Welcome to the Daily Show
I'm Trevor Noah.
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Think of a number.
I'm thinking of the same one.
All right, the South Carolina Democratic presidential debate
has just wrapped up, and, guys,
it was a little crazy.
Tom, I think she was talking about my plan, not yours.
PETE BUTTIGIEG: I think we were talking about math,
-and it doesn't take two hours to do the math. -No, no. Well,
-let's talk about math. -'Cause let's talk about
-what it adds up to. -Let's talk about math.
-You wrote the crime bill -Where we come from
-that you called... -that's called the Tommy-come-lately.
-You didn't write that bill. I wrote that bill. -I did write...
-I wrote the bill. The Violence Against Women Act. -Okay,
-you did that. -It took out of the hands of people
-who abused their wife... -Okay, we'll have a fact check.
-No, let's look at the fact check. -Oh, my goodness.
-Can I respond to the... -Doing nothing is what will happen.
-Senator Sanders, you're allowed a quick response -(chatter)
and then we would like to allow
-Listen to the moderator, guys. -the other candidates...
Here's the deal. I'm not out of time.
He spoke over time and I'm gonna talk.
Damn! (whoops)
Yeah, it was wild tonight. I haven't seen white people
go at each other that hard
since khakis were on sale at Banana Republic.
It was crazy tonight. But the truth is
it's not surprising that the debate got that hot,
because the stakes could not be higher, people.
This debate is the last one
before the South Carolina primary this weekend.
And remember, a few days after that is Super Tuesday.
That's when 14 states all hold their primaries
at the same time. And they do it at the same time
because they got a deal on Groupon.
So every candidate tonight needed to do well.
But there was one candidate who needed it more than anyone else.
Former New York mayor-- and the only candidate
not allowed to ride a rollercoaster--
Michael Bloomberg.
MALE REPORTER: The debate was a disaster for Bloomberg.
Michael Bloomberg, who had a pretty horrible first debate,
I think that's a fair statement, right?
Bloomberg was awful.
Michael Bloomberg fell flat on his face.
When Mike Bloomberg was in the last debate-- whoa!
If you're Mike Bloomberg, you were so bad
at that first debate, it's g... it doesn't matter
how much money you're spending.
MALE REPORTER 2: He got hammered in front of 20 million viewers.
Yes, Michael Bloomberg was so bad at that first debate
he got slammed by everyone. CNN, NBC, Fox,
even The Bachelor. Yeah. Last night, Pete told Maddie...
He was like, "Listen, I know I messed up,
"but not as bad as Bloomberg messed up at the debate.
I mean, come on. Gimme a chance."
So, Mike Bloomberg was praying for an easier debate this time,
but it doesn't seem like it worked,
because right from the start,
Bloomberg was already on the back foot.
Senator Sanders, we haven't had a national unemployment rate
this low for this long in 50 years.
Here in South Carolina the unemployment rate is even lower.
How will you convince voters that a democratic socialist
can do better than President Trump with the economy?
Well, you're right, the economy is doing really great
for people like Mr. Bloomberg and other billionaires.
Oh!
I feel bad for Bloomberg.
The question wasn't even about him.
He's just minding his business over there,
and out of nowhere... Like, he must be
the first billionaire in history to get hit in a drive-by.
That's never happened.
And Bernie didn't give him a chance.
Like, he doesn't mess around. If Bernie was a boxer,
he'd be the kind of boxer
that would hit you in the locker room before the fight.
Just come in and be like, "It was gonna happen either way.
I'll see you out there. Boom. Come on."
Now, if Bernie Sanders was the ass-whupping appetizer,
Elizabeth Warren brought the main course.
You know who's gonna be in Charleston later this week
is Donald Trump. Uh, he's gonna be here
to raise money for his buddy, Senator Lindsey Graham.
Who funded Lindsey Graham's
campaign for reelection last time?
It was Mayor Bloomberg.
He dumped 12 million dollars
into the Pennsylvania senate race
to help reelect an anti-choice
right-wing Republican senator.
In 2012, he scooped in to try to defend
another Republican senator
against a woman challenger.
That was me.
It didn't work, but he tried hard.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
-Aah! -(cheering, whooping, applause)
Oh, goddamn it, I can't watch,
but I got to watch.
Man, when it comes to Bloomberg, Elizabeth Warren is relentless.
She destroyed him in the first debate.
She came after him again tonight.
I bet when he got in his car later,
she just popped up in the backseat like,
"Oh, and another thing..."
So, Bernie kicked off the debate
by attacking Bloomberg and his fellow billionaires, right?
Then Senator Warren came in,
slamming Bloomberg for bankrolling Republicans.
And if Bloomberg was worried that he was coming across
as a corrupt billionaire,
it really didn't help him
when he made a really bad slip of the tongue.
Let's just go on the record. They talk about 40 Democrats.
21 of those were people that I spent $100 million
to help elect.
The-- All of the new Democrats that came in
put Nancy Pelosi in charge and gave the Congress
the ability to control this president,
I bou-- I-I got them.
(gasping, laughter)
That's embarrassing.
That's not a good look.
"There are a ton of Democratic candidates that I bought--
"I mean, that I own-- I mean, that I pai--
"I mean, that I bribed. That's poor people's words.
"That I supported. That I supported.
That I supported."
(applause)
So, Bloomberg didn't do himself any favors with that answer.
And for two reasons: one, money and politics
is one of the things that most people are angry about
in this country. And, secondly,
you probably shouldn't brag
about buying people in South Carolina.
So, it looks like Bloomberg is gonna keep reminding us
every single debate how much money he's able to spend.
And I guess Pete Buttigieg's strategy
is to keep reminding us that he would like some money to spend.
Grassroots contributions are the lifeblood of my campaign.
In fact, I shouldn't miss the opportunity.
If you're watching right now and you support my campaign...
-(laughter, cheering) -...go to PeteForAmerica.com
and chip in.
And if you're watching right now and you're a billionaire,
I will raise your taxes.
But if you'd like to defeat Donald Trump,
please go to PeteForAmerica.com
and donate the legal maximum of $2,800.
You see, folks,
that's what happens when you let a teenager join the debate.
They stop talking about policy,
and they ask you to raise their allowance.
And then, after that, he asked Gayle King
to drop him at home after the debate.
"Please, my dad canceled my Uber account!"
Now, as weird as that moment may have been,
one of the strangest moments of the night
easily belonged to Amy Klobuchar.
You see, in the discussion in and around gun control,
everyone was trying to position themselves as the person
who could get gun control passed.
Now, she was trying to position herself
as the one Democrat who is for limiting guns
but also understands gun culture
thanks to a really special family member.
We've got to win in the middle of the country.
Having someone that can lead the ticket,
that can bring people with her
is the way you get gun safety legislation.
-Senator Klobuchar... -I look at these proposals and say,
"Do they hurt my Uncle Dick in the deer stand?
They do not."
(laughter)
"Uncle Dick in the deer stand"?
And where's Aunt Vagina, in the beaver hut?
(laughter)
-(applause) -I...
I feel like...
I feel like even Uncle Dick was sitting at home,
watching that, like, "I think, at a debate,
"you can call me Richard. I...
It's a very serious moment."
I will say though, Senator Klobuchar,
that is a great campaign slogan, if you think of it.
Just like, "Leave that dick alone."
That's ten percent of the vote right there.
Now, you have to remember,
this debate was in South Carolina, right,
the first state where black voters hold sway.
So all the candidates made sure to show everyone
that they were down with the brown.
Every single policy area in the United States
has a gigantic subtext of race.
We have a criminal justice system today
that is not only broken, it is racist.
We can no longer pretend that everything is race-neutral.
There are seven white people on this stage
talking about racial justice.
And I know that if I were black,
my success would have been a lot harder to achieve.
-(gasping, laughter) -"Yes, that's right. That's right.
"If I was black, I wouldn't have gotten this far
"because my police would have slammed me against the wall
"and frisked me.
"And then I would have said, "'Wait, it's me!'
"And they would have said, 'Shut up, Blackie!'
"And then they'd search my pockets and be like,
"'Whose $60 billion is this?'
"And I'd be like, 'It's mine from when I was white!'
'We've heard that before!'"
(chuckles) I'm not gonna lie, man.
The Democrats did have some interesting ideas around race.
It was really interesting to hear them talk about it.
I wish they would talk about it more. Tom Steyer proposed
funding black business owners, specifically,
Latino business owners, people who have been disenfranchised.
Amy Klobuchar talked about fair housing.
Pete Buttigieg talked about the struggles black people have.
It was great to hear. But once the white privilege
PowerPoint presentation of the evening was done,
it was time to get to the main event,
going after Bernie Sanders.
Can Americans trust that a Democratic socialist president
will not give authoritarians a free pass?
I have opposed authoritarianism all over the world.
What I said is what Barack Obama said in terms of Cuba,
that Cuba made progress on education.
Barack Obama was abroad. He was in a town meeting.
He did not in any way suggest
that there was anything positive about the Cuban government.
-Authoritarianism of any stripe is bad. -Period.
But that is different than saying
that governments occasionally do things that are good.
And when dictatorships, whether it is the Chinese
or the Cubans, do something good,
you acknowledge that.
Okay, now, to be fair,
to be fair, I think people have been...
a-a little too hard on Bernie on this, right?
The Fidel Castro thing, especially,
because all he's saying is something
that Barack Obama also alluded to,
that Fidel Castro, as bad as he was,
did some good things, like education. That's it.
You know? Think of it like the Count from Sesame Street.
Just because you commend him for teaching kids math
doesn't mean you're condoning the fact that he's a vampire
who sucks the life out of untold numbers of people.
"How many dead drifters in the alley?
"One, two, three dead drifters!
Ha, ha, ha, ha!"
But, at the same time,
Bernie, you have to admit,
when people ask you about Castro,
that's not the best time to mention his record on education.
It's bad timing, right?
If your wife is yelling at you, saying,
"I can't believe you cheated on me with all those ugly women,"
that's not the time to be like, "Some of them were beautiful.
Some of them were really beautiful!"
That's not the time.
And that wasn't the only attack that Bernie had to face.
Because, you see, now that he's the frontrunner,
he has everyone else gunning for him.
Vladimir Putin thinks that Donald Trump should be president
of the United States, and that's why Russia is helping
-you get elected, so you'll lose to him. -Oh, Mr. Bloomberg.
I am not looking forward to a scenario
where it comes down to Donald Trump,
with his nostalgia for the social order of the 1950s,
and Bernie Sanders, with a nostalgia
for the revolutionary politics of the 1960s.
Bernie, in fact, hasn't passed much of anything.
I do not think that this is the best person to lead the ticket.
I think I would make a better president than Bernie.
I-I'm-I'm hearing my name mentioned a little bit tonight.
(laughter)
Yo, Bernie's a legend, man,
because your name wasn't being mentioned, Bernie.
People were screaming it at you.
Although, I guess, for him, shouting is so normal
that when people shout at him, he's like,
"What a pleasant conversation for a change!
I'm so sick of everyone whispering!"
Yeah, people's normal voices are like ASMR to him.
Now, look, it's not surprising.
It's not surprising that this happened.
It's not surprising that all the moderates went
after Bernie Sanders tonight, all right?
Because what's clear in this campaign is that
as long as so many moderates stay in the race,
none of them are gonna overtake Bernie Sanders.
So they're going after him,
but-but they're splitting the vote amongst themselves.
The only way one of them is going to be able
to beat Bernie is if all the other ones drop out.
The problem is that none of them can seem
to agree on who that person should be.
WOMAN: Some of these candidates are going
to have to start dropping out.
People like Amy Klobuchar, people like Tom Steyer.
The Buttigieg campaign is calling
on Mike Bloomberg to drop out of the race.
This comes after a Bloomberg campaign memo suggested
that Biden, Buttigieg and Klobuchar actually drop out.
Of course I think it would be beneficial
if everybody else were to drop out
and support, say, my campaign.
How do you convince Amy Klobuchar
and Pete Buttigieg to get out of the race?
It's really time now for Klobuchar
to get out of the race.
I have the third biggest number,
um, so, why would I get out?
Yeah. Everyone knows someone has to leave,
but nobody wants to be the one to do it.
You know, it's like a super high-stakes version
of being the first one to hang up.
It's just like, "You drop out first."
"No, you drop out first."
"No, you drop out."
"Look, I spent half a billion dollars on this campaign!
-You drop out first!" -(laughter)
So, look, it seems like
as long as all the moderates decide to stay in the race,
Bernie is gonna have a pretty clear path
to win the nomination,
and it seems like Bernie realizes it.
I mean, just based on his new campaign ads.
Hi. I'm Bernie Sanders.
I know the pundits are saying
there's too many moderates in this race,
but I think all of you are doing a great job.
Amy Klobuchar, why would you drop out?
You came in third that one time!
That's what I call momentum.
And Mayor Pete, if anyone says you should drop out,
you tell them to go to hell in one
of the seven languages you sort of speak.
(speaking foreign language)
Oh, and Mayor Bloomberg, keep spending
all your money on those ads.
If there's two things Americans love,
it's you and watching commercials.
And Tom Steyer...
you should quit and stop calling me.
It's getting creepy!
I'm Bernie Sanders,
and I endorse everyone staying in this race!
All right, everybody. We'll be right back.
(cheers and applause)