♪♪
♪♪ "Little Bitty Pretty One" playing...
♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm ♪
♪ Mm-mm-mm mm-mm-mm-mm ♪
I'm just saying
that this could be a big thing for us.
Money, a new start.
You always say,
"I'll think about it. I'll think about it."
'Cause I'm thinking about it.
Oh, you'd rather a man who didn't think?
Maybe just one who thought a little quicker.
♪♪
♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Whoa oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
What was that?
It sounded like...
a ship?
♪ Whoa... ♪
♪♪
We should go find a phone,
call for help.
♪♪
Were there any reports of tornados?
How did it get here?
There's no water for miles!
Hello?
♪♪
*DIRK GENTLY'S Holistic Detective Agency* Season 02 Episode 06 Title: "Girl Power"
Mom? Is that you?
Oh, I'm so happy you're here.
We can go home together.
Something happened last night, Mom.
Something incredible!
I finally figured out
why I've been such a jerk to you.
I've always just felt like you didn't want me,
and that just made me so angry all the time!
But... all that's all gonna change now.
Because I... I totally support you.
And I love you.
And I...
Gravta bazan.
Is this... a joke?
No, sir.
Same situation as Project Icarus...
some sort of electrical pulse,
a brief break in the surveillance,
water all over the place.
This is the second subject that we have lost this week,
and there's three of them!
How come every time I leave you in charge,
subjects disappear?
I'm not in charge, sir.
I'm... I'm just a lieutenant.
A lieutenant?
I thought you were my assistant.
No, sir.
I'm Lieutenant Assistent.
You mean, like,
your last name is "Assistent"?
Like, with an "E" or something?
Yes.
Gah! Why is everything so stupid?
I've been going about this all wrong.
There's only one smart person in this whole stupid building!
Is that necessary?
Nice!
Oh ho ho ho ho ho...
sweet!
♪ Tall and tan and young and lovely ♪
♪ The girl from Ipanema goes walking ♪
Oh, yes! Yes!
♪ Each one she passes Goes "ah" ♪
♪ When she walks she's like a samba ♪
♪ That swings so cool and sways so gently ♪
♪ ...let go, you've gotta break these chains ♪
♪ You've gotta let go ♪
♪ You've gotta break these chains ♪
♪ You've gotta understand that we ain't going anywhere ♪
Okay.
Oh, ho, ho, man.
I am so screwed.
Ahem.
Okay. So...
Y'all gotta go.
Just ripped my underwear.
'Cause this is a police station.
Huh. Hmm.
Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go!
What...
So...
Good first concert?
I feel... renewed.
And...
incredibly dirty.
Yeah.
That sounds about right.
Where's Dirk?
Mm.
Hi!
Last night,
you and all your friends, you were out there yelling
and kissing
and just grabbing each other's butts
and giving each other compliments.
It was a mess.
Mm. It-It was a mistake... coming in here.
I-I-I was in quite a state last night...
Are you back to being scared of me?
- Mm-hmm. - Why?
- You tried to kill me. - This again?
Yeah, sorry.
This forever.
Aah!
You know, I don't get you.
You're going through the same thing as me,
I can tell.
Do you even know how it works?
You talk about the interconnectedness
with all those big, fancy words,
but do you even know what you are?
Do you?
Do you have an answer, Bart?
You're not exactly a bastion of eloquent, articulate thought,
but do you have some kind of insight to offer me,
or are you just going to indolently scowl at me
while I'm trapped in your cage?
I'm just an assassin.
But I'll tell you what...
I'm starting to get a feeling this will all end badly.
I'm sorry.
I failed.
It went wrong. I, um...
I dropped the wand,
but I'm gonna make it right.
I just... I dropped the wand,
but I just need another shot,
another chance,
and I swear I will get Dirk Gently.
I'll get The Boy.
It doesn't matter.
Are you all right?
See for yourself.
Wait, is that supposed to be you?
I suppose I always suspected
there was something wrong with my world.
Even as I took it over,
it felt off somehow, you know?
Um, I don't...
This is just a picture.
Just a picture?
Look there.
This is the Battle of Star Rock.
This is the first kingdom that I conquered.
And here, there's the war for Knick-Knack Highlands!
And this is the ambush at Marshmallow Mountains.
So?
All of these are battles that I won easily.
There's no way anyone could know all these details!
I've killed everyone in my world who could tell these stories.
And yet, these drawings show them all,
with one difference... I lose.
Every time.
Don't you see?
This is how it was meant to be.
I'm just a...
just a puppet.
Just a "bad guy."
The person who did this
must be The Boy of the prophecy,
and Dirk Gently's already found him!
If I return...
to Wendimoor...
I'll be defeated.
All this time, I was built to lose...
by a child.
Do you know where The Boy is?
And... what?
You're just giving up?
You're just gonna, what...
let him live?
All because of some stupid kid's drawing
in a weird old crackhouse,
you're all sulky and depressed.
No! Uh-uh.
You told me
I was gonna be a queen.
A queen!
I'm sorry, Mr. Mage, but this isn't over.
Not by a long shot.
- I'm gonna finish this myself! - You watch your tongue,
- you impudent... - Or what? Hmm?
Do you see me in your stupid drawing?
You may think
that you're some kind of fantasy...
but I'm real!
I am real!
No. I'm sorry, I've never seen this woman before.
You said she had a wand?
Or something, yes.
It was a wand. It was definitely a magic wand.
Let's bite that bullet.
Perhaps she was there to help.
You said she cast a love spell?
She did not look like she wanted to help, okay?
She was headed right for Dirk.
Dirk, do you think Suzie Boreton got it from Wendimoor?
Maybe she's been to Wendimoor.
Maybe that's how Amanda got there.
Bit of a logical leap there, Todd.
Look, we should be just trying to finish this,
before anything else happens,
not getting hung up on details.
- "Details"? - Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Maybe Wendimoor's always existed, somehow,
and Arnold Cardenas is the guy who found it,
and then his parents... murdered each other,
and the government locked it down?
Then why is this all happening now?
The prophecy was spoken ages ago.
What could've set it into motion?
Ooh! Ooh! That's one of those...
That is a good question, man.
Why have we not been talking to this guy sooner?
I am pro-this guy, now. I am Team Poncho!
"Panto."
I don't understand how Suzie Boreton's involved.
Is she under some kind of spell too, or...?
Wait...
The prophecy...
The prophecy!
- What? - What?
In the prophecy,
didn't you say
the dark wizard would find an apprentice?
Isn't that how it all started?
Look, isn't it probable, possible,
indeed very likely,
and, in fact, almost certain
that Suzie Boreton met this Mage person,
and is, for some reason, in league with him?
You're saying Suzie Boreton is, what, some kind of witch?
Yeah, like a crappy junior witch, right?
I don't think the "love spell" or whatever
was an intentional move.
I think it was a mistake.
She looked like she wanted to hurt us.
I... I think Bob Boreton was enchanted too.
I think that's why he attacked us.
This man, The Mage, must've got here first,
before Panto.
I... If he knows the prophecy you told us
about saving Wendimoor,
he'd know my name,
that I'd "bring The Boy" who would stop him...
He'd want to kill me.
The Mage is a cruel, sadistic monster.
He's destroyed most of my world
just for the sake of his own amusement.
If you're correct,
and The Mage is here,
or has an agent in your world...
then I'm afraid you're all in grave danger.
There's a way to find out.
Farah, if you find the clothes you were wearing last night,
you'll find Scott Boreton's phone.
Hello?
Suzie Boreton? This is Deputy Tina Tevetino.
I'm afraid to tell you
Scott's gotten himself into some trouble again.
You don't say.
It's not a class-one felony, uh, but I have had to hold him.
He's saying a lot of stuff about a "mage" or something,
I don't know, was hoping you could clear some things up.
Why are you lying to me, Tina?
Uh...
You don't understand who you're antagonizing.
You have no idea what I could do to you.
Well, Suzie...
I feel like you're threatening me right now, so that's...
You people embarrassed me!
You laughed at me.
You were
dancing and having fun
while I was crawling on the ground...
Uh, we didn't...
I was just trying to do something for myself,
just kill one person,
and now I have mud in my hair!
You think I'm going to let people make me feel small again?
I am done feeling small.
Nuh-uh.
You know how much bullshit I've had to deal with?
Well, not anymore.
No, I won't let your negative attitude
drag me down.
I will cover myself
in your blood!
I have high self-esteem.
I am...
magnificent.
And I'm going to kill all of you!
I think it's time you gave me my gun back.
Well...
your first error
was letting Priest use his own guys.
Right. I-I see that.
And your second error...
Can we not... list my errors?
- There are a lot... - I know.
There are, like, a lot of errors.
I know! Like, there are errors, and then,
nothing else... only errors.
Ugh! Can you get the Rowdy Three back?
Our priority should be what's happening in Bergsberg.
But it doesn't make any sense
that there wasn't any police response
to what happened at the motel.
Priest is still there, right?
Have him ping the GPS trackers
in the Bergsberg Sheriff Department vehicles.
Let's find out where they are.
What would be the point of that?
Well, everything is connect...
You really still don't get how this works, do you?
Like, no!
Could I talk to Mr. Priest?
Well, I mean, he just ignores everything I say,
so, like... sure.
You know I'm gonna need a higher clearance for that.
Of course.
I want that square head!
They're all square. Cubes.
These things are so dumb, and I love it!
It's "The Bad Cube Gang"!
Mm. Canadian-made.
That's a nice hat there, drummer.
I just don't trust cubes.
There's too many dimensions.
It's confusing!
Are you gonna tell us how you did that trick?
How you sucked us through the floor like that?
I don't know, Martin.
I'm...
I'm still learning.
Mmm.
But I'm happy to see you.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I been around a long time.
I seen a lot of wild-style bamboo,
but those furry monsters,
it's new to me.
You have truly upped my limit.
I'm just going with the flow right now.
Trying to not ask too many questions.
Hey, drummer! One of the Martians
is touching me again!
Vogel, we've been through this!
This is not Mars.
But it might be Canada.
It's not Canada, Cross.
That guy's Canadian!
We are in the woods right now! That's Canada!
Like I said... you've upped my limit.
I'm gonna figure out how to get us home.
Is that the plan?
I mean, we just got here, right?
I thought she was teaching you stuff.
She is, yeah.
But...
Don't you guys...
I thought you would want to leave.
No, drummer.
You're in charge.
I'm in charge?
Where you go, we go.
Hell, you dragged us out of that pit.
And you think we would just wanna walk away?
If you wanna learn magic, learn that weird crap.
We ain't got no place to be but here for you.
♪♪
Guys, this is a mess.
I just checked the station voicemail,
and there are nine messages saying
that the motel's all shot up, like the Wild West,
and government trucks coming through,
and drones in the sky,
and weird encrypted messages using secure channels?
Blackwing.
- This is bad. - And Hobbs
isn't picking up his phone,
and he always picks up his phone,
and I checked my stupid voicemail, and...
It was on silent,
and I got a message from him last night.
He was over at the Cardenas',
and something was happening,
and he... he was amped.
You know, nervous?
Hobbs is never nervous.
And I...
Farah, uh, uh, what's... what's our next move?
Do we... Do we wait for him here, or...
We can't stay here, Tina.
We should go to the Cardenas house.
That's where the portal is hidden,
that's how we get to Wendimoor, and that's where Hobbs
- said he was! - No!
That's where Hobbs said he was.
We've got no guarantee where, or even if, he is.
You are all now actively in danger,
and that's my fault, so...
You know what?
Actually... I've finished the case.
I've done as Mona asked.
I've found The Boy.
But Wendimoor...
Mona didn't say anything about Wendimoor.
May not even be real.
According to you, Mona barely said anything.
We've seen Panto, Amanda, magic wands...
Then we go to the hospital.
If anyone can put all this to rest
and stop any more of this nonsense
leading to anyone else getting hurt,
it's Arnold Cardenas.
Finishing the case is our way out of this.
The hospital is our only useful destination.
Arnold is the only one who knows what actually happened
in that house all those years ago
that caused all this.
He is male, he, at one point, was a child,
and he damn near shat himself when he saw Panto.
Good enough for me.
Clap-clap!
He is The Boy! He has to be The Boy!
He's a boy who went into a magical painting
or opened a door to another universe
where, I guess, the Purple People-Eater lived,
or some stupid thing,
and yes, that makes no sense,
and I don't know how to connect it to Mona
or anything else, but who cares?
Me? No!
'Cause guess what?
Snap-snap. I'm calling it!
Case over.
We get him, he shows us to Wendimoor,
prophecy fulfilled!
Mona is involved in some way, I'm sure,
and mystery solved, solved all over the place.
Done. Done!
I'll "find The Boy," what, six times in a row if I have to!
Done! Did it!
I'll point at him. "Did it!"
That's my new thing. "Did it!"
Is he okay?
Honestly?
No clue.
But the sooner we get to the hospital,
the better.
I'm gonna get the air gun.
Oh, no. No, no, Todd.
Are you sure that you need that?
Wh... Todd?
Hello, Icarus.
♪♪
Whosever idea it was to track the cop cars,
buy that guy a donut.
I can't.
I can't. It's too much.
Could we take a break?
Could we just take, like, I don't know, five?
The pool is just a stepping stone, a tool.
If you can learn to control your visions,
you can learn to control your reality.
You've already used it before.
Yeah. You helped me.
If I try to do it again, I'll have an attack.
Then have one!
What?
How can you say that? You know that it hurts!
- How do you feel? - Angry.
Why are you angry?
'Cause I'm afraid!
Fear is just a thing... like anything else.
A feeling that exists inside of you.
I thought you were punk.
I am punk.
Screw you!
♪♪
Oh! I'm having an attack!
There's a knife in my hand!
I see it. You are in control.
Stay calm.
Separate from reality. Go to the place within.
The physical world
is just something you experience with your body.
Your body is a collection of meat and blood and bone.
Your awareness can separate.
Separate!
The knife is just an illusion,
your illusion.
Own it! Control it!
Make it your reality!
♪♪
Oh, shit!
The attack is over... but the knife is real!
I created the knife.
I am a freakin' witch-a-koo-koo!
Hey, Tina.
"Wacky T"!
I've never seen you this far east.
I heard you became a cop.
And working with Hobbs, no less.
I, uh...
Oh, hiya... Rizzio!
Marnie!
Marnie Fee from over there in Great Falls.
Oh. Uh, yeah. Hi.
Hiya. Did you conversate with Hobbs recently?
I've been trying to reach him.
Yeah. Me too, actually.
A shipment of guns from Great Falls was stolen.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Ya don't say?
Suspects went poof, into thin air,
but get this... we found out whoever paid them
used gold bars with big "K" s on them,
like something out of a fairytale.
The Mage.
We have to go. Now.
Sure... Sure. Bye, Tina!
Uh, good to see you...
Marnie.
♪♪
Whoever you are, get out of here.
Oh, no... I'm Dirk Gently.
Remember?
I was told to find you
by a woman named Mona Wilder.
Do you know who that is?
No.
Leave me alone.
Yes. You said
"the house within a house"
and the air gun were made for you.
By whom? Who made them?
Someone in Wendimoor?
Do you know how to get there?
Wendimoor can't be real.
If it is... I'll never be forgiven.
Forgiven by who?
My parents were always fighting...
over money...
the motel, the farm.
A company called "Kellum" wanted to buy our land.
My mother wanted to sell...
but my papi, he wanted to stay.
The fighting got worse and worse.
And then, one night...
My mother came home in a shiny new car...
Kellum had bought her.
The scissors...
I lost both my parents in one night.
Is that why you called the government?
Because your mother killed your father?
What does that have to do with Wendimoor?
I thought I was going to be taken there.
It was a promise.
Wendimoor would be a safe haven...
but it can't exist.
Well, if it does, can you take us there?
Maybe...
Yes.
Then put your shoes on.
We're going to another dimension.
Priest.
Update.
This is not Supervisor Friedkin.
To whom am I speaking?
Uh, no, it's cool.
I'm still in charge,
but my friend Ken here knows Dirk...
Update, please?
Interesting.
The subject and accomplices have entered the hospital.
There's no sign of any activity yet.
Let us know if anything changes.
Otherwise, hold back. Your team is en route.
♪♪
Things appear to be getting a bit more interestin' here.
I have an unknown female
approaching the premises
looking...
sorta...
nuts.
What is up with her?
♪♪
Excuse me?
Can I help you?
Drop your weapon!
Things are getting distinctly supernatural around here.
Bursts of light coming from inside.
It might be time...
for me to move in.
Find Project Icarus!
But stay back,
unless the subjects are in danger.
I don't want any subjects hurt,
you hear me?
Yeah, I got that.
What about the civilians and accomplices?
Project Icarus is the priority.
Oh.
I like you, Ken.
Attention, all staff.
This is not a drill.
A controlled hospital lockdown is now in effect.
Please enter the nearest room
and lock the doors.
♪♪
Hey! Freeze!
Shit's going down.
It's Suzie Boreton. It has to be.
This is all my fault.
We need to get Arnold out of here.
I betrayed him.
We need to go, now!
Go, go, go, go.
Where the hell is she coming from?
I don't know.
♪♪
Whoa!
Give me The Boy!
Tina, cover!
Huh...
Oh, for...
Oh, that's so bad!
Tina!
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
No. No!
What about Tina?
She's not after her! She's after us!
Oh, uh, this way!
We need to find another way.
No, Arnold, just trust us.
Stand back!
Arnold?
Arnold!
Well, hello there.
Who're you?
- No! - Come on, let's go!
Wouldn't you like to know?
Toros!
Priest! Status!
Things... got a little zany.
Goddammit, baby.
I miss Blackwing.
It's gonna be okay, Dirk.
It most certainly is not.
We'll... We'll figure it out.
We... we have to get out of here.
We'll regroup. We'll...
There's nowhere to go.
And The Boy is dead.
So there's no regrouping.
Let's go!
Now!
Whose car is this?
They won't miss it.
♪♪
I can't believe that finally worked.
What did you see?
People I know.
People I don't know.
I saw Dirk, I saw my brother's guitar.
I saw, um...
Could you see this stuff?
No.
I can't see into your realm on my own.
I made a friend.
I use her eyes.
What else did you see?
I saw something bad coming.
There was an army.
Like those box-head... the Kellum knight guys.
And there was thousands of them,
and they were coming here.
So what happens when this army gets here?
If the army is as close as you've seen,
that is very bad indeed.
Evil will win.
Everyone will die.
Uh, you're not talking anymore.
Don't you understand?
They left us food
because they know they might not be back.
They are facing grave peril.
You have to let me out of here.
We can take my weapons
and disguise ourselves in garb of this world.
- I told you that we can't... - No! You have to let me out.
If The Mage is here, it changes everything.
I have to go back to Wendimoor.
If my family's fate is to die,
then I shall die fighting as hard as I can
by their sides.
Wait. You know how to get back?
You known this whole time?
Yes.
Then why didn't you tell Dirk?
Because he didn't have The Boy.
I didn't know who to trust.
And now I can see
you're the only person who can help me.
Yeah, but if your cell don't unlock,
that means the universe don't want you to get out,
- so I can't... - Forget fate! Forget the universe!
Forget magic and mystery and prophecies and all of it!
You said you wanted control!
You can retrieve my scissor sword
and break this lock.
Yeah, but...
I'm not supposed to...
I am fighting for a happily-ever-after.
Do you want to help me save the people I love?
Do you want to come with me to Wendimoor?
Or would you rather stay here and let fate play out for you?
What is it that you want?
♪♪
Dirk, I know that was bad, but are you gonna be okay?
Come on, Dirk. We need you, okay?
Um, I-I've never seen him like...
I know.
Well, where we going?
Out of Bergsberg.
Screw this. Everything's imploding.
Go to the Cardenas house.
I'm going to get my sister.
You don't know where she is.
Amanda's in Wendimoor! I saw her!
Todd, you had a hallucination, okay?
You don't know that that was real.
It's the only place left!
What's shaking?
Yeah, why are you so twisted up?
I think something... really bad is coming.
The visions are weird.
But I need you to see
if it's, like, literal, or a metaphor.
I need you to go south.
Use your magic smell thing
to see if there's a giant army coming.
Look, I know this world is weird and dangerous,
and there's no telling what you might run into...
Stop.
It's done.
This is gonna be fun.
Let's go, boys.
Dirk! With me!
Dirk. Come on. Get up.
Fine. Guess it's just you and me, Farah.
Wendimoor, here we come.
Oh, that can't be good.
I'm out of ammunition.
Get Dirk inside.
What... What about you?
Farah!
Dirk, stand up!
We don't have The Boy.
We failed the case.
There's nowhere to go. It's all pointless, isn't it?
Maybe I'm The Boy. Right?
Come on. At least we gotta try.
Okay, Panto arrived on this bed,
so it must somehow turn into a portal.
Could really use your help here.
This is kind of your specialty...
finding strange handles
and switches that do weird stuff.
Right, so, Panto described it
almost like he fell onto the bed, so...
Oh! Yes!
Of course! I have to fall onto the bed!
Farah Black!
It's so lovely to make your acquaintance.
Sorry to hear about your father.
I'm with an agency called Blackwing...
I know who you are.
Good. Then you know
there's no reason for any kind of fisticuffs
with all that fancy training that your file bored me with.
Oh, I think there's a need for violence here, actually.
Oh.
Blow my mind.
Maybe next time.
Maybe the portal is actually the ceiling!
Svlad Celli...
it's time to come home!
A lot of people died today because of you.
Who the hell is that?
That's Priest.
Farah's dead.
I'm sorry, Todd, but now you're dead too.
There's no way.
Farah can take anybody out.
She's probably planning
a sneak attack or something.
We just need to portal to Wendimoor, save Amanda,
figure out all "The Boy" stuff,
and come right back, and everything's gonna be fine!
Wait. Um... I-I-If... If-if-if...
If the portal to Wendimoor is in here somewhere,
then wouldn't it make sense for it to literally
be through the mural?
Poor confused, dangerous little Svlad Celli...
"Dirk Gently." Project Icarus.
Always in trouble.
Come back to Blackwing
before anyone else dies because of you.
I deserve to go back.
The water stain.
Remember?
It's right where the bed closes.
Wait. You were wet in the trunk,
and Panto arrived all wet too.
Oh, my God, wait.
Panto said that he fell onto a bed,
but when he stood up, it was gone.
The force of him traveling between the two worlds
opened and closed the bed when he got up!
The bed has to be closed!
Oh, no, the door is closed.
However will I get inside?
Oh, no...
Mr. Priest? Report.
I'm gonna need a lockdown team.
Ever since I can remember,
I've always just wanted to hurt people.
It's honestly
the most interesting way to spend your time.
I used to think, I was the most powerful person
in my stupid little world.
Turns out, I'm nothing.
Even my first little plan...
just basic cruelty, really...
take weapons from your world, give them to people in mine,
and sit back and watch the violence.
Classic sort of fun.
But I was thinking small, wasn't I?
There's a whole world out there.
Your world.
Maybe it's time I left Wendimoor behind me.
There's plenty of people in your world to torture.
Maybe Wendimoor doesn't matter.
Why should it?
Maybe it's time I closed those doors
once and for all.
Of course, that still leaves your deranged wife to deal with.
Dirk Gently is defeated.
The Boy is dead.
Send me to Wendimoor.
♪♪ Sync corrections by srjanapala
♪♪