Diana: THIS IS A PATHETIC LIFE.
I NEVER, EVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO ME.
Man: NOT FOR ONE MINUTE THAT I THOUGHT MY LIFE
WOULD END UP LIKE THIS.
OW! MY LEGS!
Ashley: I'M SO FAR GONE.
Woman #1: I ABSOLUTELY NEED HELP,
OR I AM GONNA DIE.
-I CAN'T DO THIS. -I'M RIGHT UNDER YOU.
-[ Crying ] I NEED OVER! -YOU'RE FINE. YOU'RE FINE.
Woman #2: I FEEL LIKE I LET MY KIDS DOWN.
INSTEAD OF ME TAKING CARE OF THEM,
THEY'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF ME.
IT'S YOU -- YOU ARE THE ONE KILLING HIM.
Woman: DO I THINK SHE HAS THE MOTIVATION TO DO IT ON HER OWN?
I HAVE NO [BLEEP] IDEA.
SHE NEVER PROVED TO ME SHE DID IT ON HER OWN.
SHE JUST PROVED THAT SHE COULD DO IT WITH ME.
-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS
Diana: TAKING A LEAP OF FAITH
INTO THE UNKNOWN SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE
UNLESS YOU'RE WILLING TO REPLACE FEAR WITH HOPE.
[ SIGHS ]
OH, GOSH. OH.
WHEN YOU'RE MORBIDLY OBESE,
EVERYDAY LIFE, JUST GETTING THROUGH IT,
IT IS MISERABLE.
PAIN IS A CONSTANT VISITOR THROUGHOUT MY DAY.
BUT MY LEGS ARE WHAT HURT THE WORST.
I HAVE LYMPHEDEMA IN MY LEGS AND OPEN SORES.
SO THAT IS JUST STABBING PAIN.
AND THEN THE REST OF THE TIME, IT'S A THROBBING PAIN.
OH, MY GOSH.
OH. OW.
JUST GETTING OUT OF BED IS PROBLEMATIC.
I ABSOLUTELY DREAD IT.
I SIT ON THE SIDE OF THE BED,
WAITING TO GET THE COURAGE TO STAND UP
'CAUSE I KNOW THE PAIN IS COMING.
OH. OH.
SO I PAY A PRICE WITH EVERY SINGLE STEP I TAKE.
[ GROANS ]
THERE IS NO PAIN-FREE STEP EVER IN MY DAY.
AND BY THE TIME I'M UP AND I MAKE IT TO THE SHOWER,
MY LEGS ARE IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN,
AND I'M ALREADY OUT OF BREATH.
ONE OF THE MOST DEVASTATING THINGS
ABOUT MY WEIGHT GAIN IS THE FACT
THAT I HAVE TO HAVE PEOPLE CARE FOR ME NOW.
Diana: HEY, TRAC. HEY.
CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THE SHOWER CURTAIN?
SURE.
SO MY BEST FRIEND TRACY COMES OVER A FEW TIMES A WEEK
TO HELP ME BATHE AND CLEAN UP THE HOUSE.
OH.
IT'S HUMILIATING.
BECAUSE I NEED HELP IN THE SHOWER,
I CAN'T SHOWER EVERY DAY.
I HAVE TO ONLY SHOWER THREE TIMES A WEEK.
I WANT TO DO AS MUCH AS I CAN ON MY OWN.
BUT IT'S VERY HARD FOR ME
TO GET EVERYTHING NICE AND CLEAN.
HEY, TRAC.
I'M GONNA LIFT MY SKIN UP. Tracy: OKAY.
CAN YOU VERY, VERY SLOWLY WASH THE FLAB?
OKAY.
LOWER.
BECAUSE I'M SO BIG,
JUST DAILY ACTIVITIES THAT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO MYSELF,
I'M NOT ABLE TO DO ANYMORE.
I AM REQUIRING MORE AND MORE CARE FROM OTHERS.
GOSH. OH.
AND THAT SCARES ME.
OH, THIS IS NOT COUNTING.
WHEN I GET DONE WITH MY SHOWER,
I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM QUICKLY
SO I DON'T SEE MYSELF IN THE MIRROR.
I'M JUST HORRIFIED BY WHAT I LOOK LIKE.
COME ON. WE'RE WALKING.
OKAY.
I DON'T LOOK LIKE A BODY SHAPE. IT'S JUST A BLOB OF FAT.
I DON'T LOOK HUMAN.
OH.
[ MOANS ]
I THINK I LOOK LIKE JABBA THE HUT.
MY BODY IS JUST DETERIORATING.
I'M JUST GONNA DO THE WATER BLISTERS FIRST.
OKAY. THEN I'LL DO...
I HAVE A LOT OF WEIGHT-RELATED ILLNESSES.
THE WORST ONE IS LYMPHEDEMA.
MY LEGS ARE ALWAYS VERY SWOLLEN.
I HAVE OPEN WOUNDS A LOT.
SO TRACY PUTS CREAMS AND OINTMENTS ON
TO MAKE SURE I DON'T GET RASHES.
AND IF SHE DIDN'T, I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW BAD IT WOULD GET.
I AM BEING CARED FOR LIKE AN INVALID BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT,
AND THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS I AM AN INVALID
BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT.
AND THAT'S ALL BECAUSE I WON'T STOP EATING.
WHEN I WAKE UP, THE FIRST THING I THINK ABOUT IS FOOD.
BUT IN THE MORNING, I TRY NOT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES AGAIN.
SO I START BY EATING JUST A LITTLE.
BUT I KNOW BEFORE THE DAY IS HALF DONE,
I'M GOING TO GIVE IN AGAIN AND JUST EAT EVERYTHING I CAN.
WHEN I'M EATING SOMETHING,
IT'S NOT JUST THAT IT TASTES GOOD IN MY MOUTH.
IT TASTES GOOD IN MY WHOLE BODY.
MY WHOLE BODY'S INVOLVED
IN THAT RUSH OF PLEASURE, IN CHOMPING.
OH.
OUCH.
I EAT WHEN I'M HAPPY, AND FOOD CELEBRATES WITH ME.
AND I EAT WHEN I'M STRESSED.
EVERY EMOTION IS TAKEN CARE OF BY FOOD.
AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS...
MY INTERNAL DIALOGUE IS PRETTY NASTY TO MYSELF.
I'M WORTHLESS.
I AM A FREAK.
I TELL MYSELF THAT I'M A TOTAL IDIOT
FOR ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME.
SO NO MATTER WHAT, I CAN'T STOP
RELIVING THE SAME NIGHTMARE EVERY DAY.
FOR THE MOST PART,
I DON'T FEEL LIKE MY EARLY CHILDHOOD WAS THAT ABNORMAL.
BUT AS I GOT OLDER, THINGS SEEMED TO GET MORE CHAOTIC.
I COME FROM A BIG FAMILY.
I HAVE THREE SISTERS AND A BROTHER.
AND MY MOM WAS SICK FOR A LONG TIME.
MY SISTER JULIA HAD A CONGENITAL HEART PROBLEM,
AND MY DAD LOST HIS JOB FOR A WHILE.
SO THERE WAS ALWAYS A CRISIS.
I THINK THE CHAOS IN MY FAMILY MADE ME FEEL REALLY INSECURE.
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE THERE WAS A SAFE HARBOR FOR ME.
AND I LEARNED VERY YOUNG THAT I REALLY WAS
THE ONLY PERSON I COULD DEPEND ON,
AND AT TIMES, THAT WAS A VERY LONELY THING.
AS A CHILD, DIANA WAS EXPECTED TO BE ALMOST NON-EXISTENT
BECAUSE MY PARENTS WERE INVOLVED WITH MY SISTER JULIA,
WHO HAD A HEART PROBLEM.
Diana: I FELT WORTHLESS, AND I JUST WANTED SOMEBODY
TO GIVE ME ATTENTION AND TREAT ME LIKE I EXISTED.
AND ONE DAY WHEN I WAS 11, I WAS AT A SKATING RINK,
AND TWO OLDER BOYS STARTED TALKING TO ME.
AND I WAS FLATTERED.
BUT WHEN THEY GOT ME ALONE, THEY MOLESTED ME.
AND I NEVER TOLD ANYONE
BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING I DID.
SO I PUSHED IT DOWN AND NEVER TALKED TO ANYONE
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE.
WHEN I THINK BACK ABOUT THE LITTLE GIRL THAT I WAS
AND ALL SHE WENT THROUGH,
I WOULD WANT TO GO BACK AND PROTECT HER,
AND THERE WAS JUST NOBODY THERE TO DO IT.
[ SNIFFLES ]
AND THAT LACK OF PROTECTION SET MY PATH
FOR SUCH A VERY LONG TIME.
ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS EAT.
IT WAS SAFE.
IT WAS COMFORTING.
BUT I DIDN'T BECAUSE I ALSO HAD A FEAR OF FOOD AT THE SAME TIME.
AND I DID END UP WITH BODY ISSUES
BECAUSE MY MOM WAS VERY THIN,
AND ONE OF THE THINGS SHE WANTED US GIRLS TO AVOID
WAS THE BURDEN OF BEING A HEAVY PERSON, OF BEING FAT.
BUT THAT MESSAGE REALLY TWISTED WITH ME
BECAUSE EVEN IN HIGH SCHOOL,
WHEN I WAS 5'6" AND PROBABLY WEIGHED ABOUT 115 POUNDS,
I WAS ENCOURAGED TO BE DIETING.
AND I BELIEVED THAT I WAS HEAVY,
AND I THINK THAT'S WHEN MY FOOD ADDICTION STARTED.
BUT I RESTRAINED MYSELF
AND DIDN'T RUN TO THE ONE THING I WANTED.
SO I DIDN'T GAIN WEIGHT,
AND MY SIZE WASN'T A BIG ISSUE UNTIL I WAS IN MY 20s.
I HAD DECIDED TO ENLIST IN THE AIR FORCE,
AND I WENT IN TO GET WEIGHED.
AND I WAS 30 POUNDS HEAVIER
THAN I WAS ALLOWED TO BE FOR MY HEIGHT.
I THINK I WAS 178 POUNDS AT 5'6",
SO I STARTED DIETING HEAVILY, THEN RUNNING A LOT.
WEIGHT WAS WAR.
AND I WORKED MY ASS OFF TO BE SKINNY,
BUT I WAS NEVER ABLE TO SUSTAIN THAT WEIGHT.
SO AT THAT POINT, I GAVE UP.
I WANTED TO SERVE MY COUNTRY,
AND THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS I SERVED IT WELL.
BUT FAT DISQUALIFIED ME.
AND I GOT AN HONORABLE DISCHARGE
BUT DENIED REENLISTMENT BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT.
ALL THOSE YEARS, ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS EAT.
I WANTED ALL THAT PAIN TO GO AWAY.
I FIGURED, WHY FIGHT IT ANYMORE?
SO I JUST STARTED EATING.
AND I GAINED WEIGHT FAST.
AND BY THE TIME I HIT 30, I WAS 200 POUNDS.
AND I KEPT -- THE FIRST ONE, I WAS SO --
BY THE TIME I WAS 40, I WEIGHED 340 POUNDS.
BUT IT ALL GOT WORSE.
WHEN I WAS 46, I MOVED TO SEATTLE
FOR A JOB OPPORTUNITY WITH A HOMELESS SHELTER.
THE CAREER CHANGE TO GO INTO THE SHELTER
WAS A GOOD CHANGE FOR ME.
REALLY FULFILLING.
BUT I CONTINUED TO STRUGGLE WITH MY WEIGHT.
OUTSIDE OF WORK,
THERE WASN'T A LOT OF OTHER FRIENDS,
SO FOOD WAS MY CONSTANT FRIEND.
I ATE ALL THE TIME,
AND WHEN I HIT 400 POUNDS, I COULDN'T DO MY JOB ANYMORE.
AND I GOT LET GO.
AFTER I WAS FIRED, MY EATING WENT OUT OF CONTROL.
I DIDN'T HAVE MY JOB.
I DIDN'T HAVE DAILY INTERACTION WITH PEOPLE.
I WAS HOME-BOUND FOR A LONG TIME.
THE ONLY CONSTANT I HAD WAS FOOD.
DIANA'S WEIGHT HAS ALWAYS BEEN AN ISSUE
AS I'VE BEEN GROWING UP.
SHE'S OVERWEIGHT BECAUSE SHE EATS FAR TOO MUCH.
AND THERE'S NOTHING WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO TO SLOW IT DOWN.
IT'S NOT JUST THAT SHE LIKES FOOD.
IT'S NOT JUST THAT SHE WANTS FOOD.
IT IS THE WAY IN WHICH SHE SELF-MEDICATES.
NO DIFFERENT THAN AN ALCOHOLIC.
Diana: SINCE I LOST MY JOB,
ALL I'VE DONE IS EAT AND GAIN WEIGHT,
AND I WENT FROM 400 POUNDS TO 600 POUNDS.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE.
BUT I JUST CAN'T STOP EATING.
I THINK ABOUT FOOD CONSTANTLY.
IT IS ALWAYS ON MY MIND.
EITHER I'M FULL OR I'M THINKING ABOUT EATING AGAIN,
AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH THE WAY IT GOES.
I CAN'T PHYSICALLY GO OUT AND GET WHAT I WANT ANYMORE.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ] COME ON IN.
I'M JUST TRYING TO GET THE LIST TOGETHER.
Megan: LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU NEED.
SO SOME OF MY FAMILY WILL BRING ME WHAT I WANT.
OKAY, GREAT.
SEE YOU IN A FEW.
MY NIECE IS THE BIGGEST HELP
BECAUSE SHE DOES ALL MY SHOPPING FOR ME.
I THINK AUNT DIANA IS IN DENIAL THAT HER DISEASE,
HER ADDICTION, IS KILLING HER.
I MOVED MY FAMILY HERE TO SEATTLE IN HOPES
THAT WE COULD HELP HER CHANGE HER DIET AND LOSE WEIGHT.
BUT ALL SHE EVER ASKS FOR IS JUNK FOOD.
AND IF I DON'T GET IT FOR HER, SHE JUST GETS UPSET,
AND SHE'LL GET SOMEONE ELSE TO GET IT.
SO I JUST GET HER THE JUNK FOOD.
RIGHT NOW, I HAVE A GROCERY CART
FULL OF WHAT I WOULD CONSIDER NOT REALLY FOOD.
IT'S A LOT OF FROZEN MEALS AND TONS OF SNACKS AND JUST JUNK.
I THINK IT'S PRETTY DISGUSTING.
WE HAVE TRIED TO HELP DIANA CHANGE HER EATING HABITS
AND PROVIDE HER WITH BETTER FOOD,
BUT SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO EAT THAT FOOD.
SHE WANTS TO EAT UNHEALTHY, AND SHE WANTS TO EAT A LOT.
AND SHE ALWAYS HAS EXCUSES FOR WHY SHE NEEDS IT.
**
HEY. Diana: HEY, SWEETHEART.
BUT SHE'S TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT IT FROM US.
SO SHE HAS ME HIDE ALL HER JUNK FOOD IN THE OVEN
SO ANYONE COMING OVER DOESN'T SEE IT
AND GIVE HER A HARD TIME.
SO I JUST DON'T FIGHT IT.
OKAY.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO, LET ME KNOW.
OKAY, SURE WILL. YEAH.
TAKE CARE, SWEETHEART. I WILL.
YOU, TOO.
Diana: I'M SO THANKFUL FOR MEGAN.
I'D PROBABLY STARVE WITHOUT HER.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
COME ON IN.
WHO DO I HAVE THERE? SAY HI.
COME HERE. GIVE ME A HUG.
CAN YOU GO GIVE AUNT DI A HUG?
HI, BABY. MEGAN AND HER FAMILY
ARE THE ONLY REAL BRIGHT SPOT IN MY DAY.
A LOT OF DAYS, SHE'LL BRING ME LUNCH
AND BRING HER DAUGHTERS OVER SO I CAN SEE THEM.
HERE YOU GO. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
I HOPE I GOT EVERYTHING RIGHT.
YEAH. THANK YOU.
MY GRANDNIECES ARE THE ONLY REASON
I GET UP SOME DAYS.
WOULD YOU MIND GETTING ME A PLATE, PLEASE?
SURE. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
KNOWING THAT THEY'RE COMING OVER AND I'LL GET TO SEE THEM
IS ALL I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
BUT ONCE I SEE THE FOOD THEY BROUGHT,
ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS EATING IT
BEFORE I DO ANYTHING ELSE.
THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART --
THE LITTLE DESSERT PIE THAT COMES WITH IT.
MMM.
DIANA'S IN A VICIOUS CYCLE OF JUST SITTING AND EATING,
AND SITTING AND WAITING AND EATING.
HEY, ANYA, I GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU TWO GIRLS.
DO YOU GUYS WANT TO GO TO THE PARK TODAY?
YEAH! I WANT TO GO TO THE PARK.
OKAY. SO WHY DON'T WE DO THAT?
WHEN ADDY AND ANYA, MEGAN'S DAUGHTERS,
COME TO THE HOUSE, I ENJOY IT,
AND IT'S SO MUCH LOVE AND ENERGY AND POSITIVENESS.
OKAY.
BUT I'M LIMITED IN WHAT I CAN DO WITH THEM.
OKAY.
OH!
I ALWAYS TRY TO BE THAT FUN AUNT THAT THEY'RE EXCITED TO SEE.
**
BUT THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN DO
WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN WALK.
SO, COME ON OVER HERE.
BUT I'M SO BIG,
ALL I CAN REALLY DO IS SIT AND WATCH THEM PLAY,
AND IT'S SO HEARTBREAKING.
Man: DO YOU WANT TO PICK AUNT DIANA SOME FLOWERS?
HONESTLY, GUYS, I'M GETTING TIRED ALREADY.
SO I'M GONNA NEED TO HEAD BACK.
IT'S SO EXHAUSTING TO EVEN BE OUT IN MY WHEELCHAIR.
YEAH. OKAY.
BEFORE I'M EVEN OUT THAT LONG, I HAVE TO GO BACK.
I LIVE IN THIS APARTMENT WITH VERY, VERY FEW OUTINGS.
[ SIGHS ] YOU'RE BACK!
I LOVE YOU.
GIVE ME KISS.
LOVE YOU, BABY.
WHEN THEY WALK OUT THE DOOR,
I FEEL THE ISOLATION JUST SLAM BACK DOWN AGAIN.
PART OF IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE SUCH JOY WHEN THEY COME HERE,
AND THEN THEY LEAVE AND I'M BACK TO BEING VERY LONELY.
AND THAT'S VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME.
CAN YOU SAY BYE-BYE? BYE-BYE!
I LOVE YOU!
SAY, "BYE, I LOVE YOU." BYE!
[ SNIFFLES ]
EVEN THOUGH I KNOW MY SISTER IS GONNA COME OVER
AND HELP ME GET IN BED,
I JUST FEEL SO ISOLATED AND ALONE.
BECAUSE I AM LIVING MY LIFE IN A 400-FOOT,
VERY SMALL APARTMENT.
AND AFTER THE GIRLS LEAVE, OUTSIDE OF EATING,
THERE'S NOTHING FOR ME TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN THE DAY.
AND I'M SO EXHAUSTED, I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO SLEEP.
BUT I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT ON MY OWN.
SO MY SISTER COMES OVER TO HELP ME IN THE DAY.
Mardi: I'M SHOCKED AND HURT AND SADDENED FOR DIANA,
TO SEE HER IN THE SITUATION THAT SHE IS...
OH.
...TO SEE HER AT A POINT OF OBESITY
THAT IS ALMOST NOT SURVIVABLE.
**
AND WHEN I SEE MY SISTER, IT JUST BREAKS MY HEART.
**
Diana: THIS IS A PATHETIC LIFE.
NO ONE SHOULD LIVE LIKE THIS.
OKAY. ONE, TWO...
[ GRUNTS ]
THREE!
OH.
I KNOW I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT
IF I DON'T TAKE DRASTIC ACTION.
AND AT THIS POINT,
I AM SCARED THAT I'M GONNA GO TO BED
AND NOT WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY.
**
Megan: YOU WANT TO HELP ME PACK? YEAH.
THAT'LL BE A GOOD WAY YOU CAN HELP.
COME AND PUT IT IN THE BOX. ONE AT A TIME.
OH, GOOD JOB.
TODAY, MY FAMILY HAS COME TO PACK ALL MY THINGS UP
SO I CAN MOVE TO HOUSTON.
MEGAN AND HER WHOLE FAMILY ARE MOVING DOWN WITH ME
UNTIL I'M ABLE TO GET SURGERY AND START LOSING SOME WEIGHT.
I KNOW THIS IS A HUGE SACRIFICE FOR THEM,
AND I FEEL GUILTY THEY HAVE TO UPROOT THEIR WHOLE LIFE
TO DO THIS FOR ME.
BUT I KNOW THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE
TO GET THE HELP I NEED.
TODAY, AS WE GET READY TO LEAVE, I'M JUST SCARED.
**
I HAVE A LOT OF ANXIETY ABOUT TRAVELING.
BEING ABLE TO GET IN AND OUT OF THE VAN IS A HUGE FEAR.
I HAVEN'T BEEN IN A PERSONAL VEHICLE IN THE LAST YEAR.
HI.
HELLO.
ALL RIGHT.
OH, I GOT IT. OKAY.
ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT, YOU STABLE? YOU GOT IT?
YEP, I GOT IT. NO PROBLEMS.
IF I DON'T GET HELP,
I KNOW THAT THIS APARTMENT IS WHERE I'M GOING TO DIE.
[ GRUNTS ]
HOW YOU DOING? I'M DOING OKAY.
AND SO I'M TAKING A LEAP OF FAITH
AND MOVING TO HOUSTON TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN.
BUT THIS IS A HUGE EVENT FOR ME.
I NEED TO LIFT MY NIGHTGOWN UP
BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE USING THE BED PAN.
YEP. SORRY.
SO I'M GONNA MOON EVERYBODY. OKAY.
I'M COMING BACK, I'M COMING BACK.
HOLD ON. I THINK I CAN GO A LITTLE BIT FURTHER.
ONE, TWO, THREE.
GOOD. OH!
THERE ARE SO MANY RISKS FOR DIANA IN MOVING THIS FAR.
SHE IS NOT IN GOOD HEALTH.
SHE HAS BAD ASTHMA.
SHE GETS A LOT OF SKIN INFECTIONS.
AND BECAUSE OF THAT, I WORRY ABOUT HER.
OKAY. OKAY.
I'M GOOD. THANK YOU, GUYS.
[ CHUCKLES ] YEAH.
DIANA DOESN'T HAVE ANY OTHER GOOD OPTIONS
FOR HELP AT ALL.
AND NOW WE ARE ALL HEADED DOWN TO HOUSTON.
AND I HOPE THAT THIS TRIP IS A SIGN
THAT SHE WANTS SOMETHING BETTER FOR HERSELF.
SO WE'RE GONNA HELP HER TRY.
I'M ONLY GONNA SUPPORT WHAT IS GOOD FOR HER,
AND IT IS GOING TO BE HARD.
I DON'T LIKE MOVING,
BUT SHE WILL BE DEAD IN A YEAR IF WE DON'T.
**
Diana: THE FURTHEST I'VE TRAVELED
IN THE LAST LITTLE WHILE WAS BY AMBULANCE,
AND IT WAS FIVE MILES.
THE TRIP TO HOUSTON IS 1,900 MILES.
I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS,
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I CAN MAKE THE JOURNEY.
WE'VE HARDLY BEEN ON THE ROAD, AND I'M ALREADY IN SO MUCH PAIN.
I AM NEEDING TO STOP.
UM, I'VE GOT TO GET THIS BED ADJUSTED.
I'M SLIDING OFF THE END OF IT.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS.
OKAY, I NEED YOU TO LIFT MY LEG BACK UP.
ALL MY WEIGHT IS GOING INTO THIS HIP.
NO, I CAN'T -- I CAN'T GET OVER.
[ GRUNTS ]
ALL RIGHT, COME BACK. SEE?
THIS HELPS.
[ SIGHS ]
I NEED YOU TO GET ME HOOKED UP WITH THE CPAP.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
[ WHIMPERS ]
OKAY.
**
[ COUGHING ]
IT'S ALL CONSTANT PAIN.
I'M USED TO CONSTANT PAIN,
BUT THIS IS RATCHETING UP MY PAIN.
[ COUGHS ]
I HAD NO IDEA THIS WOULD BE THIS HARD ON ME.
Mardi: NEITHER DID I.
AND I DON'T KNOW THAT I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO GET OUT
AND GET INTO A HOTEL ROOM, MARDI.
I KNOW.
**
OKAY, SO WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR ME?
WELL, THAT'S UP TO YOU.
DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET OUT OF THE CAR?
UH, LET ME SEE HOW WE CAN DO THIS.
ONE, TWO, THREE.
OH. YEAH.
MY LEGS ARE LOCKED ALREADY.
OH.
WANT US TO PULL YOU UP?
NO, UH, LET ME THINK THIS THROUGH.
OKAY.
I DON'T THINK I CAN GET OUT, AND IF I DO,
I DON'T SEE HOW WE'RE GONNA GET ME BACK IN.
I THINK I'LL JUST SLEEP OUT HERE.
I'M STUCK IN THE VAN,
AND THERE'S NO WAY I CAN GET OUT TONIGHT.
AND I CAN'T SLEEP WITHOUT MY CPAP.
SO THE RISK WITHOUT MY CPAP
IS I COULD QUIT BREATHING AT NIGHT,
MY AIRWAY WILL CLOSE.
SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I NEED TO GRAB SOME STUFF FROM THE CAR,
AND I WILL SEND PAUL BACK DOWN.
ALL RIGHT.
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.
OKAY. I KNEW THIS TRIP WOULD BE HARD,
BUT THIS HAS TURNED INTO A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH.
**
I'M SO SORRY. Paul: IT'S OKAY.
Diana: WE'VE BEEN DRIVING ALL DAY,
AND WE HAD TO STOP FOR THE NIGHT.
BUT I'M STUCK IN THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE I'M TOO BIG TO GET OUT OF THE VAN WITHOUT HELP.
AND I HAVE TO HAVE MY CPAP TO SLEEP AT NIGHT,
OR I'LL STOP BREATHING.
BUT LUCKILY, PAUL HAS COME UP WITH A SOLUTION.
WE HAD TO ACTUALLY FASHION A WAY
TO PLUG THE CPAP INTO AN OUTLET OF THE HOTEL,
RUNNING IT THROUGH THE WINDOW, TAPING IT
SO THAT I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO BREATHE TONIGHT.
OH.
IT'S VERY COMPLICATED FOR ME TO BE OUTSIDE LIKE THIS.
THIS IS SO HUMILIATING.
BUT RIGHT NOW, I JUST NEED TO MAKE IT TO DR. NOW
TO TRY TO GET SOME HELP.
**
LAST NIGHT WAS MISERABLE.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE. ALL RIGHT.
YEAH. GETTING ON THE ROAD NOW.
AND I'M JUST GLAD IT'S OVER AND THAT WE'RE BACK ON THE ROAD.
WE STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO, AND I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN.
BUT THERE'S NO WAY I CAN SPEND THE NIGHT IN THIS VAN AGAIN.
I DON'T THINK I'LL SURVIVE IT.
SO ONCE WE FIGURE OUT WHERE WE'RE STAYING TONIGHT,
MARDI'S GONNA CALL E.M.S. TO GET ME OUT OF THIS VAN.
I'VE BEEN MISERABLE FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT,
AND I CANNOT WAIT TO GET INTO A BED.
BUT IT'S EMBARRASSING
THAT I'M SO BIG, I CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF A VEHICLE BY MYSELF.
OKAY. LOOKS LIKE WE'RE HERE.
**
MY SISTER -- SHE IS AN INVALID,
AND WE NEED A NON-URGENCE ASSISTANCE FROM E.M.S.
TO CARRY HER INTO HER ROOM.
Diana: A MAJOR EFFECT OF MY WEIGHT
THAT I DIDN'T REALLY THINK ABOUT
UNTIL I WAS ON THIS ROAD TRIP IS MY INABILITY
TO GET IN AND OUT OF THE VAN, MUCH LESS THE HOTEL.
ONE, TWO, THREE.
OKAY.
I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW BASICALLY HANDICAPPED I AM.
WATCH YOUR ELBOW, MA'AM, ON YOUR RIGHT ELBOW.
SO IT REALLY JUST HAS BROUGHT HOME IN A REALLY TOUGH WAY
HOW DESPERATELY I NEED HELP.
ONE, TWO, THREE.
OOH!
OOH, SOMETHING'S ON MY LEG! NO.
OH, I'M SORRY. IT'S NOT -- YOU'RE FINE.
IT'S EMBARRASSING THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES JUST TO MOVE ME.
YOU ALL RIGHT? I'M IN THE BED.
I'M GREAT. THANK YOU. APPRECIATE IT.
NO PROBLEM. SEE YOU TOMORROW MORNING, OKAY?
SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. YEAH.
Diana: IF I'D KNOWN IT WAS GONNA BE THIS HARD TO DO,
I'M NOT SURE I WOULD'VE MADE THE DECISION TO GO TO HOUSTON.
**
I'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR FIVE DAYS NOW,
AND I'M JUST MISERABLE.
**
I REGRET LEAVING. AND I REGRET DOING THIS.
THE ONLY THING THAT GIVES ME PEACE RIGHT NOW
IS EATING SOMETHING.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE, DEAR ONE?
OKAY, I WANT THE COMBO WITH BACON.
I WANT ONION RINGS AND -- OH, AND I WANT A MILKSHAKE.
EATING ON THE ROAD IS KIND OF TRICKY FOR ME.
THIS IS SOME OF THE LAST TIMES THAT I GET TO ENJOY SOME FOODS
THAT PROBABLY AREN'T AS HEALTHY.
HERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, MA'AM. THANK YOU.
HAVE A GOOD DAY. YOU, TOO.
**
THAT BURGER IS EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN NEEDING.
YUM.
I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP THE FOOD I LIKE,
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL, BUT I'M WILLING TO TRY.
**
WE'RE FINALLY HERE,
AND I'M HAPPY THIS DRIVE IS OVER.
BUT AS WE GET CLOSER, I'M ALSO GETTING A LITTLE SCARED.
WHAT IF I CAN'T DO THIS AND THE DOCTOR CAN'T HELP ME?
**
ALL RIGHT.
ONE FOR THE MONEY, TWO FOR THE SHOW,
THREE TO GET READY, FOUR TO GO.
OH, I DIDN'T MAKE IT. HOLD ON.
OH. THANK YOU. HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT.
SORRY. I'M JUST SO TIRED FROM THE TRIP.
YEAH, RIGHT...NOW.
OKAY. [ GROANS ] OKAY?
WE'RE STAYING AT A HOTEL AGAIN BECAUSE MEGAN AND PAUL
HAVE TO GO SET UP THE HOUSE WE'RE RENTING.
I OWE IT TO MY FAMILY
TO TRY AND DO THIS, TO FIND A WAY,
BECAUSE THEY HAVE UPROOTED THEIR WHOLE LIVES FOR ME.
OH. OKAY.
AND AS HARD AS IT WAS FOR ME TO DO THIS,
I KNOW IT WAS REALLY HARD FOR THEM, TOO.
HOW YOU DOING, SWEETHEART? I'M DOING WELL.
THANK YOU. YEAH?
YES. GLAD TO BE...?
YEAH.
I FEEL LIKE ON THE ROAD,
DIANA WAS FAR NEEDIER THAN MY KIDS.
WHICH, I MEAN, MY CHILDREN ARE JUST BARELY TWO AND THREE.
SO THE NEXT MONTH OR TWO
IS GONNA BE VERY TELLING -- VERY TELLING.
SO, YOU GUYS PRETTY WORN OUT?
IT'S EMOTIONALLY BEEN... KIND OF TAXING
TO JUST FINALLY BE HERE AND BE DONE
AND BE STARTING THE NEXT PIECE, YOU KNOW?
YEAH. NOW WE HAVE OTHER WORK.
RIGHT NOW, I KNOW WE HAVE A NEW CHAPTER TO OPEN,
BUT WE'RE AT THE END OF CHAPTER ONE, AND...
TAKE A DEEP BREATH? Diana: YEAH.
AND CELEBRATE IT.
Megan: I'M EXCITED.
I'M VERY RELIEVED TO BE HERE.
BUT I THINK THAT I DON'T SEE HER INVESTING.
SHE SAYS THINGS LIKE,
"WELL, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE DIFFICULT THINGS.
I JUST WANT TO ENJOY RIGHT NOW."
WHICH, TO ME, IS THE ADDICT IN HER SPEAKING.
GOODNIGHT, SWEETHEART. GOODNIGHT.
LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU.
SHE IS STILL HAPPY RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE SHE GETS TO LIVE IN HER ADDICTION.
SHE GETS TO LIVE IN HER BLISS.
HI.
YEAH, I'D LIKE TO PLACE AN ORDER FOR DELIVERY.
SHE HAS WHAT SHE WANTS.
SHE HAS ALL THE ATTENTION
FROM ALL THESE WONDERFUL PEOPLE INVOLVED.
Paul: ALL RIGHT, I GOT SOME -- SOME PIZZA AFTER THIS LONG DAY.
YES.
BUT SHE HASN'T HAD TO GIVE UP WHAT SHE LOVES YET.
ALL RIGHT. YEAH, THAT'LL WORK. PERFECT.
COOL. ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU. LOVE YOU, P. DOG.
**
SHE REALLY NEEDS TO HUMBLE HERSELF
AND COME TO GRIPS WITH THIS FACT
THAT SHE IS THE ONE ATTACKING AND KILLING HERSELF
AND IF SHE DOESN'T STOP
OR IF SHE DOESN'T ACCEPT HELP TO STOP,
SHE'S JUST GOING TO DIE.
**
HELLO. HELLO.
HI. HOW Y'ALL DOING?
DOING GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
Diana: TODAY, I'M FINALLY GOING TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN.
AND I'M A LITTLE OVERWHELMED RIGHT NOW.
OH.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.
AND THAT'S SCARY.
I'VE BEEN IN A PATTERN OF EATING FOR A LONG TIME,
AND THAT PATTERN HAS SERVED TO MEET MY NEEDS
IN A LOT OF WAYS.
AND NOW TO SAVE MY LIFE, I HAVE TO CHANGE THAT.
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S GONNA TAKE FOR ME TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
**
AND THAT'S SCARY.
THAT'S REALLY SCARY.
DON'T PUT ME TOO LOW, OR I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET OFF.
THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BECOMES REAL.
BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WEIGH.
AND THAT'S SCARY TO FACE, TOO.
OKAY. TWO. ALL RIGHT.
OH. OKAY. LET GO.
OKAY. EVERYBODY GO.
AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HIGH THAT NUMBER'S GONNA BE.
OH, MY GOSH.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
JUST UNBELIEVABLE.
OH, YEAH.
I'M SHOCKED RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BAD I'VE LET MYSELF GET.
OKAY.
THIS IS THE HIGHEST I'VE WEIGHED BEFORE
AND HIGHER THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD WEIGH.
FOUR TO GO. OW.
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE I'VE LET MYSELF DO THIS.
IT'S JUST... OW.
...A BIT OVERWHELMING RIGHT NOW.
[ SIGHS ]
AT THIS POINT, YOU KNOW, DR. NOWZARADAN
IS KIND OF LIFE AND DEATH FOR ME.
YEAH.
THANKS, SWEETHEART.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
HELLO.
HOW Y'ALL DOING? DOING REALLY WELL.
ALL RIGHT, SO I TALKED TO YOU
BEFORE YOU MADE THE TRIP TO HOUSTON, HUH?
YES. IT WAS A VERY DIFFICULT TRIP.
WE DROVE FOR FIVE DAYS, SO...
YEAH.
FIVE DAYS TO GET DOWN TO HOUSTON.
YES. MM-HMM.
IT WAS ROUGH. ALL RIGHT.
SO TODAY, YOU'RE 601 POUNDS.
YES. ALL RIGHT.
SO WHAT IS YOUR ABILITY NOW
TO BE ABLE TO GET UP AND WALK?
I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF DISTANCE IN WALKING,
BECAUSE MY KNEES ARE SO BAD,
TO TRY AND PUT SOME OF MY WEIGHT INTO THE WALKER.
AND SO IN THE SPAN OF A DAY,
HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU GET UP AND WALK?
WELL, EVERY TIME I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM.
SO FOUR OR FIVE.
SO YOU DON'T MOVE MUCH, REALLY, HUH?
I HAVEN'T BEEN, NO.
WHO BRINGS YOU FOOD NOW? MEGAN.
SO YOU GET THE HIGH-CALORIE FOOD
AND YOU EAT. RIGHT.
AND SO THAT WAS THE KEY REASON
I'M GONNA BE MOVING INTO MEGAN'S HOUSE
WITH SHE AND HER HUSBAND BECAUSE IT'LL BE HELPFUL
THAT THERE'S SOMEBODY THERE
KIND OF FOR SUPPORT AND ACCOUNTABILITY.
IF SHE'S BEEN YOUR ENABLER,
WHY DO YOU THINK LIVING WITH HER
IS GONNA CHANGE THAT?
THERE'S NO WAY TO SNEAK EAT WHEN YOU'RE LIVING WITH PEOPLE.
Dr. Nowzaradan: DIANA CLEARLY LIKES TO BE IN CONTROL,
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M HEARING RIGHT NOW.
SHE HAS IDEAS AND PLANS
ON HOW SHE'S GOING TO FIX HER SITUATION.
BUT THE REALITY IS THAT
SHE'S STILL GOING TO LEAVE WITH HER ENABLERS,
AND SHE'S STILL GOING TO BE ABLE TO MANIPULATE THEM.
SO THIS IS GOING TO BE A DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR TO CHANGE.
OKAY, SO WHAT SHE EATS WILL BE UP TO YOU.
YOU'RE IN CONTROL RIGHT NOW.
SHE CANNOT BE ANY LONGER.
YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND AT YOUR AGE AND YOUR WEIGHT,
IT IS A MIRACLE THAT YOU'RE ALIVE RIGHT NOW.
YOU'RE 55.
THE LIKELIHOOD THAT YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT TO 60
ARE NOT VERY GOOD, OKAY?
DIANA HAS EATEN HERSELF TO ALMOST BECOME NON-FUNCTIONAL.
SHE'S NOT TOO FAR AWAY FROM BEING TOTALLY BEDRIDDEN,
AND IF IS BEDRIDDEN, I DON'T THINK SHE'S GONNA MAKE IT.
SO, AT THIS POINT, YOU'RE NOT A CANDIDATE FOR SURGERY,
BUT I WANT TO GO AHEAD AND MAKE SOME CHANGES
AND EAT ONLY A HIGH-PROTEIN DIET.
OKAY. I WANT GONE THE CARBOHYDRATES,
AND STICK WITH A 1,200-CALORIE DIET A DAY.
WOW. OKAY.
SO THE TYPE OF FOOD THAT YOU NEED TO AVOID --
CANDY, COOKIES, SWEETS, CHOCOLATE --
PEANUT-BUTTER CUPS.
OKAY.
THAT WILL BE HARD.
ALL RIGHT. MY EXPECTATION WILL BE
IN ONE MONTH, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE AT LEAST 50 POUNDS.
WOW. OKAY. [ CHUCKLES ]
ALL RIGHT. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS NOW
BECAUSE YOUR BODY CANNOT PHYSICALLY HANDLE
ANY SURGERY AT THIS POINT.
SO IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU,
THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO TO SAVE YOU.
OKAY.
WELL, IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.
OKAY. THANK YOU.
Megan: WE'LL SEE YOU IN A MONTH.
**
I'M CERTAINLY GONNA GIVE IT A TRY,
BUT 1,200 CALORIES A DAY?
WELL, YOU CAN DO IT WITH --
I CAN EAT 1,200 CALORIES FOR BREAKFAST, SO...
50 POUNDS WOULD BE AWESOME. THAT WOULD BE REALLY NICE.
I CERTAINLY WANT TO MAKE THAT GOAL.
Diana: RIGHT NOW, I THINK MY HEAD IS SPINNING.
I TRUST HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S SAYING,
BUT THAT DOESN'T SEEM REALISTIC TO ME.
BEING ABLE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT
THAT I'M GONNA BE TEMPTED TO NOT GIVE IN
IS REALLY WHAT THE KEY IS FOR ME.
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SAY THAT I'M READY FOR THE JOURNEY,
BUT IT'S EITHER PUT IT ALL IN TO GET THE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
OR JUST GO AHEAD AND GIVE UP NOW.
AND I'M NOT WILLING TO GIVE UP NOW.
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE,
BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE.
I HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT.
**
Diana: IT'S BEEN A FEW WEEKS SINCE I MOVED TO HOUSTON
AND HAD MY FIRST DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT,
AND I'VE BEEN WORKING TO STAY ON THIS DIET.
IT HASN'T BEEN EASY, THOUGH.
MEGAN HAS BEEN MAKING ALL THE FOOD WE EAT,
SO I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO EAT ANY OF THE FOODS I WANT.
IT'S A BIG ADJUSTMENT, BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO DO THIS.
THE WAY I WAS EATING IN SEATTLE WAS REALLY TOXIC.
LOTS OF PIZZA, LOTS OF MEXICAN FOOD,
LOTS OF DELIVERY.
SO RIGHT NOW, I'M TRYING TO ADAPT HOW I VIEW FOOD.
I JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE SURE
THAT I DON'T REESTABLISH THE BAD HABITS
THAT I HAD ESTABLISHED IN MY PAST.
WHAT'S FOR DINNER TONIGHT?
SALMON, SQUASH, SALAD.
SOUNDS AWESOME.
PAUL, CAN YOU COME HELP ME?
Megan: LIVING WITH DIANA HAS BEEN DIFFICULT AT TIMES
BECAUSE I KNOW SHE WANTS CERTAIN FOODS THAT ARE UNHEALTHY.
BUT I ESSENTIALLY CONTROL DIANA'S DIET --
EVERYTHING THAT SHE EATS, EVERYTHING SHE CONSUMES --
SO THERE'S A LOT PRESSURE ON ME.
MY MOM IS HELPING TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING
WHILE WE'RE DOWN HERE
SO MY HUSBAND, PAUL, CAN WORK FROM HOME
AND WE CAN ALL FOCUS ON HELPING DIANA.
BUT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE FOOD FALLS ON ME.
MORE WATER, PLEASE.
MORE WATER? THANK YOU.
MM-HMM.
**
MMM. VERY GOOD.
THE SALMON'S PERFECT.
Megan: THANK YOU. ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
WELL, I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN LIKING MY COOKING.
YEAH. I KNOW IT'S VERY DIFFERENT
FROM WHAT YOU WERE EATING BEFORE.
IT'S A HUGE CHANGE FROM HOW I WAS EATING,
AND I APPRECIATE THAT.
Diana: MY DIET FROM WHEN I WAS IN SEATTLE TO NOW
IS NIGHT AND DAY,
FROM SUPER UNHEALTHY TO VERY HEALTHY,
AND I'M JUST SO PLEASED WITH THAT.
BEFORE I STARTED THIS TRANSITION,
THIS PLATE WOULD'VE JUST BEEN ABSOLUTELY HEAPING WITH FOOD.
AND WHEN I WAS FINISHED WITH THIS PLATE,
THERE WOULD'VE BEEN A DESSERT, OR MAYBE TWO, TO EAT AFTERWARDS.
ARE YOU DONE? I AM.
TOTALLY? THANK YOU. MM-HMM.
YEAH, VERY GOOD.
IN GENERAL, SHE'S BEEN DOING VERY WELL.
SHE IS VERY MOTIVATED AND VERY STEADFAST IN THE DIET.
SHE'S BEEN VERY GOOD WITH STICKING TO IT.
BUT I KNOW SHE'S ONLY EATING RIGHT
BECAUSE WE'RE MAKING HER.
SO I'M HOPING IF SHE'S JUST ABLE TO GET THE SURGERY,
THEN THE CHANGES WILL REALLY STICK.
**
Diana: I'M TIRED OF THIS LIFE WHERE I CAN BARELY GET AROUND.
**
SO I'M WORKING HARD AT THIS.
I'M GONNA EAT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO AND NOT COMPLAIN
BECAUSE I CAN'T SHOW UP AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
AND MISS THE GOAL.
BECAUSE MY FAMILY BELIEVES IN ME...
AND THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IN THIS WORLD
RIGHT NOW IS DISAPPOINT THEM.
**
TODAY, I'M GONNA SEE DR. NOWZARADAN AGAIN,
AND I'M HOPING I LOST THE WEIGHT I NEEDED TO.
**
PAUL IS GOING TO HELP ME,
BUT MEGAN IS STAYING WITH THE KIDS.
AND I'M HOPING I GET TO COME BACK HOME
AND TELL THEM I DID IT, THAT I MADE THEM PROUD.
**
SO I'M JUST HOPING I DON'T LET EVERYONE I LOVE DOWN TODAY.
**
I FEEL LIKE I'VE DONE PERFECTLY THIS LAST MONTH.
OKAY.
BUT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T LOST WEIGHT IN YEARS,
YOU DOUBT THE SCALE CAN EVER GO DOWN FOR YOU.
SO I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S GONNA SAY.
HEY! OH, MY GOD.
ALL RIGHT, GET DOWN SAFELY.
OKAY. HOLD ON.
[ GROANS ] OKAY.
OH, MY GOSH. [ LAUGHS ]
I'M IN ABSOLUTE DISBELIEF.
IT'S NOT QUITE TO 50 POUNDS, BUT I'M HOPING THAT IT'S ENOUGH
FOR THE DOCTOR TO SEE THAT I'M READY.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
HELLO. HEY. HOW Y'ALL DOING?
DOING REALLY WELL. GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, SO YOU LOST LIKE 44 POUNDS.
I KNOW. I'M ABSOLUTELY THRILLED.
DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO LOSE THAT WEIGHT?
NO, I'VE JUST BEEN STICKING TO THE PLAN
AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
SINCE WE'VE BEEN IN THE HOUSE, IT'S BEEN EASIER
BECAUSE WE HAVE CONTROL OF THE FOOD MORE.
OKAY, WELL, THAT IS A POSITIVE CHANGE,
AND I'M PROUD OF YOU FOR THAT.
BUT YOU STILL SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE
A LITTLE BIT MORE PROGRESS.
HOW'S YOUR LEVEL OF ACTIVITY?
THAT NEEDS TO IMPROVE. I TRIED WALKING.
WITH MY BONE-ON-BONE KNEE, THAT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA.
HOW ABOUT DOING UPPER-BODY EXERCISES?
YEAH, I'VE GOT SOME LIGHT WEIGHTS THAT I CAN DO.
OKAY.
Dr. Nowzaradan: DIANA HAS DONE WELL.
IT'S NOT 50 POUNDS, BUT IT IS GOOD PROGRESS.
BUT SHE STILL TALKS LIKE SHE'S IN CONTROL,
BUT THIS PROGRESS IS MORE THE RESULT
OF HER ENABLER CHANGING THEIR DYNAMIC.
AND THAT'S GOOD, BUT SHE STILL DIDN'T MAKE
AS MUCH PROGRESS THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE.
SO YOU'RE NOT APPROVED FOR SURGERY AT THE MOMENT.
OKAY. BUT I WANT YOU TO KEEP TRYING,
AND I WANT TO SET UP A CALL WITH YOUR NIECE
TO GO OVER THE MEALS SHE'S MAKING
TO SEE WHAT YOU'RE EATING.
MM.
EVERY MONTH, YOU NEED TO LOSE 40 POUNDS.
OKAY.
THIS IS GONNA BE THE GOAL THAT WE'RE GONNA SET,
AND IF YOU STICK WITH THE LOW-CALORIE,
HIGH-PROTEIN DIET,
YOU SHOULD EASILY BE ABLE TO LOSE 40 POUNDS A MONTH.
OKAY.
OKAY, STICK WITH IT. THANK YOU SO MUCH, DOCTOR.
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL SEE YOU AROUND, OKAY?
OKAY, SOUNDS GOOD.
DIANA AND HER FAMILY STILL NEED TO KEEP WORKING
AT MAKING THESE CHANGES TO MAKE SURE THEY UNDERSTAND
WHAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE TO DO THIS FOR THE LONG TERM.
THIS IS NOT JUST AN EXPERIMENT FOR A MONTH.
SO THEY NEED TO SHOW ME THEY FULLY GET THIS.
Diana: I WAS KIND OF HOPING TO GET SCHEDULED
FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY, AND THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
SO I FEEL LIKE I FAILED.
BUT I'M GONNA GO BACK AND TELL MY FAMILY
THAT I STILL HAVE SOME WORK TO DO.
I'M GOING TO DO THIS.
I HAVE ANOTHER MONTH
AND ANOTHER CHANCE TO PROVE MYSELF.
**
MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOWZARADAN,
I LOST 44 POUNDS, WHICH WAS AMAZING.
I WAS ABSOLUTELY THRILLED.
THEN HE SAID,
"GO LOSE ANOTHER 40 POUNDS THIS MONTH."
THAT'S VERY INTIMIDATING.
AND ONE OF THE THINGS THAT'S HAPPENED
AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS JOURNEY IS I'VE BECOME
MORE AND MORE AWARE OF HOW DISABLE I AM.
AND I THINK SOME DAYS BECAUSE I'M NOT VERY MOBILE
AND I CAN'T EXERCISE VERY MUCH,
I FEEL LIKE 40 POUNDS IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME.
SO WHAT I'M DOING THIS MONTH IS I'M ADDING IN EXERCISE,
AND I'M NOT REALLY CAPABLE OF DOING A WHOLE LOT.
BUT I FOUND A SEATED EXERCISE VIDEO THAT I'M DOING,
SO THAT'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE BIGGEST CHANGES
I HAVE GOING, IS MOVEMENT.
MEGAN ALSO TALKED TO DR. NOW,
AND WE ARE ON A STRICTER DIET NOW.
SO EVERYTHING IN THE REFRIGERATOR
IS VERY HEALTHY.
NON-FAT YOGURT, EGGS, ICED TEA, BROCCOLI.
WE HAD PRODUCE COME YESTERDAY
FROM THE FARMERS MARKET THEY DELIVERED,
SO I'M PRETTY MUCH SET.
THIS ISN'T THE FOOD I LIKE OR WOULD TYPICALLY EAT,
BUT IT'S THE FOOD I NEED TO EAT.
SO I'VE LEARNED TO ADJUST EVEN MORE THIS MONTH.
THE ONLY THING IN HERE THAT'S NOT HEALTHY
IS THIS...ICE CREAM
THAT THEY GOT THE OTHER NIGHT.
[ SNIFFS ]
IT SMELLS REALLY GOOD.
IT SMELLS REALLY STRONG OF VANILLA.
THIS MONTH HAS BEEN HARDER THAN THE FIRST.
IT'S TAKEN A LOT MORE WILL POWER TO KEEP GOING.
BUT I GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR IN TWO WEEKS,
AND WHEN I DO, I WANT TO HIT THE GOAL HE NEEDS
SO I CAN GET SURGERY.
AND I'M DETERMINED TO DO IT.
MY FAMILY CAN'T STAY HERE WITH ME FOREVER,
SO I HAVE TO DO THIS.
AND EACH MONTH THAT GOES BY, I HAVE LESS TIME.
SO I NEED TO HIT THE GOAL THE DOCTOR WANTS
BY THE NEXT VISIT...
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY CHANCES
I'M GOING TO GET.
**
I'M SO NERVOUS RIGHT NOW.
Woman: DIANA BUNCH. OH.
THE GOAL THE DOCTOR GAVE ME FOR THIS MONTH
WAS TO LOSE 40 MORE POUNDS AND GET UNDER 517.
AND I REALLY HOPE I'VE DONE THIS.
ONE, TWO.
I'M NOT SURE IF EVERYONE CAN DO
ANOTHER MONTH LIKE THIS IN HOUSTON.
SO I HAVE TO HIT THIS GOAL
BECAUSE THIS MAY BE MY LAST CHANCE.
**
LET'S SEE.
Diana: I'M REALLY HOPING I HIT MY GOAL.
DR. NOW SAID I HAD TO LOSE 40 POUNDS
AND GET UNDER 517 POUNDS THIS PAST MONTH.
AND I'M NERVOUS I'M NOT GONNA HIT THE NUMBER I NEED AGAIN.
**
I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE MANY MORE CHANCES
IF I DIDN'T LOSE ENOUGH.
WOW. THAT'S AWESOME.
THAT MEANS I AM UNDER 500 POUNDS
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS.
ABSOLUTELY YEARS.
THAT IS AMAZING.
I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF RIGHT NOW.
AND I HOPE DR. NOWZARADAN
THINKS IT'S ENOUGH FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.
**
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
HI, DR. NOWZARADAN.
HELLO. HOW Y'ALL DOING?
DOING WELL, THANK YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
I'M DOING OKAY.
HOW YOU GETTING ALONG? I'M GETTING ALONG PRETTY WELL.
HOW IS YOUR DIET COMING ALONG?
VERY WELL. I'M STAYING 100% TO IT.
SO, YOU'RE 494 POUNDS NOW, HUH?
YEAH. SO I'M ABSOLUTELY ECSTATIC.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU'VE DONE VERY WELL WITH YOUR WEIGHT LOSS,
AND THAT'S VERY GOOD.
BUT ARE YOU MAKING THE FOOD CHANGES ON YOUR OWN,
OR ARE YOU STILL ON THE CONTROLLED DIET
THAT YOUR FAMILY'S GIVEN YOU?
UM...
YOUR FAMILY WAS GOING TO HELP YOU
GET SURGERY THEN GO BACK HOME.
MM-HMM. HERE'S MY CONCERN.
YOU'RE ONLY LOSING WEIGHT
BECAUSE THEY'RE FORCING YOU TO.
THE SECOND THEY LEAVE, I'M NOT SURE
IF YOU WILL GO OFF THE RAILS AGAIN.
DIANA AND HER FAMILY HAVE DONE WELL THESE PAST COUPLE MONTHS,
BUT HER NIECE MEGAN HAS BEEN
IN ALMOST COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE FOOD SHE EATS.
SO AT THIS POINT, I HAVE NO EVIDENCE
THAT THESE CHANGES WILL LAST PAST THE SURGERY,
AND IF THE FAMILY LEAVES,
DIANA MOST LIKELY WILL START OVEREATING AGAIN INSTANTLY.
SO HER SITUATION NEEDS TO REMAIN THE SAME
SO SHE CAN KEEP MAKING PROGRESS
UNTIL SHE STARTS TO MAKE MORE PERMANENT CHANGES.
THIS IS THE STEP I THINK WE ARE READY FOR.
YOU'RE MAKING PROGRESS AS A FAMILY,
SO I WILL APPROVE YOU FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
BUT ONLY IF YOUR FAMILY AGREES
TO STAY HERE IN HOUSTON FOR A WHILE LONGER
UNTIL YOU START DEALING WITH THE ISSUES
DRIVING YOU TO EAT IN THERAPY AFTER SURGERY.
OKAY. AND IF THEY DON'T,
I'M NOT GOING TO FEEL COMFORTABLE MOVING AHEAD
WITH THE SURGERY, OKAY? OKAY, YEAH, MAKES SENSE.
BUT IS THAT SOMETHING EVERYONE CAN AGREE TO?
MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT.
THEN I'M APPROVING YOU FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.
YAY, THAT'S AWESOME.
SO Y'ALL KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK,
AND I'LL SEE YOU SOON.
THANK YOU, DR. NOWZARADAN. BYE-BYE.
ALL RIGHT, NEXT STEPS.
I'M FEELING REALLY EXCITED
THAT I'M APPROVED FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
SO THAT'S A BIG CELEBRATION FOR ME.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GO AHEAD AND GO OUT,
AND I'M GONNA BE BEHIND YOU.
ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT.
**
I'M JUST SO SICK OF THIS [BLEEP]
I JUST WANT TO GET THE KIDS OUT OF HERE
AND GET THIS [BLEEP] OVER WITH.
DO I THINK SHE HAS THE MOTIVATION TO IT ON HER OWN?
I HAVE NO [BLEEP] IDEA.
SHE NEVER PROVED TO ME SHE DID IT ON HER OWN.
SHE JUST PROVED THAT SHE COULD DO IT WITH ME.
I'M FEEDING HER 900 CALORIES A DAY.
OF COURSE SHE LOST WEIGHT.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
[ AMBULANCE BEEPING ]
**
I KNOW MY FAMILY HAS SACRIFICED A LOT TO HELP ME GET HERE.
AND I'M SO THANKFUL FOR ALL THEY'VE DONE.
I KNOW IT'S A LOT FOR THEM, BUT THEY'RE SAVING MY LIFE.
**
I'M SO NERVOUS RIGHT NOW.
BUT I'M JUST GLAD MY FAMILY IS HERE.
I LOVE YOU, SWEETHEART.
OKAY? I LOVE YOU ALL DAY,
EVERY DAY, NO MATTER WHAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
I KNOW THIS IS A VERY HIGH-RISK, VERY DANGEROUS SURGERY,
BUT THIS SURGERY IS THE ONLY WAY
I HAVE A CHANCE AT THE LIFE I WANT.
SO NO MATTER HOW SCARED I AM,
THE RISK IS WORTH WHAT I'M TRYING TO GAIN.
Dr. Nowzaradan: TODAY, I'M GOING TO ATTEMPT A GASTRIC BYPASS ON DIANA.
BUT SHE'S 56 NOW, AND HER AGE COMBINED
WITH HER WEIGHT MAKES THIS AN EXTREMELY HIGH-RISK SURGERY.
SO I'M GONNA HAVE TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING GO WELL WITH HER.
WE HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL
NOT TO PUSH HER BODY BEYOND ITS LIMIT
BECAUSE A PERSON HER SIZE CAN'T HANDLE VERY MUCH.
SO IF I ENCOUNTER ANY ISSUES WITH HER OPERATION,
I MAY HAVE TO REDUCE THE SURGERY
OR END THE OPERATION ALTOGETHER FOR SAFETY.
YOU CAN TURN THE ROOM LIGHT OFF.
**
WAITING FOR DIANA, HONESTLY, I'M WORRIED
BECAUSE AT HER WEIGHT,
HER CHANCES OF SURVIVAL ARE LOWER.
I'M JUST HOPING THE SURGERY WILL BE SUCCESSFUL
SO THAT SHE CAN BE SUCCESSFUL
FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS OF HER LIFE.
**
Dr. Nowzaradan: WITH A GASTRIC-SLEEVE OPERATION,
WE REMOVE 70% TO 80% OF THE STOMACH.
BUT SLEEVE GASTRECTOMY WILL NOT ALTER THE INTESTINE,
SO A GASTRIC SLEEVE WON'T CHANGE THEIR METABOLISM THAT MUCH.
BUT A GASTRIC-SLEEVE PATIENT AFTER SURGERY WILL EAT LESS,
AND THEY LOSE WEIGHT.
SO IT IS NOT AS AGGRESSIVE, BUT IT'S STILL EFFECTIVE.
ROOM LIGHT ON.
OKAY, LET'S CLOSE HER UP.
ALL RIGHT, ALL FINISHED.
ALL RIGHT, DIANA'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.
Man: BIG, DEEP BREATHS, DIANA. YOU'RE JUST WAKING UP.
EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T ABLE TO GIVE HER A GASTRIC BYPASS,
THIS SLEEVE SURGERY IS GOING TO HELP HER
TO STAY ON TRACK WITH HER WEIGHT LOSS
AND LOSE BETWEEN 20 TO 30 POUNDS A MONTH.
BUT NOW THE REAL WORK IS GOING TO START WITH DIANA.
BEFORE SURGERY, WE DEAL WITH THE MENTAL STATE
OF THE PATIENT TO HANDLE THE CHANGES COMING.
BUT WE CANNOT ADDRESS THE PATHOLOGY.
SO DIANA HAS TO BEGIN THE PROCESS
OF DEALING WITH WHAT HAS BEEN DRIVING HER TO EAT.
AS SOON AS SHE RECOVER FROM SURGERY,
I'M GOING TO SEND HER TO THERAPY
TO START TO DEAL WITH HER ISSUES.
AND DIANA'S FAMILY ALSO WANTS TO GO BACK HOME
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
SO WE NEED TO ACT FAST
TO HELP HER DEAL WITH HER EMOTIONAL ISSUES.
THE REAL HARD STUFF STARTS NOW FOR DIANA.
**
OHH.
OH.
Diana: IT'S BEEN A HARD FEW DAYS RECOVERING FROM SURGERY,
AND I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING.
OW, OKAY.
**
I JUST WANT TO STAY IN BED AND REST RIGHT NOW.
BUT EVEN WHEN I GET UP, I CAN'T DO MUCH.
I NEED TO BREATHE.
IT JUST FEELS LIKE I HAVE THE WIND SUCKED OUT OF ME.
OHH!
ALL RIGHT.
SOMETHING'S MISSING.
IT'S LIKE YOU'VE LOST YOUR BEST FRIEND,
AND I'M MOURNING THE LOSS OF SOMETHING.
AND THEN I'M UPSET AT MYSELF FOR FEELING THESE THINGS.
**
I THINK I'M A LITTLE DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW,
AND I'M HOPING IT PASSES SOON.
BUT I JUST DON'T WANT TO EAT.
**
DO YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE? NO, I'M GOOD.
I'M JUST A LITTLE SCARED ABOUT HOW IT'S GOING SO FAR.
**
[ GROANS ]
**
IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE MY SURGERY,
AND IT'S STILL BEEN REALLY TOUGH.
**
I WAS HOPING THAT ONCE I GOT HOME, I'D START TO ADJUST
AND GET MY MOTIVATION BACK.
BUT THAT HASN'T REALLY HAPPENED.
**
BUT I KNOW I'M STILL MAKING PROGRESS
BECAUSE I CAN FEEL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY SIZE.
MY SHIRTS ARE SUPER LOOSE AND BIG.
I'M REALLY HAPPY,
AND TO HAVE CLOTHES BE LOOSE ON ME HASN'T HAPPENED FOR SO LONG.
IT'S JUST UNBELIEVABLE.
SO I'VE TRIED TO STAY POSITIVE
AND KEEP DOING WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO,
BUT I'M NOT GETTING UP MUCH RIGHT NOW
AND I KNOW I NEED TO CHANGE THAT.
GOOD MORNING. Paul: GOOD MORNING.
Megan: MORNING.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS MAKING THIS MORNING?
REALLY?
Diana: MEGAN AND THE GIRLS HAVE STARTED TO LOOSEN UP THEIR DIET
AND EAT SOME THINGS THAT WOULD NORMALLY BE VERY TEMPTING TO ME.
BUT I'M STILL ON SOFT FOODS,
SO I CAN'T REALLY OVEREAT RIGHT NOW.
Megan: DO YOU WANT SPRINKLES ON YOUR PANCAKES?
Girl: YES. OKAY.
LET'S EAT OUR YUMMY BREAKFAST.
**
I DO MISS REAL FOOD AT THIS POINT, THOUGH.
AND I KNOW IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE THE CRAVINGS COME BACK AND I START TO STRUGGLE AGAIN.
SO THIS IS A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.
**
BUT I'VE WORKED HARD TO STAY ON TRACK WITH MY DIET.
AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME
I'M EXCITED TO GET ON A SCALE EVER.
RIGHT NOW, I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOW
FOR MY FIRST FOLLOW-UP SINCE SURGERY.
OKAY, HOLD ON.
AND I'M GONNA TRY AND GO BY REGULAR VEHICLE TODAY.
**
BUT THE LAST TIME I GOT IN THE VAN,
I WASN'T ABLE TO GET OUT WITHOUT PARAMEDICS TO HELP.
OKAY, NOW I NEED YOU TO HELP ME GET MY FOOT IN.
OHH.
[ GRUNTS ]
OHH. OKAY, I'M IN.
**
THIS IS AMAZING
BECAUSE THIS MEANS I CAN FINALLY GO PLACES.
**
ALL MY PROGRESS -- IT OPENS UP A WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR ME.
OH.
OKAY.
I LEFT THE HOSPITAL AT 460 POUNDS.
AND THE DOCTOR SAID
I SHOULD LOSE 20 TO 30 POUNDS A MONTH AFTER SURGERY.
**
SO I HOPE THAT I'M ON TRACK.
**
OH, AWESOME.
I'M HAPPY WITH THAT NUMBER.
**
I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF, AND I HOPE DR. NOW IS, TOO.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
HI, DR. NOWZARADAN. HELLO.
HOW Y'ALL DOING? DOING REALLY GOOD, THANKS.
HOW ARE YOU? ALL RIGHT.
SO, YOU ARE AT 433 TODAY, HUH?
YES.
CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE?
YEAH, I CAN, AND I WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU
I GOT HERE TODAY NOT IN AN AMBULANCE,
BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME, I RODE IN A VAN.
ALL RIGHT. SO THAT WAS GREAT.
I'M REALLY, REALLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
NOW YOU GOT TO FIT IN A NORMAL CAR.
YES, EXACTLY. THAT'S A BIG THING FOR ME.
THAT'S A BIG THING, A GREAT IMPROVEMENT.
AND HOW'S YOUR DIET COMING ALONG?
REAL GOOD. I'M JUST ON STILL SOFT FOODS,
BUT DRINKING A LOT OF PROTEIN. OKAY.
SO, YOU ARE PROGRESSING PRETTY GOOD,
AND YOUR WEIGHT LOSS IS ACCORDING TO EXPECTED.
NOW, HOW IS YOUR ACTIVITY GOING ON?
I'VE HAD A LOT OF DIFFICULTY WITH MY KNEE,
SO MY WALKING'S NOT AS GREAT, BUT DEFINITELY CAN SEE
THE DIFFERENCE IN MY CLOTHES AND EVERYTHING.
SO, YOUR WEIGHT LOSS IS GOOD,
BUT LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING.
YOU'RE GOING TO HIT A WALL VERY SOON
AND START TO OVEREAT
UNLESS YOU START TO DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONAL ISSUES.
SO YOU HAVE TO SEE THE THERAPIST,
AND YOU NEED TO DO THAT IMMEDIATELY.
OKAY, THAT SOUNDS GREAT. ALL RIGHT.
DIANA HAS STAYED ON TRACK THIS PAST MONTH,
WHICH IS GOOD.
BUT SHE'S NOT BEEN ACTIVE
AND IS USING HER KNEE PAIN AS AN EXCUSE.
THE REALITY IS SHE'S STRUGGLING WITH HER EMOTIONAL ISSUES.
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE YOU START TO GAIN AGAIN,
SO YOU NEED TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.
KEEP AT IT AND CALL THE THERAPIST.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
ALL RIGHT.
**
Megan: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I EXPECTED --
THAT SHE WAS GONNA LOSE THE MINIMUM AMOUNT OF WEIGHT.
BUT I REALLY THINK SHE HAS TO JUST KEEP EXERCISING.
**
Diana: I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT SEEING A THERAPIST.
BUT IF THE DOCTOR THINKS I NEED IT, I'M GONNA DO IT.
OH. OKAY.
CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THIS FOOT, PAUL?
IT'S JUST NOT GOING TO BE VERY PLEASANT,
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.
BUT I'LL TRY AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
**
Diana: TODAY, I'M GOING TO SEE A THERAPIST,
AND I KNOW THAT I HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONAL ISSUES TO DEAL WITH
IF I WANT TO CHANGE MY EATING HABITS FOR GOOD.
BEFORE I LEFT SEATTLE,
I WAS JUST CAUGHT IN A MAZE OF DEPRESSION,
AND THERE WASN'T ANY MOVEMENT FORWARD.
BECAUSE IT'S NOT AN EASY PROCESS
TO TALK ABOUT DEEP THINGS OR EMOTIONAL THINGS,
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE THE VERY TOPICS
YOU SPENT A LIFETIME TRYING TO AVOID.
DIANA?
YEAH, I'M DIANA. SO NICE TO MEET YOU. I'M CASEY.
COME ON BACK.
SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN,
AND I'M A LITTLE SCARED RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, WELCOME.
SO, JUST SO I HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF BACKGROUND,
TELL ME ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK
CONTRIBUTED TO GETTING TO THIS POINT.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I WAS ALWAYS SENSITIVE.
MY CHILDHOOD WAS CHAOTIC.
MY PARENTS WERE THERE, BUT MY PARENTS HAD FIVE KIDS.
OH, MY, SO THEIR HANDS WERE FULL.
THEIR HANDS WERE FULL.
I FELT LIKE THEY DID THEIR BEST TO SUPPORT ME,
BUT THERE WAS NEVER A GREAT SUPPORTIVE ATMOSPHERE.
AT TIMES, THAT WAS A VERY LONELY THING.
IT MADE ME FEEL REALLY INSECURE.
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE THERE WAS A SAFE HARBOR FOR ME.
NO SAFE PLACE FOR YOU? NO.
SO WHAT HELPED YOU AT THAT TIME --
'CAUSE YOU WERE SO YOUNG -- COPE WITH THAT?
THE MONEY THAT I HAD -- YOU KNOW,
I'D GET A LITTLE ALLOWANCE EVERY WEEK --
WAS SPENT ON CANDY. OH, OKAY.
NOW, THERE WASN'T A HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY,
SO I COULDN'T GET FAT FROM IT,
BUT I DO REMEMBER THAT THAT'S WHAT MY MONEY
WAS GONNA BE FOR. OKAY.
WOW, SO YOU LEARNED AT AN EARLY AGE
THAT FOOD COULD SOOTHE YOU.
OH, ABSOLUTELY.
AND THEN WHEN I WAS PROBABLY AROUND 12,
I WAS MOLESTED. OKAY.
AND IT WAS A COUPLE OF HIGH-SCHOOL BOYS.
OH, MY GOD. AND, YOU KNOW,
I THINK I JUST STARTED FEELING UNSAFE IN MY BODY.
AND I FELT BAD ABOUT MYSELF.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN SMARTER.
WHAT WAS I POSSIBLY DOING
THAT SENT OFF THAT KIND OF SIGNAL?
SO YOU WERE BLAMING YOURSELF.
YEAH, IT WAS HARD NOT TO, YOU KNOW?
AT THE TIME, IT WAS CRUSHING. OF COURSE.
IT CAN BE DEVASTATING. MM-HMM.
SO, YEAH, THAT'S HARD.
THAT'S A HARD THING TO THINK ABOUT.
[ SNIFFLES ] IT'S VERY SAD.
YEAH. IT'S VERY SAD.
IT IS.
THAT PROBABLY PLAYED A BIGGER ROLE
THAN I'VE REALIZED UNTIL JUST NOW,
THAT I PROTECTED MYSELF BY GETTING UNATTRACTIVE.
MM-HMM.
AND IT REALLY DID KEEP ME REALLY SAFE.
THE WEIGHT DID KEEP YOU SAFE,
AND THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE CRAVING.
YEAH.
NOW I WANT TO BE SAFE WITHOUT HAVING TO BE UNHEALTHY.
WELL, I AM VERY IMPRESSED BY YOUR INSIGHT
AND SELF-AWARENESS.
I WOULD SAY THAT A LOT OF THIS HAS KIND OF DEVELOPED
IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS WHEN I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING IT AWAY.
IT'S A WONDERFUL START,
JUST BEING IN TUNE WITH YOUR BODY.
MM-HMM.
THE FACT THAT YOU'RE RECONNECTING NOW
AND NOT AVOIDING
IS SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD FEEL REALLY, REALLY PROUD OF.
[ SNIFFLES ]
[ SOBS, COUGHS ]
WHAT ARE YOU FEELING RIGHT NOW?
I'M FEELING SAD THAT I HAD TO CREATE...
THESE EXCUSES BECAUSE I DIDN'T TRUST
THAT PEOPLE WOULD BE THERE FOR ME IN A HEALTHY WAY.
AND SO, I CREATED THIS BIG PROBLEM,
THIS BIG OBSTACLE THAT,
YOU KNOW, WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEP ME SAFE,
BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY KILLING ME, YOU KNOW?
AND I'M NOT QUITE SURE HOW TO BREAK THAT PATTERN.
OKAY.
WHEN I WOULD HAVE THESE FEELINGS OF ANXIETY,
I WOULD EAT THEM AWAY, AND THEY WENT AWAY.
WELL, NOW I HAVE TO FEEL THEM.
IT'S OKAY TO FEEL ANXIOUS.
SOMETIMES IT'S A VERY...
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO WHAT'S GOING ON.
LIKE, YOU SHOULD FEEL ANXIOUS ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS.
UH-HUH. BUT I LOVE THE IDEA
OF GETTING OUT OF YOUR HEAD, FOCUSING ON SOMETHING ELSE.
IT CAN EVEN BE AS SIMPLE AS JOURNALING.
AND THEN I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU
TO TRY TO FOCUS A LITTLE MORE
ON BEING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT.
YEAH.
WE ONLY HAVE CONTROL OVER
WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT HERE IN THIS MOMENT.
YEAH. AND YOU'LL BE OKAY.
YEAH, AND THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TRUE, YEAH.
I HAVE THE HIGHEST OF HOPES FOR YOU.
I REALLY DO. APPRECIATE THAT.
I THINK YOU ARE SET UP FOR SOME REALLY GOOD SUCCESS,
AND I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK MOVING FORWARD.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. OH, YOU'RE SO WELCOME.
OHH.
IT WAS REALLY NICE TO TALK ABOUT SOME THINGS,
BUT IT BROUGHT A LOT EMOTION UP TO THE SURFACE.
SO RIGHT NOW, I'M FEELING A LITTLE OVERWHELMED.
[ SCOFFS ]
OH, SORRY.
IT'S A LOT TO PROCESS.
**
BUT I'M GONNA SPEND SOME TIME
THINKING ABOUT WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT TODAY.
**
AND OVERALL, I THINK IT ALL WENT WELL.
**
THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS
SINCE SEEING THE THERAPIST HAVE BEEN GOOD.
I WANT TO WORK THROUGH MY EMOTIONS,
AND I KNOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO DO THAT SOON...
THAT'S A GOOD PLACE FOR IT. YEAH. THANKS.
...BECAUSE MEGAN SAID SHE WANTED
TO SIT DOWN AND TALK WITH ME TODAY.
AND I KNOW IT'S TO TELL ME
IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR THEM TO GO BACK TO WASHINGTON.
BUT I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME, AND I HAVE TO GET READY FOR IT.
YOU KNOW, PAUL AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT
MOVING BACK HOME IN A FEW MONTHS,
SO I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE READY,
REALLY READY TO BE BACK OUT ON YOUR OWN.
I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GONNA GO BACK,
AND THAT MAKES ABSOLUTE SENSE.
THESE MONTHS OF HAVING YOU GUYS' SUPPORT
HAS BEEN CRITICAL TO MY WEIGHT LOSS,
BUT I FEEL REALLY COMMITTED TO THIS PROGRAM.
I FEEL REALLY COMMITTED TO THE WAY THAT I EAT.
AND I CERTAINLY SUPPORT YOU DOING THAT,
AND I'LL START LOOKING FOR AN APARTMENT
IN THE NEXT LITTLE WHILE HERE.
I MEAN, IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.
YEAH, YEAH, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WANT TO GO BACK HOME.
YEAH, WELL... YEAH.
'CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ROOTS HERE.
BUT WE DON'T WANT TO LEAVE, PUT YOU IN A POSITION
WHERE EITHER YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU'RE READY
OR WE DIDN'T PROVIDE ENOUGH SUPPORT.
I FEEL VERY COMFORTABLE MAINTAINING THE CORRECT FOOD,
THE RIGHT PORTIONS. I COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS
WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT BECAUSE ON MY OWN,
I WASN'T HAVING ANY HEADWAY WITH THAT,
SO REALLY GRATEFUL. NO PROBLEM.
I COULD NOT BREAK THE HABITS IN THE SAME ENVIRONMENT
THAT I DEVELOPED THE HABITS.
AND I NEEDED THE ACCOUNTABILITY.
IF I ORDERED A PIZZA, YOU WERE CERTAINLY GONNA KNOW.
I THINK I HAD TO HAVE THAT BREAK AND THAT SAFE ENVIRONMENT
IN ORDER TO DO THAT.
EVERY SINGLE MILESTONE,
YOU'VE EITHER ACHIEVED OR BEATEN,
AND THAT'S AWESOME. THANK YOU.
AND I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.
SERIOUSLY COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.
I KNOW. SO I'M GRATEFUL FOR THAT.
I KNOW IT'S TIME FOR THEM TO LEAVE,
BUT I'M REALLY SCARED
BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME THROUGH THIS WHOLE PROCESS,
I'M GOING TO BE ON MY OWN.
AND I KNOW THAT THAT'S GOING TO BE THE REAL TEST FOR ME.
AND I JUST REALLY HOPE I'M READY FOR IT.
**
Diana: I'M ABOUT READY TO GO OUT.
IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND JUST MOVING THAT ONE RUG
AND THEN OPENING THE DOOR FOR ME -- EITHER ONE.
OH, SURE. THANKS.
Diana: IT'S BEEN A HARD COUPLE OF MONTHS.
I'VE WORKED HARD TO STAY ON TRACK WITH MY DIET,
AND I'VE BEEN GETTING UP
AND TRYING TO EXERCISE WHEN I CAN.
BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE WALKED OUTSIDE
WITH JUST MY WALKER AND MYSELF, SO I'M JUST TAKING IT SLOW.
IT FEELS HOPEFUL, SO THIS IS JUST A START.
AND I CAN GO JUST A LITTLE BIT FURTHER EVERY TIME,
JUST A LITTLE BIT FURTHER.
HEY, ADDY.
HEY, LOVE YOU.
I'VE BEEN DREADING THE FACT THAT MEGAN AND HER FAMILY
ARE GOING BACK TO WASHINGTON SOON.
IN FACT, THEY'RE LEAVING IN A FEW DAYS,
AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
SO THIS IS MY FIRST REAL CHALLENGE TO PROVE MYSELF.
I'VE HAD SOMEONE LIKE MEGAN OR DR. NOW
TO HOLD MY HAND UP TO THIS POINT.
**
NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE STARTING, I'M ON MY OWN.
IT'S ALWAYS FUN TO BE OUTSIDE WITH YOU.
Megan: I'M REALLY PROUD OF DIANA.
KNOWING SHE'S MAKING SO MUCH PROGRESS
AND DOING SO WELL IS SUCH A HUGE RELIEF.
**
BUT PAUL AND THE GIRLS AND I JUST HAVE TO GO HOME.
WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR DIANA BECAUSE WE LOVE HER
AND WE WANTED HER TO GET THIS CHANCE.
AND NOW THAT SHE'S DOING WELL,
WE NEED TO PLAN TO GO BACK HOME TO SEATTLE.
AND I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT DIANA'S GOTTEN TO A PLACE
WHERE SHE CAN DO THIS ON HER OWN.
HERE THEY COME.
IN FIRST PLACE IN THE 2-YEAR-OLD DIVISION
IS THE ONE AND ONLY ANYA.
YAY, YOU'RE THE WINNER.
I LOVE MY FAMILY, AND THEY'VE SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR ME.
SO I'M NOT GOING TO LET THEM DOWN.
THIS IS MY MOMENT TO SHOW EVERYONE,
INCLUDING MYSELF, I CAN DO THIS.
**
TODAY, I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING
THAT I HAVEN'T DONE IN OVER A DECADE.
I'M GONNA GO TO A GYM.
ONE ACCOMPLISHMENT ALREADY TODAY --
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN ABLE
TO HAVE A SEATBELT ON WITHOUT AN EXTENDER.
THAT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE LITTLE VICTORIES.
IT'S SMALL, BUT IT'S BIG TO ME.
**
I DEFINITELY HAVE SOME APPREHENSION
ABOUT GOING TO THE GYM.
I'M AFRAID PEOPLE WILL LAUGH AT ME.
BUT GETTING MY HEALTH BACK IS SO IMPORTANT THAT
I'M WILLING TO DO IT.
HOW ARE YOU? I'M GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M DOING GOOD.
LET'S JUST START OUT WITH A LITTLE WARM-UP.
OKAY.
THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM HERE, NOT THE WALKER.
JUST FIVE KNEE BENDS. OKAY.
OKAY? YOU GOT IT?
GOT IT. ALL RIGHT.
SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. ALL RIGHT.
THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE EASY, BUT I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.
VERY NICE.
I'M ALREADY WALKING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND STAYING AS ACTIVE AS I CAN.
I'M JUST GONNA DO THIS, ALL RIGHT.
LOVE THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
SO I FIGURE THE GYM IS THE NATURAL NEXT STEP
TO PUSH MYSELF TO DO MORE.
SO YOU GOT TO COME AROUND THIS WAY.
**
MY HOPE IS THAT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR,
I WON'T EVEN NEED MY WALKER.
OH.
OKAY.
LOOKING GOOD.
I'M PROUD OF HOW FAR I'M PUSHING MYSELF.
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT THIS FAR.
THERE YOU GO.
DIANA REALLY SURPRISED ME.
I COULD TELL IT WAS HARD, BUT ONCE SHE EASED INTO IT,
SHE EXCELLED.
Diana: I FEEL GOOD, AND I'M HOPING
I CAN MAKE THIS A NORMAL PART OF MY ROUTINE.
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MADE ME REALLY HAPPY TODAY
WAS I WAS ABLE TO NOT ONLY DO WHAT GOZI ASKED ME,
BUT TO JUST GO A LITTLE BIT FURTHER.
AND I FELT A LITTLE BIT UNCOMFORTABLE
THAT NOT WHAT I HAD BUILT IT UP TO BE.
I'M FEELING REALLY GOOD. I FEEL VERY INDEPENDENT
BEING ABLE TO GO OUT AND DO THIS ON MY OWN.
I'M FEELING TIRED, AND I'M GONNA GO HOME AND HAVE A REST.
**
THIS PAST MONTH, I'VE BEEN REALLY WORKING ON DOING A LOT
OF WHAT THE THERAPIST SUGGESTED TO HELP DEAL WITH MY EMOTIONS.
I REALIZE THAT A LOT OF THE REASON THAT I USE FOOD
IS BECAUSE I DON'T DEAL WITH THE WAY I'M FEELING,
AND DEALING WITH HOW I'M FEELING IS CRITICAL FOR MY HEALING.
I STARTED JOURNALING, AND I DO FEEL LIKE IT'S HELPED A LOT.
RIGHT NOW, WHAT I'M WRITING ABOUT ARE MY FEELINGS
AND FEARS ABOUT BEING ALONE.
MEGAN AND PAUL HAVE HEADED BACK TO SEATTLE,
BUT THEY WILL BE BACK DOWN IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS
TO GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR WITH ME AND FIND OUT IF I'VE LOST WEIGHT
WHILE I WAS ON MY OWN OR IF I'VE STARTED TO GAIN.
BEING ALONE RIGHT NOW, IT'S SCARY,
BECAUSE WHAT IF I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN
AND I'M GONNA LET EVERYONE DOWN?
NORMALLY, I BOTTLE IT UP
AND THEN USE FOOD TO DEAL WITH THAT EMOTION.
BUT I'M TRYING TO ADDRESS IT AND NOT RUN FROM IT.
BUT NO MATTER HOW LONELY OR HOW HARD IT GETS,
I HAVE TO STAY STRONG.
IF I DON'T, I COULD LOSE IT ALL.
**
Diana: IT'S BEEN GETTING HARDER AND HARDER
TO RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO EAT SOMETHING I SHOULDN'T.
**
BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN GIVING IN.
IT'S THE LONELINESS THAT DOES IT RIGHT NOW.
**
IT'S HARD, SO I'VE DEVELOPED A FOOD PLAN TO KEEP ME ON TRACK.
MEGAN IS COMING IN A COUPLE WEEKS
TO TAKE ME TO THE DOCTOR
AND SEE IF I'M LOSING OR GAINING,
AND I WANT TO MAKE HER PROUD WHEN I GET BACK ON THE SCALE.
EVERY DAY, I BECOME MORE AND MORE AWARE
OF HOW FOCUSED I NEED TO BE
BECAUSE ONE WRONG DECISION COULD BE THE FIRST STEP
IN A DIRECTION THAT LEADS ME RIGHT BACK TO BEING 600 POUNDS.
**
SO, NO MATTER HOW HARD IT GETS, I'M NOT GIVING IN.
**
I'M HEADED FOR MY NEXT DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW.
IT'S BEEN A FEW MONTHS SINCE MY LAST APPOINTMENT...
OKAY.
...AND I SHOULD BE BELOW 400 AND INTO THE 300s.
DIANA BUNCH?
I'VE DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT, I'VE STAYED ON MY PLAN,
BUT I'M STILL NERVOUS.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SCALE IS GONNA SAY.
I WANT TO MAKE MEGAN PROUD AND TO SHOW HER
AND THE DOCTOR I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN,
SO I HOPE IT'S A GOOD NUMBER.
YAY! THAT'S FANTASTIC.
IT JUST SHOWS THAT MY HARD WORK'S PAYING OFF,
AND IT MAKES EVERYTHING SO WORTH IT.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
ALL RIGHT, SO, TODAY YOU ARE DOWN TO 359.
YES. AND YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
SO, HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?
I'M FEELING A WHOLE LOT BETTER, YOU KNOW?
I CAN DO MORE, I CAN GET AROUND EASIER --
JUST OPEN UP THE WHOLE WORLD FOR ME.
Dr. Nowzaradan: DIANA IS DOING VERY WELL.
SHE'S MADE THE PROGRESS SHE SHOULD,
AND SHE'S STAYED ON THE DIET THE WHOLE TIME.
HER DYNAMIC WITH HER WHOLE FAMILY
HAS NOT ONLY CHANGED, BUT SHE HAS MADE THE TRANSITION
TO MAKING RIGHT CHOICES FOR HERSELF.
SO, YOU'RE GOING TO BE READY
FOR YOUR FIRST SKIN SURGERY VERY SOON.
AT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, YOU COULD BE AT YOUR TARGET.
THAT'S FANTASTIC, AND AGAIN, I JUST SO APPRECIATE YOU
AND ALL YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT ALONG THE WAY.
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
ALL RIGHT, NICE TO SEE YOU. I APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. NICE TO SEE YOU.
I'LL SEE Y'ALL LATER. BYE-BYE.
Megan: I'M REALLY PROUD OF DIANA.
IT WAS HARD TO HAVE TO GO BACK AND LEAVE HER,
BUT I HAD NO DOUBT SHE COULD DO THIS ON HER OWN.
I LOVE DIANA, AND MY WHOLE FAMILY --
YOU KNOW, WE CAN'T IMAGINE LOSING HER.
SO, KNOWING THAT SHE'S MAKING SO MUCH PROGRESS
IS SUCH A HUGE RELIEF.
Diana: I HAD NO IDEA
HOW HARD THIS JOURNEY WAS GONNA BE OVER THE LAST YEAR.
BUT I KNOW EACH STRUGGLE IS WORTH IT
WHEN I COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE.
SO, I'M EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE,
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE NEXT YEAR HOLDS.
**
MEGAN AND PAUL MOVED THE REST OF THEIR STUFF BACK TO SEATTLE,
AND THE LEASE IS UP HERE SOON.
SO, MY LITTLE SISTER HAS FLOWN DOWN TO HOUSTON
TO HELP ME APARTMENT SHOP RIGHT NOW.
**
HI, I'M DIANA. NICE TO MEET YOU.
WELCOME.
LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE APARTMENT.
THIS IS A ONE-BEDROOM, ONE-BATH
WITH A LIVING ROOM AND A DINING ROOM.
WOW, THIS IS REALLY NICE. THANK YOU.
YEAH, I LIKE THE HARDWOOD FLOORS.
ME, TOO. I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THAT.
I REALLY LIKE THE HARDWOOD FLOORS, SO...
I'M GONNA STAY HERE IN TEXAS FOR ANOTHER YEAR.
AND ONCE I GET MY FINAL SKIN SURGERIES
AND HIT MY TARGET, THEN I'M MOVING BACK TO SEATTLE.
GREAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU. WE'LL SPEAK SOON.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
Diana: I'VE COME SO FAR IN SUCH A SHORT TIME.
I'VE LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF,
AND I'M CONTINUING TO LEARN EVEN MORE
AS I MEET WITH MY THERAPIST.
AND I CAN ALREADY SEE THE CHANGES IN ME
THAT ARE RESULTING FROM THAT.
AND THAT MAKES ME WANT TO KEEP GOING.
**
I'VE STARTED TO DO SOMETHING
I'VE WANTED TO DO FOR A WHILE NOW.
SO, I'M VOLUNTEERING AT A CRISIS CENTER,
AND I'M CURRENTLY IN TRAINING TO BE A CRISIS COUNSELOR.
BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AND HURT LIKE I WAS
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER MADE ME FEEL SO SCARED AND LOST.
AND I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO BE IN THE POSITION
THAT I WAS IN, WHERE THEY JUST FELT ALONE AND UNLOVED.
AND IF I CAN PREVENT JUST ONE OTHER CHILD
FROM FEELING THE SAME WAY, THEN I'LL FEEL LIKE
I'M ABLE TO START TO GIVE BACK IN SOME SMALL WAY.
SO, I'M REALLY EXCITED RIGHT NOW TO HAVE FOUND THIS OPPORTUNITY
AND TO BE DOING THIS.
IT'S SOMETHING I NEVER WOULD'VE DREAMED I COULD EVER DO.
WHEN YOU SPEND SO MUCH OF YOUR LIFE TRAPPED SOMEWHERE
THAT IS YOUR WHOLE WORLD, YOU HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO DREAM.
COME ON GUYS, I BROUGHT YOU LUNCH.
AND SOME OF THOSE DREAMS
ARE LITTLE THINGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE TAKE FOR GRANTED,
LIKE JUST GOING TO A PARK AND FEEDING FISH.
I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN DARED DREAM
I COULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS A YEAR AGO.
BUT NOW I CAN GO OUT BY MYSELF AND DO THINGS ON MY OWN.
IT'S JUST AN INCREDIBLE FEELING.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE LIFE.
WE CAN STAY IN THE MURKY WATER AND LOSE HOPE,
OR WE CAN JUST COME UP TOWARDS THE SUNSHINE.
I WANT TO BE IN THE LIGHT,
AND THAT'S WHAT I'VE DEDICATED MY LIFE TO NOW --
LIVING IN THE LIGHT AND MAKING SURE I HELP OTHERS
LIVE IN IT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE NOW EVERY DAY IS A GIFT
AND NOTHING IS GONNA TAKE ME OFF TRACK AGAIN.
I'M DONE WITH THAT KIND OF LIFE,
AND I'M DEDICATED TO GETTING TO MY GOAL
AND BECOMING THE PERSON I KNOW I CAN BE AGAIN.