是 首相
第一季 第一集
翻|校|監 草草
時間軸 想念Gallifrey的Wholock
后期 8T
宏圖大計
國防部
告訴我 將軍 熱線在哪 Tell me, General. Where's the hotline?
哪個熱線 Which one?
打給蘇聯的 The one to Russia.
紅熱線 先生 The red hotline, sir.
那個在唐寧街 That's in Downing Street.
那么 一旦有緊急情況 So in an emergency
我可以直接跟蘇聯總書記通話 I can get straight through to the Soviet president?
理論上講 是的 Theoretically, yes.
理論上嗎 Theoretically?
我們是這么跟記者說的 That's what we tell journalists.
事實上 我們有次跟克里姆林宮接通了 In fact, we did once get through to the Kremlin,
但接聽的是一位接線員 but only to a switchboard operator.
接線員不能給你轉接嗎 Couldn't the operator put you through?
我們也不知道 那人不怎么會說英語 We never found out. Didn't seem to speak much English.
多久測試一次 How often is it tested?
他們盡量避免測試得太頻繁 Well, they try not to test it too often.
這往往給另一邊造成不必要的恐慌 It tends to create unnecessary panic at the other end, and
事關核武器時 panic is always a good thing to avoid
總歸還是避免恐慌比較好 是吧 where nuclear weapons are concerned, don't you think?
是啊 Yes.
就是這個 Now, this is it.
很好 Good.
這是什么 What is it?
觸發機制 首相 The trigger, Prime Minister.
-觸發機制 -核武觸發機制 核按鈕 - The trigger? - The nuclear trigger, the button.
這個嗎 This?
是間接的 對 Indirectly, yes.
這是與皇家海軍艦艇諾斯伍德聯絡的 This is the telex communication with
電報通信裝置 HMS Northwood.
您發送一條加密信號 You send a coded signal
諾斯伍德的電報員 and the telex operator at Northwood
會發送一條驗證信號 would send an authentication signal.
他好確認真是您 So he knows it's from you, you see.
指令得到驗證 And when the instruction's been authenticated,
目標指示也明確后 and the target indication made,
諾斯伍德將向我們的一艘 Northwood would sends a command
北極星潛艇下達命令 他們就按下按鈕 to one of our Polaris submarines and they press the button.
就這樣嗎 Just like that?
就這樣 Just like that.
完全聽我號令嗎 When I say so?
完全聽您號令 When you say so.
難道就沒人會反駁我嗎 Wouldn't anybody argue with me?
現役軍官要服從命令聽指揮 Serving officers obey orders without question.
如果我喝醉了呢 What if I were to get drunk?
整體上說 您還是別喝醉更安全 On the whole, it would be safer if you didn't.
老天爺 Blimey!
這就是您的工作 是您想要的 首相 Well, it's your job and you wanted it, Prime Minister.
如果我發瘋了呢 Supposing I were to go off my rocker?
那內閣可能會發現 I think the Cabinet might notice.
別指望了 I wouldn't count on it.
不 說真的 No, seriously, I mean,
假如我下了令 然后又改主意了呢 supposing I did and then changed my mind?
那沒事 反正也不會有人知道 Well, that's all right. No one would ever know, would they?
一共有多少枚核彈 How many bombs are there?
四艘北極星潛艇 每艘16枚導彈 Four Polaris submarines, 16 missiles on each.
每枚導彈三枚核彈頭 Three warheads per missile.
-但具體是多少枚核彈 -192枚 - But how many actual bombs? - 192.
每枚的威力都是廣島的那枚五倍以上 Each one at least five times the power of the Hiroshima bomb.
我知道您在想什么 I know what you're thinking,
"不算多" "Not very many."
我不知道 這應該夠了吧 I don't know. I suppose that's enough.
蘇聯可是有1200枚導彈瞄準了英國 Not with 1200 Soviet missiles trained on Britain,
準備立即實施報復打擊 waiting to retaliate instantly.
1200枚 1200?
不過 英國向來能絕處逢生 是吧 Still, Britain's always fought against the odds, haven't we?
與無敵艦隊斗勇 不列顛之戰 The Armada, Battle of Britain.
是啊 當然了 Yes, of course,
等三叉戟來了 我們手里的火力 and we'll have a great deal more firepower at our disposal
可就多多了 when we get Trident.
但幸好目前還有常規部隊 I the meantime, thank goodness for conventional forces!
首相 我們的常規部隊 Prime Minister, our conventional forces
也就能擋住蘇聯人 would hold the Russians for
至多72小時 at most 72 hours.
就這樣嗎 Is that all?
所以一旦有緊急情況 So in the event of an emergency,
我就得馬上做出決斷 I would have to make an instant decision?
不不 No, no, no,
您可能會有12小時 you'd probably have 12 hours.
12小時 12 hours?
我們難道不該想想辦法嗎 Shouldn't we do something about this?
是該 We should,
但20年來 but for 20 years,
政客們一直說 our politicians have told us,
他們沒錢建立一支足夠強大的常規部隊 they can't afford the conventional forces to do the job.
常規部隊是非常昂貴的 首相 Conventional forces are terribly expensive, Prime Minister.
還是按按鈕便宜得多 Much cheaper just to press a button.
我們該把會議長度定為多長 So how long should we allow for this meeting?
-72小時 -好 - 72 hours... - Fine.
只不過是新西蘭高級專員罷了 It's only the New Zealand High Commissioner.
72小時有點過了吧 Isn't 72 hours a bit generous?
不 我是在想我們能擋住蘇聯人多久 No, I was just thinking how long we could hold the Russians.
不過 如果我們能說服美國人 Still, if we could persuaded the Americans
加強他們的常規部隊 to strengthen THEIR conventional forces...
我想不會有什么用的 I don't think it'll make much difference.
據說 駐德的美國軍隊 Well, apparently, the American troops in Germany
都嗑藥嗑得 are all so drug-ridden,
不知道自己是哪邊的了 they don't know which side they're on anyway.
上次北約軍演時 And during the last NATO exercises,
美國軍隊自行解散 the U.S. troops dispersed
帶著女兵們去樹林里野餐了 and picnicked in the woods with lady soldiers.
那其他北約軍隊呢 What about the other NATO armies?
他們還好 They're all right.
至少工作日里還好 On weekdays, anyway.
工作日 Weekdays?
對 荷蘭 丹麥和比利時軍隊 Yes, the Dutch, Danish and Belgian armies
周末要回家 go home for the weekend.
所以整體上來說 如果蘇聯人真要入侵 So on the whole, if the Russians are going to invade,
我們更希望他們在周一到周五之間來 we'd prefer them to do it between Mondays and Fridays?
這是眾所周知的事嗎 Is this widely known?
如果我知道 蘇聯人肯定也知道 Well, if I know it, I'm sure the Russians do.
克里姆林宮往往能先得知北約防御信息 The Kremlin usually gets NATO defence information
因為要層層報告 10號知道得要晚些 before it filters through to us at Number 10.
所以還得看三叉戟的了 So it comes back to Trident?
等它到后 When it comes.
-如果能用 -如果能... - If it works. - If it wor...
什么意思 What do you mean?
通常來說 新武器送到后 Well, normally, when new weapons are delivered,
核彈頭跟火箭會對不上 the warheads don't fit the ends of the rockets.
北極星就是如此 That's what happened to Polaris.
您都懂的 線路錯接 芯片故障 You know the sort of thing, wiring faults, microchip failure.
我們好些年里都不能發射北極星呢 We didn't have the means of firing Polaris for some years.
巡航導彈估計也是 Cruise is probably the same.
三叉戟可能也是 Trident might be too.
但這怎么可以 But this is intolerable,
我們應該把制造商告上法庭 we should take the manufacturers to court.
我們不能冒險曝光 這是安全問題 We can't risk the publicity, security
他們拿準了 and they know it!
那我們就換個制造商 Well, we should change the manufacturers.
我們總換的 Well, we do all the time.
問題是 所有制造商都清楚這點 The trouble is, all the manufacturers know that too.
所以才會有枚魚雷沖上了三明治高爾夫球場 That's why that torpedo landed on Sandwich Golf Course.
三明治高爾夫球場 Sandwich Golf Course?
我怎么沒在報上看到過 I didn't read that from the papers.
當然了 Well, of course not.
他們掩蓋了 There was a cover-up.
俱樂部成員們次日早上 The members just found a new bunker
發現7號球道上多了個沙坑 on the 7th fairway the next morning.
所以魚雷也不好使嗎 So the torpedoes don't work either?
不不 就是新的不好使 No, no, no, it's only the new ones that don't work.
其他的都沒問題 The others are fine.
二戰期間設計的那些 The ones that were designed during the Second World War.
40多年前的 Over 40 years ago?
是的 但那時做了充足測試 Well, yes, but they had lots of testing.
現在的那些哪有那個條件 You can't afford luxuries that with the modern ones.
為什么 Why not?
如果真發生了核戰爭 首相 Well, if there's a nuclear war, Prime Minister,
持續時間不會太長 武器來不及測試 it won't last long enough for the weapons to be tested.
伯納德 關于英國的國防 Bernard, are there other things I don't know
我還有什么其他不知道的嗎 about the defence of the United Kingdom?
我不知道 首相 I don't know, Prime Minister.
我不知道您不知道什么 I don't know what you don't know.
如果您想聽聽看法 If you did want to know the view,
據我所知 政府首席科學顧問 I know the government's Chief Scientific Adviser
跟國防部持非常不同的觀點 sees the problem rather differently from the MoD.
我想馬上見他 I'd like to see him now.
稍后一起喝酒或許更好 A late drink might be wiser.
最好別讓內閣辦公室知道了 Better not to let the Cabinet Office know.
漢弗萊爵士很反感這種事 Sir Humphrey gets very upset.
他不認為首席科學顧問是我們的人 He doesn't regard the Chief Scientific Adviser as one of us.
二戰期間的一場戰役 市場花園行動的一部分
他不是憑阿納姆戰役贏得了杰出服役勛章嗎 I thought he won the DSO at Arnhem.
那也不足以彌補他說話有奧地利口音 That doesn't make up for speaking with an Austrian accent.
而且他更不是牛津或劍橋的畢業生 And he certainly didn't go to Oxford or Cambridge.
他甚至都不是倫敦政經學院的 He didn't even go to the LSE.
首相 您相信核威懾吧 Prime Minister, you do believe in the nuclear deterrent?
是的 Yes.
為什么 Why?
-你說什么 -為什么 - I beg your pardon? - Why?
因為它能威懾 Well, because it deters.
威懾誰 Whom?
你說什么 I beg your pardon?
誰 Whom?
它能威懾誰 Whom does it deter?
威懾蘇聯人 讓他們不來進犯 Well, the Russians from attacking us.
-為什么 -你說什么 - Why? - I beg your pardon?
為什么 Why?
因為他們知道 Well, because, they know
如果他們敢發起進攻 that if they were to launch an attack,
我會按按鈕 I'd press the button.
您會嗎 You would?
我不會嗎 Well, wouldn't I?
是啊 您會嗎 Well, would you?
作為不得已的最后手段 是的 我當然會 At the last resort, yes, I, yes, I certainly would.
我覺得我肯定會 是啊 Well, I think I certainly would. Yes.
那究竟什么情況算不得已 And what is the last resort?
如果蘇聯入侵西歐 If the Russians were to invade western Europe.
但您只有12小時做決定 But you only have 12 hours to decide,
所以最后手段也是第一反應 so the last resort is also the first response,
您是這意思嗎 is that what you're saying?
我是嗎 Am I?
您不必擔心 You don't need to worry.
蘇聯人怎么會想并吞整個歐洲呢 Why should the Russians annex the whole of Europe?
他們連阿富汗都控制不好 They can't even control Afghanistan.
如果他們真打算做什么 也會是切香腸戰術 No, if they try anything, it will be salami tactics.
切香腸戰術 Salami tactics?
一片片地來 Slice by slice.
一次一小片 One small piece at a time.
如果他們入侵了西柏林您會按按鈕嗎 So will you press the button if they invade West Berlin?
-看情況了 -什么情況 - It all depends. - On what?
第一種情況 Well, scenario one.
西柏林發生暴動 Riots in West Berlin,
建筑物著火 buildings in flames.
東德消防隊跨境援助 East German fire brigade crosses the border to help.
您會按按鈕嗎 Would you press the button...?
東德警察也一起來了 按按鈕嗎 The East German police come with them. The button...?
然后是軍隊 Then some troops,
有更多軍隊加入 他們說只是為控制暴動 more troops just for riot control, they say.
然后東德軍隊 And then the East German troops
被蘇聯軍隊接替了 按按鈕嗎 are replaced by Russian troops. Button...?
然后蘇聯軍隊不肯走了 Then the Russian troops don't go.
他們受邀留下 支持公民政府 They are invited to stay to support civilian administration.
平民政府關閉了道路和柏林機場 The civilian administration closes roads and Tempelhof Airport.
您現在按按鈕嗎 Now you press the button?
我需要時間考慮 I need time to think about it.
-您只有12小時 -是嗎 - You have 12 hours. - Have I?
這都是你瞎說的 You're inventing this.
您是現任首相 You are Prime Minister today.
北約總部隨時可能打電話來 The phone might ring now from NATO Headquarters.
喂 是 Hello...? Yes.
北約總部 首相 NATO Headquarters, Prime Minister.
您4月能去他們的年度大會上講話嗎 Can you address their annual conference in April?
我本以為可以 現在不敢確定了 I thought I could. I'm not so sure now.
可以 Yes.
第二種情況 Scenario two.
蘇聯軍隊演習 "不小心"有意地 Russian army manoeuvres take them "accidentally" on purpose
跨過了西德邊境 cross the West German frontier.
-那算是不得已嗎 -不是 - Is that the last resort? - No.
好 第三種情況 Right, scenario three.
假如蘇聯已入侵并占領了 Suppose the Russians have invaded and occupied
西德 比利時 荷蘭 法國 West Germany, Belgium, Holland, France?
假如他們的坦克和軍隊已抵達了英吉利海峽 Suppose their tanks and troops have reached the English Channel
假如他們即將入侵了呢 suppose they are poised for invasion?
-那算是不得已嗎 -不 - Is that the last resort? - No.
為什么 Why not?
我們要打核戰爭也只是為了自衛 Well, we'd only fight a nuclear war to defend ourselves.
自殺行為怎么能算自衛 How could we defend ourselves by committing suicide!
那到底什么情況才算不得已 So what is the last resort?
他們打到倫敦皮卡迪利大街嗎 Piccadilly?
沃特福德峽加油站嗎 Watford Gap Service Station?
革新俱樂部嗎 The Reform Club?
或許核威懾根本沒道理 Perhaps the nuclear deterrent makes no sense.
有道理 Yes, it does.
如果蘇聯人或美國人有核彈 If either the Russians or Americans have the bomb,
那另一方也必須有 then the other side must have it too.
我們不如留著北極星 以防萬一 And we might as well keep Polaris, just in case.
我不懂 你什么意思 I don't understand. What are you proposing?
取消三叉戟 Cancel Trident.
把省下來的150億鎊用在常規部隊上 Spend the 15 billion pounds you save on conventional forces.
因為您其實并不會真按按鈕 是吧 Becasue you wouldn't really press the button, would you?
如果我別無選擇 還是可能按的 I might if I were given no choice.
他們絕不會讓您處于別無選擇的境地 They'll never put you into a situation that you have no choice.
別忘了 他們會堅持切香腸戰術 They'll stick to their salami tactics, remember.
好吧 假設我們取消了三叉戟 All right. Well, supposing we cancel Trident
將150億鎊都用在常規部隊上 and channel 15 billion pounds into conventional forces,
那我們具體怎么花 what do we spend it on?
-坦克嗎 -不 - Tanks? - No,
用在ET上 we spend it on E.T.
外星人嗎 Extra-terrestrials?
是新興科技 Emergent technology.
那是什么 What's that?
智能導彈 目標定位 紅外線 Smart missiles, target finding, infrared.
那么誰來操作ET呢 And who would operate this E.T?
您需要一支規模龐大的常規部隊 You need a large conventional army.
規模龐大的... A large convention...
我有主意了 I've got an idea.
等等 Wait a minute!
我可能想到辦法了 I think I can see how to do this.
首先 我們取消三叉戟 First, we cancel Trident.
對 Yes.
我們也不買巡航導彈了 We don't buy Cruise either.
對 Yes.
然后 我們實施征兵制 Then we introduce conscription.
對 Yes.
我們不僅解決了國防問題 Not only do we solve our defence problems,
還解決了就業問題 we solve our unemployment problems as well.
對 Yes.
首相 征兵難道不是個魄力非凡的政策嗎 Prime Minister, isn't conscription a rather courageous policy?
魄力非凡 Courageous?
天啊 是嗎 My God, is it?
不不 No, no, no.
在就業充分的時代才是 In times of full employment, it would be.
現在 我們只是讓待業青年 But now we'd just give unemployed young people
有事可做 something to do.
教他們一技之長 We'd teach them trades and skills.
或許還能教他們識字 We might even teach them to read.
軍隊又不會開除文盲 The army never discharged anyone who was illiterate.
說不定能逼他們洗澡 We could make them wash.
我們可以讓青年人接受綜合教育 We'd give our young people a comprehensive education
以彌補他們接受的綜合教育 to make up for their Comprehensive Education.
稱之為"國民兵役" Call it "National Service".
把青年人派去進行社區服務 Send the young people out into the community services.
一項政策 我們解決了國防 With one policy, we solve our defence,
教育和就業問題 educational and unemployment problems.
是這樣吧 教授 Isn't that so, professor?
這太棒了 This is wonderful.
我都想象到了 I see it all now.
"英國新政 "A new deal for Britain,
哈克的宏圖大計" Hacker's Grand Design."
在我們這個島國的歷史上 有時 From time to time in our great island story,
需要一個人扛起重擔 it falls to one man...
帶領人民走出死蔭的幽谷 to lead his people out of the valley of the shadow
步入陽光普照 和平繁榮的高地 and into the sunlit uplands of peace and prosperity.
我之前怎么沒想到 Why didn't I think of this before?
因為我們才認識啊 Because we only just met.
你好 親愛的 Hello, darling!
-午飯吃什么 -你說呢 - What's for lunch? - You tell me.
你要去哪嗎 Are you going somewhere?
志愿服務委員會 我都跟你說了 Voluntary Services Committee. I did tell you.
是啊 對啊 Yes, of course.
我就是想著 Well, I just thought
或許能來點炒蛋什么的 a few scrambled eggs or something.
冰箱里好像有雞蛋 I think there's some eggs in the fridge.
你要我自己炒嗎 You want me to do it?
我們說好了 我還要繼續工作 Look, we agreed that I'd carry on with my work.
-是吧 -是是 當然 - Didn't we? - Yes, yes, yes, of course.
-外交部電報 首相 -是 - Foreign Office telegrams, Prime Minister. - Yeah.
放在那邊 好嗎 謝謝 Put them over there, would you? Thank you.
況且 住在這個金魚缸里本就夠糟了 It's bad enough living in this goldfish bowl, anyway.
每次我想出去賣點切片面包 Every time I want to slip out for a sliced loaf,
還得經過十幾個記者 I have to walk past a dozen journalists
和50個瞪著我看的游客 and 50 gawping tourists!
毫無隱私可言 There's no privacy anywhere.
才不是這樣呢 Now, that's not true.
抱歉 首相 安全檢查 Sorry, Prime Minister. Security check.
我可以到處看看嗎 Can I just look around?
-是是 請便吧 -隱私呢 - Yes, yes, carry on. - Privacy?
你還可以去花園里散步嘛 You can always walk in the garden.
有60個人在窗邊盯著你呢 With about 60 people staring at you from the windows!
簡直像在監獄院子里鍛煉 It's like exercising in a prison yard.
而且我們居然還要支付這里的房租 And to think we actually had to pay rent for this place.
他們該倒貼錢給我們 They should pay US!
至少挺安靜的 At least it's quiet.
安靜 Quiet?
一般還算安靜 Usually.
那從今早7:30就開始了 That's been going on since half past seven this morning!
-他們總得找地方練習 -那為什么在這里 - They've got to practise somewhere. - Why here?
親愛的 他們是皇家騎兵衛隊 Darling, they're Horse Guards,
那是皇家騎兵衛隊閱兵場 that's the Horse Guards Parade.
安全 首相 All clear, Prime Minister.
抱歉打擾 Sorry to bother you.
安妮 你得明白 親愛的 Annie, you must realise, darling,
從事公職就需要作出犧牲 that a career in public service involves some sacrifice.
好啊 Fine,
你犧牲自己的午餐吧 我要遲了 you sacrifice your lunch. I'm late.
我餓了 I'm hungry!
你午餐吃了什么 What did you have for YOUR lunch?
半根巧克力棒 Half a Yorkie bar.
另一半呢 Where's the other half?
伯納德 Bernard!
是 首相 Yes, Prime Minister.
午餐吃得好嗎 Had a good lunch?
挺好的 謝謝 首相 Quite good. Thank you, Prime Minister.
你在哪吃的 Where did you have it?
在內閣食堂 In the Cabinet mess.
三道菜嗎 Three courses?
對 Yes.
有酒嗎 Wine?
一杯紅酒 是的 A glass of claret, yes.
你想知道我午餐吃了什么嗎 Would you like to know what I had for my lunch?
您想告訴我嗎 首相 Do you want to tell me, Prime Minister?
什么都沒吃 Nothing!
您在節食嗎 Are you dieting?
看來有餐飲設施服務你 It seems there are facilities for feeding you
其他私人秘書 and all the private secretaries,
整個內閣辦公室 新聞辦公室 the entire Cabinet Office, the Press Office,
記錄員和打字員和信使 the gardening girls, the messengers,
就我沒份 我還住這里呢 but not for me - and I live here!
真抱歉 哈克太太不能為您做飯嗎 I'm sorry. Can't Mrs Hacker cook for you?
她出去工作了 She's out at work.
那我們給您找位廚師 Well, we'll get you a cook.
誰來付錢 Who will pay for it?
-您啊 那是您的廚師 -要多少錢 - You will, it's your cook. - How much?
全職是每年八千到一萬 Full-time between 8,000 to 10,000 a year.
那我負擔不起 I can't afford that!
或許您可以找內閣秘書談談 Well, perhaps if you had a word with the Cabinet Secretary.
是 馬上叫他來 Yes. Bring him here now.
好 他反正再過幾分鐘也要過來 Yes. He's due here in a few minute, in any case.
那我們要先開始討論國家大事嗎 So, shall we press on with the affairs of the nation?
去他的國家大事 我想要個廚師 Stuff the affairs of the nation. I want a cook!
好 我會去辦的 Yes, I'll look into it.
但現在 In the meantime,
新聞辦公室的馬科姆·沃倫有事找您 Malcolm Warren from the Press Office would like a word.
好吧 叫他進來 All right, bring him in.
下午好 首相 Good afternoon, Prime Minister.
下午好 馬科姆 Good afternoon, Malcolm.
內閣秘書應該隨時會到 I'm expecting the Cabinet Secretary, at any moment.
我們可以簡短點說嗎 So could we keep this brief?
沒問題 兩件事 Certainly, two things.
第一件 也是最重要的 First and most important,
我們應該談談您作為首相的首次 we should discuss your first appearance on TV
電視講話 as Prime Minister.
那的確很重要 或許還是等到 Now, that is important. Perhaps we ought to leave it
我們有時間好好談再說吧 until we've time to do it more thoroughly.
另一件事是什么 What's the other thing?
您的華盛頓正式訪問 Your official visit to Washington,
當然了 那件事稍次要些 of course, that's slightly less important.
怎么了 What about it?
似乎有很多媒體想去 Well, there's awful lot of press seem to want to come.
讓他們去啊 Well, let them.
-這會開銷巨大 -馬科姆 - It'll be very expensive. - Malcolm!
我將站在白宮草坪上 I shall be standing there on the White House lawn
跟美國總統肩并肩站著 side by side with the President of the United States of America.
國歌奏響 National anthems,
兩位世界領袖站在一起 two world leaders together.
我們將向世界宣告 We will tell the world
我們愉快的伙伴關系 about our happy relationship,
我們的團結 決心 our unity, resolve,
或許再稱贊幾句我的勇氣 a few words perhaps about my own courage,
智慧 和政治家風范 wisdom, statesmanship.
你不懂這對我多么重要嗎 Can't you realise how important this is to me?
不是對我 是對英國 Well, I mean, not to me, to Britain.
對我們的聲望 世界地位 Our prestige, our place in the world,
我在史冊中的位置 my place in the history books.
是 首相 Yes, Prime Minister.
進來吧 漢弗萊 Come in, Humphrey.
-坐吧 -是 謝謝 - Sit down. - Yes, thank you.
謝謝 馬科姆 Thank you, Malcolm.
馬科姆 Malcolm...
漢弗萊 Humphrey!
我在想... I've been thinking...
很好 Good.
我已經做了首相 I've been Prime Minister for,
我想想 三天了 let me see, three days now.
而且您真是位好首相 請允許我這么說 And a very good PM you are, too, if I may say so!
我不是叫你夸我 I'm not fishing for compliments,
但的確是進展順利 though it has been going rather well,
-是吧 -的確 - hasn't it? - Oh, indeed.
很高興可以獎勵我的舊盟友 Yes, it's nice to be able to reward one's old allies.
朗·瓊斯對成為貴族感到高興嗎 Was Ron Jones pleased with his peerage?
是的 首相 Yes, Prime Minister.
他說他的會員們會很高興的 He said his members would be delighted.
他的會員們 His members?
是的 Yes.
他的工會會員 The members of his union.
國家聯盟... The National Federation...
我不是說他 I didn't mean him.
我是指我們的后座議員 I meant our backbencher!
我是想給朗·瓊斯封貴族的 不是朗·瓊斯 I meant to give a peerage to Ron Jones, not Ron Jones!
老天爺 Bloody hell!
如果能讓您寬心 首相 Well, if it's any consolation, Prime Minister,
據我所知他特別高興 I gether he was awfully pleased.
當然了 I bet he was!
那給朗·瓊斯封貴族的事怎么辦 Well, what are we going to do about Ron Jones's peerage?
再給他也封一個嗎 Give him one too?
無意冒犯 首相 With respect, Prime Minister,
我們不能連著給上院送去兩位朗·瓊斯勛爵 we can't send two Lord Ron Jones to the upper house.
不然會像是批發的 It'll look like a job lot.
我總得給他點什么 我答應過的 I've got to give him something. I promised.
他喜歡什么 Well, what's he interested in?
他看電視嗎 Does he watch television?
他連電視都沒有 He hasn't even got a set.
那好 讓他做BBC的董事 Fine. Make him a Governor of the BBC.
還有事嗎 Anything else?
有 一件小事 Yes, one small thing.
我需要給樓上的公寓配個廚師兼管家 I need a cool-housekeeper for the flat upstairs.
您打個廣告肯定沒問題 Well, I'm sure you can advertise.
不不 我是指政府的廚師兼管家 No, no, I mean a government cool-housekeeper.
那可就難了 Now, that could be difficult.
-為什么 -那是私宅 - Why? - Well, it's a private home.
只不過剛好在政府建筑里 It just happens to be in a government building.
可我得住在那里 在那里吃飯 I just have to live there, I just have to eat there.
我希望有個人給我做午飯 I want somebody to cook my lunch.
這沒什么不合理吧 It's not unreasonable.
對 但就是不可能 No, it's just not possible.
你是說 我可以把這世界炸平 You mean I have the power to blow up the world,
但卻不能要炒蛋嗎 but not to ask for scrambled eggs?
您倒是可以要 You have the power to ASK for them.
如果我去找德國大使要呢 What if I were to asked the German ambassador?
那可以 Well, that's all right.
那是官方約會 Official engagement,
政府招待處將樂意準備七道菜的大餐 government hospitality will happily provide a seven-course meal
三種紅酒加白蘭地 with three wines and brandy.
毫無問題 No problem.
你是說 德國大使的午餐 You mean the German Ambassador's lunch
就是政府事務 is government business,
我的就不是 but mine isn't?
沒錯 That is so.
不僅僅是德國大使 Not just the German Ambassador's,
當然所有大使都一樣 of course, any ambassador's.
好啊 Fine.
伯納德 拿日程簿來 Bernard, get the diary.
周一 我要跟德國大使共進午餐 On Monday, I'll have lunch with the German Ambassador.
周二 跟法國大使吃 On Tuesday, with the French Ambassador;
周三 跟美國大使吃 on Wednesday, with the American Ambassador.
可別忘了英聯邦 Mustn't leave out the Commonwealth,
周四 我跟 on Thursday, I'll have lunch
新西蘭高級專員吃午餐 with the New Zealand High Commissioner.
聯合國有多少個國家 How many countries are there in the UN?
-158個 -很好 - Well, 158. - Good.
那差不多是六個月了 That'll take up about six months,
然后我們再來一遍 then we'll start round again.
首相 您不是每天都能跟 Prime Minister, you're not free to have lunch
大使共進午餐 with ambassadors every day.
有時 還有其他官方午餐 Sometimes, there will be other official lunches.
那更好了 把偶爾空出來的日子補上 Even better. We'll fill up the odd gaps.
我想外交及聯邦事務部 I think that the Foreign and Commonwealth Office
可能會對此有看法 might have some views on that.
為什么 Why?
他們總說 They always say that
首相跟大使吃一頓午餐 one Prime Minister's lunch with an ambassador
能毀掉兩年的耐心外交成果 destroys two years of patient diplomacy.
我不知道他們對158頓會有何反應 I'm not quite sure how they'd react to 158.
這太荒唐了 這里怎么能沒人給我們做飯 It's absurd that we haven't got somebody here to caters for us.
這兩個半世紀以來 It's the way things have been done
都是如此 for two and a half centuries.
這就是一錘定音的說辭了嗎 That's the clinching argument?
已經用了兩個半世紀了 It has been for two and a half centuries.
無意冒犯 漢弗萊爵士 With respect, Sir Humphrey,
但這不可能是用了兩個半世紀的 it can't have been the clinching argument
一錘定音的說辭 for two and a half centuries.
因為半個世紀前 Because half a century ago,
它只是用了兩個世紀的一錘定音的說辭 it had only been the clinching argument for two centuries,
一個世紀前 它只是一個半世紀的... and a century ago, only for one and a half centuries...
抱歉 Sorry.
漢弗萊 我就不信了 Humphrey, I'm not convinced.
我要個廚師兼管家 I want a cool-housekeeper
而且我要你去給她開份工資 and I want you to see that she's paid for.
我這么說吧 Well, let me put it like this.
您真希望媒體宣布 Do you really want the press to announce
您作為首相的第一件舉措 that your first act as Prime Minister
基本上就是給自己漲了 was to give yourself an effective salary increase
八千到一萬鎊的工資嗎 of 8,000 to 10,000 pounds a year?
我們不告訴他們 We wouldn't tell them.
我們別無選擇 We have no alternative.
首相的工資和開支必須發表 Prime Minister's salary and expenses must be published.
你是說 我們真的不能不告訴他們嗎 You mean, there's really no way that we can't not tell them?
開放政府 首相 信息自由 Open Government, Prime Minister. Freedom of Information.
我們永遠應當主動坦誠地告訴媒體一切 We should always tell the press freely and frankly anything
他們能輕松從別的渠道獲知的事 that they could easily find out some other way.
肯定有辦法解決的 There must be some solution.
兩個半世紀來都沒有 There hasn't been for two and a half centries.
我們能不能談談 Now may we perhaps discuss
政府事務了 首相 government business, Prime Minister?
您剛剛說 您在想... You were saying that you'd been thinking.
對了 Yes.
我想我們都同意 I think we're agreed
我的首相任期到目前還算是很成功的 that so far my premiership has been a great success.
當然了 Oh, indeed.
是啊 我一直在自問 Yes, and I've been asking myself
我能做點什么來延續這樣的成功 what can I do to continue this run of success.
您考慮過... Have you considered
嫻熟地無所作為嗎 masterly inactivity?
不 漢弗萊 No, Humphrey,
首相必須堅定 a Prime Minister must be firm.
沒錯 那堅定而嫻熟地無所作為吧 Indeed. How about firm masterly inactivity?
不 我一定要堅定 No, I shall be firm.
我已決定取消三叉戟了 I've decided to cancel Trident,
將150億用于常規部隊 channel 15 billion pounds into conventional forces
并重啟征兵制 and reintroduce conscription.
只此一舉 At one stroke,
我們就能解決國防 we shall solve our defence,
國際收支差額 balance of payments,
失業和教育問題 一舉多得 unemployment and educational problems all at once.
你怎么說 漢弗萊 What do you say, Humphrey?
您怎么能 You can't just reorganise
就這么完全重構國防部署 the entire defence of the realm just like that.
-我可是首相 -是 但... - I'm the Prime Minister. - Yes, but...
我有這權力 I have the power.
是啊 在法律和憲法規定范圍內 Yes, within the law and the constitution
受行政先例制約 and the constraints of administrative precedent,
還要考慮預算可行性和內閣政府 budgetary feasibility and Cabinet government.
所以您是打算買巡航導彈嗎 So you plan to buy Cruise instead?
不 我們不再買核武器了 No, we shall buy no more nuclear weapons.
但首相... But, Prime Minister...
您不會私下里主張片面限武吧 You're not a secret unilateralist?
不 我們還有北極星 No, no, we still have Polaris.
北極星是老掉牙的系統了 Polaris is a ramshackle old system.
蘇聯很可能會開發出 The Soviets might easily develop
多層彈道導彈防御系統 a multi-layered ballistic missile defence system
足以攔截北極星 which could intercept Polaris.
什么時候 By when?
從戰略層面上講 隨時都有可能 Well, in strategic terms, any day now.
具體哪年 By what year precisely?
2020年嗎 2020?
但那天來得比您想的快 But that's sooner than you think!
你難道是說 這個核武防御系統 Are you saying that this nuclear defence system
能攔截全部192枚北極星導彈嗎 would stop all 192 Polaris missiles?
也不是全部 差不多吧 97% Well, not all, no, virtually all - 97%.
那還剩 That would still leave,
大概五枚核彈能打過去吧 what, about five bombs that would get through?
就是啊 僅僅五枚 Precisely, a mere five!
足以炸毀莫斯科 列寧格勒 明斯克 Enough to obliterate Moscow, Leningrad and Minsk.
是啊 但也僅此而已了 Yes, but that's about all.
我倒覺得那該足以 I should've thought it was enough
讓蘇聯人停手 三思了 to make the Russians stop and think.
但這不公平 But it's not fair.
有了三叉戟 我們能把整個西歐都轟平 With Trident we could obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe!
我才不想轟平整個西歐 I don't want to obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe!
但這是核威懾 But it's a deterrent.
是唬人的 我可能都不會用 It's a bluff. I probably wouldn't use it.
但他們又不知道您可能不會用 Yes, but they don't know that you probably wouldn't.
他們可能知道 They probably do.
對 他們可能知道您可能不會用 Yes, they probably know that you probably wouldn't,
但他們又不能確定 but they can't certainly know.
他們可能確定我可能不會用 They probably certainly know that I probably wouldn't.
對 但盡管他們可能確定 Yes, but even though they probably certainly know
您可能不會用 that you probably wouldn't,
可即使您可能不會用 他們也不能確定 they don't certainly know that although you probably wouldn't,
您肯定會用的可能性是不存在的 there's no probability that you certainly would!
什么 What?
歸根結底只有一個簡單問題 It all boils down to one simple issue.
您是首相 You are the Prime Minister,
大不列顛的首相 the Prime Minister of Great Britain.
您難道不認為大不列顛該擁有最好的東西嗎 Don't you believe that Great Britain should have the best?
當然了 Yes, of course.
那就好 Very well.
如果您走進一間核導彈展廳 If you walked into a nuclear missile showroom,
您就會買三叉戟 you would buy Trident!
它動人 優雅 美麗 It's lovely, it's elegant, it's beautiful.
它就是最好的 It is quite simply the best,
不列顛應該擁有最好的 and Britain should have the best.
在核導彈的世界里 In the world of the nuclear missile,
它是薩維爾街的西裝 it is the Savile Row suit,
是勞斯萊斯險路 the Rolls-Royce Corniche,
是1945年的拉菲酒莊葡萄酒 the Chateau Lafite 1945.
這樣的核導彈 It is the nuclear missile
是哈羅德百貨的檔次 Harrods would sell you.
我還能說什么 What more can I say?
就是它要花150億 而且我們并不需要 Only that it costs 15 billion pounds and we don't need it.
哈羅德百貨的東西不都那樣嗎 Well, you can say that about anything at Harrods.
將軍 General!
我正想跟你談談 I was hoping to have a word with you.
我有件事想聽聽你的看法 I wanted to sound you out about something.
你不會高興的 You're not going to like it.
盡管說吧 首相 Tell me the worst, Prime Minister.
這將是個打擊 軍隊會很不高興 It's going to come as a blow, very unpopular with the services.
但沒辦法 But, there it is.
-我打算取消三叉戟 -好主意 - I'm planning to cancel Trident. - Good idea.
等等 別太急著插嘴 Now, hold on, don't jump in too quickly.
跟我爭辯也沒用 我心意已... No good trying to argue, I've made up my...
你說什么 What did you say?
是個好主意 It's a good idea.
-你是說你贊成嗎 -當然 - You mean you're in favour? - Absolutely.
-為什么 -我們不需要它 - Why? - Well, we don't need it.
完全就是浪費錢 毫無必要 Complete waste of money. Totally unnecessary.
-我也是這么說的 -您說對了 - Well, that's what I said. - You're right.
國防部都這么認為嗎 And the whole defence staff agree?
海軍想留著 Well, the navy want to keep it.
是用他們的潛艇發射 It's launched from their submarines.
取消三叉戟 他們幾乎就沒存在感了 Take away Trident and they'd hardly have a role left.
空軍呢 And the RAF?
您可以去問他們 Well, you could ask them.
如果您想聽取汽修工的意見 If you're interested in the opinion of garage mechanics.
恐怕 他們想留著 I mean, I'm afraid they'd want to keep it.
他們想用飛機投彈 See, they want to drop the bomb from an aeroplane, you see.
他們就想著 All they're really interested in
駕駛飛機往下面丟東西 is flying around dropping things on people,
雖然技術不怎么樣 not that they're very good at it.
甚至無法靠近福島斯坦利港的機場跑道 Couldn't even close the runway at Port Stanley.
八成都找不到莫斯科 Probably never even find Moscow,
就算找到 估計也投不中 and if they did they'd probably miss it.
但我們要怎么讓這項政策獲得通過 But how are we gonna get the policy through
如果只有陸軍贊成的話 if only the army is in favour?
您知道 首相 As you know, Prime Minister,
國防參謀長的職位很快就要空出來了 the Chief of Defence Staff job is shortly becoming vacant.
嚴格講 這次輪到海軍了 但決定權在您 Technically, it's the navy's turn, but it's your decision.
如果您任命了一位陸軍... Now, if you should appoint a soldier,
當然了 這由您決定 of course, it's up to you.
告訴我 將軍 Tell me, General,
您難道不是資歷最深的陸軍嗎 aren't you the most senior soldier?
事實上 我想是的 As it happens, I believe I am.
謝謝 好建議 Thank you. Good advice.
首相 這位是格洛索普太太 Prime Minister, can I introduce you to Mrs Glossop.
-不可思議 -怎么了 - Extraordinary thing! - What?
我可算遇到了一位有些腦子的 Last, I've actually come across a Prime Minister
首相 with a bit of sense.
是嗎 在哪 哪個國家這么幸運 Really? Where? Which is the lucky country?
我們的 他打算取消三叉戟 太棒了 Well, ours. He's gonna cancel Trident. Wonderful.
我簡直難以置信 I could hardly believe my ears.
沒想到你居然喜歡恢復征兵制 I'm surprised you're happy about reintroducing conscription.
征兵制 Conscription.
他沒提到征兵制啊 He didn't say anything about conscription.
就是為了這個 Well, that's the whole point, you see.
能降低失業率 贏得選票 Slashes unemployment, wins votes.
我們不能施行征兵制 We can't have conscription.
我們可是精英軍隊 世界頂級 We're an elite army, best in the world.
專業 強悍 紀律嚴明 Professional, tough, disciplined.
我們不能招來一群痞子 We can't bring in a mob of punks
怪胎 癮君子和烏合之眾 and freaks and junkies and riff-raff.
25萬足球流氓嗎 A quarter of a million football hooligans?
在奧爾德肖特駐軍鎮削土豆 Peeling potatoes in Aldershot?
我猜到你會這么說了 Yes, I thought you'd say that.
那會變成普通軍隊 Well, it'll be just an ordinary army.
就像贏得了上場戰爭的那支嗎 Like the one that won the last war?
什么機會均等的亂來 就像美國人 I mean, all this equal opportunity nonsense, like America!
他們都不知道派駐過來的軍隊 They don't know if the troops that are posted to them
是男是女 要等到了才知道 are men or women, not until they arrive.
-有時到了都不知道 -是啊 - Sometimes not even then. - Quite!
還不如留下三叉戟 Much better to keep Trident.
我猜到你會這么說了 I thought you'd say that.
我們得阻止他 你得阻止他 We must stop him, you must stop him.
哪能隨便阻止首相 One can't just stop the Prime Minister.
那我們怎么辦 What do we do?
我們得拖住他 We must slow him down.
反正幾個月后 大部分新首相 After a few months, most new Prime Ministers
都會慢慢僵在原地 are more or less ground to a halt anyway.
-所以呢 -所以 - So? - So.
我明早會去找找 I'll have a word with the American Ambassador
美國大使 tomorrow morning.
好主意 It's a good idea.
我猜到你會這么說了 I thought you'd say that.
你好 Hello!
叫新聞辦公室確保 Tell the Press Office to make sure,
BBC和ITN能在白宮草坪上 that the BBC and ITN get good coverage
獲得好機位 on the White House lawn. You know,
-能拍到我和總統的特寫 -好的 - close two-shot of me and the President. - Excellent.
-那... -之后進入白宮內 - Well... - And then there'll be more photo coverage
還要拍更多照 inside the White House,
就我和總統單獨在一起的 just me and the President alone together.
太棒了 Splendid.
-那... -然后再拍攝 - Well... - And then there'll be coverage
我和總統在會談開始時的樣子 of me and the President at the start of talks,
-也就是次日 -很好 - that's the next day. - Excellent.
再之后 拍攝總統對我道別 And then after that, the President say goodbye to me.
如果幸運 他會用左手握住我的胳膊肘 With any luck he'll take my elbow with his left hand,
就這樣 you know, like, like this.
他跟西德總理會面時就是這樣 He did that with the West German Chancellor.
西德總理 是的 West German Chancellor, yes, indeed.
能不能事先通過使館 Any chance of ensuring that beforehand
-把這事定下來 -這... - with the embassy? - Well...
這可能有難度 首相 That could be difficult, Prime Minister.
可以請您看看內閣議程嗎 May I ask you to look at the Cabinet agenda?
真不知道要這些使館有什么用 I don't know what we have all these embassies for.
什么時候你拜托他們做點真重要的事 Any time you ask them to do something really important,
對英國重要的事... I mean, important for Britain...
我們不是要談取消三叉戟的事嗎 I thought we were going to discuss scrapping Trident?
本來是的 首相 Well, indeed we were, Prime Minister.
但我想 首先 But I thought in the first instance
您或許最好深入考量一番 that you might think it wiser to go into it thoroughly,
更細致地審視一下 closer scrutiny,
反復考慮一切后果 review all the implications,
畢竟 這可是國防大事 after all, we are discussing the defence of the realm.
你是想阻止我 是吧 漢弗萊 You're trying to stop me, aren't you, Humphrey?
絕對不是 首相 Indeed, no, Prime Minister,
但內閣必須掌握一切事實 but the Cabinet must have all the facts.
-真是新鮮的想法 -嗯... - That's a novel idea. - Well...
我是有特別原因 There is a special reason
認為您或許最好先別提此事 why I thought you might want to leave it for a while.
什么原因 What?
我從美國大使那里得知 Well, I've learned from the American Ambassador
當然了 這是私下說的 informally, of course,
如果我們取消了三叉戟 that they would be very upset
又沒另訂購 if we were to cancel Trident
他們其他核導彈 他們會非常不滿 and not order another of their nuclear missiles instead.
有些話肯定是不好說 Well, there's gonna be some tough talking,
我不如等見到總統后 I might just as well have it out with the President
直接跟他攤牌 when I meet him.
是啊 問題就在這里 首相 Yes, well, that's just the point, Prime Minister.
您知道 Now, as you know,
您跟總統的會談議程 the agenda of your meeting with the President
必須提前定好 must be agreed in advance.
您不能大老遠過去閑談 I mean, you can't just go all the way over there for a chat.
怎么不能 Why not?
您... Well, you...
您可能想不起該說什么 You might not think of anything to say.
據我所知 如果您的這一提議 And I understand that if this proposal of yours
真被提交給了美國人 were to be put to the Americans,
那么計劃將稍有改變 there would be a slight change of plan.
什么計劃改變 What change of plan?
您將不會見到總統 Well, your meeting would not be with the President.
而是改由 You would be entertained by
-副總統接待 -副總統 - the Vice-President. - The Vice-President?!
副總統 The Vice-President?!
漢弗萊 你開玩笑吧 Humphrey, you can't be serious!
恐怕不是 首相 I'm afraid so, Prime Minister.
副總統 The Vice-President?
但總統連博茨瓦納的領導人都接見了 But even Botswana was met by the President.
我在新聞上看到了 I saw it on the news.
博茨瓦納可沒剛取消了三叉戟訂單 Botswana hadn't just cancelled an order for Trident.
我相信他們會采取很優雅的方式 首相 I'm sure they'll do it very gracefully, Prime Minister,
解釋說總統得了黏膜炎 explain that the President had catarrh
或弄傷了拇指什么的 or bruised his thumb or something.
或者睡著了 Fallen asleep perhaps.
但這場跟總統的會面對于公關至關重要 But this meeting with the President is vital for PR.
那我只能提議 Then I can only suggest
您推遲三叉戟的討論 that you postpone the Trident discussion.
漢弗萊 首相得表明自己已經上任 Humphrey, a Prime Minister must show that he's arrived,
他得讓人看到10號住進了 he must show that there is a new mind
新頭腦 硬手腕 and a firm hand at Number 10.
他得讓人覺得他留下了印記 He must be seem to have made his mark.
但您做到了 首相 But you have, Prime Minister.
怎么說 How?
一位廚師 A cook...
從內閣辦公室餐廳借調過來 seconded from the Cabinet Office canteen?
來公寓給我做午飯 To cook lunch for me here at the flat?
從未有任何一位您的前任做到過的事 Something that none of your predecessors ever accomplished.
載入史冊 A place in the history books.
哎呦 I say!
我們讓他們知道誰是老大了 是吧 We've shown them who's in charge, haven't we?
絕對的 首相 Indeed we have, Prime Minister.
新頭腦 硬手腕 和三叉戟 A new mind and a firm hand and Trident.
載入史冊 A place in the history books, you say.
暫時不用把三叉戟寫入內閣議程了 Leave Trident off the Cabinet agenda for the time being.
這是我的堅決決定 That is my firm decision.
好嗎 All right?
是 首相 Yes, Prime Minister.