Are you all right?
我猜我的眼睛出血了 I think there's blood in my eye.
让我来教教你怎么出拳! Fucking learn how to hit!
有进步了啊 That's a little better!
进步不小啊你 狗娘养的 来啊 再来 That's a little better, motherfucker! Come on! Come on!
- 不 - 什么 - 不 - No! - What? - No!
- 你要干嘛 - 我要干嘛 - What were you doing?- What am I doing?
你为什么企图亲我 Why'd you try to kiss me?
老子才没有打算亲你 I didn't fucking try and kiss you!
- 有的 你做了- 噢 你这个怪娘们 - Yes, you did. - Ooh, you're so weird!
你就是那个想对付我的该死的史密斯夫妇 You're fucking Mr. and Mrs. Smith-ing me.
我才不是什么想对付你的史密斯夫妇 I'm not Mr. and Mrs. Smith-ing you.
这可不是一场性感爆棚的打斗 This wasn't a sexy fight.
噢 你从头到尾都没有想亲我的冲动么 Oh, like you haven't wanted to kiss me the whole time.
我绝对没有要亲你的想法 I never once wanted to kiss you!
从来 绝对 没有 Never! No!
- 你看你又要做了 - 停下 没有的事 You just did it again!Stop it! Stop!
你脸上写满了引诱我的表情 You're making a face that is sexy!
我一点都不想亲你 I don't even want to kiss you!
你别再尝试了 Then stop trying!
是你在尝试 You keep trying!
我绝对没有想亲你 I've never tried to kiss you.
你给了我一个吻你的眼神暗示 You gave me kiss me eyes.
不 我没有 No, I didn't.
那个眼神是我一拳打在了你脸上的暗示 The eyes were I just got punched in the face eyes.
它们不是让你吻我的眼神暗示 They weren't kiss me eyes.
我一点都不喜欢你 I don't even like you!
我也是 所以你不要再强吻我了 Neither do I, so stop kissing me!
没问题 Okay!
不 你又要靠过来了 No! You're leaning in again!
我真是不知道我们到底是在打架还是在亲着玩 I didn't know if we were gonna punch or kiss!
你把它搞得这么尴尬 You're making this so uncomfortable.
这是我有史以来最郁闷的一次斗殴 This is the most uncomfortable fistfight I've ever been in.
我接下来还会再在你脸上来一拳 I'm gonna give you an out by punching you in the face.
- 有问题吗 - 没问题 - Okay?- Okay.
那么 我们继续对决吧 And then we're gonna go back to fighting
而且我们绝不能让刚才亲来亲去的事情发生 and we'll pretend this never happened,
因为我觉得实在是太尴尬了 'cause I feel so awkward.
我真想看看你们发疯的样子 I want to see you get crazy!
喔 Whoo!
我讨厌这该死的春假 I fucking hate spring break!
靠 Fuck!
噢 Ow!
你在跟我开玩笑吗 这可是塑料的 Are you kidding me? It's plastic.
一点伤害指数都没有 好吧 Doesn't even hurt! Okay...
这并不是你想象中的春假 对吧 This isn't the spring break you imagined?
这个怎么样 你想不想来点乐子 How about this?You want a little fun?
那是什么鬼东西 What is that?
来个湿身妆吧 宝贝儿 Get wet, baby!
我脸上好多润滑油! So much lube in my face!
噢 Oh.
润滑油糊了我一脸 Lube on my face.
你怎么这么变态 You're so violent!
从我身上滚开 除非你想跟我来一炮 Get off me unless you're gonna fuck me!
我一点也不想操你 I'm not gonna fuck you!
- 我们这是要来一炮的节奏吗 - 不 我们没有 - Are we gonna fuck? - No, we're not!
那我们这是要干嘛 Is that what's happening?
不 我一点也不想操你 一点也不 No! I'm not gonna fuck you, ever!
滚开 Get off!
嘿 Hey!
嘿 站住 Hey!
干嘛 你他妈的要干嘛 What? What are you gonna do?
用你那长满老斑的手闷死我 Choke me with your liver-spotted hands?
还是用你那一瘸一拐的双腿撂倒我 You gonna push me over with your Walker?
我可是记着你要逮到我 I'm impressed you caught up to me.
你可能跑得没那么快 You probably haven't run that fast
你在田间玩棍球的时候 since you played stickball in the field
还总是被甜品店的小胖仔甩掉 behind old pop wiggle by's sweet shop.
- 冷静 你这个贱人 - 噢 谢天谢地 - Freeze, bitch. - Oh, thank God.
看看是谁从那该死的皮带里逃出来了 Look who got off the motherfucking leash.
- 现在谁才是身处不幸的落难少女 - 靠 - Now who's the damsel in distress? - Fuck!
- 好吧 我猜那个不幸的人现在变成他了 Well, I guess it's him.
我枪法不太准 schmidt I don't have a clean shot, schmidt.
那就不要开枪 Then don't take the shot!
也许我可以随便开一枪 Maybe I want to take a dirty shot.
就像你在我女儿身上开的那几枪一样随便 Kind of like the dirty shot you took on my daughter.
我可从开没有在你女儿身上随便开枪 好吧 I didn't take a dirty shot on your daughter, okay?
我们聊的也太久了点 我们太关心彼此了 We talked a lot,and we care about each other.
你集一切优点于一身 All the good qualities you have,
我甚至可以感觉到你有玛雅人的天赋 I can feel inside of Maya.
我真的要开枪了 I'm gonna take the shot.
别开枪啊亲 Don't take the shot.
我可以朝你右肩膀的方向来上一枪 I can shoot right through your shoulder,
正好打在那个贱人的右胸膛 hit the bitch right in the chest.
千万不要乱来啊 - 我真的要开枪了 - Don't take the shot. - I'm taking the shot.
我一定得开这该死的一枪 I'll take the fucking shot.
没人可以比我先开枪 Nobody take the shot before me.
- 那我们同时开枪怎么样 - 不要啊 大家都别开枪 - How about we take it at the same time? - No one take a shot.
等等 等等 Wait, wait, wait, wait!
该死的 你只有保持沉默的权利... Shit! You have the right to remain silent...
不 不 那是我该做的事情 No, no, no, I got this.
你去对付幽灵 他在楼顶 You go handle the ghost. He's on the roof.
- 走吧 - 我拿到枪了 - Come on . - I got it.
- 你瞅什么瞅 - 噢 - What you looking at? - Oh!
宝贝 你这手铐功夫酷毙了 Good job on the cuffs, baby girl.
这么多该死的楼层 So many fucking stairs.
-嘿 是我 - 是我 - 靠 - It's me! - It's me! - Shit.
你做到了 老兄 你有抓到Mercedes没 You made it, dude. Did you get Mercedes?
当然 全凭我一己之力 Yeah. All by myself.
真的吗 Really?
- 大部分是我的功劳 - 好吧 - Mainly by myself. - Okay.
还有 伙计 你是对的 那台兰博基尼... And, dude, you were right, that lambo...
不要听那些人胡扯 Just can't hear that right now.
那货逊爆了 它一点也不好 It's a shitty-made car. It's not good.
嘿 我们走吧 该走了 Hey, let's go. We get go.
你还剩多少子弹 How many bullets you got left?
一个也没有 None.
我觉得你好像有很多子弹的样子 Act like you have bullets, then.
我们必须得走了 We gotta go!
我们必须得等一等布丁 We have to wait for pudding!
Jenko! Jenko!
走啊 走 Go, go!
- 来 拿着 - 好吧 - Here, take this.- Okay.
兄弟 我试着为你省点子弹 I tried to take a bullet for you, man.
是的 但你还是没有 Yeah. But you didn't.
但我真的试了 我有那个心意 But I tried.It's the thought that matters.
不 心意并不重要 No, it's not the thought that counts.
重要的是 你得拿着这些子弹 It's fucking taking the bullet.
掩护我 我要绕过去了 Cover me. I'm gonna go long.
没问题 Okay.
回见哦 Terminato Bye-bye, Terminator!
嘿 放开我的直升机 Hey! Get off of my chopper!
你能摆脱他吗 Can you shake him off?
我来找你了 你这个混蛋 I'm coming for you, motherfucker!
快点 来回摆动 前后左右上下摆动 Come on, just wiggle the stick back and forth!
他只用一只手抓着 He's only got one arm!
就算是用一只手我也可以在你蛋蛋上给你一拳 I only need one arm to punch you in the dick.
来回晃动着摆脱他 快 Shake him off! Shake him off!
少他妈废话 Don't be a pussy!
神勇啊你 Holy shit!
我抓到了 I did it!
我真是好厉害 I look so fucking badass!
噢 天呐 你在飞耶 Oh, my God, you flew!
这真是太棒了 This is crazy!
老兄 你竟然一跃而成耶 You made the leap, man!
你是怎么做到的 Why'd you do that?
因为你都做到了 'Cause you did it!
伙计 我不能让你一个人挂在这儿 I couldn't leave you hanging, man!
看你说的什么话 我完全可以 你看我好好的呀 What are you talking about?I was fine. I had it.
你不该来的... You weren't...
我抓到你了 - 该死 Schmidt! -I got you! -Shit! Schmidt!
我抓到你了 I got you!
你救了我 我欠你一个人情 You saved my life!
我突然意识到了什么 I just realized something.
兄弟 你一点都没有拖累我 You don't hold me down, man.
你给我希望 让我振作起来 You lift me up.
不管是不是比喻 Literally and figuratively.
是的 我懂 我们彼此都是一样的 Yeah, I know. I meant both.
老兄 你也不是我的累赘 You don't drag me down, either, man.
我的意思是 此刻除外 I mean, except right now.
你现在就在拖累我 你真是太重了 You're dragging me down. You're really heavy.
嘿 听着 我的短裤里有颗手榴弹 Hey, listen, there's a grenade in my shorts.
你能摸到吗 Can you reach it?
你可以从下面摸上去拿到它 You gotta go in from underneath.
噢 该死 Oh, shit!
- 是这个吗 - 你摸的是我的蛋蛋 - Is that it? - That's my dick.
那这个是不是 What about that?
那还是我的蛋蛋 That's my dick also.
怎么这么硬 Why is it hard? 2172 01:39:04,339 --> 情况这么危急 我能不分泌点肾上腺素么 I have so much adrenaline right now!
- 是这个吗 - 你在挠我痒痒 - Is that it? - You're tickling me.
我就是找不到啊 I can't find it!
就是这个 拿出来吧 That's it! Grab it!
耶! Yes!
现在 我把它衔在我嘴里 Now, I got it in my mouth.
你扔它的时候一定得说点获奖感言什么的 Say something cool when you throw it!
一 二 三 One, two, three!
获奖感言 Something cool!
他们撒手了 They're gone!
噢 我觉得人间自有真情在... Oh, I feel so love...
喔 喔 Whoo-hoo!
我们成功啦 We did it!
- 老兄 该死 我...- 噢 - Dude, fuck, I'm... - ow!
噢 见鬼 对不起 Oh! Shit, sorry.
老兄 我真是好爱你 Dude, I miss you so much, man.
我也好爱你 I miss you, too.
你就像被我紧紧握在掌心的 You were like a tiny little flower seed
一颗小花种子 and I was clenching you in my fist.
但是一朵花 在掌心是不会盛开的 But a flower, it can't grow in a fist.
一个花种子必须自由的飞翔 去寻找属于自己的沃土 A little seed needs to fly away free and find its soil.
是的 我明白 我在试着寻找沃土 但是 老兄 我不喜欢那样 Yeah, I know. I tried to soil myself and, dude, I didn't like it.
我喜欢没有摩擦争吵的友谊 I wanted a relationship without friction.
老兄 你需要摩擦才能火力十足 Dude, you need friction to create fire.
那就是我们所有的 我们火力十足 And that's what we have, we have fire.
伙计 我沦陷了 我已经完全沦陷了 Dude, I'm in. I'm all in.
谢天谢地 Thank God.
老兄 这就是一直以来我所想要的 只有我们彼此 兄弟 Dude, this is what I've always wanted.Just me and you, buddy.
我爱你 I love you.
我 我也是 我爱你 老兄 Me, too, man. I love you, man.
你知道吗 You know what?
那才是他本应拥有的 人 That's who he should be with, man.
什么 What?
嘿 你扔手榴弹那会儿说了什么呀 Hey, what'd you say when you threw the grenade up there?
我喊了一声 获奖感言 I said, something cool.
你说什么?! What did you say?
我是说做成一件事情的感慨 不是 但是你说的是什么 It was something cool. No, but what'd you say?
是啊 我知道 我喊获奖感言了啊 Yeah, I know. I said, something cool.
我从没想过这个春假会这么糟糕 I didn't expect spring break to be this stinky.
的确恶心透了 It's pretty gross.
兄弟 经过这件事情我们都成熟了 Man, we're getting too old for this shit.
历此劫难之后我们简直熟透了 We started off too old for this shit.
你不应该再对那件事情说谎了 You ain't lying about that.
老兄 我们来说说胳膊的事情吧 好吗 Dude, we're even about the arm thing, okay? Right?
什么 你到底要干嘛 What? What do you want to do?
- 别动哦 - 靠 好吧 - Don't move. - Fuck. All right.
- 就让它过去算了 好吗 - 别动 - Just get it over with,all right? - Don't move.
- 一... - 用子弹擦过我胳膊就好了 - One... - Just graze my arm.
- 我可不想让你伤着我骨头 - 二 - I don't want you to hit the bone. - ...Two,
三 three.
该死 见鬼 靠 Fuck! Fuck! Shit!
- 噢 天呐 你还好吗 - 该死 - Oh, my God,are you all right? - Shit!
为什么 老兄 我怎么总是你身边躺枪的那个 Why, man? Why am I always getting hurt around you?
- Jenko 你要干嘛 - 噢 你这个混蛋 - Jenko, what are you doing? - Oh, fuck you.
混蛋 schmidt 别再摸我的蛋蛋了 Fuck you, schmidt. Stop dicking around.
嘿 伙计们 祝贺你俩 Hey, cap. Congratulations, you two.
You managed to un-fuck up the situation you originally fucked up.
谢谢 Thanks.
我希望你不要再玩弄我的女儿了 I wish you can un-fuck my daughter,
但是我已经打算让往事随风了 but I'm gonna let that be the past.
现在 你们下一阶段的任务 Now, for your next mission,
你们这两个混蛋得去医学院 you two sons of bitches are going to medical school.
什么 What?
这一次 是外国交换生 This time, foreign exchange students.
- 棒极了- 好耶 -Awesome. -Yes!
在俄罗斯 In Russia.
什么 What?
扮演svidanya Do svidanya.
Vodka soda Vodka soda.
下一阶段的任务 在海边待一学期 Next assignment. A semester at sea.
你们这两个混蛋要去 You two sons of bitches are going to culinary school.
在肉馅卷饼里放置的一张微芯片 There's a microchip in this empanada.
来自流传千年的家族秘方 Old family recipe.
最好让它成为一个秘密 Best to keep it a secret.
噢 该死 Oh, shit!
新任务... New assignment...
Cap schmidt看起来跟你有区别吗 Cap, does schmidt look any different to you?
有 那才是schmidt No.That's schmidt.
我实在搞不懂你要说什么 I don't know what you're talking about, man.
他看起来跟我一模一样吗 He look exactly the same to me.
我有一副新眼镜耶 I got new glasses.
是的 伙计 他就是比你多了一副新眼镜 该死 Yeah, man, he just got some new glasses, man. God damn.
没人注意手里那份该死的注意事项 No one's gonna fucking notice.
我们开始吧 schmidt Let's do this, schmidt.
嗯 Jenkins 就像我们一直配合的那样 Yeah. Just like we always do, Jenkins.
对不起 是jenko It's jenko.Sorry.
我真的真的很高兴你回来了schmidt I'm really,really glad you're back, schmidt.
- 你在说什么呢 - 这份合同争论的焦点在哪里 - What are you talking about? - What contract dispute?
我可是一直都在这儿的 I've been here the whole time.
伙计 能闭上嘴吗 Man, shut the fuck up.
飞行学院怎么样 How about a flight academy?
制服绝对性感爆棚 Undercover just got a whole lot sexier.
你们是龙虎少年队吗 You're jump street,right?
是的 你他妈的怎么知道 Yeah. How the fuck do you know that?
我是雇佣方 I'm booker.
- 噢 靠 - 老兄 你们可是个传奇 - Oh, shit. - Man, you're a legend.
交通学院 Traffic school!
军事学院 Military school.
潜水课 Scuba class.
舞蹈学院 Dance academy.
好的 Yes.
最终总有一些让我不可思议的事情 Finally something I'm amazing at.
你们这两个混蛋竟然出现在了电子竞技游戏中 You sons of bitches is gonna be in a video game.
让我们去一举捣毁它 Let's blow shit up.
龙虎风格出击 Jump street style.
准备充分做一个彻头彻尾的混蛋 Get ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers.
章鱼唾液进我嘴里了 It's inking in my mouth!
别在我女儿身上打馊主意 Don't fuck my daughter.
好啦 新任务 All right, new assignment.
六个小时的化妆吗 Six hours of makeup?
这种打扮让我们成了糟老头子 We're getting too old for this shit.
不错呦 Nice.
酷毙了 Something cool!
Eric Eric.
Eric 你醒了没 Eric, are you awake?
没 No.
我要迟到了 I'm late.