(MUSIC PLAYING)
TOM: Kevin? Kevin! I'm up! I'm up.
You're gonna be late for school.
I'm already dressed, Dad.
TOM: Uh-huh.
I'm practically out of the door.
Why don't I believe you?
Are you calling me a liar?
TOM: Well, let's just say that you and the truth aren't always on speaking terms.
Well, that hurts.
To think that my father doesn't even believe his first-born child.
It's not a question of belief, Kevin,
it's a question of experience,
and in my experience...
KEVIN: Who are you going to believe?
Your experience? Or your son?
Huh.
Well, I stand corrected.
Honestly, Dad...
I wish you'd learn to trust me once in a while.
Okay, I apologize.
And Dad, I need some cash for the class trip.
I thought I gave you money for a class trip last week.
It's for another class trip.
They must be running a travel agency out of your school.
Here.
Finish your homework?
Of course I finished my homework.
It's right in here.
I'll see you tonight, then. See you tonight, Dad.
Okay. All right.
Homework.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
I will be collecting your social studies assignment this morning.
You're late, Kevin.
Sorry. Sorry.
It's not my fault.
I was helping Principal Taggert with a school safety issue.
And what safety issue would that be?
I'm afraid I can't tell you, Miss Walker. Top-level security.
Sworn to secrecy.
Take a seat, Kevin.
As you know, this assignment is worth 30% of your final grade,
so I hope you all took it very seriously.
Top-level security?
It's the best I could come up with on short notice.
One of these days, you're gonna get caught, you know.
Yeah?
Well, not today.
Thank you.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
Kevin. Award'?
Is there a problem, Miss Walker?
I'm not sure.
You wrote this paper all by yourself?
Stayed up all night, but it was worth it.
I really think I learned something important.
Uh-huh. You know what?
I think I better call your father
to confirm that you actually did write this paper on your own.
Oh, I wouldn't do that, Miss Walker.
My dad's very busy, you know.
You really shouldn't bother him.
Mmm. It won't take a minute.
And I'm sure your father's interested in your education, of course.
Of course.
PRINCIPAL: (OVER PA) Happy Friday, kids.
We are pleased to inform you that we won't be serving plain, hot mush today.
It will be hot mush with applesauce and cinnamon.
Bon appétit.
Thanks. Keep the change.
What if Miss Walker wasn't kidding?
What if she really does call your dad?
Becca, I'm hurt.
You, of all people, don't believe I wrote that paper?
How long have we been friends? Since third grade.
And what's our agreement? We never lie to each other.
Right.
I know you didn't write that paper.
Then you also know I've got a plan.
TOM: You know we're stalling, but they don't know that.
Don't worry about it. It's just a little white lie.
(RINGING) Well, just tell them we need some more time
to review the documents. Hang on a sec. Another call.
(SIGHS)
Never mind. It's a wrong number.
(RINGING)
Wonder who this is.
Hello? This is Tom Shepard. Hello, Mr. Shepard.
This is Karen Walker, Kevin's social studies teacher.
Ah, yes.
Hello, Karen. Kevin has told me a lot about you.
He has?
He says you're one of the best teachers at the school.
Oh! Well, I don't know about...
(CLEARS THROAT) I am calling to confirm something.
Did Kevin stay up all night working on his social studies assignment?
No. No, he did not.
Ah. He retired around 3:00 a.m.
He's been working quite hard on this paper for weeks.
I'd be very surprised if it didn't earn him at least an A.
Well, I will certainly, um...
By the way, are you calling all the parents today?
Uh. No, but...
ls there some reason you're suspicious of my son in particular?
Well, no, it's just...
For crying out loud, cut the kid some slack.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Miss Walker, I've got work to do. Bye-bye.
(CALL DISCONNECTS) Goodbye...
Why did I ever doubt you?
The doctor said it's a very rare condition...
And any kind of extreme physical exertion could result in...
Excuse me! Sorry to interrupt.
Kevin, I need to see you in my classroom.
No. Um, actually, I'm in a meeting. Can it wait?
It can't.
Plagiarism?
They have this wonderful new program called iCompare
that correlates instances of selected texts against known sources on the Internet.
It could've been a coincidence.
Forty-seven times?
I'm afraid the odds are not in your favor, Kevin.
Okay, I'm sorry. I just ran out of time.
I didn't know what else to do.
Usually, I would have to report this to the principal,
but I think, in this case, one-week suspension.
TOM: I can do better than that.
One month.
No Internet, no allowance, no phone, no video games and no car.
And, of course, I will need you to redo your assignment in your own words,
and in your own handwriting this time.
(EXHALES)
No Internet?
Tomorrow's the last day of the semester.
I want your new assignment on my desk no later than 9:00 tomorrow morning.
Or? (SIGHS)
Summer school? Seriously?
KEVIN: Seriously.
Unless I come up with a completely new project,
I'm gonna be spending the entire summer stuck in some classroom
with Miss Walker and a bunch of mouth-breathers.
Okay, well, let's think. Uh...
Just pick a topic.
New technologies.
Trends in new technologies.
How am I supposed to write about new technologies
if I can't even use my current technology?
They say you should write about what you know.
Great. So what do I know?
Well, you know how to lie.
Thanks.
Just trying to help.
This isn't a game, Becca. This is serious business.
A game.
I gotta go! See you tomorrow.
But...
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
I'm done!
No!
What?
Great. Just great.
MAN: Yeah, I'm coming home.
Nah, it was a total waste of time.
No-talent hacks at that stupid game expo couldn't come up with Ms. Pac-Man
if you gave' em three ghosts on a plate.
Yeah, I'm on my way to the airport now.
If the guy could find the gas pedal!
I'll call you later.
So you're in the, uh, video game business?
Oh, let me guess.
You got a great idea for a game?
Yeah, actually, I do. It's called...
Nice guy-
Kevin Shepard, you're a genius.
(HORN HONKING) Oh!
Oh, no. Oh! Wow.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh, kid.
I didn't even see you. You okay?
(GRUNTS) I think you broke my tibia.
Your tibia's in your leg.
Phantom pains!
All right, kid. Looks like you lived.
We gotta get to the airport!
Well, what about my bike?
Tough break. Hope you have insurance.
How am I supposed to get to school?
Isn't there a bus for you people?
I need to get to school now!
Look, give me a ride and I'll forget all about this clearly illegal hit-and-run.
Uh, we didn't run. We stopped.
Forget it, kid!
Thanks to Miss Daisy here, I'm already late for my flight.
Ow! My arm!
My leg!
We'd better get a police report.
Someone call 911.
(GROANS)
All right!
He's kidding.
Shut up. Get in the car.
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Hi. I'm Kevin Shepard.
Where's your school?
Fourth and Maple.
Give it some gas! We haven't got all day.
Yes, Mr. Wolf.
(SIGHS)
So, what brings you to Columbus?
(SCOFFS)
I came here for the video game expo.
I was scouting for new talent for Highcroft Electronics,
apparently wasting my time.
Wait.
Did you say Highcroft Electronics?
Have you heard of it?
Are you kidding?
Red Thunder? Army Call? Space Zombie 2?
That place is legendary. You work there?
Oh, Larry Wolf. Head of Interactive.
Wow.
You must be a genius.
I'll accept that.
You know, I wrote a game.
For my social studies assignment. You want to see?
Oh. Sure, sure, I do,
but first, let me grab my ceremonial knife and commit hari-Highcroft!
But it's really good.
Yeah, yeah, read my lips.
I'm not interested in your stupid game here.
(EXHALES)
Hmm.
DRIVER: Here we are.
I guess we're here.
Yes, we are.
Hey, can I have my game back?
Sure, sure, of course. Here, let me get the door for you here.
Hey, thanks for the ride.
We're even, right? Yeah, sure.
Good. Out. (EXCLAIMS)
Hey, d rive! KEVIN: Hey, what are you doing?
But what about the kid's assignment?
I said drive, you idiot! Drive!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Hey. Come back!
You've got my assignment! Come back!
You seriously expect me to believe this?
But it's true! I did the assignment, I swear.
Uh-huh. So, some guy hits you with his limousine, then stole your homework?
Look, I know how it sounds...
Actually, Kevin, I don't think you do.
But I'm telling you the truth.
Maybe I lied a few times in the past... A few?
Okay, a lot!
But this time, you have to believe me.
Please!
Enjoy summer school, Kevin.
Economics.
The fundamentals of economics have remained unchanged for centuries,
with the simple idea that supply and demand
is the foundation of all commerce in all fashions all around the world,
wherein, if supply equals "X" and demand equals
But if we are to understand that "Y" is greater than "X",
we can invert the equation and reverse...
Yes!
Yes to economic theory?
Thank you. I agree.
Namaste.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
(CHUCKLES)
MAN: One with the floor.
Respect your center.
What?
Do we have a problem, Mr. Shepard? Yeah!
That jerk stole my game!
TOM: You really expect me to believe this?
But it's true, Dad. You can look him up.
His name is Larry Wolf, he's from Highcroft Electronics,
and he took my social studies assignment.
Are we back to that lie again?
I'm not lying! Oh, wait a second. Let me see.
Are your lips moving? Yes.
That means you're lying.
(SIGHS)
That hurts, Dad.
How do you think I feel, Kev?
I can't even trust my own son.
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(SIGHS)
Now, I'll be back from New York in three days.
This should tide you over till then.
(SIGHS)
And this is for emergencies only.
You got that? Got it.
Say it with me. For...
Emergencies only. Emergencies only.
Your mom was always so proud of you, Kevin. (SIGHS)
I can't help but thinking how disappointed she'd be with all of this.
I know I am.
But, Dad... Please...
No more lies.
(LINE RINGING)
MAN: Highcroft Electronics. How can I direct your call?
Yes, I'd like to speak to Mr. Larry Wolf in your Interactive division.
Can I ask who's calling, please?
My name is Kevin Shepard.
And, Mr. Shepard, what is this regarding?
It's regarding my game, Big Fat Liar, which he stole from me and...
Please don't call back. (CALL DISCONNECTS)
Hello?
Kevin, you've called four times already. Give it up.
No, not until I talk to Wolf.
Do you know how many crank phone calls they must get there every day?
From people just like you,
who say they had their idea for a game stolen?
You might as well forget it.
Okay.
I won't call anymore. Good.
I'm gonna go see him in person.
What?
KEVIN: Think about it!
He can't hang up on me when I'm standing in his office.
San Francisco is, like, 2,000 miles away.
My dad said for emergencies only.
This is an emergency. (SCOFFS)
So wait, you're just going to walk in there,
all by yourself and try to meet this guy?
You're right. I can't do this alone.
Me? No! I can't go to San Francisco.
Give me one good reason why not.
(LAUGHS) I'll give you two.
My parents.
They'll never say yes to this.
So lie.
(SIGHS)
(VOCALIZING)
Mom? Dad?
There's something I have to tell you.
I've decided I want to go to Yoga Camp.
(GASPS)
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
How's the new phone?
Perfect. Thanks, Dad.
Highcroft Electronics, please.
There he is.
Yo. Hansel and Gretel.
Where do you think you're going?
We're here to see Larry Wolf.
Uh-huh.
Got an appointment?
Not exactly, but he's going to want to talk to me.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure he's been dreaming of this his whole life.
(SCOFFS)
Look, Jimmy, we've come a very long way for this meeting.
I would suggest you just call upstairs and let him know that Kevin Shepard is here.
Hi, Mr. Wolf?
It's Jimmy in the lobby.
I was hoping to get fired today for bothering you
about a couple of snotty kids who don't have an appointment.
On second thought,
I'll keep my job.
Buh-bye.
Now what?
Be right back.
Go on up.
Mmm, go on up.
Yeah, go on up.
COMPUTER: Bigger Fatter Liar.
(BEEPING)
Oh... It's not supposed to do that, sir.
It's not supposed to freeze in the middle of the game?
I had no idea... You're such an idiot!
(STAMMERS) It's still got a few bugs, but I'm sure once we get it up and running,
you won't be able to put it down, Mr. Wolf.
No, no, I doubt that.
I do not play video games.
Video games are for losers with nothing better to do.
Uh...
Excuse me, Mr. Wolf? Hmm?
If you don't like the games, why are you running the Interactive division?
Well, let me ask you something, Connie.
It's Kenny, sir.
Yeah, whatever.
Do you think that I like microwave ovens?
No, I don't.
Microwave ovens cook like crap,
and they don't even get the popcorn setting correct.
But I spent five years in appliances.
Five long years.
I pioneered convection-roasting technology.
I introduced the FridgeMate TV system.
I tripled the revenue for that department.
I was a shoo-in to be president of this company.
Top-floor office.
Big pay raise.
A view.
You have a wonderful view, sir.
Oh, yeah? Really? Look at this.
Oh.
Exactly.
I've worked for this company for 30 years.
I deserved to be president.
They owed it to me. But what did Old Man Highcroft do?
He gave the job to his grandson.
His idiot grandson!
I meant to say that.
Now, you listen to me.
I'm going to work you morons like rented monkeys
until I turn this turd of a department into a winner.
Then I'm going to show them who should be president of this company!
Capisce?
Yup.
(MUMBLES) Hmm.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(SIGHS)
Wait here.
I'm sorry. Mr. Wolf is in a meeting right now.
He's going to have to call you back.
Delivery for Mr. Wolf.
Thank you. You can just put that right there.
Sorry. This is a special order.
Mr. Wolf asked for this to be hand-delivered to him.
Well, I'm Mr. Wolf's executive assistant.
I'm sure I can handle this.
My instructions were very specific, Penny.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
(KEYPAD CLICKING)
Cyberdatetoday.com?
Oh, Penny.
Just give it to me!
No!
Look, kid, it's just a pizza!
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh.
Mr. Wolf's office.
Hi, Penny, it's Mike.
Mike?
I had a really good time last night at, uh...
Olive Garden?
Oh! So did I, Mike. I didn't expect to hear from you so soon.
L need to see you again.
Can you meet me right away?
When?
Now. Right now?
I know it sounds crazy, but I have to see you.
I need to tell you how I feel.
Oh, Mike.
I think this could be the start of something very special.
I'm in the lobby.
I'll be right down.
Oh!
You're still here. Fine, yeah. You can go. Fine.
Thanks.
Good luck.
Thanks.
Wait. What? Uh...
Don't worry, Mr. Wolf.
We'll do our best to see that Big Fat Liar launches on time.
You'd better, because if it doesn't, Candy... Kenny.
Yeah, whatever.
The point is, is that if you don't fix this game,
I'm gonna see to it that you spend the rest of your pathetic life
programming talking baby dolls till your ears bleed!
Hi. Remember me?
Penny!
She's on a date.
All right, everybody, get out.
Now!
So, let me guess. This is about, um, Big Fat Liar, right?
So you do remember?
What do you want, kid?
BECCA: What do you think he wants?
Uh, money, credit and an apology.
Actually, no.
What? What?
All I want is for you to call my dad and tell him the truth.
Seriously? We came all this way for that?
You want me to call your dad,
Daddy, and tell him that I, um, stole your idea?
Exactly.
Let me think about that.
Yeah, I'm gonna say no.
Mr. Wolf.
Larry... Mr. Wolf.
Come on! Think about it.
I think we both know you want to do the right thing.
(CHUCKLES)
Pretty much goes without saying that if I'm going to steal somebody's idea,
which you have absolutely no proof of,
I'm probably not going to do the right thing.
Security! Mr. Wolf?
You're making a big mistake.
Is that a threat?
(LAUGHS) Let me tell you something, kid.
I didn't get this far in the corporate snake pit by being intimidated,
especially by some smart-ass kid.
So why don't you and Fly-Over Barbie here
go back to Hooterville, where you belong?
I came up with Big Fat Liar, and I am never going to admit otherwise.
Oh, Mr. Wolf, I am so sorry.
Oh! So am I, because the unemployment line is so long these days!
Steroids, get these two out of my sight.
Yes, sir.
(SIGHS)
Hey!
Nice try with the phone.
Beat it.
Kids! (LAUGHS)
Zip it.
Well, it was worth a shot.
If it's any consolation, I believed you all along.
Oh, this isn't over.
Well, what else can you do? You heard Wolf.
You don't have any proof, and he's not going to admit anything.
Not yet.
You bumped his phone?
Got all the data when it was in my pocket.
Addresses, phone numbers, schedules, emails...
ls that... Uh-huh.
What kind of moron keeps his credit card numbers in his phone?
He could have done this the easy way.
But now, we're gonna do things my way.
RECEPTIONIST: Of course, Mr. Wolf.
Your father has arranged a pre-paid room, all expenses on his account.
Welcome to the Fairmont Nob Hill.
(SNAPS FINGER) Front!
Wow.
This is beautiful.
Tell me they have a minibar.
$50 for a cheeseburger?
Yeah, that's crazy.
We need to spend more money.
Let's go out for dinner.
Um, Kevin, I didn't exactly pack for going out.
Don't worry, we'll just put it on Larry Wolf's tab.
You know what?
We'll take them all.
How much is this going to cost?
Uh... Who cares?
Don't you think it's a bit ironic, trying to prove to your dad
that you're telling the truth by lying, cheating, and stealing?
Wolf ripped me off. I'm just paying him back.
Oh, look. Caviar!
Really expensive caviar.
(CHUCKLES)
BECCA: I still feel bad about this.
I told you, Wolf deserves it.
Not that, this.
I really don't mind sleeping on the couch if you want the bed.
You came all this way with me. It's the least I could do.
True. Are you going to the homecoming dance?
No. You?
(SCOFFS) Give me a break. It's a stupid, outdated ceremony.
Designed to maintain the status quo.
And feed the egos of cool kids in school.
Well, you can't dance, anyway.
Oh.
Well, you dance like a duck.
You move like you've got explosive diarrhea.
I do not! (SCOFFS)
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Dance, Kevin, dance!
(LAUGHING)
You're going down!
(PHONE RINGING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hi, Dad. Hey, Kev.
I'm just checking in. Is everything okay?
Just great. I'm learning a lot at summer school.
I really think this is going to be a life-changing event.
Well, I'm glad to hear that.
I'll be home in a couple days,
but if you need anything, just let me, you know...
Gotta go, Dad! Don't want to be late for civil disobedience class.
Hurry up.
Got it.
(SIGHS)
Send.
I think it's time we saw San Francisco. Don't you?
Good morning, Mr. Wolf,
Miss... Wolf.
May I arrange a car for you?
Thank you, Elliot.
You may.
Oh.
(SHOWER RUNNING)
WOLF: (SINGING) Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Figaro!
Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro
(RINGS AND CHIMES)
(WHOOPS) Ah!
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Kevin. Hello, San Francisco!
Kevin! (CHIMING RINGING)
You've got a call. The bank.
(SIGHS)
Larry Wolf.
Yes, this is he.
Unusual charges?
No, those are all accounted for.
Just treating my little lady to a day in the city,
if that's okay with you.
Yes, we might be making a few more big purchases.
Very big-
Yes, you too. Buh-bye now.
Are we in trouble?
Please. It's all under control.
So, you really Mr. Wolf's kids?
Yep.
Hmm. Interesting.
Mr. Wolf has no kids.
Oh. Well, he doesn't like to talk about us.
We're the black sheep in the family.
Cut the crap. I work for Highcroft Electronics.
The hotel, they called the company to arrange the limo.
Uh-oh.
Yeah. Uh-oh.
I overheard you talking about using his credit card.
What are you up to?
Nothing. It's all authorized.
DRIVER: Give me a break.
Let me tell you a little story.
Before I drive limo, I used to work for Mr. Wolf.
You designed video games?
No, housewares.
I was the top engineer in the whole appliance division.
Ever heard of the FridgeMate?
The TV set built into the refrigerator?
That was me. (CHUCKLES)
I've always wondered why people wanted to watch TV
standing in front of the fridge.
I don't know. They just do.
My point is, it was my invention,
and then my boss, the Mr. Larry Wolf,
he stole my idea and pretended it was his own!
I know the feeling.
Why didn't you say something?
But what would I say?
Hmm? I had no proof, and it was his word against mine.
And when I confronted him on it,
he reassigned me to the transportation department,
and he said if I ever complained,
he would blacklist my name all over town!
(SPITS)
Why are you telling us all this?
Because, I can tell that you two are up to something,
and if it involves causing any Hooterville to Mr. Wolf,
I'm in.
According to his schedule, he's in meetings all day.
BECCA: So?
So, he won't be home.
The perfect time to drop by his house for a little visit.
And then we kill him, hmm?
Uh, no. Uh, no.
Suit yourself.
(SIGHS)
Tomorrow, you have your meeting with Mr. Highcroft at 2:00...
Oh, that little twerp. Why do I have to waste my time on him?
Because he is the company's president. (LAUGHS)
And then you're being interviewed by the TV station at 3:00.
Those bozos better have Big Fat Liar ready,
'cause if Highcroft finds out, we're in trouble.
He'll pull the plug on this whole thing.
I'm sure they're working as hard as they can. Well, I'm not.
I want Dopey and his Short Bus Team here all night.
Hmm?
I want that game checked and double-checked
till it's good to go, you got that?
All night, sir?
Oh, I want you to stick around and supervise. Me?
What? Did I st-st-st-stutter?
This has gotta be your top priority. Got it?
Yes, sir, Mr. Wolf. Good.
Have a nice night. You, too.
"Top priority."
KEVIN: Cozy.
BECCA: How do we get in?
I've got this.
KEVIN: Those don't look like refrigerator repair tools.
Mmm. Sometimes, the refrigerator is in a place
that's hard to get to, you know.
Let me try.
(BEEPING)
Key code, 555-55-55.
Clever.
(ALARM BEEPING)
What do we do?
Alarm code, 555-55-55.
(CHUCKLES) At least he's consistent.
(ALARM STOPS)
Wow. Nice place.
Yes. We should torch it, no?
Let's just look around a bit first, okay, Ivan?
Okay, whatever.
(TYPING)
Anything interesting?
He's downloaded every episode of My Little Pony.
Even the Christmas special?
What? It's a really good show.
I'll just take everything and sort it out later.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Hey.
Look at these.
These are for... Yeah, they are.
We got him.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
Oh, he's got mu-sh...
I've hidden the car.
Did you get the stuff?
You must never question Ivan.
Skin bleach.
(CHUCKLES)
And skin dye. (CHUCKLES)
(GATE RATTLING)
He's here.
Game on.
The alarm! We forgot to turn the alarm back on.
(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)
(ALARM BEEPING)
(ALARM STOPS)
(MIMICS BLENDER)
Ah...
Hmm.
(PANTS)
Mmm.
(TREADMILL BEEPS)
Every day I'm getting faster, stronger.
Every day I'm getting faster...
Do you think it's gonna work? Every day I'm getting faster, stronger.
Every day I'm getting faster, stronger.
Every day I'm... (MUTTERING)
Maybe we didn't use enough.
(MUMBLES)
(GRUNTS)
I think we used enough.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Let's get to work.
(GRUNTING)
Oh! What did I do last night?
My head's killing me. (PANTING)
(URINATES) (SIGHS)
(SCREAMING)
That kid!
It's that kid!
(GRUNTING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Mr. Wolf's office.
Hi, Penny. It's Melissa from Mr. Highcroft's office.
It's about his meeting today with Mr. Wolf.
(PANTING)
(BLUBBERING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
What?
Mr. Highcroft's office called. He changed your appointment to noon.
He'd like to meet you for lunch instead.
No, no, no. No! No!
I'm trying to find your day-planner to see if that'll work...
Did you want me to tell him you're unavailable?
No. He'll think something's wrong.
Okay. I'm texting you the address right now.
(WOLF EXCLAIMS)
Are you sure you're up for this meeting?
What is that supposed to mean?
You just sound a little odd.
You just... You just mind your own business!
(PANTING)
I'm fine.
Everything's fine!
(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)
(ENGINE STARTING) (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Huh?
(GRUNTING)
(HORN HONKING)
Kevin Shepard, I'm going to kill you!
(HONKING CONTINUES)
(HONKING AND MUSIC CONTINUE)
Shut the hell up, you moron!
Sorry! It's not me! It's the car.
Oh, really? Really?
Are you kidding me? This is a $200,000 automobile!
Good for you, buddy! Good for you!
I got your license plate, Hooterville!
So sue me!
Oh! Yeah!
Problem, sir? Whoa!
Officer, did you see that?
Please put your hands where I can see them, sir.
No, no. That hillbilly! He deliberately backed into my car!
Uh-huh. Can I see your license and registration, please?
Oh, no, I got a meeting I got to get...
Hey! No sudden movements, sir.
(SIGHS) Ah, it's in the glove compartment.
Cirque do Soleil in town?
What? No, no. It's just... This is a prank. It's a long story.
What's this?
What... What is this?
These are the blueprints for the bank over on 17th Street.
No, this. What is this?
Gun!
What? No! It's rubber!
You see? It's a fake gun!
Come on! I mean, it's my first day on the job. Just freeze.
What are you gonna do'? You gonna... No, no, no, no...
(TASER BUZZING) (BOTH EXCLAIMING)
OFFICER: Yeah. There might be more of them there, so...
Better put out an APB for any mimes carrying concealed weapons.
(KEVIN CHUCKLES)
Got him. Good. Now can we go home?
Why? I thought we were having fun.
We are.
It's just, I feel bad about lying to my parents.
Come on. A little lie here and there doesn't hurt anybody.
Besides, it makes life interesting.
It makes me interesting.
You don't need a lie to do that.
I guess, after my mom died,
it just seemed easier to make up stuff than it was to have to face the truth.
I just sort of got used to it.
Well, I don't want to get used to it.
(LAUGHS) Like you've never lied to your parents before?
Once.
You remember that time we snuck out and went to the Midnight Madness movies?
Yeah? I got caught.
You never told me that.
I didn't want to make you feel bad, but I got in big trouble.
I told them I snuck out alone.
You lied for me? Why?
Because, dummy, uh...
You're my best friend.
And that's the truth.
WOLF: What took you so long? PENNY: I'm sorry.
But I had to explain to accounting why I needed bail money!
Mr. Wolf, I don't understand why you had bank blueprints, and a mask, and a gun!
It wasn't a real gun!
Officer.
Mr. Wolf!
Well, you have been acting very suspicious lately.
It's not me, it's... Oh, never mind.
Yes, sir.
Does it have anything to do with your face, sir?
Oh, shut up, Penny!
That's not how you found my car! Oh, no. Oh, no.
OFFICER: That's how I found your car.
You'll be hearing from my lawyer.
Go back to France, creep!
I'm not from France!
(HORN HONKING) (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Would you open it?
Idiot!
Well, you're welcome!
(SIGHS)
You're kidding.
Okay.
(MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)
Oh.
(GAGS)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
(GRUNTS)
(MUSIC STOPS)
Go, Niners!
I'm looking for a man named Highcroft.
I think you're in the wrong place, freakshow.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
Are you threatening me because I'm wearing makeup?
Because I look like a mime?
Because I'm just a little bit different?
I thought this was America.
I thought...
(EXHALES)
(GAGS)
I thought
we were supposed to accept people, no matter what they look like.
(SNIFFS)
Phew! Or smell like.
I mean, after all, I don't get on your case
when you get a little drunk and try to get romantic with a squid.
(CHUCKLES)
No, I do not.
I mean, in my book.
What you people do on the high seas stays on the high seas!
Am I right?
Who's with me?
So, you give up yet?
It was you?
What'd you do to my face?
I can't... I can't get it off! My face!
I... I'm gonna... I'm gonna kill you!
Careful, Wolfie.
They don't care much for mimes around these parts.
(GRUNTS)
Oh! Doesn't matter. I mean, fine.
I mean, you got me with your little sophomoric prank, right?
But, big picture?
I'm the winner. You're the loser!
We'll see. Oh, yeah.
We'll see. We'll see.
Yeah! We'll see!
Where's my car?
(SIREN WAILING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Taxi!
(VOCALIZES)
ls he here yet?
Well, actually... Good, good, good.
'Cause I don't want that little toad running off to his grandpa, telling him...
No, no, no... I kept his precious brat waiting.
Miss Wise, I don't have time to sit around and waste...
Mr. Highcroft! What a pleasure it is to see you!
Oh, would you please accept my humblest apologies
for my being a little late? It was car trouble.
Yeah, whatever. Wolf, what's going on with your face?
What? Oh, my... (LAUGHS)
My face? Yes, my face. My face...
It's a publicity stunt. Publicity!
For that new carnival game that we have in development.
(VOCALIZING)
You look completely stupid.
Oh. Thank you, sir. Thank you.
All right, I'm here to see Big Fat Liar.
What do you have to show me?
You! Showtime. (GRUNTS)
(CHUCKLES)
So, we're all set for the big launch tomorrow, right, Kelly?
"Kenny." Kenny.
Gotcha. Here. Start it.
No, no, no. No, no, Mr. Wolf! No, no, no, no? Oh! You want me to do it?
Okay, here we go. Ready?
Big Fat Liar! (BEEPS)
AUTOMATED VOICE: Bigger Fatter Liar!
What is this crap?
I tried to tell you!
Yeah, we're still beta-testing, sir. It's all very technical.
I know what beta-testing means, Wolf!
Look, I am sick of your excuses.
We have millions committed to the marketing campaign on this.
Get out of my way!
I'm sure that we can...
I want to see this game up and running by 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.
Otherwise, I pull the plug on Big Fat Liar and you.
(GRUNTS)
Well... I...
There's a problem with the buffer overflow. It keeps crashing.
I don't even know what that means!
Well, we worked on it all night.
You know they lock the bathrooms after 6:00 p.m.?
I had to pee in the sink.
You know, I have to be on television in one hour
to promote a game that doesn't exist!
Would you like me to call and cancel?
No. I don't want to give him the satisfaction.
Who? Huh?
Never mind.
Now, you listen to me, you little mud weasel.
I want you to go back to work and fix that game,
because if it goes down, I go down,
and if I go down, I'm not going down alone.
Tell maintenance to rip that sink out.
Did you get it?
Who knew it would be so hard to find these in San Francisco? But I got it.
Why do they call it a "ghost pepper"?
Maybe because nobody who eats one lives long enough to warn you not to.
So Judy's going to ask you a few questions about the game,
and then we'll show some screen shots to tell the story.
That sound okay?
Sounds great.
What exactly happened to your face, anyways?
I don't know.
What happened to yours?
(LAUGHS)
(BOTH LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
More eyebrows.
The other one.
KEVIN: Excuse me? Excuse me.
Excuse me? Hi. Are you the producer? Yes.
I'm Jeff.
I'm an intern at Highcroft Electronics, and I'm totally embarrassed,
but I forgot to give Mr. Wolf his energy drink before he left the office.
No problem. He's just... Could you give it to him? Please?
I don't think I could take him yelling at me again today.
Sure. No problem. Thanks.
Poor kid.
(VOCALIZING)
A-E-I-O-U.
Almost forgot your energy drink.
(BELL RINGS)
But I... I didn't...
MAN: In five, four, three, two...
Welcome back, everyone.
We are here now with Larry Wolf, VP of Interactive and...
WOLF: President of Interactive.
President of Interactive at Highcroft Electronics.
Well, ifs nice to be here.
JUDY: (LAUGHS) Well, your company is... Here we go.
About to release its highly anticipated game, Big Fat Liar, tomorrow,
to what is sure to be a media extravaganza.
We are very excited about it.
Yes, now, I have to admit,
we were all a little miffed here
that we didn't get a chance to play the game ourselves.
We are keeping this game under lock and key.
It's... It's that good.
JUDY: Now, there were rumors about...
There have been some development issues...
Come on, come on!
With the game. Is that true?
No, we're just not releasing a review copy of the game because it's too exciting.
(LAUGHS) We just want everybody to be surprised by it.
Okay, well, that sounds fantastic.
Surely, you can tell us a little bit about the game, though.
I can't.
Is it first-person shooter?
Shoo... (GRUNTING)
(KEVIN CHUCKLING)
WOLF: Woofer!
JUDY: Or more of a puzzle game?
It's a... (VOCALIZING)
(MUMBLING)
Uh, maybe...
(ALL LAUGHING)
Mr. Wolf?
Mr. Wolf? Mr. Wolf?
Wolf, are you okay?
Water! (SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
Yes!
(SPLUTTERS)
(GRUNTING)
(GARGLING)
(YELLING)
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
Serves you right, Wolf.
We'll be right back.
Yes! High five!
NEWSCASTER: Today, Highcroft Electronics interactive Division President Larry Wolf
had an unexpected meltdown today on live television.
His bizarre behavior has some wondering... Oh. Turn it off.
Well, Mr. Highcroft called.
(STUTTERS) I tried to tell him it was some sort of allergic reaction.
And?
He wants you to see the company psychiatrist as soon as you get out.
(EXHALES)
But the... The game, did it get fixed?
I'm afraid not.
No one seems to be able to make it stop freezing up.
(SNORING)
Why am I not in a private room?
Your credit card was declined, sir. What?
Oh! That kid!
I'm ruined. I'm completely ruined.
I wish there was something that I could do to help, I really do.
I know. What could you do?
You can barely type a letter.
There's only one person who can help me now.
So let me get this straight.
I help you fix the game, and then you'll call my dad to explain everything?
That's right. You have my word.
No way. Make the call first, and then he'll help you.
Well, what's to prevent you from not honoring your side of the bargain?
What's to prevent you from doing the same?
I like her. Feisty.
Kevin... Kev.
I'm just asking for your help.
This baby was your brainchild.
Please.
I need you.
It needs you.
You have my word.
You can't do this.
One of us has to trust the other one. It's the only way.
Do we have a deal?
(CHUCKLES)
(ALL GROANING)
Wake up, wake up. Hey.
Yes! (ALL CHEERING)
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
So? Come on.
What do you think?
(GRUNTS)
(MUSIC STOPS)
You made me lose.
(SIGHS)
Pretty cool, Wolf.
Pretty cool.
Mmm.
I'll see you at the launch tomorrow.
ALL: Yeah!
You know, kid, I gotta admit, you really saved my butt.
Yup. Now you're gonna save mine, right?
You got it. Yes.
When you're right, you're right. Am I right?
WOLF: Hello?
Security. Bullpen. Thank you.
What? What are you doing? Seriously?
But you gave me your word. We shook on it.
Well, maybe next time, you should get that handshake in writing, huh?
Oh! Steroids. I thought I told you to get the riff-raff out of my office.
I knew it.
Sorry, Mr. Wolf. I won't let it happen again.
You know, when I first met you,
I really thought you were something.
Big success. A big man.
All you really are is a big, fat liar.
Ooh...
(SIGHS)
That hurts.
I'll remember that when I'm moving into my new office on the top floor.
Steroids, make sure that they get on the plane this time.
Will do, Mr. Wolf. Move it.
(CHUCKLES)
I don't believe this. This is a new low, even for you.
Well, be sure to mention that while you're filing for unemployment insurance.
Okay, so what's the plan now?
The plan is we go home.
But what about Wolf? What about Big Fat Liar?
It's over, Becca. He won.
Yeah, but the only way he did was by lying.
Exactly.
I don't want to be that guy anymore, Becca.
I don't want to end up some sad little man
in clown makeup who has to lie
and steal from a kid just to get ahead.
I don't want to lie anymore.
I want my dad to be proud of me.
I want to be proud of myself.
Anyway, thanks for coming with me.
It was fun, even if we didn't get we what came for.
You know what?
Maybe we did.
What do you mean?
I'm proud of you, Kevin.
It'll just be a minute.
My, you two certainly racked up the bill.
Hi, Jimmy.
Mr. Wolf called
and said that I should take over from here.
Really?
But I thought... He said to take the rest of the day off.
Thanks.
See you two later. Not! (LAUGHS)
What are you doing here?
Well, I was thinking about delivering some payback
to my soon-to-be ex-boss.
Do you know of anybody who would like to help me?
It's too late for that.
Yeah, we're going home.
So, what, you're just gonna let Mr. Wolf take advantage of you?
You're not gonna stand up for yourself and do what's right?
I just don't want to lie anymore.
I'm not talking about lying.
I'm talking about making somebody finally tell the truth.
(SIGHS)
Hurry up, hurry up! The door's not gonna open itself!
Hmm.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?
Appliances.
Oh, no.
What are you, crazy?
No! You were crazy to steal from Ivan Slobodovich!
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
Hey! Slow down, will ya?
You know, we can talk about this!
No, too late for talking.
Oh!
Ah!
(EXCLAIMING)
NO, no!
Hey!
(YELLS)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
Call office!
AUTOMATED VOICE: Would you like to call ice?
Not ice! Why would I want ice?
I want the office! Call office!
Larry Wolf's office.
Penny! Penny, help me! Help me.
I'm in the back of a limousine.
Yeah. Call the cops. The driver's trying to kill me.
Sure thing, Mr. Wolf. I'll get right on that.
Phase one is in progress.
Copy.
Bravo team, move into position.
WOLF: Where are we?
What, you want money? Name your price.
I don't want money.
What do you want?
I want credit for my invention.
I can make it happen. Just let me out of here.
And my old job back. Done!
You're on the payroll as of this second. Boom, bang!
And full health insurance and dental.
(CHUCKLES) No problem.
Do you have vision? Vision?
You only get 10% off of frames and lenses,
and nothing off of contacts.
You know, it's a huge rip...
You want it? You got it.
Well, 10% isn't too bad.
Yeah, I'll pay for the rest of it myself, out of my own pocket.
We got a deal?
No deal.
Looks like you're going to miss your big launch party.
(LAUGHS EVILLY)
(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)
Ivan? Ivan?
Ivan?
(TRAIN HORN BLARING IN THE DISTANCE)
No... (GASPS)
Get me out of here!
Oh, no! No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
Help me! Help me!
Need some help?
Hey! Kid, kid! Make a call!
Tell them I'm on the tracks. Tell them to stop the train.
You ready to tell the truth? What?
All you have to do is tell my dad the truth.
"The truth"? The truth! Highly overrated, kid.
Just admit you stole my idea.
Yeah, fine! Fine, fine, fine.
Fine, yeah, fine, fine, fine. Yes. I stole it,
I stole Big Fat Liar.
You gave me the paper in the back of my car
and I stole it. Okay? You happy now?
Yup. That's all I wanted.
(TRAIN HORN CONTINUES BLARING)
(WHIMPERING)
(CRYING) I'm gonna die!
(DEVICE BEEPS) I'm gonna die.
You've got a good team working for you, Wolf.
You really should treat them better.
Hey! Kid! No! Give me that phone!
(GRUNTING)
You... No!
Kid.
Kid! No! Wait! Just...
Wait!
Hey, kid!
Where are you going? Give me back that phone!
Hey!
Hey! Stop! Stop that kid! Stop that kid!
Get him! Get him!
Stop him! Stop that kid!
You idiot!
(PANTING)
Watch your blood pressure.
(GRUNTING)
Get down there! Really?
Stay down there!
You idiot!
You can't outrun the Wolf.
(PANTING)
Oh...
Oh, I'm sorry for the interruption, folks.
Game's over. Beat it, kid.
(CHUCKLES)
I'm sorry for the way I look. It's been a very strange day.
Out of the way, toad.
But enough about me. (CLEARS THROAT)
Lights.
You're not here for that.
(CROWD LAUGHS)
You're not here for that.
No, you're hereto witness the evolution of mobile gaming.
An evolution, may I say a revolution,
that I championed here at Highcroft Electronics,
long before this new regime ever took over.
So, ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce
Big Fat Liar!
Every day I'm getting faster, stronger.
Every day I'm getting faster and stronger.
Every day I'm getting faster, stronger.
(ALL LAUGHING)
I'm gonna work you morons like rented monkeys
until I tum this turd of a department into a winner.
I'm gonna see to it that you spend the rest of your pathetic life
programming talking baby dolls till your ears bleed!
Gotcha!
Well, that explains the underwear.
I doubt that. I don't play video games.
Video games are for losers with nothing else to do.
I didn't... Did I say that? No, I didn't.
Turn it off!
Turn it off now, or you're all fired, you idiots!
Kid, the truth is overrated, all right?
KEVIN: Just admit you stole my idea.
Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
I admit it. {stole Big Fat Liar.
You gave me your stupid little paper
in the backseat of my car, and I stole it!
You happy now?
God, I'm gonna die!
How did you get that?
I just destroyed your phone.
There's this new thing these days called "email."
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
I sent the video as soon as I got it. Duh.
You know, for the head of an interactive division,
you really don't know too much about technology.
Mr. Highcroft, I can explain.
This is all a big misunderstanding. It's...
You have 15 minutes to clear out your desk.
It's a trick. It's just a big...
Jimmy?
It's a trick! Gee, Wolf...
Looks like nobody believes anything you say anymore.
Ah!
Et tu, Jimmy?
I'm sorry, sir, but I don't understand Latin. Must be all the steroids.
(LAUGHS)
KEVIN: See ya, Wolf.
So Big Fat Liar was your idea?
Yes, sir.
Well, then show them.
KEVIN: Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm proud to introduce my...
Our new game”. MAN: Yeah!
Big Fat Liar.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(CACKLING)
Dad?
Congratulations, son.
Dad, what are you doing here? How did you...
Becca called her parents,
and her parents called me, and, well, here we are.
Dad, I'm so sorry.
For everything. I promise to never lie again.
We can talk about that later,
but right now, I think they want you.
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING)
Kevin, I'm so proud of you.
(WHISTLES)
It was actually designed by high-school student
Kevin Shepard,
who I'm proud to announce will be interning for us next summer.
NEWS ANCHOR: In other news... TOM: Kevin?
Yeah, Dad?
Two tickets to San Francisco? First-class?
Do you have any idea how much that cost?
Oh, right. Here.
You can take it out of my royalty check.
Sales for the gaming industry are up 12% this year based on...
KEVIN: If that's not enough,
there should be another one next week.
Uh-huh.
New graphics chip set, sales are expected
to climb well into Christmas.
(GRUNTING LOUDLY)
Something very heavy at the end of this rope!
It's a large rock!
Here, I'm gonna pick it up.
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
(EXCLAIMING)
The wind! The Wind's coming!
The wind! Wait a minute! The wind...
Oh, lookit, there's money flying around in the wind! In the hat!
That's where the money goes!
(IMITATES WIND WHOOSHING)
That's where the money goes!
I'm in a glass box.
You suck.
No! You suck!
I don't go to your job and show you how to use the plunger, do I?
(GRUNTING LOUDLY)
No, I don't!
I'm in a box, a glass box.
Is there a teddy bear in the room?
You know, I wouldn't bother...
(CHUCKLES) There it is.
DIRECTOR: Let's cut the cameras.
(CREW LAUGHING)
Cut! Good.
No, not good.
Uh-huh. (CHUCKLES) One more.
It's for emergencies only. You got that?
Yeah. I got it.
KEVIN: when I'm standing in his office.
Cut. Ah, 'Cause...
(LAUGHING) He's got a tail. My thing is...
DIRECTOR: Cut.
Don't worry about it. It's just a little white lie.
Hold on. Hang on a second. I got another call.
(CREW EXCLAIMS)
DIRECTOR: Cut.
Lady!
(CREW LAUGHS)
This turned into a one-act play!
First of all, this was unplugged.
A mark.
DIRECTOR: And cut!
(CREW CHATTERING) (BECCA LAUGHS)
Good morning!
Can I sit here?
Perfect. ls that okay for you?
I can't! I can't get it off! What?
I'm gonna... I'm gonna...
(YELLING ANGRILY)
I'm gonna kill you! Kill you!
DIRECTOR: Cut, cut, cut!
A mark. No, no, no.
Mark it, baby.
I know, I looked at her for a second, and then I looked away.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry "aboot" that. Sorry, sorry...
MAN 1: Still rolling. MAN 2: Rolling!
She can't wait to be done with me.
DIRECTOR: And...
Come back.
DIRECTOR: And cut.
MAN: So I can stay...
(LAUGHING)
DIRECTOR: Cut.
(LAUGHS)
(CREW LAUGHING)
DIRECTOR: Cut! Good.
And that, my darlings, is a wrap.