OK.
Dan in Real Life
- ls this yours? - Dad.
Didn't think so.
Hey,l was gonna do that for you later.
Now you won't have to.
- OK.OK,are you hungry? - Yeah.
Cereal?
- OK. - All right.
- So the plan... - The plan.
Cara,Dad's about to reveal ''the plan.''
l'll pack up the car,pick you up right after school,
and then we'll drive straight...through.
Sounds good.
- Does not. - What now?
Well,isn't the whole point that we go to school?
You're forcing us to miss school when we should be,like,in school.
Right? l mean,what about my studies?
OK,why are you smiling?
l just never thought l'd hear you say,''What about my studies?''
lt makes me,like,smile.
l don't wanna go.
We do this every year.
Only time we can get the family together.
- Gotta help Grandma and Grandpa******* - Go.
You're destroying my education.
******Change.
Yes?
Very good column,sir. That bit about curfews?Very apt.
And may l also say that yesterday's column on boundary setting was excellent.
Who are you?
l'm Marty Barasco. l would like to thank you for last Friday's column.
lt helped me understand my parents.
OK.
Well,Marty,what else can l do for you?
l'd like to see your daughter,sir. lf l could.
Jane. Jane!
Actually,l'm here for Cara.
Nice to meet you,Marty. Come back in two years.
l don't wanna brag,but Mr. Shaff says l'm one of the best drivers in his class.
He says l'm highway ready.
Mr. Shaff and l may not agree. Cara!Let's go.
So will you let me?
We'll see. 3pm sharp.
- Do not be... - Late.We got it.
- late. - Yes,we do.
FYl,that boy you were really rude to before is my friend,Marty,
my lab partner from class. We're doing an extra-credit project together.
Bus.
- Wait!Wait,wait,wait! - Come on!
Hurry up!
Yeah?
Yeah,Jordy,l e-mailed it half an hour ago.
What?
No way. You're kidding.
That's funny.
Where's your sister?
You're late.
She went to Yumms.
Can l drive?
Dad's going to be syndicated.
Not so fast. There're others being considered...
Aw,that's great. Can l drive?
Look. You're a fine driver.
- lt's the just the other hundred million dr... - lf you don't let me,l'll never learn.
But if l let you,you may not live.
What was that? What are you doing?
- Could you be more embarrassing? - Sorry to interrupt your studies.
Well,we can't all be monks like you. No.
By the way,you're grounded.
- Oh,l'm grounded? - Yep
- For how long? - For life.
Dad,come on. lt's humiliating.
Tell me about it.
Grounded for a month.
A month! But that's worse than forever.
OK,Dad,why?
You lied to me.
Yeah,well,you can't handle the truth.
Try me next time.
- But...but... - No,no.No.No.
OK,Dad. l...l love Marty.
Oh,please.
Come on.
Dad,Dad. Dad,Dad,stop.OK,just listen.Listen.
l didn't know right away. lt took me a while.
What's a while?
l've known him for three weeks,but l knew in three days.
You can't know in three days.
- Well,maybe she can. - No,no.No.
What you're feeling is not love.
- lt is young and reckless. - Yes,it is.l love him.
- You may think it's love,it is not! - No,l love him.
l love him.
- No,it's not.No,it's not. - l love him.l love him.l love him.
Dad? You OK?
There goes Jane's college education.
There goes Cara's.
Oh,no. What about mine?
No,you're good.
Ah,no,wait. There it goes.
You can't keep me from Marty.
Dad,let me remind you that guys are half the world,and l'll find others.
- But know that only Marty gets my heart. - ln the car.
l know a really good driver.
No. No.
Here you go.
l think your sisters aren't very happy with me.
- Duh. - Why do you think?
You're a good father,but sometimes a bad dad.
Who told you to say that?
No one.
Was it Jane or Cara? You can tell me.
- l made it up myself. - No.You didn't.
Which one of your sisters told you to say that?
l made it up myself. l'm in the fourth grade.
- l can make things up for myself. - Jane or Cara?
- l made it up myself.****** - Jane or Cara?
- l'm in the fourth grade. - She's in the fourth grade!
Oh,they're here.
They're here. Come,girls.
- Hey,Poppy. - Good to see you.
Hi,Lil.
Hey,Dad.
Well,now we're all here. How you doing?
Uh,fine. Or maybe not.
My kids can't stand me.
Means you're doing something right.
- Oh,you're so... - Hiya,honey.
Look at your girls. They're all grown up.
- No,no,no.They're still very young. - Come on,Lilly.Lilly.
Hey,how are you?
- She's getting big. - Getting bigger every day.
Hey,man.
- Hello. - Hello.
Hey,Eileen,how are you?
Did you hit traffic?
Yeah,it wasn't... eh,not too bad.
Hi,sis.
- Glad you're here. - Good to see you.Who are they?
l've never seen these guys in my life.
- Hi,Uncle Dan. - Say something.
- Something. - lt happened.l knew it.
Way to go.
- Sounds good. - Help your uncle with his bags,OK?
Honey,you're down here.
Your brother,Mitch,has a friend coming to visit,so...
- l'm in the special room. - Yeah.
- Sorry,bro. - That's OK.
- You sleep tight. - You too.
- You tired? - Get down,get down!
Morning.
Good morning.
- Sleep OK? - Yeah.
Can l get you guys something?
Get a life.
She just needs some space.
- That's not what she needs. - Yeah.She does.
From the sound of things,you all do.
Yeah,why don't you go get the papers?
Oh,Mom.
Yeah,go on.
lt would do you good.
Get lost for a little while.
- Maybe l should stick around. - No.
Get lost,Danny.
lt's not a request.
Good morning.
l'll be with you in a minute.
Well,then he went downtown.
Yeah. For coffee.Right.
Talks to him on weekends.
Excuse me. Could you help?
Yes.
l'm looking for a book,obviously.
Anything in particular?
Yeah,something that can help me deal with,um...
what might be an awkward situation.
OK. Um,what...
- what's kind of,um... - Well,something funny might be nice.
But not necessarily big,''ha ha ha,'' laugh-out-loud funny,you know,
and certainly not make-fun-of-other-people funny,but rather something,
- uh,human funny. - OK.
And,uh,if it could,um,sneak up on you,surprise you,
and at the same time make you think that
what you thought was not only right in a wrong kind of way,
but when you're wrong,there's a certain rightness to your wrongness.
Well,maybe what l mean is,um,
more importantly,l'm looking to be swept up.
And at the same time,not.
Meaning l wanna feel,uh,
a deep connection to,uh,something.
Or maybe l don't know what l'm looking for.
Well,in my experience,you rarely find it all in just one book.
Maybe that's why there're so many.
So,what do we have?
- We have a smattering,a sort of potpourri ... - Potpourri?
of possibilities. Yeah.
Um,here we go. We have,uh,poetry.
Dickinson,you know,basic stuff.
- Little Neruda is always good. - l agree.
Oh,now,this is actually a real page-turner.
The Life of Gandhi?
l... No,but he...
Nobody has ever been quite so cool as him.
Um,lighthouses.
A Good Man Is Hard to Find.
Uh,the title alone.
Anna Karenina. l don't...
Oh,now,that's funny.
No,actually,no,funny is here.
Maybe it's not that funny.
No,actually that's funny. Very funny,and true.
Good. OK,good.
But,uh,if you could pick only one.
Well,l would say
that nothing rivals the romance of Fishcliff.
l'm being honest.
l just walked around and l just grabbed stuff.
- l just grabbed whatever l could grab. - You were lookin' for?
- Sold. - l'm sorry?
l want them all.
These were just suggestions,l...
Make sure he gets the commission for this.
He doesn't work here.
Well,he should.
You are smooth.
Uh,actually,no,l'm not smooth.
l'm,uh,Dan.
Sorry.
Marie.
Um,so,Marie,can l make it up to you?
OK. Here is your tea.
Hot. Watch it.And there is my orange juice.
And l bought a muffin,but l think they gave me a small planet.
l should put that down.
- Thank you. - l have napkins and utensils.
l'm a big believer in forks.
And you are not,apparently.
- So,Dan... - Yes.
You were born?
l was born. Like everybody else.
And l grew up,like everybody else.
Good?
Um,OK. What else?
l went to school,and l had a Bonanza lunch pail.
This show,'60s,a TV show.
When l was ten,l wanted to be a magician.
So l used to hold these magic shows for all the kids in the neighborhood.
l tried to make a neighborhood girl levitate.
And she didn't.
And it involved a body cast,and several stitches...
the end of my...
Let me tell you something,something l've never...
You're gonna laugh.
Something l've never told anybody...
in my life.
Um,and this is really hard for me to say.
And then she got,uh,sick.
And,um,then she was gone.
And,uh...
lt's taken a while.
We should probably talk about something else.
So you're telling me that you're one of those widowers with three daughters
who preys on unsuspecting women in bookstores?
lt seems that would be me.
- Been there. - Really?
No,it seems that it's been...
- seriously hard. - No.
No,we're OK now. We're really OK.
You don't have to smile.
Better than the alternative.
Can you hold?
Excuse me.
No,no,l'm minutes away.
Yes.
- Um,l have to go. - OK.
l just lost track of time.
l wish we could keep talking.
Well,it was nice,and a bit unusual,meeting you.
Maybe l can call you sometime?
Uh,that might be awkward.
'Cause you're in a relationship?
Yes. A new one.
- l would've found out if l hadn't been talking. - That's true.
But it's not exactly fair,is it?
l mean,you know all about me...and l know nothing about you.
l don't wanna go through the rest of my life wondering about the woman in the bookstore who let me do the talking.
All we'd be is two people finishing a conversation.
OK. No harm in that.
Oh,OK.
Call.
Or don't,but,uh,call.
Just so you know,um,l would even call to say l'm not calling.
OK.
''l'd even call to say l'm not calling?''
Sorry. Sorry!
l,um...
l never do this kind of thing,officer.
l'm usually very careful.
And nobody believes in...
- Welcome to Rhode lsland. - Yeah,OK.
Yeah,it's nice to be here.
What's wrong?
Nobody. l mean,nothing.
Danny's back.
Dude,are you all right?
What? Yeah.No,no,no,l'm good.
Really? Yeah.
'Cause you don't... you don't seem good.
Well,it was the strangest thing.
l,um...
Wow
Wow what?
l met somebody,and she's really something.
- Hot - Bro,that is beyond huge!
- You got her number? - Yeah.
You gonna call?
lt's complicated.
No,it's simple. You've gotta call.
No,he just met her.
He's probably worried it's too soon.
No,it's never too soon. Especially for somebody his age.
Amy,Dan met someone.
- He met someone? - Dan met someone?
Come here. How soon till he can call?
l don't know. l haven't been single for years.
Me neither.
- My God,who is she? - Uncle Dan met someone?
- Dan met a hottie. - All right,all right.That is enough.
You know what? Let's ask Annie.
- Just now? - Now.
What does she look like?
She...
What's the,um...
The question?
This is my brother,Dan.
And,um,he needs your advice.
He met some hottie downtown,and,um...
- She's a little shell-shocked. - Wouldn't you be?
Mitch neglects to mention that in their weekend away,she's gonna meet our entire family.
l didn't want to scare her off.
Let's go,everybody!
- Let's go. - Congratulations.
So,um,Annie?
lt's Anne-Marie.
Um,Mitch calls me Annie,but,uh,l'm Marie everywhere else.
l've two Marys and a Martha in my exercise class,so l didn't wanna confuse people.
No. That would be not good.
l... l prefer Marie.
Come on,sweetie. Women are on the porch.
Girls out there,guys in here.
Come on,Dan. Let's do it.
Perfect! OK.
The briefest time units. Four letters.
- Mili. - Oh,wait.
- Nano! - A-N-O.
Great!
Hey,no spying.
You guys are way behind!
That's not helping.
Uh,l don't think ''secretive'' fits.
No,it doesn't fit. ''Secretive'' doesn't fit.
- Let's move on to 1 2 across. - We're movin' on.
For you to be interested in someone,she must be really special,right?
Skip 1 2.
This is what l'm trying to tell you.
lt is not going to happen.
She is already dating somebody.
That's not your problem,bro.
Actually,it kind of is.
Listen up,1 5 across,five letters,pan-fry.
- Pan-fry. - Pan-fry.
Uh,''grill.''
Dude,is there a rock on her left hand?
Uh,no,not yet.
Then all's fair.
All right,now focus,people! Pan-fry!
Sauté.
Oh,my gosh. Of course it's sauté!
And,uh,the word before,did we try ''zeitgeist''?
lt would be E-l-T.
l think it would make ''ozone'' work.
Lord,we hit the mother lode!
Ten letters.
''Anything that can go wrong,will.'' So...
Earth to Dan. We're still at across.
We're not even at down,Dan.
We're dying here,buddy.
We're done.
- Hooray for the dishes. - Congratulations,yeah.
- Let's check it! - What now,boys?
Dishes,duh!
What happened? You were useless out there.
Sorry,guys.
Lay off him. He's got a lot on his mind.
Sauté.
Dad,Mom. What do you think of...
Well,Mitch,it's too soon to tell.
That being said,she's bright,lovely,adorable,and if you botch this up,
we'll keep her and get rid of you.
Dan,honey,you missed a spot.
Seriously,dude. That girl is smokin'.Amazing.Really.
What do you think of her?
Um,she's great.
- No,no!Let's go,Gus. - All right.
Can l show you where we are on this map...
- Oh,yes.Yes. - here?
Um,if l had known,l would have never...
Not my brother's girlfriend.
Uh,no,of course not.
And,for the record,l never called you a hottie.
Hey,we are... This is the bay.
- And we're right there. - l see.
So,what should we do?
Um,it's kind of funny.
- Maybe we should just tell everyone. - No.No,no,no,no,no,no,no.
We didn't do anything wrong. lt was sweet...
Good!
- You guys are getting to know each other. - Yeah.
Just showing her where we are on the map.
- Hey,Uncle Mitch,you're not counting. - OK,OK.
l know what's goin' on here with you two.
You're not hiding. Go ahead.
One!Two!
- Go! - OK.
Three!
Clay,l know you're in that back closet.
Come on!
- Four! - Do over!
Do over!
Five! Six!
- l'm counting to 200. - l see you.
- Yes,we do. - l'm gonna lay down for this whole thing.
Eight!
- Mitch is a great guy. - He is!
He's fun and,uh,funny.
Uncomplicated in a... in a good way.
- Just what l need. - He's a great guy.
Nine!
See,l just ended this long,messy relationship,
and l joined this gym and Mitch was there.
He's a great guy.
You keep saying that.
Well,because he is.
Ten!
Eleven,1 2,1 3,1 4,1 5!
So good luck... to all of us.
OK.
So a little bird told me you're gonna be syndicated.
Lilly.
They're looking at a bunch of columnists.
lt's a long shot at best.
She's amazing.
Name a place,she's either lived there or visited.
Tibet,Chile,Berlin when there was the Wall. She's...
Wait!
Whoa,whoa,what'd l miss?
- Well,Mitch certainly made out. - Yep.
And what about you? Have you found anyone?
Dad,don't...
Look,l know you always say that with Suzanne you won the lottery
and that to try again would feel greedy,but it's been four years.
Can we just walk,please?
l wanted to spare you.
And l never smelt a thing!
Somebody please pass the corn.
And that's how we met.
- l got it. - My version...No.
What's your sign?
Scorpio,Libra rising.
- Oh,my God,so am l. - Really?
- Do you have any siblings? - No.
Who wants corn? Any...
Tell us something about yourself few people know,not even Mitch.
l am an,um...
an accomplished maker of pancakes.
Talent show. Talent show.
What would your perfect day be?
- Mine would start with Annie,and end with Annie... - We're not asking you.
So you were saying?
Uh,my perfect day would start with going to a country where they speak a language l don't know,
new customs,someplace where l'm completely out of my element.
Welcome. l think you've arrived.
l want to say,the first time...
The first time that l saw her...
Sweetheart,sweetheart,you don't have to shout.
Well,l thought that l just died because there's an angel in the room.
Thank you.
Are you and Mitch in love?
This corn is like an angel.
- Let's design a tent tonight. - Yeah!
Big giant one!
We can make it have ceilings!
Dessert! Dessert.
Oh,Danny,some of us are still eating.
- lt's getting late. - No,it's not.
l'm an only child too.
- This is really overwhelming,isn't it? - Have you ever lived your perfect day?
When does a boyfriend become a lover?
OK. OK,all right,all right.
l think we can stop asking her questions.
Been grilling her all night.
Does it feel like we're grilling you?
No. No,not at all.
She's just being nice.
No. l love the questions.
Oh,please.
On behalf of my family,l would like to apologize.
None of Mitch's girlfriends have ever been subjected to such in-depth questioning.
- Dan does have a point. - Right?
- Not the body double. - No.
- What was her name? - Not the Knicks City Dancer.
Oh,God!
Or the ''massage therapist.''
None of the flight attendants from every major and regional airline
who've wheeled their carts through this house.
- OK,that's enough. - What?
Am l wrong? Come on.
Wow,Dan.
Thank you for pointing that out.
You're the smartest guy l know.
He's right.
lt's Annie's turn to ask me whatever...
She prefers Marie.
Ask me whatever you want,Marie.
l don't have any questions.
Oh,come on.
Mitch said early on that if l'd forgive him his past,he'd forgive me mine.
Well,that's a stupid thing to do.
- OK,into the family room. - Hey,guys.You done?
Kids,come on.
lnto the family room.
John,bring the pies,please.
Not you.
You'll be doing the dishes alone.
- Six. - Six letters.
Yes,yes,yes!
Good job. Good job.
- Second word. - Second word.
You,you!
l'm sorry. l was way,way out of line.
No,you're never out of line. You're my brother.
- You'll understand when l tell... - Nothing you can say would upset me.
- Can l just say one thing? - the bookstore...
When you were talking about my other girls,l realized something.
What l feel for Marie is different.
You know that feeling in,um... in your...
- Heart. - Yeah.
When your heart is just...
- Pounding. - Pounding.And...
- Like it's actually outside your ribs. - Yes.
- Exposed,vulnerable... - Yeah.
lt's... Wonderful and awful and heartsick and alive,all at the same time.
Yes. Yes.Yeah,what do you...what do we call that?
Uh,love.
You always did have the words.
Stanford or Berkeley.
- Oh,those are great schools. - Maybe University of Washington.
Or somewhere closer to home.
Lil,you have trouble sleeping,you know where to find me.
Dad.
Uncle Mitch,are you going in for your good-night kiss?
You bet.
Mom and Dad's old ''separate bedrooms till married'' rule.
Kinda high school.
l agree with that rule.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Mitch,what're you doing?
Marie brought some books,but l thought she should read a real book by a real writer.
Oh,no,no,no. Not a good idea.
- Au contraire. - Please don't.
Best book l've read.
- May be the only book you've ever read. - Funny.
Be nice.
lf you can sign it,that'd be great.
That's first edition.
lt's the only edition,Mom.
- Oh,now.Good night. - Good night.
Sleep tight.
Um,l really wish you wouldn't.
''Good luck''? That's it?
OK,we can work with that.
Good night.
Good morning.
- Say,''Good morning.'' - Morning.
Yeah. Good.
Have fun.
Here you go,sweetheart. There you go.
Marie.
Will you join us,please,beautiful girl?
- Hey,Mom. - Yeah,honey?
- Mom,will you hit that music? - Sure.
You need this more than l do. Here he comes.
I got him
All right,Dan. Get on over here.
Here we go,boxer shuffle.
And l wanna see those fists up.
Three,two,one. To the right!
Get a good bounce. Five,six,seven.Switch!
Four,five,six,seven. Counting!
One,two,three,four,five,six,seven.
- You wanna take it,babe? - You wha...
- Yeah.Yeah,yeah. - OK.
Salsa?
The floor is yours,baby.
And left,and one...
OK,hold on,hold on,all right. Dan.
Dan gets to go up front. Beginners in the middle.Keep your eyes on Marie.
- *** - Doing good.Doing good.
One,two,three,four.
- Let's do the arm a little bit. - All right.
One,two,three,four.
OK,everybody. Look,Marie,what to do.
Dan,what not to do.
The other way.
You were excellent.
Thank you so much.
- Oh,you're welcome. - That's great.
You always hate to start it,but then you feel so great after...
That's a good stretch.
Hey,maybe you'll try that on me a little bit later.
lt's good.
Dad?
Lilly,get your sisters and meet me in front. Now.
Where are you going?
- Can we come with you? - Can we,can we,can we?
My girls are looking for a little quality alone time with their dad.
But l promise we'll do it another day. All right?
Lil,come on. Let's go.ln the car.
Girls,let's go.
Dad,what is it?
Nana's gonna teach me how to knit.
Cara,let's go.
No.
OK. What are you waiting for?
Come here.
Right here. Right here!
Oh,you're so heavy.
l don't know what l'm gonna do. All right.
l'm gonna fall down. l don't think l can do this.
No,no,no.
This used to be the place with all the shells and the papier-maché shark.
Remember you loved the saltwater taffy?
- When l was four. - Yeah,but...OK.
Stick with me,guys. Oh,l have an idea!Bowling!
Sounds good.
Life is full of disappointment.
Big and sometimes even bigger.
So,what's it gonna be?
The lighthouse or the whaling museum? Your pick.
Do you know why we have lighthouses?
Because they're neat?
That's right. Yes.
And also because they help when it's dark out.
They,uh,help keep boats safe and keep us from crashing into the rocks.
Because when you're out there and you're being tossed back and forth by those big dark waves
and you think that you'll never feel land again
and that you could just split into a million pieces
and sink down all the way down...
deep,it's the light that keeps us on course.
lt's the light...
Dad,are you OK?
'Course l'm OK... honey.
Did you guys have fun?
- No. - No.
Jump inside. Let's go,honey.
Kids? Where've you been?
l know. l know.l'm...
Oh,we looked all over. For an expert on parenting...
l'm sorry. l wasn't thinking.
Hi,buddy.
l'm sorry.
Come on,buddy.
l got it.
Dan. She was amazing.
You should've seen her. She killed the last quarter mile.
l was fast. Wasn't l?
Yeah,it was like l couldn't catch up.
Even your sweat is beautiful.
Where'd Dan go?
- Mom,she moves like a goddess out there. - Yeah?
She's like a panther. You know,just her body...
She's competitive,but l just wanted to pounce. You know what l mean?
- l wanted to ride her up the beach.She was... - Don't do that.
She was like my stallion.
l wanted her to be in front of me. You know what l mean?
Marie.
There's fresh towels up there in the cabinet to the right.
l miss your skin.
l miss your smell.
l miss... l miss your eyes.
Dad!
l...
- You're such a freak! - l...
No,sorry. That was just my loser of a father!
Yeah,he was totally spying.
- Hello?Hello? - We gotta talk.
- Can it wait? - ls this working for you?
l mean,really working. Be honest.
l'm having a nice time.
A nice time?
- Yes,l am. - Really?So you're enjoying yourself?
- Except for the soap in my eyes. - OK.
'Cause you know what? l'm not.
l'm not enjoying myself,and l think that,as two people of principle,
we should have ground rules.Don't you?
Oh,yeah,sure. OK,sure.
OK! All right,that's...That's what l'm talking about.
No,no,no. We need to keep our distance.
Stop. Stay away.
- Towel. - Stop.
OK. l'm sorry.
Thank you.
And,you know,stop reading my book. OK,just stop.
Why?
And that salsa thing you do...
- What are you talking about? - The salsa dance.
This... This thing.
lf you could just not do that.
- l'm sorry. - lf you stop doing that as a rule,it would be very helpful to me.
There are other things you can do,such as not exist.
Thank you. That...
not... Yeah!l said it.l said it.
l didn't mean it,but l said it.
- And you know what else l'm gonna do? - What?
l am going to make myself less attractive,
so as to not encourage any inappropriate feelings.
OK,that's hilarious. But you know what?
l... No.
l'm gonna stop thinking about you.
- Good. - l will.
And if l start thinking about you,which may happen in a moment of...
- Weakness. - weakness,
l'm going to focus all of my thoughts on your flaws.
- My flaws. - Your flaws.
And they are?
l have no idea,but you can rest assured that l am going to find...
Just ask Nana.
l'm so sorry. Are you taking a shower?
Yes. l'm taking a shower.
Oh,well,a little advice. Old houses,old pipes.
Thank you.Takes forever to heat up. Thanks.
Um,can l talk to you about something?
Sure. Absolutely.
And can we just keep it between us?
lt's just... lt was...
See,last night what l was... You were talking about your life last night.
The importance of travel and of,um,trying new things,you know,
and l just started thinking about...Amazing!
All of that,you know,how much... That looks like it's ready.
Right.
But just... Oh,you're...You're still dressed.
Oh,l forgot.
l'll look away. l'll look over here.
Anyway,so,l just realized,you know,really,um...
You know,l've been thinking a lot about what l wanna do,um,
you know,in the future,like not just for school,but...
lt's just hard to figure out exactly what l wanna do with my life.
l mean,l know l wanna go somewhere new and,you know,try new things,um...
l mean it's just hard to figure out,you know,your place,like where you should be.
Right.
And just to have that experience,you know,and to...
Which is,you know,what it's all about. You know?
Right.
But it's also,l mean,it's also...
l mean,it's also terrifying realizing what you want is what you want.
You know what l mean?
You know,l think it's so interesting not...
lnteresting the way that,um,
you end up somewhere other than where you,um...
Lunch!
Mac and cheese. Nothing better.
Adults are in the dining room.
You know,l think l'm going to mix it up and sit with my peeps.
Dan. Honey...
Mom,please. Just let me be.
- Hey,guys. - Hi,Uncle Dan.
Hi,Uncle Dan.
Hello?
What's going on?
Marie's helping me with something.
We're having no fun at all.
Yeah,l can see that.
How's she doing?
She's amazing.
Bye,Dad.
Bye.
- Bye. - Bye.
So you were saying...
Oh,yeah.
And l was trying to,
um,make,like,you know...
l was trying to make like a really heart.
But,you know,l didn't even know how to even draw a heart.
So l cut it.
And it came out,like,it was so...
it came out like a...
like a star.
- Yeah.- Dan?
Honey,you know we're worried about you.
You know that.
And with your behavior last night and this morning,
we are now officially worried.
Well,thanks,l'm touched.
But l'm fine.
You don't...
We're having a private conversation.
Come on in.
No,come on in.
This is good.
Mom,go ahead,l'm all ears.
Look,you know,you do so much for your girls.
And you do so much for all of us.
What are you doing for yourself?
Not now.
Come on in.
Think about...We're trying to have a talk.
lt's fine.
We'd like to speak to you privately.
Yes,honey.
ls it 'cause Uncle Dan's acting weird?
Yes,it is.
There's an explanation for it.
Please tell us.
l just wanted to talk to you.
Dude,you got to be way backed up.
So l just hope from time to time
you are treating yourself to a little self-love.
Oh,come on.
l talked to my urologist about this.
- That's enough. - Come on.Sorry.
What are you talking about,man?
The real question,the one no one will ask,
is will Dan ever find love again?
No,he won't.
Howard.
l'm sorry,he won't.
l'm saying,one of the things,
if you're open to it, love will find you.
l suppose.
Hey,people.
And...perfect.
l don't think l was being clear before
but you got to unclog that drain.
You gotta unplug that bottle.
lf l mixed a metaphor there.
Yes,you did.
So far what you've missed is,uh,
''worried,'' ''love will find,'' ''unclog the drain.''
Well,thanks.
That is it.
- We are done.You can all... - No.That's not it.
- Oh,come on,Ma. - That's not it.
We met Margot Draper's daughter at the farmers' market.
Who?
And she asked all about you.
You see,Danny,you gotta,
you know,have a little fun.
Which means that Ruthie Draper is gonna pick you up at 6:00,
and you're gonna have drinks!
l don't even remember Ruthie...
- You're gonna go on a date! - No,no.
No,l'm not going on a date,Mom.
Yes,honey,it's time.
Ruthie ''Pigface'' Draper.
Mom,Dad,what,are you kidding?
Not ''Pigface'' Draper.
l'm sorry,that is downright cruel.
There's nothing cruel about it.
Mom,l don't even remember Ruthie ''Pigfaced'' Draper.
l don't wanna go!
l don't want to go with the pig face.
He's going.
- lt's been decided! - No,l'm not.
l don't remember ''Pigface'' Draper.
This is a blind date.
We'll double.Ok?
lt'll be fun,it'll be fun.Right,Marie?
Yes,it'll be fun.
Yes.
That's my girl.
Come on,it'll be swine...
fine.
- l'm sorry.l'm sorry. - Go hog-wild.
All right.All right.
Here we go.
That's very good.
lt's really...it's beauti...
Hello!
Everybody,this is Ruthie Draper.
- You know everybody. - Hi,everyone.
- They're bigger. - Yes.
Nice to see you again,Ruthie.
Hello,Dan.
l'd know you anywhere.
l mean,you look just the same.
Ruthie,um,you look great.
- Funny. - No,no,no,don't...
So,Harvard Medical,Johns Hopkins...
You're doing well for yourself,Ruthie.
Yeah,that's impressive.
lt must not,uh,leave enough time though for...
for dating?
Uh,there was someone.
He was very special in my life,but,uh...
He was lost in a freak accident.
l'm so sorry.
Thank you.
What's weird is that we'd only known each other three days,
but it's...
you know how sometimes you just know.
- Yeah. - Yes.
Yes,absolutely,yes.
Um,yeah.
So you're a doctor?
Yes,yes.
What's your,uh,specialty?
Um,l'm a plastic surgeon.
Oh,of course you are.
No,l know,l know,l know what you're thinking.
But l work exclusively with burn victims,
with children born with facial deformities.
She is basically a saint.
No.No,l'm just.
l'm just doing my little bit to help,l think.
Just like your brother.
Oh,stop.l'm...
When l can't sleep at night,
l go online and l read your past columns.
Have you read Dan?
Only his fiction.
You're in for such a treat,really.
l mean,what...
what you said,the mother of Couch Potato?
''Hide the remote.
So,what if he has to get up and change the channel?
At least it's exercise.''
lt's brilliant.
and the parents of the five picky eaters?
They had to make individual meals for each kid and...
''What are you,a restaurant?''
Right.Brilliant.
She used your every word.
All l'm saying,all l'm saying is that l don't have kids.
And l don't,l don't have problems,
but it's clear that if l do one day,
your words will bring me comfort.
l'm sorry.
l'm just gonna have to excuse myself.
l can't help it.
l'm sorry.
But a girl that moves like that,l mean...
- a guy has got to wonder. - Hey,man.
She's cool.
- Marie,you're cool,right? - Yeah.Of course.
l'm cool.
But l don't think Dan is interested in her.
He's not?l'm not?
l don't think you are.
Are you?
Oh,nice.
All right.Yeah!
l don't know what it was,
but something was holding him back.
Not anymore.
Well,that's a beautiful thing.
We're coming.
All right.Ok.
Home again,home again.
- l really love your car. - Oh,thank you.
- Bye.- Bye.
Nice meeting you,um,Ruth.
- Yeah,you too. - Come on,guys.
Actually,um,Dan and l are gonna go for a little drive.
Don't wait up.
Mmm,this is fantastic.
l know what the secret ingredient is...
love.
Better and better with every bite.
Words cannot describe.
Mmm,thank you.
Well,how are they?
Dad,they're scrumptious.
Truly mouthwatering.
- Almost on my third stack. - More,please.
And nothing's stopping you,right?
Nope.
lt's a secret recipe, but she let me crack the eggs.
Yeah?
So,uh,how's Captain Lucky doing this morning?
- Uh,it was fun.- Yeah?
Heard you worked up quite the appetite last night.
Yeah.
Could l have one more there?
There you go.
You know what?
Actually,l am a little hungry.
Secret recipe.Right here.
Boy,these are good.l love them.
Thank you.
How many have you had,Dad?
So did you uncork?
Whatever did or did not happen,
no one deserves someone more than you.
There you go.
Coin toss.Outside.
Yummy.
All right.Nice!Yeah?
That what you're gonna do?
ls that how we're gonna play it?
Yeah!OK.All right.
Hey,pork chop!
Marie!
Danny!
Why you persist in acting like a 1 5-year-old is beyond me.
l'm filled with reckless desire.
You ought to be filled with greater restraint.
What does that mean?
l think you know what that means.
Dad,could you?
- Oh,yeah.- Thanks.
Hello?
No,l'm his dad.
Someone named Jordy for you.
Everybody!Everybody!
Dan just got a phone call.
And you know,syndication is everything for a columnist.
OK,all right.Let me explain.
Um,l've been asked to meet with the head mucky-mucks of the Lamson Newspaper Group.
They're driving down tomorrow and they are going to sit down with me.
That's great!
Maybe you should get the job first.
Yes,that's true.
Dad?Dad?
Lilly just asked me why you were flirting with Marie.
l wasn't flirting.
Don't worry,l covered for you.
l told her it was nothing.
Because it was.
Dad,l'm 1 7.OK?
You were so flirting.
You know,it doesn't matter anyway.
lt's not like she's the least bit interested in you.
But cool it,OK?
And,um,congratulations.
Thanks.
Look,he took a bus here.
He has relatives in Boston.
Dad...
Dad,he loves me!
OK.
You don't have to worry.
When it comes to sex,
Marty is the one who wants to wait.
What about that sentence is supposed to give me comfort?
Dad,l love him.
Honey...
l love him.l love him.l love him.
No,you don't.
What we have is true love.
And just because you don't have it,
doesn't mean you have to punish us.
lnfatuation is not love.
Sexual attraction is not love.
You don't understand.
Uh,l don't understand.
No,you don't even understand that you don't understand.
What don't l understand,Cara?
Please,help me out.
What is it?
lt's frustrating that you can't be with this person?
That...
that there's something keeping you apart,
something about this person you connect with?
And whenever you're near this person,
you don't know what to say,
and you say everything that's in your mind and in your heart.
And you know that if you could just be together,
that this person will help you
become the best possible version of yourself.
So Marty can stay?
l'm sorry.
''Marty can stay?''
Howard is going to drive you to the bus.
We called your aunt, she's waiting in Boston.
Yes,sir.
Look,l'm not your parent,
but l think you should know,
love is a dangerous feeling.
No,sir.
- Are you arguing with me? - No,l'm...
lt's just...
Love is not a feeling, it's an ability.
Who told you that?
Made it up,Mr. Burns.
Come say goodbye.
Window.
- OK,that's it.- Dad.
She'll see him again soon enough.
No!No!No!
Marty!Marty!Marty!
That's sweet.
What's sweet?
How...
How is that sweet?
To be that certain.
To feel so much love.
Love isn't a feeling.
No?
lt's an ability.
Well,if that's true,
you have one gifted daughter.
You are a murderer of love!
OK,Cara.Next?
Uh,Olivia has something with the girls.
Gus will be doing his usual.
Bella is on the fence. Howard and l will sing.
Oh,that's nice.
Aunt Eileen?
Put me down.
Oh,really?What's your talent?
Murderer of love.
You were saying?
We have something planned for the whole family.
Put us all down.
What's your Dad's talent?
Doesn't have one.
He's the only one excused from participating.
l give you Bella Wilson.
All right,Bella!
Chihuahua.
Go,Bella.
You OK?
Do what you always do.
Marie is not a lip-sync kinda girl.
- l gotta do something special. - Just...be yourself.
Bulldog.
This is for Marty.
l got an idea.
l'm sure it'll be great.
lt could be.
OK,last but not least,Uncle Mitch.
Uh,someone very wise,uh,my brother,
once told me that if you want to be completely honest,sing.
Um,by the way,l'd like to introduce my band.
l don't believe it.
He hasn't played since she...
One,two,three,four.
What he said.
Great job,guys.
What was that?
l couldn't...
l couldn't stop myself.
What am l supposed to do now?
You can't do anything.
He's my brother.
Why did you sing for me...
then?
Because l...
l'm...
Page 92.
''Did l just die?
Because an angel walked into the room.''
Page 1 48.
Uh,''l'll forgive you your past if you'll forgive me mine.''
lt seems all his best lines were yours.
lt's unbearable.
l...
l can't keep pretending.
Dad?
Yeah,peanut.
Will you come up to my room?
l wanna show you something l made.
Um,we'll do it tomorrow.
OK,sweetie?l promise.
OK,Dad.
Oh,God!
Hey,what's going on?
What is complicated being here?
My singing.
l shouldn't have sang.
l know this.
No.lt was a bad song.
ls she crying or laughing?
- Oh,no,no,no. - Please.
Please don't do it.
Marie...
Here he comes.
Mom!
Uh,no,no,no,no.
l don't know what to say to him.
l never lost a girl.
Oh,good.This is a first.
OK.
Oh,uh,oh,yeah,l'll follow through with these.
Please stop trying to act normal.
Said l was a great guy.
She said she loved me a lot.
And then she said...
we should both go find our own true soul mates.
l'm so confused.
l don't really know
what happened from yesterday to today that made this happen.
There has to be something.
You know,some reason she...
Why are you looking at me?
Not looking at you.
He's looking into the vast void that is his future.
You just happen to be there.
Danny,do you have anything to add?
Yeah,what does the expert have to say?
Come on.
Honey,the hard truth is we all liked her a lot.
Yeah,we really did.
This isn't helping.
No.
Could somebody think of something fun to do?
OK,OK,um...OK,OK.
Part of the Rat Pack!Singer.
Dean Martin!Sammy Davis,Jr.
Yes!
Your turn,buddy.Come on.Let's do it.
OK.
Go!
This is a,uh,gift...
Hi,Jordy.
- You can't talk.- No,but go on.
- I had to leave.- I know.
Ben Franklin!
But the truth is,um...
Yes?
I didn't get very far.
Beautiful smile,lovely eyes,
one-of-a-kind woman.
Marie!
Yes.
Oh,honey,don't,don't,don't...
Dad?
Hey,you.
Can l show you what l made?
First thing when l get back,OK?
OK.
You again.
Nice to see you,officer.
How are you today?
You know why l pulled you over?
l sure do.
l know what l was doing
and l know it's all wrong.
This is gonna cost you.
Put it on my tab.
What was that?
Put it on my tab.
What are we doing?
lt may be wrong.
Yes.
But there's a certain rightness to our wrongness,l think.
l think,um,we've got to think.
l mean,your girls,and how do we...
They're extraordinary and...
What?
l think this is all premature.
You do?
We don't even know if you can bowl.
All right.
No,don't!
- Wait.Wait. - No,no.
- You have to line up. - Leave me alone!
Line up.
- Come on. - You come on.
- All right. - l'm just watching you.
l'm not...
Ready?
Thank you.
l liked that.
That was a terrible shot,
but l loved this at the end.
Oh,l wouldn't go yet.
Not bad.That's good.
You're gonna break your arm like that.
No,no.Don't do it.
Oh,come on,come on,come on!
Let's go at the same time.
One,two,three.
Dad?
Oh,my God.
Dad,what are you doing?
What the hell?
Marie?
Hey.
What the hell's going on?
We'll go.
- They were just kissing. - l can explain.
You two broke up,right?
Two hours ago.
We broke up two hours ago.
l know,l know,l know.
l thought that you left.
She did.
She left,but she just didn't get very far.
What?
l can explain this.
Yeah,let him explain.
OK.
Remember the woman at the bookstore?
Here she is.
You told me to go after her,and l didn't.
lt wasn't planned,Mitch.
l know how this looks.
But,Mitch,l also know how it feels.
How does this feel,you son of a bitch?
Oh,my God!
- What happened? - l'm so sorry.
Everybody,take it easy.
You're not helping.
Oh,no.l'm sorry.
Oh,darling.
Get some ice.
Dan,you all right?
You OK?
Marie!
No,don't go!
l don't know what we were thinking.
l'm sorry.
Don't go.
Dad?Get...
Dad,wait!
What are you doing?
Dad!
All right,this is your summons for your court appearance.
One last thing.
You need to surrender your license.
You have guests.
Speak of the devil.
Cindy Lamson.
Editor of special features, Lamson Newspaper Group.
-Hi. - Jim Lamson,publisher.
- Nice to meet you. - Yes.
We've been sitting here chatting with your family.
We've especially enjoyed the pleasure of meeting your lovely daughters.
- Hot cider? - Thank you.
That looks...
Thank you very much.
Looks great.
Thanks.
Father?
Hot cider?
Not only are you a murderer of love,
but you're the worst parent ever.
Sweet.
Well,um,as you probably know,
we have met with two other candidates,
but my father and l are confident that we have saved the best for last.
Uh,girls.
You can leave if you like.
lf it's all right, perhaps they should stay.
We like to keep the family involved.
Well,Dan,here,he knows
all about keeping things in the family.
Don't you,Dan?
That's why we're so drawn to you.
What you represent in your column,
your moral values.
The personal characteristics that are reflected in your writing,
Very impressive.
Honesty,trustworthiness...
And we have great plans for you,Dan.
What we try to do is what you keep telling your readers to do.
What's that?
Put family first.
OK.OK.
Here's the thing.
Somebody hasn't been reading his own column.
l'm not sure what that means.
Go away.
You're a liar and a hypocrite.
Cheating with your brother's girlfriend?
How long did you know her?
Two moving violations and a collision?
Was that part of the plan?
Worst of all,you blew off Lilly.
She's been wanting to show you something she made for you.
But you never showed up.
l really messed up.
- No,you didn't. - Yeah,l did,Mom.
What l did to Lilly.
Don't forget Mitch.
Oh,John.
And those newspaper people.
Admittedly,not a good day for you,honey.
lf l just stay focused on being their dad...
Oh,please.
You know,love is messy.
l should know better.
- l hurt my kids. - Go un-hurt them.
Honey,you've made some mistakes.
Many,so many.
Falling for Marie wasn't one of them.
Can somebody get me another box,please?
Yep,yep.Coming.
Mitch.
Mitch,l...
lf it was anybody else...
l am so...
Hold that thought.
Hey,beautiful.
Girls,l'd like to talk to Lilly alone,if l could.
OK,then.All of you.
l know l messed up.
Big time.
Yep.
Yes,you did.
Now,your mom...
l miss your mom.
All the time and l always will.
Mom's gone.
Aw,honey.
l see her every day.
l see her in your goodness,Jane.
And,Cara,your passion.
And,Lilly,you have her eyes.
And her smile.
So here's what l'm going to do:
l am grounding myself for life.
l'm sticking with you.
l am going to be with you...
You're with us every day.
l'm not going anywhere.
See,l got a little confused with Marie,
but that is over.
OK?
l kinda lost my head.
Got a little stupid because l love her.
That's...
That's not...
l don't love her.
And that's not what l meant.
l mean,how could l love her?
- l've only known her... - Three days.
Yeah.
And how can you know in three days?
l don't know.
Yes,l do.l love her.
l love her.
Then go get her.
We so prefer her to you.
Go.
Now.
Honey.Honey.For the road.
What is it?
- l can't do it.- You must.
l don't have a license.
l'm pretty good with maps.
This is so queer.
But l wouldn't miss it for anything.
Dear readers,for most of you,
this is my first column in your paper.
In the future,I will be answering your questions,
but today,
I wanna break from my usual format
and talk to you about the subject of plans.
Not so much my plan for this column,
more like life plans.
How we all make them.
And how we hope that our kids make good,
smar,safe plans of their own.
But if we're really honest with ourselves,
most of the time our plans don't work out as we'd hoped.
So instead of asking our young people,
''What are your plans?
What do you plan to do with your life?''
maybe we should tell them this:
plan to be surprised.
好了
亲亲老爸
- 这是你的吗? - 爸!
想也不是
嗨 我正准备帮你整理呢
那你现在不用啦
- 真好 你饿吗? - 饿
麦片?
- 行 - 真好
- 咱们的计划是... - 计划噢
Cara 爸马上要宣布传说中的"计划"了
我会把行李装车上 一放学就去接你们
然后咱们就直接开车过去
听着不错
- 不怎么样 - 又怎么了?
我们这年纪不就应该去上学的吗?
你却强迫我们在该读书的时候逃学
不是吗? 我的学业怎么办?
你笑什么?
我从没想过"学业怎么办" 这几个字从你嘴里说出来
让我忍不住 想笑
我不想去
我们每年都去的
是家庭聚会的唯一机会
- 还可以帮帮爷爷奶奶的忙 - 去吧
你在破坏我的学业
记得换好衣服
你是?
好专栏啊 先生 关于宵禁那块 非常有水准
而且您昨天的专栏稿非常出色
你是谁?
我叫Marty Barasco 想感谢您上周五的专栏
帮我理解了父母
噢
那Marty 还有什么事吗?
我想见您的女儿 如果可以的话
Jane, Jane!
我是来找Cara的
很高兴见到你 Marty 两年后再登门吧
不是我吹嘘噢 Shaff先生说我是他班里最好的司机
他说我可以开高速公路了
Shaff先生和我持不同观点 Cara! 该走了
你会让我开吗?
到时再说 3点准时碰头
- 千万别... - 迟到 记住了
- 迟到 - 记住了
对了 你今天凶过的男孩是我朋友Marty
他是我班上的实验搭档 我们一起做能得额外学分的项目呢
校车来了
- 等等!等等! - 来吧!
快点!
喂?
发了 Jordy 我半小时前就发电子邮件过去了
什么?
不可能 你开玩笑吧
太好笑了
你妹妹呢?
你迟到了
她去Yumms了
我能开车吗?
爸爸要出合集了
还没那么快啦 还有另外两个专栏作家也在考虑之中...
噢 太好了 我能开车吗?
听着 你是个好司机
- 只是其他成千上万的司机... - 你不让我开 我永远学不好
我让你开 你可能就活不了
那算什么? 你干嘛?
- 你想让我丢死人啊? - 对不起 打搅你的学业了
我们不可能都做你那样的修道士 不可能
顺便提一句 你被禁足了
- 哦 我被禁足了? - 是的
- 禁多久? - 禁一辈子
爸 拜托 太丢人了
是吗
禁一个月
一个月! 从来没禁那么久过的
为什么呢 老爸?
你撒谎了
你承受不了事实的
下次试试再说
- 可...可... - 不听 不听 不听
爸 我...我爱Marty
少来
拜托
爸爸 爸爸 停一下 听我好好说
我不是一下就知道的 花了点时间
花了多少时间?
我认识他三星期了 我是这三天才发现的
你不可能三天内就知道的
- 也许她可以呢 - 不 不 不
你的感觉不是爱
- 它是年轻而不计后果的冲动 - 是爱 我爱他
- 你也许觉得是爱 可它不是! - 不 我爱他
我爱他
- 不是爱 不是爱 - 我爱他 我爱他 我爱他
爸爸 你还好吗?
Jane的大学教育经费没了
Cara的没了
不要啊 我的呢?
你的还在
等等 你的也没了
你不能阻止我见Marty的
爸 提醒你一下 全世界人口里面 男人占了一半 我会找到其他人的
- 但记住 只有Marty拥有我的心 - 上车
我认识个非常好的司机
不行 不行
给你
我觉得你的姐姐们对我不太满意
- 切 - 你觉得呢?
你是个好父亲 有时却是个坏爸爸
谁教你这么说的?
没人
是Jane还是Cara? 告诉我
- 我自己编的 - 你不是自己编的
哪个姐姐教你的?
我自己编的 我上四年级了
- 可以自己编东西了 - Jane还是Cara?
- 我自己编的 我已经可以独立思考了 - Jane还是Cara?
- 我四年级了 - 她四年级了!
他们到了
他们到了 过来 姑娘们
- 爷爷好 - 看到你们真好
嗨 Lil
嗨 老爸
大家都到了 你好吗?
挺好的 也许不怎么好
我的孩子们受不了我
说明你做了应该做的事
- 你们看着都那么... - 嗨 亲爱的
看看你的姑娘们 都长大了
- 不不不 她们还小 - 过来 Lilly,Lilly
嗨 你好吗?
- 她个头越来越大了哦 - 每天都在长
嗨 哥们
- 你好 - 你好
嗨 Eileen 你好吗?
遇到堵车了?
还行 ... 不算太糟
嗨 姐姐
- 看到你来真好 - 看到你真好 他们是谁啊?
从没见过嘛
- 嗨 Dan舅舅 - 说点什么
- "什么" - 就知道你会这么说 我就猜到
说得好
- 不错 - 帮你舅舅搬行李吧?
亲爱的 你来了
你弟弟Mitch 带了个朋友来 所以...
- 我住"贵宾房" - 嗯
- 对不起 大哥 - 没关系
- 睡个好觉 - 你也是
- 你困了吗? - 下来 下来
早安
- 睡得好吗? - 嗯
能给你们弄点什么吗?
找点事情做吧
她需要点空间
- 这不是她需要的 - 这是她需要的
在我看来 你们都需要空间
你去买报纸吧
妈!
去吧
对你会有好处的
偶尔迷失一下也好的
- 也许我该呆在附近 - 不用
迷路去吧 Danny
不是命令
早上好
一会儿就来
后来他就去了市中心
去买咖啡 没错
周末跟他聊
对不起 请问您能帮个忙吗?
可以
我想找本书
有什么特别想要的?
能帮我处理 嗯...
处理一个有点尴尬的局面
好的 怎么样的...
- 哪一种的... - 好笑的也许不错
但不一定是让人捧腹哈哈大笑的
也决不是愚弄别人的那种 而是某种...
- 人性的幽默 - 好
可以偷偷地让你感觉惊喜
同时让你觉得
自己的想法 从某个错误角度出发是对的
但从另一个正确角度出发 又是错的
也许我想要的是
最重要的 是我期待能痛痛快快笑一场
也许这又不是最主要的
因为我想要感觉
跟某件事情有深层次的沟通
也许我不知道自己要什么
就我经验来看 你要的不可能在一本书里面找到
所以我挑了那么多本出来
都有些什么书?
- 有一些入门级的 有一些大杂烩 ... - 大杂烩?
各种你可能喜欢的书的杂烩
来看看 有诗歌
狄更斯 入门级
- 聂鲁达永不过时(20世纪智利诗人) - 同意
这本绝对让你爱不释手
“甘地生平”?
我... 但他...
没人像他那么酷的
指明灯型的
“好人难寻”
看书名就很有意思
“安娜-卡列尼娜” 我不怎么...
这算好玩的
不是啦 好玩的在这里 (书名为人人都放屁)
也许不算特别好玩
实际上它很好玩的 非常好玩而且真实
好 非常好
但 如果只能挑一本呢
那我觉得
Fishcliff的浪漫无人能敌
说真的
我就到处走走 拿了几本书
- 几本我想买的 - 你在找什么书?
- 成交 - 您说什么?
这些我都要了
只是供你参考而已 我...
请确保他拿到这些书的销售提成
他不在这里工作
啊 你该雇他
你还真是面不改色啊
实际上 我不叫"面不改色"
我叫Dan
对不起
Marie
那Marie 我能补偿你吗?
你的茶来了
小心烫手 我的橙汁也来了
我要了块松糕 却得到个小小星球
该记下来
- 谢谢 - 这里有纸巾和餐具
我热爱用叉
而你 很明显不爱用叉
- 那Dan... - 嗯
你在哪里出生? (Dan故意曲解为"你是生出来的吗?")
我跟其他人一样出生
跟别人一样长大成人
好吃吗?
好吃 还有什么?
我去学校的时候 还带幸运午餐盒
那个60年代的电视节目
我10岁的时候 想当魔术师
我举办各种魔术表演给附近的孩子看
试着让某个邻家女孩漂浮起来
结果失败
后来她摔了出去 缝了好多针...
结束了我的...
我来告诉你一些 我从没有...
你会笑我的
是一些从没跟别人说过的事情...
从来没有过
这些真的很难说出口
后来她病了
接着就去世了
然后...
用了很长时间
我们还是说别的吧
也就是说 你是那种拖着三个女儿
专门哄骗在书店不期而遇的女子的鳏夫?
貌似就是我
- 我理解 - 真的?
看起来你的生活...
- 非常之艰难 - 不是的
我们还好 真的还行
你不用强颜欢笑的
总比哭丧着脸好
帮我拿一下?
对不起
不用 我很快就回来了
好的
- 我得走了 - 哦
我完全忘记时间了
希望我们可以继续聊
很高兴也很意外 能遇见你
我可以打电话给你吗?
好尴尬 让我怎么说呢
因为你在谈恋爱?
是的 刚开始不久
- 我要不是滔滔不绝 应该能知道的 - 没错
这不太公平啊
你知道了我的一切...而我对你一无所知
我不想下半辈子都一直苦苦寻找 那个在书店遇到的 让我袒露心扉的女子
我们只要能把谈话结束就好
也没什么大问题哦
好吧
打给我
或者别打...还是打吧
也许我会打去告诉你 我不会打的
好吧
"我会打去说自己不会打的?"
对不起 对不起!
我...
警官 我从来不这样的
通常我都很小心谨慎的
没人会相信...
- 欢迎来罗德岛 - 哦 好吧
嗯 能来这里真好
怎么了?
没人 没事
Danny 回来了
哥们 你还好吗?
什么? 不好 嗯 我挺好的
真的? 挺好
你看着可不怎么好啊
发生了件很奇怪的事情
我...
哇噢
哇噢什么?
我遇见了某人 她非常之...
- 性感 - 兄弟 这是大喜事啊!
- 有她电话吗? - 有
准备打过去吗?
情况有点复杂
不复杂的 打过去就是了
不行 他俩才遇到的
他在担心这太快了
不会太快的 特别是他这个年纪的人
Amy, Dan遇见某人了
- 他遇见了某人? - Dan遇见了某人?
快过来 他多久才可以打给人家啊?
不知道 我不单身很多年了
我也是
- 我的天 她是谁? - Dan舅舅遇见某人了?
- Dan遇见了一个性感女子 - 好了 好了 够了
我看还是去问问Annie
- 刚才? - 现在
她长什么样子啊?
她...
是什么...
问题?
这是我哥哥Dan
他需要你的建议
他在市中心遇到一个性感女子...
- 她有点害羞 - 可不是吗?
Mitch忘记告诉她 这次周末长假她会见到一大家子人
我不想吓走她
大家都过来
- 走 - 恭喜啦
嗯 Annie?
应该是Anne-Marie
只有Mitch叫我Annie 我一般都叫Marie的
我的健身班里面有两个Marys 一个Martha 不想把她们名字搞错
噢 那样就不好了
我...更喜欢叫Marie
来吧 亲爱的 女子队在走廊上
女孩在外面 男孩在里面
来吧Dan 开玩
棒极了! 好
最小时间单位 四个字母
- Mili - 等一下
- Nano! - A-N-O
太好了!
喂 不许偷看
你们落后太多了!
说这个无济于事
我觉得"secretive"不适合
是不适合 "secretive"不适合
- 我们开始1 2 横向 - 开始
能让你感兴趣的 一定是某个非常特别的人了?
跳过1 2
这是我想告诉你的
我跟她不可能的
她已经跟别人约会了
这不是你该担心的问题啊 哥们
是我要担心的
听好了 1 5 横向 5个字母的 平底锅油炸
- 平底锅油炸 - 平底锅油炸
"Grill"
哥们 她左手有石头吗(意指是否有订婚戒指)?
还没有
那就公平了
好了 大家集中注意力 平底锅油炸!
Sauté(嫩煎)
对啊 当然就是sauté!
前面那个词 我们试过"zeitgeist"了吗?
包含E-l-T
这样"ozone"也可行了
上帝啊 我们采到大金矿了!
10个字母
"什么事情都可能出错的,然后"...
Dan 我们还在横向里面
都没往下走Dan
各位 这样下去我们死定了
我们完了
- 为洗碗欢呼吧 - 恭喜
- 让我们看看! - 怎么样啊 男孩子们?
洗碗洗碗!
Dan 怎么回事? 你刚才完全没发挥作用
对不起
放过他吧 他有很多事情要考虑的
Sauté
爸妈 你们觉得...
恩 Mitch 现在告诉她 太早了
她聪明 漂亮 可爱 如果你搞砸了
我们就只要她 不要你了
Dan 亲爱的 你漏掉了一处油污
认真点 兄弟 那女孩太性感了 真的挺让人惊讶的
你觉得她怎么样?
恩 她很棒
- 不 不! 我们走 Gus - 好吧
我可以告诉你我们在地图上的位置吗...
- 哦 好 好 - 这?
恩 如果我早知道 我永远都不会...
不是我哥哥的女朋友
啊 不 当然不是
我要说的是 我不会叫你为辣妹
嘿 我们... 这是海湾
- 我们就在这 - 我看到了
那么 我们该怎么办?
恩 可能会很滑稽
- 或许我们可以告诉大家 - 不 不 不 不 不 不 不 不
我们没有做错什么 本来很温馨的...
好!
- 你们两个正慢慢熟悉 - 是啊
我只是在告诉她 我们在地图上的位置
- 嘿 Mitch叔叔 你没在数啦 - 好 好
我知道你们俩在这干什么
你们没在藏 来吧
1! 2!
- 开始! - 好
3!
Clay 我知道你在后面的衣柜里
得了吧!
- 4! - 重新数!
重新数!
5! 6!
- 我数到200 - 一会见
- 好的 - 我打算躺下来数数了
8!
- Mitch是个很好的人 - 是的
他很有趣并且 呃 有趣
不复杂 品行好
- 正是我想要的 - 他是个很好的人
9!
听着 我刚结束一段长长的 混乱的感情
于是我加入了健身俱乐部 遇到了Mitch
他是一个很不错的人
你一直在这么说
恩 因为他就是
10!
11 12 13 14 15!
希望我们大家都好运
好
一只小鸟告诉我你要出作品集了
Lilly
他们在找一批专栏作家
希望很小
她太厉害了
说个地名 她就在那生活过 或者旅行过
西藏 智利 柏林 当柏林墙还在的时候 她...
等等!
我错过什么了?
- 恩 Mitch进展得的确不错 - 是啊
你呢? 有目标了没?
爸爸 别...
听着 我知道你总是你和Suzanne 在一起像中彩票一样幸运
再奢望就比较贪婪了 但已经四年了
我们只散步 行吗?
我想放过你的
我从来没察觉到什么!
谁把玉米帮忙递过来
我们就是这么相见的
- 我这有了 - 我的版本不是这样的
你是什么星座?
天蝎 天秤的下一个
- 哦 天哪 我也是 - 真的吗
- 你有兄弟姐妹吗? - 没有
谁想要玉米?...
告诉我们一些你的事吧 没人知道的 甚至Mitch
我是一个 呃...
一个做煎饼的老手
才艺展示 才艺展示
你的完美日是哪一天?
- 我的始于遇见Annie 结束于Annie... - 我们没问你
你来说吧?
我的完美日开始于去了 一个语言不通
风俗迥异 很多地方让人难以适应 的国家
欢迎你 我想你已经到了
我想说 第一次...
第一次我看到她...
亲爱的 亲爱的 你不用那么大声
恩 我觉得我已经死了 因为屋子里有个天使
谢谢
你和Mitch恋爱了?
这个玉米好像天使
- 我们今晚设计个帐篷吧 - 好啊
巨大的一个
我们要让它有屋顶
甜点! 甜点
哦 Danny 我们还没吃完
- 挺晚的了 - 不 没有
我也是个独生女
- 很不可思议 是吧? - 你经历过你的完美日吗?
什么时候男朋友会成为爱人?
好 好 行 行
我想我们别问她问题了
整晚都在盘问她
你觉得我们在盘问你吗?
不 没有 完全没有
只是她修养好
不 我喜欢这些问题
哦 别
我代表我的家人 向你道歉
没有哪个Mitch的女朋友被 如此深入的盘问过
- Dan说的的确有道理 - 对吧?
- 那个胖姑娘没有吧 - 不
- 她叫什么名字? - Knicks City的舞女没有吧
哦 天哪
那个"按摩师"也没有吧
各家航空公司的空姐也没有吧
她们曾经也常来这的
- 行了 够了 - 什么?
我错了吗? 得了吧
啊 Dan
谢谢你提起这些
你是我认识的最聪明的人
他是对的
应该是Annie来问我
她更喜欢Marie的称呼
问我随便什么问题吧 Marie
我没什么要问的
哦 别
Mitch之前说如果我谅解他的过去 他就谅解我的过去
恩 这么做并不明智
- 好 到家庭活动室来 - 嘿 伙计们 你们?
孩子们 来吧
到活动室来
John 把派拿过来
没有你
你自己刷盘子好了
- 六 - 六个字母
对 对 对!
做得好 做得好
- 第二个词 - 第二个词
你 你!
对不起 我太过分了
不 你怎么说都不过分 你是我哥哥
- 我告诉你 你会理解的... - 你说什么 我都不会生气
- 我能只说一点吗? - 在书店...
当你提到我的其他那些女孩的时候 我就意识到了
我对Marie的感觉是多么的不同
你知道那种感觉 呃...你的...
- 心 - 对
你的心
- 怦怦的跳 - 怦怦的跳 并且...
- 好像要跳出你的胸腔 - 是啊
- 毫无保护 脆弱的... - 恩
这种感觉 很舒服又很难受 让人痛苦同时又让人生气勃勃
对 对 对 你... 我们叫这个什么来着?
呃 爱情
你词汇总是很丰富
斯坦福还是伯克利
- 哦 都是很棒的学校 - 或者是华盛顿大学
或者离家近的地方
Lil 你睡不着的话 你知道到哪找我
爸爸
Mitch叔叔 你是在等你的晚安吻吗?
没错
妈妈和爸爸结婚前不同住的老规矩
好像高中生
我赞同这个规矩
- 谢谢 - 不客气
Mitch 你干什么呢?
Marie买了一些书 但是我觉得 她应该读读由真正的作者写的真正的书
哦 不 不 不 不是个好主意
- 不对 - 别
这是我看过的最好的书
- 大概是你看过的唯一的一本书 - 搞笑
好好说话
如果你可以签个名 就太好了
这是第一版
这是唯一的一版 妈妈
- 哦 现在 晚安 - 晚安
睡个好觉
呃 我真的希望你别这么做
"好运"? 就这样?
好吧 这样也行
晚安
早上好
- 说 "早上好" - 早
恩 好
好好玩
这是你的 亲爱的 这是你的
Marie
你也过来一起来吧 美女?
- 嘿 妈妈 - 恩 亲爱的?
- 妈妈 开音乐好吗? - 好
你更该来参加 他过来了
我把他带过来了
好了 Dan 过这来
我们来 搏击有氧操
我想看到拳头竖起来
三 二 一 右边!
跳一跳 五 六 七 另一边!
四 五 六 七 一起数!
一 二 三 四 五 六 七
- 你来领队 宝贝? -你...
- 是啊 是啊 是啊 - 好
Salsa舞?
这地方是你的了 宝贝
左边 一...
好 坚持 坚持 好 Dan
Dan要到前面来 初学者在中间 看着Marie
- 继续 - 做得好 做得好
一 二 三 四
- 让我们摆一摆臂 - 好
一 二 三 四
好 大家 看着 Marie 什么该做
Dan 什么不该做
换一边
你太出色了
谢谢
- 哦 不客气 - 太好了
你们总是讨厌开始 但结束后的感觉实在太棒了
很好的伸展运动
嘿 或许一会你可以在我身上试试
好
爸爸?
Lily叫你姐姐们过来 现在
你要去哪?
- 我们可以跟你去吗? - 可以吗 可以吗 可以吗?
我女儿们想跟爸爸好好待一会
但是我保证下次带你们 好不好?
Lil 来吧 我们走 上车
姑娘们 我们走
爸爸 干什么?
奶奶要教我编织
Cara 我们走
不
好吧 你们还等什么
过来
过来 过来!
哦 你真重
我不知道我该怎么办 好吧
我要倒了 不行了
不 不 不
这以前有很多贝壳和纸糊鲨
记得你们喜欢盐水太妃糖?
- 那是我四岁时 - 恩 但是...好
跟我来 孩子们 哦 我有个主意 保龄!
听起来不错
生活总是充满了失望
很大 有时甚至更大的失望
那又怎么样呢?
灯塔还是鲸鱼博物馆 你们挑
你知道为什么我们有灯塔?
因为它们漂亮?
是啊 对
并且因为它们能在黑暗中帮助我们
它们使船更安全 使我们避开礁石
因为当你在那的时候 被黑暗的波浪推过来推过去
你会觉得你再也找不到陆地
会被击得粉碎
然后沉没
是灯光使我们保持航线
是灯光...
爸爸 你还好吗?
当然我很好...亲爱的
你们玩得开心不?
- 不 - 不开心
进去吧 我们走 宝贝
孩子们 你们去哪了?
我知道 我知道 我...
哦 我们到处找 作为一个常带孩子的...
对不起 我考虑不周
嗨 伙计
对不起
来吧 伙计
我赢了
Dan 她很厉害
你应该早认识她 她跑完了 最后四分之一英里
我很快 是吧?
恩 我都追不上
甚至你流汗都很美
Dan去哪?
- 妈妈 她运动起来就像女神 - 恩?
她像一只豹 她的身体...
她很有挑战性 但是我决定挑战一下 你明白我的意思?
- 我想载她去海边 她... - 别那么做
她好像一匹好马
我让她在我前面 你明白我说的?
Marie
干净毛巾在右边的橱柜上
我思念你的皮肤
我思念你的味道
我思念... 我思念你的眼睛
爸爸!
我...
- 你真是个变态! - 我...
不 对不起 是我对付不了的老爸
恩 他根本就是在监视我
- 喂? 喂? - 我们得谈谈
- 不能等等吗? - 这真的有用?
说实话真的有用
我现在很快活
快活?
- 是的 - 真的吗? 你现在很享受?
- 除了我的眼睛里进肥皂了 - 好吧
但你知道吗? 我很不好受
我一点也不享受 我认为 我们作为两个很有原则的人
应该制定几条基本原则 你认为呢?
好的 当然可以
别过来! 我想说的... 我想说的就是这个
别 别 我们必须保持距离
停下来 别过来了
- 毛巾 - 别过来
好的 我很抱歉
谢谢
别继续看我的书了 别看了
为什么?
还有你跳的Salsa之类的...
- 你在说什么呢? - Salsa舞
就是这样...这样的那个
如果你能别再那么做了
- 我很抱歉 - 如果你的原则中加入一条不再跳舞 会对我大有帮助
你还能做些别的事儿来帮我 比方说远走高飞
这个建议不错
该死的! 我竟然说出口了
我不是有意的 只是脱口而出了
- 你知道我准备怎么做吗? - 怎么做?
我要减少自己的魅力
这样就能抑制住不合时宜的感情
这很好笑 但是
我...
我不能再整天想着你了
- 好啊 - 我会的
如果我开始想你了 这也许会发生在...
- 脆弱的时候 - 对 脆弱
我要将注意力集中在你的缺点上
- 我的缺点? - 你的缺点
有哪些?
我现在还不知道 但我敢保证 我会找到的...
问奶奶去吧
我很抱歉 你要洗澡吗?
是的 我正准备洗
给你点小建议 这幢房子和水管 都有些年头了
- 谢谢 - 水要好久才会热
我能和你谈谈吗?
当然可以
你能保守这个秘密吗?
只是...只是...
昨天晚上...你说到了你的生活
旅行的重要意义...尝试新鲜事物
我开始思考...这简直太不可思议了!
所有的事情都棒极了... 水看起来已经热了
是的
不过...你还穿着衣服呢
我忘了
你脱吧 我不会看的
我意识到...
我一直在思考我想做什么
不单是学习上 而是将来...
但我还是无法找到生活的方向
我知道我想去到新的地方 尝试新的事物...
但是该去哪儿却不得而知
说的对
而且我不知道我希望...
得到什么样的经历
我明白
而且当你意识到...
你想要的是什么时 那种感觉很可怕
你明白我的意思吗?
我觉得很有意思...
当你最终的去处不是当初你希望的...
这很有意思
开饭了!
奶酪通心粉 没有比这更好的了
大人们去餐厅吃
我准备打破规矩 我要和 小家伙们坐一块儿
Dan 亲爱的...
妈妈 求你了 让我坐这儿吧
- 你们好 - 你好 Dan叔叔
你好 Dan叔叔
有人吗?
你们在干嘛?
Marie在帮我做东西
一点儿都不好玩
我看得出来
她做得怎么样?
她很棒
再见 爸爸
再见
- 再见 - 再见
你刚才说...
是的
我想把它
做成...
我想把它做成心型
但我连怎么画心型都不知道
所以我改成了剪
结果是它看起来...
看起来就像是个...
像颗星星
- 进来 - Dan?
亲爱的 你知道我们很担心你
你明白我们的心意
鉴于你昨晚和今天上午的表现
我们现在要把我们的担忧告诉你
谢谢 我感动至极
但我很好
你们不必...
我们正在进行私人谈话
进来吧
没关系 进来吧
很好
妈妈 继续说 我听着呢
听着 你为你的女儿们付出了那么多
你为我们付出了这么多
那你自己呢?
你们等会儿再来
进来吧
我们必须谈一谈
没事的
我们想和你私下谈谈
怎么了? 亲爱的
是不是因为Dan叔叔的怪异举动?
是的
我可以解释
那就告诉我们吧
我只想告诉你一个人
老兄 你必须振作起来
所以我希望
你能时不时地"自恋"一下
别闹了
我和我的泌尿科医生谈过了
- 别说了 - 不好意思
你这是在说什么呢?
真正的问题在于 从没有人提起
Dan是否还能找寻到真爱?
他找不到了
Howard
我很抱歉 但他不会找到了
我是说 在这件事上
如果你敞开心怀 真爱会自己找上门来的
我也这么想
大家好
非常好
我想之前我没有说清楚
但你得疏通下你的小管道
你得释放自己
不好意思我用了太多比喻
没错
到此为止你们错过了
"担心" "真爱会找到你" 和"疏通管道"'
谢谢各位
就这样了
- 我们谈完了 你们可以走了... - 没有 我们还没完呢
- 拜托 妈妈 - 还没完呢
我们在农贸市场碰到了 Margot Draper的女儿
谁?
她很关心你
Danny 你应该
去找些乐子
意思就是Ruthie Draper 会在6点来接你
你们俩要去喝一杯!
我连Ruthie什么样都记不得了...
- 你要去约会! - 不行 不行
我才不去约会呢 妈妈
你当然要去 亲爱的 是时候了
Ruthie ''朝天鼻'' Draper
爸妈 你们开什么玩笑?
怎么能和朝天鼻Drape约会
这太伤人了
这有什么伤人的
妈妈 我连Ruthie ''朝天鼻'' Draper 长什么样都不记得了
我不想去!
我不想和朝天鼻子约会
他会去的
- 已经决定好了! - 不 我才不去呢
我不记得 ''朝天鼻'' Draper
这是次相亲
我们也去 行了吧?
会很有趣的 对吧? Marie
是的 很有趣
是的
好样的
去吧 不就是猪嘛...
就是
- 对不起 对不起 - 去疯狂一下
够了 够了
再来
唱得好极了
真的...非常漂亮...
大家好!
这位是Ruthie Draper
- 这些人你都认识 - 大家好
- 都长大了 - 是的
很高兴见到你 Ruthie
你好 Dan
不管你去哪儿我都认得出来
你看起来还是老样子
Ruthie 你看起来美极了
- 真有趣 - 别 别 别...
你去了哈佛医学院 还有约翰 - 霍普金斯医院 ...
你干得很不错啊 Ruthie
非常出色
不过这样一来...
肯定没时间约会吧?
实际上有个男人
他对我来说很特别 但是...
但他在一场意外中死了
我很抱歉
谢谢
奇怪的是我们认识对方才3天
但是...
有些时候你就是能确定
- 我明白 - 是的
是的 当然
没错
你是个医生吗?
是的
你是哪方面的医生?
我是个整形科医生
当然啦
我知道你在想什么
但我主要医治的是烧伤病人
和先天畸形的儿童
她基本上就是个圣人
我不是
我只是尽我的微薄之力
就像你哥哥一样
别说了 我...
在我失眠的夜晚
我就会上网看你以前写的专栏
你读过Dan写的东西吗?
只看过他的小说
你一定得看看
你写的那个...
你是怎么写"懒人的妈妈"来着?
"把遥控器藏起来"
"如果她的孩子要 起身换频道怎么办?"
"对他来说起码也是种锻炼"
太有才了
5个挑食的孩子的父母该怎么办?
他们必须分别为 不同的孩子做不同的饭...
''你们是啥? 开餐馆的吗"
说的太好了
你写的她都能背下来
我想说的是 我没有孩子
所以我没有那些问题
但等我有孩子了
你写的文章一定能带给我安慰
不好意思
我要去跳一会儿舞
我忍不住了
我很抱歉
但一个女人扭成那样...
- 一个男人肯定很想... - 别这样 伙计
她不介意
- Marie 你不介意 对吧? - 当然不介意
我没有多想
但我觉得Dan对她没有兴趣的
- 他不感兴趣? - 我没兴趣?
我不觉得你有
你有吗?
很好
加油!
我不知道是怎么了
但有些事让他很犹豫
不会再犹豫了
那是好事
我们也去
好了
到家了 到家了
- 我非常喜欢你的车 - 谢谢
- 再见 - 再见
很高兴认识你 Ruth
- 我也是 - 进去吧
实际上Dan和我要去兜个风
不用等我了
太好吃了
我知道你的秘密配方是什么了...
是爱
每咬一口 味道越来越好
无法用言语形容
谢谢
好吃吗?
爸爸 它们美味极了
让人垂涎三尺
- 我都吃了3碟了 - 再给我一块 谢谢
但是还想吃 对吧? ?
是的
配方是保密的 但她让我帮忙打蛋
真的吗?
我们的幸运小子感觉如何?
- 很有意思 - 是吗?
听说昨晚激发了你的欲望
是的
我能再要一块吗?
给
你知道吗?
实际上我有点饿了
配方可是保密的
孩子们 这玩意儿味道不错 我喜欢
谢谢
你吃了多少了? 爸爸
你的管道通了?
无论你做了还是没做
你都是她的最佳人选
这是你的
大家都到外面去 要掷硬币了
真好吃
不错嘛! 再来呀?
这就是你要做的?
这就是我们要玩儿的?
好啊! 那我们来比试比试
来呀 猪排!
Marie!
Danny!
你为什么总是表现得像个 我无法理解的15岁孩子?
我从来不计后果
你应该增强自制力
什么意思?
我想你明白我的意思
爸爸 能不能帮我接一下 ?
- 好的 - 谢谢
你好?
不 我是他的父亲
一个叫Jordy的人找你
各位! 各位!
Dan刚刚接到个电话
出作品集是每个专栏作家的愿望
让我来解释一下
Lamson报业的老板想见我
他们明天会来这儿 和我谈一谈
太棒了!
或许你该先找份工作
说的没错
爸爸? 爸爸?
Lilly刚才问我你为什么和Marie调情
我没有和她调情
别担心 我帮你解释了
我告诉她你们没在干嘛
本来就是嘛
爸爸 我已经17岁了
你完全是在调情
反正无所谓的
她不会对你有兴趣的
但是别再这样了 好吗?
不过还是要祝贺你
谢谢
他坐公车来的
他在波士顿有亲戚
爸爸...
爸爸 他是爱我的!
好吧
你不需要担心的
当谈到性的时候
Marty并不是那个着急的人
这样的话怎能让我安心呢?
爸爸 我爱他
宝贝儿...
我爱他 我爱他 我爱他
不 你不是
我们是真心相爱的
不能因为你没有真爱
就来惩罚我们
迷恋并不是爱
性吸引也不是爱
你根本不懂
厄 我不懂
你对自己的一无所知也一无所知
我不懂得什么 Cara?
求你了 告诉我
我不懂什么?
不能和他在一起你会感到沮丧?
还是...
一些你们之间的阻隔
你喜欢的人的一些事?
只要这个人在你身边
你就不知道该说什么
只能胡言乱语 想到什么说什么
你知道只要你们能在一起
这个人就会让你
更加完美
那么Marty能留下来咯?
不好意思
Marty能留下来?
Howard会把你送上车
我们给你姨妈打了电话 她会在波士顿等你
是的 先生
听着 我不是你的家长
但我想你应该知道
爱是一种很危险的感觉
不对 先生
- 你不同意我的话吗? - 是的 我...
只是...
爱不是一种感觉 而是一种能力
这是谁告诉你的?
我自己编的 Burns先生
过来道别吧
关窗
- 好了 可以了 - 爸爸
他们很快就能再见的
不 不 不
Marty Marty Marty
真感人
什么感人?
这有什么...
这有什么感人的?
那么坚定的
那么深厚的爱
爱不是一种感觉
不是吗?
是一种能力
那么 如果这能说的通的话...
你的女儿能力很强
你这个爱情的刽子手!
好的 Cara 下一个?
Olivia和姑娘们有个节目
Gus还是他的老把戏
Bella还没决定 Howard和我要唱支歌
噢 很好
Eileen姨妈?
也算我一个
是吗? 你要表演什么?
爱情的刽子手
你要说什么?
我们有个全家人的节目
把我们都算上
你爸爸有什么特长?
什么也没有
他是唯一一个可以不参加的人
下面是Bella Wilson
来吧 Bella!
吉娃娃
不错啊 Bella.
- 你没事吧? - 我感觉不大好
做你平时做的就好了
Marie不是个人云亦云的女孩儿
- 我要给她点特别奉献 - 别太做作了
哈巴狗
这是献给Marty的
我有主意了
我想一定很棒
只要你愿意
最后压轴的 Mitch叔叔
厄 一个睿智的人 我的哥哥
曾经告诉我 如果你想袒露心声 那就去歌唱
顺带 我想介绍一下我的乐队
不敢相信
他很久没弹了 自从她...
一 二 三 四
正如他所说的
干的好 小伙子们
刚才那算什么?
我不能...
我不能克制自己了
那现在我该怎么办?
你什么也不能做
他是我的弟弟
那你为什么为我唱歌...
为什么?
因为我...
我...
92页
我死去了吗?
因为我的房里走进一位天使
148页
如果你不计较我的过去 我也不计较你的
好像所有他打动我的话 都是从你那里学来的
我不能再忍受了
我...
我不能再掩饰下去了
爸爸?
甜心
你能来我的房间吗?
我做了个东西想给你看看
厄 明天再说吧
好吗 亲爱的? 我保证
好吧 爸爸
上帝啊!
嗨 发生什么了?
这是怎么了?
我唱的歌
我不该唱的
我就知道
那首歌太烂了
她在笑还是哭?
- 噢 别 别 别 - 求求你了
不要这样
Marie...
他来了
妈!
噢 不 不 不 不
我不知道该对他说什么
我从没被甩过
太好了 这是第一次
好吧
嗯 对 对 我会接着这些做下去的
别装做什么都没发生一样
她说我人不错
她说她很爱我
然后她说...
我们应该去找自己真正的另一半
我真搞不懂
我真的不知道
从昨天到今天 发生了什么让她这样做
肯定发生了什么
一些原因使她...
你看我干什么?
没在看你
他只是在注视着他空虚的未来
而你恰好在那儿
Danny你要说点什么吗?
是啊 专家有什么意见?
说吧
亲爱的 令人伤心的事实是 我们都很喜欢她
是的 确实是
这些都没用
没用
谁能来找点儿乐子?
好吧 好吧 唔 有了 有了
鼠帮乐队的一员
Dean Martin! Sammy Davis,Jr.
耶!
该你了 伙计 去吧 去试试
好吧
开始!
这是一个 礼物...
你好 Jordy
- 你不能说话? - 是的 但是你说吧
- 我必须离开 - 我懂
Ben Franklin!
但事实上 唔...
什么?
我并没走远
美丽的笑容 可爱的眼睛
是一个女人
Marie!
好的
噢 亲爱的 不要 不要...
爸爸?
嗨 你好
你想看看我做了什么吗?
我一回来就看 好吗?
好的
又是你
见到你很高兴 长官
今天怎么样?
知道我为什么让你停车吗?
当然知道
我知道我在做什么
我知道这样不对
要罚款的
记在我账上好了
什么?
记在我账上好了
我们在干什么?
这样可能是不对的
是的
但是我觉得我们这样也情有可原
我想 我们该好好想一想
我的意思是 你的女儿们 我们怎么能...
她们那么可爱 而且...
怎么了?
我想我们有点操之过急了
你这么觉得?
都不知道你会不会打保龄球
来吧
不 不要!
- 等等 等等 - 不 不
- 要对准了 - 让我自己来
对准了
- 你来啊 - 你来吧
- 好吧 - 我来看着你
我不会...
准备好了吗?
谢谢
我喜欢
虽然投的不好
但我觉得最后这个动作不错
要我就再等等
不错啊 挺好
你这样会把胳膊弄伤的
不 不 别这样
噢 加油 加油 加油
我们一起来
一 二 三
爸爸?
上帝啊
爸爸 你在干什么?
怎么一回事?
Marie?
嗨
这是怎么一回事?
我们走吧
- 他们在接吻 - 听我解释
你们已经分手了 对吧?
两个小时前
我们刚刚分了两个小时
我知道 我知道 我知道
Marie 我以为你走了
她是走了
她是走了 只是没走远
什么?
听我解释
让他解释
好吧
记得我说的在书店碰到的女孩儿吗?
就是她
你让我去追她 但是我没有
这是个意外 Mitch
我知道这看上去很糟
但是 Mitch 我也知道这会是什么感觉
什么感觉啊 你个狗娘养的?
上帝啊!
- 怎么回事? - 真不好意思
大家冷静一下
你是在帮倒忙
对不起
噢 亲爱的
拿点冰块来
Dan 你没事吗?
没事吗?
Marie!
不 别走!
我不知道我们在想什么
对不起
不要走
爸爸? 给...
爸爸 等等!
你要干什么?
爸爸!
这是你的法院传票
最后一件事
你得交出你的驾照
你有客人
魔鬼代言人
说曹操曹操到
Lamson报业专题文摘的编辑
- 你好 - Jim Lamson 发行人
- 见到你很高兴 - 好吧
我们一直在这儿和你的家人聊天
见到你可爱的女儿们我们很高兴
- 热苹果酒? - 谢谢
这看上去...
谢谢
看上去很好
谢谢
爸爸?
热苹果西达?
你不仅仅是个爱情的刽子手
你还是最差劲的家长
真甜蜜
你大概了解的
我们已经见过另外两位候选人了
但我和父亲发现最后这个是最好的
姑娘们
如果你们愿意可以离开
如果没什么事的话 她们可以留下来
我们想保持家庭的氛围
Dan 他懂得
所有保持家庭氛围的方法
是吧 Dan?
这就是为什么你这么吸引我们
在你的专栏中所体现的
你的道德观
你的性格在文章中大有体现
让人印象深刻
诚实 可信...
我们为你准备了大计划 Dan
我们想做的就是你一直向读者们所倡导的
那是什么?
家庭第一
好吧 好吧
事情是这样的
我自己都没有做到这点
我不大懂你什么意思
走开
你是个骗子和伪君子
撬你弟弟的墙角?
你认识她多久了?
两起违章和一起撞车?
这也是计划的一部分吗?
最糟糕的是 你让Lily失望了
她一直想给你看看她为你做的东西
但是你一直没出现
我真的把事情搞砸了
- 不 你没有 - 我有 妈妈
我对Lily所做的
别忘了Mitch
噢 John
还有那些报社的人
说实话 今天对你来说真糟糕
如果我只是专注于做她们的父亲...
噢 别这样说
你知道 爱情就是混乱的
我早该知道的
- 我伤了孩子们的心 - 去安慰她们啊
亲爱的 你是有一些错误
许多 许多
但是爱上Marie并不是错
谁能给我再递个盒子来?
来了 来了
Mitch
Mitch 我...
如果是其他人...
我非常...
别说了
嗨 美人
姑娘们 如果可以的话 我想和Lily单独聊聊
那好吧 你们一起
我知道我把事搞砸了
非常糟糕
是的
是的 确实
现在 你们的妈妈...
我想你们的妈妈
一直以来 而且永远不变
妈妈已经走了
噢 亲爱的
我每天都可以看见她
我在你的善良中看见她 Jane
而你 Cara 你的热情
而你 Lilly 你有她的眼睛
和她的笑容
所以这就是我要做的:
我要关自己一辈子的禁闭
我要一直和你们在一起
我要陪在你们身边...
你每天都在我们身边啊
我哪儿都不去了
我对Marie是有点感觉
但一切都结束了
好吗?
我有点失去理智了
有点愚蠢 因为我爱她
那是...
那不是...
我不爱她
我不是那个意思
我的意思是 我怎么能爱上她呢?
- 我刚刚认识了她... - 三天
对
三天怎么能了解一个人呢?
我不清楚
是的 确实 我爱她
我爱她
那去追她啊
比起你 我们比较喜欢她
去吧
现在
亲爱的 带去路上吃
怎么了?
- 我不能去 - 你必须去
我没驾照
我很能认地图哦
这真奇怪
但是我说什么也不想错过
亲爱的读者 对你们中大部分人来说
这是我在你们的报纸上的第一期专栏
以后 我会为你们答疑解惑
但是今天
我想打破常规
和你们谈谈计划这个主题
并不是我对这个专栏的计划
而是人生的计划
我们应该怎样去计划
还有我们怎么希望孩子们能有美好的
机智的 稳妥的人生规划
但是如果我们诚实一点的话
我们的大部分计划都不尽如人意
所以不要问下一代
你的计划是什么?
你打算这辈子干什么?
也许我们应该这样告诉他们
给生活一个惊喜吧