>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN
ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE
TONIGHT SHOW STARRING
JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS
GUESTS --
CHRIS HEMSWORTH,
CARRIE BROWNSTEIN,
MUSICAL GUEST CAITLYN SMITH,
AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW.
>> Questlove: 803, SOUTH
CACKALACK, YEAH!
>> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON!
♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: OH!
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH,
EVERYBODY, WELCOME.
WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME,
EVERYONE.
WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW"!
THIS IS IT, BABY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THIS IS THE ONE!
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
HERE'S WHAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING
ABOUT.
YOU GUYS, TODAY AT THE
WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENT TRUMP
HAD A MEETING WITH THE
PRESIDENT OF KAZAKHSTAN,
NURSULTAN NAZERBAYEV.
OR AS TRUMP CALLS HIM, "HEY,
BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HOW IS IT GOING, BIG GUY?"
LOOK AT YOU.
LOOK AT YOU."
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THE RESULTS OF TRUMP'S
PHYSICAL CAME OUT TODAY.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS ] WHITE HOUSE
PHYSICIAN DR. RONNIE JACKSON
SAID PRESIDENT TRUMP IS IN
EXCELLENT HEALTH.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
I MEAN, SURPRISE, SURPRISE,
RIGHT?
>> Steve: YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: EXCELLENT HEALTH.
TRUMP THANKED JACKSON AND TOLD
HIM TO SAY HI TO HIS BROTHERS,
JERMAINE AND TITO.
WHICH I THOUGHT WAS GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT WAS THOUGHTFUL.
THAT WAS THOUGHTFUL. AND
RANDY JACKSON ON "AMERICAN
IDOL," TOO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I SAW THAT TRUMP SPENT
YESTERDAY PLAYING GOLF INSTEAD
OF COMMEMORATING
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
PEOPLE WERE PRETTY UPSET.
THEN THEY THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT
TRUMP WOULD HAVE SAID AND WERE
LIKE, "PROBABLY A GOOD MOVE."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
DODGED A BULLET.
THAT'S NOT BAD, I WOULD HAVE
DONE THAT, TOO.
MEANWHILE TRUMP'S EX-WIFE IS
DEFENDING HIM AFTER IT CAME OUT
THAT HE MADE RACIST COMMENTS
LAST WEEK.
TRUMP WAS LIKE, "WAIT A MINUTE
WHICH EX-WIFE AND WHICH RACIST
COMMENTS?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
OH -- OKAY, PERFECT."
OF COURSE NOT EVERYONE IS
STANDING BY HIM.
IN AN EDITORIAL, A FORMER TRUMP
EMPLOYEE CALLED THE PRESIDENT
MERCURIAL, DIFFICULT,
DEMANDING, MEAN AND PETULANT.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS ] TRUMP WAS
LIKE, "I UNDERSTOOD MEAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT THAT'S --
THAT HURT MY FEELINGS."
[ LAUGHTER ]
MIKE PENCE WAS AT CHURCH THE
OTHER DAY WHEN THE PASTOR
CRITICIZED TRUMP'S S-HOLE
COMMENTS.
YEP.
AND WHEN THAT HAPPENED PEOPLE
WHO WERE THERE SAID PENCE'S
FACE TURNED PRETTY RED.
IT TURNS OUT PENCE BLUSHES ALL
THE TIME AND THERE'S EVEN A
A HELPFUL SCALE TO KEEP TRACK
OF WHEN IT HAPPENS.
SO --
>> Steve: REALLY?
>> Jimmy: I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I
MEAN.
FOR INSTANCE, HE BLUSHES AS
LITTLE --
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN HE'S ASKED TO DEBRIEF THE
PRESIDENT.
>> Steve: OH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
NEXT UP, HE BLUSHES A BIT MORE
WHEN HE --
[ LAUGHTER ]
HEARS THE NAME DICK DURBIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NEXT, HE GETS EVEN REDDER WHEN
HE SEES A SIGN AT WHOLE FOODS
FOR NUT MILK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE BLUSHES --
HE BLUSHES -- HE BLUSHES
EVEN --
HE BLUSHES EVEN MORE WHEN HE
HAS TO TELL THE APPLE STORE
THAT HE LOST HIS DONGLE.
>> Steve: OH!
>> Jimmy: I LOST MY --
I LOST MY --
[ LAUGHTER ]
FINALLY HE GOES FULL TOMATO
WHEN HE REALIZES SAYING "AMEN"
SOUNDS A LITTLE LIKE SAYING,
"AH, MEN."
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU DON'T LIKE FULL TOMATO.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Steve: NUT MILK.
>> Jimmy: UH --
DUDE, YOUR RING TONE'S ON.
>> Steve: YEAH, OH, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH, NUT MILK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: MUST BE MY RING TONE,
SORRY.
ARE YOU CALLING ME?
>> Steve: I WAS CALLING YOU.
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH.
>> Steve: I NUT DIALED YOU.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: OH, THIS IS KIND OF
WEIRD, WHILE HE WAS SPEAKING AT
TODAY'S SENATE HEARING,
ORRIN HATCH STOPPED TO ADJUST
HIS GLASSES.
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS HE WASN'T
WEARING ANY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> I'D LIKE TO BEGIN WITH --
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I GOT TO SEE IT
AGAIN.
IS THERE ANY WAY TO SEE IT
AGAIN, DAVE, SORRY.
IS THERE ANY --
>> I'D LIKE TO BEGIN WITH --
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE WAS SO EMBARRASSED, HE WAS
LIKE, "OOPS, IT LOOKS LIKE THE
ELEVATOR IS HERE."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
FINALLY, I SAW THAT PATRIOTS
STAR ROB GRONKOWSKI TAPED A NEW
PSA WHERE HE WARNS ABOUT THE
DANGERS OF EATING TIDE
DETERGENT PODS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHICH BACKFIRED WHEN TEN
SECONDS INTO THE AD HE ATE A
A TIDE DETERGENT POD.
"WHAT'S THIS AD FOR AGAIN?
OH, DON'T DO THAT?"
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
>> Jimmy: OH!
I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
GUYS, WE'VE GOT AN EXCITING
SHOW TONIGHT.
THIS GUY IS THE REAL DEAL.
HE PLAYS THOR IN THE "AVENGERS
UNIVERSE."
>> Steve: LOVE HIM.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THIS FRIDAY --
THIS FRIDAY HE ANCHORS A BIG,
NEW ACTION FILM CALLED
"12 STRONG."
CHRIS HEMSWORTH IS HERE.
>> Steve: COME ON.
>> Jimmy: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Steve: HE'S THE BEST.
>> Jimmy: HE'S A GREAT DUDE.
HE IS A GREAT DUDE.
>> Steve: HE IS THE BEST.
>> Jimmy: HE REALLY IS THE
GREATEST.
CHRIS AND I GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THE NEW MOVIE THEN WE'RE GOING
TO HOLD HANDS AND TRY TO READ
EACH OTHER'S MINDS.
>> Steve: REALLY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
WOW!
[ PURRS ]
>> Jimmy: IN A GAME CALLED "THE
JINX CHALLENGE."
>> Steve: OH.
>> Jimmy: IT'S GOING TO BE
GOOD.
YEAH.
>> Steve: YEAH.
>> Jimmy: STAY TUNED FOR THAT.
PLUS --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE LOVE HER AS WELL, SHE STARS
IN AND ALSO DIRECTS A VERY
FUNNY COMEDY, "PORTLANDIA," THE
FINAL SEASON --
>> Steve: AWE.
>> Jimmy: PREMIERES THURSDAY.
I KNOW, IT HAPPENS SO FAST.
>> Steve: IT'S CRAZY.
>> Jimmy: ALREADY IT'S HERE,
THE FINAL SEASON,
PREMIERES THURSDAY AT
10:00 P.M.
CARRIE BROWNSTEIN IS STOPPING
BY.
>> Steve: SHE IS A DELIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: "PORTLANDIA."
>> Steve: COME ON!
SHE'S THE BEST!
>> Jimmy: AND WE GOT GREAT
MUSIC FROM CAITLYN SMITH, YOU
GUYS!
>> Steve: OH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: CAITLYN SMITH IS
HERE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SHE'S THE REAL DEAL.
>> Steve: SHE IS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SHE'S
FANTASTIC.
GUYS, DID YOU SEE LAST WEEK ON
TWITTER DONALD TRUMP ANNOUNCED
THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE GIVING
OUT THE FAKE NEWS AWARDS TO THE
MEDIA?
[ LAUGHTER ]
ON JANUARY 17th.
THAT'S TOMORROW.
>> Steve: OH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT IT TURNS
OUT HE ALREADY TAPED THE
CEREMONY.
>> Steve: DID HE REALLY?
>> Jimmy: AND WE WERE ABLE TO
GET OUR HANDS ON THE FOOTAGE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: WOW, HOW IS THAT
POSSIBLE?
>> Jimmy: CHECK OUT THE FIRST
EXCLUSIVE CLIP OF THE
FAKE NEWS AWARDS.
HERE IT IS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> LIVE FROM THE TRUMP HOTEL IN
WASHINGTON, D.C., IT'S THE
FIRST ANNUAL FAKE NEWS AWARDS.
NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST, THE
WORLD'S MOST STABLE GENIUS,
PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
THANK -- THANK --
DEFINITELY THANK THE LOSER.
THANK THIS LOSER. WELCOME TO
THE FAKE NEWS AWARDS WHICH ARE
TOTALLY REAL, UNLIKE THE REALLY
FAKE NEWS, WHICH IS FAKE AND
NOT REAL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
FOR REAL.
THIS IS THE FIRST ANNUAL FAKIES
AND THANKS TO MY DIET IT'S ALSO
THE 30th ANNUAL S.A.G. AWARDS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WOULD LIKE TO START BY
SENDING MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS
TO HAWAII WHICH IS DEFINITELY
NOT AN S-HOLE COUNTRY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S A FANTASTIC, FANTASTIC
COUNTRY AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR
EVERYONE WHEN I SAY I HOPE
MOANA IS OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU ALL.
THERE ARE LITERALLY BILLIONS OF
PEOPLE HERE TONIGHT.
BILLIONS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO MANY FAMILIAR FACES OUT
THERE.
WILLEM DAFOE.
IT'S FANTASTIC TO SEE YOU.
CAN YOU MAKE THE FACE THAT
EVERY WOMAN MAKES WHEN I ENTER
A ROOM.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
HUGH JACKMAN IS HERE.
I HATED YOUR MOVIE.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I'M THE
GREATEST SHOWMAN ON EARTH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TOUGH CROWD. THAT IS A TOUGH
CROWD.
ANYWAYS, SEEING ALL OF YOU AND
THE REST OF LAME-STREAM MEDIA
HERE IS FANTASTIC.
I ESPECIALLY LOVE YOUR PINS
THAT SAY "TIME'S UP" BECAUSE
THAT'S WHAT I SAY TO ALL MY
CABINET MEMBERS AFTER THREE
DAYS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOW BEFORE WE START I'D LIKE TO
MAKE A TOAST.
EVERYONE RAISE YOUR GLASS OF
DIET COKE.
HERE'S TO YOU FOR BEING SO
FAKE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
NOW LET'S GIVE OUT OUR FIRST
AWARD.
ISN'T IT A BEAUTIFUL AWARD?
[ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE ALL OF MY PRODUCTS, IT'S
COVERED IN 100% REAL FAKE GOLD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND IT WAS MADE IN CHINA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OUR FIRST FAKIE IS FOR FAKEST
CABLE NEWS NETWORK.
AND THE NOMINEES ARE -- CNN.
AND THE WINNER IS --
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHO WOULD HAVE SEEN THIS
COMING?
CNN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
CNN REFUSED TO BE HERE TONIGHT
TO ACCEPT THIS AWARD.
SO INSTEAD, I'M GOING TO ROAST
ALL THEIR LOSER ANCHORS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
JAKE TAPPER.
MORE LIKE FAKE TAPPER.
BOOM.
ROASTED.
NEXT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WOLF BLITZER, FAKE NEWS, FAKE
NAME, BUT LET'S BE HONEST,
PROBABLY A FAKE BEARD.
ROASTED.
NEXT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
ANDERSON COOPER, WHO DO YOU
THINK YOU ARE, SEXY MIKE PENCE?
ROASTED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MOVING ON, HERE NOW TO PRESENT
THE AWARD FOR FAILINGEST
NEWSPAPER IS MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE
MELANIA.
AND MY INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT
SECRETARY OF EDUCATION,
BETSY DeVOS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> DON'T TOUCH ME AND DON'T
TALK TO ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: MELANIA, YOU LOOK
FANTASTIC.
>> THANK YOU.
THIS IS MY WEDDING DRESS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HI, I'M BETSY DeVOS AND I'M
MELANIA TRUMP.
HOW ARE YOU, BETSY?
I'M FINE, HOW ARE YOU, MELANIA?
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOT SO GOOD.
>> WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
BETSY, YOU ARE READING MY
LINES.
MY GOD, NO WONDER OUR KIDS ARE
SUCH DUMBASSES IN SCHOOL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OKAY, SO THE NOMINEES FOR THE
MOST FAILINGEST NEWSPAPER
ARE --
"THE WASHINGTON POST."
>> "NEW YORK TIM-EES."
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S THE WINNER.
THAT'S THE WINNER.
THE WINNER IS THE FAILING "NEW
YORK TIMES."
>> I LOVE "THE NEW YORK TIMES,"
IT'S FUN TO COLOR IN THE
CROSSWORD PUZZLES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" ALSO
REFUSED TO BE HERE TONIGHT.
SO ACCEPTING ON THEIR BEHALF IS
THIS TRASH CAN.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE IN
MEMORIAM.
THIS IS THE PART OF THE SHOW
WHERE WE LOOK BACK AT ALL THE
PEOPLE WHO ARE NO LONGER IN THE
WHITE HOUSE.
>> OH, MY DREAM COME TRUE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SOME ONE CUT HER MIC.
ROLL THE TAPE, ROLL THE TAPE.
♪♪♪
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
WHAT A CRAZY STORY.
DOES THE TIE HOLD?
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH, WOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE
LOST THEIR JOBS.
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO HASN'T LOST
THEIR JOB?
ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHICH IS WHY I'M AWARDING
MYSELF THE DONALD J. TRUMP
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR
BEING PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED SHIRSH.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
OH, MY GOD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS
HAPPENING.
I REALLY WASN'T PREPARED FOR
THIS.
I'D LIKE TO THANK QUICKLY
FOX NEWS.
KFC.
DIET COKE.
GOLF.
McDONALD'S.
AND FOX NEWS.
THANK ME, THANK ME SO MUCH.
I LIKE ME!
I REALLY LIKE ME!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IF YOU'RE WATCHING, GO TO BED,
ERIC.
DON JUNIOR AND GIRL DON JUNIOR,
IT'S PAST YOUR BED TIME.
>> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE
FAKIES FEATURING PERFORMANCES
FROM JACKIE EVANCHO,
THREE DOORS DOWN AND A SPECIAL
DUET FROM JACKIE EVANCHO AND
THREE DOORS DOWN.
>> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
GINA GERSHON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GINA GERSHON.
RACHEL DRATCH.
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
CHRIS HEMSWORTH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
>> Jimmy: WE ARE JOINED RIGHT
NOW BY A BIG-TIME MOVIE STAR,
HIS LAST MOVIE, "THOR RAGNAROK"
EARNED OVER $850 MILLION AT THE
BOX OFFICE.
THIS WEEKEND YOU CAN SEE HIM
OPPOSITE MICHEAL SHANNON, IN A
A HIGHLY ANTICIPATED NEW FILM
CALLED "12 STRONG."
WHICH OPENS FRIDAY IN THEATERS
AND IMAX, PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO THE SHOW, CHRIS HEMSWORTH,
EVERYBODY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WE LOVE YOU,
CHRIS HEMSWORTH.
>> I LOVE YOU.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR COMING
BACK TO THE SHOW.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME
BACK.
>> WE LOVE YOU, CHRIS!
>> LOVE YOU, TOO.
>> Jimmy: NEW -- NEW YORK CITY
LOVES YOU, MAN.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> I LOVE NEW YORK.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> Jimmy:
LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, WE
WERE TALKING ABOUT, I THINK WE
WERE TALKING ABOUT THOR.
AND IT WENT ON TO MAKE OVER
$800 MILLION AND JUST CRUSH THE
ENTIRE MOVIE BUSINESS.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND CONGRATS ON THAT.
>> THE LITTLE -- LITTLE
INDEPENDENT FILM.
>> Jimmy: NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
IT'S NOT A LITTLE --
A LITTLE INDEPENDENT FILM.
I REMEMBER THAT YOU ALMOST
PASSED ON THOR WHEN THEY FIRST
OFFERED IT TO YOU.
>> I MIGHT HAVE HAD A
A HESITATION, YOU KNOW.
I KIND OF WANT TO GET A TIME
MACHINE AND GO BACK AND SLAP
THAT YOUNGER PRETENTIOUS
VERSION OF MYSELF.
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> YEAH WHEN I --
>> Jimmy: WERE YOU, JUST LIKE,
AFRAID OF LIKE, "I DON'T WANT
TO BE TYPECAST AS THOR."
>> YEAH, I WAS TRYING TO BE --
TRYING TO BE AN ARTIST.
I WAS LIKE, "OH, I JUST LOVE TO
DO INDEPENDENT FILMS."
AND YOU KNOW, THIS IS -- IT'S
TOO BIG, IT'S A FRANCHISE.
AND I SAID --
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> NO, I LOVE --
I -- I LOVE THAT CHARACTER.
I'VE LOVED THIS EXPERIENCE.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE GREAT AT IT, I
MEAN.
>> THANK YOU, MAN.
>> Jimmy: WE DON'T WANT YOU
TO -- WE WANT YOU TO DO MORE OF
IT, YEAH.
>> I THINK IT'S BEEN THE BEST.
I THINK MY HESITATION WAS -- I
JUST HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS
GOING TO BE.
HOW LONG IT WAS -- IF IT WAS
GOING TO BE A GOOD EXPERIENCE,
OR BAD.
AND THANKFULLY IT WAS THE BEST
EXPERIENCE I'VE EVER HAD.
AND WE JUST WRAPPED
"AVENGERS 4" SO, THAT'S --
THAT'S KIND OF IT NOW.
MOST OF IT'S --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> I MEAN, IT'S JUST GOTTEN
BIGGER AND --
JUICIER AND THE NEXT
"AVENGERS."
DID I SEE -- ALL OF THESE
NAMES.
TELL ME IF I'M WRONG,
ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
"INFINITY WAR" THIS COMES OUT
MAY 4TH.
SCARLETT JOHANSSON,
MARK RUFFALO, CHRIS EVANS,
JEREMY RENNER, ELIZABETH OLSEN,
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH,
CHRIS PRATT, VIN DIESEL,
BRADLEY COOPER,
BENICIO DEL TORO -- DON CHEADLE
AND PAUL RUDD.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT FOR REAL?
>> AND SOME, AND SOME.
>> Jimmy: AND SOME, AS WELL.
I MAKE A CAMEO.
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER ]
I MAKE IT UP.
NO, I DON'T.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, THANK GOODNESS.
BUT I JUST LOVE HOWEVER BIG OF
A STAR YOU GET, IN THE MOVIE,
YOU STILL ARE A DOWN-TO-EARTH
GUY AND YOU KNOW.
>> AW, THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE STILL A GOOD
DUDE.
AND YOU KNOW WHO KEEPS NEW
CHECK?
AND YOU KNOW WHO DOES.
YOUR BROTHER, LIAM.
>> YEAH, HE DOES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE GIVES IT A SHOT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I FOLLOW.
AND HERE'S A PHOTO THAT HE JUST
POSTED ON INSTAGRAM.
IF YOU FOLLOW @LIAMHEMSWORTH.
HE SAID, THIS IS HIS DOG'S
FAVORITE CHEW TOY.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THERE'S A LITTLE THOR
ACTION FIGURE RIGHT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH.
THAT'S JUST ME AND LIAM IN A
A FAMILY PORTRAIT.
>> Jimmy: HE'S JUST A GOOD
BROTHER, THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT TO
DO, THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT TO DO.
YOU GOT TO --
>> YEAH, HE DOESN'T FEED THE
DOG, MORE TO THE POINT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NOT THAT HE'S A SAINT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THE DOG IS
ACTUALLY HUNGRY.
YEAH, NEEDS SOMETHING TO CHEW
ON, YEAH.
BUT YOU'RE A GOOD DAD.
AT HOME YOU HAVE, I SAW A PHOTO
OF --
OR A VIDEO ACTUALLY.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE IS IT TWO --
3-YEAR-OLD BOYS?
>> YEAH, TWO TWIN BOYS, ARE
THREE AND A HALF AND A FIVE AND
A HALF YEAR OLD DAUGHTER.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> THREE KIDS, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: SO IS -- AND IT'S
TOTALLY DIFFERENT HAVING BOYS
AND GIRLS.
I ONLY HAVE GIRLS.
>> VERY DIFFERENT.
YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU SAID, IN THE
VIDEO, I THINK, ONE OF YOUR
BOYS --
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: BUT HE'S SCALING A
A FRIDGE?
>> YEAH, WE PUT THE --
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE PUT THE CHOCOLATES AND THE
LOLLIES UP ABOVE THE FRIDGE IN
A VERY HIGH PLACE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SMART.
>> AND HE KEPT PUSHING THE
CHAIR OVER AND TRYING TO CLIMB
UP.
SO WE MOVED THE CHAIR AWAY AND
THEN MY WIFE SENDS ME THIS
VIDEO AND SAYS, "YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT HE'S
DOING."
>> Jimmy: WELL, TAKE A LOOK AT
THIS --
THIS IS VERY SWEET.
HERE'S A VIDEO OF HIS
3-YEAR-OLD SON HUNTING FOR
CHOCOLATES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
THAT'S DETERMINATION, MAN.
LOOK AT THAT.
LOOK AT IT, HE'S THREE YEARS
OLD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THREE YEARS OLD!
YOU EARNED IT!
YOU EARNED, YOU EARNED THE
CHOCOLATES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HE EARNED THE CHOCOLATES AT
THAT POINT.
GIVE HIM HIS CHOCOLATES.
THEY'RE SO DIFFERENT TO -- HIS
SISTER, THOUGH, YOU KNOW.
>> WHAT HAPPENS?
DOES HIS SISTER HOLD OUT --
HOLD HER OWN?
>> OH YEAH, YEAH.
SHE'S -- WOMEN ARE SMARTER,
MUCH SMARTER.
>> Jimmy: THEY ARE, YEAH.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> I MEAN, SHE'S FIVE AND A
A HALF, SO.
SORT OF, MID LAST YEAR MY
MOTHER-IN-LAW WENT TO PICK UP
THE BOYS AT SCHOOL.
THEY DO A HALF DAY, SHE DOES A
A FULL DAY.
AND WENT TO PICK THEM UP AND
A --
AND THE TEACHER COMES UP AND
SAYS, AH LOOK, "INDIA WANTS TO
GO HOME, SHE'S NOT FEELING
WELL."
AND SHE COMES OUT AND SAYS,
[ COUGH ] YOU KNOW, "I'M SICK,
I'M SICK."
SO, TAKES HER HOME.
I COME HOME LATER ON, AND SHE'S
RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE, SHE'S
IN THE POOL, SHE'S LIKE, HAVING
A GREAT TIME.
AND I'M LIKE, "I THOUGHT YOU
WERE SICK?"
SHE GOES, "NO, I WAS JUST
TRICKING, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
AT SCHOOL."
[ LAUGHTER ]
FIVE AND A HALF.
FIVE, AT THE TIME, SO.
THAT'S GOING TO BE FUN WHEN
SHE'S LIKE, 16.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SHE'S ONLY FIVE
AND HALF NOW.
OH, YEAH MAN.
SHE KNOWS HOW TO DO IT.
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER ]
I WAS JUST, YEAH.
[ PRETEND COUGH ]
YEAH, I GOT TO GO HOME.
SMART KID.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS
FILM, "12 STRONG."
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I DID -- I DID NOT
KNOW ABOUT THIS STORY.
>> NEITHER DID I.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, IT'S A --
NO, I MEAN, IT'S A TRUE STORY.
>> Jimmy: IT'S A TRUE STORY.
>> TRUE STORY.
FASCINATING, BASED ON A BOOK,
"HORSE SOLDIERS", WHICH HAS
BEEN CHANGED TO "12 STRONG"
NOW.
AND BASICALLY AFTER THE
9/11 ATTACKS, THREE WEEKS
LATER, THE FIRST BOOTS ON THE
GROUND WERE A SMALL BAND OF
SPECIAL FORCES SOLDIERS.
AND 12 GUYS GOT SENT IN THERE.
HAD VERY LITTLE INTEL,
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE
WALKING INTO.
AND THEIR JOB WAS TO LINK UP
WITH THE LOCAL AFGHAN PEOPLE
AND SOLDIERS WHO WERE FIGHTING
THE TALIBAN AND ASSIST THEM,
WORK WITH THEM TO REMOVE THE
TALIBAN FROM AFGHANISTAN.
12 GUYS.
AND WHEN THEY GOT THERE, THEY
HAD TO FIGHT THE WAY THE LOCALS
WERE FIGHTING, WHICH WAS ON
HORSEBACK, AND HIGHLY
CLASSIFIED MISSION UNTIL
RECENTLY.
BUT THEY RODE ON HORSEBACK IN
BATTLE ALONGSIDE THE AFGHAN
SOLDIERS.
REMOVED THE TALIBAN FROM
AFGHANISTAN, AND THEY DID THIS
IN THREE WEEKS.
AND IT'S A STORY THAT I KNEW
NOTHING ABOUT.
MOST PEOPLE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT.
AND ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING.
AND WE MET A BUNCH OF THE REAL
SOLDIERS, TOO.
GOT TO WORK WITH THEM.
>> Jimmy: I SAW THIS PHOTO,
HERE.
IS IT --
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ARE THESE GUYS -- IS
THIS TODAY?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: LOOK AT THAT.
>> THE HORSE SOLDIERS.
>> Jimmy: AMERICA'S RESPONSE
MONEY.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THE 9/11 MEMORIAL.
>> SO, THESE ARE THE REAL GUYS
HERE.
AND THIS IS --
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELL, I THANK THEM
FOR THEIR SERVICE.
YOU ACTUALLY INVITED THOSE
GENTLEMEN TO THE PREMIERE.
>> YEAH, WELL THEY'VE BEEN PART
OF THE FILM, AND NOW THEY'RE
COMING TO THE PREMIERE TONIGHT.
AND SOME OF THEM HAVE SEEN THE
FILM, AND SOME OF THEM HAVEN'T.
AND THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN
IT, HAVE GIVEN US THE
ALL-CLEAR, AND SAID FANTASTIC.
TRUTHFUL PORTRAYAL, YOU KNOW.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SO, THAT WAS BIG RELIEF,
BECAUSE THAT'S THE --
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> THAT WAS OUR BIGGEST --
>> Jimmy: 'CAUSE THAT'S WHOSE
DOING IT FOR YOU.
>> YEAH, OUR BIGGEST CONCERN.
>> Jimmy: WELL, GO CHECK IT
OUT.
IT'S IN THEATERS AND IMAX.
I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP.
HERE'S CHRIS HEMSWORTH AND HIS
SPECIAL FORCES TEAM IN THE TRUE
STORY "12 STRONG."
CHECK IT OUT.
>> K-2 BASE THIS ALPHA.
LEAD ELEMENTS CROSSING BASELINE
RED.
ANTICIPATE HIGH CASUALTIES.
[ EXPLOSION ] [ GUNSHOTS ]
♪♪♪
[ HORSE NEIGH ]
♪♪♪
>> DAMN IT.
♪♪♪
[ GUNFIRE ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
IS --
THAT'S MODERN-DAY WARFARE.
>> YEAH, GOING BACK TO WORLD
WAR I.
ACTUALLY.
>> Jimmy: UNBELIEVABLE.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: CHRIS I FEEL LIKE YOU
AND I HAVE A STRONG CONNECTION.
>> YEP.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: AND I THINK THAT WE
SHOULD TEST HOW STRONG IT IS IN
A GAME CALLED
"THE JINX CHALLENGE."
YOU GUYS -- ARE YOU UP FOR IT?
>> I LOVE IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE
IT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
CHRIS HEMSWORTH AND I ARE DOING
"THE JINX CHALLENGE" AFTER THE
BREAK.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY, IT'S
GOOD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
WE ARE HANGING OUT WITH
CHRIS HEMSWORTH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HIS NEW MOVIE, "12 STRONG," IS
IN THEATERS AND IMAX ON FRIDAY.
CHRIS, WHENEVER YOU'RE HERE, I
ALWAYS FEEL VERY CONNECTED TO
YOU, AND I HAVE A GAME THAT WE
CAN PLAY TO PROVE IT.
IT'S TIME FOR "THE JINX
CHALLENGE!"
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
>> Jimmy: NOW, HERE'S HOW IT
WORKS.
WE READ A CATEGORY FROM THE
CARD THEN, I'M GOING TO COUNT
TO THREE, AND WE BOTH SAY
SOMETHING IN THAT CATEGORY AT
THE SAME TIME.
WHEN WE SAY THE SAME THING,
IT'S A JINX.
AND THAT'S A GOOD THING.
>> IT'S A GOOD THING.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WE WANT AS MANY
JINX'S AS WE CAN.
FIRST, LET'S PUT ON THE JINX
GLOVES, WHICH WILL HELP LINK
OUR --
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
HELP LINK OUR HANDS AND OUR
MINDS --
IT WILL HELP LINK --
>> ALWAYS.
I'VE ALWAYS, ALWAYS WANTED --
>> Jimmy: THIS IS FANTASTIC.
>> WANTED TO SHARE A GLOVE WITH
YOU.
>> Jimmy: IT'S JUST, ALREADY,
IT FEELS LIKE WE WON, DOESN'T
IT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ARE YOU READY?
ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
LET'S HEAR THE FIRST CATEGORY
IS --
>> IT'S LIKE MARRIAGE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT IS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND WHEN -- WHEN WE JINX, I
DON'T KNOW WHAT WE DO.
WE -- WE DO THAT, MAYBE.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IF WE JINX.
BUT, IF WE DON'T THEN --
>> WE KISS THROUGH THE GLOVE.
>> Jimmy: YES, EXACTLY.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING.
>> HE'S NOT INTO THAT.
>> Jimmy: LET'S SEE.
SURE, I'LL DO THAT.
YEAH, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TOO.
IT'S JUST A -- JUST A
A SUGGESTION.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I MEAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T NEED THE GLOVE AT ALL.
WE CAN GET RID OF THE GLOVE.
AND JUST GET RIGHT TO THE END
OF THE GAME, RIGHT NOW.
>> YOU PUT THE GLOVE ON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I NEVER WEAR GLOVES.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S
TRUE.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
FIRST CATEGORY IS --
COCKTAILS.
ONE, TWO, THREE -- MARTINI.
>> DRINK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT WAS MY FIRST TIME.
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, IT'S YOUR
FIRST TIME.
IT HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THREE, TWO, ONE --
GIN AND TONIC.
>> TONIC.
[ APPLAUSE ]
THAT COULDN'T A ONE --
>> Jimmy: ONE COCKTAIL.
>> Jimmy: COME ON, LET'S FEEL
THE CONNECTION, MAN.
SERIOUSLY.
>> THE GLOVE --
>> Jimmy: ENOUGH, ENOUGH
PLAYING THE GAME IN FRONT OF
THE AUDIENCE.
LET'S HAVE A REAL -- LET'S HAVE
A REAL, HARD.
READY?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO LOOK
AT YOU NOW.
>> Jimmy: HERE WE GO.
DOG BREEDS.
>> AIR --
>> Jimmy: ONE, TWO, THREE --
>> LABRADOR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: GOLDEN RETRIEVER.
>> I SAID, AIR.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, AIR.
I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU SAID --
>> I THOUGHT YOU SAID DOG
BREATHES --
AIR.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SO BREATHES AIR --
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE CORRECT.
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER ]
JUDGES, DOES A DOG BREATHE AIR,
JUDGES?
[ DING ]
THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
DISNEY PRINCESSES.
ONE, TWO, THREE --
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, I GOT ONE, I GOT
ONE.
>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, LET ME.
>> Jimmy: ONE, TWO, THREE --
MOANA.
>> MINNIE, MINNIE.
>> ONE, TWO, THREE --
>> Jimmy: ELSA!
>> ELSA!
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THERE YOU
GO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT, DANGEROUS SPORTS.
>> OH, OKAY.
>> Jimmy: ONE, TWO, THREE.
RUGBY.
>> FOOTBALL.
>> Jimmy: WAIT --
[ AUDIENCE OHS ]
I THINK IT'S THE SAME THING IN
AUSTRALIA.
>> DEPENDING WHERE YOU'RE FROM.
>> Jimmy: IT WORKS, IT'S A
A JINX!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
>> MORE KISSES, MORE KISSES.
>> Jimmy: TOOLS.
ONE, TWO, THREE --
>> CHAINSAW.
>> Jimmy: JIMMY FALLON.
THERE YOU GO, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE YOU GO.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
SAY, I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO
GET A JINX ON THAT ONE.
HERE WE GO.
>> NO, NEVER, NEVER.
>> Jimmy: NICKNAMES YOU CALL
YOUR SPOUSE, ONE, TWO, THREE --
HONEY.
>> LOVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ONE, TWO, THREE --
>> MI AMOR.
>> Jimmy: CUTIE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IS YOUR WIFE SPANISH?
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> TE QUIERO.
OKAY, ONE MORE TIME.
>> Jimmy: ONE, TWO, THREE --
>> DARLING.
>> Jimmy: DESPACITO.
>> DESPACITO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WE GOTTA
COME UP WITH IT.
HERE WE GO.
LAST JINX, RIGHT HERE, READY.
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: COUNTRIES THAT START
WITH "A."
ONE, TWO, THREE -- AUSTRALIA!
>> AUSTRALIA!
YES!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
>> Jimmy: CHRIS HEMSWORTH,
EVERYBODY.
"12 STRONG" IS IN THEATERS AND
IMAX ON FRIDAY.
CARRIE BROWNSTEIN JOINS US
AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: IN ADDITION TO BEING
A FANTASTIC MUSICIAN, OUR NEXT
GUEST CO-CREATED, WRITES AND
STARS AND DIRECTS, IN THE
EMMY-WINNING COMEDY,
"PORTLANDIA."
ITS EIGHTH AND FINAL SEASON --
[ AUDIENCE AWS ]
I KNOW -- PREMIERES THURSDAY AT
10:00 P.M. ON IFC.
EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME THE
VERY TALENTED
CARRIE BROWNSTEIN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
>> Jimmy: CARRIE, ALL RIGHT,
CARRIE, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT
"PORTLANDIA," AND DON'T GET
WEEPY AND SAD, BECAUSE I AM A
A LITTLE BIT.
BUT I ALSO WANT TO TALK ABOUT,
BEFORE WE TALK ABOUT
"PORTLANDIA."
I HEARD YOU'RE A FAN OF
"THE BACHELOR."
AND ARE YOU?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I WISH YOU HADN'T EXPOSED ME
AS THAT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
RIGHT OFF THE BAT.
BUT -- NO, IT'S FINE.
>> Jimmy: SORRY, I SHOULD HAVE
ASKED.
>> I MEAN, I'M A PROUD VIEWER
OF "THE BACHELOR."
I GO --
[ CHEERS ]
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S
GOOD, WE ARE --
I REALLY AM.
>> NO, I KNOW.
AND I DON'T THINK THEY'VE DONE
ANY LONG-TERM -- LIKE STUDIES
OF LONG-TERM EFFECTS OF
"BACHELOR" WATCHING, BUT I'VE
BEEN WATCHING FOR A WHILE AND I
SEEM TO STILL BE DOING OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE
DOING FINE.
WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON THIS SEASON
SO FAR?
WE'RE VERY -- WE'RE ONLY IN
THREE EPISODES.
>> THREE EPISODES.
>> Jimmy: I'M NOT SURE IF I'M
IN TO -- THE BACHELOR.
>> REALLY?
>> Jimmy: AR -- ARLIE?
ARTY?
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ARIE.
ARIE.
>> Jimmy: ARIE, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> ARIE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SEE, I FEEL BAD --
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T
KNOW.
>> WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T -- I
DON'T WANT TO COME ON THE SHOW
AND TALK POORLY ABOUT "THE
BACHELOR."
>> Jimmy: THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S TRUE.
>> I MEAN, WE DON'T KNOW HIM.
>> Jimmy: WELL, I KNOW, SO THAT
MAKES --
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER ]
IN OUR HEARTS AS WELL.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT --
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE DOES.
ONE THING THAT I'VE BEEN A
A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH, HE
LOVES -- HE'S A RACE CAR
DRIVER.
SO A LOT OF HIS ANALOGIES ARE
REAL MOTORSPORTS, YOU KNOW?
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, WHICH RIGHT -- YOU'RE
ALREADY -- ALREADY THINKING --
>> Jimmy: HE'S LIKE, "LET'S
TAKE THIS TO THIRD GEAR."
>> YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND -- AND THEY KEEP CALLING
HIM "PILLOW LIPS."
>> Jimmy: I DON'T LIKE THAT AT
ALL!
>> I KNOW!
I JUST THINK --
>> Jimmy: "PILLOW LIPS" GROSSES
ME OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THERE'S NOTHING --
>> Jimmy: I DON'T LIKE "PILLOW
LIPS."
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: IS "PILLOW LIPS" A
A GOOD THING?
>> NO, IT SEEMS LIKE JUST --
LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE A
A SANDWICH BAG THAT'S -- THAT'S
FILLED WITH LIQUID, LIKE A
A SOUP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND -- AND --
>> Jimmy: SO IT'S LIKE AT THE
PILLOW AND THEN -- THAT
THING --
>> YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH, THAT'S --
>> Jimmy: BUT HE MAKES OUT WITH
EVERYBODY.
>> HE HAS MADE -- I ALWAYS AM
THINKING IN TERMS OF DISEASES
AND GERMS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND --
>> Jimmy: AS ONE DOES.
>> YEAH AND I JUST THINK
THERE'S A LOT GOING AROUND.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> ON THE, YOU KNOW --
>> Jimmy: THERE IS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOW, I -- LAST NIGHT, I -- I
WATCHED AND I FELL ASLEEP.
>> I WAS TRAVELING HERE
YESTERDAY SO I SADLY MISSED IT.
RIGHT WHEN I GOT TO MY HOTEL,
THOUGH, I TURNED ON THE TV AND
I ALSO ORDERED ROOM SERVICE.
SO -- THERE WAS COMPETING URGES
THERE, BUT WHEN THEY --
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN -- WHEN --
>> Jimmy: COMPETING URGES, YEAH
OF COURSE.
>> WHEN -- WHEN THE FOOD
ARRIVED, I ACTED LIKE THE TV
HAD ACCIDENTALLY BEEN TURNED ON
TO "THE BACHELOR."
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, MY --
OH, I'M SO PROUD OF MY
"BACHELOR" FANDOM, YEAH.
>> NO, I SHOULD EMBRACE IT A
A LITTLE MORE, YOU'RE RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE -- DO YOU
HAVE FANS, I DON'T WANT TO TELL
YOU WHO WAS THROWN OFF LAST
NIGHT, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T SEE
IT.
BUT ARE YOU A FAN OF SOMEONE
WHO YOU THINK IS GOING TO GO
ALL THE WAY?
ALREADY?
I HAVE AN IDEA.
>> REALLY?
>> Jimmy: MM-HMM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH.
OKAY, I THINK THAT'S A GOOD
CALL.
I LIKE BECCA M.
SHE SEEMS -- SHE'S A LITTLE
YOUNG.
SHE'S 22, I THINK --
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S HER,
BECCA.
THERE'S TWO BECCAS, THREE
BECCAS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
BECCA Z.
>> IT'S ALL BECCA'S.
>> Jimmy: IT'S ALL BECCA
SEASON.
>> IT'S ALL BECCA'S.
>> Jimmy: ALL BECCA'S, THE
WHOLE SEASON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
25 SECONDS, ONE ARIE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
>> I LIKE SEINE AND I LIKE
BECCA, BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE
EITHER OF THEM, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: WHAT?
WAIT, BUT WHO'S?
WHO AM I THINKING OF?
WHO'S BECCA -- THAT I LIKE.
BECCA.
>> OH, THE --
>> Jimmy: THE PR CONSULTANT.
>> OH, THAT'S THE OTHER BECCA I
THINK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THERE'S BECCA,
THERE'S CRYSTAL, WHO WENT --
AND SHE IS A FITNESS COACH.
>> AND BIBIANA WENT HOME TOO.
>> Jimmy: FITNESS COACH IS AN
INTERESTING OCCUPATION THOUGH,
RIGHT?
>> YEAH?
WHAT ABOUT WHEN --
>> Jimmy: I'VE JUST NEVER HEARD
THAT.
>> WHAT ABOUT WHEN TWIN WAS AN
OCCUPATION?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: TWIN WAS -- THAT WAS
A GREAT OCCUPATION, YEAH.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT
REALLY WHY YOU'RE HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
"PORTLANDIA."
>> I WAS STARTING TO NOT BE
SURE.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW, I'M SORRY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I AM A FAN OF BOTH, BUT MAN
OH MAN, I SAW THE FIRST EPISODE
OF THE NOW -- I HATE TO SAY IT,
LAST SEASON OF "PORTLANDIA."
ARE YOU SAD THAT IT'S COMING TO
AN END?
HAS IT SUNK IN?
>> IT HAS NOT TOTALLY SUNK IN.
I THINK BECAUSE THIS IS SUCH A
A SIMILAR CYCLE TO WHAT WE DO
EVERY YEAR, WHICH IS WE GET TO
GO ON SHOWS AND TALK ABOUT IT
AND DO PRESS, AND IT HASN'T
AIRED YET.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> BUT IT'S SLOWLY STARTING TO
CREEP IN -- AND IT'S STARTING
TO CREEP IN IN THESE KINDS OF
CONVERSATIONS WHERE SOMETIMES
I'LL BE TALKING TO A FAN THAT I
RUN INTO OR A FRIEND, AND I SEE
THE TEARS FORMING IN THEIR
EYES.
SO I'VE BECOME A LITTLE BIT OF
A GRIEF COUNSELOR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHICH ALLOWS ME TO REALLY PUT
OFF MY OWN GRIEVING PROCESS,
WHICH IS REALLY HEALTHY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S SUCH A CREATIVE GREAT
SHOW, OBVIOUSLY FRED ARMISEN,
WE LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND ALL THE
PRODUCERS ON THERE.
AND KYLE MacLACHLAN IS
FANTASTIC AS WELL.
THESE GUYS GOT HONORED BY -- BY
PORTLAND.
>> WE DID.
>> Jimmy: THEY -- THEY GAVE
YOU -- THEY PUT A PLAQUE, THEY
GAVE YOU A PLAQUE.
NOW THIS IS THE PLAQUE.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF YOU AND
THE FAKE MAYOR,
KYLE MacLACHLAN.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: FROM YOUR SHOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND WHERE IS THIS
HANGING?
>> THAT IS ACTUALLY IN CITY
HALL.
THAT IS PORTLAND CITY HALL AND
THESE ARE ALL THE MAYORS, THE
PAST MAYORS OF PORTLAND.
AND THERE'S -- THERE WE ARE --
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOT --
WE ARE NOT ELECTED OFFICIALS
AND THIS HAS PROBABLY ALREADY
BEEN DEFACED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT TRUE.
IT IS NOT.
>> IT HASN'T.
>> Jimmy: I MEAN, BUT THEY LOVE
YOU AT PORTLAND, I MEAN YOU
REALLY DID A GREAT JOB
REPRESENTING THEM AND --
>> THANK YOU.
THANKS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN
TO PORTLAND A COUPLE OF TIMES,
BUT YOU -- YOU REALLY GET THESE
LITTLE TINY THINGS WHERE YOU'RE
LIKE, "OH, THAT'S VERY, VERY
GOOD.
THAT IS VERY PORTLAND."
I MEAN, IT'S DEFINITELY TO THE
EXTREMES, BUT THERE'S SO MANY
FUN LITTLE THINGS, YOU'RE LIKE,
"NO, THAT'S ACTUALLY, THAT'S
PRETTY RIGHT ON."
I LOVE THAT STUFF AND THAT -- I
DON'T KNOW -- I WAS JUST A FAN
OF EVERYTHING, AND HOW CREATIVE
AND HOW BIZARRE THE SHOW CAN
GET.
THIS FIRST EPISODE ALONE, I
MEAN THERE'S STAMPEDES, THERE'S
HORSE STAMPEDES IN THIS FIRST
ONE.
THERE'S FRED WANTS TO PUT HIS
OLD PUNK ROCK BAND BACK
TOGETHER THAT HE HAD IN HIGH
SCHOOL, BUT NOW EVERYONE'S LIKE
MIDDLE-AGED MEN.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: AND IT'S PLAYED BY
LEGENDS OF MUSIC
KRIST NOVOSELIC, HENRY ROLLINS.
>> AND BRENDAN CANTY WHO WAS
THE DRUMMER IN FUGAZI.
>> Jimmy: BRENDAN CANTY --
FUGAZI.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE ALL TOGETHER
AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE OLDER
GUYS, BUT YOU DIRECTED THIS
EPISODE AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A
A BRILLIANT MOVE.
EVERY TIME FRED LOOKS AROUND AT
LIKE -- YOU KNOW -- THIS
40-SOMETHING-YEAR-OLD GUY
PLAYING DRUMS.
HE SEES A TEENAGER ON A VIDEO
CAMERA, LIKE PLAYING -- AND
LIKE HEADBANGING.
AND IT'S LIKE -- IT'S TOUCHY,
BUT YET, IT'S SUPER, SUPER
FUNNY, 'CAUSE THE NAME OF THE
BAND IS --
>> RIOT SPRAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
THEY ARE RIOT SPRAY, AND
THEY'RE A BUNCH OF MIDDLE-AGED
MEN.
AND IT'S JUST -- THAT'S JUST
ONE OF THE GREAT SKETCHES, BUT
I TALK TOO MUCH.
I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP.
HERE'S CARRIE BROWNSTEIN AND
FRED ARMISEN IN THE SEASON OF
"PORTLANDIA," THIS THURSDAY,
IFC, 10:00, TAKE A LOOK.
>> OFFICERS ENTERED THE
APARTMENT, AND FOUND THE BODY
OF A MAN IN HIS MID-40S WITH
STAB WOUNDS TO HIS CHEST AND
NECK.
>> THE AIR IS HUMID IN
PORTLAND, OREGON.
IT'S AN INESCAPABLE CLOSENESS
THAT FEELS ALMOST OPPRESSIVE.
>> I CLOSE MY EYES AND TRY TO
IMAGINE GROWING UP IN A PLACE
LIKE THIS, LIVING WITH THE
FEELING THAT I'LL NEVER BE ABLE
TO LEAVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HEY, CAN SOMEONE GET RID OF
THESE GUYS?
THIS IS A CLOSED BRIEFING,
THERE'S NO PRESS.
>> NO, THEY'RE GOOD.
WE HAD THE OPTION BETWEEN BODY
CAMERAS AND PODCASTERS.
I WENT WITH THE PODCASTERS, MY
KIDS LOVE 'EM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M DARREN BLUM.
>> AND I'M DANA BLUE.
>> AND THIS IS "FORGOTTEN
AMERICA: RURAL FOOTPRINTS."
♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: CARRIE BROWNSTEIN,
EVERYBODY.
THE FINAL SEASON OF
"PORTLANDIA" PREMIERES THIS
THURSDAY AT 10:00 P.M. ON IFC.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
A PERFORMANCE FROM
CAITLYN SMITH.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
>> Jimmy: SHE IS A TALENTED
MUSICIAN WHO HAS WRITTEN FOR A
A WIDE RANGE OF ARTISTS FROM
GARTH BROOKS TO JAMES BAY.
HER DEBUT ALBUM, "STARFIRE" IS
OUT THIS FRIDAY.
MAKING HER TV DEBUT, PERFORMING
"CONTACT HIGH," PLEASE WELCOME,
CAITLYN SMITH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
♪ I GOTTA TELL YOU IF YOU
COME ANY CLOSER YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO TAKE MY
KEYS AWAY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M GETTING DIZZY
BABE THE ROOM IS SPINNING
LIKE A TILT-A-WHIRL ♪
♪ AND I SWEAR THAT I HAVEN'T
DRANK A DROP BUT THIS BUZZ
WON'T STOP ♪
♪ I HAVEN'T TOUCHED YOUR
SKIN WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN WHEN
I LEAN IN I HAVEN'T EVEN
HAD YOUR KISS ♪
♪ AND I'M ALREADY FEELING
LIKE THIS ♪
♪ YOU GIVE ME THAT CONTACT
HIGH WHEN I LOOK IN YOUR EYES
I DON'T NEED PILLS OR WINE
WHEN I'M CLOSE TO YOU ♪
♪ OH IT'S JUST IN THE ROOM
EVERYTHING YOU DO SENDS
ME TO THE MOON
HAPPENS EVERY TIME ♪
♪ YOU SEND ME TO THE SKY AND
I'M MESSED UP ON YOUR VIBES
BABY CONTACT HIGH ♪
♪♪♪
♪ THERE'S NO DENYING THAT
I'M SLIDING SLIPPING LOSING
MY GRIP CAUSE IT'S
EASY TO ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S JUST ME AND YOU
BABY SO LET'S STOP TRYING TO
HOLD BACK THE FLOW OH THAT
DAM'S GOTTA GO ♪
♪ BOY YA GOTTA KNOW THAT I'M
LIKE WHOA WHOA WHOA ♪
♪ YOU GIVE ME THAT CONTACT
HIGH WHEN I LOOK IN YOUR EYES
I DON'T NEED PILLS OR WINE
WHEN I'M CLOSE TO YOU ♪
♪ OH IT'S JUST IN THE ROOM
EVERYTHING YOU DO SENDS
ME TO THE MOON ♪
♪ HAPPENS EVERY TIME YOU
SEND ME TO THE SKY AND I'M
MESSED UP ON YOUR VIBES BABY
CONTACT HIGH ♪
♪ CONTACT HIGH MMM
OOH ♪
♪ WATCH ME IF YOU COME A
LITTLE CLOSER I DARE YOU TO
COME A LITTLE CLOSER ♪
♪ I LOVE IT WHEN YOU COME
A LITTLE CLOSER OH
CLOSER CLOSER YEAH ♪
♪ WATCH ME IF YOU COME A
LITTLE CLOSER I DARE YOU TO
COME A LITTLE CLOSER ♪
♪ I LOVE IT WHEN YOU COME
A LITTLE CLOSER
CLOSER CLOSER YEAH ♪
♪ YOU GIVE ME THAT CONTACT
HIGH WHEN I LOOK IN YOUR EYES
I DON'T NEED PILLS OR WINE
WHEN I'M CLOSE TO YOU ♪
♪ OH IT'S JUST IN THE ROOM
EVERYTHING YOU DO SENDS
ME TO THE MOON
EVERYTHING YOU DO ♪
♪ HAPPENS EVERY TIME YOU
SEND ME TO THE SKY AND I'M
MESSED UP ON YOUR
VIBES BABY ♪
♪ YOU CAN CUT THIS TENSION
WITH A KNIFE
CONTACT HIGH
OH OH OH YEAH ♪
♪♪♪
♪ YEAH ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.
COME ON, PAL.
CAITLYN SMITH, WOW!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
"STARFIRE" IS AVAILABLE FOR
PREORDER RIGHT NOW.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY.
CAITLYN SMITH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
>> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
CHRIS HEMSWORTH,
CARRIE BROWNSTEIN,
CAITLYN SMITH, ONCE AGAIN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA.
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS."
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
HAVE A GREAT NIGHT.
I HOPE TO SEE YOU TOMORROW.
BYE-BYE, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪