February 20, 2012.
From comedy central's world
News headquarters in new york,
This is the daily show with
Jon stewart.
( cheers and applause )
Captioning sponsored by
Comedy central
jon: Welcome to the daily
Show.
My name is jon stewart.
Thank you so much.
Great show for tonight.
My guest tonight, alan huffman
An has written a book about
The dark side of american
Politics or as it is sometimes
Known, american politics.
Let's begin with the battle
Between religious leaders and
The obama administration over
Contraception in our ongoing
Coverage of the nanny state.
For those of you who haven't
Been following the story, let
Me bring you up to speed.
Years ago adam and eve lived
In a garden.
Let's just scroll up.
Okay, okay.
Martin luther nailed 95
Thesis.
Let's scroll up.
Okay.
Here we go.
Two weeks ago the obama
Administration found itself at
The center of a controversy
Over its decisions to make
Religious affiliated
Institutions or their insurers
Cover contraception as part of
Their goverent-mandated
Health care.
The move was seen by some
Religious leaders as bal's
Biggest misstep since the time
He set aside a chair for
Elijah wood at the passover
Seder.
There are a couple of orthodox
Jews that really got that.
Everyone else does not
Understand.
So we have ourselves an old-
Fashioned liberty stand off.
On the one hand the catholic
Church.
They do not want to be forced
To pay money for insurance
Plans for contraception for
Even their non-catholic
Employees although they do pay
Those employees money.
The argument could be paid by
Paying church money, is used
For entrance fees to clubs or
Cats to have s with dogs.
Ace street and third avenue.
( cheers and applause )
On the other hand, big
Business.
On the other side are women
Who for some reason would like
To have pventive health care
Costs provided by their health
Care insurance provider.
Tough case because the sides
Are the catholics and women.
Both are infallible.
Am I right?
So last Thursday congressman
Darrell issa convened a panel
That settled the issue.
While no ladies were actually
Allowed to speak until the
Afternoon session and no
Ladies actually ever spoke on
Behalf of ladies, some of
These fellows were wearing
Gowns.
So that's something.
Let's hear the tone that the
Sausagefest struck in this
Effort to find balance between
Religious liberty and the
Realities of the secular
World.
I don't normally quote from
Joseph stalin.
jon: I'm going to stop you
Right there.
We'll just move on to the next
Guy if that's all right.
Anyone have a slightly less
Hyperbolic take on this?
the violation of a person's
Religious conscience was
Nothing less than the rape of
The soul.
jon: That's a quote from
Roger williams and I believe
The worst law and order spin-off
Yet.
Listen.
No one loves their=
Plan, but soul rape?
You may not realize this but
Catholic church already offers
Health plans that cover
Viagra.
A.K.A., four-hour johnson
Juice.
I'm guessing that that doesn't
Rape the soul.
Some of your employee iz guess
Are getting that subsidized
Vie ago a and some of them are
Single unmarried men.
What do you think they're
Doing with their erection?
Seriously we'd love to know.
Send your responses to brian
Williams care of... (
( cheers and applause )
So how is it that... I can't
Wait to find out.
How is it that women can't get
Their pill but men can get
Their pill?
As it happens the church
Answered that very question 12
Years ago.
vie ago a actually answers
A medical problem.
Contraception is a choice that
Somebody may make, but it
Doesn't answer a particular
Health care need.
jon: Two things, why one
Does 12 years ago look like
The '70s on television?
Have we really advanced that
Far in 12 years?
Two, the catholic church says
A man is in need but not
Getting pregnant is more of a
Want.
By the way while I was
Surprised that the catholic
Church is pro medically
Induced boners I was more
Shocked at the ad it ran to
Show its support.
Now, you never know when the
Spirit will move you.Q,:Ñm
Anyway, I digress.
I don't know why they both get
To wear that.
Back to hearing.
We've already her from the
Stalin and rapist people.
Could someone put this in
Terms that are more
Relateable.
for my testimony today, I
Would like to tell a story.
Let's call it the parable of
The kosher deli.
jon: Go on.
once upon a time a new law
Was proposed so that any
Business that serves food must
Serve pork.
Can a customer come to a
Kosher deli, demand to be
Served a ham sandwich, and if
Refused bring down severe
Government sanction on the
Deli?
A nation committed to
Religious liberty and
Diversity, the answer is no.
( cheers and applause )
jon: Do you got my people?
So your par able about the
Kosher deli, while delicious,
Makes no (beep) sense.
Nobody is forcing the kosher
Deli owner to serve a ham.
In the metaphor it's more like
The owner of the kosher deli
Is refusing to pay taxes
Because his money could go to
Food stamps which someone
Might theoretically use to buy
Ham.
To be fair to darrell issa at
The hearings a woman was put
Forth to speak on behalf of
Someone who needed
Contraception.
That speaker was denied a spot
Because, you know, stalin
Rape.
Anyway, are these ladyless
Discussions of the battle
Between religious liberty and
Female preventive health care
A seeming relic of a dying
Age?
To truey understand the
Complexities women face in
Their reproductive cices
Let's go to our new round
Table segment "jon stewart's
Eye on the ladies.">
Tonight, our panel looks at
The question.
If a religious institution
Provides insurance to its
Secular employees, should that
Plan include contraception?
Jon oliver, let's start with
You.
no.
jason jones.
hell no.
aasif mandvi.
it's not medicine.
I'm not going to pay for it.
jon: Moving on....
no, actually, in my
Experience....
you know, I'm just going
Say something here.
jon: Jason jones.
I think it's good for
Women.
jon: How so?
I just think it's good for
Them.
It's what I think.
jon: All right.
what?
jon: But birth control
Oftentimes has medical
Benefits beyond contraception.
The pill can be a treatment
For ovarian sifts.
whoa, whoa, whoa, please,
Jon.
Let's not sully a perfectly
Pleasant conversation about
What is good for women with
Talk of lady parts.
>>bsolutely.
I believe their female
Reproductive system is
Governed by....
jon: The point is, why are
Condoms in the health care
Bill in the first place?
They're not a medication.
You don't have to swallow two
Everyday with meals to stave
Off flu.
I'm not fallingú]maé9ñ that
Again.
No, sir.
that was best christmas
Party ever.
Got you.
Cheers.
okay.
Excuse me.
You guys don't get to decide
Whether contraception is part
Of preventive health care.
Experts have established that
It is.
yikes.
Looks like it's high tide
Again.
excuse me.
I made a cat noise implying
You're currently going through
Emotional volatility known to
Occur during time of women's
Menses.
oh, for (beep) sake.
1
jon: What are your thoughts
On this topic?
well, honestly I think that
We don't get to decide whether
Contraception is a part of
Preventive health care until
Experts have already
Established that it is.
jon: That's a good point.
we want to see both sides
Of the issue.
open minded.
I like that in a man.
boom, boom, boom, boom.
yeah, boom, boom.
I know.
I don't know why I didn't say
Something like this sooner.
jon: That's all the time
We've got.
Join us next week.
We're going to talk about
Breast.
Can we trust women to self
Examine?
(beep).
( cheers and applause )
jon: Welcome back.
Now, you may have heard new
York city right now is in the
Grips of lin-sanity.
It's gripping the city.
This has a dark side as aasif
Mandvi orts in this edition of
Lin-decision 2012.
jeremy lin.
He's a hero to both new
Yorkers and asians everywhere.
Yet sidely many chinese and
Taiwan he's fans are prevented
From seeing jeremy lin play
Due to media censorship.
I went to witness these human
Rights abuses firsthand under
The iron grip of totalitarian
Rule the streets were filled
With wary glances, suspicion
And fear.
A brave few were willing to
Put their lives in danger by
Speaking to me.
It's very nice to meet you.
it's very nice to meet you.
I'm surprised here in china
You would speak english that
Well.
this is chinatown.
I don't know why I took a
Plane here.
reporter: Ironically while
Television viewers in china
And taiwan can see jeremy lin
Viewers in new york's
Chinatown cannot.
blacked out on time warner
For seven weeks.
there have been no
Meaningful decisions between
Time warner cable....
two million people can't
See the knicks play.
reporter: One chinatown
Resident described the
Oppressive living conditions
He is forced to endure.
in my building we can't get
Direct tv or any other service
Like verizon.
I just feel like a prisoner.
I can't watch jeremy lin play.
time warner comes without
Msg.
Sometimes I see it written in
The menu.
But it's not always... You
Don't always know.
I'm pretty sure no msg.
reporter: Ithas forced
People to risk their lives
Just to get a glimpse of the
Lin-sanity.
he's been kind enough to
Lead us.
Jeremy lin against the direct
Orders of time warner.
reporter: They crammed
Together watching a smothered
Signal in an underground
Restaurant.
And to think this was
Happening in america.
I knew I had to try to help
Them.
So it seemed few tile against
Such a powerful and far-reaching
Organization.O1fma
Maybe I could reason with time
Warner.
So I called them and set up an
Interview.
I waited afternoon waited.
are you kidding me?
Come on!
Oh, man!
with all the lin-sanity
Consuming the land, it was lin-
Conceiveable that time warner
Would keep the most lin-credible
Story in the lin-ba.
do you think this will keep
Prolonging the issue.
I'm hoping they will
Resolve it soon joort she
Wonkfully took him away from
You.
you could say that.
reporter: Is that making
You wonk... Damn.
This is really hard.
Lin is a much easier name.
Amazingly while we were taping
This story, a miracle
Occurred.
the "new york times" at
Least is reporting that there
Is a deal.
They have resolved the dispute
And they will hear about it at
Some point today.
oh, my god.
reporter: Awesome.
The conflict was resolved.
But the victims of this abuse
Will never forget the pain and
Indignity they've been forced
To live through.
He chose to express his
Sentiments about time warner
With a poem in his native
Time.
time warner.
reporter: That was
Beautiful.
What does that mean?
(beep), (beep).
( cheers and applause )
jon
( cheers and applause )
jon: Welcome back.
My guests tonight are former
Newspaper reporters.
They currently work as
Political opposition
Researchers.
Their new book is called two
Insiders who see the dark side
Of american politics.
Please welcome them to the
Show.
( cheers and applause )
Hello, alan and michael.
Come and sit.
Thank you for joining us.
My first question is, who are
You working for?
Now, even the fact that you've
Put it out in a paperback
Gives it a sense of intrigue
And c.I.A.-Type free.
Like I'm supposed to put this
In a bag and then deliver it
To somebody in a park and then
They read it.
It's all very nerve wracking.
You're the guys know show up
At a local courthouse and say,
We were wondering if you have
Any information on so-and-so?
exactly.
jon: Do you tell them who
You're working for?
that's why we call the book
Nobody.
Because when we go in there
And start asking questions
Usually it's about a
Politician they know.
They already know who it is.
They're curious who we're
With.
They always say who are you
With to get information.
We always say we're with
Nobody.
Sometimes I'll say I'm with
Him.
That sort of throws them.
jon: It goes into abbott
And costello territory pretty
Fast.
nose dive.
jon: Now, do they ever in
The movies I imagine you'd be
Working and you would fnd the
File and then the music.
The jaws music or whatever.
They would run to the phone
And then the local sheriff who
Is on the take would come and
You would be running for your
Lives?
What is it in reality?
we usually have a couple of
Thugs that follow us in a pick-
Up truck for a couple days.
jon: Is that really true?
yeah.
jon: Thugs in a pick-up
Truck.
a rusty pick-up truck.
jon: Thugs in a rusty pick-up
Truck.
correct.
jon: Why can't thugs beat
Up enough people to buy a
Better truck?
Really sad.
Do you only work for one... In
Opposition research, do
Researchers generally work for
One party or both parties?
one party.
we work for the democratic
Party.
jon: You do.
But your counterpart then
Would work for the republican
Party.
Do you know them?
no.
We never see them.
we'll walk into a
Courthouse and the clerk will
Say somebody was just here
Asking for that same
Information, kind of like an
Alfred hitchcock thing.
jon: They're looking for
Dirt on their own guy?
yeah because we look for
Our guy too because if you
Were running for office-- sgod
Forbid--
( cheers and applause )
jon: I'm going to make your
Lives much easier.
There's a picture of me at a
Party in college with my balls
In a tub of "I can't believe
It's not butter."
Let's just end it right there.
So you're looking for your
Guy.
What if you find something
Damaging on your guy?
well, you know, we don't
Win any popularity contest
Because we have to go in and
Them them.
You hope you don't.
That's what they pay us to do.
We look at our guy just as
Vigorously as we do our
Opponent.
Sometimes you just have to go
In and give them the news that
There's some stuff there
That's not good.
jon: Do they ever say to
You, bury this?
Make this go away?
Do they ever say it in this
Tone of voice?
Bury this.
Make this go away.
unfortunately once we dig
It up we can't really bury it
Again.
It's already out there.
So, no.
jon: But do they say snit.
yeah, a couple of times.
jon: Do you get>n-" to decid?
Your goal is basically you're
Saying basically like we're
Just finding out the truth.
right.
jon: But as you know like
Those large things are many
Shades of gray.
To use something in a
Political ad, people bend that
All the time.
Do you have any say in how
This stuff is used?
not generally.
We get to see when it goes to
The pollster we look at the
Questions to make sure they're
Accurate.
When the media guys right
Script we make sure it's
Accurate.
For the most part our part of
The job is done.
jon: Have you done research
On a candidate, 200 pages on
Him.
You thought to yourself pretty
Decent guy but here's the one
Thing we found.
I can't see how this is going
To crush him.
How do you deal with... Andsfu<ó
You watch that being done?
How do you deal with that?
Let's just say soul watch.
it depends on what it is.
We had a guy that had been
Arrested for throwing a pipe
Bomb at a home coming float.
jon: That would not be a
Shade of gray.
I'm talking about somebody
That has done the right thing,
Seems like an upstanding guy.
Had something in his past that
Might not even be illegal but
Clearly in this election would
Be damaging.
What do you do?
we're still going to turn
It into the campaign but we're
Going to basically tell them
This guy looks clean overall.
If you go out there with this,
The odds are it's going to
Make you look bad.
They usually don't want to do
It anyway because they're
Always afraid of the blow-back
From going negative.
You would never know it to
Watch tv.
jon: Is there a lair
Underneath you guys of the
Guys that wear the gloves?
And carry 1920s weapons and do
Things like that?
Like is there a lair like
Beyond the opposition
Researchers that really, where
You get into the....
I think we're the lair.
jon: You're the guys.
we're the bottom lair.
jon: Congratulations for
Being at the bottom of the
Bowl.
thank you.
jon: We appreciate it.
Very well written andery
Entertaining.
If you want to get a sense of
How this stuff operates, a
Great way to do it.
It's on the book shelves now.
Thank you both.
jon: That's our show.
Join us tomorrow night at
11:00.
Here it is your moment of zen.
I was born and raised here.
I love this state.
It seems right here trees are
The right height.
I like seeing the lakes.
I love the lake.
There's something very special
Here.
The great lakes but also all
The little inland lakes that
Dot the parts of