1 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:12,080 21st April 2013, a Danone Air flight takes off from Oslo Airport 2 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:15,360 with 250 holiday-makers bound for Athens. 3 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:18,640 Minutes after take-off, 4 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,720 air traffic control receives Mayday calls from the captain. 5 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,720 Both engines have failed and the autopilot refuses to engage. 6 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,040 This girl had to call her supervisor. 7 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,640 This is the last contact anyone ever has with the stricken aircraft. 8 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,560 The wreckage was found strewn across this farmer's field, 9 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,480 here in the Austrian region of Pferdekot. 10 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,480 Evidence still abounds everywhere. 11 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:40,280 This bolt... 12 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:40,280 SNIFFS 13 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,000 ..smells of aviation fuel. 14 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,720 It was clearly used to secure the wing. 15 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,200 I'll try and sell it later. 16 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,880 But what caused the crash? 17 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,320 In the following days, speculation mounted over what went wrong. 18 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:54,160 Some think the copilot, Grant Elliot, misread altitude data, 19 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,720 initiating a climb that caused catastrophic loss of thrust. 20 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,160 Others, that a fuel transfer valve malfunctioned, 21 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,080 leaving the plane with... 22 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:06,520 INCOHERENT OVERLAPPING NARRATION 23 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:11,960 Why was a woman flying a plane? 24 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,040 Whatever happened on that fateful day, 25 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:19,120 250 package holiday-makers never reached Athens. 26 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,320 In fact, this fatal accident never happened. 27 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,280 I made one up so I didn't get into trouble with a real airline. 28 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:28,800 There is no Danone Air. 29 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,280 That's the name of a yoghurt drink. 30 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,000 Grant Elliot is the name of my physio, 31 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,360 and even the Austrian region of Pferdekot 32 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,840 translates as horse shit. 33 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,480 This is actually Swaffham! 34 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,240 But it's the kind of all-too-plausible timeline 35 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,920 that can reveal a very real truth. 36 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,840 Just as an aircraft black box can learn us 37 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,800 the fatal flaws that made a plane crash, 38 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,320 perhaps it's time for me to look inside my own black box... 39 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,080 GRUNTS 40 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,360 Fucking... Ah! 41 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,480 This is just a painted cigarette case 42 00:01:56,480 --> 00:02:00,240 to reveal the flaws that made me malfunction. 43 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,560 Time, then to examine the black box that is my mind. 44 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,760 Welcome to... 45 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,640 How are you? 46 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:14,960 I'm Alan Partridge. 47 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,320 Six months ago, I passed out 48 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:20,280 in a woman's lap at a product launch for Bannroyd Pig and Cow Feed. 49 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,520 Like many experts, I suspected it was the result 50 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,160 of a mental health concern, 51 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,680 giving me sufficient grounds to embark on a journey 52 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,400 into my own mental state and the mind of the nation. 53 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,040 I've forgotten what dill looks like! 54 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,480 Along the way, I've helped dozens of people better 55 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,240 understand their mental health and turn their lives around. 56 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,760 I would love to live here, I really would. 57 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,120 But I'm yet to solve the conundrum in my own mind. 58 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,240 Recovered! 59 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,320 What's at the root of my mental malaise? 60 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:48,800 With time running out, will I ever find the answers I need? 61 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:55,880 Substation. 62 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,240 Substation. 63 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:04,440 In 2022, as part of BBC Four's history of electricity season, 64 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,440 I pitched a programme about electrical substations. 65 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,480 Substation. 66 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,600 And although it wasn't picked up for series, 67 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:14,280 I've never lost my fascination with these most mysterious of buildings. 68 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,560 Substation. 69 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,200 I find myself drawn to them, just as I am, 70 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,800 or at least have been in this series, to the human mind. 71 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,640 A British electricity substation - 72 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,560 familiar sights in these residential areas. 73 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:34,960 These humming hives of activity seem strangely unknowable, 74 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,280 rather like the human mind. 75 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:41,920 We know where they are, we can hear them whirring, 76 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,040 but can we ever truly know what goes on behind those walls, 77 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:48,080 or...or on that roof? 78 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,600 Well, when it comes to our mental health, I believe we can. 79 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,840 Because while we will never know what is contained 80 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,000 IN or ON a substation... 81 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,840 ..I intend to get answers about my own mind. 82 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,320 Will it be easy? No way. 83 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:05,400 Where I come from, 84 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,760 it's easy to lose yourself in the carousel of plush business lunches, 85 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,440 private racquets clubs, backslaps, big laughs, two-handed handshakes. 86 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,240 Here, mental health is as far down the agenda 87 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,760 as your cleaner's surname. 88 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:22,400 Mental health isn't what people like I do, and yet do it I am doing. 89 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:26,120 Were there traumas in my past that had led to my mental health issues? 90 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,320 It was time to find out. 91 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,080 And so, I set to work. 92 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,840 With the help of a mindfulness CD that came free with 93 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:36,120 the Daily Express, I began to take a look back at my life, 94 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:40,520 running through past experiences, scurrying down buried memory lane, 95 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,400 pounding the pavement of remembering road. 96 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,040 And there, amid memories of scout camp 97 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,880 and my dead mum's landline number, 98 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,280 lay an incident that doesn't bother me, 99 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:51,760 but has never truly been put to bed. 100 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,360 Stop it! 101 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,840 One that marked the end of a special relationship. 102 00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:00,520 From 2019 to 2021, I was lead co-host of the BBC's early 103 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:05,440 evening magazine show, This Time, a role in which I thrived. 104 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,840 And welcome to the show that covers the full spectrum of human life. 105 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:12,440 From aqua aerobics to abortion, from zebras to Zionism. 106 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,160 The show that promises to be all things... 107 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,960 ..to all men. And all women. 108 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,800 And everything in between. 109 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,160 But behind the scenes, 110 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,600 concerns were mounting over the BBC's editorial slant, 111 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,800 which combined Oxford clever-cloggery 112 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,520 with a constant dumbing down. 113 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,240 When you're around them such a long time, 114 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,680 it is hard not to get attached. 115 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,120 Aw! Aw! 116 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,400 I think I'm a bit in love. 117 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,880 Aw! Aw! Bless them. Aw! 118 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,720 Concerns that came to a head, my head, 119 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,640 one fateful summer's evening in 2021. 120 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,560 I am hopping mad and I want something in the middle! 121 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,000 I don't like Julian Fellowes, I just don't like him! 122 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,440 Is it snowing where you are? 123 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:48,720 Do you like fireworks? 124 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,040 What's your favourite soup? 125 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,200 Who gives a shit? 126 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,560 But let me be clear. 127 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,960 There was simply no excuse for expressing my views 128 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,520 in such a strident way on a live television broadcast. 129 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,920 OK, I received messages of support from the names you'll see 130 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,400 at the bottom of your screen, 131 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,040 and in an email, broadcaster Kevin McCloud said... 132 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,920 And even though that contains almost no English words, 133 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,920 it's cool to know he was onside. 134 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,360 But let me be clear, again, I lost the run of myself. 135 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:23,600 I went too far. 136 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,120 They won't let me back in the BBC. 137 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,400 The BBC can be criticised for many things, 138 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,600 from making newsreaders stand, 139 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,800 to going on and on about BBC Sounds, 140 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,400 to Nicholas Witchell, 141 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,280 but removing me from their employment isn't one of them. 142 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,160 I supported that decision. 143 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,520 And it's time I told them so, 144 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,800 which is why years after my departure, 145 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,440 they've agreed to meet me. 146 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,160 I'll be returning to BBC Broadcasting House, 147 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,680 and it feels right. 148 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,280 The hulking structure that is the BBC. 149 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:04,080 The old building, where Charles de Gaulle rallied the French resistance 150 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,360 to repel the Nazis 151 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:09,120 and, alongside Winston Churchill, helped win the Second World War, 152 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:12,880 and the new building, where they did a dance marathon for Sport Relief. 153 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,480 For decades, this magnet-shaped building has attracted 154 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,280 talented people, and people who went to university with 155 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:24,560 the talented people, and the children of the talented people. 156 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,040 And while some say the tons of glass and steel could've been used 157 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,080 to make a billion hospital thermometers, 158 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,120 or ten Princess Diana memorials, 159 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,600 there's one man who doesn't have an axe to grind. 160 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,960 His name... 161 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,680 Alan... You all right, mate? 162 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,240 Yeah, I'm just writing my name with my face. 163 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,360 Alan Partridge. 164 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,560 Look after yourself, yeah? 165 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,600 Verity Howard is the BBC head of people, and I'm hoping she'll 166 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,360 provide an insight into the way the corporation thinks. 167 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,000 The word verity means truth, 168 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,560 so here's hoping she lives up to her name. 169 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,920 Then again, the woman who used to work in compliance was called Joy, 170 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,800 and my God, talk about a bum steer. 171 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:07,440 Yeah, so hugely impressed with what you guys have been up to recently. 172 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,240 I've been watching your output since I left, 173 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,040 and I've got to say, some good shows. 174 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,360 Thank you, that's always nice to hear. 175 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,480 Yeah. Inside the Factory, Casualty, Vigil, 176 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,240 who would've thought murder on a submarine would work? 177 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:17,720 And yet, so very nearly did. 178 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:21,760 I thought Waterloo Road series 13 was a stonking return to form. 179 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:25,080 Doctor Who is on as well, with David Tennant, 180 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,880 who I actually think is good. 181 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,120 Thank you. David was actually about four Doctors ago. 182 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,160 Yeah, as I say, I don't really watch children's TV. 183 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,400 But it's great to be back. 184 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,800 Bet it brings back some memories. Oh, it does, yeah. 185 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,840 There was a rather dishevelled chap who used to sleep in his office. 186 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,680 I don't think he was a workaholic, 187 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,640 I think he just... His wife just didn't love him any more. 188 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:42,920 That's him. 189 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,120 You've got to be very careful about who you mention on television 190 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,880 these days, but he's called Alan Douglas, 191 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,200 and he lives in Kensal Rise, 192 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,640 and, as I say, his wife doesn't love him any more. 193 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,720 I just wanted to say upfront, I have no beef with the Beeb. 194 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,280 I'm not anti-auntie. 195 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,280 I'm simply here to open the windows, clear the air, and just say, 196 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,400 friends? 197 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,920 Well, I hope we are friends. 198 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,200 And if there's anything I can do to provide more clarity, 199 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,480 I am happy to do so. 200 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:08,960 Well, from where I'm sitting, 201 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,880 you were absolutely right to terminate my contract. 202 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,720 We declined to renew your contract. 203 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,760 I mean, if I were you, I wouldn't employ that guy. 204 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,320 I don't even recognise him, you know. 205 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,200 I mean, he had a moment of madness, you pulled the trigger, bang, dead. 206 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,600 He went down. 207 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,280 Well, if it's any comfort, it wasn't just one moment. 208 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,800 Generally, an isolated incident would be, 209 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,640 first and foremost, a welfare issue. 210 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,320 When Nick Knowles thumped Pudsey. 211 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,840 Whereas an ongoing situation invokes different protocols. 212 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,040 No need for an explanation. 213 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,240 Sometimes you have to make a decision on a whim, I get it. 214 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,000 But obviously we don't make these decisions on a whim. 215 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,720 It was very much made in the round 216 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,240 and in this case, based on audience research. 217 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,360 And it might not be in-depth research, 218 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,640 but it's still research, isn't it? 219 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:51,600 As you can see, this is an audience appreciation survey, 220 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,200 broken down into different segments of our audience, showing, 221 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,400 I'm sorry to say, very low appreciation amongst millennials... 222 00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,600 Good. 223 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,040 ..and diverse audiences. Who've never liked me. 224 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,640 So, I'd have to push back a little 225 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,360 and say it's actually quite detailed. 226 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,800 Mm, mm, you brought a copy with you, which is very thoughtful, 227 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,720 and it is, as you say, quite detailed, as opposed to, 228 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,960 I don't know, very detailed? That's interesting. 229 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,720 Where does it lack detail, would you say? 230 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,520 I'm not seeing any scores among the, 231 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,360 and it's a demographic I score quite highly with, 232 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:23,040 white dads over 40, what I like to call the WD40s. 233 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,840 Our research also shows that viewers are less likely to tune in, 234 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,880 and far less likely to stay with the channel when you're on, 235 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,640 so we've got to take that into account. 236 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:32,920 Thanks for printing that. 237 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,240 I've got a few data points of my own I'd like to share, 238 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,280 and these are the audience attendance figures 239 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:41,160 for the North Norfolk Digital Summer Road Show, and as you can see, 240 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:45,040 sharp rise in audience attendance over the fortnight where I hosted. 241 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,640 Ignore this day where there's a dip. A cow escaped. 242 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,600 He was captured quite soon, but a boy was trampled. 243 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,600 We also sourced testimonials from our internal stakeholders, 244 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,240 and a similar picture emerges. 245 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,080 Right, interesting list of personnel. 246 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,560 I'd start by saying he's an alcoholic, 247 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,400 so you can scratch his name off. Oh, well, let's not get into... 248 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,920 Alcoholic, alcoholic, toilet cocaine, 249 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:06,600 chin tuck and lovechild, um... 250 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,160 Interesting name for a detective series, isn't it? 251 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:13,000 Chin Tuck and Lovechild, starring... Felicity Kendal, Trevor Eve, 252 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,840 Sanjeev Bhaskar... I don't know, you figure it out. 253 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,320 Stick it out on Sunday night for idiots to watch. 254 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,360 Sorry. 255 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,600 These are highly experienced commissioners and programming... 256 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,120 Yeah, I also have a list of testimonials from producers 257 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,480 I've worked with, none of whom have lovechildren or substance issues. 258 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,480 This one guy did have a chin tuck that went wrong. 259 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,920 Here's a picture of him, and bigger. 260 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,880 Er, I'm sorry, who's Pete Gabbitas? 261 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,080 Oh, Pete Gabbitas. Oh, where to start? 262 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:44,720 Um, Pete used to run Blue Barn Media, in Norfolk. 263 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,120 Yeah, he's the genius behind Foot & Mouth: Fire in the Farmyard, 264 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,520 which won a NAFTA. 265 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,680 And of course, who can forget Welcome to Rymans? 266 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,800 I'll send you his showreel. It's on VHS. 267 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,520 Yes, that's fine. Well, thank you for bringing all that in. 268 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,160 And thank you for thanking me. And thank you. Thank you. 269 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,520 And don't make a series called Chin Fuck & Lovechild 270 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,680 without my permission. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. 271 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,160 I thought long and hard about whether to say this 272 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,680 in a documentary, but say it I will. 273 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,560 I did not like that woman, 274 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,360 and was proud to have come out of the exchange on top, even though 275 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:18,680 she recognised my laptop as BBC property and I had to give it back. 276 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,800 Driving home, I felt at peace, using the steering wheel as a drum, 277 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:28,880 when safe to do so, and chatting pleasantly with a member of staff. 278 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,360 One word, Lynn - catharsis. 279 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,880 Know what it means? 280 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:36,320 It's a feeling of being cleansed after an emotional release. 281 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,640 Nice try, not too wide of the mark. 282 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,560 It's feeling chipper, after putting someone in their place 283 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,880 and moving on. 284 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,920 Oh, I suppose they already feel chipper, cos they moved on ages ago. 285 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,520 No, not them, Lynn. 286 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,640 Me. I feel, I feel chipper. 287 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,840 Why would they feel, why would the BBC feel chipper? 288 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,960 Well, because they've managed to bring in new people 289 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,200 so things don't go stale. 290 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:07,880 Lynn, I know bread goes stale, and I'm pretty sure croissants go 291 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:12,680 stale, but I've never heard of a seasoned broadcaster going stale. 292 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,160 But, um... 293 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,160 ..maybe you're right, you know. 294 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,040 Maybe employees do go stale. 295 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,480 Maybe I should put my own staff under review. 296 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,080 See who else is out there. 297 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,280 Fine by me. 298 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,600 OK, dig out your CV, we'll get you re-interviewed. 299 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,920 How about Friday? 9am? Perfect. 300 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,640 Great. 301 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,520 Cathartic it may have been, 302 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,520 but looking back at this footage, I realised I'd over-criticised 303 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:40,640 a woman who deserved less criticism, and I couldn't back down. 304 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,800 The peace I'd been seeking continued to elude me. 305 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:54,720 Aah! 306 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:58,400 It says here that in 1990, 307 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:02,880 you worked for Lunn Poly as a travel agent. 308 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,360 Sorry, travel assistant. 309 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:05,800 I mean, you know all this. 310 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,440 So, it's all great. 311 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,120 A few questions. 312 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:14,000 Can you tell me the exchange rate from the dollar to the pound, 313 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,360 please? Oh, I don't know. 314 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,080 I'd have to call in to the bureau de change. 315 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,120 Will I need a coat when I'm opening the garden centre tomorrow? 316 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,160 You'd have to see how it feels. 317 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:30,800 Can you tell me what day the 26th January fell on last year? 318 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,600 Oh... 319 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,560 Yeah, it doesn't matter. 320 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:38,240 I have to tell you, the other two candidates fared very well on this. 321 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,360 Other two candidates? 322 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,000 I've got their names here. 323 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,560 Um... 324 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,600 Yes, er... 325 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:48,000 ..earlier I interviewed Alexa and Siri. 326 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,720 Well, they're not really personal assistants. 327 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,560 Siri, can you cancel my meeting with John Bezel, please? 328 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,720 PHONE BEEPS SIRI: Meeting cancelled. Send it? 329 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,320 Yes. 330 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,000 Alexa, can you add talcum powder to my shopping list, please? 331 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,520 ALEXA: Talcum powder added to your shopping list. 332 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:03,560 Thanks, love. 333 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,160 You see my problem, don't you? Mm. 334 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,880 She does everything you do, and attitude-wise, well... 335 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,280 Do they fold your underwear? 336 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,640 Well, no, she doesn't have... Do they loosen your shoelaces 337 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,200 so they slip on when you next wear them? 338 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,320 Again, she can't... 339 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,440 Do they lie to Jeremy Vine and say you're not in when you are? 340 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,800 Do they send birthday cards to your grandchildren? 341 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,480 Do they Febreze your car seat? 342 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,240 Do they inspect the lawn after it's mown 343 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,320 and tell the gardener YOU want it shorter? 344 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,480 Do they look up your nose to see if your nasal hairs have grown thick? 345 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,320 Do they phone ahead to tell restaurants you don't 346 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,640 like chatty waiters? 347 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,480 Do they pretend not to hear you tut and sigh and mutter and whine? 348 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,600 SIREN BLARES IN DISTANCE I wasn't aware you did those things. 349 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,960 Is that a police car coming here? 350 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,600 That's an ambulance! 351 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,360 It's going next door. 352 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,760 Katrina! What's wrong? 353 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:55,280 It's Daryl. Oh, thank God! 354 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,880 I think it's a heart attack. 355 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,040 How? Were you having sex with one another? 356 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,960 Was it from having sex with one another? 357 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,480 Daryl Leonard Flench was a visionary. 358 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,200 Starting out with just one tanning salon, Brown Dreams, 359 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,760 he would go on to become the largest operator of tanning salons 360 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:19,680 in the whole of Norfolk, and look what it's become. 361 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,080 You see a brown person in Norfolk today, 362 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:29,000 who wasn't originally brown, and you know exactly who made them be brown. 363 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,240 These guys, Flench & Son Tanning Centres. 364 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,560 Norfolk's premium tanning centres. 365 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,560 The CEO, this fella, Daryl Flench. 366 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:43,240 I don't think I've seen him in such a light shade of brown. 367 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,760 And of course, he used to wear a lot of gold. 368 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,040 This is plastic, of course. 369 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,680 But, in fact, long after Daryl and the, er, 370 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,320 wooden coffin have decomposed... 371 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,840 ..the gold plastic handles... 372 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,080 ..will last for a thousand years. 373 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,960 But what of the real Daryl? 374 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,960 To me, Daryl was a humble young man from Diss, 375 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,840 whose warmth I know we'll all miss. 376 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:15,120 A life of great wealth and largely good health, 377 00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:19,640 such a shame that it ended like it unfortunately has done. 378 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:23,720 Sorry, I almost slipped into a limerick there, purely accidental. 379 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,400 It's actually one of the few forms of poetry that, er, Daryl enjoyed. 380 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,880 Um, Daryl had such a passion for life. 381 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:36,000 He loved beef, red wine, Ted Baker suits and Tinder. 382 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,840 Sure, he had his vices. 383 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,760 It's often said he made his money in the UV light district, 384 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,680 and spent it in the red one. 385 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,640 But I know he was trying to cut down. 386 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,080 Was he perfect? Maybe not. 387 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,040 I should know. He stole my girlfriend. 388 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,960 CHUCKLING 389 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,600 But, er, I don't mind, because he's dead now. 390 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,440 Katrina, worry not for Daryl. 391 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,240 I'd put money on the fact that he's probably up there right now, 392 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,800 cavorting with a lovely brown, topless angel. 393 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:11,920 And if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, Katrina... 394 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,880 ..just to let you know, 395 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,840 I've got two of them, and they're both waterproof. 396 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:24,680 He's survived by his ex-wife, and his four, possibly 12, children. 397 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:25,880 Thank you. 398 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,960 VICAR: ..our brother Daryl, and we commit his body to the... 399 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,000 Ironic that he wanted to be buried, 400 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,360 given that he spent his whole life slowly cremating himself. 401 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,760 LYNN CHUCKLES 402 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:45,800 Sh! 403 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,280 Humans respond to grief in a myriad of different ways. 404 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,480 The way we bereave is as individual as dental records. 405 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:57,320 For every friend who erects a memorial rockery to a dead wife, 406 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:01,440 another will lose thousands betting on cock fights in a Norfolk barn. 407 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,800 Other reactions include sulking, hoarding and buying a motorbike. 408 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,280 So, I refuse to judge anyone whose reaction 409 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,200 doesn't conform to the norm. 410 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,080 But you're grieving. Shut the fuck up. 411 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,360 Sorry for your loss. 412 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:15,720 So sorry for your loss. 413 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,280 I'm sorry for your loss. 414 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:21,440 The end, then, to a very sad day, a day of quiet reflection. 415 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:22,720 My deepest condolences. 416 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,400 I just hope now that Katrina will be given the space that she needs 417 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,120 to mourn her loss, to reach a form of acceptance, 418 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,160 and to move on in a hopeful way. 419 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,520 It's funny, Daryl's death 420 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,960 and burial in the ground kind of puts things in perspective. 421 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,280 Somehow, finding the precise cause of my mental woe doesn't feel 422 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,200 that important any more. 423 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:44,720 It's called acceptance, 424 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,000 and far from being a modern rebranding of the words 425 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,840 "giving up", it's actually the final step 426 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,600 on the road to mental wellbeing. 427 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,160 As my fat nanny used to say, as she'd sit in her armchair, 428 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:58,040 knitting mittens, "Stop crying like a softie, pull your finger out, 429 00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,200 "and get on with it!" 430 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,120 Or, as the zen Chinese proverb puts it, 431 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,600 "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. 432 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,000 "After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." 433 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,520 I really like the Chinese. 434 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:12,320 If you asked me to name my top five Chinese things, 435 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,600 I would say t'ai chi, lifting almost a billion people out 436 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:19,480 of poverty over the last 40 years, kung fu, prawn toast and wisdom. 437 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,680 They had this sussed a long time ago. 438 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,840 They were talking about mental wellbeing, 439 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:27,200 while people in Britain were still making houses out of shit. 440 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,600 Acceptance has changed me. 441 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:34,240 No longer so easily spun out by a dizzying array of anxieties, 442 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,680 my ship has steadied. 443 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,280 I feel as grounded and stable as a very squat man. 444 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,880 Oh, my God. 445 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,760 So, Philip, what you're saying is, when it comes to these girls, 446 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,280 it's very much a case of, you know, put good stuff in, 447 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:49,880 you get good stuff out. Exactly. 448 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:54,320 It's all about ensuring the best possible quality, from pig to plate. 449 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:58,480 Always use nutritious feed, because, in a sense, what they eat, we eat. 450 00:20:58,480 --> 00:20:59,640 Yeah, yeah. 451 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,360 Although wouldn't want to eat pellets. 452 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,880 Um, now, that fat pig, 453 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,920 she's going to keep a country pub in scratchings for, what, a decade? 454 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,040 Oh, easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 455 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,360 Sometimes you get a pork scratching with a hair in. 456 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:13,720 Doesn't bother me. 457 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,960 I've spent weeks asking, "How are you?" But how am I? 458 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,680 Well, in a sense, I've come home, because nine months after 459 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,000 collapsing on the groin of its chief executive, I'm pleased to say 460 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,800 I'm Manning the mic once again for Bannroyd Animal Feed. 461 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,160 Have I gone nowhere, or come full circle? It's the second one. 462 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:36,760 Now, this bacon, bacon A, is from a stock bred on low-quality feed, 463 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,560 without the added protein. 464 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,520 OK. Er... 465 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:46,000 ..and it's all right to eat bacon in front of a pig, I mean, ethically? 466 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,160 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 467 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,680 CHILDISH VOICE: Please don't eat my mother. 468 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:54,640 Now, bacon B is from a pig reared on Bannroyd feed. 469 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:59,000 Straight away, you'll notice it's got much, much more flavour, 470 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,720 and it's got that lovely colour on the back there. 471 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,320 So, why don't you try it? 472 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,160 I can't do it, Philip. 473 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,440 This pink one keeps looking at me out of the corner of her eye. 474 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,800 No-one should have to hear someone say, 475 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,840 "I don't like the taste of your mum." 476 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,600 You know, that's a private matter. 477 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,960 I mean, if it helps, I mean, they'd eat this. 478 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,600 Only cos they don't know what it is. 479 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,320 I'm saying, you can make pork scratchings out of my mother... 480 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:25,520 Which is why... 481 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,360 ..and I'd probably eat them, but if you told me what it was, 482 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,920 I'd say, "Get that stuff away from me! I loved her!" 483 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,880 Which is why Bannroyd feed is so good for the pigs, 484 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,040 because it's got... 485 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,680 Bannroyd, yeah, I know. It's about Bannroyd, it's about Bannroyd. 486 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,040 Yeah, well, Bannroyd Animal Feed is fine. 487 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,440 Some people mischievously regard corporate 488 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:46,200 presenting as the elephant's graveyard for old white men. 489 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,600 I see it for what it really is - a great way to boost income 490 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:53,160 and foster a mutually beneficial brand association. 491 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:57,280 For me, that has to be Bannroyd Animal Feed, 492 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:01,880 trotters down the best in class, and a great way to bring home the bacon. 493 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:05,400 OINKS 494 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,840 Couldn't oink for a second. 495 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,720 What a polo goal! What a polo goal. 496 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,200 Yes, I'm pleased to say I've never been happier with a life, 497 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,920 a home, and a woman I genuinely love. 498 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,680 Well done, Zack, Xander, and Zav! Abzolutely Zuperb. 499 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,080 A year ago, I'd have said polo was a tedious gaggle of Britain's most 500 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:32,160 hateful and chinless people, but Katrina likes it, and now I do too. 501 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,760 Awesome chucker, awesome chucker. 502 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,640 With players hailing from the home counties, Argentina, 503 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,000 and increasingly the Gulf states, the horse and hammer-based sport 504 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,880 is a great opportunity to meet a real variety of people of wealth... 505 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,120 ..And I'm still trying to get sponsored to get my invite to 506 00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:50,120 St Barts, but that man, he is all mouth and no trousers. 507 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:51,920 ALL CHUCKLE 508 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:54,040 Love to go to St Barts. 509 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,440 Alan thinks it's a hospital. 510 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,920 That's true, I'm unbelievable! 511 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,200 Indeed, a few quiet moments listening to my old radio station 512 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,800 merely reminds me how much happier I am. 513 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,680 RADIO: You're listening to Carl Branning. And Simon Denton. 514 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:10,640 Brenning and Denton, B-A-D, bringing you B-A-D radio. 515 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:14,240 You can say that again. This is North Norfolk Digital. 516 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,720 So, a content man with a content mind, 517 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,040 at the end of a journey that might not have provided all 518 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,440 the answers to our mental health crisis... 519 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:23,680 I never asked you out. No. 520 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,040 ..but it has somehow come together... 521 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,360 Jesus! 522 00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:28,880 ..to create a series that's both informative and accessible... 523 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,080 Cobbles. 524 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,560 ..that would work for either terrestrial channels or streamers... 525 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,440 I was told you threw a brick at a swan? 526 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,600 ..with a style that feels genuinely fresh 527 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,240 and easily returnable across multiple series. 528 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,600 Shit! 529 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:44,120 And here in my hometown, freed from the chains of past trauma, 530 00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:47,920 I'm able to once again enjoy the simple pleasure that is Norwich. 531 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,600 Today, my mental wellbeing comes from walking... 532 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:51,680 Afternoon. 533 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,040 ..talking, and that word again, acceptance. 534 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,760 Because sometimes, enlightenment comes when you stop looking for it. 535 00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,360 There's a ladder there. 536 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:00,400 Oh, my God. 537 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,920 Sometimes you don't need therapy or a journey of self-discovery. 538 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,360 You just need to get onto a roof full of lost footballs 539 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:34,600 and hoof them off. 540 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,280 MUSIC: Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros 541 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:40,000 To me, every football freed felt like a problem forgotten. 542 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:44,560 Professional jealousy, distant grandkids, gums receding, 543 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:50,040 miss my dog, bullied in bed, ISA underperforming, horrible mum. 544 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,480 Each one of these bad boys was tossed off, and it felt good. 545 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,800 MUSIC CRESCENDOS 546 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,800 MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY 547 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,480 You're not allowed up there, mate. 548 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,120 I'm coming down. 549 00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:26,480 MUSIC RESUMES