高蒙电影 Gaumont
传奇电影 Légende
伊斯坦布尔机场
字母整理加工@阿拉李凡 射手网&网络
法语，要说法语。 French. Only French.
我不舒服。 淡定。 I not feel good. Calm.
像我这样。 想想其他的事情。 Do like me. Think other things.
比如看一下电影。 Watch film.
这是什么？ What is it?
一部飞机的电影。 A film about a plane.
挺有意思的。 非常有趣的。 It's interesting. Very interesting.
-你的餐点，先生。 -谢谢。 - Your meal, sir. - Thank you.
-请慢用。 -谢谢你。 - Enjoy. - Thank you.
女生们先生们，我们刚刚进入法国领空。 Ladies and gentlemen, we have just entered French airspace.
到时候了。 It's time.
女士们先生们，很不幸 Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately
由于空中交通管制员罢工 an air traffic controllers' strike
我们不能降落在巴黎机场。 has shut down the Paris airports.
我们降落在科西嘉岛的费加里 We have to land in Figari in Corsica.
那是是什么？- 什么？ -快走！ What the hell?- What now? - Move!
-快！ -你确定？ - Go! - You're sure?
刚才在黎波里为什么不说？ Why not Tripoli while you're at it?
刚回法国就遇到这倒霉事 We head back to France and the bullshit starts!
飞机餐也不好吃！ The meal was foul too!
丢人啊！ Shame on you!
-我的叉子！ -什么？ - My fork! - What?
我丢了我的叉子。 I lose my fork.
我自己上。 I go alone.
为什么不降落在尼斯？ Why not land in Nice?
尼斯机场因为峰会关闭了。 只能去科西嘉岛。 Nice is closed for a summit. It has to be Corsica.
我们要开始降落了， We're starting our descent. 什么事，先生？ Yes, sir?
我要上厕所。 I need the toilet.
来不及了了。 Too late. 谢谢你送餐具回来。 Thank you for the cutlery.
所有人都给老娘坐下！ All of you, sit down now!
赶紧系上安全带， 闭上嘴巴！ Fasten your seatbelts and clam up!
你不能这样对待我们！ You can't treat us like this!
创世的时候， When the world was created,
上帝决定创造一个最美的国度 God decided to invent the most beautiful country of all
把全世界所有的奇迹都放在那里 and put all of the world's wonders in it.
他把这个国度叫做 【 法国 】. . . He called that country... France.
为了不让其它国度感到被剥夺权利 But so that other countries wouldn't feel deprived,
上帝决定用法国人。。。 God decided to fill it with
填满那里 the French.
Vive La France 法 国 万 岁
但是首先让我解释一下 But first let me explain
我们到这的来由吧。 how we got here.
整件事要从 塔布里斯坦（地名）说起 It all began in Taboulistan,
它是中亚的一个袖珍国 a tiny Central Asian country
卡在阿富汗、吉尔吉斯斯坦 stuck between Afghanistan, Kirghizstan
和塔吉克斯坦中间 and Tajikistan.
事情是发生在 And it all began exactly
有一个小山村叫 in a small village called
卡其布鲁（地名） Kachtebrul.
这就是我，弗鲁兹。 This is me. Feruz.
他是木扎法 And that's Muzafar.
我们是半个兄弟。 We're half-brothers.
木扎法是我爸跟他表妹所生。 Muzafar is the son our dad had with his cousin.
就是那个长胡子的大妈。 The lady with the moustache.
每天早晨 Every morning
我们和女人们 with our women, we do
一起跳 塔布里斯坦 著名的传统舞蹈 the famous traditional dance of Taboulistan,
耳光舞！ the Tawa!
多么欢乐的舞蹈啊！ The dance of joy!
我们的国家叫塔布里斯坦 Our land is called Taboulistan
是一千年前发明的 because our greatest pride
已经有1千年的历史 is to have invented 1,000 years ago
原来的配方 the original recipe
塔布勒沙拉！ for tabbouleh!
小麦巧妙地融合， A skillful blend of grain,
香菜 parsley
西红柿 and tomatoes.
并不像大家想的那样，它不是黎巴嫩发明的 In spite of what people think, the Lebanese didn't invent it.
是那些走狗偷走了秘方！ Those dogs just stole the recipe!
从此，世人就忘记了我们的存在。 And, since then, the world has forgotten we exist.
联合国从来都不承认我们。 The UN has never recognized us.
我们的大头令很是生气，他叫哈达达德 And that bothers our Great Leader, Hadadad
瓦苏布罗。。。 Wassupbro...
一群白痴！ Idiots!
民主当选总统36年 ...democratically elected for 36 years.
失败者！ Losers!
没有哪个部长 能让我们的国家受到关注 Not one minister had managed to get our land noticed
直到有一天。。 until the day when...
加法拉兹*瓦苏布罗 Jafaraz Wassupbro,
我们大头领的儿子， son of our Leader,
一个革命性的主意！ had a revolutionizing idea!
恐怖主义。。。 Terrorism...
打广告！ as advertising!
他计划袭击 His plan was to attack
举世闻名的建筑物 the world's most popular monument...
艾菲尔铁塔！ The Eiffel Tower!
-弗鲁兹，去山羊！ - Feruz, watch the goats! -为什么是我？ - Why me?
就在今天， And it was that day,
正当木扎法和我闲聊的时候。。。 as Muzafar and I were chatting...
-我早该在你一生下来就淹死你！ - I should've drowned you at birth! -淡定，你这个老山羊， - Calm down, you old goat.
老山羊？ Old goat?
看到了带领我们去往。。。 saw the start of the adventure...
法国历险的开端 that led us to France.
早安。 Greetings.
小头领！ Little Leader!
瓦苏布罗小头领！ Little Leader Wassupbro!
淡定，轻点！ Calm down. Gently!
我们最初进了训练营中。 We were first sent to a training camp.
然后为了知己知彼。。。 And, to get to know our new enemy...
法国！ France!
我们开始学习 we started by learning
法语！ French!
这是10个最常用那个单词。 These are the 10 most frequently used words.
跟我念 Repeat.
你好。 Hello.
你好吗？ How you?
王八！ Basterd!
婊子！ Bisch.
混蛋！ Arzhole.
妈的 Fock.
鸟人。 Bommer.
狗屎！ Shite.
再见！ Goobye.
我们还钻研所有的文化差异。 We also studied all the cultural differences.
法国禁止男人 France is a land where men are deprived of the right
殴打女人。 to hit women.
在法国。 In France,
打女人是不允许的。 slapping women not allowed.
要是她们的嘴巴多怎么办？ But what happens if they speak?
听下去。 You listen.
见鬼！不可能！ Not possible!
不能这样对待我们！ You can't treat people like that!
要想渗入该国，我们就得改名换姓。 To infiltrate the country, we changed our identity.
这是你们的法国护照。 Your French passports.
至于你们。。。 For you...
加法拉兹给我们起了新的名字。 Jafaraz gave us new names.
我变成。。。 I became...
米歇尔！ Michel!
木扎法你变成。。。 And Muzafar became...
亚尼克！ Yannick!
而我呢， For me,
为了执行任务， for the mission,
我选了一个典型的法国名字。 I've chosen to use typically French name.
米歇尔 奎尔贝克 Michel Ouellebec.
我不喜欢米歇尔。 Don't like Michel.
我不喜欢米歇尔？ Michel no good?
埃林 奎尔贝克？ 我叫什么？ Alin Ouellebec. My name?
很好！ Better!
快一点！ Faster!
大点声！ Louder!
再快！ Faster!
我们就是这样成为 And that's how we became
RTT勇士的。。。 soldiers in the RTT...
塔布里斯坦 恐怖主义革命军！ Revolutionary Terrorists of Taboulistan!
准备驾机 ready to crash the plane of revenge
撞毁巴黎的艾菲尔铁塔！ into the Eiffel Tower in Paris!
经过9个月的苦练！ After 9 months in training,
我们被选上了！ we were the chosen ones!
我很骄傲的授予你们 I'm proud to award you
塔布里斯坦勇士勋章。 the Tabouli medal of bravery.
现在。。。 And now...
你们要动真格了。 you just have to do it for real.
真的？ For real?
我们是用遥控飞机... We do it with remote-control plane...
这么说我们会死吗？ That mean we die?
我不想死！ I not want die!
我不明白。 I not understand.
你说我们是 You say to us
国家英雄，而不是羊肉串。 we heroes of the nation. Not mutton kebab.
兄弟，这次行动， Brothers, with this mission,
你将要成为烈士了！ you're going to become martyrs!
你们要上天堂了！ You go to paradise!
上边很给力的 在安乐园里长生不老 It's wild up there. Eternal life in pleasure garden...
还有见面礼呢。。。 With welcome gift...
你知道，我可不急着去死。。。 You know, I'm not that keen on dying...
闭嘴！ Shut up.
我不想死。 I not want to die.
什么见面礼？ What's the welcome gift?
一般是基本套餐 Usually, the basic package
70个处女陪吃大餐。 is 70 virgins with all-you-can-eat buffet.
真有意思。。。 Pretty interesting...
你这么想？ You think so?
必须的。 You bet.
处女不一定是处女。 You can't be sure they're virgins.
确实。 True.
床技不好，色拉也做不好 No good in bed, no good for tabbouleh.
我要70个熟女。 I prefer 70 mature women.
-70个熟女， -我不能。 - 70 mature women. - I can't.
可我们要死死。 But we die.
最好的交易就是皆大欢喜。 Good deal is when we all happy.
好吧。。。 All right...
熟女加额外奖赏。 Mature women and a bonus gift.
电动剃须刀 Electric razor
旅行款的。 for travel.
这是电动的。。。 It's electric...
他说 He say
上边很给力。 it going to be wild.
有大餐可吃。。。 All-you-can-eat buffet...
有喝的吗？ With drinks?
当然有。 Of course.
可乐，柠檬汁。。。 Coke, lemonade...
奥兹汽水呢？ Oaziz?
经过一个月的长途旅行 And after a month traveling
我们到达杜尚别（塔吉克斯坦首都） to get to Dushanbe,
阿什哈巴德（土库曼斯坦首都） Ashgabat,
喀布尔（阿富汗首都） Kabul
最后到达伊斯坦布尔，（土耳其城市） and finally Istanbul,
最终我们坐上了这架飞机 we ended up on this plane that was bound
飞往法国巴黎的飞机 for Paris in France.
结果到了科西嘉的 Or rather Figari
费加里机场 in Corsica.
如果不到首次入境口， If you're not among the first to disembark,
那就要排队到死。 you wait forever.
警察在盯着我们。 Police look to us.
这护照不管用，往回走把。 Passports won't work. Turn back.
淡定！ Calm!
想我这样，故作天真 Do like me. Act innocent.
我不是我。 It's not me.
欢迎来到科西嘉。 Welcome to Corsica.
我们现在该怎么办？ What we do now?
我们执行B计划。 We do Plan B.
B计划是什么？ What's Plan B?
现在我们就是飞机! We plane now!
会好起来的。 It will be ok.
我们去巴黎。 We go Paris.
可以。把你们的包放到后备箱。 Sure. Put your bags in the trunk.
谢谢你！ Thank you!
-你去哪？ -小偷! - Where he going? - Thief!
骗子！ Crook!
很远吗？ Is it far now?
非常远。 我在地图上找不到科西嘉岛。 Very hard. I not find Corsica on map.
太阳在那儿 Sun there.
我们往那儿走。 We go there.
你好，老板。 Hello, merchant.
有什么事？ What's this?
我们想问去巴黎的路 We look way to Paris.
当我是什么人?导游？ What am I? A tour guide?
法国人不友好啊。 French not very nice.
这里不是法国！ This isn't France!
这里是科西嘉岛。 This is Corsica!
听不懂。 Don't understand.
想去巴黎就向后转。 For Paris, turn round
往北走 and walk north.
当你看到白痴们，你就到了！ When you see dickheads, you're there!
谢谢你！ Thank you.
你不能这样招待客人！ What a way to treat people!
这有个座位。 Have a seat.
别理我哥。 Just ignore my brother.
女流氓！ Female scum!
淡定。 Calm.
吃些什么吗？ Something to eat?
是的，老板娘。 Yes, madam merchant.
我们非常饿。。。 We very hungry...
香肠，杨奶酪，甜点？ Sausage, sheep's cheese, dessert?
不，要塔布勒沙拉（家乡口味） No, tabbouleh.
对不起，这不是黎巴嫩餐馆。 Sorry, this isn't a Lebanese restaurant.
塔布勒沙拉不是黎巴嫩的，是塔布里斯坦的。 Tabbouleh not from Lebanon, from Taboulistan.
什么地方？ Where?
怎么了？ What?
拿破仑！波拿马！给我追！！ Napoleon! Bonaparte! Attack!
费鲁兹 Feruz!
滚开！ Let go!
你在干什么？ What you do?
不是我的错。 Not my fault.
我们没时间瞎搞了! No time for that now. Come!
老子废了你们！ I'll waste you!
有人在吗？ Anyone here?
乡巴佬！ Village idiot!
你简直就像发情的山羊那样顽固！ You as hardheaded as horny goat!
为什么？ Why?
埃林是怎么说的？ What did Alin say?
他说不能打女人了。 He say not hit woman.
不然就麻烦大了！ If not, big problem!
下一次你听到女人说话， Next time you hear woman speak,
就当她是男人， imagine it man,
都一样，好吧？ that it's same. Ok?
不明白。 Not understand.
弗鲁兹。。。 Feruz...
给我的？ For me?
法国货。。。 France...
优雅。。。 Elegance...
时尚。。。 Fashion...
口袋。。。 Pockets...
你好，先生，我需要一些 Hello, m onsieur, I'd like...
芥末！ some mustard!
巴黎时尚。。。 Paris chic...
晚安，米歇尔。 Good night, Michel.
晚安，亚尼克。 Good night, Yannick.
明天进军巴黎！ Tomorrow... Paris!
昂热，怎么回事？ Ange, what is this?
你说这房子是空的！ You said it was empty!
我不知道。 I don't know.
邻居说的。 The neighbor said so.
干掉他们吧？ We waste them?
不，抓住他们！ No, grab them!
进去！ Get in!
他们有用处。 We can use them.
念这个。 Read this.
不老实念的话 Do it or you'll end up
脑袋就挂在国旗上！ with your heads on a flag too!
看着镜头！ To the camera!
大家好，我是弗朗索瓦 皮内特。 Hello, I'm François Pinete.
大家好 。 Hello.
我是克里斯蒂安 皮内特 I'm Christian Pinete.
要想让 We shall be
我们自由 freed in return
就要释放 for the release of...
我们的兄弟鲁克 多米尼克多尼科 our brothers, Jean-Luc Domenico,
保利 德 西内西 Paoli de Cinneci...
迪尼尼 Dinini.
杜米 Doumé!
别哭了。 Stop crying.
他们一点都不像那两兄弟兄弟 They're nothing like the brothers.
你们是被胡子迷惑了 The moustaches are fooling you.
不好意思，他们俩阿尔萨斯口音的。 Sorry to insist but they have Alsatian accents.
让我看看。 Let me see.
一点不像、 Nothing like them!
你们是谁，伙计？ Who the hell are you, guys?
米歇尔 普拉蒂尼 Michel Platini.
亚尼克 诺亚 Yannick Noah.
老子不是傻子 ！ I'm not fucking stupid!
你到底是谁？ Who are you?
-谁？ -不要开枪！ - Who? - Not shoot!
我们是恐怖分子。我们痛恨法国。 We terrorists too. We hate French.
我们一般也做恐怖活动 不是对立的。 Usually, we do terror, not opposite.
不要开枪！ Not shoot!
恐怖分子！ Terrorists!
闭嘴。 Shut up.
闭嘴！ Shut up!
你们的任务是什么? What's your mission?
在法国帝国主义发动自杀式袭击！ Suicide attack on French imperialism!
自杀式炸弹？ Suicide bombers?
不！ No!
自杀式炸弹！ Suicide bombers!
我叫你小声点 没用的家伙 I told you to keep quiet, you wimpy goat!
杜米，过来! Doumé, come here!
- 干掉他们，别闹了。 - Let's waste them. - Cut it out.
他们不是房东！ They're not the owners!
他们是难民，也许从科索沃货摩纳哥。 They're refugees. Maybe from Kosovo or Monaco.
帮帮他们。 Help them.
我们决定帮助你们。 We've decided to help you.
真的？ For real?
是的。 Yes.
团结一致 Solidarity.
谢谢你 Thank you!
塔布里斯坦谢谢你们。 Taboulistan thank you.
太阳在这，我们去这。 Sun there. We go there.
这是我第一次看到大海。 This first time I see the sea.
挺有意思吧。 It's interesting.
弗鲁兹。。。 Feruz...
着火了！ Fire!
先生。。 Sir...
先生，听到我说话吗？ Sir, can you hear me?
你还好吗？ Are you ok?
来喝点水。 Here, this should help.
米歇尔。。。 Michel...
起来，米歇尔！ Wake up, Michel!
起来 Wake up!
这，拿着这个。 Here, take this.
我们在天堂 了吗？ Are we in paradise?
这是地狱！ This is hell!
走开，魔鬼！ Away, demon!
没关系。 It's all right.
这不是埃林口中的西方。 This not West as Alin described.
太可怕了。我要回家。 This horrible. We must go back home.
不，我们要继续执行任务。 No, we continue mission.
你错过艾菲尔铁塔了！ You lose Eiffel Tower!
太阳在那，去那 Sun there, we go there!
现在怎么办？ What now?
我全身是伤。 I hurt everywhere.
都是你的错。 Is all your fault. 我饿了，我渴了，我累了！ I hungry, I thirsty and I tired!
赶紧走， Move it.
一直走。 Always move it.
不，我累了，我要在这休息！ No, I hurt! I stay here!
好吧，你自己呆在这吧。 Fine, you stay here alone.
我继续，塔布里斯坦望着我们。 I carry on. Taboulistan counting on us.
老子照顾你都烦死了！ Sick of taking care of you!
直直开，不然我晕车。 Drive straight, feel sick.
真不知道什么更气人？是你还是法国？ What piss me off more? You or France?
别抱怨了。 Stop complain.
你需要我。 You need me.
我们是分不开的。 We two inseparable.
就像羊倌离不开母羊。。。 Like goatherd and nanny goat...
妇女离不开小胡子 Women and moustaches...
小孩离不开手榴弹。。。 Children and hand grenades...
就像爱情和绵羊。。。 Love and sheep...
法国真漂亮！ France is beautiful!
耶。。。 Yeah...
【清洁工大罢工】 Refuse collectors on strike!
马上下车 Get out now.
走那边 That way.
开火！ Fire!
怎么了？ What this?
打仗啦！快跑！ It's war! Run!
弗鲁兹！ Feruz!
你真把他们揍扁了 You really laid into them!
真是一群窝囊废！！ What a gang of losers!
我们废掉他们啦！ We demolished them!
这里的女人打男人！ Women hit men here!
这个国家真是疯了！ They crazy in this country!
我们去和茴香酒 Let's grab a pastis.
那里满是性爱炸弹。 The place is full of sex bombs.
炸弹？ Bombs?
全是炸弹！ Packed with bombs!
我们一快去，去买些炸弹。 We go with them. We can buy explosive.
这里的恐怖分子真多。。。 Lot of terrorists here...
托尼，什么情况？ Tony, how's it going?
他们带我们带进鸡窝酒吧。。 They bring us to a prostitutes' bar.
看这裙子 Look at skirt
屁股都要露馅了。 on edge of bush.
这可不好。 This not good.
不，不好。 No, not good.
托尼，所有人都上茴香酒。 Tony, pastis all round.
- 干活真口渴。 - 口渴。 - Thirsty work. - Thirsty.
法国打仗了？ Is there war on in France?
在法国？ In France?
这不是法国，这里是马赛！ This isn't France, dipstick!
这是马赛！ This is Marseilles!
这不是法国？ It's not France?
不，我们与众不同。 No, we're different.
我们喜欢这。 We have it all.
阳光，大海。。。和朋友们！ Sun, sea... and buddies!
周围的的朋友们！ Buddies all around you!
这里真热。 It's hot here.
拿起你的武器！ Grab your weapons!
我们马赛的朋友们！ We're the Marseilles guys!
我们一定赢！ And we're going to win!
你想找死？ Looking to die?
为什们穿巴黎队的球衣？ What's that Paris soccer shirt?
想挨揍啊，小子？ Want a beating, bud?
滚出去！ Fuck the hell off!
鸟人！ Motherfuckers!
为什么大家都说“鸟人”什么意思？ Why everyone say "motherfucker"? What it mean?
就像你好啊，鸟人。 It's like "hi" or "hello". Motherfucker.
- 鸟人 - 什么？ - Motherfucker. - What?
喂，屌毛，是不是小看我们？ Hey, fuckwad, you dissing us?
不，不是小看 No, no dissing.
回家找妈妈去吧，小鬼。。 Go home to mommy, children.
小鬼？你才他妈回家呢！ Children? You fuck off home!
我们要在这里屠杀巴黎人！ We massacre Parisians here!
我也想屠杀巴黎人！ I want to massacre Parisians too!
闭上你的臭嘴！ Shut your mouth!
马赛最牛！ Marseilles rules!
滚粗巴黎！ Fuck Paris!
我们在哪？ Wher are we?
我们在医院。 We in hospital.
他们照顾周到。 They look after you good.
医学冠军！ Medicine champions!
你睡昏了3天！ But you sleep three days.
赶紧吃。 You must eat.
快点，这是好东西。酸奶。 Come on, this good. It yogurt.
先生们。。。 Gentlemen...
我带来了好消息。 I have some good news.
我们顺利摘除了你的肾脏。 We removed your kidney with no trouble.
肾？ Kidney?
他是鼻子。。。 It was his nose...
他的鼻子？ His nose?
鼻子。 Nose.
- 克里斯泰。。。 - 医生？ - Christelle... - Doctor?
他的病例。 His file.
- 肾是什么？ - 没事。 - What's "kidney"? - Nothing.
糟 糕！ Shit!
怎么回事？ What happened here?
我可没嗑药。 I wasn't on intake.
是一颗肾脏。 It's a kidney...
肾？ A kidney?
- 我放假了。 - 放假？ - I was off. - Off?
对，我放假了！ Yes, I was off!
你才不是呢 你每次都这么说！ You weren't. You say that every time!
别吵了！ Cut it out!
对不起，我们犯了一个错误。 I'm sorry, we made a mistake.
我们摘掉了一颗肾脏。 We took a kidney
而不是治好你的鼻子。 instead of mending your nose.
你有病！ You sick!
别紧张，没事！ Calm down, ok!
一颗肾也照样能活。 You can live with one kidney.
我只有一个睾丸 照样我生龙活虎。 I only have one testicle and I manage fine.
是啊！ Yes!
我的肾。。。 My kidney...
拿回来。 Give it back.
那祝你好运。 Good luck.
从理论上说, Technically,
它已经不再是你的了。 it's no longer yours.
- 是！ - 不是。 - It is! - No.
它现在在巴黎。 It's in Paris,
用来救一个老太太。 to save an old lady.
还我的肾！ Give kidney!
你没有证件或者医疗保险。 Without documents or medical insurance,
能找回来算你命好！ good luck getting it back!
如果72小时内找不到 If it's not done within 72 hours,
你的肾就长毛了。 your kidney is better flambéed with mushrooms!
你还有心思开玩笑啊！ You're making fun now!
肮脏的江湖医生！ Filthy charlatan!
他的肾没了， 你还在开玩笑！ You joke, he no kidney!
我只是想帮帮 而已。 I'm just trying to help.
如果这是你的态度，我走了。 If that's your attitude, I'm gone.
我的肾！ My kidney!
去给山羊挤奶吧。 Go milk billy goats!
我要我的肾！ I want my kidney!
带你这两只母羊吃草去吧！ And go munch grass with your two nannies!
我的肾！ My kidney!
我要我的肾！ I want my kidney!
我的肾。 My kidney.
你好。 Hello.
对不起，刚才听了你们的事 我很是吃惊 Sorry but I'm shocked by what I just heard.
我是玛丽安 布维 I'm Marianne Bouvier.
这太粗鲁了。 It's outrageous.
我的节目《深入调查》你听说过？ I'm with "In Depth". Heard of it?
估计没有。 Probably not.
我正在医院报道大事。 I'm reporting on hospitals
我真的想帮你 and I'd really like to help you.
别再演 特蕾莎修女了。 Not the Mother Teresa act again!
- 什么？ - 够了。 - What? - Enough.
我一会回来。 I'll be right back.
快点，弗鲁兹，我们走 Come on, Feruz, let's go. Hurry.
我们不能错过这件事。 We can't miss out on this.
我不能这么做，玛丽安。 I can't do it, Marianne.
我在法国北部 I have a shoot
还有拍摄工作呢。 up in northern France.
是事业者的。 With the unemployed.
如果我们把他们的事情报道出去， 会对他们有帮助的。 If we tell their story, it'll help them.
如果你想浪费时间 If you want to spend your time
为弱者拼命，那就轻便吧。 fighting for the weak, be my guest.
摄影机。 The camera,
车钥匙 巴黎见。 the van keys. See you in Paris.
好，你走吧，滚蛋！ 反正你浪费空间！ Sure, go ahead, piss off. You waste of space!
你要去哪？ Where are you going?
女流氓 Female scum!
别担心，我不是移民局的。 Don't worry, I'm not with Immigration.
我会帮你们把肾要回来的。 I'll get your kidney back.
我们不要肾脏！ We not need kidney!
我要我的肾！ I want my kidney...
天堂有70个呢， You'll get 70 of them in paradise.
就算等死也要个全尸 I ready to die but only with all my parts!
没有人会死，我们会拿回来。 No one's going to die. We'll get it back.
我可以送你们到巴黎。 I'll drive you to Paris if I have to.
- 巴黎？ - 艾菲尔铁塔！ - Paris? - Eiffel Tower!
你带我们去巴黎？ You can take us Paris?
当然，我的车在外面，跟我来。 Of course. My car's right outside. Follow me.
女人还会开车？ A woman with a car?
法国人都疯了。 The French are crazy.
我们跟着她，很容易。 We follow her. It's easier.
坏主意快来。 Bad idea coming here.
- 想不想搭车去巴黎 - 想。 - Want a ride to Paris? - Yes.
那就相信我。 Then trust me.
你还没看过法国好的一面呢。 You haven't seen the good side of France yet.
这是一片仁慈的土地，到处都是好心人。 It's a just and humane land, full of understanding people...
- 夫人好。 - 小姐好。 - Hello, ma'am. - Miss.
44号 Number 44.
说来听听吧。 I'm listening.
有重大医疗事故 。 There's been a terrible medical error.
他的肾脏被错摘。 His kidney was removed by mistake
现在他想赶在移植前索回。 and he'd like it back before it's transplanted.
我要我的肾！ I want my kidney!
这是ＳＭＭ 严重医疗事故 Serious Medical Malpractice.
你们要在检察官那里申诉 You have to file a complaint with the public prosecutor,
adding the victim's medical file 加上受害者的病例
当事医生写的那本 obtained from the doctor in question,
还要一封澄清投诉的信件 and a letter justifying the complaint,
说明为何要索回肾脏 why you want the kidney back.
之后 After that,
就要提起民事诉讼民事诉讼 you'll need to launch civil action
要求赔偿损失。。。 and submit your complaint for compensation...
但是。。。 But...
补偿办公室 The compensation office
下午４点下班，就是５分钟后的事。 closes at 4 PM, in other words in 5 minutes.
明天是节日。 Tomorrow is a holiday,
周五放假。 they'll take Friday off,
一直到周末。 then the weekend
周一有罢工 and a strike on Monday.
周二早上继续上班 Go on Tuesday morning.
他们工作非常忙碌 Early as they're very busy
进度非常缓慢 and pretty slow.
应该要４，５年才能解决 It should take 4 or 5 years to settle.
好了 All right.
再见 Goodbye.
没门！ No way!
我们要担保他能索回 We want a guarantee he'll get it back!
不然怎样？ Or what?
我现在就要我的肾 I want my kidney now!
我要我的肾 Give me my kidney
不然就把你的肾给我，你这老母羊 or you give your kidney to me, old nanny goat!
淡定 Calm down!
保安 Security!
干什么？ What?
把你的肾也给我 Give me your kidney too!
放开我，我又没把你怎样 Give me break, I did nothing to you.
冷静点 Calm down!
他们才是受害者！ They're the victims!
乱摘别人的肾脏可是丑闻啊！ It's a scandal, taking kidneys from people!
他们有证件吗？ They have documents?
－没有 －这么说是无证了 - No.- Undocumented then?
好了，他们要进拘留中心 Right, they're off to the holding center.
什么？ The what?
没有泳池和游客的第几层 A resort without a pool or turista.
－ 只有外国人。 － 请！ - Only foreigners. - Please!
我的肾 My kidney...
起来 Stand up!
你们疯了！他这么痛苦！ You're crazy! He's in pain!
好了。 Sure.
我们都知道这种吉普赛花样 We know all these gypsy tricks
假装残疾，坐着轮椅 with their fake chairs and limbs.
－这个中心在哪？ －北边 - Where is the center? - Up north.
在图卢兹 In Toulouse.
不要担心！ Don't worry!
我一定就出你们，我保证 I'll get you out, I promise.
我不会辜负你们的 I won't let you down!
对马里奥和路易吉，我们无法确认你们的身份 Right, Mario and Luigi, we can't verify your identities
所以你们会被遣返回国 so you'll be deported to your home country.
完了，结束了 That's it, it's all over.
我的肾没戏了 My kidney's gone for good!
去你的肾，我们给祖国蒙羞了。 Screw your kidney! We've brought shame on our land.
我们会被处死，上不了天堂 We'll be executed, we won't go to paradise!
你们听懂了？ You understand me?
当然懂了，我们会法语． Absolutely. We speak French.
好，那就省事了，是什么国家？ Good, that'll save time. What country then?
塔布里斯坦 Taboulistan.
什么玩意？塔布里斯坦？我没听说过啊？ Seriously? Does it exist? I never heard of it.
在阿富汗塔吉克斯坦吉尔吉斯斯坦中间 Between Afghanistan, Tajikistan and Kirghizstan.
全都是 斯坦！ Give me an in-stan to type it!
你们的国家连谷歌地图上都没有 You're not even on Google Maps.
只有街尾的黎巴嫩餐馆 The only result is a Lebanese restaurant up the road.
我们不是黎巴嫩人！ We not Lebanese!
由于没有引渡条例，所以会很快送你们处境 There's no extradition treaty so we'll ship you off fast.
好了，有去巴格达的飞机 Here we go... A flight for Baghdad
明天早晨 tomorrow morning.
巴格达？ Baghdad?
我们不是阿拉伯人，是塔布人 But we not Arabs, we Tabouls.
没有大胡子，只有小胡子 No beard, only moustache.
都一个鸟样。 Same difference.
不一样！差三千公里呢 - Not same! - 3,000 km away!
跑跑步对你们有好处 A hike will do you good.
你们可以打电话找你们的部落 You can call your tribe
在那边，欢迎来到地中海俱乐部 just over there. Welcome to Club Med.
去巴格达？ Baghdad?
我们去巴格达干什么？ What become us in Baghdad?
埃林？我是亚尼克 诺亚 Alin? It's Yannick Noah.
五天查无音信 Five days without news!
我很生气，你这卑鄙小人 I very angry, you filthy trashcan hound!
现在我听到什么了？你们还活着？ Now I hear what? You still alive?
我甚至更生气了！ I even more angrier!
不是我们的错，是飞机没去巴黎 It not our fault. Plane not go to Paris.
警察拘捕了我们 Police arrest us
要把我们送回去 and send us back.
住口！ Shut up!
我那我的命发誓，如果你们空手回来 I swear on my life of mine, if you come back here
艾菲尔铁塔还在 and Eiffel Tower standing,
我就对一个老人不客气 I unleash hell on an old gentleman
我去你的村２把她接来了 I go to fetch from your village...
对，爸爸！ Yes, Dada!
打招呼吧，老爹 Say hi, Dada.
你好 Hi.
你好，爸爸 Hi, Dada!
我带他出来透透气，他脸色太苍白了 I bring him to get air, he was too pale.
你真好，埃林 Very kind, Alin.
去走走吧，老爹 Take walk, Dada.
向右转 Turn right!
要是你忧郁的话，你老爸可能就躲不过子弹了 If you hesitate, Dada not always miss bullets.
明白吗？ Get it?
我就靠你了 I count on you.
再见，埃林 Goodbye, Alain.
拿着，给你的 Take it, for you.
这是什么？钱 - What's that? - Money.
500块
我们不想去巴格达了 We not go Baghdad.
拿开 Put that away.
你当我是什么人？ Who do you think I am?
在法国我们是有伦理观的 We have ethics here in France.
伦理观？ Ethics?
什么是伦理观？ What's ethics?
不知道 No idea.
不过。。。 Then again...
也许有别的办法。。。 there may be another way...
好吧。。 All right...
今天是小鳄鱼的生日弗拉格达 It's Croc-Croc's birthday and Fragada
给他送来礼物 brings him his present.
过来 Come here.
你也撕 You too.
很好，你真好看 You're good, you devils.
现在是派对时间了 It's party time.
你们要尽情想了 You're having fun.
开始跳舞 Start dancing.
你挑，不然去巴格达 Do it or you're off to Baghdad!
跳！ Dance!
这样我可不跳舞 I can't dance in this!
快点！弗鲁兹！ Come on, Fragada!
不要说了，赶紧跳吧 Stop talking and dance.
不要那样跳！ Not like that!
要有肉欲！ Make it more sensual!
互相磨蹭 Rub against each other.
这样好吧？不好 - This is good, huh? - No.
你真软。。。 You're so soft...
还有你。。。 And you...
你问起来像草莓 You smell of strawberries.
真恶心 It's disgusting.
不，不恶心，这样很天然 No, it's not disgusting, it's natural.
晚上好啊 Good evening.
今晚真热，你说呢？ It's so hot this evening, don't you think?
哥哥。。。 Officer...
我不热，有空调 I'm ok, I have air-con.
太好了。。 Great...
小鳄鱼不喜欢你们的礼物 Croc-Croc doesn't like your present.
你们闯了这么多祸。。。 You went to so much trouble...
打他 So spank him.
这怪怪的 This is weird.
你才怪怪的，快做！ You're weird. Do it!
我不想打他，快打！ - I don't want spank him. - Spank!
快点，节奏快没了！ Come on, we're losing the rhythm!
打呀！ Spank!
打给淘气的小鳄鱼看 Show naughty Croc-Croc!
你想打吗？很好 - You want spank? - That's good!
我打，你想要吗？ I spank, you want that?
不，这也太让人困惑了 No, it's too confused.
困惑，他说！ Confused, he said!
可是你 But you're the one who...
你想要什么？一巴掌吗？ This what you want? Spank?
太精彩了 This is fantastic.
继续，我去叫龙卷风来 Carry on, I'll get Tornado.
停！ Stop!
上啊！ Come on!
快点！ Hurry!
叫你的上司来我要跟他说话 Fetch your superior now so I can explain!
如果他们１０分钟内得不到医生的检查 If they're not examined by a doctor in 10 minutes,
他们就悲剧了 it's a tragedy for them
这是我的责任！懂了吗？ and the job line for you! Get it?
女士，老实跟你说吧，其实 Madam, I'll be frank with you, totally frank...
我才不管那么多 I don't give a shit.
我不鸟你 I really don't give a shit.
门都没有 Not even one little turd!
再见，天气播报员！ See you, weather girl!
谁来惩罚淘气的鳄鱼先生和弗拉格达？ Who's going to punish naughty Croc-Croc and Fragada?
龙卷风 Tornado!
混蛋 The bastards...
难以置信！ I don't believe it!
你们上哪了？ Where the hell are they?
你最好整晚工作 You'd rather work all night then!
你不能这样对我！ You can't do this to me!
去他妈的不能！ The hell I can't!
该死的。。。 Screw this...
我是伯纳德。两个人跑了。 It's Bernard. Two of them got away.
我去换衣服马上来 Let me get changed and I'm on my way.
那边！ There!
太好了 Great...
妈的！ Shit!
玛丽安布维 Marianne Bouvier?
你怎么在这？ What are you doing there?
玛丽安 布维！救救我们！ Marianne Bouvier! Help us!
爬出来！ Climb out!
不行，太快了！ No, too fast!
快跳啊！ Come on, jump!
我们会死的！ It kill us!
坚持住！ Hold on!
看看哪个混蛋！ Look at that asshole!
那是什么？ 刹车！ - What the fuck? - Brake!
你这个疯婆子！ You're fucking crazy!
你又忘记仍我家垃圾了 You forgot my trash again.
你想死吗？ You nearly killed us for that?!
拜托，我走了那么远的路。 C'mon, I w orked the distance out.
这次要不是我，你就走不了路了 If it was up to me, you'd never drive again.
还不是因为有你这种人，地球快死了！ Thanks to you, the planet's dying!
我做了我的份 I do my bit.
我给我的分类了，现在做你的份去 I sort my trash. So do yours.
这是可循环利用的 It's recyclable.
疯婆子。。。 Crazy bitch...
我们办到了！ We did it!
成功了？是的！ - We did it? - Yes!
怎么穿成这样？ What's with the outfits?
说来话长。 It's complicated.
你怎么在门口？ Why were you on the gate?
我住在附近，出来买糖 I live nearby. I ran out of sugar.
你住在监狱附近？ You live near prison?
不，混蛋,我是来接你们的 No, dummy, I was coming to get you.
我得把你们给弄出来 I had to get you out.
谢谢你 Thank you.
怎么称呼？ What called?
玛丽安布维！ Marianne Bouvier!
现在我们去巴黎！ And now we go Paris!
收容所发生逃逸事件 An unusual escape from the holding center.
2名非法移民 Two Pakistani illegals managed to get away
穿着兔子和蜈蚣的衣服 dressed as a rabbit and a centipede.
公报没有指明当时警卫是否喝酒 The communiqué doesn't say if the officers were drunk.
这两名逃逸者就在图卢兹附近 The two fugitives are believed to be somewhere near Toulouse.
现在我们继续播放音乐 And now, back to the music.
早上好 现在播放的音乐是 Good morning. Time for some music
查尔斯 德内 （法国的国民歌王） with Charles Trenet...
早上好 Good morning.
美丽的法兰西 Sweet France
我童年的家乡 Dear land of my childhood
过着温柔，无忧无虑的生活 Lulled by tender, carefree days
我会永远将你放在心上 I've kept you in my heart
我的家乡 My village
看 Look!
有着尖尖塔顶的和谐家园 Lts steeple, its peaceful homes
有着我的同龄人 Where children of my age
一起和我渡过欢乐时光 Shared those happy times
是的，我爱你！ Yes, I love you!
我要为你写诗 And I give you this poem...
这是哪？ This is it?
我们到巴黎了吗？这是巴黎圣母院？ We in Paris now? That Notre-Dame?
不，还没到 No, not yet.
我们现在在多尔涅的圣西尔克-波波拉 We're stopping in St Cirq-Lapopie in Dordogne.
玛丽安，我们要去巴黎！ Marianne, we must go Paris!
安静，忍者神龟！ Chill, Ninja Turtle!
你们可正被通缉呢 You're wanted.
所以我们要避开高速路和收费站 So we're avoiding freeways and tolls.
我门要小心的，懂吗？ We have to be more discreet, ok?
我们被通缉 是的，我们被通缉了 - We wanted? - Yes, we wanted.
已经广播了，听起来你们是穿着 You'll get noticed, looking like terrorists
爱心熊的恐怖分子 in Care Bear suits!
We not terrorists!
我们不是恐怖分子，不是 Not terrorists, no!
为什么到处都是旗子？ Why flags everywhere?
是巴士底节 It's Bastille Day.
全国假日 The national holiday
是庆祝革命胜利 to celebrate the Revolution.
他们砍下了过往的头， They cut off the king's head.
你们砍了你们伟大领袖的头？ You cut head off your Great Leader?
还每年都庆祝？ Celebrate a cut head every year?
这样太诡异了。 It's a bit weird.
我门市庆祝那天的意义 We mainly celebrate the values born that day.
自由 平等和博爱 Liberty, equality and fraternity.
我开的是右边！ I have right of way!
好好笑学开车吧，臭婊子！ Learn to drive, bitch!
有种过来说啊！ Come here and say that!
过来！ Come on!
是吗,你妈的我怕你啊！滚回家去吧你，废物！ Yeah, fuck off! Go home to mommy, loser!
走 对不起 - Move! - Sorry...
混蛋！ Asshole!
我想我开始明白了 I think I begin understand...
在这里，女人就像男人那么彪悍 Here, woman is like man.
我告诉你 I told you.
什么？ What?
美丽的小村庄 Pretty village.
十分有趣 Very interesting.
我的阿姨在这有栋房子，没有人会打扰我们 My aunt has a house here. No one will bother us.
我饿死了，你们呢？ And I'm starving. Aren't you?
太好了，有吃的1 Yes, eat!
看看他们现在，多干净的帅小伙 Look how handsome they are now they're clean!
玛丽安 Marianne,
你是在同性恋大游行把他们捡回来的？ you found them at the Gay Pride parade?
非常漂亮！ Very classy!
来一杯 Here's to me!
来了 Mind out.
松露炒鸡蛋 Truffle omelet,
蜗牛炒西芹，鹅肝还有开胃色拉 escargots with parsley, foie gras and gizzard salad.
谢谢，纳内特！ Thanks, Nanette!
吃点好的，这些会让他们高兴起来。 This will cheer you up after all your troubles.
这也太放肆了！吃我豆腐！ - Female scum! - Enjoy it. Dig in.
试一试餐具 Try with cutlery!
算了吧 Forget it.
很好 It's good.
把壳剥了 Without the shell,
会更好吃的。 they're even better.
把壳剥掉 Better without shell.
用餐具！ Use cutlery!
就这样 Like this!
听着，朋友们 Listen up, people,
这就是纯正花蜜酿造的 this wine is pure nectar.
也许是上帝创造了水 God may have created water,
但是人类创造了圣爱米利翁 but man made St Emilion.
自由的享用吧 You're in for a treat.
大家请起立 Stand up, everyone.
为了邮差 To the mailman,
为了信件 his moped
还有信件正等着他 and the jerks waiting for him!
干杯！ Cheers!
看着我的眼睛！ In the eyes!
干杯，看着我的眼睛 Glass in the eyes?
如果在举杯的时候不看着对方的眼睛 你就会有坏运气 Look into the other person's eyes or it's bad luck
你会下地狱的。 and you'll go to hell.
不，我要上天堂。 No, I go paradise.
看着我的眼睛 In the eyes!
我觉得有种 I feel overcome
强烈的和谐感征服感 by powerful feeling of harmony...
就像有人将幸福 As if someone put in glass
全部装在杯子里 concentrated happiness...
再来一杯！ More!
上主菜了 Let's get serious now.
那内特私房菜香肠豆子干锅 Nanette's sausage and bean hotpot!
用餐具 With cutlery.
好吃吗？ Well?
非常好吃！ Very good.
你说呢？是的，非常好吃。 - Isn't it? - Very, very good.
看着眼睛 In the eyes!
好吃吗？ Is it good?
非常好吃 Very good.
不要再灌他们酒了。。。 Don't give them any more drink...
葡萄酒万岁！ Long live grape juice!
法国菜不愧是世界上最棒的！ France best cooking in world!
等等，小胡子，这里还不是法国呢 Just a second, Moustache Man, this isn't France.
这不是法国？ It's not France yet?
什么时候到法国？ When's France?
这里是西南 This is the Southwest.
是的，这里是不同。 Yes, it's different.
在这里我们生活的很开心的。。。 Here we have fun, we live...
我们有颗大心脏，还有大蛋蛋！ - We have big hearts. - And huge balls!
我们有坎特干酪，布里干酪和山羊干酪 We have Cantal, Brie and goat's cheese.
可怜的爸爸 Poor Dada.
谢谢，这是我吃过最好吃的食物。 Thank you. Best eating in all my life.
谢谢你，玛丽安，可实现在 Thank you, Marianne, but now
我们要去巴黎 we must go Paris.
还不行 Not just yet.
餐后，我们要对抗脂肪 After the feast, we fight the flab.
对抗什么 Fight who?
这游戏真奇怪 This game is weird.
玛丽安，我们在这干什么？ Marianne, what we do here?
我们得离开这里，就几分钟 - We must leave! - Just a minute.
你不能拒绝 You can't refuse.
去吃石头吧 Go eat stones!
快跑！ Run!
左边 To the left!
他是我们的人 He's one of us
他身上的泥土跟我们一样 He's soiled his shirt like the rest of us
木扎法，是橄榄球新人 Muzafar, rugby's new man
除了他的玩意太小 Despite his tiny organ
小鸡鸡*** Pin dick!
玛丽安！ Marianne!
玛丽安，玩够了！ Marianne, enough!
停下！ Stop now!
好了，我们去巴黎 Enough. I want to go Paris.
再喝一杯我们就走。 One last drink and we'll go.
你喝过阿玛尼亚克吗？ Do you know Armagnac?
不知道。 Don't know it.
一点都不烈 There's nothing stronger.
小二，来三杯阿玛尼亚克 Waiter! Three Armagnacs.
等等，看着眼睛 Wait. In the eyes!
再来一次 Again!
这个。。。 It's...
真有趣。是的 - It's interesting. - Yes.
一点都不烈即使这样 - Even so... - It's not very strong.
不，不烈 No, it's not strong.
这是巴士底节 That's Bastille Day!
法国。。。时尚。。。 - France... - Fashion...
你看起来就像只小鸡 You look like a chicken.
我想吃掉你 I want to eat you.
看着我 Look at me.
拍照啦 A photo!
快来跳舞！ Come dance!
不，我不知道怎么跳 No, I not know how dance this.
我还是看你跳吧 I prefer watch you.
弗鲁兹 Feruz...
我告诉你 I must tell you...
我也有事告诉你 I must tell you something too.
我爱你，木扎法 I love you, Muzafar.
我要给你个小小的吻！ I going to give you little kiss!
不要碰我，这太糟糕了 Don't touch, that's bad!
你想说什么？ What you want to say?
弗鲁兹。。。 Feruz...
我也爱你 I love you too.
我们秀给他们看，什么才是跳舞！ We show them what dance is!
耳光舞！ It's the Tawa!
这么贵？ That much?
我还以为今天打折呢！ I thought that was the date!
我再告诉你法国的另外一个优良传统 I'll teach you another great French tradition.
用餐猛冲 The dine and dash.
是什么？ What is?
好。。。 Well...
首先先喝一杯 First you drink...
然后带上你所有的东西。。。 Then you take your things...
然后。。。快跑啊！ And then... you run!
玛丽安！ Marianne!
嗨，你们！ Hey, you!
这就是巴士底节！！ That's Bastille Day!
我们成功了！ We did it!
我们甩掉他们了！ We lose him!
我们去哪？ Where we go?
你要做什么？ What you do?
物业裸泳！ A midnight dip!
下来！ Come on in!
我们今天已经做了很多运动了 I already do sport today.
快来 Come on!
我不会游泳 I not know how swim.
快来。。。 Come on...
又不深 It's not deep.
很好玩的样子。 It's interesting.
我还有最后一个法国的特别传统让你们知道 I have one last French specialty to show you...
什么？ You have?
什么？ What is it?
叫做“三角家庭” It's called a "ménage à trois".
我太累了什么都不想做 I'm too tired to manage anything.
三个人会快点 Three managers work faster.
人多好办事 Many hands make light work.
说得对 That's true.
客房服务 Room service.
叔叔给我们找了一辆车， 他们可能已经在查我的车了 Uncle found us a car.They may be looking for my van.
我去跟他们道别 I'll just say goodbye.
好吗？一对爱情鸟？ Ok, you lovebirds?
起来了 Get moving!
弗鲁兹，起来，我们要去巴黎，快穿衣服 Feruz, wake up.We must go Paris. Dress!
早上好 Good morning.
一点都不好 Not good morning!
我们要把工作完成 We must finish job.
不能说会话吗？不能！ - Can't we stay a while? - No!
为什么不？ Why not?
这里多么的美好 It's nice here.
我知道 I know.
你在干什么？ What you do?
打电话，她没在这。 Call now. She not here.
不要用他的电话 Not with her phone!
你好？ Hello?
你这笨蛋！ You wet goat!
谁呀？ Who is it?
我不是说你 I didn't mean you.
我是亚尼克，我们就快到巴黎了 It's Yannick. We soon arrive in Paris.
为什么你们还没到巴黎？ Why you not in Paris yet?
说来话长 It very complicated here.
我们甚至不知道是不是巴黎 We not even know if we in France.
但是我们找到了个很好的女人 But we find very kind woman.
你以为你去那参加舞会吗？ You think you there to go to dancing party?
挂掉，她就要回来了 Hang up, she come back!
炸药 For explosives,
古尔纳夫小学地铁，明天10点 metro La Courneuve 10 sharp tomorrow.
10点整，古尔纳夫小学地铁 10 sharp, La Courneuve.
你13点的时候炸掉铁塔 You explode Tower at 13 hours.
13点炸铁塔 13 hours the Tower.
否则给你爸爸的子弹 Or Dada no longer
不会再打偏了 miss bullets.
不，爸爸 No, not Dada.
哦可指望你了 I count on you.
不要！请再说一遍 - Don't do... - Repeat please.
挂掉！ Hang up!
停下 Stop!
好了吗？ Ready?
有什么事？ What's wrong?
和你们在一起5小时的旅途会非常愉快的 5 hours with you is going to be fun.
我们走 Let's go.
这会派上用场的 These will help.
太好了 Perfect.
越过白线 White line!
靠！条子！ Shit! The cops!
不能停。否则我们会被遣送回巴格达的 - You not stop! - Or we charter Baghdad!
好的，我明白！ Ok, I know!
好的！ Drive!
右转 Turn right!
做点什么！ Do something!
冷静，他们还跟着吗？ Calm down! Are they there?
是！不！我不知道！ Yes! No! I don't know!
抛锚 Broken.
叔叔一定会不高兴的 Uncle won't be pleased...
完了，我们永远都到不了巴黎 Lost. We never arrive in Paris.
都是因为她 All because of her!
不要责怪玛丽安了 Stop shouting Marianne.
她也想帮过我们 She try help us.
我们不该相信女人 We should never have trusted woman.
中世纪的态度我真是受够了 Drop the Middle Ages attitude!
贱女人 Female scum.
他们发现我们了？ They find us?
他们有枪？会杀了我们？ They armed? They kill us?
不，是猎人。 No, they're hunters.
只打鸟，不打人 They only shoot birds, not people.
你好，先生们 Hello, gentlemen.
我们想走捷径 We wanted to take a short cut
但是我们迷路了 but we got lost.
有人能帮我们吗？ Do you know if anyone could help us?
什么都没有 Nothing.
什么都没有 It's nothing.
好吧。。。 Ok...
十分感谢 Thank you very much.
野蛮人 Savages!
我一句也没听懂。 I didn't understand a word.
我想他们叫 卡泽纳夫 I think he called Cazenave
去看看车库是否开了 to ask if garage open.
他说开了的话，20分钟就用拖车来拖 He say garage open and come in 20 minutes with tow truck.
你是在准备攻击吗？ Are you making progress on the attack?
是的，爸爸，出了点小问题，但是没什么大不了的 Yes, Dad. A minor hitch but nothing serious.
希望如此 I hope not.
停车 Stop!
我要去尿尿 I need to pee.
过来 Come on.
到这来 Come here!
什么事，爸爸？ Yes, Dad?
记得你的兄弟 Remember your brothers
马鲁夫和乌鲁贝克吗？ Maruf and Ouloukbek?
不记得，爸爸。我从来就不认识他们 No, Dad. I never knew them.
没错. Exactly.
那是因为他们让我失望了 That's because they disappointed me.
所以你不要让我失望 So don't disappoint me too.
现在滚吧！ Get lost now!
滚！ Get lost!
赫梅特，带上包。 Hermet, pack the bags.
你的包？ 我的包 - Your bags? - Our bags!
我们要去旅游一趟。 We're taking a trip.
你永远都不能指望别人 You can't count on anyone.
给你。 Here you are.
就是这 This is it.
欢迎来到巴黎 Welcome to Paris.
巴黎！ Paris!
我们明天先去医院 We'll go to the hospital first thing tomorrow.
别担心，我们会找到的。 Don't worry, we'll make it.
像在自己家一样 Make yourselves at home.
我要休息一下。。因为。。。 I'm going to... a short break... because...
我太。。。 It's so...
停下 Stop!
你在干什么？ What you do?
过来 Come.
但是。。。 But...
我们是ＲＴＴ。 We are the RTT.
该你了。 You now.
快点，给我凶点！ Go on, give me hate!
我们负责。。。 We claim responsibility...
我们对艾菲尔铁塔的爆炸负责 We claim responsibility for attack on Eiffel Tower
７月１６号１３点 on July 16th at 13 hours!
你在干什么？ What you do?
你在干什么？回来！ What you do? Come back!
这是什么，弗鲁兹？ What is it, Feruz?
我不明白我们在这做什么 I not really understand what we do here.
昨天，我们过的非常愉快。 Yesterday, I have incredible day.
是啊。 It's true.
我不想去那里的天堂 I not want paradise up there now.
我想住在这。 I want to live down here.
活在耻辱里？ And live in shame?
背叛你的国家，你的村庄。 For betraying your country, your village
和你的家庭？ and your family?
我们没有选择。 We have no choice.
我们必须完成任务。 We must finish mission.
什么任务？他的计划遭透了 What mission? His plan sucks.
Ａ计划，B计划。。。 Plan A, Plan B...
就是自杀式爆炸 Exploding people by exploding yourself.
这才是耻辱。 That's shame.
都是因为我们供奉了３６年的领袖 All for a leader we put up with for 36 years now!
我不想要领袖了！ I want no more leader!
砍掉他的头！ Cut off his head!
我想 I want
吃蜗牛 to eat snails,
喝葡萄酒 drink grapes.
我不想毁了我的生活 I not want explode myself.
我想要开开心心的。 I want to have blast!
你被玛丽安污染了 You let Marianne influence you.
记得她做过什么吗？ Remember what they did.
你想失去你的肾脏吗 You like losing kidney?
不 No.
还有弗拉格达。。。 And Fragada...
这样开心了？ Was that blast?
没门。 No way.
所以？ So?
在这我感觉才是生活 I feel more alive here
一天比我医生过的都开心 in one day than in rest of my life.
懦夫！ Coward!
我自己去完成。 I finish mission alone.
烈士。。。 Martyr...
你真丢脸，弗鲁兹 Shame on you, Feruz.
丢脸到家了。 Shame on you.
木扎法。。。 Muzafar...
亚尼克？ Yannick?
凯文，上车！ Kevin. Move your ass!
快点。 Climb on.
别老这样。 Don't take forever.
你看起不像亚尼克。 You don't look like a Yannick.
我是亚尼克 诺亚。 I am. Yannick Noah.
我去看看 I'll see how it's going.
呆在这。 Sit here.
一会就回来 I'll come and fetch you.
好的。 Ok.
你去哪？ Here you go.
大吃一惊吧？ What do you fancy?
凯文，摆好桌子！ Kevin! Set the table!
一会就来，妈妈，我在工作！ Just a sec, Mom, I'm working!
饿了？你喜欢吃小牛肉吗？ Hungry? You like veal olives?
我不知道。 I don't know.
你饿吗，喜欢吃吗？ If you're hungry or you like that?
我不知道。 I don't know.
你需要什么？ What d'you need?
爆炸。 Explosives.
伙计，你真是上道！ Man, you're making my day!
你太幸运了，我正在做炸弹。 You lucky fucker, I'm doing an offer on Semtex.
恐怖炸弹。 The terrorist explosive.
１０个艾菲尔铁塔都能炸掉 10 of these will down the Eiffel Tower.
我要１０个！ I want 10!
１０个？给自己的？ 10? Treating yourself?
没问题。 No problem.
你不会后悔的。 You won't regret it.
这闻起来就像是热蛋糕。 This stuff sells like hot cakes.
很厉害。 It's wild.
要不要礼品包装？ Need it gift-wrapped?
不，这是给我的。 No, it's for me.
准备现身？ Ready-to-wear?
致敬，先生 Respect, man.
殉道者。 Martyr.
看看这个。。。 Take a look at this...
专用自杀式炸弹背心，尺寸可以任意调节 The suicide bomber vest. Fully adjustable.
你看上去真完美。 Fucking awesome on you!
我喜欢你，所以诶你买一送一。 I like you so I'll throw in for free
这个手机控制爆炸。 the cell to start the show.
太好了。 Very kind.
这样你就能回来了。 That way you'll come back.
不要打手枪了，下来吃饭！ Stop feeling yourselves and come eat!
我没在打手枪！ I'm not feeling myself!
看这个。 Check this out.
你去之前给你示范一下。 Let me show you this before you go.
这是什么？ What is it?
这是小仓鼠。 This is Chouki.
给你秀一下。 I'll show you.
我们在找你呢 We've been looking for you.
你怎么离开医院了？ Why did you leave the hospital?
我不知道。 I don't know.
我们找到你的肾了。 We have your kidney.
现在就能手术。 We can operate now.
真的？ For real?
谢谢你，女士。 Thank you, madam.
你真是好人， You are good person.
感激不尽。 A thousand thanks.
祝你健康。 Health and prosperity.
她找到我的肾脏了！ She found my kidney!
我给它带上炸弹背心！ I put his bomb belt on him.
要绑好，不然就不爆炸了。 Get it nice and tight or it won't work.
就一会，马上妈妈 Just a minute, Mom! What a drag...
你要把这仓鼠炸了？ You explode squirrel?
是的，我有很多呢。 Yeah, I have plenty more.
我保证他会回来的。 I'm sure he'll come back.
有些事你不懂。。。 There's something you don't know...
我不能告诉你。 And I can't tell you.
我懂，我已经知道了。 It's ok, I realized.
你们是一对。 You're a couple.
你们是“同志”，对吧？ You're gay, right?
对吧。 It's obvious.
昨晚睡你一定非常不舒服吧。 You weren't comfortable last night.
你想要找到他 You have to find him
告诉他你喜欢他， and tell him he's screwing up.
只想跟你在一起。 What matters is living here with you.
所以你们才来法国。 That's why you came to France.
为了自由。 To be free.
你说的对。 You're so right.
但事实是。。。 But the truth is...
你看。。。 You see...
可以走了，啊亚亚兹先生。 Let's go, Mr. Ayayaz.
当你准备好了 When you're ready,
你按拨号 键。 you press "call".
它就上天堂了。 And he's off to hamster heaven.
好了？ Ready?
1 One...
2 Two...
等等，别搞错了。 Hold on, using the wrong phone would be a bummer.
这是我之前给你的？ Is this the one I gave you earlier?
我想是另一个不，就这个。。。 I think it's the other. No, this one...
1 One...
2 ，不， 使这个 Two. No, this one.
这是这个，这是这个的。 This is the one. It's this one.
1。。。2。。。3。。。 One... two... three...
仓鼠玩完！ Hamster hash!
多棒啊！ What a blast!
我送你回去，这地方太危险了 I'll drive you back. This 'hood can be dangerous.
来吧。 Come on then.
放松，一切都会好的。 Relax. It's going to be ok.
请问，先生。。。 Excuse me, sir...
这是我的肾脏吗？ 是的，这是。 - Is that my kidney? - Yes, it is.
不要担心，会好的。 Don't worry, it'll all go well.
今天没时间手术了。 No time for operation today.
我有重要事情要做。我晚一点回来。 I have important thing to do. I come back later.
谢谢你，再见. Thank you. Goodbye.
你在干什么？ 你疯了！ What are you doing? He's out of his mind!
快追，他不能带着。 Go after him! He can't leave
他的肾脏离开。 with his kidney!
快点！ Come on!
怎么了 What's going on?
我要去找木扎法，手术晚点再做。 I go find Muzafar. Operation later.
你疯了？ Are you crazy?
别担心，肾脏我带上了。 Don't worry, I have kidney!
不！行！ - No! - Yes!
你不能这么做。我现在就带着。 - You can't do this! - I hold onto it now.
快点 Come on!
让开，我要去工作！给我让开！ - Move, I'm trying to work! - Give me a break!
是绿灯呢、闭嘴！ - It's green for me! - Shut your mouth!
开车！ Drive! Hurry!
去哪？艾菲尔铁塔 - Where to? - Eiffel Tower.
不可能。 That won't be possible.
那里交通太拥挤了，你们是最后一班。 Traffic's heavy there and you're my last fare.
我可以送你们到巴纽莱门。。。 I can leave you at Porte de Bagnolet...
为什么法国的什么事都那么麻烦 Why things so complicated in France?
你疯了吗？这里不是法国 He's crazy. This isn't Fr...
我知道，这不是法国。 I know, this isn't France.
这是巴黎，世界上最美的城市。 Exactly, it's Paris. The world's most beautiful city.
法国的好工作在巴黎。 A good job France has Paris
成了所有乡巴佬的梦想。 to give all the county bumpkins dreams.
巴纽莱门就在前面。 Porte de Bagnolet is miles away.
这就是我要去的地方 It's where I'm heading.
你开出租车的，我说去哪就去哪。 You're a cab, you go where we say!
笨女人！ Dumb bitch!
好吧，我们没别的选择了。 Ok, we have no choice.
这是什么？ What this?
爸爸 Daddy!
嗨！爸爸！ Hi daddy!
怎么了 What's wrong?
不要担心，会找到他的。 Don't worry, we'll find him.
过来 Come!
谢天谢地！ Thank God!
我做不到，木扎法。。。 I couldn't, Feruz...
我做不到。 I couldn't.
没关系。 It doesn't matter.
我不能杀掉孩子。 I can't kill children.
我也不能杀大人。 I won't kill grown-ups either.
要是我杀了人，上天也不会开心的。 I won't be happy in paradise if I kill people.
所以我把炸弹扔掉那边的河里了。 So I throw bomb in big river over there.
我们真没用，弗鲁兹。 Shame on us, Feruz.
加法拉兹会用纯刀在村子的广场上 Jafaraz will cut off our heads with rusty knife
把我们的头割下来。 on village square!
如果。。。 What if...
我们不回去？ we didn't go back?
如果我们留在这？ What if we stayed here?
But Dada...
可是爸爸？ What about Dada?
加法拉兹说过不会为难他。 Jafaraz said he unleash hell on him.
他老了。 He's old.
是的，他老了 Yes, he's old.
他已经非常老了。 He's very old.
嗨，你们这对爱情鸟。。。 Hey, you lovebirds...
去开个房吧。 Get a hotel room.
现在去现在？ The hospital now?
看。。。 Look...
我找到我的肾脏了 I found my kidney!
来吧。我们走。 - Come on. - Let's go.
等等。。。 Wait...
我们能先游览一下这艾菲尔铁塔吗？ Can we look at tower first?
我们可以回来看，它又不会跑了。 We'll come back. It's not going away.
那可说不定。 You never know.
什么事那么开心？ What's so funny?
没事。为什么叫艾菲尔铁塔？ Nothing. Why it called Eiffel Tower?
建筑师的名子就叫艾菲尔。 The architect's name was Gustave Eiffel.
他见的东西真不赖。 He made some crazy stuff!
看那两个人。 Look at those two!
他看起来像。。。 He look like...
小领袖瓦苏布罗！ Little Leader Wassupbro!
你们来干什么？ 你！ - What they do? - You!
看这个包！ Look at bag!
有 炸弹！ 你去哪了？ - They bring bomb! - What's going on?
叛徒！ Traitors!
恐怖分子！叫警察，他们有炸弹！ - Terrorists! - Call police. They have bomb!
他们有炸弹！ They have bomb! 1324 01:28:04,875 --> 上啊，木扎法 Go on, Muzafar!
看起来像碗橄榄球一样。 Like in rugby!
塔布里斯坦万岁！ Long live Taboulistan!
糟了，现在怎么办？ - Damn... - What do now?
我只有一个肾，我来冒这个险。 I one kidney short. Best I take risk.
不，来这里都是我的错！ No, my fault we here!
今天都不要争了 Stop arguing. Today,
我来搞定。 I take care of us.
快跑，弗鲁兹 Run, Feruz!
走开！ Out of way!
让开！ Go away!
快啊！ Run!
他在干什么》 What he do?
靠！ Shit...
你做了什么 There you go.
我的法兰西之旅就结束了 That's how my adventure in France came to an end.
可怜的弗鲁兹 Poor little Feruz.
刚刚避过一次恐怖袭击。 A terrorist attack narrowly avoided
我们的艾菲尔铁塔。 at the Eiffel Tower.
幸运的是，大家都歌颂我的英勇行为。 Luckily, everyone spoke about my heroic deed.
连纪壳姆 奥达也是。 Even Guillaume Auda.
玛丽安在她的第一次报道上表现的非常专业。 Marianne was very professional in her first live report
除了他选择的表情。 despite her emotion.
谢谢两位无证移民的牺牲。 Thanks to the sacrifice of two undocumented immigrants,
法国伟大的象征得以保留下来。 France still has her greatest symbol.
弗鲁兹阿亚亚兹来自塔布里斯坦的35岁牧羊人 Feruz Ayayaz, a goatherd aged 35 from Taboulistan,
是一个喜欢跳舞和山羊的好人 a cheerful man fond of dancing and goats...
这一则新闻传到了我的家乡 The news even reached them at home.
但是塔布里斯坦 到底在哪？ But just where is Taboulistan?
它位于阿富汗和塔吉克斯坦、 It's a small land in Central Asia between Afghanistan,
吉尔吉斯斯坦之间中亚的一个小地方 Tajikistan and Kirghizstan.
我们的天才终于为 Our genius was finally recognized
时间所认识 by the whole world.
...proud of inventing
他们在一千年前发明了塔博勒色拉 tabbouleh over 1,000 years ago.
于是塔布里斯坦成为 And so Taboulistan became
联合国第194个国家。 the 194th member of the UN.
伟大的领袖十分高兴。 The Great Leader was delighted.
当然也是最后一次，因为第二天 And for the last time because the next day,
在他的革命生涯里，他被人们砍了头。 with the Revolution, they cut off his head!
卡其布鲁终于走上致富之路。 Kachetebrul found fortune at last
因为它成为这个国家的旅游胜地。 by becoming the country's top tourist destination!
爸爸很开心。 Dada was very happy.
400€，这是我儿子。 400 euros. My son!
加发拉兹想要出逃但是 Jafaraz tried to flee the country but...
他在前往瑞士的路上遇上了点小麻烦。 he had a slight mishap on his way to Switzerland.
但是法国才是 But France was the country
赋予我最崇高经意的国度。 that paid me the greatest tribute.
他们甚至在法国最伟大领袖家里。 I even had the honor of being received
为我办法赢得的荣誉。 at the home of the great leader of all the French.
领袖居然是个女人，法国真是太疯狂了。 Who is in fact a woman. The French really are crazy!
这样会痛的 That hurts.
木扎法上台发言 Muzafar gave a speech
说了很多祝福的话语。 and said lots of beautiful things.
为什么你要这么做 Why did you do it?
该死的沙漠牧羊人！ Goddam desert dune dickwad!
你会永远的 You will stay
活在我的心中。 forever in my heart.
要是我有了孩子， If ever I have children,
我就叫他 弗鲁兹。 I'll call them all Feruz.
女孩也叫这个名！（够损的） Even the girls!
在塔布里斯坦，如果有人过世。 In Taboulistan, when someone die,
大家要一起聚会跳舞。（啊！！！） people have party.
所以，为了弗鲁兹。 So, for Feruz,
来一个传统舞蹈吧， traditional dance,
耳光舞！ the Tawa!
至于我，我的朋友。 As for me, my friends,
不要担心，一切都好。 don't worry, everything's fine.
因为我挽救了许多人的性命。 Since I saved hundreds of lives
我被直接的 I was sent straight
送往天堂！ to paradise!
在这里我没看到一个女人 Where I haven't seen a single virgin or a mature woman.
也没有看到恐怖分子。 Nor any terrorists either.
可是，让你免费吃饱的自助餐 However, the all-you-can-eat buffet
简直太棒了 is awesome!
柠檬汁，可乐，奥兹汽水。。。 Lemonade, Coke, Oaziz...
真有趣。 It's interesting.
怎么样？ What?
我们说好不打女人的！ We said not hit woman!
谢谢欣赏 字幕整理 @阿拉李凡
Subtitling: Eclair Group Subtitles: Lan Burley Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player