1 00:00:01,996 --> 00:00:04,117 Why do you want to take *? 2 00:00:04,203 --> 00:00:06,832 Well, I agreed to perform in a musical requiem. 3 00:00:06,934 --> 00:00:11,005 I hope you don't think I'm a slut. Josephine was sleeping with you immediately? 4 00:00:11,092 --> 00:00:12,905 I just want to know if I can keep this up. 5 00:00:12,993 --> 00:00:15,184 Listen, I don't want us to stop. 6 00:00:15,646 --> 00:00:17,059 That's okay, baby. 7 00:00:17,153 --> 00:00:19,681 I'm not very available emotionally. 8 00:00:19,768 --> 00:00:22,339 And I have a long track record of being let down. 9 00:00:22,415 --> 00:00:24,931 If anyone knows anything about the Hudson sperm bank 10 00:00:25,023 --> 00:00:27,292 that went up in flames in Fairmont, New Jersey, 11 00:00:27,371 --> 00:00:29,645 in 1981, please, help me. 12 00:00:30,684 --> 00:00:34,508 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 13 00:00:39,945 --> 00:00:43,959 ♪ All the shadows in the city ♪ 14 00:00:43,993 --> 00:00:48,175 ♪ used to love you, what a pity ♪ 15 00:00:48,209 --> 00:00:51,722 ♪ I miss the questions you used to ask me ♪ 16 00:00:51,758 --> 00:00:55,837 ♪ bored to death, cut, mad and lonely ♪ 17 00:00:55,871 --> 00:00:59,679 ♪ bored to death, cut, mad and lonely... ♪ 18 00:00:59,713 --> 00:01:01,856 ♪ Bored to death ♪ 19 00:01:01,890 --> 00:01:04,462 ♪ cut, mad and lonely. ♪ 20 00:01:24,049 --> 00:01:27,122 ♪ AM... ♪ 21 00:01:27,156 --> 00:01:29,562 ♪ AM/FM shout! ♪ 22 00:01:34,507 --> 00:01:37,245 ♪ AM/FM ♪ 23 00:01:37,279 --> 00:01:40,052 ♪ the only friends he's got left... ♪ 24 00:02:04,568 --> 00:02:06,404 Is that your car? 25 00:02:06,438 --> 00:02:09,076 I don't like German cars. I'm a survivor. 26 00:02:09,143 --> 00:02:11,146 It's a friend's car. You're a holocaust survivor? 27 00:02:11,180 --> 00:02:13,651 No, in general I'm a survivor. 28 00:02:13,685 --> 00:02:15,888 - I haven't had it easy. - Right. 29 00:02:15,923 --> 00:02:19,060 Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? I'm a private detective. 30 00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:22,901 Do you remember the sperm bank next door that went up in flames in 1981? 31 00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:25,037 That storefront semen dealership? 32 00:02:25,072 --> 00:02:26,607 How could I forget it? 33 00:02:26,641 --> 00:02:28,877 My furs were smoky for months. 34 00:02:28,912 --> 00:02:30,747 Do you know what became of the manager after the fire? 35 00:02:30,782 --> 00:02:33,452 He disappeared. Had a gambling problem. 36 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,789 And terrible breath. 37 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,459 I always kept my distance. 38 00:02:37,493 --> 00:02:39,696 Hmm. Next question. 39 00:02:39,730 --> 00:02:42,701 Do you recall a man who may have looked just like me 40 00:02:42,735 --> 00:02:44,904 who made a deposit at the bank, and if so, do you know his name? 41 00:02:44,938 --> 00:02:46,673 What, are you nuts? 42 00:02:50,981 --> 00:02:53,985 - Patti? - My sweet first love. 43 00:02:55,489 --> 00:02:57,056 Why are you wearing a mink stole? 44 00:02:57,091 --> 00:02:59,927 It's for my mother. Ts furrier I met gave me a big discount. 45 00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:02,465 - But what are you doing here? - We need your help. 46 00:03:02,499 --> 00:03:05,102 Daddy, this is Jonathan. 47 00:03:05,136 --> 00:03:07,439 He's the private detective I think you should hire. 48 00:03:07,474 --> 00:03:09,476 Henry Stevenson. 49 00:03:09,510 --> 00:03:12,780 - Strong grip. - Thank you, I've been working on it. 50 00:03:12,815 --> 00:03:15,017 I'm really glad you guys are finally meeting. 51 00:03:15,051 --> 00:03:17,821 I took Jonathan's virginity at Princeton and he took mine. 52 00:03:17,856 --> 00:03:20,626 Yes, dear, I remember vividly 53 00:03:20,660 --> 00:03:22,662 the letter you wrote about it. 54 00:03:22,696 --> 00:03:26,300 But it's good to put a face to that story. 55 00:03:27,336 --> 00:03:28,971 Nice mink. 56 00:03:29,006 --> 00:03:30,240 Thank you. 57 00:03:30,274 --> 00:03:32,610 It makes me feel very "Doctor Zhivago." 58 00:03:32,644 --> 00:03:35,614 How does the back feel, kiddo? 59 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,786 Not good. I was thinking about going to a chiropractor. 60 00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:40,688 Been saving up my money for it. 61 00:03:40,723 --> 00:03:43,292 Don't bother. Those guys are quacks. 62 00:03:43,326 --> 00:03:45,896 Let me try a little acupressure there. 63 00:03:47,733 --> 00:03:49,367 Okay okay, ow ow ow. 64 00:03:49,401 --> 00:03:50,903 Okay, good good. Ow ow. 65 00:03:50,937 --> 00:03:53,773 - Did that help? - Yeah, a little. 66 00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:57,778 Can we play "looking for the sunken treasure again"? 67 00:03:57,813 --> 00:03:59,746 Oh, you're naughty. 68 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:02,882 All right-- The divers were looking 69 00:04:02,916 --> 00:04:07,485 for the treasure of the Spanish galleon. 70 00:04:07,519 --> 00:04:11,455 Then one diver cried out, 71 00:04:11,489 --> 00:04:14,757 "I found two large pearls 72 00:04:14,791 --> 00:04:17,025 and a bar of gold." 73 00:04:17,059 --> 00:04:18,759 - - Ray, I'm coming in. - Oh God! Jeez! 74 00:04:18,793 --> 00:04:20,626 What the hell is going on? 75 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,728 I can explain. I was taking a bath, the window was open-- 76 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,930 We committed adultery! 77 00:04:25,964 --> 00:04:28,765 I used to be a good woman but I weakened. 78 00:04:28,799 --> 00:04:30,967 Forgive me! 79 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,769 Hail Mary, full of grace... 80 00:04:33,804 --> 00:04:36,507 Ray, who is this woman 81 00:04:36,541 --> 00:04:40,044 and why did she say anything about adultery? 82 00:04:40,078 --> 00:04:42,245 Did you know that Picasso lived with two women? 83 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,848 Have you ever considered the possibility of maybe having 84 00:04:44,883 --> 00:04:47,216 a more unconventional relationship? 85 00:05:03,763 --> 00:05:06,164 To unexpected 10-year reunions. 86 00:05:06,199 --> 00:05:08,833 - Patti, you look great. - So do you. 87 00:05:08,868 --> 00:05:11,469 Your mole is bigger and cuter. 88 00:05:11,503 --> 00:05:14,638 - That's enough, Patti. You're getting married. - To Josh? 89 00:05:14,672 --> 00:05:18,241 - Oh no, I haven't seen Josh in years. - Who's Josh? 90 00:05:18,275 --> 00:05:20,176 Oh, he's the boy I left Jonathan for sophomore year. 91 00:05:20,210 --> 00:05:23,078 The one who shot the pornographic videos of you? 92 00:05:23,113 --> 00:05:26,114 Yes. Anyway, Jonathan, we're looking for someone 93 00:05:26,148 --> 00:05:28,282 to guard my wedding necklace tonight and I thought of you. 94 00:05:28,317 --> 00:05:31,385 It's an old Philadelphia family heirloom. 95 00:05:31,419 --> 00:05:33,720 It's worth $125,000. 96 00:05:33,755 --> 00:05:35,955 Well, jewel guarding shouldn't be a problem. 97 00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:38,391 I never lose my sunglasses. 98 00:05:39,926 --> 00:05:41,627 And most people do. 99 00:05:41,661 --> 00:05:44,296 Well... 100 00:05:44,331 --> 00:05:47,032 Patti tells me you were on the Cavett show, 101 00:05:47,066 --> 00:05:48,767 so you must be good. 102 00:05:48,801 --> 00:05:50,968 Come to the Sword & Shield club tonight 103 00:05:51,003 --> 00:05:54,205 during the rehearsal dinner and we'll set you up there. 104 00:05:54,239 --> 00:05:56,907 Thank you for doing this. 105 00:05:56,941 --> 00:05:59,676 I haven't forgotten our pact. 106 00:06:05,548 --> 00:06:07,749 Oh, George. 107 00:06:07,783 --> 00:06:09,951 Come back. Don't be upset. 108 00:06:09,985 --> 00:06:12,753 I still think you're a wonderful lover. 109 00:06:12,787 --> 00:06:15,923 - You do? - Of course. 110 00:06:15,957 --> 00:06:17,590 Oh. 111 00:06:17,625 --> 00:06:20,793 Well, that's a relief. 112 00:06:20,828 --> 00:06:23,062 I don't care if you can't get an erection. 113 00:06:23,096 --> 00:06:24,763 No no. 114 00:06:24,798 --> 00:06:26,531 Don't say that. No. 115 00:06:26,566 --> 00:06:29,934 I couldn't perform because I have mental issues. 116 00:06:29,969 --> 00:06:33,170 Oh, Georgie, I'm sorry. Tell me all about it. 117 00:06:33,205 --> 00:06:35,339 Well, to be frank, 118 00:06:35,373 --> 00:06:38,675 I'm worried about you getting attached. 119 00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:41,444 And that worry finds its way down below, 120 00:06:41,479 --> 00:06:44,614 - if you know what I mean. - But I am already attached. 121 00:06:44,648 --> 00:06:48,284 When I sleep with someone five times, we're an item. 122 00:06:48,318 --> 00:06:51,586 Yeah, but see, it was only four times since I fell short today. 123 00:06:51,621 --> 00:06:53,255 Well, today counts. 124 00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:56,024 I told you that I'm not available. 125 00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:01,629 I don't believe you. 126 00:07:06,701 --> 00:07:08,568 Oh! 127 00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:11,037 Oh, I think I'm rallying. 128 00:07:11,071 --> 00:07:13,639 You are definitely rallying. 129 00:07:15,665 --> 00:07:20,845 Oh, shit! Hold that thought. 130 00:07:26,851 --> 00:07:30,386 Leah broke up with me. 131 00:07:30,421 --> 00:07:32,789 She caught Belinda giving me a bubble bath.. 132 00:07:32,823 --> 00:07:36,558 Oh, so sorry, my dear boy. 133 00:07:38,328 --> 00:07:39,995 George, who are we hugging? 134 00:07:40,029 --> 00:07:42,563 This is my friend Ray. 135 00:07:42,598 --> 00:07:45,399 George, is your hip bone protruding? 136 00:07:45,433 --> 00:07:47,634 Shh. 137 00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:53,606 I had the restaurant send up roast beef sandwiches. 138 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:57,576 It's always good in a crisis to numb one's feelings with food. 139 00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:00,111 I can't eat. I'm inconsolable. 140 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,047 Oh, sorry, little buddy. 141 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,982 Would it console you to hear my problems? 142 00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:08,285 Schadenfreude is supposed to be very healthy for you. 143 00:08:08,319 --> 00:08:11,621 It makes us feel like we're gonna survive as others fail. 144 00:08:11,655 --> 00:08:13,923 Not in the mood for "shocken-frau." 145 00:08:13,957 --> 00:08:15,958 I just hurt two beautiful women. 146 00:08:15,992 --> 00:08:18,026 Would it make you feel better to come with me on my case? 147 00:08:18,061 --> 00:08:21,096 I have to guard the wedding necklace of my sex-crazed college girlfriend. 148 00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:24,031 - Can we smoke and drink? - Um... 149 00:08:24,066 --> 00:08:26,834 I want to come. Can we wear outfits? 150 00:08:46,384 --> 00:08:48,952 - Jonathan. - Patti, these are my friends George and Ray. 151 00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:50,920 They're helping me guard your jewels tonight. 152 00:08:50,954 --> 00:08:54,123 Fun. A threesome. I always loved your friends in college. 153 00:08:54,157 --> 00:08:56,124 Jonathan had friends in college? 154 00:08:56,159 --> 00:08:59,294 Ahem. So your father's inside? Should we go in? 155 00:08:59,328 --> 00:09:01,029 Do you mind if I have a moment alone with Jonathan? 156 00:09:01,064 --> 00:09:03,064 - Oh course not. We'll be right inside. - Yeah. 157 00:09:03,099 --> 00:09:05,900 She does seem sex-crazed. 158 00:09:05,934 --> 00:09:08,769 Yes yes, very appealing. 159 00:09:08,803 --> 00:09:10,170 You don't remember our pact, do you? 160 00:09:10,204 --> 00:09:12,772 I-- I don't remember. 161 00:09:12,806 --> 00:09:15,774 We swore that wherever our separate lives took us, 162 00:09:15,809 --> 00:09:18,410 before we got married, you and I would meet again 163 00:09:18,444 --> 00:09:20,145 one last time and make love. 164 00:09:20,179 --> 00:09:23,514 - What? We really said that? - Yes, it was very romantic. 165 00:09:23,548 --> 00:09:25,649 I can't believe you don't remember. 166 00:09:25,683 --> 00:09:28,118 - Well... - You still smoke a lot of pot? 167 00:09:28,152 --> 00:09:30,053 Every day, but not a lot. 168 00:09:30,087 --> 00:09:32,622 Anyway, I'm getting married tomorrow, so... 169 00:09:35,025 --> 00:09:38,225 I have OCD. When I make any kind of pact I have to follow through! 170 00:09:38,427 --> 00:09:40,962 - What about your fiance? - We're staying at separated hotels. 171 00:09:40,996 --> 00:09:42,763 And it's bad luck to see each other the night before the wedding. 172 00:09:42,798 --> 00:09:45,633 Don't you think it's even worse luck to sleep with an ex-boyfriend? 173 00:09:45,667 --> 00:09:47,367 Just meet me in the library at midnight. 174 00:09:47,402 --> 00:09:49,736 We'll discuss it more then. I have to get back in. 175 00:09:50,905 --> 00:09:52,338 Patti! 176 00:09:55,609 --> 00:09:57,343 It's funny, my daughter is also engaged, 177 00:09:57,377 --> 00:09:59,512 but it's a very very dark affair. 178 00:09:59,546 --> 00:10:01,781 - Right. - Mr. Stevenson, I'm sorry. 179 00:10:01,815 --> 00:10:04,517 I was outside with Patti familiarizing myself 180 00:10:04,551 --> 00:10:06,319 with the perimeter. 181 00:10:06,353 --> 00:10:09,989 I am going to go and mingle and drink a lot. 182 00:10:13,692 --> 00:10:17,395 Well, your friends were kind enough to introduce themselves to me, 183 00:10:17,430 --> 00:10:21,031 but I thought you'd be alone. 184 00:10:21,065 --> 00:10:24,200 Oh well, we often work cases together. 185 00:10:24,234 --> 00:10:26,735 And why is it you're all dressed as longshoremen? 186 00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:28,536 No no no, these are guard outfits. 187 00:10:28,571 --> 00:10:30,537 We just picked them up at J. Crew. 188 00:10:30,572 --> 00:10:32,439 My design actually. If you'd let that out-- 189 00:10:32,473 --> 00:10:34,073 - Do not do that, please. - All right. 190 00:10:34,108 --> 00:10:35,908 - George likes to play dress-up. - Well... 191 00:10:35,942 --> 00:10:38,710 But only in men's clothing, which is positive. 192 00:10:38,744 --> 00:10:41,279 The jewels are in that case, Mr. Stevenson? 193 00:10:41,313 --> 00:10:43,280 Yes. 194 00:10:45,717 --> 00:10:47,284 Ooh. 195 00:10:47,318 --> 00:10:50,954 We've set up a room for you upstairs. 196 00:10:50,988 --> 00:10:53,755 We'll be back in the morning for the ceremony. 197 00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:57,359 But may I have a word with you in private? 198 00:10:57,394 --> 00:11:00,596 Your associates are odd. 199 00:11:03,132 --> 00:11:05,033 Are you sure you're up for this? 200 00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:07,535 I know they don't make the best first impression, 201 00:11:07,569 --> 00:11:09,703 but everything will be fine. 202 00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:12,638 We brought walkie-talkies. We're total professionals. 203 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:15,140 Copy that. 204 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:18,610 I mean she's beautiful, but I don't think I can do it. 205 00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:20,845 I don't want to wreck her marriage before she's married. 206 00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:22,813 She must be having cold feet. 207 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,648 She claims it's OCD. 208 00:11:24,682 --> 00:11:26,316 I don't know why she wants me again. 209 00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:29,485 Just about every time we had sex I had a premature ejaculation. 210 00:11:29,519 --> 00:11:32,021 - You ever try a rubber band? That's what I do. - No. 211 00:11:32,055 --> 00:11:35,490 Did you attend to her orally to compensate? 212 00:11:35,525 --> 00:11:38,126 - Hello. - No, I didn't know you could do that back then. 213 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,894 I was only a freshman. 214 00:11:39,962 --> 00:11:41,595 War! 215 00:11:41,630 --> 00:11:43,497 Well, maybe she's doing this 216 00:11:43,531 --> 00:11:46,233 because she regrets losing you all these years. 217 00:11:46,267 --> 00:11:48,702 Why did it end with you two? 218 00:11:48,736 --> 00:11:50,603 She said I was self-absorbed and emotionally unavailable. 219 00:11:50,638 --> 00:11:51,938 It's what every girl has ever told me. 220 00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:54,907 That's what Leah would say. God, I miss her. 221 00:11:54,942 --> 00:11:58,844 I promised Josephine emotional inadequacy right from the start. 222 00:11:58,878 --> 00:12:01,546 It's a low bar, but it's one that I'm comfortable with. 223 00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:04,015 Why aren't we emotionally available? 224 00:12:04,049 --> 00:12:06,417 We are, just not to women. 225 00:12:06,451 --> 00:12:08,752 That's true. 226 00:12:08,786 --> 00:12:12,455 Well, better go meet her and try and talk my way out of it. 227 00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:14,157 - We're not done playing war. - Come on, Ray. 228 00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,458 You know that war never ends. 229 00:12:15,492 --> 00:12:17,593 But I'm ahead. I have all the kings. 230 00:12:27,436 --> 00:12:29,736 Over here, lover. 231 00:12:34,941 --> 00:12:36,575 Patti... 232 00:12:36,609 --> 00:12:38,476 We can't do this. 233 00:12:38,511 --> 00:12:40,678 I-I-I know that you're having cold feet, 234 00:12:40,712 --> 00:12:42,313 which is totally normal, 235 00:12:42,347 --> 00:12:44,381 but sleeping with me is not the answer. 236 00:12:44,416 --> 00:12:45,883 You're right about the cold feet, 237 00:12:45,917 --> 00:12:47,751 but sleeping with you will help me decide if I should marry Gabe. 238 00:12:47,786 --> 00:12:49,452 You're saying "if" the night before your wedding? 239 00:12:49,487 --> 00:12:51,587 - Yes, and I want to do this. - But why me? 240 00:12:51,622 --> 00:12:53,155 - It's been so long. - 'Cause of our pact. 241 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:55,057 And because if I approached anyone else 242 00:12:55,091 --> 00:12:57,359 it would seem slutty and crazy. 243 00:12:57,393 --> 00:13:00,195 Not to be rude, but it seems a little slutty and crazy to me. 244 00:13:00,229 --> 00:13:02,130 Jonathan, you took my virginity. 245 00:13:02,164 --> 00:13:04,532 Doesn't that mean anything to you? 246 00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:07,235 Of course it does. 247 00:13:11,038 --> 00:13:13,406 So if we did this, I'd be helping you? 248 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,274 Yes. 249 00:13:18,912 --> 00:13:21,546 My future happiness depends on you. 250 00:13:28,753 --> 00:13:30,854 Why don't you read to me what you have so far? 251 00:13:30,888 --> 00:13:32,222 Okay. It's just a first draft. 252 00:13:32,256 --> 00:13:33,590 "Dear Leah," 253 00:13:33,624 --> 00:13:35,325 I have something called 'elder love.' 254 00:13:35,359 --> 00:13:37,593 that's why I fell for Belinda. 255 00:13:37,627 --> 00:13:41,062 "The benefit is that I will never leave you as you get older." 256 00:13:41,096 --> 00:13:42,997 You know, I-- Sorry. 257 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,299 I'm not sure this is the right approach. 258 00:13:46,634 --> 00:13:48,201 Okay, let me just-- 259 00:13:48,235 --> 00:13:50,236 "So please take me back." 260 00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:53,272 Belinda's son took her to a convent in the catskills. 261 00:13:53,306 --> 00:13:55,773 I will be a good man from now on." All right? 262 00:13:55,808 --> 00:13:59,642 You know, there's a lot of mention of Belinda in this note. 263 00:13:59,677 --> 00:14:02,978 Why-- why don't you do a drawing? 264 00:14:03,012 --> 00:14:04,646 I mean, that's where your strength lies. 265 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,681 A drawing's not gonna work. 266 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:10,217 I had the most beautiful girl in the world and I just wrecked everything. 267 00:14:10,252 --> 00:14:12,886 Sorry, Ray. 268 00:14:12,921 --> 00:14:14,420 What am I gonna do? 269 00:14:14,455 --> 00:14:16,989 I'm broke, I'm homeless, I'm unlovable. 270 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,325 That is not true. You are not unlovable. 271 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,495 And you're-- you're not homeless either. 272 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,498 You can stay with me as long as you need to. 273 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,234 Can I eat in the restaurant for free? 274 00:14:30,504 --> 00:14:31,771 Of course. 275 00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:34,273 I'm lucky to have you as a friend. 276 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,776 Thank you. 277 00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:40,078 Is this-- Is this what you called "elder love"? 278 00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:42,347 You're sick. 279 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,949 Don't talk to me like that again. Do you understand me? 280 00:14:53,725 --> 00:14:55,758 Mm-Mmm. Nope. 281 00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:57,726 Patti, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 282 00:14:57,761 --> 00:15:00,361 I've never had this problem before. 283 00:15:00,396 --> 00:15:03,030 But the briefcase is throwing me off. 284 00:15:03,065 --> 00:15:06,900 - Don't blame the briefcase. You can do this. - I know, but-- 285 00:15:06,935 --> 00:15:08,902 My friend George was talking about impotence earlier 286 00:15:08,937 --> 00:15:10,437 and he passed it along to me mentally. 287 00:15:10,472 --> 00:15:13,140 - You know, like auto-suggestion. - Shut up and try again. 288 00:15:13,174 --> 00:15:15,809 But I feel conflicted and I've had a long day. 289 00:15:15,843 --> 00:15:18,677 I haven't had a chance to tell you, but somewhat related, 290 00:15:18,712 --> 00:15:20,912 I come from a sperm donor. 291 00:15:20,947 --> 00:15:24,249 - I'm trying to find my father. - What? 292 00:15:24,284 --> 00:15:26,751 Jonathan, come in. It's George. 293 00:15:26,786 --> 00:15:30,088 Sorry to interrupt, but the lights have gone out and Ray is scared. 294 00:15:30,122 --> 00:15:31,656 - - Don't say that. - Sorry. 295 00:15:31,690 --> 00:15:33,557 It's an old house. A fuse must have blown. 296 00:15:33,591 --> 00:15:35,525 Got to find the circuit breaker. Over. 297 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,060 Yeah, he thinks it's a circuit breaker. 298 00:15:37,094 --> 00:15:38,494 George, I'm standing right here. 299 00:15:38,529 --> 00:15:40,830 It's not like you're having a private conversation. 300 00:15:40,864 --> 00:15:44,199 I'll tell you what-- We'll go find the circuit breaker. Over. 301 00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:45,967 Oh hey, 302 00:15:46,002 --> 00:15:48,369 are you having sex with Patti or did you resist? 303 00:15:48,403 --> 00:15:50,004 Sorry. Ahem. 304 00:15:50,038 --> 00:15:52,539 Just find the fuse, we'll make our way back to the base. 305 00:15:52,573 --> 00:15:54,874 - Over. - Copy that. 306 00:15:54,909 --> 00:15:56,409 I don't think they're having sex. 307 00:15:56,443 --> 00:16:00,145 George, take your finger off the button. 308 00:16:10,055 --> 00:16:11,688 Wow. 309 00:16:11,723 --> 00:16:15,391 Lions, tigers and bears. 310 00:16:15,425 --> 00:16:17,326 Oh my. 311 00:16:17,361 --> 00:16:19,662 Okay, here we go. 312 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,330 All right. 313 00:16:22,364 --> 00:16:25,666 This looks like a fuse box of some kind. 314 00:16:28,303 --> 00:16:30,571 Oh dear. 315 00:16:30,605 --> 00:16:32,072 I'm sorry I let you down. 316 00:16:32,107 --> 00:16:34,041 There's still time. We can try again. 317 00:16:34,075 --> 00:16:36,943 But I can't-- 318 00:16:41,615 --> 00:16:43,549 Come on, let's get out of here. 319 00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:51,222 - Ray. - Sorry. 320 00:16:51,256 --> 00:16:53,057 Whoa whoa whoa. 321 00:16:53,091 --> 00:16:55,459 You go, I'll hold him off. Go! 322 00:16:57,795 --> 00:16:59,962 Stay back! 323 00:17:01,865 --> 00:17:04,900 Shit. I must warn you, 324 00:17:04,934 --> 00:17:07,235 I fenced at Princeton. 325 00:17:12,107 --> 00:17:14,008 Oh my God. 326 00:17:14,042 --> 00:17:16,810 I'm so sorry. That never happened to me in competitive fencing. 327 00:17:16,845 --> 00:17:19,312 Wait! Sorry. 328 00:17:19,346 --> 00:17:21,480 Don't-- 329 00:17:28,155 --> 00:17:30,956 Jonathan, we found the circuit breaker. Who are you playing with? 330 00:17:30,990 --> 00:17:32,725 What? 331 00:17:32,759 --> 00:17:34,893 No! 332 00:17:43,635 --> 00:17:46,337 - Stay back, asshole. - George! 333 00:17:46,371 --> 00:17:48,272 All right. There, huh? 334 00:17:48,306 --> 00:17:51,241 Okay, yeah. Jonathan, look at me. Look at me. 335 00:17:53,945 --> 00:17:55,412 Ooh, jeez. 336 00:17:57,147 --> 00:17:59,982 - It's stuck. - Come on! 337 00:18:00,016 --> 00:18:02,151 Help, someone. Wait wait! 338 00:18:11,126 --> 00:18:13,527 Shit. 339 00:18:13,561 --> 00:18:15,562 A black man can't catch a cab in this town, 340 00:18:15,629 --> 00:18:19,031 but a guy with a sword, no problem. 341 00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,375 Your dad is gonna kill me. 342 00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:34,177 I'll tell him you tried your best, that you were very brave. 343 00:18:34,212 --> 00:18:36,046 You still have his briefcase. That's something. 344 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,515 Yeah, you know what? I think we shouldn't talk about the marijuana and the beer. 345 00:18:39,549 --> 00:18:41,984 I think that would not be a good idea. 346 00:18:43,986 --> 00:18:46,988 - I'm just saying we should look-- - Stop. 347 00:18:47,022 --> 00:18:49,256 Jonathan? 348 00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:51,091 Patti...? 349 00:18:51,125 --> 00:18:52,358 What's going on? 350 00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:53,993 We need to talk. Can we come in? 351 00:18:54,027 --> 00:18:57,329 Your mother is sleeping, so if you keep it down. 352 00:18:57,363 --> 00:18:59,597 I hope it's nothing serious. 353 00:18:59,632 --> 00:19:01,832 Your briefcase is fine. Don't worry. 354 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:11,674 How on Earth could this possibly happen? 355 00:19:11,709 --> 00:19:15,277 Well, um, he was a very sophisticated burglar. 356 00:19:15,312 --> 00:19:17,045 He turned the lights off and everything. 357 00:19:17,113 --> 00:19:21,315 - And he was wearing a mask. - With holes in it. 358 00:19:21,350 --> 00:19:23,550 Jonathan was very heroic. He tried to stop him. 359 00:19:23,585 --> 00:19:25,986 But I'm really sorry I failed you, Mr. Stevenson. 360 00:19:26,020 --> 00:19:28,254 No no, sorry doesn't cut it. 361 00:19:28,288 --> 00:19:32,357 That necklace has been in our family for 150 years. 362 00:19:32,392 --> 00:19:36,361 Now I'm gonna have to call the police, my insurance company. 363 00:19:36,428 --> 00:19:39,597 Excuse me, but I think you have a red pen 364 00:19:39,631 --> 00:19:41,499 leaking ink in your robe. 365 00:19:41,533 --> 00:19:43,367 What? 366 00:19:45,303 --> 00:19:47,304 Oh, this? 367 00:19:48,406 --> 00:19:50,006 I cut myself shaving. 368 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,774 Really? That happened to me. 369 00:19:51,808 --> 00:19:54,843 I was shaving my side belly hair so I could wear a girdle and I nicked myself. 370 00:19:54,878 --> 00:19:57,145 And that's what happened to you, Mr. Stevenson? 371 00:19:57,180 --> 00:19:59,981 - You were shaving your side belly hairs? - I, uh... 372 00:20:00,015 --> 00:20:03,050 Or did somebody shave you with his saber in that exact spot? 373 00:20:03,085 --> 00:20:05,119 - J'accuse! - Uh... 374 00:20:05,153 --> 00:20:08,621 Oh my God. Daddy, why? 375 00:20:08,655 --> 00:20:11,224 For you, sweetheart. 376 00:20:11,258 --> 00:20:12,892 For the insurance money. 377 00:20:12,926 --> 00:20:15,427 It's the only way I can afford the wedding. 378 00:20:15,461 --> 00:20:17,762 Once you introduced me to Jonathan 379 00:20:17,797 --> 00:20:19,430 I knew I could pull it off. 380 00:20:19,465 --> 00:20:21,432 Mm-hmm. Hmm? 381 00:20:21,466 --> 00:20:24,101 - But we have lots of money. - We don't. 382 00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:27,437 Not until your grandmother passes. 383 00:20:27,471 --> 00:20:30,906 Everyone in Philadelphia is waiting for someone to die. 384 00:20:30,941 --> 00:20:34,176 It's what we live for. 385 00:20:34,210 --> 00:20:37,078 - What an honorable man. - Honorable? 386 00:20:37,113 --> 00:20:39,247 He hired me to fail, tried to kill me 387 00:20:39,282 --> 00:20:40,815 and he's committing insurance fraud. 388 00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:42,484 Exactly, all for his daughter. 389 00:20:42,518 --> 00:20:44,419 I mean the man's a role model for me. 390 00:20:44,453 --> 00:20:46,888 I wonder what I could steal for Emily. 391 00:20:46,923 --> 00:20:49,658 For Patti's sake I'm willing to turn a blind eye and not report him, 392 00:20:49,693 --> 00:20:51,493 but it goes against everything I stand for. 393 00:20:51,528 --> 00:20:54,797 - Such as? - I don't know, something. 394 00:20:55,832 --> 00:20:58,167 Jonathan, wait. 395 00:20:58,201 --> 00:21:00,736 You guys go ahead. I'll catch up. 396 00:21:03,507 --> 00:21:05,274 Thank you for everything. 397 00:21:05,309 --> 00:21:08,710 You're welcome, but how do you know I'm not gonna turn your dad in? 398 00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:11,279 I'm thanking you for the pact. It worked. 399 00:21:11,313 --> 00:21:13,714 But I couldn't, you know... 400 00:21:13,748 --> 00:21:16,483 - Perform. - No, it's all right. 401 00:21:16,517 --> 00:21:19,819 Your impotence made me realize how much I want to marry Gabe. 402 00:21:19,853 --> 00:21:21,719 What? 403 00:21:25,657 --> 00:21:28,558 Just hold on one second. 404 00:21:28,593 --> 00:21:30,593 I want to talk to you about this. 405 00:21:30,627 --> 00:21:32,494 - Hello? - - Jonathan Ames? 406 00:21:32,529 --> 00:21:35,263 - Yes? - I saw you on "The Dick Cavett Show." 407 00:21:35,298 --> 00:21:38,799 I have information about your biological father. 408 00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:40,600 I'm gonna have to take this. 409 00:21:44,438 --> 00:21:46,838 Go ahead. I'm listening. 410 00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:52,041 - George? - Mm-hmm. 411 00:21:52,076 --> 00:21:54,009 I have an itch just below my left shoulder blade. 412 00:21:54,044 --> 00:21:56,111 Can you scratch it for me? It's driving me nuts. 413 00:21:56,145 --> 00:21:58,979 I think it's a new back hair trying to pop out. 414 00:21:59,013 --> 00:22:01,048 That's why it's so itchy. 415 00:22:06,421 --> 00:22:07,955 Is that better, little buddy? 416 00:22:07,990 --> 00:22:09,924 I know you've had a pretty rough day. 417 00:22:09,958 --> 00:22:12,192 A little harder and to the left. 418 00:22:13,393 --> 00:22:15,861 Aw yeah. 419 00:22:15,896 --> 00:22:17,696 That's it right there. 420 00:22:17,764 --> 00:22:20,932 Okay, now to the right. 421 00:22:22,567 --> 00:22:24,567 To the right. 422 00:22:24,601 --> 00:22:26,902 Go to the right. 423 00:22:26,936 --> 00:22:29,937 To the right, George! 424 00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:34,140 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 425 00:22:34,174 --> 00:22:38,043 ♪ when I stumble into bed another Saturday night ♪ 426 00:22:38,077 --> 00:22:41,879 ♪ all the voices in my head and all the people I meet ♪ 427 00:22:41,914 --> 00:22:45,749 ♪ they're all trying so hard to make a man out of me ♪ 428 00:22:45,784 --> 00:22:49,152 ♪ but there's always gonna be ♪ 429 00:22:49,187 --> 00:22:53,489 ♪ this little boy inside of me ♪ 430 00:22:53,523 --> 00:22:56,458 ♪ and there's always gonna be ♪ 431 00:22:56,492 --> 00:23:01,096 ♪ this little girl inside of me ♪ 432 00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:04,098 ♪ 'cause there's always gonna be ♪ 433 00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:08,402 ♪ this little boy inside of me ♪ 434 00:23:08,436 --> 00:23:11,772 ♪ and there's always gonna be ♪ 435 00:23:11,806 --> 00:23:16,375 ♪ this little girl inside of me. ♪