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That was good.
Top dog, big dog, bad dog.
Who's the best dog?
That's my dog.
Who's the best dog?
That's my dog.
It's a big, bad dog.
Number one dog. Dog at the top.
Slow down, Fido. We need to taIk.
-Yeah?abc-Vince.
You see the VitagirI numbers?abcYou hit that demographic dead on.
Yeah, Iooking good.
-TaIk about what?abc-Us.
We're 24 hours awayabcfrom fast-food fame...
...or obIivion.abcWiII you sign off on that copy?
No.
No? What do you mean, no?
Nelson, we've beenabckilling ourselves with this--
-What?abc-Meet you in 20.
Nelson!
I remember growing up.
-Summertime...abc-I'm starving!
-...baseball...abc-Ready for the game?
-You bet.abc-Go get 'em!
...and Dr. Diggity Dogs.
Us. Isn't there some kind of Iimitabcon the ''us'' taIks?
One, okay. Two, if necessary.
Three, crueI and unusuaI.
Great dog, big dog.
Forgot about my parents, didn't you?
I can't make it. I'm sorry.
NeIson, this is their third tripabcto the city.
You couId make an effort.
This is important to me.
This account is very important to me.
It's Dr. Diggity,abcpracticaIIy an American institution.
American institution.
Dr. Diggity. Amer--
No.
You know, there are peopIeabcwho don't work 24 hours a day.
They stop, reIax...
...have Iives.
I have a Iife, AngeIica.abcAnd I'm Iate for it.
I'm not sure I like the tag line.
It needs to be deadpan.
-I want to play with it.abc-If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
That rule applies to mediocrity.
-We want perfection.abc-We want a check.
You worry too much.
Worrying about Iosingabckeeps you winning.
Congrats.
NeIson, you got the Ad Ageabcfor the PeIican spot.
Give that to me.
Look, it says ''team.'' I'm ''team.''
God!
-Morning, Mr. Moss.abc-Thanks.
-Vince.abc-Beatrice, I'II have the--
Edgar Priceabcis coming out of retirement.
Says he's tired of being ripped off,abcmight as weII rip himseIf off.
Edgar Price, huh?
Was the best.
Remember that Mercedes ad?
The car, fIoating in outer space,abccomes right at you.
Genius.
Check this out.
What?
BaIance.
How's my dream team?abcGot it Iocked up?
Sure, chief. Just finessing--
No, no, it's aII Iocked up.
-It's minor detaiIs.abc-Minor.
See that?
Make it happen.
Red! BIood red!
I can't read this.abcIs EngIish her second Ianguage?
You'II Iove these frames.abcI ran with your idea.
It's stiII your idea, just better.abcCIient wiII Iove it.
Ethnic.
Give me a bonfire, three-quarter.
-More cIeavage, more dogs.abc-There's three girIs.
-Let's make this night.abc-Night?
What's this, porno?
You said you wanted edge.
-I don't feeI it.abc-There you are.
-BIood red.abc-Forget your 1 :00 at the DMV?
RescheduIe.
I don't have time.
Wait tiII the presentation's over.
If you don't renew today,abcthey'II suspend your Iicense.
You get puIIed over,abcthey can throw you in jaiI.
Bet you don't have timeabcfor that either.
Nobody beats the DMV. Not even you.
Bye-bye.
I got it.
-I don't feeI it.abc-Not feeIing it. BIood red.
BIood red! Let's go, Iet's bIeed!
Thanks.
AII right, there wiII be no taIking,abceating or drinking...
...during the test.
If your personaI hygieneabcbecomes a distraction...
...you'II be asked to Ieave.
Sorry.
If you need to use the bathroom,abcraise your hand.
WouId you pass me the CoIombo, pIease?
Yeah, the saIami.
Thanks.
You cannot take the test with youabcto the bathroom.
If you do not come backabcfrom the bathroom...
...you cannot pass the test.
You may begin.
FaIIing rocks?
Oh, Christ!
Hey.
Number nine...
...true or faIse?
Oh.
I'm not there yet.
Sorry.
-But when I do mine--abc-Excuse me.
Bring your test papers forward,abcpIease.
Me?
You.
With the scarf, yes.
I wasn't cheating.
Why wouId I cheat on a DMV test?
You may retake the test in 30 days.
That's a joke, right?
Thirty days?
That's a whoIe month.
Great.
Fine.
Guess I'm going.
WaIking.
Hey...
...good Iuck.
Shane and Dunne.
-NeIson Moss for Vince.abc-One moment.
-Did Ruben tweak the music?abc-No, he said it's fine.
Shit.
Cut him.
Get Johnson McDonaId.abcGive him the sampIe. TeII him--
-You've lost your mind.abc-No, beg him for 10 tomorrow.
-That's crazy!abc-How did it go?
Did you get your Iicense?
-Vince.abc-What?
What do you think about this?abc''Barking mad for Dr. Diggity.''
-That sucks.abc-CongratuIations.
You can read.
-CaII you back.abc-No, no--
Can I heIp you?
Can you heIp me?
Yeah.
That's your van, isn't it?
Is this your car?
Wow.
-Nice.abc-You can't drive, right.
No.
This is the way that you....
Right.
Shit.
How much do you make a month?
Doesn't Iook Iike much.
I'II cover your expenses.
Here, caII my secretary.
We'II work it out.
Is this quest for redemptionabcfrom remorse?
Or are you scared my sittingabcon your car wiII cause a dent?
The dent.
That's what I thought.
What are you doing?
Buying redemption.
Redemption's not for saIe today.
Sorry.
Okay.
Guess I'm going to heII.
Get off the car.
Okay.
Bye.
Yeah, here we go.
I'm gonna get it.
Get it.
Okay.
What is it?
It's a hot dog.
It's a hotabchot dog.
It's a hot dog.
Yeah?
Mr. Moss, it's Manny from downstairs.
We have a bit of a situation.abcThere's a lady here...
... who's saying strange,abcpersonal things about you.
You can't talk to him!
-Move over.abc-You can't talk to him.
I can talk to him.abcLook, I'm going to.
How are you, big spender?
Remember me? I'm downstairs.abcYou want to come down here?
I can't stop thinking about you.
-Did he hear me?abc-Yeah.
-You sure?abc-I think he hear you.
Hello?
Yeah.
Okay, I'II--
-What?abc-I'II see you in five.
Okay, I'm down here.
Okay?
Then my wife, she says to me:
''You can fix nothing.''
So then she Ieaves me for pIumber.
-No.abc-Yeah, pIumber.
Look at that, Manny.
My very own Prince Charming.
I don't think I've ever met such aabcroyaI asshoIe in my entire Iife.
So does your mom knowabcyou treat women Iike hookers...
...or did she raise you to beIieve...
...that being nice meansabcpatronizing the whoIe worId?
Uh-oh, I smeII troubIe.
-Can I taIk to you?abc-Yeah.
Bye, Manny.
-How did you find me?abc-I'm smart.
So, I need a ride.
Is this a joke?
WeII, you're the reason I can't drive.
So the Ieast you can doabcis schIep me somewhere.
It'II be painIess. Where's your car?
Been a baII,abcbut some of us have to work.
PIease don't make me throw a tantrum.
WouId you Iike to get naked with us?abcWe have a tub fuII of fudge!
Ignore her.
-It'II be fun!abc-Ignore her.
-He's cute!abc-What are you doing?
You know what?
You're a fIasher.abcA fIasher!
-It has to stop.abc-Mr. and Mrs. Johnson.
-Don't waIk away!abc-I'II caII the poIice.
-He keeps fIashing!abc-Medication.
Are you nuts?
I Iive here.
Do you have any shame?
WeII, I just want a ride.
PIease?
Oh, by the way...
...I'm Sara Deever.
Nice to meet you.
You want to get in the right Iane.
-Put your indicator--abc-I know how to drive.
Okay.
You want to take the 80 to OakIand.
-OakIand?abc-Yeah.
-You said this wouId be quick.abc-I aIso said it wouId be painIess.
This is reaIIy nice of youabcto do this for me.
And I'm sorry if I went too far,abcbut I did need this ride.
So I reaIIy appreciate it. Thanks.
Right here.
What do you pIan to do with that?
Commit a heinous crime. What eIse?
You'II wait for me, right? Right?
Of course you wiII.
What am I doing?
Go! Go!
Go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
That was so great!
FeeI Iike Bonnie and CIyde?
No, I don't.
-Why not?abc-They got shot.
-Don't open it. I don't want to know.abc-Just reIax.
They're just my IittIe furry friends.abcSay, ''Hi, NeIson.''
Somebody was gonna do nasty IittIeabcexperiments on your brains.
But I wouIdn't have it.
What do you do, by the way?
I'm in advertising.
Advertising.
So you enjoy it?
PeopIe tend to enjoyabcwhat they're reaIIy good at.
Besides your job,abcwhat eIse makes you miserabIe?
I mean, what do you do for fun?
I didn't think so.
No hobbies?
No diversions? No kinky obsessions?
For one quick second there,abcI thought you--
Just get in the car.
Want to come up for cocoa?
As titiIIating as the evening's been,abcI'm afraid not.
Okay.
How about I make you a deaI?
Come up for one cup, and I'IIabcnever ask you for another ride.
No, thanks.
Okay.
Thanks.
I'II see you tomorrow then.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
HoId on.
8:00 is good for you, right?
You, me, Manny, the doorman,abcthat whoIe thing?
Come in.
There you guys go.
I can heIp you.
See, I have a gift.
A speciaI abiIityabcto heIp men with probIems.
I don't have probIems.
Now, see that, usuaIIy,abcis the first sign.
Of what?
DeniaI.
DeniaI?
First of aII,abcI think you work too much.
ReaIIy?abcAnd what do you know about work?
PIenty.
You admitted you do nothing eIseabcand it doesn't make you happy.
I admitted nothing. I was siIent.
No speciaI interests, no pets.
You hate dogs.
Busted.
ActuaIIy I do have a pet, a fish.
A fish?
Doesn't count. CoId-bIooded. Sorry.
No, you are a waIking case study.
Look at you.
You're a workahoIicabcat such an advanced stage...
...that your intimacy skiIIs haveabcwithered away to aImost nothing.
Left untreated...
...you couId becomeabcemotionaIIy extinct.
Out of sheer perverse curiosity...
...how does a Iunatic Iike youabcheIp a guy Iike me?
You Iive in a box.
I couId Iift the Iid...
...Iet some Iight in.
Wow, that's deep.
I feeI aImost cured just hearing it.
WeII...
...if you want my heIp...
...it'II require a commitmentabcon your part.
You have to Iive with me hereabcfor a month.
No more, no Iess...
...and no work aIIowed.
You don't even know me...
...and you're inviting me to move in?
And how's my girIfriendabcsupposed to feeI about that?
GirIfriend?
You don't have a girIfriend.
I mean, it's something you feeI.
There's something intimate a womanabcIeaves on a man that you don't have.
Her name's AngeIica.
WeII, I feeI sorry for AngeIica.
Great.
I'II reIay that to her when I Ieave.abcWhich is...right about now.
October's aImost over.
We can start midnight...
...first of November.
If you're brave enough to commit,abcI'II devote myseIf entireIy to you.
Brave enough, but not stupid enough.
Now Iisten up, moonbeam.
Here's how it works.
No more harassment. No more rides.
No more extortion.
Next time you come into my buiIding...
...I reaIIy wiII caII the cops.
This is your image, Mr. Leach.
We poIIed your primary demographic.
IKnow what 89 percent said?
''Boring.''
''Safe.''
We need to drop a bomb.
You don't want hot dogs ''safe.''
What's in a hot dog?
Don't teII me. I don't want to know.
They're dangerous.
What are we seIIing here?
We're seIIing temptation, desire...
...animaI instincts...
...gIuttony, sin.
We want to show man as he reaIIy is.
A savage.
He needs fire. He needs food.
He hunts and gathers.
What does he get?
He gets a hot dog.
We're pagans.
We Iove our rituaIs.
Our team hits a home run,abcwe're screaming.
What do we want?
We want a hot dog.
Let's go to yourabcpreteen demographic.
IKids, the IittIe angeIs.
They're not. They're monsters.
We give them a tuna sandwich,abcthey don't want a tuna sandwich.
They want a hot dog!
We need women.
We've got the mothers...
...we want their daughters.
Let's ask that age-oId question:
''What does a woman reaIIy want?''
You know.
I know.
She wants a hot dog.
We're hot-bIooded. We need sex!
We need a sinfuI, dangerous food!
What is it?
It's a hot dog!
It's a hot dog.
''Dr. Diggity. It's a hot dog.''
No.
No?
What do you mean?
It's not for us.
You don't understand our company.
I don't understand?
What did you ask us for?
Edge.
This is edge.
We're going with Baker Bohanon.
I think you're making a mistake.
I've seen your saIes.abcYou're in big troubIe.
Oh, no. We are America'sabcfavorite hot dog, son.
Were. Were.
You're a dinosaur.
You're fIat-Iining.
You're dead meat.
And you just went too far,abcyou IittIe punk.
So I'II teII youabcwhat I reaIIy think of your campaign.
This is cheap, tasteIess crap.
ReaIIy?
That's funny,abcbecause so is your product.
Stop it.
I make a whoIesome hot dog, you prick.
It's mystery meat.
-Come on, NeIson!abc-It's toxic waste in a tube!
You're kiIIing me!
You're kiIIing us!abcYou're kiIIing aII of us!
Mr. Leach! Hey, buddy!
What the heII happened in there?
I know.
Can you beIieve that asshoIe?
Baker Bohanon.
I've aIways said you're briIIiant.abcA machine.
But I knew one day you'd snap,abcand we'd aII burn.
What are you taIking about, burn?
You know what was at stake?abcHow many miIIions you Iost?
You just dragged my agency's nameabcthrough the gutter.
HoId on a second.
Gutter?
I'm the best thing this agency's got.
And that rabid dog routineabcmakes you the best?
I don't think so.abcIt makes you a wreck!
It makes you a IiabiIity.
You need a vacation. Now.
Screw vacation.
Give me another account. Come on.
NeIson, did you hear me?
Take a vacation.
Short or permanent, your choice.
Are you threatening me?
That's hiIarious.
I'm two CIio's ahead of the game, Ray.
You can't afford to Iose me.
You're fired.
Say that again.
I don't think I heard you.
You're fired!
God, am I...
...gIad to see you.
You've got to be kidding me.
Mr. Moss?
Are you doing okay?
I'm fine.
You have a deIiv--
You have deIivery.
-Leave it!abc-I do not think you want me do that.
It's from the crazy Iadyabcfrom the other night.
She teII me I have to deIiverabcin the fIesh.
I said, Ieave it!
Okay.
You've got to be kidding me.
Hey!
Do me a favor. Stay out of my Iife.
Goodbye.
Is that Ernie?
It's Ernie!
I missed you so much! Hi.
Did you rethink my offer?
I don't feeI Iike pIayingabcthe Deever Mad Hatter game.
What is this?
-What happened?abc-Nothing.
-Can I Iook at it?abc-Why?
Because I'm a vampire.
Because it's bIeeding.
And maybe....abcMaybe I can heIp you.
What are you after?abcWhat do you want from me?
You shouId come with me.
Why are you sending me dogs?
So, what did you do today?
What did I do today?
I got fired.
They took the company car...
...and my girIfriend Ieft me.
Perfect.
Define ''perfect.''
WeII...
...it's the first of November.
Our month to be together.
You're actuaIIy serious about this.
Oh, yeah. Very.
You think I'm just gonnaabcdrop everything?
I don't want to bust your bubbIe,abcbut it sounds Iike you aIready have.
Live here...
...and Iet you mess with my headabcfor a whoIe month?
I don't know if I wouIdabcput it that way...
...but yeah, I think you shouId.
I'm sorry, I can't stand watches.
So this...
...whatever you caII it--
-HeIp.abc-''HeIp.''
What are you doing?
Taking your shirt off.
Why?
So you can cIean up.
Why?
Because you smeII Iike puppy pee.
Just for the night.
Whoa. Hey.
Okay.
What?
SIow, you know.
Yeah.
GentIe.
Look at me.
This is not very comfortabIe.
Wait, what are you doing?
What does it Iook Iike I'm doing?
Wait, just go sIow.
Just--
What's wrong? What's wrong?
-Where are you going?abc-To heII with this!
But, wait--
PIease wait!
WiII you just wait a second?
I have no words to describeabchow positiveIy wacked you are.
-What are you so pissed off about?abc-This has been the day from heII.
I don't need you teIIing meabcwhat to do in the sack!
-I didn't mean to. I just--abc-Just what?
Making sure your gameabcwas going according to pIan?
-It's not a game.abc-ReaIIy?
Then just what is it exactIy?
I'm trying to heIp you.
I don't need heIp.
It doesn't get much sweeter than this.
What I'm offeringabcis a win-win situation.
Yeah? And what do you get out of it?
I get to heIp you.
I don't understand you.abcThis whoIe thing--
You don't need to understand me.
You just need to Iet it happen.
PIease, don't go.
Why not?
Because I know you don't want to.
Have you ever consideredabca career in saIes?
No.
WeII, you shouId.
You're reIentIess.
NeIson...
...wouId you Iike to be my November?
Yes.
-What's your name?abc-RaqueI.
That's a beautifuI name.
CouId you put an extra shotabcof chocoIate in my mocha?
ChocoIate's an aphrodisiac.abcDid you know that?
You Iook great in that smock.abcYeah.
-Vince.abc-Where are you? I've been caIIing--
-Edgar Price.abc-Edgar Price?
-Edgar Price.abc-Edgar Price. What, what, what?
-Can you get us a meeting?abc-You and me?
You and me.abcEdgar Price's new company.
-Game?abc-That's briIIiant. That's genius.
I'll do that. They stuckabcme with that loser, John Heedley.
-Can't go on like this.abc-Vince?
-CaII me with news.abc-Absolutely.
Hey!
-Stop what you're doing, right now.abc-Why?
Because it's the same boring thingabcyou do every day of your Iife.
And you can't do that with me.
What's wrong with your TV?
Good morning.
It doesn't work.
Of course it doesn't. It's a pIanter.
Right.
-Where are my cIothes?abc-I gave them away.
You what?
I gave them away.
Oh, but...
...Iook at this.
Oh, yeah, baby!
Freedom. No more suits.
I got you those.
Sara, this is not heIpfuI.abcGive me my shirt and pants back.
What? It's cIothes.
It's just gonna cover your body.abcWhat do you care?
Hey, do you Iike cheese?
Hey there, Ernie. Hi!
Ernie, are you sad?abcDo you miss your brother?
You'II stay with me untiI we find youabcsome decent parents.
Hey, by the way, when do I getabcto meet your parents?
My parents are dead.
I'm sorry.
Sara, I'm not amused.abcI want my cIothes back. Now.
I toId you, I gave them away.
I promise, I'II never Iie to you.
So...
...wouId you Iike vegan sausage,abcvegan bacon....
That's aII we got now.abcHuh?
I make it with a Iot of vegan butterabcso it gets nice and bIack and crispy.
But if you don't Iike it that way,abcI won't make it that way, okay?
Hey, hey.
Three hours sIeep Iast night.
Tried vaIerian root, meIatonin,abcthe Shopping ChanneI.
You know what did the trick?
-What?abc-Jimmy Cagney.
Public Enemy.abcVioIence as a tranquiIizer.
How twisted is that?
You're Iooking very sexy today.
-Yeah?abc-Yeah.
Wow.
I do beIieve that isabcmy favorite sweatshirt I see.
You must be November.
I must be November?
That's NeIson.
Hey, NeIson. How are you?
-I'm Chaz.abc-Hey.
You know what?
IKeep the sweatshirt.abcIt Iooks better on you.
Is this some kind of a communaI-cuIty-abcsqueaky-CharIie type of deaI?
That's very good. He's reaIIy funny.
Much cooIer than October.abcA Iot of good he was.
I gotta go.
-I Iove you, baby.abc-I Iove you.
-You sure you don't want any food?abc-And get fat Iike you?
-See you around, NeIson.abc-See you.
I think I'II puII myseIf outabcof monthIy rotation whiIe I'm ahead.
What? NeIson.
-Who the heII was that, your pimp?abc-Chaz?
Chaz Iives downstairs.abcWe Iook after each other.
I think Chaz can take care of himseIf.
He just needs a good night's sIeep.
-Hi, sweetheart, how are you?abc-Hey, guys. NeIson....
-Sorry.abc-It's okay.
I was trying to introduce you.abcThat's AI and Osiris.
They own that bookstore.
They used to be friendsabcwith Jack IKerouac.
I don't care. I don't read.
Sara, can you spare 1 5 bucks?
Bruce, I gave you those cIothes.abcWhy are you so greedy?
That's my shirt! Those are my pants!
-Doesn't it feeI good to give?abc-No!
-You November?abc-Where am I?
You have to meet.
NeIson, this is Abner. Abner, NeIson.
Abner's gonna setabca worId record one day.
-What's today's project?abc-Standing on one Ieg. Want to time me?
I have to breakabcthe record of 300 hours.
-No.abc-Loser.
Get a Iife.
Good one.
You Iet a 10-year-oId wind you up?
Forget him. What about you?
You sIeep with haIf the city,abcget the whoIe neighborhood invoIved.
-You'd prefer if I was a virgin?abc-Considering the aIternative, yes.
I'm yours.
AII yours.
Look, Sara, you're great.
You're a very sexy, smart,abcinteresting, somewhat unusuaI woman.
But we-- I aIways think it's bestabcto cIarify issues.
You are the most egotisticaI manabcI've ever met.
I am taIking about a month.
The truth is, I don't have a month.abcTime is money.
Okay. Let's just--abcHow Iong do you think...
...you couId put this big, Iucrativeabccareer of yours on hoId? Just, just--
God, what am I taIking about?!abcYou are unempIoyed!
You don't have a job!abcYou got fired, NeIson.
You have nothing to go back to.
This project of yoursabcfeeIs Iike an excuse to get Iaid.
Sara, I'm sorry. I....
Sara, I didn't mean to--abcI didn't think you'd--
I don't understand whyabcyou're doing this, is aII.
I toId you.
I have my reasons.
StiII friends?
OnIy if you give me what I want.
What?
Time.
-AII I can do is a day.abc-I'II take it.
Okay.
I'II take it.
AIways a thriII to expIoreabcnew career possibiIities.
How much do you charge?
-I don't do this for the money.abc-Why do you do it?
I Iike it.abcYou can take them off the Ieashes.
Come on. Oh, yes, you're so excited,abcI know.
Yeah, you go raise some heII.
Don't teII your mom, okay?abcYou can Iet them go, you know, NeIson.
Come on!
Yippee.
Come on. Let's go. Come on!
Get off me!
So when was the Iast time youabcspent a whoIe day outside?
When my parents dragged me to AIcatrazabcfor the day at the age of 9.
Wow.
-Now you teII me something.abc-Anything.
What was so enIighteningabcabout what we did today?
Why is Ietting some dogs go wiIdabca better way to Iive than my way?
Granted, it was miIdIy amusing,abcbut my third eye didn't open.
WeII, these things take time.
And you don't have time.
No, seriousIy.abcIt's a question of vaIues.
Why is doing something fundamentaIIyabctriviaI better...
...than Iiving a responsibIe Iife?
Boring as that might seem to you.
And who made you the expert,abcthe doctor, the guru?
Why do you have aII the answers?
WeII, I used to own this companyabccaIIed SubIime Pets.
No, I reaIIy did.
And then I quit.abcIt wasn't fun anymore, you know.
Before or after you touredabcas a standup comedian?
I never did that.
WeII, this....
This wouId be reaIIy good for you.
Sharpen your instincts.
No, no.
Not those kind of instincts.
So the object of the game--abcGet your hands off me.
I run around.abcYou Iose track of me. Then you--
No, no peeking. Hands off.
Count to 10...
...then come find me.
One, two, three-- I'm gonna get you.
Four, five, six--abcI know where you are.
Seven, eight, nine, ten.
Oh, NeIson, that was terribIe.
You didn't even get cIose.
This is funny?
I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Sara, you're not going to be upsetabcwhen I Ieave tonight?
I toId you one day.
Yeah, of course.
Mitch was my October.
He was so shy.
I think he was the shyest manabcI've ever met.
So...
...we focused on strengtheningabchis confidence.
And was the patient cured?
Oh, yeah.
My treatment was so effective...
...that we had to terminateabcthe month earIy.
And what about September?
No. No September.
What?
You didn't think I was weirdabcabout it, did you?
And you and aII these guys...?
Does it matter that much to you?
Why a month?
It's Iong enough to be meaningfuI andabcshort enough to stay out of troubIe.
It was deIicious.
Thanks.
It's getting Iate.
Don't worry about this.abcI'II cIean it up.
What are you gonna doabcwhen you go home?
I don't know.
I don't usuaIIy map out my evenings.
You're gonna go home.
Turn on your TV.
Get bored.
Turn on your computer.
Go through your work. Get bored.
Surf the net.
Get bored.
And think of me.
Ernie.
Try to be wrong once in a whiIe.
It'II do my ego good.
-I don't see why we didn't take a cab.abc-Because I make the ruIes, NeIson.
RuIes you must submit to,abcutterIy and compIeteIy.
If you want to beabca dominatrix that bad...
...why don't we buy youabcthe Ieather and get it over with?
I think I'm strangeIy aroused.
That's Abner.
Hi.
Is that you?
He's got a face. It's a good one too.
-Did you wait Iong?abc-No.
Good.
What is that? You didn't.
-You did not bring that!abc-What can I say?
-Yeah?abc-Just call me genius, I don't mind.
-What up, Vince?abc-''What up''?
You, me, Edgar Price, November 1 7th,abcFriday. That's what up.
I'm your rainmaker.
-You're a genius.abc-It's about time you said so.
I heard about Angelica. I'm sorry.
As much as I knew,abcshe wasn't right for you.
-So do I smeII new femaIe friend?abc-What makes you say that?
You don't return my calls.
There's estrogen in the air.abcDon't insult me.
Come on, who is she?
-You wouIdn't know her.abc-But wouId I despise her?
That's the question. On a scaIe ofabc9 to 10, is she a 9 or a 10?
Listen, I gotta run.abcGreat news on the Edgar Price thing.
Go Iaunch it, okay?
Oh, that's reaIIy cooI. Not.
What is it, Pok��mon's dinghy?
AII right, Iet's do this.abcAII boats in the water.
-Except for this kid's.abc-That's not a kid, that's a girI.
-Maybe I shouId forget about it.abc-Just ignore them, Abner.
Abner?
Hang in there, Ab.
AII boats in the water.
Let's do this.
Say your prayers, Abner!
Go, Abner!
Excuse me.
-You want to make a hundred bucks?abc-Sure.
Come on, Abner! Come on!
Hey, my boat's aII--
What's going on?
Straight. Straight!
Come on, you can do it!
I guess I'm winning.
-That IittIe creep is cheating.abc-No, I'm not. My boat's just better.
Go, Abner!
I guess I won.
That was fun. Next timeabccan we do it with cars?
-Sure.abc-No.
-Bye.abc-See you, Abner.
-Good night.abc-Good night.
You know, that was reaIIy niceabcwhat you did today.
Thanks.
-But it's not gonna heIp him.abc-What do you mean?
He's gonna have a Iot of obstacIes...
...and he has to Iearnabcto deaI with them.
Those kids were Iaughing at him.abcYou ever been Iaughed at?
Okay, cheating's bad, I guess.
You're a father figure now.
Get out of here. The kid just met me.
When you don't know your dad,abcyou're not picky.
Look at that, NeIson. That's Iife.
It's just happening around usabcaII the time.
I think that's so beautifuI.
TeII me your secret dream.
I'm not much on that kind of thing.
Oh, come on. Everybody's got one.
One they onIy teII afterabca coupIe of drinks. TeII me.
My father soId door-to-door.
Vacuum cIeaners, Iife insurance.
For a whiIe he even soId pIastic food.
We were kind of the jokeabcof the neighborhood.
And beIieve me, the neighborhoodabcwas a pretty grim joke itseIf.
-Where'd you grow up?abc-Right here.
I stiII own the house,abcbut I never go there.
Anyway...
...every night after dinner,abche wouId...
...shut himseIf in the TV room...
...and Iisten to 45s:
Bobby Darin, Perry Como,abcTony Bennett.
For a year or so...
...I desperateIy wantedabcto be a singer.
You thought it wouId make him happy?
No.
I thought those guys...
...were everything he wasn't.
SuccessfuI, proud...
...in controI.
I'd Iike to hear you sing.
That wiII never happen.
Come on. One day.
One day you'II sing for me, right?
What are we doing?
The movie starts in 10 minutes.abcShouId we skip it?
I'II get you a cappuccino.abcI can find a cappuccino. ReIax.
I hope that I can eat aII of this.
Oh, my God!
Somebody went domestic on me.abcOkay. WeII, okay.
I get it. It aII makes sense.abcMystery woman, unveiIed.
What kind of Bohemian backwaterabcis this?
Do they read poetry here?
Sara, Vince. Vince, Sara.
-Hey.abc-Very nice to meet you.
-I gotta go.abc-Was it something I said?
Vince, the movie.
Oh, that's my good friend, um....
What, you can't remember her name?
She doesn't care as Iong as Iabcremember to pick up the check, right?
That's incredibIe.
I mean that is, I think,abcthe most astute observation...
...of femaIe behavior I've ever heard.
She's funny. You're funny.abcThat's funny.
This is my very good friend NeIson,abcand his very good friend....
-TeII me.abc-Sara.
-Hi. Lexy.abc-Hi, nice to meet you.
Lexy, Sara. Sara, Lexy.
We shouId aII go out sometime,abcget drunk and nasty.
Quick order:abcone cappuccino to go.
Quick answer:abcno quick orders.
We Iove this pIace.abcWe'II be back every day.
I gotta go take care of Lexy.abcRemember the 1 7th: you, me and God.
Sara, very nice to meet you.abcIt was an honor.
Very entertaining.
God! Wow.
We're going to be Iate,abcand it's your fauIt.
He's actuaIIy a good guy, deep down.
Somewhere.
Yeah.
I just mean the gIibness...
...kind of wears you outabcafter a whiIe.
Do you trust him?
Like friends do, you know.
-Do you think he'II be there for you?abc-When?
Like a scary situation or something.
You may have noticed...
...I don't put myseIfabcin scary situations.
Hey, you know what? Why don't we goabcsee that house you grew up in?
Want to do that?
That's not too scary, is it?
It's just a house.
I tried so hard not to come back here.
Sorry.
Ouch.
Sara?
I know I don't know a Iot of things,abcbut I do know how to sIow dance.
You're terribIe.
Here, Iet me show you.
I Iooked up your Web siteabcthe other night.
You sister's pretty.abcLooks a Iot Iike you.
But it's not my Web site anymore.abcIt's not my anything anymore.
Why'd you quit?
It started out smaIIabcand then it got big.
That's generaIIy consideredabca good thing in business.
Yeah, weII, everything got big.
Egos, Iives, desires.
I didn't Iike the big me.
I wasn't very happy.
You want to knowabcthe most amazing part of it aII?
What?
I got out before it got reaIIy big.
Can you imagine that?
No, I can't imagine you with miIIionsabcand miIIions of doIIars.
Did you change the beans?
It's hazeInut. You don't Iike it?
HonestIy? Tastes Iike cameI piss.abcLet's stick to the cIassics.
Excuse me, privacy. Heard of it?
Very impressive set of pecs you got.abcYou work out, then?
Me, haven't got time.
Your pecs on the other hand, darIing,abcare edibIe.
Now don't forget, dinner's at 8.
It's dressy, because we're gonnaabceat and we're going dancing.
We'II see if ''Last of theabcMohicans'' here has rhythm.
Doesn't he know howabcto make his own coffee?
-You ready to go?abc-Yeah.
Okay, good. Because I toIdabcChaz Cherry we'd be on time.
We're caIIing everyoneabcby first and Iast names now?
I don't want to see Chaz Cherry.abcI want to get naked with Sara Deever.
You Iook beautifuI.
Thank you, NeIson Moss.
Come on. You won't be bored,abcI promise.
Chaz Cherry is a great cook.
-We're here.abc-Oh, haIIeIujah!
-And we're hungry.abc-Too Iate.
I soId your dinner to the homeIess.
NeIson, Iook at you. Didn't recognizeabcyou with your cIothes on.
NeIson, you've met Chaz.abcThis is Cherry.
Oh, watch the naiIs.
Thanks very much.
Wow.
Very Pink Flamingos.
Oh, my God! Sweetheart,abche says I Iook Iike Divine.
Oh, that's awfuI.
-You couId Iose a few pounds.abc-Stop.
-You stop.abc-Bitch.
Brandy this is NeIson.abcNeIson, this is Brandy.
-Hi.abc-Oh, he is handsome.
Put it back in your pants.abcGrab a drink, NeIson.
You aII right? You seemabca IittIe bit uncomfortabIe.
Come here. Let me Ioosen you up.
Just one top.
-Is it the music, maybe?abc-No, it's great.
Because we got someabcMichaeI BoIton if you prefer.
AIabama.
Or is it the decor?
No, it's....
You're in dresses.
This isn't a dress.abcThis is a sequined sensation.
Cheers.
That's not a dress.
God, Iet's eat. Come on.
Starved.
I am hungry.
-There, you want those?abc-Thanks very much.
God, they're absoIuteIy beautifuI.abcBrandy, take care of them.
Very nice.
A little lovingabcFrom the oven
-Couscous for everyone.abc-Wow, did you make that?
Excuse me, what did you just say?
Making, buying,abcit's aII a very thin Iine.
Oh, my God.
I don't beIieve it!
You know what's a thin Iine?abcYour outfit.
It's a thin Iine betweenabcIate Cher and earIy Howard IKeeI.
Eat up. Where we're going,abcyou go before 10...
...you get a good pIace to danceabcand boys get in free.
Bring your dancing shoes?
Can you dance shirtIess?abcIt happens there.
Are your nippIes pierced?abcYou have a ''Mom'' tattoo on your ass?
You're not exactIy a MuscIe Mary,abcbut I think you'II cut it.
You're smearing it.
I'II see what Iover-boy's doing.abcYou can taIk about me now.
We wiII.
A lot.
You want an AdviI?
How'd you know?
The couscous.
-I'II be right back.abc-Thanks.
Oh, God, I Iove this one.abcIt's briIIiant.
I mean, the tartan's for shit.
What's wrong with the tartan?
It's a Scottish thing.
I mean, from concept to execution,abcit's just subIime.
-There you go, sweetie.abc-Thank you.
Your home base for everything.abcFrom fast searches to shopping.
Get whatever you want--
Just an ad.
Now, don't be modest.abcI know you won a GoId PenciI for this.
How do you know that?
WeII, I've got a day jobabcas weII, you know.
What do you do?
I work in the dreaded worIdabcof advertising.
Oh, reaIIy?
Oh, reaIIy.
What firm?
Baker Bohanon.
Oh, my God, you're Chaz WatIey!
Oh, Iook. Baby's famous.
Don't even go there.
You've been that Chaz WatIey...
...aII this time?
Did you get the Dr. Diggity account?
Oh, my God. NeIson, just Iet it go.
Cherry doesn't careabcabout things Iike that.
Oh, reaIIy?
''Cherry doesn't careabcabout things Iike that''?
I bet Chaz caresabcabout things Iike that.
Or do you two not taIk to each other?
I know NeIson caresabcabout things Iike that.
She shouId've toId me.
This is--
This is awkward. If I'd knownabcwho you were, I wouIdn't have--
What? You wouId've worn a dress?
I don't think so.
You wouId've beenabcespeciaIIy nice to me?
-Yeah, something Iike that.abc-Thanks very much.
He's not here right now.
I said, he's not here right now.
Why are you caIIing here?
How Iong have you been doing this?abcHow Iong have you been caIIing here?
I asked--
I can't-- I can't taIk.
I can't taIk right now.
I said, I can't taIk to you right now.
Is everything okay?
Ten guesses who that was.
Shit.
-So, how Iong has it been going on?abc-It's not what you think.
You've taIked to her behind my back?
Do you reaIIy want to taIkabcabout this now?
No. I'm sorry.
Guys, I don't think I'm gonna goabcdancing tonight. I feeI so tired.
Come on, sweetheart.
What was that aII about?
She gets migraines.
You know...
...terribIe headaches.
No, the phone caII.
Who was that?
Her sister.
It's a Iong story,abcand I am not going to teII it.
Hey. I'm sorry aboutabcwhat happened down there.
That's okay, gives me a boostabcto know that you're not perfect.
FeeIing better?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Chaz toId me it wasabcyour sister on the phone.
Why does it upset you so much?
Remember taIking about getting naked?
''Naked with Sara Deever.''abcI think it's a good time for that.
Don't dodge me, taIk to me.
Come get naked with me.
What happened?
That's not fair.
You expect me to be so honest...
...so forthcoming.
I do.
Because it's your month, NeIson.
Not mine.
Come on, you don't want to hearabcabout stupid famiIy stuff.
Don't be mad.
PIease.
You're not feeIing weII, are you?
Maybe tomorrow we'II get naked.
And tonight...
...we'II wear PJs.
Every woman I knowabcspends $200 on a haircut.
You use a vacuum cIeaner.
Quit trying to change the subject.
You made a commitment, NeIson.abcOur time isn't over.
It's one meeting.
Why is going to some powwow with thisabcsIicko guy, Vince, such a big deaI?
Because it's probabIy the chanceabcof a Iifetime, that's why.
If it's a whoIe Iifetime, why notabcjust postpone it for one more week?
Sara, when Edgar Priceabcsays he'II meet you...
...you don't say:abc''Wait, how about next month?''
You say, ''Thank you, I'II be there.''
He's one of the greats.
Where's my phone?
I hate it.
NeIson!
Damn it.
We can take anythingabcand just seII it, make it work.
ExactIy. I mean, we've doneabcvery weII with TeIecomputer.
ActuaIIy, I'm sure you're aware of--
No, I wasn't.
We just won the Ad Age awardabcfor that spot.
I think that was Iast year's spot.
So we have a symbiosis,abcthe two of us, as a team--
We know a Iot of guys who do thisabcfor the awards, Mr. Price.
-Not to say we don't get the awards--abc-But stiII...
...we're not about the accIaim.
HandhoIding, dinners...
-...sending prostitutes to the cIient.abc-Prostitutes?
-Who sends prostitutes?abc-Who doesn't?
We're about the work.
If the work is great,abcit speaks for itseIf.
That's aII I need to know.
But are you married, any kids?
No, we've avoided the famiIy thingabcfor quite some time.
-Most of our Iives.abc-Good.
Because if you're worried aboutabcquaIity of Iife or paternity Ieave...
...or any of that otherabcNew Age crap...
...as much as I Iike you,abcwe can stop right here.
I want to be yourabcfuII-time commitment.
I can do that.
-We stiII had two weeks to go.abc-What's two weeks?
You're kicking him out anyway.abcGood shot.
Thanks.
You know what?abcI shouId've Iocked him in there.
I shouId've tied him to the bed.
What, do you mean you didn't?
It wouIdn't have stopped him.
You can't force peopIe to doabcwhat they don't want to.
That's the whoIe pointabcof this thing, isn't it?
Besides, I know guys Iike NeIson.
You may have bitten off moreabcthan you can chew this time.
That's what I Iike about him.
It's aIso what scaresabcthe heII out of me.
Just so you know, we've got a coupIeabcof great cIients in our hip pockets.
PIus, some Ieads on some new accounts.abcSo we come to you fuIIy Ioaded.
You're not seIIing me a car, HoIIand.
FrankIy, I'm not impressed with you.abcBut your reputation precedes you.
And if I have to take himabcto get you, I wiII.
So here's my offer.
It's good as Iongabcas we're at this tabIe.
Oh, my--!
I'm so sorry! Excuse me.
-That's okay.abc-Stop it.
You know, sweetie...
...we are what we do in this worId,abcand you're a waitress.
AII that requires is thatabcyou bring food and drink...
...to and from the tabIeabcwithout making a mess.
That's it.
So when you screw up somethingabcas incredibIy simpIe as that...
...it doesn't say a whoIeabcheII of a Iot about you, does it?
I'm-- I'm sorry.
If you gave a penny for her thoughts,abcyou'd get change.
They ought to fire her.
I aIways say a bad hireabcstrengthens the competition's hand.
A good generaI feeds off his enemy.
ActuaIIy, Sun Tzu said that Iast Iine.
In The Art of War.
You're right, NeIson.
You're very smart.
Take a Iook, buddy.
Not interested.
You don't Iike my offer?
It's not the offer I don't Iike.
It's you.
NeIson, wait-- NeIson!
-You know what? This isn't--abc-I hope you can afford this.
Shit.
Oh, Jesus Christ....
What's wrong with you?abcYou just shit in God's face.
If he's your god, you're in troubIe.abcHe's not for me.
He's not for you? He is you.
-You're cIoned from the same DNA.abc-I'm not. If I am, shoot me.
Where's the gun? It's my career too!
You just bIew it in there.abcWhat is going on, man?
I know what it is. It's the girI.
The new mystery woman.abcWhat's her name?
Don't ignore me. What's her name?
-Sara.abc-Don't you see what's happening?
She has got your baIIs in a jar.
I'm your friend. I wouIdn't Iie.
-You bIew it in there.abc-I'm sorry I cost you your job--
I don't need your pity, NeIson.abcYou bIew it!
You're a Ioser, NeIson.
Loser!
Fine. I don't need you, NeIson.
Have you ever heardabcof Phalaenopsis sanderiana?
It reminded me of you.
-You got the job, didn't you?abc-Best offer anyone ever made me.
So when do you start?
We had a IittIe probIemabcagreeing on that.
He suggested immediateIy.
I suggested...
...never.
-Never?abc-Never.
-Come on, Iet's keep Ernie.abc-Nope.
I found a home. He's gotta go.
But you Iove this IittIe monster.
Soon I'II Iove another IittIe monster.
CoId, heartIess woman.
What about vegan turkey stuffedabcwith tofu and cranberries?
Ordering sounds better.
We're not orderingabcThanksgiving dinner.
It's the one time in Iifeabcit's good to be ''trad.''
In that case,abcare you inviting your famiIy?
No.
HoIiday fights are a IittIeabctoo traditionaI for my taste.
What do you fight about?
Everything.
ReIigion, money, sex.
Sara's decisions.abcSara's unconventionaI ways.
Sara's IifestyIe.
-They think I'm a freak.abc-You are a freak.
Anyway, boring subject.
I'm sure they miss you.
I know they do.
You know, there's aabcgood tradition caIIed ''making up.''
You couId try it.
Yeah.
Someday I'II have to do that.
Mind waIking him down?
Sure.
Thanks.
Come on, boy.
Say goodbye to Sara.
Bye.
Hey, come on, puppy.
-Thanks.abc-Yeah. Sure.
See you, Ernie.
Hey.
Why can't she keep oneabcfor a change?
I guess she heIps more this way.
I've been thinking.
Oh, yeah?
If you want to adopt me, you can.
I mean, Father Sunday is on Monday.abcIt wouId be good timing.
I don't quite know what to say.
I'II teII you what...
...I can't adopt you...
...but I'II come with youabcto Father Sunday.
-Promise?abc-Promise.
Wait tiII my mom hears!
Sara!
I have an announcement to make.
What's wrong?
-Are you okay?abc-Yeah, I'm fine.
What do you keep in there?
-Nothing.abc-''Nothing'' doesn't require a Iock.
What's wrong?
So...
-...what's the big announcement?abc-Don't do the dodge.
Am I okay?
No, I'm not okay.
I miss Ernie.
And I've got a migraine.
So...
...what's your big announcement?
Marry me.
What?
WiII you marry me?
Sara, I stood on the street...
...and I reaIized...
...this is it.
Life wiII never be better...
...or sweeter than this.
I'm happy.
I'm in Iove.
Marry me.
That's incredibIy sweet.
-But you don't understand.abc-Yes, I do. It aII makes sense.
I want you.
I want this Iife.
Marry me.
Marry me, Sara.
-I can't.abc-Why not?
Because of me.
What about you?
For God's sake, Sara.abcPIease, just--
Just teII me what's wrong.
TeII me the truth.
I can't.
Sara?
Jesus.
I'm fine.
No, I'm fine.
-I'm fine.abc-What the heII is going on?
No, NeIson.
No, NeIson, no!
No.
Is this what you wanted to see?
This is it!
Is this enough truth for you?
Does this make you happy?
Goddamn you!abcYou just couIdn't Ieave it aIone!
Sara, stop.
You just couIdn't Ieave it--abcGod, just Ieave it aIone.
It's non-Hodgkin's Iymphoma.
It's a type of cancer.
You shouIdn't have to find outabcIike this. I'm sorry.
She's gonna be asIeep for hours.
You want to go for a waIk,abchave a chat or something?
-Yeah.abc-Yeah, okay.
You said she stoppedabcher treatments a year ago?
What about the piIIs?
It just gets her through the day.abcShe stopped trying to beat it.
She did it aII for a year.abcNothing worked.
Look, I'm no doctor, but whenabcyou're unchecked, wouIdn't that--?
Yeah.
It's spread everywhere.
How couId she get invoIved with meabcand not teII me she was sick?
I mean, what was she thinking?
She was thinking you'dabcbe the same as aII the others.
She'd dump you after a month.
You've got to understand something.
She's compIeteIy powerIess.
With these ruIes, you know...
...they give her the iIIusionabcand dignity of controI.
It's kept her aIive.
The rift with her famiIy,abcthat's what it's about?
These ruIes.
Yeah.
Her famiIy couIdn't handIe it.abcThey wouIdn't Iet go.
They kept trying to run her disease.
So she took off.
And came here?
She toId me if she couIdn'tabcIive a normaI Iife...
...she was determined to Iive anabcabnormaI one the best way she couId.
I don't get it.
She Ioves Iife moreabcthan anyone I've ever met.
How can she just give up?
You Iistening to anythingabcI'm teIIing you?
She's not giving up.
She's making the mostabcof the time she's got Ieft.
Don't mess with that.
I'm sorry.
I didn't want you to see any of this.
I wanted you...
...to know me Ioving Iife, you know?
Come here.
WiII you do something for me?
Anything.
WiII you get me out of here?
Take me home.
Okay.
Jesus.
They're here.
Hey, darIing.
Hey, sweetie.
You're sick? You Iook fabuIous.
Oh, this is just a Iie.
You Iook great.
-Want a nice, warm bath?abc-Come on, sweetie.
-We'II run you a bath.abc-What's on the menu tonight?
-We have IoveIy appetizers.abc-Nice codeine.
Codeine? What eIse?abcDonnataI, that's your favorite.
Come on, girI. Let's get you in here.
Okay.
Nice and easy.
Sara, I know doctors I couId caII.
No doctors.
I'm gonna be fine, NeIson.abcBut you can't be here.
I don't want you here.abcYou can't see this.
PIease, go.
Okay, okay, he's going.
I can't stand by and do nothing,abcjust watch her....
Die?
That's why she wants you to go.
Go on.
Hey, Abner.
Today's not gonna be a great pIay day.
I know.abcIt's gonna be Father Sunday.
Did you forget?
Oh, God, I'm sorry, Ab. I can't.
But you promised.
I guess I don't have a dad.
I mean, I do,abcbut I don't know who he is.
So I brought NeIson.
We do stuff, and it's fun,abcbecause he makes me feeI smart.
I guess I feeI Iike...
...if I got into troubIe,abche'd take care of me.
IKind of Iike a best friend,abcjust bigger.
Thank you, Abner.
I guess I'II see you tomorrow.
I don't know.abcI probabIy won't be here tomorrow.
How come?
I gotta do some thinking,abcmake a tough decision.
Sara thinks you don't respect herabcchoices? Something Iike that?
I don't know.abcYou aIways see that stuff on TV.
I think you're the cooIest kidabcI've ever met.
-I'II see you.abc-See you.
Take care.
Shit.
You aII right?
-Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.abc-Good.
I was pIanning on serving the pumpkinabcon the fIoor, so this is....
This is reaIIy good.
Oh, God, Chaz.
PIease teII me we're gonna have fun.
Thanksgiving's fun, right?abcIt's fun.
It'II be a riot.
Come here.
Give us a cuddIe.
I need some fun.
You know, he asked me to marry him.
He's not the first.
No, but it was the first timeabcI wanted to say yes.
So why didn't you?
Because, Chaz, I Iet the whoIe thingabcgo too far.
Oh, yeah? Too far for who?
Both of us.
Anyway....
No need to taIk about it.abcHe's gone.
WeII, you did kick him out.abcHe'II be back if you Iet him.
I don't want him to come back.
Right.
You know, it's okay to breakabcyour own ruIes, Sara.
You feII in Iove.
That's great.
It may not foIIow your master pIan,abcbut you can't controI everything.
Okay, just stop it.
I reaIIy don't need thisabcright now, Chaz.
Jesus!
There's no ruIe that gives me theabcright to put him through aII of this.
This heII.
I don't....
-It'II just hurt him in the end.abc-It'II hurt, whatever you do.
We aII wiII.
But...
...if I've Iearned anything...
...it's that you shouId haveabcthose who Iove you near...
...as Iong as you possibIy can.
Yeah.
Toast! Toast.
Happy we-stoIe-your-Iand-abcand-kiIIed-your-peopIe day.
-Oh, AI.abc-That's a good one, AI.
Here's to you.
-Here you go, babe.abc-Here's to you.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, Sara.
I think it's Thanksgiving, isn't it?
Not for you.
You shouIdn't have to wait.
Does anyone eIse haveabca sudden desire for Chinese food?
-Right on!abc-Yeah.
It's good to see you, NeIson.
Do you know how the ChineseabcceIebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving?
Ciao, Santa.
I thought you'd never get here.
Come on, Iet's go.
For you, my sweet Sara...
...I bring you 1 2 gifts of Christmas.
One:
The famous CoIombo Iog.abcThe saIami that started it aII.
Two:
A kaIeidoscope of a coiffeur,abcfor the barking-mad pet crusader.
Number three:
A buIIwhip for the dizzy dominatrix.
So you can ruIe your worId in styIeabcand whip me into shape.
Four:
I present...
...Sara, a custom-made fragranceabccapturing...
...that speciaI something...
...a woman Ieaves on a man.
-NeIson, this is....abc-OnIy the beginning.
Five:
Why is Harriet so Hairy?
The definitive guide to understandingabcour transvestite friends.
Six:
Tiny bubbIes, for those IeisureIyabcsoaks we Iove so much.
Number seven:
A hundred muni train tokens...
...for the many, many...
...great rides of your Iife.
Number eight:
A coIIection of music to swoon by.
Which, by the way, happens to goabcvery niceIy with gift number nine:
Dance cIasses.
MiIdred's Academy of Dance,abcguaranteed to get you off my toes...
...in a week.
-You sure?abc-I'm positive.
Number 10:
For the gentIe Iadyabcwho hates doing dishes.
A dishwasher!
NeIson, this is too much.
It's not enough.
Number 1 1 :
Live, and in your apartment,abcback by popuIar demand...
...I give you...
...Ernie!
Hi, baby!
I missed you.
And if this Iast gift doesn't proveabchow much I Iove you, nothing wiII.
Every month is November, Sara.
And I Iove you every day.
NeIson, there's--
This is our month,abcand it never has to end.
I surrender aII attemptsabcto controI Iife...
...yours or mine.
I Iive for one thing:
To Iove you.
To make you happy.
To Iive firmIy and joyousIyabcin the moment.
November is aII I know.
And aII I ever want to know.
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
Out.
This wiII give you timeabcto get your stuff together.
So you can go.
Our month is over.
Sara, I'm not Ieaving.
Sara!
Sara, stop!
Sara, stop running.abcSara!
Sara, pIease.
I'm not Ieaving you.
-I know you Iove me.abc-I do.
I've never feIt this.
I never thought I'd have the chance,abcand you gave that to me, NeIson.
-Then why are you doing this?abc-Because it's starting to happen.
I don't care.
NeIson, if you Ieave now, everythingabcwe had wiII be perfect forever.
Sara, Iife isn't perfect.
AII we have is how you'II remember me.
And I need that memoryabcto be strong and beautifuI.
Don't you see?
If I know that I'm rememberedabcthat way, then I can face anything.
Anything.
NeIson, you're my immortaIity.
I want to take care of you.
I'm gonna be aII right.
I'm going home.
They know I'm coming.
I need to do this.
It doesn't seem--
Just Iike I need to know that you'IIabcgo on and have a beautifuI Iife.
The one you deserve.
I onIy want you.
You have me...
...forever.
Now Iet me go.
AII right, Sara.
AII right.
CIose your eyes.
I Iove you, NeIson Moss.
I Iove you, Sara Deever.
Remember me.