Subtitles by Phaeton
Hey, can I get another drink down here?
I've been to prison once.
I've been married twice.
I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live
in shit-ass Mexico for two and a half years for no reason.
I've had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out,
and I got a bone chip in my ankle that's never gonna heal.
I've seen some pretty shitty situations in my life.
But nothing has ever sucked more ass than this.
If I'd known I was gonna have to put up with screaming brats
pissing on my lap for 30 days out of the year,
I would have killed myself a long time ago.
Come to think of it, I still might.
Where I come from, we didn't celebrate Christmas.
Not because we were Jewish, but because my dad
was a worthless-coward fucking asshole whose idea of a present
was a daily punch to the back of the head.
He did teach me how to crack a safe, though.
My dad never did shit with his life, so he took it out on me.
You could say I'm no different. I'd have to say you were right.
But at this point, it's too late to start over.
Funny how things work out.
It's fucking hilarious.
There's Santa Claus. Look there.
Wow.
Oh, my. What a darling photo.
Are you certain you only want the single?
Additional photos come in handy as gifts for Grandma and Grandpa
or as a wonderful remembrance for friends.
Gee. You know what?
This one, I think it's more than enough.
Thanks. Merry Christmas.
So, what do you want, little girl?
A drum set.
Oh, the old man will love that.
Okay. Fine. See you later.
I saw you at another mall.
Well, I'm very happy for you.
You're not really Santa.
If you were Santa, you could do magic.
You want to see some magic?
Here. Let's watch you disappear.
Watch the bladder, kid. Santa's got to pee.
-What do you want? -A new bike.
Wow. That's a new one. Excellent.
Attention, shoppers.
The store will be closing in five minutes.
We hope tomorrow is a pleasant Christmas.
Thank you for shopping with us.
-Is that it? -Yeah, that's the last one.
Thank the fuck Christ.
Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph.
You pissed yourself.
Aw, Jesus.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah.
Hey, happy holidays. All right.
Merry Christmas.
Happy holidays.
Get home safe.
Yeah, okay.
I don't care what he says.
-We're going out for a beer. -What the fuck?
I'll get right back to you.
What the hell's wrong with you? I'm trying to fucking leave.
Pants are awful baggy.
You got anything in there?
Yeah. My dick. You want to see it?
Keep pushing me.
I got my eyes on you.
All the time.
Ready.
Jesus.
-How's it going? -I'm finished when I'm finished.
I'm going back upstairs.
I need a melon baller and a loofah.
Got it.
Fuck the loofah. Let's go.
Marcus, you get the loofah?
Drive.
Oh!
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time
Oh, I'm dizzy. Put me down.
Hey, put me down.
Come on! Put me down.
Oh, come on.
Oh, man.
Hey, baby, two more of these, all right?
No. That's it for me.
You can't drink worth a shit, you know that?
I weigh 92 pounds, you dick.
Come on. One more. It's a celebration.
Here's to you.
To have the blues
My baby's gone
You're getting worse, you know that?
Well, at least I got it open.
It took you long enough.
I remember when you could unlock a lock like it was nothing.
Yeah, well, you don't have to worry about me anymore.
I'm out.
Bullshit.
Bullshit, my ass.
We just made $111,000 in one night.
Exactly. I figure I got enough to go to Miami.
And do what?
I don't know. Shit. Get a car.
Get a place, maybe.
Maybe start a business. A bar out on the beach.
Something like that.
I could quit drinking and run the place.
Maybe marry a waitress.
What?
You ain't gonna do shit except go down there
and drink your fucking ass off.
You're gonna piss everything away
and end up counting the days till next Christmas.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Well, it ain't gonna happen.
If I call you next December --
if I call you next December --
you're gonna be so happy to hear from me
you're gonna do a goddamn backflip.
You're gonna put that Santa hat on so fast
that you're gonna get fucking hat-burn.
Can I get you guys two more?
No, thanks. We're all right.
See?
I'm already on the wagon.
Hey. Asshole!
How many times I got to tell you?
Get out from behind my bar!
Put the drink down right now.
Put the drink down right now!
Ahh. Fuck you.
-Fuck me, huh? -Right.
Oh. Hey!
Ow!
Get the fuck out of my bar.
Fuck you!
You're fucking crazy.
Fucking prick.
Asshole!
Get the fuck out of here right now!
Have a holly jolly Christmas
And in case you didn't hear
Oh, by golly, have a holly jolly --
Fucking shit!
Fuck you!
Yeah, baby.
Hey, Tiffany, you want to play "Hide the Nazi" one day?
God damn it.
Here you go, sweetie.
I got something for your pretty ass.
-You do? -Yeah.
Wow. $5.
Thanks.
I gotta listen to my messages, and you need to take a shower.
I'm a dancer. I sweat.
Yeah, well, you smell like a bum's nut sac.
Fuck you.
Message one.
Mr. Soke?
This is Andrew Kaplan again, from the collection agency.
Message two.
This is Dolores Axelrod.
You ran into my car last week.
I called State Farm,
but they have no record of any insurance policy for you.
In case you misplaced it, my phone number is 4 --
Message three.
Willie, it's Marcus. It's that time of year again.
Pack your shit. Phoenix.
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we've no place to go
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
Man, it doesn't show signs of stopping
And I brought me some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let it snow, let it snow
Jesus Christ!
Can you maybe keep it together for just 10 minutes?
Harrison, just let me explain, please. Financially --
Well, you get what you paid for, Chipeska.
Five Christmases I've been here.
You flip me for some stranger who'll do it for peanuts
and who happens to work with a real midget.
Nobody cares. Nobody comes here for the elf.
Santa's the attraction.
I do Burl lves songs.
Does this schmo even play guitar?
Look, Harrison, it's not about the money or the midget.
Believe me, if it was, I --
I don't think they like "midget."
I think you're supposed to call them...
Oh, just forget it.
Hacks!
Hi.
Bob Chipeska. Welcome.
Great photo and résumé, by the way.
Thanks.
We've been at this a long time and all.
We'd like to think we do a good job.
I'm so glad you guys could come in on such short notice.
I must say, your look is just sensational.
Thanks.
We've been at this for years. You got nothing to worry about.
You two are the best men for this job, truly.
So don't let his unpleasantness affect your performance.
-Oh, no. We're fine. -Performance?
Yes. Uh, your performance. You know, the, um...
Performance, like sexual?
-Excuse me? -Willie.
Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear?
Is that what you're saying?
-I'm sorry. Your gear? -Willie.
My fuck stick.
Hey, Willie. Take a seat.
You know how your blood sugar is.
He's not going to say "fuck stick" in front of the children?
No, no, no. It's a joke.
An adult joke for us adults.
It's a joke. Just a joke.
"Fuck stick"?
Yes. I thought it was very strange, too.
So, as our security chief,
I wanted you to be aware.
But his little friend promised he wouldn't say it
in front of the children, which is fine.
Because, you know, there is an adult world
and a child's world, and that's okay.
I'm no censor.
"Little friend"?
Yes, he happens to be a dwarf.
Or midget.
I don't know what he's called exactly.
But, uh, he's a little guy.
Little Billy Barty. God rest.
But thin fingers.
Not the fat sausage fingers.
"Little people." That's what they like.
Yes. Uh, right. Little people.
So "fuck stick." That's it?
Yeah.
Merry Christmas! Santa's coming. Yay!
Merry Christmas!
Have you seen that new Santa they just hired?
Yeah. He's back there drunk.
He's coming, guys. Santa will be here real soon.
God damn it!
What the fuck you doing? You blow this, and we're broke.
So stop acting like you know something.
'Cause, pal of mine, you don't know squat!
Now, put on your hat and get out there.
And try to act professional, for Christ's sakes.
What do you want?
What?
Get out of here.
Next.
Oh, good. What do you want?
What are you doing?
God damn it!
Nintendo Deer Hunter 3.
I don't give a shit what you want.
Blowing snot all over everybody and fucking whatever.
Next. Come on.
What do you want?
-Um, Santa? -Yeah, I'm Santa.
Come on. What do you want?
-Um, Barbie. -Say cheese.
Okay. Fine. Barbie.
Oh, thank you.
Ow! Watch the toenails, kid! Shit.
Next.
Next!
What do you want?
Fraggle-Stick car.
What the fuck is that?
Fraggle-Stick car.
Well, I heard you. Fraggle-Stick car. Fine.
Hey, check out this loser.
Hey, fat-ass. How you doing today?
Hey, loser.
Hey, dipshit.
Moron.
Hey, loser. How you doing today?
Dumb-ass, why don't you turn around?
You know what? Fuck this.
You're next.
Next.
I said next, God damn it. This is not the DMV, all right?
Move it along.
What's your name? You can tell me.
I know. How about Santa?
If you don't tell him, you won't get a present.
That's right.
Come on and tell Santa all about it.
What do you want?
Well, come on. What do you want?
A snot-rag?
Great. Another fucking Mongoloid.
Marcus, get this kid off me before he pisses on me.
Don't fuck with my beard.
It's not real.
No shit.
Well, it was real.
But, you see, I got sick and all the hair fell out.
How did you get sick?
I loved a woman who wasn't clean.
Mrs. Santa?
No. It was her sister.
What's it like at the North Pole?
Like the suburbs.
Which one?
Apache Junction.
What the fuck do you care? Now, get off my lap.
You sit there like a fucking retard.
You are really Santa, right?
No. I'm an accountant.
I wear this fucking thing as a fashion statement, all right?
Okay.
Get this kid out of here. He's freaking me out.
I got to get a drink on. I'll see you tomorrow.
Just don't come into work stinking of booze again.
Yeah. Why don't you get going?
You'll be late for your "Wizard of Oz" Candy Bar Guild.
Lollipop Guild, you asshole. Jesus!
Two-year-olds flip me shit better than you.
You saying something to me?
Yeah. I'm gonna stick my whole fist up your ass.
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
Dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go, laughing all the way
Bells on bobtail ring, making spirits bright
What?
What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Mmm.
Another Grand-Dad, Santa?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
Got a name?
Yeah.
So, what do you do, you know...
After the holidays, I mean.
Well, nothing till March, and then I'm the Easter Bunny.
Oh. Another?
Yeah. Why not?
Merry Christmas.
Not a big talker.
No, not really.
-Buy you one? -Why not?
Happy New Year.
You're pretty regular for a Santa.
It's not that big a fucking deal.
It's just a job, you know what I mean?
I'm an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santy Claus.
Prove it.
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa!
Can't I at least take this hat off?
No. I love the hat.
Okay.
Whoo!
I've always had a thing for Santa Claus.
In case you didn't notice.
It's like some deep-seated childhood thing.
So is my thing for tits.
Yeah. It is like that, though.
From when you're a kid.
'Cause my dad was Jewish, and we didn't have Christmas.
So it was like this forbidden thing.
So...
I like you.
Don't mothball that suit.
What the fuck?
I am not gay.
-What the hell, buddy? -Buddy?
I said I am not gay.
Are you off your fucking meds or something?
Yes.
But that isn't what this is about.
You're as queer as a $10 bill.
Let me tell you something, motherfucker.
My brother lost a goddamn arm fighting you fuckers in Vietnam.
So I want you to look at my face one last fucking time.
This is the last thing you're ever gonna see before I --
Elf fucker!
-Motherfucker! -Turn around, elf fucker.
Who's the bitch now, Santy Claus? Huh?
Faggy Claus! Faggy!
Leave Santa alone!
Little boy, don't interfere. I am doing this for all of us.
Leave Santa alone!
Ass clown.
Hey, you're that kid.
What the fuck are you doing here?
This one fucking time I take you home, okay?
Uh-huh.
I'm not your fucking dada.
Uh-huh.
It's not like you helped me with that nutjob or anything.
-Uh-huh. -You're the right height.
You're right there to grab his balls.
-You could twist them. -Why do you need a car?
-What? -This car.
Which turn is it?
Sage Terrace. Where's your sleigh?
It's in the shop, getting repaired.
-Where are the reindeer? -I stabled them.
Is it left or right?
That way.
Where's the stable?
-Next to the shop. -How do they sleep?
Who? The reindeer? Standing up.
But the noise. How do they sleep?
-What noise? -From the shop.
They only work during the day, all right?
I thought it was always night at the North Pole.
Well, not now. Right now it's always day.
Then how do they sleep?
-Oh, shit. Sage Terrace.
What is it with you? Somebody drop you on your fucking head?
On my head?
Are they gonna drop you on somebody else's head?
How can they drop me onto my own head?
No, not onto your... Would...
God damn it! Are you fucking with me?
Okay. Which house is it?
That one.
With Jesus and his family there or what?
No. The one beside that.
-Right here? -Yeah. That one.
All right.
Nice digs.
Is Daddy home?
He's on an adventure, exploring mountains.
He's been gone a long time.
Exploring mountains, huh? How long is he gonna be gone?
Till next year.
Yeah? What about Mommy?
She lives in God's house with Jesus and Mary and the ghost
and the long-eared donkey and Joseph and the talking walnut.
Well, who the fuck takes care of you, then?
Grandma.
Yeah? What's her name?
Grandma.
Is Granny spry?
Everybody!
D-O-L-E, Dole
Banana shuffle
Grandma? Grandma?
Santa's here.
Oh, Roger. You're home.
Are you spry?
Let me fix you some sandwiches.
Are you telling me she's the only one here?
Nobody else?
No aunts or cousins or uncles or anything like that?
A butler or security guard or something?
Nuh-unh.
You're shitting me.
Does your daddy have a safe?
Need money to fix your sleigh?
Exactly.
You want milk and cookies?
No.
Should I fix you some sandwiches?
Unh-unh.
Does your daddy have a car?
Bye, Santa!
First comes the stocking of little Nell
Dear old Santa, fill it well
Oh, my!
Keep going. -Jesus!
Ohh!
Oh, God!
Ooh!
Oh, Zena! Oh, Mary!
Keep it going.
Jesus Christ!
Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby.
You ain't gonna shit right for a week.
Oh!
-Yeah, buddy! -Yeah!
-Whoo!
It won't happen again. I can promise you that.
Willie here has low blood sugar. That's all.
That's right. I forgot to take my pill.
It's not just the swearing.
Um...
Forgive me for prying.
But did one of you, um...
fornicate...
Fornicate?
Yes, with a heavyset woman in the Big & Tall dressing room.
Look, I've boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure.
But as far as I can recall, I've never fornicated anybody.
Yes, well, even still,
I think it's best for all parties considered if we --
If we what?
Well, I have someone else interested in the position.
Before you do something stupid,
you may want to think about this shit.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about firing a little black midget.
A colored, African-American small person.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about your face all over goddamn "USA Today."
I'm talking about 150 of these little motherfuckers
all over the sidewalk out there.
Little picket signs, chanting and raving.
Using little bullhorns and shit like that.
Screaming and hollering your name out.
Unfair practices. Get me?
No. No, no. This is not a handicap thing.
I have nothing against you people.
"You people"?
Did you hear that, Marcus? He said, "You people."
Who the hell is "us people"?
Wait. Wait. No, no.
I -- You don't under-- What?
He... No, no.
Um, you know, I think it's best
if we just forget we had this conversation.
Okay.
Good thinking.
And don't worry about us. We'll be fine.
Let's get the hell out of here, Marcus.
You're pathetic.
I dig that little thing on your belly button.
What's that? Like a diamond?
It's a belly-button ring.
Oh, yeah? Hang on a second.
Check this out.
You got to thrust. See what I'm saying?
You gotta move the ball around. You go up there, baby.
Come on.
See? Move the ball. There you go.
Motherfucker!
Oh, you lousy, fucking motherfucker.
That's the shit that's gonna get us pinched.
She said she was 18.
But you promised no arcades.
You said you'd only hustle Big & Tall.
You shat me out of your womb? You're my fucking mom now?
I don't need any goddamn lectures.
I know how to keep a low profile. Thank you.
What the fuck is this, Mr. Low Profile?
Mind your own goddamn business.
Ever hear of the open bottle law?
A couple of days ago, I was in, uh, Women's Big & Tall.
And I heard these...
Um, you know, these noises.
And I heard a woman screaming, "Yeah. Oh, yeah."
And I heard his voice saying, "That's right.
You ain't going to S-H-I-T right for a month."
But don't get me wrong.
I was against the Clinton impeachment.
What a man does with his own penis --
Oval Office, Women's Big & Tall --
it's not for the American people to say.
Yeah, right.
But when you're dealing with children...
They have a tender sensibility.
And you are in a position of trust.
I think perhaps someone who has screaming orgasms
with large women shouldn't...
Yeah.
Of course, I can't fire him for that.
Oh, yeah. Unfair practices.
Special pleading. Bitch, bitch, bitch.
Fucking broads.
But I just can't help it.
There's something about the guy that makes me uneasy.
Well, sure.
Santa fucking someone in the ass.
-So...
Maybe there's something I could fire him for.
Yeah, I get you.
Do you?
Do you think you could find something?
Shit, yeah. There's always something.
Shit.
Hey, Opal. Come here.
Unh-unh.
Screw you, Willie, your kinky ass.
Last time I didn't shit right for a week.
No, it's not that. I need to talk to you.
I'm just tired of you, Willie.
Ooh.
Who the fuck is in my room?
Did you see somebody go in my room?
Yeah. Some guy asking about you.
Looked like a cop.
Oh, shit.
Marcus, it's Willie.
I just got back to the motel.
Some guy is nosing around in my room.
What guy? You get a look at him?
No. But I think he's a cop, though.
Think somebody's onto us?
Is there anything in the room? Anything professional?
No, I just got clothes in there.
Just ditch, you idiot.
You got anywhere to sack out for a while?
-Santa! -Yeah.
You're bringing my present early?
No.
But I never told you what I wanted.
I said I didn't bring it, dipshit.
Okay. Good.
I want a stuffed elephant. A pink one.
Wish in one hand, shit in the other one.
See which one fills up first.
Okay.
So I'm gonna be staying here for a while.
Things are all fucked up at the North Pole.
Mrs. Santa caught me fucking her sister.
And I'm out on my ass now.
She got half of everything.
This is gonna be cool.
This will do fine.
So I'm gonna be crashing here.
It will be just you and me, like roommates, you know?
Do you and Mrs. Santa have kids?
No. Thank the fuck Christ.
What about the elves?
Well, they stay with Mrs. Santa.
I get them on the weekends.
Why don't you go run me a bath?
What about the reindeer?
Would you please shut up about reindeer?
What are their names?
Who?
The elves.
Oh, shit. I can't remember.
I think one of them is Sneezy. There's a Dopey.
That's the Seven Dwarfs.
Oh, you're shitting me.
I thought... I was thinking it was the...
I don't know. Fuck, kid.
I just call them, "bub."
I say, "Hey, bub" or "chief" or whatever the fuck.
I tell him to make the goddamn toy.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I can't remember this shit!
Does everything with you have to be a fucking test?
How old are they?
You want cookies?
No.
Warm milk?
No.
Should I fix you some sandwiches?
I don't want any fucking sandwiches.
What is it with you and fixing fucking sandwiches?
Okay. Do you want anything else?
No.
Okay.
Santa?
What?
I brought you some orange juice.
What's in it?
Oranges.
Look what I have.
An Advent calendar.
What the hell is that?
It's the story of Christmas, but in a calendar.
Every day you peel open a new box.
You get part of the story.
And then there's a chocolate inside.
Do you want to open up today's box and read it?
No. You go ahead.
Jesus Christ, kid. Watch the nuts.
"So Joseph went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee
to Judea, to Bethlehem, the town of David.
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree
that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world.
Everyone went to his hometown to register."
-That it? -Yep.
That's an awesome fucking story, kid.
There's more to it, but we have to wait till tomorrow.
Do you want to eat the chocolate?
You go ahead.
Are you coming downstairs?
I'll be down in a minute. I got to go to work.
Fuck me? Fuck you.
You can't just take up with some kid.
You don't know who's around or what they do.
You got some nerve, you little shit, you.
What, you're my mom now? You shat me out of your womb?
You said that yesterday, you stupid fuck.
Shit.
Fuck you.
You are by far the dumbest,
most pathetic piece of maggot-eating shit
that has ever slid from a human being's hairy ass.
What if the kid has one of those fucking playdates they have now?
Are you shitting me? The kid don't have any friends.
He don't even have an imaginary friend unless he ditched him.
He lives with his drooling-ass old grandmother.
Sits in front of the TV all the time.
You think she's gonna rat me out?
She don't know her ass from last Tuesday.
You fuck her?
Jesus Christ.
Is everything fucking sex with you?
With me? I fuck one person.
I ain't out there serial fornicating,
trying to float my liver, drinking myself silly
'cause I can't stand what a piece of shit I am.
What are you, Sigmund Sawed-off Fucking Freud?
Yeah, that's right.
Go ahead. Talk about my height.
Make it about something safe
'cause you're an emotional cripple.
Your soul is dog shit.
Every single fucking thing about you is ugly.
Come on, Lois. Let's get out of here.
Look who's here, Jimmy. It's Santa.
That's fucking great.
Let's tell him what you want for Christmas.
Fuck.
I'm on my fucking lunch break, okay?
Are you insane?
Management's gonna hear about this.
You think that's a threat?
If you think you can make my life any worse, go right ahead.
Be my fucking guest. Take a shot.
It's the most wonderful time of the year
With the kids jingle-belling
And everyone telling you, "Be of good cheer"
It's the most wonderful time of the year
Just looking.
Aah!
Find everything you're looking for?
Um, yeah. Thank you.
Nothing I can help you with, huh?
No. I'm just looking at the games 'cause I have an Xbox.
Get your hands out of my pants, man!
You're stealing from the store, you're stealing from me.
What is this?
I was gonna pay for it.
Wrong answer.
When I look at you, you know what I think?
I think America has a sad future ahead of it.
And you're part of this sorry-ass generation.
What you want to be when you grow up?
I don't know.
-This MP3? -Yeah.
Take it off.
But my grandmother gave --
Take it off. I don't care who gave it to you.
Take it off.
I don't care if it choke you to death.
Now, I want you to get on out of here. Get!
-But can I have... -Get!
Happy Kwanzaa.
And pull your damn pants up!
What's wrong with you kids these days?
MAN: Gin?
-Yeah. -What do you need?
I need you to run a plate for me.
It's Arizona plates.
Hold on. Let me get a pen.
Is that it?
For Christ's sake, make a move and stick with it, would you?
King me.
Son of a bitch!
You lousy, cheating little shit!
You're fucking with me! You did that on purpose.
You play like the dead lice are falling off of you,
and then suddenly, you're like Seabiscuit all over the place.
You're a smartass, is what you are, kid.
Want to play again?
Howdy. Herb Gunner.
I live two streets over on Burning Trail Road.
I don't think we've met.
I'm Uncle Willie.
I'm organizing the decorations for the subdivision this year.
-You mind if I come in? -Yeah.
I mean yeah, I mind.
Okay. Uh...
Will you be participating in our luminarias program this year?
-What the hell is a lunamaria? -They're luminarias.
Small sacks filled with about a pound of sand each.
We insert a candle in the middle, light it,
and the bag glows.
Then we line all the sidewalks here
all around the neighborhood.
You see, we don't celebrate Christmas around here, so...
We're, uh, we're Muslims.
Look, it's my first year running this.
I'd like it if there weren't any gaps in it.
What if I come by Christmas Eve and do it for you?
No, you know what? You don't have to do that.
Yeah, me and the kid here, we'll do something.
Great. I got the supplies.
-I'll throw them in the garage. -Perfect.
Awesome.
Going in the garage, just so you know.
You can make a delicious six-pound chicken.
Enough hot dogs and sausages to feed a small army.
Not one, but two delicious rotisserie chickens.
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
Scrumptious 6˝-pound standing rib roast.
And everybody's favorite, baby back ribs.
This is such a nice house.
Needs a woman's touch, though.
I just rent the fucking place anyway.
Yeah. I just rent stuff, too.
Yeah?
How long are you gonna be here?
What? On the couch?
No.
In town.
I don't know. Just through the holidays.
You know, then I'll move on.
So, do you like