想想看 Just think about it.
周六的时候 会有25万多人 On Saturday, over a quarter-million people
涌进那栋大楼 are gonna stream through that building.
名副其实的小爬虫大聚会 A veritable who's who of nobodies.
理查德 我们试过在展销会上推广 Richard, we've tried marketing at trade shows.
我们糟透了 We suck at it.
不 我说的不是那个 No, I'm not talking about that.
我问你 Let me ask you this:
我们需要12万部手机 对吧 We need 120,000 phones, right?
人们进大楼后 What is the first thing
做的第一件事是什么 people do when they get in there?
登免费无线网 Log on to free Wi-Fi.
但互利强迫你下载 But Hooli makes you download
互利大会应用后才能登陆 the Hoolicon app in order to sign in.
我们能不能 So, what if we
黑了那个应用 植入我们的代码 somehow hack our code onto the app?
那样我们一天就能凑够12万部了 Then we will have our 120,000 phones all in one day.
不好意思 你是说把我们的代码 I'm sorry. You're--you're talking about sneaking our code
在别人毫不知情的情况下植入他们的手机吗 onto people's phones without them even knowing about it?
这是恶意软件啊 理查德 I mean, that's malware, Richard.
不 不是 把它看作一种 No. No, no, no. Think of it more as, um,
逼迫用户使用的强势游击营销 forced adoption through aggressive guerrilla marketing.
我向你保证 你这么逼迫用户使用 Well, as a product of forced adoption,
肯定最后不得善终 I can assure you there are consequences.
-我喜欢这主意 -等等 -I like it. -Well, hold on.
即便我们把代码植入到应用以及那些手机里 Even if we get our code into that app and onto all those phones,
等会议一结束 people are just gonna delete the app
人们还是会把应用删掉的 as soon as the conference is over.
人们才不删除应用 People don't delete apps.
我保证 把你们的手机拿出来 I'm telling you. Get your phones out right now.
我装了'模拟胶片' Uh, Hipstamatic.
还有'急速视频' 愿她安息 Vine, may she rest in peace.
-我有'乳报' -'麦凯恩/佩林' -NipAlert? -McCain/Palin.
好吧 这理论上行得通 All right, this works in theory,
但...穿过互利的服务器 but... penetrating the Hooli servers
黑他们的垃圾会议软件 to hack their shitty convention app?
完成这个我们需要一个黑帽黑客 We'd need a black hat ninja for this one.
我在想到哪能找到这样的人 I wonder where we can find someone like that.
不行 No.
很高兴见到你 米娅 It's so great to see you, Mia.
-巴基斯坦怎么样 -太棒了 -How's Pakistan? -It's so great.
我在那待了一阵 如我之前所说 I was there for a while, and as I said before,
这事结束后 我还得 I have to go back there right after this
回去再待很长一段时间 for an extended period of time.
现在情况怎么样 Anyway, how's all this stuff going?
你一定要无聊死了吧 You must be, like, dying of boredom.
确实 但我的认罪协议禁止我 I am, but the terms of my plea agreement
碰电脑或上网 forbid me to touch a computer or go online, so.
我拿你来做个假想试验 Let me run a hypothetical by you,
就帮你活动活动脑筋 just to, like, exercise your brain.
比如 如果我想黑了互利的服务器 Like, for instance, if I had to hack the Hooli app servers,
搞乱一款应用 然后通过免费无线推出去 mess with an app, and push it out over a venue's free Wi-Fi...
该怎么办 how would I do it?
你这问题暗藏玄机啊 It's a trick question, right?
因为你不是去黑应用的服务器 Because you wouldn't hack the app server.
只要用菠萝路由器发动中间人攻击 You'd just launch a man-in-the-middle attack with Pineapples.
中间人攻击: 指攻击者与通讯两端分别创建独立联系 并交换其收到的数据 攻击者可控制整个对话
自己查查吧 说到这个... Google it. Speaking of...
如果他们抓到我哪怕只是说说这些 if they even catch me talking about this,
他们会把我关到最高戒备的监狱 they could send me to maximum security prison,
但我找到了上网的法子 but I think I found a way to get online.
-不能吧 -图书馆里有台电脑 -No. -There's a computer in the library
周日没有监视 that's not supervised on Sundays.
我如果能去图书馆值班 就能偷用电脑 I think if I can pull library duty, I'll be able to sneak on
查到出卖我的人 and track down whoever ratted me out.
我一定会搞死那个王八蛋 I am going to destroy that motherfucker.
我会先下手弄死他 Not if I destroy him first.
抱歉 你们这儿的匿名举报有什么规定 Excuse me. What's your policy on anonymous tips?
我操 无线菠萝路由器 显而易见啊 Fuck. Wi-Fi Pineapples. It's so obvious.
我不觉得 Not to me.
听着 我们在互利大会上安一堆这个 Look, we set up a bunch of these at Hoolicon.
就能把自己安插进 We position ourselves
参会者的手机与真正的无线网之间 between everyone's devices and the real Wi-Fi.
他们登上我们的路由 So, they log onto our boxes
我们的路由再登上真正的无线网 and our boxes log onto the real Wi-Fi?
-没错 -我们向他们展示一个假登录页 -Exactly. -So, we show them a fake landing page,
然后强迫大家 and force everyone to
下载改编过的互利大会软件 download a doctored version of the Hoolicon app.
他们不会看出来区别的 And they'll never know the difference.
难怪米娅进监狱了 她太聪明了 No wonder Mia's in prison. She's brilliant.
-我觉得这真能成 -错了 -I think this might actually work. -Wrong!
绝对成不了 It'll never work.
你连我们在说什么都不知道 You don't even know what we've been talking about.
我不需要知道 理查德 I don't need to, Richard.
事实是 我们一而再再而三地尝试 The truth is, we've tried and tried.
每次我们获得一点点成功 Every time we've gotten a whiff of success,
就会有一只名为命运的鹈鹕 a giant pelican by the name of Fate
拉一坨四斤重的屎到我们头上 takes a four-and-a-half-pound shit right on top of us.
这世界上有人终将成就伟业 There are people who are destined for greatness
也有人注定一生碰壁 and people who are not.
理查德 看来你我都会碰壁至死 Richard, it seems you and I... are not.
所以 我受够了 And so, I've had enough.
今晚我要结束一切 I'm ending it all tonight.
自杀吗 我可以给你本书 Suicide? I have a book for you.
不是 吉尔弗 昨晚当我被笼罩在 No, Gilf. Last night, when I was sitting out there
凉亭火苗发出的嘶鸣声中 by the smoldering husk of my palapa,
看着火苗残忍地将凉亭从我身边夺走 so cruelly taken away from me...
是你自己放的火 You burned it down yourself.
那让我顿悟了真谛 Which led me to my epiphany.
这个真谛 This epiphany.
"来自西藏的问候 如果你恰好在昌都县 "Greetings from Tibet. If you find yourself in Qamdo prefecture,
记得来拜访我 盖文·贝尔森" do drop in. Gavin Belson."
那是寄给我的 That was addressed to me.
不 是寄给"理查德·亨德里克斯和公司" No, that was addressed to "Richard Hendricks and company."
而我就是公司一员 Company, of which I am a part.
你不是真的要去西藏吧 You're not seriously thinking of going to Tibet?
你破产了 你要怎么支付开销 You're broke. How the fuck are you gonna pay for that?
这就要看你们了 我的好朋友们 That's where you come in, my great friends.
我觉得我们可以募捐一下 I figured we might pass the hat?
你们想给多少都可以 Just give whatever you are comfortable with.
无论多少钱 我来付 I'll pay for it, whatever it costs.
看来我们之中最矮的家伙胸襟最宽广啊 Well, it seems the smallest of us has the biggest heart.
谢谢 小金主 Thank you, young Jinathon.
-商务舱吗 -豪华经济舱 -Business class? -Premium economy.
单程机票 You fly one way.
你去中国不是需要签证吗 Don't you need a VISA to go to China?
对 我可以给北京的叔叔打电话 Yes. I can call my uncle in Beijing.
他非常腐败 He's very corrupt.
听起来...不太妙 That sounded... ominous,
但先生们 就像我常说的 but, gents, it's as I was saying:
有志者事竟成 Where there's a will, there's a way...
但只对你们不适用 just not for you guys.
-不 这次任务我不会帮你的 -不 -No, I will not help you on this mission. -No?
理查德 我们总说最后不能变得跟互利一样 Richard, we always said we didn't want to end up like Hooli.
我们怎么跟互利一样了 How are we like Hooli?
我们想要给全世界一个免费互联网 We are trying to give free Internet to the entire world.
如果我们必须得钻些空子 If we have to bend a few rules here and there--
这都是为了大局着想 不是吗 I mean, it's all for the greater good, is it not?
盖文·贝尔森一开始也是向着崇高目标努力的 Gavin Belson started out with lofty goals too,
但他一直以此为借口做类似这种的不道德行为 but he just kept excusing immoral behavior just like this,
直到有天他是变成了一个可悲的男人 until one day all that was left was a sad man
穿着可笑的鞋子 with funny shoes--
名誉扫地 众叛亲离 disgraced, friendless, and
身上还流淌着年轻骗子的血液 engorged with the blood of a youthful charlatan.
我绝不会... I am never going to be...
成为他那样的 any of that.
理查德 就在不久之前 Richard, not that long ago,
你当时备受煎熬 就因为我们是 you agonized over using a stolen log-in
通过盗用登录信息来获得了跟尾帧评测机会 to get into a bake-off with Endframe,
而那还是剽窃我们算法的公司 a company that stole from us.
而现在你却满不在乎 But now you're, what, shrugging off
想要大规模地向无辜百姓进行网络犯罪 large-scale cybercrimes against innocent civilians?
这只是结束的一种方法 不代表我是这种人 It's a means to an end. It's not who I am.
林肯为了结束战争不得不暂停人身保护权令 I mean, Lincoln had to suspend habeas corpus to end the war,
-但他后来就重启了 -林肯 -but he restored it after. -Lincoln?
理查德 这没那么简单 Richard, it's not that easy.
总会有下次 下下次和下下下次 There's always a next time and a next time and a next time.
我不能眼睁睁地送你走上道德沦丧的道路 I cannot knowingly contribute to your moral decay.
那如果你是无意中做的呢 Well, what if you didn't do it... knowingly?
你总是给我讲在你的童年生活里 You're always telling me how you spent your entire childhood
一直假装你一切都好 pretending that everything going on around you was okay.
-杰瑞叔叔的游戏 -是的 -Uncle Jerry's game. -Yeah, that.
我们玩杰瑞叔叔游戏吧 Let's play Uncle Jerry's game.
你知道你在说什么吗 Do you know what you're asking?
好的 各位 怎么样了 Okay, guys, how we looking?
一秒 马上好 One second. Almost done.
12部菠萝路由器都已测试并装箱 All 12 Pineapples tested and packed.
贾里德 你现在可以进来了 Jared, you can come in now.
好了 我们公司所有的赠品都放到车上了 All right, all of our swag is in the car,
期待我们正当的节省空间应用 and I look forward to a successful promotion
可以成功推广 of our legitimate space-saving app.
没错 就是这样 Yup, that's what this is.
随便吧 Whatever.
先生们 就这样了 再见 Well, now, gentlemen, this is it. Goodbye.
很明显 我并不想小题大做 Obviously, I don't care to make a big deal out of it,
所以走前我只想跟你们聊聊 so I think it's sufficient just to go around
每人和我说一两段我对你们生命 and each of you say a memory or two of times
产生深远影响的回忆 就够了 where I've profoundly impacted your life.
-没有深远影响也可以 -我们现在就走 -It doesn't have to be a profound impact. -We're leaving now.
-什么 -国际航班 -What? -International flight.
提早四小时 Four hours early.
-不 国际航班提前三小时 -有新规定 -No, international flights are three hours early. -It's a new rule.
各位再会 Gentlemen.
好吧 我们去找点乐子吧 Okay, let's have some fun.
过了第一关 我们通过了安检 First hurdle down. We're past security.
偷运这些破东西进来让我非常紧张 That made me nervous, sneaking all that shit in.
为什么 我们是把技术产品带进技术大会 Why? We're bringing tech to a tech convention.
'魔笛手'什么时候上的展商名单 When did Pied Piper get added to the vendor list?
位置C-4210 C-4210.
看来那就是我们的展位 That looks like us.
不 这不可能 Oh no, that can't be.
不 这跟他们跟我承诺的不一样 No. This is not what I was promised.
-什么 挺好的 -但他们跟我说 -What? It's fine. -But they told me
我们会在一个显眼的位置 that we would have prominent placement
在人流密集的通道旁边 with proximity to high-traffic corridor.
我们这是在路中间 We're in the middle of the road here.
-所以怎样 -是啊 谁他妈在乎 -So? -Yeah, who gives a fuck?
贾里德在乎 我们也在乎 Well, Jared does, and--and we do as well.
不如这样 你去看看 Uh, you know what? Why don't you go check out
洗手间的条件怎么样吧 what the bathroom situation's like?
对 没什么比这个更让我开心了 好 Yes. Nothing would make me happier. Good.
我相信他是真的很开心 You know, I actually believe him.
好了 Okay.
那么 先生们 So, gentlemen,
贾里德不在了 我们开始干正事 okay, while Jared's gone, let's get our bearings.
好的 我们在这个位置 All right, so, we are here.
现在 你们去布置菠萝路由器 Now, you guys deploy the Pineapples.
从人流密集的地方开始 也就是入口 Start with high-traffic areas, so that means entrances.
大家都在到处安装设备 People are setting up equipment everywhere,
所以看起来应该不会太可疑 so it shouldn't look that unusual,
但还是要小心 别被抓到 but be careful, don't get caught,
-记住我们来这里的原因 -理查德 -and remember why we are here. -Richard?
温妮 Winnie.
你好 Hello. Hi.
好啊 Yeah. Oh.
好久不见 自从... I haven't seen you since--
自从你把自己摔下楼梯 Since you threw yourself down a flight of stairs
就为了证明你有多聪明 to prove how smart you were.
那件空格还是制表符的事真是 That whole spaces-tab thing was...
有点小题大做 Kind of petty?
小题大做 不 我是想说 Petty? No, I was gonna say
"说明了我们之间无法调和的矛盾" "Illustrative of our vast differences."
-好吧 -你在这里做什么 -Right. -What are you doing here?
我来这里帮我的朋友发布他的新公司 I'm here helping my friend launch his new company.
"我的朋友"其实是我的男朋友 "My friend." He's actually my boyfriend.
那边是他的展台 That's his booth right there.
他挺大啊 我是说他的展台 He's got a big one--I mean the booth.
但是 男朋友 But, um, boyfriend, uh-oh.
-有点尴尬 -为什么 -Awkward. -Why?
没什么 不是 其实 没什么 Nothing. It's not. It's actually... it's cool.
完全没关系 都[豆]好 Totally cool. Cool beans.
豆子 豆子 神奇的水果 Beans, beans, magical fruit.
吃得越多 你就越... The more you eat, the more you...
-爱放屁 -爱放屁 -Toot? -Toot.
乔尔 过来认识下理查德 Hey, Joel? Come over and meet Richard.
不用 不用麻烦 Oh, not--not needed.
-不用 -乔尔 这是理查德 -Not needed. -Joel, Richard.
原来是"楼梯男" Oh. Stairs guy.
你那边的展台不错啊 Uh, that's quite a booth you got there.
是啊 谢谢 我们真心认为 Oh, yes, thank you. We really think
我们公司的理念值得我们尽力展示出去 our company's message is worth getting out there.
是啊 我们也是 我们也是 Yeah, us too. Us too.
我们只是想把好钢用在刀刃上 Um, we're just trying to be a bit responsible with the spending.
当然 但当我卖掉我上一个公司后 Sure, but when I sold my last company,
我意识到我有能力投资一些我信仰的东西 I realized I had the luxury to invest in something I believe in.
帮助人类走向繁荣 Helping humanity thrive.
所以我把和平大业带给了这个世界 That's why I decided to bring PeaceFare into the world.
你真棒 Ah, good for you.
好了 很高兴认识你 理查德 Okay. It was great to meet you, Richard.
我也是 Yeah, and you too.
-很高兴又碰到你 -只恨我没先看到你 -Good seeing you. -Not if I see you first.
尽管你没问 但这事你处理得烂透了 Not that you asked, but you handled that very poorly.
你知道吗 杨建 You know, Jian-Yang,
刚才在车上的寂静给了我时间思考 the silence in the car gave me some time to think
我们之前的差异... 老天 about the fact that our differences--Jesus!
不好意思 Sorry.
杨建 Jian-Yang!
-操 妈的死胖子 -菠萝二号到位 -Fuck you, fat fuck. -Pineapple two is a go.
看看吧 全他妈是他的照片 Fucking look at him, pictures everywhere.
傻逼大胡子巨婴 Fucking bearded baby.
让我们损失几百万 Cost us millions of dollars.
往基南·菲尔德斯帕的屁眼上 It would make me very happy
浇沸腾的金属会让我非常开心 to pour boiling metal down Keenan Feldspar's asshole.
那应该怎么操作 How would that even work?
直接往上倒啊 Flip and pour.
他会逃跑 然后你想追他还跑不快 He's gonna run, and then you're slowly chasing him,
因为不能弄洒了你那桶沸腾的液体金属 trying to not spill your vat of boiling metal.
-你看起来就他妈会像个白痴 -去你的 -You're gonna look like a fucking idiot. -Fuck you.
-有人在看吗 -没有 装就是了 -Anybody looking? -No, just go.
怎么这么久 快点 What's taking you so long? Hurry up!
你俩小子在干嘛 What are you boys up to?
好了吗 我过一下我的幻灯片 点点点 All right? I go through my slides. Click, click, click.
播放杰米罗奎乐队的音乐 Jamiroquai plays.
现在 我很高兴得请出我的好朋友 Now, I would very much like to welcome my good friend,
基南·菲尔德斯帕 Keenan Feldspar!
他死哪去了 Where the fuck is he?
孩子 你该从那边上来 Son, you're supposed to be coming up from over there.
没错 我就是真的想带动 Totally, I'm just really kind of digging the vibe
这边的氛围 over on this side.
-特里 -什么事 -Uh, Terry? -Yeah?
-这孩子想从这边上来 -好 -Kid wants to come from over here. -Okay.
打扰一下 先生 你有时间吗 Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment?
今天早上 '魔笛手' This morning, Pied Piper were
在快截止时加入了参展商行列 a last-minute add to the vendor list,
所以我开始监视他们 so I started watching them
发现了一些可疑的行为 and noticed some suspicious behavior.
我派出了我们的战术响应小队 I sent in for our tactical response team,
得到你的许可后 我想 and with your permission, I'd like to sweep
用八木天线[用于接收无线信号]扫一下会议厅 the convention floor with Yagi antennas, which are--
-胡佛 -是 先生 -Hoover. -Yes, sir.
四天前 我花了二十亿美元 Four days ago, I spent $2 billion
买了一个永远不能用的虚拟现实狗屁玩意 on a piece-of-shit VR gadget that's never gonna work.
为了能让一个九十秒的样片 I had to rebuild the entire operating system
能在手机上播放 我得重建整个操作系统 just to get a 90-second demo that could play on a phone.
上帝仁慈 我可能已经圆满完成了 And by the grace of God, I just may have pulled it off.
现在你来跟我说该死的'魔笛手' And now you want to talk to me about Pied fucking Piper?
先生 我在想 Sir, I'd like to think that
如果盖文·贝尔森在的话 我们会确保 if Gavin Belson were here, we'd make sure--
该死的盖文·贝尔森不在这 Gavin fucking Belson is not here
因为我把他赶走了 'cause I fired his ass!
听着 你回你的小监控室去 Now, look, you go back to your little security room,
戴顶锡帽 坐在角落 you sit in the corner with a tinfoil hat on,
我发誓 如果我听说你晃到走廊 and I swear, if I hear you wandered down the hallway
去上厕所的话 你就滚蛋走人 to take a piss, you are out on your ass.
明白了吗 You got that?
明白了 先生 I do, sir.
你知道吗 现在或许 You know what? This might be
是我去派些传单的好时机 a good time for me to hand out some flyers.
理查德 已经装了六部菠萝路由器 Richard, six Pineapples up,
还有六部待装 six to go.
-很好 -有什么问题吗 -Good. -Something wrong?
确实有 非常不对劲 Yeah, actually. Very wrong.
和平大业是个游戏 PeaceFare is a game.
-什么 -没错 看看他们的网站 -What? -Yeah, look at his website.
把虚拟货币捐给虚拟的无家可归的人 Give virtual coins to virtual homeless people.
种植虚拟玉米来养活虚拟的村庄 Grow virtual corn to feed virtual starving villages.
这他妈什么鬼 对吧 他在那边 What the fuck, right? I mean, he's over there
吹得天花乱坠 making all this noise about
就是把你的手机变成一台慈善机器 turning your mobile device into an empathy machine,
-却什么都改变不了 -真感人 理查德 -but it's not doing anything. -Fascinating, Richard.
你关注过任何关于 Have you heard anything about
该死魔笛手的进展情况了吗 how Pied fucking Piper is doing?
我知道 我们的代码植入了展会应用 Yes, our code is in the app,
菠萝路由器已连线 the Pineapples are online,
我们现在有三千七的下载量 and we're at 3700 downloads.
超出了预期 We're ahead of schedule.
操 这真行得通 Shit. This could work.
真了不起 That's awesome.
对 没错 Yeah, exactly.
我们做的是实实在在的东西 We are doing something real.
他没有 但她却跟他在一起 He is not, but she's with him,
而我是小题大做的那个 种点真玉米 and I'm the petty one. Okay, well, what about the idea
养活真在挨饿的人怎么样 of growing real corn to feed real starving people?
-不行 -对 -No. -Yeah,
他的那个看上去容易多了 his thing seems way easier.
你可以穿着内裤在手机上做 Yeah, you can do it on your phone in your underwear.
快去把剩下的菠萝路由器装好 拜托了 Just... plant the rest of the Pineapples, please.
-他来了 伙计 -谢谢 -Here he comes, folks. -Oh, thanks.
理查德·亨德里克斯 压缩算法界的莫奈 Richard Hendricks, the Monet of compressionism.
贾里德 Jared.
最近的洗手间在哪 Hey, which of the bathrooms is closest?
这排的尽头 往右走七十八步 End of the row, 78 paces to the right.
很好 Great.
你知道吗 我之前编程时用的就是这电脑 Do you know this is the actual laptop I used to code the app.
我们拍一些我不穿鞋子的照片 Hey, let's take some without my shoes,
好吗 太好了 yeah? Perfect.
好 过来 Okay. Oh, hey, come.
请从我的脚趾开始 Yeah, so please start with my toes.
很好 Oh, nice.
你能 这些是灌溉的照片 Can you--And these are photos of irrigation,
在雨中拍摄的 captured in the rain.
好 看起来会很棒 Yeah, it's gonna look great.
对 像那样 Yeah, like that.
贫穷和哀恸 Poverty and penthos.
看上去很好 That looks so good.
我们再拍一张 去另一边 对 Let's do another one. Go on the other side. Yeah.
-是你干的吗 -什么 什么 -Did you do this? -What? What?
有谁看见是谁动了这台笔记本吗 Did anyone see someone touch this laptop?
-什么 -天哪 -What? -Oh God.
这太恶心了 This is very disturbing.
去他的 我要揍他 Fuck it. I'm just gonna punch him.
没错 在监狱里玩得开心 你个白痴 Yeah, right. Have fun in jail, you moron.
-糟糕 -我槽 是他 -Oh shit. -Oh fuck, it's him.
-我们怎么办 -继续走 -What do we do? -Uh, keep moving.
妈的 你觉得他看到我们了吗 Fuck, do you think he saw us?
看到了 Oh, he saw us.
-他妈的 -他还看到我们看到他了 -Fuck. -He saw us see him.
可恶 等等 Shit. Wait.
要是他认为我们是故意这么做的呢 What if he thinks we did it on purpose,
比如我们无视了他 like, we snubbed him?
说得好 Fuck yeah.
我们无视了他妈的基南·菲尔德斯帕 We just snubbed the fuck out of Keenan Feldspar.
理查德 Hey, Richard.
我在通知所有人 I'm letting everyone know.
你最好重设下你重要的密码 You might want to reset your critical passwords,
因为我们被黑了 because we've been hacked.
为 为什么这么说 Why--why would you say that?
有人改了我和平大业的屏保 Someone changed my PeaceFare screensaver...
而且我知道这不是我团队里的人干的 and I know it wasn't anyone on my team,
因为他们都很尊重我 because they all respect me too much.
黑客把它改成了什么 What did they change it to?
如果你不介意我问的话 只是因为 If you don't mind me asking, just 'cause--
不不 我不会说出去让黑我的人为此窃喜 No, no, I won't dignify it by repeating it.
我只是说你该采取预防措施 I'm just saying you should take precautions.
并且 温妮去找了安保部门 Also, Winnie spoke to security,
他们派了战术反应小组来处理 and they're sending the tactical response team.
什么小组 The what?
战术 他们来了 The--Oh, here they are.
糟糕 Oh shit.
找到了 我们找到敌人了 Bingo. We've got hostiles.
红队 塞巴斯蒂安 Red team, Sebastian,
扇形散开搜索整个会场 fan out and sweep the entire venue.
理查德 猜猜谁被点了四个赞 Hey, Richard. Guess who has four thumbs
-还无视了基南·菲尔德斯帕 -我们 -and just snubbed Keenan Feldspar. -Us.
伙计们 有人叫来了安保 Guys, someone called security,
他们正在搜索整个区域 now they're doing a sweep of the area.
-什么 -你们要拔掉所有菠萝路由器 -What? -Okay? You've gotta go pull all the Pineapples.
-搞什么鬼 -谁把我们供出来的 -What the fuck? -Who ratted us out?
我不知道 大概永远也知道不了 I don't know. Probably we'll never know.
根本找不出来 It's impossible to tell.
快去 去把 把路由器收回来 Just go. Go get--get them now.
去 快去 求你们了 Go. Just go. Please.
-找到了 -妈的 -Bingo. -Fuck!
这边走 Come on.
找到了 Bingo.
糟糕 我们得分头行动 Oh crap. We've got to split up.
我去美食广场 你去东大厅 I'll take the food court. You take the east concourse.
-我要去美食广场 -快去 -I want the food court. -Just go!
他妈的 Fuck.
-你好 朋友 -他 他妈的基南 -Hey, man. -F-f-f-fucking Keenan.
我得走了 Hey, I have to go.
好啊 你之前是不是无视了我 Totally. Hey, did you snub me earlier?
-没有 -有的 你无视了 -No. -Yeah, you did.
你知道你无视了我 You know you did.
你让我很难受 You made me feel bad.
我喜欢愉悦的感觉 你为什么要无视我 I like to feel good. Why would you do that to me?
说真的 Seriously?
你耍了我们 基南 You fucked us, Keenan.
理查德正要接受那份协议 Richard was gonna take that deal,
你就把协议从我们眼皮底下收走了 and then you pulled it right out from under us.
就我个人来说 你让我损失了一大笔钱 You cost me, personally, a shit-ton of money.
理查德是这么跟你说的 Is that what Richard told you?
怎么样 So?
他们每一个都找到了 一个不落 They got every single one, every single last one.
-他妈的 -我不想听这个 -Fuck! -I don't want to hear this.
但我们肯定接近成功了 对吧 But we gotta be close, right?
我们还需要多少部手机 Like, how many more phones do we need?
我不知道 数目只是接近还不够 I don't know. Close isn't good enough.
这是二值性的 要么成功 要么失败 No, this is binary. Either we have enough or we don't.
-我 我操 -我有一个主意 -Oh f-f-f-fuck. -Okay, I have an idea.
我这还有一个菠萝路由器 So, I've got one Pineapple left.
我在它上面装了些电池 Now, I've rigged some batteries on top of it,
因为我们得移动化 because we're gonna have to go mobile.
我们得试试 我把这个放在你的背包里 We have to try. Okay, I'm going to put this in your backpack.
-不要这样 -没事的 -Oh no. -No, it's fine.
-我不要 我不要 -迪尼希 没事的 -I don't want it. I don't want it. -Dinesh, it's fine.
并且你 你要拿好这个开关 And you, you're gonna hold this kill switch,
然后你要走到 and then you're gonna walk
你能找到的人最多的区域里去 into the most densely populated area you can find.
懂吗 如果你看到安保来了 All right? If you see the security coming,
记住 你按下那个按钮 remember, you press that button and,
你就不会被发现了 poof, you're gone.
好的 我会弄来尽可能多的混蛋用户 Okay. I'll get as many of those motherfuckers as I can.
我们最终会功成名就的 We'll be rewarded in the end.
你他妈打算什么时候告诉我们 When the fuck were you gonna tell us?
告诉你们什么 Tell you what?
你知道是什么 你这屎袋 You know what, fat sack of shit.
理查德 你知道是什么吗 Richard, do you know what?
不 我不知道 No, I don't.
我 我不知道是什么 I-I--I don't know what.
迪尼希 你得行动了 Dinesh, you need to move.
我要先搞明白他问的到底是什么事 Well, not until I find out if you know what.
-说吧 -好吧 -Go on. -Okay, fine.
我偷换了乔尔的屏保 I messed with Joel's screensaver,
他找来了保安 and then he told security,
结果现在他们把所有的菠萝路由器都拔了 and now they're the ones pulling up all the Pineapples.
你他妈在说什么 What the fuck are you talking about?
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
你装作想接受基南·菲尔德斯帕的出价 You acted like you wanted to take Keenan Feldspar's offer.
我刚碰到他 他说你拒绝了他 Well, I just ran into him. He said you turned him down.
好吧 不... 好吧... Well, n--Okay, well...
你信谁 信我还是他 Who are you going to believe, me or him?
他 他给我看了你发给他的邮件 Him. He showed me the e-mail you sent him.
给你看了邮件 Showed you the e-mail?
你这个卑鄙小人 You fucking snake.
迪尼希 你得赶紧走了 是他反悔了 Dinesh, you need to move, now. Look, he pulled the deal.
但是你给他发邮件的时候 Yeah, but you didn't know
还不知道 是吧 that when you sent him the e-mail, did you?
迪尼希 你得走了 赶紧的 Dinesh, you need to move. I mean, come on.
-你得走了 走啊 -先生们 -You need to go. Go. Go. -Gentlemen.
我们需要检查那个背包 I'm going to have to see the contents of that backpack.
找到了 Bingo.
你把它改成什么了 理查德 What did you change it to, Richard?
什么 What?
乔尔的屏保 Joel's screensaver.
现在不重要了 It doesn't matter now.
是吗 No?
拉屎大业 PoopFare.
抱歉 拉屎大业 I'm sorry. PoopFare?
是的 就稍微改下名字 Yeah, it was, like, a play on the name.
稍微改下名字 撒尿大业更好 Is it a play on the name? PissFare would be way better.
或者鸡巴大业 Or PenisFare.
或者和平大屁 这只用改一个字 Or PeaceFart. That's just changing one letter.
听着 他转身了 我只有一秒钟时间 Look, he--he turned around. I had, like, a second, okay?
这是我能想到最好的了 It's the best I could come up with.
拉屎大业 PoopFare?
-你是认真的吗 -是的 -Are you serious? -Yeah.
你牺牲了... You sacrificed...
我们努力打造的一切... everything that we've worked for...
就为了改个拉屎大业 for PoopFare?
拉屎大业... How was PoopFare...
对伟大事业有什么帮助 for the greater good?
并不是 It wasn't.
你把自己比作亚伯拉罕·林肯 理查德 You compared yourself to Abraham Lincoln, Richard.
你能帮我个忙吗 Can you do me a favor?
你能再说一遍让我确定这不是我的幻觉吗 Can you say it so I know I'm not hallucinating?
-我刚说了 -只管... -I just did. -Just...
再说一遍 say it.
-贾里德 -理查德 看着我的眼睛 -Jared. -Richard, look me in the eyes!
看着我的眼睛 说出... Look me in the eyes, and you name...
-我们失败的原因 -好了 冷静 -our undoing! -Hey, come on. Calm down now.
拉屎大业 你这个鲁莽的孩子 PoopFare! You reckless child.
先生们 请跟我来 Gentlemen. Come with me, please.
坐吧 Sit down.
瞧瞧看啊 Well, well, well.
理查德·亨德里克斯 Richard Hendricks.
抱歉 我认识你吗 Sorry, do I know you?
不认识...但是我知道你的一切 No... but I know all about you.
这些菠萝路由器...是你的吗 These Wi-Fi Pineapples... are they yours?
这些监控录像里的画面呢 And this image from the security footage?
闻到什么了吗 Smell anything?
这俩人看着眼熟吗 These two individuals look familiar to you?
最后一个问题 Last question.
你认得这个吗 Do you recognize this?
这是我从今年十月的"戏说编码"上 It's an interview I just found from Code/Rag
找到的一篇采访 from October of this year,
里面你说你和盖文·贝尔森 原话是 in which you said you and Gavin Belson would, quote,
"让杰克·巴克失业" "Put Jack Barker out of a job."
是你说的吗 理查德 Did you say that, Richard?
你知道吗 是的 You know what? Yes. Yeah.
对 是我说的 Yeah, this is me.
显然我说或打出的一切 Because apparently everything I say or type
都会让我陷入麻烦 因为我是个...傻逼 gets me into trouble, because I'm a... idiot.
好了 Well now.
坦利 Tenley!
这些先生们在我办公室干什么 What the hell are these gentlemen doing in my office?
我们抓住他们在安放菠萝路由器 We caught them with Pineapples.
你是说那些我雇他们来 You mean the Pineapples
在会场偷偷安放以对我们的网络安全 that I hired them to bring to the conference
进行渗透测试的菠萝信号器吗 as part of a covert penetration test of our Wi-Fi security?
-抱歉 我们不知道 -不知道就对了 -Sorry, we didn't know. -You weren't supposed to.
把这些先生们的通行证和设备还给他们 Now, give these gentlemen their passes and equipment back
让他们继续工作 and get them back on the floor.
你在那篇采访中 You know, you said some very nice things
帮盖文·贝尔森说了很多好话 about Gavin Belson in that interview.
你本可以轻易在他低谷期踩他两脚 You could've very easily kicked a good man when he was down.
不论你在做什么 祝你好运 Good luck with whatever it is you're doing.
我很想送你下去 I'd walk you down myself,
但我现在没法离开这房间 but for reasons I really can't get into...
原因我真的不太方便说 I'm not allowed to leave this room.
好的 Okay.
你在这呢 你没回展台 There you are. You never came back to the booth.
你不好奇结果如何吗 You didn't want to see how it all turned out?
我没什么心情 I wasn't really in the mood.
你在玩和平大业吗 Are you playing PeaceFare?
对 我刚送了个孤儿 Yeah. I just gave an orphan
她人生中第一台计算器 her first calculator.
很好 很好 Good. Good.
但我有更好的消息告诉你 But I've got something much better.
看到这个数字了吗 See that number?
这是在这次互利大会上 That is the number of installs
我们应用的安装次数 that we've got from Hoolicon alone.
我们已经把梅尔彻所有的数据 We have moved all of Melcher's data
都转移到手机组成的网络上了 onto a network of mobile devices.
我们成功了 We did it.
迪尼希和吉尔弗约尔知道吗 Do Dinesh and Gilfoyle know?
知道 他们知道 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they know.
我们现在成功了 他们又喜欢我了 Now that this worked, they like me again.
他们去买吉事果庆祝了 They're off getting churros to celebrate.
我说了我们会一起去巴克的演讲厅等他们 I told them that we would meet them at Barker's keynote, so...
来吧 come on.
我想说 I mean...
理查德 你现在觉得 Richard, the fact that you think that
成功就能让你的行为变合理 success justifies all your behavior--
我们本来身处危机之中 好吗 We were in crisis mode, okay?
没错 我是一时糊涂 And yeah, I lost my head,
但现在危机解除了 but crisis averted,
是时候恢复人身保护令了 so it's time to reinstate habeas corpus, huh?
重新做回好林肯 Be Honest Abe again.
那下次危机来临时怎么办 理查德 What about the next crisis, Richard?
贾里德 这种事再也不会发生了 Jared, this won't happen again.
我发誓 I swear.
让我们一起享受成功 So, let's just enjoy it...
一分钟就好 for a minute.
求你了 Please.
互利大会
掌声响起来 Come on, give it up!
我爱这家公司 I love this company!
你们呢 And how about you?
杰米罗奎尔乐队呢 And how about Jamiroquai?
女士们先生们 我们来看看 Ladies and gentlemen, oh, let's have it.
但等等 等一等 But wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
本来大家的头条标题 Wasn't the original title
不是叫"虚拟疯狂"吗 of their chart-topping hit "Virtual Insanity"?
怎么大家现在开始称赞"虚拟现实"了 Why is he singing "Virtual Reality"?
要想一探究竟 You know, I may need a little help
我需要一位好友的帮助 getting to the bottom of this
大家掌声有请基南·菲尔德斯帕 from my very good friend, Keenan Feldspar!
他来了 There he is!
你们想看看未来什么样吗 You guys ready to see the future?
在演讲最开始时 You know, at the beginning of the presentation,
我让大家都更新了互利手机的系统 对吗 I told all of you to update your HooliPhone OS, right?
现在 请大家进入"设置"界面 Now, I want you to go into "Settings,"
你们会看到一个新加入的功能 and you're gonna find a brand-new toggle
叫做'互利虚实' labeled "HooliVR."
请大家打开这个功能 You're gonna want to turn that on.
现在 看看你们座位下方 Now, look under your seats.
当你们打开'互利虚实'眼镜后 When you power up your HooliVR goggles,
他们会神奇地自动匹配上你的手机 they will "Automagically" pair with your phone.
戴上眼镜 Put 'em on
开始一段奇幻的旅程 and prepare to be amazed!
替我向酒吧女招待问好 Say hi to that barmaid for me.
该死 我操 Oh shit! Fuck!
怎么了 What's going on?
请亮灯 出了什么事情 Turn up the lights, please. Something's happening here.
请大家稍安勿躁 Uh, stay calm.
你觉得这事应该不会和我们有关系吧 You don't think this had anything to do with us, do you?
我们可能出现了一点技术问题 We appear to have a bit of a technical problem.
我会立刻查清真相 I'm going to get to the bottom of this right away.
该死 Fuck!
格隆[比丘僧] 外面有人吵着见你 Gelong-la, there is a loud man here to see you.
他说是你让他来的 He says you sent for him.
到昌都啦 Qamdo in the house!
这什么发型 Haircut?
你他妈在逗我吗 Are you fucking kidding me?
不 No.
我真的来了 I'm really here.