Yeah, Walter. Hi, it's George.
I know it's my third call on a Saturday,
but I'm having a bit of a problem with the Lockwise Helping Hand account.
Now, I know it's your baby, and I know you'll straighten it out,
but, well, I'm thinking of heading into the office today to see if I can sort it out.
So, no problems. We'll see you on Monday.
Don't worry about it. Give my love to Rebecca. Bye-bye.
- Barbara, stop it. - No.
- You need this. - No, I will not.
George!
George, yes. Where is George?
- I would like to speak to him. - I don't know.
I don't even know who you are, young lady.
- George. - Thank God.
George, who is this young lady?
- Here, honey. - That's...
I can't do this.
That's my wife, Mom.
No. She's too young.
How old is she?
We were married nine years ago, remember?
She's nine years old?
Our marriage is nine years old, our marriage.
She's the second one.
No. I adored the other one.
I know, Mom, but, you know, she tried to kill me.
No, she didn't. That was just a little hit-and-run.
Yeah, well, I was in traction for two months.
I don't remember that.
- Here you go. - I like this one.
- Well, that's the most popular one. - Yeah.
There you go.
- We aren't done with this. - Yes, I know. I know.
And why are you wearing a shirt and tie on a Saturday?
I have to go into the office.
- You're going into the office? - Yes.
- When? - Now.
George, aren't you forgetting something?
No, I'm not.
I love you.
Nice try. Your son.
You promised him you would take him to his baseball game today.
I'm not telling him this time. You do it.
Honey, I'll be back in time. The game doesn't start until 2:00.
1100.
I'll be back.
Mom, Dad, Grandma isn't eating.
God, I hate old people.
Watch your mouth, young lady.
Why? It's not like she understands anything we're saying.
You know what? I've had just about enough of your attitude.
Hello? You listening?
iPod. They were made to ignore the stepmother.
George?
Honey, would you take those things off, please, and listen to your mother?
Okay, she is not my mother.
She's the mother of that thing.
- You're the thing. - You're a thing.
- You're a thing, sister. - Don't call me that.
Dad, I'm really excited about the game today.
It's gonna be so cool having you there.
Jeremy's dad is always there, but he yells at me if I miss the ball.
Well, that's not gonna happen today, son.
Now, I've got to run to the office,
but I'll be back in time to take you to your game.
You promise?
Scout's honor.
Don't forget. 1:00.
He's not coming.
That was the Star Trek sign.
He's a Trekkie.
And so am I.
- Morning, Jackie. - Hello.
Don't you wish it was this quiet every day?
Be careful what you wish for.
Gotta be mine
Gotta be strong
A little While
And you got nothing to be guilty of
You might not wanna sing that song.
Okay. Shred everything.
My shredder's broken. I need another shredder!
- Here we go! - Who's got one?
Don't leave any evidence. Nothing. Okay?
- Put 'em in a box! - Let me through. Let me through.
Shred everything! Here, here. Right here!
All the boxes!
All right. Grab those two! What are you doing?
Just get it in here! Anything!
I got one more!
- Is it the last quarter? - Yeah.
Dump everything!
George, come in here, buddy.
Come in, come in, come in.
Walter, what's going on?
Hey, listen, pull your money out of the bank,
cash in all your stocks and bonds by 10:00 a.m. Monday morning.
Why?
Well, CNN is doing one of those investigative reports
about Lockwise Industries.
That's fantastic. That'll be great for business.
Not really. They're gonna say we've been running a Ponzi scheme for seven years.
Well, they can't say that, Walter. That's libelous.
I mean, this firm's been operating successfully for over 100 years.
Yeah, yeah, they're focusing on the charity division, Helping Hands.
Helping Hands has been going strong for over eight years.
I should know. I'm CFO.
Yeah. Yeah, you are.
Could you say that again, the part about the CFO?
I'm CFO. I should know.
Right. Perfect, perfect. Thanks.
Walter, are they reporting that it's our division?
Yeah. Your division.
But I have all the records.
Say that again.
But I have all the records.
Perfect. Now shred them.
- Walter. - Yeah.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that all the monies
that came into Lockwise Industries' Helping Hands charity investment group
are part of a big, old Ponzi scheme.
What?
Yeah. Christ.
It worked for a while.
I almost feel bad for hanging you out to dry like this.
You should see your face, dude.
And by the way, this is not gonna be pretty for you.
I feel awful.
Horrible.
What? But...
For me?
You were a lowly accountant, remember?
And then I pull you out of bookkeeping and make you the CFO.
I mean, you had no experience whatsoever. None. None at all.
I had worked here five years prior to that, Walter.
- I was working hard. I thought I earned it. - You did work hard.
Nobody earns it around here. I had to bang my way to the top.
And there's a lot of big women on the Board of Directors here.
And that was hard, and it was hard to stay hard.
So don't talk to me about "hard."
Okay? You were paid a seven-figure salary for exactly this reason.
What reason?
So you could take the fall. Man, you've been paid to be screwed.
Kind of jealous. Oh, well.
Walter, I knew nothing about this.
Yeah, I know. I know. Sorry.
Would have ruined it if you had, kind of.
Well, that explains why I couldn't get those accounts to balance.
Now you're thinking.
What about the charities? Walter, 82 charities.
They think their monies are safe.
I'm handing you over to the Feds,
and all you care about is the stupid charities?
By the way, there's only 12 charities.
There's 82 charities.
No, there's 12. The other 70 companies were set up by the Malone family.
Awkward.
The Mafia Malones?
You've been laundering money, dude.
Yeah, this is gonna be really awful for you.
Hey, man, be careful when you start your car.
This is not happening.
A Ponzi scheme? A Ponzi scheme?
Walter, where are the investors' monies?
Walter? Walter!
Okay, calm down. Calm, calm, calm. Calm down.
That's it. That's it.
Just calm down.
I'm not calming. I'm not calming. I'm not calming.
- Hey, boss, just the person I wanna see. - What do you have?
So I've been looking into the Malone crime family, right?
And the more I look at them,
I'm finding that they're connected to this company
that does a lot of charity investment work, called Lockwise.
Yes?
I think they may be laundering money through them.
- We've been after these guys for years. - Yeah.
Why don't you see what you can find out, okay?
Okay.
Thanks a lot.
George?
I've been calling you for hours.
Yeah, I know. I know.
How is he?
- He was upset, but he'll be fine. - That's good.
Is it true?
What?
Come on, George. Don't play games with me.
All the wives were talking about it at the field today.
Honey.
I swear I had no idea this was going on.
Okay? None.
I walked into the office, and there's Walter, and he's saying,
"Why don't you shred stuff? Shred whatever you have.
"Shred what's in your desk. Just shred everything."
And I'm going, "What's going on?"
And he's saying, "You're gonna take the fall for this,
"because it's a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi scheme, and you're the one.
"You're going down, 'cause you're the CFO."
You know? I mean, they gave Bernie Madoff 200 years, honey.
What do you think they're gonna do to me? What do you think they're gonna do?
And what's gonna happen with the kids? What's gonna happen?
Howie's afraid, you know, "Dad, you missed a game."
I'm gonna miss 38 seasons.
Sweetheart, I'm in trouble.
- Calm down. - Okay.
- We need to get a lawyer. - A lawyer.
And then you need to go to your mom's
and go find your mom's Valium.
Get a Valium out of my mom's purse.
- Okay. Can you do that? Like right now. - Okay.
And you need to calm down.
- Honey. - It's gonna be okay.
- It will be. It will be. - Yes.
You know, minimum security. It's not that bad.
Hey, Madea.
Hey, Lorraine, how you doing? Good to see you.
Lord, it's a zoo up in there on the first of the month.
Excuse me, ma'am. You wanna take this? I don't feel like taking it back.
Thank you so much. It's crazy up in there. Be careful.
They ain't taking that EBT card. They stopped taking that.
I got to go somewhere else that take that.
Yeah, I got to go burn up my EBT card.
Give me your money.
That's a cute little gun you got, boy. Get out this car.
Lady, I will stab and shoot you. Give me your money.
Son, I'm gonna tell you this one time, okay?
I want you to get out of this car and go on about your business.
Go get you a job.
You ain't supposed to be stealing from nobody working as hard as I...
What the hell you got to come over here and steal from the poor for?
Get out the car. This is your warning, son. Get out the car. Now, go on.
Then give me your money!
I worked for years to get my Social Security. Now, I finally got it.
I ain't on no fixed income.
I'm on a broke income, 'cause I'm broke as hell.
Now, I want you to get the hell out of this car.
This is your chance. Get out of the car, son. Go on, now. Go get you a job.
I'm gonna ask you one more time, old woman.
I'm gonna tell you one more time.
Look here! Get out of this car. Go find you a job. Do you understand me?
They got people all over the world that is working hard,
and y'all young thugs gonna come try to take money from somebody.
That makes me mad. Now, you about to make me mad.
You about to piss me off. Now, get on out the car, son.
- I'm gonna count to three. - Okay.
One, two, three.
Four
Five.
I thought you was gonna count to three. Son. Son, son, let me tell you something.
Get out the car and go on about your business.
Now, this is your last chance. This is your last chance. Now I got to go.
One more time. One, two...
Three!
Let's go this way.
Put your seat belt on. You need a car seat?
Come get my money!
Trying to take my damn money that I worked this hard for.
Lady!
I don't got insurance, lady!
Slow down! Slow down!
You're screaming straight up like a little biatch!
I want to go home!
You want the money? You come get it. I come get the money.
- I'm a real thug! I'm a real thug! - You crazy!
Oh, my God!
Jake!
I'm sorry. Take it.
Hey, what do you got?
Well, just got off the phone with the SEC,
and it seems that this Lockwise charity is definitely a Ponzi scheme.
COO, one Walter Burns.
CFO, George Needleman. Never heard of him.
Let's arrest them both.
Well, it turns out that Burns is on a private jet,
according to the FAA, to Europe. Took off five hours ago.
So I'm sure he's gonna fight extradition. But our boy, George, now...
Boy George? I love Boy George.
Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
You come and go You come and go
Sir?
Sorry.
George Needleman? Our guys should be knocking at his door at any minute.
Great.
Well, it'd be great if we could get him to testify against the Malones,
but that may be a tall order.
Okay, but no deal for him.
Look, I'm tired of these people sticking it to the poor.
Sir, if we don't offer him a deal,
what incentive does he have to testify against the mob?
It's very simple, Brian.
If he testifies, the Malones will probably kill him.
If he doesn't, he goes to prison for the rest of his life.
It's a win-win.
Sir, I think we should consider...
No, you don't. I want him fried.
Now, get our agents there before the Malone family gets to him.
Yes, sir.
Hi, it's George Needleman calling for Jeffrey.
Yes, I'll hold.
Where are my car keys?
You don't drive anymore, Barbara.
I know that.
Dad, I wish you could have been there today.
Honey, your dad was very busy.
You suck. You should probably just give it up.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
And I just tweeted that.
- Dad! - Howie, stop.
Your dad's on the phone. Eat your dinner.
Okay, thank you.
What'd he say?
Well, his secretary said that he would recommend an attorney,
but that he didn't wanna represent me.
After all those years of business with him?
Yeah.
What about Jeffrey?
Nobody's returning my calls.
Has anyone seen my car keys?
Mom, you don't drive anymore.
Is it Hanukkah?
No, it's not Hanukkah.
Yes, it is. That's why that nice young man asked me to deliver this package to George.
And it's a long drive, and so I need my car keys.
Mom, who gave you this?
In the backyard,
this man with a shiny, black suit and black, shiny hair.
George, there's a note.
"You tock from me."
"Take," honey. That says "take."
No, I think that's "took," honey. T-O-C-K.
Just read it.
Well, the man obviously needs a spelling lesson,
not to mention his grammar.
Can we open the present now?
Mom, you know what? Let's not open this.
No, this is ridiculous.
Oh, my God!
- It's a dead rat. - I know.
What does this mean?
All rats die.
Oh, my God. George.
Don't move. Just stay here, okay?
Don't move.
Stay here.
George Needleman?
Yes.
FBI. You're under arrest.
No!
I can't believe this.
You can't make bail. Your accounts are frozen, George.
Well, here's the thing.
I haven't done anything wrong. I just wanna go home.
That's not gonna happen.
The Malone family is trying to kill you, George.
We've been given orders to keep you protected.
What does that mean?
It means you and your family are coming with us.
We have a problem with Needleman.
What happened?
I think Malone's boys know
that we're gonna offer him a chance to testify against them,
so they sent their signature.
Is he all right?
Yeah, we're getting him out of there now.
Good, I'll get on the phone with the US Marshals right away...
No, no. No, no. They can't go into one of our regular safe houses.
The Malones have penetrated our guys before.
You can't make bail. Your accounts are frozen, George.
Well, here's the thing.
I haven't done anything wrong. I just wanna go home.
That's not gonna happen.
The Malone family is trying to kill you, George.
We've been given orders to keep you protected.
What does that mean?
It means you and your family are coming with us.
We have a problem with Needleman.
What happened?
I think Malone's boys know
that we're gonna offer him a chance to testify against them,
so they sent their signature.
Is he all right?
Yeah, we're getting him out of there now.
Good, I'll get on the phone with the US Marshals right away...
No, no. No, no. They can't go into one of our regular safe houses.
The Malones have penetrated our guys before.
- Now, get UP- - I'm up. I'm UP-
Probably dreaming about Skittles and Coca-Cola and Pepsi,
diet soda and Mountain Dew and Honey Buns,
and damn Krispy Kreme and everything else.
So you're up?
There you are, Sadie. You must iron the sheets.
Mr. Needleman gets very angry if there are any wrinkles.
Honey, who the hell is Sadie?
Don't you use that kind of language with me.
'Cause I'll have you fired. Do you understand'?
Mrs. Needleman. Okay, I get it.
The mall is open, but there ain't nobody in there shopping.
We need to move him to someplace safe now.
Good idea. What do you suggest?
I don't know, but first thing tomorrow morning,
they're on a plane headed here.
You figure it out and tell no one. Not even me.
Sir, I've got kids at my house.
I don't know what I would do with a whole family of...
I don't know. You've been a prosecutor for over a year.
This is a big case for you, Brian. Handle it.
George Needleman? Our guys should be knocking at his door at any minute.
Great.
Well, it'd be great if we could get him to testify against the Malones,
but that may be a tall order.
Okay, but no deal for him.
Look, I'm tired of these people sticking it to the poor.
Sir, if we don't offer him a deal,
what incentive does he have to testify against the mob?
It's very simple, Brian.
Yes, sir.
Jake.
What you doing here?
You know, I'm just helping your auntie out.
What'd you do?
I tried to rob her.
Boy, what is wrong with you'? I thought you gave up the gang banging.
- What the hell? - I'm in trouble.
My dad put me in charge of the church's mortgage payoff fundraiser.
I think I may have lost the money.
How?
I invested in some company, and now they won't return my calls.
Jake, come on, man.
I know, and he's gonna kill me!
He just wanted to pay the church's mortgage off
so that he could retire in peace.
Look what I did. And he's so sick.
I mean, those people at the church told him not to make me trustee of the money.
But you know what my dad did? "What your dad did, Jake?"
My dad went up there and told them I was a changed man!
You know what else he said?
He said, "Everybody deserves a second chance."
- Calm down, man. - You know? He said, "Everybody."
- Jake. Jake. - He did that for me.
- And you know what? - Hey, hey, hey.
Calm down before Madea comes out and slaps the hell out of you.
Look, Brian, I need you to help me get this money back from Lockwise.
Lockwise Industries? New York?
Yeah.
That is a Ponzi scheme, man.
I don't know how I can help you get any money back from there.
We're investigating them.
A lot of people invest in these companies, and those guys live this lavish lifestyle.
They spend all the money, so there is no money.
And whatever the government can find,
maybe it's pennies on the dollar that they can get back to the investors.
I don't know how I can help you, man.
Brian, I got to get this money back.
How much money you talking?
$114,000.
You were robbing Madea? Madea doesn't have that kind of money. What were you...
Jake, don't tell me you were gonna rob a bunch of old women.
How many little old ladies you think you gonna have to rob to get $114,000?
114,000.
Boy, get your ass off my porch and go home!
Yes, ma'am!
Help me get this money back.
Oh, man. Auntie Madea, man.
What am I doing?
Hey, hey, Madea.
Hey, Brian. Hey, Brian.
Hey.
I don't know why the hell you go in the bathroom
and leave the toilet seat up, Mabel.
Hey, Daddy.
Do I know you?
I'm past 18 now. You can stop pretending like you don't know me,
so you don't have to pay child support.
Hey, son. How you doing? I love you so much. So good to see you.
You want something to eat? I'm making a sandwich for Joe.
I wouldn't eat that, son I wouldn't eat that at all.
I believe she be trying to kill me for my insurance money.
You ain't got no insurance money.
In that case, I'm gonna eat this sandwich she done made.
I'm not trying to kill you for no insurance money.
I'm gonna kill you 'cause I want you dead.
I just want you completely dead.
Just no life in you at all. Just not breathing. Just maggot food.
Here, son, try to taste that for me.
Hey, I'm not tasting that. Thank you.
What you doing here, son? What you want?
Well, I wanted to talk to you, Madea. I have...
You want some money or something? I ain't got no money.
You don't need to be coming over here asking me for no money.
Daddy, I didn't ask you for any money.
Good. Then loan me some,
'cause I need a little change for my Friday night lights.
What are you talking about?
I be running them hoes, dawg. I be running them hoes.
Shut up, fool.
I ain't got no money either, Brian. What you want? What you come by here for?
Well, I came by with a proposition.
I just thought, you know, you might wanna make a little extra money.
You know, the last time a man told me
he had an opportunity for me to make a little money,
I ended up in Mexico, chained to 20 other women,
walking down the street, just selling myself.
You do need some money, don't you?
Yeah, I could always use a little bit of money.
Hell, things been tight around here.
I was even thinking about going back to my old job.
- Stripping? - No.
- Hooking? - No.
- Robbing? - No.
- Hit man? - No.
Slinging?
No.
I did have some hustle back in my day, though.
I was doing a thing. I was doing a thing back then.
I done got the better now.
Good those days are over here, 'cause you too big to be on a pole, Mabel.
I'm gonna tell you right now about that pole. You know, they done switched them.
When you was back there dancing,
they had them telephone poles you used to swing on.
Now, they got them little brass poles. I seen them.
You'd bend or broke one of them. You'll bend it.
Your big ass'll break that brass.
Big ass and brass don't mix.
Joe, shut up, please. Just die. Stop breathing. Okay? Stop breathing.
I'm talking about going back to work at an old folks' home where I used to work.
No, no, you don't have to do that. I got a great idea.
All right, here's the situation.
I've got five people that are in a little bit of trouble.
One of them is a witness on a case that I'm working on.
And I was wondering if they could stay here for a while.
Just for a couple of months until the trial is over, maybe?
Here? No.
You better shut that up now. Ain't nobody coming up in here.
Hell to the no. Ain't nobody...
You better hush that up now. Ain't nobody coming up in here.
- Daddy. - What?
No, that's just crazy.
Have some criminal up in this house, looking all crazy, and police looking...
Hell, that's how Mabel live every day, ain't it'? That's your life.
Shut up, rectum.
Go to hell.
- Now, get UP- - I'm up. I'm UP-
Probably dreaming about Skittles and Coca-Cola and Pepsi,
diet soda and Mountain Dew and Honey Buns,
and damn Krispy Kreme and everything else.
So you're up?
There you are, Sadie. You must iron the sheets.
Mr. Needleman gets very angry if there are any wrinkles.
Honey, who the hell is Sadie?
Don't you use that kind of language with me.
'Cause I'll have you fired. Do you understand'?
Mrs. Needleman. Okay, I get it.
The mall is open, but there ain't nobody in there shopping.
Is somebody after them?
Yes, ma'am.
But, wait a minute. I would not ask you to do this.
You're my aunt. I know they'll be safe here.
Not one person would know they're here. This is the safest place for them.
That's some bull. He's trying to sell you a load of bull.
- What'd they do? - I can't tell you that.
But I can tell you this. I can tell you this.
You know, you, you pack. You know? Ain't nobody gonna mess with you.
And this is the safest place for them.
You could be like their witness protector, Maolea.
Look here, don't be trying to butter me up and all that stuff.
I see what you're trying to butter me up.
Yeah, I know I'm packing.
I know I can hold some things down, but, no, I don't want nobody up in here.
I'm sorry. Absolutely not.
I cannot do that. You're gonna have to find somewhere else for them to go.
The answer's a flat-out no, and I am not changing my mind.
My no mean "no," my yes mean "yes."
And my "maybe" mean "get the hell out." I'm sorry.
Absolutely not. Flat-out no. Ain't gonna happen. Get on out of here. No.
Too bad, then.
I'll just tell my boss we'll have to find somewhere else for them to stay.
Guess some other lucky person will make that $4,000 a month.
You know what?
I believe it would be the greatest Christianity thing I could do
to help somebody in need.
So I'm gonna go ahead and make up these sheets and clean up.
Mabel, you know, I believe I'm gonna go drag that cot out of that garage.
I got a cot back there, and we can put a sheet up in my room.
We could share, make sure we got enough room for everybody up in here.
So is that a yes?
Ain't nothing wrong with that cot. Ain't nothing wrong with it at all.
Got a little mold growing in it, but that's all right. As long as you don't breathe...
Where the hell are we?
Honey, we are in the South.
Yes, ma'am.
And it brings back pretty fond memories.
Of what, Grams?
A boat and a man, and...
My, he had such a big...
Boat.
Hi. George?
Yes, I'm George,
and this is my daughter, Cindy, and my wife, Kate, and my son, Howie,
-and my mother, Barbara. - Hi, how are you?
The man in the boat.
Don't have a clue.
Cute man.
Well, I'm Brian Simmons,
and I just want all of you to know you're gonna be in safe hands, okay?
I'm a federal prosecutor,
and we have a very safe place for you and the entire family.
Well, here we go, kids.
This way, ma'am.
Place looks haunted.
Is this neighborhood safe?
- It's very safe. - Okay.
There's no safer place for you and your family. Trust me.
This is not a hotel.
Okay, Madea's gonna love this one.
Madea?
How's my favorite aunt, Madea?
That Brian? Come on in.
The family's here that I was telling you about.
Hello.
Brian, what the hell's going on?
Madea, this is the family that I was telling you about.
You forgot to mention one little important thing about this family.
What's that?
Don't play with me.
Madea, these are the Needlemans,
and they'll be staying with you for a few months.
What? Months?
Are you joking'? What, is he joking?
Cindy.
Dad, I can't stay here.
What, are we sharecroppers now?
Honey, not nice.
Hi, I'm George.
And I'm his mother, Barbara.
And I'm his wife, Kate, and these are our kids, Howie and Cindy.
I'm his child. I'm not her daughter.
Dad, I can't stay here.
You know, I think it's kind of nice here.
- I like it. - Yeah, you would, you moron.
- Would you... - This is great. Just great.
- Honey. - Yeah, "vacation" my ass.
Hello, trip from hell.
Okay. Look here,
would y'all go on into the living room and have a seat, please?
I would like to talk to my nephew in private just a moment.
Thank you so much for...
It's gonna be so lovely having all of y'all here.
Yes, just wonderful. Wonderful.
We'll be right in.
- What did you do that for? - What the hell wrong with you?
You done brought these folks up in this house. What is wrong with you?
Madea, listen. Okay, I know that they're not African-American.
I don't care nothing about the color of their skin.
I wanna know how in the hell I'm supposed to hide five white folks
in a neighborhood where we ain't even got white cats or white cars.
Ain't nothing white around here. If the police come in this neighborhood,
they don't even come in a white car. They send a black SUV.
I understand, but listen, listen. I know that you can figure it out.
I know you'll work it out.
Boy, hear me clearly and good when I say this to you.
Son, I don't know how to hide these people.
You can do it. $4,000 a month. $4,000.
You ain't listening to me, son.
These people are gonna stick out around here
like I would stick out at a Republica Convention.
Do I look like I'm a Newt Ginger fan? Do I look like I like Newt Gingery?
Madea, okay, okay. But you'll figure it out. I know you'll figure it out.
Are we sitting on plastic?
Mabel, I can't find the phone book.
I'm trying to find somebody. Where are the White Pages?
My.
The man in the boat.
Hello.
Hey.
Mabel, they white folks.
Really? I didn't notice.
Come on. I'll introduce you.
Needleman family, this is my father, Joe. You already met my Aunt Madea.
Dad, this is Howie, Kate, George, Cindy, and Barbara.
It looks like she's undressing me with her eyes.
Now, I'm sure that the agents told you, but I just want to reiterate.
You can't have any contact with anyone from your past as long as you're here.
Do you understand?
Dad?
Honey, I'm sorry.
This is crazy.
You suck.
Did she just say... I know she...
Did that child just say she sucked to her daddy?
Lord, have mercy. What generation is this? You can't...
You better hurry up and get them the hell out of here.
Mabel gonna kill that little girl.
But, Cindy, this is only until the trial is over. Isn't that right, Brian?
Yes, just until the trial is over.
I hate you.
That girl says she hate him. Oh, Lord, somebody gonna have to help me.
God, help me. God, help me.
George, I know it's been a rough day for you, so I tell you what.
I'll come by tomorrow morning about 9:00, pick you up.
We'll go to the office and begin working on this case, okay?
So, Madea, why don't you show your house guests where they'll be staying?
Yeah, go on and show them, Mabel. I ain't trying to go up there with them.
That one right there, I don't like the way she's looking at me.
Well, you can show me to the door. I'm getting back on that plane.
- Honey. - Excuse us.
- You don't talk like that. Watch your mouth. - Are you kidding me'? Seriously.
Your ass trying to get me a case.
That's what you trying to do. You're trying to get me a case.
Better get a speedy trial. I'm gonna tell you that right now.
I'll get a speedy trial.
What's happening to us?
Kate, if I'd known
that taking care of my family would lead us to this, I would've...
This wasn't about family. This was about you.
We have way more than we needed.
This was about greed.
You know, sweetheart,
I seem to recall you were very happy with my promotion, too.
What were you thinking?
I don't know. I wasn't even aware this was going on.
You're not aware of a lot of things going on now.
- Kate... - I don't wanna talk about this.
I'm gonna unpack my bag and go to sleep.
We're done. It's done.
It's gonna end just like that?
Come on, man. Don't let her pimp you.
She wanna go to sleep? Knock her ass out.
Joe, shut the hell up. They're having a private conversation
in a room about not being aware of what's going on.
If he ain't aware, that is between the two of them.
Shut up. Let them have their private moment, please.
When a door is closed, that mean you ain't supposed to be listening.
Leave them people alone. Shut the hell up.
- Mabel, you shut up. - No, you shut the hell up.
Mabel, I'm older than you. I'll do whatever the hell I want to do.
Yeah, it's my house. You gonna shut up up in here
or I'm gonna come up and cut your vocal cords out.
You ain't gonna be able to say a damn thing!
Good night.
What the hell?
Boy! Boy!
Is that you farting, son?
It wasn't me.
Fart one more time. That's all I'm gonna tell you.
Fart one more time.
In here farting like that.
What's wrong with you, boy? That's doggone insane.
Hello, Joe.
You wanna give it a go?
Mabel.
Mabel, they trying to get me.
No, no, trying to get me
like they get them football players and them basketball players.
I don't think so. No, no, no.
I won't bite.
Lord, Lord, Lord.
You staring at me?
No, no, I wasn't staring at you.
Okay.
I was watching the wildebeest in its natural habitat, though.
Excuse me?
That's not nice.
Yeah. Her butt must be hungry, 'cause it's chewing that dress alive.
If you need anything, anything at all,
I'm just a whisper away.
All you got to do is whisper.
Okay, I think I'm done.
Where you rushing off to?
- Yoga's over. - Okay.
Creep)'-
- Hi. - How you doing?
- I'm good. Thank you. - I see you was up in there doing that yoda.
It's yoga.
No, baby, I don't have no yogurt. I don't eat that.
That mess my stomach up. It's got that abiffidus bacalarus in it.
I can't have that. So you go on and get yourself something else.
I might have some in that fridge there, but I don't eat it.
Well, it looks like you've been cooking.
Yeah, I wanted to feed your family their first day in my house.
I wanted to make sure y'all had something really good to eat.
So I got some waffles, some biscuits, I got some pancakes, I got some bacon,
I got ham. I put a lot of butter on the ham,
a lot of salt and pepper, make it nice and flavorful.
I got oatmeal on the stove.
I got sausage.
And I got eggs and grits and everything else.
Y'all better just feast.
It looks so good.
It's a lot of carbs. You like carbs?
- It's a lot of... - Carbs.
No, baby, I don't eat crabs. You can't eat no crabs.
You gonna have crabs and yogurt'? You about to mess your stomach up.
Ain't no seafood on here, honey. I'm allergic to seafood.
Ain't no seafood here nowhere.
Is that how you stay so thin?
No, honey, I don't eat that stuff. Where your family?
They're sleeping still.
What? They got to get up.
No, baby, your children got to go to school. I got to get them registered,
and George is supposed to see Brian down at the attorney's office.
So, no, no, no, you got to get them up.
Okay, well, I was just gonna let... You know, they're so exhausted.
- No, I'll go get them up. Here, you take this. - Okay.
Take this and stir that real good.
- Whip it real, real good. You understand? - Yeah, I understand.
All right, you need to put something... Here.
Here, put this on. Put this on while you whip.
- You don't wanna get that on you. - Okay. No.
- Put that on. Okay, whip it. - Thank you.
- Whip it real good. - I will.
George, get up out this bed, son.
Kate.
I had this horrible dream
that we were in trouble with the FBI,
and we moved into this house with an old woman who looked like...
Like what?
You.
It's not a dream. It's really happening.
I'm in so deep.
George, you need to get up out this bed. Brian is waiting for you down at the office.
He said he was gonna have you come down there this morning.
Now, get up on out this bed.
My life is over. I'm not getting out of this bed.
There's no reason to get out of this bed.
You need a reason? You need a reason?
You better get your ass out this bed.
Is that enough reason for you?
Let me tell you something, son.
I don't allow nobody to feel sorry for themselves in my house.
I don't know what you did. I don't care what you did.
Do you understand?
I need you to get up out this bed, come downstairs,
have breakfast with your family, Brian is waiting on you down at the office
to talk about whatever y'all need to talk about.
It ain't my business. I don't wanna know, but you gonna get up out this bed.
If I come back up these stairs, and you still in this bed,
do you have any idea what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get completely naked, and get up in there with you and spoon.
I'm up.
Thank you.
I am definitely up. You don't have to come back.
I'm coming right down. I'm coming right down.
I'm on my way.
Get up, son.
What's wrong?
You just scared me.
You're just so huge. Like a giant bag of Skittles.
All right, you better get the hell up,
or when I come back up in here, you know what's gonna happen?
You gonna taste the rainbow.
We need to move him to someplace safe now.
Good idea. What do you suggest?
I don't know, but first thing tomorrow morning,
they're on a plane headed here.
You figure it out and tell no one. Not even me.
Sir, I've got kids at my house.
I don't know what I would do with a whole family of...
I don't know. You've been a prosecutor for over a year.
This is a big case for you, Brian. Handle it.
- Now, get UP- - I'm up. I'm UP-
Probably dreaming about Skittles and Coca-Cola and Pepsi,
diet soda and Mountain Dew and Honey Buns,
and damn Krispy Kreme and everything else.
So you're up?
There you are, Sadie. You must iron the sheets.
Mr. Needleman gets very angry if there are any wrinkles.
Honey, who the hell is Sadie?
Don't you use that kind of language with me.
'Cause I'll have you fired. Do you understand'?
Mrs. Needleman. Okay, I get it.
The mall is open, but there ain't nobody in there shopping.
What's that smell?
It's called food. I'm cooking.
It smells up the whole house. It permeates.
Thank you. You always were the best colored help we could ever find.
Okay, Brian playing a joke on me.
I'm being Punk'd. I know I'm being Punk'd. Where the camera at?
Little girl, I need you to get up, honey.
Go away.
Never had no child talk to me like this before. Loroly.
Honey, I got to bring y'all down to school and get you registered. Now, get up.
I said, go away.
She just yelled at me in my house I don't know what she...
Little girl, I'm gonna tell you one more time...
I Said. go away!
I know she didn't just...
Who the hell you think you talking to?
Oh, my God! What is wrong with you?
This is my house.
You live by my rules when you are in my house.
You're too young for that, little girl. You don't want none of this.
Please, do yourself a favor, honey. You do not want none of this.
Behave while you're here. If not, you will...
Girl, you...
Girl, you just don't know...
I don't know who she thinks she's talking to.
She's insane.
Hello?
Is that you, son?
- Yes, sir. - Well, come on in here.
What are you doing here, Dad?
Well, I'm feeling better, much better.
No, you're not. You're supposed to be at home in bed.
I just had to stop by here to make sure everything's all right.
It's all fine.
I've decided to tell the church the third Sunday I'm retiring.
I thought you were gonna wait till summer to do that.
No, I can't do that, son. I'm too tired.
It'll sure make the burden so much easier
to know that everything I've worked for all these years is gonna be looked after.
I am very proud of you, son. Really proud of you.
Don't be proud of me.
Are you kidding me? I have to tell you I'm proud of you.
You know something? After your mother died,
I wasn't sure you were gonna make it.
You were so far out there in those streets.
But, praise the Lord, look at you now.
Helping me run the church, handling our mortgage payment fund.
No, I am very proud of you, son.
You know, the congregation is gonna be a little bit upset
when I tell them that I'm retiring, so to ease the pain,
I'm going to tell them that we have raised the money to pay off the church.
They're gonna rejoice.
Well done, son.
Yes, sir.
I don't see her out here. Y'all come on. Come on. Hurry up.
She always nosy as hell, over there looking at everything.
Hurry UP-
- Come on. Get in the car. - Madea.
Madea.
Hey, Hattie.
How you doing?
- I'm good, baby. - Open the door.
- Come here a minute. - I can't talk to you right now, honey.
This my cousins, and they done lost all the pigmentation in their skin overnight.
- Your cousins? - Yes.
Can I help you?
No, I got to take them to the doctor right now.
I'll see you later on. Take care.
And that's all you know?
That's all I know. I swear it.
I don't believe you.
I'm telling you the truth.
You're going to jail for a very long time.
I can't go to jail. I didn't do anything wrong.
George, calm down, okay?
For what it's worth, I believe you.
Oh, boy, somebody believes me. Isn't that wonderful?
Let's crack open some champagne, because somebody believes me.
Oh, God, I'm in trouble.
I think they can believe you, too, but you have to help me make them believe.
Just tell me what you want me to do.
What do I need to do here?
Okay, that's a good attitude, George. Really good attitude.
Everything that wasn't shredded or destroyed is in these files.
This is your ticket to freedom. You're the CFO. I'm sure you can find it.
Okay, well,
this is the crux of the problem here, Brian,
because I can't seem to find anything in here that will help.
I wanna help you. I really do.
It doesn't make any sense for me not to wanna help.
Now does it? Does it? No. No.
I mean, don't you think I would help if I could?
- Are you okay? - No, I just...
I feel like I... I wanna hit something.
Hit the chair. Hit something.
I'm sorry.
That was a lovely evening.
There ain't never been no evening, lady. I don't know you.
Stop it. There's no one around.
Read my lips, honey. I don't know you.
You're the man in the boat.
I ain't never had no boat.
I bet if I showed you my tattoo, you might remember.
What tattoo? What you fixing to show me?
I believe you need to see a doctor about that, honey.
No, that's Betty Boop.
It might have been Betty Boop at one time, but Betty Boop done drooped.
Betty Boop.
You brought me over in your little boat.
Lady, for the last time, okay? First of all, you insulted me.
'Cause I wouldn't have a little boat.
I'm not a canoe kind of man. You understand?
I'm a yacht, a cruise ship, Noah's Ark up in this piece.
Only time I was ever in a boat was that little rowboat belonged to the Army
when I was in New Orleans many years ago.
I'd take people across the water over there from the bayou to the juke joint,
and I'd charge them a nickel to get them over there.
And they'd all take the ride and everything. I'd give them their change.
And somebody gave me a 50-cent tip that night.
You Barbara Betty Boop.
Yes, I was a nurse in Company B.
Yeah, I was in Company C over there with the colored troops.
Me and a couple of my girlfriends followed you guys all the way to your barracks.
Yeah, I remember it was four of you.
It was Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and you.
I don't even know how you remember that, honey.
That was 56, 57 years ago.
Fifty-three.
Because George is 52.
What that got to do with anything?
What day is it?
Lady, don't you start... What you trying to tell me?
Where am I?
I think you believe you're trying to tell me something about George.
- Oh, my goodness. - Hey.
I don't know where I am.
George?
- Brian. - Jake.
You cannot keep calling me like this, man.
I'm in the middle of an investigation. What are you doing'?
My dad wants to announce that he's paying the church's mortgage off in three weeks.
I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Tell him the truth.
That will kill him.
He'll be very happy that you told him the truth.
I can't. I can't do it.
Jake.
That's him. That's the dude from the news!
I ought to kill you!
- Who is this? - I'm your worst nightmare.
Will you just...
You're my worst... I got news for you. I'm living my worst nightmare, okay'?
And besides, you're a little short to be a nightmare, aren't you?
I'm short? He called me... He called me short?
I'm gonna bust your balls!
Well, why don't you get in line and bust my balls'?
Because everybody else is busting my balls.
I don't have any balls left, mister! How about that?
I'm gonna... Get off.
Calm down. Nobody's kicking balls.
George, Jake, I need you both to calm down.
Is everything all right out there?
Everything's fine.
Just keep working. It's all good.
George, this is Jake.
His father has a church, and they were gonna pay off their mortgage,
and they invested the money in Lockwise, and they lost it all.
So he's a little bit upset.
- I'm sorry. - You...
That's all you got to say? ls you sorry?
- Jake. - Hell...
Yeah. Okay, okay. You better watch yourself,
or I'm gonna give you a...
You see this? Big five. Big five. And you're gonna get it.
If I didn't have to go to the bathroom, you'd be in...
- Where's the bathroom, Brian? - Okay.
Third door on the left.
- Third door on the left. - Yeah.
Big five?
Jake, go home.
Get a grip, okay? Tell him the truth.
If anything comes up, I'll call you.
Can't you just go home? Elevator's right there.
How tall are you, son?
About 6 feet.
- About 6 feet? - Yeah.
Okay. Check.
You like soul music?
I do. I do. I love soul music.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Find out what it mean to me.
No, I dig it.
You dig it. You dig it?