(WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE BY MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE PLAYS)
快速停止 杂货店 ♪ When I was a young boy
♪ My father took me Into the city
♪ To see a marching band
♪ He said "Son, when you grow up
♪ "Would you be the savior Of the broken
♪ "The beaten and the damned?"
♪ He said "Will you defeat them?
♪ "Your demons And all the non-believers
♪ "The plans that They have made?
♪ "Because one day I'll leave you
♪ "A phantom to lead you
♪ "In the summer To join the black parade"
如果您打算入店偷窃 请告诉我们 谢谢
报纸（还记得吗？）
现煮咖啡 ♪ When I was a young boy
♪ My father took me Into the city
薄荷口香糖 ♪ To see a marching band
♪ He said "Son, when you grow up
逝者安息 在爱的回忆中 丽贝卡斯科特希克斯 1978 - 2006
♪ "Would you be the savior Of the broken
♪ "The beaten and the damned?"
(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK PLAYING)
♪ Sometimes I get the feeling
♪ She's watching over me
♪ And other times I feel like I should go
♪ And through it all The rise and fall
♪ The bodies in the streets
暂时关闭 第一局后才开业 ♪ And when you're gone We want you all to know
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
♪ We'll carry on
♪ And though You're dead and gone
♪ Believe me Your memory will carry on
(ALL CHEERING) Yes!
耶！ ♪ We'll carry on
♪ And in my heart I can't contain it
♪ The anthem won't explain it
♪ A world that Sends you reeling
♪ From decimated dreams...
-去你妈的！ -过来一个人 Fuck you! Somebody get over here.
后补！后补！ Back up! Back up!
♪ So paint it black And take it back
♪ Let's shout it loud and clear
♪ Defiant to the end We hear the call
♪ To carry on
♪ We'll carry on
♪ And though You're dead and gone
♪ Believe me Your memory will carry on
♪ We'll carry on
♪ And though you're broken And defeated
♪ Your weary widow marches
♪ On and on we carry Through the fears
(MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
♪ Disappointed faces Of your peers
好 都散开 准备好了吗？ All right. Spread out. Ready?
♪ 'Cause I could not Care at all
♪ Do or die You'll never make me
♪ Because the world Will never take my heart
♪ Go and try You'll never break me
♪ We want it all We wanna play this part
♪ I won't explain or say I'm sorry
♪ I'm unashamed I'm gonna show my scar
♪ Give a cheer For all the broken
♪ Listen here Because it's who we are
(EXCLAIMS)
Whoo!
♪ Just a boy Who had to sing this song
♪ I'm just a man I'm not a hero
(CHEERING)
♪ I don't care
♪ We'll carry on
(ALL CHEERING)
♪ Believe me
♪ Your weary widow Marches on ♪
(SONG FADES)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
猪肉卷 鸡蛋和奶酪 JAY: ♪ Pork roll Egg and cheese
猪肉卷 鸡蛋和什么？ ♪ Pork roll Egg and what?
猪肉卷 鸡蛋和奶酪 ♪ Pork roll Egg and cheese
猪肉卷 鸡蛋和什么？ ♪ Pork roll Egg and what? ♪
Uh, uh, uh.
(SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE BY ROOTS OF MINE PLAYING)
打扰一下 Excuse me.
有没有人在工作或 Yo, is anybody working or, uh...
你知道你想要什么吗？ You know what you want or what?
是的 可以给我三根史怒根烟吗？ Yeah. Can I get three Snoogans Prerolls?
(MUTTERING)
100美元 $100 even.
是的 Right.
♪ Tell me who Tell me who...
你能...？ Can you...
♪ Profits off the life Of every dude
♪ Every sick
小心点 (SHUSHING) Keep it down.
♪ Ask the schools
(BOTH WHISTLING)
♪ Break the chains Reveal the lies... ♪
(FAKE SNEEZES)
(JAY MUTTERING)
是的 JAY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
看什么呢 伙计？ What 'cha looking at, man?
这是我们在90年代的做法 小伙子！ That's how we did it in the '90s, son!
(ALL WHISTLING HAPPY TUNE)
等等 Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
(DOORBELL RINGS) (COLTRANE WHISTLES)
吹着口哨会影响搬运 Your whistling is affecting your carrying.
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
这计划真不错啊 Pretty nifty planning. (WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
(SNICKERING)
什么鬼？ The fuck? Oh, uh... well, 'cause, um,
好吧 你说的话让我们想到了NFT nifty is slang for NFT,
也就是我们世界中不可替代的代币 which is a non-fungible token in our world.
我们的世界？ (SCOFFS) "Our world"?
哦 上帝 我就知道 Oh, my God, I knew it.
你们是那些在自杀前都穿着运动鞋睡觉的 You belong to one of these religious death cults
宗教死亡邪教的成员 where they all wear sneakers to bed
before they kill themselves.
最后再说一次 兰德尔 我没有加入死亡邪教 For the last time, Randal,
I'm not in a religious death cult.
区块链科尔特兰和我是 Blockchain Coltrane and I are co-founders
基督教加密货币俱乐部的联合创始人 of the Christian Crypto Club.
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
基督教加密货币俱乐部 ♪ Rip and tear! ♪
这要么是《指环王》的事情 要么是耶稣的事情 This is either a Lord of the Rings thing
or a Jesus thing. Hmm.
(WHISPERING) (SNICKERS)
(ELIAS CHUCKLING)
区块链说耶稣拯救灵魂 Blockchain says that Jesus saves souls,
但我们购买灵魂 这是 but we buy souls, it's... (SPUTTERS)
这是非常聪明的文字游戏 It's pretty clever wordplay
因为梦幻链的加密货币单位 because the Phantasma Chain's cryptocurrency unit
被称为灵魂 所以 is called the Soul, so...
(CHUCKLING) It's...
这...你一大早就要杀了我 你这个疯子 You are killing me this morning, you nut.
Oh, shit,
妈的 我想我现在明白了 I think I get it now.
明白什么？非同质化代币和加密货币？ Get what? NFTs and crypto?
不 不是豆豆宝宝的废话 No, not that Beanie Baby bullshit.
是说这两个人 Talking about this pair of puds.
看起来伊莱亚斯有自己的沉默鲍勃 Looks like Elias has got his own Silent Bob.
Oh, this is quite a handjob.
这手活不错
什么？ What?
天啊 这些Z世代的孩子都完蛋了 Jesus, these Gen Z kids are fucked.
真是个惊喜 ELIAS: Oh, what a surprise.
兰德尔又一次妄称上帝的名字 但丁先生 Randal has taken the Lord's name in vain again, Mr. Dante.
请不要再叫我但丁先生了 Please stop calling me Mr. Dante.
你已经36岁了 You're 36-years-old.
而不是无缘无故 And not for nothing,
但如果我不是向你们的基督教上帝祈祷 but how's it taking the Lord's name in vain
如何妄称主的名呢？ if I don't pray to your Christian God?
如果你不向上帝祈祷 那么你向谁祈祷？ If you don't pray to God, then who do you pray to?
当我处于最低谷时 我总是向克罗姆祈祷 When I'm at my lowest, I always pray to Crom.
谁是克罗姆？ Who's Crom?
-那是《野蛮人柯南》里的神 -你知道吗 兰德尔？ That's Conan the Barbarian's God.
ELIAS: You know what, Randal?
我真希望你们不崇拜那些虚假漫画偶像 I really wish you didn't worship all your
false comic book idols and satanic superheroes.
和邪恶的超级英雄
蝙蝠侠 复仇者联盟 神奇女侠 亚历山大奥卡西奥科尔特斯 Batman, The Avengers, Wonder Woman, AOC.
来吧 伙计 给克罗姆一个机会 Come on, man, give Crom a chance.
他虽然不比耶稣 He may not be all woke and shit like Jesus,
但对于神来说他很酷的 but homeboy's pretty metal for a deity.
好吧 兰德尔 你在开玩笑吧 因为只有一位上帝 Well, joke's on you, Randal, because there's only one God.
是嘛 托尔呢？托尔是神 Yeah. What about Thor? Thor's a god.
托尔是一个穿越外太空的虚构人物 Thor is a fictional character who flies through outer space.
你的上帝也是 (SCOFFS) So is your God. Mr. Dante.
-但丁先生 -他的上帝是永生的基督 兰德尔 His God is the living Christ, Randal.
他的上帝像《活死人》里的那样 有着各种哥特式特征 就比如说 His God is the Living Dead
with all that goth-y shit like,
喝我的血 drink my blood. That's fucking vampire talk.
那是他妈的吸血鬼
-但丁先生！ -不！ Mr. Dante! Oh, no.
我的名字是富富 这是你们两个之间的事 My name is Foo-Foo and this is between you two.
(SCOFFS)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, freeze.
别动
这些都是什么鬼？ What the fuck are these?
-风筝 -不是吧 Kites. No shit.
但它们在这里做什么？ But what are they doing here?
我以为我们可以卖掉它们 I thought we could sell them.
你是认真的吗？谁他妈还放风筝了？ Are you serious? Who the fuck flies kites anymore?
很多人 Lots of people.
现在的孩子们喜欢放风筝 Kids today love flying kites. Kites are cool.
风筝很酷
这都什么世纪了 本富兰克林 What century is this, Ben Franklin,
在这个时代什么样的孩子 and what kind of kid in this day and age
would be remotely interested
会对购买或放风筝感兴趣？ in buying or flying a fucking kite?
你看到这上面有耶稣吗？ Did you see they have Jesus on them?
哦 好吧 所有的孩子都爱耶稣 Oh, well, all the kids love Jesus.
有谁会买你那令人毛骨悚然的基督风筝？ Who in their right mind is gonna buy
one of your creepy Christ kites?
我会 I would. (SCOFFS) You did, like, 30 times.
你确实买了30次
也许我们可以在网上卖一些 Maybe we can sell some online.
线上？让互联网上的任何人 RANDAL: Online? The only way anyone on the Internet
关心这种老废物的唯一方法是 would care about this old-timey bullshit
你拍摄了一个抖音短视频 is if you shot a TikTok trying to jam
试图将其中一个耶稣风筝 塞进你的基督教菊花内 one of those Jesus kites up your Christian dickhole.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
-混蛋 -谢谢 Asshole. Thank you.
你知道吗 兰德尔？我不认为 You know what, Randal? I don't think there's anything
亵渎神灵有多酷 particularly "metal" about blasphemy.
Shah, blasphemy and biting off a bat's head
亵渎神灵和咬掉蝙蝠的头 都像金属一样酷
are as metal as it gets.
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
有两个与耶稣同钉十字架的人 兰德尔 There were two men who were crucified with Jesus, Randal.
他妈的 (SIGHS) Holy fuck.
一个好小偷和一个坏小偷 A good thief and a bad thief.
如果他们被抓住了 我会说这让他们两个都是坏小偷 If they were caught, I'd say that makes them both bad thieves.
坏小偷说 The bad thief said,
”如果你真的是上帝的儿子” "If you are really the son of God,
”那就让我们从这里下来” "get us down from here and save us."
”然后拯救我们”
那为什么这个人会被称为”坏小偷”呢？ So why is this guy called "The bad thief"?
称他为”具有常识的实用小偷” Call him "The practical thief with common fucking sense."
Ah. But the good thief said,
但是好小偷说
”耶稣没有做错 而我们不过是贼” "Jesus did no wrong, whereas we are but thieves."
偷屁贼是什么鬼？ What the fuck are butt thieves?
Uh, well, then the good thief said,
好吧 然后好小偷说
“耶稣 在你的王国里记住我” "Jesus, remember me in your kingdom."
耶稣对好小偷说 And Jesus said to the good thief,
“今天 你将在天堂与我同在” "Today, you shall be with me in paradise."
天堂是一个脱衣舞俱乐部 And Paradise is a strip club.
不是脱衣舞俱乐部 兰德尔 It's not a strip club, Randal.
是天堂 It's Heaven. (SCOFFS)
所以你永无止境的故事的寓意是 So the moral of your never ending story is,
“即使在天堂 一切都取决于你认识的人” even in Heaven, it's all about who you know.
(INHALES SHARPLY) The moral of the story
这个故事的寓意是
“如果你不是作为耶稣的客人去的天堂” is if you didn't go to Heaven as a guest of Jesus,
“就像好小偷一样” like the good thief,
坏小偷去哪儿了 兰德尔？ where did the bad thief go, Randal?
天啊 我不是想延长你的讲道 Not that I wanna prolong your sermon,
但是要提醒一个家伙他是上帝的儿子 这又是什么亵渎呢？ but how is it blasphemy to remind a guy
he's the son of God?
也许坏小偷认为 Maybe the bad thief thought
耶稣像《伯恩的身份》那样 Jesus had a Bourne Identity thing going on,
就像耶稣从船上掉下来那样 like Jesus fell off a boat,
撞到了头然后得了失忆症 hit his head and caught amnesia.
他出生在马槽里 He was born in a manger.
现在他又是伯恩了 Now he's Bourne again.
马特达蒙在伯恩诞生里 Matt Damon is Jesus Bourne in...
饰演耶稣伯恩 The Bourne Nativity. (CHUCKLES)
天父 我恳求你 Heavenly Father, I beseech thee,
请打击这个咆哮的异端 please smite this braying heretic.
(BREATHES HEAVILY) Oh.
你还好吗？ Are you okay?
不 有点不对劲 我...我喘不上气来 No, something's wrong, I... I can't catch my breath.
不要开玩笑了 Stop teasing me.
我不是在开玩笑 我 I'm not teasing, I...
我喘不上气 伙计 I can't catch my breath, man.
真的吗？我该给你做人工呼吸吗？ Really? Should I try mouth stuff?
这是什么 Tinder约会吗？放开我 What is this, a Tinder date? Get off of me.
你说你呼吸不上来 You said you can't breathe.
我可以呼吸了 我只是 (BREATHES HEAVILY) I can breathe. I just...
我有点喘不上气 I can't catch my breath.
你用你的胳膊在做什么？ What are you doing with your arm?
我在努力呼吸 I'm trying to breathe.
你都冒冷汗了 兰德尔 You're really sweating, Randal.
这里很热 伙计 我们可以开门吗？我觉得 It's hot in here, man. Can we open the door? I got to...
但丁先生！ Mr. Dante!
该死！ Oh, shit!
我在快速停止需要一辆救护车 I need an ambulance at the QuickStop.
(SIREN BLARING)
拉登海姆医生 请到急诊室 WOMAN: (OVER PA SYSTEM) Dr. Ladenheim, report to the ER.
Dr. Ladenheim...
你必须叫救护车 不是吗？ You had to call an ambulance, didn't you?
我只是在穆比餐厅吃太多了 仅此而已 I just ate too much fuckin' Mooby's, that's all.
好吧 如果你知道是出了什么问题 那我想我可以回家了 Well, if you know what's wrong,
then I guess I can go home.
你是医生吗？ Are you the doctor?
我是医生 I'm the doctor.
拉登海姆医生 今晚我会是你的救星 Dr. Ladenheim, I'll be your savior this evening.
(CACKLING)
什么鬼？ What in the fuck?
我为我的衣着向你道歉 I apologize for my wardrobe.
我刚参加了一个变装舞会 I just came from a costume ball.
听着 医生 我没事 我只是 Listen, Doc, I'm okay. I just...
我只是喘不上气 仅此而已 I can't catch my breath is all.
按从1到10级来算 你觉得有多疼？ On a scale of one to ten, how bad would you say your pain level is?
我的疼痛程度？ RANDAL: My pain level?
大概像负三 Like a negative three.
好吧 你错了 Well, you're doing it all wrong.
当你心脏病发作时 应该会很痛苦 You're supposed to be in a lot of pain when you have a heart attack.
等一下 我心脏病发作了？ Wait a minute. I had a heart attack?
不 不是的 你误会了 No, that's not what I said.
谢天谢地 You misunderstood me. Oh, thank Christ. You're having a heart attack
我们说话的时候你心脏病发作了 right now as we speak,
很严重 所以我们必须迅速采取行动 a massive one, so we have to act pretty quickly.
我只是希望我没有那么醉 I just wish I wasn't so hung over.
(SIGHS) I'm kidding.
我在开玩笑 I'm gonna go get all glammed up
我要去为我们的约会
打扮得漂漂亮亮的 然后在手术室见 for our big date and I'll see you in the OR.
看着我 Look at me. Uh-huh.
一切都会好起来的 好吗？ Everything's gonna be fine, all right?
-好的 好吧 -他快不行了 Good. All right. He's not gonna make it.
天哪 有人可以呼叫好女巫吗？ Jesus, could someone page the Good Witch?
接下来是什么 一个他妈的芒奇金？ What's next, a fucking Munchkin?
刮胡子和理发 25美分 (IN SING-SONG VOICE) Shave and a haircut two bits.
你已经见过拉登海姆医生了 (IN NORMAL VOICE) I see that you met Dr. Ladenheim.
她要我为你做手术准备 And she wants me to prep you for surgery.
手术？不 医生刚刚说我只是去手术室 Surgery? No. The doctor just said I'm going to the OR.
对啊 就是他们做手术的地方！ Right! Which is short for operating room
where they do... Ding, ding, ding, surgery!
她要打开你的心脏 She gotta get into your heart.
医生会打开他的胸吗？ Uh, is the doctor gonna crack his chest open?
-操 -不 Fuck. No, no, no.
她会通过一个很小的切口将相机 She's gonna thread a camera through his femoral artery
穿过他的股动脉到达心脏 up to his ticker through a very small incision.
她在哪里做这个切口？ Where does she make this incision?
在腹股沟 In the groin. The groin? Come on.
-腹股沟？ -不是吧
所以我要给你刮毛 So I gotta shave you. (ELECTRIC SHAVER BUZZING)
或者我给你刮胡子 Or I get to shave you,
取决于你有多爱你的工作 而我爱我的工作 depending on how much you love your job and I love mine.
所以 正如妻子每个星期晚上10点 看完《犯罪故事》以后 所说的那样 So, as the wife says at 10:00 p.m. after Dateline,
every single week,
“把裤子脱了” take off your pants.
(ELECTRIC SHAVER BUZZING)
(SIGHS)
我要剃你的腹股沟上的毛 先生 所以内裤也要脱了 I gotta shave your groin, sir, so underwear too.
首先 我们可以建立起位置吗？ First, can we establish geography?
比如 你觉得腹股沟在哪里？ Like, where is the groin to you?
我觉得腹股沟在哪里？ Where's the groin to me?
这是什么 一个形而上学的问题？ What is this, a metaphysical question?
救你一命的时间不多了 所以来吧 快点 We're running out of time here to save your life.
So come on, let's go.
(ELECTRIC SHAVER BUZZING)
你能不能看向别处 堵住你的耳朵 然后唱点什么好吗？ Can you avert your eyes, block your ears
and sing something, please?
-哦 看在上帝的份上 -你想让我唱什么？ Oh, for God sakes. What do you want me to sing?
-不是你 他 -哦 对 Not you, him. Oh, right.
好的 是这样的 杰基护士 All right, here's the deal, Nurse Jackie. (DANTE HUMMING)
Mmm.
我有一个非常小的鸡巴 好吗？ I got a really small dick, okay?
我向你保证 我也不是没见过 I promise you, it's nothing I've not seen before
因为我在儿科工作 because I work in pediatrics. (DANTE HUMMING)
如果我脱掉我的内裤 If I take off my underwear,
急诊室的每个人都会看到我的小鸡巴 everyone in the ER is gonna see my little dick
包括我的朋友 including my friend here,
他以为我很巨大 因为我从12岁起 who thinks I got a giant cock 'cause I've been lying to him
about it since we were 12. (GRUNTS)
就一直在对他撒谎
这是一个很长的寓言吗 伊索？ Is this a long fable, Aesop?
我会告诉你我要做什么 给你多一点隐私 I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, give you a little more privacy...
-就这样 -谢谢你 There you go. Oh, thanks for that.
不好意思 你只能跟到这里了 Unfortunately, this is as far as you can go
但我们有个候诊室 你直走就到了 but we do have a waiting room that's right down this hall.
你出来的时候我会在这里的 伙计 I'll be right here when you get out, man.
你行的 You got this. (SNIFFLES)
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ You got an idea We can rock the night
我们有一名女性患有多种C脊柱并发症 PARAMEDIC: We've got a female with multiple
C-spine complications, internal bleeding
内出血和多处撕裂伤 and multiple lacerations.
血压100/70 Blood pressure, 100 over seven...
♪ Let's both make a promise That we can't say... ♪
通知格雷医生
她快不行了 开始心肺复苏术 ER NURSE: We're losing her. Starting CPR.
我们已经做好准备了 (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
格格雷医生 请到手术室 (INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT)
DR. LADENHEIM: (GASPS) Why has he still
为什么他还穿着内裤？ got his underpants on?
他还穿着内裤 How am I supposed to get to his femoral artery
我怎么找得到他的股动脉？ if he's wearing Squeezies?
我跟他说了 但他有一些身体羞耻的问题 MALE NURSE: (SPUTTERS) I told him,
but he's got some body shame issues.
是这样的 医生 我有一个非常小的鸡巴 (DR. LADENHEIM SIGHS) Look, Doc,
我想救你的命 而你还在担心你的小鸡巴？ I got a really small dick. I'm trying to save your life
我们没有时间了 and you're worried about your little dick? We don't have time for this.
Whoa!
这都是我的错 (SOBBING) This is all my fault.
不 不是的 埃利亚斯 No, it is not, Elias.
我祈求上帝打击兰德尔 I prayed to God to smite Randal
所以耶稣在我的祈祷下攻击了他的心脏 so Jesus attacked his heart at my command.
(SOBBING)
兰德尔的母亲也有心脏病 Randal's mother had heart trouble, too.
不 我必须让耶稣扭转这一点 (SNIFFLES) No, I gotta make Jesus reverse this.
和我一起祈祷吧 但丁先生 Pray with me, Mr. Dante.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
哦 我可爱的救世主 Oh, my sweet savior, hear your gentle servant.
听一下你温柔的仆人吧
放过我开玩笑说的那个异端 Spare the heretic I damned in jest.
记住好小偷的话 Remember the words of the good thief.
耶稣没有错 Jesus did no wrong,
而我们不过是小偷 whereas we are but thieves.
DR. LADENHEIM: A-ha. What's up, Doc?
这是怎么回事医生？
我可以从你非常微妙的纹身看出 I can tell by your very subtle tattoo
你是超级英雄的粉丝 所以你可能会欣慰一点 that you're a superhero fan, so you might appreciate this.
你知道 他们有你现在 Uh-huh. You know, they have a name for the type
心脏病发作类型的名字 of heart attack you're having right now.
真的吗？好的 Really? Okay.
他们称之为寡妇制造者 They call it the Widow-Maker.
现在 这听起来不像是《危险境地》里的 主角必须对付的坏人吗？ Now, doesn't that sound like some bad guy
that Ranger Danger has to fight? (CHUCKLES)
为什么他们称它为寡妇制造者？ Why do they call it the Widow-Maker?
因为在80%的情况下 Because in 80% of the cases
像现在这样100%的遮挡？ when there's 100% occlusion like what you have now?
老实说 病人总是死去 总是 Hands down, patient always dies, always.
他妈的 Oh, fuck.
但别担心 你会是那20% But don't worry, you're gonna be in the 20%
因为让你活着对我的名誉有好处 because keeping you alive is good for my brand.
现在 如果你不介意的话 Now, if you excuse me,
我要在你的裤裆里 I'm gonna go fool around in your little crotch
做一个小魔术 and I'm gonna make a little magic,
但我可以利用我们能得到的所有帮助 but I could use all the help that we can get.
所以 如果你还记得小时候的任何祈祷词 So, if you remember any prayers
from when you were a kid,
现在用上它们的好时机 now would be a terrific time to dust those off.
(RANDAL GROANS SOFTLY)
你在吗 克罗姆？ Are you there, Crom?
是我 兰德尔 It's me, Randal.
请不要让我死 (ECHOES SLIGHTLY) Please don't let me die.
他不会回答我的 He won't answer me.
毕竟这段时间 After all this time...
把我的生命献给上帝 devoting my life to God.
耶稣抛弃了我们快速停止的所有人 Jesus has abandoned all of us at QuickStop.
我认为耶稣一直更像是哇哇餐厅的人 I think Jesus was always more of a Wawa guy.
(SIGHS) Yeah, well, you know what I think?
是的 好吧 你知道我的想法吗？
我想我这辈子都浪费在了相信这些垃圾上 I think I wasted my life believing in bullshit.
我被骗了 I've been conned.
童话 信仰和 Fairy tales, faith and pledging fealty
向一个虚构的该死的幻影宣誓效忠 为了什么？ to a fictional fucking phantom. And for what?
在我最需要他的最黑暗时刻 主完全使我成为鬼魂 In my darkest hour when I need him most,
the Lord totally ghosts me.
见鬼去吧 那些瞎编的关于耶稣的谎言 Well, to hell with all that made up Jesus jive.
(NECKLACE CLATTERS)
(EXHALES DEEPLY) Save Randal this night,
今晚拯救兰德尔的话
我向你发誓 and I will swear my soul to you,
可爱的撒旦 oh, sweet Satan.
撒旦？伙计 不行啊 Satan? Oh, buddy, no.
我的意思是 他是不是有点邪恶的擎天柱？ I mean, isn't he kind of like the Optimus Prime of evil?
你不必对我屈尊俯就 You don't have to condescend to me.
你可以说是威震天 You can just say Megatron.
我有点像《变形金刚》里的处男 I'm kind of a Transformers virgin.
这个嘛 (SIGHS) Well,
我是一个真正的处男 I'm an actual virgin,
所以我知道撒旦会想要我的灵魂 so I know Satan's gonna want my soul.
-为了什么？ -邪恶 For what? Evil.
可能还有性爱吧 And butt sex probably.
-你有润滑油吗？ -你能安静点吗？ Do you have any lube? Are you...
不！ No!
我不值得用润滑！ (LOUDLY) I don't deserve lube!
带我走吧 撒旦！ Take me, Satan!
天啊！把裤子穿好 Jesus! Pull up your pants.
-让我做你的妾！ -耶稣啊 Make me your concubine! Jesus...
-把裤子穿好 -不 停下来 Pull up your pants. No, stop it. I have to fuck Satan.
我必须操撒旦
就在那时 我不骗你 And that's when, I shit you not,
卢克他妈的天行者出现了 Luke fuckin' Skywalker shows up.
DR. LADENHEIM: Uh-huh. And I'm talking about
我说的是《绝地归来》中年轻 可恶的卢克 the young, fuckable Luke from Return of the Jedi,
不是《最后的绝地武士》中的大都灵 “离开我的草坪”卢克 not the Gran Torino, "Get off my lawn"
Luke from The Last Jedi. DR. LADENHEIM: Okay.
好的
说一下心脏指数 格雷夫斯先生 Quick heart update, Mr. Graves.
Uh-huh. During your thorough
在你彻底复述《星球大战秀》的过程中 retelling of The Star Wars Show...
是《曼达洛人》 第二季 The Mandalorian, season two.
我能够将支架固定到位 所以我现在需要你的帮助 ...I was able to get the stent in place.
So this is where I need your help now.
我要打开这个支架 然后你要做的是 I'm gonna open this stent and all you have to do
当你感到压力减轻时告诉我 好的？ is tell me when you feel the pressure lets up. All right?
我们这样做吧 麦克德雷米 Let's do this, McDreamy.
“这就是道” "This is The Way."
通往什么的道？ The way to what?
哦 这是《曼达洛人》的说法 Oh, that's a saying from The Mandalorian.
Huh? The Star Wars Show.
《星球大战秀》
好 听着 我们得暂停 Okay, listen, we need to hit pause
你对所有流行文化的讨论 on all your pop culture references for a minute
直到我们打开支架为止 我数到三 just until we open the stent on three.
一 二 三！ One, two, three! (GASPING)
Oh!
天哪 我他妈的又能呼吸了 Holy shit, I can fucking breathe again.
这是否意味着我能活了？ Does this mean I'm gonna live now?
是的 因为我是一位了不起的医生 Yes, because I'm an amazing doctor.
你是一个比奇异博士和扎伊斯博士 加起来还更好的医生 You're a better doctor than Doctor Strange
and Doctor Zaius combined. Doctor who?
什么博士？ Oh, no, I don't watch that show,
不 我没看过
但我现在可以看了 因为我他妈的还活着 but I might start now because I'm fucking alive.
(LAUGHS)
“恭喜了！”正如中国人所说的 "Mazel tov!" As the Chinese say.
谢谢你 医生 Thank you, Doctor.
谢谢你救了我一命 Thank you for saving my life.
你就像心脏手术的蝙蝠侠 You're like the Batman of heart surgery. (CHUCKLES)
是嘛？ Yeah?
拥有权利的同时也被赋予了重大的责任 (SPEAKING GRUFFLY) With great power comes great responsibility.
那是什么鬼？ What the fuck was that?
-你还活着 You're alive! DANTE: You're alive!
-你还好吗？ -如果那是心脏病发作 Are you okay? If that was a heart attack,
我能再来一次 简直太容易了 I'll take another one. That shit was easy. (CHUCKLES)
好吧 你现在肯定是麻药还没醒 Okay, you must be on a lot of drugs right now.
不 他们没有给我任何东西 No, they didn't give me nothing in there.
我必须清醒地经历整个手术 I had to do the whole thing sober.
他对芬太尼兴奋不已 He's high as a kite on fentanyl.
风筝意象 很酷 Kite imagery, very cool.
看 兰德尔 风筝在空中呢 See, Randal, kites are in the air.
别再说你妈的风筝了 Stop with the fucking kites.
还有一件事 格雷夫斯先生 DR. LADENHEIM: One more thing, Mr. Graves, since you were really preoccupied about it,
既然你真的那么在意
以至于你浪费了时间 还差点死掉 so much so that you wasted time and nearly died,
你的鸡巴其实没那么小 your penis is not that small.
它没有那么大 但也没有那么小 It's not that big, but it's not that small.
(CHUCKLES) That's the best news I heard all day.
这是我一整天听到的最好的消息
(CHUCKLING WEAKLY)
他会没事的吧？ DANTE: Is he gonna be okay?
我该如何帮助他？ How do I help?
好 如果你在乎他的话 你要让他多吃蔬菜 Well, if you care about him,
you'll jam a vegetable down his throat.
这家伙动脉中的胆固醇比血液还多 The guy's got more cholesterol in his arteries than blood.
知道了 从今以后 我只给他点 Got it. From now on, I'm only gonna order him food
菜单上的素食 off the vegan menu at Mooby's.
-他和你 -我吗？ Him and you. Me?
如果你和他的年纪差不多 并且和你的朋友有同样的饮食习惯 If you're around his age and eat the same diet as your friend,
那你最好也检查一下你的心脏 you might wanna get your heart checked out, too.
会的 Will do.
但还有一些关于兰德尔的事情我想让你留意 But here's something I want you to keep
an eye out for as regards to Randal.
好的 Okay.
中年男性往往在他们心脏病发作之后 Middle-aged men tend to go through a depression
会经历抑郁症 after they've had a heart attack.
现在你的朋友的言行举止可能会有所不同 Now your friend might sound or act differently now because
因为他已经面对过自己的死亡 he's come face to face with his own mortality.
所以 在接下来的几个月里 尽你所能 So, for the next few months,
do whatever you can do
帮助兰德尔振作起精神 to help Randal keep his spirits up.
好吗？ All right?
现在 我要去忙了 Now, my bill is in the mail.
(WHATEVER IT TAKES BY LISA DALBELLO PLAYING)
说三道四的 Judgy.
♪ Whatever it takes
♪ I know I can make it
♪ I know I can make it through
(SONG FADES)
我给你带了一顶帽子 I brought you a hat.
是嘛 谢谢 Yeah. Thanks.
我不敢相信在你经历了这一切后还醒着 I can't believe you're still awake
after the day you've been through.
是的 我睡不着 Yeah, I can't sleep.
今晚我能活着出手术室的几率 There was only a 20% chance
只有20% I was gonna make it out of that OR alive tonight.
Hmm. Is that right?
真的吗？
我的意思是 我觉得我每次离开公寓 都有一半的几率会死 I mean, I figure I got a 50-50 chance of dying
any time I leave my apartment.
但今天 But today,
对我来说 there was an 80% chance everything for me
有80%的机会一切都会停止 was just gonna stop.
有80%的机会 There was an 80% chance
你和我再也不能谈论《星球大战》了 you and I were never gonna talk about Star Wars again.
有80%的机会我永远不会知道一个医学事实 There was an 80% chance
I would never know for a medical fact,
那就是我有一个正常大小的鸡巴 I got a normal-sized dick.
你总是说它很大 You always said it was huge.
如果你今天不叫救护车的话 我会失去很多东西的 I was gonna miss a lot of shit if you didn't call that ambulance today.
你救了我的命 伙计 You saved my life, man.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh.
我希望我有一个值得他妈的被拯救的生命 I wish I had a life worth fucking saving.
别这样 伙计 DANTE: Come on, man.
你在说什么？ What are you talking about?
当我躺在那里 想着我是否会死去 When I was lying there,
wondering if I was gonna die,
我在眼前看到了我整个人生电影 I saw the whole movie of my life flash before my eyes.
你知道吗？ You know what?
它糟透了 It sucked. (SCOFFS)
我一直在想 也希望 I always thought, hoped...
我的生活朝着某种方向发展 that my life was building towards something.
原来就只是在医院 Turns out it was just the hospital.
你在说什么？ What are you talking about?
我们建立了自己的生意 We built our own business.
所以我能共同拥有一家便利店 很了不起 So I co-own a convenience store. Big deal.
我从来没有去过泽西城以外的任何地方 I never went anywhere outside of Jersey.
我从来没有像你一样坠入爱河 I never fell in love like you.
如果今晚我就死了 If I'd have dropped dead tonight,
只有你和埃利亚斯会记得我曾经存在过 only you and Elias would remember I even existed.
我的意思是 看看我 伙计 我快50岁了 I mean, look at me, man, I'm almost 50.
我坐在那里一遍又一遍地看同样愚蠢的电影 I sit around and watch the same
stupid movies over and over.
(SIGHS)
我他妈怎么了？ The fuck is wrong with me?
我不知道 I don't know.
你对所有的东西都很了解 You know so much about all that stuff.
我一直认为你可以拍一部很酷的电影 I always thought you could have made a cool movie.
天啊 Holy shit.
你说得没错 You're right.
我可以拍一部很酷的电影 I could make a pretty cool movie.
我这一辈子都在看电影 I've been watching movies all my life,
我见过所有这些人讲述他们的故事 I've seen all these people tell their stories
从来没有想过要讲述我自己的 and never once thought about trying to tell mine.
好吧 去他妈的 伙计 Well, fuck that, man.
既然我今晚差点死去 现在我知道我是靠借来的时间生活的 Since I almost died tonight,
now I know I'm living on borrowed time.
所以 不要再看电影了 So, no more watching movies
因为当我离开这里后 because when I get out of here...
我要拍电影！ I'm gonna make a movie!
(MACHINE BEEPING)
电影？ DANTE: A movie?
你不需要去电影学校什么的吗？ Don't you have to go to film school or something?
去纽约大学电影学院一年要七万五美元 It's like 75 G's a year to go to NYU Film School.
你知道那些孩子花那么多钱是为了什么吗？ And you know what those kids pay all that money for?
-我不知道 -去看电影 I don't know. To watch movies.
我在影像店工作了20年 I worked in a video store for 20 years
我也整天坐在那儿看电影 where I sat around and watched movies all day, too.
所以也能说是我去了我自己的电影学校 So basically, I went to my own film school.
就因为你看过每一部电影 Just because you've seen every movie ever made,
并不意味着你可以制作任何类型的电影 doesn't mean you can make any kind of movie at all.
这话去跟昆汀塔伦蒂诺说吧 (SCOFFS) Tell that to Quentin Tarantino.
哦 现在你是昆汀塔伦蒂诺？ Oh, now you're Quentin Tarantino?
我不是说我要拍一部跟他一样好的电影 I'm not saying I'm gonna make a movie as good as him,
但我也不擅长做爱 but I'm not good at sex either,
这并不能阻止我尝试跟别人上床 and that doesn't stop me from trying to get laid.
(SCOFFS)
我向你保证 他还活着！
你想在这里拍电影吗？ DANTE: You wanna shoot a movie here,
在快速停止？ at the QuickStop?
是的 我以前看过电影里的便利店 Yeah, I've seen convenience stores in flicks before,
但我从未看过一整部都是在便利店里拍的电影 but I've never seen an entire flick
set in a convenience store.
因为谁会想看呢？ Because who would wanna watch that?
我的意思是 这是我的人生 我都不想过这样的生活 I mean, it's my life and I barely wanna live it.
这部电影是为了纪念我的一生 This movie's meant to memorialize my life.
既然我过去30年都在这里工作... And since I spent the last
30 years of my life working here...
工作？ Oh. Working?
我有很多便利店的故事可以写成剧本 I got plenty of convenience stories
to put into a screenplay.
《便利故事》 好标题 Convenience Stories. Good title.
那么 我们要在这里谈论什么样的“便利故事”？ Well, what kind of convenience stories
are we talking about here?
(LAUGHS) Remember the time we went to
记得我们去参加朱莉德怀尔的葬礼 Julie Dwyer's funeral and you knocked the casket over?
然后你把棺材打翻了？
你把棺材打翻了 You knocked the casket over.
我吗？ I did? (SIGHS)
嗯 这就是现在的场景 Well, that's a scene now.
或者是那个老家伙在浴室里打飞机 Or how about the time the old guy was jerking off
然后突然就死掉？ in the bathroom and dropped dead?
这完全是一个场景 伙计 That's totally a scene, man.
我的意思是 你和我在这个柜台说的所有废话 I mean, all the shit you and I have said
sitting at this counter,
这些都是场景 伙计 these are all scenes now, man.
你烧毁商店的那次怎么样？ How about the time you burned the store down?
会是这样的场景吗？ Is that gonna be a scene?
我仍然很确定是恐怖分子干的 I'm still pretty sure terrorists did that.
Uh-huh. (DOOR OPENS)
嘿！ RANDAL: Hey, hey!
杂色圆领 Motley Crewneck.
你们的基督教加密俱乐部中有任何人 能借我们非加密相机吗？ Anyone in your Christian Crypto Club
got a non-crypto camera we can borrow?
它现在被称为赤红加密俱乐部了 It's called the Crimson Crypto Club now.
加密风筝将是我们的第一发 Our first drops gonna be all crypto kites.
把那些狗屎收起来 埃隆穆史克拉特 Oh, put that shit away, Elon Muskrat.
-你们需要相机做什么？ -兰德尔想拍电影 What do you guys need a camera for?
RANDAL: Mmm. Randal wants to make a movie.
色情电影？ Ooh, like a pornography movie?
不 就正经电影 有演员和剧本 No, like a movie-movie,
one with actors and a screenplay
和伙食 and Crafty. (LAUGHS)
什么是伙食？ What's Crafty?
那是所有人一起吃喝玩乐 That's where the, uh, crew hangs out
和练习巫术的地方 你这个小恶魔崇拜者 and practices witchcraft, you little devil worshipper.
酷 Cool.
伙食部是在片场能找到所有食物的地方 Crafty is where you find all the food on set.
但如果你在这里拍摄 我猜整个店都是伙食部 But if you're shooting in here, I guess the whole store's Crafty.
电影是关于什么？ What's the movie gonna be about?
大概一个半小时 我讨厌长电影 Mmm, it's gonna be about an hour and a half.
I hate long movies.
这是关于他在这里工作的故事 It's about him working here. ELIAS: Wow.
多元 Meta. Never seen a whole movie
以前从未看过整部都在便利店的电影 set in a convenience store before.
是吧？谢谢你 Right? Thank you.
我会把我和但丁这么多年来 I'm gonna fill the script with all the weird shit
在这里说过或看到的所有奇怪的东西写进剧本 me and Dante have ever said or seen around here
over the years. Oh.
你应该把你曾经说过 You should put in that stuff you used to say
关于死星承包商的东西放进去 about the Death Star contractors.
(SCOFFS) Get sued by Disney? Fuck that.
被迪士尼起诉？去他妈的
再说了 我不希望这部电影是关于其他电影的 Besides, I don't want this movie to be about
other movies. I want it to be about me.
我希望它是关于我的
这是我的电影 所以我想写下我所做的事情 It's my flick, so I wanna write about
the things that I do.
就像我们在屋顶上打曲棍球一样 Like, um, like how we play hockey on the rooftop.
我从未在电影或电视节目中看到过 I've never seen that done in a movie or a TV show,
即使这很实用 even though it's just fucking practical.
还记得我用面包打你脸的那次吗？ (LAUGHS) Remember that fight
where I hit you in the face with the bread?
那可以是一个场景 Ooh, that could be a scene.
或是我向那个老家伙吐水的那次？ Or the time I spit water on that old guy?
那就是 就像 他妈的开场 That's, like, the fucking opening scene.
我有个主意 Ooh, I got an idea.
也许杰和沉默的鲍勃可以成为角色 Maybe Jay and Silent Bob could be characters.
这是我听过的最愚蠢的想法 That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard.
好吧 如果你想在你的旧影像店设置任何场景 DANTE: Well, you're still gonna have
to get them involved if you wanna set
你仍然需要让他们参与进来 any of the scenes in your old video store.
好吧 先记着 All right. Watch the register, dawg.
我们得去和华纳兄弟谈谈 We got to go talk to the Warner Brothers.
如果您打算入店偷窃 吃我的鸡巴 What the fuck, man? We heard you died.
什么鬼 伙计？我们听说你死了
差点 事实是 我正在高高的草丛中拉屎 Almost. What happened
is I was taking a shit in the high grass
一条响尾蛇跑过来咬了我的屁眼 when a rattlesnake came up and bit me right on the asshole.
但作为好朋友 But like the good friend he is,
但丁把毒吸了出来 Dante sucked the poison out.
看？这也发生在他们身上 伙计 See? It happened to them, too, man.
听着 当我们以为你死了的时候 伙计 Well, listen, when we thought you were dead, man,
我感觉非常非常糟糕 I felt really, really bad
因为一直以来我都在闲逛 'cause in all the time I've been hanging out
在这家商店面前 in front of this store and stuff,
我忘了给你点东西 I forgot to give you something.
《牙科学校》？ Dental School?
我和菜屌在1994年租了那个东西 Me and Veggie Dick rented that shit in 1994,
但我们从未看过 but we never watched it
因为我们没有录像机 'cause we didn't have a VCR. (CHUCKLES)
但是现在 你可以把它放在影像店的货架上 But now, you can put it on the shelf
in the video store. Oh, yeah.
Uh, the video store closed ten years ago.
这家店十年前关门了
是吗？ It did?
就是这里 This was the video store.
哦 是的 我越来越健忘了 就在那里 你知道吗？ Oh, yeah, I'm getting senile and shit right there, you know? (LAUGHS)
那这样 我们欠你多少滞纳金？ So listen, how much we owe you for late fees?
(SCOFFS) Uh, well, let's see, a dollar a day for what,
好吧 让我们看看 一天一美元的话
26 28年？ 26, 28 years?
也就是 大概 That's, like, approximately... $10,220.
10220美元
他们没有倒带 Oh, didn't rewind.
10220.50美元 $10,220 and 50 cents.
你收加密货币吗？ You take crypto?
你们有加密货币？ You guys got crypto?
没有 No.
如果你没看过 If you never watched it,
-为什么不倒带？ -对啊 why was it not rewound? Yeah.
嘿 混蛋 我说了我们没有录像机 Hey, asshole, I said we didn't have a VCR.
我们看过 We watched it. We held it up to the light.
我们把它举到光下
蠢货 (CHUCKLES) Fucking Luddite.
听着 如果你让我们在这里拍电影 Listen, we'll squash your giant late fees
on the 28-year-old copy of Dental School
那滞纳金我们就不要了 if you let us shoot a movie in here.
色情电影？ Ooh, a pornography movie?
不 不是色情电影 No, it's not a porno movie.
那种能卖 兄弟 我一直在买 Sex sells, son, and I'm always buying
因为我是阴蒂指挥官！ 'cause I am the Clit Commander!
来吧婊子们 Snootchie Bootchies. (7-ELEVEN NACHOS BY FROGGY PLAYING)
♪ I love nachos
♪ Nachos from 7-Eleven
♪ I know that They're bad for me
♪ When I eat them I'm in heaven
♪ 7-Eleven nachos!
♪ Liquid toppings Taste so good ♪
晚安 Goodnight.
37？ Thirty-seven?
那不是场景 兰德尔 That's not a scene, Randal.
现在别写了 Stop writing it right now.
37不能写进你的电影 Thirty-seven cannot go in your movie.
他妈的闭嘴 现在是晚上！ (SHOUTING) Shut the fuck up. It's nighttime!
《便利》？ DANTE: "In Convenience"?
这是我一生的故事 It's the story of my life.
168页的鸡巴笑话 Hundred and sixty-eight pages full of dick jokes,
背景设在便利店 一晚上写的 set in a convenience store, written in one night.
也许不要告诉人们最后一部分 Maybe don't tell people that last part.
我以为 你会称它为《便利故事》 I thought, you were gonna call it "Convenience Stories."
是的 这听起来太珍贵了 Yeah, that shit sounded too precious.
我是什么 韦斯安德森？ What am I, Wes Anderson?
不是基于这个剧本 (CHUCKLES) Not based on this script.
“只有一次回归” "There is only one return
“不是国王的 是绝地的” "and it ain't of the King, it's of the Jedi."
嘿 Hmm. ELIAS: Hey.
那个家伙在餐厅吐的那天你也说了同样的话 You said that same thing about return
the day that guy threw up in Mooby's
-你让我把它清理干净 -是的 and you made me clean it. RANDAL: Yeah.
剧本中的一切都是我或我认识的人所说的 Everything in the script is something
either me or someone I know said,
我只是编了新名字 I just made up new names.
我是什么 某种作家？ What am I, some kind of writer?
是的 (WHISPERING) Ah, yes.
区块链想了解 Blockchain would like to understand
为什么这两个女孩都喜欢这个叫丹T的角色 why the two girls are into this "Dan-T" character
但是兰迪角色更有趣 when the Randy character is much funnier.
兰迪一生都在问自己同样的问题 Randy has been asking himself
the same question his whole life.
丹T怎么了？ What's wrong with Dan-T? (SCOFFS)
读他在第3页的第一个场景 Read his first scene on page 37.
你在开玩笑吧？ DANTE: Are you kidding me?
我比你在便利店里的时间更长 I'm in this convenience store way more than you,
但是我怎么到了第37页 才出现在你的便利店电影里？ but I don't come into your
convenience store movie 'til page 37?
我有很多事情要做 I had a lot of exposition to do.
“丹T上” (SIGHS) "Enter Dan-T.
“一个可怕的他妈的混蛋” 他妈的什么？ "A hideous fuckin' chud of a man." What the fuck?
好吧 也许丹T不是你 RANDAL: Well, maybe Dan-T's not you.
你有没有想过？ Do you ever think of that?
“丹T留着可怕的胡须” "Dan-T's hideous fuckin' chud of a beard
“与其说是托尼斯塔克” "doesn't suggest Tony Stark so much as a male crack whore
“不如说是一个扮演托尼斯塔克的疯男人” "who is cosplaying as Tony Stark."
那只是在剧情方向 That's just in the screen direction.
没有人当着他的面说 丹T是“一个可怕的混蛋” Nobody actually calls Dan-T
"a hideous fuckin' chud." To his face.
我不敢相信你让我签署了一份保密协议 I can't believe you made me sign a non-disclosure agreement,
结果却发现我甚至 only to read that I'm not even
不是你生活故事中的主角之一 one of the main characters in the story of your life.
我是说 我知道我从来都不是卢克 但我认为我至少是汉 I mean, I knew I was never the Luke, but I thought I was at least the Han.
拜托 我是汉也是卢克 对吧？ Oh, come on, I'm the Han
and the Luke, right? (SCOFFS)
那我是谁 小楚？ Then who am I, the Chewie?
我认为埃利亚斯更像是小楚 不是吗？ I think Elias is more the Chewie, no?
除非这是帝国 否则我是兰多 他是洛博特 Unless this is Empire then I'm the Lando
and he's the Lobot.
我甚至连洛博特都不是？ I'm not even the Lobot?
哪个是洛博特？ Which one's Lobot?
他是那个戴着耳机 He's the one with the headphones who looks like
看起来像是想当DJ的老爹的人 a dad who's trying to be a DJ.
那个秃头混蛋贝斯平在整部电影中一句话都没说 The bald fucker from Bespin who never says nothing the whole movie.
这样沉默鲍勃不就是洛博特吗？ Wouldn't that make Silent Bob the Lobot?
不 杰伊和沉默鲍勃显然是C-3PO和R2-D2 No. Jay and Silent Bob are clearly the C-3PO and R2-D2.
我的意思是 他们从第一部电影开始就一直在 I mean, they've been here since the first movie,
那是他们以前很酷的时候 which was the last time they were cool,
但他们已经合作了这么长时间 but they've been with the franchise so long
仍然会让他们客串 并把他们印在午餐盒上 they still give them cameos and put them on the lunchboxes.
所以如果我不是卢克、汉、小楚、兰多 So if I'm not Luke, Han, Chewie, Lando,
机器人或洛博特 the droids or the Lobot,
那我他妈在你的《星球大战》里是谁 then who the fuck am I in your Star Wars,
-他妈的莱娅公主？ -不 Princess fucking Leia? No.
你是达克 You're the Dak.
达克到底是谁？ Who the fuck is Dak?
他是霍斯战役中卢克天行者的尾炮手 He's Luke Skywalker's tail gunner
in the Battle of Hoth.
就是那个准备亲自对付整个帝国 You know, the guy who's ready
to take on the whole Empire himself
直到帝国把他干掉的家伙？ until the Empire kills the shit out of him?
(SCOFFS) Did Dak even get an action figure?
达克有被做成活动玩偶吗？
不在经典的肯纳系列中 Not in the classic Kenner line, no.
因为？ Because?
因为人们认为他在这个故事中不重要 Because he was deemed unimportant to the story.
但那只是胡说八道 伙计 没有达克 卢克永远不会 But that's just bullshit, man.
Without Dak, Luke could have never...
达克是唯一一个 Like, Dak was the only guy that's, like, uh...
我的意思是 达克贼勇敢 伙计 就像你一样 I mean, Dak was plucky as shit, man, just like you.
我有一个关于剧本的问题 Uh, I have a question about the script.
太棒了 要有他妈的更多笔记了 Great, more fuckin' notes. Go ahead. ELIAS: Yes.
-说吧 -是
我对修道士这个角色有意见 Uh, I have a problem with the Friar Fuck character,
我相信 应该是我的角色吧 who, I believe, is supposed to be me.
他妈的修道士爱耶稣 Friar Fuck, uh, loves Jesus,
uh, to what appears to be an unhealthy degree.
到了看起来不健康的程度
然后呢？ And?
埃利亚斯是一个重生的撒旦教徒 And Elias is a born again Satanist.
因为是撒旦拯救了你 Because it was Satan who saved you
当大混蛋耶稣对我的祈祷 when my prayers fell on the deaf ears of Jesus,
充耳不闻时 the giant jerkoff. (SPITTING)
好吧 听着 修道士 All right, listen up, Friar Fuck.
我知道你最近刚刚和男朋友耶稣分手了 I get that you just broke up with your boyfriend Jesus recently,
很明显你因此开始改变 and clearly you're going through some couture
你的时装和妆容 and cosmetic stuff because of it.
但在你生命的前36年里 But for the first 36 years of your life,
you were into Jesus to an unhealthy degree,
你对耶稣的喜爱程度已经很不健康了
而这就是以修道士为原型的埃利亚斯 and that's the Elias that I based Friar Fuck on.
那么这个剧本是基于谎言的 Then this script is based on lies.
欢迎来到电影界 Welcome to the movie biz.
这门艺术没有真理！ There's no truth in this art!
耶稣 Jesus.
每个人都是批评家 Everyone's a critic.
那么 我们接下来要做什么？ So, what do we do next?
你问达克干什么？ What are you asking Dak for?
好吧 我一个人做不了 我需要一个制片人 Well, I can't do this alone. I need a producer.
-那是你的工作 -我？ That's your job. Me?
我又不怎么懂制片 What do I know about producing?
我都已经在编剧和导演了 Come on. I'm already writing and directing.
我不能什么都做 伙计 I can't do everything, man.
好吧 制作人是做什么的？ All right. What does a producer do?
只需为我们制定一个时间表 将我们控制在预算范围内 Just build us a schedule, keep us under budget,
secure a DP, and most importantly,
找个摄影导演 最重要的是 为我们找到融资
find us financing.
什么 我还要找人融资？ What, I gotta get money, too?
我们在这里说的是多少？ How much are we talking about here?
Mmm, 25 grand.
2万5千美元
2万5千美元？ $25,000?
严格来说 应该是27575美元 Well, technically, it's $27,575
但如果我们在加拿大的话那就更多了 but it would be way more if we were in Canada.
我他妈的应该从哪里找到那种钱？ Where the fuck am I supposed to find that kind of money from?
我们可以找到那种现金 We can find that kind of cash.
什么？如何？ What? How?
我们下个月推出我们的加密风筝NFT We launch our crypto kite NFTs next month.
基督风筝NFT So the Crimson Crypto Club
所以如果加密风筝能行的话 could have a lot of money to invest
就会有很多钱可以投资 if the crypto kites fly.
又是那该死的风筝 RANDAL: Again with the fucking kites.
伙计们 我们需要搞点钱来制作一部真正的电影 Guys, we need real loot to make a real movie,
而不是你们假装黑客帝国的钱 和你们他妈的风筝钱 not your make pretend Matrix money,
you fuckin' kite fucker.
我厌倦了这里扼杀风筝的态度 I'm sick and tired of the kite killing attitude around here.
(SCOFFING)
(DOOR OPENS)
不管怎么说 回到预算 RANDAL: Anyway, back to the budget.
如果我们把店拿去抵押贷款怎么样？ What if we took out a loan against the store?
贷款？为什么我们不先退一步 A loan? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why don't we just
先考虑一下这个问题？ slow down a minute and think about this first?
退一步？我差点就死了 伙计 Slow down? I almost died, man.
不能再拖了 It doesn't get any slower than that.
我不想再那样了 I'm not getting all "Dante" about this.
那是什么意思？ Uh, what's that supposed to mean?
你是那种永远无法决定是拉屎还是下锅的人 You're the guy who can never decide whether to shit or get off the pot.
好吧 我时间不多了 Well, I don't have time for that anymore.
从现在开始 我要赚大钱 要不然在这里有什么意义？ From now on, I'm gonna shit bricks
or what's the point of being here?
所以 来吧 伙计 当一次我的后盾 就在我身后 So, come on, man, get behind me when I shit for once.
所以我可以做什么 替你擦屁股？ So I can what, wipe your ass?
(SCOFFS)
你知道的 我也不想这样 You know, I don't wanna get all "Dante" about this,
但是找别人来收拾你的残局吧 but find someone else to take your shit.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
丽贝卡斯科特希克斯伯恩 生于1979 - 死于2006
好 他在这 BECKY: Well, well, well, here he is.
逃生艺术家 The escape artist.
我坐在你的坟墓上 I Sit on Your Grave.
(CHUCKLES) Didn't we have that movie at the video store?
影像店里不是有那部电影吗？
《我唾弃你的坟墓》 I Spit on Your Grave.
希克斯 你在梦里向我的坟墓吐口水 你最好起来道歉 Hicks, you spit on my grave in a dream,
you better wake up and apologize.
Ah...
-所以这是一个梦 -如果是 So this is a dream. Uh, if it is,
那么你需要学会有更大的梦想 then you need to learn to dream bigger.
我的意思是 真的吗 这是你能做的最好的吗？ I mean, really, this is the best that you can do?
墓地？ A cemetery?
你不能梦到我们发生关系 You can't dream us into sex...
在夏威夷 on the beach...
的沙滩上？ in Hawaii?
说得像你现在想和我发生性关系一样 Like you'd wanna have sex with me now.
我是个老男人 (GROANS) I'm an old man.
我会让你知道死亡只会增加你的性欲 I'll have you know that being dead only
increases your sex drive.
(LAUGHS)
死人活着就是为了发生关系 The dead live to fuck.
-所以你死后会做爱吗？ -那当然 So you have sex in the afterlife?
Hell's yeah.
在天堂里除了做爱别无他法 There's nothing to do in Heaven except fuck.
(SCOFFS) That's what makes it Heaven.
这就是使它成为天堂的原因
我不敢相信我妻子和死人发生性关系 I can't believe my wife's having sex with dead people.
著名的死者 我现在在名人巡回赛上 Famous dead people. I'm on the celebrity circuit now.
吹牛 说出一个你在天堂操过的名人 Bullshit. Name one famous person you fucked in Heaven.
一个 好的 One. Okay. (SMACKS LIPS)
先生 我已经和克利奥帕特拉的鬼魂缠绵过了 I have knocked boots with the ghost of Cleopatra, sir.
还有迈尔斯戴维斯 Oh. And Miles Davis
和弗雷德里克道格拉斯一起 and Frederick Douglass, together.
-乔治华盛顿 -什么？ George Washington... What?
卡佛 Carver. Oh.
你知道我有多爱花生酱 You know how much I love peanut butter.
-是的 -还有谁？ True. Who else?
卡尔萨根 Um, Carl Sagan. Oh! A real thinker.
一个真正的思想家
Um...
马尔科姆艾克斯 Malcolm X.
-马尔科姆艾克斯 -冷静点 Malcolm triple X. Oh, settle down.
而且我敢肯定你对他们都放得很开 And I'm sure you're letting them all go ass to mouth.
是的 他们很有名 Uh, yeah, they're famous.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
你认为我想要这个 不是吗？ You think I want this, don't you?
你对我有意思？ You carrying the torch for me?
我告诉过你我对浪漫爱情的感受 希克斯 I told you how I feel about romantic love, Hicks.
我记得 Oh, I remember.
你很有说服力 You were very convincing. Mmm.
直到我求婚的那一天 Right up until the day I proposed.
我们只认识了大概15分钟 We only knew each other for, like, 15 minutes.
而你这15年都在为我哀悼 You've been mourning me for, like, 15 years.
那你想让我怎么做？你想让我忘记你？ So what do you want me to do? You want me to just forget about you?
你是我梦寐以求的一切 You were all I ever dreamed about.
你们俩 Both of you.
(BECKY SIGHS) (TEARFULLY) Now...
现在
天啊 我好孤独 God, I'm so alone.
(CRYING)
我知道 (SOFTLY) I know.
我知道失去我和格蕾丝 I know losing me and Grace...
伤透了你的心 broke you.
但你不知道你有多幸运 But you don't know how lucky you have it.
什么？ What?
我们的生命已经结束了 The Book of Life is closed for the two of us.
但是你 But you... can still turn a page.
仍然可以翻篇
你可以继续写你的人生故事 You get to keep writing the story of your life.
没有你还有什么意义？ Why bother without you?
因为还有更多的故事要讲 希克斯 Because there are more tales to tell, Hicks.
只要你还活着 As long as you're alive,
你总能开始另一个篇章 you can always start another chapter.
所以尽可能地活着 So live while you can, love while you can.
尽你所能去爱
他妈的 God damn it.
大胆点 Dream bigger.
(SNIFFLES)
来自一个不相信浪漫爱情的女孩 That all sounds pretty romantic
这一切听起来是多么的浪漫 coming from a girl who doesn't believe in romantic love.
我不相信浪漫的爱情 I don't believe in romantic love.
这才是你 That's my girl.
但我确实相信你 But I do believe in you.
(BECKY CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
想要演电影吗？ (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
到第一大道剧场试镜！ 周日下午3点
第一大道剧场
我要感谢你们今天让我站在这里 Hey, I wanna thank you guys for having me here today.
我一直想成为一名演员 I've always wanted to be an actor.
很好 Nice.
我今天甚至都不应该在这里！ I'm not even supposed to be here today!
我今天甚至都不应该在这里 I'm not even supposed to be here today.
(SOBBING)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
我今天甚至都不应该在这里 (STRAINED) I'm not even supposed to be here today.
我他妈的今天甚至都不应该他妈的在这里 你们这些混蛋 I'm not even supposed to fucking be here to fucking day, fucks.
Oh, shit! I thought that was the police.
该死！我还以为是警察
我今天甚至都不应该在这里 I'm not even supposed to be here.
借助灰颅的力量 By the power of Grayskull,
我今天甚至都不应该在这里！ I am not supposed to be here today!
嘿 我是乔 Hey, I'm Joe.
我今年45岁 刚离婚 然后我想来这里试试 Uh, I'm 45-years-old, recently divorced,
and I figured I'd give this shit a go. Uh...
我今天甚至都不应该在这里 I am not even supposed to be here today.
去他妈的 Damn right.
Uh... (HUMMING)
狮子脸 Lion face. (ROARS)
柠檬脸 Lemon face. (GRUNTING)
我今天甚至都不应该在这里 I'm not even supposed to be here today.
介绍一下我自己 Um... (CLEARS THROAT) A little about me.
业内称我为波士顿约翰 I'm known professionally as Boston John.
那是个笔名 That's a nom de plume.
Uh, Robert De Niro is my fuckin'... Lone star.
罗伯特德尼罗是我他妈的孤星
你知道我在说什么吗？ 闭上你的眼睛 就 You know what I'm saying? Close your eyes. Just...
闭上眼睛 听着 准备好了吗？好了吗？ Close your eyes. Just listen. Ready? All right?
我有乳头 格雷格 (MIMICKING ROBERT DE NIRO) I have nipples, Greg.
你能给我挤奶吗？ Could you milk me?
那是一个 婊子 一整天 Fuck, that is one, bitch. All day.
你能给我一个像施瓦辛格这样的吗？ Can you give me one like Schwarzenegger?
我今天甚至都不应该在这里 (MIMICS ARNOLD) I'm not even supposed to be here today.
但是你能帕西诺一点吗？ But can you, uh, Pacino that shit?
(MIMICS AL PACINO) Ooh-ah!
什么时候 主？ (SHOUTS) When, Lord?
我什么时候才能看到该死的帆船？ When will I see the God damn sailboat?
那是我自己内心深处的想法 That came from a real deep personal place.
我有一个博鳌亚洲论坛 I have a BFA.
我是一名有戏剧背景的演员 Uh, I'm a theater background actor.
作为一名有戏剧背景的演员 我在纽约接受了培训 As an actor with a theater background,
I was classically trained in New York.
你有考虑过用这个来做音乐剧吗？ Have you actually thought
因为它可能是 about going musical with this? 'Cause it could be...
我今天甚至 ♪ I'm not even...
都不应该 Supposed to be here.
在这里 ♪ Today ♪
Hah, hoo, hah. Yeah-cha!
换脚踢 两下响指 爵士手 Kick ball change and snap, snap, jazz hands.
那很不错 伙计 That is beautiful, man.
小弗雷迪普林兹 Freddie Prinze Jr.
“我会操任何会动的东西” "I'll fuck anything that moves."
等等 伙计 这是色情片吗？ Wait, wait a minute, man, is this a porno?
我会操任何会动的东西 I'll fuck anything that moves.
-我会操任何会动的东西 I'll fuck anything that moves. I'll fuck anything that moves.
这有点露骨 让我这样试一下吧 等等 That's a little bit in your face. Let me try it like this, hold on.
我可以借你的内裤 用大约十分钟吗？ Can I borrow your underpants for about ten minutes?
我会操任何会动的东西 I'll fuck anything that moves.
还有 傻子 And, fool,
我总是带着砍刀 I always carry a machete.
我会操任何会动的东西！ I'll fuck anything that moves!
听起来像我买大麻的那个人 Sounds like the guy I buy weed from.
你知道这部电影需要什么吗？ You know what this movie needs?
这些 这些疯子！ Deez. Deez nuts!
我可以给你一个建议吗？ Can I just offer you a piece of advice?
你知道这个剧本需要什么吗？ You know what this script needs right here?
就像一个在说脏话的老太太 Like an old lady that says curse words.
天啊 Holy shit.
这垃圾剧本是谁写的？他的妈妈应该感到羞耻 Who wrote this garbage? His mother should be ashamed.
(INHALING)
他妈的？ The fuck?
他正在为《沉默的比尔》试镜 He's auditioning for Silent Bill.
(SCOFFING)
不知道你知不知道《音乐之声》 I don't know if you know Sound of Music,
那些木偶是其中最好的部分 the marionettes were the best part of that.
我想这就是他们获得奥斯卡奖的原因 I think that's why they won Oscars.
是不是值得考虑 It's worth thinking about
也许能用木偶来做整部电影？ maybe doing the whole movie with marionettes.
(ROCK MUSIC FADES)
该吃药了 铁皮人 Take your heart pills, Tin Man.
嘿 Hey.
所以 融资情况如何？ So, how's it going with the financing?
你给我筹钱了没？ You raise my money, yet?
如果是你的钱 If it's your money,
-那为什么是我来筹？ -那是好莱坞 then how come I have to raise it?
That's Hollywood. (CHUCKLES)
-你读完剧本了吗？ -昨晚看完了 Did you finish reading the script?
Last night.
然后呢？很有趣 对吧？ And? It's funny, right?
是很有趣 It's funny,
但这就像我的整个人生在我眼前闪现 but it was like my entire life flashed before my eyes.
我的人生在你眼前一闪而过 My life flashed before your eyes.
我很高兴你还是保留了一些东西 I was glad you left some stuff out.
所以 So, uh...
这些家伙中的哪一个可以扮演我？ which one of these guys gets to play me?
这些男生都太年轻 Well, the guys are too young and hot to play you. What the fuck?
-太帅了 演不了你 -他妈的什么？
而且没有人像我这么风趣 And nobody's nearly funny enough to play me.
那么 你打算怎么办？ So then, what are you gonna do?
我要自己扮演我的角色 I'm gonna play my part myself.
(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
好了 我们要关门了 All right, already, we're closing. Gee whiz!
为什么？你太冒犯我了！ Why? You're highly offending me!
是的 耶稣 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus.
对不起 女士 我们已经关门了 I'm sorry, ma'am, we're closed.
是我 兰德尔 It's me, Randal.
Huh. Cool. Blade Runner, I like that.
酷 《银翼杀手》 我喜欢这样
谢谢 什么是《银翼杀手》？ Thanks. What's a Blade Runner?
虽然你以前从未演过或导演过电影 Can we get back to you acting in a movie
我们能否再探讨一下 that you're directing even though you've never acted in
您要自导自演电影这件事？ or directed a movie before?
它适用于奥森威尔斯 It worked for Orson Welles.
你不是个演员 (SIGHS) You're not an actor.
霍华德斯特恩也不是 但他在电影中 扮演了关于他的生活的角色 Neither was Howard Stern, but he acted in the movie about his life.
如果你把它称之为表演的话 (SCOFFS) If you call that acting.
你认为你可以做得更好吗？ You think you can do better?
比在私处里的霍华德斯特恩迪德更好？ Better than Howard Stern did in Private Parts?
这不是一个高标准 (CHUCKLES) It's not a high bar.
太好了 因为你在扮演的是丹T Great, because you're playing Dan-T.
什么？不不不 我不是 我演不了 What? No, no, no. I'm not. I can't act.
你和我们在试镜时看到的任何一个小丑一样好 You're as good as any of the jokers we saw at 1the audition.
此外 如果我要扮演我 那你就得扮演你 Besides, if I'm gonna play me, you gotta play you.
你必须这样做 丹T先生 You have to do this, Mr. Dan-T.
看在上帝的份上吧 请不要再叫我丹T先生了 DANTE: Oh, for God's sakes, please stop calling me Mr. Dan-T.
那是另一回事 去他妈的所有假名字 That's another thing. Fuck all the fake names.
这是什么东西 《疯狂杂志》？ What is this shit, Mad Magazine?
兰德尔正在扮演兰德尔 Randal is playing Randal.
但丁在扮演但丁 又名但丁先生 Dante is playing Dante, aka Mr. Dante,
埃利亚斯在扮演埃利亚斯 and Elias is playing Elias.
我也在电影里？ ELIAS: I'm in the movie, too?
是的 作为一个撒旦教徒扮演基督徒 Yup. And as a Satanist playing a Christian,
你的戏份最多 you've gotta act the most.
这是我自己 It's my very own chance...
转变的机会 to transform.
并且改变你 大黄蜂 And transform you shall, Bumblebee.
一旦但丁先生获得了他妈的资金 Soon as Mr. Dante secures our fuckin' financing.
Yo, it's too bad you didn't marry that Emma chick,
可惜你没有娶那个艾玛小妞
那个有大阴蒂的 the one with the big clit.
她不是洗车店的女继承人之类的吗？ Wasn't she like some kinda car wash heiress or something?
你能集中注意力吗？ DANTE: Can you focus?
即使我们自己演 Even if we do play ourselves,
你还是需要给所有客户的角色选角 you still got to cast all the customer parts.
为什么我每天都已经 Why am I casting customers to say all this stupid shit
在看那些顾客说蠢话了 when I still see the real customers
who said all the stupid shit in the first place
还要找人扮演说这些蠢话的顾客 come in here every day? They can do it.
他们就可以做到 Oh, my God, you can't just turn
我的上帝 你不能把普通人变成电影明星
regular people into movie stars.
Noinch, noinch, noinch! Smokin' weed.
吸大麻
吸大麻！ Smokin' weed!
来包烟 兄弟 Pack of wraps, my good man.
是时候放松一下 喝点啤酒 抽点大麻 Time to kick back, drink some beers
and smoke some weed.
你拥有一整个的烟草店 You own a whole weed store.
嘿 兰德尔 我有个主意 Hey, Randal, I've got an idea.
如果杰和鲍勃扮演杰和鲍勃怎么样？ What if Jay and Bob play Jay and Bob?
好吧 我们可以问他们 Well, we can ask 'em. Yo.
你们想出演我的电影吗？ Youse guys want to be in my movie?
Ooh, a pornography movie?
色情电影？ RANDAL: It's not a porno movie.
这不是色情电影
是我们在你店里拍摄的电影 It's the movie we're shooting in your store.
那部电影？你还没弄完？ (SCOFFS) That movie? You still ain't done?
我们甚至还没有开始 We haven't even started yet.
我不知道 我们会在电影中扮演谁？ I don't know. Who would we be playing in this movie?
有两个角色是我按照 Well, it's these two characters I kind of based
你和玛吉辛普森为原型创作出来的 on you and Maggie Simpson here.
看看你的第一个场景 Check out your first scene.
这些人不是真正的演员 DANTE: These guys aren't real actors.
但他们是真混蛋 这也是我想要的 But they are real fucked up and I could work with that.
这听起来一点也不像我 This doesn't sound like me at all.
你在说什么？ What are you talking about?
里面所有的对话都是我亲耳听到 你在这里所说过的东西 All the shit in there is all the stuff
I've personally heard you say around here.
我才不会这样说话 伙计 I do not talk like this, man.
为什么这里的我会说这些蠢话 Why do you have me saying stupid shit like
-一直说“斯努奇布奇“？ -要不然这样 "Snootchie Bootchies" all the time? RANDAL: I'll tell you what.
如果你们在电影中扮演自己的话 If you guys play yourselves in the movie,
我也会让你们负责伙食区 I'll let you guys be in charge of Crafty, too.
那么伙食区是什么呢？ So what's Crafty about?
除了在电影中扮演喜剧角色 Well, in addition to being the comic relief in the movie,
你们还将负责剧组里所有的伙食 you'd also be in charge of all the food on set.
Ooh, we learned about food prep
以前我们自己开餐厅时 我们学会了食物准备 back when we ran the fucking Cock Smoker.
那里不就是你们分毒品的地方吗？ Wasn't that place just a drug front? (CHUCKLING) No, we had drugs in the front
不 我们两边都有
and drugs in the back.
所以如果埃利亚斯扮演的是自己 而这些混蛋也扮演他们自己 DANTE: So if Elias is playing Elias and these dopes are playing themselves,
你打算找谁来演维罗妮卡？ who are you gonna get to play Veronica?
你怎么不早点问呢 Well, funny you should ask,
'cause earlier today I sent the script
我刚刚把剧本发给一个 to someone who will be absolutely...
(CLICKS TONGUE) ...perfect to play Veronica.
我觉得非常适合演维罗妮卡的人 (DOOR OPENS)
你他妈的以为你是谁？ Who the fuck do you people think you are?
-维罗妮卡？ -这是什么脏东西？ Veronica? What is this filth?
这是什么让我成为一个又放荡 What is this gamey, tawdry trash
又俗气的垃圾？ that makes me out to be some slutty sex maniac?
这只是一部我正在制作的关于我的生活的电影 RANDAL: It's just a movie I'm making
about my life, and I thought
然后我认为你在里面扮演自己会很有趣 it'd be fun for you to play yourself in it.
是吗？ Oh, you did?
对啊 Yeah.
-那你是他妈的有病了！ -嘿！ Then you are fucking sick! Hey!
以我的艺术表达来看它 Watch it with my artistic expression.
“艺术表达”？这就是我的生活 "Artistic expression"? That's my life.
这是我的生活 It's my life.
好了 大家冷静一下 Okay, everybody, calm down. Jeez.
你要是在大学里学电影的话肯定会被追杀的 DANTE: Oh, come on, you would have killed to have been in a film in college.
-你主修戏剧 -我辅修戏剧 You majored in drama. I minored in drama.
我主修口腔外科 I majored in oral surgery.
所有人都欢呼口腔女王 All hail the queen of oral.
-去你的 -外科女王 Fuck you. Surgery.
你没有让我说完 You didn't let me finish.
我也不会让你拍完这部电影的 And I'm not gonna let you finish this film either,
除非你把我的角色去掉 not with me as a character.
我不是你在你肮脏的无脑电影中讲的他妈的笑话 I'm not some fucking joke you get to tell
in your dirty little B movie,
你这两个无脑的索德伯格 you two-bit strip mall Soderbergh.
我认为自己更像是理查德林克莱特 I see myself more like retail's Richard Linklater.
你想这样做吗？ VERONICA: You want to do this?
也行 把我的角色拿掉 Fine, but leave me out of it.
不像你们两个 我有一份稳定的工作 Unlike either of you, I've got a grown-up job.
不像你们两个 我有一个家庭 And unlike either of you, I've got a family.
那个 我很抱歉 Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
我 对不起 I... Sorry.
(SOBBING)
(DANTE SIGHS)
请不要哭泣 Please don't cry.
(SIGHS HEAVILY) It's just been a shit day.
今天真不顺
(SOBBING)
我遇到了两件不幸的事 I had two cancelations.
我的前任打电话告诉我 他不会把我们女儿的车 My ex calls to tell me that
he's not putting our daughter's car
列入他的保险 on his insurance,
所以现在不知怎的她在生我的气 and so now somehow she's pissed at me.
然后我看到你说那些屁话 And then I see you and say that shit.
没关系 真的 It's okay. Really.
我有点感觉 我觉得自己像是个混蛋 I kinda feel like... I feel like such an asshole.
嘿 罗尼 Hey, Ronnie. (SNIFFLES)
如果兰德尔告诉我他要把剧本拿给你 If Randal told me he was gonna send you the script,
我肯定会说不行的 I would've said no way.
但现在 我很高兴他那么做了 But now, I'm glad he did.
因为 Because it's...
很高兴能见到你 即使在这种情况下 it's really nice to see you. Even under the circumstances.
你看起来很棒 And you look great. (SCOFFS)
你看起来比我年轻很多 You look way younger than I do.
-是吗？ -是的 Yeah? Yeah.
你觉得我看起来有多年轻？ How young you think I look?
你看起来最多也 You don't look a day over...
37 37. (CHUCKLING)
所以 So, um... (SMACKS LIPS)
你想要跟我发生关系吗？ You want to fuck? (NO HOPE BY LOUSER PLAYING)
♪ I'm a mess
♪ All washed out
♪ Mostly regrets
♪ Laced with doubts
♪ All bruised up
(VERONICA AND DANTE MOANING)
♪ I'm knocked down
你认为这意味着维罗妮卡同意了吗？ You think this means Veronica is in?
我认为这意味着但丁肯定是 I think it means Dante sure is.
♪ No hope
♪ No peace ♪
“沉默的鲍勃 你是个粗鲁的混蛋 但你可爱得要死” JAY: "Silent Bob, "you are a rude motherfucker.
"But you are cute as hell."
(CLEARING THROAT)
沉默的鲍勃！ (LOUDLY) Silent Bob!
你是个粗鲁的混蛋！ You are a rrr-rude motherfucker!
但是你可爱得要死！ But you're cute as hell!
(ELIAS SNEEZING)
我把猫带来了 兰德尔 ELIAS: I brought the cat, Randal.
完美 在我们准备好拍摄之前 Perfect. We don't want him going anywhere
我们不希望他靠近垃圾箱 near a litter box until we're ready to shoot.
所以你必须一整天抱着他 So you're gonna have to hold him all day.
但是我对猫过敏 But I'm allergic to cats.
你必须为艺术牺牲 伙计 You got to suffer for your art, man.
但这不是我的艺术 而是你的艺术 But it's not my art, it's your art.
你不应该是受苦的那个人吗？ Shouldn't you be the one doing the suffering?
我差点死于心脏病发作时 还没有受够吗？ I didn't suffer enough when I almost died from a heart attack,
还要在这里受一下？ which I might add was after
a heated exchange about kites?
我的过敏症使我对你的情感勒索免疫 My allergies have made me immune
to your emotional blackmail. (DOOR OPENS)
(CAT PURRING)
看看他的演技 Check out this acting. (CLEARS THROAT) Silent Bob,
沉默的鲍勃 你是个粗鲁的混蛋！ you are a rrr-rude motherfucker!
但是你可爱得要死 But you're cute as hell.
很自然 很微妙 我喜欢 Very natural, and subtle. I like it.
那么 你今天感觉如何？ So, how are you feeling today?
你知道吗 我感觉就像 那个在影像店打工的孩子 Oh, you know, I feel like that kid
that worked in the video store,
对电影的语言完全熟悉 fully fluent in the language of cinema.
就像我天生就是导演一样 It's like I was born to direct.
不 兄弟 我的意思是 你上个月心脏病发作了 No, bro. I mean, you had a heart attack last month.
那 不 我感觉很好 Oh, that. No, I feel fine.
昨晚在车上过了一夜之后 How do you feel today
今天感觉如何？ after your Range Rover sleepover last night?
-别说 -当我说要当制片人的时候 Stop it. When I said to be a producer,
我不是说老来得子那一说 I didn't mean produce a late-in-life child.
不情愿的制作人 Unwilling producer.
我也没有申请做这份工作 但我还是做了 I didn't ask for this job, but I am doing it.
所以我今天有一个关于资金的会议 So I have a meeting today about money.
他妈的行啊 Fucking A, that's producing, J.J.
我还给你找了个电影摄影师 And I found you a cinematographer.
-什么？ -我可以为你介绍吗 What? May I present to you...
摄影师鲍勃 Shooter Bob.
沉默的鲍勃会成为我们的摄影师吗？ Silent Bob is gonna be our DP?
妈的 太棒了 我们都要做DP！ Shit, yeah, we all gonna be doing DPs!
DP是名称 Uh, DP is the name of the job.
你说是摄影师 You said it was cinematographer.
摄影师就是DP The cinematographer is the DP.
伙计 不要表现得像你知道所有行业的俚语一样 Man, don't be acting like you know
all the industry slang and shit.
我和沉默的鲍勃是这里唯一 Me and Silent Bob are the only ones here
去过电影拍摄片场的人 两次 who've actually been on a movie set. Twice.
(RANDAL SCOFFS)
来吧 RANDAL: Come on.
是的 他是一个非常规的选择 Yes, he's an unconventional choice,
但你是一个非常规的电影制作人 but you are an unconventional filmmaker making
-要拍一部非常规的电影 -是的 an unconventional film. Yeah.
你要我把我一生的故事 You want me to entrust the story of my life to the Quiet Place.
托付到寂静之地
他的Instagram上有一些非常漂亮的照片 He has some really nice shots
on his Instagram. (SCOFFS)
来吧 给他一个机会 伙计 Come on, give him a chance, man.
也许他会和你说同样的电影语言 Maybe he speaks the language of cinema like you do.
这家伙从不说 The guy never speaks at all.
好的 我们刚看过这里侦察 颜色真难看 Okay, so we just scouted in here,
and the colors are fucking ugly.
所以沉默鲍勃想把整部电影 So Silent Bob wants to shoot the whole movie
拍成黑白的 in black and white.
《辛德勒的名单》是黑白电影吗？ Schindler's List black and white? What, is he nuts?
什么 他疯了吗？
不 我是他妈的电影制片人 Uh, no, I'm a fucking filmmaker.
任何称职的电影制作人都会知道 And any filmmaker worth their salt
would know that the colors
这个地方的颜色真他妈的可怕 in this place are fucking ghastly.
处理它们的唯一方法就是 The only way you could deal with them
通过黑白来进行中和 is to neutralize them by going in black and white,
这也可以作为 which will also kind of act as a commentary
对商业无灵魂本质的评论 on the soulless nature of commerce
同时在潜意识里让观众觉得 while subliminally giving the audience the impression
他们正在通过假想商店的 that they're watching our heroes
安全摄像头观看我们的主角的生活 from the perspective of an imaginary store security cam.
我就是这么想的 That's what I was thinking. Mmm-hmm.
-这就是艺术家的想法 -是的 That's what an artist thinks. Yup.
但是 你知道 这取决于你 But, you know, it's up to you.
不过 如果不让我拍黑白的话 However, I'm shooting it in black and white,
我他妈的就不拍了 or I ain't shooting it at all, motherfucker.
没错 That's right.
(EXHALES) (LINE RINGING)
天哪 他看起来很胖 Jesus, he looks fat.
你没有静音 艾玛 You're not on mute, Emma.
我知道 所以呢？你好 I know. So? Hello.
你好 Hi, you. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
佛罗里达怎么样？ How's Florida?
到处都是混蛋 但至少不是泽西岛 Full of assholes, but at least it's not Jersey.
你想要什么 但丁？ What do you want, Dante?
好吧 这会从左场出来 Okay, uh, this is gonna come out of left field,
但是 我希望我能借点钱 but, um, I was hoping I could borrow some money.
-他妈的不行 -这不给我的 是给兰德尔的 Fuck no. It's not for me. It's for Randal.
哦 那更他妈的不行 Oh, then double fuck no.
他心脏病发了 艾玛 He had a heart attack, Emma.
好的 我希望他死了 Good. I hope he dropped dead.
他没有 He didn't.
所以他需要钱 So he needs the money for, uh...
来付医院的账单 for the hospital bills.
兰德尔没有任何保险 Randal doesn't have any insurance.
所以他妈的什么？ So the fuck what?
即使我想帮忙 但是我真不想 Even if I wanted to help, which I don't,
我不会给兰德尔任何免费的钱 I'm not giving Randal Graves any free money.
艾玛 拜托 Emma, please.
你和我曾经承诺 如果我们需要帮助 You and I once promised that if we ever needed help,
无论发生什么 我们都会一直帮助对方的 we'd always be there for each other, no matter what.
那是在你欺骗我之前 That was before you cheated on me
at a fucking donkey show.
再见了 但丁！ Goodbye, Dante!
不 等等 No, no. Wait, wait, wait. (GROANS)
拜托了 艾玛 Please, Emma.
我真的很绝望 I'm desperate here.
你有抵押品吗？ Do you even have any collateral?
如果必须这样的话 If I have to...
我可以签署我一半的店作为抵押品 I can sign over my half of the QuickStop as collateral.
那个垃圾？ That shithole? Ugh.
-这是怎么回事？ -我们在拍电影 What's all this about? We're making a movie.
不是吧 色情电影？ No shit. A pornography movie?
-这需要多长时间？ -21晚 How long does that take? Twenty-one nights.
我的导演朋友要在这里呆上21个晚上 It's gonna take my auteur friend here 21 nights
让他在电影中吃自己的鸡巴 for him to cinematically suck his own dick.
连续？ In a row?
《便利》我不明白 "In Convenience." I don't get it.
第十场 第一条！ Scene ten, take one!
(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
猫牧人！ Cat Wrangler! (BULLHORN FEEDBACK)
(ELIAS WHEEZING)
(BODY THUDS)
(WHEEZING)
好了 我们准备 All right, let's go.
来 And...
开始 action.
天啊 Holy shit.
拉屎了 We got poop.
开始 And action. (BULLHORN FEEDBACK)
他妈的 Fuck. (OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)
(IMPERCEPTIBLE)
你还在等什么？跳舞啊！ What are you waitin' for? Dance!
我不会在所有这些该死的人的注视下跳舞 I ain't doing this with all these fuckin' people watching.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
停！ (BULLHORN FEEDBACK) Cut!
人才真是个小婊砸 (SIGHS) The talent's being a little bitch.
你们可以在店里等吗？ Can you guys wait in the video store?
我会开机 I'll run the camera.
难以置信 真的吗？ DANTE: Unbelievable. Really?
这样 行了吧？我把人都清了 There, ya happy? I cleared the set.
他妈的跳舞 伙计 So fucking dance, man.
你他妈的跳舞 You fucking dance.
-婊子 -准备 Bitch. RANDAL: And...
开始 action.
什么鬼 乔乔西瓦？ What the fuck, JoJo Siwa?
看看这该死的家伙看着我们！ Look at this fucking guy looking at us!
他甚至都没有注意 He's not even paying attention. Gee whiz.
你也得进去 笨蛋 You have to go inside, too, cuck.
那谁他妈来开拍？ Who the fuck's gonna run the camera?
按下按钮 然后走开 Push the button and walk away.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
(CAMERA BEEPS) All right.
好吧
开始 (BULLHORN FEEDBACK) Action.
我猜 I guess.
(FIND YOUR WAY BACK BY JEFFERSON STARSHIP PLAYING)
♪ You know, it's been A long, long road
♪ Since I packed up and left On my own...
好的 现在 抓着柜台 All right, now, hold on to the counter.
我会拉 好吗？开始了 I'm going to pull, okay? Here we go.
Ah...
♪ Just trying To get back to her heart
开始 (GRUNTS) Action.
RST影视公司
我们需要一些胸和屁股 耶！ We need some tits and ass, yeah!
♪ I sure ain't got no home...
停！ And cut.
Ha-ha. (GRUNTS)
(WHISTLES)
干得好 干得漂亮 Nice job, nice work.
Um...
好吧 我们正朝这扇门再来一次 All right, we're doing the same shot just over to this door.
声音要在这里 让我们把棍子拿到那里 ...sound here. Let's get the sticks over there.
埃利亚斯 你听着吗？ Elias, you with us?
好的 我们正在做同样的事情 Okay, we're doing the same thing.
我们只是 有点 过来这里 We're just, kind of, coming over here. We're gonna stay on the same...
我们要保持原样 ♪ Find your way back... ♪
准备 开始 And... action.
你知道 世界上有数百万罚单 伙计 You know, there are a million fines in the world, dude.
“数百万罚款”？什么鬼 伙计？ RANDAL: "Millions of fines"? What the hell, man?
不是这句 That's not the line.
“世界上有一百万个” "There's a million fine-looking women
“漂亮的女人 伙计” "in the world, dude."
在这个世界后还有十亿个 伙计！ There are a billion behinds in this world, dude!
Whoo! Not "billions of behinds."
不是“后还有十亿个”
“一百万个漂亮的女人” "A million fine-looking women."
你知道 他们也在杀猪 伙计 You know, they're killing swines in the world, dude.
操他妈的 你这个没演技的混蛋！ Jesus fucking Christ, you non-acting fuck!
我自己来 I will do it myself.
Ahem!
你知道这世上有一百万个 You know, there's a million fine-looking women
漂亮的女人 伙计 in the world, dude,
但她们并不都在工作中带给你烤宽面条 but they don't all bring you lasagna at work.
她们大多数人只会给你戴绿帽 Most of them just cheat on you.
-你都在说晚上那档事 -嗯？ You All About Eve -ining fuck. Well?
系好安全带 这将是一个颠簸的夜晚 Fasten your seatbelts. It's gonna be a bumpy night.
就是这样 他不再爱你了 RANDAL: So that's it. He doesn't love you anymore.
他爱的是凯特琳 He loves Caitlin.
-他告诉了你这一切？ -差不多吧 And he told you all this? Pretty much.
除了潜在的同性恋但是 All except the latent homosexuality but...
什么鬼 伙计？ What the fuck, man?
我们在这里拍电影 We're making a movie here. Ew!
这与我的表弟沃尔特的死相比根本不值一提 RANDAL: It's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
-他是怎么死的？ -他的脖子断了 DANTE: How'd he die? RANDAL: He broke his neck.
这很尴尬？ That's embarrassing?
他在试图吃自己的鸡巴时扭断了脖子 He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.
天哪 伙计 JAY: Holy shit, man.
-你说的是真的吗？ -你疯了吗？ Is that shit true? RANDAL: Are you nuts?
他妈的闭嘴 Shut the fuck up.
我们正在拍摄 We're shooting a scene here. (FIND YOUR WAY BACK CONTINUE)
♪ I know it's too late now
请把钱留在柜台上 需要找零钱时才拿 诚实一点
♪ But I wish I could Go back in time
♪ And start all over somehow
♪ And get it right From the start
♪ Find your way back
To her heart
♪ Find your way back ♪
Uh, what the hell is this?
这到底是什么？
这个故事需要一点动作戏 所以我在最后添加了 The story needs a little action
so I added a scene where Cohee
科希进来抢劫这个地方的场景 comes in to rob the place at the end.
在这个过程中 你会被枪杀 And in the process, you get shot.
没门 我不会让你在第三幕之后就把我杀了 No way. I'm not letting you kill me off in the third act.
如果有续集呢？ What if there's a sequel?
续集？我是什么？黑客？ A sequel? What am I? A hack?
科希 制片人说我要剪掉你的场景呢 Cohee, producer says I gotta cut your scene, man.
我还是能收钱 对吧？ Yo, I'm still pay or play, right?
宣传？是不是有点早了？ Publicity? Isn't it a little early for that?
我一生都在看报纸 然而我唯一一次在报纸上看到我的名字 I've been reading the paper my whole life
and the only time I've seen my name in it
是在头条下 “当地的杂货店店员有严重的心脏病” was under the headline, "Local grocer has massive heart attack."
所以我想你以制片人的官方身份 So I thought in your official capacity as producer,
也许你可以找个小记者来这里 maybe you can get a cub reporter over here
写一篇关于你的导演电影的报道 to do a story about your director in action.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
“我向你保证 我们在营业” JAY: "I assure you we're open."
我不明白 I don't get it.
有些野蛮的人总是把口香糖粘在锁里 Some savages are always sticking gum in the locks,
所以我把它写进了剧本 so I wrote it into the script to be the reason
作为休业的原因 the shutters are closed all day.
这样 我们可以在晚上拍摄并假装是白天 That way, we can shoot at night and pretend it's day out.
我他妈的真讨厌好莱坞这么假 I fucking hate how fake Hollywood is.
我欣赏不来你的诡计 女士 RANDAL: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
-再说一次 -你的诡计 I beg your pardon. Your ruse.
你狡猾的企图欺骗我 Your cunning attempt to trick me.
这是我最后一次在这里租房！ This is the last time I rent here!
会有人想念你的 You will be missed.
去你的！ Screw you!
你不能再在这里租房了！ You're not allowed to rent here anymore!
好的！ JAY: Yeah!
停 RANDAL: And cut.
不错 (WOMAN EXHALES) RANDAL: Nice work.
不错 Nice work.
好 现在给我十分钟 然后我就可以做我的了 Okay, now just give me ten minutes
and then I'll be ready to do mine.
你的什么？ Your what?
Wah, Ricky!
瑞奇！
这是我最后一次在这里租房！ (CRYING) This is the last time I rent here!
(WAILING)
我不明白 I don't get it.
她想以露西再来一次 She wanted to do one as Lucy.
《帝国反击战》的结局更好 Empire had the better ending.
我的意思是 卢克被砍断了手 然后发现维德是他的父亲 I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off,
finds out Vader's his father.
汉被波巴费特冻住带走了 它以如此低调的一幕结束 Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett.
It ends on such a down note.
-停 -什么？怎么了？ Cut. What? What happened?
“汉被波巴费特冻住然后带走了” RANDAL: "Han gets frozen "and taken away by Boba Fett."
就是我说的 I said that.
不 你说 “汉被波巴费特冻住” No, you said, "Han gets frozen,
“带走了” 你漏掉了“然后”二字 "taken away by Boba Fett." You left out the "and."
我现在进来吗 兰德尔？ Do I come in now, Randal?
还没 托马斯 回去吧 Not yet, Thomas. Go back out.
你可以责怪但丁在我的电影里即兴发挥 You can blame Dante for ad-libbing all over my movie
就像他是塞斯他妈的罗根一样 like he's Seth fucking Rogan.
哦 我的上帝 我漏掉了一个词 Oh, my God, I left out one word.
对于编剧来说 每一个字都是神圣的 Every word is sacred to the writer.
这不是编剧 DANTE: This isn't writing.
这是我生活中真实发生的一堆破事 It's a bunch of shit that happened for real in my life.
我的生活 My life.
我现在进来吗 兰德尔？ Do I come in now, Randal?
还没 托马斯 回去吧 Not yet, Thomas. Back.
伙计 托马斯又搞砸了？ Oh, man, Thomas fucked up again?
别他妈的搞事了 托马斯 Stop fucking shit up, Thomas.
操 你对我父亲说了什么？ Hey, fuck-o. What'd you say to my father?
不如我操死你 你去他妈的混蛋！ How about I fuck your shit up,
you fucking fuck hole motherfucker!
射手鲍勃！ Shooter Bob!
那是我一生中听到或看到的最泽西的事情 That is the Jersey-iest thing
I've ever heard or seen in my life. (LAUGHS)
开始 And action.
(SQUELCHES)
那是你的肺 That's your lung.
到这个时候 你的肺会看起来像这样 By this time, your lung looks like this.
那要不然你把香烟放回去 改试口香糖呢？ So why don't you put the cigarettes back
and try some gum instead?
来 口香糖 试试这个 Here, Chewlies gum, try this.
天啊 好臭！ Oh, my God, that reeks!
-天哪！ -那是什么？ God! What is that?
我给你的肺模型怎么了？ What happened to the model of the lung I gave ya?
我是一个实物演员 I'm a method actor.
我为了在美食镇买的这个牛肚放弃了肺模型 I ditched the model lung for this tripe I got at Foodtown.
-天啊 -我用我的舞台艺术能力 Jesus. I used my power of stagecraft
将胃视为肺 这就是实物 to see that stomach as a lung. It's method!
你是但丁希克斯 MAN: And you're Dante Hicks.
我们去了同一所学校 你打曲棍球 We went to the same school. You played hockey.
是的 你怎么知道？ Yeah. How'd you know that?
你还跟她出去吗？ You still going out with her?
不 她要结婚了 No, she's getting married.
-和你吗？ -不 To you? No.
和一个亚洲设计专业的人 To an Asian design major.
什么是...？你知道吗？ MAN: What is... You know what?
停！我不能忍受这种种族歧视的东西 Cut, cut, cut! I can't abide by this racist shit.
种族歧视？这怎么就种族歧视了？ Racist? How the hell is it racist?
看看这他妈缺乏多样性 Just look at all this fucking lack of diversity.
而且称一个人为亚洲设计专业的人 就感觉非常种族歧视 And calling some guy an Asian design major
just feels racist.
这不是种族歧视 That's not racist. The guy literally majored in Asian design.
这家伙确实主修亚洲设计
你确定吗？ Are you sure?
他不是一个亚洲的学生 并且还是设计专业的吗？ Wasn't he a, uh, Asian student who was also a design major?
他是一个热衷于亚洲设计的学生 He was a passionate student of Asian design.
碰巧他自己也是个亚洲人 It just so happens he himself was coincidentally Asian.
(CASH REGISTER BEEPING)
放轻松一点老兄 Take it easy, man. (CASH REGISTER BEEPS)
那么 我们要在哪里拍摄驴戏的场景呢？ So, uh, where are we gonna shoot the donkey show scene?
就在它发生地方 穆比餐厅 Where it happened. Mooby's.
-我们的穆比？ -是的 Our Mooby's? Yeah.
我们要怎么进去？ How are we supposed to get in?
我让位置部门在处理了 I got the locations department working on it.
穆比 - 后门 从后面冲 EMPLOYEE: (GRUNTS) It's stuck in my hair.
卡在我的头发里了
该死 你能搞出来吗？ Shit. Can you get it?
Ugh. I hate wearing the Mooby suit, man.
我讨厌穿穆比装 伙计
(SALLY WALK BY IMINIKON PLAYING)
♪ I'm just trying to see Miss Sally walk
♪ In a simple baddest On the block
♪ I just wanna see Miss Sally Double Dutch
♪ I just wanna see Miss Sally fuck it up
♪ Fuck it up
♪ Eenie-meenie-miney-mo
♪ Yo girl say she tryna go
♪ Red light, green light
♪ Now you can't find yo ho
♪ Freeze tag, this froze
♪ Took her to the jewelry store
♪ Miss Sally walk A-walkin' down the street
♪ Miss Sally walk...
来吧 兄弟们 我们走！ Come on, boys. Let's go!
♪ I just wanna see Miss Sally walk
♪ Miss Sally walk A-walkin' down the street
(DONKEY BRAYING)
♪ I just wanna see Miss Sally walk
♪ I just wanna see Miss Sally walk ♪
穆比 (TRAIN HORN TOOTING)
不 No.
-不 什么？ -不 我不能进去 No what? No, I... I can't go inside.
你当然可以 (CLICKS TONGUE) Of course, you can.
贝克斯 我不能 Becks, I can't.
我们在那个地方度过了我们一生中最美好的时光 We had the best times of our lives in that place.
直到我们中的一个生命结束 Until one of our lives ended.
(SIGHS) It's just a building, Hicks.
这只是一栋建筑 希克斯
这只是一栋我从那以后就没有进去过的建筑 It's just a building I haven't been inside since...
自从 (TEARFULLY) Since you...
我知道 对不起 I know. I'm sorry.
(WHIMPERING)
放下吧 Just turn the page.
你可以的 宝贝们 You can do this, babes.
不 No. (WHIMPERING)
不要去 Don't go. (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SOFT MUSIC FADES)
(SIGHING)
Uh, Randal. This is Lisa
兰德尔 这是丽莎和她的女儿 and her daughter... Lisa.
丽莎 Uh, Lisa goes to high school
丽莎曾经就读于亨利哈德逊地区高中 at Henry Hudson Regional. Oh.
这是我的丈夫兰多 他是可以直接下地狱的那个人 And this is my husband, Lando, who can go straight to hell.
我真生你的气 I'm so mad at you.
今天一整晚一句话都不要说 Don't say a damn word the whole night.
连话都别想！ Don't even think words! RANDAL: Uh...
我们马上就要拍电影了 所以我得把你们赶出去 We're gonna shoot a movie in a minute
so I gotta chase you guys
out of here. LISA: Oh, okay, my bad.
哦 好吧 我的错 我猜你的小视频 I guess you don't want press
不需要新闻报道是吧 for your little YouTube video, then.
你说的是新闻吗？ Did you say press?
但丁先生让他们来这里报道拍摄 ELIAS: Mr. Dante asked them
to come here to cover the shoot.
所以你说小丽莎是 So you're saying little Lisa is...
Ah! High School Lisa.
高中丽莎
别叫她小丽莎 也最好别叫我大丽莎 Don't call her little Lisa and you better not call me big Lisa.
高中丽莎为高中报纸写稿？ High School Lisa writes for the high school newspaper?
而她的父母是陪护 And her parents are the chaperones.
真他妈棒 Fucking great.
即使一位父母今晚刚从脱衣舞俱乐部出来 LISA: Even though one parent just came out
of the strip club tonight
花掉了我在宾果游戏中仅得的5美元 婊子 spending all my $5 bills that I got at bingo. Bitch.
嘿！制片人准备好了 Hey! The producer's on set.
所以灯光！摄像！ So lights! Camera!
开始 Action! (CHUCKLES)
他看起来像是醉了 He looks drunk.
他看起来像是需要一块黄油和面包 He looks like he needs a piece of butter and bread.
这里面好冷 Ooh, it's cold in here.
会感冒咳嗽...喂！ Cough cold... Hey!
好的 你看 All right, look,
我意识到去穆比可能对你打击很大 I realize going to Mooby's might have hit you hard
但你就这样逃走了吗？ but you just take off?
我们连驴戏都拍不出来！ We couldn't even shoot the donkey show!
哦 大事 Oh, big deal.
你他妈怎么了 伙计？ What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
试着想想自己以外的人 Try thinking of somebody other than yourself for once.
-我自己？ -好的 Myself? Okay.
我们需要拍摄这个场景 We're gonna shoot this scene
因为高中报社的孩子 because the kid from the high school newspaper
和她妈妈在等着 and her mom are waiting.
感谢你理解那个任务 Thanks for understanding the assignment on that one.
但是既然你今晚出现在这里之后就摆脸色 But since you showed up here shit-faced
今晚我们还没来得及开机就毁了 and ruined tonight before we even had a chance to roll,
我们明天要重新拍摄 we're gonna re-shoot this tomorrow.
所以把你自私的屁股放在那个冷却器上 So get your selfish ass out there on that cooler
让我们假装你真的对我的电影有帮助 and let's pretend for a minute
you've actually been helpful on my movie,
这也是我要求你为我做的唯一一件事 which is, like, the only thing
I ever asked you to do for me
就在我差点死于该死的心脏病之后 and only after I almost dropped dead
from a fucking heart attack.
你真他妈难以置信 伙计 You're fucking unbelievable, man.
快点！ Come on!
(DOOR OPENS)
(SIGHS) (DOOR CLOSES)
(WHISPERS) What...
便利 In Convenience.
愚蠢的名称 (SOFTLY) Stupid title.
第137场 第一条 (IN NORMAL VOICE) Scene 137. Take one.
他们是要拍成黑白电影吗？ Are they shooting this in black and white?
我看到很多白色 我没有看到黑色 I see a lot of white. I don't see the black.
开始 RANDAL: And action.
(MIMICKING JAWS THEME MUSIC) ♪ Da-dum, da-dum...
♪ Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum
♪ Da-dum, da-dum Da-dum, dadum... ♪
莎莎鲨！ Salsa shark!
我们需要一艘更大的船 We're gonna need a bigger boat.
人进笼子 笼子进莎莎酱 Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa.
鲨鱼在莎莎酱里 我们的鲨鱼 Shark's in the salsa. Our shark.
什么？你怎么了 伙计？ Oh, what? What's with you, man?
都20分钟了 你什么都没说 You haven't said anything in, like, 20 minutes.
你到底有什么问题？ What the hell's your problem?
这一生 This life.
这一生？ This life?
我在休息日被困在这个坑里 I'm stuck in this pit on my day off,
处理这个星球上的每一个混蛋 dealing with every backward ass fuck on the planet.
我闻起来像鞋油 I smell like shoe polish,
我的女朋友吃过36个鸡巴 and my girlfriend sucked 36 dicks.
37 Thirty-seven. LISA: Oh!
捂住耳朵 宝贝 Cover your ears, baby girl.
他们为什么要这样说脏话？ Why the fuck are they cursing like that?
要么干活 要么走人 You need to shit or get off the pot.
你他妈在说什么？ What the hell are you talking about?
我说的是你的问题 I'm talking about this thing you have,
这种无能为力去提高你的生活 this inability to improve your station in life.
-去你妈的 -是真的 伙计 Fuck you. It's true, man.
你坐在那里责备生活给你带来的一切不如意 You sit there and blame life for dealin' ya a cruddy hand,
却没有一次去接受让你变成这样的勇气 never once accepting responsibility
for the way your situation is.
你最好别管我 伙计 You better leave me the fuck alone, man.
那是因为你过得很舒服 对吧？ It's because you're comfortable, right?
这对你来说就是最便利的生活方式 要是尝试改变它 This is the life of convenience for you and any attempt to change it would shatter
就会粉碎你为自己塑造的可悲的小世界 the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself.
什么？ What?
伙计 如果你不是这样一个该死的懦夫 Man, if you weren't such a fucking coward.
你他妈的能闭嘴吗？ (SHOUTS) Oh, would you shut the fuck up?
不是这一句 伙计 That's not the line, man.
-你在做什么？ -我的一生 What are you doing? My whole life
你的嘴一直在以每小时一百万英里的速度跑着 you've been running your mouth a million miles an hour
而你却一言不发！ and saying absolutely nothing!
(SCOFFS)
我得听你胡诌每个人和你所想的一切 I gotta listen to you talk shit
about everybody and everything you think
好像世界都在等你来衡量！ as if the world's waiting for you to weigh in!
他妈的没人在乎 Nobody fuckin' cares.
真不错啊 Oh, real nice, pal.
让我这么激动就因为我没死于 Get me all worked up because it's not like
I had a heart attack and almost...
心脏病！“我差点死于心脏病！” Died! "I almost died from a heart attack!
“我不是提过几千次了吗？” "Did I not mention that a couple of thousand times yet?"
-操你妈 -“嘿 大家看看我” Fuck you. "Hey, everybody, look at me.
“我就是那个活下来的人” "I'm the boy who lived." (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
“所以我要拍一部电影” "So I gotta make a movie
“电影是关于我这个无情混蛋” "all about what a relentless fucking asshole I am
“对我见过的每一个人来说 我很混蛋” "to everybody I ever met,
“尤其是我所谓的他妈的朋友” "especially my so-called fucking friends."
我们不再是朋友了 伙计 Oh, we're not friends anymore, man.
你他妈可以相信这个 You can fucking believe that shit.
-很好！ -是的 (LAUGHS) Oh, good! Yeah.
因为如果我们不是朋友的话 Because if we're not friends,
我就不必再担心这冰冷又残酷的事实 I don't have to worry anymore what the cold, hard truth
会对你那颗可怜而狡猾的心造成什么影响！ might do to your poor, wittle heart!
别担心我 伙计 我会没事的 Oh, don't worry about me, pal, I'll be just fine.
既然这样我可以对你完全坦白了吗？ So since I can be completely honest with you? Oh, please,
你就坦白地说吧 be completely honest.
(SCOFFS)
你觉得你配吗？ You think you deserve a movie?
是的 Yeah.
在生活中 你除了观看并嘲笑它还做过什么？ What did you ever do in life but watch it
and mock it? (SCOFFS)
你他妈做过什么？ What have you ever fucking done?
我有过生活 I had a life.
我离幸福快乐的日子就差那么一点点了 后来一个醉酒的司机 I was this close to happily ever after
and then, one drunk driver later...
我的电影结束了 my movie's over.
永远 Forever.
没有幸福的结局 No happy ending,
没有续集 no sequel.
甚至没有第二次机会 Not even a third fucking act,
就只是 “去你妈的！顺便说一句” just, "Fuck you! And, oh, by the way,
“去你的！” "fuck you!" Credits.
但是 (SNIFFLES) But, hey...
那跟心脏病比算什么？ What's that compared to a heart attack?
我的意思是 该死的！ I mean, shit!
你差点就死了 对吧？ You could have almost died, right?
对 Yeah.
那好吧 我们中的一些人确实是死了 Well, some of us did die.
从那一刻起 我们中的一些人的内心就已经死透了 Some of us have been dead inside ever since.
但是 就在我每天走进这个地方 But then, just when I'm able to walk into this place
而不想自杀的时候 without wanting to kill myself every day, you have an idea.
你有个主意
你想拍一部关于你的人生的电影 You wanna make a movie about your life.
你也说得很清楚了 Oh, and you... you've been very clear about that.
这是你的人生！ It's your life!
明白这一点 你这个以自我为中心 Well, get this, you self-centered,
gaping wound of a human being
而又永远都不会满足的人！ with your insatiable fucking ego!
他妈的？ (SCOFFS) The fuck?
你的人生 Your life...
是我的人生！ is my life!
我一直都在你身边！ I've been there with you the whole time!
既然你知道我的生活有多艰难 And since you know how hard that life's been on me,
你有没有想过 did it ever occur to you
也许我根本不想重温那该死的生活？ that maybe I didn't wanna relive that fucking life?
所以 我不想再 So, I quit...
作你的制片人了 as your producer.
而且我再也不想 And I quit...
当你的朋友了 as your fucking friend.
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
因为我甚至不应该 'Cause I'm not even supposed to...
(GRUNTS)
(BODY THUDS)
这就是我所说的表演！ Now that's what I call acting!
来吧 大家 为此鼓掌 Come on, everybody, clap it up for that.
好了 但丁 起来吧 Okay, Drinkie-Mc-Stinky, get up.
但丁？ Dante?
嘿 Hey.
嘿！但丁！ Hey. Hey! Dante!
醒醒啊 伙计 嘿！ Wake up, man. Hey!
叫救护车！ Call an ambulance!
醒醒啊 伙计 但丁！ Wake up, man. Dante. Dante!
但丁？ Dante? Um...
-打扰一下 我们是 -什么？ Excuse me. We're... What the...
不 你不能在这里 No, you can't be back here. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
好的 天啊 All right, already. God.
他们刚把我们的朋友送进来 They just brought our friend in.
他叫但丁希克斯 His name is Dante Hicks.
他是那个在便利店倒下的醉汉 He's the drunk guy that collapsed at the QuickStop.
急救人员说 NURSE: Uh-huh. The first responder said
-他心脏病发作了 -好 he's having a heart attack. Okay, okay.
先生 您需要在外面等着 You need to wait out there, sir.
一旦我们了解到更多信息 就会有人过来告诉您的 Someone will be by to tell you more
as soon as we know more.
(RANDAL SCOFFS)
谢谢你 Thank you.
这是我第一次拒绝耶稣的地方 (SIGHS) This is where I first rejected Jesus.
是的 现在看看发生了什么 Yeah, and now look what's happened.
回到这里真是太奇怪了 So weird to be back here.
说说吧 Yeah, tell me about it.
好吧 我要离开这里 All right, look. I'm gonna get out of here.
他们一说什么就给我打电话 好吗？ Call me as soon as they say something, all right?
等等 什么？你要去哪里？ Wait, what? Where are you going?
我要回去继续拍我的电影了 伙计 I'm gonna go work on my movie, man.
你的电影？ Your movie?
对啊 它都快完成了 Yeah, I mean, it's almost done.
我留在这里对但丁也没有任何帮助 It's not like I'm doing Dante any good sitting around here.
我还不如回去拍我的电影 I might as well go work on my movie.
你在开玩笑吧？即使是现在？ Are you kidding me? Even now?
“即使现在”什么？ "Even now" what?
“哦 我的电影” "Oh, my movie.
“我的电影！每个人都拍我的电影 因为它非常重要” "My movie! Everybody make my movie
"because it's so important."
现在不是模仿克里斯诺兰的时候或地方 (SCOFFS) This is neither the time nor the place
to do an impression of Chris Nolan.
我是在模仿你 兰德尔 I'm doing an impression of you, Randal.
我们在医院 We're in the hospital.
-所以呢 -不 That's stating the obvious. No.
所以我的意思是 The obvious statement right now would be,
“别管电影了 我最好的朋友在医院” "Never mind the movie, "my best friend's in the hospital."
只是心脏病发作 我也经历过 他会没事的 It's just a heart attack. I had one. He'll be fine.
操你妈的 兰德尔 Fuck you, Randal. (SCOFFS)
去你妈的 Fuck you.
-怎么了嘛 -天啊 伙计 Come on. God, man.
我曾经那么崇拜你 但你是最差劲的人 你知道吗？ I used to look up to you so much
but you're the worst, you know that?
世界上最糟糕的 The worst in the world.
没有但丁先生就不会有你的电影 Mr. Dante made your movie happen.
是我促成了我的电影 I made my movie happen.
我有了制作这部电影的想法 I had the idea to make the movie.
剧本是我写的 我也是那该死的导演 I wrote the script and I'm the goddamn director.
我让这部电影成真 I made this movie happen.
都是我 It was all me.
-都是你？ -是的 Oh, it was all you, huh? Yeah.
好的 (CHUCKLES) Okay.
脱掉你那愚蠢的面具 兰德尔 Take off your stupid mask, Randal.
嗯 Yeah.
因为我记得但丁先生所做的一切 Because I remember Mr. Dante doing everything.
他甚至打电话给恨他入骨的前未婚妻 He even called his ex-fiancee who hates his guts.
他拿他一半的便利店作为抵押 He put up his half of QuickStop
就为了让你有钱拍你的蠢电影 just to get you the money to make your stupid movie.
等等 Wait a minute.
但丁从艾玛那里得到了我电影的钱？ Dante got the money for my movie from Emma?
蓝色代码 7号床 MAN: (OVER PA SYSTEM) Code Blue. ER 7.
但丁 我不知道艾玛的事 Dante, I didn't know about Emma.
-我才知道 -你又来了？我说了什么？ I just found out. You again? What did I say?
-我真的不知道 -我说什么了？ I didn't know. What did I say, huh?
-保安！ -他还好吗？ Security! Is he okay?
离开这里 伙计 出去！ Get out of here, man. Get out!
-他还好吗？ -出去！保安！ Is he okay? Get out! Security!
好了 放开我！ All right. Get off of me!
兰德尔 你要去哪里？ Randal, where are you going?
(LE GRANDE FROMAGE BY REBUILDER PLAYING)
♪ Skip amongst The telephone lines
♪ Catch a frequency To pass the time
♪ Anything's better Than New Jersey
♪ Living along the turnpike
♪ Headed home
他妈的！ Fuck! ♪ With the smell of smoke
♪ We ran out of things To say
♪ So let it unfold
♪ We pumped the tires full
♪ All our favorite songs Were shitty anyway
♪ Anything's better Than New Jersey
♪ Skip amongst The telephone lines
♪ Anything's better Than New Jersey
♪ Living along the turnpike
♪ I'd give anything To go home
♪ I gave up everything To leave
♪ I'd give anything To go home
♪ I gave up everything To leave
♪ I gave up everything... ♪
我觉得还需要再加点 I think it needs more weed. Hmm.
天啊 嘿 God. Hey...
我需要你帮助但丁 I need your help with Dante.
但丁是谁？ Who's Dante? The fuck do you mean? Dante.
你他妈是什么意思？但丁啊
除了我 便利店的另一个人啊？ The other guy, the guy in the QuickStop who's not me?
等等 我以为他的名字是塞尔吉奥 Wait, I thought his name was Sergio.
-他的名字不是塞尔吉奥吗？ -是他妈的但丁 Ain't his name Sergio? It's fucking Dante.
你到底要不要帮我？ Are you gonna help me or not?
一切为了我们的兄弟 塞尔吉奥 Anything for our boy Sergio.
我需要偷偷溜进医院去找塞尔吉奥 I need to sneak into the hospital to get to Sergio,
所以我想要你们去分散他们的注意力 so I want you guys to create a very subtle distraction.
我在重症监护室拉了！ I took a poo in the ICU!
我拉 该死的！ I took a... Oh, shit!
嘿！嘿！ SECURITY GUARD: Hey! Hey!
♪ Give up everything to leave
♪ Anything's better Than New Jersey
♪ I'd give anything To go home
♪ Living along the turnpike ♪
(SONG FADES)
(MONITOR BEEPING)
但丁？ Dante?
嗨 老兄 Hey, man.
我想 既然你只能躺在这里 I figure, since you're just laying around here...
你这个心脏病发作的小模仿者 you little heart attack copycat.
你会有时间看我们的第一部电影 You got time to watch our first movie.
Huh?
你会看到我对我在店里说的 那些愚蠢的事情很不以为然 You're gonna see I was way off
with that stupid shit I said at the store.
我不可能 I never... never would have made this movie without you.
没有你 我不可能拍出这部电影
没有你 我什么都做不了 I never could do anything without you.
我在这里 伙计 我就在这 I'm here, man. I'm here.
我们一起看吧 Let's watch the movie.
(O WALY, WALY BY GERARD WAY PLAYING)
这就是我眼里的你 This is the way I see you.
你是我的《星球大战》的主角 You're the main character in my Star Wars.
(SNIFFLES) You're not the Dak.
你不是达克
你一直都是卢克 You've always been the Luke.
你也是我电影的男主角 (VOICE BREAKING) You're the hero of my movie, too.
你一直是我的英雄 但丁 You've always been my hero, Dante.
♪ The water is wide
♪ I can't get over
♪ Neither have I
♪ The wings to fly
♪ So go and get
♪ Me to a boat
♪ To carry both
♪ My love and I
(VOCALIZING)
♪ There is a ship
(BECKY CHUCKLES)
♪ Out on the sea
♪ And loaded deep
♪ As it can be
♪ But not as deep
♪ As love am I
我们走吧 Let's go. ♪ Don't care if I
-走吗？ -嗯 Yeah? Yeah.
♪ Should live or die...
(SIGHS)
那是我看过的最好的电影 That was the best movie I ever saw.
但这还没有结束 But it's not over.
你不想看看结局是如何的吗？ Don't you wanna see how it ends?
我相信导演 I trust the director.
他不仅是我最喜欢的电影制片人 He wasn't just my favorite filmmaker...
♪ The wings to fly
他曾经也是我最好的朋友 He was my best friend.
♪ Me to a boat
(DANTE SNIFFLES)
♪ To carry both
♪ My love and I
♪ To carry both
♪ My love and I
(MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)
怎么了？ What's goin' on? (SNIFFLES)
你还好吗？嘿 You okay? Hey.
嘿！ Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey!
别他妈的离开我 伙计 Don't fucking leave me, man.
不要离开我！ Don't leave me!
该死的 医生！ Oh, shit. Help!
(JUST BREATHE BY PEARL JAM INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING)
就在那时 好小偷说 And that's when the good thief said,
”耶稣没有做错 而我们不过是贼” "Jesus did no wrong, whereas we are but thieves."
偷屁贼是什么鬼？ What the fuck are butt thieves?
我不知道你们中是否有人知道这一点 但我现在是撒旦教徒 I don't know if any of you know this but I'm a Satanist now.
虽然我可能是魔鬼的妃子 And while I may be the devil's concubine,
我仍然相信天堂 I still believe in heaven.
因为但丁先生是我认识的所有人中最好的人 And because Mr. Dante
was the best person that I ever knew,
我相信他现在就在天堂 I believe he's in heaven right now,
就像义贼鲍伯一样 just like the good thief.
但丁的地狱 Dante's Inferno.
不 No.
但丁的天堂！ Dante's Paradiso!
是的 Si.
谢谢你 埃利亚斯 Grazie, Elias.
(CLEARS THROAT) I, uh...
我
我想了很多关于今天要在这里说什么 I thought a lot about what to say here today.
我本来想从《可汗之怒》中 柯克给史波克的悼词中抽两句话 I was gonna pull from the eulogy
that Kirk gave Spock in The Wrath of Khan,
但我一直是《星球大战》的粉丝 but I've always been more of a Star Wars fan
所以我应该说些类似于 so I should say something like,
“愿原力与你同在” 或“这就是道” "May the Force be with you" or "This is the Way."
但我想与其引用一部电影 我更愿意转述已故的人的话 But I think instead of quoting a movie,
I'd like to paraphrase the departed.
我所说的死者 是指但丁希克斯 And by the departed, I mean Dante Hicks,
不是非常完美的斯科塞斯照片 not the Scorsese picture that was pretty perfect
直到最后那只老鼠的场景 right up until that stupid shot of the rat at the end.
不管怎么说 So in the words...
我认识的最好的人 (VOICE BREAKING) ...of the best guy I ever knew...
“你今天甚至不应该在这里” "You're not even supposed to be here today."
♪ Nothing you would take
♪ Everything you gave
♪ Hold me 'til I die
♪ Meet you on the other side
我向你保证 我们正在哀悼
进来吧 你这个小偷屁贼 这就是你的新职位 RANDAL: Come on in here, you little butt thief,
and assume your new position.
但这里是但丁先生的位置 But this was Mr. Dante's spot.
好吧 毕竟你一直以来 是我最大也是唯一的粉丝 Yeah, well, after all this time
of being my biggest and only fanboy,
谁说你终于成功了 I'd say you earned it.
此外 当我们还在穆比工作时就告诉过你 Besides, I told you way back when we worked at Mooby's
当但丁走了 你将成为我最好的朋友 when Dante is gone, you're gonna be my new best friend.
(CHUCKLES)
不 我不是 No, I'm not.
我还能和谁一起玩？ Who the fuck else am I gonna hang out with?
是你和我了 伙计 It's you and me, buddy.
Oh, fuck.
他妈的 Well, look who it is, Mr. Big Shit.
好吧 看看是谁 大狗屎先生
好吧 看看是谁 大阴蒂夫人 Well, look who it is, Mrs. Big Clit.
优雅 我怎么一点都不惊讶呢？ Classy. How am I not surprised?
我很惊讶会在葬礼看到你 I was surprised to see you at the cemetery.
你为了但丁飞过来的？ You flew up for Dante?
好吧 我差点嫁给那个男人 如果是这样的话 Well, I did almost marry the man, and if I had... P.S.
他根本就不会在50岁之前死于心脏病 He wouldn't have died of a heart attack
before he was 50.
是的 因为和你在一起一年后 他就会自杀的 Yeah, because after a year with you,
he'd have killed himself.
我想我听说你也心脏病发作了 I think I heard you had a heart attack.
我说得对吗？ Am I right?
那一定是他妈的气死你了 That must really fuck with you.
但丁死了 但你还在这里 Dante's dead but you're still here.
我猜他们说的是真的 兰德尔 I guess it's true what they say, Randal.
只有好人会英年早逝 Only the good die young.
我是欠了谁的要在这里听你的冷嘲热讽？ To what do I owe the pleasure
of your entirely unwelcome visit?
我借了但丁3万美元 I loaned Dante 30 grand
然后他把商店的一半作为抵押 and he put his half of the store up as collateral.
现在他走了 Now he's gone.
如果你不能把钱还给我 那我就是这个店的半个老板 And if you can't pay me back, I own half this shithole.
(SIGHING)
你怎么说 混蛋？ How big's my clit now, motherfucker?
哦 我可爱的撒旦 Oh, my sweet Satan,
把你的力量借给温顺的人 把我们从这个魅魔手中拯救出来 lend your might to the meek and deliver us
from this succubus.
什么？ What the... (PANTING)
风筝飞了！ The kites are flying! Ah!
我重复！风筝 I repeat! The kites are...
-飞了！ -他会说话？ flying! He talks?
-是的 -哦 我的上帝 Yes. Oh, my God.
我的天啊！ Oh, my God!
-我的天啊！ -什么？ Oh, my God! What?
风筝卖完了 The kites are sold out.
他妈的风筝 上帝 风筝 The fucking kites, God, the kites.
那些风筝 The Crimson Kite NFT's,
我们为俱乐部做的风筝 the ones we minted for the Crimson Crypto Club.
区块链昨晚将它们放上去卖 然后都卖光了 Blockchain put them on sale last night
and they all sold out.
所以？ So?
我们两个刚赚了 The two of us just made...
一百万！ One million! One million!
一百万美元！ One million dollars! Ah!
-撒旦万岁！ -我是加密货币富翁了 婊子！ Hail Satan! I'm crypto rich, bitch!
我刚刚兑现了十万美元来显摆和购买性服务 I just cashed out $100,000 just to flex and buy sex.
-来 拿着 -靠 Here, take that. Shit.
你打算用你的钱做什么 大E？ What're you gonna do with your money, Big E?
我永远无法在这个柜台后面赢得现在的位置 I'll never be able to earn my place behind this counter
但现在可以了 but now I can buy it. Here's your sucking
这是你吸血的钱 blood money. Oh!
现在 滚出我们的商店！ Now, get the hell out of our store!
真行呢 Well played, clerks.
抱歉 ELIAS: Sorry about the mess.
那来自《星球大战》 That was from Star Wars.
我只是因为你和但丁先生 I only said it 'cause you and Mr. Dante
-曾经谈论过《星球大战》才说的 -我知道 used to talk about Star Wars. I know.
很久以前 Long time ago.
在遥远的银河系 In a galaxy far, far away... (DOOR OPENS)
天哪 那是一大笔钱 你想买些大麻吗？ Holy fuck, that's a lot of money.
You wanna buy some weed?
是的！我想买所有的大麻！ Yes! I wanna buy all the weed!
这里是1万美元 Here's ten grand.
那会让你爽翻天的 Whoo! That's gonna get you higher
than Godzilla's asshole.
那些风筝在哪里？ Yo, where those kites at?
就这这里 尊贵的客户 Right this way, valued customer.
(SIGHS DEEPLY) Aye-yi-yi.
(SNIFFLES)
(I'M FROM NEW JERSEY BY JOHN GORKA PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
我希望你现在能在这里 伙计 I wish you were here, man.
♪ I'm from New Jersey
♪ I don't expect too much
♪ If the world ended today
♪ I would adjust
♪ I'm from New Jersey
♪ No, I don't talk that way
♪ I watched too much TV
♪ When I was young
♪ There are girls From New Jersey
♪ Who have That great big hair
♪ They're found In shopping malls
♪ I will take you there
♪ I'm from New Jersey
♪ It's not like Texas
♪ There is no mystery
♪ I can't pretend
♪ I'm from New Jersey
♪ It's like Ohio
♪ But even more so
♪ Imagine that
♪ I know which exit
♪ And where I'm bound
♪ The tolls on the parkway
♪ They will slow you down
♪ New Jersey people
♪ They will surprise you
♪ 'Cause they're not expected
♪ To do too much
♪ They will try harder
♪ They may go further
♪ 'Cause they never think
♪ That they are good enough
♪ I'm from New Jersey
♪ I don't expect too much
♪ If the world ended today
♪ I would adjust
♪ I would adjust ♪
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
孩子们！是我 凯文史密斯 Hey, kids! It's me, Kevin Smith,
我非常感谢你能第三次 and I can't thank you enough for making this third trip
和我一起来到便利店 谢谢你 to the convenience store with me. Thank you.
这一次对我来说很令人兴奋 Um... This time's exciting for me
因为这一次每个人终于可以 像我一直看过的《疯狂店员》一样 because this time everyone finally gets to see Clerks
看到《疯狂店员》 the way I've always seen Clerks.
大多数人认为《疯狂店员》是一部黑白电影 Most people think that Clerks is a black and white movie
说得没错 它是用黑白胶卷拍摄的 and they're right. It was shot on black and white film.
但其实对我来说 每当我看《疯狂店员》时 即使它是黑白的 But, to me, whenever I watch Clerks,
even though it's in black and white,
它总是以彩色的方式出现 the movie appears in color.
因为我过着那样的生活 Because I lived that life.
所以现在 多亏了李朗 And so now, thanks to Lee Ron,
你们都看到了便利店和它的周边 you're all seein' QuickStop and the surrounding area,
但丁、兰德尔、杰伊和沉默鲍勃 uh, Dante, Randal, Jay and Silent Bob
就如我从第一天起就一直看的他们一样 as I've always seen them from day one.
充满了生动活泼的色彩 Um, in vivid, living color.
Uh, you know, QuickStop is the unsung, uh, star
你知道 便利店 是所有《疯狂店员》电影中的无名明星
of all the Clerks movies, if not,
要不然 就是以观影问答宇宙电影的中心 you know, the epicenter
of the View Askewniverse films in general.
所有的故事 Um, all stories emanate
都源自那座小楼 and flow from that little building.
当我在那里工作时 And when I worked there...
um, I hated it. I didn't want to be there.
我讨厌它 我根本就不想在那里
我不想给别人打工 也不想在那里工作 I didn't wanna work for somebody else and I didn't wanna work there.
人们会进来 然后我会说 “哦 我的上帝” And people would come in
and I'd be like, "Oh, my God,
“我居然需要等人吗？” "I have to actually wait on people?
“我只想看电视” "I just wanna watch TV."
我甚至不想在便利店工作 I didn't even wanna work at the convenience store.
我试图在RST影视找工作 I tried to get a job at RST Video.
报纸上有一个广告 There was an ad in the paper for it.
我去和托珀先生交谈 他说 “我看到你” I went down and talked to Mr. Topper.
He said... He goes, "I see you have
“还有便利店的工作经验” "convenience store experience as well."
我说 “是的 我在很多便利店工作过” I said, "Yeah, I worked in a bunch of convenience stores."
他说 “你愿意时不时地 在隔壁的便利店工作吗？” And he goes, "Would you be willing to work
”因为那也是我们的” "in this convenience store next door
我当时想 “行吧 如果你需要帮助的话” "from time to time because we own that as well?" And I was like, "Uh, yeah, if you need help."
也因为如此 And, uh, famous last words because it...
那是一份便利店的工作 it was a convenience store job.
我上了他的当 我刚结束 He catfished me. I just wound up
便利店的工作几个小时 working in a convenience store with a couple of hours in...
在一家影像店里 被天堂戏弄 in a video store, teased with paradise,
然后被引诱 被拉去卖东西 then seduced and abandoned to sell, uh, goods.
所以在《疯狂店员》里 兰德尔说 “伙计 这份工作会很棒” So in Clerks, Randal says,
"Man, this job would be great
“如果不是因为那些该死的顾客” "if it wasn't for the fuckin' customers."
但在《疯狂店员3》的剧本中 Uh, but in the script for Clerks III,
我要给你读一些 I'm gonna read you a little something that was there
我没有用在电影中的东西 that I didn't use in the movie.
在最后的回调镜头中 你能听到 During the pullback shot
at the very end, you hear John Gorka's
约翰戈尔卡的歌 《我来自新泽西》 beautiful I'm From New Jersey.
真的太棒了 And it was so lovely,
我没有采用那一段 也没按照剧本要求 I left that moment alone and didn't put in
加入司默德的声音 what in the script called for, the voice of Smod.
那就是我 这就是你会听到的 That would be me. And this is what you would have heard.
“在兰德尔格雷夫斯的余生中” "Randal Graves spent the rest of his life
“只要他不拍电影” "running QuickStop Groceries
“他都在经营便利店” "whenever he wasn't making movies,
”而他的每部电影” "with each film financed solely
“都是由赤红加密影业独家赞助的” "by Crimson Crypto Studios.
“在放映他的最后一部电影时” "At a screening of his final film,
“阿斯伯里公园出版社让他” "the Asbury Park Press asked him
“总结他的生活” "to sum up a life spent satisfying
“他既满足了公众对香烟和苏打水的需求” "both the public's demand for cigarettes and soda
“在他著名的处女作《疯狂店员》后” "as well as their appetite for the many movies
“他又拍摄了许多电影 满足了观众的胃口” "he made after his celebrated debut, Clerk.
“90岁的兰德尔格雷夫斯回答说” "The 90-year-old Randal Graves replied,
“我一直认为工作” "'I always thought that jobs would have been great
“如果不是因为那些该死的顾客会很棒” "'if it weren't for the fuckin' customers.
“但事实证明” "'But as it turns out,
“这些工作是因为那些他妈的客户才很棒” "'these jobs are great because of the fuckin' customers.'"
他是认真的 我也是 He means it and so do I.
感谢每一个人 Thank you to everybody
那些曾经走过那家商店的大门 whoever walked through the door of that store
让我心想 and made me think,
“应该有人把它放在他妈的电影里” "Somebody should put this in a fuckin' movie."
有人做到了 谢谢你 Somebody did. Thank you.
是的！ JAY: Yeah!