American.Beauty.1999.DVDrip.XviD.DTS.CD1-WAF.avi

W

We

We  A

We  Ar

We  Are

We  Are  F

We  Are  Fa

We  Are  Fam

We  Are  Fami

We  Are  Famil

We  Are  Family

 

W      A      F
http://waf.xdns.co.kr

 

자막제작 : ⓐⓒ③ 字幕
수  정 : 영화가 좋아

 

난 번듯한 아빠를 원해

 

내 친구나 넘보며
팬티에 사정하는 아빠 말고

 

저질!

 

누가 아빠를 없애
버렸으면 좋겠어

 

내가 없애줄까?

 

그래 줄 수 있어?

 

아메리칸 뷰티
1 9 9 9

 

내 이름은 레스터 버냄

 

여긴 내가 사는 동네며
이곳은 우리 집

 

이것이 내 인생이다

 

난 올해 마흔 둘이며
1년 이내로 죽을 것이다

 

물론 아직 확신은 없다

 

실은 죽은 거나 다름없다

 

나의 모습이다
샤워 중의 자위!

 

하루 중 가장
짜릿한 순간이며

 

샤워 뒤엔 늘 무기력 뿐이다

 

집사람 캐롤린

 

가지치는 가위 손잡이와
나막신의 절묘한 조화

 

결코 우연이 아니다

 

조용히 해!

 

대체 왜 그러니?

 

옆집 남자 짐!

 

이 남자는 그의 연인

 

짐

버릇 나빠지겠어
짖지 말고 안에 들어가!

 

안녕! 짐

 

안녕! 캐롤린

 

넥타이 색깔이 근사해요

 

당신 장미도 멋지군요
비결이 뭐죠?

비결이 뭐냐면요
달걀껍질과 미라클 비료!

처음 들어요

 

아내를 바라보면 숨이 막힌다

 

저러지 않았는데...
그녀는 행복했었다

 

아니, 우린 행복했었다

 

내 딸 제인은 외동딸이다

 

예쁘고 평범한 10대

성깔, 불확신, 불안 따윈...

크면서 없어진다고
말하고 싶지만

 

거짓말하긴 싫다

 

매력없단 소릴 듣고 싶니?

응

 

축하해
끝내주게 꼴불견이야

 

더 꾸물대지 그래?
지각하려면 멀었어

 

잘했어, 아빠

 

모녀는 날 패배자로 여긴다

 

그들이 옳다

 

난 뭔가를 잃어버렸다
그게 뭔지는 잘 모르겠지만

 

지금처럼 허구한 날
무기력하진 않았다

 

그러나 의욕이란...
언제든 되찾을 수 있다

 

월간 미디어의 버냄입니다
탬블린씨 계세요?

 

마감이 가까워서요

 

귀하의 신상품 정보가
아직 소개되지 않아서...

 

하나 물어봐도 돼요?

 

탬블린씨 생존해 계세요?
한 번도 뵙질 못해서요

 

번호 적으세요

 

555-0199

 

레스터 버냄
고마워요

 

이봐! 레스터

 

시간 좀 내겠소?

 

누구 청인데요
얼마든지 내죠

 

경비 절감책 이해하죠?

 

압니다

 

재정 바닥난 거
외부 자본을 땡겨요

 

돈을 써야 돈벌잖아요

 

맞아요

 

편집장이 콜걸한테
회사카드를 빌려줘서

 

석 달 간 호텔에서
긁은 돈이...

 

- 그건 낭설이요
- 5만 달러였죠

 

매춘한 건 편집장인데
왜 딴 사원이 잘려야 되죠?

 

제발 진정해요

 

아직 아무도 안 잘려요

 

각자의 업무 계획서를 받아
공헌도를 판단할 계획이오

 

평가 기준은 누가 가치있고...

 

누가 회사돈을 잘 쓰나?

 

사업상 필요해요

 

난 14년간 글을 썼소만
당신은 한 달도 안됐죠?

 

난 직원들 편이오
터놓고 말하리다

 

자리를 지킬 마지막 기회요

 

업무 계획서를 써내

 

- 독재 같단 생각 안 들어?
- 잘리고 싶어?

 

악마한테 영혼을
파는 게 낫겠어

 

좀 진지해지면 안 돼?

 

새 이웃이 오나 봐

 

로만스가 '부동산' 대신
날 밀어주면

 

집이 불티나게 잘 팔릴텐데

무화과를 잘라낸 게
아직도 분한가 봐

 

무화과? 뿌리가 우리집
땅 밑에 있었으니

 

우리 집 거잖아

 

우리 나무가 아니면
내가 왜 잘랐겠어?

 

이런 늘어지는 곡을
계속 들어야 돼?

 

아니

 

네가 영양가 있는
식탁을 차릴 때가 오면

 

네 맘대로 틀어도 돼

 

제인, 학교 어땠니?

 

괜찮았어

 

그냥 괜찮았니?

 

아니, 죽여주게 괜찮았어

 

아빠는 어땠는지 아니?

 

전문가랍시고 새로 뽑은
브래드란 작자가...

 

이름도 전문가 답지?

 

윗대가리들이
나서기 뭣 하니까

 

방패막이로 내세운 거야
속보이지 않니?

 

자식이 나한테...
듣기 싫구나?

 

뭘 기대해?

 

하루를 구겼다고
나랑 불쑥 친해지길 바래?

 

몇 달째 우린
입 닫고 살았잖아

 

뭘? 당신을 본받으라고?
애를 가정부 취급하면서

 

뭐?

 

뭐라구?

 

아이스크림 먹을래

 

제인

 

미안하구나

 

너한테 좀 더
자상했어야 했는데...

 

할 얘기 있으면
언제든 말해

 

내 잘못이란 뜻이야?

 

그런 뜻 아냐
누구 잘못도 아냐

 

왜 이러니?
우린 친했잖아?

 

"버냄부동산"
캐롤린 버냄

 

"오늘 공개합니다"

 

오늘은 꼭 팔고 말 테다

 

오늘 안에 꼭 팔거야
오늘 꼭 팔테야...

 

오늘 꼭 팔고 말거야

 

어서 오세요
캐롤린이예요

 

거실이 무척 드라마틱하죠?
벽난로도 기대하세요

 

우유빛 페인트가 우아하죠?
채광창을 달아보세요

 

주방에 가 볼까요?

 

어떤 요리든 문제 없어요

 

기분까지 밝아지죠?

 

선풍기 덕에 전기료가
믿기지 않을 만큼 싸요

 

뒤뜰은 파티 열기에 최고죠

 

광고엔 호수 같다더니
웬걸!

 

벌레만 득실대고
정원수도 꽝이잖아

이게 정원수 아님 뭐죠?

 

이게 불만이라면
정원사를 붙일게요, 됐죠?

 

난 열대지방 같은
폭포수를 원하는데

이건 콘크리트에
뚫은 구덩이잖아요

 

가로등식 가스난로도 있어요

 

뚝 그쳐!

 

약해 빠진 망할 여편네야!

뚝 그치란 말야!

 

누굴 찾니?

 

엄마, 아빠가 온댔어

 

갑자기 애정있는 척 법석이야

 

울 엄마가 그럼 난 미쳐

 

밥맛이야, 자기들 인생이나
신경쓰라지

 

와 주길 바라는지
어떻게 장담해?

 

뜻깊은 행사란 걸
애써 숨겼지만...

 

몇 주째 스탭 연습을 했어

 

애가 화낼게 분명해
덕분에 난 본드 영화를 놓쳤고

 

이럴 필요 있어
당신과 너무 멀어졌잖아

 

멀어져? 날 미워해

 

고집불통이라 그래

 

그 앤 당신도 미워해

 

하프타임 공연입니다
록웰 고등학교 댄싱팀!

 

공연 끝나면 나가자!

 

젠장! 아직 안 갔어

 

제인!

 

- 정말 재밌더라
- 완벽했어

 

- 상도 못 받은걸
- 제인 아빠 레스터란다

 

안녕하세요?

 

내 친구 안젤라야

 

반갑구나
너도 참 잘했어, 아주...

 

노련하던데

 

- 고마워요
- 반가웠다, 우리 공주

 

네가 자랑스러워
가까이서 봤는데

 

실수를 한 번도 안하더구나

 

먼저 갈게

 

- 뭐 할거니?
- 아빠!

피자를 먹을거예요

 

그래? 태워줄게
데려다 줄까?

 

고맙지만 차 있어요

 

차가 있다구?
그거 잘 됐구나

 

제인도 곧 살 거란다

 

아빠, 엄마가 기다리잖아

 

만나서 반가웠다

 

제인 친구라면 누구나
나하고도 친구란다

 

그럼... 또 보자

 

정말 구제불능 아니니?

 

매력있는데

 

너네 엄마랑 오랫동안
섹스를 못했나 봐

 

기분이 묘했다

 

20년간 혼수상태였다가
막 깨어난 기분이다

 

정말 황홀했다

 

아빠 눈빛이 묘해서 미안했어

 

괜찮아
그런 시선에 이젠 익숙해

 

열 두 살 때부터 느꼈거든

 

난 가족과 외식을 즐겼지
매주 목요일 밤 랍스터!

 

식당 안 남자들의
축축한 시선...

 

뭘 생각하는지 난 느꼈어

 

남자애들은 내 생각하며
자위해

 

역겨워

 

난 좋아
아직도 좋아하구

 

사내들이 날보며
섹스를 상상한다는 건

 

내가 모델 자질이
있단 뜻이야

 

얼마나 다행이니

 

평범한 것보다 슬픈 건 없거든

 

넌 틀림없이 모델이 될거야

 

알아

 

간절히 원하면 꼭 실현돼

 

변태!

 

안젤라 헤이스

 

여보세요?

 

네?

 

- 왜 전화했니?
- 안 했는데

 

받자마자 끊겼어
너 같아서 건거야

 

난 샤워하고 있었어

 

역겨워!

 

리키, 아침 먹자

 

갈게요

 

엄마!

 

베이컨은 안 먹잖아요

 

미안, 깜빡 했다

 

뭐가 났어요?

 

이 나라는 말세다

 

- 손님 온댔어?
- 아뇨

 

아니라니까요

 

- 인사드릴게요
- 직접 재배했어요

파스타만 사 온 겁니다

 

신선해서 물만 적시면 끝!

 

짐 오마이어입니다
두 집 건너 살죠

해병대 대령 프랭크요

 

- 반가워요 제 파트너...
- 짐 버클리, 또는 JB

 

꼭두새벽부터 뭘 팔러 왔소?

 

아무것도요
이웃과 인사나 하려구요

 

파트너라면 어떤 일을 하죠?

 

- 옆은 세무 변호사
- 여긴 마취 전문의

 

뭐가 잘났다고
호모란 걸 떠벌려?

 

어쩜 저렇게 뻔뻔하지?

 

이상한게 아니예요
창피 할 것도 없구요

 

창피한거지

 

아버지가 옳아요

 

엄마 달래듯 말하지마

 

버릇없이 말해서 죄송해요

 

생각만 해도
그 족속들 역겨워요

 

애비도 그 기분이다

 

그 심정 이해해

 

농담이 아냐
바지를 벗더니 쑥 내밀었어

 

내 거랑 '악수해' 하듯이

 

메스꺼워

 

메스껍긴
짱이던데

 

- 그래서 했어?
- 말이라고 하니?

 

유명한 사진 작가야
'엘르' 전속작가!

 

뭐가 아깝다고 안 하겠니?

 

창녀같다 얘!

 

성공을 위해서라면
변두리 촌닭들은 모르겠지만

 

넌 촌닭 아니니?
세븐틴엔 딱 한 번 나와 놓고

 

크리스티 털링톤 흉내내니?

 

재수 없는 년!

 

괜히 깎아 내리는
애들은 밥맛이야

 

어쩜 좋아!
어젯밤 날 찍은 변태야

 

쟤가?
설마 쟨 병자야

 

- 알아?
- 그럼

 

중 3때 점심짝꿍이었는데
맨 날 이상한 얘기만 했어

 

그러더니 하루는...
뜬금없이 증발했어

 

소문엔 말이야
부모가 정신병원에 넣었대

 

왜? 뭘 어쨌길래?

 

너 왜 이래?

 

이상한 말 했다고
가둘 순 없잖아

 

요런 앙큼하긴...

 

- 너 반했지?
- 미쳤니?

 

그의 애를 낳을만큼
좋아하지?

 

닥쳐!

 

난 리키인데 옆 집에 이사 왔어

 

알아, 네 몰래카메라
아주 불쾌했어

 

겁주려던게 아냐
너 한테 관심있어

 

고맙지만 염탐하는
사이코는 필요없어

 

염탐아냐
너한테 끌려

 

정신병자 같아

 

누더기 패션처럼
저게 뭐니?

 

자신감 넘쳐보여
마치 연기하듯이!

 

기가 막혀, 어쩜 난
한 번도 안쳐다봐?

 

- 자넨 왜 입대했나?
- 세 가지 이유입니다

 

애국심, 조국애
그리고 사명감!

 

끝나고 즉각 출두해

 

데려가 중사!

 

뭐 하나?

 

최강의 부대를 위한
신체 단련입니다

 

미안... 뭐?

 

아무도 말 안 했어요

 

미안하다

 

나 혼자 오면 어떻게 보겠어?

 

어차피 날 무시하고
딴사람들하고...

 

사업상 중요한 모임이야

 

내 분야는 이미지가 중요해
좋은 이미지를 줘야 돼

 

- 여보, 잠깐만
- 죄송해요

 

- 난 제껴두고 맘껏 즐겨
- 알았어

 

안녕, 셜리!

 

부탁이야
즐겁게 보내

 

- 난 즐거워
- 아니...

 

버디잖아!

 

버디! 버디!

 

- 또 만나서 반가워요
- 나도 반가워요, 캐서린

 

캐롤린

 

맞아 캐롤린
어때요?

 

잘 있어요
안녕, 크리스티

 

- 남편 레스터예요
- 반갑습니다

 

작년에 보았죠?
성탄절 세라톤 호텔에서

 

괜찮소, 나라도
기억 못했을 거요

 

여보, 실없어요

 

알았어, 조심할게

 

당신이 바라는 대로 처신하지

 

우리 관계는 아주 건강해요

 

그렇군요

 

저는 한 잔 하겠습니다

 

좀 더, 카우보이

 

실례지만...

 

현관문이
빨간 집에 사시죠?

 

옆 집에 이사 온 리키예요

 

안녕, 리키
난 레스터 버냄

 

안녕하세요
버냄씨

 

그거 하세요?

 

뭐?

 

대마초 피우세요?

 

취했으니까 말하는건데

 

정말 존경해요

 

당신 회사는 이 지역에서
단연 으뜸이고

 

당신의 판매 실적은...

 

겁나게 위협적이에요

 

옆에 바짝 붙어서
뇌를 열어 보고 싶어요

 

허락만 한다면요

 

전 당신의 경쟁자지만

 

솔직히 말해...

 

당신 아랫도리도
못 따라가요. 절대로

 

만나고 싶소

 

- 정말?
- 그럼

 

내 비서한테 예약해요

 

그럴게요
고마워요

 

몸뚱이가 머리를
들고 다니다가

 

여자의 거길 핥는
영화봤어?

 

'리애니메이터'

 

밖에서 노닥거리면
월급 안 준다

 

좋아요
주지 말아요

 

- 뭐?
- 관둘게요

 

안 줘도 되니까
간섭하지 말아요

 

빌어먹을 자식

 

갑자기 네가 영웅처럼 보여

 

어떻게 그렇게
보란 듯이 관두지?

 

기껏 먹어 봤자 열 여섯?

 

열 여덟

 

이건 일종의 위장취업이에요

 

돈 줄은 따로 있죠

 

아버지는 제가 어엿한
일을 해야 간섭이 적어요

 

여보!

 

뭐해?

 

여보 이쪽은...

 

옆집에 이사온 리키예요
따님과 동창이죠

 

제인과?

 

난 갈래
정문에서 봐

 

난 죽었다

 

반가웠어
대마초 고마워

 

언제든 환영해요

 

더 필요하면
우리 집 알죠?

 

왔어, 내 방에 올라가자

 

네 아빠랑 인사할래
예의는 지켜야지

 

옷이 멋져요

 

아저씨도 멋지구요
일전엔 무척 상기됐더군요

 

그건 '루트비어'?

 

좋아하는 맥주예요
아저씨는요?

 

엄마, 안젤라 알지?

 

그럼, 알고 말고

 

깜빡했네
얘 자고 갈거야

 

우리 아빠... 미안!

괜찮아 재밌으셔!

 

너한텐 찝적거리는
남자 중 하나겠지만

 

나한텐 없어졌으면
하는 아빠야

 

실은 엄마가 없었으면 싶지?
속보인다 얘!

 

- 너희 아빤 귀여워
- 됐어

 

근육만 좀 키우면
훨씬 섹시할 걸

 

닥쳐!

 

혹시 실수라도
본 적 있니?

 

아마 그게 엄청 클걸!

 

구역질 나게 할래?

 

가슴팍만 키우면
당장 해 줄 텐데

 

대포 같은 거길
핥아 준 다음

기절 할 때까지
섹스 해 주고 싶어

 

무슨 소리지?

 

분명히 들었어

 

네 코고는 소리랑 똑같든?

 

농담 아냐

 

맞지?

 

- 어쩜, 제인
- 뭔데?

 

제인

옆집 사이코 짓이야

 

그가 널 숭배한다면?

 

시체가 가득한 방안을
네 사진으로 도배했다면?

 

지금도 찍고 있을거야

 

진짜?

 

[ Shutter Whirring ]

 

I need a father who's a role model,
not some horny geek boy...

 

who's going to spray his shorts whenever
I bring a girlfriend home from school.

 

What a lame-o.

 

Someone really should just put him
out of his misery.

 

[ Boy ]
You want me to kill him for you ?

 

Yeah. Would you ?

 

[ Shutter Whirring,
CIicking Off ]

 

[ Man Narrating ]
My name is Lester Burnham.

 

This is my neighborhood.

 

This is my street.

 

This is my life.

 

I'm 42 years old.
In less than a year, I'll be dead.

 

[ Alarm Ringing ]

 

Of course,
I don't know that yet.

 

And in a way,
I'm dead already.

 

Look at me:
jerking off in the shower.

 

This will be the high point of my day.
It's all downhill from here.

 

That's my wife, Carolyn.

 

See the way the handle on those pruning
shears matches her gardening clogs ?

 

- That's not an accident.
- [ Dog Barking ]

 

[ Man ]
Hush, Bitsy !

 

- Hush. What is wrong with you ?
- That's our next-door neighbor, Jim.

 

- And that's his lover, Jim.
- [ Both Arguing ]

 

- You spoiI her.
Bitsy, no bark. Come inside now.
- Me ?

 

- Come on. Yes. Inside.
- [ Carolyn ] Good morning, Jim !

 

Good morning, Carolyn.

 

I love your tie !
That color !

 

I just love your roses. How do you
get them to flourish like this ?

 

Well, I'll tell you:
eggshells and Miracle-Gro.

 

- I've never heard that.
- Man, I get exhausted just watching her.

 

She wasn't always like this.
She used to be happy.

 

We used to be happy.

 

My daughter Jane.
Only child.

 

- Janie's a pretty typical teenager:
- [ Computer Beeps ]

 

angry, insecure, confused.

 

I wish I could tell her that's all going
to pass, but I don't want to lie to her.

 

[ Horn Honking ]

 

Jane, honey, are you trying
to look unattractive ?

 

- Yes.
- Congratulations.
You've succeeded admirably.

 

Lester, could you make me
a little later, please,
because I'm not quite late enough.

 

[ Mutters, Indistinct ]

 

Nice going, Dad.

 

[ Lester Narrating ] Both my wife and
daughter think I'm this gigantic loser.

 

And they're right.

 

I have lost something.

 

I'm not exactly sure
what it is,

 

but I know
I didn't always feel this...

 

sedated.

 

But you know what ?

 

It's never too late
to get it back.

 

Hello. This is Lester Burnham
from Medla Monthly magazine.

 

I'm calling
for Mr. Tamblin, please.

 

Well, we're all under
a deadline here. You see,
there's some basic information...

 

about your product launch
that isn't even covered
in your press reIease, and I'd--

 

Yeah, c--
can I ask you a question ?

 

Who is Tamblin ? Does he exist ?
'Cause he doesn't ever seem to come in.

 

Yeah. Okay.
I'll leave my number.

 

It's 555-0199.

 

Lester Burnham.
Thank you !

 

Hey, Les.
You got a minute ?

 

For you, Brad,
I got five !

 

So, yeah, I'm sure you can understand
our need to cut corners around here.

 

Oh, sure.
Times are tight.

 

You got to free up some cash.
You got to spend money to make money.

 

- Right ?
- exactly.

 

Like the time that Mr. Flournoy
used the company MasterCard
to pay for that hooker,

 

and she used the card numbers
and stayed at the St. Regis for,
what was it, three months ?

 

- That's unsubstantlated gossip.
- That's $50,000.
That's somebody's salary.

 

That's somebody who's going
to get fired because Craig
has to pay women to fuck him !

 

Jesus !

 

I mean, calm down.
Nobody's getting fired yet.

 

- [ Scoffs ]
- That's why we're having everyone...

 

write out a job description mapping
out in detail how they contribute.

 

That way management
can assess who's valuable--

 

And who's expendable.

 

It's just business.

 

I've been writing
for this magazine for 14 years.

 

- You've been here how long?
A whole month ?
- I'm one of the good guys, Les.

 

I'm trying to level with you.

 

This is your one chance
to save your job.

 

[ Carolyn ] There is no decision.
You just write the damn thing.

 

- [ Lester ] You don't think
it's weird and kind of fascist ?
- Possibly.

 

- But you don't want to be unemployed.
- all right.

 

Let's just all sell our souIs
and work for Satan 'cause
it's more convenient that way.

 

Oh, could you be a little bit
more dramatic, please, huh ?

 

So, we finally
got new neighbors.

 

You know, if the Lomans
had let me represent them
instead of the real Estate King,

 

that house Would never
have sat on the market for six months.

 

Well, they were still mad at you
for cutting down their sycamore.

 

Their sycamore ?
Come on.

 

A substantlaI portion of the root
structure was on our property.

 

You know that.
How can you call it their sycamore ?

 

I Wouldn't have the heart to just cut
down something if it wasn't partlally
mine, which, of course, it was.

 

♪♪ [ Stereo: InstrumentaI ]

 

[ Woman Singing ]
♪ Ball Ha'i ♪

 

♪ They call you ♪♪

 

- ♪♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ]
- Mom, do we always have to listen
to this elevator music ?

 

No. No, we don't.

 

And as soon you've prepared a nutritious
yet savory meaI that I'm about to eat,

 

you can listen
to whatever you like.

 

So, Janie, how was school?

 

It was okay.

 

Just okay?

 

No, Dad.
It was spectacular.

 

Well, you want to know
how things went in my job today?

 

They've hired
this efficiency expert,

 

this really friendly guy
named Brad--

 

How perfect is that ?
And he's basically there
to make it seem they're justified...

 

in firing somebody,
because they couldn't just come
out and say that, could they ?

 

No, no. That Would just be too honest.
So they've asked us--

 

[ ChuckIing ] You couldn't
Possibly care less, could you ?

 

What do you expect ?

 

You can't all of a sudden be my best
friend just because you had a bad day.

 

I mean, Hello, you've bareIy even
spoken to me for months.

 

Oh, what ?
You're "Mother of the Year" ?

 

- [ Muttering ]
You treat her like an employee.
- What?

 

[ Shouts ]
What?

 

I'm going
to get some ice cream.

 

Janie...

 

I'm sorry I haven't
been more avallabIe.

 

I'm just-- I--

 

You know, you don't always
have to wait for me to come to you.

 

Oh, great.
So now it's my fault ?

 

I didn't say that.
It's nobody's fauIt. It--

 

Janie, what happened ?
We used to be pals.

 

[ InaudibIe ]

 

[ Water Running ]

 

♪♪ [ Humming ]

 

♪♪ [ Stops Humming ]

 

[ Grunts ]

 

[ ExhaIes Forcefully ]

 

I will sell this house today.

 

I will sell this house today.
I will sell this house today.

 

[ Coughing ]

 

I will sell this house today.

 

Welcome.
I'm Carolyn Burnham.

 

This Iiving room
is very dramatic.

 

Wait till you see
the native stone fireplace !

 

A simpIe cream could
really Iighten things up.
You could even put in a skyIight.

 

Well, why don't we
go into the kitchen ?

 

It's a dream come true
for any cook.

 

Just filied
with positive energy, huh ?

 

And you'II be surprised
how much a ceiIing fan can
cut down on your energy costs.

 

You know, you could have some fun
backyard get-togethers out here.

 

The ad said this pooI was lagoon-like.
There's nothing lagoon-like about it.

 

Except for maybe the bugs.
There aren't even any plants out here.

 

What do you call this ?
Is this not a plant ?

 

If you have a probIem with the plants, I
can always call my landscape architect.

 

- Solved.
- I mean, I think "lagoon,"
I think waterfall, tropical.

 

This is a cement hoIe.

 

Uh...

 

I have some tiki torches
in the garage.

 

[ Crying ]

 

Shut up ! Stop it !
You weak-- You baby !

 

Shut up ! Shut up !
Shut up !

 

[ Gasping ]

 

- [ Crowd Cheering ]
- [ Drums Beating Rhythmically ]

 

[ Players Shouting
To Each Other ]

 

[ Crowd Cheering ]

 

Who are you looking for?

 

My parents are coming tonight.

 

They're trying to, you know,
take an active interest in me.

 

Gross. I hate it
when my mom does that.

 

They're such asshoIes. Why can't
they just have their own lives ?

 

[ girls Screeching ]

 

[ Lester ]
What makes you sure she wants us
to be there ? Did she ask us to come ?

 

Of course not. She doesn't want us
to know how important this is to her.

 

But she's been practicing
for weeks.

 

I'll bet she's going to
resent it, and I'm missing
the James Bond marathon on T.N.T.

 

Lester, this is important.
I'm sensing a real distance
growing between you and Jane.

 

"Growing"?
She hates me.

 

- She's just willful.
- She hates you too.

 

[ all Shouting ]

 

[ girls Cheering ]

 

- Excuse me. Sorry. I'm sorry.
- Pardon me.

 

- [ Buzzer Sounding ]
- Hi ! Patty !

 

[ Announcer Over P.A. ]
Now, for your haIftime entertainment,

 

RockWell High's award-winning
Dancing Spartanettes !

 

We can leave
right after this, right?

 

♪♪ [ Band Playing "On Broadway" ]

 

[ Audience Clapping In Tune ]

 

[ Ambient Noise Fades ]

 

♪♪ [ "On Broadway" Finishes ]

 

[ Crowd Cheering ]

 

Shit. They're still here.

 

Janie !

 

Hey, I really enjoyed that.

 

- Congratulations, honey. You were great.
- I didn't win anything.

 

- Hi. I'm Lester, Janie's dad.
- Oh, hi.

 

This is my friend,
Angela Hayes.

 

Okay. Good to meet you.

 

You were aIso good tonight,
very... precise.

 

- Thanks.
- Nice to meet you, Angela.

 

Honey-- [ Grunts ]
I am so proud of you.

 

You know, I watched you very closely.
You didn't screw up once.

 

Okay, uh, we have to go.

 

- So what are you girls doing now ?
- Dad.

 

- We're going out for pizza.
- really ? Do you need a ride ?
We can give you a ride.

 

- I have a car.
You want to come with us ?
- Thanks, but I have a car.

 

You have a car.
That's great. That's great.

 

Janie's thinking about
getting a car, too, soon, aren't you?

 

Dad, Mom's waiting for you.

 

Well, it was very nice
meeting you, Angela.

 

Any friend of Janie's...

 

is a... friend of mine.
[ ExhaIes ]

 

Well... I'll be
seeing you around, then.

 

could he be any more...
pathetic ?

 

I think he's sweet.

 

And I think he and your mother
have not had sex in a long time.

 

[ Lester Narrating ]
It's the weirdest thing.

 

I feel like I've been in a coma
for about 20 years...

 

and I'm just now waking up.

 

Spec-tacular.

 

♪♪ [ Radio: Rock ]

 

I'm so sorry
my dad was weird tonight.

 

That's okay.

 

I'm used to guys
drooIing over me.

 

It started
when I was about 12.

 

I'd go to dinner
with my parents.

 

Every Thursday night: Red Lobster.
[ ChuckIes ]

 

Every guy there Would stare at me
when I walked in.

 

And I knew
what they were thinking,

 

just like I knew guys at school thought
about me when they jerked off.

 

- Vomit.
- No. I liked it.

 

I still like it. If people I don't even
know look at me and want to fuck me,

 

it means I really have a shot
at being a model.

 

Which is great,

 

because there's nothing worse in life
than being ordinary.

 

I really think
it'll happen for you.

 

I know.

 

Because everything that was meant
to happen, does... eventually.

 

Asshole.

 

[ Shower Running ]

 

[ Phone Ringing ]

 

[ Angela ]
Hello? Hello?

 

- [ Clanking ]
- [ Phone Beeps Off ]

 

[ Phone Rings ]

 

- Hello ?
- Why'd you call me ?

 

I didn't.

 

Well, my phone just rang and
I answered it, and somebody hung up.

 

- And I star-69ed,
and I called you back.
- Well, I was in the shower.

 

Oh, gross !

 

[ Woman ]
Ricky ! Breakfast !

 

Be right there.

 

- Mom.
- Hello.

 

I don't eat bacon, remember?

 

I'm sorry.
I must've forgotten.

 

What's new in the world, Dad ?

 

This country
is going straight to hell.

 

[ DoorbeII Ringing ]

 

- Are you expecting anyone ?
- No.

 

No.

 

- Hi.
- Welcome to the neighborhood.

 

- It's just a little something
from our garden.
- Except for the pasta.

 

- We got that at Fallaci's.
- Right. It's unbelievably fresh.

 

You just-- You drop it
in the water, and it's done.

 

Jim Olmeyer. Two doors down.
Welcome to the neighborhood.

 

CoIoneI Frank Fitts,
U.S. Marine Corps.

 

- It's nice to meet you.
This is my partner--
- Jim BerkIey, but call me J.B.

 

Let's cut to chase, okay
What are you guys selling?

 

- [ ChuckIes ] We--
- Nothing. We just wanted to
say hi to our new neighbors.

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said you're
partners, so what's your business ?

 

Well... he is a tax attorney.

 

And he's an anesthesiologist.

 

♪♪ [ Frank Humming ]

 

How come these faggots
always have to rub it in your face ?

 

How can they
be so shameless ?

 

- ♪♪ [ Resumes Humming ]
- That's the whole thing, Dad.

 

They don't feel that's anything
to be ashamed of.

 

Well, it is.

 

- Yeah, you're right.
- Don't placate me
like I'm your mother, boy.

 

Forgive me, sir,
for speaking so bIuntIy,

 

but those fags make me want
to puke my fucking guts out.

 

Well, me too, son.
Yeah. Me too.

 

♪♪ [ Frank Resumes Humming ]

 

[ Angela ] I'm serious. He just
pulied down his pants and yanked it out.

 

- You know, like,
"Say Hello to Mr. Happy."
- Gross !

 

- It wasn't gross. It was kind of cooI.
- So did you do it with him ?

 

Of course. He's a really
Well-known photographer.

 

He shoots for Elie on,
like, a regular basis.

 

- It Would've been majorly stupid
of me to turn him down.
- You are a totaI prostitute.

 

Hey, that's how
things really are.

 

You just don't know because you're
this pampered little suburban chick.

 

So are you. You've Only been
in Seventeen once, and you looked fat.

 

So stop acting like you're
goddamn Christy Turlington !

 

Cunt !

 

I am so sick of people
taking their insecurities out on me.

 

- Oh, my God. That's the pervert
who fiImed me last night.
- Him ?

 

Jane. No way.
He's a totaI lunatic.

 

- Do you know him ?
- Yeah.

 

We were on the same lunch shift
when I was in ninth grade,

 

and he Would always save
the most random, weird things.

 

And then one day,
he was just, like, gone.

 

And then Connie Cardullo told me
that his parents had to put him
in a mentaI institution.

 

Why ? What did he do?

 

What do you mean?

 

Well, they can't put you away
just for saying weird things.

 

You totaI sIut.
You've got a crush on him.

 

- What? please!
- You are defending him. You love him.

 

- You want to have, like,
10,000 of his babies.
- Shut up.

 

Hi. My name's Ricky.
I just moved next door to you.

 

I know.

 

I kind of remember this creepy incident
where you were filming me last night ?

 

- I didn't mean to scare you.
I just think you're interesting.
- Thanks.

 

But I really don't need to have some
psycho obsessing about me right now.

 

I'm not obsessing.
I'm just curious.

 

What a freak.

 

And why does he dress
like a BibIe salesman ?

 

He's, like, so confident.

 

That can't be real.

 

I don't believe him.

 

I mean, he didn't even,
like, look at me once.

 

♪♪ [ BugIe: "Reveilie" ]

 

- How'd you get in the Army ?
- Sergeant, I got three reasons
for being in the Army.

 

First, I'm patriotic. Second, I love
my country. And third, they nalled me.

 

[ Laughs ]

 

[ TV Chatter Continues ]

 

[ Lock RattIing ]

 

[ Door Closes ]

 

Hey.

 

- What's going on here ?
- Bend all the way down.
Here comes the BuII of the Woods.

 

I'm sorry. What ?

 

Mom, nobody said anything.

 

Oh. I'm sorry.

 

♪♪ [ Latin Beat ]

 

Everyone here is with their spouse
or significant other.

 

- How Would it look
if I showed up with no one ?
- You always end up ignoring me.

 

Now, listen to me.
This is an important business function.

 

As you know, my business
is selling an image,

 

and part of my job
is to live that image.

 

Honey, do me a favor and say
whatever you want to say
and spare me the propaganda.

 

all right.
Hi, Shirley !

 

Listen. Just do me a favor.
Act happy tonight.

 

- [ High Voice ] I am happy, honey !
- You're not-- Oh, that's Buddy !

 

- Buddy ! Buddy ! Hi !
- Hi.

 

Good to see you again.

 

- It's so good to see you too, Catherine.
- Carolyn.

 

Oh, Carolyn ! Of course.
How are you ?

 

- Very Well, thank you. Hello, Christy.
- Hello.

 

- My husband, Lester.
- It's a pleasure.

 

Oh, we've met before,
actually. This thing last year.
Christmas at the Sheraton.

 

Oh, yeah !

 

Oh, it's okay.
I Wouldn't remember me either.

 

Honey, don't be weird.

 

- all right, honey. I won't be weird.
- Okay.

 

I'll be whatever
you want me to be.

 

Well, oka--

 

- We have a very heaIthy relationship.
- I see.

 

[ Sighs ]

 

Well, I don't know about you guys,
but I need a drink.

 

Ohh.

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Put a little more in there, cowboy.

 

[ Carolyn, Buddy
Shrieking With Laughter ]

 

[ Groaning ]

 

Excuse me. Don't you live on Robin Hood
Trall ? The house with the red door ?

 

- Yeah.
- I'm Ricky Fitts.
I just moved in the house next to you.

 

Oh. Hi, Ricky Fitts.
I'm Lester Burnham.

 

Hi, Lester Burnham.

 

- Do you party ?
- Excuse me ?

 

Do you get high ?

 

You know, I probabIy Wouldn't
even tell you this if I weren't
a little tipsy, but...

 

I'm in complete awe of you.

 

I mean, your firm...

 

is hands-down the Rolls-Royce
of local real estate firms,

 

and your personaI
saIes record is--

 

[ CIicks Tongue, Sighs ]
It's very intimidating.

 

You know, I'd love to sit down
with you and just pick your brain,

 

- [ ChuckIes ]
- if you'd ever be willing.

 

You know, I suppose technically
I'm the competition,

 

but I mean, hey,
I don't flatter myself...

 

that I'm even
in the same Ieague as you.

 

I don't.

 

I'd love to.

 

- really ?
- Absolutely.

 

Call my secretary.
Have her scheduIe a Iunch.

 

I'll do that.
Thank you.

 

[ Lester ] Did you ever see that movie
where the body is walking around...

 

carrying its own head, and then
the head goes down on that babe ?

 

- [ Both Laughing ]
- [ Ricky ] Re-Animator.

 

[ Both Continue Laughing ]

 

- [ Both Stop Laughing ]
- Look.

 

I'm not paying you to do whatever
it is you're doing out here.

 

Fine. So don't pay me.

 

Excuse me?

 

I quit, so you don't have
to pay me. Now leave me aIone.

 

AsshoIe.

 

I think you just
became my personal hero.

 

Doesn't that make you nervous,
just quitting your job like that?

 

Well, I guess when
you're all of, what, 16--

 

Eighteen. I just do
these gigs as a cover.

 

I have other sources of income.

 

But my dad interferes less
in my life when I pretend...

 

to be an upstanding young citizen
with a respectabIe job.

 

[ Carolyn ]
Lester ?

 

- What are you doing ?
- Honey, this is... Ricky Fitts.

 

[ Wheezing Laugh ]
This is Ricky Fitts.

 

[ Continues Laughing Hysterically ]

 

I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved
into the house next to you.

 

I go to school
with your daughter.

 

- With Jane ?
- Yeah.

 

- really ?
- Jane.

 

Hi. I'm ready to go.
I'll meet you out front.

 

- [ Whimpering Laugh ]
Oh, I'm in troubIe.
- [ ChuckIes ]

 

Nice meeting you, Ricky.
Thanks for the thing.

 

Anytime. Lester ?

 

If you want any more,
you know where I live.

 

[ Laughs ]

 

- ♪♪ [ On TV ]
- [ Door Closes ]

 

Oh, shit. They're home. Quick.
Let's go up to my room.

 

I should say hi
to your dad.

 

I don't want to be rude.

 

Nice suit.

 

You're looking good,
Mr. Burnham.

 

Last time I saw you,
you looked kind of wound up.

 

Ooh, is that root beer ?

 

I love root beer,
don't you?

 

- Hey.
- Hi, Mom.

 

- Hi.
- Remember Angela?

 

Yes, of course.

 

I forgot to tell you. She's going
to spend the night. Is that okay ?

 

[ Coughing, Choking ]

 

- [ Jane ] Sorry about my dad.
- [ Angela ]
Don't be. I think it's funny.

 

Yeah, to you he's just another guy
who wants to jump your bones.

 

But to me, he's just...
too embarrassing to live.

 

Well, your mom's the one
who's embarrassing. What a phony.

 

- But your dad's actually kind of cute.
- Shut up.

 

[ Angela ] He is. If he just
worked out a little, he'd be hot.

 

- Shut up !
- Come on.

 

Like you've never sneaked a peek
at him in his underwear ?
I bet he's got a big dick.

 

[ Jane Laughing ]
You are so grossing me out right now.

 

[ Angela ] If he buiIt up his chest
and arms, I Would totally fuck him.

 

- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪
- I Would. I Would suck
your dad's big fat dick,

 

and then I'd fuck him untiI
his eyes rolied back in his head.

 

- [ RattIing ]
- Jane, shh. What was that noise?

 

- I swear I heard something.
- Yeah.

 

That was the sound of you
being a huge, disgusting pig.

 

- No, I'm serious.
- [ RattIing ]

 

See ?

 

- Oh, my God. Jane.
- What is it ?

 

It's that psycho next door.

 

Jane, what if he worships you?

 

What if he's got a shrine
with pictures of you surrounded
by dead people's heads and stuff?

 

Shit. I bet
he's filming us right now.

 

really ?

 

[ Clattering ]