1
00:00:00,047 --> 00:00:02,925
(Man) What did I do to deserve this?
2
00:00:02,967 --> 00:00:07,358
I know the week leading up to your
wedding isn't going to be the smoothest,
3
00:00:07,417 --> 00:00:10,922
but, ultimately, it's meant to be
the best week of your life.
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:18,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
5
00:00:44,487 --> 00:00:46,205
(Sighs)
6
00:00:48,527 --> 00:00:51,200
- Morning.
- Morning.
7
00:00:52,847 --> 00:00:55,077
How long have you been looking at me?
8
00:00:55,127 --> 00:00:58,642
Hours. Can't take my eyes off you.
9
00:00:59,967 --> 00:01:02,527
- Come here.
- Mmm.
10
00:01:03,887 --> 00:01:07,197
Mmm. Nice way to start the week.
11
00:01:07,247 --> 00:01:09,238
Mmm.
12
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,882
- You're going to be late for work.
- I'll be very quick.
13
00:01:20,604 --> 00:01:23,327
- (Phone)
- No.
14
00:01:26,485 --> 00:01:28,478
- Now?
- (Phone persists)
15
00:01:32,287 --> 00:01:34,323
- Hello?
- (Sighs)
16
00:01:34,367 --> 00:01:36,198
Oh, hello, Mum.
17
00:01:36,247 --> 00:01:40,479
Ye... Calm down. Calm down, Mum.
Just tell me what's happened.
18
00:01:41,487 --> 00:01:46,959
Right, OK. Yeah. Deep breaths, Mum.
It's important to keep breathing.
19
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:49,601
- They've delivered the wrong chairs.
- (Sighs)
20
00:01:49,647 --> 00:01:52,684
No. Killing yourself
wouldn't help things.
21
00:01:53,687 --> 00:01:59,125
Look... Why don't Howard and I come
down? We'll help you sort it out.
22
00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:03,399
Yeah. Tonight's fine.
No, of course it's not a problem.
23
00:02:04,247 --> 00:02:08,399
OK, all right, yeah. We'll see you later.
All right, yeah. Bye, bye.
24
00:02:09,327 --> 00:02:12,876
- (Sighs)
- (Sighs)
25
00:02:12,927 --> 00:02:16,806
The chairs they've delivered
for the reception are conference chairs,
26
00:02:16,847 --> 00:02:19,725
- not banquet dining chairs.
- Oh no.
27
00:02:19,767 --> 00:02:23,282
We can only get nine chairs
round a table, not ten.
28
00:02:23,327 --> 00:02:25,636
So there's a problem
with the seating plan.
29
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,485
- Oh dear.
- (Sighs)
30
00:02:28,527 --> 00:02:30,757
- I said we'd help them sort it out.
- Yes.
31
00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:33,958
Yes, I heard.
32
00:02:34,007 --> 00:02:37,158
Oh, well. It's another evening
at your parents'.
33
00:02:37,207 --> 00:02:39,721
We're having the wedding there,
the reception.
34
00:02:39,767 --> 00:02:42,998
We could go the whole hog and have
the honeymoon there as well.
35
00:02:43,047 --> 00:02:45,515
Howard, don't you like my family?
36
00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:49,116
Of course I like your family! (Sighs)
37
00:02:49,167 --> 00:02:53,080
- I'm just not sure if they like me.
- No, they do like you!
38
00:02:53,127 --> 00:02:55,004
They just don't know you very well.
39
00:02:57,887 --> 00:03:01,084
Whereas I know you extremely well.
40
00:03:01,127 --> 00:03:03,516
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
41
00:03:06,727 --> 00:03:09,639
(Phone)
42
00:03:10,847 --> 00:03:13,725
- Mum says we need bridesmaids' gifts.
- It's on my list.
43
00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:17,555
- She asked if you called the video man.
- Yeah, last night. Raring to go.
44
00:03:17,607 --> 00:03:21,885
- And, er, don't forget the ring.
- I'm picking it up on my way to work.
45
00:03:21,927 --> 00:03:24,487
(The Bangles: Manic Monday on radio)
46
00:03:30,287 --> 00:03:32,278
So this is it?
47
00:03:33,207 --> 00:03:35,562
- The big week.
- Yeah.
48
00:03:37,487 --> 00:03:39,125
Nervous?
49
00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:42,727
- I'm terrified. What about you?
- Oh God!
50
00:03:42,767 --> 00:03:45,565
Why didn't we get married on a beach,
just the two of us?
51
00:03:45,607 --> 00:03:50,078
Hey. Because your family want you to
have the most wonderful day of your life.
52
00:03:51,127 --> 00:03:55,120
And my dad wants to get rat-arsed
at your father's expense.
53
00:03:56,567 --> 00:03:59,639
- Oh, do you have to go to work today?
- Yep, sorry, honey.
54
00:03:59,687 --> 00:04:05,159
Neville's called a meeting to discuss
my future. Whatever that means.
55
00:04:05,207 --> 00:04:08,279
- You're not going to get fired, are you?
- Of course not.
56
00:04:08,327 --> 00:04:11,842
I'm on budget, hitting my targets.
I'm doing very well.
57
00:04:15,327 --> 00:04:17,477
I think.
58
00:04:26,487 --> 00:04:29,047
- (Woman) Morning, Howard!
- Good weekend, Eve?
59
00:04:29,087 --> 00:04:33,239
Oh, yes! I made 22 jars
of greengage jam. Left one on your desk.
60
00:04:33,287 --> 00:04:36,404
Oh! Thank you. When's this meeting
with Neville happening?
61
00:04:36,447 --> 00:04:41,043
Oh, he said he'd call down. You need to
sign off the Latimer cover before you go.
62
00:04:41,087 --> 00:04:45,080
- He didn't say what it was about, did he?
- No, never mentioned it.
63
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:52,722
Paul from Times-lt has called.
Oh, and Mel called.
64
00:04:52,767 --> 00:04:56,237
- Asked if you've got the ring.
- Just picked it up from the jewellers.
65
00:04:56,287 --> 00:04:58,721
- Could you call her?
- Absolutely.
66
00:05:02,487 --> 00:05:04,284
Was there something else?
67
00:05:04,327 --> 00:05:09,082
- I just wondered if I could look at it.
- Oh. Yes. Help yourself.
68
00:05:09,127 --> 00:05:10,924
Oh!
69
00:05:12,887 --> 00:05:18,996
- Oh! It's lovely!
- It's been in Mel's family for 150 years.
70
00:05:19,047 --> 00:05:25,361
They have a charming tradition where
they pass it down through generations.
71
00:05:25,407 --> 00:05:27,637
Eve? What is it?
72
00:05:27,687 --> 00:05:30,565
Sorry, I always get like this
about weddings.
73
00:05:30,607 --> 00:05:32,199
Oh, don't cry.
74
00:05:32,247 --> 00:05:35,557
I always wanted
a fairytale wedding of my own.
75
00:05:37,127 --> 00:05:40,039
- Well, there's still time.
- Do you really think so?
76
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:45,002
- Yes!
- Oh, I don't think so.
77
00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:51,040
Just you believe it. One day you'll have
a ring just like this on your finger.
78
00:05:51,087 --> 00:05:53,362
Oh! In my dreams.
79
00:05:55,727 --> 00:05:58,241
Try it on. See what it feels like.
80
00:05:58,287 --> 00:06:02,200
Oh, I can't do that. It's bad luck.
81
00:06:02,247 --> 00:06:04,238
Come on!
82
00:06:05,967 --> 00:06:08,561
Oh! It's lovely!
83
00:06:08,607 --> 00:06:10,404
(Phone)
84
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:15,405
Hi, Mel! I was just about to call you.
Yes. I picked it up on my way in.
85
00:06:15,447 --> 00:06:19,565
He's reduced it by three millimetres,
so it should fit pretty snugly now.
86
00:06:19,607 --> 00:06:21,643
- What are you doing?
- I can't get it off.
87
00:06:22,407 --> 00:06:25,001
No, no! You're gonna be
really pleased with it.
88
00:06:25,047 --> 00:06:28,437
- (Whispers) Don't mess about.
- No, really! It's stuck!
89
00:06:28,487 --> 00:06:30,478
Yeah! They've done a superb job.
90
00:06:30,527 --> 00:06:32,358
- Well, get it off!
- I'm trying!
91
00:06:32,407 --> 00:06:35,240
I can't wait to show it
to your grandmother tonight.
92
00:06:35,287 --> 00:06:36,800
- For God's sake, Eve!
- Gah!
93
00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:39,680
Oh, just pack me a toothbrush
and a pair of boxers.
94
00:06:39,727 --> 00:06:41,445
I'm getting married in five days!
95
00:06:41,487 --> 00:06:43,717
When I put the ring
on my fiancée's finger,
96
00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:46,406
it would be nice
if my secretary was not attached!
97
00:06:47,047 --> 00:06:52,167
No, nothing's wrong! Look,
I've got to dash, so I'll see you later.
98
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,283
- (All) Surprise!
- (Party blowers)
99
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:59,286
Don't do it, our man! It's a trap. You'll
spend the rest of your life at IKEA.
100
00:07:00,927 --> 00:07:03,566
We couldn't let you get married
without a sendoff.
101
00:07:03,607 --> 00:07:04,801
(Cheering)
102
00:07:07,487 --> 00:07:10,126
Oh! God...
103
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:14,206
Six days to execution,
you great bender!
104
00:07:14,247 --> 00:07:16,238
Thank you, Dominic.
105
00:07:16,287 --> 00:07:20,166
- (Slurs) Now, if I might say a few words.
- (Groaning)
106
00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:27,603
Go to the kitchen. There's some
Utterly Butterly in the fridge.
107
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:30,878
So, we'd like to wish you and Mel
every happiness
108
00:07:30,927 --> 00:07:33,680
and hope you have a great day
on Saturday.
109
00:07:33,727 --> 00:07:36,002
- (Applause)
- One other thing.
110
00:07:36,047 --> 00:07:40,882
You have been talking in the last few
weeks about starting a family,
111
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:44,556
so we thought we'd buy you and Mel
another little something.
112
00:07:44,607 --> 00:07:51,126
It's a little bit cheeky, but I'm sure
it will come in useful very soon.
113
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:52,725
(Laughter)
114
00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:55,485
- Speech!
- Speech!
115
00:07:55,527 --> 00:07:59,042
Howard, Howard! Do a Grand Prix.
Spray the champagne.
116
00:08:00,607 --> 00:08:04,998
Yes. Er, thank you, Neville.
Thank you, all of you. Um...
117
00:08:05,047 --> 00:08:07,880
- Come on!
- I don't know what to say.
118
00:08:07,927 --> 00:08:10,077
I've got something to say.
119
00:08:10,127 --> 00:08:12,118
What's that, Cassie?
120
00:08:13,687 --> 00:08:15,325
I'm having your baby.
121
00:08:18,127 --> 00:08:19,116
What?
122
00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:28,958
Very good.
123
00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:37,244
Excuse me.
124
00:08:39,647 --> 00:08:41,717
Cassie!
125
00:08:43,487 --> 00:08:45,318
- What's going on?
- What?
126
00:08:45,367 --> 00:08:47,358
What do you mean
you're having my baby?
127
00:08:47,407 --> 00:08:51,525
You want me to spell it out?
I'm giving birth to our child.
128
00:08:51,567 --> 00:08:54,400
- It's impossible.
- No. We slept together.
129
00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:57,359
- We slept together once!
- You must have hit the bullseye.
130
00:08:57,407 --> 00:08:59,762
Cassie, it was two years ago.
131
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:03,116
- What's all this about?
- Don't marry Mel!
132
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,566
- What?
- I love you!
133
00:09:04,607 --> 00:09:07,201
Look, we had one night,
which was very pleasant.
134
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:10,842
It was more than very pleasant.
It was paradise.
135
00:09:11,487 --> 00:09:16,686
Your soft hands caressing me.
Your fingers, exploring every inch of me.
136
00:09:16,727 --> 00:09:19,878
Your tongue, like a feather,
flicking over my skin.
137
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:20,962
Cassie.
138
00:09:21,007 --> 00:09:23,237
I shuddered and groaned
with every touch.
139
00:09:23,287 --> 00:09:26,359
- That's flattering...
- Nobody's made love like that to me.
140
00:09:26,407 --> 00:09:29,956
- Sorry about this.
- You deep inside me!
141
00:09:30,007 --> 00:09:33,522
- Stop it!
- Don't tell me that didn't mean anything!
142
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:36,035
- (Lift bell)
- (Breathing heavily)
143
00:09:39,447 --> 00:09:41,802
- It's not too late to call it off!
- What?
144
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:44,122
- The wedding!
- I'm not calling it off!
145
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,752
Marry me!
146
00:09:45,804 --> 00:09:47,367
Mm! Get off!
147
00:09:51,445 --> 00:09:53,918
I'm not going to let you marry her!
148
00:09:59,687 --> 00:10:01,439
(Car horns)
149
00:10:09,337 --> 00:10:11,238
(Sighs)
150
00:10:11,287 --> 00:10:14,996
Good grief. She's mad.
Completely bonkers.
151
00:10:16,127 --> 00:10:20,166
Anyway, thanks for organising this.
Let's get this party swinging!
152
00:10:20,207 --> 00:10:22,243
Tuck in, everyone! Have a mini Kiev.
153
00:10:24,887 --> 00:10:27,879
Cassie and I did have a thing
at the Christmas party,
154
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:32,159
but that was two years ago, so there's
no way she's having my baby.
155
00:10:34,287 --> 00:10:37,484
She just said all that cos she's not
too keen on me marrying Mel.
156
00:10:39,087 --> 00:10:41,760
Anyway, somebody open
that damn champagne.
157
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:45,004
- Ooh, and let's see what this is.
- No, no, don't bother.
158
00:10:45,047 --> 00:10:47,561
- No, I want to.
- No, Howard.
159
00:10:47,607 --> 00:10:50,679
What can it be, what can it be?
160
00:10:50,727 --> 00:10:55,881
It's a... pregnancy testing kit.
Thank you, Neville.
161
00:11:01,807 --> 00:11:03,160
Come on! Keep pulling!
162
00:11:03,207 --> 00:11:05,437
(Moaning)
163
00:11:22,407 --> 00:11:23,726
(Tinkling)
164
00:11:31,527 --> 00:11:33,518
(Rattling)
165
00:11:35,247 --> 00:11:37,442
I'll, er, get a plumber.
166
00:11:39,087 --> 00:11:41,476
So, good day at the office?
167
00:11:42,967 --> 00:11:44,559
Mmm.
168
00:11:45,407 --> 00:11:48,604
- How was your meeting?
- Oh, fine. No problems.
169
00:11:49,327 --> 00:11:52,444
I had Mum on the phone all day
driving me crazy.
170
00:11:53,567 --> 00:11:58,277
Oh, I spoke to Granny. She's really
looking forward to seeing the ring.
171
00:11:59,847 --> 00:12:01,644
- Really?
- Yeah.
172
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:04,759
Ooh, Mel!
I've got a tiny confession about that.
173
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,480
- What? You haven't lost it, have you?
- Lost it?
174
00:12:10,927 --> 00:12:12,997
- Of course I haven't.
- Where is it?
175
00:12:13,047 --> 00:12:16,164
- Back at the office.
- At the office? Where?
176
00:12:16,207 --> 00:12:20,200
- Just, you know, I left it in my desk.
- You left it lying around your desk?
177
00:12:20,247 --> 00:12:23,319
Initially, yes.
Then I thought, "That's a stupid idea."
178
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:25,562
So I put it in the safe.
179
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:31,125
- You've got a safe in your office?
- Yes, we have and it's perfectly safe.
180
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,806
- In the safe.
- I told you to bring it with you!
181
00:12:33,847 --> 00:12:36,486
I know, I know. I'm sorry. I just forgot.
182
00:12:36,527 --> 00:12:38,677
I phoned you twice to remind you.
183
00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:42,282
You're getting a bit close to the lorry.
184
00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:43,965
Granny will be disappointed.
185
00:12:44,007 --> 00:12:48,762
Very close. Very close indeed now!
It's a very large, very articulated lorry!
186
00:12:48,807 --> 00:12:50,559
(Horn)
187
00:12:50,607 --> 00:12:52,484
- Yeah, and you!
- (Car horns)
188
00:12:57,407 --> 00:13:01,320
- Are we in a hurry, darling?
- Yes. I said we'd be there by six.
189
00:13:01,367 --> 00:13:04,564
Mum wants to get on with dinner,
so she can do the seating plan.
190
00:13:04,607 --> 00:13:07,644
Oh, fine.
Did she say what she was cooking?
191
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:10,042
- Stew, I think.
- Ah. Which one?
192
00:13:10,087 --> 00:13:11,486
I don't know.
193
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,840
The brown one, or the green one?
194
00:13:14,887 --> 00:13:19,085
- I think she said it was lamb goulash.
- The brown one.
195
00:13:19,127 --> 00:13:24,645
Apparently, you told her it was your
favourite, the best meal you'd ever had.
196
00:13:42,727 --> 00:13:44,479
Mum!
197
00:13:48,247 --> 00:13:50,317
How's my favourite
mother-in-law to be?
198
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:55,077
Sit down. Look! See! Far too wide.
We'll never get ten people to a table.
199
00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:59,325
Don't worry. The rescue team have
arrived to solve the seating problem.
200
00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:01,517
- Don't tell me not to worry.
- No, I...
201
00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:04,843
I've been on the phone all day
to that stupid company,
202
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:07,526
passed between departments
and put on hold.
203
00:14:07,567 --> 00:14:10,639
If I hear another verse of Greensleeves,
I'll scream.
204
00:14:10,687 --> 00:14:13,121
- Can we get in the house, Mum?
- (Sighs)
205
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:16,523
- Binky! Hello! Hello!
- Ooh, ho-ho!
206
00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:21,118
Hello, Binky.
I've got something for you, Binky.
207
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:23,203
- Ooh.
- Ginger.
208
00:14:24,047 --> 00:14:28,996
- Howard, I think he doesn't like ginger.
- (Growls)
209
00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:33,116
- Sorry. It's the only place it could be.
- Oh no.
210
00:14:33,167 --> 00:14:36,443
We'll have to get into the main sewer.
211
00:14:36,487 --> 00:14:41,766
If we only had one-legged guests
coming, we'd be fine, plenty of legroom.
212
00:14:41,807 --> 00:14:45,004
- But we don't.
- I'm sure there's a simple solution.
213
00:14:45,047 --> 00:14:48,403
Oh, good.
Perhaps you'd let me know what it is.
214
00:14:48,447 --> 00:14:50,438
Oh, well, er...
215
00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:57,360
- Sophie!
- How's my favourite sister-in-law to be?
216
00:14:57,407 --> 00:14:59,716
Have you seen
what I'm meant to be wearing?
217
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:02,235
- It's elegant.
- It's crap!
218
00:15:02,287 --> 00:15:04,721
- Oh, for goodness' sake.
- It's OK for you.
219
00:15:04,767 --> 00:15:09,682
You'll be in 20 feet of crushed white silk
and I'll be waddling in this piece of crap.
220
00:15:09,727 --> 00:15:12,878
- Sophie!
- No. I'm not wearing it.
221
00:15:12,927 --> 00:15:14,997
For goodness' sake. Don't be silly.
222
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:17,925
- Take it away. I'll go like this.
- Sophie!
223
00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:21,437
The whole idea is that
all the bridesmaids' dresses match,
224
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:22,886
isn't it, Howard?
225
00:15:24,527 --> 00:15:26,563
Howard?
226
00:15:26,607 --> 00:15:30,998
Oh, absolutely. All the bridesmaids'
breasts should match.
227
00:15:33,647 --> 00:15:36,480
Er, I think I'm going
to go catch up with your dad.
228
00:15:44,047 --> 00:15:47,084
Oh, and how's my favourite
father-in-law to be?
229
00:15:47,127 --> 00:15:49,118
Hello, Howard.
230
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:54,002
- Oh! How's the wall coming on?
- Churchill was right.
231
00:15:54,047 --> 00:15:56,800
Bricklaying is a wonderful cure
for stress.
232
00:15:56,847 --> 00:15:59,441
- Oh, absolutely.
- Have you tried it?
233
00:15:59,487 --> 00:16:02,843
- Er, no, I haven't.
- Then how do you know?
234
00:16:05,127 --> 00:16:07,118
I don't, I suppose.
235
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:14,675
(Sighs)
So, send anyone down today?
236
00:16:14,727 --> 00:16:17,036
- Sorry?
- Send anyone down today?
237
00:16:17,087 --> 00:16:20,762
- How do you mean?
- Did you send anyone to prison?
238
00:16:20,807 --> 00:16:24,561
- No, not today.
- Ah. Feeling lenient, then, were you?
239
00:16:24,607 --> 00:16:27,121
- No, I wasn't in court today.
- Ah.
240
00:16:27,167 --> 00:16:30,000
- I rarely work Mondays.
- I see.
241
00:16:30,047 --> 00:16:33,005
- I've been building my wall.
- Right.
242
00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:47,838
I'd, er... quite like to have been a judge.
243
00:16:51,007 --> 00:16:54,363
Silence in court! I sentence you
to life imprisonment.
244
00:16:54,407 --> 00:16:57,638
Objection, Your Honour. Overruled.
May I approach the bench?
245
00:16:57,687 --> 00:17:01,077
Permission to die. Case dismissed.
246
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:04,965
- Can I have my trowel back?
- Yes, of course.
247
00:17:13,327 --> 00:17:16,046
Well, the wall's looking good. Er...
248
00:17:16,887 --> 00:17:19,037
I think I'd better go and unpack.
249
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,598
Good talking to you.
250
00:17:32,807 --> 00:17:38,643
(Whimpering)
No, no, no, no, no!
251
00:17:43,807 --> 00:17:45,843
- Lamb goulash.
- Oh.
252
00:17:45,887 --> 00:17:49,038
- Your favourite, Howard.
- Thank you, Angela.
253
00:17:49,087 --> 00:17:52,966
- Ooh.
- Right. Tuck in, everyone.
254
00:18:01,727 --> 00:18:03,524
Ooh.
255
00:18:05,487 --> 00:18:09,162
- How is it, Howard?
- Mm. Mm.
256
00:18:09,207 --> 00:18:11,801
I like a man who likes his food.
257
00:18:11,847 --> 00:18:14,407
(Giggles) Which reminds me.
258
00:18:14,447 --> 00:18:17,325
Cousin Libby
has suddenly become a vegetarian.
259
00:18:17,367 --> 00:18:19,961
Do you think we have
enough vegetarian options?
260
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:23,044
For five minutes, can we please
not talk about the wedding?
261
00:18:23,087 --> 00:18:25,521
What a splendid idea.
262
00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:32,316
So. How are things in the world
of publishing, Howard?
263
00:18:32,367 --> 00:18:34,801
Oh, er, very good, Angela, thanks.
264
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,361
I've got a brilliant new writer,
Shane Latimer,
265
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:40,160
who I've poached
from another publisher.
266
00:18:40,207 --> 00:18:41,879
He's gonna be huge.
267
00:18:41,927 --> 00:18:47,797
Should make myself and the future
Mrs Steel here very comfortably off.
268
00:18:47,847 --> 00:18:51,157
- Shane Latimer?
- Yeah, yeah. Do you know him?
269
00:18:51,207 --> 00:18:52,845
Didn't he write Campus Sluts?
270
00:18:53,927 --> 00:18:55,918
Yes, yes. I, um...
271
00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:58,606
I believe that was one of his, yes, er...
272
00:18:58,647 --> 00:19:03,402
That was actually for the other publisher.
Um, not as bad as it sounds.
273
00:19:03,447 --> 00:19:05,677
- I know. I've read it.
- Did you? And, er...
274
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:09,083
- Absolutely filthy.
- Yeah, well, um...
275
00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:13,516
- The one I'm doing with him is...
- Some hardcore stuff. Quite graphic.
276
00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:17,560
- This one's pretty tame.
- There's too much sex about these days.
277
00:19:17,607 --> 00:19:21,043
- People are obsessed with it.
- I agree. Absolutely.
278
00:19:21,087 --> 00:19:24,602
It's everywhere. In the newspapers.
On the television.
279
00:19:24,647 --> 00:19:27,684
The last thing we need
is more sex on the bookshelves.
280
00:19:27,727 --> 00:19:30,036
Dick, I couldn't agree with you more.
281
00:19:30,087 --> 00:19:34,239
- So. What's this new book called, then?
- Hot And Hard.
282
00:19:37,047 --> 00:19:41,438
Um... It's actually about a chap
that crosses the Sahara desert.
283
00:19:41,487 --> 00:19:44,638
It's, er... I mean, it's hot
because it's the Sahara desert
284
00:19:44,687 --> 00:19:46,723
and hard...
285
00:19:47,407 --> 00:19:49,398
because it's not very easy.
286
00:19:54,807 --> 00:19:57,879
Perhaps we should
talk about the wedding.
287
00:19:59,087 --> 00:20:00,645
- Hello, Granny.
- Hi, Granny.
288
00:20:00,687 --> 00:20:02,882
- I'm afraid we've started, Ma.
- Oh.
289
00:20:02,927 --> 00:20:06,044
It's the lamb goulash.
I don't think I'll bother.
290
00:20:08,527 --> 00:20:11,121
So. Let's have a look at the ring.
291
00:20:11,967 --> 00:20:13,923
Yes. I was going to bring the ring.
292
00:20:13,967 --> 00:20:20,122
But, what with everything being crazy
at the office, I simply forgot.
293
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:24,363
- Well where is it?
- Don't worry. It's in the safe at the office.
294
00:20:24,407 --> 00:20:26,637
- You have a safe in your office?
- Yes, yeah.
295
00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:28,040
Binky! Get down.
296
00:20:28,087 --> 00:20:31,204
- Has Mel told you the ring's history?
- No. No.
297
00:20:31,247 --> 00:20:35,445
- Binky!
- He's a little rascal, isn't he? Ooh.
298
00:20:35,487 --> 00:20:38,320
Let's have a look at you, you little rascal.
299
00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:42,599
Queen Victoria gave that ring to
my great-grandmother for her wedding.
300
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:46,037
- Did she? Did she really?
- (Whining)
301
00:20:57,207 --> 00:21:01,439
- Hello? Hello, Howard.
- The ring. A gift from Queen Victoria.
302
00:21:01,487 --> 00:21:02,966
Oh! That's nice.
303
00:21:03,007 --> 00:21:05,567
- Any closer to finding it?
- We're working on it.
304
00:21:05,607 --> 00:21:07,563
Great.
305
00:21:17,847 --> 00:21:21,157
Oh. Sorry, Howard.
I didn't know you were...
306
00:21:23,207 --> 00:21:25,801
Dick! No! Dick?
307
00:21:27,567 --> 00:21:32,436
All this trouble because that stupid
company can't deliver the right chairs.
308
00:21:32,487 --> 00:21:34,842
Look, we could move the Dentons
to table 4.
309
00:21:34,887 --> 00:21:37,447
No, no. Roger has to be near the loos.
310
00:21:37,487 --> 00:21:40,160
At Vanessa's wedding,
he got stuck in a corner.
311
00:21:40,207 --> 00:21:43,165
- He just didn't make it in time.
- I remember that wedding.
312
00:21:43,207 --> 00:21:46,165
They had a marquee in November.
It was bloody freezing.
313
00:21:47,527 --> 00:21:51,440
You can see the steam coming
off Roger's trousers in the video.
314
00:21:51,487 --> 00:21:54,718
- Are you all right, Dick?
- Pardon?
315
00:21:54,767 --> 00:21:56,485
You look like you've seen a ghost.
316
00:21:56,527 --> 00:21:59,564
- Angela, he was inspecting his stools.
- What?
317
00:21:59,607 --> 00:22:02,440
Howard. Stools.
318
00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:06,685
Don't be ridiculous.
We're not sitting on stools.
319
00:22:06,727 --> 00:22:11,084
You can't invite 150 people to a wedding
and expect them to sit on stools.
320
00:22:11,127 --> 00:22:15,040
Right. OK. What if you split
the Hendersons across two tables?
321
00:22:15,087 --> 00:22:18,318
Swap the Faulkners
with Cousin Libby and Ray.
322
00:22:18,367 --> 00:22:20,562
Move the Wilkinsons
next to the Laycocks.
323
00:22:20,607 --> 00:22:23,121
Put Wing Commander Phillips
next to the Schmidts
324
00:22:23,167 --> 00:22:26,079
and pray he doesn't go on
about the bombing of Dresden.
325
00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:29,802
Yes! Mel! You've done it! Well done!
326
00:22:32,087 --> 00:22:33,486
(Grunts)
327
00:22:35,647 --> 00:22:37,444
Ye-ugh.
328
00:22:39,207 --> 00:22:40,196
(Sighs)
329
00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:53,561
What is it?
330
00:22:53,607 --> 00:22:57,395
I'll take a closer look tomorrow
when it's light.
331
00:22:58,967 --> 00:23:01,879
We were just standing here
and then we heard these thuds.
332
00:23:01,927 --> 00:23:04,600
- Thud, thud, it went.
- Yeah, it was spooky.
333
00:23:04,647 --> 00:23:09,357
- Scared the living daylights out of me.
- I've never seen anything like it.
334
00:23:09,407 --> 00:23:12,399
- Perhaps it was a bird.
- A bird?
335
00:23:12,447 --> 00:23:16,235
- What kind of bird could do that?
- Do you think it's those squirrels?
336
00:23:16,287 --> 00:23:19,006
I knew we should have done something
about them.
337
00:23:19,047 --> 00:23:22,676
They'll make the lives of the caterers
on Saturday absolute hell.
338
00:23:22,727 --> 00:23:25,195
Oh, I don't think it was the squirrels.
339
00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:34,440
- Ah. Stilton.
- Mel has cracked the seating plan.
340
00:23:34,487 --> 00:23:37,001
Really? Ah, that's wonderful.
341
00:23:37,047 --> 00:23:41,040
Aww. Well done, Melly!
342
00:23:53,607 --> 00:23:55,598
Yes!
343
00:23:57,607 --> 00:24:01,725
Dick. I know you're wondering what I was
doing earlier. I know what it looked like.
344
00:24:01,767 --> 00:24:05,521
But I can assure you I wasn't... fishing
my excrement out of your lavatory
345
00:24:05,567 --> 00:24:07,683
and throwing it
onto your conservatory.
346
00:24:07,727 --> 00:24:09,285
- (Mobile)
- I was...
347
00:24:09,327 --> 00:24:11,761
Sorry. It's my secretary.
I've got to get this.
348
00:24:12,287 --> 00:24:14,278
- Eve?
- I've got it!
349
00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:17,763
- What?
- The ring! It was in the main sewer.
350
00:24:17,807 --> 00:24:21,561
Oh, fantastic. Well done, Eve.
Er, bring it down tomorrow.
351
00:24:21,607 --> 00:24:25,122
- I was going to send it registered mail.
- No. It might get lost again.
352
00:24:25,167 --> 00:24:26,919
- Bring it first thing.
- Oh. Fine.
353
00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:28,958
Good girl. Yes!
354
00:24:33,127 --> 00:24:34,719
Here.
355
00:24:34,767 --> 00:24:37,235
- Oh. Thanks.
- Thank you.
356
00:24:37,287 --> 00:24:41,599
Splendid news.
The ring will be arriving tomorrow.
357
00:24:45,727 --> 00:24:47,718
(Sniffs)
358
00:24:47,767 --> 00:24:50,076
So that's splendid news, isn't it?
359
00:24:51,367 --> 00:24:53,835
About the ring arriving tomorrow.
360
00:24:57,167 --> 00:25:00,921
- Where's, er, Granny gone?
- She's gone up. Sophie too.
361
00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:05,119
I'll look forward to showing her the ring,
when it arrives tomorrow.
362
00:25:08,447 --> 00:25:11,678
- How's the seating plan going?
- Not too close, Howard.
363
00:25:11,727 --> 00:25:13,638
Of course. Um...
364
00:25:13,687 --> 00:25:17,839
Look, I'm sorry about, er...
the other seating plan, Angela.
365
00:25:24,247 --> 00:25:25,600
Oh!
366
00:25:25,647 --> 00:25:28,036
My word!
367
00:25:28,087 --> 00:25:31,045
You did look stunning
on your wedding day, Angela.
368
00:25:31,087 --> 00:25:33,123
Well! I was a lot younger then.
369
00:25:33,167 --> 00:25:35,681
And, er, how old are you in this one? 30?
370
00:25:35,727 --> 00:25:38,719
- No! 50-something.
- Never.
371
00:25:38,767 --> 00:25:41,520
You don't look a day over 30!
372
00:25:42,487 --> 00:25:45,320
Excuse me! It's me you're marrying,
not my mother.
373
00:25:45,367 --> 00:25:48,325
I dunno. Still time to change my mind,
eh, Angela?
374
00:25:48,367 --> 00:25:51,006
- Brandy?
- Thank you, Dick.
375
00:25:51,047 --> 00:25:54,881
Actually, while I've got you together,
I'd like to propose a toast.
376
00:25:54,927 --> 00:25:59,284
To you, Dick and Angela.
Wonderful parents, wonderful family.
377
00:26:00,407 --> 00:26:03,717
A family I'm really looking forward
to being part of.
378
00:26:03,767 --> 00:26:06,201
Let's hope this week's memorable
for all of us.
379
00:26:06,247 --> 00:26:08,238
Time for my bed.
380
00:26:10,727 --> 00:26:12,399
Um, actually, Dick, um...
381
00:26:13,487 --> 00:26:15,443
Just before you go, er...
382
00:26:15,487 --> 00:26:18,001
If it's not too inconvenient,
I would quite like
383
00:26:18,047 --> 00:26:20,356
Mel and myself
to have separate bedrooms.
384
00:26:20,407 --> 00:26:21,396
Oh?
385
00:26:21,447 --> 00:26:24,519
It's traditional
that the couple keep their distance
386
00:26:24,567 --> 00:26:28,560
in the week leading up to the wedding
day and I'd like to respect that.
387
00:26:29,127 --> 00:26:31,004
I'll make up the spare room.
388
00:26:31,647 --> 00:26:33,956
Oh, isn't that sweet, Dick?
389
00:26:38,207 --> 00:26:40,596
Oh, and Dick. About earlier...
390
00:26:40,647 --> 00:26:42,638
- I'm going to bed.
- Right.
391
00:26:42,687 --> 00:26:45,520
- Night, Dad.
- Goodnight, darling.
392
00:26:45,567 --> 00:26:47,558
Goodnight... Dad.
393
00:26:55,967 --> 00:27:01,087
- Mmm. So what happened earlier?
- Oh. Nothing, nothing.
394
00:27:02,767 --> 00:27:04,758
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
395
00:27:07,247 --> 00:27:10,444
See you in five minutes.
My room's second on the right.
396
00:27:10,487 --> 00:27:13,285
- What?
- We've got unfinished business.
397
00:27:13,327 --> 00:27:15,158
- I'm not coming to your room.
- Why?
398
00:27:15,207 --> 00:27:17,801
I just told your parents
about separate bedrooms.
399
00:27:17,847 --> 00:27:20,805
- You weren't being serious, were you?
- Yes, yes!
400
00:27:20,847 --> 00:27:23,315
I really want your parents to like me.
401
00:27:33,207 --> 00:27:35,198
I'll see you in five minutes.
402
00:27:43,527 --> 00:27:44,516
(Creaking)
403
00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:51,158
(Creaking floorboards)
404
00:27:59,367 --> 00:28:02,564
(Growling)
405
00:28:04,647 --> 00:28:06,638
(Growling)
406
00:28:06,687 --> 00:28:10,566
(Whining)
407
00:28:21,807 --> 00:28:23,798
(Creaking)
408
00:28:41,287 --> 00:28:43,084
Mmm.
409
00:28:45,207 --> 00:28:47,004
Mm.
410
00:28:50,727 --> 00:28:53,116
Mmm.
411
00:28:53,887 --> 00:28:55,878
(Angela) Oh! Mmm.
412
00:28:58,127 --> 00:29:00,357
(Clattering)
413
00:29:05,527 --> 00:29:07,358
(Screams)
414
00:29:13,087 --> 00:29:15,681
- I want to make love to you...
- (Screams)
415
00:29:15,727 --> 00:29:16,762
- Who was it?
- No one.
416
00:29:16,807 --> 00:29:18,877
- I hope you're not chatting me up.
- No.
417
00:29:18,927 --> 00:29:22,363
- (Screams)
- My nipples were like cocktail sausages.
418
00:29:22,407 --> 00:29:24,796
Someone's urinated
in the grandfather clock.
419
00:29:24,847 --> 00:29:27,998
- I'm trying to make things better!
- You're making them worse!
420
00:29:28,305 --> 00:29:34,362
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