月圆之夜 On a full moon night
紫禁之巅 On the roof of the Forbidden City
一剑西来 A sword from the west
天外飞仙 Flying fairy
今日有幸，见到当代两大剑客决斗 You Fa Moon-lau and me, Luk Siu Fung
我陆小凤与你花满楼，都不枉此生了 would be so glad to watch the duel of 2 great swordsmen
是呀，西门吹雪和叶孤城两人的宝剑 尚未出鞘 Yes. Sai Mun Tsui-suet & Yip Koo-shing's swords
剑气已经弥漫四周了 haven't been shown yet but we can smell it
此剑乃海外寒剑精英，吹毛断发 This sword is made by finest steel
剑锋三尺三，净重六斤四两 its length is 3 feet 3 inches weight 6 catties and 4 taels
此剑乃天下利器 This sword is very sharp
剑锋三尺七寸，净重七斤十三两 Its length is 3 feet 7 inches weight 7 catties & 13 taels
西门吹雪 你有没有把握接我这招天外飞仙？ Sai Mun Tsui-suet, do you have confidence to face my stance?
叶城主，我已经准备好了 Mr. Yip, I'm ready
天 Fly...
外 Flying...
飞 Fa...
仙 Fairy!
什么人？ Who are you?
是谁这么大胆敢在 皇上屋顶打架？报上名来 How dare you fight on the roof top of the Emperor's house? Tell me your names
在下白云城主叶孤城 I'm Yip Koo-shing Master of the White Cloud Castle
叶孤城？！ Yip Koo-ching?
还有我，冷如冰，寒如雪 剑客西门吹雪 And... I'm a cool swordsman Sai Mun Tsui-suet
还有我，风流盲侠花满楼 And me, Fa Moon-lau, the Blind Superman
还有我四条眉毛 人见人爱，陆小凤！ And me, a lovely hero with 4 eye-brows. Luk Siu-fung!
阿…陆…小凤呀 What? Luk Siu-fung?
人见人爱呀？！ Lovely hero?
你可知你妨碍了两大高手决斗？ You know you're bothering 2 great swordsmen to have their duel?
你是什么人？ Who are you?
保龙一族，灵灵发 Secret Agent Ling Ling Fat
负责秘密保护皇上 还有保护皇宫内外一切产业 I'm responsible to protect His Majesty and his properties
现在听着，陆小凤、花满楼 叶孤城、西门吹雪 Listen, you old folks!
你们几个老家伙居然闯入私人禁地 You are charged of breach of close
非法集会 You're charged of illegal gathering, too
罪名是在公共地方行为不检 And haven't behaved yourselves in public area
你不要老家伙长老家伙短的 Hey, don't call us old folks!
高手不一定要长得多英俊 Great swordsmen may not always be handsome
只不过是你们这些 星斗市民一厢情愿的想法罢了 Handsome heroes are just the expectations of ordinary people
是呀！难道大侠就不能秃头吗？ Yes. Heroes will have bald head too
也没有像你们这么不修篇幅的 But not as ugly as you are!
给我们一条生路吧？ Please give us a chance!
这是绝版独家秘笈呀，拿去！ This is a precious secret scroll of Kung-fu
送给你！快点开锁呀 Take it. Uncuff us at once
就凭你这本烂书就想脱身？ 做梦呀你！ You want to exchange your freedom with such poor book? Stop dreaming
我叶孤城的名号你没听过？ Haven't you heard of my name?
当然没听过啦，你不是很有名！闪开 Of course not! You're not that famous. Get lost
小老弟，给个面子 好歹我也是西… Young man better give us face. I'm Sai...
就是因为你不是东西！ 所以我不给你面子 I don't care I won't give you face, anyway
混蛋，我是中原第一盲侠 Bastard! You'd respect the blind
盲了就不要学人家爬得那么高啦 Since you're blind, don't climb up!
会摔死的！老伯！ Or, you'll fall to death, old man
太过份了 我陆小凤只要灵犀一指你就… You've gone too far! Once I attack with my Wonder Fingers...
我也会呀！一指呀 看到没有？好好学着！ Wonder Finger? I have one too. Got it? Better learn it
全部趴下，双手放在头上 All of you, on the floor put your hands on your heads
少说派你们坐个十年八年的牢 I think you'll be put to jail not less than 10 years
这一次真的不会放过你们了 I won't let you go this time
真是没面子 What a shame!
各位兄弟，我们不要跟他一般见识 Pals, let's forget this ignorant guy
不如改日再战 Let's choose another day for the fight
这么厉害？！ So powerful!
保龙一族成员 Members of the Secret Agent
灵灵恭 Ling Ling Kung
灵灵喜 Ling Ling Hei
灵灵发 Ling Ling Fat
灵灵财 Ling Ling Choi
誓死效忠皇上 We'll be your Majesty's loyal servants forever
铁布衫 Iron Clothe!
衣服破了 是呀… It breaks Yes...
好… Great!
碎石脚 Unbreakable Armor
五形拳 Five Shapes Fists
龙 Dragon
蛇 Snake
虎 Tiger
豹 Panther
鹤 Crane
好！ Bravo!
干什么？ What's up?
这两块石头产于北方极地之下 These 2 stones are found in the very North
共分两面，有神奇的力量 There are 2 sides, with amazing power
阳面和阳面在一起会同性相拒 If positive side face the positive side they'll reject each other
不能互碰 They can't stick together
而阴面跟阳面在一起就会异性相吸 If the positive side faces the negative side, they'll stick together
非常神奇 Very amazing!
实在是一个重大的发现 It's a great discovery
微臣想将它献给皇上 I'd like to devote it to you
这有什么用呀？ What's the use of it?
上面两位宫女 以后就不用摇扇子摇得那么辛苦了 Girls, you need not sway the fan so hardly from now on
刚刚两块不合适，现在看看这一个 That two aren't attractive how about this?
将这两块叶子连在一起 Put these 2 leaves together
再用双手快速转动 and move it with great speed
就会造成强烈的气流，形成旋风 So strong wind will be created
你说，天气热的时候 有一把这个东西，不是挺好的吗？ If the weather is hot this new product would be wonderful!
不知道皇上有没有兴趣 代理我这个新产品？ Is Your Majesty interested in being a sole agent of my product?
请皇上恕罪，微臣没有好好管教部下 Your Majesty, I've not given my subordinates good guidance
实在是我失职 I'd be blamed!
灵灵发，你不要胡闹！ Ling Ling Fat, behave yourself
对了，我想到一个方法 可以破你的铁布衫 I've got a way to defeat your Iron Clothe
佛印 Fat-yan
来了 I'm coming
我发现将木炭、硝石、硫磺 I've discovered that
摆在一个小小的空间里 if I put carbon Nitre and sulphur in a small space
比如，人的口中 say, inside one's mouth
再加进一颗小小的钢珠 And, one tiny steel ball is put in
当里面引爆的时候 When an explosion is happened inside
固体变成气体 气体澎涨产生强大力量 solid becomes gas form and the expansion creates great power
将这颗钢珠迫出来 So the steel ball will be pushed out
威力足以断石分金 The power is so great that it can break stone and metal
铁布衫马上变成一件破衣服 Iron clothe will become a mess
你说什么？ What did you say?
好，来！ Great! Come here
佛印，准备好没有？ Fat-yan, are you ready?
这种武器唯一的缺点 The only demerit of this weapon is...
就是爆炸的时候嘴巴会产生高温 high temperature will be caused
所以佛印的嘴一定要经过特别训练 So Fat-yan's mouth must be under series of special training
刚开始在嘴巴最嫩的时候 先吃点很热的灌汤饺和小笼包 say, eat hot dumplings as training step no. One
要不然就是喝热汤的时候一饮而尽 Or, drink very hot soup
佛印的嘴已经能够承受一百度的高温 Now, Fat-yan's mouth can stand temperature of 100¡æ
我告诉你 就算吃鱼翅也能够吃得比别人快 I tell you, he can eat hot shark-fin soup faster than anyone else
能多吃两碗 so, he can eat much more than us
只不过！ But...
奉劝各位小朋友，千万别学呀！ Kids should not learn this
成功了没有呀？ Make it or not?
还差一点点 It's almost successful
我好像觉得我的嘴巴不见了 I feel that my mouth has had gone
只是变大了 No, it becomes bigger only
到底有多大呀？ How big is it?
很大的，你放心吧！ Very big, don't worry
差不多成功，就差一点点 It's almost done!
如果多给我一点时间改良的话 我应该就可以… Give me some time to amend it I think I can...
住口！ Shut up!
请皇上息怒 Please don't get angry
阿发，你到底在搞什么？ Fat, what are you doing?
搞些小小新意 Doing minor things
我问你搞什么？ I'm asking you, what are you doing?
就是东搞一下西搞一下嘛 Just some inventions
说呀！你搞什么呀？ Say! What're you doing?
你到底搞什么东西呀？ 皇上问你 What the hell are you doing? The Majesty is asking you
你搞什么？ 快点说！ What're you doing? Say!
当然我也是想搞点新的东西出来 I just want to make new inventions
你给我上来说！站这儿！ Come up! I want you to come up and tell me
快点，走快点… Hurry up...
我来了！ I'm coming soon
如果不是保龙一族代代相传 If your post wasn't from heritage
我早就把你赶出去了 I would have fired you!
你现在给我滚下去 Now, get lost!
我给你一个大夫的职位 让你用来掩饰身份 I let you cover yourself by acting as a doctor
他选的是妇科大夫 But he chose to be a gynecologist!
你看看你多没出息呀！ What a shame!
平常也不见你勤练功夫 You seldom practise Kung-fu
每天不知道在搞什么鬼 I don't know what you're doing at all
他昨天晚上还没来开会哩 He didn't come for a meeting last night
你昨晚跑到哪儿去了？ Where were you last night?
我上屋顶捉贼了皇上 I caught thieves on the roof top
捉什么贼呀？ What thieves?
我捉到叶孤城，西门吹雪，跟陆小凤 I caught Yip Koo-shing Sai Mun Tsui-suet and Luk Siu-fung
虽然后来让他们跑了 Although they escaped
可是我拿到一本秘笈呀 I got a secret scroll of Kung-fu instead
那你拿到什么秘笈呀？ What's that?
就是天外飞仙呀皇上 A stance named Flying Fairy
那你练了没有呢？ Have you practised?
练了一点呀！ Yes, I did a bit
你马上练给我看看 Show me now
这招就是天外飞仙 This is called Flying Fairy
他在耍你呀皇上 He is fooling you, Your Majesty
马上给我上来，快点，站这儿… Get up! Now! Quick! Stand right here!
来了… 快点… I'm coming... Hurry up...
别装蒜，快上来… Don't pretend. Come up...
来了… Coming
给我上来… 到了… Come up! Coming!
现在立刻消失 Get out now!
我告诉你 I tell you
我以后不要再看到你！ I don't want to see you again
连声也不要听到！ and hear from you either!
保龙一族… Secret agent...
好！ Great!
好呀！ Great!
大夫，我… Doctor, I...
我开点药给你好吗？ Let me give you some medicine?
你不要那么急嘛 先听我说完到底那里不舒服呀 Wait, let me tell you my symptoms first
有什么不舒服都要开药 没别的办法可行了 You have to take medicine anyway, right?
拿药 Take the medicine
给钱 Pay now
送客 Show her to the door
大夫，我大老远到这里来 Doctor, I've come a long way here
你先让我说完那里不舒服呀 Please listen to me first
拜托你嘛，让我说嘛 Come on, please!
我让你一路回你家，一路说 I'll let you say anything you like...
到你家还没说完的话再从头说一次 on your way home
下一位 Next
大夫，我不舒服呀 Doctor, I'm sick
我开点药给你好吗？ Let me give you some medicine
我手脚冰冷，头晕发热 My hands and legs are cold I feel dizzy too
气虚血弱 有时候蹲下来再站起来还会头晕呀 Sometimes when I stand up after a squat I'll feel dizzy
那没办法了，连药都省了 Well, no medicine is needed
回去准备办后事吧 Go home and prepare for your funeral
有这么严重？会不会是… Are you kidding me? Isn't it...
女人一个月一次失血过多贫血怕冷 because of woman's period?
生病或者是产后失调呀？ Or hormone changed after delivery?
有什么根据呢？ What make you think so?
所谓脉象缓静，血不养汗 舌头发白，血不养肝嘛！ Well, you can tell it from the color of tongue
那应该怎么医治呢？ Well, how to cure you then?
很简单 It's simple
应该用天南星五钱，百合一钱半 Use 1/2 tael of Tin Nam Sing 0.15 tael of Lily
土丑星麻两钱 史君子八分，夏枯草一两 0.2 tael of To Chow Sing, 0.08 tael of Si Kwan Chi, one teal of Ha Fu Tsoi
以款冬花做药引 再用文武火反复互煎！ Plus winter flower, cook with light fire
药已经抓好了，用八碗水煎成一碗 Here they are boil with eight bowls of water
药到病除！ Drink it, then you'll recover soon
多谢大夫 Thank you, doctor
送大夫 Show doctor to the door
下一… Ne...
位？ Next?
大夫，我的心好不舒服呀！ Doctor, my heart aches!
开点药给你吃好吗？ Let me give you some medicine
我家那个死鬼在外面养小老婆呀 My nasty husband has a concubine
说他两句就动手打人 He always beats me up!
我受够了 虽然粗暴的男人会让我觉得刺激 I've suffered enough! Although a rude man brings extra excitement
但是我真的受不了，我受不了啦 I couldn't stand any more!
大夫，你粗不粗暴？ Doctor, are you rude?
看情况呀… It depends
我也可以粗暴呀… Sometimes, I can be rude
好！我老公在外面玩，我也玩给他看 Alright, my husband fools around I want to have a secret affair too
来呀 Come on!
我看你有多粗！ Let me see how rude are you!
老婆！ Honey!
什么事呀老公？ What's the matter, honey?
这位姑娘… This lady...
要我帮忙 she wants my help
医者父母心嘛 You know, I am a kind-hearted doctor
人家大老远赶来 你能够帮忙就帮一下 She comes a long way here just give her a hand
这位姑娘的手脚撑得这么久 会不会累呀？ Miss, are you tired?
我煮碗面给你吃？ Do you want some noodle?
我没事了 I am fine!
老婆，我乖不乖呀？ Honey, am I a good husband?
我来了，你当然乖啦 I have arrived, that's why you behaved!
如果我没有来，你会不会受诱惑呀？ If I am not present will you accept the temptation?
我可以对天发誓 I swear!
会！ I will!
你这个死鬼！ You bastard!
你再说一次 你是不是真的会受诱惑，讲！ Once again will you take the temptation! Tell me
会 Yes
好！ Great
我不怕痒，傻瓜！ I am not afraid of it! You nuts!
咬就不玩了 I will not play with you if you bite!
好呀！ Alright
投降呀老婆！投降呀老婆！ I surrender! I surrender!
放手呀！ Hands off!
我不放！我一放你就会扑过来 No! Or you will jump over!
我不会…我真的投降了 I won't! I surrender!
我的手都快断了，老婆快放手呀 My hand breaks! Honey hands off me please
我不信！ I don't believe in you
真的断了！ It really breaks!
对不起呀老公 Sorry, hubby
你这个女人 You woman!
一手空手擒拿的武功练得这么好 You are really good at Kung-fu
师傅不单不会不高兴 而且我的内心里 Master is so pleased!
觉得很安慰，师傅… I won't feel unhappy
什么？ What?
现在内心里面正在 想些什么你猜到了没有？ Do you know what's in my mind?
我还有奖品要给你哩 I have present for you
你记不记得前两天在厨房切葱的时候 Remember you cut the onion few days ago
切切切切 you chopped and chopped...
切到了手指头呀？ At last, you cut your finger
现在我把这只手送给你 Now, I will give you this hand
以后你就用自己的手抓住这只手 So, you can use your own hand to catch this hand
用这只手按着那些葱 And use this hand to hold the onion
然后就算是切到也是切到这只手 Even you cut your hand it'll be a fake hand
不是切到自己的手 Your own hand won't be hurt!
你怎么想到的？ How can you make it?
谢谢你呀老公！ Thank you, hubby!
老婆！ Sweetie!
老公！ Honey!
老婆！ Sweetie!
老公！ Honey!
还有你说，扫地是最辛苦的？ You said, it's tough to clean the floor
对呀 Yes
我再送你这双鞋 Take this pair of shoes
你穿上之后呢，右脚就是扫帚 After wearing it your legs will help you a lot
左脚就是扫箕 See, your legs will become groom & dust pan
然后你可以一路走一路扫地 And you can clean the floor while you are walking
张开嘴巴 Open your mouth
把垃圾都扫进你嘴里 Put all the rubbish inside your mouth
不要！ No!
等等… Wait
你觉得怎么样？ How do you feel?
老公，我觉得你是 一个很伟大的发明家！ Hubby, I think you are a great inventor
还有呢？ What else?
还有… And...
我好爱你呀 I love you very much!
我都是… So...
睡吧 Let's sleep
但是我想试一下 But I want to try this!
要试就试这一个 No, try this
是老鼠呀 It's rat!
这次我利用老鼠出力来产生力量 This time, I'll use rat's movement to release power
再利用齿轮将这种力量大量增加 And it will push the wheel to increase the power
继而推动这个升降台 then, it's powerful enough to move this!
于是呢就可以反复 举起一两百斤重的东西 It can support weight over 200 catties
老公，上次我们用 那个蒸气发动不好吗？ How about the steam machine we used last time?
蒸气发动每次一到 紧要关头水就烧干不会动了！ It's good, but when it is dried it will stop at once
你说它好不好呀？ Isn't this better?
说得也对呀 You are right
就是差了一点嘛对不对？ But, something is missing
而且这一次我最大的突破 And this is the greatest breakthrough I've ever made
是可以依不同的需要 选择不同的速度 Now, we can choose different grade of speed for different needs
你看！ Look!
老婆，你说我厉不厉害呀？ Honey, am I wonderful?
你好贱呀！ You are so cheap!
那还用说？ Sure!
老公，那个『后』是什么意思呀？ Honey, what does that Rear mean?
后就是向后嘛 That's backward!
让我试试看！ Let me try
不要！ No!
行不行得通呀？ Does it work?
行得通！ 我用你这个摇控鸳鸯铲来炒菜 Sure, I cook with this super turning shovel
真的一滴油也不会喷到我身上呀！ Not even a drop of oil can dirty me
鸳鸯铲当然好用啦！ 我说的是那个抽油烟机呀 Sure, but I mean the air system machine!
抽油烟机？ That machine?
那你多转几次让我看看 Show me once
真的可以！ 你这台抽油烟机真的可以抽油烟呀 It works, this is effective
还可以锻炼身体哩！ And you can take this as practice
对呀，还可以锻炼身体呀！ Yeah, it's good to health
老公 Hubby
老婆 Honey
老公 Hubby
老婆 Honey
老公 Hubby
我借给你玩一下 I'll let you play
好呀！ Great
好像鬼一样的那个又来了！ The one who is like a ghost has arrived
那里不舒服呀？ What's wrong with you?
大夫… Doctor...
这里只有我们两个 Just between you and me!
你扮女人已经够了 It's enough for you to disguise as woman
你还学女人说话你想杀死我呀？ It's not necessary for you to talk like a woman!
身为保龙一族的情报人员 Being a member of the Forbidden City Cops
我应该神不知鬼不觉的隐藏身份 I should try my very best to cover my identity
小心点好 Better be careful
大夫… Doctor...
我是不是有了？ Am I pregnant?
是呀，吃了这包药把他打掉 Yes, eat this for abortion
你还有什么不舒服的快点说呀 What else do you want to say?
佛印说… Fat-yan said...
不要再学女人说话了 Don't talk like a woman
佛印说… Fat-yan said...
躺低一点，不要让我看到你的样子 Lie down, don't let me see your face
佛印说 有重要任务叫你马上返回秘密基地 There is an important mission for you go back to the Headquarters
早点说嘛 Better say earlier!
阿发，机灵点呀 Fat, be smart
这次这个艰巨的任务 能不能完成就靠你了 This important mission is counted on you
秘密基地这几天晚上都在办大食会 We have had banquets in the headquarters in these nights
要是今天不把这些碗洗好 if you can't clean all the dishes tonight
一定抓你去坐牢的 you will be put to jail
皇上驾到 Here comes His Majesty
微臣听到消息说，在金国境内 I've got a message that inside the territory of Gum Kingdom
上月有巨星落在天府之西 Something mysterious happened last month that is
是吗？ Oh, really?
金人称之为『天外飞仙』 A creature called Flying Fairy fell down from heaven
并且召集了各地的名医 Thus, they called a meeting for all famous doctors in our country
来主持解剖天外飞仙 In order to dissect the Flying Fairy
解剖天外飞仙？ Dissect Flying Fairy?
在皇上的英明领道之下 Under the great leadership of Your Majesty
怎么会发生这么无知荒诞之事？ how come such ridiculous thing happens?
我看一定是江湖术士装神弄鬼的把戏 I am sure this is the trick of the cheaters
这样你也去看呀？ Do you still want to go?
这种人渣，就是被骗也是活该呀 Only the fool will be cheated!
朕想去看看 I do want to take a look
明知有这种结果 皇上依然勇敢的去面对这些事 You know it is ridiculous but Your Majesty still want to face it
这真是勇气可加，多么的勇敢！ you are so brave, so courageous!
只有在这么有勇气和 求知欲又强的皇上领道之下 Only under the leadership of such brave and smart emperor
国家才可以自强不息，繁荣安定 our country will be prosperous and stable
皇上万岁！ Long life to Your Majesty
金国人奸诈狡猾，一定有阴谋 The people of Gum Kingdom are always cunning, it may be a trap
皇上去的话，必定会有危险 If you go, it may be dangerous
别管这么多了 Forget it
这些碗洗不完你更危险 If you don't finish washing these dishes you'll be more dangerous
但是我有责任一定要提醒皇上呀 But I have duty to remind Your Majesty
皇上万岁… Long life to Your Majesty
好！ Bravo
恭喜财，准备护驾上路 Kung Hei Choi, you will protect me
明天起程 we will set out tomorrow
是 Yes
皇上万岁… Long life Your Majesty
阿发，不要再说了 Fat, cut the crap
皇上不想听到你的声音呀 His Majesty doesn't want to hear your voice
再说小心被砍头呀！ If you say anything nonsense your head will be chopped off
洗碗吧！不要… Wash the dishes. Don't speak up...
阿弥陀佛，又救了你一命 Thank God, you are saved!
我的碗你帮我洗了 You wash my dishes
当然有阴谋呀！ There must be conspiracy!
中原繁荣安定 China is stable and prosperous
美女特别美 The beautiful women are specially beautiful
俊男又特别俊呀 The handsome men are specially handsome
我真希望见到我们金山教的旗帜 I do hope that our flag of Gum Sect
飘扬在中原土地上 will be found on their soil
汉人体弱士兵多病 The Chinese soldiers are poor in health
这次借解剖天外飞仙为名 召集中土名医 The dissection of Flying Fairy is to gather the Chinese doctors
接着去把他们杀个片甲不留 then, we will launch an attack to the Chinese troops
这样敌军缺乏医治 Since they have no doctors
我军就可以长驱南下 our troops can march from the North to South with ease
到时候席卷中原 可以说是易如反掌呀 It'll be a piece of cake for us to conquer China
你这个小子 平常看起来已经够生气了 You bastard, you look like a dummy
笑起来样子更生气 especially when you smile!
我真不晓得为什么你这么生气！ I don't know why you are so dummy looking!
你还说 Stop it!
我见到你的样子就已经够生气了！ I am like a dummy whenever I see you
见到爹的样子，就更生气了！ When I see daddy I seem to be more foolish!
你不喜欢看到爹现在的样子吗？ Don't you like my look?
你爹是因为练了无相神功走火入魔 Your dad ruined his face
以致面目全非呀 because of practising No Face's Stance!
甲二 A 2
壬四 I four
中了没有？ Got it?
中了 Bingo
丁四七 D 4 and 7
辛二五 H 25
中了没有？ Got it?
二六 Two Six
再试试二五 Try Two Five again
二五 Two Five
还是二六 Go back to 26
二六 2 & 6
中了没有？ Got it?
中了 Yes
还有哪儿痒呀？ Where do you feel itchy?
丙一三四六八，加上丁一 C 13468 plus D 1
再补一条甲二戊四双宝 And, A 2, E 4
中了没有？ Got it?
你怎么那么笨呀？这那会中呀？ You are so stupid! You won't make it like this!
我不笨怎么表示你聪明呀？ I am stupid, that's why you look smart
拜托你不要再说我聪明了 Please don't say I am smart
可是你的发明真的很棒呀 But your inventions are really wonderful
谁说的？ Who said so?
我说的 I said it
贵姓呀？ What's your name?
姓刘呀 Lau
那一位呀，阁下 Who are you?
你老婆！ I am your wife
哮 哮 Shit!
你不要哮我！ Come on, don't scold me
是你哮我我才会哮你的 You scolded me first
现在全世界只有你称赞我 有什么用呀？ You are the only one who praises me but what's the use of it?
我才不管它有没有用 I don't care!
我就是觉得你很棒 I think you are really great
你棒我当然称赞你了！ You are great, that's why I praise you!
你不懂我说的话？ Don't you understand my words?
那你想说什么呀？ What do you want to say?
你不知道呀？ Don't you know it?
我在外面做事已经很辛苦 I have had a difficult job
我有多辛苦你知道个屁呀！ But you will never know it
对呀！你每天出去做事我真的不知道 I don't know how hard your job is
我只相信你做的是好事 But I believe that you are doing something good
谁得罪你了，你去把他骂回来 Just scold whoever offended you
你不要拿我当出气筒 But never blame me as scapegoat
因为我跟你熟呀 Since you are familiar with me
那我就活该倒霉呀？ That's why I should be blamed?
不怕他妈的告诉你 I tell you!
没错！ Yes
所以你就… So, you...
就拿你当我的出气筒 You can blame me instead?
Yeah！ Yeah!
不服气呀？走呀！ So what? Why not leave home?
你怎么会知道我躲在卓下面？ How do you know I am hiding under the table?
你每次都躲在卓下面呀 You always hide under the table
我有什么办法能够 不知道你躲在卓下面呢？ That's why I know you must be hiding under the table
拜托你用点脑子想一想 Please use your brain to think!
再找几个新的地方来躲 Think a new place to hide!
好让我有一点新鲜感好吧？ So, I will have new excitement
可是我不躲在卓下面 我怕你找不到我嘛！ But if I don't hide under the table I am afraid you can't find me
我真受不了你！ I can't stand it any more
你不要这个样子，我拜托你好不好？ Please don't! I beg you!
老婆，你不要这个样子，谢谢… Honey, please don't do it again
我只是一个血肉之躯 你每次都这样骂我 I am a woman only but you always scold me
我不知道那天我忍不下去了 I am afraid I can't tolerate it any more
忍不下去你就走呀 If you can't tolerate it, just leave me
我去洗澡了 I'm going to bath
我叫你走呀 I ask you to leave me alone!
你会不会肚子饿呀？ Are you hungry?
我煮碗面给你吃 I'll do you some noodle
对不起呀，是我不对 Sorry, it's my fault
我发神经 I lose my mind
算了 Forget it
究竟是什么事让你生那么大的气呀？ But why do you lose your temper?
在金国有个很重要的医学会议 There is an important medical meeting held in Gum Kingdom
我想去但没有资格参加 But I am not qualified to join it
谁说你没有？ Who said so?
我说你有 I said, you are qualified
全世界说我没有都无所谓 I don't mind others disqualifying me
你说我有就… According to what you said
行了！ I can go now!
停！ Stop!
什么事呀？ What's the matter?
荒山野岭，居然出现几个樵夫 Some woodmen appear in such remote place
小心有诈 be careful of trick!
你们是什么人？ Who are you?
我们是砍柴的 We're woodmen
不要挡我的路呀 Don't block my way
我是皇上 I am the Emperor
全部闪开 Get lost!
你们在路上千万不要张扬 Don't disclose our identities on the way
这次我是微服出巡 不想让人家知道我是皇上 I don't want others to know I am the Emperor
知道吗？ Got it?
知道 Yes, Your Majesty
起轿 Let's go
带头那个人呼吸细密，眼神锐利 The leading guy is having long and soft breath
一定是长练气功的高手 He must be a Kung-fu master who is good at Air Stance
带鞭子的那一个步法稳健 The one with whip is having stable steps
他的下盘功夫一定非常了得 He must be a great Kung-fu fighter
还有那个双臂挥动有力 And the one, with strong arms
我看是练上三路的高手 He must be a great Kung-fu fighter too
这三个相信就是保龙一族的铁布衫 I think they must be the famous Forbidden City Cops
碎石脚跟五形拳 Iron Clothe, Unbreakable Armor and Five Shapes Fists
保龙一族三大高手全都到齐了 Three Forbidden City Cops are all here
轿里面那一个一定是当今皇帝 the one inside the sedan chair must be the emperor
本来想抓那些白痴大夫 We do want to arrest some stupid doctors
谁知道来了一个皇帝 God knows, here comes a king!
这一次真是踏破铁鞋无觅处 得来全不费功夫！ How lucky are we to have such good chance!
又怎么了？ So what?
护驾 Protect me
正点 It's great
好恶心呀 So disgusting!
可以进场了 The participants can go into the hall now
老婆，那个解剖大会好像要开始了 Honey, the meeting is going to start
我们去看看 Let's go
这个解剖大会真的要见识一下 I can't miss this chance!
『射』一声挖开肚子 First, cut the belly
『划』的拉开层皮 Tear its skin
『光』的一声肠子拉出来了 Pull the intestines out
接住『砰』的一声，大便都出来了 Then, its shit spitted out...
真是精彩过瘾呀 So exciting!
老公，我刚刚看到 市集好多新衣服在卖 Honey, there are new clothes for sale
我去买衣服 I am going to buy some
那等一下怎办呀？ How to meet you later?
等一下散会了你就到 卖衣服那一边去找我 After the meeting just go there to look for me
就这样子！ Alright
不要到处乱跑啊 Don't wander off
请柬呢？ Invitation card?
请柬？ Invitation card?
就这种请柬呀 This kind of invitation card
通融一下啦，我也是大夫呀 Please let me go, I am a doctor too
你是大夫？ Are you a doctor?
是呀，我很出名的 Yes, I am a famous doctor
那好吧，进去吧 Alright, go in
谢谢你呀兄弟 Thank you, buddy
死到临头还不知道 He doesn't know he is dying!
什么？ What?
大夫… 大夫… Doctor... Doctor...
大夫… Doctor...
我最近发现了把川贝、桔梗、蜂蜜 I've discovered that
提炼成一种枇杷膏 I can make a medicine with polycodonis and honey
功能主治烟酒过多，睡眠不足 This liquor is best for chain smokers
喉咙痛，声音哑，一瓶就搞定了 It cures sore throat
那你发财了 You will get rich!
我最近发现一种植物 I've discovered a new kind of plant
吃了之后呢会大笑大闹，生不如死 After eating it, you will laugh and cry
当地的土人称之为大麻 the natives call this grass
你更发呀 You will get rich too
这个一听就知道是害人之物 You can tell it's drug which harm people
劝你还是自己知道就好了 Better keep it yourself
还有，看这个样子不要吃太多了 Don't take too much!
说的也是 You are right
身上有没有？ Do you have any now?
来一点 Give me some
晚一点… Later...
这一位大夫，未曾见过 This doctor... I haven't seen you before
戴着顶帽子兵分两路这么奇特 Your hat is so interesting!
不知在那儿高就？ Where do you work?
在下在京城专医妇科 I am a gynecologist in the capital
是专看女人的？ To treat women?
那你最发财了 You are rich!
各位，各位 Ladies and gentlemen
各位朋友大家好 How are you
欢迎各位收看我们 这个天外飞仙的解剖过程 Welcome here to watch the dissection of the Flying Fairy
这个飞仙是极其珍贵的 This is a very precious chance
今晚是首次独家大揭露 Now, this is solely shown to you
怎么没有看见皇上呢？ Where is His Majesty?
为了让大家能够看得清楚 In order to let you see clearly
我们一连五晚不断的重复 重复再重复 In five consecutive nights we will repeat, repeat and repeat...
珍贵的解剖过程 to show you the process of the dissection
务求让大家能够重复重复 再重复的看个仔细 To let you see it clearly
不用吧 No need...
另外呢，我们找到发现飞仙的 那位农夫上来现身说法 And, we have invited the farmers who discovered it to this meeting
不过，现在让我们先来访问一下 Let me now interview...
这位农夫的母亲的隔壁邻居的小孩的 someone who witnessed the discovery of the fairy first
那一条狗！ that's a dog
天外飞仙的眼睛怎么那么大呀？ Its eye is so big
这样是不是看得清楚一点呀？ Will it be clearer?
他的翅膀呢？没有翅膀怎么飞呀？ Where is its wing? How can it fly then?
长得真奇怪呀！ It's really weird!
不会吧，跟我长得差不多嘛 Kidding! It is small or less the same as me
对！跟你一样丑 Right, as ugly as you
你干嘛？ What are you doing?
我在检查他的性别 I am checking its sex
应该是个女的 It must be a girl
他本来就是女的 It is a girl
我还知道她身怀六甲哩 I know she is pregnant
你干什么？ What are you doing?
我看看他是男的还是女的 I am checking it's a man or a womam
你不懂就不要在这里瞎搅和了 Don't mess up!
这里有没有妇科大夫呀？ Any gynecologist here?
就是他罗 He is
动手呀，快点动手呀 Move, move now
不如开点药给她吃好吗？ Why not... Give her some medicine?
你会不会解剖呀？ Do you know dissection?
我会呀 I know
快点拿这把刀动手呀 Take this cutter and start working
动手就动手，怕你呀？ I won't give it a damn
不过，可不可用这一把呀？ But, may I use this?
先不要动手呀 Don't move
你会不会解剖呀？ Do you know how to dissect?
从喉咙一刀下去，先放血才对嘛 Cut from the throat let the blood drain out first
还用你说？我早知道了 I know it already
你来吧 Come on
其实我不是大夫 In fact, I am not a doctor
我是杀猪的 I am a butcher
你这个胆小鬼，不要找藉口 You coward, you needn't find excuse
来，让我来 Let me do it
这么久，你搞定了没有？ Have you fixed yet?
你问得好，刚刚搞定 Good question, I've just fixed it
等一等 Wait
干嘛？ What's up?
皇上的声音？ His Majesty!
皇上，我就猜到是你了 I know it's you!
是谁砍我？ Who chopped me?
有人砍你呀？ Someone chopped you?
就是他！ That's him!
可是那把刀是他的 But that is his sword
又是你这个混蛋！ You bastard!
我要回砍你两刀 I want to chop you twice
怎么会这样子？ What's wrong?
你们拿刀干什么？ Why do you hold the sword?
冷静！ Stay calm
果然有阴谋！ Yes! There is conspiracy!
阴谋？！ Conspiracy?
皇上 Your Majesty
今日就让我灵灵发来保护你 I, Ling Ling Fat will protect you
连我的刀都吸走，这么厉害呀？ My sword is sucked away, so powerful
来，一个人一把保护自己 Come on, one for each one
皇上，你先吧 Your Majesty, you first
你们等一等！ Wait
不要小看我们大夫 Don't despise us
我们也是拿刀混饭吃的 就是了 We earn our living by holding swords too Yes!
不要太生气，先喝点水 Don't get angry, drink some water first
里面全死了 All dead!
何方妖怪？ What kind of monster is it?
领教我老邪刀法 Try my Lo Chiu's Sword Stance
我跟你拼了！给我吧 I wanna kill you! Give me
这把刀是我的！ This is my sword!
一人砍一边 好 Let's attack from both sides OK
这么厉害呀 So great!
住手 Stop!
你有没有搞错呀？ Are you kidding?
怎么每一次打到的都是我？ Why do you always beat me?
大哥 Boss
你那双大脚在下面全穿梆了 Your feet betrayed you
真以为我是笨蛋呀？ Don't you think I am a fool?
快… Hurry...
我顶！ Watch me!
我知道，同性相拒！ I know, same sex will reject each other
阿发，你怎么样？ Fat, how are you?
怎么样？这个磁石呀真的是很了不起 This magnet is really great
惨了！ Shit!
异性相吸呀 Different sex attracts each other
有没有搞错呀？ Are you kidding?
Yeah！ Yeah!
阿发，你小子有一套呀 Fat, you're really something
多谢皇上，我们还是快走吧 Thank you. Your Majesty we'd better leave
好，起驾 OK, let's go!
走啦！ Leave now
老婆 Honey
你老婆也来了吗？ Your wife has come too?
介绍我认识一下 Introduce her to me
先回去！这里很危险 Go back first, here is so dangerous
怎么还有一个活着？ Why there is one living?
难道儿子在里面有意外？ Is there any accident happened to my son?
我老婆呢？ Where is my wife!
满地都是呀！你自己找吧 Search! Many people are lying on the floor!
不要说那么多，杀死他 Cut the crap, kill him
你躲到那里都得死！ No matter where you're hiding you have to be killed
杀死他 Kill him
怎么这么夸张！ What the hell is it?
有没有搞错？ Kidding?
老公 Hubby
怎么会一模一样的衣服？ Same costume! Why?
老婆 Honey
老公 Hubby
你跑到哪里去了？ Where have you been?
老公，我刚才碰到隔壁村的姐姐 I met a friend who lives in the next village
她说隔壁村大减价 于是带我去抢购嘛 There is a crazy sale in next village so I went for shopping with her
你在这干嘛？ What are you doing here?
我在…找你呀 I am... looking for you
这里好像失火似的 Is there a fire?
刚刚在这烤东西吃呀 We have had barbecue here
烤东西吃？ Barbecue?
烤鸡翅膀啊 Yes, roast chicken wings
那些人怎么全都躺在地上？ Why do they lie on the floor?
吃饱了嘛，躺一下很正常呀 They are full, it's nice to have a rest
你又是怎么搞的？吃得狼狈！ What's wrong with you?
衣服还弄到破破烂烂的 You ate with violence, didn't you?
到底怎么回事呀？ What the hell is it?
刚刚全村的人烤一只鸡翅膀 All people fought for one chicken wing!
我抢得太厉害就搞成这样了 I fought with all my might that's the result
你以为我是傻瓜？ Don't you think I am nuts?
他… He...
老婆 Honey
你… You...
你这皮衣那儿买的？ Where do you get this?
这件？ This?
这件你喜欢，你拿去穿吧 If you like it, just take it
我不是喜欢你这件皮衣 I don't mean it
也不是想占你的便宜 and I don't want to take your advantage
如果我想要你这件皮衣的话 我就会叫我老公买给我 If I want it I will ask my husband to buy me one
我老公很有钱呀 He is damn rich
我是想告诉你这件衣服跟你根本不配 I want to tell you that this doesn't match you
光是颜色就不适合 The color is no good
如果你的肚子这么大的话 就不要穿这些衣服嘛 You have a big belly this kind of clothes doesn't fit you
我们可以到隔壁村去看看呀 We may have a look in the shops of the nearby village
走吧，走…去隔壁村看看 Let's go, let's have a look
我老婆！ My wife
很有内涵 She has fashion sense
是啊！她是很好 Yes, she is nice
发哥 Brother Fat
来… Come on...
老公，你从今天早上回来笑到现在 Hubby, you have laughed since you are back
有什么事情这么好笑的？ What make you feel so happy?
早上看到一个肥婆掉进水渠里 This morning I saw a fat woman fall into water ditch
肥婆掉进水渠里有什么好笑的？ A fat woman fell into water ditch? What is so funny?
肥婆！ Fat woman!
水渠啊 Water ditch!
老婆 Honey
这么久以来… In all these years...
你听我说 Listen to me
说吧 Go ahead
三餐都是粗茶淡饭 We have had poor living
你会不会介意啊？ Don't you mind it?
看你啦！ It depends on you
如果你一天不介意吃我煮的菜 If you don't mind eating the food I cooked
我也无所谓了 I don't mind too
这么久以来… In all these years
我除了有一些伟大旷世的 发明送给你之外 other than great inventions
连一颗宝石都没送给你 I haven't sent anything say diamond to you
你没有意见吧？ Why don't you complain against me?
我有意见！ Sure. I have complaints
那个什么扫帚拖鞋 That super groom
搞得我要用两只脚扫地 I have to clean the floor with two legs
白白空出两只手来 My hands are free
结果一只手要擦窗户 So, I have to clean the window with one hand
另外一只手还要洗衣服 another hand to wash clothes
不知道有多麻烦呀 It's so troublesome!
你终于发觉了！ You've discovered that!
对呀！对呀！ Yeah...
还有呀，你那台烂抽油烟机呀 And your air system
怎么样？ What's wrong?
我实在懒得跟你讲，我讲起都生气！ I don't want to waste time to complain it drives me crazy
应该的 Sure it will
你呀，到底藏了什么宝石？ What diamond have you hidden?
赶快拿出来给我看 Take it out now
老婆 Honey
你怎么了？ How are you?
你是不是抢劫了？ Did you rob?
我…我没有抢劫呀 No, I didn't
因为我医好了一个很有钱的病人 I cured a man who is damn rich
他拿了很多医药费给我 He paid much money as medical fee
我买来送给你的 That's why I bought it to you
老婆！ Honey!
你不要过来，你不要管我 Don't come over. Leave me alone
你没事吧？ Are you alright?
我一时太开心了，不能够控制自己 I'm too happy, I can't control myself
好漂亮呀 So pretty
我爱你，老公 I love you, honey
我也爱你 I love you too
一生一世 Forever
阿发，我听说城里面 最大的一间妓院慧贤雅叙 Fat, I heard that in the biggest prostitute in town
新来了一位金国美女，叫做琴操 there is a new girl called Gum Tso who came from Gum Kingdom
又琴又操 光听这个名字就让人流鼻血了 Her name is so beautiful! It fancies me!
你尽快去查查她的底 Go and check her background
如果没有问题，就带她来给我 If she is OK, take her to me
不会吧，皇上？ Are you kidding, Your Majesty?
这次怎么派这么好的任务给我？ How can you let me carry such nice mission?
你是我的亲信嘛 You are the fellow I trust most you know?
而且，人人都知道你又专一又疼老婆 And, everyone knows you are a good husband
绝不会抢我的女人 You won't take my woman
这个任务非你莫属了 So, you are the appropriate person to take this job
请恕微臣直言 May I be frank
皇上已经有后宫佳丽三千 Your Majesty you have many concubines already
为什么还要出去偷吃呢？ Why do you still want an affair?
皇上你… 后宫佳丽到！ You... The beauties have arrived!
你现在终于明白了？ Now, you understand?
完全明白 Sure!
皇上，你再撑着点 Your Majesty, please tolerate
微臣… I...
尽快为你搞定它 I will fix it as soon as possible
他妈的，你两个新来的吗？ Bastards, who do you think you are!
慧贤雅叙是高级场所 你以为是低级妓院吗？ We're high-class night club You think we're prostitute?
我们只招待会员 Members only!
回去带够钱再来入会 Take enough money if you want to join our club
岂有此理！我玩女人这么多年了 Damn it, I've fooled around for years
没有像今天这么没面子 I haven't experienced such embarrassing moment
老子带人来砸这场子好不好？ Let's ask someone to ruin this place
闭嘴 Shut up
岂有此理…岂有此理 Damn it!
老鸨就是我呀 I am the procuress
老伯，听说你想卖女儿 Granny, do you wanna sell your daughter to us?
先看看什么货色 Let me take a look at her first
她可算得上是人间尤物呀 She is beautiful
你看 Look
怎么样呀？ So?
我很想打人 I wanna beat someone up
能不能让我狠狠的赏她几记耳光呀？ Can I slap her heavily?
你不要那么刻薄！出来捞的时候 也要给别人一点台阶下呀 Don't be so mean you have to give others face anyway
你想打我几耳光 我又何尝不想用乱棍打你呢！ You wanna beat me I do wanna hit you hardly with rod too
你妈的头，居然敢这样跟我讲话？ Damn it how can you talk to me in this way?
我们这儿的姑娘，个个都是国色天香 The girls here are all as pretty as angels
尤其是那几个金国来的佳丽 Especially the girls from Gum Kingdom
说了你都不相信 You won't believe it
大大的眼睛，高高的鼻子，小小的嘴 big eyes, tall nose, little mouth
叫她们出来比一比啊 Ask them to come out for a comparison
比什么！人家连挖鼻孔的 样子都比你美上一百遍！ She is much more beautiful than you!
你们俩个赶快滚吧 Get lost now!
要不然我真的赏你几耳光呀 Or, I will slap you! I mean it
出来了 She is coming out
金国佳丽出场了 The beauty from Gum Kingdom is coming out
小姐 Miss
赏面跳舞吗？ May I?
干嘛？ What's up?
你站在那儿既不动也不吭声 You stand here without making a noise!
你是不会跳舞呢还是不会说话呀？ Don't you know dancing or don't you know talking?
我不认识你 I don't know you
我姓琴，单名一个操！ I am Gum Tso
阿发，好多女人呀 Fat, so many women around!
阿发…阿发 Fat...
老婆！ Honey!
老公，你回来啦？ Hubby, you're back!
老公呀，我做了一件 衣服准备生日那天来穿的 Hubby I've made a clothe for my birthday party
你看漂不漂亮？ Isn't it pretty
红红绿绿的，好花俏啊 It's good looking!
那天我还请了爹娘跟 亲戚朋友一起来吃饭 I invite many relatives and friends to have dinner with us!
你呀，要记得早点回来 Remember to come home earlier!
记不记得？ Remember?
老公，怎么你的身上会有香味呀？ Hubby I can smell fragrance from your body
你的鼻子还真灵 我特地买了胭脂水粉送你 Wonderful nose you have! I bought you cosmetics!
你为什么要买胭脂水粉送给我呢？ Why do you buy me cosmetics?
你生日嘛 For your birthday!
好乖！ Good boy!
你快点去洗澡吧 Have a bath first!
好呀！一起洗 Alright, let's bath together!
我洗过了，死鬼，你快点去洗澡吧 I have bathed. Go bathing now
再洗一次会死呀？ 你快点去洗澡呀 Better bath again You go alone
老鸨就是我 欢迎阁下成为慧贤雅叙的新会员 I am the procuress welcome to be our new member
看到阁下的样子 Seeing you...
我硬是有一点不知道是什么十分的 心里面又… I have something, very, very...
感觉到有一些神奇的那种… Strange feeling that...
当然就是想狠狠打几个耳光的那种呀 Say, you feel like slapping me
是了… Right...
是了！ Correct
对了！ Correct
你这里是不是有一位琴操姑娘？ Is Miss Gum Tso here?
有！有 Sure!
我想马上见她 I want to see her at once
你想见琴操姑娘？ Do you want to see her?
这里所有人都要见琴操姑娘呀 They are wishing to see Miss Gum Tso too
排队啦！别以为自己英俊 又有才华就可以不用排队了 Line up, don't you think a handsome & smart guy need not line up?
有才华都让你看得出来？ How can you tell I am smart?
我还看得出你很真诚 I can tell you are sincere
又有爱心 and kind-hearted, too!
当朋友真是一流 It's lucky to have a friend like you
糟了！居然让你看出来 Shit! You can tell it too
那我一会要请吃饭了！ I have to treat you dinner!
当然要啦！ Sure you have to
排队啦！ Line up!
臭小子！ Bastard!
琴操姑娘！…我等了你好久了 Miss Gum Tso, I've waited you for ages!
大家冷静一点！… Stay calm...
琴操姑娘说想请大家喝一杯酒 Miss Gum Tso wishes to treat you a drink
先到那边去拿个杯子 Take a glass over there
我要一杯 I want one
琴操姑娘！我们先饮为敬 Miss Gum Tso, a toast to you
很难喝…什么来的？ It's nasty. What's this?
好酒！ Good wine!
所谓葡萄美酒夜光杯 欲饮琵琶马上摧 What a nice wine it makes one lose his mind!
这杯葡萄酒，芳香醇厚 应该有一百多年的历史 This must be an old wine of over 100 years old
相信是西域上贡给周王的贡品 I believe that this is tribute from foreign country
真的那么有价值？ Isn't it so precious?
太夸大其词了吧，兄弟？ Are you exaggerating, Pal?
你完全错了！ You are totally wrong!
你骨碌一声就吞下去了 You drink it without tasting it
别说是酒呀 Even it isn't wine
尿你也分不出是甜的咸的 you can never tell its taste!
饮酒有如美人，要喝得其法 Wine is like woman you have to try it by some means.
那一位把舌头借我用一用？ Can anyone lend me his tongue?
有没有长一点的？ Any longer one?
对了 Right
我们的味蕾分布在舌头的表面 The taste buds are on the surface of our tongues
下面就没有了 Not under
甜的味蕾呢是分布在舌尖 The sweet taste buds are in front
苦的味蕾呢，就在喉咙的附近 The bitter taste buds are near the throat
不要插太深 Don't make it too deep
好好，我弄前面一点 Alright, I'll place it in front
酸的味蕾就分布在舌头的两侧 The sour taste bud is on both sides of the tongue
所以我们品尝美酒的时候 So, when we taste good wine
要把舌头卷成一圈 roll the tongue
你差得远了，有得练了！ you need more practice
这样就可以避开两边酸的味蕾 So, you can stop the wine meeting the sour taste bud
而让酒在甜跟苦的味蕾之间徘徊 And let the wine floats between bitter and sweet taste buds
先甜后苦，亦苦亦甜 Sweet first, and then bitter...
就好像… Just like...
初恋的感觉一样 the sense of first love
恭喜…琴操姑娘请你到花厅一聚 Congratulation, Gum Tso would like to meet you in the sitting room
琴操姑娘… 别急… Miss Gum Tso... Don't be anxious
公子何以… Why don't you...
好像很不舒服似的？ You seem to have sore throat
又坐立难安，莫非挂念家中娇妻？ Are you missing your wife?
姑娘…怎知我家中已有妻子？ How do you know that?
中原人士大多早婚 Chinese people usually have early marriage
我看公子成熟稳重 You seem to be mature and trustable
想必成婚已久 I guess, you must have married for years
过奖了 You are flattering me
听姑娘语气，不像是中原人士 You don't seem to be Chinese
我是金国人 I come from Gum Kingdom
你不会有种族歧视吧？ Do you have racial discrimination?
怎么会呢？别傻了… No way, don't be silly
姑娘你好像 Miss, you seem...
胖了又瘦了 You are fat, and you are thin
你好闷呀 You are bored
给我一点惊喜 Give me a surprise
姑娘想要惊喜吗？ Do you want any surprise?
你有没有呀？ Do you have any?
不要太小看我 Don't despise me
拿出来 Take it out
真的要我拿出来？ Do you want me to take it out?
拿呀 Come on
送给你 This is for you
很漂亮，谢谢 So pretty! Thank you
姑娘果然不同凡响 You are really different!
寻常女子如果见到这颗夜明珠 Usually, when the girls see such precious pearl
轻则惊呼狂叫 either they will scream
重则吐血身亡 or, some will die because of too much excitement
姑娘视珠宝钱财如粪土 这份情操，真是… You don't value material life at all you are really...
惊天地泣鬼神 Really different!
公子今晚是否有时间留下 Mister, do you have time to stay?
促膝长谈呀？ To have a long talk?
家中已经烧好了饭菜，不太方便！ My wife has prepared dinner I don't think it's good for me to stay
不方便你又来？ Why do you come then?
如此良辰美景，猫儿也动情 Even cats will be motivated by such atmosphere!
你晓不晓得那只猫在说什么？ Do you know what the cat is talking?
那只猫说： That cat said
别搞了，妈妈会骂！ Don't bother me, mom will scold me
姑娘为何要这样作贱自己呀？ Why do you hurt yourself?
不作贱又怎么会痛快呢？ It brings excitement!
这么神奇 So amazing!
还有很多神奇的，公子一定没试过 There are many amazing things you haven't tried that before
如果今晚你留下 If you stay
小女子一定施展浑身解数 I will try my very best
保证公子大开眼界 to make your all eyes
我不能这么做 I can't do that
我已经有老婆，我爱我老婆 I am married, I love my wife
虽然我想，但是我要控制自己 Although I wish to do it I have to control myself
死就死吧，谁怕谁呀？ Well, I won't give it a damn!
来… Come on...
正所谓易求无价宝，难得有情郎 A good husband is hard to find in the world
公子既然心中只有娇妻 Since you are thinking of your wife
我也不必勉强 I won't push you
送客！ Send Mister to the door
是 Yes
等… 公子请回 Wait... Please leave
不是，我刚刚想通了 No, I've just made up my mind...
公子请回 Please go back
真是冤枉，裤子也脱了一半了 So bad! I have halfly undressed!
给个机会嘛 Give me a chance!
算了吧！公子 Forget it, Mister
琴操姑娘 Miss Gum Tso
干杯… Cheers...
好酒… Sweet wine...
老公，你怎么一整个 晚上都傻呼呼的？ Hubby, what's wrong with you?
我从来没有像现在这么聪明呀 I haven't been that smart
你的碗里没有添饭 There isn't any rice in your bowl
老公，我发现那天晚上 你送给我的胭脂水粉 Hubby, I've discovered that the cosmetic you sent me that night
跟你那天回来时候 身上的味道不一样啊 doesn't smell like those found from your body
我没告诉你吗？ Didn't I tell you?
那是用一种叫做神奇麝香做成的 That's made by a thing called Magic Musk
它的味道会随着不同的时辰而转变 The smell will change according to different timings
到了晚上，就会变成臭臭的 At night, it stinks
没有呀，没有臭臭的 No, it doesn't stink
臭气扑鼻了 It stinks
还有呀 那天你送我那颗特大号的珍珠 On that day you sent me a very big pearl
我本来想今天晚上拿出来扬一下 I do want to show off tonight
可是我找来找去都找不到 But I couldn't find it out at all
你知不知道放在哪儿呀？ Do you know where is it?
世事就是这样 This is life
你越是急于找一样东西呢 If you want to find something anxiously
它就偏偏不让你找到 you can never find it
你聪明的话就根本别找 If you are smart, you need not find it
它就会自己慢慢的出现了 cause it will show up later
岳父，来，吃个鸡屁股 Father-in-law, have the chicken ass
我忽然想起来了 I remember
那天你去妓院干什么？ Why did you go to the prostitute house on that day?
妓院？ Prostitute house?
妓院呀！ Yes, prostitute house
你说什么？ What did you say?
我说我亲眼看到他去妓院 I saw him visiting hookers
你们听我说 Listen to me
等一下 Wait
不要说谎话 Don't lie to me
我听一下就知道了 I can tell it's true or not easily
鸡也是女人，也会生病 Hooker is woman, she will get sick
我作为一个妇科圣手 到妓院去帮她们看病 As a gynecologist I went there for treatment
天经地义呀 It's nothing weird
女儿，他的心跳有没有加快？ Daughter, is his heart beating fast?
没有 No
还好 That's good
对不起呀老公 Sorry, hubby
你不相信我你真是该死呀 You are too bad for you don't trust me at all
好香呀老公，你闻到吗？ It's fragrant! Can you smell it?
这位姑娘请问找那一位？ Miss, who are you looking for?
我来买药的 I come here to buy herb
请问有没有『当归』呀？ Do you have any chiretta (means home coming in Chinese)?
你是不是真的这么急呀！改天再来嘛 Are you in urgent need? Come later
我有一个心爱的男人 I love a man very much
他没有来找我 He hasn't come to me for many days
我买『当归』只不过求一个意头 I come to buy chiretta which means home coming in Chinese
盼他当夜归来 for I really want him to come back this night
姑娘，我建议你买『独活』 Miss, I suggest you to buy Tu-wo (means living alone)
独自生活，别再那么多事了 Living alone, don't bother others
你身上的味道好特别呀 好像似曾相识 You have a kind of special smell I smelt once!
是呀，我用的水粉叫夺魄勾魂 Yes, this perfume is called Hooking Soul
全省城只我一个有 Only I have this kind of special perfume in town
听说夺魄勾魂 可以迷尽天下男人，是吗？ It is an amazing perfume to seduce man, right?
可惜没办法迷到我心爱的男人 But I can't hook the man I love
无论我怎么作贱自己 No matter how hard I torture myself
他还是丢下我，回来陪老婆吃饭 he just brushes me off and comes here to have dinner with his wife
所以我专诚来见一见夫人 So, I come here to see his wife
今天我女儿过生日 Today is my daughter's birthday
你不要来捣蛋呀 Don't mess up here
你现在见到了 You have seen what you want now
好美呀 So pretty
比你美 Prettier than you
送客 Send her to the door
夫人 Madam
原来今天是你的生日 Today is your birthday!
我没准备什么 I haven't any present
不如就将这个小玩意送给夫人 But, why not take this little thing as my present?
你有没有搞错？ Are you kidding?
没错！我已经说了你不想找它的时候 它就会自己出现了 Right, when you don't want to find it it will show up itself
开什么玩笑？送给她？ Are you kidding? You sent it to her?
你送给我的东西 我怎么舍得送人呢？ This is your present to me how I can send it to others?
你们两个到底是什么关系？ 快点讲清楚 What is your relationship? Tell me
看起来，已经很清楚了嘛 By the way, it seems to be clear!
你这个混蛋！ You bastard!
你这样对我女儿，你还算是人吗？ How can you treat my daughter like this? Are you a man?
这位老先生不要冲动呀 Granny, don't be angry
快把珍珠还给我 Give me back the pearl
夫人，你不要冲动嘛 Madam, don't be excited!
你这个狐狸精，我跟你拼了！ You bitch, I wanna kill you!
不要动 不要动 Don't move Don't move
你戳她，我戳死你 If you hurt her, I will kill you
你戳我，我戳他 If you hurt me, I will kill him
不关我的事呀大姐 None of my business, lady!
你们快阻止她 Stop her now
贱人！ Bitch!
把马放下来 Drop the horse down
你说什么，老公？ What did you say, honey?
把马放下来 Drop the horse
你吓到我的朋友了 You scared my friend
你说谎话 You lied
你说过你会爱我一生一世 You said you would love me forever
你也说谎呀 You lied too
你说你属兔，结果你属虎 You said you were born in the year of rabbit
足足大我一岁 but you were born in the year of tiger, you are older than me
你说谎话，你说谎话 You lied, you lied!
把马放下来 Drop the horse
别想趁我不注意丢过来 Don't throw me while I am not paying attention
你以为我不知道你呀？ I can tell your trick
全部给我放下！ Drop it, now!
你没事吧？ Are you alright?
没事 I am fine
对不起，破坏你们的宴会 Sorry to ruin your party
全因为我太想见你 All because I wish to see you very much
我实在太任性了，告辞 I am too bad, I am leaving
我跟你一起走 I will go with you
这种鬼地方我留下来也没意思 It's nonsense for me to stay in such nonsense family
走！ Go
老公 Hubby
你肚子饿不饿？我煮碗面给你吃 Are you hungry? Let me cook noodle for you
你等等 Wait
丢脸 What a shame!
不要生气嘛，我们回到慧贤雅叙 Don't get angry let's go back to my place
我帮你那个 I will do that with you
那个？ That?
就是那个嘛 That's what you want
没人性呀，你不是人！ You are inhumane!
老天爷呀 Oh my God!
我们总算有情人终成眷属了 We have become a couple at last
就在今天闪电之夜 正是我们办事之时 On this stormy night we will enjoy ourselves!
你的样子好贱呀 You look cheap
更贱的你还没见过哩 You haven't seen my cheaper look
好！听我说嘛 Alright, listen to me
我有点内疚呀！ I have had hard feeling
刚刚害得你老婆好伤心！ Your wife felt so sad
为了你，不要说是我老婆 命都可以不要 For you, I can sacrifice my wife as well as my life
不可以乱讲话 Don't say anything nonsense
我真的不想骗你 其实我是皇上身边的大内密探 I don't want to cheat you
人称保龙一族 专门负责秘密保护皇上 I am a Forbidden City Cop my duty is to protect His Majesty
我当初来这找你是皇上看上了你 I came here for His Majesty is fond of you
叫我来摸清你的底细 He wants me to check your background
皇上叫你来摸清我的底细 现在你摸我 You don't check me you just want to screw me
岂不是犯了欺君之罪 You are betraying His Majesty
为了要摸你有什么办法呢？ But I can't help loving you
管他去死呀 Forget about him!
灵灵发！ Ling Ling Fat!
皇上，还好你及时赶到 Luckily you have come on time
他刚刚说的话你都听到了？ Did you hear everything?
你 You!
如果不是琴操姑娘以密函通知皇上 If she didn't write to His Majesty
也不知道灵灵发 你这个狗奴才跟皇上抢女人！ we wouldn't have known that you betrayed His Majesty
你… You...
为了让这只禽兽露出他本来的面目 In order to trap him
我不惜用清白之躯作赌注 I don't mind risking my virginity
皇上，如果你来迟半步 Your Majesty, if you come a bit late
那么我不晓得… I don't know what will happen!
你… You...
灵灵发 你知不知道你犯了诛九族之罪 Ling Ling Fat, your family will have capital punishment, you know?
皇上，我… Your Majesty, I...
抓住他 Catch him
皇上，为何锁住我？ Your Majesty, why do you cuff me?
你这招一石三鸟之计，真是天衣无缝 Your trap is really great!
先要我家破人亡 You want me to break my family
再让皇上诛我九族 Then you make His Majesty kill me
顺便捉住皇上，然后要胁朝廷 You will kidnap him to blackmail the government
接着大军南下 到时候占领我们中原土地 Then your troop will move from the North to take over our country
就易如反掌 It seem to be a piece of cake
哮 Damn!
可惜我送你一个 But, you remember the pearl
凡是女人见到就会 发狂的夜明珠给你的时候 which fancies all women in the world?
你表现得非常冷静，我就已经知道你 When you received that pearl, you didn't feel excited, that's why I know
不是女人 you are not a woman
普天之下，跟我有深仇大恨 Who is my foe?
又整容整得那么美的 And who will undergo such fantastic plastic surgery?
就只有一个没脸的老家伙 Only a faceless old folk will do it
无相皇，你这个贱人 King of no face, you bastard!
我最恨人家扮女人来骗我 I hate others to cheat me by pretending as woman!
尤其扮这么美的美女来勾引我 Especially disguising as such pretty woman to seduce me!
还好我们发哥聪明 Luckily Fat is so smart!
一早就把你给揭穿了 He disclosed your secret
皇上 Your Majesty
你千万别信他 Don't trust him!
他为了占有我不惜抛妻弃家 He wanted to screw me so he brushed his wife off
甚至在我的面前毒打他的老婆 and he even beated his wife up in front of me
他简直不是人 He isn't a man at all
为了引你入局 In order to trap you
我们一家大小刚刚是在家里演戏呀 my family performed a show in front of you
各位观众 Dear audience
最佳女主角 The best actress
在刚才的戏里面 In the play
她充份表现出一个被 老公抛弃的妻子的那份… she acted very well that
唏嘘跟坎坷 no matter judging from her eyes
不论是在眼神 表情以至动作行为方面 or movement
她都能够演得出丝丝入扣，入木三分 she could express how a sad wife feels
尤其最后摔掉那只马的动作 Especially when she threw the horse
更加能够表现出后现代主义 跟对这个社会的强烈控诉 it shows a strong protest originated from post modernism
我们再来看看她是如何摔断那只马的 Let us see how she threw the horse again
她摔了，她摔了！ Watch! Watch!
发嫂，恭喜你了，恭喜 Mrs. Fat, congratulation...
谢谢… Thank you
首先，我要谢谢我爹跟我娘 First of all, I have to thank my parents
因为他们一直在我身边支持我 Since they have been supporting me
另外我要谢谢我的老公 And I have to thank my husband
因为他给我这个机会让我演这场戏 He gave me chance to act
他很辛苦的跟我排练了好久 We had rehearsed many many times
所以这个奖有一半是属于你的 So, this award is yours too
老公，谢谢你 Hubby, thank you
好了，马上颁发今晚的压轴大奖 Alright, let's present the final award of this night
相信大家一定猜到，没错 I believe that, you can guess it. Right
最佳男主角就是 The best actor is...
阿发的岳父！ Ah Fat's father-in-law
太好了！ Wonderful!
其实这个奖不是我拿还有谁拿呢？ This award should go to me
我亲眼看到他进妓院！ I did see him visiting the prostitute house!
对不起，请等等 Please wait. I am sorry
刚刚那场戏我从头带到尾 I am the leading man!
看上去是水准之作，有目共睹 You can tell I have done a great job
你怎会把奖给那个人？ Why do you present the award to him?
你也不错，但是流于表面 Your acting is quite good but not mature
就像刚刚你老婆听你心跳那场戏 Say, when your wife heard your heart beat
表情做足，略嫌浮夸 your expression was a bit exaggerated
那些是世俗人对我的看法 That's the point of view of ordinary audiences!
你该不会也不识货吧？ You won't be that ignorant?
不对了，老公，我听心跳的时候 No, when I heard your heart beat
真的感觉不到我跟你有交流 I couldn't feel any response from you
只觉得你好像完全没有办法入戏 I felt that, you couldn't concentrate in acting
你真的不是很会演戏呀 You didn't act well indeed
你… You...
听我说句公道话 Be fair
一句就好 Just one word
你不懂演戏呀 You don't know acting
闭嘴！现在琴操的身份未明 Shut up! Gum Tso's sex is still a doubtful question
你们还有心情在这里搞什么颁奖典礼 How can you present awards here?
根本是乱来的 It's a mess
皇上，我… Your Majesty, I...
小心鼻毛呀！ Be careful of your nostral hair
我是一个愿意为皇上上刀山的人 I am a person who is willing to die for you
今日，就让我用我的肉体 Let me use my body
去检验琴操的真身 to check whether Gum Tso is a woman or not
闪开 Get lost
小心 Be careful!
灵灵发，你杀我妻儿 Ling Ling Fat you killed my wife and my son
就算不能够诛你九族 Even I can't kill your family
今日我也要你碎尸万段 I want to kill you too
你们一个也不能走 Neither of you can go
保护皇上 Protect His Majesty
佛印，把我那个百宝箱扔过来 Fat-yan, take the Box of Treasure to me
百宝箱在此，接住 Catch it
你干嘛叫我把它丢给你呀？ Why did you ask me to throw it to you?
这下玩完了！ Game over!
那我对不起了！ I am sorry
不痛呀！ It doesn't hurt!
打中的没事，隔壁的那个倒霉了 But the one next to you is in bad luck
这就是无相神功 That's No-face Stance
是一种可以将能量移转的武功 It can transfer energy
兄弟，你没事吧？ Pal, are you alright?
我好怕呀 I am scared
不过我没事 But I am fine
还舒服哩！ I feel comfortable
真是打中了都没事呀 It's not painful at all
那我就不怕了 So, I won't give it a damn
让我来 Let me do it
兄弟，你不是说很舒服吗？ Pal, didn't you say comfortable?
真的很舒服嘛 It's really comfortable
算啦 Forget it
你还是打那位兄弟吧 You'd better beat that guy
这也不是办法 I have to think something else
算了，麻烦你还是打我吧 Forget it, please hit me
世事难预料 It's not predictable
无色无相，幻化万象 无相无色，万寿无疆 No color, no face, long life to stay!
天下唯我独尊 I am the supreme of the world!
是谁？ Who is it?
好姐妹 My dear sister
全靠你啦！ We all rely on you!
移魂大法 Soul Changing Stance
头晕！撑不住了 I feel dizzy, I can't stand it anymore
这种雕虫小技，你想吓唬谁呀？ It's cheap! Who do you want to scare?
你以为普通一条铁铁 就可以锁住我吗？ Don't you think such chain can lock me up?
这条铁铁主要不是锁住你 只用来连接屋顶上那个引雷灯 It's not for locking you it's used to connect the lightning-rod
不是说打雷闪电之夜 就是我们办事之时吗？ You said, we will enjoy ourselves on a stormy night
今晚就赏你一个五雷轰顶 I'll let you try a wonderful thunder storm
Yeah！ Yeah
Yeah… Yeah...
别动！ Don't move!
天 Fly...
外 Flying...
飞 Fa...
仙 Fairy
原来就是五雷轰顶打中了阿发 The thunder hit Fat
让他身体里面的细胞变大 So it transform his cells
功力等于武林高手苦练了一百年 During the process he gained extra power
所以阿发能够使用天外飞仙 So, he can release the power of Flying Fairy
但是那个时候我好像 隐约见到个美女飞翔于天际 At that moment, it seems that there was a flying fairy in the sky
到底是气流撞击所产生的幻觉 Isn't it illusion caused by air crash
还是我喝醉了呢？ or am I drunk?
当然是你喝醉了！ Of course you are drunk
那你不是喝得更多？ So, you have drunk much more than me
我每天都喝醉 I am drunk everyday
奇怪，阿发怎么今天 这么晚还没来上班呢？ It's strange why hasn't Fat come to work today?
发哥，你在哪里？ Brother Fat, where are you?
我们没有你不行呀 We can't live without you
发哥，回来吧 Brother Fat, come back!
老公！好伟大呀 Hubby, it's so great!
你这个发明拂拂拂拂拂 就可以垂直升降，任意飞翔 Your new invention can let us fly freely in the sky
不如我们帮它取个名字叫做… Let us name it...
直升机呀？ Helicopter, isn't it nice?
不好…这个名字不够威风呀！ No, this isn't a good name
不如叫做 Why not name it...
拂拂拂拂拂拂机 Air air air air air O Plane?
好聪明呀老婆 You are so smart, honey
对呀…不然怎么做你老婆呢？ If not, how can I be your honey?
老公，我们再飞去看一看 Hubby, let's fly again
好浪漫呀 对 So romantic! Yes
我要帮你生一个儿子 I want to have a baby with you
真的吗？ 真的 Really? Really
好！我们马上回家做 Alright, let's go home and make love
不行…我等不及了 No way, I can't wait
不如我们就在这儿做！ Let's do it here!
不是吧 来吧！ You can't be serious Come on!