Hello! 你好！
Welcome, one and all. 欢迎大家
I'm Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster. 我是Greg Davies 这里是《任务主人》
We're approaching the halfway point 我们即将到达这场争夺非凡大奖的
of the colossal competition to win this incredible prize. 旷世大赛的半程
This. Not just a trophy. 这 —— 不仅仅是一座奖杯
It's a life goal. 更是一生的追求
And who are the needy individuals 那么究竟是哪些可怜虫
desperately hoping to take it home with them? 迫不及待、渴望至极想要将它带回家呢？
I'll tell you. 我来告诉你
Hugh Dennis! Hugh Dennis!
Joe Lycett! Joe Lycett!
Lolly Adefope! Lolly Adefope!
Mel Giedroyc! Mel Giedroyc!
Noel Fielding! Noel Fielding!
And look who's pulled up his little permanent pew. 瞧瞧谁又坐上他那小小的专属宝座了
[high-pitched] It's little Alex Horne!
[applause]
Episode four, Alex. You having a nice time?
I'm feeling very safe.
Safe?
One, because I'm sat next to you and you're very strong.
I'm a big boy.
Two, because I know I've prepared well,
and three, 'cause I'm wearing shin pads.
So just in case...
[laughter]
What is today's prize category?
Well, get ready, because today we've asked them to bring in
their most surprising picture of themselves.
- Surprising? - Mm-hm.
So you're gonna judge which is the most surprising picture.
Yep.
Whoever wins that is gonna get the first big points of the show.
Whoever wins the whole show will win
five surprising pictures to take home.
- So that's brilliant. - Yeah, that's motivation, isn't it?
[laughter]
OK, we'll start with Joe then. What's your surprising picture?
It's me in a hammock without a top on.
And my back fat is pressed through the...
[laughter and applause]
That's great!
[laughter]
I mean, do you have any more questions, or...?
I certainly do not.
It surprised me and it horrified me.
- That's a lovely start. - OK. Good stuff.
It's worth noting at this point, this is show four.
And in the prize category, Hugh has lost every single one.
Everything he's brought in has been universally judged to be shit.
Let's hope that he ups his game a little bit tonight.
It's not necessarily a surprising photograph of me.
It is the use to which I put it which is surprising.
'Cause when I'm walking down the street,
I get people going, "Oh look, there's Hugh Dennis."
So what I've started to do now, in the street, is put this on.
And nobody thinks it's me.
[laughter]
Because why the fuck would Hugh Dennis be wearing...
So the one person it can't be under the mask is Hugh Dennis,
which means I can do my shopping in comfort,
apart from people thinking I'm a bit weird.
You alright? You alright, mate?
[laughter]
Mel, what's your surprising photo?
Here we are, so...
[laughter and applause]
[Mel] Yep.
[Noel] You look like a pervert.
[laughter]
[Alex] It's Le Déjeuner sur l'herbe by Manet, painted in 186--
[Mel] 1862!
I wish we had a picture of Manet, 'cause you look quite like Manet.
Yes, it's been said. By you, just then.
[laughter]
[Alex] Surprising, Greg? It is, uh...
[Greg] D'you know, I don't...
This is the thing. It isn't that surprising to me...
that Mel has put herself in that picture.
And you might like to reflect on that.
Noel, what's your photo?
I thought I'd present you with one of me
as the Virgin Mary.
[laughter and applause]
[Greg] That's from the Boosh years, presumably?
[Noel] Yeah, looking a bit like Lady Di.
Hauntingly beautiful.
Lolly?
So, it's funny that you said that you look like Lady Di,
because mine is a photo of me as Lady Di.
[laughter]
[Mel] Oh, that's great.
[applause]
[Mel] That's marvellous.
It was a political statement about when people black up in movies.
And I'll tell you this, it's a conspiracy theory
about Lady Di that we've not heard before, isn't it?
- Exactly. - [laughter]
She was a black woman.
OK, you've got to make your mind up.
- OK, I'm not putting Hugh last. - Right.
Erm, because...
Oh, God, this is so...
I think I am gonna put Hugh last.
[laughter]
'Cause it's rubbish. Absolutely rubbish.
Oh, Desky!
[Greg] Sorry, Desky.
Uh, Boosh... I'm not surprised that Noel's in the Boosh.
Noel goes into fourth place.
- Third? - Third...
- E-e-e-erm. - Ooh.
What was that?
Double denim in the painting.
- [Alex] Yep, we know what that means. - It's not double denim.
- [Hugh] Single denim. It's a boiler suit, isn't it? - [Mel] It's a boiler suit.
Oh, in that case, into first place you go.
[laughter]
Second, it's old Ham Back over there.
OK, so we need first place.
And first, of course, what wonderful news,
Princess Diana's alive.
[cheers and applause]
[Greg] Lolly Adefope!
[applause]
Better make some episode headway. What's next, Alex?
OK, we are going to hopefully get high and wet, Greg.
- [Greg whistles] - Yes, your favourites.
Hello. Ooh, hang on.
- Hello. - [Alex] Hello, Lolly.
Oh, brilliant! That's so good.
That sun's fucking bright.
How do you focus this thing?
No, still can't read that.
"Make..."
"the..."
"Make the highest splash."
This is the most useless telescope I have ever...
It makes it the same size as the thing that's a long way away.
"Make the highest splash."
"You have 15 minutes and one attempt."
[camera shutter]
"Before you commence the task,
you have to say who you think will win the task."
"Those who correctly guess the winner will win an extra five points."
"Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle."
[Alex] Who do you think's gonna make the highest splash?
I think I'm gonna make the highest splash.
It's between Lolly and Hugh.
- [Alex] Is it? - Yeah.
[Alex] Who do you think's gonna make the highest splash?
Me.
- Who, sorry? - Me.
- Lolly Adefope? - Yes.
[Alex] Who do you think's gonna make the highest splash?
Mel.
[Alex] OK.
I think... I'm not sure about Noel.
[Alex] No.
I'd like to think it'd be me.
[whistle blows]
The highest splash?
Fifteen minutes?
I don't even know what that means.
[applause]
That was sad, wasn't it?
When they said, "Who's your best friend?" and I went "Mel!"
And they went "Who's your best friend, Mel?" and she went "Not Noel."
[laughter]
- He often wears things like feathers. - [Greg] Yeah.
And in my mind's eye, I saw a big old splash,
and a sort of drowned, feathery...
[Noel] Crow.
And that worried me.
"I'll tell you who it won't be. That twat who dresses like a crow."
- [laughter] - [Mel] I didn't mean...
You seemed pretty angry with the telescope, Hugh.
Well, I couldn't see through it.
[Greg] Yeah.
And that seems to me like a fairly fundamental purpose of a telescope.
You might be interested to know, all of you,
that no one asked you to look through that telescope.
[laughter]
So they had one attempt each,
but they could test their splashing equipment.
So they could have multiple practice splashes?
Yes?
- [laughter] - Yes, that's right.
And we're gonna start with all the men.
[Alex] Good luck.
[blows whistle]
- I'm off to the shed. - Oh, yeah?
[Noel grunts]
Oh, that would be good, wouldn't it?
[laughter]
Is this making anyone feel like they need a wee?
That went quite high.
[he laughs]
Oh...
[Noel] Yes.
- Yes? - Yes.
Yeah, I'm ready.
- [Alex] Yeah? - Yeah.
Have you got a...
Can I use that hammer on the string?
I've got to line it up.
- Get ready? - [Hugh] Yep.
[Hugh] There we are. Beautiful.
Alright, watch yourselves. I've got a bowling ball.
Good luck, Joe.
Thank you.
You ready?
[Alex] One attempt, Hugh. Good luck.
[audience groans]
[cheers and applause]
[laughter]
Shit.
[he laughs]
[applause]
It's beautiful just to see you soaked.
I didn't sort of think the water was gonna come out.
Yeah, funny old game, innit?
Throwing a bowling ball into a bucket of water.
- Mm-hm. - And out it comes!
[laughter]
You were all going, "What's Hugh doing?"
I'll tell you what he was doing.
He was doing what my dad used to do,
which was he was dropping a plumb line for absolute accuracy.
- [Mel] Oh, is that what it was? - Which is what all dads do...
before they totally miss the fucking bucket.
- [laughter] - Completely.
I wanted to go higher in the thing but I was told to stop.
- Because it was dangerous. - [Alex] You're 55.
[laughter]
Joe, you very cleverly raised the bucket up,
giving yourself extra height, as Noel did as well.
You got to six foot two,
- the splash. - Oh, that's how tall I am!
Exactly the same height as you, whereas Hugh got 18 inches,
which is the same height he was when he was born.
And then I've had to go metric for Noel,
'cause it didn't go big enough. Five metres ten.
[Greg] God almighty.
[Alex] I went metric. I had to go metric.
[applause]
Sorry to stop proceedings in such a frustrating manner,
but it's time to take a commercial break.
See you in a whole bunch of seconds.
Welcome back.
It's good to see you again.
We are partway through a task.
Alex, can you remind us of the current situation, please?
I can. They're trying to create the highest splash.
And the boys had varying degrees of wet success,
Noel's being the best...
[both] degree... of wet success.
So let's see how Mel and Lolly got on. The ladies.
I'm gonna get the... ladder...
and hose...
Right. Hosey, please.
- Hosey? - Hosey up the tower.
As they say. Thanks, my darling.
Look at the height! That's a splash!
Right, hang on. No, look.
This is a splash against the house!
There, that's a splash!
[Lolly] OK, go!
Yeah!
- See that? - [Alex] Oh, yeah.
Here we go.
There she blows.
Are we splashing the clock?
- [Alex] Not yet. - Yes.
Did that get it?
[Alex] Yes!
- Got it? - Yep.
Yes!
Halfway up the clock, that one.
[Mel] Boom!
Thank you, Mel.
Yeah!
Enough now.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Your time's up.
[blows whistle]
Ah, that felt good.
[Alex] Phew. Still think Lolly's gonna win?
I think could be possibly an all-female...
[zips rhythmically]
I don't wanna be smug though.
But, yeah, quite pleased with that.
That's quite high, isn't it?
[cheers and applause]
[Mel] Yours was high.
- [Mel] Yours was higher. - [Lolly] Maybe.
I'm gonna have to ask my assistant
to clarify what a splash is.
OK, a splash is "to cause liquid to strike or fall
on something in irregular drops."
"On something."
So the splash would have to be measured from
the water hitting something and coming off.
- [Alex] Officially, yes. - [Greg] Right.
[Alex] Are you worried that Lolly... sprayed?
I think Lolly's worked out for herself what happened.
- [laughter] - No, no, no, no.
Lolly sprayed into the air and caused a splash
but that splash came off the ground.
[Alex] In which case, Lolly's was a lower splash than Hugh's, weirdly.
Weirdly, it was, because she used her brain...
but just not enough.
[laughter]
[Hugh] Can I ask a more fundamental question?
You wouldn't let me climb any higher up that tower.
But you're very happy to let Mel spray a hosepipe of water
near an electrical power line.
[laughter and applause]
Mel sprayed the clock. We're happy with that?
Or splashed the clock?
Yeah, of course, 'cause the splash came off a high surface.
So she splashed the clock, three o'clock on the clock
was four metres 50, so not as high as Noel's metric five ten.
[Greg] Ohh.
What?
Did the crow win?
[laughter]
He wins literally and morally.
[he caws] For the crow!
[Noel caws]
OK, Noel Fielding.
[applause]
Alex, just summarise the final scores for that round?
Just to say, the three people who voted for themselves did worst.
It was Lolly in fifth, I'm afraid,
then fourth, Hugh, Joe third, Mel second.
The crow!
The crow.
What's the scoreboard?
Well, it's very tight, except for Hugh.
Um, there are...
[laughter]
There are three leaders and Lolly's just behind them.
It looks like this.
- [Greg] Bang. - Joe, Mel and Noel on seven now.
[Alex] Look at that. Tight!
[applause]
I think I'm ready for another task.
- Oh, sorry. I think my, um... - [phone rings]
Yes, ah, apparently this means...
Yes, it's time to dance, Greg.
That's a green screen.
- Hello. - Hi, Lolly.
My old friend, green screen.
Like a big snooker table.
- [Alex] Is it? - Mm-hmm.
Is that the...? Hmm.
Oh, brilliant.
"Choreograph a dance for you and Alex to perform
to any of the following ringtones."
"Apex. By the Seaside."
"Night Owl, Playtime, Radiate... Sencha?"
"Circuit, Crystals..."
"Uplift, Marimba, Strum..."
"Xylophone."
"You have 30 minutes to prepare."
"The most stylish dance wins. Your time starts now."
[Noel grunts] Let's have a listen.
[jaunty ringtone plays]
One, two, three, let's go!
[tinkly ringtone plays]
I like this. It's cheeky, innit?
Like baby dinosaurs.
We're really gonna hate the song by the end.
- Yes. - Yeah.
Ooh, yeah. That's more like that.
Very Mel.
'96.
104.
[ringtone plays]
[applause]
Why'd you get on the table, mate?
[laughter]
Mind your own business.
[laughter]
How was 1996 for you, Mel?
- Oh, awesome. - [Greg] Bangin'?
Barely remember it.
[he whistles]
It's all the old whistles, bandanas, trance just came in...
[whistle blows]
The whistle.
Thought I'd blow the whistle. Bring it all back.
[laughter]
- [Alex] Was it like that? - Oh, yeah, sorry!
- I thought you were just stopping me talking. - [Alex] No, you mentioned...
- [laughter and applause] - No, no.
[Alex] You mentioned whistles.
If only we'd known it was that easy, Hugh.
[laughter]
Do you want to see her raving? We can start with...
[Greg] Yeah, let's see her raving.
There is an unfortunate amount of my flesh in this one.
- [laughter] - Near the end.
Oh, is this our dance?
Yes? What did you...
[laughter]
What did you think it was?
Yeah, it wasn't the other thing we did.
[laughter]
So this is Mel's dance.
[both] Is this Sencha?
[ringtone begins]
[laughter and applause]
[both] Yes. This is what Sencha is.
[cheers and applause]
Incredible.
What we were looking for,
I think Alex will agree with me,
is the... the beauty of Sencha...
contrasting the gritty urban landscape
of mid-90s... pre-rave Britain.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
The only problem was it wasn't Sencha, it was Radiate.
But apart from that.
- Was it? - [Alex] Yeah.
You read the CD wrong, but it was... Yeah.
[laughter]
There were two back alleys in that video.
[laughter]
D'you wanna have a look at Alex's back alley?
[Alex] Well...
[laughter]
I ilke to imagine that in his back alley
there's a tiny Mel and Alex dancing.
[laughter]
[Alex] We're gonna listen to some Sencha now.
That'd be nice, wouldn't it?
- Easily done, innit? - Yeah.
Noel Fielding chose Sencha and this is his dance.
[ringtone begins]
[laughter]
[laughter and applause]
Talk us through it.
I wanted to capture the cheekiness of the music.
Hence the little shrew move.
[Greg] Oh, it was a shrew?
It was more of a stoat when Alex did it...
- Did my best. - but that's OK.
I'm not sure why we're in Covent Garden at some point.
[laughter]
I don't remember requesting that.
[laughter]
"I'd like to be a little shrew...
in Covent Garden."
And just like that, it's the end of part two.
See you shortly.
Hello and thanks for returning to Taskmaster.
Before the break, five comedians
were choreographing dances to ringtones.
Who's up next, Alex?
Two of them picked the same ringtone,
so we've edited their dances together,
and their names.
They are Joe Adefope and Lolly Lycett. Ready?
[ringtone begins]
[laughter]
Argh!
Alex!
It's OK, though, because friendship is truth and I believe in you all the way.
[applause]
Really moving narrative in yours, I thought.
When you made that little mistake,
I thought that that was a genuine mistake.
But it was part of your choreography.
And then I said, "Friendship is truth and I believe in you all the way."
OK.
What d'you mean, "friendship is truth"?
Erm, sort of friendship is truth. Truth is friendship.
[Alex] Yeah, yeah.
[laughter]
Now I see.
[laughter]
Joe, was there a message you were hoping to convey?
It looked to me like it was a couple of guys bouncing around,
and then a plane flying down.
[laughter]
Yes, that's that it looks like.
What I was trying to convey with it is that...
friendship is truth.
- [laughter] - Hey, hey.
So that only leaves Hugh. Here's what happened.
[gentle ringtone begins]
- Whoa! - [laughter]
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
We all have a laugh on this show and it's supposed to be a light-hearted thing,
but I also know that when you put an effort into something,
especially putting yourself out there creatively,
that one has to deal with it sensitively.
However...
- [laughter] - On this occasion...
Horse shit.
[laughter]
Oh, no!
Bang! Smashing into last place.
Er, I stuck Joe in fourth place, just because
of the absolute nonsense that Lolly tried to spin about friendship being truth.
I just felt like at least she'd made an effort.
Thank you.
I cannot split the two works of art that I saw there.
That's gonna be a joint first. So it's a joint first.
[Alex] Your call.
[cheers and applause]
[Alex] OK.
[Greg] Right, next task.
Yes, so this one involves loo roll, or toilet paper, but never loo paper.
- [Joe] Oh, God. - [Alex] Here we go.
[she gasps]
Ah, look!
A T and an M made out of toilet roll.
- Nice. Like it. - Thank you.
It's a powerful image.
Excellent.
"Create a portrait of a celebrity...
using loo roll."
"There is a camera above your head."
"The mat beneath your feet is your canvas."
"Best portrait wins. You have 20 minutes."
And...
"Your time starts..."
very much now.
So it's like big Art Attack.
[Alex] Are you an artistic person, Joe?
Um, well...
In some ways, but I've never used this as a tool before.
So I guess choose a celebrity, first of all.
OK, hmm.
I'm gonna think about that for a minute.
Trying to think of someone who's got noticeable features...
that would be easy to do in loo roll.
[whistle blows]
Done.
Thank you.
Pleased?
I think so.
I reckon it's gonna be quite accurate.
[Alex] OK.
Are you an artistic sort of man?
No.
[applause]
Shall we look at Lolly Adefope's first?
- Yes, please. - OK.
You can try to work out who that is.
[laughter]
If I hadn't seen the bubble...
Gandhi.
[laughter]
[Alex] But you're ruling out Gandhi because of the bubble?
[Greg] What's... what is that?
- It says "Accio." - [Lolly] "Accio."
"Accio."
I'm not 100% sure, but I presume that's something from the...
repugnant Harry Potter.
[laughter]
It's a nice picture. I'm not sure how much it looks like Harry Potter.
- OK, you can see Hugh Dennis if you want. - Yes, please.
This is his picture. You can guess again who it is.
- [Mel] That's good. - [Joe] Oooh.
[Greg] Well, the first thing I will say is, it's nice to say something positive to Hugh.
Thanks.
[Greg] That is a beautiful picture.
[Mel] It's lovely.
- Yeah. Depending on who it is... - [laughter]
You, my friend, could be back in the game here.
I think it's Hugh Grant.
Well, the clue is, you left the room and you came back with a £5 note.
It's the Queen, isn't it?
[Alex] It is, weirdly, the Queen.
[laughter]
[applause]
[Mel] I think that's good.
It looked like a man.
Amazing how quickly you can pull defeat from the jaws of victory.
- [Greg] Who's next? - [Alex] Noel.
- [Mel gasps] - [Greg] Wow.
Well, I think that's a self- portrait of Noel Fielding.
[applause]
Really wonderful picture. I love it.
Joe Lycett did this with his loo rolls. Ready, Greg?
- Yeah, let's have a look. - Here we go.
There's a clue there for you, Greg.
Yeah.
[Noel] Is it Pam?
[laughter]
Pam...
ela Anderson?
[laughter]
No, no.
I know who it is.
It's, uh, Pat. Pat...
It's the actress that plays Pat Butcher.
It's Pam St Clement.
[Alex] It is Pam St Clement. Yeah, well recognised.
- It's Pam St Clement. - [applause]
This is Mel's attempt.
[quietly] It's not good.
[Alex] Tough. Tough guess, this.
- [Greg] John Lennon? - [Alex] Nope.
- [Greg] Is it... God? - [Alex] Nope.
Do you wanna try God's son, Jesus?
- Yep. - Nope.
[laughter]
It's... Can you remember?
Kris Kristofferson.
No, no, no. It's Barry Gibb. It's Barry Gibb, you said.
[laughter and applause]
No, that was Kris Kristofferson!
Do you wanna see all five together?
I think Hugh's would be a clear winner...
if it looked anything like the Queen.
If it even looked female.
[laughter]
I'm gonna put that third.
I'm gonna put Noel in first place.
Pam St Clement's in second.
I'm tying Gandhi and Barry Gibb slash Kris Kristofferson in last place.
[Alex laughs] OK, there we go. OK, fine.
So the winner was Noel Fielding!
[applause]
Let's crack on. What's next, Alex?
Right, well, it's like gymnastics but with a task.
So it's sort of gym...
It doesn't work, but it's gym-task-tics.
[he chuckles] Ooh!
What d'you call this? Um...
Jumping...
horse?
[Alex] Yes, that's the jumping horse.
Jumping... jack?
'Cause they do that thing, don't they?
Moscow, 1980.
Very strong on the old, uh...
What is this? Is this a pole...? No, it's not a pole vault.
It's a horse.
[she laughs]
"Do the most incredible thing with this pommel horse."
[she laughs]
"You have ten minutes. Your time starts..."
"when you next blink."
[laughter]
[Alex] Oh--
No, you didn't s-- No.
"When you next blink."
[laughter]
What if I never blink?
Ooh.
Imagine if I did this for four hours.
[laughter]
I'm a snake. I've got see-through eyelids.
Eurgh...
OK.
- [Alex] Is that a blink? - Yeah.
[she laughs]
- Ugh, I think I blinked. - Yeah, there was a little one.
OK. [he laughs]
[laughter]
I'm gonna...
- Oh! We're off. - Oh, we're off.
Ugh, yeah. OK.
"Your time starts when you next blink."
[Alex] Oh, you blinked immediately, Mel.
Did I? OK, ten minutes to go.
[applause]
So, what are we asking for, again? Just remind me?
Something incredible involving the pommel horse.
Incredible.
Let's start off with the athletes, Hugh and Lolly.
[Alex] There you are.
Erm...
[audience gasps]
- [laughter] - I was just testing out the...
[laughter]
[Alex] Happy with that one?
Dunno, I just really like doing that.
I'll carry on doing that as long as you want.
Well, you've got two more minutes, if you want to...
Oh, yeah. God, I'd love a go, yeah.
[audience gasps]
[he laughs]
Um...
Uh...
[laughter]
Tried to go for a smaller one there.
[laughter]
I'm done.
OK.
[applause]
I did think that was incredible. I did think...
- [Alex] 11 leaps in 10 minutes. - [Greg] Yeah.
I didn't manage to stand up, 'cause the, um...
If I'd done it straight onto the concrete...
[laughter]
But they wouldn't let me, 'cause of a health and safety issue!
[laughter]
- [Greg] Lolly. - Yeah.
Just to put it in context, she watched a video of the London 2012 Olympics gymnastics
before what she did.
You genuinely did that?
OK.
Let me put forward a hypothesis.
If you'd have come out and just stood by the pommel horse and done nothing,
that would've been more incredible.
[laughter]
Joe took a very different approach.
- Did he? - Yeah.
[laughter]
What's that?
[Alex] It's a tennis racket.
What's it meant to be?
[Alex] No idea.
[Alex] Oh! Yes.
[Joe] Big old horse D.
[laughter]
OK. That is finished, actually.
[Alex] Mm?
What it is, is it's a piece of modern art.
It's a very sad scene.
This horse was ridden here by an elderly gentleman
who's gone...
to go and collect something.
Forgotten to take the Zimmer...
and has died.
It's a great allegory for our age.
Shall I go now?
[Alex] I suppose so.
[Alex] Why is the horse wearing wellies?
- 'Cause it's wet out, isn't it? - OK.
[laughter]
[applause]
I was really moved by the story of the old guy.
- It's a very moving story. - I just wondered if you think...
on reflection, that...
the sadness inherent within that story was slightly diluted
by the weird pommel horse, welly-wearing
tennis racket...
dick cone horse?
I think, if anything, that adds to the beauty.
How so?
I think if I put it into words, then the beauty will be diminished.
[laughter]
Sadly, it's time to say goodbye to part three.
It's all about part four now. We'll see you there in a minute.
Welcome back to part four. What's going on, then?
Well, they were trying to do something incredible with a pommel horse.
Lolly and Hugh went for the classic athletic approach.
Joe did something... else.
We're now gonna have a look at-- I'm going for this...
Pom-Mel Giedroyc.
Pom-Mel. OK, ready?
- Pom-Mel Giedroyc. It's a little pun. - Oooh, I like it!
- What a waste of everyone's time. - Let's go.
[laughter]
[dramatic music begins]
[cheers and applause]
[applause]
Where did it go?
Not gonna say.
That is...
some pretty Las Vegas shit.
[laughter]
Using camera trickery, you managed to make a pommel horse disappear.
- I really enjoyed it. - Sorry, sorry...
You said the words "camera trickery"?
Yeah.
Did you see the pommel horse after that? Did anyone see it?
No, it had gone.
- Did you see it in the house? - [Alex] I was there, so don't ask me.
I was there, so I saw it being moved by the people.
[laughter]
You are out of the Magic Circle.
[laughter]
The last pommel performer is Mr Noel Fielding.
[laughter]
[applause]
The outfit! The outfit was great.
Presumably achieved through camera trickery,
or did the people bring you on?
[laughter]
No, that was actually magic, that one.
Yeah, it was really great.
Hang on, and mine wasn't?
Yeah, that one he [snaps fingers] did that,
dressed as a Russian peasant woman, and I turned...
[laughter]
I turned from a pommel back into me.
You've got to judge this, I'm afraid, Greg.
Right.
Obviously, I'm putting Lolly in last place. That goes without saying.
Come on.
Then I'm gonna put horsey...
[laughter]
I'm gonna put Horsey D and the little Russian peasant woman
- in joint next place. - [Alex] OK, joint third.
And then I'm gonna put the best performance by far in joint first place
with the pity vote for Hugh jumping over the pommel horse.
OK, so one point to Lolly, three points to Joe and Noel,
and then five points to Mel and Hugh.
- [Greg] CORRECT! - [Alex] OK!
[cheers and applause]
Hey, Alex, what are the scores?
It's tight at the top. Mel and Noel, one point separating them.
There we go.
[applause]
Right, up you get. There's one more thing to do.
Please head to the stage for the final task of the show!
[cheers and applause]
Let's find out what the task is.
Noel, would you please read this week's final task?
- Here we go, Noel. - Thank you.
"Make the highest tower using these tubes."
"You have a hundred seconds."
[Alex] Make the highest tower. We're gonna measure the tower
from the base of the tower to the top of the tower.
- Yep! - Good luck.
Your time starts... [blows whistle]
[cheers and applause]
[Alex] Bit of tension.
[Alex] Very tense. Very tense start.
- Keeping it like that? - Yeah, I think so.
[Alex] Still one minute left.
You're just keeping like that, are you?
It's from the table to the thing...?
It's from the bottom of the thing to the top of the tower.
Whoa!
[Alex] There's 20 seconds, there's 20 seconds.
Come on, Hugh!
There's two seconds left, two seconds left!
[whistle blows]
[Joe] Fuck.
Fuck.
I guess we've got three here, we've got three with Mel.
Three length-wise high.
You've got a choice between the two or the tower.
No, no, they're joined.
Oh.
- [laughter] - Yeah, they're not.
Well, no, every atom in the...
[laughter]
We've got a choice with Lolly's. Are we going...
the Stonehenge or the double Horsey D?
[laughter]
Erm... the one that's higher.
Two there. So, two, two, three...
Basically, Mel and Hugh have got three, the others have got two.
- Simple as that. - Right, there we go.
[cheers and applause]
Come down, let's see how that's affected the final scores.
[applause]
[Alex] I'm back.
Well, pretty impressive tower-tasking.
In a way. It was probably the most cautious task we've ever had.
It was very cagey. A cagey fight rather than a...
cage fight.
- But, um... - [laughter]
In joint third, we've got Noel, Lolly and Joe,
but the two joint winners of that task were Hugh and Mel.
[Greg] Lovely!
[cheers and applause]
I need to tell you the series scores.
It's the exact mid-point of the series,
and the scores are... disparate.
Hugh at one end with Lolly, and Noel way off in the distance.
That's 78 points after four shows.
[cheers and applause]
[Greg] Four shows left, still all to play for.
But, you know, this is all very well.
Let's celebrate tonight's winner.
Those tubes meant that, overtaking Noel at the very last minute,
was Mel Giedroyc. We can see her here.
[applause]
With her second win of the series,
the winner of five surprising pictures, it's Mel.
- Please go and collect your prizes! - Oh, thank you!
[applause]
So, what have we learnt today? Well...
We've learnt that friendship is truth.
That some have a tennis racket instead of a big old D.
And some Russian peasant women turn out to be Noel Fielding.
That was episode four of Taskmaster. Thanks for watching.
Well done, Mel, and goodbye!
[subtitles by tribbletown]