美好的清晨 不是吗 Beautiful morning, isn't it?
真可惜你还得工作 是啊 It's a shame you have to work, huh? Yeah.
反正 我想要个大香肠和意大利辣肠 Anyway, I'd like a large sausage and pepperoni-
那是我的东西好吗 It's my stuff, okay?
别碰我的东西 Just keep your hands off my stuff!
我没碰你的东西 I didn't put my hands on your stuff.
嘿 稍等一下 德里克 Hey! Just a second, Derek.
怎么回事儿 What is the problem?
-艾丽克斯偷看了我的日记 -我没有 - Alex read my journal. - I did not!
我为什么要偷看你那愚蠢的日记 Why would I even want to read your stupid journal?
因为那详细记述了丰富多彩的美好生活 Because it contains the details of a life,
是你从来不曾享受过的 and you don't have one!
艾丽克斯 别偷看海莉的日记 Alex, don't read Haley's journal.
抱歉 是我的女儿们 Sorry. My daughters.
你有孩子吗 You got kids?
-噢 读几年级了 -菲尔 - Oh. What grade are you in? - Phil!
哦 是我老婆 克莱尔 Oh, that's my wife, Claire.
卢克竟然用我的电脑看这种东西 Luke was using my computer for this.
我先挂了 有空再打给你 I'm gonna have to, uh, call you back.
他说要用电脑做家庭作业 He told me he needed it to do homework,
然后我发现这个 一张图片 and then I find this, a-a picture...
上面是个裸着上身的女人 of a topless woman,
胸部是我见过最大的 而且在开着拖拉机 with the biggest boobs I have ever seen, driving a tractor.
好吧 首先 Okay. Um- Uh, first of all,
-那是台联合收割机 不是拖拉机 -菲尔 - that's a combine, not a tractor. - Phil!
菲尔 那是淫秽内容 Phil! It is smut,
我们10岁大的儿子在看淫秽内容 and our 10-year-old is looking at smut!
-太恶心了 -完全无法接受 - It's disgusting! - Completely unacceptable.
事情是这样的 那是我的图片 Here's the thing. That was my picture.
其实也不是我的 Well, not really mine.
只是一个同事发给我的一个链接 There's this guy at work who sends out these links.
是谁不重要 Doesn't matter who.
是格尔·索普 Gil Thorpe.
他还发了另外一张 He sent out another one
是那同一个女人打扮得像个战舰 of the same woman dressed as a battleship.
就是 那个部位... You know, the- You get- Yeah.
然后又打扮得像变形金刚 就是... And then one of the Transformers- And then it-
总之 我很想如实向克莱尔坦白 Anyway, I had every intention of telling Claire.
我只是想让她先冷静下来 I just wanted her to calm down first.
你要去哪儿 Where are you going?
我要去把卢克从同学家接回来 I'm going to pick up Luke from his sleepover.
我们必须现在就跟他谈谈 We need to talk to him about this now.
克莱尔 此事切不可鲁莽 Claire, this is a very delicate situation.
如果我们处理不当 If we don't handle it right,
卢克可能会对性产生不健康的观点 Luke might end up having an unhealthy attitude about sex...
或农业综合产业 or agribusiness.
我们要等他回来再跟他谈 We'll talk about it when he gets home.
好吧 行 Okay, fine.
但是我要告诉他 But I am telling him
他每看一次色情图片 上帝就会弄死一只狗 that every time he looks at porn, God kills a puppy.
或许该由我去跟他谈 Maybe I should be the one to talk to him.
我是个非常幸运的女人 I am a very lucky woman.
我有个幸福的家庭 I have a wonderful family,
美丽的家 a beautiful home.
简直没有我想改变的地方 There's nothing that I would change.
我恨死那个狗管家了 I hate the dog butler.
我总忘记它的存在 每次迎面撞上 I keep forgetting it's there. And every time it happens,
都把我吓得半死 it scares me all over again.
有时候深更半夜的 Sometimes, at night,
我觉得那就是魔鬼 I think it's the devil.
鬼呀 El diablo.
巴克利 他超好笑的 Barkley? He's hilarious.
我上个月去维加斯 赢了不少钱 I was in Vegas last month and I was winning.
然后我就想 我可以像往常那样 And I thought, I could do the usual,
当个笨蛋 再把钱吐回给赌场 be a chump, give the money back to the casino,
或者我可以做点明智的事 or I could do something smart
在赌场商店为我自己买点东西 and buy something for myself at the casino store.
他已经是全家人的最爱了 He's already a family favorite.
抚摸他的下巴 再往下一点 他喜欢那样 Rub his chin, a little under there. He likes that.
好了 超帅的 太上镜了 There you go. Beautiful. There you go.
他是条狗 也是个管家 谁会不爱他 He's a dog and a butler. I mean, who couldn't love him?
过来 Come.
死狗 Dog.
摩 登
家 庭
第一季第十二集
-好了 可以走了 -你先尿一泡吧 - Okay, ready to go. - Make sure you pee first.
怎么 当我是7岁小孩吗 What am I, seven years old?
不 你在演出中途去厕所会被鄙视的 No. You do not want to go during the show.
那些木偶会停下动作 The marionettes stop what they're doing,
行进到舞台边缘 然后指着你 march to the edge of the stage and point at you.
-好吧 听着好吓人 -其实很搞笑 - Okay, that sounds terrifying. - No, it's really funny.
我最美好的童年记忆之一 Oh, one of my favorite childhood memories
就是去看莫斯科木偶戏剧团的演出 was attending the Moscow Marionette Theater.
我老家离密苏里最大的水上滑道只有1英里远 I grew up one mile away from Missouri's largest waterslide.
那是全国第三大的 And third largest in the country.
是吗 小卡 以前从没听你提过呢 Oh, really, Cam. You never mentioned that before.
-你会感觉 -感觉像鱼雷一样 - You feel like- - Feel like a torpedo.
嘿 小卡 我们家园丁通常周六来工作吗 Hey, Cam, does the gardener usually work on Saturdays?
我不知道 我们需要他时 他就会过来 I don't know. He comes when we need him.
他就像是蝙蝠侠 不过是直男 He's like Batman but straight.
他是在哭吗 Is he crying?
是啊 我们或许 该从后门出去 Oh, yeah. We should probably go out the back, huh?
他显然处于痛苦中 He's clearly in pain.
你怎能如此冷漠对待一位朋友呢 How can you just turn your back on a friend like that?
朋友 是吗 他叫什么名字 A friend? Really? What's his name?
凯撒·萨拉扎 Caesar Salazar.
你瞎编的吧 你准备说"凯撒沙拉"的 You made that up. You were gonna say "Caesar Salad."
-才不是呢 -小卡 别 不是吧你 - Was not. - Cam. Come on. Really?
好吧 别担心 莉莉 All right, don't worry, Lily.
我保证我们会准时去看木偶秀的 I'm sure we'll get to the show on time.
我确定爸爸只是出去 I'm sure Dad is just gonna go out
安慰一下那个园丁 and give an encouraging word to the gardener,
希望顺便提一下蜗牛泛滥的问题 hopefully mention the snail problem,
然后我们就...不 and then we are gonna be on- - No.
不 小卡 不要啊 No, no. Cam, no-
-你好呀 -他应该不会说英语 - Hello. - I don't think he speaks English.
好吧 那我正好不用顾忌地告诉你 Okay, this might be a good time to mention to you...
那些木偶们对迟到者可不友善 that the marionettes are not kind to latecomers.
他们会弯下腰 露出灯笼裤以示嘲弄 They bend over and show their bloomers.
听着 我会说一点西班牙语 先生 Okay, I speak a little Spanish. Seor-
你想撒尿吗
然后睡在我们的床上
谢谢 Gracias.
什么情况 What was that?
我刚问他要不要喝杯水 I just asked him if he wanted to have a glass of water...
然后坐下休息一会儿 and sit down for a minute,
任何有善心的人都会这么做的 like any kind person would.
好吧 我查看了家里的其他电脑 Okay, I checked the rest of the computers in the house.
没发现更多的色情内容 I didn't find any more porn.
那根本算不上色情 That was hardly porn.
只是个没穿上衣的女人坐在拖拉机上 It was a topless woman on a tractor.
你知道那在欧洲叫什么吗 谷物广告 You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.
-我要去找他谈谈 -亲爱的 - I should go talk to him. - Honey,
亲爱的 交给我吧 交给我吧 honey, honey. I got this. I got this.
不不不 交给我吧 让我来吧 No, no, no, no. I got this. I got this.
我也曾经历他这样的年纪 I was his age once.
乳房就像是可怕而又神秘的东西 Breasts are like these scary, mystical things...
他被诱惑了 就像弗罗多被魔多诱惑一样 that he's drawn to like Frodo to Mordor.
-看来我是非去不可了 -不不不 - Okay, I'm definitely going- - No, no, no, no, no.
男孩子们不希望妈妈和他们谈论性 Boys don't want their moms talking to 'em about sex...
就像女孩们不希望父亲和她们谈月经 any more than girls want their dads talking to 'em about periods,
胸罩 紧身褡之类的 bras and girdles and all that stuff.
你知道女人30年前就不穿紧身褡了吧 You do know that women stopped wearing girdles, like, 30 years ago?
亲爱的 我知道 我知道 Honey, I know, I know.
那是一场性革命 That-That-That is exactly the kind of sexual revolution...
跟我们家儿子正经历的情况是一样的 that our son is going through right now.
所以 你要对我有信心 So, just- Let's just- just trust it.
记得修楼梯 你要知道 Fix that step. Just know,
我会处理好的 好吗 I will handle this, okay?
鬼呀 El diablo.
嘿 歌洛莉亚 Hey, Gloria,
你知道巴克利为什么跑到客房去了吗 do you have any idea why Barkley was in the guest room?
我只是对家里翻新装饰 I was just doing a little redecorating.
有时候把东西挪动一下挺好的 Sometimes it's good to move things around
可能会试出新感觉 just to see how they look.
是啊 但放在客房里 也太疯狂了吧 Yeah, but the guest room? That's crazy.
他不是客人 他是为我们工作的 He's not a guest. He works for us.
嘿 帮我个忙 可以吗 Hey, give me a hand here, will you?
我把他移下来时 似乎把他的衣服扯歪了 I think his jacket shifted while I was moving him.
我们不能让你衣衫不整呀 小管家 We can't have you untucked, our little butler.
那也太不成体统了 是吧 That doesn't make any sense, does it, boy?
怎么了 没伤着他吧 What was that? Is he all right?
没 我的手镯似乎 Ay, no. My bracelet got
-卡在这里了 -别慌 - caught a little bit here. - Well, don't panic.
-我没慌 -很好 试着放松 - I'm not panicking. - All right, try to relax.
我们可以修好他 We can fix him.
让我好好看看 来 宝贝 Let me take a better look. Come here, boy.
-卢克 -嘿 老爸 - Luke? - Hey, Dad.
嘿 小老弟 听着 Hey, buddy. Um, look.
我们得小小地谈一下 You and I need to have a little talk.
-关于什么 -关于 电脑方面的 - About what? - Well, it's about computer stuff.
你如何确保看过某东西之后 删除浏览痕迹 How do you make sure you've deleted something after you read it?
抱歉 杰 纯属意外 Sorry, Jay. It was an accident.
我现在觉得你不怎么喜欢巴克利 You know, I'm beginning to think you don't like Barkley that much.
你先是把他藏在客房 现在又来这么一出 I mean, first you hide him in the guest room, and now this.
太荒谬了 我根本不是有意伤害它的 It's ridiculous. I didn't mean to hurt it.
首先 请别再用"它"了 是"他" First of all, let's cut the "It"s. He is a he.
你可以继续堂而皇之地装无辜 And you can pretend to be innocent all you want,
但事实胜于雄辩 but action speaks louder than words.
是啊 事实可以反映很多事 Yeah. They can be very revealing.
你想说什么 What are you trying to say?
没什么 但你必须承认 Nothing. But you have to admit
狗头管家有点可笑 that the dog butler is a little ridiculous.
你知道我觉得什么很可笑吗 You know what else I think is ridiculous?
你在我们床上堆起来的枕头山 That mountain of pillows you have on our bed.
我觉得我就像个码头工人 I feel like I'm working on a loading dock
辛辛苦苦就为了能钻进被子底下 just trying to get under the covers.
-那很漂亮 -那很令人讨厌 - They're pretty. - They're a damn nuisance.
好吧 原谅我想要让我们家显得漂亮 Okay, forgive me for trying to make our home beautiful.
如果我可以忍受那些枕头 You know, if I can put up with those,
你也该忍受一件艺术作品 you can put up with a piece of art.
这才不是艺术 只是人与兽的邪恶组合 This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast.
行 如果你那么爱它 随你放哪儿吧 But, fine, if you love it so much, put it wherever you want.
谢谢 你要去哪儿 去买更多的枕头吗 Thank you. Where you going? To get some more pillows?
不 别担心 很长时间内 No, don't worry. It'll be a long
我的枕头都不会去烦你了 time before I bother you again with my pillows.
为什么爸爸在卢克的房间 还把门关着 Why is Dad in Luke's room with the door closed?
他们要稍微谈谈 They are having a little talk.
卢克被惩罚了吗 Is Luke being punished?
那是你最爱的事吗 Is that just your favorite thing,
就是你姐姐或弟弟惹麻烦了 when your brother or sister gets into trouble?
我最爱的是他们都惹麻烦了 My favorite is when they're both in trouble.
他犯什么事了 So, what'd he do?
他是不是考试作弊了 他是个作弊狂 Did he cheat on a test? He's a cheater.
他没有考试作弊 He did not cheat on a test.
-他撒谎了吗 他整天撒谎 -艾丽克斯 - Did he lie? He lies all the time. - Alex.
-艾丽克斯 -抱歉 我只是担心卢克 - Alex. - Sorry. I'm just worried about Luke.
很多家长又开始打小孩了 A lot of parents are hitting again.
多谢你的关心 I appreciate your concern,
但你爸爸控制的很好 but your father has it under control.
24 Twenty-four.
25 Twenty-five.
缩手了 让我打 快伸出来 Flincher! Free slap. Bring it up.
29 Twenty-nine.
-可以换我把手放下面吗 -好的 - Can I be on the bottom now? - Yep.
谈得怎么样 How'd it go?
他觉得非常尴尬 Well, he was really embarrassed,
但现在 一切都没事了 but everything's- everything's fine now.
-你怎么教育他的 -那个 其实 - What'd you say? - Well, you know,
我向他保证 谈话内容绝对不外泄 I kinda promised him we'd keep everything between us.
实际上 Matter of fact,
你永远都不能向他提起此事 否则他会觉得受辱 he'd be mortified if you brought it up with him... ever.
-天啊 真的吗 -是啊 - Oh, God, really? - Yeah.
那真让我觉得有点愧疚呢 That actually makes me feel kinda bad.
你可能只是因为这事儿搞的有点紧张过度 Well, you're probably just feeling a little tense from all this.
反正我是的 I know I am.
你知道什么有助于缓解紧张吗 You know what might help the situation?
不是吧你 大白天的 Really? Right now?
我的意思是出去吃点匹萨 I meant going out for a few pizzas.
你想哪儿去了 Where's your mind?
我们家色情狂还真多呢 I guess I live in a house full of sex maniacs.
朋友 Amigo?
你不出来 我们怎么能帮到你呢 We can't help you if you won't come out.
-他说什么 -什么房子什么的 - What'd he say? - Something "House" Something.
拜托 演出半小时后就开始了 Come on. The show starts in a half hour,
我们还得去接曼尼 and we still have to pick up Manny.
我们就...快 不理这事儿了 Can we just- Come on. Move this thing along!
好吧 这男人现在陷入了危机 Okay, this man is in crisis.
他的家人可能出现了健康问题 He could have a family health issue
或是他个人有健康问题 或是经济困难 or a personal health issue or a financial matter.
停 你从一句"房子什么的"就推断出这么多吗 Stop. You're getting all this from "Something house something"?
我们打电话让歌洛莉亚来处理它吧 Let's just call Gloria and have her deal with it, okay?
"它"可是个人啊 米奇尔 "Lt" Is a human being, Mitchell.
-名叫"凯撒沙拉" -好吧 -Named Caesar Salad. - Okay.
-你是怎么回事 -小卡 你老是这样 - What's going on with you? - Cam, you- you always do this.
你每次都喜欢听别人的伤心事 It's like you're incapable of hearing anyone's sad story...
然后再热心地去帮助他们 without making it your job to fix it.
而我的需求 总被你排在第二位 And then, my needs- my needs come second.
你现在的需求 Your needs right now...
不过是场木偶秀 are a puppet show.
那个男人的哥哥可能丧生于缆车事故 This man could have lost his brother in a cable car accident.
你不过是听懂了一个"房子" You understood "Casa."
好吧 行 如果能向你证明 Okay, fine. If it'll prove to you...
我并未患有你口中说的那种"助人为乐上瘾症" that I'm not the obsessive helpaholic that you make me out to be,
我们就去看木偶秀吧 let's go to the puppet show.
-小卡 -走呀 - Cam. - Let's go.
我觉得她肯定是来找园丁的 I think this has something to do with the gardener.
你觉得? You think?
-走到走廊尽头向右转 -谢谢 谢谢 - Just down the hall to the right. - Ay. Gracias, gracias.
-不好意思 -他在里面 - Perdn. - In there. Okay.
-好了 走吧 -不 算了 - Okay, let's go. - No, please.
我知道你内心煎熬的要死 I know it's killing you
不能跟进去搀和一脚 not to get back there in the middle of that.
不不不不 我们一定要去 Oh, no, no, no, no. We are going.
那些人闹完了自然会出去的 These folks can find their own way out.
现在你就会知道我不是 And now you'll know that I'm not a
特瑞萨修女 整天帮助那些迷失的灵魂 manic Mother Teresa out there collecting lost souls.
拜托 Oh, come on.
-老爸 -在后院呢 - Dad? - Back here.
曼尼准备好了吗 Is Manny ready?
你没收到信息吗 他不去了 Didn't you get the message? He's not going.
-什么 -学校突然强令要大扫除 - What? - Ah, some mandatory cleanup at school.
-到底是什么原因 -那是个木偶秀啊 米奇 - What's the real reason? - It's a puppet show, Mitch.
很好 那就剩你 我和小莉莉去了 Perfect. All right, it's just you and me then, Lily.
-小家伙怎么样 -她很好 她很好 - How's the little fortune cookie? - Ah, she-she's good. She's good.
-小卡呢 -我们吵架了 - Where's Cam? - We got into a fight.
就因为他 我家里挤满了拉丁人 Because of him, I have a house full of Latinos.
欢迎进入我的世界 Welcome to my world.
"同志天堂"也有闹矛盾的时候哈 So, trouble in gay paradise, huh?
他就是无法拒绝任何向他求助的人 He just can't say no to anybody who needs help.
你为什么总是不分场合 And why do you have to always
说什么话都要加个"同志"做限定词 add the word "Gay" Where it doesn't belong?
嘿 你别把气撒在我身上 Hey, hey, you're not mad at me.
你是在气你家那位"球形娇妻" You're mad at the old balls and chain.
好吧老爸 谈话很愉快 再见了 Okay, Dad, good talk. See you later.
别啊 我不是有心的 Come on, I didn't mean it.
嘿 我真不是有心的 我有点不爽 Hey, I didn't mean it. I'm a little cranky.
我和歌洛莉亚闹得有点不愉快 I got into it with Gloria a little bit.
噢不 怎么了 Oh, no. What happened?
她讨厌巴克利 Ah, she hates Barkley.
以前你妈也老是为这些东西跟我过不去 It's the same stuff I went over with your mom all the time.
"把那船卖了""把那摩托车扔了" "Get rid of the boat." "Get rid of the motorcycle."
要知道 我就是喜欢这些东西 You know, I liked those things.
那你为什么要扔掉 Why do you have to get rid of it then?
其实 我没扔 You know, actually, I don't.
我要把他的手粘上去 他的手断掉了 Anyway, I'm gluing his hand on over here. His hand came off.
今天真不顺啊 老爸 Rough day, Dad.
你性感年轻的娇妻不喜欢你的玩偶 Your hot, young wife doesn't like your doll.
是啊 跟你的大问题不同 Yeah, unlike your big problem,
"我男友对人太热心了" "My boyfriend's too nice to people."
不 其实并不仅仅是这样 No, see- mmm- that's not all it is.
他喜欢帮助小动物 He helps animals.
他总是参加一些志愿活动 He's always volunteering for things.
相信我 真实情况比听起来严重多了 Trust me. It-lt's worse than it sounds.
我完全懂你 我们都面临类似的难题 Who are we kidding? We both got it pretty good.
老天 我可能和你妈较劲儿 Hell, I'm probably fighting with your mom
比我现在跟歌洛莉亚较劲儿还厉害 more than I'm fighting with Gloria on this thing.
小鸟从树上掉下来 A bird fell out of a tree
他会用滴眼药水的管子去喂它 and he fed it with an eyedropper.
别说了 儿子 Just drop it, kid.
我们的爱人都跟我们不一样 We're both with people different from us,
那样肯定会产生矛盾 但你想要的就是不同的人 and that's gonna create stuff, but you want different.
你妈和我各方面都很般配 Your mom and I were perfect on paper
你也知道最后的下场 and you know how that ended.
我现在拥有的要好得多 What I got now is a lot better.
当然 外人会对我们侧目非议 Sure, people look at us sometimes.
有时候我也不相信我们竟然在一起了 And sometimes even I can't believe we're together.
但我们很幸福 归根到底 夜晚来临时 But we're happy. At the end of the day
我只想回到她的身边 There's no one I'd rather come home to.
你是说歌洛莉亚吧 You mean Gloria.
不然还能有谁 Who else?
没谁 No one.
晚些再见了 I'll see you later.
再见 儿子 See you, kid.
你在我的海报上乱画了吗 Did you draw on my poster?
是啊 是我干的 或许下次 Yeah, I did. Maybe you'll think
你再敢读我日记 就该想想这个 about that the next time you read my journal.
我没有读你愚蠢的日记 I didn't read your stupid journal,
而且我排了好长队才弄到签名的 海莉 and I waited in line to get this signed, Haley.
别孩子气了 不过是个发型古怪的老兄罢了 Oh, don't be such a baby. It's just some dude with weird hair.
那可是玛雅·安琪洛 你个白痴 That's Maya Angelou, you idiot.
[玛雅·安琪洛是美国著名女作家和诗人]
不好意思 我不看女子篮球赛的 Oh, sorry. I don't follow the WNBA.
我告诉你 这是你做过的最缺德的事 You know what? This is the worst thing you've ever done,
我永远都不会原谅你的 and I'll never forgive you!
是你先挑起的 You started it!
-你看什么看 -我只是听到... - What are you looking at? - Well, I just heard-
偷看海莉日记的人其实是我 I was the one who read Haley's diary.
我当时正在玩她的电脑 日记本身就是开着的 I was playing on her computer and it just opened.
好吧 是我打开的 Okay, I opened it.
但我不想她们为此争吵 But I didn't mean for anyone to fight.
噢 回来得这么快 米奇 嗨 Oh,ome already. Mitchell, hi..
-嗨 小卡 -你是忘了带票吗 - Hi, Cam. Hi. - Did you forget the tickets?
不 你不在我一个人看也不会很享受的 No. You know, I was never gonna enjoy the show without you, so-
但你那么兴奋地 Oh. But you were so excited
想带莉莉去看俄罗斯木偶秀 to take Lily to see the Russian marionettes.
她可能有点年纪太小了 Oh, she's probably a little young anyway.
我们可以把她放在烘干机前半小时 We can just prop her in front of the dryer for a half hour.
听着 小卡 Listen, Cam,
我很欣赏你想让世界更美好的心愿 I-I love that you try and help the world,
我很庆幸我的生命中有你的存在 and I'm very lucky to have you in my life.
噢 米奇 Oh, Mitchell.
园丁那事儿处理得怎么样了 How'd everything work out with the gardener?
很好 很好 Uh, great. Great.
原来今天是他的结婚日 他只是有点紧张 Turned out it was his wedding day, and he was a little nervous.
不过 其实你也没必要道歉 But you know what? There's no need to apologize.
不 我一定要 我太自私了 No, I need to. I've been very selfish.
不不 有时候是我热心过头了 No, no. Sometimes I take things too far.
好吧 如果那样 我会提醒你的 Okay. If that ever happens, I will let you know.
好的 Okay.
有什么原因不能让我进去吗 Is there a reason I can't go inside?
不 没 没有 No. No, no. No.
现在 我宣布你们结为夫妻 Y ahora te pronuncio hombre y esposa.
请亲吻新娘 La puedes besar.
妈 我能跟你谈谈吗 Mom, can I talk to you?
当然了 宝贝 什么事 Sure, honey. What's going on?
我对自己的所为感到很愧疚 I feel bad about something I did.
宝贝 是因为电脑那事儿吗 Oh, sweetie. Is this about the computer?
-是啊 -你看了不该看的东西吗 - Yeah. - Something you shouldn't have been looking at?
是啊 真的好古怪 Yeah. It was just so freaky.
-我看了一眼就停不下来 -我懂的 宝贝 - I couldn't stop looking. - I know, sweet pea.
-但重要的是你最终确实停下来了 -是啊 - But the important thing is you did stop looking. - Yeah.
看了一小时之后 After about an hour.
好吧 对那些东西好奇也是很正常的 Okay. Well, it's perfectly normal to be curious about these things.
有些部分很搞笑 Some parts were funny.
有些部分简直太疯狂了 And some parts just seemed crazy.
我希望你知道 有些部分并不是真的 Well, I hope you realize that some of those parts weren't real.
很显然嘛 Obviously.
但有可能完全是真的 对吧 But they can be totally real, right?
-像《安妮日记》那样 -什么 - Like Anne Frank's? - What?
我只知道 那让我老想着海莉 All I know is it really made me wonder about Haley.
真愁人 宝贝 为什么是海莉 That's disturbing, sweetie. Why Haley?
那是她的日记啊 It was her journal.
你读了我的日记 你个小变态 You read my journal? You little creep!
对不起 我没忍住 I'm sorry! I couldn't help it.
等等 你还读了海莉的日记 Wait. Haley's journal too?
-卢克 从今以后不准你接近电脑 -什么 - Luke, you are now banned from the computer. - What?
发生什么事了 谁惹麻烦了 What happened? Who's in trouble?
-卢克读了我的日记 -我就说不是我吧 - Luke read my journal! - I told you it wasn't me!
-我要宰了你 -海莉 冷静 - You know, I'm gonna kill you. - Haley, calm down.
等等 你都不打算吼他几句吗 那是隐私啊 Wait, you're not even gonna yell at him? That was private.
得了吧 里面最令人震惊的就是你稀烂的拼写 Oh, please. The most shocking thing in there was your spelling.
你也读过了 You read it too?
难道只有我一个人没读过吗 Am I the only one who hasn't read it?
我翻电脑查看色情图片时不小心读的 I was looking through the computers in the house for pornography.
-真恶心 -不是我要看 - Sick. - Not for me.
我想看看你们有没有"涉黄" I wanted to see what you guys are looking at.
所以你就公然侵犯我们的隐私 So you're violating our privacy.
我发现我的孩子们 When I find out that my children...
在网上浏览裸体图片 are looking at a naked picture online,
他们就没有隐私可言了 they don't have any privacy.
-谁浏览裸照了 -那不重要 - Who was looking at naked pictures? - That doesn't matter.
不是我 I wasn't.
也不是我 真恶心 我才10岁 Wasn't me. That's gross. I'm 10!
-等一下 -你们是怎么回事啊 - Wait a minute. - What's wrong with you people?
如果不是你 那是谁 If it wasn't you, who was it?
曼佳匹萨 Mangia!
-洛萨 谢谢你赶来 -谢谢 - Rosa, thank you for coming. - Gracias.
卡洛斯 告诉我你和那牙医的发展结果 Carlos, let me know how it works out with that dentist.
维克托 你欠我一支舞 Victor, you owe me a dance.
是的 我是一个博爱的人 Yes, I'm a caring person.
如果没有米奇尔 And without Mitchell,
我会一直不断地奉献 奉献 奉献 I would just keep giving and giving and giving.
我就像一辆奔跑的慈善卡车 I'm like a big runaway charity truck
米奇就像是我的匝道 铺满安全碎石 and Mitchell is my off-ramp full of safety gravel.
他知道如何拒绝别人 He knows how to say no.
他总是可以将自己放在第一位 He always can put himself first.
他绝对可以漠视那些受苦受难的人 He certainly can turn his back on someone suffering.
不 真的 继续说啊 No, really. Keep going.
-他... -别再说了 - He- - Don't keep going!
-非常感谢 -嘿 再见 - Muchas gracias. - Hey, good-bye.
真美好 That was nice.
天啊 好吓人 老爸 Oh, God. Dad.
看来我似乎错过派对了嘛 Looks like I missed the party, huh?
你 把这玩意儿带来干什么 What is- What is that doing here?
-他是我送给你和小卡的礼物 -谢谢 - He is a gift for you and Cam. - Thank you.
他在途中缺了一只眼镜片 当时头伸出了窗外 He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.
-狗都喜欢把头伸出车窗外 -先把他放这儿吧 - Well, they love that. - Let's put him here for now.
-我不想要那玩意儿 -我觉得他很可爱 - I don't want that. - I think he's cute.
给他个表现机会吧 Let's give him a chance.
我一收到你的短信就赶来了 I came as soon as I heard your message.
你之前是说有人要结婚吗 You said that somebody was getting married?
歌洛莉亚 你来啦 我有好消息要告诉你 Gloria, there you are. I've got good news.
怎么回事 What's the matter?
亲爱的 嘿 Honey? Hey.
我真的很抱歉 I'm really sorry.
那张图片只是别人传给我的 That picture was just something that someone sent me.
是谁不重要 Doesn't matter who.
是格尔·索普 Gil Thorpe.
其实 我不需要那些东西 Anyway, I don't do that stuff.
你对我来说已经够调情了 真的 You're all the porn I need. That's- Uh-
亲爱的 没事 Honey, it's fine.
没事的 It's fine.
现在才真没事了 Now, it's fine.
我根本不在乎那张图片 I couldn't care less about the picture.
我以为那是卢克的所为 才很生气 I was just upset when I thought it was Luke.
海莉 宝贝 我真的希望 Haley, honey, I really wish
你能帮我洗一下衣服 you would give me a hand with all this laundry.
你从来不... You never, ever-
海莉有她自己的世界 Haley's off in her own world.
艾丽克斯从来就不像个小孩样 Alex has never really been a kid.
但卢克是我的小宝宝 But Luke is my baby.
真的是我太奢望吗 Is it really too much to ask
想让他永远当个可爱 纯真的孩子 that he stay a sweet, innocent kid...
永远那样 forever?
嘿 老弟 听着 抱歉 Hey, buddy. Um- Here. Sorry.
待会儿再拍球 We'll dribble later.
我只是 只是想说我很抱歉 Um, I just, uh- I just want to say I'm sorry.
我不是有意让你为那张图片背黑锅 I never meant to blame you for that whole picture thing.
你妈妈以为那是你的 Your mom sort of thought it was yours
我该站出来说实话的 但我没有 and I should have stopped it, but I didn't.
那张图片拍的是什么 So what was the picture of?
是关于一个女人在拖拉机上 没穿上衣 Well, it was a woman on a tractor and she had her shirt off.
很热吗[性感] Was it hot?
好吧 既然要开诚布公 Okay, we're being honest here.
图片中的那个女人 Um, this particular woman-
我的确很欣赏她的性感曲线 Well, my tastes do run to the curvy,
宽大的牛仔帽并没有破坏整体美 and the cowboy hat did not hurt one bit.
和超短牛仔裤相映成趣 Couple that with the cutoff jeans-
你其实问的是天气热不热 是吧 And you were asking about the weather, weren't you?
是啊 Yeah.
很好 很好 Well, this is good. This is good.
你很快就将经历一些成长变化 You're gonna be going through some changes soon.
现在你不管有什么事 都可以放心跟我说了 And I think now you can feel safe talking to me about whatever.
一切到此为止 And so it ends.
可悲的是 我被仓促地 Sadly, I've been summarily dismissed
从卡梅隆和米奇尔主人家解雇 from the employ of Masters Cameron and Mitchell.
前者是个高尚的正人君子 The former being an utter delight,
后者则是个毫无幽默感的势利小人 and the latter being a humorless snoot.
快点 把他弄上车 旧货店要关门了 Just come on. Get him in the car. The thrift shop's closing.
你说的有趣的旧货店是什么地方 What is this exciting thrift shop you speak of?
我的很多亲戚成年后都被赶出家门 Many of my relatives were taken out of their homes...
被流放到大草原上自生自灭 to be released into the green pastures in their maturity-
-你刚说了"尘脸猴"吗 -放开我 你个禽兽 - Did you just say "Matoority?" - Unhand me, you brute!
我不后悔 I regret nothing!
我可以给你钱 我生活富足 I'll pay you. I'm a comfortable man.
我一直从你父亲那里偷钱 I've been stealing from your father for days.
世上有什么能比得上 Oh, is there any better feeling in the world
让耳朵在风中摇摆的感觉呢 than having your ears flap in the wind?
算了 滚出去吧 You know what? Get out.
你说真的吗 要放我自由了吗 You mean it? Sweet freedom?
不 不是说你 巴克利 卡梅隆 滚下车 No, not you, Barkley. Cameron, out.