So in this video I'm just going to take 10 to perhaps 15 minutes to steer this section off in a slightly
abstract direction if that's okay because what we're going to be talking about here aren't communication
skills directly but this is more of a relational principle that's going to serve you on a personal level
or on a professional level.
If you do go on to practice your p.e. with other people moving forward on into the future.
No because this isn't the first version of this course that I've ever created.
This is in fact the third variant NATO practitioners certification course.
I understand the common questions that are frequently asked by by students and some of those common
questions are.
So this all came how was it that we would respond or deal with someone who wasn't willing to listen
to us.
I've received other questions like so keen What would what would we do with someone whom were caught
showing that isn't taking anything on board that we are sharing with them.
So Kane how do we deal with people who just are willing to listen to us questions such as that.
No if you think about it we all wind up questions asking questions like these in both our personal and
their professional life.
Perhaps you maybe be in an organization you might be a school teacher.
And sometimes we can even have these problems with our children.
Colonel we know you're definitely going to experience problems like this in a coaching context.
Why.
Because off the trost either has or hasn't been established inside the relationship.
No.
What I want to really share with you here are a few ideas more from just my own personal experience.
I I've been coaching and training and mentoring and and teaching people for quite a number of years
now.
So I'm hoping that I've got a relatively good idea of what I'm talking about here.
You see what I've come to appreciate but there's only some people that you can ever work with in life
and say that I may reframe it slightly and just say there is actually only some people in life who you'd
really want to work with.
I'm guessing that's going to be what the honest here.
There are some people that I would just say no to there are some people that ask me for it for court
showing a sick cane how much is a coaching session with you.
I would like to book some sessions with you and I've generally got a bit of an approach a bit of a process
for evaluating and assessing where people are in life what I'm going to be formulating and primarily
looking for is a person's level of maturity and how responsible they are.
You see I guess what I understand is that when working with other people in a professional context if
a person comes to me as an enviable practitioner or master practitioner or whatever as a life coach
and they are expecting or hoping that I'm going to be the person that can wave that magic wand and make
all their last few things go away then I'm going to say no to them.
Why.
Because the attitude isn't going to show me any willingness or any desire to change on their part because
what I'm talking about here is yes is one thing wanting change to happen and then it's something else.
Being willing to change because some people in life want change to happen.
And by this I mean they're going to want someone else to take responsibility for their areas in their
lives that need to be changed and do all the change and four of them with minimal effort on their part
and to be honest with you you cannot work with people like this.
Well you can bet good luck or good luck getting the outcomes.
Guess what we're looking for here is active involvement.
Whether you're going to be able to gauge whether a person is actively involved in the process.
If you are going to be guiding them through some of the key processes and techniques that we've shared
with you.
Up until now you're going to be using a term called sensory acuity there's sensory acuity is all the
votes we are.
Yes we're applying immediacy.
So we're going to be focussing innately on the person we're going to be looking at where there are tensions
are going to be looking to you know gauge whether they're maintaining eye contact with us whether there
are actually paying attention to what we're seeing whether whether there are actively involved in this
courtroom process and the way that what people were actually looking for here is they're looking to
gauge just how open this person is to receiving some new ideas because many of the ideas we've discussed
so far as they're all built and based upon the presuppositions of NAACP were top of the polls some seriously
counter cultural thinking here.
Many of these based concepts and ideologies completely contradicts many off the core right.
Is that underpin conventional psychology.
So you got to understand that if a person is an open to considering new ideas or if a person is an open
to actually taking responsibility for themselves and changing.
Well there's nothing that we can do for them.
I have known many coaches and practitioners over the years to end up becoming so disheartened and their
own practice.
Why.
Because they try to be the ones that change other people.
And just to spell so we can change anyone who is not willing to change or we can never abuse the conduits
the inside give us the providers of information the coaches the facilitators.
But we cannot change anyone who is not willing to change.
So this is all going to be determined by a person's openness how open they are to receiving our Emperor.
And bear in mind if they have barriers up there are closed they're not disclosing themselves they're
not sharing information.
It's going to most likely be because we haven't yet earned their trust or they're just not willing to
trust us.
All right.
So yes there are some things that we can do to to win trust by a self disclosing Wikinews SCO or such
as much king and marang and I'm going to demonstrate this in the next demonstration with Karen.
And if we're applying sensory acuity i.e. you were just attending and paying attention to their responses
to us then this nine to 10 should be enough to win a person's trust.
But if it's not a person's caused and I personally would never work with a closed person the reason
being is because it's too hard.
All right.
Well Chris we'll be talking in a very practical level here.
You know as individuals we all have our own needs that we're going to be looking at in the court file
section is going to be coming up shortly.
And to be honest with you.
Yes it's all fine and well being a professional coach or a professional practitioner but we all need
that degree of fulfilment and enjoyment from what we do.
And you know if you are surrounding yourself or working with clients who are close to who are waiting
for you to change them you're not going to find any film and turn up.
Why.
Because you're never going to see change happen.
You're never going to witness people grow.
So a person's openness is going to be one area we want to be looking for and evaluating and assessing
sort of gauging them just paying attention through attending them.
And then we want to be gauging how receptive they are and this is something we want to be looking out
with in the first couple of sessions.
If we are in fact working with someone we will may even just be applying or sharing your insights or
knowledge with someone at work a friend or family member.
A person can appear to be open where they can be nodding in agreement.
They can be you know making out and pretending they are interested in us when they're actually just
trying to keep up appearances and pretend they're interested when they're actually not.
So how we gauge whether a person is being real with us or whether they're not is through their degree
of receptiveness low being receptive is all about being presented with new ideas.
If a person's not all people are not even going to literally entertain any new ideas that contradict
their own ways of thinking.
When a person is receptive they're obviously already open and the reason we know this is because they
will receive a new idea and then put it into practice.
For example as were just talking about communication skills here I suggested right back at the start
of this section that if you want to gain access to a person's mange you got to first win their hearts.
So if you're watching less I learned from experience that many people who operate more from the rational
part of their mind just refer to the heart as a murer again as a pump as if we're all one just one marce
off Mars or whatever receptiveness is about how willing we are to receive new information and put it
into practice.
Grace was one thing you open to to research to study new information on a head level to good information
or a bit of something else to grow an insight and understanding which is all to do with receptiveness
right growing and information is very different from growing in understanding.
When a person wants to understand them selves from the inside out.
This is a reflection of how receptive they are to receiving new information and put this new information
into practice.
Is a thing as practitioners helping professionals coaches therapists or whatever however it is that
you would choose to define yourself moving forward on into the future.
I'm guessing that the helping professions are very very different from many of the other professions
in the sense that there is absolutely no way that you could choose to commit to going down this path.
If you don't on some level just fundamentally care about people I can't commit to a you know professional
life of helping people.
If you don't care about people.
If you did this would be extremely authentic.
Yeah.
So I'm sure that you do on some level really cared about people.
And here is the thing when we care about people for the same reason I create courses such as this.
My number one agenda is to impart as much understanding as what I'm physically able to know I'm never
going to do this perfectly because I'm not a perfect world but I am doing with very very best and in
exactly the same way when you're coaching or practicing or helping other people in whatever context
you will be moving forward.
You say as are going to be doing your very best and this is all that we can do in life.
If a person is appreciative of your very best you experience that degree of reward that fulfilment and
contentment that comes with it which is worth way more than any financial renumeration that you would
receive.
I see client coaching fees are something like this the fulfilment that comes from knowing that you've
played a part in improving the quality of another person's life is worth more than all the money in
the world.
But here's the thing.
This is really what we need to be looking for when we are choosing the people that we work with because
as one of two ways that we as any practitioners or master coaches could set up our practices we can
make ourselves open and available like an open book where anyone can come along and just look over time.
And if you think about what we're doing here is kind of just create jobs for ourselves where we're selling
our work time and handed it across to exchange for other people's money.
This is just what employees do.
All right.
So what I'm seeing here is is to set ourselves up as different and to earn really really reach this
stage where we're able to make more of a prominent impact in people's lives.
Got to be choosing our clients differently rather than just allowing them to choose us.
It's imperative that we become able to choose the right people and we do this through evaluating how
open receptive and appreciative they are which nine times over 10.
Over time you will again be able to start appreciating and recognizing within the first couple of sessions
of a coaching relationship what I have done in the past and this is just a very practical teaching alright.
I do appreciate work stepping out for that.
Any other key concepts just for now.
I have literally let some clients go before in the past.
Why.
Because session number one turned up to say yes I want a change.
I have all these changes and all these problems are one to deal with in my life.
But then after session two or session three what I would generally do is leave someone after each session.
Our homework challenge or an exercise or or a reflection someone to go with it consider when it comes
to the next section.
If they haven't carried out the little challenge or exercise that I set them and I'm able to see that
they're not actually committed to the process they're not willing to take full responsibility for their
lives at this stage.
And I know from experience again that when a person is not willing to take full responsibility for their
lives well it's not my role to take responsibility for them.
It isn't their role to take responsibility for things.