Supporters often wonder how they can best help someone
who is experience sexual assault.
When thinking about how to provide support to survivors
we focus on three simple ideas
are listening to them believing them and exploring their options.
First of all, it's really important to create a safe space for survivors
to talk about their experience without interruption.
Just listening can be a really powerful thing.
Although it's really natural to want to ask a lot of questions
when supporting someone you care about.
It's important only ask questions that will clarify what the survivors telling you,
not just to satisfy your curiosity.
We also want to stay away from why questions,
as they tend to inadvertently blame or judge the survivors.
Remember even something as well-intentioned as why didn't you tell me earlier
can put the survivor in a position to have to defend their decision to you.
Next, since many survivers are afraid of that no one will believe them,
or that they'll be blamed for what happened to them.
It's important to show the person that you believe them.
Although we hear about alleged sexual assaults or false allegations in the news.
Studies have found that
only two to three percent of all sexual assault reported to police are false allegations.
This is the same percentage for false allegations of other crimes
such as breaking and entering or robbery,
which means people don't lie about being sexually assaulted
any more than they like about any other crime.
In reality, sexual assault is a severely underreported crime,
but only about nine percent of sexual assaults ever being reported to police.
Finally something else you can do is explore options of the person you're supporting.
When we talk about exploring options,
a lot of us may have the sense that
there are certain things are survivors should do after experiencing a sexual assault.
However asking the survivor what they would like to do is much more helpful.
Some options you could potentially exploit this right there are
going to a local sexual assault centre or calling a 24 hour crisis line,
finding a counselor or a close friend to confide in,
seeking medical attention,
reporting to local law enforcement.
And for survivors who don't feel comfortable with any of these options,
not doing any of them is completely valid.
Although it may seem that these three things aren't quite enough,
in fact, they're very powerful.
And if you're able to listen and believe in explore options with someone,
you're probably one of the only people that doing this for them.
Typically support that survivors get is very different,
and it's so powerful to be heard without questions,
it's so powerful to be believed without being questioned about your experience,
and to explore options at someone's interested,
and be imperative making whatever choice feels right for them.
Putting the power back in their hands,
to take charge of their own recovery and what they need.
Every person is so unique in their recovery,
that really we have to use them as a guide,
and an expert on their own experience and what's best for them,
and trust that they know what's best for them.
Before we look at some of the things
that we can actually do to stop sexual assault,
we want to talk a bit about prevention more generally.
Traditionally when people think about preventing sexual assault,
they focus on traditional safety tips or rules for women to follow.
You know the kind that we're talking about.
Don't walk home alone at night.
Always keep your drink.
Don't show too much skin.
But let's think about what these traditional tips are really saying.
When we tell someone to not walk home at night,
what we're really saying is that
they're responsible for preventing their own sexual assault.
What's worse if a sexual assault does happen,
that same person is often blamed,
because they didn't follow the rules closely enough.
So although tips are meant to keep people safe and prevent sexual assault,
they actually do the opposite because the wrong person is held responsible.
The thing about personal safety is that
it's likely to mean something different for each person,
and passing on specific tapes to friends and family
about what we think they should do
can actually be harmful in two important ways.
First, we often hear that many survivors won't confide in a friend who is giving them tips,
because they feel like they'll be blamed for not following their advice.
Unfortunately this leaves people without the support they truly need
at a time when they need it the most.
Second, when survivors feel like they're typically,
they're also less likely to report to law enforcement,
which means perpetrators are held accountable for their actions.
At the end of the day all we're asking each of us to do
is to be more critical of the impact of passing on tips has,
because it's certainly not harmless.
So what are some of the ways that we can actually work towards
creating communities free of sexual violence.
First of all don't sexually assaulting anyone.
If we truly want to stop sexual assault,
then the responsibility is on each and every one of us to fully accept
that none of us is ever entitled to talk to someone else's body
without their voluntary consent.
In every instance we need to ask our partners for consent,
and respect their right to choose if when and how they want to be sexual
regardless of how badly we may want to have sex.
And if the person that we want to have sex with is really drunk,
then we need to wait until they're sober,
and can give their voluntary consent before we do anything with them.
Because anything less could be sexual assault.
There are other ways to make change in this issue too.
Some of you might want to use the knowledge that you've learned
to challenge the myths about sexual violence
and talk about the realities instead.
Some of you might want to get involved in your local community,
maybe by volunteering at a sexual assault centre or similar service.
Finally we can all work towards ending sexual assault in our communities
by becoming active bystanders.
Although sexual assault is not the responsibility of anyone other than the perpetrator,
we can all have a hand in helping make sure it doesn't get to that point.
That means that there are many ways that each of us can intervene in situations
that come up in our own lives
and stop in and we said we feel comfortable with.
For example, imagine sitting at a party and over hearing someone say something like
"oh wow that how to use totally wasted I'm definitely getting late tonight"
First of all if somebody is totally wasted,
they're not capable of giving consent, right?
And if we can realize that,
then we've already taken the first step to being an active bystander.
Of course it isn't enough just to recognize something
that's having the potential to become sexual assault.
The next step is to intervene in some way.
Maybe you choose to just make a simple statement like
“wow they're way too drunk leave them alone”.
Or maybe you decide to just distract the person who made the comment with a game of pool.
Or maybe you ask this person's friends to make sure they got home alright.
It's just about finding what works.
And since every situation would be different
each one of us will intervene in different ways.
Although combating sexual assault with a rape culture can feel daunting at times,
hopefully we've provided you assume new tools to get involved.
What matters is that we collectively recognize how important this issue is,
and then we do what we can to end sexual violence in our communities.
This video is part of a series from the University of Alberta Sexual Assault Centre. For more information on bringing this type of comprehensive sexual assault awareness and prevention education to your school, please contact uasac@ualberta.ca
SUPPORT AND PREVENTION
Dr. Tatiana LoVerso Registered Psychologist
SUPPORT
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
I believe you.
Only 2-3% of all sexual assault reported to police are false allegations.
People don't often lie about being sexually assaulted
Only about 9% of sexual assaults are ever reported to police
What would you like to do?
Some options you could explore:
Going to a local sexual assault centre or calling a 24 hour crisis line
Finding a counsellor or a close friend to confide in
Seeking medical attention
Reporting to local law enforcement
And for survvivors who don't feel comfortable with any of these options, not doing any of them is completely valid
PREVENTION
Parker Leflar Anti-Sexual Violence Advocate
BLAMED
I told you never walk alone at night.
I guess it's my fault.
I can't tell anyone now.
PREVENTION MOVING FORWARD
Sannah Barros Anti-Sexual Violence Advocate
Oh wow, that hottie's totally wasted! I'm definitely getting laid tonight.
IF SOMEONE IS WASTED THEY AREN'T CAPABLE OF GIVING CONSENT
Woah, they're waaaay too drunk - leave them alone.
Let's play pool!