翻译 走油肉 多星人 才高八斤
公关 第二季 第６集
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公关 第二季 第６集
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再見 內德 Cheers, Ned.
-你好嗎 -我很好 - Hello. How are you doing? - I'm good.
-你好嗎 -我很好 - How are you? - I'm good, yeah.
我要送這個進去 I need to get this inside.
各位 20分鐘後我們將要 Alright, everyone. We're gonna rehearse
對節目開場進行綵排 the top of the show in 20 minutes.
請通知丹尼和迪帕克 Please let Danny and Deepak know.
20分鐘後在一號台演播廳 That's 20 minutes in TV One.
-到了 -非常感謝 - Balls. - Thank you very much.
什麼鬼 What the fuck?
裏奧哈[西班牙葡萄酒] Rioja?
-當我是安東尼奧·班德拉斯嗎 -丹尼 - Do I look like Antonio Banderas? - Danny!
我要阿根廷的 多拿兩瓶來 Get me a couple more and get me something Argentinian.
別看她 她又不是媽媽 Don't look at her, she's not Mum.
謝麗爾肯定不會讓我再見我兒子了 Cheryl won't let me see my boy again, I know it.
我就答應過她一件事 讓她和兒子遠離媒體 One thing, keep her and the boy out of the press. I promised her.
我們可以解決的 We can fix this.
怎麼解決 木已成舟了 羅賓 Fix it? Fix it? It's happened, Robyn.
這些報紙被印出來了 These papers are being printed.
那些半退休的老頭兒會開著雷諾 Semi-retired codgers are gonna be driving them
把報紙送到全國 up and down the country in their Renault Kangoos
全國人民就可以在週日早上吃著烤麵餅 so the nation can enjoy my fucking breakdown
享受我的崩潰了 with the Sunday morning crumpets.
它存在 它是實體 It exists. It's solid.
它是物質 It's matter!
丹尼 Danny.
別緊張 Take it easy.
-我得吸點 -丹尼 - I need a line. - Danny!
丹尼 Danny!
你不能在那兒吸 有人看到你怎麼辦 You can't do that there. What if someone sees you?
怎麼 他們會怎麼做 去找報社嗎 What? What? What are they gonna do? Go to the papers?
來吧 看吧 你們這群吃屎的混蛋 Come on. Here you are, you bottom-feeding bastards.
-瞧一瞧看一看啊 -下來 快下來 - Get a load of this. Look! - Get! Get down!
坐下 Sit.
我搞砸了 我搞砸了 I've fucked it. I've fucked it.
聽著 丹尼 Look, Danny,
我知道 這可能會讓人覺得 I know that it may feel like
整棟房子都塌了 但是... the house is falling down right now, but...
有時候我們需要如此 sometimes we need that
才能從基礎上進行重建 so that we can rebuild from the foundations.
-是他 -什麼 - It was him. - What?
是迪帕克干的 Deepak did this.
抱歉 你什麼意思 Sorry, what do you mean?
只有他知道 這個傻逼王八蛋 He's the only one that knew, the little cock-nosed wombat.
是啊 他在做戲 他嫉妒我 Yeah, he's making a play. He's jealous.
他嫉妒我 因為每個人都喜歡我 He's jealous. He's jealous of me because everyone likes me,
因為我有魅力 because I've got the charm.
他以為自己牛逼壞了 He thinks he's Billy Big Balls.
他不知道的是 沒有人喜歡厄尼·懷斯[喜劇演員] What he doesn't realise is nobody likes Ernie Wise.
把真正有趣的人拿走 You take the funny man away
他就是個無聊的白癡 and all you're left with is a boring twat!
是啊 就像柯南離不開凱爾[美國喜劇] Yeah. You can't have Kenan without Kel.
坎農離不開鮑爾[喜劇二人組] You can't have Cannon without Ball.
只靠一個魯尼能幹什麼[倫敦黑幫科雷兄弟] You can't have... one Ronnie.
冷靜一下 Calm down.
沒人想要奧爾森姐妹之一 Yeah, nobody wants the Olsen sister.
人們要的是奧爾森孿生姐妹[演員兼設計師] They want the Olsen twins!
是的 除了伊麗莎白·奧爾森 但那是另一回事 Yeah. Except for Elizabeth Olsen, but that's a different thing.
他永遠成不了伊麗莎白·奧爾森 我要殺了他 混蛋 He'll never be Elizabeth Olsen! I'm gonna kill him. Prick!
不 丹尼 No! Danny!
-讓開 -進去 - Get off. - Get inside.
-不 -冷靜點 - No! - Calm down.
你力氣怎麼這麼大 Why are you so strong?
我操他奶奶的 Saggy-baggy-bollock-bags!
幫幫我 Help me!
閉嘴 把頭抬起來 Shut up. Head up.
你在做什麼 那是什麼 那是什麼 What are you doing? What's that? What's that?
你要冷靜下來 讓我來處理 You're gonna calm down and let me handle this.
躺好別動 Don't fucking move.
聽起來好像很順利 Sounded like it went well.
你留在這裏 別讓他離開 迪帕克怎麼樣 You, stay here. Don't let him leave. How's Deepak?
他一副"我早就告訴過你"的偽善模樣 He's got this pious sort of "I told you so" thing going on.
我想他也有點如釋重負 世界終於可以看到 I think part of him is relieved that the world finally gets to see
跟他合作的丹尼是個什麼樣了 這點我深有體會 the Danny he has to work with, which I get,
因為和癮君子搭檔就他媽是一場噩夢 'cause it's a fucking nightmare being partnered with an addict.
對不起 我不是說你 Sorry, I didn't mean you.
別告訴我你沒有選擇的餘地 Don't tell me you don't have a choice to run it.
是卡羅琳吧 I take it Caroline's here.
我以為她的臨時指揮中心在樓下 I thought she was setting up mission control downstairs.
好吧 那我就別無選擇 Fine. Then I won't have a choice
只能把你的耳朵釘到越野摩托上 when I nail your ear to the front of a dirt bike
騎著你駛過一片未引爆的地雷陣 and ride you face-first through a field of undetonated shit-mines.
貝爾 Belle!
氣溫如何 What's the temperature?
災難性的氣候變化 Catastrophic climate change.
她對瑞茜的所作所為大發雷霆 She's raging at Reese for pulling this shit.
你有她的任何消息嗎 You haven't heard anything from her, have you?
瑞茜嗎 Reese?
沒有 我怎麼會有 No. Why would I?
那個傻逼騙子接電話了嗎 Have you got that deceitful muff chugger on the phone yet?
她不接 She's not picking up.
我要闖進精子庫 用消防管 I'm going to break into a sperm bank and forcibly impregnate her
強行讓她懷孕 好讓我殺了她的孩子 with a firehose, just so I can murder her children.
我們說好了的 我要知道她哪來的消息 We had a deal. I want to know who her source is,
以及看在瑪姬·史密斯女士的漂白屁眼的份上 and how in the name of Dame Maggie Smith's bleached arsehole
我們怎麼會不知道 we did not know about it.
丹尼狀態如何 Danny, status?
不太好 他快"飛進瘋人院"了 Not great. He's flying over the cuckoo's nest.
我一點都不驚訝 24小時後 I'm not surprised. Within 24 hours, the nation is going
全國人民都將一邊看丹尼·戴維斯的冒險故事 to be reading about the adventures of Danny Davis
和他的小故事 and his Wee Willie Winkie
一邊拉他們的安息日晨屎 whilst taking their Sabbath morning dumps.
計劃是什麼 So what's the plan?
我已經和電視台主管談過 I've spoken to the channel controller
他們已經把他從節目中撤掉了 and they have pulled him from the show.
-真的嗎 -他們擔心丹尼會在直播時 - Really? - They can't take the risk
情緒崩潰 丹尼也不能冒這風險 of him having a meltdown on air, and neither can Danny.
他已經命懸一線了 He is on his ninth life.
那迪帕克呢 Well, what about Deepak?
迪帕克... Deepak...
會和艾希莉·迪隆一起主持節目 will be presenting with Ashley Dhillon.
那個暖場的女孩 The warm-up girl?
對 製作方一致同意 Yes, it's all sorted with production.
她很嫩 但是她魅力十足 She's green, but she's got charm.
無論如何 節目之後她就會聲名大噪 Either way, her profile will rocket after this,
所以我們要先把她簽了 so we need her locked in.
貝爾 拿合同來 Belle. Belle, Belle, Belle, papers.
我還要你們幫迪帕克為節目開場 Also, I want you to write Deepak
寫篇真心誠意的發言稿 a heartfelt statement for the top of the show.
著重從男性心理健康入手 Ride the male mental health angle hard.
伊芙 他歸你了 Eve, he's yours.
我正要過去看看他的情況 I was just heading over there to check on him now.
你是還在等優步嗎 趕緊去 Are you waiting for your Uber? Go!
天空新聞台的珍妮來電話了 Jenny from Sky News is on hold.
-是那個摩門教徒還是那個同妻 -同妻 - Mormon Jenny or Jenny with the gay husband? - Gay husband.
我要你去跟瑞茜談談 I want you to talk to Reese.
她不會聽我的 She won't listen to me.
逼她 Make her.
嗨 珍妮 謝謝你給我回電 Hi, Jenny. Thanks for calling back.
費比安怎麼樣了 How's things with Fabian?
阿比盖尔·瑞茜
你今天不能打給我 You cannot call me today.
你得讓卡羅琳收手 You need to tell Caroline to back off.
她一直給我留言 暴跳如雷 She keeps leaving these angry voicemails.
亞歷克·鮑德溫[著名暴脾氣]在她面就像個得道高僧 She makes Alec Baldwin sound like a Buddhist monk.
你沒跟別人說我在你家過夜了吧 You haven't told anyone I stayed over at yours, have you?
我確實把你的可愛睡顏發在了 Well, I did post this cute picture of you asleep on my
照片牆的短視頻裏 但只有好友可見 Insta-story, but I only posted it to close friends.
我認真的 如果這事找到我頭上... I'm serious. If this comes back to me...
冷靜點 羅賓 我是名記者 Chill the hell out, Robyn. I'm a journalist.
我們有匿名消息來源 We have anonymous sources.
-你打給我幹嘛 -我要丹尼的獨家採訪 - Why are you calling me? - I want an exclusive with Danny.
什麼 卡羅琳不會答應的 What? Caroline is never gonna go for that.
你背後捅了她一刀 You stabbed her in the back
還想要我們給你獨家採訪嗎 and now you want us to give you an exclusive?
不 是你在背後捅了她一刀 No, you just stabbed her in the back.
我相信你會解決的 I'm sure you'll figure it out.
羅賓 我到處在找你 Robyn, I've been looking for you everywhere.
沒事吧 Everything alright?
沒事 我要你為迪帕克的節目開場 Yeah. I, I need you to draft a speech
起草一篇講稿 for Deepak for the beginning of the show.
-我嗎 -對 草擬一份 我來最後定稿 - Me? - Yeah, just a draft. I'll prep and proof,
-但我還有事要辦 -但... - but there's stuff I need to do. - But...
內容要包含 非常遺憾 It needs to say that, with great regret, Danny will not
丹尼今天無法出席 在接下去的幾天裏 be appearing on tonight's show and that over the next few days,
媒體會爆一些料 there will be some revelations in the press,
有些是假 有些是真 some of it lies, some of it truth,
他正在尋求治療 因為他不想 and that he's seeking treatment because he doesn't want
因個人問題影響公眾娛樂 his personal issues to get in the way of your entertainment.
這裏加點玩笑話 有關原諒 Insert joke here, something about forgiveness,
愛 友情之類的 love, friendship,
可憐的丹尼 可憐的迪帕克 poor Danny, poor Deepak.
收尾要轟動 讓大家起立鼓掌 明白了嗎 Big finish, standing ovation. Got it?
不 不太明白 No, not really.
然後你要讓艾希莉·迪隆把合同簽了 And I need you to get Ashley Dhillon to sign this.
艾希莉·迪隆 那個喜劇演員嗎 Ashley Dhillon, the comedian?
沒錯 她今天共同主持 卡羅琳要簽了她 Yeah, she's co-presenting and Caroline wants her on the books.
靠你了 Counting on you.
我接個電話 I have to take this.
露絲 Ruth!
謝天謝地 你終於給我回電話了 My god, thank you so much for calling me back.
小羅 是我 Rob, it's me.
馬克 Mark.
你能讓露絲接電話嗎 Can you put Ruth on the phone, please?
恐怕她不太想跟你說話 小羅 Afraid she doesn't want to talk to you, Rob.
我打電話是要說 I'm just ringing to say
我週一會把你的東西送到你辦公室 I'll drop your stuff off at your office on Monday.
馬克 讓露絲接電話 Mark, put Ruth on the phone.
她不會跟你說話的 抱歉 She's not gonna speak to you. Sorry.
什麼 所以她原諒你了嗎 What, so she's forgiven you, then?
她能讓你回去 卻不能原諒自己的親姐姐 She can let you back in but she can't forgive her own sister?
因為你犯了一個錯誤 之後三個月 Because you made one mistake and you've spent the last
你都在表達悔恨 three months regretting it.
我想是因為我犯了一個錯誤 但我之後每一秒 I think because I made a mistake, but I've spent every moment since
都在嘗試彌補 that mistake trying to make up for it.
而她犯了錯誤後 接著又犯錯 Whereas she just makes a mistake, and then another mistake,
然後讓錯誤越變越大 and then they just get bigger and bigger and bigger.
不幸的是 你犯錯之後 And unfortunately, when you make a mistake,
你會接著犯下一個錯 you tend to follow it up with another,
一個接一個 沒完沒了 and another and another, and it just keeps going on and on.
等你終於原諒她了 她又給你來一刀 And then when you do finally forgive her, she just reoffends.
我想最重要是 我想說的是 對你來說 Look, I think essentially, what I'm trying to say is that forgiveness
原諒似乎不頂用 只會讓你接著犯錯 doesn't seem to help you. It just lets you go on and on.
我知道我搞砸了 Look, I know I fucked up.
我有問題 I have a problem.
沒錯 我表示同情 You do, and you have my sympathy,
但你得去解決問題 因為這很傷人 but you have got to fix it because it is hurting people.
它會傷害到露絲 It's hurting Ruth.
不 別跟她說這個... No, no, don't tell her about the...
羅賓 我還有更長的未來需要考慮 But there's a bigger picture, Rob, here, that we have to consider.
我們不能讓孩子太受折騰 We cannot allow volatility into our children's lives.
這會毀了他們 It'll screw them up.
你比任何人都明白這點 You know that more than anyone.
露絲 求你了 Ruth, please.
你能聽到我說的話嗎 Please, can you hear me?
露絲 親愛的 求你跟我說說話 Ruth, honey, please just speak to me.
你妹妹比你想得更愛你 Your sister loves you more than you can imagine.
甚至比愛我更多 More than she'll ever love me,
但她不能接受這樣的你存在於她的生活 but she can't have you in her life. Not like this.
求你了 Please.
她會傷心的 小羅 It's gonna break her heart, Rob.
這是你的錯 與她無關 我求你 This is on you, it's not on her, and I'm begging you,
如果你真的愛她 在你確定自己 if you do love her, you will not contact her
不會再傷害她之前 別和她聯繫了 unless you can guarantee that you won't let her down again.
我會支持你的 小羅 I'm rooting for you, Rob.
真的 I really am.
別這樣... Don't...
請進 Come in.
你好呀 我是美樂蒂 Hiya! I'm Melody.
我聽說你是今天的共同主持 I hear that you are co-presenting today.
老天 我還從沒有完整主持過一次節目呢 Jesus, I haven't presented a full show before.
我緊張地要尿褲子了 I'm absolutely dropping my doughnuts here.
手抖得跟貓吸了貓薄荷一樣 I'm shaking like a cat crapping an avocado stone.
你有什麼事嗎 美樂蒂 So, what do you do, Melody?
其實我是米爾斯-保爾森公關公司的 Well, I am actually part of MPPR.
我們是丹尼和迪帕克的代理 We represent Danny and Deepak.
那你來我這和我聊天幹嘛 What are you doing here, talking to me?
你現在不是應該忙著救人於水火嗎 Shouldn't you be manning the lifeboats?
不 事實上 我想知道有人幫你 No, actually, I was just wondering if you had anyone
-處理公關事宜嗎 -我嗎 - looking after your PR. - Me?
我是坐公交過來的 美樂蒂 I had to get the bus here, Melody.
我只能買得起單層衛生紙 I can only afford single-ply toilet paper.
沒人幫我處理公關 I do not have anyone looking after my PR.
我想 鑒於當前情況 或許你會想考慮 Well, I think maybe in light of everything, you might want to
找個人幫你維護自身權益 think about having someone to look after your interests.
這就是你想做的嗎 美樂蒂 Is that what you want to do, Melody?
維護我的權益 Look after my interests?
我... I...
好吧 我看過你在愛丁堡藝術節上的表演 OK, I saw you performing at the Edinburgh Festival.
是在一個酒吧 大概六個人 在開放舞台上 It was in a wine bar, to, like, six people on the free fringe.
你讓我笑到忍不住放了個屁 And you made me laugh so hard that I farted
害我不得不跟我的約會對像說 and I had to tell the guy that I was on a date with that
那是椅子發出的聲音 it was just a squeaky chair.
我很抱歉 Well, I'm very sorry about that.
你骨子裏比外面那兩個小丑有趣多了 You've got more funny in your bones than both those clowns out there.
這對你來說是個很好的機會 This is a real opportunity for you.
我們都知道這些愚蠢的白人直男 We both know these stupid straight white guys are just gonna
會以各種方式搞砸工作 fuck, fondle, faux-pas their way out of a job,
當這種情況發生時 而且一定會發生 and when they do, which they will,
我們就需要像你這樣的人來救場 we need people like you in the wings waiting to capitalize.
我們可以保證你會是首選 We can make sure that you're at the front of the queue.
你們怎麼收費 What do you cost?
前三個月免費 First three months we work for free,
之後我們讓你的收入翻三番 到時候我們再討論費用 and then once we've tripled your earnings, we'll talk about fees.
我喜歡你的自信 I like your confidence.
我得說 美樂蒂 這真是一個充滿誘惑性的演說 I've gotta say, Melody, that was one hell of a speech.
我彷彿身處"華爾街之狼" Feel like I'm in "Wolf of Wall Street".
我想衝出去找個侏儒揍一頓什麼的 I want to go out and punch a dwarf or something.
很好 那行 我... Excellent. Right, I am...
你好好準備吧 I'm gonna leave you to prepare.
希望我們很快就能再次合作 Hopefully, we'll be working together again very soon.
當然 我也希望 Yeah, I certainly hope so.
那個 Here.
你鼻子怎麼了 What happened to your nose?
就是一個斑點 It's just a spot.
你知道嗎 其實它並不是一個斑點 Do you know what? Actually, no, it's not. It's not just a spot.
一周前我去打了個鼻洞 打完我就慌了 I got my nose pierced a week ago, and I panicked,
就在上面貼了塊膠布 so I've just been wearing this plaster on it ever since.
給我看看 Show.
沒事的 美樂蒂 把創口貼撕下來 Come on, Melody, you're gonna have to rip off the band-aid,
不管是鼻子上這塊還是心裏那塊 both literally and figuratively.
我很喜歡 I love it.
-真的嗎 -當然了 - Really? - I do.
不要再像被人打了一拳那樣到處走了 Stop walking around like you've been punched in the nose
驕傲地展示它 and wear it with pride.
你很酷 You are cool.
很性感 You are hot.
你就是烈火阿拉斯加 You are a baked Alaska.
[烈火阿拉斯加: 又名火焰冰淇淋 是將冰淇淋的冷與火焰的熱完美結合的一道甜品]
好吧 OK.
謝謝你 Thanks.
演出加油 Break a leg.
伊芙 輕鬆一點 我們討論的是丹尼的心理健康 Eve, relax. This is Danny's mental health we're talking about.
我只想讓我的朋友好起來 Look, all I want is for my friend to get better.
這才是最重要的 對吧 That's all that matters, right?
茶包呢 Where's the teabag?
我拿出來了 Took it out.
你拿出來了 你為什麼要把它拿出來 You took it out? Why would you take it out?
滾出去 Get the fuck out of here!
不 把茶留下 我還要喝 No, no, no, leave the tea. I want the tea.
行了 電視台負責人那邊有消息了嗎 OK. Have you heard from the channel head yet?
我們的合同會受影響嗎 Does it affect our contracts?
因為這份合同涉及到我們兩個人 'Cause the contract refers to us both,
我想知道如果我們其中一個人違約 and I'd like to know if one of us breaches,
會不會導致兩人的合同都作廢 does it void it for the pair?
你在這兒啊 大家都去哪了 There you are. Where the hell is everyone?
好的 我要開始 OK, so, I'm really going to need to start talking
-對流程了 -好好好 - through the set pieces. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
我剛簽了五年期固定利率的房貸 I've just signed up to a fixed-rate five-year mortgage.
-我要在地下室挖個阻力游泳池 -很好 - I'm digging into my basement to build a resistance pool. - Nice.
為了那個游泳池 我們和威豹樂隊的鼓手 We've just had a 3.5-year legal battle with the drummer from
打了三年半的官司 Def Leppard to get that pool.
還不得不同意讓他建個高爾夫練球場 Had to agree to letting him build a driving range.
他就一條手臂 還怎麼拿高爾夫球桿 He's got one arm. How does he even hold a golf club?
迪帕克 親愛的 把注意力放到重點上 Deepak, darling, I really need you to focus.
-丹尼不會出演節目了 -你說什麼 - Danny's not going to be doing the show. - Excuse me?
-你說什麼 -也是時候了 我一直說 - Yeah, excuse me? - About bloody time. I've been saying
迪帕克應該單飛 Deepak should be doing this on his own for enough time.
迪帕克 我沒說過嗎 Haven't I been saying that, Deepak?
你說他不出演節目是什麼意思 What do you mean he's not doing the show?
他就是個累贅 He's a liability.
苦活累活都是迪帕克在做 He just relies on Deepak to do all the hard work
而他只會在格勞喬俱樂部和脫衣舞孃鬼混 whilst he's off at the Groucho Club hanging out with strippers
讓女人用吸管往他菊花裏 and getting women to blow cocaine up his arse
-吹可卡因 -納林達 - with a straw. - Narinda.
怎麼了 是你跟我說 What? You told me...
他找了個女孩用吸管把可卡因吹進他菊花裏 You told me he got a girl to blow cocaine up his arse with a straw.
-跟你說了是秘密了 -等等 - And I told you that in confidence. - Wait, wait.
能把時間倒流幾秒嗎 Can we just rewind a second?
丹尼不上台了嗎 沒辦法嗎 Danny is not doing the show, at all?
-沒錯 艾希莉·迪隆會頂替他 -什麼 - No. Ashley Dhillon is gonna do it. - What?
艾希莉·迪隆 她好笑嗎 Ashley Dhillon? Is she even funny?
她特別好笑 你沒見過她嗎 She is great. Have you not seen her?
等等 不 不 等等 Wait, wait. No, no, wait.
我和丹尼的演出要素就是男生間的化學作用 Mine and Danny's energy is a very much boy-on-boy chemistry.
我們間有鄰家小伙 基情四射的那種調調 We have a very laddie, cheeky chappy boys next door thing going on.
-也可以是鄰家女孩啊 -女的不搞笑啊 - Girls can live next door. - Girls aren't funny.
不好意思 我不是... Sorry, I don't...
剛那句別發推特 我不是那個意思... Don't Tweet that. I didn't mean...
我的意思是 整體上來看 What I meant was, on the whole,
大眾覺得女生不搞笑 我是這個意思 the general public doesn't find girls funny. That's what I meant.
是啊 順耳多了呢 Sure. That's much better.
艾希莉很棒 Look, Ashley's great.
我們寫好了台本 We have a script.
現在只用確保你撐過這場節目 We just need to make sure you get through the show
不要半途崩潰就行 without any major meltdowns.
不好意思 親愛的 你是誰 I'm sorry, dear, who exactly are you again?
我是喬治 這個節目的導演 'Cause I'm George. I'm the director. I'm running this show,
這件事我可是第一次聽說 and this is the first I'm hearing about it,
或許你能告訴我這是誰決定的嗎 so maybe you could tell me who's making these decisions.
我是伊芙 負責丹尼和迪帕克的公關 I'm Eve. We look after Danny and Deepak's PR.
-公關 -沒錯 - PR. - Right.
我們的僱主是他們倆和整個電視網 基本上就是 So we're employed by them and the network, so that's essentially,
你上司的上司的上司 我們要確保 yes, your boss's boss's boss, to make sure that
他倆還是不可阻擋的賺錢二人組 they remain the unstoppable money-making presenting duo
繼續為這個頻道帶來75%的廣告收入 that bring in 75% of this channel's advertising revenue.
還有讓你這樣的鄉巴佬不失業 親愛的 And keep shit-kickers like you in a job, dear.
這能行嗎 I'm not sure about this.
丹尼目前的狀況不能上台 Danny's in no fit state to present a TV show.
我見過他磕了1.5克的K粉還能連續主持 I've seen him present four hours of children's television
4小時的兒童節目 他簡直是個勞模 on 1.5g of ketamine. The man's a machine.
他不能自己上嗎 Why can't he just do the show on his own?
你們不覺得熱嗎 Anyone else hot?
伊芙 你看到美樂蒂了嗎 Eve, have you seen Melody?
分開後就沒見著了 I haven't seen her since earlier.
你這臉是怎麼了 花粉過敏嗎 What happened to your face? Did a pollen bomb go off?
丹尼在哪 你看見他人了嗎 Where is Danny? Have you seen him?
他在他房間裏 他有點... 焦慮 Yeah, he's, in his room. He's feeling a little... stressed.
他還焦慮呢 He's... He's stressed?
當然了 不愧是他 Course he is. Classic Danny fucking Davis.
他焦慮什麼 是我得上台主持直播節目 He's stressed 'cause I've gotta go out there and present a show live
單獨面對900百萬觀眾 to 9 million people without him.
不好意思 不好意思 Excuse me, excuse me.
沒事 他經常這樣 象徵著好運 He's fine. He always does this. It's good luck.
可以... 找個人進來一下嗎 Can we get... Can we get a runner in there, please?
裏面需要清理一下 因為我吐在水槽裏了 It needs sorting out 'cause I threw up in the sink.
我也不知道為什麼會吐那兒 因為 I don't know why I threw up in the sink 'cause
旁邊就是馬桶 there's a toilet right next to it.
好了 迪帕克 兄弟 OK, Deepak, dude,
-你得振作起來 -是 - you've got to get your shit together. - Yeah.
-你可以的 聽到了嗎 -好 - You got this, OK? - OK.
我們會處理好水槽的事 迪帕克 好嗎 We'll sort the sink, Deepak, OK?
你好好坐會兒 振作起來 Just have yourself a little sit down, get yourself together.
要是他最後一個人上台 Look, if he does do the show on his own,
是不是薪水也會高一點 does that mean he gets paid more?
能給我根煙嗎 Can I steal a cigarette?
又磕上什麼勁兒大的了 Back on the hard stuff?
迪帕克沒事吧 Is Deepak gonna be OK?
他必須沒事 He's gonna have to be.
事實證明你說得沒錯 So, turns out you were right.
加布裏埃爾跟其他男的一樣 都是混球 Gabriel's as much of a pro tool as all the others. I know, right?
帥氣 性感的億萬富翁原來是個巨型混球 Handsome, sexy billionaire turns out to actually be a massive dick.
說對這種事我並不感到開心 I don't actually enjoy being right about these things.
這假話說得 Well, I know that's a lie.
你還好嗎 Are you OK?
還好 你呢 Yeah. How are you?
美樂蒂在那兒 There's Melody.
你和露絲的事解決了嗎 Did you and Ruth work things out?
是 都解決了 Yep. All sorted.
看 跟你說什麼來著 See? What did I tell you?
姐妹 總會和好的 Sisters. You'll always work it out.
美樂蒂 Melody.
你寫完迪帕克的聲明了嗎 Have you finished Deepak's statement?
我以為是你寫呢 I thought you were doing that.
-有點卡殼而已 -你怎麼了 - I'm just a bit stuck. - What's the matter with you?
你看起來像是對著自己兄弟的嬰兒相冊 You look like you've been caught masturbating over
自慰被抓住一樣 your brother's baby album.
我沒事 只是在工作而已 I'm fine. I'm just working.
-你為什麼遮住自己的臉 -我沒遮 - Why are you covering your face? - I'm not covering my face.
-你把筆記本舉著幹嘛 -在讀東西 - Why are you holding your laptop like that? - I'm reading.
你的鼻子這是出什麼車禍了 What in Tina Turner's tiny tits has happened to your nose?
是鼻洞嗎 Is that a piercing?
感覺像是小熊維尼在脖子上文了個身 It's like Winnie the Pooh getting a neck tattoo.
好了 不說這個 OK, guys, come on.
你寫了多少了 What have you got so far?
-"女士們先生們 你們好" -就完了嗎 - "Hello, ladies and gentlemen." - Is that it?
我寫了很多 但聽起來都很虛假 Well, I tried a bunch of other stuff and it all sounded disingenuous.
虛假就對了 你是一個25歲的蘇格蘭女孩 It is disingenuous. You're a 25-year-old Scottish girl
為37歲的半巴基斯坦血統 writing a heartfelt speech on behalf of a 37-year-old
電視男主持寫稿 half-Pakistani male TV presenter.
我們都是虛假的 We are disingenuous.
不關心公正 這才叫"公關" You can't spell "unscrupulous" without a P and an R.
真妙 Very clever.
我知道 卡羅琳說過一次 Yes, I know. Caroline said it once.
自那之後我一直在找機會再說一遍 I've been waiting for an opportunity to use it since.
能給我一根嗎 Can I have one of those?
要是你抽煙的話 But if you have one of these,
煙會不會從你鼻洞冒出來 像油燈一樣 will smoke come out of the hole in your nose like a pixie's chimney?
天啊 她又要給我留言 God. Jesus. Look, she's just gonna leave another message
但什麼都不說 saying absolutely nothing.
就只是說 "是媽媽" Just, "It's Mum."
她已經留了三條語音說 "是媽媽" She's already left messages saying, "It's Mum," three of them.
她明明有手機 知道電話留言是怎麼回事 I mean, she has a phone. She knows how voice-mail works.
她知道給我發這麼多留言 She knows that leaving multiple messages
只會讓我要聽無數遍"是媽媽" just means I have to sit through, "It's Mum."
媽媽們就是這樣 她們就像終結者 That's the thing about mothers. They're like Terminators.
你不能跟她們討價還價 或講道理 They can't be bargained with, they can't be reasoned with,
她們從不感到同情 害怕或悔恨 they don't feel pity or fear or remorse,
而且她們絕不會停止如此 直到你死掉 and they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you're dead.
你爸爸的事 我很抱歉 I'm sorry about your dad.
你的... 事 我也很抱歉 Sorry about your... stuff.
我請求你們都不要為我的分手感到抱歉 I'm going to request that neither of you are sorry about my breakup.
我絕對是躲過了一劫 Dodged a bullet, definitely,
而且我還撈到了三雙鞋 and I got three pairs of shoes out of it so,
總的來說 我賺了 ultimately, I'm up.
有人想要迷你星河巧克力嗎 Does anyone want a fun-size Milky Way?
我的咖啡呢 Where's my fucking coffee?
這裏怎麼有個德力西午夜跑者樂隊成員 Why is there a Dexys Midnight Runner here?
貝爾 幫她搞乾淨 再給我倒杯咖啡 Belle, clean her up and get me another coffee.
-其實是"他們"[非二元性別代詞] -你說什麼 - Actually, it's "they". - Excuse me?
我是說 不是"她" 是"他們" I mean, it's not "her", it's "they".
是嗎 真是非常抱歉 Is it? I'm dreadfully sorry.
如果"他們"還不戴好貝雷帽 邁著小細腿跑開 Well, if they don't get off their skinny little beret-wearing arse
給我們重新倒杯咖啡 and make us another coffee,
"他們"要擔心的可就遠遠不止恰當的代詞了 proper pronouns will be the least of their worries.
咖啡 要比塞內加爾的健美運動員 Coffee! And I want it blacker and stronger
-更黑更強勁 懂了嗎 -懂了 - than a Senegalese body builder. Got it? - Yeah.
推特上都怎麼說謝麗爾和丹尼的 What's Twitter saying about Cheryl and Danny?
我想大體上都還是支持的 I'd say, on the whole, it's still supportive.
30%說"我不信" 20%說"男人終究是男人" 30%, "I don't believe it." 20%, "Boys will be boys."
40%說"這是圈套" And 40%, "It's entrapment."
剩下10%呢 And the other 10%?
"她身材也沒那麼好" "She's not even that fit."
媽的 Shit.
-什麼事 -我最愛的繼母過得怎麼樣 - Yes? - How's my favourite step-mum?
達米安 我正在忙 沒法跟你... Damian, I'm right in the middle of something so I can't really...
壓軸大戲 你肯定忙得焦頭爛額 The big finale. I thought you might be.
真是噩夢 男人終究是男人 What a nightmare? Still, boys will be boys.
雖然我很想跟你聊天... As much as I'd love to chat...
別擔心 不會佔用你太多時間 Don't worry, this won't take long.
我只是想拿一些文件 I just wanted to pick up a few documents,
所以來你辦公室了 so I dropped by the office.
希望你不會介意 I hope you don't mind.
你剛說什麼 What did you just say?
門衛並沒有攔著不讓我進來 The doorman was cool about letting me in.
估計標牌上有我名字還是挺管用的 對吧 I guess it helps when your name's on the sign, right?
達米安 達米安... Damian, Damian...
你和我爸這張照片真好看 我能要一張嗎 This is a cute picture of you and Dad. Can I get a copy?
從我辦公室出去 Get out of my office.
可惜你不在 不能一起喝杯咖啡 It's a shame you're not around for coffee.
本來很想和你敘敘舊的 Would have been nice to catch up.
如果你敢動我辦公室裏任何東西... If you touch anything in my office...
總之 我和我們律師聊過了 很顯然 So, anyway, I had a chat with our lawyers and, apparently,
如果一個大股東想炒掉公司董事 if a major shareholder wanted to get rid of a company director
而不冒著不公平解雇的重大訴訟風險 without risking a major litigation for unfair dismissal,
那他們就得提供嚴重不當行為的證據 then they'd have to offer proof of gross misconduct.
達米安 別這樣 Damian, don't do this.
你問我什麼會構成嚴重不當行為啊 "What would constitute as gross misconduct?" I hear you ask.
很顯然 任何不專業或非法行為的證據 Well, apparently, evidence of anything unprofessional or illegal.
你懂的 比如賄賂 勒索 干擾警方調查 You know, like bribery, blackmail, interfering with police investigations,
騷擾 誹謗 harassment, defamation.
所有這些骯髒的勾當 All that kind of grubby stuff.
達米安 聽我說 Damian, listen.
我求你了 別這麼做 I'm begging you, don't do this.
這並不容易 但顯然 如果你能提供此類行為的證據 It isn't easy, but apparently, if you can offer proof of such behavior,
那實際上 撤某人的職 then actually removing someone from their position
其實是很簡單的 is actually quite straightforward.
顯然 雙方通常會坐到一起 Obviously, what usually happens is both parties get into a room
相互談判 and talk to each other
試圖達成某種互惠互利的協議 and try to come to some sort of mutually beneficial agreement,
讓雙方都能達到自己的目的 which allows both parties to get what they want,
同時不必忍受尷尬 whilst not having to go through the embarrassing
昂貴 繁瑣的法庭審判 and costly rigmarole of a court case.
總之 有件毫不相干的事情 So, anyway, on a completely unrelated matter,
不知能否邀請你共進晚餐 I was wondering if I could take you for dinner.
你下周在嗎 週三怎麼樣 Are you around next week? How about Wednesday?
我對這種工作可能有點天賦 You know, I think I might have a flair for this kind of work.
不知道是遺傳了我爸 還是你 I wonder if I get that from Dad or you.
貝爾 打給律師 Belle. Call the lawyers.
我們要開戰了 We're going to war.
丹尼 Danny?
操 Fuck.
丹尼 Danny?
好的 劇本顯然已經改了 OK. So, obviously, the script has changed
來適應新狀況 to accommodate the new situation
但流程都和之前討論的一樣 but the set pieces are all as previously discussed.
所以計劃就是完全照常進行 可以吧 So the plan is just to run things absolutely as normal. Sound good?
迪帕克 親愛的 我拿到你的開場白了 Deepak, darling, I've got your opening statement here.
他們要改提詞器嗎 Are they gonna change the autocue?
你說什麼 Sorry?
丹尼的台詞... 還會在提詞器上嗎 Are we... are we still gonna have Danny's lines on the autocue?
因為我覺得 如果他不來 'Cause I think if he's not gonna be here,
這樣會有點容易混淆 it's gonna be kind of confusing.
不會的 他們肯定會改提詞器的 No, I'm sure they're going to change the autocue.
迪帕克 你還好嗎 Deepak, are you OK?
是的 我沒事 Yeah, I'm good.
娜琳達給了我不少她的β受體阻滯劑[可控制心率] Narinda gave me, like, quite a few of her beta-blockers,
因為我... 剛才有一點點恐慌發作 because I was... I was having a teeny-weeny panic attack.
但我現在沒事了 But I'm fine now.
感覺真棒 Feel good!
我看起來還好嗎 因為我感覺有點"發豆" Do I look OK? 'Cause I feel kind of thembly.
抱歉 親愛的 你感覺什麼 Sorry, darling, you feel what?
"發豆" "花抖" 是這詞嗎 Thembly. Thambly. Is that a word?
我覺得沒那個詞 I don't think that's a word.
我在想哪個詞 What word am I thinking of?
"發豆" "花抖"... Thembly. Thumbly. Themb...
迪帕克 親愛的 你真的要打起精神 No, Deepak, darling, I really need you to get it together
大家都指望著你呢 because there are a lot of people counting on you here.
我可以... 我可以打起精神 I can get it... I can get it together.
我是專業的 I'm a professional.
給他弄杯咖啡 這種速溶的垃圾不行 We need to get him some coffee, and none of this instant crap, OK?
致死量咖啡 Kill-a-horse coffee.
-你檢查一下 然後導入提詞器好嗎 -好的 - Will you check this and get it loaded in? - Yeah.
喬治 我有點緊張 George, I'm feeling a bit freaked out, man.
你們在嗎 Are you in there?
我找到丹尼孩子他媽的詳細資料了 OK, I've got the details on Danny's baby mama.
她叫謝麗爾·貝恩斯 我從她照片牆上 Her name is Cheryl Baines, and I've lifted some photos
找到了些照片 from her Instagram.
她是性工作者 一定有更淫蕩的東西 She's a sex worker. There must be something sluttier.
一定要污穢不堪 It's got to be filth.
要能讓大家覺得她不顧一切 不誠實 We need something that says desperate and dishonest.
這張很棒 萬聖節這張 That's perfect, the Halloween one.
聯繫和她一起上過學的醜男 Contact the unattractive boy she went to school with.
他們肯定會說她的壞話 They'll have something to say about her, for sure,
確保還沒人收買她 and make sure that no-one is offering her anything.
如果有 出雙倍 把她拉進我們陣營 If they are, double it. We bring her into the fold.
她將成為我們戰略的一部分 我們視情況用她 She becomes part of our strategy and we use her as we see fit.
明白 Understood.
伊芙 丹尼不見了 Eve! Danny's gone.
什麼 什麼叫不見了 What? What do you mean, gone?
他不見了 他逃走了 He's gone, he's escaped,
-爬窗逃了 -老天 - he's crawled out the fucking window. - Jesus Christ.
你去找保安 你去攝影棚 OK, you check with security, you check the studio,
我去停車場看看 I'm gonna check the lot.
但節目在半小時後開始直播 But the show is supposed to go live in 30 minutes.
那我們最好搞快點 Then we'd better fucking hurry.
進展如何 稍等 Update. Wait.
-丹尼不見了 -怎麼不見的 - Danny's disappeared. - Disappeared? How?
-爬窗跑的 -這是鼻洞嗎 - He crawled out of a window. - Is that a nose piercing?
別說我得像是戴乳環的米妮 Don't tell me I look like Minnie Mouse with a nipple ring,
或剃光頭的小鹿斑比 或穿緊身皮衣的水獺 or Bambi with a shaved head, or an otter in a gimp suit.
我只是想說很好看 I was just going to say it looked really nice.
謝謝 Thank you.
好的 OK.
我一直在找你 I've been looking for you.
天啊謝謝你 太激動了 My goodness, thank you! That's so exciting.
-但我只有一個條件 -什麼 - But I'm only in on one condition. - What's that?
你來全權負責我的事務 That I get to deal with you personally.
我還沒有自己的委託人 Don't really get my own clients yet.
那我就是第一個 Well, I guess that I'm your first.
好了 我現在要去 Right, well, I'm off to
代替丹尼·戴維斯出場 讓9百萬人失望了 disappoint 9 million people by not being Danny Davis.
你會讓他們閉嘴驚艷 You'll smash it.
天啊 你在這裏 My god. There you are.
我還以為會看到你光著身子 I thought I was gonna find you naked somewhere,
吸著快樂粉 笑飲老虎血 banging 7g rocks, drinking tiger blood.
我又不傻 Not winning.
你想跳下去嗎 Were you thinking about it?
瘋了嗎你 Are you mental?
如果我要自殺 我不會跳樓的 If I was gonna kill myself, I wouldn't jump off a building.
尤其在電視台攝影棚 Particularly a TV studio.
這是多麼過分的自我主義行為 What an extravagant act of egotism that would be.
再說了 這也不夠高啊 Besides, we're not high enough, are we?
我大概只會摔斷腿 I'd probably just break both my legs.
想想就很尷尬 Imagine how embarrassing that would be.
你知道嗎 日本有座火山 Did you know that there's this volcano in Japan
叫三原山 在30年代 called Mount Mihara, and in the '30s, some chick
有個小妞跳進火山口自殺了 killed herself by throwing herself into the crater?
黑武士就掉進了火山 Darth Vader fell into a volcano.
事發第二年 944個人 In the next year, 944 other people
模仿她 跳進了同一個火山 copied her, jumped into the same crater.
很聰明 強戲劇性 低成本 Smart move. High drama. Low maintenance.
-確實 -聽上去不錯 "他怎麼死的" - Exactly. - Sounds good, too. "How did he die?"
"跳火山死的" "真不錯" "Jumped into a volcano." "Fair."
你打算怎麼做 How would you do it?
自殺嗎 不會的 Top myself? No.
大概嗑藥吧 Pills, probably.
"酒精和毒品調製的致命毒液" "A lethal cocktail of alcohol and drugs."
媒體都是這麼說的 不是嗎 That's what they say in the press, don't they?
狂歡四天 Go out on a four-day coke bender.
喝酒 做愛 吸粉 Bingeing, banging, snorting,
直到心臟衰竭 until my heart gives out.
臉紅到發紫 牙齒磨到只剩牙柱 Red as a plum, teeth ground down to stumps.
你呢 You?
給自己訂個郵輪 全包 Book myself a cruise, all-inclusive,
去一個美麗又偏遠的地方 somewhere beautiful, somewhere remote,
然後有天晚上 穿上漂亮的裙子 上甲板 and then one night, put on a nice dress, go up on deck,
無論望向哪裏 and all you'd see in any direction is just
滿眼只有幽暗的海面上 月光泛起漣漪 the moonlight rippling and reflecting off the dark water,
廣闊無垠 infinite.
喝兩杯馬提尼 Have a couple of martinis,
吃兩片阿普唑侖 然後... and then I'd pop a couple of Xanax and just...
跳下船 永遠消失 step over the side and disappear forever.
老天 Christ.
我以為我算是病態的了 I thought I was morbid.
我可能得讀些西爾維婭·普拉斯的詩來振奮自己 I might have to read some Sylvia Plath just to cheer myself up.
在戒毒所 人們總在談論人生低谷 You know, in rehab, they're always talking about rock bottoms.
"這是我的人生低谷" "This was my rock bottom."
"不 這是我的人生低谷" "No, no. No, this was my rock bottom."
每次我自以為到了人生低谷的時候 Every time I think I've reached mine,
我好像又重新振作起來了 I just seem to bounce straight back off it again.
就像連環殺手回到犯罪現場一樣 It's like a serial killer revisiting the scene of a crime.
他們想被抓 他們想就此停止 They wanna get caught. They want it to stop,
或者被人停止 or be stopped.
但所有人都想要我按部就班 But everyone just keeps the train on the tracks
因為價值太高了 'cause it's worth so much.
律師 經理 你 Lawyers, managers, you.
-我全搞砸了 是不是 -那可不 - I've really fucked it, haven't I? - Join the club.
等一下 Hold on a sec.
-我現在沒時間 -我在這裏 - I can't do this right now. - I'm here.
你什麼意思 你在這裏嗎 What do you mean, you're here?
-我在攝影棚 -為什麼 - I'm at the studio. - Why?
我覺得我可以跟卡羅琳聊一聊我的獨家採訪 I thought I could grab Caroline for a little chat about my exclusive.
如果她看見你 她會殺了你 If she sees you, she will kill you.
幸好有你幫我啊 It's lucky I've got you to look after me, then.
滾你的 瑞茜 你不能敲詐我 Fuck you, Reese, you can't blackmail me.
我不是在敲詐你 我是在利用你達到我的目的 I'm not blackmailing you, I'm using you to get what I want,
這也是你一直對我做的事 which is exactly what you've always done with me.
-這不公平 -生活本來就不公平 寶貝 - That's no fair. - Life's not fair, babes.
你和我談了八個月戀愛 It wasn't fair when you ghosted me
接著突然消失 那樣公平嗎 after eight fucking months together, was it?
人生不如意事十之八九 Shit happens?
我們假裝這無關私事 好嗎 Let's not pretend this is personal, yeah?
性病診所嗎 STD clinic?
幫個忙行嗎 有沒有看到一個成年男性 Do us a loving favour, a fully grown man came
-從窗戶裏爬出來... -我沒看到 不好意思 - out of the window... - I've not seen him. Sorry.
他在哪裏 讓我進去 Where is he? Let me in.
我要和丹尼·戴維斯談談 丹尼·戴維斯 I need to talk to Danny Davis. Danny Davis!
-我知道他個狗日的在這裏 -你好 你好 - I know he's fucking in there. - Hi, there. Hi.
-發生什麼了 我... -丹尼在哪兒 - What's going on? I... - Where's Danny?
她沒有通行證不能進去 She can't come in without a pass.
好吧 沒關係 她是跟著我的 所以我們... OK, well, that's fine because she's with me, so we'll just...
你是謝麗爾 對嗎 You're Cheryl, right?
-你是誰 -美樂蒂 我們是他的公關 - Who are you? - Melody, I work for Danny's PR.
-什麼 -我們應付媒體和... - What? - We do press and...
我知道什麼是公關 我不是個傻子 I know what PR is. I'm not an idiot.
我是問我為什麼要跟你說話 我要跟丹尼說話 I mean why am I talking to you? I want to talk to Danny.
現在不行 因為丹尼在準備節目 Well, you can't right now 'cause Danny's getting ready for the show.
就算他是在和丹麥女王喝茶 I don't care if he's having high tea
我他媽也不在乎 with the Queen of fucking Denmark.
為什麼我會在家裏接到記者的電話 Why have I got a journalist calling my home
問我兒子的事 talking about my son?
不 不 你不能 停下 No, no, you can't. Stop!
站住 多少錢 Right, stop. How much?
你說什麼 Excuse me?
多少錢 可以讓你不追究這件事 How much, just to make it all go away?
不追究 Make it go away?
不追究什麼 Make what go away?
我兒子嗎 My son?
我不想要他的錢 I don't want any of his money.
我從來沒要過 我自己賺錢 謝謝 I never did. I earn my money, thank you.
這就是你們的問題 你們所有人 That's the problem with you people, all of you.
你們以為所有人都能被收買 You just assume that everyone can be bought.
得了吧 這算是不少錢了 對於你這種... Come on. That's a bit rich, coming from someone who...
我這種... 什麼 Coming from... what?
不 說下去 我這種什麼 No, no, go on. Coming from what?
妓女嗎 Prostitute?
婊子嗎 A whore?
蕩婦嗎 Scarlet woman?
你知道嗎 你或許是對的 You know what? You're probably right.
也許我應該被禁止擁有 Maybe I should forfeit any highfalutin ambitions
被當作人來對待的雄心壯志 of being treated like an actual human being.
不是的 我只是想讓你別接受任何媒體的採訪 No, I'm just asking that you don't speak to any media.
為什麼我會想接受媒體的採訪 Why would I wanna talk to the fucking media?
好讓別認罵我蕩婦嗎 So I can be called a slag?
我不想跟任何人聊 I don't wanna talk to anyone.
我不想出名 我不想要任何人的錢 I don't want my 15 minutes. I don't want anybody's money!
我... 去年賺了十二萬 而且是稅後 I... I earned 120 grand last year, after tax.
我只希望誰都別來打擾我和我兒子 All I want is for me and my boy to be left alone!
讓我們做個普通人 我從來都只想要這個 So we can be normal. That is all I've ever wanted.
他也保證了 And he promised.
天啊 別哭 God, don't cry.
對不起 我真的不是那個意思 I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean all that.
來 我們休息下 好嗎 Come on, let's just take a breather, will we?
你們為什麼要讓媒體這麼做 Why do you let them behave like this?
為什麼要來追著我這種人不放 Why go after people like me, like...
好像是我毀了他的生活一樣 I'm the one ruining his life?
你們不讓他們為自己的行為負責 You don't let them take responsibility for their actions.
如果世界上沒有後果一說 這永遠都不會停止 And if there's no consequence, it will never stop.
天啊 非常不好意思 God. I'm so sorry.
稍等一會兒 I'll be one minute.
媽媽 怎麼了 Mum, what?
美樂蒂 我得跟你談談 Melody, I need to talk to you.
-媽媽 我在工作 -這很重要 - Mum, I'm at my work. - It's important.
我的工作也他媽很重要 My job's fucking important.
你爸被轉移到臨終療養院去了 Your dad's been moved to a hospice.
他的病上周不斷惡化 He's been deteriorating over the last week.
我無法繼續照顧他 安撫好他了 I can't care for him and keep him comfortable,
所以他們想轉移他 so they're gonna move him.
如果你還想能見到他 If you want to make sure you get to see him,
你就馬上坐車回來 you should get on a train.
你爸爸不知道還有多少時間了 It's hard to know exactly how much time he's got.
丹尼 Danny!
操 Fuck.
一切盡在掌控 It's under control!
你好嗎 兄弟 How you doing, man?
伊芙 伊芙 Eve? Eve!
瑞茜來了 Reese is here.
什麼 這裏嗎 為什麼 What? Here? Why?
她想要和丹尼獨家自白專訪 She wants a tell-all exclusive with Danny
聊他對孩子的愛 他的羞愧還有改邪歸正 all about his love for the child and his shame and his recovery.
你開什麼玩笑 Are you having a fucking bubble bath?
她在背後陰了卡羅琳 She fucks over Caroline,
現在還想要獨家專訪 now she wants another exclusive.
我們得搞定這個 我們得做個交易 快來 We need to fix it. We need to make a deal. Come on.
看著他 交易 Watch him. A deal?
-我們瞭解瑞茜 -她就是個卑鄙無恥之徒 - Well, we know Reese. - We know she is a snake
她甚至願意把自己親媽賣給性販賣集團 who would sell her own mother into a sex trafficking ring
來換取一條大新聞 if it means she gets a story out of it.
卡羅琳不會同意的 Caroline will never go for it.
我覺得卡羅琳因為壓力太大 有些事沒想明白 I think Caroline's a little stressed and she's not thinking clearly.
小羅 她們早就有過一樁交易了 Rob, they already had a deal.
我只是想 Well, I was just thinking that maybe
如果我倆能想出什麼辦法 就... if you and I could figure something out, you know...
我瞭解瑞茜 我知道怎麼利用她 I know Reese. I know how to get what I want from her.
真的嗎 我倒覺得 Really? Because from what I've seen,
是她更懂得如何利用你 she knows how to get what she wants from you.
這麼著吧 我自個兒想 You know what? I'll figure it out myself.
-小羅 -卡羅琳 瑞茜來了 - Rob. - Caroline, Reese is here.
你的老友 阿比蓋爾 提出想給丹尼做專訪 Your pal, Abigail, here was just offering an exclusive with Danny,
讓他講述他的故事 如實描繪 letting him tell his side of the story, warts and all.
我們興許能跟書捆綁銷售 Reckons we might even be able to tie it in with a book deal, as well.
你覺得我們該怎麼做 What do you think we should do?
我覺得她作為把新聞捅出去的人 Well, I think, as the one who broke the story,
這不失為一個有趣的視角 it gives the piece an interesting angle.
如果她聲稱她篤信丹尼的懺悔 She says that she genuinely believes in his repentance.
能給報道增加可信度 It could lend it a certain credibility.
我正有此意 I had the same thought exactly.
好了 瑞茜小姐 你的專訪成了 有一個條件 OK, Miss Reese, you can have your story, on one condition.
是什麼呢 And what's that?
告訴我消息來源是誰 You tell me who your source is.
卡羅琳 你明白我作為記者 Caroline, you know that as a journalist,
第一要務就是保護消息提供者 my number-one commandment is to protect my sources.
不說就滾吧 Take it or leave it.
行吧 反正她敢說出來心裏也有數 Fine. She knew what she was getting herself into.
是美樂蒂 It was Melody.
-美樂蒂 -那個蘇格蘭小姑娘 - Melody? - The little Scottish one.
是這名吧 別對她太兇了 That's her name, isn't it? Don't be too harsh on her.
她只是跟我做個交易 She's just playing the game.
計劃是 下回你們有客戶出大事的時候 Plan was, I tip her off next time something big
我會給她透露點消息 was gonna go down for one of your clients,
她就能夠輕而易舉拯救世界 and she'd swan in and save the day.
迪帕克 Deepak!
草 Tits.
你說什麼呢 死瘋子 What are you talking about, you bloody lunatic?
你把謝麗爾的事說出去了 You told them about Cheryl!
你保證過的 你他娘保證過的 You promised. You fucking promised!
我什麼都沒說 放開我 I never told them anything. Get off me.
你個狗日的大鬍子混賬叛徒 You fucking bloody beardy Judas bastard!
-先生們 能先別打了嗎 -放開我 放手 - Boys, can you just pack it in? - Get off me! Get off!
丹尼爾 放開他 你個蠢貨 Daniel, get off him right now, you bloody pillock.
為什麼 為什麼 Why? Why?
就因為我上諾頓秀沒帶你嗎 Is it because I went on Graham Norton without you?
什麼 我就沒想過上諾頓秀 What? I never wanted to go on Graham Norton.
我沒事 我沒事 I'm fine. I'm fine.
這巴掌是謝謝你毀了我的"廣播時報"獎 That's for breaking my Radio Times award.
-咱們還是先到外面等吧 -霍莉·威洛比不是忘了 - I think we should go outside. - Holly Willoughby didn't forget
邀請你去奶酪火鍋派對 to invite you to her fondue party.
她就是覺得你是個白癡 She didn't invite you 'cause she thinks you're a twat.
你能上節目都是因為平權法案 You only got this job because of affirmative action!
你能上節目都是因為身體殘障 You only got this job because you've got special needs.
多動癥不是殘障 ADHD is not special needs!
行了 夠了 閉嘴 OK, enough, enough.
老子一個字都沒往外說 臭傻逼 I never told them anything, you bloody idiot.
-別撒謊了 -我怎麼會想一個人做這檔節目 - Just admit it. - Why would I want to do this without you?
比平時累一倍 而且你比我更搞笑 It's twice as much work, and you're the funny one.
你什麼時候才能意識到自己的才能 When will you bloody realise how good you've got it
不要再自暴自棄了 and stop messing everything up for yourself?
他真的很愛你 This boy bloody loves you.
只有你知道這件事 You were the only one that knew.
我以孩子的性命發誓 我什麼都沒說 I swear on my baby's life, I never told them anything.
沒時間掰扯了 I really haven't got fucking time for this.
兩個人都拉出去 Get them both out of here.
他先動手的 He started it.
我直播呢 他跟打橄欖球似的飛撲過來 He literally rugby tackled me while I was on TV.
艾希莉 節目靠你了 Ashley, the show is yours.
-什麼 -10分鐘後直播 你負責主持 - You what? - You're live in ten. Show's yours.
主持全場嗎 What, the whole thing?
-你不想幹嗎 -不 - Don't you want it? - No.
我想 太好了 我干 對 就是... I mean, yes, grand, I do, yeah. It's just...
很好 上台去 講幾個段子 Good! So get out there, tell a few gags and for god's sake
讓觀眾以為這是什麼前衛的小品 make them think this was some fucking avant-garde sketch.
女士們先生們 丹尼和迪帕克 Ladies and gentlemen, Danny and Deepak.
掌聲送給他們 Give it up for those guys.
-我愛死他們了 這是個小品... -丹尼 - I love those lads. It's a joke... - Danny!
就是傳說中的後台小品 大家都別慌... It's just backstage jokes, guys. Everyone chill the flip out...
-我們錯過什麼了 -怎麼說 - What did we miss? - Anyway, so,
有人想上台來跟我一起主持嗎 does anyone want to present the show with me?
你怎麼樣 先生... You, sir...
卡羅琳 對不起 我努力攔她了 但她... Caroline, I'm so sorry. I tried to stop her, but she just...
美樂蒂 瑞茜跟我們說了 Melody, we spoke to Reese.
阿比蓋爾·瑞茜 她在嗎 Abigail Reese? Is she here?
先別說 聽我說 瑞茜交代 Don't talk. Just listen. She told us
-是你把丹尼私生子的料爆給她的 -什麼 - that you gave her the information about Danny's kid. - What?
我明白 我們都會跟記者做交易 Listen, I get it. We've all made deals with journalists.
我絕不會... I would never...
我也知道這不是你希望看到的 I know this isn't what you wanted to happen.
我發誓 我跟誰都沒說 I didn't tell a soul, I swear.
都是我的錯 是我沒給你樹立好榜樣 This is my fault. It's not like I've set you a good example.
卡羅琳 我發誓我沒爆料 Caroline, I swear to god I didn't.
我承擔全部責任 I take full responsibility.
要不是我 美樂蒂也不會接觸到丹尼 She wouldn't even have been with Danny if it wasn't for me,
-考慮到她一直都這麼笨... -我相信她 - and as much as she's been stupid... - I believe her.
她跟在場所有人一樣聰明 而且比我們誠實一倍 She's as smart as anyone in this room and twice as honest,
她說她沒跟任何人說 那我相信她 and if she says she didn't tell anyone, then I believe her.
-隻有她知道這事 -羅賓 別說了 - Nobody else knew. - Robyn, stop.
什麼 What?
別說了 Stop.
-我不知道什麼... -夠了... - I don't know what... - Enough! Just...
你被開除了 You're fired.
卡羅琳 求你了 我發誓我真的沒說 Caroline, please. I swear to god I didn't.
不是你 Not you.
-你 -什麼 - You. - What?
你走吧 Leave.
卡羅琳 拜託 Caroline, please.
-求你了 -不不不... - Please. - No, no, no...
別哭喪 別扯謊 別求人 Don't cry, don't lie, don't beg.
麻溜走人 Just go.
卡羅琳 律師都到了 Caroline, your lawyers are here.
請他們進來 都走吧 Send them in. We're done here.
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