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Now I know what you're thinking. "Oh, no!"
"Thor's in a cage. How did this happen?" Well, sometimes,
you have to get captured just to get a straight answer out of someone.
Long story, basically I'm a bit of a hero.
See, I spent some time on Earth.
Fought some robots, saved the planet a couple of times. Then I went searching thru the cosmos for some...
Magic, colorful "Infinity Stone" things.
Couldn't find any.
That's when I came across the path of death,
and destruction.
Which led me all the way here, into this cage...
Where I met you.
How much longer do you think we'd be here?
Thor, son of Odin.
Surtur! You're still alive.
I thought my father killed you. Like,
half a million years ago.
I cannot die.
Not until I fulfill my destiny and lay waste to your home.
It's funny you should mention that, because I've been having these terrible dreams of late.
Asgard up in flames, falling to ruins, and you, Surtur, in the center of all of them.
Then you can see Ragnarok.
The fall of Asgard.
- The great prophecy... - Hang on! Hang on.
I'll be back around shortly.
I really feel like we were connecting there.
Okay, so, Ragnarok. Tell me about that.
My time has come. When my crown is reunited with the Eternal Flame...
I shall be restored to my full might. I will tower over the mountains...
And bury my sword deep in Asgard...
Hang on.
Give it a second.
I swear, I'm not even moving. It's just doing this on its own.
Everytime...
Okay, so let me get this straight.
You're gonna put your crown, in the Eternal Flame, and then you suddenly grow as big as a house?
A mountain!
The Eternal Flame that Odin keeps locked away on Asgard?
Odin is not on Asgard.
And your absence has left the throne defenseless.
Okay, so where is it? This crown?
This is my crown. The source of my power.
Oh, that's a crown? I thought it was a big eyebrow.
It's a crown.
Anyway, It sounds like to stop Ragnarok, I just rip that thing off your head?
But Ragnarok has already begun.
You cannot stop it.
I am Asgard's doom.
And so are you. All will suffer. All will burn!
That's intense.
To be honest, seeing you grow really big and set fire to a planet would be quite a spectacle.
But it looks like I'm gonna have to choose option B, where I bust out of these chains...
Knock that tiara off your head, and stash it away in Asgard's vault.
You can not stop Ragnarok.
Why fight it?
Because, that's what heroes do.
Wait, I'm sorry. I didn't time that right.
And now!
You have made a grave mistake, Odinson.
I make grave mistakes all the time.
Everything seems to work out.
Heimdall, I know it's been a while...
but I could really use a fast exit!
Heimdall?
Heimdall was an idiot.
This job should've made him rich.
The job ain't easy, but it does have its benefits.
The Bifrost gives me access to everything the Nine Realms has to offer.
I mean it's all mine for the taking.
Behold...
My stuff.
I'm particularly fond of these. I pulled them out of a place in Midgard called Tehk-Sas.
I even named them Des and Troy.
You see, when you put them together...
They destroy.
Heimdall? Come on.
Stay!
Heimdall?
I'm running short of options.
Heimdalll?
Skurge...
Is that important?
You girls are in for a treat.
Girls!
Well, well, well.
Look who decided to pop in.
Thanks for scaring away my company
and drenching the workplace with brains.
Who are you?
Don't you remember?
I'm Skurge, we've fought together
- on Vanaheim. - Right.
Where is Heimdall?
That traitor? Well, no one knows. He's a fugitive of the throne.
Traitor?
See, Odin charged Heimdall with negligence of duty but disappeared before the trial.
Hard to catch a guy who can see everything.
Hold on. I'm supposed to announce your arrival.
What the hell is that?
Oh, Brother...
This is it.
- I take my leave. - You fool!
- You didn't listen. - I'm sorry.
- Lady Sif, get help! - Somebody, help!
I'm sorry for all I've done.
Shhh.
- It's all right. Hold on. - I'm sorry.
I tried to rule Earth.
- They'd be lucky to have you. - I'm sorry about that thing with the Tesseract.
I just couldn't help myself.
- I'm a trickster. - Yes, so mischievious.
Sorry when I turned you to a frog.
It was a wonderful joke.
It was indeed hilarious.
You are the saviour of Asgard.
Tell my story. Build a statue for me.
We will build a big statue for you.
With my helmet on. With the big, bendy horns.
I will tell father what you did here today.
I didn't do it for him.
I didn't do it...
for him.
No!
And so, Loki died of his wounds.
Giving his life for ours.
He fought back those disgusting elves.
He brought peace to the realm.
Loki, my boy...
T'was many moons ago, when I found you on that...
Frostbitten battlefield.
On that day, I did not yet see in you, Asgard's savior.
No. You were merely, a little blue baby
icicle that melted, this old fool's heart.
Bravo. Bravo.
Father.
Oh, shit.
My son, Thor, has returned! Greetings, my boy.
That's an interesting play. What's it called?
The tragedy of Loki of Asgard.
People wanted to commemmorate him.
And indeed they should. Oh, I like the statue.
Looked better-looking than him when he was alive. A little less weasely, less greasy maybe.
You know what this is?
Oh, the skull of Surtur. That's a formidable weapon.
Do me a favor. Lock this away in the vault so it doesn't destroy the planet.
Thank you, dear.
Um, so, it's back to Midgard for you, is it?
Nope.
You know I've been having this recurring dream lately.
Every night I'd see Asgard falling to ruins.
That's just a silly dream. Signs of an overactive imagination.
Possibly.
But then I decided to go out there and investigate.
And what do I find, but the 9 Realms completely in chaos.
Enemies of Asgard assembling. Plotting our demise, all while you,
Odin, the protector of those 9 Realms, are sitting here in your bathrobe, eating grapes.
Yes, well it is best to respect our neighbor's freedom.
Yes, of course.
The freedom to be massacred.
Yes, besides I've been rather busy myself...
- Watching theater? - No. Board meetings, security council meetings...
You're gonna really make me do it?
Do what?
You know that nothing will stop Mjolnir as it returns to my hand...
Not even your face.
You've gone quite mad.
You will be executed for this.
Then I'll see you on the other side, brother.
All right. I yield!
Behold!
Thor Odinson.
No.
You had one job.
Just the one!
Where is Odin?
You just couldn't stay away, could you?
Everything was fine without you.
Asgard was prospering. You've ruined everything.
- Ask them... - Where's Father? You kill him?
You had what you wanted. You had the independence you asked for.
Okay, I know exactly where he is.
I swear I left him right here.
Here on the sidewalk, or that building being demolished?
- Great planning. - How was I supposed to know?
I can't see into the future. I'm not a witch.
Really? Why did you dress like one?
- Hey! - I can't believe you're alive.
I saw you die.
I mourned you, I cried for you.
I'm honored.
Hi, would you mind taking a picture with us?
Oh, sure.
Start figuring out where he is.
Sorry to hear that Jane dumped you.
She didn't dump me, though.
I dumped her. It was a mutual dumping.
What's this? What are you doing?
This isn't me.
Loki?
Thor Odinson.
God of Thunder.
You can put down the umbrella.
So Earth has wizards now?
I prefer the term Master of the Mystic Arts. You can leave that now.
All right, wizard.
Who are you and why should I care?
My name is Dr. Stephen Strange, and I have some questions for you.
Take a seat.
Tea?
I don't drink tea.
What do you drink?
Not tea.
So I keep a watchlist of individuals from other realms that may be a threat to this world.
Your adoptive brother, Loki, is one of those beings.
That's a worthy inclusion...
Why bring him here?
We're looking for my father.
So if I were to tell you where Odin was...
You all return to Asgard?
Promptly.
Great. Then I'll help you.
If you knew where he was, why didn't you call me?
I have to tell you that he was adamant to not be disturbed. He said he had chosen to remain in exile.
And you don't have a phone.
No, I don't have a phone, but you could have sent an electronic letter.
- Called an e-mail? - Yeah. Do you have a computer?
No. What for?
Anyway, my father is no longer in exile, so if you could tell me where he is,
- I can take him home. - Gladly. He is in Norway.
Let's see whether this incantation requires any Asgardian modifications...
Nope.
Can you stop... doing that?
Can I... I need one strand of your hair.
Let me explain something. My hair is not to be meddled with.
We could've just walked.
He is waiting for you.
All right.
Oh, don't forget your umbrella.
Oh, yes.
Sorry...
I suppose I need my brother back?
Oh yeah, right.
I have been falling, for 30 minutes!
You can handle him from here.
Yes, yes.
Thank you very much for your help.
- Good luck. - Handle me? Who are you?
- Loki... - You think you're some kind of sorcerer?
Don't think for one minute, you second-rate...
All right. Bye-bye!
Father.
Look at this place.
It's beautiful.
Father, it's us.
My sons.
I've been waiting for you.
I know. We've come to take you home.
Home? Yes.
Your mother. She calls me.
Can you hear it?
Loki, lift your magic.
It took me quite a while to break free from your spell.
Frigga would've been proud.
Come sit with me, I don't have much time.
I know we've failed you, but we can make this right.
I failed you..
It is upon us.
Ragnarok.
No, I've stopped Ragnarok, I've put an end to Surtur.
No, it's already begun. She's coming.
My life has all but held her back, but my time has come.
I can not keep her waiting any longer.
Father .. Who are you talking about?
Goddess of Death.
Hela.
My firstborn. Your sister.
What?
Her violent appetites grew beyond my control.
Couldn't stop her, so I imprisoned her.
Locked her away. She draws her strength from Asgard.
When she gets there, her powers will be limitless.
Whatever she is, we can stop her together.
No, we won't.
I'm on a different path now.
This you must face alone.
I love you, my sons.
Look at that.
Remember this place. Home.
Brother.
This was your doing.
So he's gone?
A shame. I would've like to have seen that.
You must be Hela.
I'm Thor. Son of Odin.
Really?
You don't look like him.
Perhaps we can come to an arrangement.
You sound like him.
Kneel.
Beg your pardon?
Kneel.
For your queen.
I don't think so.
That's not possible.
Darling, you have no idea what's possible.
- Bring us back! - No!
Loki!
Who are you? What have you done with Thor?
I'm Hela.
I'm just a janitor.
You look like a smart boy with good survival instincts.
How would you like a job?
Are you a fighter? Or are you food?
I'm just passing through.
It is food! On your knees.
He's mine.
Wait.
He's mine. So if you want him, you go through me.
But we've already got him.
All right then. I guess I go through you.
More food.
Thank you.
Scrapper 142, I need clearance and an audience with boss.
I've got someone special.
Hey, where are you taking me?
Answer me!
Hey! I'm Thor, son of Odin. I need to get back to Asgard.
Many apologies, Your Majesty.
It's come to my attention that you don't know who I am.
I am Hela. Odin's firstborn.
Commander of the Legions of Asgard.
The rightful heir to the throne and the Goddess of Death.
My father is dead.
As are the princes. You're welcome.
We were once the seat of absolute power in the cosmos.
Our supremacy was unchallenged. Yet Odin stopped at Nine Realms.
Our destiny is to rule over all others.
And I'm here to restore that power.
Kneel before me.
And rise to the ranks of my great conquest.
Whoever you are, whatever you've done. Surrender now, or we will show no mercy.
Whoever I am? Did you listen to a word I've said?
This is your last warning.
I thought you'd be happy to see me.
Fine.
I missed this.
Still, it's a shame.
Good soldiers dying for nothing.
All because they couldn't see the future.
Sad.
Still alive.
Change of heart?
Go back to whatever chamber you crept out of...
You evil demoness!
Let's go see my palace.
Fear not, for you are found.
You're home and there's no going back.
No one leaves this place.
But what is this place?
The answer is ..
Sakaar.
Surrounded by cosmic gateways...
Sakaar lives on the edge of the known and unknown.
It is the collection point for all lost and unloved things.
Like you.
But here on Sakaar, you are significant.
You are valuable, cared, and loved.
- What the hell? - And no one loves you more than the Grandmaster.
He's the original. The first lost, and the first found.
The creator of Sakaar, and father of the Contest of Champions.
For once you were nothing, now you are something.
You are the property of the Grandmaster.
Congratulations, you will meet the Grandmaster in 5 seconds.
Prepare yourself.
You are now meeting, the Grandmaster.
- He's wonderful. It is a he? - It is a he.
I love it when you come to visit, 142.
You bring me just the best stuff. Whenever we get to talking, Topaz, about 142, what do I always say?
- She is the, starts with a B... - Trash.
No. Not trash.
Were you waiting to just call her that?
- That doesnt start with a B. - Boozehead.
I'm sorry. No. Best. I was thinking about best.
'Cause I always say you're the best.
She brought me my beloved champion, you know.
- You say that everytime she's here. - What have you brought today?
- A contender. - What? I need to go closer. I want a look at this.
Can you take us closer? Thank you.
Pay this lady.
Just wait a damn minute. I'm not for sale.
Man, he's a fighter.
I'll take 10 million.
- Tell her she's dreaming. - For heaven's sakes. Transfer the units.
- You'll pay for this! - No. I got paid for this.
Here's what I want to know.
- Who are you? - I am the God of... Thunder!
I didn't hear any thunder, but on your fingers...
Is that, like, sparkles?
- We've located your cousin. - Uh... Oh, good!
Yeah, come on.
You're gonna like this.
There he is. Hey, cuz.
It's been fun. Where you been hiding?
Hi.
So...
- Sorry. - Carlo...
- I pardon you. - Thank you.
You're officially pardoned... from life.
Oh my God!
I'm stepping in it! Look.
- Oh, the smell. - Wow!
- What does it smell like? - Baked toast.
What happened to my manners. I haven't properly introduced myself.
Come on. Follow me.
My name is Grandmaster. I preside over the Contest of Champions.
Skip that part, why I don't participate in it and you, my friend...
Have just been part of the cast. What do you say to that?
We're not friends and I don't give a shit about your games. I'm going back to Asgard.
Ass-guard? 1, 2, 3, 4.
I let go.
Loki? Loki!
Loki. Over here.
Over here.
Loki!
What? You're alive?
- Of course, I'm alive! What are you doing here? - What do you mean, what I'm doing?
I'm stuck in this stupid chair. Where's your chair?
- I didn't get a chair. - Get me out of this one.
- I can't. - Get me out!
I didn't just come to this place without getting his favor.
- Plus, I've been out here weeks ago. - Weeks ago?
- But I just got here. - What are you wispering about?
I'm a hip dude around these parts.
On any other world, I'll be like, millions of years old. But here on Sakaar...
In any case...
You know this...
- You call yourself Lord of Thunder? - God of Thunder. Tell him.
I've never met this man in my life.
- He's my brother! - Adopted.
- Is he any kind of a fighter? - Take this thing off my neck. I'll show you.
Listen to that. He's threatening me. Hey, Sparkles! Here's the deal.
- You wanna get back to Ass-place, Ass-berg... - Asgard!
Any contender who defeats my champion...
- Their freedom they shall win. - Fine!
Then point me in the direction of whoever's ass I have to kick.
That's what I call contender! The direction would be this way, Lord.
Loki!
Hey! Hey! Hey, take it easy man.
Over here. Pile of rocks waving at you.
Naw, I'm actually a thing. I'm a being. Allow me to introduce myself...
My name is Korg. I'm kind of like the leader in here...
I'm made of rocks, as you can see, but don't let that intimidate you.
You don't need to be afraid unless you're made of scissors.
Just a little rock, paper, scissor joke for you. This is my friend Miek.
He's an insect and has knives for hands.
- You're a Kronnan, aren't you? - That I am.
How'd you end up in here?
Well, I tried to start a revolution but didn't print enough pamphlets, so...
Hardly anyone turned up. Except for my mum and her boyfriend who I hate.
As punishment, I was forced to be in here and be a gladiator. Bit of a promotional disaster, that one.
But I'm actually organizing another revolution. Do you reckon you'd be interested?
How did you...
Yeah, no. This whole thing is a circle.
But not a real circle. More like a freaky circle.
- This doesn't make any sense. - No, nothing makes sense here man.
The only thing that does make sense, is that nothing makes sense.
Have anyone here fought the Grandmaster's champion?
Doug has.
Doug! Oh, right. Doug's dead. That's right...
Everyone who fights the Grandmaster's champion perishes.
What about you? You're made of rocks.
Perishable rock, eh.
Yeah, no. I just do the smaller fights. Warm up the crowd and whatnot.
- Wait, you're not gonna face him, are you? - Yes, I am.
I'm gonna fight him, win. Then get the hell out of this place.
That's exactly what Doug used to say. See you later, New Doug.
Does no one remember me?
Has no one been taught of history?
Look at these lies.
Goblets and garden parties?
Peace treaties?
Odin. Proud to have it...
Shame now I've got it!
We were unstoppable.
I was his weapon in the conquest that built Asgard's empire.
One by one, the Realms became ours.
But then, simply because my ambition
outgrew his... He banished me.
Caged me. Locked me away like an animal.
Before that, Asgard's warriors were honored. Their bodies buried as heroes beneath this very palace.
- Odin's treasures. - Fake!
Most of the stuff in here is fake.
Weak.
Smaller than I thought it'd be.
That's not bad.
But this...
The Eternal Flame.
Want to see what true power really looks like?
Fenris, my darling. What have they done to you?
With the Eternal Flame, you are reborn!
I missed you.
I missed you all.
Odin, may you take your place in the arms of Valhalla.
Hurts, doesn't it? Being lied to.
Being told you're one thing, and learning it's all a fiction.
You didn't think I'd really come and see you, did you? This place is disgusting.
Does this mean you don't want my help?
Look, I couldn't jeopardize my position with the Grandmaster. It took me time to win his trust.
He's a lunatic, but he can be an awful one.
What I'm telling you is, you can join me
at the Grandmaster's side. Perhaps in time, an accident befalls the Grandmaster, and then...
You're not seriously thinking of going back, are you?
Our sister, destroyed your hammer like a piece of glass.
She's stronger than both of us.
She's stronger than you. You don't stand a chance. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
Fine.
I guess I'll have to go it alone. Like I've always done.
Would you say something?
Say something!
What would you like me to say?
You faked your own death.
You stole the throne, stripped Odin of his power, stranding him on Earth...
to die.
Releasing the Goddess of Death. Have I said enough? Would you like me to go back further than the past 2 days?
You know I haven't seen this...
What I've heard of the Champion he talks of? I've heard he's astonishingly savage.
I've placed a large wager against you tomorrow. Don't let me down.
Piss off, ghost!
He's freaking gone.
Oh, yuck!
This got so much hair and blood all over. Disgusting.
Could you clean up the weapons, once you've finished your fight? Disgusting slobs!
Oh, Thor ..
Want to use a big wooden fork?
- No. - Yeah, not really useful.
Unless you were fighting off 3 vampires that were huddled together.
No, I really wish I had my hammer.
- Hammer? - It's unique.
It's made from this special metal from the heart of a dying star.
And when I spun it really fast, it gave me the ability to fly.
- You rode the hammer? - No. I...
I didn't ride the hammer.
- The hammer rode you on your back? - No, I spin it really fast
- and it pulled me off.. - Oh, my god.
- The hammer pulled you off? - The ground! Pulled me off the ground. Up to the air.
And I would fly. Everytime I threw it, it would always
come back to me.
Sounds like you had a special relationship with this hammer and losing it felt like losing a loved one.
That's a nice way of putting it.
I said they're mine.
That's the one that put me in here.
Oh, yeah, Scrapper 142. Watch out with those Asgardians, man.
They are hard to push.
Asgardian?
Hey! Hey!
Hey.
Do not zap me with that thing! I just want to talk.
Asgard is in danger.
My god, you are a Valkyrie.
You know I used to wanna be a Valkyrie when I was younger.
Until I found out you were all women. There's nothing wrong with women, of course.
I love women.
Sometimes a little too much. Not in a creepy way, more of a respectful
appreciation. I think it's great that there's an elite force of women
warriors in our time.
Are you done?
Lord of Thunder! You're up!
- Please help me. I need your help. - Bye.
Then you must be a traitor or a coward because the Valkyrie are sworn to protect the throne.
Listen closely, Your Majesty.
This is Sakaar, not Asgard. And I'm a Scrapper, not a Valkyrie.
Bring him in!
And no one escapes this place.
So you're gonna die anyway.
Now don't you move. My hands aren't as steady as they used to be.
By Odin's beard you shall not cut my hair, lest you feel the wrath of the Mighty Thor!
Please... Please kind sir, don't cut my hair.
Please... No! No!
Great show! What a night!
Please.
I'm your host. Big round of applause for all the competitors who today, died so gruesomely.
What a show! What a night! This is what you've come for, and so have I.
And now, without further ado, it's main event time.
Making his first appearance...
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Lord of Thunder.
Watch out for his fingers. They make sparkles.
He is a creature--- what can you say about him?
Well, he's unique. There's nothing like him. I feel a sexual connection with him.
He is undefeated...
He's the reigning...
He's the defending...
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
Your, Incredible...
Yes!!!
I have to get off this planet.
Hey! Hey! Where are you going?
Hey! Hey! We know each other!
He's a friend from work!
Where have you been? Everybody thought you were dead.
So much has happened since I last saw you. I lost my hammer.
Like yesterday, so that's still pretty fresh. Loki...
Loki's alive. Can you believe it? He's up there. Loki! Look who it is!
Oh, Banner, I'd never thought I'd say this, but I...
I'm happy to see you.
Banner! Hey, Banner!
No Banner! Only Hulk!
What are you doing?
It's me...
Thor!
Banner, we're friends. This is crazy. I don't want to hurt you.
Here we go. Here we go.
What?
Hey, big guy.
The sun's getting real low...
That's it. Sun's going down.
I don't want to hurt you anymore. No one will.
Yes! That's how it feels!
I'm just a huge fan of this sport.
All right... Screw it.
I know you're in there, Banner. I'll get you out.
That's enough. You're embarassing me. I told them we were friends!
Thunder! Thunder!
Thunder! Thunder! Thunder!
Thunder! Thunder!
Thunder! Thunder! Thunder!
Another day, another Doug.
What is that noise?
The common folk aren't exactly falling in line.
There's a resistance trying to knock down the front gates.
Tell me about yourself, Skurge.
Well, my dad was a stonemason,
Yeah, I'll stop you there. What I meant was, what's your ambition?
I just want a chance to prove myself.
Recognized. When I was young, every great king had an executioner.
Not just to execute people, but also to execute their vision.
But mainly, to execute people. Still, it was a great honor.
I was Odin's executioner. And you shall be my executioner.
Let's begin our conquest.
Skurge, where's the sword?
The sword is the key to opening the Bifrost.
Those people you mentioned, the ones who aren't falling in line.
Round them up.
Go on.
Sorry about that, these bloody things are everywhere.
Come on.
You will be safe here.
Are we cool?
Hulk in a hot tub.
- So how long have you been like that? - Like what?
Like this. Big, green, stupid.
Hulk always Hulk.
How did you get here?
- Winning. - You mean cheating?
Do they wear one of these? When you won?
How did you arrive here?
- Quinjet. - Yes. Now, where is the Quinjet now?
Ah, that's naked. That's very naked.
That's in my brain now.
Quinjet.
Yes, I'm getting us out of here.
This is terrible. You'll love Asgard.
- It's big, golden, shiny. - Hulk stay.
No. My people need me to get back to Asgard.
- We must prevent Ragnarok. - Ragnarok?
Prophesied death of my homeworld. The end of days. End of everything.
If you help me to get back to Asgard,
- I can help you get back to earth. - Earth hate Hulk.
Earth loves Hulk. They love you. You're one of the Avengers, one of the team.
That's what friends do, support each other.
- You're Banner's friend. - I'm not Banner's friend. I prefer you.
- Banner's friend. - I don't even like Banner.
I mean, the numbers, and science and stuff.
- Thor go, Hulk stay. - Fine.
Stay here. Stupid place. It's hideous, by the way.
The red and the white? Just pick a color. Ridiculous.
- Smash you. - You didn't smash anything.
- I won that fight. - I smash you.
- Yeah. Sure. - Baby arms.
- What? - Baby! Thor go.
Thor go again.
Thor home.
- Hulk trains. - Great. Have fun.
- Hey, big guy. - Hey, little girl.
- What are you up to? - Winning.
Heimdall, I know you can see me.
I need you to help me.
Help me see.
I see you, but you're far away.
- What's going on here? - Come see for yourself.
I provided refuge in a stronghold built by ancestors.
Our only escape is Bifrost.
You're talking about evacuating Asgard?
We won't last long if we stay.
She draws her power from Asgard and grows stronger every day. Come on!
Hela is madness. If I let her live, she'll consume Nine Realms and all the cosmos.
- We need you. - I'm working on it, I don't even know where I am.
You're on a planet surrounded by doorways. Go thru one.
- Which one? - The big one.
- Thor sad. - Shut up.
Thor sad!
I'm not sad. Idiot.
I'm pissed off.
Angry. I lost my father.
I lost my hammer.
- Whine. Whine. - You're not even listening!
- Stop kick stuff! - You're being a very bad friend!
- You bad friend. - Do you know what we call you?
- We call you the stupid Avenger. - You tiny Avenger!
- What are you, crazy? - Yes.
You know what? Earth does hate you.
Sorry that I said those things.
You are not the stupid Avenger, nobody calls you that.
It's okay.
You just can't go around throwing shields at people. You'll kill them.
I know. It's just I get so angry all the time. Always angry.
We're the same. Just a couple of hot-headed fools.
Yes, same. Hulk like fire. Thor like water.
- We're kinda both like fire. - But Hulk like real fire.
Hulk like raging fire. Thor like smoldering fire.
Hulk, I need you to do something for me.
Hey, little girl.
What's going on? What are you...
You're so thickheaded that you can't tell when someone hiding across the universe wants to be left alone.
- We need to talk. - No, you won't talk to me.
- I need her to stay here. - Done.
- Stay. Please? - Please.
All right.
Here's the deal.
I'll listen to you,
until this is empty.
Asgard is in danger. People are dying, we need to get back there. I need your help.
Finished. Bye.
Odin is dead.
Hela, the goddess of death, has invaded Asgard.
- If Hela's back, then Asgard's already lost. - I'm going to stop her.
- Alone? - Nope. I'm putting together a team.
- It's me, you, and the big guy. - No, no team! Only Hulk.
- It's me and you. - I think it's only you.
The Valkyrie are a legend. Elite warriors of Asgard, sworn to defend the throne.
I'm not getting dragged into another one of Odin's family squabbles.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Your sister.
Her power comes from Asgard, same as yours. But grew beyond Odin's control, she massacred everyone to try to seize the throne.
When she tried to escape her banishment, he sent the Valkyrie to fight her back.
I only survived because...
Look, I've already faced her once back when I believed in the throne.
It cost me everything. That's what's wrong with Asgard.
- The throne, the secrets, the whole golden sham. - I agree.
- Don't get familiar. - I agree.
That's why I turned down the throne. This isn't about the crown. This is about the people.
And they're dying, and they're your people, too.
Forget it.
- I have. - Okay. Good.
- Thank you. For this. - For what?
You didn't see that, did you?
Well...
Go ahead. Stay here and enslave people for that lunatic.
Keep drinking. Keep hiding.
Me, I choose to run toward my problems, and not away from them.
That's what---
Because that's what heroes do.
Friend, stay!
Yes!
Come on ..
Welcome. Voice activation required.
- Thor. - Access denied.
- Thor, son of Odin. - Access denied.
- God of Thunder. - Access denied.
- Strongest Avenger. - Access denied.
- Strongest Avenger! - Access denied.
Damn you, Stark. Point Break.
Welcome, Point Break.
- Friend, stay! - No, no. Don't!
- Stay! - No, stop breaking everything.
Nice work, big guy.
We don't know where Ultron's headed but you're going high very fast, so I need you to turn this bird around, ok?
We can't track you in stealth mode, so,
I need you to help me out, okay?
I need you...
Hulk very bad!
- What's this? - Banner?
Are you all right? Banner?
The sun's going down. That's it. Breathe.
- I won't hurt you. Sun's going down.. - Thor...
- What happened to your hair? - Some creepy old man cut it off.
It looks good. Where are we?
- How's Nat? - Uh, Nat is good.
- And what about Sokovia? - Sokovia?
- The city, Sokovia, did we save it? - Banner, listen...
- What? - Sokovia, Ultron, that was 2 years ago.
What are you saying?
- I've been Hulk for 2 years? - I'm afraid so.
What the hell happened?
Banner, there's something you should know.
- Voice activation required. - Banner.
- Welcome, Strongest Avenger. - Uh, what?
Ship's log.
- Thor, where are we? - Yeah, about that...
Sakaar. Hear ye. Attention, please. I have some bad news. My beloved champion has gone missing.
Take to the streets. Celebrate my champion.
- Who's that? - He kind of runs the place.
You actually lived in his house for a while.
- I did? - Yeah.
Quite a lot has happened. You and I had a fight recently.
- Did I win? - No, I won. Easy.
- That doesn't sound right. - Well, it's true.
It seems that that seductive Lord of Thunder has stolen him away...
Seductive God of Thunder. We have to go.
This is bad. This is really, really bad.
Thor.
- I think I'm freaking out. - No, don't freak out.
- You're okay. Put these on. - These are Tony's clothes. Is he here?
No, he's not here. Listen, you stay calm, okay? The sun's going down.
The sun's going down.
I'm upset.
I'm very upset. Do you know what I like about being upset?
Blame. And now that's the mindset that I'm in. And you know who I'm blaming?
- Grandmaster, I .. - Hey, don't interrupt me.
Why are you handing me the melt stick?
He was interrupting. That's not a capital violation.
Where was I? My precious champion has gone missing.
And it's all because of that Lord of Thunder.
It's all because of him, your brother.
Whatever the story is. Adopted or complicated. I'm sure there's a history.
And your contender.
My dear friend, if you were to give me 12 hours, I can bring them both back to you alive.
I can do it in 2.
- I can do it in one. - Let's stop there.
You know what, I woke up this morning thinking about public execution.
But for now, I'll settle for this sweet little...
So, you're on the clock.
- What have you done? - I don't answer to you, Lackey.
It's Loki, and you will answer to the Grandmaster.
Why would you help my brother escape with that green fool?
I don't help anyone.
You are a Valkyrie.
I thought the Valkyrie have all died gruesome deaths.
Choose your next words wisely.
I'm terribly sorry, must've been a very painful memory.
The sun's going down, the sun's really low...
- The sun's going down... - Would you stop saying that?
I just need you to stay calm.
- Calm? I'm on an alien planet. - It's just a planet, you've been to one before.
- Yeah! One! - Well, now you've been on two! That's a good thing.
- A new experience. - My neurons, they're firing faster than my brain can handle the information...
The whole thing is totally different this time.
I mean, in the past when I was Hulk, I had a hand on the wheel, but this time he had the keys and I was locked in the trunk!
You're back now and that's all that matters.
No, it's not what matters. What I'm trying to tell you is that if I turn into the Hulk again, Banner may not come back.
And we're stranded in a planet that is designed to stress me out.
We are not stranded, I'm gonna figure out a way to get us home.
- Thank you. - Not your home, though. Asgard.
- My home. - What?
Listen, my people are in grave danger. You and I have to fight this powerful being who happens to be my sister.
Okay, that is so wrong on so many... I don't wanna fight your sister.
- That's a family issue. - She's an evil being.
I don't care what she is. I'm not fighting any more beings. I'm sick of it.
I just told you. If I turn into the Hulk, I am never gonna come back again.
- And you don't care! - No, I'm putting together a team.
Hulk is the fire.
- Wait, you're just using me to get to the Hulk. - What? No!
You don't care about me. You're not my friend.
No. I don't even like the Hulk. He's like.... Smash, smash!
I prefer you.
Thanks.
But honestly when it comes to fighting evil beings, he is very powerful and useful.
- Yeah, Banner's powerful and useful, too. - Is he, though?
Okay, how many PhD's does Hulk have? Zero.
How many PhD's does Banner have? Seven.
Fine, you don't have to fight anyone. But we're in danger here, so let's get on it.
- What are you doing with that? - I need a disguise. I'm a fugitive.
- I need a disguise. - You are in disguise.
- I'll be Tony Stark. - What?
Yeah, Tony and the gypsy.
No, you're not Tony. You're Bruce Banner.
Then why did you dress me up like Tony?
Because you were naked.
Okay, I'll give you that.
- What are you doing? Stop doing that. - Sorry. Tony wears his pants super tight.
Why are you being so weird?
I don't know, maybe the fact that I was trapped for 2 years...
inside of a monster made me a little weird!
Hey... it's okay. Look...
Calm down... come on. We'll go to Asgard, and you don't worry about being the Hulk ever again.
- All right? - All right.
Oh, this is bad...
Banner! Banner!
- Banner! - Thor!
- Hi. - Hi.
- I was gonna do that. - I did it first.
Good. What are you doing here?
What are you doing here? I thought you were leaving.
I got sidetracked.
- What's with the...? - This is my disguise.
- I can see your face. - Not when I do this, you can't.
Looks like you can help me. Do you want to help us?
What's are those things on her eyes? Are those people that she's killed? So beautiful and strong...
- Who is this guy? - A friend.
- I'm Bruce. - I feel like I know you.
I feel like I know you, too.
Look, I spent years in a haze, trying to forget my past.
Sakaar seemed like the best place to drink and forget and to die one day.
I was thinking if you drink too much, that's probably what's gonna kill you.
- I don't plan to stop drinking. - Oh.
But I don't wanna forget. I can't run away anymore.
So if I'm gonna die, it may as well be driving my sword thru the heart of that murderous hag.
Good. Yeah.
So I'm saying that I wanna be on the team.
- Has it got a name? - Yeah, it's called the... Revengers.
- Revengers? - Because I'm getting revenge. You're getting revenge.
- You're... do you want revenge? - I'm.... undecided.
Also, I've got a peace offering.
Surprise!
Had to be sure.
Hello, Bruce.
So, the last time I saw you, you were trying to kill everybody. Where are you at these days?
It varies from moment to moment.
- Is that a Dragon Fang? Oh, my God! - It is.
The famed sword of the Valkyrie.
So, Sakaar and Asgard are about as far apart as a system, our best bet
is a wormhole just outside the city limits.
Refuel on Xandar and we can be back in Asgard in, 18 months?
Nope. We are going through the big one.
- The Devil's Anus? - Anus?
- Wait, whose anus? - For the record, I didn't know it was called that when I picked it.
That looks like a Clapton Neutron star inside of an Einstein-Rosen bridge.
We need another ship. That will tear mine to pieces.
She's right. We need one that can withstand the geode that stray from singularities.
And has an offline power steering system that can function without a computer.
And we need one with cupholders because we're gonna die, so... drinks!
- Do I know you? I feel like I know you. - I feel like I know you, too. It's weird.
What do you say? Uncharted intergalactic travel wormhole cosmic gateway? Talk about adventure.
- We need a ship. - Two ships.
- Have to look top of the line models. - I don't mean to impose...
But the Grandmaster has a great many ships.
I may even have stolen the access codes to his security system.
And suddenly you're overcome with the urge to do the right thing?
Heavens, no. I've run out of favor with the Grandmaster...
In exchange for codes and access to a ship, I'm asking for safe passage. Thru the Anus.
So you can get us access to the garage without setting off the alarms?
Yes, brother. I can.
Okay, can I just... A quick FYI?
I was just talking to him and he was ready to kill any of us.
- He did try to kill me. - Yes, me too. Many, many occasions.
One time when we're children, he transformed into a snake, and he knows I love snakes, so I went to admire it...
And he transformed back to himself, and he's like, "It's me!" And he stabbed me.
We were 8 at the time.
If we're boosting a ship, we're gonna need to draw some guards away from the palace.
Why not set the beast loose?
- Shhh. Shut up. - He said a beast?
There's no beast. He's just being stupid.
- We're gonna start a revolution. - Revolution?
- I'll explain later. - Who is this guy again?
I'll explain later.
Is it some sort of protoplasm, all the stuff coming out of you or eggs?
It looks like eggs.
Ooh!
- I'm looking for Korg. - Who's asking?
I know you're asking. Is anyone else asking or just you?
The Lord of Thunder sends his best.
The revolution has begun!
Revolution? How did this happen?
Don't know. But the arena's mainframe for the obedience disks are deactivated and the slaves have armed themselves.
- Oh, I don't like that word. - Mainframe?
No, why would I not like mainframe? No. The S word.
- Sorry. The prisoners with jobs have armed themselves. - Okay. That's better.
Listen. We should talk.
I disagree. Open communication is never our family's forte.
You have no idea. Been quite the revelation since we last spoke.
Hello.
Hi.
The Odin boys together.
It's almost poetic that his death have split us apart.
We might as well be strangers now.
Two sons of the crown, set adrift.
Do not move!
Thought you didn't wanna talk about it.
Here's the thing...
- I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar. - That's exactly what I was thinking.
- Did you just agree with me? - This place is perfect for you.
It's savage, chaotic, lawless. You'll do great here.
Do you truly think so little of me?
Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever, but...
At the end of the day, you're you and I'm me.
Maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest. Our paths diverged a long time ago.
We have. It's probably for the best if we never see each other again.
That's what you've always wanted.
Hey, let's do ''get help.''
- What? - ''Get help.''
- No. - Come on, you'll love it.
- I hate it. It's humiliating. - It's great. Works every time.
- Do you have a better plan? - No.
- We're doing it. - We are not doing ''get help.''
Get help, please! My brother is dying!
Get help! Help him.
- Classic. Not for me, it's not. - Still hate it. Humiliating.
- Now which one's the ship you told us to get? - The commodore.
Though I feel it wouldn't make much of a difference.
Loki...
I know I betrayed you many times before, but this time it's truly nothing personal.
The reward for your capture will set me up nicely.
- Never one for sentiment, were you? - Easier to let it burn.
I agree.
Oh, it looks painful.
Dear Brother, you're becoming predictable.
I trust you, you betray me, round and round in circles we go.
See, life is about growth, about change. But you seem to just wanna stay the same.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief...
But you could be more.
I'll just put this over here for you.
Anyway, I've got places to be, so good luck.
I can figure this out. It's just another spaceship.
Loyal Sakaarians. Lord of Thunder has stolen my ship,
and my favorite champion? Sakaarians, take the skies!
Bring him down. Do not let him leave this planet.
- Good shot. - Thanks.
- Opening doors. - Okay.
- I hope you're tougher than you look! - Why?
- Shouldn't we shoot it back or something? - Yes, we should.
Where are the guns on this ship?
There aren't any. It's a () vessel.
Did she just say orgies?
Don't touch anything.
No!
- No! - No!
- Get inside! - In a minute!
I should probably go to help. Here, take the wheel!
- No, I can't fly one of these! - You're a scientist. Use one of your PhDs.
None of them are for fying alien spaceships!
There's gotta be a gun on this thing. That looks like a gun.
Yeah!
Guys, we're coming up on the Devil's Anus.
There she is. Our ticket out of here.
Hey, what's this?
- Thank you. - Hey man. We're about to jump on this ginormous spaceship.
- Do you want to come? - Well, you do seem like...
- You're in desperate need of leadership. - Why, thank you.
Here we go!
Shit!
Asgardians! Some misguided soul,
has stolen the Bifrost sword. Tell us where it is,
or there will be consequences.
Bad ones.
So?
You.
Please!
Well? Executioner?
Wait...!
I know where the sword is.
I never thought I'd be back here.
I thought it'd be a lot nicer.
Not that it's not nice. It's, it's on fire.
Here, up on the mountains. Heat signatures.
People clustered together. She's coming for them.
Drop me off at the palace. I'll lure her away.
- And get yourself killed? - The people trapped there are all that matters.
While I'm dealing with Hela, I need you two to help get them off Asgard.
- How are we supposed to do that? - I have a man on the ground.
Asgard...
She's here.
- Now, ship has a gun. - I'll take it from here.
I found this in the armory.
Good luck.
Your Majesty.
Don't die.
You know what I mean.
Keep moving!
Go to the Bifrost.
Sister.
You are still alive.
I love what you've done to the place.
Redecorating, I see.
It seems our father's solution to every problem was to cover it up.
Or to cast it out.
He told you you were worthy, he said the same thing to me.
You see? You never knew him.
Not at his best.
Odin and I drowned entire civilizations in blood and tears.
Where do you think all this gunk came from?
And then, one day he decided to become a benevolent king.
Fostered peace to protect life.
To have you.
I understand why you're angry, and as my sister you technically have a claim to the throne...
Believe me, I want someone else to rule. But it can't be you.
You're just...
Worst.
Okay. Get up.
You are on my seat.
Our father once told me, "a wise king never seeks out war..."
"But must always be ready for it."
Go back!
Go!
To be honest, I expected more.
Heimdall.
The sword!
Here's the difference between us. I'm Odin's firstborn. The rightful heir.
The savior of Asgard. And you are nothing.
So simple. Even a blind man can see it!
Now you remind me of dad.
This stupid dog won't die!
Everything's gonna be alright, Val. I got this.
You wanted to know who I am?
What the hell are you talking about?
You will see.
You see? No one's going anywhere.
I'll get that sword, even if I have to kill every single one of them to do it.
Hey, man.
I'm Korg, this is Miek. We're gonna jump on that spaceship and get out of here.
Want to come?
Your savior is here!
Did you miss me? Every one. Board that ship now.
- Welcome home. Saw you coming. - Of course you did.
It will get another chance.
You see, I'm not a queen or a monster.
I'm the goddess of death.
What were you the god of again?
Even when you had two eyes.
You see only half the picture.
She is too strong. Without my hammer, I can't.
Are you Thor, the god of hammers?
That hammer was to help you control your power. Focus it.
It was never your source of strength.
It's too late, she has already taken Asgard.
Asgard is not a place. Never was.
This could be Asgard.
Asgard is where our people stand.
Even now, right now. Those people need your help.
But I'm not as strong as you.
No. You're stronger.
Tell me, brother. What were you the god of again?
- You okay? - You're missing an eye.
Is there anything else?
- I think we should disband the Revengers. - Hit her with a lightning blast.
I just hit her with the biggest lightning blast in the history of lightning. It did nothing.
We just need to hold her off until everyone's on board.
It won't end there. The longer Hela's on Asgard, the more powerful she grows.
She'll hunt us down.
- We need to stop her here and now. - So what do we do?
I'm not doing "get help."
Asgard is not a place. It's a people.
Loki, this was never about stopping Ragnarok. This was about causing it.
Surtur's crown, in the vault.
It's the only way.
Bold move, brother. Even for you.
- Shall we? - After you.
This is madness.
Go! Go now!
For Asgard!
With the Eternal Flame, you are reborn.
Hela! Enough!
- You want Asgard? It's yours! - Whatever game you're playing, it won't work.
You can't defeat me.
Oh, I know.
But he can.
Asgard! I am your reckoning!
The people are safe. That's all that matters.
- We're fulfilling the prophecy. - I hate this prophecy.
So do I but we have no choice. Surtur destroys Asgard, he destroys Hela so that our people may live.
No!
Hulk, stop, you moron!
Hulk, stop! Just for once in your life, don't smash.
Big monster!
- Let's go! - Fine!
I am your doom!
The damage looks bad, but as long as the foundations are still strong, we can rebuild this place.
It will become a haven for all peoples and aliens of the universe.
No. Those foundations are gone. Sorry.
Asgard's gone.
You saved us from extinction.
Asgard is not a place.
It's a people.
That suits you.
You know, maybe you're not so bad after all, brother.
Maybe not.
Thank you.
If you're here, I might even give you a home.
I'm here.
Your throne.
Thor. King of Asgard.
- Where to? - I'm not sure.
Any suggestions?
- Miek, where are you from? - Oh, Miek's dead.
Yeah, I accidentally stomped on him on the bridge. I felt so guilty, I've been carrying him around all day.
Oh, Miek, you're alive! He's alive, guys. What was the question again, bruv?
Earth, it is.
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