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00:02:51,291 --> 00:02:57,776
Submitted here is the story of a little
boy, and a magical christmas wish,

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00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,651
that changed his life...
forever.

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00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:08,744
It began in 1985, in a
town just outside Boston.

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00:03:09,778 --> 00:03:14,453
It was christmas eve, and all the
children were in high spirits.

5
00:03:14,488 --> 00:03:19,469
That special time of year, when
Boston children gather together

6
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:24,277
- and beat up the jewish kids.
- Hey greenbob! Get him!

7
00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:32,641
But there was one child who
wasn't in such good spirits,

8
00:03:32,676 --> 00:03:34,657
little John Bennett.

9
00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:39,794
That one boy in every neighbourhood, who
just has a tough time making friends.

10
00:03:39,829 --> 00:03:41,551
Hey guys, can I play?

11
00:03:41,586 --> 00:03:44,094
- Get out of here bennet!
- Get lost bennet!

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00:03:44,129 --> 00:03:46,473
- Get out of here bennet.
- Yeah bennet, get lost.

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00:03:49,092 --> 00:03:55,425
John longed with all his heart, for that
one true friend that he could call his own

14
00:03:55,460 --> 00:04:02,066
and he knew that if he ever found
that friend, he would ever let him go

15
00:04:03,617 --> 00:04:08,126
well, as it does every year,
christams morning finally came

16
00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:12,418
all of the children were opening
their gifts with holiday glee

17
00:04:19,477 --> 00:04:26,021
and for little John bennet, christams
day brought a very special new arrival.

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00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:36,400
Wow.i guess santa payed attention to
how good you were this year huh...

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00:04:36,435 --> 00:04:38,594
aww, merry christams John.

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00:04:39,824 --> 00:04:40,993
"I love you."

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00:04:41,028 --> 00:04:42,810
He talks.

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00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:46,740
I'm gonna name you Teddy.

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00:04:48,707 --> 00:04:55,521
John became instantly attached to teddy,
there was something about that bear

24
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:58,736
that made him feel as if
he finally had a friend.

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00:04:58,749 --> 00:05:01,940
With whom he could share
his deepest secrets.

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00:05:01,975 --> 00:05:03,446
"I love you"

27
00:05:03,481 --> 00:05:05,976
I love you too teddy

28
00:05:07,048 --> 00:05:11,054
you know, I wish you
could really talk to me

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00:05:11,089 --> 00:05:14,740
because then we could be best
friends forever and ever

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00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,459
now if theres one thing
you can be sure of,

31
00:05:19,494 --> 00:05:24,031
its that nothing is more
powerful than a young boys wish

32
00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:26,899
except an apache helicopter...
an apache helicopter

33
00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:30,469
has machine guns and missiles

34
00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:34,292
it is an unbelievably impressive
complement of weaponry.

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00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,904
An absolute death machine.

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00:05:37,350 --> 00:05:43,029
Well, as it turned out, John had
picked a perfect night to make a wish.

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Teddy...

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00:06:25,615 --> 00:06:27,280
Teddy?

39
00:06:31,604 --> 00:06:32,972
Teddy?

40
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,464
Hug me.

41
00:06:43,381 --> 00:06:45,557
You're my best friend John.

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Did you... did you just talk...

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don't look so surprised, your the
one who wished for it arent you?

44
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Yeah... I did wish for it.

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00:06:56,863 --> 00:06:58,505
Well, here I am...

46
00:06:58,541 --> 00:07:01,843
you mean... we get to be
best friends for real?

47
00:07:01,878 --> 00:07:03,301
For... real.

48
00:07:03,336 --> 00:07:04,769
Forever and ever?

49
00:07:04,804 --> 00:07:06,367
Sounds good to me

50
00:07:07,691 --> 00:07:11,109
John was just about the
happiest boy in the world.

51
00:07:11,122 --> 00:07:14,551
And he couldn't wait to
tell everyone the good news

52
00:07:14,586 --> 00:07:17,590
mom... dad... guess what,
my teddy bears alive

53
00:07:17,625 --> 00:07:20,513
really... oh isnt
that exciting...

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No mom, he's really alive.
Look.

55
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Merry christmas everybody

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Jesus H Fuck... Lets
all be best friends.

57
00:07:30,629 --> 00:07:31,374
Oh my god.

58
00:07:31,375 --> 00:07:33,667
Get away from that thing,
get over here right now.

59
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But dad... Get over here!

60
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:37,874
- Listen to your father, come here.
- Helen, get my gun.

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Dad, no!

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Is it a hugging gun?

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00:07:40,214 --> 00:07:41,658
Helen, get my gun
and call the police

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00:07:41,693 --> 00:07:45,314
im sorry mr bennet, I didn't
mean to scare anybody

65
00:07:45,349 --> 00:07:47,461
I just wanted john
and I to be friends

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00:07:47,497 --> 00:07:52,136
yeah dad, I made a wish last night that
teddy was alive, and my wish came true.

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Oh god.

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00:07:56,613 --> 00:07:58,557
It's a miracle.

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It's a christmas miracle.

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00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:04,844
You're just like the baby Jesus.

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Well it wasnt long before the news of Johns
little miracle was sweeping the nation

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00:08:12,166 --> 00:08:16,260
out of a Boston suburb comes, what is
without doubt the most incredible story

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a young boys stuffed animal, has magically
come to life for unknown reasons.

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00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:25,460
LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!
LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!

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Before long, teddy had become a
huge celebrity in his own right.

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Hello, Teddy.

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You surprise me, for some reason I
thought you were going to be taller

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00:08:47,189 --> 00:08:49,426
I thought you were
going to be funnier.

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But for all the fame, teddy never
forgot his very best friend, John

80
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the thunder cant get us, right?

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Nope. Were thunder buddys.
And the thunder knows it

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were totally safe.

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- Teddy.
- Yeah, John?

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Do you promise that we'll
always be together?

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I promise.

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Thunder buddys for life

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thunder buddys for life.

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And that was a promise that
niether one of them forgot

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00:09:31,799 --> 00:09:34,800
So... where are John
and teddy today?

90
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:37,068
Well, let me put it this way

91
00:09:37,103 --> 00:09:40,368
no matter how big a splash you
make in this world, weather your a

92
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Corey Feldman, Frankie
Muniz, Justin Bieber...

93
00:09:44,423 --> 00:09:48,621
or a talking teddy bear...
eventually nobody gives a shit.

94
00:10:14,124 --> 00:10:17,499
TED

95
00:12:24,872 --> 00:12:28,360
Look, all im saying is that
Boston women are, on the whole,

96
00:12:28,361 --> 00:12:31,601
a paler uglier sort than women
from the elsewheres of life.

97
00:12:31,637 --> 00:12:33,787
That's bullshit... what about Lori?
She's hot.

98
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,876
No Lori's from Pennsylvania
thats not a Boston girl

99
00:12:35,911 --> 00:12:36,964
there not that bad...

100
00:12:36,999 --> 00:12:41,040
see, the fact that you have to say there
not that bad, means that they are that bad

101
00:12:41,075 --> 00:12:46,884
you ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm?
Oh yah, oh yah, hardar hardar

102
00:12:47,295 --> 00:12:52,194
oh god... that was so good. Now im gonna
stuff my fucking face with pepper flan

103
00:12:54,548 --> 00:12:58,468
jesus this is weak, not
even getting me high

104
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im gonna have a talk
with my weed guy

105
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working for me...

106
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I think it sucks, im gonna
have a talk with him

107
00:13:03,868 --> 00:13:06,360
I don't know you want to go to
a drug dealer with complaints

108
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ive known this guy a long time,

109
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ive known him since 9-11

110
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you remember?, I was like, aww
shit 9-11, I gotta get high

111
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is it 9.30? - yeah...

112
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shit, I gotta get to work

113
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I don't know if I can drive.

114
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It's ok. I'll drive you.
I feel fine.

115
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- Fuck.
- Aww, shit.

116
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Aww, Johnny I'm sorry man, that
car just came out of nowhere.

117
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Aww, god is it bad?

118
00:13:53,670 --> 00:13:56,719
- John, may I speak with you please?
- Shit.

119
00:13:57,787 --> 00:13:59,799
Its alright, go go go.
I'll pull out of here

120
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hi Thomas, how are yah.

121
00:14:14,225 --> 00:14:15,541
Asshole!

122
00:14:15,576 --> 00:14:17,497
Thats my bad, I was
sending a tweet.

123
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John, its almost 10 o'clock

124
00:14:22,169 --> 00:14:24,826
I know sir, im sorry
it wasnt my fault

125
00:14:24,861 --> 00:14:26,900
what do you mean?

126
00:14:29,314 --> 00:14:33,414
Well I..i guess I wasnt prepared
for a follow up question

127
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John, all you got to
do is not fuck up

128
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and you get my job when I
go to corporate next month

129
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your the new branch manager

130
00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:43,783
all you gotta do,
is not fuck up...

131
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I realise now. Good,
glad to hear it.

132
00:14:46,661 --> 00:14:50,490
Cos in a month... my life,
could be your life.

133
00:14:50,525 --> 00:14:53,878
A cushy 38 thousand dollar
a year branch manager,

134
00:14:53,879 --> 00:14:56,136
whos personal friends
with Tom Scarritt.

135
00:14:56,401 --> 00:14:58,470
Not a bad life is it?

136
00:14:58,505 --> 00:15:00,363
No.

137
00:15:01,438 --> 00:15:03,435
Let me show you something I
don't like showing people,

138
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,106
'cos I don't want them
treating me differently.

139
00:15:09,111 --> 00:15:12,781
Boom! Thats me and
scarritt wow...

140
00:15:12,816 --> 00:15:14,269
god damn right wow

141
00:15:14,270 --> 00:15:17,765
im gonna dock you for dinging the car
and for showing up late today alright

142
00:15:17,799 --> 00:15:20,164
try and be a little more
responsable tomorrow

143
00:15:20,199 --> 00:15:21,514
I will sir, I promise.

144
00:15:22,917 --> 00:15:24,464
"Not gonna let you down goose"

145
00:15:24,499 --> 00:15:25,744
what?

146
00:15:26,485 --> 00:15:31,301
Top Gun... so... Tom Scarritt...

147
00:15:32,384 --> 00:15:34,727
I know that get out of here ok

148
00:15:34,762 --> 00:15:35,963
thank you sir

149
00:15:35,998 --> 00:15:40,930
and heres your keys, rental agreement,
complimentary map of Boston

150
00:15:40,966 --> 00:15:43,562
than you for choosing
liberty, drive safely

151
00:15:43,597 --> 00:15:44,979
thanks - thanks so much.

152
00:15:46,093 --> 00:15:48,331
Heard you got busted...

153
00:15:48,366 --> 00:15:51,009
jesus Guy, you look like
shit man what happened?

154
00:15:51,045 --> 00:15:53,948
I don't know, I got
fucking wasted last night

155
00:15:53,983 --> 00:15:58,533
and my phone says I texted someone
at 3.15, asking them to beat me up

156
00:15:58,568 --> 00:16:02,326
and then at 4.30 I texted the
same person saying thanks.

157
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,971
- And you don't remember it?
- No, same as last time.

158
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,213
It just seems kind
of gay doesn't it?

159
00:16:07,248 --> 00:16:09,279
I don't know, maybe yeah.

160
00:16:09,314 --> 00:16:11,719
Do you think your part of
some gay beat up underworld?

161
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,777
Like one of those gay beat
up clubs or something?

162
00:16:13,917 --> 00:16:16,956
I don't now, I dig chicks man,
I don't remember any of it

163
00:16:16,991 --> 00:16:18,921
I was so fucked up. I might
be gay I don't know.

164
00:16:18,922 --> 00:16:20,481
Do you mind covering
for me for a bit?

165
00:16:20,666 --> 00:16:22,431
I might go lay down in the John

166
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:23,970
hey buddys, wheres it hanging?
Hey Alex

167
00:16:24,005 --> 00:16:25,620
what's up? You get in
the club last night?

168
00:16:25,655 --> 00:16:28,849
Ahh, I didn't get in because
the bouncer was douche face

169
00:16:28,884 --> 00:16:31,037
but I make friends in the line

170
00:16:31,072 --> 00:16:32,177
well thats good I guess.

171
00:16:32,212 --> 00:16:34,539
Hey guys, anybody know
a nice restaurant?

172
00:16:34,540 --> 00:16:36,748
Like something where they give out
free bubblegum in the bathrooms.

173
00:16:36,757 --> 00:16:38,158
For what?

174
00:16:38,193 --> 00:16:39,820
Lori and I have been
dating 4 years tomorrow.

175
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,471
I wanna take her some
place really nice.

176
00:16:41,506 --> 00:16:43,517
Aw, congratulations John.

177
00:16:43,553 --> 00:16:47,671
You guys have been going out for 4 years?
My last relationship lasted 6 months.

178
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:50,047
Then she farted in her sleep.
I'm like, I'm out of here man.

179
00:16:50,048 --> 00:16:51,419
And I was gone
before she woke up.

180
00:16:51,454 --> 00:16:53,802
Wow your not very
tolerant huh...

181
00:16:53,837 --> 00:16:55,623
Lori ever fart in front of you?

182
00:16:55,658 --> 00:16:56,819
Yeah.

183
00:16:56,854 --> 00:16:59,542
- Really?
- A million times.

184
00:16:59,577 --> 00:17:01,377
You italian?

185
00:17:01,412 --> 00:17:02,473
No.

186
00:17:02,508 --> 00:17:03,971
Why?

187
00:17:05,096 --> 00:17:06,531
Nevermind, take her to biniarta

188
00:17:06,566 --> 00:17:08,725
John look, don't you think
after 4 years maybe

189
00:17:08,738 --> 00:17:10,908
shes hoping for something
more than dinner?

190
00:17:10,943 --> 00:17:12,048
Like what?

191
00:17:12,083 --> 00:17:16,133
I don't know. But if it were
me, id be expecting a proposal

192
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:19,169
oh come on, no ones expecting
anybody to propose...

193
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:23,744
I mean marriage isnt... i mean... isnt love enough?
I submit love is enough

194
00:17:23,779 --> 00:17:27,122
you can put the ring in her ass...
and let her fart it out?

195
00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:37,008
So bad, but so good...

196
00:17:37,043 --> 00:17:39,507
Hey by the way, don't let
me forget you and I got to

197
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,995
nail down a plan for the
ruins game tomorrow night.

198
00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:44,915
Oh no I cant, I'm
taking Lori to dinner.

199
00:17:44,949 --> 00:17:45,928
For what?

200
00:17:45,963 --> 00:17:48,041
Well, weve been dating
4 years tomorrow.

201
00:17:48,076 --> 00:17:49,482
Ohh... fuck me, nice.

202
00:17:49,517 --> 00:17:50,882
Let me ask you something,

203
00:17:50,883 --> 00:17:54,086
you don't think shes going to be
expecting something big, do you?

204
00:17:54,212 --> 00:17:55,552
- What... like anal?
- No...

205
00:17:55,586 --> 00:17:58,905
like a circular gold
thing on the finger.

206
00:17:58,940 --> 00:18:02,930
Oh fuck that. Its been 4 years Johnny you
and me have been together for 27 years.

207
00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:04,411
Wheres my ring?

208
00:18:04,446 --> 00:18:06,006
Huh... wheres my
ring asshole...

209
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,342
wheres my ring motherfucker?
Put it on my

210
00:18:08,475 --> 00:18:12,171
- fuzzy finger you fuck.
- Alright knock it off

211
00:18:12,206 --> 00:18:13,579
I'm just sayin...

212
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:16,002
do you think she might be expecting
me to make that kind of a move?

213
00:18:16,037 --> 00:18:17,787
No no no, I don't think

214
00:18:17,822 --> 00:18:19,815
and not only that,
its the wrong time

215
00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:22,163
its a terrible idea, you
got the economy, you

216
00:18:22,176 --> 00:18:24,499
got the credit bubble,
the supreme court

217
00:18:24,535 --> 00:18:25,815
look at Haiti

218
00:18:25,850 --> 00:18:27,197
I guess I didn't
think about that.

219
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,151
Well, you know, it's a factor.

220
00:18:29,829 --> 00:18:34,209
Who are you? -Flash Gordon,
quarterback, New York Jets.

221
00:18:34,244 --> 00:18:37,068
This is the american
fantasy right here.

222
00:18:37,103 --> 00:18:41,033
A professional NFL player is called
upon to save the world. -Yeah.

223
00:18:41,068 --> 00:18:42,033
Tom Brady could do that...

224
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:43,671
Tom Brady could do that.

225
00:18:44,432 --> 00:18:45,968
- Hey.
- Hey sweetie.

226
00:18:46,003 --> 00:18:46,958
Hey, Lori.

227
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,221
Hi.

228
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:51,096
- What you got there?
- Turkey burgers

229
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:54,456
oh turkey burgers, are we having
homosexuals over for dinner?

230
00:18:54,491 --> 00:18:57,408
- Tonight is it?
- Ha, no just you homos.

231
00:18:58,909 --> 00:19:01,708
You kinda just re-worded
my joke, but haaaa.

232
00:19:01,743 --> 00:19:04,121
- How was work?
- Oh it was fine

233
00:19:04,156 --> 00:19:06,053
hows your dickhead boss?

234
00:19:06,088 --> 00:19:09,237
Rex, is fine. He only hit
on me once today so,

235
00:19:09,272 --> 00:19:10,733
its a good thing

236
00:19:10,768 --> 00:19:12,338
hey Johnny how bout a beer huh?

237
00:19:12,373 --> 00:19:14,117
Oh couple of chowbukowskis...

238
00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:15,896
couple of brewstoievskis...

239
00:19:15,931 --> 00:19:17,698
maybe a mibrewstowsky?

240
00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:20,548
Perhaps a teddybrewski...
thats a good one

241
00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:23,304
I think I too want a
martina navratilovaski

242
00:19:23,339 --> 00:19:25,585
oh... no no no
that doesn't work.

243
00:19:25,619 --> 00:19:28,241
Bullshit... that totally worked...
no, no

244
00:19:28,276 --> 00:19:30,243
yeah it does, - it doesn't work

245
00:19:30,278 --> 00:19:32,121
the name has to have a ski
at the end of it, and you

246
00:19:32,134 --> 00:19:33,987
just put brewski at the end
of martina navratilova

247
00:19:34,022 --> 00:19:36,013
I just thought we were
saying funny names.

248
00:19:36,048 --> 00:19:39,456
No, no. It has to have ski at the end
of it, otherwise where's the challange?

249
00:19:39,491 --> 00:19:41,893
If theres no ski at the
end of the root word,

250
00:19:41,906 --> 00:19:44,318
then we'd just be
idiots saying nonsense.

251
00:19:54,328 --> 00:19:56,324
- Hey.
- They found the missing hikers.

252
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:57,936
- They did?
- Yeah. -What happened?

253
00:19:57,971 --> 00:19:58,956
They said

254
00:19:58,991 --> 00:20:00,819
they got seperated, and
one of them had there

255
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:02,671
foot stuck under a
rock for like 5 days

256
00:20:04,339 --> 00:20:09,998
you know, if your leg got trapped under
a rock, id chew it off to get you free

257
00:20:10,033 --> 00:20:12,325
- you would?
- I sure would

258
00:20:13,402 --> 00:20:14,720
is that cannibalism?

259
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:17,310
No, I think its only
cannibalism if you swallow.

260
00:20:17,345 --> 00:20:20,470
Oh yeah, don't worry about
that, 'cos I don't swallow.

261
00:20:20,505 --> 00:20:22,441
Really? 'Cos that's
not what I heard.

262
00:20:22,477 --> 00:20:25,104
Well its not true ok,
im a classy broad

263
00:20:25,139 --> 00:20:28,118
yeah I can see that

264
00:20:28,153 --> 00:20:33,204
umm, listen, speaking of classy chow
bellas a really expensive restaurant

265
00:20:33,239 --> 00:20:38,197
so we can go anywhere else tomorrow. I
really don't care as long as were together

266
00:20:38,232 --> 00:20:39,944
are you kidding me?

267
00:20:39,979 --> 00:20:44,475
No, 4 years we've been going out... im
taking you to the best place in town

268
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:49,537
I love you I love you too.
And your nasty

269
00:20:49,572 --> 00:20:52,018
you wanna get nasty?

270
00:20:52,053 --> 00:20:53,357
Nasty girl

271
00:20:59,507 --> 00:21:02,955
I don't understand...35 years old and
your still scared of a little thunder

272
00:21:02,990 --> 00:21:04,369
I am not

273
00:21:06,885 --> 00:21:08,758
thunder buddys for life right Johnny.
Fucking right.

274
00:21:08,793 --> 00:21:10,934
Alright come on lets
sing the thunder song

275
00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:14,417
when you hear the sound of thunder
don't you get too scared.

276
00:21:14,452 --> 00:21:18,220
Just grab your thunder buddy,
and say these magic words

277
00:21:18,255 --> 00:21:21,705
fuck you thunder...
you can suck my dick,

278
00:21:21,741 --> 00:21:24,935
you cant get me thunder,
cos your just gods fart

279
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:30,473
hey Lori... can you set
the alarm for 11 A.M?

280
00:21:30,486 --> 00:21:32,483
I got a lot of stuff
to do tomorrow

281
00:21:45,970 --> 00:21:46,733
hi Lori

282
00:21:47,026 --> 00:21:47,941
morning

283
00:21:53,851 --> 00:21:56,501
ok you ok there sweetheart?

284
00:21:56,536 --> 00:21:58,040
You look a little flustered

285
00:21:58,075 --> 00:22:00,673
im fine, I just didn't
have time for breakfast

286
00:22:00,708 --> 00:22:02,474
and the garage was full ohh
and thats right, my boyfriend

287
00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:04,575
cant sleep through a thunder
storm without his teddybear

288
00:22:04,610 --> 00:22:07,149
I don't understand why you
keep putting up with him...

289
00:22:07,184 --> 00:22:10,866
yeah, the guys 35 and hes working
for a rental car service...

290
00:22:10,901 --> 00:22:13,905
you guys, its not about that.
I don't care about that

291
00:22:13,940 --> 00:22:15,373
id love him if he was a janitor

292
00:22:15,408 --> 00:22:19,552
he has a huge heart
and we laugh a lot

293
00:22:19,587 --> 00:22:22,781
its just a bonus that hes like
the hottest guy in Boston

294
00:22:22,816 --> 00:22:25,367
I don't know, I just wish
hed get his life together

295
00:22:25,402 --> 00:22:30,123
our life... and he cant. And I swear
to god it is because of that bear

296
00:22:30,158 --> 00:22:33,180
you should give him an
ultimatum, its you or the bear

297
00:22:33,215 --> 00:22:35,849
no, I cant do that. That
would devistate him

298
00:22:35,884 --> 00:22:39,528
besides, what... what
if he chose ted?

299
00:22:40,779 --> 00:22:43,057
Well hello there, sorry
if im interupting any

300
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:45,359
girl talk about Channing
Tatum's index finger

301
00:22:45,394 --> 00:22:47,967
but Lori, I need to
see you in my office

302
00:22:48,002 --> 00:22:50,035
the thing is Rex, I have a lot
of work I need to get through

303
00:22:50,071 --> 00:22:51,733
oh this is work I swear

304
00:22:52,657 --> 00:22:54,460
ugh great.

305
00:22:56,330 --> 00:22:57,889
Good luck, - thank you

306
00:22:59,289 --> 00:23:01,129
hes such an asshole.
Out of control...

307
00:23:01,164 --> 00:23:05,120
hes such a sleaze. 100 bucks says
hes showing her the diving photo

308
00:23:06,140 --> 00:23:07,326
check this out

309
00:23:07,361 --> 00:23:10,685
its me on the high
school diving team

310
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,124
we dove the shit out
of the pool that year

311
00:23:13,159 --> 00:23:14,982
you promised me
this was about work

312
00:23:15,017 --> 00:23:17,024
Lori... why don't you like me?

313
00:23:17,059 --> 00:23:19,076
Im rich, im good looking,
my dad owns the company...

314
00:23:19,111 --> 00:23:21,158
I have a boyfriend. I
have told you this.

315
00:23:21,193 --> 00:23:23,000
Yeah, the guy with the bear

316
00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:25,709
but im talking about a
mature relationship Lori

317
00:23:25,744 --> 00:23:29,377
if we were together, our
babies would be spectacular

318
00:23:29,412 --> 00:23:32,116
I mean, my top of the
pyramid caucasian genes

319
00:23:32,151 --> 00:23:39,655
and your splash of... dark... beautiful...
smokey... baltic...

320
00:23:39,690 --> 00:23:41,897
- Czech?
- Goodbye Rex

321
00:23:57,028 --> 00:23:59,412
ok, that was perfect

322
00:23:59,447 --> 00:24:01,409
would you like me to
wrap your leftovers?

323
00:24:01,445 --> 00:24:03,043
No, I'm good, thank you.

324
00:24:03,078 --> 00:24:04,585
Actually, could you wrap
just this up for me please?

325
00:24:04,598 --> 00:24:06,116
I wanna scare the
shit out of somebody.

326
00:24:06,151 --> 00:24:07,132
Sure.

327
00:24:07,167 --> 00:24:09,004
What are you, like 5 years old?
Yeah

328
00:24:09,039 --> 00:24:11,067
but I read at a 6
year old level, so...

329
00:24:13,374 --> 00:24:15,335
sir... and madam

330
00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:19,188
here is your desert,
and champagne.

331
00:24:20,007 --> 00:24:22,816
Ohh, cristal.

332
00:24:22,851 --> 00:24:25,395
It's a special night, we've
been dating for 4 years.

333
00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:28,254
And hey, all those rich black
people cant be wrong, right?

334
00:24:31,156 --> 00:24:33,440
Doesnt feel like
4 years does it?

335
00:24:33,475 --> 00:24:35,085
No it doesn't

336
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:38,049
you know, you had no
business being out on that

337
00:24:38,062 --> 00:24:41,002
dance floor.But im really
happy that you were.

338
00:24:46,785 --> 00:24:48,482
This song is so great

339
00:24:48,825 --> 00:24:50,777
oh yeah, Chris Brown
can do no wrong

340
00:24:51,844 --> 00:24:54,082
wow you can really move

341
00:24:54,117 --> 00:24:56,539
you like that huh?
Check this shit out

342
00:25:03,050 --> 00:25:04,303
oh my god

343
00:25:05,496 --> 00:25:06,688
are you ok?

344
00:25:06,723 --> 00:25:09,597
Oh god, I am so sorry
im fine, im fine

345
00:25:09,632 --> 00:25:12,080
Jesus im so sorry, I didn't
see you it was an accident.

346
00:25:12,115 --> 00:25:13,289
- did you hurt your head?
- Yeah

347
00:25:13,324 --> 00:25:15,114
my head hurts a lot

348
00:25:15,149 --> 00:25:16,920
oh man, here, let
me get you some ice

349
00:25:21,992 --> 00:25:24,208
sorry... sorry, does it hurt?

350
00:25:26,676 --> 00:25:30,727
No it... its fine

351
00:25:32,065 --> 00:25:34,550
ok, heres a test to see how
much you actually care about me

352
00:25:35,455 --> 00:25:39,694
you remember the night after the club, we
went and had late night eggs and waffles

353
00:25:39,729 --> 00:25:43,810
till about 5 A.M, we watched a movie
on the little tv in the diner

354
00:25:43,845 --> 00:25:46,975
name that movie... "octopussy"

355
00:25:48,086 --> 00:25:50,374
baby... gold star

356
00:25:50,409 --> 00:25:52,982
and by the way, my
dancing was not that bad

357
00:25:53,017 --> 00:25:54,056
it was pretty bad...
I have cool moves

358
00:25:54,057 --> 00:25:56,206
yeah, and so do people
with parkinson's

359
00:25:56,241 --> 00:25:57,640
thats not how I remember it

360
00:25:57,675 --> 00:25:59,337
ok how do you remember it?

361
00:26:29,246 --> 00:26:31,301
Alright... whatever you say

362
00:26:31,336 --> 00:26:33,995
hey, heres to 4 more years huh

363
00:26:34,030 --> 00:26:35,846
cheers, - you make me happy

364
00:26:37,038 --> 00:26:39,303
I know we said no gifts, but...
We said no such thing...

365
00:26:39,338 --> 00:26:42,254
but I got you something anyway, in
clear violation of the no gift rule

366
00:26:42,289 --> 00:26:43,612
we had no such rule...

367
00:26:43,647 --> 00:26:46,855
Lori, I wanted to give this
to you for a long time

368
00:26:49,493 --> 00:26:50,974
John...

369
00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:59,012
those are the ones you like right?
From the kiosk at the mall

370
00:27:00,212 --> 00:27:01,997
yeah...

371
00:27:03,259 --> 00:27:07,850
you know Lori, some day theres
gonna be a ring in there

372
00:27:07,885 --> 00:27:10,719
but I want to wait till I get
you something really special

373
00:27:10,754 --> 00:27:12,614
I just do have the
money right now

374
00:27:13,563 --> 00:27:17,173
look, im only saying
this because I love you

375
00:27:17,208 --> 00:27:20,781
your not going to have any sort of
career if you wasting time with ted.

376
00:27:20,816 --> 00:27:21,749
Oh, geez. Here we go.

377
00:27:21,784 --> 00:27:24,493
Baby, please ask ted to move out
so we can move on with our lives

378
00:27:24,529 --> 00:27:27,403
Lori, look hes been my
best friend since I was 8

379
00:27:27,438 --> 00:27:30,002
I was not a popular child,
you have to understand

380
00:27:30,037 --> 00:27:32,529
I had no friends
before he came along

381
00:27:32,564 --> 00:27:34,746
hes the only reason I ever
gained any fucking confidence

382
00:27:34,781 --> 00:27:37,703
but your no longer
8, your 35 years old

383
00:27:37,739 --> 00:27:42,044
and unless your too blind to notice,
hes not your only friend anymore.

384
00:27:42,079 --> 00:27:45,472
Can we talk about this another time and
just enjoy our anniversary dinner?

385
00:27:55,886 --> 00:27:57,359
Oh shit, hang on a second

386
00:27:57,394 --> 00:27:59,818
my phone fell under
the seat somewhere

387
00:27:59,853 --> 00:28:01,188
can you call it?

388
00:28:01,223 --> 00:28:02,501
Yeah

389
00:28:16,215 --> 00:28:17,959
is that a new ringtone?

390
00:28:17,995 --> 00:28:22,837
Oh, yeah what is it,
cos it sounds negative

391
00:28:22,872 --> 00:28:24,780
no, no, its from the notebook

392
00:28:26,429 --> 00:28:30,241
this is gonna take some doing I think.
I'll just meet you upsatirs then...

393
00:28:30,276 --> 00:28:31,803
yeah, ill be right there

394
00:28:39,645 --> 00:28:42,339
ugh, Lori... your home early

395
00:28:42,374 --> 00:28:44,119
what the hell is this?

396
00:28:44,154 --> 00:28:46,774
The ladys and I were just
watching Jack and Jill

397
00:28:46,809 --> 00:28:50,984
Adam Sandier plays a guy and his sister its...
its just aweful

398
00:28:51,018 --> 00:28:54,020
its unwatchable, but they're
hookers so its fine

399
00:28:54,055 --> 00:28:56,489
this place is a wreck,
who are these girls?

400
00:28:56,524 --> 00:29:00,456
Oh where are my manners,
Lori this is Angelic,

401
00:29:00,491 --> 00:29:03,144
heavenly, sharinne
and sovereign blanc

402
00:29:03,179 --> 00:29:06,057
I love you girls. You know
somewhere out there, are four

403
00:29:06,070 --> 00:29:08,958
terrible fathers I wish I could
thank for this great night

404
00:29:08,993 --> 00:29:10,234
what is that?

405
00:29:10,269 --> 00:29:11,696
What is what?

406
00:29:11,730 --> 00:29:16,567
Theres a... a shit on my floor

407
00:29:16,602 --> 00:29:18,999
in the corner, there is a shit

408
00:29:20,097 --> 00:29:23,994
oh, yeah, we were playing truth or dare...
ad sharinne's pretty ballsy

409
00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:25,942
theres a shit on my floor!

410
00:29:25,977 --> 00:29:30,644
Well, or... or is the
floor on the shit...

411
00:29:31,664 --> 00:29:35,435
who lives here? Im coming
to get whoever lives here

412
00:29:35,470 --> 00:29:36,929
you owe me lobster money

413
00:29:36,964 --> 00:29:40,529
haha, thats my buddy Johnny, not
the lobster, the guy running it

414
00:29:40,564 --> 00:29:43,778
I found my phone,
whats going on?

415
00:29:44,954 --> 00:29:46,697
Is that a shit?

416
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,871
God there are some
fucked up fish out there

417
00:30:05,907 --> 00:30:08,677
oh look at that one.
Waspy white guy fish

418
00:30:08,712 --> 00:30:13,133
I married the wrong woman, and
now I lead a life of regret

419
00:30:13,168 --> 00:30:16,976
oh look at this guy, I went
to new york once, in 1981

420
00:30:17,011 --> 00:30:19,253
and I just did not feel safe

421
00:30:20,282 --> 00:30:25,580
ted, you gotta move out you...
what

422
00:30:25,615 --> 00:30:31,124
its gotta happen what did I do?

423
00:30:32,305 --> 00:30:35,847
My relationship is at a very
delicate stage, you know

424
00:30:37,381 --> 00:30:39,868
Lori and I just need a
little space right now

425
00:30:39,903 --> 00:30:43,286
plus, a hooker took a
shit in out apartment

426
00:30:43,321 --> 00:30:44,804
oh god - what?

427
00:30:44,839 --> 00:30:46,232
Oh this is so gross

428
00:30:46,268 --> 00:30:47,834
don't tell me, I don't want
to hear about it. You get it?

429
00:30:47,869 --> 00:30:49,682
Oh my god no I didn't get it!

430
00:30:49,717 --> 00:30:52,854
Oh my god I got
some on my thumb

431
00:30:52,889 --> 00:30:54,361
- no!
- Yes I did

432
00:30:54,396 --> 00:30:56,154
you can never cook
with that hand again

433
00:30:56,189 --> 00:30:59,447
oh my god this is the most disgusting
thing ever. -Get away from me

434
00:31:00,630 --> 00:31:02,899
look, that was tough
night for all of us

435
00:31:02,934 --> 00:31:06,744
ted, you mean everything
to me, and so does Lori

436
00:31:06,779 --> 00:31:09,459
I mean im just trying to find a way
to keep both of you in my life

437
00:31:10,788 --> 00:31:13,032
shes making you do it isnt she?

438
00:31:13,067 --> 00:31:15,090
Yes, but that doesn't
mean we cant hang out.

439
00:31:15,103 --> 00:31:18,477
Well hang out all
the time yeah but

440
00:31:18,512 --> 00:31:21,222
what bout thunder
buddys for life Johnny

441
00:31:21,257 --> 00:31:25,093
I know. I just don't know what
to do here I know it sucks

442
00:31:25,128 --> 00:31:27,042
but otherwise im gonna lose her

443
00:31:27,077 --> 00:31:31,889
and I do lover her ted
I know you do Johnny

444
00:31:31,924 --> 00:31:34,119
ill help you get on your
feet out there, I promise

445
00:31:34,154 --> 00:31:36,601
I know, and we'll hang
out all the time right?

446
00:31:36,636 --> 00:31:37,923
All the time

447
00:31:37,958 --> 00:31:41,449
all right fuck it, bring it in come
here, bring it in you bastard.

448
00:31:42,546 --> 00:31:43,707
"I love you"

449
00:31:43,742 --> 00:31:45,901
fuck..shit..sorry thats the...
the thing

450
00:31:47,328 --> 00:31:49,768
im not gay - I know

451
00:31:49,803 --> 00:31:51,854
and your not gay so were fine

452
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,089
we got to get you a job

453
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,290
I look stupid... no you
don't you look dapper

454
00:31:59,325 --> 00:32:02,485
I don't. I look like
snuggles accountant

455
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:03,785
come on, its not that bad

456
00:32:03,820 --> 00:32:06,637
John, I look like something you give a
kid when you tell them grandma died

457
00:32:06,672 --> 00:32:10,893
look, I know it sucks ok but you gotta make
some money so you can pay for an apartment

458
00:32:10,928 --> 00:32:12,774
I don't want to work
at a grocery store

459
00:32:12,810 --> 00:32:14,666
yeah but you have no skills

460
00:32:14,701 --> 00:32:16,588
I told you, I can
totally be a lawyer

461
00:32:16,623 --> 00:32:19,701
You get the job, were
celebrating after ok?

462
00:32:19,736 --> 00:32:23,232
ahaa, and if I don't get the job...
are we still going to smoke that pot?

463
00:32:23,267 --> 00:32:24,843
Probably yes

464
00:32:24,878 --> 00:32:27,168
ahaa yeah, good talk
coach alright buddy

465
00:32:27,203 --> 00:32:28,365
go get em

466
00:32:29,506 --> 00:32:32,817
and don't worry, ill do my very best
to get this job that I so crave

467
00:32:33,684 --> 00:32:35,829
so you think you
got what it takes?

468
00:32:35,864 --> 00:32:38,829
I tell you what I got... you
wifes pussy on my breath

469
00:32:39,878 --> 00:32:43,381
nobodys ever talked to
me like that before

470
00:32:43,416 --> 00:32:46,579
thats because eveyones mouth is
usually full of your wife's box

471
00:32:47,692 --> 00:32:49,650
your hired.

472
00:32:49,685 --> 00:32:51,145
Shit.

473
00:33:38,134 --> 00:33:41,041
Well, I am a former celebrity
in a minimum wage job.

474
00:33:41,042 --> 00:33:44,510
This is how the cast of different
strokes feels all day, every day.

475
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:48,001
Aweful, they must feel aweful...
the live ones must feel aweful.

476
00:33:48,037 --> 00:33:50,128
Come on, it's not
that bad, okay?

477
00:33:50,163 --> 00:33:52,206
I got a shitty job and I
assure you I am quite content.

478
00:33:52,241 --> 00:33:53,522
Excuse me.

479
00:33:53,557 --> 00:33:55,248
Im sorry to bother you but,

480
00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:59,063
my son and I couldnt help
but admire your teddy bear

481
00:33:59,098 --> 00:34:01,128
oh thank you - thanks

482
00:34:01,163 --> 00:34:03,359
im Donny this is Robert

483
00:34:03,395 --> 00:34:06,901
I have to say, ive been following
you ever since I was a young boy

484
00:34:06,936 --> 00:34:10,175
and eh, I remember seeing
you on the carson show

485
00:34:10,210 --> 00:34:12,096
you were just wondeful

486
00:34:12,131 --> 00:34:14,955
oh yeah, that was a
weird interview.

487
00:34:14,990 --> 00:34:18,677
Ed thought I was Alf. And he kept
muttering anti semitic comments.

488
00:34:18,712 --> 00:34:20,614
Thought Alf was Jewish
for some reason

489
00:34:20,649 --> 00:34:23,455
have you ever considered selling the bear?
What? Excuse me

490
00:34:23,490 --> 00:34:24,714
I want it

491
00:34:24,749 --> 00:34:26,969
hey... im not an IT
pal im a HE, alright

492
00:34:27,005 --> 00:34:29,618
im sorry little guy, but
my bear isnt for sale,

493
00:34:29,631 --> 00:34:32,255
see ive had him since
I was about your age

494
00:34:32,290 --> 00:34:33,582
hes very very special to me

495
00:34:33,617 --> 00:34:36,100
stand up straight when
your talking to me

496
00:34:36,135 --> 00:34:37,981
why the fuck would he say that?

497
00:34:38,016 --> 00:34:40,826
Sorry, you know you really shouldn't
swear in front of children

498
00:34:40,861 --> 00:34:43,627
uh look, were very interested in the bear.
If you want to make

499
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,416
some sort of arrangement, heres
my address and phone number

500
00:34:46,451 --> 00:34:48,964
you can call me anytime ok?

501
00:34:48,999 --> 00:34:50,239
Will do

502
00:34:50,274 --> 00:34:53,482
look, here it goes, in the really important
pocket for really important stuff

503
00:34:53,517 --> 00:34:56,147
- ok? - Ok see you later

504
00:34:56,182 --> 00:34:58,156
ok come on Robert. Take it easy

505
00:34:58,191 --> 00:35:00,160
what the fuck...

506
00:35:00,194 --> 00:35:02,129
can you imagine what that
little shit would do to me?

507
00:35:02,165 --> 00:35:04,857
I can totally see him taking you
down to the basement and slowly

508
00:35:04,870 --> 00:35:07,573
delimbing while singing some
creepy victorian nursery rhyme

509
00:35:08,676 --> 00:35:11,953
"oh my little sixpence my pretty
little sixpence" Stop it.

510
00:35:11,988 --> 00:35:13,797
" I love my sixpence"
Knock it off

511
00:35:13,832 --> 00:35:16,010
stop it, fuck. Why you
got to take it to that

512
00:35:16,023 --> 00:35:18,212
place..you took it to a...
that was real

513
00:35:18,247 --> 00:35:20,526
now its a real thing. Aww
come on, take it easy

514
00:35:20,562 --> 00:35:22,575
lets just find a better
place to get stoned

515
00:35:45,113 --> 00:35:46,461
well I guess this is it huh?

516
00:35:46,462 --> 00:35:50,725
Yeah, I guess so first
night on your own

517
00:35:50,761 --> 00:35:53,877
yeah, first night in my
beatiful new apartment

518
00:35:53,912 --> 00:35:56,237
well itll be great
when its furnished

519
00:35:56,272 --> 00:35:59,819
yeah. And the guy said it aint hardly
had no murders in it, so thats good.

520
00:35:59,854 --> 00:36:02,446
Okay, so...

521
00:36:02,481 --> 00:36:04,570
- if you need anything.
- Yeah.

522
00:36:04,605 --> 00:36:08,067
I know. Dont worry
Johnny, ill be fine

523
00:36:08,102 --> 00:36:10,053
I know you will.

524
00:36:11,459 --> 00:36:12,837
Alright.

525
00:36:38,264 --> 00:36:40,024
Hey, there.

526
00:36:40,060 --> 00:36:41,548
Hey.

527
00:36:44,238 --> 00:36:46,430
Listen, umm.

528
00:36:47,601 --> 00:36:49,243
I just want to say thank you.

529
00:36:49,277 --> 00:36:52,502
I know what you did wasn't easy.

530
00:36:52,537 --> 00:36:56,046
And I just want you to know
that I love you for it.

531
00:36:56,081 --> 00:36:59,972
And... I think its a new
beginning for our relationship.

532
00:37:01,152 --> 00:37:03,955
Anything for you.

533
00:37:03,991 --> 00:37:07,087
This is all part of the new
grown up John Bennett, so

534
00:37:07,122 --> 00:37:10,529
you better get used
to him really...

535
00:37:11,618 --> 00:37:17,015
well... now I don't have to be
at work for another 20 minutes

536
00:37:17,050 --> 00:37:21,269
well thats perfect, cos
im only going to need 1

537
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,910
you know what my favourite
thing about you is?

538
00:37:26,945 --> 00:37:31,628
Even after 4 years, you
can still surprise me

539
00:37:32,852 --> 00:37:36,018
and to step up and change
such a huge part of

540
00:37:36,031 --> 00:37:39,208
your life just to make
your girlfriend happier

541
00:37:39,243 --> 00:37:42,629
I don't know, I guess
most guys wouldnt do that

542
00:37:42,663 --> 00:37:45,575
well most guys don't have
you to motivate them

543
00:37:48,568 --> 00:37:51,891
I know im not a talking
teddybear, but...

544
00:37:52,831 --> 00:37:55,904
at least you don't have to
make a magical wish to get me

545
00:37:55,938 --> 00:37:57,658
how do you know?

546
00:38:10,139 --> 00:38:14,098
Ohh... is that a Flash Gordon ray
gun, or are you just ahppy to see me?

547
00:38:22,090 --> 00:38:26,724
There you go. Thank you very much, please
come again we have a lot more grocerys

548
00:38:33,381 --> 00:38:35,642
hey uhh, hey Ellen - yeah?

549
00:38:35,677 --> 00:38:37,363
Whos that over there?

550
00:38:38,496 --> 00:38:42,014
Oh thats the new check out girl I
don't know her name. Seems cute

551
00:38:42,049 --> 00:38:43,747
yeah. Very cute

552
00:38:43,782 --> 00:38:47,426
you know what id like to do to her?
Something I call a dirty fozzy

553
00:39:21,596 --> 00:39:23,452
ok... alright... so thats
where well draw the line

554
00:39:27,774 --> 00:39:29,872
hey... how you holding up?

555
00:39:29,907 --> 00:39:34,102
Oh im alright, im just getting
used to things thats all.

556
00:39:34,137 --> 00:39:35,703
It's going to be alright.

557
00:39:35,738 --> 00:39:38,752
I actually went through something
like this with my last boyfriend

558
00:39:38,787 --> 00:39:40,497
- really?
- Yeah

559
00:39:40,532 --> 00:39:44,837
we were together for 8 months
and I really loved him

560
00:39:44,872 --> 00:39:49,485
and then he got deported back to Iran,
so I know what your going through

561
00:39:49,519 --> 00:39:54,608
oh yeah. So I guess we both
lost our furry little guy

562
00:39:54,643 --> 00:39:56,329
we sure did

563
00:40:01,095 --> 00:40:04,731
hey ted. Hey Johnny what are you doing?
Wanna come over and catch a buzz?

564
00:40:04,766 --> 00:40:06,916
Well I could probably
stop by after work

565
00:40:06,951 --> 00:40:09,588
fuck that, I traded off yesterday
so I got the other shift

566
00:40:09,623 --> 00:40:12,249
come on, im bored as crap over here.
Just swing by for a bit...

567
00:40:12,284 --> 00:40:14,147
I cant just ditch work man

568
00:40:14,184 --> 00:40:16,759
im trying to get my shit together and be
an adult here you know, for Lori's sake

569
00:40:16,794 --> 00:40:18,886
Johnny, 5 minuites and ill
kick you out, I promise

570
00:40:18,921 --> 00:40:23,450
just come over. I got
the cheers dvd boxset

571
00:40:23,485 --> 00:40:24,928
and the guy down at the
store told me everybody

572
00:40:24,941 --> 00:40:26,394
talks shit about each
other in the inteviews

573
00:40:26,429 --> 00:40:28,792
youll kick me out in 5?

574
00:40:28,827 --> 00:40:30,136
I will kick you out in 5

575
00:40:30,171 --> 00:40:32,406
John, ill have to kick you out.
I have so much

576
00:40:32,419 --> 00:40:34,665
teddybear paperwork to
get through it is sick

577
00:40:34,700 --> 00:40:36,311
what do I tell Thomas?

578
00:40:36,346 --> 00:40:37,790
Just tell him you
don't feel well

579
00:40:37,791 --> 00:40:40,400
I got to cut out for a
bit, Lori tried to break

580
00:40:40,413 --> 00:40:43,033
up a dog fight and guess
she got hurt pretty bad

581
00:40:43,069 --> 00:40:44,190
oh my god

582
00:40:44,225 --> 00:40:47,721
yeah thats the way she is. She sees
trouble and she tries to help out

583
00:40:47,722 --> 00:40:49,826
and I guess one of these
dogs clamped its jaws on her

584
00:40:49,839 --> 00:40:51,953
forearm, and wouldnt let go
untill a fireman showed up

585
00:40:51,988 --> 00:40:53,631
and had to stick a
finger in its ass

586
00:40:54,857 --> 00:40:57,420
oh jesus. Yeah shes
pretty shook up

587
00:40:57,455 --> 00:40:59,568
up the dogs ass right...

588
00:40:59,603 --> 00:41:01,538
yeah the dogs not
the firemans ass

589
00:41:01,573 --> 00:41:03,404
I thought the fireman stuck
his finger up his own ass

590
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,646
I don't think a firefighter
would do that, I mean...

591
00:41:05,681 --> 00:41:07,836
well go go, take care of it, let
me know how she is. Thank you. -Go

592
00:41:12,086 --> 00:41:15,387
woody harrelson... smallest
dick ive ever seen on a man

593
00:41:17,732 --> 00:41:19,536
see, thats why I watch these things.
Its like a

594
00:41:19,549 --> 00:41:21,363
cool behind the scenes thing
that you wouldnt know

595
00:41:22,028 --> 00:41:24,268
oh hey, listen, try this.

596
00:41:24,303 --> 00:41:27,108
I told my weed guy to step
it up, and he gave me that

597
00:41:27,143 --> 00:41:28,217
what is it?

598
00:41:28,218 --> 00:41:31,108
Its called mind rape, its
actually pretty mellow

599
00:41:31,109 --> 00:41:32,318
it doesn't sound very mellow

600
00:41:32,353 --> 00:41:34,316
well he only had 3 other batches

601
00:41:34,351 --> 00:41:37,445
uh, gorilla panic... uh,
there coming there coming

602
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:39,646
and something called
this is permanent

603
00:41:39,681 --> 00:41:41,013
come on, spark it up

604
00:41:47,310 --> 00:41:49,032
there you go, you got it

605
00:41:50,139 --> 00:41:55,556
ahahaha, nice good huh?
Good job - yeah

606
00:41:56,022 --> 00:41:58,865
take pride in that. You know,
this place looks great

607
00:41:58,900 --> 00:42:02,858
aww thanks man, its all Ikea,
did the whole place for $47

608
00:42:02,893 --> 00:42:05,626
nice... - yeah how
are the neighbours?

609
00:42:06,470 --> 00:42:08,410
Ah, you know, theres an asian
family living next door,

610
00:42:08,423 --> 00:42:10,373
but they don't have a gong or
nothing so its not too bad

611
00:42:10,408 --> 00:42:11,971
thats lucky - yeah it is

612
00:42:12,006 --> 00:42:14,024
- hows work?
- Sucks

613
00:42:14,059 --> 00:42:17,587
you? You know, not bad actually

614
00:42:17,622 --> 00:42:19,277
I met a girl, shes a cashier

615
00:42:19,312 --> 00:42:20,740
no way, thats awesome - yeah

616
00:42:20,775 --> 00:42:23,953
we should fucking double date, you
me and Lori and... whats her name?

617
00:42:23,988 --> 00:42:25,909
White trash name, guess...

618
00:42:25,944 --> 00:42:27,314
- mandy?
- No...

619
00:42:28,227 --> 00:42:31,297
- marilyn?
- No... - brittany? - No...

620
00:42:31,332 --> 00:42:33,407
- tiff any?
- No... - candice? - No...

621
00:42:33,442 --> 00:42:35,262
don't fuck me on this,
I know this shit

622
00:42:35,297 --> 00:42:36,731
do you see me fucking with you?

623
00:42:36,766 --> 00:42:38,407
Alright speed round.im gonna
rattle off some names, and

624
00:42:38,420 --> 00:42:40,072
when I hit it, fucking buzz
it ok?- I will tell you

625
00:42:40,107 --> 00:42:41,241
you got me? Alright

626
00:42:41,246 --> 00:42:43,565
brandy, heather, shanine, briana,
amber, sabrina, melody, dekota

627
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,730
ciara, bamby, crystal, samantha, autumn
ruby, taylor, tara, tammy, lauren,

628
00:42:46,765 --> 00:42:50,216
shelly, shantelle, courtney, misty, jenny,
krista, mindy, nowel, shelby, trina,

629
00:42:50,251 --> 00:42:52,575
casandra, nicky, kelsey, shauna,
joleen ilene, claudine,

630
00:42:52,588 --> 00:42:54,922
savanha, casey, dolly kendra,
kyley, chloe, demelu

631
00:42:54,957 --> 00:42:56,281
- fucking becky?
- No.

632
00:42:56,316 --> 00:42:59,639
Was it any one of those
names with a lynn after it?

633
00:42:59,674 --> 00:43:00,684
Yes.

634
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:03,175
Ohh, I got you motherfuker.
I got you.

635
00:43:03,210 --> 00:43:05,673
- Okay, brandy-lynn, heather-lynn.
- Tammy-lynn.

636
00:43:05,708 --> 00:43:06,776
Fuck!

637
00:43:08,770 --> 00:43:10,724
What the hell.

638
00:43:10,759 --> 00:43:12,790
Hey man, you think you can
open more than 1 register?

639
00:43:12,803 --> 00:43:14,845
Theres like a 1,000 people here

640
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:18,622
theres supposed to be
3 open for gods sakes

641
00:43:32,283 --> 00:43:34,160
stick your finger in
the loop of my tag

642
00:43:35,536 --> 00:43:41,119
you had sexual intercourse ontop of the
produce that we sell to the public

643
00:43:41,154 --> 00:43:43,515
I fucked her with a
parsnip last week...

644
00:43:43,550 --> 00:43:46,902
and I sold the parsnip to a
family with 4 small children

645
00:43:46,937 --> 00:43:49,534
that took guts

646
00:43:49,569 --> 00:43:52,932
we need guts. Im promoting you

647
00:43:52,967 --> 00:43:55,452
you got a lot of
problems don't you?

648
00:44:09,611 --> 00:44:10,939
Alright karim

649
00:44:12,059 --> 00:44:13,078
you suck karim

650
00:44:20,646 --> 00:44:21,662
hello...

651
00:44:29,862 --> 00:44:31,374
hey ted

652
00:44:32,597 --> 00:44:35,242
oh, hey there fella
how are you?

653
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:38,106
Are you out here all alone?

654
00:44:38,141 --> 00:44:40,764
Uhh, no, no im not

655
00:44:40,799 --> 00:44:43,841
you know, your never alone
when your with christ, so...

656
00:44:43,876 --> 00:44:47,004
no im not alone yeah

657
00:44:48,091 --> 00:44:49,256
yeah me too

658
00:44:52,517 --> 00:44:55,284
you know Robert and I could
give you a very good home

659
00:44:55,319 --> 00:44:59,895
you know, im pretty happy where I am
I just got a shitty new apartment

660
00:44:59,931 --> 00:45:01,829
I could offer you $6,000
in rail road bonds

661
00:45:01,864 --> 00:45:06,575
well you know, since I just returned
from active duty in the civil war

662
00:45:06,611 --> 00:45:08,527
that actually sounds
very appealing

663
00:45:08,563 --> 00:45:12,364
oh wait, sorry that was 150 years
ago and I don't give a shit...

664
00:45:12,399 --> 00:45:14,347
ok

665
00:45:16,523 --> 00:45:19,222
teddy come on, were going to be
late for dinner with your friends

666
00:45:19,257 --> 00:45:21,071
ok, ill be there in a
second baby as you can see,

667
00:45:21,106 --> 00:45:24,634
my dance card is quite full
im going to have to decline

668
00:45:24,669 --> 00:45:26,330
can I just get a hug?

669
00:45:27,378 --> 00:45:29,723
Oh, no... - yeah

670
00:45:29,758 --> 00:45:34,113
and it kills me to have to tell you no.
Because im a people pleaser

671
00:45:34,148 --> 00:45:38,521
but, thank you for creeping up my
night and jesus be with you...-ok

672
00:45:38,557 --> 00:45:39,822
in christ

673
00:45:41,159 --> 00:45:42,717
who was that guy?

674
00:45:42,752 --> 00:45:45,711
Oh, that was sinead o'connor,
she don't look so good no more

675
00:45:50,246 --> 00:45:53,453
how great is this huh? The
4 of us out to dinner

676
00:45:53,488 --> 00:45:55,329
how long have we been
saying we were gonna do...

677
00:45:55,365 --> 00:45:58,242
Lori, how you doing? I havent
talked to you in forever

678
00:45:58,277 --> 00:45:59,747
im good

679
00:45:59,782 --> 00:46:03,145
the companys having there 20th
anniversary party next week, so...

680
00:46:03,180 --> 00:46:04,301
thats something.

681
00:46:04,302 --> 00:46:05,333
Lori's a senior vp at a
pretty huge P.R firm

682
00:46:05,368 --> 00:46:08,596
its not that big of a deal

683
00:46:08,597 --> 00:46:11,316
companys turning 20...so you can
bang it, but you cant get it drunk

684
00:46:12,548 --> 00:46:13,824
right...

685
00:46:13,858 --> 00:46:16,657
yeah she gets it she
enjoys my humour

686
00:46:18,153 --> 00:46:20,858
yeah, I mean Rex is having a house
party, im surprised John didn't tell you

687
00:46:21,115 --> 00:46:25,090
considering you two have seen each other
every single day since you moved out

688
00:46:25,126 --> 00:46:28,823
well you know, its funny cos
whenever Johnny and I hang out

689
00:46:28,858 --> 00:46:32,900
the first item on our agenda is...
whats going on with Lori?

690
00:46:32,935 --> 00:46:36,312
So you know its funny that didn't come up.
It musta have slipped through the cracks

691
00:46:36,347 --> 00:46:37,835
we do, we talk about
you all the time

692
00:46:37,870 --> 00:46:41,651
you remember the other day? I was saying
how great Lori's hair always looks

693
00:46:41,686 --> 00:46:45,469
oh my god it always looks so fucking
great I just want to brush it, you know

694
00:46:45,504 --> 00:46:47,503
right Johnny... i say that

695
00:46:48,852 --> 00:46:54,492
So, tammy-lynn. Why don't you tell
us a little bit about yourself

696
00:46:54,526 --> 00:46:57,899
like where you from? Im always
fascinated to meet teds girlfriends

697
00:46:57,934 --> 00:47:01,273
what do you mean girlfriends? Was there
like a lot of them or something?

698
00:47:01,308 --> 00:47:04,919
No... thats not what she meant at all
right Lori?, Lori you didn't mean that

699
00:47:04,954 --> 00:47:08,366
no, no, what I meant to say was
that teds very handsome, so im

700
00:47:08,379 --> 00:47:11,801
always interested in meeting the
lady that can snatch him up

701
00:47:12,667 --> 00:47:14,983
did you just call me a whore?
What?

702
00:47:15,018 --> 00:47:17,821
You just worry about your own
snatch how bout that honey...

703
00:47:17,856 --> 00:47:19,832
wow, hey... what
the hell happened?

704
00:47:19,868 --> 00:47:21,895
We were having a friendly meal.
This was a nice evening

705
00:47:21,930 --> 00:47:23,567
don't talk shit to me

706
00:47:23,602 --> 00:47:24,946
I just asked you a question

707
00:47:24,981 --> 00:47:27,079
you know, your a frickin
snob you think your

708
00:47:27,092 --> 00:47:29,201
all cool cos you work at
some fancy shit place

709
00:47:29,236 --> 00:47:31,486
whatever.-ok take it easy.
Nice Lori, real nice

710
00:47:31,522 --> 00:47:33,883
me... its not my fault
she cant speak english

711
00:47:33,918 --> 00:47:36,335
oh fuck you. Just cos your in
the business world and shit,

712
00:47:36,348 --> 00:47:38,776
you think everyone should suck
your asshole or something?

713
00:47:38,811 --> 00:47:40,895
Ok, alright. Tammy, come on
honey, lets get out of here. Well

714
00:47:40,908 --> 00:47:43,002
go back to my place for a couple
of vodka and strawberry quicks

715
00:47:43,037 --> 00:47:46,810
you know what bitch, I gave birth
once, I can kick your fucking ass

716
00:47:46,846 --> 00:47:49,947
and you better not show your face
around quincy, you hear me? Ever

717
00:47:49,982 --> 00:47:52,428
I didn't know you had
a baby, is it alive?

718
00:47:54,415 --> 00:47:57,903
What a cunt... I hate
that word - what?

719
00:47:57,938 --> 00:48:01,397
That word, its like an electric saw
slashing everything in its path

720
00:48:01,432 --> 00:48:02,469
why would you say that?

721
00:48:02,505 --> 00:48:04,602
You dint exactly
stand up for me...

722
00:48:04,637 --> 00:48:07,729
im trying to walk a line here. I want
to be fair to you and to him, you know

723
00:48:07,765 --> 00:48:09,724
well I think your being a
little more fair to him

724
00:48:09,759 --> 00:48:11,081
oh, come on...

725
00:48:11,116 --> 00:48:14,970
you know your boss called this
morning asking how my arm was

726
00:48:16,059 --> 00:48:20,224
huh...-yeah because of the dog
fight that I tried to break up

727
00:48:21,437 --> 00:48:26,313
if I had to guess, id say you made up
some bullshit excuse to get out of work

728
00:48:26,348 --> 00:48:30,159
to go to teds. Now...
am I right?

729
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:32,987
I made you out to be a hero

730
00:48:33,022 --> 00:48:35,667
you know what John, we asked ted to move
out, to give ourselves a chance without it

731
00:48:35,701 --> 00:48:37,900
your not giving anything
a chance if your blowing

732
00:48:37,913 --> 00:48:40,123
off work to get high
with your teddybear

733
00:48:41,265 --> 00:48:45,599
your right. Ive been getting
stoned too much I know that

734
00:48:45,633 --> 00:48:48,471
ive been bumming around with
ted too much, I know that too

735
00:48:49,754 --> 00:48:52,303
you give me one more chance,
I promise I can fix it

736
00:48:52,338 --> 00:48:56,690
John, I need a man. Not a
little boy with a teddybear

737
00:48:56,725 --> 00:48:59,497
I know, done, man

738
00:48:59,531 --> 00:49:02,723
right here in front of you, look at these pecks...
these are man pecks

739
00:49:02,758 --> 00:49:05,034
look at the hair on my upper lip...
thats man hair

740
00:49:06,210 --> 00:49:08,452
I just farted, that
was a man fart

741
00:49:15,218 --> 00:49:16,758
fine...

742
00:49:16,793 --> 00:49:20,360
fine John, but this is, I
swear to god your last chance

743
00:49:20,395 --> 00:49:23,550
trust me, I love you
alright, I love you

744
00:49:23,585 --> 00:49:25,531
I love you so much. You
wont be sorry I swear

745
00:49:26,692 --> 00:49:28,474
did you really just fart?

746
00:49:28,509 --> 00:49:30,324
Yeah... but I pushed it
that way with my hand

747
00:49:31,341 --> 00:49:32,728
I wonder who its
going to hit first

748
00:49:32,763 --> 00:49:35,170
"so if I told them once, I told them a
million times, these numbers do not add up"

749
00:49:37,314 --> 00:49:39,354
who did this to us?

750
00:49:40,130 --> 00:49:42,931
God damn it, I'm
here on business.

751
00:49:47,684 --> 00:49:48,960
Alright, here we go.

752
00:49:52,715 --> 00:49:55,529
Im really glad that you came.
Me too yeah?

753
00:49:55,564 --> 00:49:57,446
Is it ok if I kick your boss's ass?
I mean that

754
00:49:57,458 --> 00:49:59,350
wont effect your workplace
chemistry will it?

755
00:49:59,384 --> 00:50:02,520
Please play nice for you I will

756
00:50:02,555 --> 00:50:04,206
thank you - anything

757
00:50:06,846 --> 00:50:09,213
there she is... i was
worried you weren't coming

758
00:50:09,247 --> 00:50:11,856
hey there squirt, how you doing?
Wheres your bunny rabbit?

759
00:50:11,892 --> 00:50:14,547
- He's a bear.
- Got it.

760
00:50:14,548 --> 00:50:17,213
Oh my god, this house
is fucking huge...

761
00:50:17,249 --> 00:50:19,609
I know, try not to get lost.
Come on in

762
00:50:31,804 --> 00:50:34,666
wow, here are the ladies.
Look at you guys

763
00:50:34,701 --> 00:50:36,477
you guys look amazing

764
00:50:36,478 --> 00:50:38,231
little heavy on the eye
make up, but pretty good

765
00:50:38,266 --> 00:50:41,722
you guys know Lori and Jim right?
...John

766
00:50:41,757 --> 00:50:43,192
hi

767
00:50:43,228 --> 00:50:47,443
listen, why don't John and I
go get a drink at the bar

768
00:50:48,242 --> 00:50:50,682
uh... sure. Great,
well be right back

769
00:50:50,718 --> 00:50:51,784
come on buddy

770
00:50:52,854 --> 00:50:54,659
thats an old sweater huh

771
00:50:56,500 --> 00:50:58,537
this is Wade Boggs
autographed bat

772
00:50:58,573 --> 00:51:00,998
I just barely outbid phil
donoghue for that at auction

773
00:51:01,034 --> 00:51:03,477
wow cool yeah... cool

774
00:51:03,512 --> 00:51:06,927
these boxing gloves worn by
Joe Lewis in his first fight

775
00:51:07,804 --> 00:51:10,360
this is art, get it?

776
00:51:13,059 --> 00:51:15,953
These were John Lennon's glasses
there worth like a million dollars

777
00:51:15,987 --> 00:51:18,899
thats me and Tom Scarritt

778
00:51:18,935 --> 00:51:20,693
ohh... check this out

779
00:51:22,456 --> 00:51:24,140
thats Lance Armstrong's nut

780
00:51:24,175 --> 00:51:26,401
I had it freeze
dried and bronzed

781
00:51:26,435 --> 00:51:29,966
every now and then, when my
lifes getting me down and

782
00:51:29,979 --> 00:51:33,520
things are tough. I just come
up here, and I look at it

783
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:39,240
and it reminds me that...
things arent so bad

784
00:51:40,684 --> 00:51:42,207
sometimes you feel like a nut

785
00:51:43,276 --> 00:51:44,837
sometimes you don't

786
00:51:46,553 --> 00:51:50,188
so, talk to me Johnny quest, how
are things with you and Lori

787
00:51:50,224 --> 00:51:52,074
you know, things
are great actually

788
00:51:52,108 --> 00:51:53,353
oh thats great that ...is...
great

789
00:51:55,964 --> 00:52:00,908
Lori would hate me for saying this, but
she told me how you are at the office

790
00:52:00,943 --> 00:52:03,571
and as one gentleman to
another, I justwant to say,

791
00:52:03,584 --> 00:52:06,223
I really fucking hope you
get lou gehrig's disease

792
00:52:06,258 --> 00:52:11,041
wow... i think we need to
clear the air here a little

793
00:52:11,077 --> 00:52:14,410
I mean yeah, im kind of a
fun time boss and what not

794
00:52:14,446 --> 00:52:17,087
but look man, I do that with
everybody at the office

795
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:18,238
im a cook

796
00:52:18,275 --> 00:52:22,962
I have no designs on your girlfriend
we work together and thats it

797
00:52:22,997 --> 00:52:26,469
I think you're a great guy.
And shes a very lucky girl

798
00:52:28,513 --> 00:52:31,111
well thats good to hear yeah

799
00:52:33,382 --> 00:52:36,015
excuse me hey ted

800
00:52:36,050 --> 00:52:37,273
Johnny, were are you you
gotta get over here man.

801
00:52:37,285 --> 00:52:38,518
Why whats going on?

802
00:52:38,555 --> 00:52:39,382
Ok, so

803
00:52:39,418 --> 00:52:42,046
im having a little impromptu thing
with some people at my apartment

804
00:52:42,082 --> 00:52:45,800
and John... Sam
Jones is here what!

805
00:52:45,835 --> 00:52:48,714
Sam jones... Flash fucking
Gordon ...is here

806
00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:50,187
holy shit, what

807
00:52:50,223 --> 00:52:52,921
you remember I said my buddys
cousin is friends with sam jones?

808
00:52:52,955 --> 00:52:56,306
Well my buddys cousin is in town,
and who do you think is with him...

809
00:52:56,341 --> 00:53:01,022
Sam Jones... sam jones is here and John,
his hair is parted down the middle.

810
00:53:01,057 --> 00:53:02,951
Just like in the movie.

811
00:53:02,987 --> 00:53:05,486
Yes! Get over here right now.

812
00:53:05,521 --> 00:53:09,418
Fuck I cant, im with Lori
and im already on probation

813
00:53:09,453 --> 00:53:12,120
I just... i cant

814
00:53:12,155 --> 00:53:15,395
John, Flash Gordon was the most
important influence of our

815
00:53:15,408 --> 00:53:18,658
informative years.he taught us
right from wrong, good from evil

816
00:53:18,693 --> 00:53:22,129
and the word acting apparently has
an extremly broad definition.

817
00:53:22,165 --> 00:53:26,749
Flash Gordon is the symbol of our friendship John.
Come share this with me

818
00:53:28,236 --> 00:53:29,733
I'm coming.

819
00:53:30,866 --> 00:53:34,796
Rex, I gotta go. I'll be back
in like 30 minutes tops ok

820
00:53:34,831 --> 00:53:38,628
Lori can not find out. She
absolutely can not know I was gone

821
00:53:38,662 --> 00:53:41,811
if you can cover for me, im
cool with all that other shit

822
00:53:41,847 --> 00:53:44,257
I got your back on this she
wont know ive been there

823
00:53:44,292 --> 00:53:48,088
alright, this is one man to another I
don't really know you, but im trusting

824
00:53:48,092 --> 00:53:49,634
you as a man. This is serious.

825
00:53:49,670 --> 00:53:53,920
Dude, one man to another,
I got you on this.

826
00:53:53,956 --> 00:53:55,460
Thank you, I'll be back.

827
00:53:56,776 --> 00:53:59,237
I'm going to have sex
with your girlfriend.

828
00:54:40,771 --> 00:54:42,633
Oh Johnny thank
christ, you made it

829
00:54:42,669 --> 00:54:44,199
dude, I got 10 minutes.
Where's Flash Gordon?

830
00:54:44,234 --> 00:54:45,484
Ok get ready

831
00:54:45,519 --> 00:54:47,814
hey sam, this is the guy
I was telling you about

832
00:55:48,830 --> 00:55:50,463
how you doing? Good to meet you

833
00:55:51,665 --> 00:55:54,044
I thank you for
saving everyone of us

834
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,965
your welcome ahh,
he acknowledged it

835
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,682
lets do some shits - with you?

836
00:55:58,717 --> 00:56:01,287
Oh my god... oh my god yes.
Yes totally

837
00:56:01,322 --> 00:56:02,515
lets go

838
00:56:05,509 --> 00:56:06,906
thanks.

839
00:56:06,942 --> 00:56:09,322
- There you go my friend.
- Thank you.

840
00:56:09,356 --> 00:56:11,387
"Death to Ming"

841
00:56:15,481 --> 00:56:18,444
you know, you guys seem pretty
cool you like to party?

842
00:56:20,773 --> 00:56:22,936
Uhh... cocaine right?

843
00:56:22,972 --> 00:56:25,862
Come on dudes, don't tell
me you never done it before

844
00:56:25,896 --> 00:56:29,993
well uh, not recently no.-i thought
that was just for people in florida

845
00:56:30,027 --> 00:56:32,083
you better follow me, come on

846
00:56:32,119 --> 00:56:34,257
Johnny im frightened

847
00:56:42,328 --> 00:56:45,620
We are gonna party like the 80's.

848
00:56:45,655 --> 00:56:47,486
show us how Flash

849
00:56:47,523 --> 00:56:51,258
its easy, we just gotta nail a
lot of girls named stephanie.

850
00:56:51,294 --> 00:56:54,692
Oh, my god Johnny I got so much energy.
We better start doing stupid shit.

851
00:57:03,540 --> 00:57:05,204
Look Johnny, if were ever
going to get serious about

852
00:57:05,217 --> 00:57:06,889
opening a restaurant, we
gotta start planning it now.

853
00:57:06,925 --> 00:57:08,465
- Italian...
- Italian yes

854
00:57:08,501 --> 00:57:10,330
whats the specials on tuesdays?
Eggplant parm

855
00:57:10,366 --> 00:57:12,741
chopped salad, half price. And
its a non restrictive place

856
00:57:12,776 --> 00:57:14,837
wait, what do you mean?
Anybody can come.

857
00:57:14,873 --> 00:57:16,273
- Of course.
- Jews are welcome.

858
00:57:16,309 --> 00:57:18,465
Yeah, why wouldnt they be?
Exactly, thats what im saying

859
00:57:18,501 --> 00:57:20,988
why would you even bring that up? You
don't bring that up, you let them in

860
00:57:21,023 --> 00:57:22,501
so why mention it? No one will

861
00:57:22,536 --> 00:57:25,501
why are we talking about it? Your talking
about it, im just saying let them in

862
00:57:25,537 --> 00:57:27,303
yeah exactly, right, good, ok.

863
00:57:27,338 --> 00:57:28,423
No mexicans though.

864
00:57:31,798 --> 00:57:33,620
This is how everyone
sang in the 90's

865
00:57:45,070 --> 00:57:47,156
trust me, I can do this.
Shut up

866
00:57:47,191 --> 00:57:49,195
let him try man - alright, ok

867
00:58:04,267 --> 00:58:05,609
son of a bitch

868
00:58:05,644 --> 00:58:07,946
well you never should have
trusted me, im on drugs

869
00:58:17,037 --> 00:58:20,859
hey Johnny. I just had a great idea lets
go get drunk at cars on the overpass

870
00:58:20,893 --> 00:58:24,691
oh come on, I do not sound
that much like peter griffin.

871
00:58:25,985 --> 00:58:29,516
You can do any 90's
song with just vowels.

872
00:59:14,282 --> 00:59:18,377
You breaker my wall,
dis my home long time.

873
00:59:19,025 --> 00:59:20,490
We're sorry. It was
an accident, okay?

874
00:59:20,491 --> 00:59:23,033
I try to make duck dinner,
now plaster everywhere.

875
00:59:23,034 --> 00:59:24,563
Chill out, okay? Look, can
we just talk about this?

876
00:59:24,576 --> 00:59:26,115
What's your name? I'm John.

877
00:59:26,150 --> 00:59:27,788
My name a Wan Ming.

878
00:59:27,823 --> 00:59:28,701
Ming?

879
00:59:28,702 --> 00:59:33,771
You blame each other for war,
this bullshit, this all bullshit.

880
00:59:33,806 --> 00:59:35,862
"Death to Ming"

881
01:00:03,845 --> 01:00:04,739
let him go

882
01:00:09,456 --> 01:00:11,139
you crazy, you crazy man.

883
01:00:12,003 --> 01:00:13,868
Come on james franco.

884
01:00:16,630 --> 01:00:20,294
You pay for wall. Move sucker!

885
01:00:51,556 --> 01:00:52,663
Hey.

886
01:00:52,698 --> 01:00:54,071
Hey, guy.

887
01:00:54,107 --> 01:00:55,341
Whats going on?

888
01:00:56,387 --> 01:00:59,354
This is Gerrard, hes the
guy who beat me up.

889
01:00:59,390 --> 01:01:01,540
- And ahh... we're in love.
- Huh?

890
01:01:02,730 --> 01:01:05,535
Turns out im gay, or
whatever I don't know

891
01:01:05,570 --> 01:01:07,755
I had no idea

892
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:11,784
hey Gerrard, lets go grab
another one of these

893
01:01:15,970 --> 01:01:18,116
how we doing ace?
You coming down?

894
01:01:18,152 --> 01:01:20,617
Yeah, I don't feel so good

895
01:01:20,652 --> 01:01:23,381
oh give it a couple of hours,
youll be golden pony boy

896
01:01:23,417 --> 01:01:25,175
you want a xanax?

897
01:01:26,770 --> 01:01:28,700
Oh shit, oh my god - what?

898
01:01:28,735 --> 01:01:31,045
I gotta go

899
01:01:38,574 --> 01:01:40,867
Lori, I...

900
01:01:42,328 --> 01:01:43,331
Lori

901
01:01:45,624 --> 01:01:47,804
Lori, wait please

902
01:01:48,910 --> 01:01:52,751
im sorry, I messed up.
- I need you out of the apartment tonight

903
01:01:52,786 --> 01:01:54,611
can I just... Give
me the car keys

904
01:01:54,647 --> 01:01:56,352
can I please just explain... No

905
01:01:56,387 --> 01:02:00,471
I was...-i have givin up a
huge chunk of my life for you

906
01:02:00,506 --> 01:02:02,963
I was gonna stop in for like 5
minutes, then Flash Gordon...

907
01:02:02,997 --> 01:02:04,292
just give me the car keys

908
01:02:15,796 --> 01:02:19,447
Lori Lori please, I
love you, come on

909
01:02:32,642 --> 01:02:34,028
hey johnny, there you are

910
01:02:34,062 --> 01:02:35,537
I had to get some air

911
01:02:35,571 --> 01:02:39,804
that guy from your office is on the couch,
making out with that Van Wilder looking guy

912
01:02:39,838 --> 01:02:41,536
you know what, fuck you, I
don't even want to talk to you

913
01:02:41,570 --> 01:02:45,045
what... Do you know
what just happened?

914
01:02:45,081 --> 01:02:48,117
Do you have any clue? My
fucking life just ended

915
01:02:48,151 --> 01:02:51,391
oh come on, shell go home,
shell watch Bridget Jones

916
01:02:51,404 --> 01:02:54,655
some asshole, shell have a
good cry.she'll be fine.

917
01:02:54,657 --> 01:02:55,797
Youll talk to her
tomorrow come on upstairs

918
01:02:55,832 --> 01:02:58,795
are you even listening to me? Do you
even give any thread of a shit?

919
01:02:58,832 --> 01:03:03,353
Of course I do... Johnny, thunder
buddys for life, remember

920
01:03:03,387 --> 01:03:09,000
jesus, Lori was right.i shoulda stopped
hanging out with you along time ago

921
01:03:09,034 --> 01:03:11,256
im never going to have a
life with you around.

922
01:03:11,269 --> 01:03:13,502
Im 35 years old and
im going nowhere.

923
01:03:13,537 --> 01:03:16,422
All I do is smoke pot and watch
movies with a teddy fucking bear.

924
01:03:16,457 --> 01:03:19,843
Because of that, I just
lost the love of my life

925
01:03:19,879 --> 01:03:23,645
Johnny... i... im sorry

926
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:26,081
I gotta be on my own ted.
I cant see you anymore

927
01:03:27,328 --> 01:03:30,314
John, wait, listen.

928
01:03:31,313 --> 01:03:32,253
"I love you"

929
01:04:32,386 --> 01:04:37,452
so, word through the grapevine
is that your newly solo

930
01:04:37,453 --> 01:04:39,383
Rex, I have a lot of
work I need to get to

931
01:04:39,418 --> 01:04:42,749
I have tickets to norah
jones at the hatshell

932
01:04:42,762 --> 01:04:46,102
tonight, and I would love
it if you'd go with me

933
01:04:46,137 --> 01:04:48,913
You're asking me out a week after
I broke up with somebody?

934
01:04:48,949 --> 01:04:53,160
look, im going to cut
the shit here please

935
01:04:53,196 --> 01:04:58,241
this is the first time you've been single
in all the years you've worked here

936
01:04:58,275 --> 01:05:00,957
just... go out with me one time?

937
01:05:00,993 --> 01:05:04,408
And if your miserable,
and you hate it. Then I

938
01:05:04,421 --> 01:05:07,848
promise, I will never
hint at the subject again

939
01:05:07,882 --> 01:05:11,940
please Rex, I don't
think its smart

940
01:05:11,975 --> 01:05:14,699
im an asshole, I know that. It
worked for me in highschool.

941
01:05:14,712 --> 01:05:17,447
And its been a reflex ever since

942
01:05:17,481 --> 01:05:23,381
Lori, the worst that can happen is you
go on a fun casual date, with a guy

943
01:05:23,416 --> 01:05:27,493
who just wants to prove that he can
be something more than a jerk.

944
01:05:27,528 --> 01:05:32,618
Plus you are a huge catch, and its about
time someone treated you that way

945
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:37,380
fuck it, fine

946
01:05:37,415 --> 01:05:39,854
sure beats crying myself
to sleep every night

947
01:05:39,890 --> 01:05:42,682
and if that means getting you off
my back, well thats just a bonus

948
01:05:42,718 --> 01:05:44,269
I'll pick you up at 8.

949
01:05:51,501 --> 01:05:54,112
Hey Johnny, it's me.

950
01:05:54,146 --> 01:05:56,008
Go away

951
01:05:56,043 --> 01:05:59,281
Johnny open the door
please, I want to talk

952
01:06:08,539 --> 01:06:11,007
jesus christ, what the fuck man

953
01:06:11,042 --> 01:06:13,600
sorry, look Johnny, I
know your pissed alright

954
01:06:13,634 --> 01:06:15,377
but just listen to
me for 5 seconds

955
01:06:15,412 --> 01:06:17,907
I saw Lori leaving the
apartment with Rex

956
01:06:17,941 --> 01:06:18,863
what?

957
01:06:18,898 --> 01:06:21,908
Im serious John. I went over to talk to
her, maybe take some of the heat off you

958
01:06:21,943 --> 01:06:23,562
and there he was, picking her up

959
01:06:23,594 --> 01:06:24,986
they were going to the hatshell

960
01:06:25,021 --> 01:06:27,485
your fucking unbelievable
you know that

961
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:28,860
I mean how stupid
do you think I am?

962
01:06:28,861 --> 01:06:31,042
If you think that by making
shit up like that your going

963
01:06:31,055 --> 01:06:33,245
to make me choose some kind
of loyalty to you over her

964
01:06:33,246 --> 01:06:35,337
your out your fucking mind. John
its the truth im telling you

965
01:06:35,373 --> 01:06:37,328
you know what, get out of here

966
01:06:38,803 --> 01:06:40,296
you know what, your acting
like a cock you know that?

967
01:06:40,331 --> 01:06:43,265
What? Im acting like a cock?

968
01:06:43,299 --> 01:06:45,777
Yes, you are. So shut your meat
hole for a second and listen to me

969
01:06:45,778 --> 01:06:49,079
huh?...meat hole, thats
not right is it... no

970
01:06:49,114 --> 01:06:52,296
pudding hole... is that what
they say, no cant be that either

971
01:06:52,309 --> 01:06:55,502
right.cos how can you have any
pudding, if you don't eat your meat

972
01:06:56,800 --> 01:06:59,340
pink floyd thing... the
point is, your blaming

973
01:06:59,353 --> 01:07:01,904
me, for something that
you did to yourself

974
01:07:01,939 --> 01:07:04,659
Lori was right about you.
You cannot take any

975
01:07:04,672 --> 01:07:07,401
responsibility for anything
that goes on in your life

976
01:07:07,435 --> 01:07:08,779
oh and you can?

977
01:07:08,814 --> 01:07:11,033
I don't have to, im
a fucking teddybear

978
01:07:11,069 --> 01:07:14,708
you know something... i didn't tie
you up and drag you to that party

979
01:07:14,742 --> 01:07:17,881
alright, I wanted you to come because
your supposedly my best friend

980
01:07:17,915 --> 01:07:19,407
you cant stand there
and tell me you havent

981
01:07:19,421 --> 01:07:20,922
always seen Lori as a
threat to our friendship

982
01:07:20,957 --> 01:07:22,987
I mean it works out so much
better for you when were

983
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:25,041
getting fucked up on the
couch at 9A.M doesn't it?

984
01:07:25,076 --> 01:07:28,966
Listen to yourself, what am I, emperor
ming here controlling your mind

985
01:07:29,002 --> 01:07:31,681
That's your choice John.
And you know by blaming

986
01:07:31,694 --> 01:07:34,383
me, you just make yourself
look like a pussy

987
01:07:35,356 --> 01:07:40,114
you know, sometimes I think back to that
christmas morning, when I was 8 years old

988
01:07:40,148 --> 01:07:42,012
I wish id just gotten
a teddy ruxpin

989
01:07:43,025 --> 01:07:44,903
Say that one more time.

990
01:07:44,904 --> 01:07:48,306
teddy... rux... fucking... pin

991
01:08:14,052 --> 01:08:18,382
shit, ou fuck man

992
01:09:05,766 --> 01:09:06,960
fucking stop

993
01:09:18,912 --> 01:09:20,645
why you crying?

994
01:09:20,679 --> 01:09:24,103
My dick is squished by the t.v

995
01:09:33,863 --> 01:09:37,465
im so sorry Johnny so am I man

996
01:09:38,442 --> 01:09:41,363
I love you I love you too

997
01:09:42,419 --> 01:09:43,749
Listen.

998
01:09:43,784 --> 01:09:47,138
you gotta let me help you make
things right with you and Lori

999
01:09:47,174 --> 01:09:49,583
theres no putting things
right, she fucking hates me

1000
01:09:49,618 --> 01:09:54,331
look, john, we can get her back

1001
01:09:54,364 --> 01:10:00,142
you remember when you were 10? And you
hit that squirrel with your bb gun

1002
01:10:00,176 --> 01:10:04,228
and then when we seen it fall from the
tree we both started crying, you remember?

1003
01:10:04,263 --> 01:10:07,845
And we ran up to it, and
we tried to give it CPR

1004
01:10:07,879 --> 01:10:09,849
and it came back to life.

1005
01:10:09,885 --> 01:10:12,801
John, we could do that again

1006
01:10:12,802 --> 01:10:16,674
ted, we blew out its rib cage and crushed
its lungs trying to give it CPR.

1007
01:10:16,707 --> 01:10:18,054
It died.

1008
01:10:19,127 --> 01:10:21,451
Come on, were going
to the hatshell.

1009
01:11:12,466 --> 01:11:15,292
Thanks. We're gonna take a short
break, but well be back in a few.

1010
01:11:23,727 --> 01:11:25,934
Hey, play chopsticks
you jazzy slut.

1011
01:11:25,968 --> 01:11:27,016
Teddy!

1012
01:11:27,280 --> 01:11:28,259
How are you?

1013
01:11:28,565 --> 01:11:30,243
How you doing you
fuzzy little asshole?

1014
01:11:30,279 --> 01:11:32,671
Oh you know, I'm not a hot
half muslim chick whos

1015
01:11:32,684 --> 01:11:35,088
sold 37 million records,
but im hanging in there.

1016
01:11:35,122 --> 01:11:37,232
Half indian, but thanks

1017
01:11:37,268 --> 01:11:38,567
yeah whatever, thanks for 9-11.
hey listen, I

1018
01:11:38,580 --> 01:11:39,893
want you to meet a good
pal of mine alright

1019
01:11:39,928 --> 01:11:42,266
John Bennett... norah jones

1020
01:11:43,404 --> 01:11:46,255
hi - hey there... sweaty

1021
01:11:46,290 --> 01:11:49,199
you ready to bring
down the house?

1022
01:11:49,233 --> 01:11:52,663
Yes ma'am. Thank you for the
opportunity miss... ma'am... jones.

1023
01:11:53,735 --> 01:11:54,723
Thank you.

1024
01:11:54,758 --> 01:11:56,031
Jesus, you look fantastic

1025
01:11:56,032 --> 01:11:58,630
well, your probably not used
to seeing me fully clothed

1026
01:11:59,392 --> 01:12:04,362
I know right. Me and norah met in 2002
at a party at belinda carlisle's house

1027
01:12:04,398 --> 01:12:06,853
and we had awkward fuzzy
sex in the cloak room

1028
01:12:06,887 --> 01:12:08,534
actually you wernt so bad
for a guy with no penis

1029
01:12:08,570 --> 01:12:12,198
yeah. You know, ive written so many
angry letters to hasbro about that

1030
01:12:14,477 --> 01:12:15,669
thank you

1031
01:12:15,704 --> 01:12:19,286
so im going to give my chops a rest,
and bring a friend up to the stage

1032
01:12:19,323 --> 01:12:23,512
hes going to sing a song to a special lady
in the audience who he loves very much

1033
01:12:23,547 --> 01:12:26,870
please give a big
hand, to John Bennett

1034
01:12:29,338 --> 01:12:31,617
oh... my god

1035
01:12:32,307 --> 01:12:34,470
holy shit

1036
01:12:37,055 --> 01:12:39,410
I gotta fuck her again

1037
01:12:40,980 --> 01:12:44,823
umm high, my names John bennett

1038
01:12:44,857 --> 01:12:48,614
and this is for Lori
Collins, cos I love you

1039
01:12:50,468 --> 01:12:53,460
and this song always
reminds me of the most

1040
01:12:53,473 --> 01:12:56,479
important night of my life.
The night we met

1041
01:12:57,239 --> 01:13:00,948
umm, this is the theme song
from the movie octopussy

1042
01:13:18,170 --> 01:13:19,834
still better than Katy Perry

1043
01:13:43,484 --> 01:13:45,392
you suck, get off the stage

1044
01:13:45,425 --> 01:13:46,854
aww come on, give him a chance

1045
01:13:53,056 --> 01:13:54,162
your an asshole

1046
01:14:00,436 --> 01:14:01,315
oh jesus

1047
01:14:02,589 --> 01:14:04,388
someone call an ambulance

1048
01:14:14,264 --> 01:14:15,568
that was insane

1049
01:14:15,603 --> 01:14:18,282
did you see the way the guys body hit the ground?
It was like a rag doll

1050
01:14:19,707 --> 01:14:21,682
id rather just not talk about it

1051
01:14:21,718 --> 01:14:23,416
you want to go get a
drink after this?

1052
01:14:23,417 --> 01:14:25,631
I feel like I could use one
after seeing a guy almost die

1053
01:14:25,664 --> 01:14:28,385
uh nope, I think id rather
just have you take me home

1054
01:14:28,419 --> 01:14:31,093
one drink come on

1055
01:14:31,128 --> 01:14:33,119
no, not really feeling up to it

1056
01:14:33,154 --> 01:14:35,037
alright, I get it

1057
01:14:35,071 --> 01:14:37,676
and you know, I don't blame you

1058
01:14:37,711 --> 01:14:42,949
I mean thing about it, it was actually
unfair of him to embarrass you like that

1059
01:14:44,127 --> 01:14:46,842
just to be clear,
im not embarrassed

1060
01:14:46,878 --> 01:14:50,837
so John and I have our problems,
but at least he tried

1061
01:14:52,025 --> 01:14:55,137
you know what, I don't feel
like talking to you about this

1062
01:14:55,172 --> 01:14:57,067
where you going?

1063
01:14:57,101 --> 01:14:59,591
Taking a cab, im going home

1064
01:15:04,683 --> 01:15:05,711
finally

1065
01:15:16,348 --> 01:15:20,086
down here, not looking up
your towell, swear to god

1066
01:15:20,121 --> 01:15:22,317
not looking up your towell, not
looking at your funny business

1067
01:15:22,353 --> 01:15:24,165
ted, what are you doing here?

1068
01:15:24,198 --> 01:15:26,355
I need to talk to you

1069
01:15:26,390 --> 01:15:29,013
listen if your here to fight
Johns battles for him its not...

1070
01:15:29,048 --> 01:15:32,367
just let me talk first alright, and
then you can say whatever you want

1071
01:15:36,617 --> 01:15:40,305
look, John loves you very much

1072
01:15:40,340 --> 01:15:42,829
more than anything in the world

1073
01:15:42,830 --> 01:15:45,442
and hes falling to fucking
pieces without you

1074
01:15:45,476 --> 01:15:49,421
he knows he screwed up huge.
But you gotta believe me,

1075
01:15:49,455 --> 01:15:54,497
it wasnt all his fault alright. I told
him to bail on you that night at Rex's

1076
01:15:54,532 --> 01:15:57,572
and he said no, he was going
to stay there with you

1077
01:15:57,608 --> 01:15:59,272
and I twisted his arm Lori

1078
01:15:59,307 --> 01:16:02,540
so if you just give
him one more chance

1079
01:16:02,577 --> 01:16:05,502
I promise I will leave,
and ill never come back

1080
01:16:05,538 --> 01:16:07,578
alright... hell be all yours

1081
01:16:08,650 --> 01:16:13,220
ted, thats a really nice offer.
But I don't want you to do that

1082
01:16:13,255 --> 01:16:17,812
this is between John and me, and
I don't think it can be fixed

1083
01:16:17,847 --> 01:16:19,235
yeah because of me

1084
01:16:19,270 --> 01:16:22,368
look look Lori, you
want him to be a man

1085
01:16:22,403 --> 01:16:25,954
but as long as hes got his teddybear,
hes always going to be a boy

1086
01:16:29,024 --> 01:16:34,661
hes waiting down at Charlies right now, so
if you go down there and just talk to him

1087
01:16:34,698 --> 01:16:37,336
ill be gone when you get back

1088
01:16:38,413 --> 01:16:39,821
forever

1089
01:16:40,982 --> 01:16:45,359
and youll see. Hell never
be scared of thunder again

1090
01:17:30,226 --> 01:17:32,845
michelob ultra tuscan
orange grapefruit

1091
01:17:32,879 --> 01:17:35,665
my god, americas imploding

1092
01:17:44,667 --> 01:17:47,515
high ted fuck!

1093
01:18:06,911 --> 01:18:09,492
Lori... what... hey

1094
01:18:09,528 --> 01:18:10,861
what are you doing here?

1095
01:18:10,862 --> 01:18:12,989
You can thank ted

1096
01:18:17,131 --> 01:18:19,476
should I... should I sit?

1097
01:18:19,509 --> 01:18:22,545
Yeah... if you want - ok

1098
01:18:25,259 --> 01:18:27,470
so works good?
Everythings good there?

1099
01:18:27,505 --> 01:18:29,646
Yeah, works good

1100
01:18:30,737 --> 01:18:34,649
well I guess we cant make
small talk all day huh?

1101
01:18:35,654 --> 01:18:38,945
If its ok with you, I just
want to say what I want to say

1102
01:18:40,575 --> 01:18:42,619
look I could sit here and
tell you im sorry, and

1103
01:18:42,631 --> 01:18:44,686
it was a huge misunderstanding,
im ready to change

1104
01:18:44,722 --> 01:18:48,462
but I don't think you want
to hear any of that crap

1105
01:18:48,499 --> 01:18:53,397
im not going to try and get you to take me back.
I mean, why would you

1106
01:18:53,434 --> 01:18:56,371
ive been a really shitty boyfriend for
the last 4 years, I don't deserve you

1107
01:18:56,407 --> 01:19:01,624
Look, I know I didn't take our
relationship seriously. But Lori,

1108
01:19:01,660 --> 01:19:03,940
I do love you more
than life itself

1109
01:19:03,975 --> 01:19:08,089
and I want is... i just
want to end on good terms

1110
01:19:08,123 --> 01:19:09,988
I owe that to you.

1111
01:19:10,022 --> 01:19:11,968
Alright, I want you to be
happy, you deserve that.

1112
01:19:12,002 --> 01:19:16,798
And I just hope, you know,
that we can still be friends

1113
01:19:18,975 --> 01:19:21,020
Thank you for being so honest.

1114
01:19:23,611 --> 01:19:25,132
That was pretty much it.

1115
01:19:28,292 --> 01:19:29,607
Thanks for coming by.

1116
01:20:05,142 --> 01:20:06,100
Yeah.

1117
01:20:06,133 --> 01:20:10,925
As you can see, youve been a part
of our family for quite some time.

1118
01:20:10,957 --> 01:20:13,965
Welcome home.

1119
01:20:14,002 --> 01:20:17,889
Yeah it's kinda funny, I got a lot
of pictures of you guys at my house

1120
01:20:17,924 --> 01:20:19,886
Is he all mine daddy?

1121
01:20:19,920 --> 01:20:22,545
Yes he is my little
winner, yes he is

1122
01:20:23,680 --> 01:20:28,193
ted you've arrived at a lucky time,
its almost Robert's play hour

1123
01:20:28,228 --> 01:20:31,397
im guessing you guys
don't have a ps3

1124
01:20:31,432 --> 01:20:33,624
im guessing your more of a wooden
horse with a wig kinda family

1125
01:20:33,658 --> 01:20:35,473
yeah

1126
01:20:36,153 --> 01:20:37,645
eh yeah, no

1127
01:20:38,582 --> 01:20:39,945
yeah

1128
01:20:46,970 --> 01:20:48,831
yeah see theres a cart

1129
01:20:50,264 --> 01:20:53,414
ted, you belong to Robert now.
You do as he says

1130
01:20:53,450 --> 01:20:55,091
you think your just gonna
get away with a kidnapping?

1131
01:20:55,104 --> 01:20:56,753
Its a nice fucking
example your setting.

1132
01:20:56,788 --> 01:20:59,252
LANGUAGE!...sorry sorry

1133
01:21:05,019 --> 01:21:08,016
you know ted, when
I was a little boy

1134
01:21:09,269 --> 01:21:12,479
I saw you on television,
and I thought you were the

1135
01:21:12,492 --> 01:21:15,709
most amazing most wonderful
thing id ever seen, ever.

1136
01:21:15,746 --> 01:21:22,694
And I asked my dad if I could
have a magical teddybear too

1137
01:21:22,729 --> 01:21:24,088
and he said no

1138
01:21:24,125 --> 01:21:26,632
can you just email me the
rest of this story...

1139
01:21:26,667 --> 01:21:28,708
and I was so heartbroken

1140
01:21:29,799 --> 01:21:33,793
and I promised myself
that if I ever had a

1141
01:21:33,806 --> 01:21:37,809
son, I would never, ever,
ever, say no to him

1142
01:21:39,162 --> 01:21:40,554
ever

1143
01:21:40,587 --> 01:21:44,078
maybe no to a snickers bar every
once and a while wouldn't hurt

1144
01:21:44,115 --> 01:21:46,397
me and ted are going to
be best friends daddy

1145
01:21:46,433 --> 01:21:49,661
yes you are my little chipmunk

1146
01:21:52,800 --> 01:21:55,112
happy playtime

1147
01:21:56,463 --> 01:21:58,816
jesus fucking christ

1148
01:21:58,851 --> 01:22:01,712
I said that word one time

1149
01:22:01,747 --> 01:22:04,186
daddy punished me for it

1150
01:22:04,221 --> 01:22:06,538
thats a great story, I
felt like I was there

1151
01:22:06,572 --> 01:22:08,386
daddy gave me an ouch

1152
01:22:08,421 --> 01:22:11,150
now... i have to
give you an ouch

1153
01:22:15,402 --> 01:22:19,973
alright kid you win, what you want to do?
You want to play a game?

1154
01:22:20,006 --> 01:22:22,054
Its playtime right,
well play a game

1155
01:22:22,090 --> 01:22:23,905
yeah, ill play a game - good

1156
01:22:23,938 --> 01:22:27,924
uh, alright lets see, how about we
play a little game of hide and seek?

1157
01:22:27,960 --> 01:22:30,450
I love hide and seek, ill hide

1158
01:22:30,485 --> 01:22:36,845
now hang on there, your daddy likes you to
show good manners, right Tubby McFatfuck

1159
01:22:36,879 --> 01:22:38,704
ok, you hide first

1160
01:22:38,739 --> 01:22:43,375
great, fantastic. Now, you count to
100 and then you try to find me, ok?

1161
01:22:45,307 --> 01:22:48,557
Do I need to wash my hands
before I play this game?

1162
01:22:49,263 --> 01:22:53,090
No... thats a weird fucking
question, no just start counting

1163
01:22:55,007 --> 01:23:04,291
1...2...3... 4...5...6... 7...

1164
01:23:04,326 --> 01:23:06,418
ok, no peeking now, or
youll get kid cancer

1165
01:23:06,419 --> 01:23:13,840
8...9... 10...11... 12...13...

1166
01:24:33,803 --> 01:24:38,852
- Hey.
- Walking home alone, huh?

1167
01:24:38,853 --> 01:24:40,570
Yeah.

1168
01:24:40,605 --> 01:24:42,662
Do you need a lift?

1169
01:24:42,696 --> 01:24:47,008
Oh im ok, I mean if I get raped, then it
would be my fault for what im wearing

1170
01:24:48,238 --> 01:24:50,442
listen, John

1171
01:24:50,478 --> 01:24:53,675
theres something that I
need to say to you too

1172
01:25:08,531 --> 01:25:12,449
hey, -hey. John, I hope that...

1173
01:25:13,537 --> 01:25:15,450
listen I don't want
you to think that...

1174
01:25:18,124 --> 01:25:19,593
sorry

1175
01:25:20,214 --> 01:25:23,787
I want us to keep talking...
because I think that maybe...

1176
01:25:25,877 --> 01:25:27,062
look, whoever this is,
its not a good time

1177
01:25:27,097 --> 01:25:28,750
John, its me, can you hear me?

1178
01:25:28,783 --> 01:25:31,398
Ted?...listen I
gotta call you back

1179
01:25:31,432 --> 01:25:33,470
nono no, John don't
hang up im in trouble

1180
01:25:33,506 --> 01:25:35,276
what do you mean?
What kind of trouble?

1181
01:25:35,310 --> 01:25:38,546
They got me, that freaky guy
from the park and that kid

1182
01:25:38,582 --> 01:25:40,696
who I think is his son, but may
also be his lover, I don't know

1183
01:25:40,732 --> 01:25:41,965
wow wow wow, slow down.
Where are you?

1184
01:25:42,000 --> 01:25:44,638
Uh..im not sure. Its uh...

1185
01:25:46,025 --> 01:25:48,417
hello... hello John...

1186
01:25:49,376 --> 01:25:50,602
hello...

1187
01:25:50,637 --> 01:25:53,312
your not a very
polite guest are you?

1188
01:25:53,346 --> 01:25:57,327
- Shit! - Ted, hello... ted

1189
01:25:57,361 --> 01:25:58,685
whats the matter? Is he ok?

1190
01:25:58,721 --> 01:26:00,779
I don't know - well where is he?

1191
01:26:00,814 --> 01:26:02,651
I don't know, he just
said he was in trouble.

1192
01:26:02,685 --> 01:26:04,677
Can you call him back?

1193
01:26:04,712 --> 01:26:06,210
No it's blocked.

1194
01:26:06,246 --> 01:26:08,540
Wait a second.

1195
01:26:12,128 --> 01:26:14,660
Go, take colombus to hylton,
get on the express way.

1196
01:26:18,299 --> 01:26:21,384
Hello, 911. I need the
police right away.

1197
01:26:21,419 --> 01:26:22,910
This guy took my teddybear.

1198
01:26:23,860 --> 01:26:25,596
Hello?

1199
01:26:28,158 --> 01:26:29,714
Let me out of here,
you crazy bastards.

1200
01:26:30,872 --> 01:26:32,854
Oh... oh... i hear the
fat kid running, I

1201
01:26:32,867 --> 01:26:34,859
hear the fat kid running...
that is hilarious

1202
01:26:34,895 --> 01:26:36,212
come on, let me out of here

1203
01:26:36,246 --> 01:26:39,407
I am a citizen of the United Stated
of America, and I have rights

1204
01:26:42,103 --> 01:26:44,018
Robert, seatbelt

1205
01:26:44,053 --> 01:26:46,416
should be right here somewhere

1206
01:26:50,907 --> 01:26:52,179
Johnny

1207
01:26:52,214 --> 01:26:54,878
wow, wow, wow, stop stop
stop thats them, turn around

1208
01:27:01,777 --> 01:27:02,698
stay with them

1209
01:27:10,793 --> 01:27:11,926
hang on

1210
01:27:29,331 --> 01:27:30,806
back off Susan Boyle

1211
01:27:36,638 --> 01:27:38,742
oh my god, hes gonna
jump get closer

1212
01:27:42,620 --> 01:27:44,750
alright, easy... - come on ted

1213
01:27:48,365 --> 01:27:49,883
shit - yes

1214
01:27:49,919 --> 01:27:52,395
hey Johnny, total
T.J Hooker right?

1215
01:27:52,431 --> 01:27:54,032
Yes!, fucking A right!

1216
01:28:03,298 --> 01:28:04,607
Go, go, go.

1217
01:28:16,917 --> 01:28:18,266
Daddy

1218
01:28:21,097 --> 01:28:22,677
lets see how well you
know these streets

1219
01:28:24,117 --> 01:28:25,723
where is he?

1220
01:28:46,543 --> 01:28:47,431
Jesus

1221
01:28:59,866 --> 01:29:00,925
there he is, pullover

1222
01:29:38,441 --> 01:29:42,716
no... you cant have
my teddybear...

1223
01:29:49,333 --> 01:29:51,196
holy shit.

1224
01:29:51,232 --> 01:29:54,359
Sorry, somebody had to go
joan crawford on that kid.

1225
01:29:54,394 --> 01:29:55,781
Come on.

1226
01:30:01,328 --> 01:30:02,294
Ted?

1227
01:30:09,039 --> 01:30:10,358
Oh my god.

1228
01:30:13,603 --> 01:30:15,098
Ahh, shit.

1229
01:30:40,346 --> 01:30:42,827
- Jesus, stay here.
- No, no, no, John.

1230
01:30:42,862 --> 01:30:44,159
- Wait, John.
- Stay here.

1231
01:30:55,366 --> 01:30:56,708
You're mine, Ted.

1232
01:30:56,743 --> 01:30:59,638
Screw you pal, I belong
to John Bennett.

1233
01:30:59,672 --> 01:31:01,993
But I can give you love

1234
01:31:02,027 --> 01:31:05,043
and rocking horses, and dancing

1235
01:31:05,079 --> 01:31:08,202
I think we're very
far apart on this.

1236
01:31:27,811 --> 01:31:30,003
- Ted?
- Johnny.

1237
01:32:18,705 --> 01:32:19,345
Oh, my god.

1238
01:32:19,346 --> 01:32:21,199
Ted.

1239
01:32:22,630 --> 01:32:24,048
John.

1240
01:32:24,084 --> 01:32:26,377
Lori, get the stuffing.
Get it all.

1241
01:32:31,246 --> 01:32:33,153
Johnny...

1242
01:32:33,188 --> 01:32:36,883
your gonna be ok buddy, can you understand?
Your gonna be fine

1243
01:32:36,919 --> 01:32:40,692
jesus, I look like the
robot from Aliens

1244
01:32:40,727 --> 01:32:44,295
look at me buddy. I promise,
your going to be ok

1245
01:32:44,330 --> 01:32:46,817
I don't think so.

1246
01:32:46,850 --> 01:32:51,508
I'm a... I'm... I'm in trouble

1247
01:32:51,543 --> 01:32:54,997
I need... I need to
tell you something.

1248
01:32:55,031 --> 01:32:56,839
What is it?

1249
01:32:58,812 --> 01:33:01,831
Dont... don't ever
lose her again

1250
01:33:02,891 --> 01:33:05,138
shes the most important...

1251
01:33:06,565 --> 01:33:09,884
most important
part of your life

1252
01:33:09,918 --> 01:33:14,396
even... even more than me

1253
01:33:15,659 --> 01:33:17,770
shes your thunder buddy now.

1254
01:33:18,573 --> 01:33:20,549
She's...

1255
01:34:03,470 --> 01:34:04,864
I got it

1256
01:34:21,565 --> 01:34:23,067
baby, I don't know if
this is going to work

1257
01:34:23,069 --> 01:34:24,422
please, just try

1258
01:34:34,598 --> 01:34:35,702
come on buddy

1259
01:35:22,925 --> 01:35:23,808
im so sorry

1260
01:35:25,419 --> 01:35:27,319
you did everything you could

1261
01:35:28,362 --> 01:35:30,360
im so sorry

1262
01:38:05,324 --> 01:38:06,034
Ted.

1263
01:38:06,035 --> 01:38:08,202
- I'm alive Johnny,
- Oh my god.

1264
01:38:08,236 --> 01:38:11,494
Im alive your magic
always worked

1265
01:38:11,529 --> 01:38:13,235
your back, I cant...

1266
01:38:13,270 --> 01:38:15,266
yeah, I mean when you
sawed me up, you put

1267
01:38:15,279 --> 01:38:17,286
some of the stuffing in
the wrong places John

1268
01:38:17,318 --> 01:38:21,483
I'm a little fucked up, but will you
take care of me forever and ever?

1269
01:38:23,917 --> 01:38:25,890
Nah... im just kidding with
you, I thought it would

1270
01:38:25,903 --> 01:38:27,887
be funny if you thought
I was fucking retarded.

1271
01:38:27,922 --> 01:38:30,761
- You asshole.
- Come here you bastard.

1272
01:38:34,417 --> 01:38:35,948
Welcome back ted.

1273
01:38:38,616 --> 01:38:39,966
It was you.

1274
01:38:40,002 --> 01:38:42,482
You did it.

1275
01:38:42,518 --> 01:38:46,231
Son of a bitch. You
wished for my life back.

1276
01:38:46,268 --> 01:38:49,010
No... no no.

1277
01:38:49,046 --> 01:38:50,861
I wished for my life back.

1278
01:39:03,484 --> 01:39:04,839
I love you.

1279
01:39:04,873 --> 01:39:06,208
I love you too.

1280
01:39:07,474 --> 01:39:09,658
And I want you to know that

1281
01:39:10,663 --> 01:39:13,972
after last night, I don't want to lose
anyone that matters to me ever again

1282
01:39:14,010 --> 01:39:16,707
I'm not gonna wait any
longer for my life to start.

1283
01:39:16,742 --> 01:39:19,005
Lori

1284
01:39:19,716 --> 01:39:21,950
will you marry me?

1285
01:39:23,005 --> 01:39:27,717
All I ever wanted was
you John Bennett.

1286
01:39:32,175 --> 01:39:36,669
And so, John and Lori and
ted, lived happily ever after

1287
01:39:36,703 --> 01:39:41,836
having discovered at last, that all
they really needed was each other

1288
01:39:44,363 --> 01:39:50,455
John and Lori were married in Cambridge,
by a very special justice of the peace

1289
01:39:50,490 --> 01:39:53,245
by the power vested in me

1290
01:39:53,278 --> 01:39:56,161
by the New York Jets

1291
01:39:56,196 --> 01:40:00,308
and by the united peoples
of the planet Mongo

1292
01:40:00,342 --> 01:40:04,968
I now pronounce
you, man and wife

1293
01:40:05,003 --> 01:40:07,105
you may kiss the bride Johnny

1294
01:40:30,817 --> 01:40:32,749
thanks so much for coming

1295
01:40:32,784 --> 01:40:36,448
my daughter better be alive
you sick son of a bitch

1296
01:40:37,913 --> 01:40:40,783
I am so fake happy for her.

1297
01:41:08,167 --> 01:41:11,454
Ahh, you know sam, theres only
one way to end a perfect day.

1298
01:41:11,490 --> 01:41:12,657
What's that?

1299
01:41:12,693 --> 01:41:14,073
Flash jump.

1300
01:41:14,108 --> 01:41:15,317
Right.

1301
01:41:15,352 --> 01:41:17,819
1...2... 3.

1302
01:41:17,820 --> 01:41:19,304
Yeah.

1303
01:41:24,735 --> 01:41:28,371
And that's the story of how
one magical wish, forever

1304
01:41:28,384 --> 01:41:32,031
changed the lives of three
very special friends.

1305
01:41:32,067 --> 01:41:37,124
Ted and Tammy-Lynn continued there
torrid love affair for quite some time.

1306
01:41:37,160 --> 01:41:40,884
One afternoon, ted was caught
behind the deli counter,

1307
01:41:40,897 --> 01:41:44,633
eating potato salad off of
Tammy-Lynn's bare bottom.

1308
01:41:44,668 --> 01:41:47,989
He was instantly promoted
to store manager.

1309
01:41:49,051 --> 01:41:53,806
Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood, with
the goal of restarting his film career.

1310
01:41:53,841 --> 01:41:56,836
He currently resides in
burbank where he shares a

1311
01:41:56,849 --> 01:41:59,857
studio apartment with his
room mate brandon routh.

1312
01:41:59,893 --> 01:42:04,185
Remember brandon routh, from
that god aweful superman movie?

1313
01:42:04,220 --> 01:42:08,560
Jesus christ. Thanks for getting our
hopes up and taking a giant shit on us.

1314
01:42:09,846 --> 01:42:14,560
Rex was forced to give
up his pursuit of Lori.

1315
01:42:14,594 --> 01:42:16,731
Not long after, he
fell into a deep

1316
01:42:16,744 --> 01:42:18,892
depression and died of
lou gehrig's disease.

1317
01:42:18,928 --> 01:42:24,173
Donny was arrested by Boston police and
charged with kidnapping a plush toy.

1318
01:42:24,207 --> 01:42:26,710
The charge was dropped
when everyone realised

1319
01:42:26,723 --> 01:42:29,235
how completely
stupid that sounded.

1320
01:42:29,915 --> 01:42:33,339
Robert got a trainer, lost a
substantial amount of weight,

1321
01:42:33,070 --> 01:42:36,035
and went on to become taylor lautner.