Guardian of the Universe. Protector against the forces of evil
He can catch a bullet, faster than a speeding train.
He leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Up in the sky. Is it a bird, is it a plane?
...Mailman by day, superhero by night.
He protects New York from the forces of evil.
... The World has been protected by extraordinary men and women
who have dedicated themselves to fighting crime.
He has powers far beyond the capabilities of mere earthlings.
I always wondered why nobody did it before me
I mean, all those comic books. Movies. TV shows...
You'd think that one eccentric loner
would have made himself a costume.
Is everyday life really so exciting,
are schools and offices so thrilling,
that I'm the only one who ever fantasized about this?
C'mon. Be honest with yourself.
At some point in our lives,
we all wanted to be a super hero.
That's not me, by the way.
That's some Armenian guy with a history of mental health problems.
Who am I?
I'm "Kick-Ass"
Six months earlier
That's me. Back before any of this crazy shit happened.
Guess I was the last person you'd expect to become a superhero
Not saying there was anything wrong with me.
But there's not nothing special either
I wasn't into sports
I wasn't a mathlete... or a hard-core gamer...
I didn't have a piercing, or an eating disorder,
or three thousand friends on MySpace.
My only superpower was being invisible to girls
But out of my friends, man, I wasn't even the funny one.
Like most people my age, I just existed.
Good morning, class
Please open your books to act II, scene II
Kick in my bedroom door, you'ld probably find me watching TV.
Or talking to my friend Todd on Skype.
You watching Family Guy? Nope.
Me neither.
try "hardnipplesweat.com...It's good
Or "jerking off". Mostly to my English teacher
David Lizewski, don't think I haven't noticed
you looking at my tits?
Oh!...I want your hand all over me...Dave...please
Sure a lot of what got me through the average school day
was making deposits in the wack-off warehouse for later
Though, to be honest I didn't take much to set me off.
I swear, when hormones balance out
shares in Kleenex are gonna take a dive, man.
No it's not. Kick-Ass is just some geek!
Dave Lizewski
Shouldn't you be looking at Hamlet right now?
Yes, Mrs. Zane
Sorry
But don't make me wrong
I like girls in my own age, too.
Especially Katie Deauxma.
Hey gorgeous!
Hey!
Oh, No
you meant - Erika
I know. I knew that.
I was just kidding.
O.K., cool.
oh, my God
Hey , look I'm Todd's mom.
Oh, that's funny, this is your dad
No That's still my mom, actually
what the fuck?
I was just a regular guy.
No radioactive spiders. No refugee status from a doomed alien world.
You know what? Todd said they do still make Count Chocula.
They just don't sell it in the store anymore.
My mother was killed by an aneurism in the kitchen,
as opposed to a gunman in an alley.
So if you were hoping for any...I will avenge you, mother!
...You're outta luck.
In fact, in the eighteen months since my mother died,
the only epiphany I had was realizing that, life just goes on.
Did they change the bee's face?
No
How come nobody's ever tried to be a superhero?
well, I dunno. Probably 'cause it's fucking impossible, dip-shit.
What, putting on a mask and helping people? How is that impossible?
That's not a superhero, though. It has to have Super
Super is like, being stronger than everybody and flying and shit.
That's just hero.
No, It's not even hero, it's just fuckin' psycho.
Hello? Bruce Wayne?
He didn't have any powers.
Yeah, but he had all expensive shit that doesn't exist.
I thought you meant, like how come no one does it in real life.
Yeah, Todd, that's what I meant.
Dude if anybody did it in real life they'd get their ass kicked.
They'd be dead in like, a day. ...A day.
O.K., I'm not saying they should do it.
I just can't figure out why nobody does.
Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes
you'd think one would give it a try.
Jesus, guys. Doesn't it bug you?
Why do thousands of people wanna be Paris Hilton,
and nobody wants to be Spider-Man?
Yeah, what's with that? She has, like, no tits at all.
Maybe it's the porn tape. He doesn't have a porn tape.
You never saw One Night in Spider-Man?
Guess who?
Is it just me, or do you feel kinda sorry for Chris D'Amico?
Yeah, must be terrible to have a rich dad and everything you want.
I wish you hadn't said anything.
'Cause I feel like I'm gonna start crying.
No, the fact that it
Yeh, but he's always on his own.
We should, like, talk to him.
See if he wants to hang with us.
... I'm not saying that we should talk to him, but
Think about it. C'mon it'll be awesome!
If he was our friend, no one would ever fuck with us again!
Go on then, Todd.
No, no - What you mean? Want me to talk to him? -
Nuh-uh. Dave should go. Dave should go.
Why? Dave you should totally go. Go.
Do not be afraid Dave -
You are a pussy
Fuck off.
Wanna go over there? Yeah
You think I just shat my pants or what?
Yeah I would just kick his ass
Todd, when did you ever kick anyone's ass?
Whatever, man I would've just gone for his knees....
You are not making sense.
What I'm saying is that in the Joker portion
when he got in "Evaran" when
he vowed to penetrate the Joker's force field
leaving him totally vulnerable... All right. I know.
Pussy Patrol!
Phones. Money.
Hey guys, not again Come on
phone.
I don't have one! Somebody else jacked it last week!
Pussy
Gimme the bag. It's just comics.
Yo! You wanna get cut?
Look at this asshole, just watching
Come on, be honest with yourself
would you do anything differently
We see someone in trouble and we wish we can help
But we don't
The world I lived in, heroes only exist in comic books
But I guess that would have been OK if bad guys were make believe too.
But they are not
Frankie. I swear I'm not making this up.
This fucking guy...Comes outta nowhere kicks our asses,
steals all the coke
This would be the guy that looks like Batman.
I didn't say look like Batman.
You did Tre. You said the the guy looked like Batman
And you said like a mask and stuff And a cape?
Yeah like Batman.
I didn't say like Batman - I never said Batman?
OK
Let me tell you the problem I got with that, Tre.
Our mole with the Russians tells things a little different.
according to him, you've sold him my coke and you took the money
That's a fucking lie!
I can't believe that you would believe this shit
from a fucking Russian, man.
Let's see, Tre. What's more likely?
That you're a greedy little cocksucker,
Or that all my coke was stolen by Superman? Batman.
I never said Batman!
Enough
My son is waitin' out there in the car to go to the movies.
And I aint gonna to disappoint him
Joe, you're in charge
Thanks - That's gotta be the worst fuckin' excuse I ever heard, Tre.
Sorry you had to wait, buddy.
The movie is starting in 10 minutes
It's O.K. We're cool.
We're only gonna miss the trailers.
Yeah, but I wanted to, get some popcorn.
When we get in there, get Chris some popcorn.
Okay?
What do you wanna drink, wanna Pepsi?
That's fine
get him pepsi And I'll have an Icee.
Mixed
Like, when they mix the red one and the blue one?
And a pack of Twizzlers.
The comic-books had it wrong.
It didn't take a trauma, or cosmic rays
or a power ring to make a superhero.
...Just the perfect combination of optimism and naivety.
You are fucking awesome.
C'mon
Meanwhile
Daddy? I'm scared.
C'mon Mindy, honey. Be a big girl now.
There's nothin' to be afraid of.
Is it gonna hurt bad? oh, child. Only for a second, sugar.
Handgun bullet travels at....more than?
700 miles an hour.
So at close range like this,
the force is gonna take you off your feet, for sure.
But it's really no more painful than a punch in the chest.
I hate getting punched in the chest.
You're gonna be fine, baby doll.
How was that?
Not so bad.
Kinda fun, huh?
Now you know how it feels,
you won't be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a Glock.
Wouldn't have been scared anyways.
That's my girl! 'kay.
Up you get.
Two more rounds, and then home.
Again?
Only if we can go by the bowling alley on the way back.
Bowling alley?
Yep
And then icecream after
Okay.
Two more rounds,
no wincing, no whining and you got yourself a deal, young lady.
I'm gonna get Hot fudge sundae.
Good call, baby doll!
So you gonna tell a little more about what you might want
for your birthday?
Can I get a puppy?
Do you want to get a dog?
Yeah. A cuddly fluffy one.
And a Bratz Moviestar Makeover Sasha.
Just fucking with you daddy!
I'd love a Benchmade model-42 butterfly knife.
Oh child. You always knock me for a loop.
Know what? What?
I'm gonna get you two
Two? One dollars on. Two dollars on.
That's what you get.
The glass of fashion and the mould of form,
Th' observ'd of all observers, quite, quite down!
And I, of ladies most deject and wretched,
I'll be honest,
there wasn't a whole lotta crime fighting in those first few weeks.
But even so, my new vocation kept me plenty busy.
I called it preparation.
But if you called it fantasizing,
it woulda been hard to argue.
All I knew was I never felt so good about myself.
Fuck!
Okay, maybe I was still in the beta testing phase.
But it was a start.
what the fuck are you looking at?
Nothing
Get the fuck out of here
Like every serial killer already knew,
eventually fantasizing just doesn't do it for you anymore.
It was time to engage
what the fuck?
what the fuck are you looking at?
I said what the fuck are you looking at?
Two cheapshit losers screwing with a car
that somebody probably worked their ass off to pay for.
Say what?
Leave it be man.
This Motherfucker is obviously high.
I'm not high.
I just think it sucks you guys think you can do what you want.
Just walk away from the car, and we can just forget about it.
You crazy, man!
Fuck this shit!
shit!
I came out just long enough to beg the medics
not to tell anybody about the costume
He promised he wouldn't
All I knew was that my dad was gonna kill me.
Why can not I get a gun? I am the security guard
You're a doorman, now. You don't get a gun no more.
Look at me. I look like a putz.
You look sharp. Look at all them buttons
Do your job. Open the fucking door
Have a nice day
Good Morning Frank
Hey Joe. How ya doin'?
Great. want some coffee? -
Maybe later
Good morning Angie Good morning
Chris Good Morning Joe
Frank we got a thing
It's a big thing Frank
OK
Sorry then.
Do what you gotta do
Chris, where you think you're going?
I gotta talk to dad.
Christopher
Frank Honey
Where do you think you're going?
I don't mind you talking business. Dad
I was just gonna sit in there quietly.
I mean I should probably start learning and stuff, anyway, right?.
Go finish your oatmeal
Goddamit! I'm gonna be 18 in eight months for chrissakes.
Have a seat.
So, what's the problem?
Our Russian says Tre just sold them another 5 K's, at half price.
Which Tre? Tre Tre?
Right. Dead Tre.
So now I'm getting fucked in the ass by a ghost.
Or Tre was telling the truth.
What so this is my choice? I have to believe in ghosts or superheroes?
Not the part about the superhero, Franky.
Just that he mighta really been gaffled by somebody.
I think we better invited our Russian friend over for a friendly chat.
See what's really going on.
Hey, early birdy
You beat me to it. I wanted to get you breakfast this morning
Happy birthday, sweetheart
check this out
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Oh my God
Dad
Wow
Wow, dad
Ok, pop quiz
What is the proper name for one of those?
Isabelle It's...uh...Filipino. Ask me another one.
Excellent, good.
The AR 15 was a lighter, smaller caliber version of what design?
Eugene 7 AR-10. Give me a hard one.
Name John Woo's first full length feature.
Tie han rou qing The Young Dragon
Daddy look
Hey, come on, you're not looking
the point is some fucker's killing our guys
If you find out who that is I don't wanna see
any of you bitches sitting on your asses all right!!
What the fuck you....?
Hello
Hey Joe, yeah
No, I was just training right now
one second
Dad.....phone.
Dad, the phone's for you
Who is it? it's Joe
what's the problem?
Frank, turns out man's got the vice here no more.
Really - aha -
But we do got a brand new industrial microwave
they use her for treating the lumber.
So where is it?
I think you must be confusing me with someone
who gives a shit about the fucking lumber
Well, you're right, I'm sorry,
Just grabbed the information.
Alright come on, go ahead
Hey, look, the guy told me he killed Fernandez
What I know ? Shut up -
Jesus Fernandez is dead.
Now, shut up
He lied, so...
Works like a regular microwave, or what? Fuck do I know?
We're not making a fucking Hungry Man dinner here, just turn it on!
Here we go
O.K. I want to know who sold you our coke?
And don't tell me somebody who's dead, this time
I said......
Who
Sold
You
Our....coke?
Shit
Some time later...
This is awesome
I look like freakin' Wolverine.
They still have that metal detector at your school?
Yeah, It's gonna have a meltdown!
Dave, I need to ask you something.
OK
The police report...
They found you naked. You said you didn't remember why.
The muggers... they didn't...?
What?
No
Jesus! No!
I wasn't even...
In the ambulance, they threw my clothes away!
Cause of the blood. Right
See my no time at all as far as back on my feet
Dave, What?
Apart from the messed up nerve ending.
The doctors had managed to fix me up pretty good.
Did you feel that?
No
You're like fucking Jason Bourne or something! That owns!
How about that? No. Marty,
give it a fuckin' rest, man.
I've only been back, like, half a day
and already you're making fun of me at the hospital.
He's right I'm sorry
truly childish
Hey
Dave Hey
Oh, hey
How are you?
You look better
I'm OK
Yeah, much better
Hey, you're into comic books, aren't you?
Well... me and Erika sometimes hang out after school
at this really great store,
Atomic Comics. They make the best like Crack-a-back-a-latte.
Yeah...?
Well... I could buy you one ... sometime if you want?
If you, like, need someone to talk to?
sure, thank you
Ok. Sweet. Well I'll see you later
Man, did you just see that? Yeah
Katie Deauxma just offered to buy me coffee
Yeah..I really don't think that's the way it looks like
What are you talking about?
The point is, Katie Deauxma is all about the lame ducks.
What's that got to do with me?
I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this
There's a rumor going around right
that you... what?
...are gay.
Gay!!!
What kind of rumor is that?
Well you know, getting mugged...
You guys have been mugged!
Yeah, I know...but...you know..
we didn't get beat up and have all our clothes taken off.
That's not even true! The medics threw my clothes away!
Don't worry about it. Rumors don't mean shit.
We know the truth
Right? Yes
Yeah. And who knows, it might even get you laid.
Not if she thinks he's gay, Todd
you fuckin' retard!
Thanks a lot, Marty. You aint fucking helping me-
I'm just being honest
I was getting back to my old self
I should have quit, of course.
But you can't just re-program yourself
what you want, who you are... your purpose in life.
oh no...I'm just stand around here
It is what it is.
You didn't see that did ya?
I think it's best that you just walk away
Well maybe you shouldn't do that.
What? Huh?
You looking at me?
Well this is my faces
Me?
My hardware was fixed now.
I was back and running Kick-ass version 2.0
HAVE YOU SEEN MR.BITEY?
Excuse me, did you see this cat?
No Thank you
Excuse me, Madam, Have you seen this cat?
I'm sorry, did you see this cat?
Great
Here, Kitty
here Mr. Bitey
Come on, no, no
No, no, Mr. Bitey Come on
Here, I get you home
Come on
Fuck you Mr. Bitey!!
Oh God...I'm so sorry, man
You fucking Green...!!!!
Thank freak...
Hey, leave it alone
Fuck off man
do your business
Guess it is
Hey, Call 911
There's a dude dressed like a superhero out there
fighting a bunch of guys
It's Fucking awesome!!!
Leave him alone
Give it up man
Just walk away
No, never
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
You'd rather die for some piece of shit?
That you don't even fucking know?
You're just three asholes laying into one guy
while everyone else watches
And you wanna know what's wrong with me?
Yeah, I'd rather die.
You bring it on!!
You're fucking crazy kid
What?
Thank you!
That fucking rocks!
Who are you?
I'm Kick Ass
Dude you gotta check this shit out.
what is it?
And coming up after the hour:
a costumed vigilante
has become the latest Internet phenomenon
after a Hamilton Park resident
filmed the man's remarkable intervention
in a gang-related attack last week...
Pretty awesome
Fuck Yeah.
Welcome to this special edition of Eye on New York
How far would you go to help your fellow man?
This cowel covered individual
has been all over the news this week
After this video of his intervention of street gang violence
became the most watched web on the Internet
On My Space, 38 press
Kick-Ass is my space.
16,000 and counting
This thing was going crazy
And I was loving it
Finally, we want to know who is this man
Does anyone have any idea
who this wet suit Crusader is?
He must be someone's son...
Someone's brother.... Someone's next door neighbor...
Holy shit. What happened?
what happened?
This guy happened
This right there from her everybody
Everbody's favorite superhero right now is Kick-Ass, right?
Kick-Ass!!
I like Kick-Ass
You know what? Everyone likes Kick-Ass
He sure does give plenty of action for the guests
Good at gettting his Ass-Kicked.
He should call himself Ass-Kick, instead
That doesn't even make any sense
That guy's gonna end up dead that's what I think
Are you serious? The guy owns.
I'd probably notify him about it if a problem needed fixing
What you kidding me? I have 100 guys can fix a problem.
You gotta some guy in some panty-hose?
Well, I wouldn't wanna get in the way of your business...
where I'm not wanted
Please, I know you are mistaking me for Kick-Ass,
but I am not Kick-Ass
I'm backed up right now
your message has been sent
Hey Dave How about that coffee? Katie X
You don't actually read comics?
Yeah, I just started. It got right to my system.
It's got full graphs and shows you leads,
that kind of thing
I'm not really into Polk superheroes or not
So...guess you're not gonna be lining up
for that new Kick-Ass comic, then.
I guess not
You know what, I was seriously thinking of e-mailing his site?
I mean I could really use some help from a guy like that right now.
Help? Really? What with?
You know I volunteer at the needle exchange?
No, I did't
there was this one guy, Rasul?
And I just felt so sorry for him and...
more I found out about his up bringing and stuff I just...
Wow, that's weird
I'm usually the one playing therapist
Can I make a confession?
Ever since I was little
I always wanted a friend...
....like....you.
Is it okay to say that?
I mean it's not homophobic, is it?
I mean I don't think you're all the same or anything
Of course not. No.
Thank you
I don't know if I was everything
Katie had always dreamed her gay b.f.f. would be.
But I tried my best.
But, more importantly, I talked her into e-mailing Kick-Ass.
Long story short,
this particular lame duck of hers
turned out to be more of a lame cobra.
She didn't want the money back
that she'd given him, or an apology for the black eye he'd given her.
She just wanted him to get that they were through,
and leave her alone.
let's be real
no other request could've given me more pleasure.
Who the fuck you're supposed to be? The Greeen Condom?
You know it ain't Halloween for another few months, kid.
I'm here to see Rasul
Who the fuck are you?
I am a friend of Katie's
Boys Do not pay attention to their appearance these days...
So Uhh....which one of you guys is Rasul?
I am Rasul. Can't you tell by my big titty's?
What is this? Trick or treat or somethin'?
fuck
And now I am dead
I have a message for Rasul
About Katie Deauxma
Katie?
Oh you're Rasul?
Ok
You've gotta stay away from Katie now.
It's over. So if you just...
leave her alone.
everything will be fine
What?
Yo Kid...
Who the hell are you?
What is this?
I'm Kick-Ass. Look me up.
And this is me giving you a message:
leave Katie alone
Or what?
Or
I'll come back and break your fucking legs.
I'm right here now, baby
what's up...
hold him
Fuck
You're so fuckin' dead
Ok, you cunt
Let see what you can do now.
Eany...Meany...Miney...Mo
what's that?
Hey, I have one of those
Come on
So you wanna play
what the fuck
Aww dude, that is one fuckin' gay fuckin' taser.
Relax . We're on the same team.
Hey get Up
Now, Hit Girl, we always keep our backs where?
To the wall, Daddy I know
Um...it won't happen again
Nice shot by the way
Thank you
Be careful
Hey, Green asshole. Can't use the front door
Wait, wait, wait What?
Who are you?
Me?
I'm "Hit Girl"
and that's " Big Daddy"
Come on
Come on!
"Hit Girl" and "Big Daddy"
They were real deal
Me
I was just a stupid dick in a wetsuit
What is this, What am I lookin' at here?
It was Sal's phone. They found it in his hand
They must have taken that right before he died
I know this sounds fucked up, Franky...but that guy in the picture...
I think it's that superhero nut job from the TV.
Who?
Kick-Ass?
One guy?
Hold on. You telling me one guy
killed 8 of my men tonight?
Eight at Sal's place...4 at that kid, Rasul's
We have no mercenaries on the streets at all
Right
One Guy
I think
Nah if you're right,
we're gonna look like the biggest bunch of pussies in New York
What do you want me to do?
I want Kick-Ass' fuckin' head on a stick. And I want it now.
I didn't say anything, to anyone, I swear!
Good move. Ass, Kick
Let's keep it that way
You know what this is?
All the cartridge crap that comes outta
your gay little taser when you fire it.
Do you know the police could've traced it right back to you
if they'd found it?
Lucky for you, I picked it up
Thank you
Let's call it insurance
Makes it easier for me to take your word
See, we like you. But we don't trust you
Don't take it personal though. We don't trust anybody
I re-routed your IP address.
Finding you was way too easy
Aw Shit. Shit
I hadn't thought My God, I...
I owe you
You know what? I'm thinking of shutting my site down anyway,
quitting. This is... fucking insane
I'm in way over my head
It's a shame. You have potential
Your call, son.
But, y'know, we're around if you need us
How do I get hold of you?
Just contact the mayor's office.
He has a special signal he shines in the sky?
It's in the shape of a giant cock
You need us, put on your web site
that you're on vacation
We'll find you
Hit Girl, back to headquarters
Sweet dreams
I need you to get rid of Kick-Ass
What's up?
Kick-Ass is killing my men, Gigante, that's what's up
My condolences
But I'm afraid I can't help you out on this one
He's movin' outside my jurisdiction
Outside your jurisdiction?
You're a fucking cop and he's breaking the law!
That's so inside your jurisdiction
it's ball-deep in your jurisdiction's ass!
The boss pays me to nail the bad guys.
You pay me not to
Everything else is in the grey area
Yeah, Fuck you very much, Vic. Just do it, okay?
Un-fuckin'believable
where is Cody?
He's late
Thank you, Cody. We appreciate your cooperation
Let me out now?
I gave you all them names and address
Hey, I won't say nothing to nobody.
You and you're crazy bitch friend can go back to where ever you once
Hey come on now...that's a very bad thing you're doing now..
Really nasty individuals...
Let me go, Hey... Do not do this
Come on!!
please..hey..stop!!!
stop, please!!
What a douche
You've done a self tan before, right?
Yeah, I do it all the time
Murder. Superheroes breaking into my bedroom
My life was turning into some fucked up dream I couldn't wake up from
Even with the good parts, were totally surreal
Oh hey, I read those old Ditko Spider-Mans you gave me?
They're actually pretty good
Yeah, they are
And it's been a whole week since I've heard from Rasul
That's great
Once upon a time, there were two super cops
called Daddy and Marcus...
who were very good at getting bad guys
Frank Damico was the baddest guy of them all
and he came up with a plan to get rid of Daddy
Search this place!
Being framed as drug dealer
was the worst possible thing that could have happened to Daddy
Prison was not his natural habitat
He was very upset
HERO COP JAILED
With Daddy in prison His pregnant wife was all alone
And could not cope
But all clouds have a silver lining
And out of her death..
Mindy was born
Marcus became the child's guardian
And Daddy started a plan of his very own
Five years later he left prison
And he was ready
Now it's time for Mindy to get ready too
How'd you find me Marcus?
One of us is still a cop, remember?
Now you brain-washed Mindy?
You say brain-washed I say made it into a game
What you call this? Playing, Damon?
Vigilante justice. Mass murder. C'mon, partner
So where is she?
She's safe Can I see her?
I miss her
I miss you both
I appreciate your concern
But you need to go now
I should warn you that asshole,
Gigante, is looking for Kick-Ass.
He got something to do with you Damon?
You started some kinda fucked-up superhero club?
Never heard of him
Ok, well heads up, alright?
You keep carrying on like you've been carrying on
and it's only a matter of time before Gigante's looking for you
He's been on D'Amico's payroll
ever since you passed up the opportunity,
You know I'm not gonna stop
Not 'til D'Amico and his whole damn operation are burnt to ashes
And buried
It ain't gonna bring her back, Damon
This is not the life for Mindy
You owe that kid a childhood
I'll tell you who owes her a childhood:
Frank D'Amico
Holy shit
I don't fuckin' believe it
Follow him. Around the corner
Not too fast
He's doing the high fives
I'll give 'em a motherfuckin' high five
High five and bullshit
Keep going, keep going
Not too close
He's going into the alley
He's going to the alley
Okay, when I tell you stop the car
Ready?
Hey Kick-Ass
How you doing?
Kill my men, huh?!
Take my fucking coke?!
What are you doing?
Let us go, come on
Come on, Frank, he had enough, Come on
What the fuck are you looking at? Huh?
Come on, let's go Come on
He was so young
Who would get to die that way?
I just can't believe he's dead that's all
Oh, I know
Listen Katie
guys like Rasul... They get mixed up in stuff, and...
I know, but what if it was my fault?
What if Kick-Ass did it?
I mean I feel like should call cops or something
you're talking crazy!
there's no way! He probably didn't even read your e-mail yet
Yeah? There's nothing to worry about
I'm so glad you're here
I look like such a mess
You look Okay
I'm here
Yeah I'm Okay
I hope it's Okay to say this, but
It so sucks that you're gay
KICK-ASS Impersonator Killed
I don't fuckin' believe this
What kind of children's fuckin' entertainer is that? Huh?
What kind of kid has a Spider-Man party sure.
But a fuckin' Kick-Ass Party?
What are they're selling paper plates and napkins down at the store, now?
Frank, You're scarin' me
You're losin' it.
Since when did you start getting your hands dirty again, huh?
And in public
Since when I asked you Fucks to deliver me Kick-Ass
and you don't deliver that's when
Hey give me a break it's been a week
We e-mailed him. We got half the crew doing petty crimes as bait
We're bustin' our asses here.
What hell are you doing?
You back on the Powder now, as well?
Mommy, I want Kick-Ass party. Dumb little fuck.
I know a way you could get him
Aww shit. Chris
How long you been there?
What the hell you doin'? Get the hell out!
You wanna hear it or not?
Hear what?
Okay, look: you're a superhero
and you're lonely but you can't trust
anyone because either they'll expose your secret identity....
Comic books, this kids reads, all fucking day long
Point is, there's only one way
a superhero would trust a stranger and...
I could be that stranger. You just gotta give me a chance
I know I can do it. I just need a few things
Like what?
I need these things
What, you fucking kidding me?
What the hell is this?
It's everything I need
And you might have to screw somebody over Like Louie or somebody
Louie?! Oh whoa, hey, Chris
Or somebody it doesn't have to be Louie
Tony
Tony?
I hate Tony Hey fuck Tony he's a scum bag
I swear dad If you let me do this it's gonna work
Tony
Tony Romita, one of America's most wanted crime king-pins
was arrested in Queens today
After a 911 cal from someone claiming to be a superhero...
So how are things going with Katie?
Oh, just peachy. Had a sleep over
and spent the whole night watching the entire Ugly Betty box set
and did pedicures.
I'm telling you, though the longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get.
I know.
I was gonna tell her. She just seems so...happy.
I don't know whens the right time.
Well, now's your chance.
She seems happy Hey guys
Hi
Oh, did you watch the TV? The new superhero guy? How cool was that?
What? Oooh look.
Can you turm it up please?
Check this out.
But it seems that far from being put-off,
this individual, who calls himself Red Mist,
has decided to take crime fighting to a new level,
as his actions last night proved.
Red Mist, how do you see it?
Well, I guess folks have just had enough of living in fear, you know,
and uh...Kick-Ass really proved that
one individual can make a difference.
So, If anyone out there needs help,
I'm gonna be fighting crime twentyfive/eight.
And I'm just one click away. RedMist.org.
Can you turn that off now?
What's so special about that guy?
He caught, like, a drug dealer Some most-wanted guy
He saw 'em bringing out, like, Na ton of stuff,
That's Pretty cool.
Yeah. way better costume than Kickass, too.
He's gotta cape Yeah
Capes rock Yeah
I'm kinda feelin' the cape. Looks good.
What, better than Kick-Ass?
I mean they're both kinda hot
I just think that Red Mist has a better body.
Don't you think, Dave?
Yeah Dave what do you think?
Is that the kind of guy you'd go for? With all that leather?
No, not me.
No, he's not really my type
Kick Ass
Red Mist
Oh shit
Fuck me, that kinda hurt.
You OK?
Yeah, no I'm cool
I can't believe you're here, man. like you're my hero.
You...inspired me. No Kick-Ass, no Red Mist.
Seriously.
Wow.
Really?
Straight up. And listen if you.. I dunno know...
if you wanted me to be your sidekick or something like that.....
You wanna be...my sidekick?
Yeah, man
you and me together, we would own. You wanna go fight some crime?
Oh...I mean like right now?
Yeah man, come on, I got something I wanna show you
Uh.. I mean like...to be honest with you,
I never fight crime between, like nine and two on weekdays,
so I really need to get back pretty soon.
Sweet!!
This yours?
Meet the Mistmobile.
Set-nav. Got my iPhone
so I can check the website for emergencies while I'm driving around.
Movin' up.
Mood lighting right there
Rear view cameras , no big deal.
Check this. You're gonna fuckin' love this.
The Mist.
Hey! Yep.
That's right. You wish you could be us. They love us.
Smoke?
Nuh-uh.
Yeah, well "Weed" takes the edge off things when I'm patrol..ya know.
Runnin' up against a crowd can get kinda scary, don't you thimk?
Something wrong?
You're so not how I expected
Oh, I got e-mail from this chick,
she said this guy's been following her home from work.
I've got her address and stuff. You wanna check it out?
Sure, why not?
Cool
So this chick was totally naked, right?
So I tell her to sit in my lap
and talk about the first thing that comes up.
Yep. Let's get the front he's on his way.
Very good.
Don't kill him 'til I get there.
Right
Looks like reading all them comics paid off, huh?
Your boy did good, Frankie.
He's his father's son.
I forget
What...the...fuck?
shit
Hey! What are you doing?
There are people in there!
Shouldn't we just call the Fire...
Shit!
Oh shit. Red Mist!
Red Mist...can you hear me?!!
Red Mist!
Where the fuck are you?
We've gotta get the hell out of here!!
Just move your fucking ass!!
Shit!!
Did you see those bodies?
Yeah, man.
Why'd you save the teddy...?
What?
I don't know, man. Come on.
come
What the hell are you doin' Frank?
You know I can't be here. What if somebody saw...
That little motherfucker, Kick-Ass,
burned down my warehouse and killed my men, Gigante.
Whoa...wait,wait, slow down. Kick-Ass?
You sure? You gotta help me, Vic
My son was there and he's still missing
They're all dead!! Everbody in the warehouse is dead!!
Put the gun down, Vic, it's Chris!
Chris is Red Mist?!
It's not Red Mist you gotta worry about, it's Kickass!
No, no, no, it's not. Kick-ass is some kinda geek, Dad.
You don't have to worry about him
You need to watch this!
Why? What does it do?
You're fucking kidding me
What? Goddamit, just sit down
What are you doing? What the hell is that thing?
You bought this to spy on the nanny when I was a kid,
don't you remember?
Why? You put it in the warehouse?
Yeah. I thought it'd be cool
to put the unmasking of Kick-Ass on the Internet, okay?
Watch.
So I tell her to sit in my lap
and talk about the first thing that comes up.
"Let's get the front he's on his way"
Who the hell is this guy?
I don't know, Dad
But, Kick-Ass told me we're not the only super heroes in town.
Maybe he knows who this guy is.
I want this place locked down.
Nobody comes in, nobody goes out
Not until somebody finds this cocksucker
and blows his fuckin' lungs out through his chest.
They're on to you. did you hear me? They're on to you
I thought they were looking for Kick-Ass?
Not anymore. Gigante just put on a little movie show for us.
Different Superhero.
In a warehouse killing a whole bunch of D'Amico's guys.
I'm gonna take a wild guess that was you?
I killed all the cameras. Apparently not.
Look bro, you need to get ghost. Hide yourself quick.
Appreciate it.
Mindy
No more homework, baby doll
It's time for Frank D'Amico to go bye-bye.
X-Men, Fantastic 4
Right now I can't beat the crap out of them.
Everything was out of control
I didn't know what the hell to do
You OK, Dave?
You look tired
Gonna have an early night tonight, maybe?
And there was no one I could talk to about it
Hello
Yeah...alright, bro.
I never felt more alone
I've always dreamed of being a super hero
But this...was a nightmare
It was time to stop wearing this stupid costume
But there was one last thing I needed it for
What's the difference between Spider-Man and Peter Parker?
Spider-Man gets the girl
Hey,I'm Kick-Ass!
I'm Kick Ass
You e-mailed me.
Please...
Fuck!!!!
Oh Fuck!!!!
Fuckin' freak in a mask-fuck!!
Get out of my house
I'm not gonna hurt you, alright!
No, no, it's me
I was only trying to surprise you Dave??!!
Sorry What the fuck are you doing?!!
Why are you dressed as Kick-Ass?
Because I am Kick-Ass.
What are you talking about?
And I'm also not gay.
Fuck!!!
And I know I've been an idiot, and a shit friend,
I lied to you , I know
Oh my God! -
I know and if it makes you feel any better,
I don't think you could hate me any more right now
I hate myself.
Please I'm ...
Look, I'm really really sorry
I've never met anybody who was as beautiful and as kind,
and...lovely as you.
You deserve better.
Dave
Yes
My mom has the burglar alarm set downstairs.
You should probably use the window.
Or
You could just stay.
stay?
Like when we have a sleepover?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you
We gotta get over the top of it
and then into it right in the middle of her.
Daddy, I think I found one.
It's perfect. And they can deliver it in three days...
And it's three hundred thousand dollars.
Can you think of anything else you'd rather spend it on? Oh my Gosh
that is cool!
Yeah.
Add to shopping cart
OK
Out of Kickass and Red Mist, who do you think would win in a fight?
Why are they fighting? That seems stupid
What do you think?
I don't know. But I think Kick-Ass is cuter.
Really?
I, for one, would definitely fuck his brains out if I got the chance.
You would?
Definitely.
Do you...uh, feel like checking out that new Kate Hudson movie where...
she's like a shoe designer kind of guy?
I think we can make the next showing if we leave...
Hell yeah.
I guess we're not invited
Alright..you know what, come here
I'm going to request a great meal for you right now
Suddenly, I understood
why super heroes only exist in the comics
I doubt why people didn't risk their life for strangers
because, for the first time in my life
I had something to worth living for
Something to lose
Katie was worried about me getting hurt,
so I promised her my Kick-Ass days were over.
And the truth was,
I hardly missed it at all.
I hadn't even checked the web site for, like, a week.
Ok ...I'm off then.
No Katie tonight?
Tomorrow. Wednesdays she does one of her volunteer things.
You seem like a different guy, you know that?
Your mom would've been so happy
to see you out of your shell like this.
Have a good night
Hey, baby Hi, what's going on?
I gotta do that Kick-Ass thing
What?
I thought you were done with that?
This is the last time. I totally swear...
I worry about you
I wish you wouldn't worry.
I can't help it. I do. Because I...
I...care about you a lot.
I...care about you a lot, too.
This better be serious, Dude,
because I promised my girlfriend that I'm done with all this shit.
How about both of us being dead? Is that serious enough for you?
Dead?
How?
Well it turns out those dead guys from the warehouse
had some bad motherfuckers for friends
and they think we did that shit.
There's a price on our heads, man.
A price on our heads? What is this, the wild west?
I'm not messing with you, dude!!
They found out where I lived!! They trashed my placed!!!
I'm fucking screwed!!! And you're gonna be next, Okay?!!!!
What?
Shit
What do we do?
Remember you mentioned that there were other super heroes
Yeah.
Well, do you think they can help us?
Hot chocolate, extra Marsh-mellows.
Wow it's even cooler than in the picture
child
you know because in the picture it didn't have Gatling guns
Nice job.
I'm gonna get ready for bed, Okay?
Okay baby doll.
Sleep tight Thanks
Kick-Ass?
You go get dressed I'l tell him to meet us at safehouse B
We'll have our hot-chocolate when we get back. Okay daddy.
C'mon.
No..no
you know where that is? I got it.
I'll just put it in the GPS
Alright, let's go
Shit
Well
here you are, and Red Mist, too.
Pleasure to meet you.
Good to meet you sir.
Please, come in
After you
Hit Girl , manners..honey.
Hi, I'm Hit Girl
No!!!!!
Hey he's with me, he's O.K.!
Shut the fuck up, kid!!! Your daddy's the boss!!
You don't order shit!! Shit! No!...
He's with me!!!!...
Let him go!!!...
Get outta here, get the fuck outta here
Hotdamn, I always wanted one of these...
Seriously you're gonna take that? Yes
Come on.
You know what being a super hero actually costs?
You happen to be in a lot of trouble here.
Kick-Ass!! Get em outta here!!
Kick Ass I'm sorry
Get in there
You better fire this asshole!!
Ignore him.
A Bazooka?
OK
We had a deal, dad.
We had a fucking deal that would get you the guy who did it.
All I'm asking is you let Kick-Ass go! He didn't do anything wrong!
Chris, you gotta look at this from my point of view, Okay?
I gotta send a public service message to the people out there
that being a superhero is bad for your health.
And the big motherfucker? Nobody knows who he is.
Yeah, but that's not fair!
Life's not fair, kid. Get over it.
What are you gonna do with them?
You really want to be a part of my business?
Yeah.
Then sit down, shut up
and watch.
Frank , we're ready
Enjoy the show
You patched-up with this thing?
I sure am big brother.
Watch and learn
Welcome back to breaking news
a world wide web broadcast of the New York superhero
who calls himself Kick-Ass.
is about to be shown live.
Rumors have it that this will be Kick-Ass' farewell appearance
that he will announce his retirement from crime fighting
but as word-of-mouth continues to spread,
internet providers are predicting that
it could be one of the most widely viewed live events in web history.
Hey, where's Dave ?
Hey have you guys noticed
He's with Katie...
obviously.
Why else would I be here?
With no idea as to who is behind the broadcast of this show
But we could see wide spread server crashes
Dave, why didn't you tell this is what you were doing.
You're on the news.
Call me
We go now over live to the countdown clock as we are moments away.
Showtime
Hello boys and girls, now this...uh...well you know who this guy is.
And...uh...this guy here is Big Daddy
And these are my friends.
Come on in guys say hello
Yeah.
Yeah there they are Hello, Hello
Now Big Daddy and Kick-Ass
are gonna help us show you why being a hero is a bad idea.
You know what a silent "K" is?
That's when "K" is at the beginning of the but you don't pronounce it
like in the word knuckle duster
Show them what knuckle duster can do, Guy.
Oh that must've hurt.
Let's see that again on the other side, go.
Oh Yeah, look at this
Now in France they say the word stick like this...
Ba-ton.
We have some of Kick-Ass' batons.
We're gonna show you what they can do.
Go ahead boys.
In America we say stick like this...
Baseball Bat
For hittin' knees..
hands...
It's also good for hittin' balls.
We don't do 'em individually, we do 'em all together.
Gentlemen please. Yeah.
Oh this looks very painful...
Due to the distressing nature of the images
we are unable to
broadcast the events currently streaming live on the Internet
No No
Misguided miscalculations suggest that
this may be some kind of hoax or publicity stunt.
It is now clear that the hostages are in genuine danger
That all signs point to the intentions
to stage a live execution in the next few minutes
Even with my metal plates and my fucked up nerve endings,
I've gotta tell ya,
that hurt.
There can you see
Yes, the silent killer
But not half as much as the idea of leaving everything behind.
Katie
My dad.
Todd and Marty
And all the things I'd never do.
Like learn to drive.
Or see what me and Katie's kids would look like.
Or find out what happened on Lost.
And if you're reassuring yourself
that I'm gonna make it through this since I'm talking to you now,
quit being such a smart ass.
Hell dude. You've never seen Sin City?
Sunset Boulevard? American Beauty?
And this,...for all you brave men out there...is fire.
Fire, Fire's good
Fire is our friend
Gentlemen
Time to die.
What the...
Find me a lighter
I've got it
No!!!!!!!
Take cover, child!!!!!!!!!!
Now switch to Kryptonite!!!!!!!
Eject, 2 rounds and relay!!!!!!
Show's over mother-fuckers.
Yeah!!!
I think I'm in love with her, dude.
She looks like she's about 11 years old, but...
I can wait. I solemnly vow
to save myself for her.
I can see that this can be really difficult for you.
Are you OK?
Yeah. Whoa
Good job.
I'm so proud of you, baby doll
Are you OK?
Yes
Getting shot, daddy, hurt a lot more than when you did it.
That's because I used low-velocity rounds, child.
You're the kindest daddy in the whole world
I just....
I love you
I love you too daddy
I love you, dad
good night
What's your name?
I mean, your real name
A super hero never reveals her true identity.
What look, you can't go on...
However you lived before...
It's over.
Is there anybody else?
Any other family, or?
I can take care of myself.
I saved your sorry ass!
what about money?
Alright, cause you've got to think long-term
I've got three million dollars in a suitcase!
That long-term enough for ya?
It's not all about the money,
I owe you
If not for you, I'd be dead.
if it wasn't for you
my dad wouldn't be.
Look
pack up whatever you need and we'll go back to my place.
I just need to clean up, I think?
Woah. I meant, like pajamas
and clothes and stuff. You can't take that stuff to my house.
You know what my dad would have really wanted?
He would have wanted me to finish what we started.
And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
Is this Frank D'Amico's place?
All that security
Are you crazy?
My mom already died for nothing.
So, I'm sure as hell not gonna let my dad die for nothing too.
You can't do this on your own.
Exactly
You wanna deal with owing my dad?
Then shut the hell up and pick your weapon.
Is that what I think it is?
Damn straight.
Oh you better start reading the instructions,
'cause you're gonna be using it in about five minutes.
Yo listen up, you've got 5 minutes and I want you back on your post
and don't leave a mess
Everything okay?
Things alright, boss
Can't believe I got my gun back
Look at that
You know it's not that..
Let her in
That's a little kid
What's the matter with you?
You okay, sweetheart?
No, I lost my mommy and daddy.
she lost her mommy and daddy
You wanna use my cell phone?
Now can you remember the number?
Had I ever been a real superhero?
The most I'd ever had to offer the world was
good intentions and a slightly elevated capacity to take a kicking.
With no power comes no responsibility.
Except
that wasn't true.
shit
Hey I'm in here come help me out!!!!!!!!!
Wait, fuck this!! And, everybody's dead!!!
She's behind the counter, she's out of ammo.
Do you think they got her?
If they didn't he will.
Get out there
Now?
Yeah, now
What the fuck is going on?
We got her trapped she's still alive
So what the hell you guys waiting for?
Go get her Go ahead.
I only got one fucking gun. I'm not going in there.
Do it now
Come on
Fuck this shit.
I'm getting the Bazooka
Bazooka?
Bazooka
Whoa hold it. It's only me boss. Everything is under control.
Under control? You're grabbing a fucking Bazooka you dumb ass.
Sir? Do it
I always wanted to say this...
say Hello to my little friend
Holy shit
That is one weird sounding Bazooka
Stu!
Fuck!
Get out
Play time's over, kid.
I never play
Oh really?
Ruin my business, Huh?
I'll kill every single fucking guy or gal in my way
I wish my son was just like you.
It is time for family reunion
Hey
Why don't you pick on someone your own size.
You Ok?
Yeah
Time to go home
Thanks, Kick-Ass.
My daddy....
He would have been proud of both of us.
Dave
Dave Lizewski.
I know that, dumbass
Mindy
Mindy MacReady
Bye
Mindy moved in with Marcus and he enrolled her at my school
Bye Good luck
first school she'd ever been to
on the promise that I'd look out for her.
"Not that she needed me too".
Hey. New kid.
Hi
Lunch money.
Now.
Kick-Ass was gone, but not forgotten.
And my world is much safer with all the new superheroes.
They said I was their inspiration
But all I did was make a door into a world
I dreamed about, since I was little kid.
A world full of super heroes, huh?
like a great man once said...
Wait'll they get a load of me.