本字幕由高清电台整理发布，更多高清电影请访问 https://gaoqing.fm
补译_校轴_后期： zac-fly @TLF HALFCD TeaM 基于原盘台译
有人说魔法的力量… It has been said that magic vanished from our world
早就从世界上消失 a long time ago,
人类也无法利用许愿的力量… and that humanity can no longer fulfill its desires
一偿宿愿 through the power of wishes.
如果你早已失去童年奇妙的想象力 To those who have lost the wondrous vision of childhood eyes,
在此为你献上一个小男孩的故事 submitted here is the story of a little boy
他的圣诞节愿望… and a magical Christmas wish
神奇地改变了他的一生 that changed his life forever.
故事发生在1985年 地点是波士顿市郊 lt began in 1985, in a town just outside Boston.
圣诞节前夕… 每个小孩都兴高采烈 It was Christmas Eve, and all the children were in high spirits.
每年也只有这个日子… That special time of year
波士顿的小孩会集合起来… when Boston children gather together
痛扁犹太小孩 and beat up the Jewish kids.
格林宝！ Hey, Greenbaum!
明天是耶稣的生日 It's Jesus' birthday tomorrow,
知道我要送他什么吗 and you know what I'm gonna get him?
什么 What?
捶过你矬脸的我的拳 My fist in your fucking face!
耶稣怎么喜欢这个 Why would Jesus want that?
抓住他 Get him!
可是有一个男孩没有很开心 But there was one child who wasn't in such good spirits.
小强班奈特… Little John Bennett,
每个社区都有一个像他一样… that one boy in every neighborhood
永远交不到朋友的人 who just has a tough time making friends.
我可以跟你们玩吗？ Hey, guys, can l play?
走开，班奈特 Get out of here, Bennett.
滚，班奈特 Get lost, Bennett!
滚蛋，班奈特 Get out of here, Bennett!
对！给我滚！ Yeah, Bennett, get lost.
强衷心盼望… John longed with all his heart
能有一个真正属于他的朋友 for that one, true friend that he could call his own.
他深信如果交到这种朋友… And he knew that if he ever found that friend,
他绝对不会放手 he would never let him go.
一如往常，又来到圣诞节的早上 Well, as it does every year, Christmas morning finally came.
孩子在年节欢乐气氛下拆开礼物 All the children were opening their gifts with holiday glee.
“任天堂”
至于小强班奈特… And for little John Bennett,
那年的圣诞节带来了意想不到的惊喜 Christmas Day brought a very special new arrival.
Wow!
圣诞老人大概有发现你今年很乖喔 l guess Santa paid attention to how good you were this year, huh?
圣诞快乐，强 Aw! Merry Christmas, John.
我爱你！ l love you!
他会说话！ He talks!
我要叫你泰德 I'm going to name you Teddy.
强立刻就喜欢上泰德 John became instantly attached to Teddy.
这只熊有种特质… There was something about that bear
让强觉得他终于找到… that made him feel as if he finally had a friend
能够分享内心秘密的好朋友了 with whom he could share his deepest secrets.
我爱你！ l love you!
我也爱你，泰德 l love you, too, Teddy.
我好希望你能真的陪我聊天 You know, l wish you could really talk to me.
这样就能永远做我的好朋友了 Because then, we could be best friends forever and ever.
有一件事你不能否认… Now, if there's one thing you can be sure of,
小孩的愿望就是最强大的力量 it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish.
当然除了阿帕契攻击直升机 Except an Apache helicopter.
因为它有机关枪，又有飞弹 An Apache helicopter has machine guns and missiles.
是个无法想象叹为观止的武器总汇 It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry,
十足的杀人凶器 an absoIute death machine.
我们事后才发现… Well, as it turned out,
强挑了一个最完美的夜晚许愿 John picked the perfect night to make a wish.
泰德？ Teddy?
来抱抱吧 Hug me.
你是我最好的朋友，强 You're my best friend, John.
你…你在说话吗？ Did you. . . Did you just talk?
有必要那么惊讶吗？ Don't look so surprised.
明明是你许的愿，不是吗？ You're the one who wished for it, aren't you?
对，我是有许愿 Yeah. l did wish for it.
所以就愿望成真啊 Well, here l am.
你是说我们能做最好的朋友吗？ You mean, we get to be best friends for real?
当然 For real.
永远永远吗？ Forever and ever?
有何不可 Sounds good to me.
强大概是世界上最开心的小孩了… John was just about the happiest boy in the worId
他等不及要告诉大家这个好消息 and he couIdn't wait to tell everyone the good news.
今年的圣诞棒极了 Well, l think we've had a wonderful Christmas this year.
最棒之一 One of the best.
你昨晚的礼物尤其棒 And l particularly enjoyed the gift you gave me last night.
我们家猛男一年忙到头 Well, my big strong husband works so hard all year.
怎么着也得犒劳一下 l figured you deserved a little Christmas treat.
这何止是“犒劳” l'd call it more than a little treat.
那些胶合板让我动得更爽 l think those veneers just make it a smoother ride for me.
人家疼爱你嘛 Mmm. Well, that's how much l love you.
总之 你的口活儿非同凡响 Seriously though, that was an outstanding blowjob.
爸爸妈妈 我的泰迪熊活起来了！ Mom, Dad, guess what? My teddy bear's alive!
真的吗？高不高兴？ Really? Well, isn't that exciting.
妈，他真的活起来了，你看 No, Mom, he's really alive. Look.
大家圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas, everybody.
靠北！ Jesus H. Fuck!
大家来当好朋友吧 Let's all be best friends.
天哪！ Oh, my God!
强，快离开那东西，快过来 John, get away from that thing. Get over here right now.
可是，爸… -快过来！ But, Dad. . . Get over here!
听妈妈的话！过来这里！ Listen to your father! Come here!
海伦，拿我的枪来 -爸，不要 Helen, get my gun. Dad, no!
是抱抱枪吗？ ls it a hugging gun?
去拿我的枪，顺便报警！ Helen, get my gun, and call the police!
抱歉，班先生，我不是故意要吓人的 I'm sorry, Mr. Bennett, l didn't mean to scare anybody.
我只是想和强做朋友 l just wanted John and l to be friends.
爸，我昨晚许愿希望泰德活起来… Yeah, Dad, l made a wish last night that Teddy was alive
然后愿望成真了 and my wish came true.
噢，我的天 Oh, my God!
这是个奇迹 lt's a miracle.
圣诞节的奇迹 lt's a Christmas miracle.
你就像小耶稣一样 You're just like the Baby Jesus.
不用多久，强的小奇迹… Well, it wasn't long before the story of John's IittIe miracIe
就轰动全国 was sweeping the nation.
波士顿市郊… Out of a Boston suburb
发生一件不可思议的事情 comes what is, without a doubt, the most incredible story...
一位小男孩的玩偶… A young boy's stuffed animal
竟然活起来了，至今原因不明 has magically come to life for, as yet, unknown reasons...
耶稣显灵！耶稣显灵！耶稣显灵！ Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did!
马上，泰德变成家喻户晓的人物 Before Iong, Teddy had become a huge celebrity in his own right.
你好，泰德 Hello, Teddy.
你真让我惊讶 You. . . You are a. . . You surprise me.
我还以为你很高 For some reason l thought you were going to be taller.
我还以为你很搞笑 l thought you were going to be funnier.
你... 你最爱看哪个节目 You... What are your favorite teIevision shows?
中场休息吧 Um, l like Gimme a Break. . .
爸爸 我想要泰迪熊 Dad. l want a teddy bear.
嘿 爸爸才给你的生日礼物呢 Hey! What did Daddy just get you for your birthday, huh?
-一个耙子 -不错 - A rake. - That's right.
一个超凡耙 你的生日耙 An excellent rake. A birthday rake.
打扫院子时候 你就不必用手捡树叶了 So when you clean the yard, you don't have to pick up the leaves with your hands.
但我想要电视上那只熊 But, Dad. l want the bear on TV.
唐尼 闭上你的嘴 爸爸正和你新妈妈爱爱 Donny. Shut up, will ya? Daddy's making love to New Mommy.
-但是爸爸... -回吊床上去 But, Daddy? Go to your hammock!
你看过我们节目吗 Do you ever watch this show?
当然 莱诺当嘉宾主持时 Yeah. When Leno guest hosts.
但尽管名气再大… But through all the fame,
泰德也没有忘记他最好的朋友强 Teddy never forgot his very best friend, John.
雷声吓不了我们吧？ The thunder can't get us, right?
当然，我们是雷雷伙伴耶 雷雷懂的 Nope, we're thunder buddies, and the thunder knows it.
我们很安全 We're totally safe.
泰德？ Teddy?
怎么了，强？ Yeah, John?
你保证我们永不分开？ Do you promise we'll always be together?
我保证 l promise.
一辈子的雷雷伙伴 一辈子的雷雷伙伴 Thunder buddies for life.
这个承诺，他们从来都没忘记过 And that was a promise that neither one of them ever forgot.
那强和泰德现在在哪呢？ So, where are John and Teddy today?
我这么说好了… Well, let me put it this way.
管你曾不曾轰动世界… No matter how big a splash you make in this world,
管你是小兵兵、郝少纹、刘闻政… whether you're Corey FeIdman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber,
或是会讲话的泰迪熊… or a talking teddy bear,
终究会没人鸟你 eventually, nobody gives a shit.
“过气明星持毒菇闯关被逮”
“和洛莉柯林斯交往中”
“和强班奈特交往中”
我哪有胆看时间？ Do I dare Iook at the cIock?
我只是说… 波士顿的女人基本上… Look, all I'm saying is that Boston women are, on the whole,
比起其他地方的女人… 来得更白、更丑 a paler, uglier sort than women from the elsewheres of life.
屁咧，那洛莉咧？她明明很正 That's bullshit. What about Lori? She's hot.
洛莉是宾州人，不是波士顿妹 No, Lori's from Pennsylvania. That's not a Boston girl.
她们其实长得还不差 They're not that bad.
你会说还不差… See, the fact that you have to say they're not that bad
就代表很糟 means that they are that bad.
你有听过波士顿妹叫床吗？ Did you ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm?
就是这样…用力一点！用力一点！ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah! Harder! Harder!
噢，天哪，爽死了！ Oh, God, that was so good!
现在快用廉价饼干塞满我这张丑脸！ Now I'm going to stuff my fucking face with Pepperidge Farm!
靠，这有够弱的 Jesus, this is weak.
根本嗨不起来，我要找药头理论 lt's not even getting me high. l got to have a talk with my weed guy.
我觉得刚好 lt's working for me.
明明就很烂，我要找他说去 l think it sucks. I'm going to have a talk with him.
我都不晓得你会找药头理论 l don't know that you want to go to a drug dealer with complaints.
我和他认识超久的，打从911开始 No. l know this guy a long time. l've known him since 9/11.
你记得吗？ 我说“干！911，我要来嗨了” You remember? l was, like, "Oh, shit, 9/11. l got to get high."
九点半了？ -对 ls it 9:30? Yeah.
妈的，我该上班了 Shit, l got to get to work!
我不知道还能不能开车 l don't know if l can drive!
别担心，我载你，我很清醒 lt's okay, I'll drive you. l feel fine.
“自由租车公司”
靠夭！ 干 Fuck! Shit.
搞什么？ Oh, man!
强尼，对不起，那台车突然冒出来 Johnny, I'm sorry, man. That car just came out of nowhere.
严重吗？ God, is it bad?
有够背！ Oh, man!
强！我有话跟你说 John! May l speak with you, please?
惨了 Shit.
没事，你快去，车子我开走了 lt's all right, go, go, go. I'll pull out of here.
汤玛斯，早啊 Hi, Thomas, how are you?
混帐东西！ Asshole!
是我错，刚才我在推特 That's my bad. l was sending a tweet.
强，都快10点了 John, it's almost 10:00.
长官，对不起，但错不在我 l know, sir, I'm sorry. lt wasn't my fault.
什么意思？ What do you mean?
还没想好… 我以为你不会问后续问题 l guess l wasn't really prepared for a follow-up question.
强，你只需要别摆烂… John, all you got to do is not fuck up
我下个月升迁，你就可以接我的工作 and you get my job when l go to corporate next month.
你会是新上任的店经理 You're the new branch manager.
只要现在别搞砸 All you've got to do is not fuck up.
我懂 -很好 l realize that. Good.
那我放心了 Glad to hear it.
再一个月，你就要坐上我的位置 Because in a month, my life could be your life.
轻松当个年薪3万8的店经理… A cushy, $38,000-a-year branch manager
像我一样认识明星汤姆史基瑞 who's personal friends with Tom Skerritt.
还不赖吧？ Not a bad life, is it?
还不赖 No.
我给你看个我不随便让人看的东西 I'm going to show you something that l don't like to show people
因为我不想被人崇拜 because l don't want them treating me differently.
你看，我和史基瑞 Boom. That's me and Skerritt.
Wow.
好样的屁 Goddamn right, "Wow."
因为你擦撞车子和迟到… I'm gonna dock you for dinging the car
我要扣你薪水，没问题吧？ and for showing up late today, all right?
明天给我认真一点 Try and be a little more responsible tomorrow.
我会的，长官，我保证 l will, sir, l promise.
我不会让你失望的，呆头鹅 I'm not going to let you down, Goose.
你说什么？ What?
壮志凌云… Top Gun.
所以呢？ So?
汤姆史基瑞有演 Tom Skerritt.
我知道 l know that.
我已没把他当大明星 他不过是个普通人 l don't think of him as an actor anymore. He's just, like, a guy.
比如 两月前他还在我的车库里干活 Like, we work. . . We worked on my garage two months ago.
帮我装车库大门 Helped me hang a garage door.
你和汤姆史基瑞一起装过车库门吗 You ever hang a garage door with Tom Skerritt?
没 没吧 No. No.
你和他老婆孩子一起玩过迷你高尔夫？ You ever go miniature golfing with Tom Skerritt's wife and her kid?
不 你没有 No. You haven't.
你和汤姆一起看过公牛队主场比赛？ Do you ever watch a Bulls game, Chicago Bulls game in Chicago with Tom Skerritt?
没 没吧 No. No.
你没有 那好 You haven't. All right.
“自由”，快车道，史基瑞 —— 强 Liberty, fast track, Skerritt, John.
谢谢，长官 Thank you, sir.
这是你的钥匙还有租车合约 All right, here's your keys, your rental agreement,
免费的波士顿地图 complimentary map of Boston.
感谢你选择自由租车，祝您一路顺风 Thank you for choosing Liberty. Drive safely.
谢谢 -多谢你了 Thanks. Thanks so much.
我听到你被骂 l heard you got busted.
你看起来不太妙，怎么了？ Jesus, Guy, you look like shit, man. What happened?
不知道，我昨天喝茫了 l don't know, l got fucking wasted last night.
手机显示我凌晨3点15分… 传简讯叫人来扁我 My phone says l texted someone at 3:15, asking them to beat me up.
凌晨4点半又传给同一个人 跟他说“谢谢” And then, at 4:30, l texted the same person saying, "Thanks."
你都忘记了？ And you don't remember it?
就跟上次一样 No, same as last time.
听起来有点像在搞基 lt just seems kind of gay, doesn't it?
我不知道，可能吧 l don't know. Maybe, yeah.
会不会是基佬的地下文化？ Well, do you think you're part of some gay beat-up underworld?
会不会是他们的斗阵俱乐部？ Like one of those gay beat-up clubs or something?
我不知道，我明明喜欢女生 l don't know. l dig chicks, man.
我全忘了，真的喝挂了 l don't remember any of it. l was so fucked up.
我可能搞基吧，不知道啦 l might be gay, l don't know.
可以帮我顾一下吗？ Do you mind covering for me for a bit?
我要去厕所躺一下 l might go lay down in the john.
麻吉，早啊 Hey, buddies. Where is it hanging?
艾力克斯，早，昨晚进得去夜店吗？ Hey, Alix, what's up? You get in the club last night?
没有，那夜店守门是个王八蛋 l didn't get in because the bouncer was douche-face.
但排队倒有交到朋友 But l made friends in the line.
那不错啊 That's good, l guess.
有什么推荐的餐厅… Hey, guys, anybody know a nice restaurant,
就是厕所有提供薄荷糖的那种？ like something where they give out free bubblegum in the bathrooms?
要干嘛？ For what?
明天是我和洛莉的四周年纪念 Lori and l have been dating four years tomorrow.
我想带她去很棒的餐厅 l want to take her someplace really nice.
恭喜你，强 Aw, congratulations, John.
你们在一起四年了？ You guys have been going out for four years?
我的纪录是半年 My longest relationship was like six months
然后她睡觉的时候放了个屁 and then she farted in her sleep.
我告诉自己“快冲出去” 她还没醒我就溜了 I'm like, "I'm out of here, man." l was gone before she woke up.
你要求太高了吧 You're not very tolerant, huh?
洛莉有在你面前放过屁？ -有 Lori ever fart in front of you? Yeah.
真的？ -三不五时 Really? Yeah, many times.
你是意大利人？ -才不是 You ltalian? No.
怎么说？ Why?
没事，带她去红花日本料理 Never mind. Take her to Benihana.
强，你不觉得在一起四年了… John, look, don't you think after four years
她想要的不只是一顿晚餐？ maybe she's hoping for something more than dinner?
不然还要什么？ Like what?
我不晓得，但换作是我，我想要求婚 l don't know, but if it were me, l'd be expecting a proposal.
少来了，她才不会期待被求婚 Come on, nobody's expecting anybody to propose.
我是说，结婚并不是… l mean, marriage isn't. . .
难道有爱还不够吗？我认为够了 lsn't love enough? l submit that love is enough.
你可以拿戒指塞她屁眼 然后放屁喷出来 You can put the ring in her ass, let her fart it out.
“飞侠哥顿”
“山姆琼斯饰演飞侠哥顿”
烂片一部，但是我喜欢 So bad, but so good.
二元辩证真奇妙 Yeah. lt's a study in contrasts.
哦 这段我喜欢 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, l love this part right here.
他属于我们大家 He's for every one of us!
他代表我们大家 Stands for everyone of us!
他用强有力的双手拯救大家 He'll save with a mighty hand
男女老幼 他用强光保卫大家 Every man, every woman, every child With a mighty flash!
靠 飞侠 老天啊 Yeah. Fuck, yeah. Flash! Oh, my God.
对了，要提醒我… Hey, by the way, don't let me forget,
要敲定明晚棕熊队比赛的计划 you and l got to nail down a plan for the Bruins game tomorrow night.
不行，我要带洛莉去吃饭 No, l can't. I'm taking Lori to dinner.
为什么？ For what?
明天是我们的四周年 Well, we've been dating four years tomorrow.
挖哩勒，不错喔 Oh, fuck me. Nice.
我问你喔 Let me ask you something.
她该不会觉得我要做什么大事吧？ You don't think she's going to be expecting something big, do you?{
开她后庭花？ What, like anal?
不是，我是怕她以为我要求婚 No, like a fucking circular gold thing on her finger.
靠！你们在一起才4年 Oh, fuck that! lt's been four years, Johnny.
我跟你已经27年了耶 You and me have been together for 27 years.
我他妈的戒指呢？王八蛋！ Where's my ring? Where's my ring, asshole?
我的戒指咧？人渣！ Where's my ring, motherfucker? Stop it. Come on!
我的毛毛指还是空的咧，妈的咧 Put it on my fuzzy finger, you fuck! Come on!
好了，别闹了！ All right, knock it off!
我只是发牢骚 All right, I'm just saying.
你想她会期待我更进一步吗？ But do you think she might be expecting me to make that kind of a move?
我不觉得她想… 况且时机不对 No, l don't think she is. And, not only that, it's the wrong time.
别傻了，现在全球经济不稳定 lt's a terrible idea. l mean, you got the economy.
还有信贷危机，高院争议… You got the credit bubble, the Supreme Court.
还有海地 l mean, look at Haiti.
我倒没想得这么多 l guess l didn't think about that.
那影响可大的咧 Well, that's. . . lt's a factor.
你究竟是谁？ Who are you?
飞侠哥顿 纽约喷射机队的四分卫 FIash Gordon. Quarterback, New York Jets.
这就是美国人的幻想 This is the American fantasy, right here.
让职业美式足球员来拯救世界 A professional NFL player is called upon to save the world.
汤姆布莱迪很适合！ Tom Brady could do that. Tom Brady could do that!
嗨！ -嗨，甜心 Hey. Hey, sweetie.
嗨！洛莉 Hey, Lori.
Hi. Hi.
你买了什么？ -火鸡汉堡 What do you got there? Turkey burgers.
今晚有同性恋要来吃晚餐吗？ Are we having homosexuals over for dinner tonight?
就你们两个啊 Ha-ha. No, just you homos.
Whoa! Whoa!
你乱改我的笑话，但… You kind of just reworded my joke, but, uh. . .
工作还好吧 -还可以 How was work? lt was fine.
你那个猪头老板咧？ How's your dickhead boss?
雷克斯还好 Rex is fine.
他今天只跟我告白一次，所以还算好 He only hit on me once today, so, it's a good thing.
想喝啤酒吗？ Hey, Johnny, how about a beer?
两瓶查理斯布考斯基？ A couple of Charles Brew-kowskis?
还是两瓶柏思托意斯基？ Couple of Brew-stoyevskis?
不然麦克布高斯基？ Maybe a Mike Brew-gaslowski?
何不来个泰德布鲁斯基？ Perhaps a Tedy Brew-ski?
接得不赖 That's a good one.
我也来个马丁娜纳拉蒂布鲁斯基好了 You know what, l think l, too, want a Martina Navrati-brewski.
这说不通 -别破坏气氛 No, that doesn't work. Don't ruin it. No.
屁啦！明明就通 Bullshit! That totally works.
说不通 No, no.
说得通 -说不通 Yeah, it does. lt doesn't work.
名字本身结尾一定要是“斯基” The name has to have a "ski" at the end of it
你只是把“斯基”加在… 纳拉蒂诺娃后面 and you just put "brewski" at the end of "Martina Navratilova," so. . .
我以为只要说出有趣的名字… l just thought we were saying funny names.
不行，名字一定要有“斯基” No, it has to have a "ski" at the end of it.
不然那有什么难？ Otherwise, where's the challenge?
如果本身结尾没有“斯基” lf there's no "ski" at the end of the root word
我们就只是一群白痴在耍智障 then we would just be idiots saying nonsense.
Hey.
失踪的登山客找到了 They found the missing hikers.
找到了吗？ -对 怎么回事？ They did? Yeah. What happened?
他们说走失了 They said they got separated
其中一人的脚卡在石缝里五天 and one of them had his foot stuck under a rock for like, five days.
Wow. Mmm.
如果你的脚卡到石缝 You know, if your leg got trapped under a rock
为了救你，我啃也把它啃出来 l'd chew it off to get you free.
真的？ -真的 You would? l sure would.
这样算吃人肉吗？ ls that cannibalism?
不算，除非你吞下去 No, l think it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
当然不会！ Oh, yeah, no!
放心，我不吞的 Don't worry about that, because l don't swallow.
真的吗？这和传言不一样喔 Really? 'Cause that's not what l heard.
那是谣言，我可是名媛 Well, it's not true, okay? I'm a fucking classy broad.
Yeah.
是名猿吧 l can see that.
说到名媛… Listen, speaking of classy,
“哈啰美人”是很高档的义式餐厅 Ciao Bella is a really expensive restaurant.
明天不一定要去那里 So, we can go anywhere else tomorrow.
和你在一起，去哪都好 l really don't care, as long as we're together.
开什么玩笑 Are you kidding me?
我们在一起四年了 No, no, no. Four years, we've been going out.
我要带你去波士顿最棒的餐厅 I'm taking you to the best place in town.
这两天为这事我都忙出屎了 l've been crapping out room for it for two days.
我是说 我知道我们该去哪 l mean, l know exactly what I'm gonna order.
你够恶哦 You are so disgusting.
你知道我爱你 And l love you.
我也爱你 -我也爱你够贱 l love you, too. And you're nasty.
想要一起变坏吗？ Do you want to get nasty?
你这个小贱贱… You're a nasty girl.
你妹你舅你姥姥 Fucking cocksucker motherfucker!
我真搞不懂 l don't understand.
都35岁了还怕打雷！ Thirty-five years old and you're still scared of a little thunder.
才没有！ l am not!
我们是一辈子的雷雷伙伴吧？ 当然喽！ Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny? Fucking right.
我们来唱雷雷歌吧 -好啊 Let's sing the thunder song. All right.
当你听见打雷声，千万不要怕 When you hear the sound of thunder Don't you get too scared
快找雷雷伙伴，然后说咒语 Just grab your thunder buddy And say these magic words
X你妈的雷，你去吃大便吧 Fuck you, thunder You can suck my dick
你吓不到我的，你只是上帝放的屁 You can't get me, thunder 'Cause you're just God's farts
Ugh!
洛莉，闹钟帮我设11点吧 Hey, Lori, can you set the alarm for 11:00 A.M.?
我明天可忙的咧 l've got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow.
早安，洛莉 Good morning, Lori.
早 Good morning.
来吧 -你没事吧？ Okay. You okay there, sweetheart?
你看起来闷闷的 You look a little flustered.
我没事 I'm fine, I'm fine,
只是没空吃早餐，加上找不到停车位 l just didn't have time for breakfast and the garage was full,
还有我男朋友遇到打雷… oh, and that's right, my boyfriend can't sleep through a thunderstorm
就要跟泰德熊睡 without his teddy bear.
你怎么能忍受他这种行为？ l don't understand why you keep putting up with him.
都35岁了… 还在租车公司工作 Yeah, l mean, the guy's 35, and he's working for a rental car service.
跟他的工作无关，我不在乎那个 You know, you guys, it's really not about that.
就算他是杂工，我也爱他 l don't care about that. l mean, l'd love him if he was a janitor.
我是说他很善良，我们在一起很开心 l mean, he has a huge heart and we laugh a lot.
况且他又是波士顿的大帅哥 lt's just a bonus that he's the hottest guy in Boston.
我不知道，我只希望他有担当一点 l don't know. l just wish he would get his life together.
就当为了我们，但他做不到 Our life. And he can't.
我敢打包票，绝对是那只熊害的 And, l swear to God, it is because of that bear.
你应该下最后通牒，你和熊二选一 You should give him an ultimatum. lt's you or the bear.
我不能这样，他会受不了的 No, l can't do that. That would devastate him.
况且，要是他选泰德呢？ Besides, what if he chose Ted?
哈啰 Well, hello there.
我不是故意打断你们… Sorry if I'm interrupting any private girl-talk
是聊查宁塔图的食指吧 about Channing Tatum's index finger.
不过，洛莉，请你来我办公室一趟 But, Lori, l need to see you in my office.
问题是我很忙 Yeah, the thing is, Rex, l have a lot of work l need to get to. . .
我要跟你谈公事，我保证 Oh, this is work, l swear.
好吧 Great.
保重 -谢谢 Good luck. Thank you.
他是大贱人 He's such an asshole.
完全不收敛，简直是败类 Out of control. He's such a sleaze.
我敢赌一百块 他一定会拿出他潜水校队的照片 A hundred bucks says he's showing her the diving team photo.
你看 Check this out.
这是我高中参加潜水校队的英姿 That's me on the high school diving team.
我们那年不知道潜到哪去了 We dove the shit out of that pool that year.
近些看 还有清晰的激凸 Now, if you look close, you can see the outline of my root.
你答应我只谈公事 You promised me this was about work.
洛莉 你为什么就是不喜欢我？ Lori, why don't you like me? Ugh!
我有钱，我帅，公司又是我爸的 I'm rich, I'm good-looking, my dad owns the company.
我有男朋友了，我告诉过你 l have a boyfriend. l have told you this.
对，泰迪熊男 Yeah, the guy with the bear.
洛莉，我在跟你谈成熟的两性关系 But I'm talking about a mature relationship, Lori.
如果我俩合体，小孩一定超美 lf we were together, our babies would be spectacular.
有我傲视群雄的白人基因加上你… With my top-of-the-pyramid Caucasian genes and your splash of
黝黑、美丽、灰濛濛的… dark, beautiful, smoky. . .
我忘了是波罗的海，还是捷克？ Baltic? Czech?
先告辞了，雷克斯 Goodbye, Rex.
-那好 你被开了 -才不会 Okay, you're fired. No. I'm not.
Oh!
很好吃 Okay, that was perfect.
需要为您打包吗？ Would you like me to wrap your leftovers?
不用，谢谢 No, I'm good. Thank you.
可以麻烦你打包这个吗？ Actually, could you wrap just this up for me?
我想拿来吓唬人 l want to scare the shit out of somebody.
没问题 Sure.
你才五岁吗？ -对 What are you, five years old? Yeah.
但我阅读能力有六岁，所以… But l read at a six-year-old level, so. . .
两位，这是甜点… Sir, and madam, here is your dessert
与香槟 and champagne.
Ooh!
水晶香槟… Cristal.
这是特别的夜晚，我们的四周年 lt's a special night. We've been dating for four years.
有钱饶舌歌手的品味不会错 And hey, all those rich black people can't be wrong, right?
四年一转眼就过了 lt doesn't feel like four years, does it?
对阿，好快 No, it doesn't.
你根本不该下舞池跳舞的 You know, you had no business being out on that dance floor,
但我很开心那天你有 but I'm really happy that you were.
2008年
这首歌很好听 This song is so great.
选克里斯布朗不会错的 Oh, yeah. Chris Brown can do no wrong.
你还真会扭 Wow, you can really move.
不错吧？让你看看这个 You like that, huh? Check this shit out.
天哪 Oh, my God!
你没事吧？ Are you okay?
真抱歉 Oh, God, l am so sorry.
我没事 No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
真抱歉，我没看到你，我不是故意的 Jesus, l am so sorry. l didn't see you. lt was an accident.
有撞到头吗？ Did you hurt your head?
我头很痛 Yeah, my head hurts a lot.
天啊，我去帮你拿些冰块 Oh, man. Here, let me get you some ice.
抱歉，还痛吗？ Sorry, sorry. Does it hurt?
不痛了 No. lt's fine.
我要测试你有没有把我放在心上 Okay, here's a test to see how much you actually care about me.
那天晚上离开夜店… You remember that night, after the club
很晚了我们还去吃宵夜到5点 we went and had late-night eggs and waffles until about 5:00 A.M.
看着餐厅里小电视播的电影 We watched a movie on the little TV in the diner.
说出片名 Name that movie.
八爪女 Octopussy.
宝贝你好棒！ Baby! Gold star.
还有…我的舞技还算不错 And, by the way, my dancing was not that bad.
明明就很逊 -我动作很酷耶 lt was pretty bad. l have cool moves.
跟老人痴呆患者不相上下 Yeah, so do people with Parkinson's.
我记得不是这样 That's not how l remember it.
不然你记得什么 Okay, how do you remember it?
算了，随便你怎么说 All right, whatever you say.
Hey Yes?
敬下一个四年 Here's to four more years.
你是我的开心果 Okay. You make me happy.
我们是说过不送礼物的 Now, l know we said no gifts, but. . .
我们有说过吗？ We said no such thing.
我还是买了礼物，显然违反规定 l got you something anyway, in clear violation of the "no gift" rule.
没那种规定 We had no such rule.
洛莉… 这样东西，我早就想送给你了 Lori, l've wanted to give this to you for a long time.
强… John. . .
你应该会喜欢吧，我从家乐服买来的 Those are the ones you like, right? From that kiosk at the mall.
Yeah.
洛莉… You know, Lori,
有一天，这会放着戒指 someday, there's going to be a ring in there.
我想等我买得起特别礼物的那一天 But l want to wait until l get you something really special.
我现在还没有钱 l just don't have the money right now.
我说这些是因为我爱你 Look, I'm only saying this because l love you.
你再继续和泰德鬼混就不会有前途 You're not going to have any sort of career if you keep wasting time with Ted.
又来了！ Oh, jeez, here we go.
宝贝，为了我们的将来… Baby, please ask Ted to move out
泰德一定要搬走 so we can move on with our lives.
洛莉，我和他8岁就是好朋友 Lori, look, he's been my best friend since l was eight.
我并不是受欢迎的小孩 l was not a popular child.
你必须了解，他出现以前我没有朋友 You have to understand, l had no friends before he came along.
都因为他，我才建立起自信的 He's the only reason l ever gained any fucking confidence.
否则又会多几起校园枪击事件 l could have wound up like that Asian kid at Virginia Tech,
多亏了泰德 but l didn't 'cause of him.
所以我也不会傻到...把他赶走 So, you know, I'm not that psyched to just, like, kick him out.
一只会说话的抱抱熊让你的同学们... Well, it's good to know that a talking teddy bear is the only thing
免遭厄运 真是令人欣慰 that prevented you from gunning down your classmates.
但你已经不是8岁小孩，你35了 But you're no longer eight. You're 35 years old.
除非你还傻傻没发现 And unless you're too blind to notice,
他早已不是你唯一的朋友 he's not your only friend anymore.
以后再说好吗？好好享受这顿晚餐吧 Can we talk about this another time, and just enjoy our anniversary dinner?
等我一下 Oh, shit, hang on a second.
我的手机好像掉在椅子下 Now my phone fell under the seat somewhere.
可以打我手机吗？ Can you call it?
Yeah.
这是我的专属铃声吗？ ls that my ringtone?
Oh, yeah.
那是什么音乐？听起来很阴沉 What is it? 'Cause it sounds negative.
哪会，是手札情缘的插曲耶 No, no, it's from The Notebook.
Oh.
这要花些时间 This is going to take some doing, l think.
那我先上楼 I'll just meet you upstairs then?
我马上来 Yeah, I'll be right there.
Oh!
洛莉，你怎么提早回来？ Lori, hey, you're home early.
你在搞什么？ What the hell is this?
我和美女们在看龙凤大双胞 The ladies and l were just watching Jack and Jill.
亚当山德勒分饰双胞胎兄妹 史上大烂片 Adam Sandler plays a guy and his sister, and it's just awful.
惨不忍睹 lt's unwatchable.
但她们是妓女，所以无所谓啦 But, they're hookers, so it's fine.
搞得乱七八糟，她们是谁？ This place is a wreck. Who are these girls?
我真没礼貌 Oh. Where are my manners?
这是安洁莉、海芬莉、雪莉和玫瑰红 Lori, this is Angelique, Heavenly, Cherene, and Sauvignon Blanc.
我爱你们 l love you girls.
在某个地方，有四个混帐父亲 You know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers
我真想找机会好好谢谢他们 l wish l could thank for this great night.
那是什么？ What is that?
什么？ What is what?
那里有坨… There is. . .
大便在我的地板上 . . .a shit on my floor.
角落那里有坨大便！ ln the corner, there is a shit!
我的个老天 Oh, my God! You know what?
大概是迪娅德拉 That's probably what Dierdre was doing over there.
她之前在那里蹲了蛮久 Remember she was crouched over in the corner for a really long time?
我还以为在打电话呢 l thought she was just making a phone call or something.
我的地板上有大便！ There is a shit on my floor!
嗯 她已经瘫在厕所了 Yeah. Yeah. She's passed out in the bathroom now.
八成是嗨药过度 She seemed like she was hopped up on something,
你看 谜底揭开了 对吧 but, you know, mystery solved, l guess, right?
她的便便 She was taking a shit.
搞什么鬼 What the fuck?
谁住在这儿？我要对付他 Who lives here? I'm coming to get whoever lives here.
你欠我龙虾餐的钱 You owe me lobster money.
他是我麻吉，强 That's my buddy, Johnny.
我不是说龙虾，是那只手 Not the lobster, the guy running it.
我找到电话了 l found my phone.
怎么了？ What's going on?
那个是大便吗？ ls that a shit?
阿娘喂，这些怪鱼有够丑 God, there are some fucked-up fish out there.
看这一只，天龙鱼 Look at that one. WASP-y, white-guy fish.
我娶错人了，现在好后悔呀 "l married the wrong woman, and now l lead a life of regret."
再看这一只 Oh, look at this guy.
我1981年去过纽约… 感觉好不安全 "l went to New York once in 1981, and l just did not feel safe."
泰德，你得要搬出去住 Ted, you gotta move out.
什么？ What?
总会有这么一天 lt's got to happen.
我做了什么？ What did l do?
我的爱情快要吹了 My relationship is at a very delicate stage, you know.
我和洛莉现在很需要空间 Lori and l may just need a little space right now.
还有…妓女竟然在我们家挫赛 Plus, a hooker took a shit in our apartment.
天哪！ -什么？ Oh, God! Ah, what?
恶毙了！ Oh, this is so gross!
别跟我说！你拿起来了吗？ Don't tell me! l don't want to hear about it! Did you get it?
还没！ -拿好再跟我说！ No, l didn't get it! Tell me when you get it!
天哪，我的拇指沾到大便！ Oh, my God, l got some on my thumb!
你以后别用那只手煮饭！ No! You can never cook with that hand again!
你要练习用左手煮饭 Oh, my God! You have to learn to cook left-handed.
真的恶毙了！ This is the most disgusting thing ever!
别过来！拿远一点！ Don't! Get it away from me!
那一晚，我们都不好受 Look, that was a tough night for all of us.
泰德，你对我很重要，洛莉也是 Ted, you mean everything to me, and so does Lori.
我只是希望你们两个都能在我生命里 I'm just trying to find a way to keep you both in my life.
她逼你的对不对？ She's making you do it, isn't she?
对 Yes.
但又不是绝交，我们还是能一起混 But that doesn't mean we can't hang out. We'll hang out all the time.
那“一辈子雷雷伙伴”的誓言呢？ Yeah, but what about "thunder buddies for life," Johnny?
我记得，但我能怎么办呢？ l know. l just don't know what to do, here.
我知道很没义气… 可是不然我会失去她 l know it sucks, but otherwise I'm going to lose her.
我真的很爱她，泰德 And l do love her, Ted.
我知道你爱她，强 l know you do, Johnny.
我会尽全力帮你的，我保证 I'll help you get on your feet out there, l promise.
我懂，我们随时都能一起混吧？ l know. And we'll hang out all the time, right?
随时 All the time.
算了，抱一下，过来 Fuck it. Bring it in. Come here.
抱一下，你这个王八蛋 Bring it in, you bastard. Come on.
我爱你 l love you!
该死…这是…那个… Fuck. Shit, sorry, that's the thing from the. . .
以前的… -对阿 The old. . . Yeah, yeah.
我不搞基 -我懂 I'm not gay. l know.
你也不搞基，所以我们ok And you're not gay, so we're fine.
我要帮你找份工作 We gotta get you a job.
我看起来蠢毙了 l look stupid.
怎么会，你帅呆了 No you don't. You look dapper.
少来 看到我就想到柔软精小熊的会计师 l don't. l look like Snuggle's accountant.
没那么差啦 Come on, it's not that bad.
强，我就像安慰小孩的礼物… John, l look like something you give your kid
…就只因为他阿嬷葛屁 when you tell him Grandma died.
我知道这感觉很糟 Look, l know it sucks, okay?
但你必须赚点钱，才能付房租 But you've got to make some money so you can pay for an apartment.
我不想在杂货店打工 l don't want to work at a grocery store.
但你没有一技之长啊 Yeah, but you have no skills.
都说了，我当律师ok的 l told you, l can totally be a lawyer.
那也得去法学院混个学位 As l said, you would need a law degree from a law school.
不用 我是特例 No. No. I'm a special case.
我不就是个熊嘛 I'm a. . . I'm a talking teddy bear, for Christ's sake.
没人会计较的 他们只会觉得 They might make an exception 'cause they'd be all like,
“老天 这熊酷毙了 "Oh, my God! This bear's so cool.
“能说会做 可以留下来 "He can talk and do stuff. Let's give him a job.
“说不定还能让办公室有些生气 "Maybe he'll give us a few laughs around the office."
然后他们就会发现 “妈啊 这家伙口才这么好 And then they're like, "Oh, my God! He can deliver.
“天生打官司的料啊” "He's actually quite a litigator."
然后安德森的案子就归我了 And then they practically have to give me the Anderson case.
你找到工作，我们再来庆祝好不好？ You get the job, we're celebrating after, okay?
没找到工作，我们还是能哈吧？ Uh-huh. And if l don't get the job, are we still going to smoke that pot?
应该没问题 Probably, yes.
那好吧，获益良多，谢谢教练 Uh-huh. Okay, all right. Good talk, coach, thanks.
兄弟，加油！ All right, buddy, go get 'em.
别担心 我会尽全力争取我梦寐以求的工作 And don't worry, I'll do my very best to get this job that l so crave.
你觉得你有必备的条件吗？ So you think you got what it takes?
必备的条件…吃你老婆的鲍鲍算不算 I'll tell you what l got. Your wife's pussy on my breath.
从来没有人敢这样跟我说话 Nobody's ever talked to me like that before.
那是因为他们忙着舔你老婆没空说 That's 'cause everyone's mouth is usually full of your wife's box.
你录取了 You're hired.
靠北 Shit.
我以前是大明星，现在却拿基本工资 Well, l am a former celebrity in a minimum wage job.
“好晓子”的演员应该就是这种感觉 This is how the cast of Diff'rent Strokes feels.
整天…每天…真是糟透了 All day, every day. Just awful.
他们一定很难过，还活着的更是难受 They must feel awful. The live ones must feel awful.
没那么糟好吗？ Come on. lt's not that bad, okay?
我的工作很鸟，但我真的很快乐 l got a shitty job, and l assure you, l am quite content.
不好意思 Excuse me.
抱歉打扰你们一下 I'm sorry to bother you
我和我儿子超崇拜你的泰迪熊 but my son and l couldn't help but admire your teddy bear.
谢谢 -谢谢 Oh, thank you. Thanks.
我是唐尼，这是罗伯特 Yeah. I'm Donny, this is Robert.
我必须说，我小时候就很喜欢你 l have to say, l've been following you ever since l was a young boy
我记得你上过卡尔森脱口秀 and l remember seeing you on the Carson show.
你超搞笑 You were just wonderful.
那是一场诡异的访问 Oh, yeah, that was a weird interview.
艾德以为我是外星人 一直说着反犹言论 Ed thought l was ALF, and he kept muttering anti-Semitic comments.
他以为外星人就是犹太人 He thought ALF was Jewish for some reason.
你有考虑卖掉这只熊吗？ Have you ever considered selling the bear?
什么？ -再说一次 What? Excuse me?
我想买它 l want it.
老兄，我不是物品，我是人好吗？ I'm not an "it," pal. I'm a "he," all right?
很抱歉，小兄弟，我的熊是非卖品 I'm sorry, little guy, but my bear isn't for sale.
我从你这个年纪就认识他 See, l've had him since l was about your age.
他是我非常特别的朋友 He's very, very special to me.
跟我说话的时候，给我站直 Stand up straight when you're talking to me.
他妈的这小子有病喔？ Why the fuck would he say that?
你不应该在小孩面前骂脏话 Sorry, you really shouldn't swear in front of children.
我们很喜欢这只熊 Look, we're very interested in the bear.
如果你改变心意… lf you want to make some sort of arrangement
这是我的地址和电话 here's my address and phone number.
随时可以打电话给我 And you can call me any time, okay?
知道了 Will do.
看，我把它放在重要口袋里了 Here it goes, in the really important pocket for really important stuff.
可以了吗？ Okay? Okay.
那… -再见 Okay. See you later.
走吧，罗伯特 -看开些 Come on, Robert. Take it easy.
见鬼了 What the fuck?
你能想象那个死小孩会怎么对我吗？ Can you imagine what that little shit would do to me?
我可以想见他把你拖到地下室… l could totally see him just taking you down to the basement
慢慢肢解你… and really slowly de-limbing you
一边哼着惊悚的儿歌 while singing some creepy Victorian nursery rhyme.
六便士，我可爱的六便士 Oh, my IittIe sixpence My pretty little sixpence
闭嘴 Stop it. Knock it off.
我爱我的六便士 比我的生命还宝贵 l love my sixpence Better than my life
闭嘴！你为什么要说这么诡异的事 Stop it! Fuck! Why you got to take it to that place?
你说得这么…现在我想忘了也不可能 You took it to a very. . . Now it's real. Now it's a real thing.
别这样啦，轻松点 Come on. Take it easy.
咱们找个好地方来high吧 All right, look, let's just find a better place to get stoned.
今晚就这样啰 l guess this is it, huh?
大概吧 Yeah. Yeah, l guess so.
你自立的第一个晚上 First night on your own.
享受我豪华新公寓的第一晚 Yeah, first night in my beautiful new apartment.
布置好以后一定很舒服 lt'll be great when it's furnished.
房东还说，这里几乎没发生过凶案 Yeah, and the guy said it ain't hardly had no murders in it.
所以还不赖 So, that's good.
如果有任何需要… Okay, so, if you need anything. . .
我知道，别担心，我会照顾自己 Yeah, l know. Don't worry, Johnny, I'll be fine.
那我就放心了 l know you will.
我走了 All right.
早啊 Hey there.
Hey.
Hi. Hi.
我想跟你说谢谢 Listen, l just want to say thank you.
我知道你心里很不好受 l know what you did with Ted wasn't easy,
但我希望你明白我很感谢你的牺牲… and l just want you to know that l love you for it,
我们以后就能重新开始 and l think it's a new beginning for our relationship.
我愿意为你做任何事 Hey, anything for you.
这就是全新又成熟的强班奈特 This is all part of the new, grown-up adult John Bennett,
你最好赶快适应他喔 so you better get used to him.
真的吗？ Really?
你知道… Well, you know,
我还有20分钟才要上班 l don't have to be at work for another 20 minutes.
太赞了 Well, that's perfect.
因为我只需要1分钟 Because I'm only going to need one.
你知道我最喜欢你哪一点吗？ You know what my favorite thing about you is?
那就是四年了，你还能给我惊喜 That, even after four years, you can still surprise me.
你负起责任，做这么大的改变… To step up and change such a huge part of your life
只为了让你女朋友开心… just to make your girlfriend happier. . .
大部分的男生可能不会这么做 l don't know, l guess most guys wouldn't do that.
谁叫他们没有像你这么可爱的女朋友 Well, most guys don't have you to motivate them.
我不是会讲话的泰迪熊，但是… l know I'm not a talking teddy bear,
但你不用许什么愿望就能跟我在一起 but at least you didn't have to make a magical wish to get me.
你又知道我没许愿了？ How do you know?
Oh.
你是口袋里有枪 还是见到我乐坏了？ ls that a Flash Gordon ray gun, or are you just happy to see me?
这是收据 There we go.
十分感谢你，欢迎再度光临 我们还有更多杂货噢 Thank you very much, please come again. We have a lot more groceries.
喂，爱伦 Hey, Ellen.
她是谁？ Who's that over there?
新来的收银小姐 That's the new checkout girl.
不知道她的名字，满辣的 Don't know her name. Seems cute.
真的很辣 你知道我想对她做什么吗？ Yeah, very cute. Do you know what l'd like to do to her?
有一招叫做“巧克力嘴炮” Something l call a Dirty Fozzie.
好吧，我知道你底线在哪了 Okay, all right, so that's where we'll draw the line.
还好吧？ Hey, how are you holding up?
我很好 正在适应，没什么 Oh, I'm all right. I'm just getting used to things, that's all.
一定会渐入佳境 lt's going to be all right.
我和前男友也有过类似的经验 l actually went through something like this with my last boyfriend.
真的？ -对 Really? Yeah.
我们在一起8个月，我真的很爱他 We were together for eight months, and l really loved him.
可是政府却把他遣返回伊朗… And then he got deported back to lran,
我能感同身受 so l know what you're going through.
我们都失去了亲爱的多毛男 Oh, yeah. So, l guess we both lost our furry little guy.
真的是这样 We sure did.
“泰德”
泰德 -强，你在干嘛？ Hey, Ted. Hey, Johnny, what are you doing?
想过来喝酒吗？ You want to come over and catch a buzz?
可以啊，下班后 Well, l could probably stop by after work.
没诚意，我还特别和同事调班 Fuck that. l traded off yesterday so l got the other shift.
快点来，我无聊到爆，一下就好 Come on, I'm bored as crap over here. Just swing by for a bit.
我不能翘班 l cannot just ditch work, man.
我正在为了洛莉… Look, I'm trying to get my shit together
做一个负责任的人 and be an adult here, for Lori's sake.
就来5分钟，到时一定把你轰出去 John, five minutes and then I'll kick you out, l promise.
来就对了，我弄到整套“欢乐酒店” Just come over. l got the Cheers DVD box set
店员还告诉我… and the guy down at the store told me
演员访谈都在相互干谯 that everybody talks shit about each other in the interviews.
真的五分钟就放我走？ You'll kick me out in five?
五分钟一定轰你走 l will kick you out in five. John, l have to kick you out.
我有很多泰迪熊报告要看 我超忙，真的很烦 l have so much teddy bear paperwork l have to get to, it is sick.
我要怎么跟汤玛斯说？ What do l tell Thomas?
就说你不舒服 Just tell him you don't feeI well.
我必须出去一下 l gotta cut out for a bit.
洛莉为了拉开打架的狗 Lori tried to break up a dog fight
好像受了点伤 and l guess she got hurt pretty bad.
啥米？ Oh, my God!
她这个人也真是的 Yeah, that's the way she is.
看到狗打架就想劝架 She sees trouble and she wants to help out,
结果一只狗紧咬她的前臂 and l guess one of these dogs clamped his jaws on her forearm
等到消防员戳了屁眼才肯松口 and wouldn't let go until the fireman showed up and stuck his finger in his ass.
天哪 Oh, Jesus.
她现在惊魂未定 Yeah, she's pretty shook up.
是戳狗的屁眼吧 Up the dog's ass, right?
对，狗的，不是消防员的 Yeah, up the dog's, not the fireman's ass.
我还以为消防员戳自己屁眼 l thought the fireman stuck his own finger up his own ass.
我不认为消防员会这么做 No, l don't think a firefighter would do that.
快去照顾她，再跟我报告 Go, take care of it. Let me know how she is.
谢谢你 -快去 Thank you. Go.
“泰德丹森饰演山姆马龙”
“干杯酒吧”剧组里有可卡因吗 Was there cocaine on the set of Cheers?
我想想啊 怎么答最恰当 Um, let me see, what's the best way to answer that?
GV里有屌吗 Are there naked dicks in gay porn?
没错 剧组确实有 Yeah. Yeah, there was a... There was cocaine on the set,
但那是八十年代 你懂 but it was the '80s, man. You know?
我可是八十年代之王 “熊逼养的丹森” l was the king of the '80s. l was Ted-fucking-Danson.
更何况 我是“飞龙在癫五月天” More importantly, l was Sam-fucking-"Mayday" MaIone.
还有什么要问 哦对了 我很红吗 What was your other question? Oh, yeah, was I popuIar?
GV里有屌吗 Are there naked dicks in gay porn?
对 不对 人们 人们还是爱我的 Yeah. Yeah. No, l was, I was beIoved.
这家伙 太会迎合大众口味 You know, he's exactly who you want him to be.
当然 我们都该以他为榜样 He is. He is a man we can all model ourselves after.
伍迪哈里逊，这是我看过最小的屌 Woody Harrelson. Smallest dick I've ever seen on a man.
能怪我这么爱看吗？ See, that's why l watch these things.
这种幕后花絮你不看还不知道 That's like a cool behind-the-scenes thing that you wouldn't know.
试试看这个 Oh, hey, listen, try this.
我叫药头给点好货，他给我这个 l told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that.
这叫什么？ What is it?
“轮奸大脑”，其实也还好 lt's called "Mind Rape." lt's actually pretty mellow.
这名字明明很可怕 lt doesn't sound very mellow.
他还有另外三种货 Well, he only had three other batches.
“猩猩大暴走” "Gorilla Panic,"
“它们要来了” "They're Coming, They're Coming,"
还有“人生终点” and something called, "This is Permanent."
开饭吧 Go on, spark it up.
就这样…大口一点 There you go. You got it.
不赖吧？吸得好 Nice. Good, huh? Good job.
你该感到自豪 Yeah. Take pride in that.
这地方看起来真棒 You know, this place looks great.
谢谢，整间都是lKEA的 Thanks, man, it's all lKEA.
只花了47块 Did the whole place for $47.
厉害 Nice. Yeah.
邻居怎么样？ How are the neighbors?
隔壁是一家亚洲人 You know, there's an Asian family living next door
幸好不会敲锣打鼓，所以还可以 but they don't have a gong or nothing, so it's not too bad.
你真幸运 -真的！ That's lucky. Yeah, it is.
工作顺利吗？ -烂透了 How's work? lt sucks.
你呢？ -还不差 You? You know, not bad actually.
我煞到一个收银妹 l met a girl. She's a cashier.
真的吗？太爽了吧 No way, that's awesome! Yeah.
咱们两对找机会吃个饭吧 Well, we should fucking double-date, or something.
你、我、洛莉，她叫什么着？ You, me and Lori, and what's her name?
菜市场名，猜一下 White trash name. Guess.
怡君 -不对 Mandy? No.
欣怡 -不对 Marilyn? No.
雅雯 -不对 静怡 -不对 Britney? Tiffany? No. No.
淑芬 -不对 Candice? No.
别呼拢我，我很厉害的 Don't fuck with me on this. l know this shit!
你有看到我在呼咙你吗？ Do you see me fucking with you? All right, speed round.
我会认真的 I'm going to rattle off some names
现在开始我会一直说，中了你就喊停 and when l hit it, fucking buzz it.
我会的 -准备好了吗？ l will tell you. You got me?
思华、思佳、思婷… All right, Brandi, Heather, Channing,
淑娟、淑慧、淑君、淑华、淑萍… Breanna, Amber, Sabrina, Melody, Dakota, Sierra, Bambi, Crystal,
佳怡、佳慧、佳珍、佳芬、佳佳… Samantha, Autumn, Ruby, Taylor, Tara, Tami,
怡佳、怡婷、怡玲、怡慧、怡萍… Lauren, Charlene, Chantal, Courtney, Misty, Jenny, Krista,
欣如、心洁、欣凌、欣涵、欣欣… Mindy, Noelle, Shelby, Trina, Reba, Cassandra,
雅婷、雅玲、雅芳、雅筑、雅惠… Nikki, Kelsey, Shawna, Jolene, Earline, Claudine,
佩雯、佩玉、佩华、佩玲、佩佩… Savannah, Kasey, Dolly, Kendra, Carla, Chloe, Devon, Emmylou.
雅惠 -都不对 Fucking Becky? No.
是不是什么玲什么玲的？ Wait, was it any one of those names with a "Lynn" after it?
是 -妈的，我了了 Yes. l got you, motherfucker.
我知道了 l got you. Okay.
美玲…惠玲…嘉… -玉玲 Brandi-Lynn, Heather-Lynn, Channing. . . Tami-Lynn.
我靠！ Fuck!
搞什么？ What the hell?
可以多开几个收银台吗？ Hey, man, you think you can open more than one register?
排队的人这么多… There's, like, 1,000 people here.
应该有三个收银员的 There's supposed to be three registers open.
乱七八糟的 For God's sakes.
用手指勾住我的标签 Stick your finger in the loop of my tag.
你竟然跟同事乱搞… You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker
还躺在要卖的生鲜蔬菜上 on top of the produce that we sell to the public.
我上周拿萝卜插她 l fucked her with a parsnip last week
用完还卖给一家六口 and l sold the parsnip to a family with four small children.
你真有勇气，人就是要有勇气 That took guts. We need guts.
我要升你职 I'm promoting you.
你这人真的有病 You got a lot of problems, don't you?
天勾 贾巴尔 All right, Kareem!
靠 地沟了 Ah! You suck, Kareem.
有人吗？ Hello?
Huh.
泰德 Hey, Ted.
怎么是你？ Hey there, fella. How are you?
一个人吗？ Are you out here all alone?
才不呢 Uh, no, no, I'm not.
怎么会一个人，耶稣与我们同在 You know, you're never alone when you're with Christ.
我才不寂寞咧 So, no, I'm not alone.
我也是 Yeah. Me, too.
我和罗伯特会给你一个温暖的家 You know, Robert and l could give you a very, very good home.
我很满意目前的生活 Yeah, I'm pretty happy where l am.
我刚租了间破公寓 l just got a shitty new apartment. . .
我可以给你六千元的铁路公司债券 l can offer you $6,000 in railroad bonds.
如果我是刚解放完黑奴回来… Well, you know, since l just returned from active duty in the Civil War
你的提议就听起来不错 that actually sounds very appealing.
很抱歉 Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
那是150年前的垃圾，我不需要 That was 150 years ago and l don't give a shit.
Okay.
泰德，跟你朋友的晚餐约会要迟到了 Teddy, come on, we're going to be late for dinner with your friends.
宝贝，我马上好了 Okay, be there in a second, baby.
你也看到了，我没时间 As you can see, my dance card is quite full.
只好跟你说抱歉 So, I'm going to have to decline.
可以跟你拥抱吗？ Can l just get a hug?
嗯…不行 Oh, uh. No.
真的？ -不行 Yeah. No, no.
我喜欢逗人开心… 所以拒绝你我心如刀割 And it kills me to have to tell you no, because I'm a people pleaser.
我懂 Yeah.
谢谢你今晚在这里吓我 Thank you for creeping up my night.
耶稣与你同在… And Jesus be with you. . . Okay.
…在耶稣恩泽里 . . .in Christ.
他是谁？ Who was that guy?
潘美沉，她换发型了 That was Sinead O'Connor. She don't look so good no more.
当时我快气疯了 See. l was all pissed off
去年 我跟朋友丹尼尔 'cause me and my friend Danielle
准备去玩跳伞 was supposed to go skydiving last year,
但这个混球把她肚子搞大了 我们就没法去了 but then she got pregnant from this asshole guy, and so we couldn't go.
我难过得要命 And l was all upset.
结果她流产了 But then she had a miscarriage
所以最后还是去跳了伞 and so, we ended up getting to go skydiving.
很吓人 但也超爽 And it was so scary, but it was, like, so much fun.
好吧 这样差不多够圆满 Hey, well, sounds like everything worked out then, huh?
我懂了 这都是上帝的旨意 是吧 l know! You know, it's like God wanted me to go skydiving, you know?
老天 Jesus.
嗯 也可能是老天爷 Or Jesus. Him, too. Could be him.
对 Yeah.
太棒了啦，我们四个出来吃饭 How great is this? The four of us out to dinner.
一直说好要吃饭… How long have we been saying we were going to. . .
洛莉，过得怎么样？我们好久没聊了 Lori, how you doing? l haven't talked to you in forever.
我很好 I'm good. I'm good.
我们公司下周要举办20周年派对 The company's having their 20th anniversary party next week.
这是大事 So, that's something.
洛莉是大型公关公司的资深副总裁 Lori's a senior VP at a big, huge PR firm.
这不值一提啦 lt's not that big of a deal.
20岁了？ Company's turning 20, huh?
是可以上床却不能喝酒的年纪 So you can bang it, but you can't get it drunk.
没错吧？她懂的 Right? Yeah, she gets it.
她很欣赏我的幽默 She enjoys my humor.
雷克斯会举办家庭派对 Yeah, Rex is having a house party
我很惊讶强没告诉你，因为… but I'm surprised John didn't tell you, considering
你搬出去之后，你们天天都见面 you two have seen each other every single day since you moved out.
其实每次我和强聚在一起… You know, it's funny, because whenever Johnny and l hang out
第一项议程永远都是… the first item on our agenda is,
洛莉最近怎么样？ "What's going on with Lori?"
所以没聊到这个，一定是忘了 So, it's funny that that didn't come up. That must have slipped through the cracks.
没错，我们一直聊到你 Yeah, but we do talk about you all the time.
你还记得有一天，我说… Yeah, you remember the other day, l was saying
洛莉的头发怎么永远这么漂亮 how great Lori's hair always looks.
怎么看怎么美！害我忍不住想梳它 Oh, my God, it always looks so great! l always want to fucking brush it.
强，我说过吧？ Right, Johnny? l say that.
玉玲… So, Tami-Lynn,
自我介绍一下吧 why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
譬如你从哪里来？ Like, where are you from?
我一直想见泰德的女朋友们 I'm always fascinated to meet Ted's girlfriends.
你用“们”是什么意思？ What do you mean "girlfriends"?
他交过很多女朋友吗？ Was there a lot of them or something?
她不是这个意思，洛莉，对吧？ No, that's not what she meant at all. Right, Lori?
你不是这个意思 -当然不是 Lori, you didn't mean that. No, no, no.
我是说泰德很迷人 What l meant to say was Ted's very handsome
我想看看哪个女生可以钓到他 so I'm always interested in meeting the lady that can snatch him up.
你是在骂我是妓女吗？ -什么？ Did you just call me a whore? What?
管好你自己的缝，说什么屁话？ You just worry about your own "snatch." How about that, honey?
怎么了？明明是轻松的晚餐 What the hell happened? We're having a friendly meal here.
如此美好的夜晚… This was a nice evening.
少说屁话 Don't talk shit to me.
我只是问你问题 l just asked you a question.
你狗眼看人低 You know, you're a freaking snob.
大公司上班就了不起！ You think you're cool because you work at some fucking fancy shit place, whatever.
别气了，洛莉你干嘛要这样 Okay, take it easy. Nice, Lori, real nice.
不是我的问题，是她英文不好 Me? lt's not my fault she can't speak English.
滚你妈的 Oh, fuck you!
在大公司上班屌个屁？ Just because you're on the business world and shit you think, what,
我们都该吃你大便吗？ everybody should suck your asshole, or something?
好了，玉玲宝贝，我们走吧 Okay. All right, Tami, come on, honey. Let's get out of here.
我们回家喝伏特加草莓调酒吧 We'll go back to my place for a couple of vodka and strawberry Quiks.
你他妈最好管好自己的屁眼儿 You know what? Stick your fucking asshole right up your fucking ass.
懂不 要不是老娘还穿着礼服 How about that? You're lucky I'm in my fucking restaurant clothes, bitch.
肯定把你屎都踹出来 'Cause l'd kick your fucking ass right now.
告诉你 我生过小孩 贱货 l gave birth once, bitch.
我会打得你哭着找妈妈 l could kick your fucking ass.
你最好别再出现，听到了没？ And you better never show your face around Quincy, you hear me?
好了 Okay, come on. Ever!
我不知道你有小孩，还活着吗？ l didn't know you had a baby. ls it alive?
贱鲍一个 What a cunt.
别说那个词 Ow! l hate that word!
哪个词？ -就那个词 What? That word.
太伤人了，就像光剑划过全身 lt's so sharp, it's like an electric sword slashing everything in its path.
何必骂成这样？ Why would you say that?
你根本不站在我这边 You didn't exactly stand up for me.
我试着保持中立 I'm trying to walk a line, here.
要对你们两个都公平 l want to be fair to you and to him, you know?
你明明就偏袒他 l think you're being a little more fair to him.
哪有 Oh, come on.
你老板今天早上打来问我的手伤 You know, your boss called this morning asking me how my arm was.
Huh?
就是那个我被狗咬的事 Yeah, because of that dog fight that l tried to break up.
Oh.
如果要我猜… lf l had to make a guess
你一定是在编借口 l would say that you made up some bullshit excuse
翘班去找泰德 to get out of work to go to Ted's.
我猜对了吧？ Now, am l right?
听起来你很爱动物啊 l made you out to be a hero.
我们请泰德搬出去… You know what, John, we asked Ted to move out
试试看没有他的生活 so we can give ourselves a chance without him.
结果你什么都不愿意试… You're not giving anything a chance
继续翘班，跟他喝酒哈草 if you keep blowing off work to get high with your teddy bear.
你说得对 You're right.
我哈太多草了，我知道 l've been getting stoned too much. l know that.
我太常和泰德鬼混了，我也知道 l've been bumming around with Ted too much. l know that, too.
再给我一次机会，我保证我会改 You give me one more chance, l promise l can fix it.
强，我需要一个男人 而不是爱熊熊的男孩 John, l need a man. Not a little boy with a teddy bear.
我知道了 男人，就在你面前 l know, done. Man. Right here, in front of you, all right?
你看我的胸肌，这是男人的胸肌 Look at these pecs. These are man pecs.
看我的胡子，男人的胡子 Look at the hair on my upper lip. That's man hair.
我刚才放了屁，男人的响屁 l just farted. That was a man fart.
强，我发誓这是你最后的机会 Fine, John, but this is, l swear to God, your last chance.
相信我，我爱你 Trust me. l love you.
我也爱你 All right, l love you.
我很爱你，我保证，不再害你难过 l love you so much. You won't be sorry, l swear.
你刚刚真的放屁？ Did you really just fart?
但我把屁往那边扇 Yeah, but l pushed it that way with my hand.
我很好奇谁会先闻到 l wonder who it's going to hit first.
我告诉过他了，我告诉他好几次了… So, if l told him once, l told him a million times
这些数字兜不起来 these numbers do not add up.
谁放屁？ Who did this to us?
靠北，我在这里办正事耶 God damn it! I'm here on business!
我们走吧 All right, here we go.
很高兴你陪我来 I'm really glad that you came.
我也很高兴 Me, too. Yeah?
我可以扁你老板吗？ ls it okay if l kick your boss's ass?
不会影响你和他的职场关系吧？ That won't affect your workplace chemistry, will it?
请有礼貌 Please play nice.
好吧，为了你 For you, l will.
谢谢 -没问题 Thank you. Anything.
你来了，我还担心你不来 There she is. l was worried you weren't coming.
好小子，你也来了，你的邦妮兔呢？ Hey, squirt, how you doing? Where's your bunny rabbit?
他是熊 He's a bear.
了 天哪！这房子有够大！ Got it. Oh, my God! This house is fucking huge!
小心别迷路，请进！ l know. Try not to get lost. Come on in.
到处都是美女 Wow! Here are the ladies.
看看你们，这么正！ Look at you guys. You guys look amazing.
眼妆重了点，但还是很靓 A little heavy on the eye makeup, but pretty good.
谢谢，雷克斯 Thank you, Rex. Thank you.
认识洛莉和吉姆吧，喔不，是强 You guys know Lori and Jim, right? John.
大家还记得强吧 - You guys remember John. - Hi.
强何不跟我去吧台喝一杯呢 Listen, why don't John and l go get a drink at the bar?
去吧 Sure.
太好了，我们马上回来，来吧 Great, we'll be right back. Come on, buddy.
这是旧毛衣吗？ lt's an old sweater, huh?
这宅邸真是不可思议 This house is unbelievable.
你没来过吗 Haven't you been here before?
怎么说 What do you mean?
就是 你和雷克斯... You know, when you and Rex were. . .
哦 没有 那都是上班时候 Oh, no. That was at work.
你们就直接在办公室里？ You guys did it in the office?
嗯 -什么地方 Yeah. Where?
男厕 ln the men's room.
我的天 Oh, my God.
很奇怪吗 那你呢 Why? Where did you sleep with him?
这里 Here.
哦 Oh.
不好意思 Sorry.
我们是在残障间 lt was in the handicapped stall,
比普通间舒适 so it was nicer than the regular stalls.
柏格司的签名球棒 This is Wade Boggs' autographed bat.
唐纳修开的价码刚好差我一点 l just barely outbid Phil Donahue for that at auction.
不赖嘛 Wow, cool.
当然 Yeah, cool.
拳王乔·路易斯首赛戴的手套 These boxing gloves were worn by Joe Louis in his first fight.
这是艺术品，懂吗？ This is art. Get it?
约翰蓝侬的眼镜 These were John Lennon's glasses.
大约价值一百万 They're worth, like, a million dollars.
你看，我和史基瑞 That's me and Tom Skerritt.
Oh.
看清楚 Check this out.
这是蓝斯阿姆斯壮的蛋蛋 lt's Lance Armstrong's nut.
我把它干燥冷冻，还镀了铜 l had it freeze-dried and bronzed.
遇到人生低潮与困境 Every now and then when my life's getting me down and things are tough,
我就会来这里，看着这颗蛋蛋 l just come up here and l look at it.
我就会发现，情况还不算糟 And it reminds me that things aren't so bad.
有时你就像颗蛋蛋 Sometimes you feel like a nut.
有时你就不像 Sometimes you don't.
小强，老实告诉我 你和洛莉还好吧？ So, talk to me, Johnny Quest. How are things with you and Lori?
很顺利，真的 Things are great, actually.
那太好了 That's great. That is great.
洛莉不希望我多嘴 You know, Lori would hate me for saying this,
可是她会抱怨你在公司的行径 but she told me how you are at the office.
身为绅士，我只想告诉你 And, as one gentleman to another, l just want to say
我真希望你得肌肉萎缩症！ l really hope you fucking get Lou Gehrig's disease.
你一定要听我解释 l think l need to clear the air here a little.
我不是一个严肃的老板 Yeah, I'm kind of a fun-time boss and what-not.
听着，我对每个员工都这样 But, look, man, l do that with everybody at the office.
虽然我是怪咖 I'm a kook.
但我对你女朋友没有企图 l have no designs on your girlfriend.
我们一起工作，如此而已 We work together, and that's it.
你人真的不错，她很幸运 l think you're a great guy and she's a very lucky girl.
这才像话 Well, that's good to hear.
Yeah.
不好意思 Excuse me.
泰德 Hey, Ted.
强，你在哪？你非来不可 Johnny, where are you? You got to get over here, man.
干嘛？有事吗？ Why, what's going on?
我和一票人临时在家开趴 Okay, so I'm having a little impromptu thing with some people at my apartment.
结果…山姆琼斯竟然来了 And, John, Sam Jones is here.
什么？ What?
山姆琼斯，飞侠哥顿在这里 Sam Jones. FIash-fucking-Gordon is here.
屁啦！什么？ Holy shit! What?
我朋友的侄子认识山姆琼斯啊 You remember l said my buddy's cousin is friends with Sam Jones?
他们来波士顿，你想谁跟着一起来？ 山姆琼斯 My buddy's in town with his cousin, and who do you think is with him? Sam Jones.
山姆琼斯在这里，而且… Sam Jones is here, and, John,
他头发中分 his hair is parted down the middle.
跟电影里面一模一样 Just like in the movie.
对！马上过来 Yes. Get over here right now.
靠，我不行！ Fuck, l can't!
我跟洛莉在一起，我还在留校察看 I'm with Lori here. I'm already on probation.
我去不了 l can't.
强，飞侠哥顿对我们童年影响深远 John, Flash Gordon was the most important influence of our formative years.
他教导我们是非善恶 He taught us right from wrong, good from evil.
还把“演戏”升华到更高境界 And that the word "acting" apparently
has an extremely broad definition.
飞侠哥顿是我们友谊的象征 FIash Gordon is the symboI of our friendship, John.
快来与我同乐 Come share this with me.
等我 I'm coming.
雷克斯，我要走了 Rex, l got to go.
我半小时内就回来 I'll be back in 30 minutes, tops, okay?
不要让洛莉发现，她不能知道我溜了 But Lori cannot find out. She absolutely cannot know l was gone.
只要你掩护我，以前的鸟事一笔勾销 lf you can cover for me, I'm cool with all that other shit.
我会掩护你，她不会知道，我了的 l got your back on this. She won't know. l've been there.
这是男人间的秘密 All right, this is one man to another.
我不认识你，但我相信男人 l don't really know you, but I'm trusting you, as a man.
我不是在开玩笑 This is serious.
兄弟，男人之间的秘密 我会掩护你 Dude, one man to another. l got you on this.
谢谢你，我马上回来 Thank you. I'll be back.
我要搞你女朋友 I'm going to have sex with your girlfriend.
强，感谢老天你来了 Johnny, thank Christ you made it.
我只剩10分钟，飞侠哥顿人呢？ Dude, l got 10 minutes. Where's Flash Gordon?
准备好啰 Okay, get ready.
山姆，这就是我跟你提起的人 Hey, Sam, this is the guy l was telling you about.
FIash!
A-ah!
Savior of the universe!
FIash!
A-ah!
He'll save every one of us!
Just a man with a man's courage
He knows nothing but a man
But he can never faiI
No one but the pure in heart Can find the goIden graiI
你好，幸会 How you doing? Good to meet you.
感谢你拯救我们每一个人 l thank you for saving every one of us.
不客气 Well, you're welcome.
他当真的 He acknowledged it.
我们来拼酒吧 Let's do some shots.
跟你吗？ With you?
天哪，太荣幸了！ Oh, my God, yes! Oh, my God, yes!
开始吧！ Let's go!
谢谢你，飞侠 Thanks, Flash.
给你，我的朋友 -谢谢 There you go, my friend. Thank you.
消灭冥王！ Death to Ming!
Yes!
你们超放得开 You know, you guys seem pretty cool.
想更开心吗？ You like to party?
Uh. . .
可卡因吗？ Cocaine, right?
少来了，别跟我说你没吸过 Come on, dudes. Don't tell me you never done it before.
最近没吸 Not recently, no.
我以为只有佛罗里达人会吸 l thought that was just for people in Florida.
跟我来吧 You better follow me.
来吧 Come on.
强，偶好怕 Johnny, I'm frightened.
让我们重温80年代的派对 We are going to party like the '80s.
教导我们怎么做，飞侠 Show us how, Flash.
很简单 lt's easy.
我们只要上遍所有叫怡君的女孩 We just gotta nail a lot of girls named Stephanie.
老天，强，我现在好精神 God, Johnny, l got so much energy.
最好赶快做些蠢事 We better start doing stupid shit.
如果真的想开餐厅… Look, Johnny, if we're ever going to get serious about opening a restaurant
现在就要好好计划 we got to start planning it now.
义式餐厅 -义式好 ltalian. ltalian, yes.
星期二的特餐是？ -焗烤茄子 What's the special on Tuesdays? Eggplant parm.
沙拉半价 Chopped salad, half price.
毫无限制的空间 And it's a non-restricted place.
什么鬼？ -人人都能来 Yeah. What do you mean? Anybody can come.
当然 -犹太人也欢迎 Of course. Jews are welcome.
干嘛排挤犹太人？ -我正是这么想 Well, yeah. Why wouldn't they be? Exactly, that's what I'm saying.
何必提到犹太人？ -我是提出邀请 Why even bring that up? You don't bring it up, you just let them in.
那干嘛提起？ -有吗？ Why mention it? No one will.
我们干嘛说到犹太人？ Why are we talking about it?
是你说的，我只是邀请他们加入 You're talking about it. I'm just saying, let them in.
邀请他们加入 -正是 好耶 -赞 Let them in. Right. Okay. Exactly. Good.
但谢绝墨西哥人 No Mexicans, though.
90年代都这么唱 This is how everybody sang in the '90s.
相信我，我可以的 -闭嘴 Trust me, l can do this. Shut up.
让他试试 -随便啦 Let him try it, man. All right, fuck it.
加油！ Go, go, go!
你这个王八蛋！ You son of a bitch!
你不应该相信嗑了药的我 Well, you never should have trusted me. I'm on drugs.
强，我有好点子 Hey, Johnny, l just had a great idea.
我们先喝茫，然后在天桥朝下面车吐 Let's go get drunk and puke on cars from the overpass.
我声音哪像彼得葛里芬 Come on, l do not sound that much like Peter Griffin.
90年代的曲子，都可以只用母音唱 You can do any '90s song with just vowels.
AElOU A-E-I-O-U
我就说加菲猫的眼睛像一对奶子的 See? There, proof. Garfield's eyes look like a pair of tits.
真的耶 You were right.
打穿这面墙，你才是真正的飞侠哥顿 lf you can punch through this wall, you really are Flash Gordon.
要试试吗？ -我要打穿它 Are you going to do it? I'm going to punch through it.
山姆，快打！ -快打！ Come on, Sam, do it! Do it!
天哪！ Oh, my God!
他办到了！ Yes! He did it!
你在搞啥咪碗糕？ What the hell you problem?
你打穿我的墙，我也打穿你的！ You break my wall! l break you wall!
打断他的手！ Break his arm off!
我们要死了！我们要死了！ We're going to die. We're all going to die.
别打了 Break this up, break this up.
抓他！ Get him!
你打烂我的墙！偶在这里住很久了！ You break my wall! This my home long time.
你打烂我的墙，你这人渣！ You break my wall, you bastard men.
对不起，这是意外 We're sorry, it was an accident, okay?
偶在准备鸭肉晚餐，现在到处是灰 l try to make duck dinner, now plaster everywhere.
冷静一下，我们好好谈谈 你叫什么名字？我是强 Chill out. Can we just talk about this? What's your name? I'm John.
我叫王敏 My name is Wan Ming.
冥？ Ming?
你们要赔粉多钱修墙！ You pay many dollar for wall!
垃圾，全都是垃圾！ This bullshit! This all bullshit!
消灭冥王！ Death to Ming!
强暴啊！ Rape!
山姆，放他走 Sam, let him go.
你们疯了，一群疯子！ You crazy! You crazy, man!
我们走，詹姆斯法兰科 Come on, James Franco.
赔我墙的钱！ You pay for wall!
闪开，烂人！ Move, sucker!
最爽的一晚！ Greatest night ever!
Hey.
Hey, Guy.
发生什么事了？ What's going on?
这是杰瑞，上次痛扁我的人 This is Jared. He's the guy who beat me up.
我们恋爱了 And we're in love.
搞了半天原来我是基佬 Turns out I'm gay, or whatever.
真的不知道 l had no idea.
杰瑞，我们再去喝几杯 Hey, Jared, let's go grab another one of these.
强小子，感觉怎样？ How we doing, ace?
开始退了吗？ You coming down?
不太舒服 Yeah, l don't feel so good.
再过几个小时就会好了 Give it a couple of hours. You'll be golden, Ponyboy.
你需要赞安诺吗？ You want a Xanax?
靠，天哪 -怎么了？ Holy shit. Oh, my God. What?
我要走了 l got to go.
洛莉，我… Lori, l. . .
洛莉 Lori!
洛莉，别走，拜托 Lori, wait, please.
对不起，我错了 Look, I'm sorry, l messed up. . .
强，你今晚就给我滚 John, l need you out of the apartment tonight.
能不能… -车钥匙给我 Can l. . . Just give me the car keys.
能听我解释吗？ -不用了 Can l please just explain? No.
听着，我… Look, l was. . .
我浪费太多时间在你身上 l have given up a huge chunk of my life for you.
我只想停留5分钟，然后飞侠哥顿… l was going to stop in for like five minutes and then Flash Gordon. . .
给我车钥匙 Just give me the car keys.
洛莉 Lori.
洛莉，求你别，我爱你 Lori, please, l love you.
原来你在这里，我需要透透气 Johnny, there you are. l had to get some air.
你同事还在沙发上… That guy from your office is in there on the couch
跟神似大人哥的男人摸来摸去 making out with that Van Wilder-looking guy.
你他妈的，我不想跟你说话 You know what? Fuck you. l don't even want to talk to you.
什么？ What?
你知道发生什么事吗？ Do you know what just happened?
你看不出来吗？我的人生毁了！ Do you have any clue? My fucking life just ended!
冷静 她会回家看着BJ单身鸟日记 Come on. She'll go home, she'll watch Bridget Jones- something-asshole.
哭哭就没事了，你们明天就会合好 She'll have a good cry, she'll be fine. You'll talk to her tomorrow.
上楼吧 -你有没有在听我说？ Come on upstairs. Are you even listening to me?
你有没有用心在听？ Do you give any shred of a shit?
当然有，强 Of course l do, Johnny.
“一辈子的雷雷伙伴”，还记得吗？ "Thunder buddies for life," remember?
天哪，洛莉说得对 Jesus! Lori was right.
我早就不应该跟你鬼混 l should have stopped hanging out with you a long time ago.
跟你在一起，我不会有前途的 I'm never going to have a life with you around.
我35岁还一无所成 I'm 35 years old and I'm going nowhere.
我只会跟天杀的泰德熊哈草看电影 All l do is smoke pot and watch movies with a teddy-fucking-bear.
还因为这样，失去我一生的真爱 Because of that, l just lost the love of my life.
强，我… Johnny, I'm. . .
对不起 I'm sorry.
我必须自立，我不能再见你 l gotta be on my own, Ted. l can't see you anymore.
强，别走，听我说 John, wait. Listen.
我爱你 l love you!
我听到闲话，你… So, word through the grapevine is that you're
刚变回单身 newly solo.
雷克斯，我工作很多，我要走了 Rex, l have a lot of work l need to get to.
我有诺拉琼丝今晚表演的票 l have tickets to Norah Jones at the Hatch Shell tonight
我希望你陪我去 and l would love it if you would go with me.
我才分手一周，你就约我出去？ You're asking me out a week after l broke up with somebody?
那我就说清楚讲明白吧 Look, I'm going to cut the shit, here.
说吧 Please.
这是你在这里工作以后 This is the first time that you've been single
第一次回归单身 in all the years you've worked here.
试着跟我约会一次 Just go out with me one time.
如果你很痛苦，很讨厌… And if you're miserable and you hate it
我保证以后绝口不提这件事 then l promise l will never even hint at the subject again.
拜托你 Please.
雷克斯，我觉得这样不好 Rex, l don't think it's smart.
我是混帐，我很清楚 I'm an asshole, l know that.
我从高中就这样，这就是我 lt worked for me in high school, and it's been a reflex ever since.
洛莉，你大不了也就只是… Lori, the worst that can happen
出席一场有趣轻松的约会 is that you go on a fun, casual date
给某个男孩一次机会 with a guy who just wants a chance
让他证明他不是混蛋 to prove that he can be something more than a jerk.
况且你条件很好 Plus, you are a huge catch.
早该让人好好疼惜你 And it's about time someone treated you that way.
别说了 Fuck it. Fine.
这确实好过每天晚上哭着入眠 Fine. lt sure as hell beats crying myself to sleep every night.
如果你以后肯放过我… And if that means getting you off my back,
也算是额外的好处 well, that's just a bonus.
我8点接你 I'll pick you up at 8:00.
强，是我 Johnny. lt's me.
别烦我 Go away.
强，开门，拜托，我想找你谈 Johnny, open the door, please, l want to talk.
烦死了！我招谁惹谁！ Jesus Christ! What the fuck, man?
对不起，强，我知道你很气 Sorry. Look, Johnny, l know you're pissed, all right?
但听我说 But just listen to me for five seconds.
我看到洛莉和雷克斯出门 l saw Lori leaving the apartment with Rex.
什么？ What?
这是真的，强，我想找她说话… I'm serious, John. l went over to talk to her
帮你说些好话 and maybe take some of the heat off you.
但雷克斯来接她，要去露天音乐台 And there he was, picking her up. They were going to the Hatch Shell.
你真的很不可理喻，你不觉得吗？ You're fucking unbelievable, you know that?
你当我是笨蛋吗？ How stupid do you think l am?
你以为编造这种鸟故事… lf you think that by making shit like that up
我就会站在你这边吗？ you're going to make me choose some kind of loyalty to you
你根本是疯了 over her you're out of your fucking mind.
这是真的，我没骗你 Johnny, it's the truth, I'm telling you.
我告诉你，你给我滚 You know what? Get out of here.
你很鸡掰，你知道吗？ You know what? You're acting like a cock. You know that?
什么？我鸡掰？ What? I'm acting like a cock?
没错 Yes, you are.
闭上你的香肠嘴听我说 So shut your meat hole for a second and listen to me.
香肠嘴？ Huh? Meat hole? What?
好像不太对齁？ That's not right, is it? No.
“布丁嘴”？会好一点吗？ "Pudding hole"? ls that what they say?
好像也不对 No, it can't be that either.
不是有一句话…“不吃肉，就没有布丁” Because, "How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?"
没说错吧？ 平克佛洛伊德的歌 Right? Pink Floyd.
问题是你把自己做的事来怪我 Look, the point is, you're blaming me for something that you did to yourself.
洛莉说的对 Lori was right about you.
你对人生的一切没有担当 You cannot take responsibility for anything that goes on in your life.
难道你就有？ Oh, and you can?
我不需要有担当，我只是只泰迪熊 l don't have to. I'm a fucking teddy bear.
我没有绑住你，拖你去派对 You know something? l didn't tie you up and drag you to that party.
我希望你来，因为你是我最好的朋友 l wanted you to come because you're supposedly my best friend.
你没有资格站在那边说我… You can't stand there and tell me
你不是觉得洛莉老想破坏我们的友谊 that you haven't always seen Lori as a threat to our friendship.
你当然无所谓 lt works out so much better for you
我们可以在沙发哈草到早上9点 when you and l are getting fucked up on the couch at 9:00 A.M. , doesn't it?
你在说什么？ Listen to yourself.
我是谁？我是冥王在控制你吗？ What am l? Emperor Ming, here, controlling your mind?
那都是你的选择 That's your choice, John.
你一直怪我，只会让你更孬而已 And by blaming me, you, you're just making yourself look like a pussy.
我常想到8岁圣诞节的那天早上 Sometimes l think back to that Christmas morning when l was eight years old.
真希望我拿到的是叭叭熊 l wish l had just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin.
你有种再说一次 Say that one more time.
X你娘的叭叭熊！ Teddy Rux-fucking-pin!
靠！ Shit!
搞屁啊！ Fuck, man!
妈的！智障！ Ow! Fuck! Cocksucker!
停啦！我靠！ Fucking stop! Fuck!
你哭什么？ Why are you crying?
电视压到我的小弟弟 My dick is squished by the TV.
对不起 I'm so sorry, Johnny.
我也是 So am l, man.
我爱你 l love you.
我也爱你 l love you, too.
听着 Listen.
你必须让我帮你，让你们和好 You got to let me help you make things right with you and Lori.
不可能和好了，她恨死我了 There's no putting things right. She fucking hates me.
不，我们可以把她找回来 No, John. We can get her back.
Look,
还记得10岁的时候… you remember when you were 10,
你拿bb枪射松鼠的事吗？ and you hit that squirrel with your BB gun?
当松鼠从树上摔下来，我们都哭了 And then when we saw it fall from the tree, we both started crying, you remember?
我们奔向松鼠… And then we ran up to it
试着做人工呼吸，它又活过来了 and we tried to give it CPR, and it came back to life.
强，我们可以再次救活你的爱情 John, we could do that again.
泰德… Ted,
它的肋骨被我们压断，肺也被吹爆了 we crushed its ribcage and blew out its lungs trying to give it CPR.
它马上就死了 lt died.
别这样 我们要去露天音乐台 Come on. We're going to the Hatch Shell.
谢谢，我们休息片刻，马上回来 Thanks. We're going to take a short break, but we'll be back in a few.
弹筷子曲，爵士小骚货 Play Chopsticks, you jazzy slut.
泰德！ Teddy!
好久不见 How are you?
好久不见，你这个绒毛王八蛋 How are you doing, you fuzzy little asshole?
虽然我不是半个穆斯林的辣妹 Well, I'm not a hot, half-Muslim chick
唱片也没大卖，但过得还不错 who sold 37 million records, but I'm hanging in there.
是半个印度人，但谢谢夸奖 Half-lndian, but thanks.
随便啦，也要谢谢911 Yeah, whatever. Thanks for 9/11.
方便见我的麻吉吗？ Listen, l want you to meet a good pal of mine, all right?
强班奈特，诺拉琼丝 John Bennett, Norah Jones.
你好，诺拉琼斯 Hi, Norah Jones.
你好，手这么湿 Hey, there, sweaty.
准备好惊艳全场了吗？ You ready to bring down the house?
准备好了，谢谢你给我机会 Yes, ma'am. Thank you for the opportunity, Miss. . .
琼丝小姐，谢谢你 Ma'am Jones. Thank you.
天哪，你超辣的！ Jesus, you look fantastic.
你还不习惯看我穿着衣服吧 Well, you're probably not used to seeing me fully clothed.
那件事吗？ 2002年我和诺拉在一次慈善活动中邂逅 l know, l mean, me and Norah met back in 2002 at this event for
我们都有参与 this charity that we were both involved with.
非常棒 资助对象是受家人性侵的孩子 This wonderful charity, actually, for kids who'd been fucked by a family member.
然后我们在衣帽间有场毛茸茸的性爱 And we. . . We ended up hooking up in the back room.
老实说，没屌能有这种表现算不错了 Actually, you weren't so bad for a guy with no penis.
说到屌，我写过不少抱怨信给孩之宝 You know, l have written so many angry letters to Hasbro about that.
谢谢你们 Thank you.
我的嘴巴要休息一下，换我朋友上台 Now, I'm going to give my chops a rest and bring a friend up to the stage.
他要唱一首歌 He's going to sing a song to a special lady
献给他深爱的一位女观众 in the audience who he loves very much.
请大家给强班奈特热情的掌声 Please give a big hand to John Bennett.
天哪！ Oh, my God.
搞什么？ Holy shit!
我要再跟她搞一次 l gotta fuck her again.
大家好，我叫强班奈特 Hi, my name is John Bennett,
这首歌要献给洛莉柯林斯 and this is for Lori Collins.
因为我爱你 Because l love you.
这首歌总是让我想起… 我一生最重要的一晚 This song always reminds me of the most important night of my life.
我们相遇的那晚 The night we met.
这是八爪女的电影主题曲 This is the theme song from the movie Octopussy.
我不过想要甜蜜的消遣 一小时、两小时都好 All I wanted was a sweet distraction For an hour or two
根本没打算做什么 Had no intention to do
还是比凯蒂佩芮好听 Still better than Katy Perry.
爱情很奇妙 Funny how it always goes with love
你不寻觅，反而觅得真爱 When you don't look, you find
我们天生一对 But then we're two of a kind
我们心契神合 We move as one
我们总是爱到深处 We're an all time high
难听死了，滚下台！ You suck, get off the stage!
大家再给他一次机会 Come on. Give him a chance.
我们不只… Doing so much more
你这混帐！ You're an asshole!
坠入… Than falling...
天哪！ Oh, Jesus!
叫救护车 Someone call an ambulance!
他疯了 That was insane.
你有看到那个人倒在地上吧 Did you see the way the guy's body hit the ground?
垂直落地 He was like a ragdoll.
我不想谈这个 Yeah, l'd rather just not talk about it.
等会想去喝一杯吗？ Do you want to go get a drink after this?
看到有人差点死掉，喝些酒会比较好 l feel like l could use one after seeing a guy almost die.
我宁愿你送我回家 No, l think l'd rather just have you take me home.
就一杯，走啦 One drink. Come on.
我没有心情 No, not really feeling up to it.
我懂了 All right, l get it.
我不会怪你的 And, you know, l don't blame you.
我只要想到… l mean, when you think about it,
他这么过分，那样丢你的脸 it was actually really unfair of him to embarrass you like that.
老实说，我不觉得丢脸 Just to be clear, I'm not embarrassed.
我和他可能不适合，但至少他努力过 Listen, John and l may have our problems, but at least he tried.
我不想跟你谈这个 You know what? l don't feel like talking to you about this.
你去哪里？ Where are you going?
搭计程车，我要回家 Taking a cab. I'm going home.
总算可以放了 Finally.
在下面 Down here.
我没有偷看喔，我发誓 Not looking up your towel. Swear to God.
我没有偷看，我没有偷看你那里 Not looking up your towel. Not looking at your funny business.
泰德，你来做什么？ Ted, what are you doing here?
我必须找你谈谈 l need to talk to you.
如果你想替强说话，那就免了… Listen, if you're here to fight John's battles for him. . .
先听我说好吗？然后你想说什么都行 Look, just let me talk first, all right? And then you can say whatever you want.
听着，强很爱很爱你… Look, John loves you very much,
胜过世上的一切 more than anything in the world,
他没有你，都快不成人形了 and he's falling to fucking pieces without you.
他知道他犯了大错 He knows he screwed up huge
但你必须相信我，这不是他的错 but you've got to believe me, it wasn't all his fault.
那晚在雷克斯家，是我怂恿他离开的 他有拒绝我 l told him to bail on you that night at Rex's and he said, "No."
他本来想陪着你，是我怂恿他的 He said "no," he was going to stay there with you, and l twisted his arm, Lori.
如果你愿意给他机会… So, if you just give him one more chance
我保证我会离开，永远不回来 l promise l will leave and I'll never come back.
他完全属于你 All right? He'll be all yours.
泰德，这条件很好 Ted, that's a really nice offer,
但我不希望你这么做 but l don't want you to do that.
这是我和强的问题 我不认为这可以解决问题 This is between John and me and l don't think it can be fixed.
我就是问题 Yeah, because of me!
洛莉，你希望他成熟一点 Look, Lori, you want him to be a man.
但只要我在他身边，他就不会长大 But as long as he's got his teddy bear, he's always going to be a boy.
他正在查理小馆 He's waiting down at Charlie's right now.
你下楼跟他聊聊… So, if you go down there and just talk to him
回来就不会看到我了 I'll be gone when you get back.
永远 Forever.
我相信… And, you'll see,
他永远不会害怕雷声了 he'll never be scared of thunder again.
“米切洛超托斯卡，柳橙葡萄啤酒” "Michelob Ultra Tuscan Orange Grapefruit."
天哪，美国要完蛋了 My God, America is imploding.
嗨，泰德 Hi, Ted.
惨了！ Fuck!
洛莉，你… Lori, what. . .
Hey.
你怎么会来这里？ What are you doing here?
你要感谢泰德 You can thank Ted.
我可以坐吗？ Should l sit?
当然 Yeah, if you want.
Okay.
工作顺利吗？一切还好吗？ So, work's good? Everything good, there?
工作很顺利 Yeah. Yeah, work's good.
我想我们不要再闲扯了 l guess we can't make small talk all day, huh?
如果你不介意，我就说我想说的 lf it's okay with you, l just want to say what l want to say.
我可以说抱歉，说那是天大的误解 l could sit here and tell you I'm sorry, it was a huge misunderstanding,
我准备好改变，但… and I'm ready to change,
你应该不想听这种屁话 but l don't think you want to hear any of that crap.
我不会逼你接受我 I'm not going to try to get you to take me back.
何必呢？ Why would you?
我4年来都不是称职的男朋友 l've been a really shitty boyfriend for the last four years.
我配不上你 l don't deserve you.
我没好好珍惜我们的感情，但… l know l didn't take our relationship seriously but, Lori,
我真的爱你更甚于一切 l do love you more than life itself.
我只希望…我们能好聚好散 All l want is. . . l just want to end on good terms.
我亏欠你的 l owe that to you.
我希望你开心，你应该开心的 l want you to be happy. You deserve that.
我只希望，我们还可以继续当朋友 And l just hope that maybe we can still be friends.
谢谢你如此坦白 Thank you for being so honest.
这都是我的真心话 That's pretty much it.
谢谢你过来 Thanks for coming by.
Whoa!
你现在知道… Yeah, as you can see
其实你早就是我们的家人了 you've been a part of our family for quite some time.
欢迎回家 Welcome home.
真的很特别 Yeah, it's kind of funny, actually.
我家也有你们的照片 l got a lot of pictures of you guys at my house.
他是我的吗，爸爸？ ls he all mine, Daddy?
是的，小赢家 Yes, he is, my little winner. Yes, he is.
泰德，你来的正巧 Ted, you've arrived at a lucky time.
罗伯特的游戏时间快到了 lt's almost Robert's play hour.
我猜你们应该没有PS3 Yeah, I'm guessing you guys don't have a PS3.
你们家看起来只有木马吧 I'm guessing you're more of a "wooden horse with a wig" kind of family.
对… Yeah.
不对…对…不对… No. Yeah. No.
对… Yeah.
果然有木马 Yeah, see, there's the guy.
泰德，你现在是罗伯特的了 听他的话 Now, Ted, you belong to Robert now, okay? You do as he says.
你们以为绑架无罪吗？ You think you're just going to get away with a kidnapping?
好个他妈的榜样… That's a nice fucking example you're setting. . .
别说脏话！ Language!
对不起 Sorry. Sorry.
泰德，我小时候… You know, Ted, when l was a little boy,
看见你上电视 l saw you on television.
我没见过像你这么神奇美妙的东西 从来没有 And l thought you were the most amazing, most wonderful thing l'd ever seen. Ever.
我问爸爸 我可不可以也有一只神奇的小泰迪熊 And l asked my dad if l could have a magical little teddy bear, too.
他说“不可以” And he said, "No."
剩下的可以直接EMAlL给我吗？ Can you just email me the rest of this story?
我心碎了 And l was so heartbroken.
我跟自己发誓，哪天我有儿子 And l promised myself that if l ever had a son,
我绝对不跟他说不 l would never, ever, ever say no to him.
绝对不会 Ever.
他该跟巧克力棒说不的 Maybe "no" to a Snickers bar every once in a while wouldn't hurt.
我和泰德要变成最好的朋友，爸 Me and Ted are going to be best friends, Daddy.
是啊，我的小松鼠 Yes, you are, my little chipmunk.
玩得开心点 Happy playtime.
他妈的见鬼了！ Jesus fucking Christ!
我说过一次脏话 l said a bad word one time.
我爸就处罚我 Daddy punished me for it.
故事很棒，仿佛身历其境 That's a great story. l felt like l was there.
他打得我哇哇叫 Daddy gave me an ouch.
我现在也要让你嗷嗷叫 Now, l have to give you an ouch.
孩子，你赢了，我听你的 All right, kid, you win. We'll do it your way.
你想玩什么？想玩游戏吗？ What do you want to do? You want to play a game?
现在是游戏时间吧？我们来玩吧 lt's playtime, right? We'll play a game.
我想玩游戏 Yeah, l want to play a game.
我来想想看 Good, good. Let's see. How about we. . .
来玩捉迷藏好不好？ How about we play a little game of hide and seek?
我喜欢捉迷藏，我躲起来 l love hide and seek. I'll hide.
等等 Now, hang on a sec, there.
你爸没教你礼貌吗？ 怎么样，死肥仔？ Your dad likes you to show good manners. Right, Tubby McFat-Fuck?
好吧，你先躲 Okay. You hide first.
乖 Great. Fantastic.
数到一百再来找我，懂了吗？ Okay, now you count to 100, and then you try to find me, okay?
Okay.
玩游戏前需要洗手吗？ Do l need to wash my hands before l play this game?
不用 这什么鬼问题，只要倒数 No. That's a weird fucking question. No, just start counting.
1、2 One, two,
3、4、5 three, four, five,
6、7
别偷看，否则你会得到小孩癌 No peeking, now, or you'll get kid cancer.
8、9、10 . . .eight, nine, ten,
11、12、13 eleven, twelve, thirteen. . .
Ah!
Hey.
你自己走回家吗？ You walking home alone, huh?
Yeah.
要我载你一程吗？ Do you need a lift?
我没差 Oh, I'm okay.
我被强暴的话，就怪我的穿着吧 lf I get raped, it'll be my fault for what I'm wearing.
强… Listen, John.
我也有话要跟你说 There's something that l need to say to you, too.
“无来电显示”
Hey. Hey.
强，我希望… John, l hope that. . .
我不希望你以为… Listen, l don't want you to think that. . .
抱歉 Sorry.
我希望我们能继续沟通，因为我想… l want us to keep talking because l think that maybe. . .
先接吧 Go ahead.
不管你是谁，现在都不适合聊天 Whoever this is, it's not a good time.
强，是我，听得到吗？ John, it's me. Can you hear me?
泰德？待会再说 Ted? Listen, l got to call you back.
强，别挂，我有麻烦了 No, John, don't hang up! I'm in trouble.
什么意思？什么麻烦？ What do you mean? What kind of trouble?
他们抓到我了，公园那个怪人 They got me. That freaky guy from the park,
另一个可能是他儿子，也可能是爱人 and that kid who l think is his son, but may also be his lover, l don't know.
等一下，说慢点，你在哪里？ Whoa, whoa, slow down. Where are you?
我不确定，这… I'm not sure, it's. . .
喂？强… Hello? Hello, John?
喂？ Hello?
你不是很有礼貌的客人喔 You're not a very polite guest, are you?
干！ Shit!
泰德，喂？泰德？ Ted, hello? Ted?
怎么了？他没事吧？ What's the matter? ls he okay?
我不清楚 -他在哪里？ l don't know. Where is he?
我不知道，他只说他有麻烦了 l don't know. He just said he was in trouble.
你能回拨吗？ Can you call him back?
没有来电显示 No, it's blocked.
我想到了 Wait a second.
走哥伦布街，转哈洛街，上高架 Go. Take Columbus to Herald and get on the expressway.
你让我们心酸 You put us in quite a pickle here.
我们得走了 We have to go now.
好主意 Yeah. Good idea.
你他_王八_.... You F-ing A-hole.
我们用了太多泰迪熊聊以自慰 We tried to make do with other teddy bears,
但他们都不是你 but none of them were you, Ted.
喂，110吗？ Hello, 911?
我要报警 l need the police right away.
有人绑架我的泰迪熊 This guy took my teddy bear.
喂？ Hello?
放我出去，你这怪咖！ Let me out of here, you crazy bastard!
我听到胖小孩在跑 l hear the fat kid running. l hear the fat kid running.
我敢打赌这很搞笑 放我出去！ l bet it's hilarious. Let me out of here!
我是美国公民 l am a citizen of the United States of America
我有人权！ and l have rights!
罗伯特，安全带 Robert, seatbelt.
应该在这附近 lt should be right here, somewhere.
强！ Johnny!
停！那是他们，调头！ Whoa, whoa! Stop, stop! That's them, turn around!
跟着他们 Stay with them.
坐稳啰！ Hang on!
走开，苏珊大婶！ Back off, Susan Boyle!
天哪！他要跳车！开近一点 Oh, my God! He's going to jump! Get closer.
小心 -跳下来，泰德 All right, easy. Come on, Ted.
靠！ -好耶！ Shit! Yes!
强！可以拍“特警雄风”了吧？ Hey, Johnny! Total T.J. Hooker, right?
那还用说！ Yes! Fucking-A right!
可恶！ Oh, shit!
快！快！快！ Go! Go! Go!
爸！ Daddy!
我就看你有多熟这些路 Let's see how well you know these streets.
他呢？ Where is he?
不会吧 Jesus!
他在那里，停车 There he is. Pull over.
哪里？ Where?
不！ No!
你不能带走我的泰迪熊！ You can't have my teddy bear!
挖靠！ Holy shit.
抱歉 Sorry.
一定要好好痛扁那个小孩 Somebody had to go Joan Crawford on that kid.
来吧 Come on.
泰德？ Ted?
天哪！ Oh, my God!
惨了！ Shit!
天啊 Jesus.
留在这里 -不要，强 留在这里！ Stay here. Just stay there! No, John!
你是我的了！ You're mine, Ted!
你算哪跟葱，我是强班奈特的 Screw you, pal. l belong to John Bennett.
但我可以给你爱以及木马 But l can give you love, and rocking horses,
陪你跳舞 and dancing.
我们是两个世界的人 l think we're very far apart on this.
泰德！ -强！ Ted! Johnny!
天哪！ Oh, my God!
泰德！ Ted!
强 John.
洛莉，把棉花全部捡起来 Lori, get the stuffing. Get it all.
强 Johnny.
你不会有事的，你懂吗？ You're going to be okay, buddy. Do you understand?
你不会有事的 You're going to be fine.
靠，我就像“异形”里面的生化人 Jesus, l look like the robot from AIiens.
哪会，你看着我 No, look at me, buddy.
我保证你会没事 l promise, you're going to be okay.
应该不会 我… l don't think so. I'm. . .
我不行了 I'm in trouble.
我必须… l need. . .
我必须告诉你一件事 l need to tell you something.
什么事？ What is it?
别再失去她了 Don't ever lose her again.
她是你最重要的… She's the most important. . .
她是你人生最重要的人 . . .the most important part of your life.
甚至…比我重要 Even more than me.
她现在是你的雷雷伙伴了 She's your thunder buddy now.
她… She's. . .
找到了 l got it.
宝贝，我不知道有没有用 Baby, l don't know if this is going to work.
拜托你试试看 Please, just try.
快醒来 Come on, buddy.
我很遗憾 I'm so sorry.
你尽力了 You did everything you could.
我很遗憾 I'm so sorry.
泰德！ Ted!
我活过来了，强！ I'm alive, Johnny!
噢，天哪！ Oh, my God!
我活过来了，你的愿望又实现了！ I'm alive. Your magical wish worked!
你回来了！ You're back!
可是，你把我缝起来的时候 Yeah, l mean, when you sewed me up
棉花塞错地方… you put some of the stuffing in the wrong places
所以我现在有点秀逗 so I'm a little fucked up.
你会永远照顾我吧？ But will you take care of me forever and ever?
开玩笑的啦，我觉得会很好玩 I'm just kidding you. l thought it would be funny
如果让你以为我秀逗了 if you thought l was fucking retarded.
王八蛋！ You asshole!
过来，你这浑蛋 Come here, you bastard.
Ah!
欢迎你回来，泰德 Welcome back, Ted.
是你许的愿 lt was you.
你许的愿 You did it.
真不敢相信！ Son of a bitch!
你会希望我回来 You wished for my life back.
不是这样的 No. No.
我希望我原本的生活回来 l wished for my life back.
我爱你 l love you.
我也爱你 l love you, too.
我要告诉你，昨晚过后… And l want you to know that, after last night
我再也不会让你们离开我了 l don't ever want to lose anyone who matters to me ever again.
我不会再蹉跎人生了 I'm not going to wait any longer for my life to start.
洛莉… Lori,
你愿意嫁给我吗？ will you marry me?
我要的一直都是你，强班奈特 All l ever wanted was you, John Bennett.
强、洛莉与泰德… 从此过着幸福的生活 And so John, Lori and Ted lived happily ever after.
他们终于发现… 他们少不了彼此 Having discovered at last, that all they really needed was each other.
强和洛莉到剑桥结婚… John and Lori were married in Cambridge
由一个很特别的人做公证 by a very special Justice of the Peace.
借我与生俱来的权力… By the power vested in me
来自纽约喷射机队… by the New York Jets
以及蒙哥星的人民… and by the united peoples of the planet Mongo,
我现在宣布你们结为夫妻 l now pronounce you man and wife.
你可以亲吻新娘了，强 You may kiss the bride, Johnny.
汤姆史基瑞 Hi. Tom Skerritt.
汤姆史基瑞，哇！ Tom Skerritt! Wow!
感谢你大驾光临 Thanks so much for coming.
你最好别伤害我女儿，你这个疯子 My daughter better be alive, you sick son of a bitch.
真替她高兴，才怪！ l am so fake-happy for her.
山姆，完美的一天当然要做一个动作 You know, Sam, there's only one way to end a perfect day.
什么动作？ What's that?
飞侠跳跃 Flash jump.
有道理 Right.
1、2、3！ One, two, three!
Yeah!
这个故事讲的是，神奇的愿望… And that's the story of how one magical wish
如何改变三个朋友的一生 forever changed the lives of three very special friends.
泰德与玉玲依然打得火热 Ted and Tami-Lynn continued their torrid Iove affair for quite some time.
有天下午泰德被发现躲在熟食柜台后 One afternoon, Ted was caught behind the deIi counter
吃着玉玲光屁屁上的马铃薯沙拉 eating potato salad off of Tami-Lynn's bare bottom.
泰德马上升为店经理 He was instantly promoted to store manager.
山姆琼斯重回好莱坞，重启电影事业 Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood with the goal of restarting his film career.
他目前住在柏本克 He currently resides in Burbank
室友是布兰登罗斯 where he shares a studio apartment with his roommate, Brandon Routh.
你们还记得布兰登罗斯演过… 那惨不忍睹的超人电影吧？ Remember Brandon Routh from that God-awfuI Superman movie?
什么嘛！ Jesus Christ!
给人期待这么高，却是一部大烂片 Thanks for getting our hopes up and taking a giant shit on us.
雷克斯最终放弃追求洛莉 Rex was forced to give up his pursuit of Lori.
不久就罹患严重的忧郁症 Not long afterward, he fell into a deep depression
死于肌肉萎缩症 and died of Lou Gehrig's disease.
唐尼被波士顿警方逮捕 Donny was arrested by Boston police
罪名是绑架绒毛娃娃 and charged with kidnapping a plush toy.
后来罪名撤销，因为大家发现… The charges were dropped when everyone realized
这听起来真有够智障的 how completely stupid that sounded.
罗伯特请了教练，减了好几公斤 Robert got a trainer, Iost a substantiaI amount of weight
然后变成… and went on to become
泰勒洛纳 Taylor Lautner.
-=THE LAST FANTASY=-