1 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:11,680 HE INHALES AND EXHALES DEEPLY 2 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:15,040 Say what you like about England, but, er, 3 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,520 she has very fresh breath. 4 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,760 Wales, too. 5 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,520 And, er, 6 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:26,440 if Scotland could be persuaded to finally bin the ciggies, 7 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:28,560 I'm sure her breath would be just as fresh. 8 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,920 I'm Alan Partridge, and in this series, 9 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:36,320 sponsored by Flench & Son Tanning Centres - feel down, get brown - 10 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,000 I'm exploring the mental health of the nation. 11 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,680 This week, I'll be finding out what the great outdoors can 12 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,640 do for our noggins, as I once again ask... 13 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,840 I love to be outdoors. 14 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,360 Back in Norwich, I'm often found pottering around making 15 00:00:55,360 --> 00:01:00,120 short videos for the tourist board, using a 365 degree stick camera 16 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:03,760 given to me during my time in Saudi Arabia by His Excellency 17 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,680 the Crown Prince's chauffeur. 18 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,400 I like to see, er, wattle and daub buildings. 19 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,560 To me, there's just something about the fresh air and the exercise... 20 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,880 Hello. See you later! I hate these flowers. 21 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:15,680 ..that seems to be good for the soul. 22 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:18,640 ..visited only upon terrorist suspects. 23 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,000 And, while the tourist board reserves the right 24 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,440 to edit down my videos... 25 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:23,640 He's my favourite. 26 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,080 ..being out and about centres and settles me. 27 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,600 He's definitely my favourite. 28 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,600 You know who isn't? Her. 29 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:34,080 But in this episode, I'm going to experiment on a bigger canvas 30 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,240 and I've come to the Peak District alone, 31 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:39,400 with nothing more than my stick camera, and obviously clothes, 32 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,480 to explore the mental health benefits 33 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,400 of surrounding yourself in nature. 34 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,600 HORN HONKS LOUDLY 35 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,960 Studies show that the great outdoors can do wonders 36 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,520 for your mental health. 37 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,160 As much as 84%. 38 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:03,480 Today, I'm climbing Mam Tor, a 17-foot-hundred high hill 39 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:08,160 in the Peak District, er, which, according to the guidebook, 40 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,360 boasts incredible views 41 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,600 and on a clear day it says you can see as far as Manchester. 42 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,640 Although it doesn't explain, er, 43 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,400 why you'd want to. 44 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,400 Starting at Castleton, day one will see me 45 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,000 climb the mighty Mam Tor and walk the Great Ridge. 46 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,760 After a good sleep and wash, 47 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,840 I'll spend a second day scaling the District's highest peak - 48 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,520 Kinder Scout. 49 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:32,840 Hello! 50 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,440 Fellow aviators! How you doing? 51 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,960 Good. You ever flown on a jetpack? 52 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,640 I know a guy who has. 53 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,400 You're looking at him. 54 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,800 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 55 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,920 Up, up, up, up, up and away! 56 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,880 Like my beautiful balloon-er! 57 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,600 SHOUTS: Do you think that's good for mental health? 58 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,800 Do you think flying's good for mental health? 59 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,400 Enjoy the freedom of flight, but try not to worry the sheep! 60 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,120 They'll miscarry! 61 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,640 I'm SO glad I came here. 62 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,040 My partner Katrina was dead right. 63 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,600 She said, "Go away for the weekend, climb a big mountain by yourself." 64 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,840 Er... 65 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,640 I guess she just gets me. 66 00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,400 Yeah, so, I've come away on my own 67 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,800 and she's gone away to Paris 68 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,520 with my best friend Daryl. Yeah. As friends, as friends. 69 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,480 They're badminton partners. 70 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,440 Er, and I've said myself, you know, he covers 71 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,200 a lot of ground by the baseline. She's got a wicked drop shot. 72 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,640 It just works. 73 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,280 There were supposed to be four of them, 74 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:44,160 but two of them had to pull out because of very, VERY long Covid. 75 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,960 So, it's just, er... 76 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,480 ..just Daryl and Katrina in Paris. 77 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,040 The city of lovers, my hairdresser says. 78 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,520 It's such a stupid thing to say! HE SCOFFS 79 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,240 It's not just for lovers. 80 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,760 You get school trips go there. 81 00:03:56,760 --> 00:04:00,000 They're not all having sex with each other. 82 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,920 I mean, occasionally a line will be crossed. You get some 83 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,320 bearded sixth-formers these days. 84 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,200 And some very busty students. 85 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,240 But, er, this assumption that every couple that goes to Paris 86 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,480 is going be banging the bejaysus out of each other is just, just, er... 87 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,040 ..is just... 88 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,720 ..childish. 89 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,600 Daryl and Katrina are badminton partners and they wanted 90 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,520 to try out some different courts, and that's the end of it. 91 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,680 Spending time alone in nature, though boring, allows our minds 92 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,200 the freedom to roam, to dwell on anything 93 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,960 from your daughter being gay to whether you'd have been good at 94 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,280 presenting natural history shows. 95 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,960 A million, billion years ago, 96 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,640 this was probably bits of dinosaur. 97 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,080 Now, though, just horrible soil. 98 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,280 We all come from it and we all go back to it. 99 00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,640 This is nature's ring road. 100 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,120 HE GRUNTS 101 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,880 The end of the first morning's walking, 102 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,520 and though I'd only been out in nature for a couple of hours, 103 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,600 already there was a definite sense of tension easing 104 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,800 as I absorbed the majesty and infinite variety 105 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,560 of the natural world. 106 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,520 That's good egg. 107 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:19,320 What a charming village church. 108 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,800 Oh, it's wonderful. 109 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:38,320 Respectful, of course, in a house of God to lower your voice, 110 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:43,120 just as you would in a library or a museum. 111 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,240 The same volume one might begin at while having a late-night row 112 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,480 with your wife in a tent. 113 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,200 Where are you? 114 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,880 Where are you, eh? 115 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,360 I know he's up there. Oh, yes. 116 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,800 I'm sure... I'm sure he's looking down on you right now. 117 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,000 He hears everything. Yeah. 118 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,560 And I know he's in here. 119 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,400 That faint smell of ammonia. 120 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,840 That's from his excrement. 121 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,040 God? The bat. 122 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,360 I see! Right. 123 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,480 Counting bats. Right, of course, yes. 124 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,120 I was going to say I'm not sure God excretes anything. 125 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,560 Only love. 126 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,440 So, why are you counting bats? 127 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,600 The roof needs repairing but there's a maternity colony up there. OK. 128 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,760 And they're protected under UK law, so the work will have to wait. 129 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,080 It's funny, isn't it, how the church has to go to rack and ruin 130 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,160 just so some bats can make more bats? 131 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,000 I just saw one there! Went across. 132 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,400 They are awful. 133 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,520 They're easily my least favourite bird. 134 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,480 Skin for wings, but no feathers. Why? 135 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,320 I've studied bats for 20 years 136 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,920 and I believe they're as much God's creatures as you or me. 137 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,800 Hmm. It's like the song says, isn't it? 138 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:49,240 "The Lord God made them all." 139 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,160 All Creatures Great and Small. It's my favourite hymn. 140 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,520 Yeah, it is a nice hymn. 141 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,120 Goes on a bit, though, I find. You know, just... I mean, 142 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,800 "All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, 143 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,160 "all things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all," 144 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,360 and then the verse goes on to list individually all the things 145 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,680 that the chorus tells you he made all of, so I just think 146 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,240 it's just over-egged. 147 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,560 Never really thought of it like that. It's a bit like Ross Kemp, 148 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,560 isn't it, telling you he's seen all the Batman films and then listing 149 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:14,360 them all in a long car journey? 150 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,000 "Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever." 151 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,920 "Yeah, I know, Ross, you've seen 'em all." Mm. 152 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,720 "Batman and Robin, Batman Begins, 153 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,120 "The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises." 154 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,320 "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ross, I know. We get it, we get it." 155 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,560 "Batman vs Superman, The Batman, 156 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:27,920 "Lego Batman." 157 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:31,800 "For Christ's sakes, Ross, stop saying Batman! You know, grow up!" 158 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,920 Sometimes I tell the kids that I'm Batman. 159 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,480 Yeah, but you only say it once, right? Just at the start. 160 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,080 Yeah, that's fine. 161 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,560 You can hold one if you want. 162 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,080 A-a-a-a bat? Yeah. 163 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,400 Why would I want to hold a bat? 164 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,280 Broke its wing. Good! 165 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,440 So, it can't fly and drink blood from a cow 166 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:52,120 or drink the blood from the neck of a woman, if it's Dracula. 167 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,240 That's totally different. OK. 168 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,280 You know, a lot of the children, they're scared at first, 169 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:59,680 but they get over it. Yeah, oh, I'll get over it. Yeah, fine. 170 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,760 Hold your hands out, then. 171 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,160 No, like a book. 172 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,920 Sorry, for some reason I thought you meant like Jesus. 173 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,040 Got any concerns, you can ask me a question. 174 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,480 Yeah, OK. Um... 175 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,440 Could it give me rabies? No. 176 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,280 Could it give me TB? No. 177 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,880 Could it give me, I want to say botulism? No. 178 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,640 Could it give me any, and I mean ANY, form of Aids? 179 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:22,440 No. Will it bite me? No. Could it bite me? It's unlikely. 180 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,600 Will it lick me? No. Could it lick me? In theory, yes. 181 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,880 Is its tongue rough? No. Is its tongue hot? 182 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,960 I honestly don't know. Is it heavy? No. Does it stink? No. 183 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,200 Does it stink a little bit? Maybe. 184 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,000 Will it do this? 185 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,720 It won't do that. 186 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:37,960 Um... 187 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,840 Do you want to hold the bat? All right, all right. 188 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,920 You hold the stick. I'll stroke the bird. 189 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:42,960 There you are, look. 190 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,880 What's his name? Kieran. 191 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,000 Oh. What's your name? Kieran. 192 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,960 I've got to go now, Kieran. 193 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,280 Bye! Bye! 194 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:02,880 Now, walls, not ice cream or sausages, but actual walls, 195 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:05,840 I think would make a great topic for a documentary. 196 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,720 The BBC wouldn't commission it, cos it doesn't have trans drug addicts, 197 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,560 but as a topic for a phone-in, I think it would be second to none. 198 00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,120 What's your favourite wall? 199 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,600 Drystone, post and rail, 200 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,720 partition, load-bearing, 201 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,720 Great of China, Wailing... 202 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,320 Berlin? Thank you. 203 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:23,760 And Adrian's. 204 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,720 What's your favourite type of wall? A crinkle crankle wall. 205 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,040 The shape of it provides lateral stability 206 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,440 without the need for buttresses. 207 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,560 Got it. 208 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:35,440 So, why doesn't your girlfriend play badminton in Paris with you? 209 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,680 Because I like to play squash. 210 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,360 Look up crinkle crankle wall. 211 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,960 I think the tavern I'm supposed to be staying at 212 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,000 is in that direction, but it's very hard to tell. 213 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,600 Er... 214 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,400 Excuse me, I'm wondering if you could help me out. 215 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:56,840 I'm, er... 216 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,480 I'm trying to locate a pub, and I know it's over there, 217 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,040 but everywhere I look's the same, 218 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,080 and I've heard of going snow blind, 219 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,000 well, I think I'm going green blind. 220 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,520 Do you mind if I borrow your binoculars? Yeah. Thank you. 221 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,280 As in, yeah, I mind. What, so I can't borrow them? 222 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,360 Well, I don't know you. I'm Alan... 223 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,400 Look, it's a personal item that I put on my face. 224 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,560 Aha. 225 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,840 OK. And a man comes up to me making noises, 226 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,600 wanting to smear his eyes and fingers on them first. 227 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,120 It's basic hygiene, mate. 228 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,960 What an odd man. 229 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,120 What a cross man. 230 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,800 What a shit man. 231 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:44,240 It's funny - if someone had done that to me in ordinary life, 232 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,840 I'd follow them, wait until they were having a wee 233 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,480 and then push them over. 234 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:51,680 But, out here in nature, it just didn't seem to matter. 235 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:54,640 And, whilst it's easy to get a bit lost if your phone dies 236 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,000 because your assistant didn't charge it, 237 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,000 the vantage point I reached revealed the quiet grandeur of 238 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:05,120 the Derbyshire hills, each with its own story, its own history 239 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,520 and together an enduring testament to the power of nature 240 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,520 to inspire and uplift. 241 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,920 MUTTERS: I told her to fucking charge it... 242 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:16,000 6:00pm, and, with a slightly dirty bottom, 243 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:20,200 I've reached the Hind & Harrow in Upper Booth, my digs for the night. 244 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,720 Step through this door and you step back in time. 245 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,480 The, er, unisex toilets and genderfluid bar staff, 246 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,120 the alcohol-free gin, baffling, 247 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,280 and generally humourless attitude of the clientele 248 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,480 are all very well for a city bar, 249 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,880 but if you want a knees-up round the old Joanna, don't go there. 250 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,600 Hear, hear! 251 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,480 Give me a warm fire, warm beer, 252 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,600 the warm smell of dog, and a warm welcome from the regulars. 253 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,360 Trevor here has offered to buy a pint for this weary traveller. 254 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,120 Sadly, in a city bar, the offer of a free drink 255 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,960 would come with a subtext of sex. 256 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:58,800 But here, it's just two regular fellas having a chinwag over a pint. 257 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,320 Same again, Trevor? Why not? 258 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,640 Trevor here is an amateur historian 259 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,320 and I believe this place was once a popular haunt for highwaymen. 260 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,560 Oh, very much so. There were rich pickings along these roads 261 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,320 for the unscrupulous thief. 262 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,240 It's incredible, isn't it, that someone looking for people 263 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,560 with a few bob would come to what is effectively Derby? 264 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:22,920 Yeah, the Peak District is steeped in stories, myths and monsters. 265 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,200 Legend has it that the spirits come out at night - 266 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,840 and that's not just Bill when he starts on the gin. 267 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,920 Despite a habit of passing off pre-prepared sentences 268 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,520 as spontaneous thought, Trevor proved to be genial company. 269 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:37,920 There you go. Keep the change. 270 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:39,320 Oh, thanks. 271 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,880 Why, how much was it? £10.80. You gave me 20. 272 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,080 Oh, er... 273 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,840 Don't worry about it. Do you know what? Keep it. Yeah. 274 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,120 Well, you could do a lot worse than stay here. 275 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,240 A tavern like this would be beyond the means of most travellers. 276 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,960 Many would stay in a bothy, that's a stone hut 277 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:00,080 without warmth, light, or comfort. 278 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,880 Reminds me of living with the ex-wife. 279 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,040 Yes. My ex-wife kept a good home. 280 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,440 She was just emotionally toxic. 281 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,880 Pack of cheese and onion crisps. 282 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,800 Oh, yes, a bothy is not of a calibre of a place 283 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,400 you'd find on Airbnb. 284 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,640 Yeah, although some of those aren't all they're cracked up to be. 285 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,440 I once stayed at an Airbnb that had no knives. 286 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,880 Spent all evening trying to cut up lamb chops with the side of a spoon. 287 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,760 My God, I gave it a bad review. 288 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,600 And the next day they texted me saying, 289 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,360 "There's a tray of knives under the bed," and I'm supposed to know. 290 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,040 It's £1.10 for crisps. 291 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,760 Right. Er... 292 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,720 Haven't got the 10p. 293 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,720 They're £1.10 though, that's the thing. 294 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,960 OK. Um, right. 295 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,040 Oh, it's £5 minimum card payment. 296 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,080 OK, well... 297 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,480 I mean, it's 10p. 298 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,000 I can just put them back. 299 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,880 OK, fine. 300 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,080 And are the bar staff normally this friendly? 301 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,480 Is this still about the crisps? 302 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,000 I find it incredible that you were gifted nearly £10 303 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,200 and you act like nothing happened. 304 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,400 I said thank you. Yeah, and when I needed a favour I get zilch. 305 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,720 You want me to pay for your crisps with my money? 306 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,760 10p out of the £9.20 I gave you. 307 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,720 Yeah, "gave". It belongs to me. 308 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,800 It's her money, them tips. Sorry, don't remember asking you. 309 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,400 Do you know how much a barmaid earns? She's got three kids 310 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,520 to support. I've got three grandchildren to support 311 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,600 and she's taken their Christmas money. 312 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,280 Yeah? You want to play that game? 313 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,600 You give them three quid each? It's a WH Smith gift token. 314 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,920 Three quid? Yeah, you can get a couple of pencils for that! 315 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:30,520 After a frank exchange of views, I enjoyed an early night... 316 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,440 ..albeit with an open penknife in my hand. 317 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:37,960 BIRDSONG 318 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,920 Day two of my mental health hike in the Peak District 319 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,760 and today I'll be scaling its highest hill, Kinder Scout. 320 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:50,280 I sometimes think about how my life might've turned out 321 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,040 had I taken a different path. 322 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,760 Um... 323 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:59,240 I can imagine myself up here, up here as a shepherd. 324 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:04,000 Perhaps dressed in a woollen jerkin, 325 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,400 er, salvaged from the carcass of a dead sheep 326 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,080 because I wouldn't want to waste the wool. 327 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,480 Er, a woollen hat, 328 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,160 trousers, also made of wool, 329 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,520 and perhaps some sheepskin boots, um... 330 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:23,400 ..taken from a different part of the sheep, so that I would be 331 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,840 dressed almost completely, 332 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,320 not AS a sheep, but IN sheep. 333 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,480 Those clouds look a bit like sheep. 334 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,320 God, I'm bored. 335 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,880 The last time I came to the Peak District was as a presenter 336 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,160 of teatime magazine show This Time, 337 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,160 where I reported on blacksmith Ron Eccles' fight to keep 338 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,920 his ancient craft alive. 339 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,520 There's something wonderfully elemental about watching 340 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,360 a blacksmith at work. 341 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,920 If you see Sean Bean or Liam Neeson 342 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,720 hammering an anvil in a drama, you know you're in for a treat, 343 00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,000 even on ITV. 344 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,680 But traditional craftsmanship is something that 345 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,680 we don't see very often. Now everything's done for you. 346 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,400 We're losing the skills that have been handed down to us 347 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,000 over centuries. And I tell you - once it's gone, it's gone. Yeah. 348 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,360 You see these people, don't you, queuing round the block 349 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,360 for the latest trainers or working in an Apple store, 350 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,560 and yet if Britain came under a cyber-attack from... 351 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,000 China. ..the EU, or Ireland, 352 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,480 you think they would come a cropper. They'd starve to death. 353 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,760 Yeah, good! 354 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,680 I thought a blacksmith would be more like Liam Neeson, 355 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,160 but you're quite chatty, aren't you? So are you! 356 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,480 Yeah, well, the survivors are going to need someone to man the airwaves. 357 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:33,720 "I'm Alan Partridge. 358 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,400 "Don't forget, if a relative or loved one has just died, 359 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,280 "to burn the corpse immediately before decomposition, 360 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,720 "because if those maggots hatch into bluebottles 361 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,400 "and the plague becomes airborne, then we're all for it. 362 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,040 "This is Shania Twain and You're Still the One I Want. 363 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,520 "I wonder if she made it. 364 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,600 "I believe she had a ranch with some horses. I'm sure she'll be fine." 365 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,680 But even without a primetime TV show, 366 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,560 there's always the chance to meet new people and learn new skills. 367 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,800 This morning, I've happened across a farmer who spent the last 368 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,080 half hour telling me about the ancient craft of sheep herding... 369 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,840 Steady! ..which he says takes decades to master. 370 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,200 So, it's "settle", "steady" and what? 371 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,800 "Come by". Got it. Give me the whistle. 372 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,320 BLOWS WHISTLE TENTATIVELY 373 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:14,920 Come by. 374 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,400 Come by! 375 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,040 WHISTLING 376 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:20,720 Walk on! 377 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,040 You done this before? No. 378 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,000 Walk on! 379 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,000 SHEEP BLEAT 380 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,440 Steady! 381 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:27,960 Steady. Walk on. 382 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,760 Are you sure you've never done this before? Yeah. Steady. 383 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,080 There we go. 384 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:34,880 OK, settle, settle, settle. 385 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,720 Very good! 386 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,600 I found that quite easy. 387 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,680 Yeah. 388 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:45,120 Do you ever use any part-time, er, herders or shepherds, you know? 389 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:49,280 If you want a day off or something, you know, um, I can, er... 390 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,080 We should talk more about it later. Yeah, yeah. 391 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,720 Yeah, I found that quite easy. 392 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,960 A fun morning, and while I was later upbraided for strapping 393 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,280 a camera to a sheep, as far as I could tell, the sheep liked it. 394 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,520 I'm walking along a sheep trail, 395 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,440 as opposed to a human path. 396 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,280 I think it was a Chinese man who once said, "If you follow in 397 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,880 "the footsteps of a sheep, eventually it will lead you 398 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,800 "to a sheep." 399 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,240 Um, a Chinese man said that to me 400 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,560 outside the O2 after a Coldplay concert. 401 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,960 He had a camper van. 402 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,920 Asked me to pop inside. 403 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,560 I popped inside, um, 404 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,400 and then immediately regretted it, because... 405 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,120 HEAVENLY CHORAL MUSIC 406 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,160 SINGING CONTINUES 407 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,480 What the hell is this? 408 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:33,800 Oh, hello. 409 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,840 This is choirmaster Robin Gaskill. 410 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,200 He and his youth choir dressed as businessmen have come to this cave 411 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,520 to take advantage of its incredible acoustics, and because the church 412 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:46,000 they normally sing in is having its pews and kneelers wiped clean. 413 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,360 When I heard that singing, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. 414 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,280 I mean, I'm glad I haven't. 415 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,240 I mean, I'm sure you've got a few more years left in you. 416 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,440 Yeah, I hope so. 417 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,760 And so have you, because you're not that young either. 418 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,880 And besides, a gypsy told me I was going to live till I was 90. 419 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:03,360 Really? Yes, and she was right about my wife cheating on me, so... 420 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,080 You must be proud as punch of this lot. 421 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,320 Mm-hm. Well, you should tell them, then! 422 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,920 They could be out there sniffing glue, but they're not. 423 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,040 I mean, they might do later, but right now they're here, 424 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,560 lifting people's spirits. They certainly lifted mine, 425 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,800 because I didn't have a very nice breakfast. 426 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,080 And, um... 427 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,040 ..and all the parents, they know you bring their kids here? 428 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:25,480 Yes. Yeah, good. Good. 429 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:33,160 When people talk about Stonehenge as if it's the only henge, 430 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,720 I allow myself a quiet chuckle. 431 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:39,520 I mean, throw a stick in Derbyshire and you hit a henge. 432 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,320 I once threw a stick at a goat... 433 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,760 Excuse me! Can you help? Oh! 434 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:48,120 OK, my name's Alan. What's your name? Geoff. Geoff. 435 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:51,280 Am I all right to call you Geoff, Geoff? Yeah. Thanks, Geoff. 436 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,400 Are you a paramedic? I'm not a paramedic 437 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,760 but I'm using the intonation of a paramedic. Is that OK, Geoff? 438 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:58,360 Er... Thanks, Geoff. I've broken my leg. 439 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:01,000 Hey, hey, hey, look at me. No-one's broken any legs, all right? 440 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,480 No, I have, look. 441 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,280 Ooh, that's a broken leg. 442 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,840 Geoff, I want you to look at me. 443 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,400 Whatever you do, keep your head as still as possible. 444 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,080 Why, do you think I've broken my neck? 445 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,800 No, no, you've got a nugget of sheep shit by your ear. 446 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:13,960 Right, let's take a look. 447 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,240 Pulse good. Temp good. 448 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,640 Open mouth. 449 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:21,480 Mouth good. Say ah. Ah. Ah good. Stick your tongue out. 450 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,320 Bit further. Bit further. 451 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,320 Fucking hell, you've got a long tongue! 452 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,880 How many fingers am I holding up? 453 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,840 Two. Four. 454 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,280 Two. One. 455 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:31,800 Shit, I've just given you my PIN number. 456 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,600 Can you call Mountain Rescue? 457 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,560 Here, use my Blue Harbour gilet as a cushion. 458 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:37,640 GEOFF GROANS 459 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,640 And you can use my fleece, also Blue Harbour, as a blanket. 460 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,920 There we go. You look like you've got four arms now. 461 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,080 ALAN CHUCKLES 462 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:48,000 In case you lack energy, I've stripped a KitKat to the waist 463 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,840 and placed it into the palm of your hands. 464 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,600 If you can't chew it, suck it. 465 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,240 If you need more energy, take his trousers off and suck him some more. 466 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,600 And, er, you wouldn't know it because of how helpful I'm being, 467 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,080 but just to confirm, 468 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,640 um, I think you and I both know 469 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,880 that you're the person who wouldn't lend me their binoculars yesterday. 470 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,360 It wasn't anything personal, 471 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:11,200 I just have an anxiety regarding my face care. 472 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,920 I don't hold a grudge, I don't hold a grudge. 473 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:15,880 Pardon? I didn't say anything. 474 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,720 Sorry, I thought I heard a thank you. 475 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,040 If I'd known it was you, I would've lent you my binoculars. 476 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,320 Why, because celebrities don't have dirty eyes? 477 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,520 I'll leave you with that, Geoff. 478 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,400 This is when a proper hiking shoe is essential. 479 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,320 If I was wearing a fashion trainer, 480 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:34,560 I wouldn't be as half as able to gallop as I am here. 481 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:40,360 I'm zig-zagging to minimise the downward trajectory. 482 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,560 So, it's... 483 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,000 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 484 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,320 Recovered! 485 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,560 Nice one, Alan. 486 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,800 LINE RINGS 487 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,280 Which service do you require? Helicopter, please. 488 00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,880 Injured man located. 489 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,440 Is it an ambulance you need? 490 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,040 A flying one, yes. Where are you? 491 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:07,280 Peak District National Park, two clicks north of Castleton, 492 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:08,520 that's Castleton - 493 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,120 Charlie, Alpha, 494 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,600 Sausage, Tango, Lima... 495 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,040 Right, I've got it. Can you tell me exactly what happened? 496 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,280 I can, but I've just released I used the word Sausage 497 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,960 instead of Sierra for the phonetic alphabet, 498 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,360 but that's because I am hungry and I had sausage for breakfast. 499 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,400 Just send the helicopter. Scramble, scramble. 500 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,640 Sorry, I'm thinking about breakfast again. 501 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,520 I injured my knee playing rugby. She was my physio. 502 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,920 Yeah, my girlfriend's in Paris with my best friend. Oh, God. 503 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,240 Nah, it's fine. 504 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:36,720 They play badminton together 505 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,160 and they've never played on any French courts before, 506 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,800 so I think they wanted to go over and check out a few of those. 507 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,320 Want some water? No, you're all right. 508 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:48,120 Is this the hygiene thing again, like with the binoculars yesterday? 509 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:50,080 If you knew how many germs were in your saliva... 510 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,000 I don't dribble down the spout when I drink from it. 511 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,320 If your lips have touched it, your saliva WILL be in it. 512 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,080 Yes, but not sufficient to carry a viral load. 513 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,280 Oh, right, OK, so I must've imagined the Covid epidemic 514 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,200 that killed over 7 million people. 515 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,680 You've got more chance of catching germs when you touch a door knob, 516 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,040 but I'll bet you still do that. 517 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,560 Touching a door knob is unavoidable risk. Sharing a bottle is not. 518 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,400 I'm doing a documentary on mental health, 519 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,360 but I'll tell you something, mate, you're potty. 520 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,560 French badminton courts are no different to British ones. 521 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,800 A badminton court is a badminton court. 522 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:20,440 I don't accept that. 523 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:21,960 HELICOPTER WHIRS 524 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,200 Patient's this way. I wasn't sure if you guys were going to come in 525 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,000 an EC15 or an AS355. 526 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,600 355. Where is he? 527 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,920 You can tell that by the lack of vertical stabilisers 528 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,960 on the tail boom, which means it will struggle with crosswind. 529 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:43,240 Patient's this way. 530 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,240 But on the plus side, much more aerodynamic. 531 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,080 But you'll know that already. 532 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,760 Did you know that already? Yeah! 533 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,680 Roughly when did it happen, Geoff? 534 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,240 Patient was found at 1400 hours. 535 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,400 About two o'clock, Geoff? Yeah, I think so, yeah. 536 00:24:58,400 --> 00:24:59,880 Kept the patient still, 537 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,240 administered two fingers of a chocolate wafer bar, orally. 538 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,240 And have you been sick, Geoff? No, I don't think so. 539 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,360 Cream of chicken soup administered for hydration. 540 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,680 Patient was unreceptive. 541 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,600 OK, we're going to get you out of here, Geoff, 542 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,160 get you on a stretcher, all right? OK. 543 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,000 Get him on the whirly bird. Releasing Blue Harbour. 544 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,400 One, two, three. Argh! 545 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:25,960 SHE DOESN'T SPEAK 546 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,480 It's funny, I came to the great outdoors to fix a head. 547 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,320 I left having fixed a leg - 548 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,880 although I'm told the chap will need to use a cane. 549 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,440 And, of course, we couldn't do what we do if it 550 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:43,160 weren't for the help of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. 551 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:46,120 And that's why we award Citizen Bravery awards. 552 00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,120 First, Daniel Alison. 553 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:51,400 In January, Daniel's dad had a heart attack. 554 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,200 Daniel managed to perform CPR 555 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,040 whilst waiting for the air ambulance. 556 00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:58,360 Daniel. 557 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,160 Next, Alan Partridge. 558 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:11,360 Just this month, Alan ran for half a mile... 559 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:12,600 Just over. 560 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,240 ..to call Mountain Rescue, after finding an injured hiker. 561 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,560 Alan. 562 00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:27,480 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 563 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,360 Members of the press, 564 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:33,280 Lord Mayor Robert, Lady Mayor Janine, um, 565 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,400 and our WPC lady here. 566 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,880 People ask me, why is Britain great? 567 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,200 I tell them, it's the heroes. 568 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,400 Me, I'm not a hero. 569 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,920 Any big, strong man would've done what I did. 570 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:54,960 The real heroes are the brave men and women of Mountain Rescue 571 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,320 and their patron, His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales, 572 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,360 himself a former helicopter rescue man. 573 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,800 I know Prince Andrew also takes an interest 574 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,640 having once been a helicopter pilot himself, 575 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,640 although he, er, takes more of a back-seat role these days. 576 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,800 CLEARS THROAT 577 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,800 Still, a consummate pilot. 578 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,160 He knows how to handle an unruly bird 579 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:18,120 even when taking heavy flak during turbulence. 580 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:22,040 The trick is to get as far away from the storm as possible. 581 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,240 I'm sorry about that. Someone said that would be funny. 582 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,280 I don't think it is. I think it's awful, what he did. 583 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,400 Let's simply salute a gifted pilot 584 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,480 and, er, a world-class trade envoy, 585 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:35,720 his, er, friendship with a rich dead bad man notwithstanding. 586 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:38,920 Er, as for Geoff, 587 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,680 the chap whose life I saved, it's funny, 588 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,880 he thinks I helped him, 589 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,600 but he's healed something in me. 590 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:51,520 So, I don't want to hear any more of this, "Alan Partridge is a hero, 591 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,640 "Alan Partridge puts his life on the line" nonsense. 592 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,640 They're just empty words. 593 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:01,000 The words that really meant something aren't on a certificate. 594 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,680 They come from my ten-year-old godson Chris Tarver, who, 595 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,160 when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, said, 596 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,000 "I want to be like Alan, a hero." 597 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,440 His dad said to him, 598 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,280 "But I only told you Alan had found an injured man. 599 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,720 "You didn't hear the end of the story." 600 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,000 "I didn't need to," replied the boy, 601 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,960 "Because I knew as soon as Alan found him..." 602 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,360 CAMERA CLICKS 603 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:29,880 "Because I knew as soon as Alan found him, 604 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,600 "he was going to be all right." 605 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:32,960 CAMERA CLICKS 606 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,240 CLEARS THROAT NOISILY 607 00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,360 I want this helicopter. 608 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:41,760 SCATTERED APPLAUSE 609 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,200 ALAN SINGS: # And if you're feeling kinda sad 610 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,720 # Come over to my house 611 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,520 # I'll make you some chicken soup 612 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:56,320 # And I'll be asking these simple questions 613 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:59,840 # How are you? How am I? 614 00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,920 # How is he? How is she? 615 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,080 # How are they? 616 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,320 # How-ow-ow-ow... #