Silly people.
I don't like that fellow with the little mustache.
Up and at that mustache, men!
Got him.
Now that I know you love me,
how about letting me drive you home, huh?
Oh.
I'm sorry if I frightened you.
I didn't know anyone was out here.
Thank you.
May I? Surely.
I'm a little drunk. Will you excuse me?
I think everyone here is a little drunk, but I'll excuse you.
Do you know who the gentleman was that tried to kiss you just now?
That was Damery, you know, the gossip columnist,
the glassup columlist, the newspaper fellow.
If you'd let him kiss you, you'd probably have read about it
in tomorrow's paper.
I wouldn't have liked that.
Wouldn't you like a little drink?
No, thank you. Drinking isn't one of my many vices.
Well, personally, I'm going to stop drinking
next Tuesday afternoon at 3:00 sharp.
That make you feel better?
Much.
Enough better so that we may introduce ourselves?
I'm sorry. I forgot. I'm Jerry Corbett.
What's the matter? Does the name terrify you?
I didn't mean to look so stupid,
but I never miss reading your column.
You write very cleverly.
Oh, yes, I'm so clever that I'm one of the few drinking newspapermen
who can still hold his job.
As a matter of fact, I've almost finished a play.
Well, you shouldn't have gotten me started on the subject of myself
because I can go on and on for hours.
Supposing you tell me who you happen to be.
Nobody. Just a girl named Joan Prentice.
That means you are somebody.
It means you're the daughter of the gentleman who made millions
putting things into tin cans
that people like me take out of tin cans.
I see you believe in signs.
Mmm-hmm.
And all the signs point to three stars.
Will you excuse me?
Wouldn't you like to come over here and sit down?
It's cozier, and then, too, the drinks are handier.
Been having a good time tonight?
I'm a little disappointed.
I expected to meet a lot of interesting people and talk to them.
Most of them are too drunk to talk intelligently or else they insult you.
Bob Noble's parties are always like this,
except that you don't often see such awfully fine hands.
Long, slender and artistic,
and a diamond ring the size of a small potato on the right little finger.
Awfully fine head,
hair like an Indian, fine, chiseled features, clean-cut as a tomahawk.
Say, now I feel like singing. Do you mind?
I don't know. Wait until I hear you.
It'll be too late then.
First she gave me gingerbread.
And then she gave me cake.
And then she gave me creme de menthe for meeting her at the gate.
Sing some more. I like that one.
Do you? I like you, too, Joanie.
I think you're nice.
Thanks. You mean, of course, alcoholically speaking.
No. No, really. I think you're swell.
I like your hands.
Gosh, they're swell.
Funny. Why'd I let you do that?
Because I think you're swell.
What's your name, Joan?
My name's Joan.
I mean your telephone number.
Bittersweet 8100.
Come and have tea tomorrow at 5:00.
Hey, I'll be there early, and I'll stay late.
You'll never remember to come.
Sure I will.
It's late, Joan.
Don't go, Joanie.
Stay and we'll sing a thousand songs.
I got millions of them. Don't go.
Do we have to go, Greg?
I'd rather.
I want to get out to the club early tomorrow.
I'll get my wrap.
I don't believe we've met.
My name's Corbett. What's yours?
Gregory Boleslavsky.
Hey, now wait a minute.
I asked you a civil question, and I expect a civil answer.
You want a drink?
No, thanks.
No? Well, that's right, don't.
It's a rotten bottle, and it's a rotten label, and it's rotten whiskey.
No one should drink it.
Go on, get out of here.
He is a good reporter, but a very terrible tap dancer.
That's funny.
Our city editor says I'm a good tap dancer, but a very terrible reporter.
All ready? Yes.
Just a minute, Greg.
Good night, Mr. Corbett.
Who are you?
Nobody.
Who was that?
I don't know.
Well, merrily we go to hell.
Dad!
You know Jerry Corbett, the boy I met last night?
Only what you told me at breakfast.
Yes, and I thought he wouldn't call,
but he did, and he's coming to my party this afternoon.
You sure he won't disappoint you again?
I tell you, he's coming.
Benson.
Yes, Miss Joan.
Benson, have we gingerbread, cake and creme de menthe in the house?
We have cake and créme de menthe.
I don't know about the gingerbread.
Well, I want all three served at tea.
Yes, Miss Joan.
What is it? What happened?
Nothing happened. Everything's heavenly.
First she gave me gingerbread.
And then she gave me cake.
And then she gave me créme de menthe for meeting her at the gate.
I can't understand it.
I said about 5:00, and he said he'd be here then.
I wouldn't worry about a young man who hasn't any manners
and quite obviously no taste.
I've no use for him from now on.
I'm afraid I won't have any use for your Jerry Corbett
if ever I have the pleasure of meeting him.
I guess you'll never have that pleasure.
Goodbye, Charlcie.
Goodbye, Joan.
I'll see you to your car?
You're nothing but an old roué.
We didn't have any customers for our gingerbread
and créme de menthe, Miss Joan.
No.
Does one ring a bell or just walk in here?
It all depends on whether or not one is on time.
I have an idea you're Mr. Jerry Corbett.
Yeah. Yes, have we met before?
I doubt it.
I never wait more than five minutes for anyone.
If you step inside I'll tell Joan you're here.
Thank you.
If you'll wait in there, please.
Thank you.
Hello.
Wait a minute.
Don't tell me you walk on this floor.
Sometimes it turns into a roller coaster right beneath your feet.
Perhaps we'd better sit down.
Thank you.
Father tells me he met you at the door.
Yes.
Do you know, I think your father's in love with me.
Why?
Because he seemed upset when he saw me,
and it's always love that upsets a man, you know.
Some of the biggest and littlest men in history
have been upset by love.
I was one of the big men, of course, when it happened to me.
By the way, am I a little late?
A little.
I'd like to have had you here for the party, but it really doesn't matter.
I think you're swell.
I'm beginning to think you do.
You told me that last night.
Well, just to prove that I still think so,
would you like to take a little drive with me and have dinner somewhere?
I'd love to.
Perhaps I ought to explain that my car is yellow and has a meter on it.
I have a car.
Well, I didn't mean that we
I did. Let's go now.
I guess I didn't know you walked on these floors
because most of the floors I know have sawdust on them.
A gentleman wouldn't advertise he was kissing a lady.
I was advertising the finest of Prentice products.
That reminds me, it's high time I bought you something to eat.
I'm not hungry.
Neither am I.
Do you always make love to girls
when you take them for a drive?
I don't often take them for a drive.
I'm afraid, as a rule, I prefer the company of men,
particularly if they're bartenders.
You see, I figured out a long time ago
that a punch in the nose heals much quicker than a broken heart.
Don't tell me you're a woman-hater.
Not at all. I just don't think about them very much.
You thought about one once.
I mean, you said something before we left the house
about having once been upset by a woman.
Now, how can one so young have
the memory of a 200-year-old elephant?
I just happen to remember.
Matter of fact, I was upset by a woman once.
When?
A couple of years ago.
What was her name?
Claire. Claire Hempstead.
Whatever became of her?
She's on the stage.
She's been just as successful there as she was with me.
Have you any pictures of her?
Yeah, I got an old one hanging in my room.
Do you ever look at it?
Once every blue moon.
Say, what is this, anyway, an inquisition?
No, I guess I'm a little jealous.
Well, don't be.
I don't blame Claire
'cause any girl would be a fool to marry a man like me.
Oh, I don't know.
Joan, if I haven't said so before, I want to tell you now.
You're swell.
You know, Miss Claire Hempstead,
I've met a girl who's just the opposite of your lovely, fleshly self,
the first girl that's attracted me since you opened my veins
and carried away my blood in a golden bowl.
I wish you'd keep your mind active instead of your feet.
Well, I'm a son of a gun.
He's come back from the dead! Jerry!
How are you? Hello, Buck.
Sulfur and brimstone.
Hello, Jerry.
Say, Jerry, where you been keeping yourself?
Yeah, that's right. The police haven't been able to find me
in my usual haunts lately, have they?
Why so low, Jerry?
Because, my dear, I'm going to be married.
What? Married!
Keep it under your hat.
Hey, Bill.
Well, you're not exactly my idea of a happy bridegroom.
Well, that's where you're wrong, Vi. I am happy.
What troubles me is,
have I a right to take a swell girl and make her my wife?
No.
Your charm is only exceeded by your frankness.
I think we ought to celebrate.
So do I. So do I, Buck.
Let us have champagne, or at the very least, beer.
Let us have song. One, two, three...
All we need's a baritone and we'd have a quartet.
Let's find a baritone. Is there a baritone in the house?
Is there a baritone in the house?
He's not sure he's in love with that girl, Buck.
He's likely to do to her just what my husband did to me.
Is there a baritone in the house?
You're not so bad, Vi, but it's a fact.
This town is full of wives who closed their eyes, jumped,
and now are screaming for help.
On the level, Fred, I'm gonna be married.
Keep it under your hat.
So that's the reason you haven't been around.
Yeah. But at the moment we're looking for a baritone.
I don't allow them in the place.
You don't?
Is there a baritone in the house?
Are you a baritone?
I'm very sorry.
No baritone.
Are you a baritone?
No, I'm not. I'm a tenor.
A tenor. You're a tenor.
Are you a baritone?
Hello, Mr. Corbett.
Hello.
If you had your hat on,
I'd tell you I'm going to be married.
Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
Her name is Joan Prentice.
Now, be a good girl, run along and get your hat
and keep what I told you under it.
All righty.
Is there a baritone in the house?
No!
It's unbelievable.
There isn't a baritone in the house.
Oh, yes, there is. I'm a baritone.
There it is.
You search for happiness, and all the time it's right behind the bar.
Sir, you're a baritone and a gentleman.
He's no gentleman. He's a baritone.
So let's go.
Wait a minute.
Oh, the moonlight's fair tonight along the Wabash.
From the fields there comes the breath of new-mown hay
of new-mown hay.
Through the sycamores the candle light is gleaming
on the banks of the Wabash.
He's no gentleman and he's no baritone.
Far away.
So far away.
Hi, Jerry. Hi.
Hi, Jerry. Hello, fellows.
Congratulations, Jerry.
Yeah, it's swell. I'm awfully glad.
I never thought you'd do it, kid.
Good luck, Jerry.
Where'd you fellows learn about it? I haven't told a soul.
No?
Come over here and get a load of this.
By the way, Corbett, here's something else may interest you.
Any statement to make to the press, Corbett?
Any statement I made to you wouldn't be fit to print.
I don't know. Yours is just a common case.
When we're young, we want to marry for love,
and when we're a little older, we marry a Rolls-Royce.
Cut it out, fellows.
You'd better hold me. One or two will be enough to hold him.
Now, that'll be enough of this. Get back to your desks.
Cool off, Jerry. Cool off.
Now, now, Jerry.
Try and keep your high spirits from bubbling over.
In the third place, he wasn't worth it,
in the second place, it was a good punch,
and in the first place, forget it.
Yeah, well, I've forgotten it already.
So have I.
What this country needs is more blondes like that
and more men like me.
You know, Jerry,
I can just feel those soft arms around me now.
Can you, Buck?
Hello.
May I speak to Mr. Corbett, please?
You certainly can.
It's for you. Thanks.
Hello. Why, dear, what's the matter?
It's nothing. Only,
Dad wants to know if you can come out and see him now.
NOW?
Why, yeah, I guess so. Yes, sure.
Sure, dear. I'll be right out. All right.
Goodbye.
What's the matter?
I've just had an invitation to the dance.
James, me cuffs and me sword, please.
I'm off to the wars in Flanders.
I never talked to you, Corbett,
because I never thought we'd have anything in common.
I see I was mistaken.
After inquiring about you, I find we have less in common than ever.
Nevertheless, I feel I have a right to ask you certain questions.
Certainly.
What is your salary?
$85 a week.
And then, of course, whatever I sell on the side.
Joan has been used to every luxury, Corbett.
I never taught her the value of money
because I didn't intend she should ever have to know it.
She will have to know it, Mr. Prentice.
You're determined to marry her, are you?
Did it ever occur to you that she might love me?
You think, don't you, that as Damery says in the paper,
I'm taking a chance with the Prentice millions.
I think it would be pleasant if you had enough money to quit your job
and write your plays.
Aren't you doing something known as beating about the bush?
Precisely.
I'm offering you money to give up Joan.
How much?
$50,000.
Is that your final offer?
Yes.
Well, it's not enough, Mr. Prentice,
'cause it just happens that Joan means much more to me
than $50,000 means to you.
I never intended to take a single dollar from you, and I never will.
Bless you, Jerry.
I just couldn't stay outside any longer.
I heard what Jerry said about taking money from you, Father,
and I feel just as he does.
Parents die hard when it comes
to giving up a daughter, Corbett,
an only child.
I'm fighting a losing battle.
You've won.
You won, probably, when Joan first met you.
Be good to her, Corbett. She's just a child.
I'm not. Father, it's all right.
I mean, you want me to marry Jerry now, don't you?
Because I love him.
I want you to be happy, dear, more than anything else in the world,
and if marrying Jerry will make you that way,
then I want it for you, of course.
Jerry.
I only thought you should wait a little longer
so you both could be sure.
You don't wait when you're in love.
You don't have to wait. You are sure.
Sure of everything when you're in love, aren't you, Jerry?
Joan looks too sweet for words tonight, doesn't she?
Yes, but where's her fiance?
After all, what's an announcement party without a fiancé?
Probably much more decorative without him.
Wouldn't you be happy if it was your announcement party?
Good heavens, no.
Not that I wouldn't have taken a chance with you, Joan.
You only say that because you're safe now.
Excuse me a moment, will you?
I'll finish the dance with you later.
Well?
I've phoned everywhere. He can't be found.
He'll be here any minute, I'm sure.
Of course, but I don't like Jerry being so late.
It's humiliating for you.
Joan.
What is it, Charlcie?
Joan, someone's waiting for you outside.
You'd better go out and see him.
What's the matter, Buck?
Has something happened to Jerry?
He's all right.
Well, where is he?
He's home.
It won't do any good to go down there, Joan.
Joan!
He didn't mean to do it, Joan.
It was the excitement as much as the liquor.
But you don't understand. This is my announcement party.
He can't do this to me.
Help me do something.
Charlcie, we've got to do something.
Isn't there anything?
Well, I did everything possible,
gave him a shower and walked him all over the lakefront,
but he passed out on me in the cab.
I thought maybe by the time we got over here that...
Charlcie, I can't go back in there.
I just couldn't stand the humiliation.
I simply couldn't. I couldn't.
Joan. Joan!
And your mother thought you'd be president.
Why, they'd never even let you be vice president, do you hear?
Not even vice president!
Don't worry, Joan. I'll take care of everything in the house.
What do I care about those people now.
I know, Joan, but you'd be a fool to care about Jerry now.
Any girl would have to be utterly mad about a man
to marry him after this.
At any rate, he showed up for the wedding.
Yes.
Repeat after me.
L, Gerald, take thee, Joan.
L, Jerry...
I, Gerald, take thee, Joan.
To my wedded wife.
To have and to hold.
From this day forward.
For better, for worse.
For richer, for poorer.
Get a load of Buck, will you?
According to God's holy ordinance.
And thereto I plight thee my troth.
Loose hands.
Now, take Gerald's hand and repeat after me.
L, Joan, take thee, Gerald.
To my wedded husband.
To have and to hold.
From this day forward.
For better, for worse.
For richer, for poorer.
In sickness and in health.
To love and to cherish.
Till death us do part.
According to God's holy ordinance.
And thereto I give thee my troth.
Loose hands. The ring.
You didn't give it to me.
Bless, O Lord, this ring, that he who gives it and she who wears it
may abide in thy peace and continue
in thy favor unto their life's end.
Amen.
Now place it on Joan's finger.
Hold it there and repeat after me.
With this ring...
With this ring
I thee wed.
Amen.
Now loose hands.
Almost got me.
I wish it had.
Jerry, you're impossible. What did you do with the ring?
I ought to be shot. I lost it.
Well, merrily we go to hell.
Merrily you stop this and go to work.
Come on.
Sweetheart.
Yes, dear?
Don't you think I've done enough today?
How many pages?
Two. And a half.
You know you do three pages a day.
You're not Mrs. Jerry Corbett.
You're Mrs. Simon Legree and I'm poor old Uncle Tom.
Jerry's sure game, pure venison from the hoof to the antlers.
I thought I'd been to every kind of a party,
but this is the first time I've ever been to a rejection celebration.
The kid's keeping a stiff upper lip,
but, Vi, really he's all broken up about it.
Of course. Never give a woman credit
for keeping up a man's spirits.
First she gave me gingerbread.
And then she gave me cake.
And then she gave me créme de menthe for meeting her at the gate.
So you see, children,
those are the two great dates of American history,
1492, when Columbus discovered America,
and 1932, when America failed to discover Gerald Corbett.
Don't be depressed, darling.
Depressed? It's true. I've died, gone to heaven,
or maybe I'm just going to have roast chicken Southern style.
Do you think you can carry it without spilling?
Watch me, Mrs. Legree!
Careful, Jerry!
Twenty years experience, Mrs. Legree, in the best hotels.
Jerry.
Well, I was just trying to help.
That's all right. This is a rejection party,
and Jerry has rejected the chicken.
I'm awful sorry, Joanie.
Honey, it's all right.
I love you so much it doesn't matter.
You go down to the store and get some canned chicken.
I'll have it ready in no time. All right.
Here's something to clean up the floor.
Anything I can do, Joan?
Yeah, you can clean up the floor.
Supposing I go to the store and you...
My dear fellow, I go to stores better than you do,
and you clean up floors better than I do.
You've had more experience.
What this country needs is less people who drop things.
I was like this once,
just getting started and all that.
Let me be a little sad, will you?
You'll get over it. You'll meet someone else.
Would you get over loving Jerry?
Well, my love for my husband was like your love for Jerry.
Not all people love that way.
It usually turns out pretty tragically when something goes wrong.
Don't let anything go wrong, Joan,
or if it does, take my advice and get out in time.
I'm a fool.
But, Joan, you and Jerry are gonna be so happy.
Why, people for miles around are coming to stare at you.
Treason! Treason! It isn't a Prentice product!
I'll see who it is, and I'll stop Buck from talking to himself.
Jerry, I won't ever lose you, will I?
Darling, if this thing slips once more,
you'll be a penniless widow tonight.
You love me enough to keep me just as I am, don't you, Jerry?
Hey, I think you're swell.
It's a telegram.
What is it?
We're rich! We're famous.
We're celebrities! Jerry!
I'll go tell Buck.
Yeah, my boy, it's the kind of a play
that's either going to be a great flop or a great smash.
If it's all the same to you, I should prefer a great smash.
That's what it's gonna be.
No, thank you. No, I'm on the wagon for life.
So? Yeah.
No, thank you. Excuse me.
Wait.
Wait until you see who I've got to play your lead.
It's true she's gonna be infernally hard to handle, but
I don't see why you say that, Jake.
Because I'm really very easy to handle.
Yeah?
When I get my own way, of course.
Jerry. Claire.
Darling. This is my wife. Miss Hempstead.
How do you do, Mrs. Corbett?
How do you do?
Well, my boy, I see that you know your leading lady, huh?
Oh, yes. Yes, we're old friends.
So that's why at once when I read the play, I thought of you.
You know, I think he must have had you in mind when he wrote it.
Jerry, it would be nice to think
you'd remembered me all these years,
particularly when you've written such a really beautiful play.
I'm glad that you like it.
I do. It's perfect.
But now, look here, there are one or two suggestions
I've got to make for my part. I know you won't mind.
Now then, in the first act, when I come on...
Well, it'd be much better if instead of coming on with DeBrion,
I came on alone, huh?
You see, it'd be a much better entrance for me,
and I think it'd improve your play, too.
Let me show you.
Don't worry about her. I can take care of her, all right.
Then, in the second act...
Thank you.
Hold this a minute, will you?
Don't you think it'd be much better
if the curtain were built up for me a little?
And if you could find a way of getting DeBrion off the stage beforehand
so that I could be alone,
I think it'd be much more effective.
Look, let me show you.
Here.
Have you done it?
All right, all right, that'll do. Now, Jane, I'm all right.
You run along and do as I told you.
Very well, Miss Claire.
Oh, dear, dear.
I was just going to knock. I'm sorry if I frightened you.
You did frighten me.
Well, I don't wonder you frightened her. You're such a rare visitor.
Is that a reproof?
Yes, it is, decidedly.
Five minutes, Miss Hempstead.
All right. I'll be there.
Well, how do you feel with the curtain going up on your first play?
Like Napoleon before Austerlitz, or before Waterloo.
You'd better have a little drink.
No, thanks. You know I'm on the wagon again.
What?
Well, if the strain becomes too great,
you'll find a bottle in the closet there.
Jerry, why did you suddenly decide to visit me?
Just to wish you good luck.
Dear, why are you treating me with this devotion?
Devotion?
Well, about as much devotion as I'd show to a boa constrictor.
Is it because I treated you badly once?
I didn't think you knew that you had.
I was young and egotistical, Jerry.
Well, what are you now?
Young and egotistical.
It wasn't all my fault, you know. No?
You were very young and romantic in those days.
Perhaps if you'd been then what you are now...
Well?
Well, I might be almost as much afraid to visit you
as you're afraid to visit me.
Curtain, Miss Hempstead.
All right, I'm coming.
Well, Jerry, this is your big moment.
To Waterloo. To Austerlitz.
Darling.
Miss Claire. All right, I'm coming.
Madam, have you no answer for me?
Sir, if I said yes, I should mean no,
and if I said no, I should mean yes,
but my silence is all true and for you.
It's your husband's play. Applaud!
I can't. I'm too happy.
You have a funny way of showing it.
I always cry when I'm happy.
Author! Author! Author!
Author! Author!
Author!
I'm going back to see Jerry.
Author! Author!
Author!
Author! Author!
Author! Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry, I'm so happy!
Hello, Claire.
Jerry!
Here. Jerry!
Jerry, Jerry, come on, they're calling you.
Come on.
He can't go out there in his condition.
Yes, he'll be all right. Come on.
He can't.
He certainly can take a bow for his own play.
He isn't going to. What's the matter?
I can't take a bow for my own play?
Come on. He's standing up straight.
No one will notice. Come on, Jerry.
You go on home, get things ready.
I'm gonna bring the gang up.
Come on. Come on.
Buck.
Stay with him, will you?
Don't you worry. I won't even let him out of my sight.
Speech, Jerry!
Speech!
Shall I remain here, Mrs. Corbett?
No, I'll call you when they come.
Very well.
My dear, you lied to me when I arrived today.
Lied?
You said Jerry wasn't drinking.
He hasn't been.
RADIO ANNOUNCER: It is now 2:00 a.m., Eastern Standard Time.
Buck, is he hurt?
He's still alive, but the couple of bottles of Scotch are dead.
Bring him in here.
Wait for me downstairs, driver. Yes, sir.
Whom was he with, Buck?
No one in particular, just hither and yon.
There was no stopping him.
He's coming to.
If he does, maybe he'll snap out of it.
Yes, I'm sure he will. Thanks awfully, Buck.
Joan, I... I'm terribly sorry, but
I don't want anyone to be sorry.
Okay, Joan.
I'll say...
Thanks, Claire.
Joan!
I want to speak to you.
I don't want to talk about it.
You're coming back to Chicago with me.
I'm not.
Do you mean to tell me you're really happy?
I don't want to talk about it.
Do you mean to tell me you're really happy?
No, of course not.
Father, I've got to talk about it.
I've been nearly crazy keeping it all to myself.
I did lie to you before.
Joan, he isn't worth your little finger.
Don't say that. It isn't true.
Just think of all those months in Chicago when he didn't drink.
Just think of the marvelous fight he's put up.
He only started drinking when we came to New York and he met...
He needs me now, and I'd be selfish to leave him.
Maybe you think it's none of my business.
I love Jerry, love him, do you hear?
And it doesn't make any difference what someone is
or does or anything when you love him.
I'm sorry, Joan,
but even if you love him, you can't go on like this.
I could never leave Jerry.
You can't be a doormat.
I'm not a doormat!
You don't know how sweet and fine Jerry really is.
I know what I'm doing.
Perhaps you're right.
It is none of your business.
Please, Joan, don't.
I didn't mean to.
You didn't mean to. Nobody means to.
They do their best to make trouble
between Jerry and me at every chance.
If they'd let us alone, we'd be all right.
Goodbye, Joan.
I've done all I can.
When you come to your senses, come home to me.
Father.
Joan?
Joan!
Hello?
I just wanted to be sure you got home safely.
I'm all right.
What would you say if I said I was coming over to see you now?
Well, you might at least answer me.
Sir, if I said yes, I should mean no,
and if I said no,
I should mean yes.
But my silence is all true and for you.
I want terribly to see you, Claire,
but I'm not going to do it.
I'm going to say goodbye.
Joan!
What's the idea, Joan?
See? This is the way you look when you're drunk.
Just wanted to show you how you look when you're drunk.
Honey, you've got the words, but not the tune.
But you're charming when you're tight, Joanie.
Really, Joan, you don't know how charming you really are.
Really, Joan, you ought to get tight oftener.
Well, dear, merrily we go to hell.
Merrily you go to your girlfriend.
Listen, Joan, you're right.
I was going to her.
I'm still going to her unless you stop me.
I won't stop you.
If you love me, you will.
Joanie, you know I think you're the swellest person in the world.
If you love me, you'll lock that door so that I can't get out.
You mean that?
I'm no jailer.
Shut the door, Joan, or I will go.
Get out. Get out!
Joan! Get out!
Joan!
I thought you'd be packed.
Did you?
Packed and gone.
Why?
I don't have to tell you why.
You mean because you didn't come home last night?
Don't be silly.
The way you talk, one would think we were living in my grandmother's day.
No woman could forgive a man for doing what I did to you.
It was my fault.
Your fault?
I opened the door and told you to go.
You know, I wish you hadn't, Joan.
You know, I think that you are the swellest girl
that any man could ask for a wife.
Now that I've started this thing with Claire, I...
Well, I have no right to ask you to forgive me.
My grandmother wouldn't have.
And rightly.
Do you want me to go, Jerry?
You'd be an awful fool if you stayed.
No, I wouldn't.
It happens I spent the morning realizing
that we're living in a modern world
where there's no place for old-fashioned wives.
You seem to want a modern wife,
and that's what I'm going to be.
In other words, I'm going to unpack my trunks.
You see, I'd rather go merrily to hell with you than alone.
Joan, I always said you were swell.
Perhaps you won't think so much longer,
because if being a modern husband gives you privileges,
then being a modern wife gives me privileges.
I'm not worried, honey.
I've told you before, you've got the words but not the tune.
Don't forget, I have a musical ear and can pick up tunes easily.
I'll have to hurry. Where are you going?
I just made a luncheon date with your modern friend, Charlie Baxter.
He's been after me for a long time to have lunch with him.
Joan... I'll phone you later.
Perhaps we'll dine together.
Joan!
Hey!
Let that window alone, will you?
Okay.
What this country needs is less ventilation and more smoke.
Come on, babe.
Jerry, there's your wife.
Excuse me.
Hello, Jerry. Hello.
I say, do you happen to know your namesake, Mrs. Corbett?
Yes, sir, there's no doubt of it.
She's a distant relative of mine.
It's my wife.
I'm sorry. I should have connected you.
I had no idea you were coming here tonight.
I had no idea you were coming here.
Where'd you dine? We didn't.
We were at Tony's, and the idea of food was revolting.
Where's our charming host?
He's sleeping behind the bar there.
Shall we join him? Sure.
I'll be seeing you, Jerry.
Mrs. Corbett's a pretty little woman, isn't she?
It's easy, look. Like this, like that, pull, finished.
How's that? BARTENDER: One more for the lady.
Say, Joan, what do you say we go to Harlem?
I say no.
I thought you weren't coming back to me.
Don't be silly.
I say yes.
Hurray!
To the ladies. They keep their hearts and change their minds.
Oh, no. We keep our minds, but change our hearts.
Gentlemen, I give you the holy state of matrimony, modern style.
Single lives, twin beds and triple bromides in the morning.
Okay.
By the way, has anyone here heard about the depression?
What depression?
The very charming depression between your shoulder blades, my dear.
You're tickling me.
Joan, let's finish this dance.
I'd love to.
It's marvelous the way you keep it up, Joan.
Isn't it?
Happy? I never want to stop.
Let's go back. The floor's awfully crowded.
All right, but the next time a woman tells me she never wants to stop...
Excuse me.
What's the matter, lady?
I don't know.
Something's been the matter with me lately.
I think I'm going to faint.
Oh, no, you won't.
I repeat, Mrs. Corbett.
You're in a very bad physical condition.
Very bad.
You should have complete rest and relaxation.
I should say it was your only chance to...
Yes, I understand, Doctor.
I don't think there's anything more I can do for you tonight.
No, Doctor. Thank you for coming.
Not at all. Good night.
Doctor gone?
Yes.
Well, here's the bracer you wanted.
I don't want it, Vi. I'm on the water wagon.
Doctor's orders?
Yes. He said I need rest and relaxation.
Well, there's your rest and relaxation.
Vi, do you remember once telling me to get out in time?
That you can become cheaper through loving someone
than through hating someone?
Well, I didn't get out in time,
but I'm going to tell Jerry something tonight.
You'd better wait until tomorrow.
No, I've waited too long already.
The bride, the bride.
Hello, darling. I didn't think
you were coming home for hours yet.
I changed my mind.
Well, I'm terribly glad you're here.
We ran out of liquor.
Jerry! I'm sorry.
Jerry, come with me. There's something I've got to tell you.
In a minute, darling. I can't neglect my guests, you know?
Buck didn't give us time to say good evening.
Good evening.
Do you know, I was voted the most popular man in college
when I told them I'd just gotten in a new case.
What this country needs is more people
who've just gotten in a new case.
Step right in here, gentlemen, and even ladies.
Have one on the house.
You know, it's an old American custom.
I'll be right with you.
Jerry, listen to me. There's something that I've been trying to tell you.
Wait a minute, sweet. I'm all burdened down here, you know.
Jerry, I've been trying to get you to listen to me,
and now you've got to.
Darling, no one's gonna tell me that I've got to listen.
I want you to understand, this is not my regular job.
In real life, I'm a rainmaker with the umbrella concessions.
Hello, Buck and Vi. Everything all right?
That's the stuff.
Hey, Jerry, hold it! Camera! Action!
Stop Jerry from making a fool of himself! Talk to him!
I'm tired of getting blue in the face.
Joan, will you have a little drink?
No, thank you.
There you are. There you are.
What's going on in here?
Darling, Claire's going into the movies.
We've just been shooting the first scene.
What a shame I missed it.
Perhaps you'll do it again for me.
With pleasure, Mrs. Corbett, I'd love to reenact the scene.
You ready?
Now, what I want from you children is adult passion!
Okay, Director.
That's great. Hold it. Camera! Action!
Good boy, Jerry.
Hey, cut. Cut! Do you want the reel to burn?
That's good.
Marvelous. Magnificent.
Personally, I think it must be very difficult
to be married to such an ardent young man.
He thinks I'm swell.
I do, darling. Isn't that what I always tell you?
Jerry, you should be more expressive than that.
He'll have every chance to be more expressive from now on!
Joan.
Go back in the kitchen. You're being rude to your guests,
one in particular.
I'd had an awful lot to drink, Joan.
I'll never bring her here again.
You can bring her here all you want.
Besides, we did have an agreement
not to be jealous of each other.
My grandmother would have thought that a very silly agreement,
and I've discovered she would have been right.
Besides, I can't be jealous of someone I've never really had.
I mean you.
Now, that isn't true.
It is true. Except for a short while after we were married.
You started drinking because of Claire Hempstead.
Well, that's true enough.
And you started drinking again when you met her again.
I stayed with you because I thought you had loved me
and would again.
Now I know you never did
because you married me with her image in your mind.
In all the time we've been together,
you've never once said, "I love you."
You'll never know how much I've wanted to hear you say that.
Yes, and there's something else I've been trying to tell you all evening,
and now you'll never know.
Joan, you're crazy.
You know that I think you're
if you say that word to me once more, I think I'll kill you!
Where you going?
I'm going to my father, who's always loved me.
I'm going with you.
The one thing you can do for me
is to stay just where you are.
Joan.
Joan!
I'm going.
Good night, old man. Good night.
Good night, Jerry. Good night.
She's gone.
That's the best thing she ever...
- Be up to your place later? - You coming or not?
I'll be up later. Okay.
Good night. Good night.
Good night.
Don't you feel the need of a little drink?
I'm sorry I got you into this, Claire.
Sorrier that you ever got me into it.
You do need a drink. Here.
You've fed me enough liquor.
What's happened to you?
Something you wouldn't understand.
Just a few words that Joan said to me,
enough to make me understand why I drink,
and you can't realize how knowing that gives me a weapon against it.
The only thing worse than a drunkard is a reformed drunkard.
Be yourself, Jerry.
I am myself for the first time.
That's why you don't recognize me.
That's why you don't understand
that I don't want ever to see you again.
Ever, as long as you live, do you hear?
Yes, I hear.
In fact, my organs of hearing are very good.
In other words, don't shout at me.
Well, I feel like shouting.
I want you to know just where I stand with myself.
I'm not interested.
And I want you to know just where you stand with me.
You don't mean a thing to me,
and the funny thing is, I never knew it until a few moments ago.
You should have been grateful to find it out.
I am grateful.
Yes, I'm grateful this whole thing's happened
because if I had never met you again,
I might have gone through life
clinging to an image in my mind,
a phantom that I'd been drinking to for years,
when all the time I had a wonderful reality in my arms.
You really should save those speeches for your plays.
Good night. Yes, see you later.
Good night.
What this country needs is fewer blondes.
Is that so?
We got them all out, Jerry, and we're going now.
I'm the one that's going.
Where to?
I'm gonna find someone and say three words to her
I should have been saying all along.
That's what this country needs,
more men who know when they've been wrong.
Three little words that I should have been saying to her all along.
Bittersweet 8100.
Corbett's not the man he used to be, is he?
Well, why should he be?
He had a hit, went on the razzle-dazzle,
and now he's just back where he started, broke and minus a wife.
Hello?
I'd like to speak to Mrs. Corbett, please.
This is Mr. Hotchkiss calling.
It's for Miss Joan again, sir.
He says it's Mr. Hotchkiss.
Tell him... No, I'll tell him myself.
It's time you learned Joan won't talk to you no matter what name you give.
I want the flowers sent there again.
But I can't keep on sending them there and getting them back,
sending them there and getting them back.
I'll address another envelope.
This is Mr. Simpson calling.
Hello. Hello?
Didn't read my column this morning, did you?
I never read your column, Damery.
Still, here's an item that might interest you.
Miss, is that Mrs. Corbett's room?
No, but you can ask the floor nurse at the end of the corridor.
Could I see him?
Certainly.
Cute, isn't he?
Miss, could you tell me where Mrs. Corbett's room is?
The third door to the left.
Third. Thank you.
I'm too happy to glare back, Prentice.
How is she?
Haven't you done enough to her?
You're not going to see her.
Yes, I am. I've a right to see her now. I'm the father of her child.
You're no father.
Your baby is dead.
You're lying.
It's no lie.
Your baby died... You're lying.
Two hours after it was born,
and whether Joan will live or...
If she doesn't,
you will have killed her.
Don't you suppose I know that?
I don't care whether you know it or not.
I only know that if she dies,
well, I'll kill you.
If she dies,
you won't have to.
You're not going in there.
Yes, I am. Joan needs me now.
You're not going in there.
She stuck to me when I needed her, and she needs me now.
You're not going in.
Get out of the way, Prentice.
I swear if you don't get out of the way, I'll knock you down.
Let me tell her you're here.
Feeling better, dear?
Dad, I want Jerry.
I must have Jerry. Please send for him.
She doesn't want to see you.
Dad, please send for Jerry.
I'm here, Joanie.
Jerry.
I love you so, Joanie.
I love you so much, so much.
Jerry!
My baby. My baby.