美国战队：世界警察 - 未分级加长完整版（NC-17级） 双语字幕编辑: Chinasaint QQ:5918354 欢迎光临 http://chinasaint.com
巴黎, 法国 美国东方 3,635 英哩
噢, 哈啰. Oh, hello.
小宝舒华? Jean Francois?
# 两只老虎, 两只老虎~ #
# 跑的快, 跑的~ #
小宝舒华! 不是叫你不要乱跑吗? 妈妈你看那些人! Jean Francois.
炸弹!
你们这些匪徒, 放下强力炸弹 You in the robes. Put down the weapon of mass destruction
并且趴在地上,你们被捕了!, and get on the ground. You're under arrest.
马上放下武器! Put down your weapons now!
为什么他们不能干脆点? Why can't they ever do this the easy way?
环球特警. 全部趴在地上! World Police. Get down on the ground!
嘿, 恐怖份子. Hey, terrorist.
恐惧吧. Terrorize this.
好吧, 我们来点有趣的. All right, let's make this interesting.
你输了. You lose.
- 他带着强力炸弹跑了! - 让我来. - He's getting away with the WMD! - I got him.
该死, 没打中. Damn, I missed him.
莎菈, 他带走炸弹了.你能逮到他吗? Sarah, he's got the bomb. You got a fix?
让我来, 卡森. 他跑到罗浮宫了. I got him, Carson. He's heading for the Louvre.
你的计划完蛋了. Your plans are over.
- 太棒了, 莎菈. - 干得好, 伙伴们! - All right, Sarah. - Yeah, all right, team!
小意思. Nothing to it.
太棒了. All right.
哈啰, 各位. 别担心.一切都搞定了. Bonjour, everyone. Don't worry. Everything is bon.
我们阻止了恐怖份子. We stopped the terrorists.
在来的路上, 我想了很多. I was doing a lot of thinking on the ride over here.
是吗? 有关什么? Oh, yeah? About what?
我想要你嫁给我. I was thinking that I want you to marry me.
- 别拿那开玩笑. - 谁在开玩笑? - Don't joke about that. - Who's joking?
乔呼叫莎菈. 看来我们要订个结婚蛋糕了! Joe to Sarah. Looks like we may need to order up a wedding cake.
- 他终于求婚了? - 莉萨, 你是个不可思议的女人. - He finally popped the question? - Lisa, you're an amazing woman.
而且也是个天杀的优秀警察. 我想与你度过我的下半生. And a damn fine cop. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
喔, 卡森. 卡森... Oh, Carson. Carson...
卡森! Carson!
不! No!
卡森! Carson.
- 感觉...好冷. - 你要撑住, 卡森! - Feel so cold. - You have to hang on, Carson.
抱歉了, 宝贝. 看样子...这是张单程票... Sorry, babe. Looks like this was a one-way ticket.
不. No.
莉萨, 你要好好活下去. Lisa, you have to live on.
找个爱你的人. 找个人...快快乐乐的... Find someone else who will love you. Find someone else and be happy.
你应得...的... You deserve...
不! No!
每个人都有爱滋 Everyone has AIDS
爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 爱滋, 爱滋 AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS
每个人都有爱滋 Everyone has AIDS
所以...这是故事的结尾 And so this is the end of our story
每个人都死于爱滋 And everyone is dead from AIDS
它夺走了我最好的朋友 It took from me my best friend
我唯一的知己 My only true pal
我唯一的恒星 My only bright star
他死于爱滋 He died of AIDS
我要到华盛顿游行抗议 Well, I'm gonna march on Washington
领导战役, 组织军队 Lead the fight And charge the brigades
每个人心中都有英雄 There's a hero inside of all of us
我要让他们看到, 每个人都有爱滋 I'll make them see Everyone has AIDS
- 我爸 - 爱滋 - My father - AIDS
- 我姊 - 爱滋 - My sister - AIDS
我叔叔跟我堂兄 跟他的好朋友 My uncle and my cousin And her best friend
同性恋跟正直的人, 白人跟工人 The gays and the straights And the whites and the spades
每个人都有爱滋 我奶奶跟我的狗老篮 Everyone has AIDS. My grandma and my dog Ole Blue
- 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 - 教皇也有, 你也会有 - AIDS, AIDS, AIDS - The pope has got it and so do you
来吧, 各位 补救就要开始 Come on, everybody We got quilting to do
我们要破坏阻碍! We're gonna break down These barricades
每个人都有 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 Everyone has AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 爱滋, 爱滋 AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS
- 太棒了, 盖瑞! - 谢啦! 史帝夫, 你也是! - Great job, Gary. - Thanks. You too, Steve.
那是我看过最棒的演出. That was the greatest acting I've ever seen.
我只是不知道你怎么做的, 盖瑞. I just don't know how you do it, Gary.
你怎么让自己那么纯洁又富有感情 How do you make yourself so somber and emotional
还让大家哭的死去活来? to make everybody cry like that?
其实一点都不难. 我只是想着生命中最难过的时光. It's not that hard, really. I just think about the saddest moment in my life.
老兄, 哇! 盖瑞真是出色. Man, wow. Gary is such a great guy.
盖瑞, 噢, 不, 救救我! 救救我! Gary. Oh, no. Help me! Help me!
离我远一点! 赶走牠们! 盖瑞! Get off of me! Get this thing off of me! Gary!
哈啰! 年轻人. 恭喜你完成那么精采的演出. Hello, young man. Congratulations on a terrific performance.
喔, 谢谢你. 我想我们没见过面, 你是...? Oh, thank you. I don't believe we've met, Mr...?
我叫斯帕兹伍德. The name is Spottswoode.
- 喔, 很高兴认识你. - 而你是盖瑞约斯顿. - Well, nice to meet you. - And you are Gary Johnston.
全美演员, 毕业于荷华州立大学 All-American actor who graduated Iowa University summa cum laude
舞台剧和世界语言的双学位优等生 with a double major in theatre and world languages.
从小在每个戏剧课堂都是超优等的. You've been at the top of every acting class since you were a child.
超优等演员. Top-gun actor.
嘿, 等等, 你是好莱坞来的吗? Hey, hold on a second, are you from Hollywood?
我有个难以置信的工作给你, 盖瑞. 如果你有兴趣, 就跟我走. I have an incredible offer for you, Gary. If you're interested, follow me this way.
请, 盖瑞, 上车吧. Please, Gary, step into my car.
喔, 我懂了. Oh, I get it.
我猜上你的车, 让你放手指在我屁眼里. I'm supposed to get in your car and let you put your finger inside me.
如果我让你爽歪歪, 你就会让我当电影主角. Then if I go down on you, I get a movie part.
不, 我只想让你看样东西. No, I just want to show you something.
- 是啊, 我打赌肯定会!. - 拜托, 盖瑞, - Yeah, I'll bet you do. - Please, Gary,
我不是好莱坞来的. I'm not from Hollywood.
我也不会操你的嘴, 而且我的时间很宝贵. I'm not going to fuck your mouth, and my time is extremely valuable.
- 天啊, 这是部豪华轿车. - 的确是. - Jesus, this is a nice limo. - Yes, it is.
现在, 帮我吹吧. Now, suck my cock.
开玩笑的. Just kidding.
好了, 现在到底是怎样? All right, just what the hell is this about?
我不是很愿意告诉你, 盖瑞, I hate to break this to you, Gary,
但有人要致你于死地. but some people out there want you dead.
- 要我死? - 他们叫作"恐怖份子", 盖瑞. - Dead? - They're called terrorists, Gary.
他们痛恨你的一切. And they hate everything about you.
为什么? 我又没对他们干嘛? 我只是百老汇演员. Why? What did I do to them? I'm just a Broadway actor.
跟你个人无关, 盖瑞, 是你代表的立场. It's not who you are, Gary, it's what you stand for.
每一天每一分钟, And every single minute of every single day,
恐怖份子总是计划杀你的新方法 the terrorists are planning new ways to kill you
还有在自由国家的每个人. and everyone else who lives in a free country.
唯一阻止他们的人是我们. The only thing standing in their way is us.
你们? You?
巴克斯, 我想我们现在可以安全"变形"了. Baxter, I think we can "valmorphanize" safely now.
好啦, 豪华轿车会飞. 现在我总算见识一切了. Okay, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
是吗? 你有看过吃自己头的人吗? Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?
- 没有. - 那你就还没看到一切. - No. - So then you haven't seen everything.
我们也没有. And neither have we.
上星期在巴黎, 我们拦截到四个恐怖份子 Last week in Paris, we caught four terrorists
带着大规模毁灭武器. with a weapon of mass destruction.
恐怖份子正计划大干一场. The terrorists are planning something very big.
这跟我有什么关系? And just what does this have to do with me?
我们的唯一希望是有个演员混入恐怖份子中 Our only hope is to have somebody act like a terrorist
假装帮他们执行攻击行动. who wants to help them carry out the attack.
有说服力的演员让他们认为他是伙伴. An actor convincing enough to make the terrorists think he's one of them.
这太夸张了, 我是演员, 不是间谍. This is crazy. I'm an actor, not a spy.
这就是间谍做的事: 演戏. 他们说, 你是最好的. That's all spying is: Acting. And they say you're the best.
拥有戏剧跟世界语言的双学位演员? An actor with a double major in theatre and world languages?
天杀的! 你是最完美的武器, 盖瑞. Hell, you're the perfect weapon, Gary.
小心! Look out!
走这边, 你这意见不合的家伙. Right this way, you maverick renegade.
欢迎来到基地. Welcome to Team Base.
盖瑞, 这是乔, 内布拉斯加大学四分卫明星球员. Gary, this is Joe, all-star quarterback from the University of Nebraska.
他是天生的领队. He's a natural-born leader.
我听了很多有关你的演技, 约斯顿先生. I've heard a lot about your acting, Mr. Johnston.
- 我希望有如传说中的一样棒. - 这是莎菈, - Hope it's as good as they say it is. - And this is Sarah,
加州柏克莱大学超能感应 the top empath from Berkeley's School for the Clairvoyant
顶尖研究生. in San Francisco.
我感应到你现在有点困惑. I sense that you're slightly confused right now.
那应该是卡森的接班, 一个该死的演员? That's supposed to be Carson's replacement, a fucking actor?
别在意克理斯. 他态度或许不好, Don't mind Chris. He may be lacking courtesy,
不过他是底特律顶尖的武术专家. but he's the best martial-arts expert Detroit has to offer.
没错, 演员. 最好给我操他妈的滚远点. That's right, actor. Just stay the fuck away from me.
最后, 我们的心理专家. 莉萨在哪? And finally, we have our psychology expert. Where's Lisa?
在这. Right here.
盖瑞, 这是莉萨. 专门研究恐怖份子的心理. Gary, this is Lisa. She specializes in how the terrorists think.
通常恐怖行为思想都是小时候所受的影响. Usually a case of malignant narcissism brought on during childhood.
我们一直在致力维护世界和平, 盖瑞. We've been doing our best to keep the world safe, Gary.
但现在恐怖份子有了WMDs(大规模毁灭武器). But now somebody has supplied the terrorists with WMDs.
并且'智能'告诉我们他们打算要使用了. And intelligence tells us they plan to use them.
对吧, '智慧'? Isn't that right, I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.?
- 肯定的. - '智慧'? - That is affirmative. - I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.?
全世界最复杂的计算机. The most sophisticated computer in the world.
我拦截到几个恐怖集团的通讯 I've intercepted communications that several terrorist groups
将组织一个世界性大规模攻击, are being organized for one massive worldwide attack.
'智能'收集到的资料, From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Has gathered,
是911乘以100. it would be 9/11 times 100.
911乘以100? 天啊, 那是-- 9/11 times 100? Jesus, that's...
是的, 91100. Yes, 91,100.
基本上, 所有圣经里不好的都到齐了. Basically, all the worst parts of the Bible.
所以你该明白我们多需要你. So now you see why we need you.
我们会把你伪装成恐怖份子并且带你进入中东. We will disguise you as a terrorist and take you deep into the Middle East.
如果你的演技成功, 你将得到我们所需的任何讯息 If your acting is successful, you'll be able to get us the information we need
以阻止这恐怖行动的发生. to stop this whole thing from happening.
当然, 如果你没兴趣... Of course, if you're not interested...
...门在那里. ...there's the door.
好吧. 谢谢. All right. Thanks.
盖瑞. 嘿, 慢着. Gary. Hey, hold on a second.
你难道不了解吗? 世界各国有危险. Don't you understand? Every country in the world is in danger.
为何是我的责任? How is it my responsibility to do something?
因为不管愿不愿意, 你是唯一有能力阻止的人. Because like it or not, you're the one with the power to do something.
我没办法跟恐怖份子作战. 我不懂枪或喷射机. I can't fight terrorists. I don't know anything about guns or jets.
如果你想救人, 那无关紧要. That doesn't matter. If you wanna help people,
要紧的是, 盖瑞, 你这里所拥有的. all that matters, Gary, is what you have here.
好好想想, 好吗? 这里, 拿着这个. Just think about it, okay? Here, take this.
巴克斯会带你去任何你想去的地方. 但是切记: Baxter will take you wherever you wanna go. Just remember:
你的自由也有危机. Your freedom's at stake too.
你认为斯帕兹伍德看上他哪点? What do you think Spottswoode sees in him?
我不知道. 不过, 我想我也看到了. I don't know. But I think I see it too.
嘿, 巴克斯. Hey, Baxter.
想绕个路. I wanna take a detour.
你会怎么做 What would you do
如果你为了自由被迫放弃梦想? If you were asked to give up Your dreams for freedom?
你会怎么做 What would you do
如果那是彻底牺牲? If asked to make The ultimate sacrifice?
你会想到那些人 Would you think about All them people
那些放弃曾经所拥有的? Who gave up everything they had?
你会想到那些退役军人 Would you think about All them war vets
你又可曾感到难过? And would you start to feel bad?
自由并非赠品 Freedom isn't free
你和我都要付出代价 It costs folks like you and me
如果我们不贡献 And if we don't all chip in
将无法还清所积欠的 We'll never pay that bill
自由并非赠品 Freedom isn't free
不, 那是要付出他妈的极大代价 No, there's a hefty fucking fee
如果你不投入手中的5块钱, 谁愿意? And if you don't throw in Your buck o'five, who will?
5块钱 Buck o'five
自由只需5块钱 Freedom costs a buck o'five
北韩, 亚洲 美国西方5,945英哩
我们亲爱的领导人, 金正日, 说 你们要的大规模毁灭武器 Our dear leader, Kim Jong II, says the weapons of mass destruction
已经可以拿了. you requested are ready for you to take.
我还在招募人员跟训练新恐怖份子 I am still in the process of recruiting
执行计划的阶段. and training new terrorists for the attack.
我们稍后拿武器. We take weapons later.
他问你交易上有哪里不明白. He asks what part of the deal you did not understand.
他说或许他的翻译官没有对你解释清楚. He says perhaps his translator did not make it clear to you.
他说他应该"开除"(意同射杀)他的翻译官 He says he should fire his translator?
你知道我操他妈的有多忙吗? Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am?
我不敢相信我有个车臣反叛份子站在这里 I cannot berieve that I have a Chechnyan standing here terring me
告诉我什么时候要拿快递. when he's gonna take a derivery.
哈喽? Herro?
或许我们可以早点准备好. Perhaps we can be ready sooner.
是啊, 或许你可以. Yes, perhaps you can.
现在, 拿着你的大规模毁灭武器 Now, take your weapons of mass destruction
给我操他妈的滚出去. and get the fuck out of here.
我必须回来. I had to come back.
- 我知道你会的, 孩子. - 我还是说这是个操他妈的错误. - I know you did, son. - I still say this is a fucking mistake.
住手, 克理斯. 我感应到你吓到他了. Stop it, Chris. I sense that you're making him feel intimidated.
盖瑞, 我想没有时间了. Gary, I'm afraid there's no time.
'智慧'告诉我们攻击行动迫在眉梢. I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Tells us the attack is imminent.
我们要你马上变成中东恐怖份子. We need you to act like a Middle Eastern terrorist right away.
只有一个问题. 我不像中东人. There's just one problem. I don't look Middle Eastern.
交给我们. Leave that to us.
莎菈是皮肤塑造跟雷射整形的专家. Sarah's a professional at skin grafting and laser "valmoriphication. "
尽量不要动. Just try to be still.
(鼻骨整型启动)
(下颚骨整型启动)
(眼球变色启动)
太惊人了. Amazing.
整型成功了. The valmoriphication completely worked.
坐起来看看吧, 盖瑞. Sit up and take a look, Gary.
太不可思议了. It's uncanny.
你绝对会骗过所有人, 盖瑞. You're going to fool everyone, Gary.
或许我该叫你... Or should I say...
...哈克玛. ...Hakmed.
好了, 全体人员, 我们只有一次, 所以听仔细了. All right, team, we've only got one shot at this, so listen up.
'智能'拦截到不同国家恐怖份子 I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Has intercepted communications
的通讯都集中到了一个小酒馆, that terrorists from different countries are gathering at a tavern here,
- 在开罗. - 开罗. 那是在埃及. - in Cairo. - Cairo. That's in Egypt.
完全正确, 乔. Exactly right, Joe.
现在, 全队人员, 你们的任务就是把盖瑞带进那小酒馆. Now, team, your mission will be to get Gary into that tavern.
一但他进去了, 就掩护他. And once he's on the inside, cover his back.
盖瑞, 你必须运用你的演技找出 Gary, you must use your acting to find out
恐怖份子的所有消息. any information you can from the terrorists.
盖瑞, 如果万一你泄露身分 Gary, if for some reason your cover is blown
被恐怖份子关了起来, and the terrorists take you prisoner,
我想你最好自我了断. well, you'll probably want to take your own life.
这个, 你最好拿着. Here, you'd better have this.
好了, 全体人员, 就这样. 我们有工作要做了. All right, team, that's it. We've got a job to do.
出发, 环球特警组. Let's go police the world.
大美国 America
大美国我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
再一次来拯救操他妈的世界, 耶 Coming again to save The motherfucking day, yeah
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
自由是唯一的路, 耶 Freedom is the only way, yeah
恐怖份子, 你们玩完了 Terrorists, your game is through
因为你们遇到了 'Cause now you have to answer to
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
舔我屁屁 吸我蛋蛋 So lick my butt And suck on my balls
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
万一老头的眼光是错的呢, 嗄? What if the old man is wrong about him, huh?
如果他没有斯帕兹伍德说的那么好呢? What if he's not the great actor Spottswoode says he is?
你为什么不相信演员, 克理斯? Why don't you trust actors, Chris?
我自有道理. I got my reasons.
你还好吧, 盖瑞? You all right, Gary?
我只是在想. I was just thinking.
在台上, 如果我搞砸一句话, 代表我没有记熟. On-stage, if I mess up a line, it could mean a bad review.
但是如果我在这里搞砸, If I mess up here,
我们全都会死. we're all dead.
我相信你办得到, 盖瑞. I believe you can do this, Gary.
为什么? 你有什么理由相信我? Why? What reason do you have to believe?
有时候, 信任是我们唯一拥有的. Sometimes believing is all we have.
开罗, 中东 美国东方5,621英哩
别怕, 穆斯林朋友. 我们是来这里找恐怖份子的. Fear not, Muslim friends. We're here to find terrorists.
我将消除你们心中的不安. I'm clearing your minds of all anxiety.
很好, 干的好, 莎菈. 现在, 所有人往小酒馆前进. All right, good job, Sarah. Now, everyone make for the tavern.
你给我搞清楚一件事情, 演员. 我不信任你. Let's get one thing straight, actor. I don't trust you.
如果你背叛我们, 我会扯下你他妈的蛋蛋塞入你的屁眼里 If you betray us, I'll rip your fucking balls off and stuff them up your ass
所以你下次撇条时,你会拉得到处是蛋蛋, 明了吗? so that the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls, got it?
- 你到底对我有什么偏见? - 有啊! 要来谈谈吗? - What's your problem with me? - Yeah, you wanna go?
喂, 喂, 喂! Guys, guys, guys!
你们不知道这就是恐怖份子希望看到的吗? Don't you see this is just what the terrorists want us to do?
战争就在不远处, 小子. 就在那. 现在, 给我团结一点. The war is out there, man. Out there. Now, pull it together.
好了, 全体人员, 朝市中心出发. 安静点. All right, team, let's move to the inner city. Keep it quiet.
- 安全. - 安全. - Clear. - Clear.
盖瑞, 你跟我来. 其它队员, Gary, you follow me. The rest of the team,
寻找超级隐密的地点藏身. take super-secret hiding positions Alpha One.
好了, 就是那有蓝色门的小酒馆. All right, that's the tavern with the blue door.
用演技通过那些守卫, 看你能得到什么情报. Act your way past those guards and see what you can find out.
记住, 如果你认为有危险, 给我们讯号. Remember, if you think they're onto you, give us the signal.
记得讯号吗? You remember the signal?
没错. 好了, 祝你好运. That's right. All right, good luck.
去会会他们, 牛仔. Go get them, cowboy.
喔, 狗屎. Oh, shit.
快啊, 盖瑞, 表演啊. 展现你的潜力. Come on, Gary, act. You have the power.
- 好, 盖瑞! - 我说过他是顶尖的. - All right, Gary! - Told you he was top gun.
- 我从没看过那么精湛的演技. - 他太惊人了. - I've never seen acting that good. - He's amazing.
噢, 不, 我知道. 糟透了, 糟透了. Yeah, no, I know. It's terrible, terrible.
我们是从索马利亚来的布许反叛军. 你是谁? We are Bashir rebels from the country of Somalia. Who are you?
我的名字是哈克玛. 我是恐怖份子. My name is Hakmed. I'm a terrorist.
你们谁知道最近有没有恐怖行动? Anybody know of any terrorist attacks coming up soon?
我感应到我被盖瑞吸引了. I sense that I'm becoming attracted to Gary.
我的建议是不要跟队友产生感情, 莎菈. My advice is not to get involved with a team member, Sarah.
看着他们死去太痛苦了. It's too painful to see them die.
我很抱歉, 莉萨. 我无意要提起-- I'm sorry, Lisa. I didn't mean to bring up...
没关系, 莎菈. 我珍惜你的友情. It's okay, Sarah. I treasure your friendship.
我也很珍惜你的, 莉萨. I treasure yours, Lisa.
嘿, 你从没想过跟莎菈告白吗? Hey, have you ever thought of telling Sarah how you feel?
怎会有像莎菈一样的女孩跟我这般头脑简单的内布拉斯加男孩在一起? What would a girl like Sarah want with a simple Nebraska boy like me?
我对名贵跑车和高级餐厅一点都不了解. I don't know nothing about fancy cars and fancy restaurants.
但是, 我还是想跟她一起在玉米田看月光. Still, I'd love to show her a full-moon night on the cornfields.
你知道多少? What do you know?
我听说有个大型的恐怖行动. I heard there might be a large terrorist attack.
如果你肯告诉我, 或许我能帮上忙. If you tell me what it is, maybe I could help out.
滚出去. 我们已向那些异教徒发动圣战 Get out of here. We have put out a jihad on the infidels
因为他们毁了我们的生计. because they destroyed our lives.
你对痛苦和悲伤又懂多少? What do you know about pain and sadness?
盖瑞, 救我! 救我! Gary. Help me! Help me!
离我远一点! 赶走牠们! 盖瑞! Get him off! Get this thing off of me! Gary!
当我还是个小孩, 异教徒搭着黑鹰直升机 I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village
来到我的村庄. in their Black Hawk helicopters.
那些异教徒烧了油田, 火焰就像阿拉真主的眼. The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah.
火雨从天而降烧毁了接触的一切. Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched.
当我的羊群被那黑暗的液态大火 I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed
蹂躏而死亡时 我只能够躲起来哭泣. by the fiery, black liquid death.
混乱中, In the midst of the chaos,
我发誓我听到我的羊嘶声吶喊地求救. I could swear that I heard my goats screaming for help.
就像他们来的匆忙, 走的也快. As quickly as they had come, the infidels were gone.
就在那天 我向他们宣战了. It was on that day I put a jihad on them.
如果你不相信我, 你最好现在就杀了我, And if you don't believe it, then you better kill me now,
因为, 我也会向你发动圣战. because I'll put a jihad on you too.
我喜欢你. 你有胆量(意同蛋蛋). I like you. You have balls.
我喜欢胆量(意同蛋蛋). I like balls.
好, 听清楚了. WMDs在一个神秘的篮子里 All right, listen carefully. The WMDs are located
就在这个房子东边20码处. in a secret bunker 20 yards east of this building.
你可以帮我们保管它-- You can help us by guarding it and making...
快来. 他们找上门了! Come. They're onto us!
快, 朋友. 我们要逃了. Hurry, friend. We must make our escape.
狗屎. 我发现五名恐怖份子从巴卡拉卡达卡街的东南方跑了. Shit. I've got five terrorists going southeast on Baka laka daka Street.
别让他们跑了. Don't let them get away.
我感应到盖瑞被困在小酒馆里. I sense Gary's trapped inside the tavern.
收到, 莎菈. 你去救盖瑞, 我们去追恐怖份子. Copy, Sarah. You get Gary, we'll go after the terrorists.
大美国 America
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
再一次来拯救操他妈的世界, 耶 Coming again to save The motherfucking day, yeah
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
自由是唯一的路, 耶 Freedom is the only way, yeah
那是我们共同的梦想 It's the dream that we all share
那是明天的希望 It's the hope for tomorrow
开快点, 你这白痴. Go faster, you idiot.
死吧! 异教徒! Die! Infidels!
- 他们不停. - 他们早错失机会了. - They're not stopping. - They had their chance.
失误. 真离谱. Missed. Wide right.
其中一个恐怖份子好像要说什么. One of the terrorists is trying to tell us something.
是我. 是我. It's me. It's me.
看起来他好像是说, ''亲我. 亲我.'' Looks like he's saying, "Kiss me. Kiss me. "
操他妈的聪明混蛋. Smartass motherfucker.
- 盖瑞? - 有异教徒. - Gary? - An infidel.
宰了她. Kill her.
盖瑞? Gary?
- 莎菈呼叫第四员, - 有什么动静, 莎菈? - Sarah to Team America Four. - What you got, Sarah?
盖瑞不在小酒馆里. 我想他可能跟-- Gary isn't in the tavern. I think he may be with...
- 再说一遍. 你的讯号不良. - 乔, 收到了吗? - Say again. You're breaking up. - Joe, do you copy?
- 我来救他. - 莉萨? - I'll get him. - Lisa?
讯号断了. I lost her.
没关系. 我们杀了这些人, 然后再问她怎么回事. It's all right. We'll kill these guys, then we'll find out what she wants.
好吧. Right.
嘿, 兄弟, 我想我们应该靠边停. Hey, guys, I think we should pull over.
靠边停? 对阿, 没错. Pull over? Yes, of course.
靠边停, 让他们超过我们, 当他们掉头, 我们就撞他们. Pull over, let them pass us, and when they turn around, we charge them.
我爱死你的胆量(意同蛋蛋)了. I love your balls.
狗屎, 他们在我后面. Shit, they got by me.
- 我们要干嘛? - 这个吉普车载满了炸弹. - What are we doing? - This jeep is filled with explosives.
我们要跟他们同归于尽. We're going to take their lives and our own.
我...我们要干嘛? We're gonna what?
- 抓紧了, 乔. - 死吧, 异教徒. - Hang on, Joe. - Die, infidels.
惊喜吧, 龟头们! Surprise, cockfags!
太棒了. 我们操他妈的办到了. All right. We fucking did it.
斯帕兹伍德, 这是莉萨, 盖瑞找到了 WMDs, 而且恐怖份子已被消灭, Spottswoode, it's Lisa. Gary found the WMDs and the terrorists are down.
全体人员, 干得好. 回基地做深入的报告并开香槟庆祝吧. Great job, team. Head back to base for debriefing and cocktails.
这是彼得吉宁的实时新闻, This is breaking news with Peter Jennings.
美国特警队又再一次因炸烂了 Team America has once again pissed off the entire world
半个开罗而造成全世界的反弹. after blowing up half of Cairo.
现在, 好莱坞的明星们猛烈抨击. And now some Hollywood celebrities are lashing out.
艾力鲍德温(著名演员)是电影演员协会主席. Alec Baldwin is head of the Film Actors Guild.
[艾力鲍德温] 电影演员协会相信 The Film Actors Guild believes
世界需要的是热情, 不是暴力. that what the world needs is compassion, not violence.
所有美国特警队做的, 只是制造新的敌人. All that Team America does is create new enemies.
[提姆罗宾斯] 让我跟你解释一下他们的运作方式. Let me explain to you how this works.
你知道的, 企业财团提供金钱给美国特警队. You see, the corporations finance Team America.
然后美国特警队出去, 企业财团就坐在他们的 And then Team America goes out, and the corporations sit there in their...
公司总部, 然后, 看, 他们携手合作, In their corporation buildings, and, see, they're all corporation-y,
然后他们就赚钱. and they make money.
[西恩潘] 去年我去伊拉克. Last year I went to Iraq.
在还没有美国特警队出现之前, 那是个乐园. Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place.
他们有华丽的走道, 满是彩虹的天空 They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies
连河流都是巧克力做的, 而孩子们 and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced
脸上带着使人放下枪的笑容并跳着舞. and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles.
演员们召开了紧急会议. The actors are calling for an emergency meeting.
已知的参加人员有 海伦杭特, Already expected to attend are Helen Hunt,
乔治克隆尼, 丽芙泰勒, 马丁辛, 苏珊莎兰登, George Clooney, Liv Tyler, Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon,
珍尼恩加罗法洛 还有麦特戴蒙, Janeane Garofalo and Matt Damon.
麦特戴蒙. Matt Damon.
另一方面, 全世界也想要用他们自己的方法 In the meantime, the world wants to deal with dangerous individuals
跟恐怖份子打交道. their own way.
联合国武器核查小组负责人 来拜访您!
汉斯布利克斯? 噢, 不. Hans Brix? Oh, no.
喔, 哈喽, 真高兴见到你, 汉斯. Oh, herro, great to see you again, Hans.
金正日先生, 我今天本来是要检查您的宫殿的, Mr. II, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today,
但有些地方你的守卫 不让我进去. and your guards won't let me into certain areas.
汉斯, 汉斯, 汉斯. 你也检查了十几次了吧. Hans, Hans, Hans. We've been through this a dozen times.
我并没有任何大规模毁灭武器, 好吗, 汉斯? I don't have any weapons of mass destruction, okay, Hans?
那就让我逛逛好让我安抚联合国议员们的情绪. Then let me look around so I can ease the U.N.'s collective mind.
汉斯, 你让我破胆(意同蛋蛋)了. 汉斯, 你吓坏我了. Hans, you're breaking my barrs here. Hans, you're breaking my barrs.
我很抱歉, 但是联合国必须确认你没问题. I'm sorry, but the U.N. Must be firm with you.
让我检查整个宫殿, 否则... Let me see your whole palace or else.
否则怎样? Or else what?
否则我们会非常, 非常的生气. Or else we will be very, very angry with you.
而且我们会给你一封信, 告诉你我们多生气. And we will write you a letter telling you how angry we are.
好吧, 我让你检查, 汉斯. 你准备好了吗? Okay, I'll show you, Hans. You ready?
往左站一点. Stand a rittle to your reft.
再一点. A rittle more.
很好. Good.
去吧, 汉斯布利克斯. There you go, Hans Brix.
喜欢吗, 你这个操他妈的同性恋? How you rike that, you fucking cocksucker?
你知道我有操他妈的多忙吗, 汉斯布利克斯? Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am, Hans Brix?
操你的. 你要检查? Well, fuck you. You want inspection?
检查那个吧, 你这搞肛交的狗屎. Well, inspect that, you buttfucking piece of shit.
什么, 你以为我只是小小的军火商? What, you think I'm just a petty arms dearer?
我正计划着攻击行动. I'm pranning the attack.
恭喜你们, 美国特警队, 你们阻止不了. Congraturations, Team America, you have stopped nothing.
恭喜你, 盖瑞. 你做了惊人之举. Congratulations, Gary. You've done an amazing thing.
恐怖份子要好几年才能有资源再次攻击. It will be years before the terrorists have the resources to attack again.
我们如果有你在就锐不可挡了, 盖瑞. We're gonna be unstoppable with you on the team, Gary.
恐怖份子, 你们玩完了. Terrorists, your game is through.
你是最棒的, 盖瑞. You're the best, Gary.
当这个恐怖份子从吉普车后面对我们开枪时, 他.... So this terrorist is shooting at us from the back of his jeep, and he...
你或许瞒过了其它人, 但是我没有. You might have all the others fooled, but not me.
你的鲁莽演技差点害我们全部死翘翘. Your acting was reckless and it put us all in danger.
下次再发生同样情况, 我会在你的屌上钻两个洞 The next time you pull a stunt like that, I'll drill two holes through your dick
所以当你放尿时, 会向四面八方射出. 明白吗? so that when you pee, it shoots out in all different directions. You got it?
嘿, 莎菈, 介意我跟你跳舞支舞吗? Hey, Sarah, do you mind if I dance with you?
不, 当然不会, 乔. No, of course not, Joe.
乔, 你认为队员之间约会好吗? Joe, do you think it's okay for team members to date?
莎菈, 真的? Sarah, really?
对阿. 你认为可以吗? Yeah. Do you think it's all right?
我认为比可以还要可以. 那太棒了! I think it's better than all right. It's great!
哦, 太好了. 我真高兴你那样认为. Oh, good. I'm so glad you think so.
盖瑞? 你还好吗? Gary? You okay?
我只是在想是否可以抛弃我长久的痛苦回忆. I was just wondering if I can let go of an old, painful memory.
你想跟我聊聊这些吗? Is it anything that you wanna talk about?
当我还是个孩子, 我总是看着我的哥哥, 汤米. When I was a kid, I always looked up to my older brother, Tommy.
他是个赛马骑师, 而我是个小杂耍. He was the jock, and I was the little performer.
有天我们都去了动物园. We were all out at the zoo one day.
我在表演, 走在大猩猩围栏的铁栏杆上. I was doing some acting, walking on the railing of the gorilla exhibit.
我掉了进去. I fell in.
每个人都在尖叫, 汤米马上跳了进来, Everyone screamed, and Tommy jumped in after me,
但他忘了有蓝莓在他口袋里. forgetting that he had blueberries in his front pocket.
大猩猩抓狂了. The gorillas just went wild.
牠们在他身上又踩又跳, 又把他像个烂布娃娃般丢来丢去 They jumped all over his body and threw him around like a rag doll
只为了得到蓝莓. to get to those blueberries.
一只猩猩把他丢给另一只猩猩, 再丢给另一只. One gorilla would throw him to another gorilla, who tossed him to another.
每个人都惊恐地叫人来帮忙, Everyone panicked and cried out for somebody to help,
但还是太迟了. but it was too late.
在动物管理员熏走大猩猩之前, 牠们把他打死了. The gorillas beat him to death before the zookeepers could gas them all.
我的表演... My acting...
...害死了我哥哥. ...got my brother killed.
我每天都要带着... I've had to live with that...
...这回忆活着. ...every single day.
盖瑞, 你不能把猩猩的错揽在自己身上. Gary, you can't blame yourself for what gorillas did.
我想我终于可以随他去了. I think I can finally let it go.
因为我的演出拯救了全世界. Because my acting saved the entire world.
而且有件更好的事情发生了. And something even better happened.
什么? What?
我遇到了能带走我气息的人. I met somebody who took my breath away.
盖瑞, 不. Gary, no.
对不起. I'm sorry.
只是...事情很复杂, 盖瑞. It's just... Things are really complicated, Gary.
卡森的事我听说了. I know about Carson.
我知道那种感受. I know how it feels.
天啊, 我好迷惘. God, I'm so confused.
对你有感情实在是太快了. It's too soon to be having feelings for you.
或许因为无法控制才叫做感情. Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them.
但是我一定要控制 But I have to control them
因为我不想再失去任何人. 那太痛苦了. because I can't go through losing somebody again. It's too painful.
所以-- 所以要怎样, 你要封闭自己吗? So... So, what, you're just gonna shut down?
我真的很喜欢你. I really like you.
难道我们永远不可能有机会吗? There's no chance we can ever be together?
除非你保证你绝不会死. Only if you could promise me you'll never die.
你知道我没办法跟你保证. You know I can't promise that.
如果你做得到, 我现在就能跟你上床. If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
我答应你. 我永远不会死. I promise. I will never die.
我需要这个, 我需要爱 我需要你 I need this, I need love I need you
我不需要一个心跳 我要两个 I don't need one heartbeat I need two
有个空虚我要填补 There's an emptiness I need to fill
而且只有一个空"洞"可以做到 And only one emptiness will do
只有女人 能照亮我的一天 Only a woman Can brighten up my day
只有女人 能挑弄我, 耶 Only a woman Can touch me the right way, yeah
只有女人 允许碰我那里 Only a woman Is allowed to touch me there
我只求 你是个女人 All I ask Is that you're a woman
拜托定要是个女人 Please just be a woman
莉萨, 你是我遇过 最不可思议的女人. Lisa, you're the most amazing person I've ever met.
虽然相处很短, 但我想我完全恋爱-- It's only been a short time, but I think that I'm completely in love...
别说话. Let's not talk.
我没办法. 这感觉太对了, I can't help it. This just feels so right,
我不想要任何事来搞砸这. and I don't want anything to mess it up.
世界上没有一件事能搞砸这时刻. There's not a thing in the world that can mess this up.
巴拿马运河, 中美洲 "真的"美国南方2,193英哩
队员们, 我恐怕有个坏消息. Team, I'm afraid I have bad news.
今早7:15分, 恐怖份子发动了攻击. At 7:15 this morning, the terrorists carried out their attack.
- 什么? - 那怎么可能? - What? - But how can that be?
盖瑞在开罗阻止了恐怖分子啊. Gary stopped the terrorists in Cairo.
现在知道是'智慧'搞错了 It appears now that I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Was wrong
车臣的恐怖份子才是首脑. about the Chechnyans being in charge.
'智慧'这真糟. That was bad, I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
- 非常烂的'智慧'. - 我很抱歉, - Very bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. - I'm sorry.
我们必须赶快找出谁做的并且消灭他们. We have to find out who did this and take them down. Fast.
长官, 我拦截到 恐怖份子的通讯, Sir, I am intercepting communications about the terrorists' identities.
显示在屏幕上. On screen.
这是彼得吉宁的实时新闻, This is breaking news with Peter Jennings.
今早巴拿马的袭击造成千人死亡. An attack in Panama today has left thousands dead.
已证实为达卡达卡斯坦人所为. Taking credit were terrorists from Derka Derkastan.
当然是达卡达卡斯坦人. Of course, Derka Derkastan.
恐怖份子宣称这次行动是为了报复 The terrorists claim that the attack was a retaliation
美国特警队在开罗的行为. for Team America's actions in Cairo.
艾力鲍德温现正召集所有电影演员协会会员. Alec Baldwin is rallying all the members of the Film Actors Guild.
- 艾力鲍德温? - 盖瑞? - Alec Baldwin? - Gary?
他是我心目中的英雄. He's my hero.
历来最好的演员. The single greatest actor of all time.
对于巴拿马事件我们该指责谁? Who is to blame for these attacks in Panama?
恐怖份子? The terrorists?
给他们WMDs的人? The person who supplied them with WMDs?
不, 该遣责美国特警队. No. Blame Team America.
他们在开罗鲁莽且漠视生命的行为造成了今日的暴力行为. Their reckless disregard in Cairo brought on this violence today.
美国特警队, 你们的手染满了巴拿马罹难者的血. Team America, the blood of the victims of Panama is on your hands.
受到艾力鲍德温 慷慨激昂的演说所驱使, Moved by Baldwin's impassioned speech,
数百位人民今天聚集在若虚莫(音似更冒失)山前抗议. hundreds of people turned out at Mount Rushmore today to protest.
嘿, 就是这里. Hey, that's here.
汤姆, 看样子麦可摩尔(华氏911导演) Tom, it looks like filmmaker Michael Moore
也加入了"操美国特警队"车队. is also jumping on the "Fuck Team America" bandwagon.
抗议是不够的. Protesting is not enough.
我们要采取激烈行动对抗国内法西斯主义. We must take radical action against the fascists in our own country.
炸了他们! 全炸了! Bring it down! Bring it all down!
队员们, 如果卡达卡达斯坦人拥有大规模毁灭武器, Team, if the Derka Derkastanis have weapons of mass destruction,
我恐怕那会是911乘以1000. I'm afraid it could be 9/11 times 1,000.
- 天啊, 你是说...? - 是的. - Jesus, you mean...? - Yes.
911,000. Nine hundred and eleven thousand.
忘了那些混蛋. 我们有更要紧的事做. Then forget all these assholes. We got work to do.
是的, 赶快让盖瑞易容好使用他的演技. Yes, let's get Gary valmorphanized so he can use his acting.
我的演技? My acting?
我的演技? 我的演技刚刚杀了近千人. My acting? My acting just got a thousand people killed.
天啊, 我又做了同样的事. Jesus, I've done it again.
振作点, 盖瑞. 我们现在更迫切需要你. Pull yourself together, Gary. We need you now more than ever.
- 我不干了. - 盖瑞, 你不能走. - I'm through with this. - Gary, you can't go.
没有你, 我们就完了. Without you, the team is doomed.
要知道, 这里是没有"自我" 在美国特警队里的. Remember, there is no "I" in Team America.
有啊, 当然有, Yes, there is.
我知道这很困难, 盖瑞. I know it's hard, Gary.
但你仍是阻止新恐怖分子的唯一希望. But you're still the only hope to stop these newer terrorists.
为何是我? 为何我是唯一的? Why me? Why am I the only one?
因为你是唯一拥有能力去-- Because you're the one with the power to...
我不要什么狗屁能力! Well, I don't want the fucking power!
我不要罪恶感, 我不要感到羞愧 I don't want the guilt, I don't want the shame
我也不要责任感. and I don't want the responsibility.
那么你昨晚跟我保证过什么? Then what about all the things you promised last night?
你说你永远不会离开. You said you'd never leave.
我说我永远不会死. 但现在我心已死. I said I'd never die. But now I'm dead inside.
你跟盖瑞上床? You slept with Gary?
- 莎菈. - 但你知道我喜欢盖瑞. - Sarah. - But you knew I liked Gary.
我告诉过你了. I told you.
你喜欢盖瑞? You like Gary?
喔, 我懂了. Oh, I see.
- 我不是故意要这么做的, 莎菈. - 省省吧, 莉萨. - I didn't plan on it happening, Sarah. - Save it, Lisa.
看到了吗? 我所做的只会伤人. You see? All I do is hurt people.
盖瑞, 你没有杀你哥哥. 是大猩猩干的. Gary, you didn't kill your brother. Those gorillas did.
对不起, 我不是你认为的那种人. I'm sorry I'm not the man you think I am.
我只是个厄运. I'm just bad news.
我永远不再演戏了. I'll never act again.
操他的. 我们不需要演员. Fuck him. We don't need an actor.
我们可以用老方法干掉 We can take out the Derka Derkastanis
那些达卡达卡斯坦人. the old-fashioned way.
不. 那只会是自杀任务. No. It would be a suicide mission.
那没差. 反正我觉得快死掉了. That's all right. I feel a little bit like dying.
该死的, 盖瑞. Goddamn it, Gary.
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
再一次来拯救操他妈的世界, 耶 Coming again to save The motherfucking day, yeah
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
自由是唯一的路, 耶 Freedom is the only way Yeah
恐怖份子, 你们玩完了 Terrorists, your game is through
因为你们遇到了 'Cause now you have to answer to
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck
盖瑞! 救我! 赶走它们! 盖瑞! Gary! Help me! Get this thing off of me! Gary!
好了, 队员们. 我们接近达卡达卡斯坦了. All right, team. We're nearing Derka Derkastan.
准备好. Let's get ready.
小心! 我们遇上恐怖份子的战机. Look out! We've got terrorist aircraft.
只有5架, 队员们. 应该很容易. There's only five of them, team. This should be easy.
韩国战机在1点钟方向. I've got Korean aircraft at 1 o'clock.
他们来这里干嘛? What are they doing here?
把他们像狗一样地打下来. Shoot them down. Rike dogs.
金正日? 他干嘛帮助恐怖份子? Kim Jong II? Why is he helping terrorists?
有一架在我后面! I've got one on my tail!
我帮你, 莎菈. I got you, Sarah.
潜水艇出动. Bring in the submarines.
怎么搞的? 有人从海底攻击我们. What the hell? Something's shooting at us from the water.
- 一定是韩国潜水艇. - 克理斯, 干掉他们. - It must be a Korean sub. - Chris, you've gotta take them out.
我已经在做了. I'm already on it.
这些家伙真的偷偷摸上我们. These guys really snuck up on us.
对啊, 最近偷偷摸摸的事很多. Yeah, there's a lot of that going around lately.
莎菈, 我不是有意伤害你的. Sarah, you know I didn't mean to hurt you.
不, 你只是不在乎伤害我. No, you just didn't care if you did.
不, 别这样, 莎菈, 那不公平. Now, come on, Sarah, that isn't fair.
莉萨无法克制盖瑞对她的感情. Lisa can't help it if Gary has feelings for her.
就像没人可以阻止你对盖瑞的感情一样. Just like nobody can help it if you have feelings for Gary.
你是什么意思? What is that supposed to mean?
噢, 别装了, 莎菈. 你难道不明白 Oh, come on, Sarah. You mean you never realized
乔对你的感情吗? Joe has feelings for you?
乔? 但是你对我而言就像哥哥一样. Joe? But you're like a brother to me.
这就是我所得的. 像哥哥一样. 真不公平. That's all I ever am. Like a brother. It isn't fair.
慢着, 队员们. 有人闯入了停机坪. Hang on, team. Someone has broken into the hangar.
- 巴克斯? - 嘿, 美国特警队. - Baxter? - Hey, Team America.
我有东西要给你们. I got something for you.
- 啥小? - 准备受死吧. - What the hell? - Prepare to die.
天啊, 你他奶奶... Jesus titty-fucking...
...的上帝! ...Christ!
斯帕兹伍德! Spottswoode!
噢, 我的天! Oh, my God!
不. 他不会死的. No. He can't be dead.
我们失去'智慧'了 We've lost I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
再复诵, 我们失去'智慧'了, I repeat, we have no I.N. T.E.L.L.I. G.E.N. C.E.
他们的计算机挂了. 进攻! Their computers are down. Attack!
- 莎菈! - 我感觉正在坠落. - Sarah! - I sense I'm going down.
莎菈! 天啊, 克理斯, 你要救救她. Sarah! God, Chris, you gotta help her.
我来了. 撑着点, 莎菈. I'm on it. Just hang on, Sarah.
喔, 他妈的, 我被击中了. Oh, fuck, I've been hit.
克理斯, 回答. Chris, come in.
- 喔, 上帝, 我被击中了! - 莉萨! - Oh, Jesus, I'm hit! - Lisa!
- 往下坠了. - 天杀的, - Going down. - Goddamn it,
我快要解体了. I'm gonna have to breach.
我要撞上海面了. I'm gonna hit the water.
飞弹锁定, 我被飞弹锁定了. Missile lock. I've got missile lock.
我要弹射了. I've gotta bail out.
打捞他们的船. 如果有人生还, 你们知道该怎么做. Salvage their ships. If you find anyone arive, you know what to do with them.
恐怖份子上线. Terrorists on screen.
好了, 是谁炸了巴拿马运河? Okay, who brew up Panama Canal?
我们对于开罗事件太生气了, We were angry about Cairo.
天杀的, 要我告诉你们多少次? Goddamn it, how many times do I have to tell you?
没有我的信号就不能使用WMDs. You don't use the WMDs until you see the signal.
我筹划了10年. I have worked ten years on this pran.
这是个非常精密且复杂的计划. It is a very precise and a compricated pran.
我对你们恐布分子的搞砸举动感到恼怒. I am sick of you terrorists fucking it up.
现在, 去我告诉你们的所在位置拿武器 Now, take the weapons where I told you
然后这次要等我该死的信号. 再见. and wait for the goddamn signal this time. Goodbye.
为何每个人都那么操他妈的蠢? Why is everyone so fucking stupid?
为什么没有聪明一点的人? 像我一样? Why aren't more people interrigent? Rike me?
我好寂寞 I'm so ronery
好寂寞 So ronery
好寂寞且可悲的孤独 So ronery and sadry arone
没有人 只有我 There's no one Just me onry
坐在我小小的王座上 Sitting on my rittle throne
我很辛苦的工作 筹划伟大的计谋 I work rearry hard And make up great prans
但没有人听 也没有人懂 But nobody ristens No one understands
彷佛没人重视我 Seems rike no one Takes me seriousry
所以 And so
我寂寞 I'm ronery
有点寂寞 A rittle ronery
可怜渺小的我 Poor rittle me
没有任何可以相处的人 There's nobody I can rerate to
就像一只笼中鸟 Feel rike a bird in a cage
这很愚蠢 但不全然是 It's kind of sirry But not rearry
因为反而让我充满怒火 Because it's firring my body With rage
我是最聪明, 最伶俐 最身强体健的 I'm the smartest, most crever Most physicarry fit
但是彷佛没有人领悟这点 But nobody else seems to rearize it
当我改变世界时 或许他们会注意到我 When I change the world Maybe they'll notice me
在那之前 And until then
我只能孤独 I'll just be ronery
对, 有点寂寞 Yeah, a rittle ronery
可怜渺小的我 Poor rittle me
我好寂寞 I'm so ronery
你会怎么做 What would you do
如果你为了自由被迫放弃梦想? If you were asked to give up Your dreams for freedom?
如果要求彻底牺牲, 你会怎么做? What would you do if asked To make the ultimate sacrifice?
嘿, 你不是百老汇的演员吗? Hey, weren't you the actor in that Broadway show?
嘿, 对, 就是你. 演那场"每个人都有爱滋"的戏. Hey, yeah, it is you. Do that scene where everyone gets AIDS.
我不再演了. 我放弃了. I don't act anymore. I gave that up.
- 喔, 别这样, 老兄, 那只是场戏. - 滚开别烦我! - Oh, come on, man, just a scene. - I said, get away from me!
我完全迷失自己. 我跌到谷底了. I'm completely lost. I've hit rock bottom.
轻松点, 轻松点. 你要冷静, Chuck. Easy, easy. You gotta calm down there, Chuck.
我伤害人. 我是个烂人(意同阴茎). I hurt people. I'm a dick.
嗯, 当个阴茎也不错啊. Well, being a dick ain't so bad.
知道吗, 世上有三种人: See, there are three kinds of people:
阴茎, 阴道, 还有屁眼. Dicks, pussies and assholes.
阴道认为可以跟每个人做, 而阴茎只想没大脑的 Pussies think everyone can get along and dicks just wanna fuck all the time
随时随地乱干. without thinking it through.
但你还有屁眼, Chuck. But then you got your assholes, Chuck.
而屁眼只想要拉屎在所有东西上. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything.
所以阴道或许有时会生阴茎的气 So pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while
因为阴道都被阴茎干. because pussies get fucked by dicks.
但是阴茎也可以干屁眼喔, Chuck. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck.
如果阴茎没有干屁眼, 你猜会发生什么事? And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get?
你的阴茎跟阴道都会沾满了便便. You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit.
好了, 够啦. 给我滚出去, 你这下三滥醉汉. All right, that does it. Get out of here, you drunk lowlife.
我叫你快滚. Get out of here, I said.
莉萨! Lisa!
莉萨. 莉萨, 你在这里吗? Lisa. Lisa, are you here?
滚到街上去, 你这操他妈的醉汉! Get out of the street, you fucking bum!
你放弃自己的人生了, 对吧? You gave up on life, didn't you?
我的亲爱演员们, 我们活在黑暗的时代. My fellow actors, we live in a dark time.
世界变的越来越暴力 The world is becoming more and more violent
白痴掌权让局势更混乱. and the idiots in charge are making it worse.
全世界需要的是一个国际性的监护人协会 What the world needs is an international advisory committee
由真正懂得国际政局的人来主持. who truly understands global politics.
那就是, 我们. Namely, us.
[海伦杭特] 将我们的演技运用在别的地方的时刻 The time has come for us to start using our acting talents
来临了. in a different way.
[伊森霍克] 我们可以运用我们的力量改变世界. Yes, we can use our powers to change the world.
[提姆罗宾斯] 我们要说服大家开双动力车并且禁烟. We will persuade everyone to drive hybrid cars and stop smoking.
[丽芙泰勒] 如果我们专注演技在国际政局上, If we focus our acting on global politics,
我们可以改变一切事物. we can change everything and stuff.
[珍尼恩加罗法洛] 当个演员, 就有义务要随时看报 As actors, it is our responsibility to read the newspapers
并且当成我们自己的想法公布在电视上. and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion.
[麦特戴蒙] 麦特戴蒙. Matt Damon.
[乔治克隆尼] 我们都拍过动作片. We've all done action films.
如果有人试图阻碍我们, 我们可以给 If anyone tries to get in our way, we'll show them just how tough
他们点颜色瞧瞧. us actors really are.
很高兴你们都认同. I'm glad you all agree.
因为我已经跟一个非常重要的政治领袖谈过了 Because I've just been contacted by a very important political leader
他将邀请全世界的领导人集合在 who is bringing all the world leaders together
一个盛况空前的国际和平会议. for a massive international peace conference.
他希望我们担任晚会的主旨演说. And he wants us to be the keynote speakers.
麦特戴蒙! Matt Damon!
跟我们的新伙伴打个招呼吧. Say hello to our new partner.
哈喽, Herro.
住手! 住手, 你会杀了他! Stop it! Stop it, you're killing him!
我会操他妈的宰了你! I'm gonna fucking kill you!
你的处境不能杀任何人吧, 我的红, 白, 蓝朋友们. You're not in a position to kill anyone, my red, white and brue friend.
你就是计划911乘以1000的王八蛋. So you're the bastard planning 9/11 times 1,000.
不, 你想的太小了. No. You think so small.
你看, 我将举办一个精心设计的和平典礼. You see, I'm about to have an eraborate peace ceremony.
当所有的重要人物都被困在这里的时候, And while all the world's most important people are distracted here,
我将会启动早已分配 I will detonate the WMDs
给全世界恐怖份子的WMDs. which I have given to terrorists arr around the grobe.
那将是911乘以2356. It will be 9/11 times 2,356.
天啊, 那是-- 我算不出来. My God, that's... I don't even know what that is.
没人可以. Nobody does.
你这没人性的王八蛋. 你干嘛这么做? You heartless bastard. Why would you do such a thing?
因为之后将会保持平衡. Because then there will be barance.
每个国家都将成为未开发国家. Every country will be a Third World country.
想想看. Just imagine it.
全世界, 即将发生巨大的爆炸, All around the world, there will be massive exprosions.
没人领导所有人民, With nobody to guide them,
人民会陷入惊恐 暴动充斥着地球, the people will break out into panic and rioting all over the earth.
人性真实面表露无遗, The true nature of humanity is unreashed.
狗咬狗, 人攻击人 Dog eats dog, as everyone attacks everyone
自生自灭, and fends only for themselves.
全球安定被破坏, Grobal stabirity unravels.
等到我的节目结束, 一切都太迟了, By the time my show is over, it will be far too rate.
你的计划会失败的. Your plan will fail.
你不可能将世界首领困在这里长达9小时. You'll never keep the world leaders distracted here for nine hours.
哦, 不行吗? 我有艾力鲍德温. Oh, no? I've got Arec Barrwin.
我的天啊. Dear God.
你将成为残存的品种, 只会挥旗的美国人. You are the rast of a dying breed, the frag-waving American.
你的小梦想将要结束了. Well, your rittle dream will soon be over.
我要去筹备典礼了. I must get back to pranning the ceremony now.
电影演员们上路了. The film actors are on their way.
或许他们会进来打个招呼. Perhaps they'll stop in and say herro.
对人性抱着那么渺茫的信任必定使你成为一个寂寞的人. Having so little faith in humanity must make you a very lonely man.
应该给你个头等座位. You shall have a front-row seat.
带她上楼. Bring her upstairs.
别碰她, 你们这些婊子养的! Leave her alone, you son of a bitch!
莉萨, 我会珍惜你的友谊! Lisa, I treasure your friendship!
一定要有人来阻止这一切! Somebody has to stop this!
我想念你比麦克贝离题更多 I miss you more than Michael Bay Missed the mark
当他拍珍珠港时 When he made Pearl Harbor
我想念你比那部电影离了题更多 I miss you more than that movie Missed the point
而且是离题很多, 女孩 现在 And that's an awful lot, girl And now
现在你离开了 Now you've gone away
我只想对你说 And all I'm trying to say
就是 珍珠港 够烂 Is Pearl Harbor sucked
而且我很想你 And I miss you
我需要你就像班艾佛列克 需要上演员学校 I need you like Ben Affleck Needs acting school
他在戏里演的真烂 He was terrible in that film
我需要你就像古巴古丁 需要更多戏份 I need you like Cuba Gooding Needed a bigger part
他比班艾佛列克好太多了 现在 He's way better than Ben Affleck And now
我只能想着你的笑容 All I can think about is your smile
还有那狗屎电影 And that shitty movie too
珍珠港 够烂 Pearl Harbor sucked
而且我很想你 And I miss you
珍珠港 够烂 Pearl Harbor sucked
只有比我想念你还多一点 Just a little bit more Than I miss you
噢, 我的天啊. 发生了什么事? Oh, my God. What the hell happened?
哈啰? 有人吗? Hello? Anybody?
你好, 约斯顿先生, Greetings, Mr. Johnston.
'智慧', 到底发生什么事了? I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E., what the hell happened?
基地被一个很肥的 社会主义狡猾人给攻击了, Our base was attacked by a giant socialist weasel.
那, 那队员呢? But where's the team?
他们被金正日囚禁在北韩, They have been taken prisoner by Kim Jong II in North Korea.
我拦截到的通讯显示 他即将在 I have intercepted communications that he is planning
和平典礼中执行全球恐怖攻击, the massive attack during a peace ceremony.
别动, 示威者, 不然我打爆你那共产主义脑袋. Don't move, protester, or I'll blow your commie brains out.
- 斯帕兹伍德. - 约斯顿? - Spottswoode. - Johnston?
你还来这里干嘛? What the hell are you doing here?
给我离'智慧'远一点. Get away from I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
我要用它来炸了北韩. I'm using it to blow up North Korea.
不! 队员在北韩啊. No! The team is in North Korea.
我知道. 那些散布世界的WMDs开关也在那里. I know. And so are the triggers to WMDs poised all around the globe.
我现在唯一选择就是炸了金正日 My only option now is to blow up Kim Jong II
还有在他身边所有的一切以防他按下开关. and everything around him before he can set them off.
'智能', 启动船舰的引爆程序. I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E., initiate detonation sequence on the ships.
你会杀了他们全部的. You'll kill them all.
他们会要我这样做的, 盖瑞. It's what they would want me to do, Gary.
为了世界和平他们会很乐意地献出生命, They would happily give their lives for the good of the world,
- 这点你永远不会明白! - 一定有别的办法. - something you don't understand! - There has to be another way.
已经没有人可以阻止金正日了. There's nobody left to stop Kim Jong II.
让我去. Let me go.
你? 你这个操屁眼的退出者. You? You're a buttfucking quitter.
你自己退出的, 盖瑞. 你没和小队出任务. You walked out, Gary. The team went on a mission without you.
没有演员,他们就像待宰的小猪. And without an actor, they were like pigs to the slaughter.
我可能把世界的命运交到你手里?! I'm supposed to leave the fate of the world in your hands?
我知道我中途退出, 但我愿意做任何事情来挽回. I know I walked out, but I'd do anything to take it back.
- 拜托, 让我帮忙. - 你帮的够多了. - Please, just let me help. - You've done enough.
拜托, 斯帕兹伍德, 你一定要相信我. Please, Spottswoode, you have to believe in me.
我也想相信你, 盖瑞, 我真的想. I want to believe in you, Gary, I really do.
但你曾让我失望过. But you've let me down before.
拜托, 我要怎么让你相信我? Please, how can I make you trust me?
我记得我们第一次见面时. I remember the first time we met.
你只是个害怕上我车的单纯百老汇演员 You were a simple Broadway actor afraid to get in my limo
因为你认为我会要你帮我吹箫. because you thought I wanted you to perform oral sex on me.
还记得吗? Do you remember that?
是的. Yeah.
但是现在情况颠倒了, 我不知道我可否相信你. And now the tables are turned, and I don't know if I can trust you.
给我一个机会吧. Just give me a chance.
好吧, 我会相信你. All right, I'll trust you.
除非你... But only if you...
...帮我吹箫. ...will perform oral sex on me.
- 什么? - 就在这里, 就是现在. - What? - Right here, right now.
- 你不是认真的吧. - 喔, 我非常认真. - You can't be serious. - Oh, I am serious.
看, 这是我认真的脸. Look, this is my serious face.
- 那能证明什么? - 那就能证明你真正准备 - What will that prove? - It will prove that you are truly ready
投入所有一切. to lay everything on the line.
抛弃你的自主神经, 百分百的投入. To throw away all your inhibitions and give 100 percent.
我们要回到第一天见面时, 第一个信任争议. We must go back to that first night we met, that first issue of trust.
- 不明白吗? - 不. 我想你不是同性恋. - Don't you see? - No. I thought you weren't gay.
这跟性向无关, 盖瑞, 这是信任大考验. This isn't about sex, Gary, it's about trust.
那是根细针的洞, 盖瑞, 我们两个都要一起突破. It's the eye of the needle, Gary, and we must both pass through it.
好吧, 来吧. Okay, let's do it.
我会确定没人在看. I'll make sure nobody's watching.
嗯, 看来没人. Yeah, it looks clear.
好了, 来吧. Okay, go.
一定还有别的方法. There must be another way.
我想你不会做任何事去把失去的要回来, 对吧, 盖瑞? I guess you won't do everything to take it all back, will you, Gary?
不, 不, 不. 等等, 等一下. No, no, no. Wait, wait, hold on.
你说如果我做, 你就会让我拯救队员们? You're saying if I do that, you'll let me help the team?
我会全力支持你. I'll give you all the time I can.
好的, 来吧. Okay, let's do it.
我们开始吧. Here we go.
开始. And go.
你非常地投入. You are dedicated.
现在, 清理一下吧. Now, let's go get cleaned up.
如果你要孤身直捣金正日的宫殿, If you're going to storm Kim Jong ll's palace single-handed,
我们就要在最短时间里把你训练成终极兵器. we have to make you a complete soldier in very little time.
我们要怎么做? How we gonna do that?
我想我知道需要什么. I think I know just what we need.
时间紧迫 拼尽全力 The hour's approaching To give it your best
你要激发你的潜能 And you've got to reach your prime
当你要将自己投入试炼中时 这是你所需的 That's when you need to put yourself to the test
为呈现时间的推移 And show us a passage of time
- 我们就需要蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - We're gonna need a montage - Montage
- 就要蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - It takes a montage - Montage
呈现很多事情同时发生 Show a lot of things Happening at once
提醒每个人 怎么回事 Remind everyone Of what's going on
每个镜头 呈现一丁点 And with every shot Show a little improvement
完整呈现会过久 To show it all would take too long
- 那就叫做蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - That's called a montage - Montage
- 女孩, 我们要蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - Girl, we want a montage - Montage
任何事物, 如果你要这么做 In anything, if you want to go
从菜鸟到老手 From just a beginner to a pro
- 你就需要蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - You need a montage - Montage
- 甚至 洛基 也要蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - Even Rocky had a montage - Montage
- 蒙太奇永远是慢慢淡出 - 蒙太奇 - Always fade out in a montage - Montage
如果画面淡出 那就表示更多时间流逝 If you fade out It seems like more time has passed
- 用蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - In a montage - Montage
女士先生们. Radies and gentlemen.
电影演员协会和金正日诚挚的 The Film Actors Guild and Kim Jong II are preased to welcome you
欢迎您参加国际和平典礼. to the International World Peace Ceremony.
每个国家的最高领导人 The most important people from every country
都团聚在此庆祝和平. are gathered here in soridarity to cerebrate peace.
这里有音乐, 舞蹈, 当然还有, There will be music, dancing and, of course,
好莱坞的众超级巨星们. the biggest stars in Horrywood.
在你的左手看台是此次华丽舞台秀的策划人, In the box to your reft is the mastermind of this spectacurar show,
多才多艺的金正日. the multitarented Kim Jong II.
噢, 哈喽. Oh, herro.
现在即将为您表演北韩最好的音乐剧. And now we present to you the very best in North Korean music.
10年的计划, 总算等到了今晚. Ten years of pranning, and finarry the night is here.
当艾力鲍德温站上舞台时, 恐怖份子已经就定位. The terrorists know to be in position by the time Arec Barrwin takes the stage.
那就是我要同时引爆全世界WMDs的时刻. That's when I trigger all the WMDs to go off at the same time.
当你看到艾力鲍德温, When you see Arec Barrwin,
你也会看到人性真实丑陋的一面. you will see the true ugriness of human nature.
你的计划永远不会成功的. 某些东西一定会阻止你. Your plan will never work. Something will stop it.
你这愚蠢, 天真美国特警队. You stupid, naive Team Americans.
你们总是相信真爱和快乐结局 You berieve in true rove and happy endings
甚至当你们周围的世界开始往下沉沦时. even while the world around you spirals downward.
有时候相信是我们唯一拥有的. Sometimes believing is all we have.
身为国家领导人, 只要遵从 And as the leaders of your countries, you have the power
电影演员协会的规定, 你是有能力将世界合而为一的. to bring the world together under the principles of the Film Actors Guild.
你绝对能够让他们顺从的, 艾力. You're gonna knock them dead, Alec.
还有10分钟, 鲍德温先生. Ten minutes, Mr. Baldwin.
你他妈的是谁? Who the hell you?
我是电影演员协会的人. 我是来帮忙发表演说的. I'm with the Film Actors Guild. I'm here to help with the broadcast.
给我们看你的凭据. Then you show credentials.
嘿, 你不需要看我的凭据. Hey, you don't need to see my credentials.
我放在家忘了带而且我迟到了. I left them at home and I'm running late.
- 我相信他. - 我也是. - I berieve him. - Yeah, me too.
好吧, 祝你有个美好的一天. Okay, have a nice day.
天啊, 他的演技比以往更出色. My God, his acting is better than ever.
别担心, 伙伴, 我有我的通行证在此. Don't worry, fellas, I've got my pass right here.
拜托, 辛先生, 罗宾斯先生, Please, Mr. Sheen, Mr. Robbins,
你们不懂金正日在做什么. you don't understand what Kim Jong II is doing.
闭嘴. 我们奉命看住你. Shut up. We have explicit instructions to watch you.
- 对, 我们应该是护卫. - 我们是护卫. - Yeah. We're supposed to be guards. - We're guards.
- 我们是护卫, 嗄? 我们是护卫. - 我们是护卫. - We're guards, huh? We're guards. - We're guards.
辛先生, 罗宾斯先生, 有人闯进了大厅. Mr. Sheen, Mr. Robbins. Someone has broken into the main hall.
什么? 来吧, 马丁! What? Come on, Martin!
- 盖瑞? - 你操他妈在这里干嘛? - Gary? - What the fuck are you doing here?
喂, 你们还好吗? 莉萨在哪? Guys, are you all right? Where's Lisa?
见鬼了你还关心她干嘛? 是你抛弃她的. What the heck do you care? You walked out on her.
听着, 我要弭补我所做的一切. Look, I wanna make things right.
这里, 斯帕兹伍德在基地监看着. Here, Spottswoode's monitoring from the base.
- 斯帕兹伍德死了, 盖瑞. - 没有你想象的死了, - Spottswoode is dead, Gary. - Not as dead as you think.
- 斯帕兹伍德! - 对, 我在这里, 乔, - Spottswoode! - Yes, I'm here, Joe.
- 太棒了, 你还活着! - 很高兴再次听到你们的声音. - All right, you're alive! - Great to hear your voices again.
现在我们要救莉萨并且阻止金正日. Now we've got to get Lisa and stop Kim Jong II.
我才不会跟你这操他妈的叛徒一起行动. I'm not going anywhere with this fucking traitor.
你认为我们会欢迎你吗, 灌肠男? What makes you think we'll take you back, douchebag?
- 我们不跟你一起行动! - 等等, 队员们, - We're doing this without you! - Now, hold on, team.
盖瑞已经向我证明 Gary has already proven to me
他是百分百投入团队的了, that he is 100 percent committed to the team.
昨晚他以吸我的鸡鸡来证明了. He proved it last night by sucking my cock.
好吧. 来吧, 队员们. 我们要找出舞台在哪. All right. Come on, team, we gotta find that stage.
看他们多喜欢我的节目. 所有的观众都着迷了. Rook how much they rove my show. The entire audience is so captivated.
现在如你所见, 新世界已经无法壁面(音似避免). And now you see, the new world is inevitabre.
- 已经怎样? - 无--无可壁面(音似避免). - It's what? - Inevita... Inevitabre.
- 再说一次. - 不可壁面(音似避免)! - One more time. - Inevitabre!
事情将不可壁面(音似避免)地改变. Things are inevitabry going to change.
该死的, 打开你他妈的耳朵. Goddamn it, open your fucking ears.
- 还有5分钟, 鲍德温先生. - 谢谢. - Five minutes, Mr. Baldwin. - Thank you.
- 艾力, 大事不妙. - 美国特警队逃掉了. - Alec, we have a problem. - Team America escaped.
什么? 你们这群白痴. 他们会毁了一切. What? You fools. They'll ruin everything.
我们最好警告每个人. 美国特警队快来了. We better warn everyone. They'll be headed here.
不. 我们不能让人看起来软弱无力. No. We can't look weak and powerless.
如果这些王八蛋只懂得暴力, 那就用暴力对付他们. If violence is all those bastards understand, then violence they'll get.
每个演员拿起枪, 不惜一切代价 Every actor, grab a gun and keep Team America
阻止美国特警队到达这会场. from reaching this ceremony at all costs.
呱啦! Qapla!
我发誓他们到不了这舞台. I swear they won't reach this stage.
天啊! 我们遇上谁啦? Jesus! What have we got?
看起来像是乔治克隆尼跟丽芙泰勒, 20码处. Looks like George Clooney and Liv Tyler, 20 yards.
小心, 森霍克还有珍尼恩加罗法洛. Look out, it's Ethan Hawke and Janeane Garofalo.
放下武器. Drop your weapons.
操他妈的去死吧! Fucking die!
我们必须散开. We gotta split up.
莎菈, 你跟盖瑞走那里. 克理斯跟我走右边. Sarah, you and Gary go that way. Chris and I will go right.
不, 我想我宁可跟你同一组, 乔. No, I think I'd rather team up with you, Joe.
那么你就是跟我了, 同性恋鸡. I guess you're with me, cockfag.
- 丹尼格洛弗! - 上吧, 潘. - Danny Glover! - Come on, Penn.
- 我们要保护会场. - 对. - We must protect the show. - Right.
- 舞台一定是那里. - 不. 乔, 色拉, 那是陷阱! - The stage must be that way. - No. Joe, Sarah, it's a trap!
真令人敬畏啊, 好战份子. Very impressive, warmongers.
现在来看看金正日的黑豹怎么处置你们. Now let's see how Kim Jong ll's panthers treat you.
我去过伊拉克, 你知道的! I went to Iraq, you know!
- 苏珊莎兰登. - 喔, 谢天谢地. - Susan Sarandon. - Oh, thank God.
我们要阻止典礼. 金正日已经疯了. We have to stop the ceremony. Kim Jong II is mad.
快! 给我松绑. 我会带你们去剧场. Here, let me loose. I'll show you where the theatre is.
- 好的. - 不, 克理斯, 离她远一点. - All right. - No, Chris, stay away from her.
- 操你妈的. 她要帮助我们耶. - 不, 克理斯, 她在演戏. - Fuck you. She wants to help us. - No, Chris, she's acting.
我没有. 其它人把我绑起来 I am not. The others tied me up
因为我不服从他们的计划. because I wouldn't go along with their plans.
你的演技随着年龄渐渐老去了, 莎兰登太太. Your skills are fading with age, Miss Sarandon.
你应该像乡巴佬一样的死去! You shall die a peasant's death!
我操他奶奶的上帝. Jesus titty-fucking Christ.
我甚至可以发誓她是说真的. I could've sworn she was telling the truth.
这就是为什么人们叫它'演戏'. 来把, 我们要找出莉萨. That's why they call it acting. Come on, we gotta find Lisa.
当我还是19岁时, 歌剧猫来到我们的城镇表演. I was 19 years old when the musical Cats came to our town.
我等不及要去看. I couldn't wait to see it.
表演结束后, 有人问我想不想到后台 After the show, I was asked if I wanted to go meet
去见一些表演者. 你知道那是多么兴奋. some of the performers backstage. Man, I was thrilled.
但是当我到了后台, 他们已经全醉了而且失去理智. But when I got back there, they were drunk and out of control.
蓝帕斯猫跟麦卡维蒂不停地摸索着我的腿. Rumpus cat and Macavity kept feeling up my leg.
我想逃开, 但是蓝蓓蒂泽把我压在地上... I tried to leave, but Rumpleteazer held me down and...
...而我则被米斯托弗里斯强暴了. ...I was raped by Mr. Mistoffelees.
那就是为何你不相信演员了. That's why you don't trust actors.
对不起, 我之前处处刁难你. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you.
如果事情结束后还有世界存在, If there's still a world left when this is all over,
我想请你喝杯啤酒. I'd like to buy you a beer.
来吧, 我们上. 我们没时间了. Come on, let's go. We're running out of time.
莎菈, 在临死前, 我总算敢告诉你, 我爱你. Sarah, before we die, I want to finally tell you that I love you.
不. 不, 我不会就这么结束. No. No, I'm not gonna let it end like this.
我们不是你们的敌人, 毛球们. 你们不会攻击我们. We are not your enemy, furry ones. You will not attack us.
莎菈, 那行不通的. 你并不是真的有心灵超能力. Sarah, that isn't going to work. You don't really have mental powers.
捕捉你们的人在后面, 柴犬们. 向他们怒吼吧. Your captors are behind you, Shebas. Show your anger to them.
莎菈, 你办到了! Sarah, you did it!
等等. 停一下. Wait. Hold on.
斯帕兹伍德, 我想我找到戏院入口了. Spottswoode, I think we just found the entrance to the theatre.
莎菈跟乔已经被关到我们的-- Have Sarah and Joe lock on to our...
盖瑞! Gary!
- 演员们, 上吧! - 海伦杭特. - Actors, ho! - Helen Hunt.
山谬杰克逊. Samuel Jackson.
麦特戴蒙. Matt Damon.
操你妈的. Motherfucker.
盖瑞, 克理斯, 回答我. Gary, Chris, come in.
现在, 先生女士们, 欢迎艾力鲍德温先生. And now, radies and gentlemen, Mr. Arec Barrwin.
我们齐聚一堂迎接没有暴力的世代. We are here to usher in a new era without violence.
藉由服从电影演员协会的统治, By following the rules of the Film Actors Guild,
实现以言语跟理性 the world can become a better place
来打动那些恐怖份子的美好世界. that handles dangerous people with talk and reasoning.
那是艰难(同性恋)的方法. That is the F.A.G. Way.
总有一天你会看着我们演员所创造的世界说, One day you'll all look at the world us actors created and say,
"哇, 做的好, 苦力(同性恋)们. "Wow. Good going, F.A.G.
你们真的让世界更好了, 不是吗, 苦力(同性恋)们?" You really made the world a better place, didn't you, F.A.G.?"
是啊, 艾力鲍德温. 糟糕的是, 世界即将消失了. Yes, Arec Barrwin. Too bad there won't be a world reft.
喔, 上帝, 不. Oh, God, no.
你看? 没有白马王子来拯救. You see? No Prince Charming rode in on a white stallion to save the day.
这才是真实世界. This is the real world.
恐怕你的世界就要完蛋了 I'm afraid your world is over.
再5分钟之后. In five minutes.
看, 倒数计时了. Yes, the ticking crock.
抱歉, 美国特警队, 你要明白, 我们一定要生活在和平之中. Sorry, Team America, but you see, we must live in a time of peace.
马上放下汽油桶. Put down the gas can now.
杀了他们. Kill them.
杰克逊! Jackson!
队员们, 你们要快点. Team, you've got to hurry.
来吧, 婊子. 我拍过动作电影. Let's go, bitch. I've done action films.
来吧. Come on.
麦特戴蒙! Matt Damon!
拜托, 别一直试着打我(出自黑客任务). Come on, stop trying to hit me and hit me.
他妈的别动! Don't fucking move!
看, 多么丢脸. Now, isn't that a shame.
你们差点就阻止和平. You came so close to stopping peace.
但是你看, 和平总是找得到方向出去.(出自侏罗纪公园) But you see, peace always finds a way.
再见了, 美国特警队. Goodbye, Team America.
我只有一个坏消息给你, 罗宾斯. I've just got one piece of bad news for you, Robbins.
- 那是啥? - 我是烟枪. - What's that? - I'm a smoker.
既然世界即将迈入和平, Now that the world is going to be run peacefully,
我们应该要开双动力跑车. we should all drive hybrid cars.
现在每个家庭都聚集在公园, Right now famiries are gathering in parks,
儿童们走路上学, 朋友们坐在电影院里. children are walking to school, friends are sitting in movie theatres.
全都未察觉到世界即将永远地改变. All compretery unaware that the world is about to change forever.
全是因为我. All because of me.
阻止那家伙. Stop that man.
盖瑞! Gary!
- 美国特警队? - 杀千刀的. - Team America? - Goddamn it.
抱歉各位, 打断了演说, 但是金正日 Sorry to interrupt the show, everyone, but Kim Jong II
是个国际罪犯. 我们是来逮捕他的. is an international criminal. We're here to arrest him.
喔, 不, 你休想. Oh, no, you're not.
这是个和平会议. This is a peace conference.
如果你胆敢碰金正日, And if you even try to touch Kim Jong II,
观众和我会挺身阻止你们的. this audience and I will rise up against you.
滚出去, 美国特警队! Fuck off, Team America!
队员们, 已经没时间了. 你必须要说服观众 Team, there's no time. You have to convince that audience
让你们遂行任务. to let you do your job.
- 盖瑞, 你要主导这场戏. - 不. 我没办法跟艾力鲍德温抢镜头. - Gary, you've got to take the stage. - No. I can't upstage Alec Baldwin.
- 他是世上最棒的演员. - 你一定要试试看. - He's the best actor in the world. - You have to try.
- 我没有那么厉害. - 事实上... - I'm not that good. - Actually...
...你是我见过最棒的演员. ...you're the finest actor I've ever met.
拜托, 盖瑞, 快. 你动作要快. Come on, Gary, hurry. You've got to act fast.
我知道你们现在彻底厌恶美国特警队, I know you all don't like Team America a whole lot right now,
但是金正日更差劲. but Kim Jong II is a lot worse.
你比不过我的, 孩子. 试都别试. You can't outact me, boy. Don't even try.
事实上美国特警队是为了亿万元的财团而战. For the truth is that Team America fights for the billion-dollar corporations.
他们就跟他们对付的敌人一样坏. They are just as bad as the enemies they fight.
噢, 不, 我们不是. 我们是阴茎! Oh, no, we aren't. We're dicks!
我们是鲁莽, 自大的笨阴茎. We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks.
而电影演员协会是阴道. (FAG,意指同性恋) And the Film Actors Guild are pussies.
而金正日是屁眼(意同混蛋). And Kim Jong II is an asshole.
阴道不喜欢阴茎, 因为阴道常被阴茎干. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks.
但是阴茎也干屁眼, But dicks also fuck assholes,
而屁眼只想在所有东西上拉屎. assholes who just wanna shit on everything.
阴道或许觉得可以用他们自己的方式应付屁眼. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way.
但是唯一能操屁眼的 But the only thing that can fuck an asshole
是有蛋蛋(意同胆量)的阴茎. is a dick with some balls.
阴茎唯一的毛病就是有时候干的太多了. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much.
- 或者干的不正确, - 说的好, 盖瑞, 说的好. - Or fuck when it isn't appropriate. - Yes, Gary, yes.
这时就需要阴道来引导它们. And it takes a pussy to show them that.
但是有时候阴道自己都沾了一身大便 But sometimes pussies get so full of shit
而使自己变成了屁眼. that they become assholes themselves.
因为阴道跟屁眼只有一吋半的距离. Because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes.
我对这疯狂的世界了解不多... I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world...
...但我知道, 如果你们不让我们干这屁眼(意同混蛋)... ...but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole...
...那么我们全部的阴茎跟阴道... ...we are gonna have our dicks and our pussies...
...都会沾满大便. ...all covered in shit.
让我们看看你的企图, 金正日. Show us what you're doing, Kim Jong II.
快想办法, 艾力鲍德温! Do something, Arec Barrwin!
呃-- 全温室效应和-- 美国企业-- The... Global warming and...Corporate America...
你这没用的东西, 艾力鲍德温. You are worthress, Arec Barrwin.
别他妈的乱动! 本来是要给你们看场 Don't fucking move! You were all going to be treated
精采的表演. 但是现在表演结束了. to a faburous show. But now party's over.
- 我是伟大的金正日. - 莉萨. - For I am the great Kim Jong II. - Lisa.
也是世上绝无仅有的恐怖份子. And I am the greatest terrorist ever to have rived.
恐惧吧. Terrorize this.
- 莉萨, 你还好吗? - 不, 盖瑞, 定时器. - Lisa, are you okay? - No, Gary, the countdown.
你必须把它停下来. You have to stop it.
- 我要怎么做? - 按下那很大的"取消"键! - What do I do? - Hit the big "cancel" button!
- 盖瑞, 你怎么克服万难的? - 斯帕兹伍德帮我的. - Gary, how did you manage this? - Spottswoode helped me.
斯帕兹伍德? 他还活着? Spottswoode? He's alive?
莉萨, 我为你疯狂. 你能否原谅我如果--? Lisa, I'm crazy about you. Will you please forgive me if I...?
你早就连我的屁眼都有了. You had me at "dicks fuck assholes. "
请注意, 请注意, 各位, Attention. Attention, everyone.
所有观众全部都该回家了, All you in the audience should go to your homes now.
你们的国家需要你们, 世界已经安全了, Your countries need you. But the world will be safe,
感谢技艺高超的天才演员盖瑞约斯顿. thanks to a brilliant actor named Gary Johnston.
让我解释一下 盖瑞是个什么样的人, Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is.
他是个了解 He's a man who knows
当你嘴里塞入别人的鸡鸡, 你就定下了契约的男人, that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact.
一个无法破坏的束缚(意同黏着剂), A bond that cannot be broken.
他是一个这么投入的男人 投入到会跪下 He's a man so dedicated that he will get down on his knees
而且马上把鸡鸡 放进嘴里的人, and put that cock right in his mouth.
等等. 看吶! Wait a minute. Look!
你们没有完全杀了我金正日. You have not heard the rast of Kim Jong II.
我还会回来的! I will return!
你们等着瞧. 我一定会回来的!(出自魔鬼终结者) You shall see. I will be back!
后会有期, 地球人! So rong, earthrings!
我们会在等着你的, 金正日. We'll be here waiting for you, Kim Jong II.
好了, 你们, 我虽然不想打断这感人场面, All right, you guys, I hate to break up this little party,
不过还有很多坏人在外面呢. but there's still a lot of bad guys out there.
好, 那就让坏蛋们知道美国特警队回来了. Well, then let's go show the bad guys the police are back in force.
我操, 耶. Fuck, yeah.
大美国 America
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck yeah
再一次来拯救操他妈的世界, 耶 Coming again to save The motherfucking day yeah
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
自由是唯一的路, 耶 Freedom is the only way Yeah
恐怖份子, 你们玩完了 Terrorists, your game is through
因为你们遇到了 'Cause now you have to answer to
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
舔我屁屁 吸我蛋蛋 So lick my butt And suck on my balls
大美国 我操, 耶 America Fuck, yeah
当我们找上门时 你们会怎么办? What you gonna do When we come for you now?
那是我们共同的梦想 It's the dream that we all share
- 那是明天的希望 - 我操, 耶 - It's the hope for tomorrow - Fuck, yeah
- 麦当劳 - 我操, 耶 - McDonald's - Fuck, yeah
- 沃尔玛 - 我操, 耶 - Wal-Mart - Fuck, yeah
- The Gap - 我操, 耶 - The Gap - Fuck, yeah
- 棒球 - 我操, 耶 - Baseball - Fuck, yeah
- NFL - 我操, 耶 - NFL - Fuck, yeah
- 摇滚乐 - 我操, 耶 - Rock 'n' roll - Fuck, yeah
- 因特网 - 我操, 耶 - The Internet - Fuck, yeah
- 奴隶制度 - 我操, 耶 - Slavery - Fuck, yeah
我操, 耶 Fuck, yeah
每个人都有爱滋 Everyone has AIDS
- 我奶奶跟我的狗老篮 - 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 - My grandma and my dog Ole Blue - AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
- 教皇也有, 你也会有 - 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 - The pope has got it and so do you - AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
来吧, 各位 补救就要开始 Come on, everybody We got quilting to do
爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 爱滋, 爱滋 AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS
我们要破坏阻碍! We're gonna break down These barricades
每个人都有 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 Everyone has AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋, 爱滋 爱滋, 爱滋 AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS
自由并非赠品 Freedom isn't free
你和我都要付出代价 It costs folks like you and me
如果我们不贡献 将无法还清所积欠的 And if we don't all chip in We'll never pay that bill
自由并非赠品 Freedom isn't free
不, 那是要付出他妈的极大代价 No, there's a hefty fucking fee
如果你不投入手中的5块钱 And if you don't throw in Your buck o'five
又有谁愿意? Who will?
5块钱 Buck o'five
自由值5块钱 Freedom costs a buck o'five
只有女人 Only a woman
能照亮我的一天 Can brighten up my day
只有女人 Only a woman
能挑弄我, 耶 Can touch me the right way Yeah
只有女人 Only a woman
允许碰我那里 Is allowed to touch me there
我只求 你是个女人 All I ask Is that you're a woman
我好寂寞 I'm so ronery
好寂寞 So ronery
好寂寞且可悲的孤独 So ronery and sadry arone
没有人 只有我 There's no one Just me onry
坐在我小小的王座上 Sitting on my rittle throne
我很辛苦的工作 筹划伟大的计谋 I work rearry hard And make up great prans
但没有人听 也没有人懂 But nobody ristens No one understands
彷佛没人重视我 Seems rike no one Takes me seriousry
所以 And so
我寂寞 I'm ronery
有点寂寞 A rittle ronery
可怜渺小的我 Poor rittle me
我需要你就像班艾佛列克 需要上演员学校 I need you like Ben Affleck Needs acting school
他在戏里演的真烂 He was terrible in that film
我需要你就像古巴古丁 需要更多戏份 I need you like Cuba Gooding Needed a bigger part
他比班艾佛列克好太多了 现在 He's way better than Ben Affleck And now
我只能想着你的笑容 还有那狗屎电影 All I can think about is your smile And that shitty movie too
珍珠港 够烂 Pearl Harbor sucked
而我很想你 And I miss you
为什么麦克贝 要继续拍电影? Why does Michael Bay Get to keep on making movies?
我想 珍珠港 够烂 I guess Pearl Harbor sucked
只有比我想念你还多一点 Just a little bit more Than I miss you
呈现很多事情同时发生 Show a lot of things Happening at once
- 提醒每个人 - 怎么回事 - Remind everyone of what's going on - What's going on
每个镜头 呈现一丁点 And with every shot Show a little improvement
完整呈现会过久 To show it all would take too long
- 那就叫做蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - That's called a montage - Montage
- 女孩, 我们要蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - Girl, we want a montage - Montage
任何事物, 如果你要这么做 从菜鸟到老手 In anything, if you want to go From just a beginner to a pro
- 你就需要蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - You need a montage - Montage
- 甚至 洛基 也要蒙太奇 - 蒙太奇 - Even Rocky had a montage - Montage
- 蒙太奇永远是慢慢淡出 - 蒙太奇 - Always fade out in a montage - Montage
如果画面淡出 那就表示更多时间流逝 If you fade out it seems like More time has passed
我是盖伦星球派来 征服地球的 I was sent from planet Gyron To conquer the Earth
我有个恐怖的计划 我认为行得通 I had a terrific pran I thought it would work
试着让地球人互相残杀, 你知道的 Tried to get the earthrings All to kill each other, you see
但是全搞砸了 我得承认 But it all went wrong And now I must decree
你这废物, 艾力鲍德温!你这废物, 艾力鲍德温 You are worthress, Arec Barrwin You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
你全都搞砸了 现在我对你的信任没了 You failed in every way And now my stock in you has farren
你的星途耀眼 但你是个废物, 艾力鲍德温 Your career is starring And you're worthress, Arec Barrwin
这是为何我要爆了你脑袋 也全爆了你的小孩 That's why I brew your head off And your children are all bawring
和我一样的Zypods栖息在盖伦星球 Pranet Gyron is inhabited With Zypods rike me
还有那些大蜜蜂Barmacks But also with Barmacks Who are giant bees
Zypods和Barmacks 接连不断地战争 The Zypods and the Barmacks Are at constant war
正因为我们需要一个新家 所以才侵略地球 So we wanted a new home And that's what Earth was for
但你是个废物, 艾力鲍德温!你是个废物, 艾力鲍德温 But you are worthress, Arec Barrwin You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
你搞砸了我所有计划 You fucked up my whole pran
现在盖伦被Barmack霸占 And now Gyron is smeared With Barmack porren
你是个废物, 艾力鲍德温 Your garbage needs some hauring And you're worthress, Arec Barrwin
现在我只能铩羽而归 Now I must return home a failure
I'm afraid the Pit of Cryrock Is carring