On April 2nd, 1988, Elizabeth Anderson
married John Papadopoulos.
Elizabeth was 25 and John was 27
when John asked for her hand in marriage.
Their relatives traveled from around the globe
for the happy occasion.
The weather was pristine, the groom was handsome,
the bride was beautiful, and Elizabeth's smile
was the centerpiece of it all.
It was my mother's dream wedding, and it will be
my dream wedding, too.
So everything has to be perfect.
Even my adorable flower girl.
Okay, Sarah?
Okay, Ms. Papadopoulos.
Sweetheart, I'm your big cousin. Call me Heather.
Now, let's practice your steps.
Step right together, step left together, step...
Richard, those flowers are carnations. I need roses.
Ms. Papadopoulos, I have no more roses left.
The Rodriguez wedding ordered them all first.
Well, I will pay more for those roses. Make it happen.
Cheryl, I want napkin rings covered in hydrangea blossoms
for the table settings.
Good, Sarah.
Now, spread pedals three times for every two steps.
Theresa, I want waiters in cutaway collars with slim fit
shirts. This is not the outfit I requested.
Now, Sarah, sweeping circles so that the pedals
fall like a rainbow.
Hey, Heather.
Oh.
Paul. Oh, Paul! This is not one of our usual work events.
This is my wedding.
So, I need you to stop flirting with the staff
and step it up, okay?
I mean, I can't serve that. What is it?
It's my lunch.
Why am I even friends with you?
Because you are the only caterer that I've never fired.
Lots of them quit, too.
What do you want, Paul?
Do you think that hot florist is out of my league?
Sarah, good work.
I need you to practice a minimum of two hours
every night until the wedding, okay?
What are those?
Water balloons.
They're for an April Fools' joke. Tomorrow.
Oh, April Fools' Day. Right.
Absolutely no pranks, you two.
And seriously, Gary, Guillaume,
simply throwing water balloons at someone is not a prank.
A prank is meant to trick someone.
Like, oh, like if like I told Bryce the wedding was off.
Oh my God, he would die.
Oh, speaking of which, Bryce, next tuxedo.
We've already tried eight, babe.
Then we are eight closer to finding the perfect one.
Do I really have to try them on here,
in front of everybody?
Time is money.
Okay, Heather, everything's all set
for your bachelorette party tonight. We're taking you...
Wait, hold on.
Pre-bachelorette party selfie.
Becky, cool it with the selfies already.
Seriously, you're an attorney
for the Department of Justice.
So.
Hey, uh, don't add a location when you post that.
Why not?
Just don't.
Okay, Jesus. Relax, Gretchen.
Anyway, we're taking you to Deja Dude...
I hooked up with the bouncer there last night.
You know, I didn't think I was into butt stuff,
but... Oh, hold on, it's the Attorney General.
- Hello... - Anyway.
And then the limo will pick us up at, like, six or seven...
Well, which is it? Six or seven?
I don't know. I forgot?
Who cares? The divorce rate in America's 50%.
Cindy, I know you're going through a difficult time
right now because of your split from Harold,
but I put you in charge because you are the responsible one.
I mean, what are we gonna do after this Deja Dude place?
We...
party?
What's it matter? These memories are gonna be in the toilet
in five years anyway?
Thank you, Cindy.
I went ahead and put together a little itinerary
for tonight. Here are your time tables.
Oh, come on. I already planned everything already.
Yeah, not really.
7:30 dinner reservation at Chez Ricardo.
That's not in Litchfield County, right?
I can't go there.
Why not?
I just can't.
What, are you on the run or something?
What? No!
What?
Come on, Heather. This is ridiculous.
You've broken your itinerary into two minute intervals.
9:00 p.m. finish dinner, 9:02 p.m. get the check.
You need to relax.
Yeah, control freak.
Hello? It's not like I planned a root canal here.
I planned a fun night.
Now, I need to get back to work because
I am way behind schedule.
Bryce, that tuxedo is awful
and, Becky, don't talk about butt stuff at my wedding.
Richard? What are you doing?
Oh, I'm walking home. My van is in the shop.
It's always dying on me. But it should be ready tomorrow.
Take my car.
Oh, no, Ms. Papadopoulos. I'm fine.
Return it in the morning, not a scratch.
No, it's really not a far walk.
You live 6.3 miles away. Take it.
And I want my roses.
And whose car is that?
Oh, it's Ms. Papadopoulos'.
By the way, she needs your roses, Maria.
What?
First she steals your sister's dress and now she wants to
steal your sister's roses.
That woman is the devil.
She's not the devil, Mama.
No? Then what is she?
She's
complex!
How's it going so far, sweetheart?
Oh, hey, Daddy.
Hey.
Where to begin?
They didn't deliver enough napkin rings, the truffles
aren't the ones I ordered, the wine my winemaker
suggested doesn't pair well with the fish,
Bryce's cousin has some sort of family emergency
and might not make it, which completely destroys
my seating chart,
not to mention the fact that...
Hey, hey, hey.
I know you're missing her very much right now,
but I also know she's right here with us.
She would have been very proud of you.
You think so, Daddy?
I know so.
- Love you. - I love you.
Best night ever!
Ooh, we're here. Everyone out.
Isn't this magnificent?
What the hell is this shit?
An art gallery, Heather?
What?
It's a wonderful event.
Art is dead.
How did you hear about this party?
Oh, I read about it somewhere.
Ms. Papadopoulos, I thought you couldn't make it?
Let me just say, tonight has been a huge success
because of your planning.
This is one of your events?
What? No!
I have no clue who that woman is.
Let's dance.
Come on. We're going.
How's the catering?
Eh.
Come on, Heather.
I just needed to make sure everything
turned out all right.
Yes, you're a great event planner. We're leaving.
Forget her and listen to us.
Yeah!
Titties!
Whoopee. You've seen my breasts. One day
we'll all return to dust.
You were pre-partying.
What?
You were totally pre-partying.
Okay, maybe, like, a little.
You pre-gamed without us?
You girls lookin' for a good time?
God, no. Driver keep going!
Get in.
Then that man tried to stiff me, and I was, like,
'Oh, no, honey, you gon' pay Ms. Pandora.
or the wifey finds out about our little rendezvous.'
Oh, you go, Pandora!
Cindy!
She's fabulous.
Hey, show us more titties!
Yeah, and don't bum us out this time.
Drive, drive, drive.
Hey!
Wow. What a great night.
Yeah, throwing hours of planning out
the window is a blast.
News flash: Your plan sucked.
No, my plans were... Ooh, I just got really dizzy.
That brownie we gave you earlier had pot in it.
Come on.
Don't be a rat. Nobody likes a rat.
Thanks for the hook-up, Pandora.
Mm-hmm.
Why do you girls love playing jokes on me so much?
Because you're so serious.
Yeah, and you didn't used to be like that.
Also, it's April 1st today. We had to do something to you.
The pot brownie was the best we could come up with. For now.
Oh, right. I almost forgot. Act Like an Idiot Day.
My favorite.
I would pay a 100 bucks to see you be an idiot.
Yeah, not a snowball's chance in hell
of that ever happening.
Okay. You three think I'm a drag. I'll prove you wrong.
I'll prank someone.
Really?
Oh my god, yes! Who?
You look stoned.
That's ridiculous. I don't do drugs.
Waiter, another Belgian waffle, please!
Can we talk about something?
Sure.
I've been thinking a lot lately.
About what?
About us and, um, things just haven't felt quite right.
What do you mean?
I mean, that spark, you know?
We just don't have it.
Oh, god, this is... this is really hard to say.
Bryce, I think we should break up.
Oh my god.
I mean,
wow.
Oh my god.
- April Foo... - I've been thinking
the exact same thing!
Wait, what?
I'm so glad you said it first.
Said what?
What we've both been thinking for a long time.
No, no, no, no, no. Hold on one second. What?!
I've just been agonizing about the whole thing
ever since you pressured me to purpose to you.
Pressured you?
- I mean... - I didn't pressure you!
No, no, no. Of course not.
I meant, uh, I didn't mean pressured, I meant... bossed?
I didn't boss you either!
Okay, you're right. I'm sorry, baby.
I wanted to ask you.
Then why do you want to break up now?
I don't want to break up. We want to break up.
I mean, come on. We never have any good times together.
Okay, what about our trip to Napa, hm?
That was three years ago.
Well, what about our trip to France?
You took an event planning gig while we were there.
It was a wonderful opportunity.
I went on a sunset river cruise by myself,
I ate at the Eiffel Tower by myself, I toured
the entire Louvre by myself!
And you loved it, by the way.
Also, the whole time you were...
What?
You know.
No, I don't know, Bryce.
What?
PMS-ing.
Oh!
Excuse me, miss, could you please...
I was not PMS-ing.
You weren't?
No! I can't believe you would think that. You are just
like every stereotypical guy in the whole world!
'Oh, you're PMS-ing. Oh, you're bossy.'
You just called me a bitch.
No, that is not what I said.
Yes, you did, indirectly, you called me a bitch.
See? This is another thing. You read
into everything too much.
What is that supposed to mean?
Literally exactly what I just said.
What are you doing?
I'm watching your hand gestures to see if you're lying.
I read about it in The New Yorker.
Stop it!
Heather! Okay.
Listen, babe?
I get what you're doing. You're just playing
devil's advocate to soften the blow for both of us,
but come on. It's not working.
I mean, the sex? Pretty awful.
What are you talking about?
Come on, Heather. I know you never really liked it.
I mean, you would just lay there and wait for me to finish
and then I would feel bad because I felt like
I wasn't pleasing you, but now I get it.
You were just acting like a dead fish
because you were unhappy, and I have been so miserable, too,
and I feel so glad that we are having this conversation.
Man,
whoo!
I feel so liberated, you know?
Mm!
This is a joke,
Bryce.
You got it, baby. It is a joke,
because married people, they should want each other,
they should want to be with each other,
and we obviously don't.
I am so glad you brought this up, Heather.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
We are still going to be friends, okay?
Oh my god. It's my parents.
They are going to be so happy.
They will?
Mom, guess what!
The wedding is off.
Really? Yay!
I can hear her from here.
Ma'am, I'm so sorry.
I'm afraid we're out of Belgian waffles.
April Fools!
Oh my god.
Oh, ma'am? It was a joke.
Ma'am? Shit.
Ms. Papadopoulos, here are your keys,
and I have your roses, just like you wanted.
The Rodriguez wedding will be fine.
Ms. Papadopoulos? What do you think of this table setting?
The hydrangea blossoms look good?
Ms. Papadopoulos, I changed the outfit for the servers.
What do you think?
Hey, Heather, bad news.
The florist? Straight as an arrow.
Yeah, it was a little pricey but, you know,
I figured I could delay my retirement for a little bit.
Oh, there she is. Heather!
Hey, sweetheart, I've been looking for you.
Daddy, can we talk?
Of course, dear, in a second. I have a surprise for you.
Your whole family's here!
Oh, Daddy, no, I can't right now...
Look, look, your aunt Suzannah.
Oh, my dear, you look just beautiful.
What's it been, eight years?
She braved a six hour flight from San Diego
just to be here.
Dry heaved into a bag the whole time.
That's
awful.
Yeah, and look who else, look, look who came.
Your grandfather Christos.
My beautiful Heather.
The last I saw you, you were having your first communion.
I took two planes for 12 hours just to be here.
Hell on wheels on my hemorrhoids.
Isn't she worth it though?
Well, we'll see about that, won't we?
Oh, I was just kidding.
Oh, Christos.
And perhaps the greatest surprise of all,
are you ready?
Your great-grandmother Adonia!
Where is she?
There she is. Come on. Wheel on in here.
Get in here.
You hadn't even taken your first steps
when she last saw you. Can you believe it?
And to think that she traveled for a week just to get
from her mountain home to the nearest airstrip.
And, uh, she missed a couple of her flights, too.
It was a real mess.
Adonia, we are so blessed to have you here.
What do you think of my daughter?
Heather.
Where's that handsome groom
I've been staying alive to meet?
Everyone, I, uh...
He is not here right now.
But I am sure I can find him somewhere, so...
Okay.
Honey, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?
Nothing, Daddy.
- Just give me a second. - Sure.
Ms. Papadopoulos, how would you us to decorate
the area for the band?
The wedding is off, Guillaume.
Really?
Oh my god.
Mama,
the baker just called. Ms. Papadopoulos' wedding is off.
I knew it.
Oh, hey, Heather. This golf course is great, isn't it?
We should do more events here.
Oh, also, that French guy, Guillaume? You think he's out
of my league?
My wedding is ruined.
Okay, what's the matter? Did someone not deliver
enough lilac-scented candles for your Swarovski
crystal candelabras?
No, they delivered enough.
Wow, I was totally making that up.
Okay, so why is your wedding ruined?
Bryce is out.
What do you mean?
Do you know what today's date is?
Wednesday.
The date, Paul.
April 1st? Oh, hey, it's April Fools' Day.
Yeah, and I decided to prank Bryce by telling him
we should call off the wedding, and he felt
the exact same way.
What the hell is wrong with you?
I don't know.
I mean, do you know how much work I have put into
this wedding? How many days, weeks, months of planning?
And what's it for now? For nothing?
Ugh!
Holy cow.
They were right. Becky, Cindy, Gretchen.
Everyone. I have no sense of humor.
I mean, how could I think this was a funny joke?
You know what else? The cherry on top? They also think
I'm un-fun. I should just change my name to
"Heather the Heart Attack."
Ugh!
Oh my, Heather, you should go pro.
This whole day is a disaster.
Ugh, it is those stupid girls' faults.
They are the ones who put me up to this.
'Oh, Heather, you're too Type A.'
'Heather, you need to calm down.'
'Heather, you should relax.'
'Heather, why don't you loosen up a little bit?
It'll all be fine.'
Well, look where it got me.
I don't know why I listen to those girls.
All they ever do is tease me and play jokes on me.
Oh my god. That's all they ever do.
How could I be so stupid?
They told Bryce!
I mean, they said it themselves, the pot brownie
was the best they could think of so far.
Pot brownie?
Clearly they texted Bryce or something when I was
on my way to the restaurant and told him about
my little April Fools joke, and then he flipped it
back on me.
God, Bryce is good.
He's so quick on his feet.
I have to go.
Heather, hold on.
"Hey, you've reached Bryce Collins.
Please leave me a message."
Bryce, I'm on to you.
Heather, just wait a second.
Man, I can't wait to see the look on his face.
Heather, stop!
What, Paul?
You need to sit down and gather your thoughts.
I will not be made a fool.
What the hell!
My bad! Totally my fault.
- April Fools! - April Fools!
That's not even a prank!
Hi, Carol. I'm going to see Bryce.
Oh, Ms. Papadopoulos, I think Bryce is...
Ashley, I need to talk to Bryce.
Oh, Heather! Um, hi.
Uh, Bryce isn't in right now. He's meeting
a client for coffee.
So...
How are you?
What are you talking about?
You know.
Um, fine?
Ashley, everyone's staring at me.
Heather, Bryce told us what happened.
He did?
Yeah, he let us in on it this morning.
Oh! He let you in on it, did he?
Um, yes.
Really?
- Excuse me? - Yes, excuse you.
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about?
I'm sorry, I'm completely lost.
Ooh, you're good! I'm surprised your acting career
didn't work out.
You're so mean!
Oh,
I see.
I get this little insult game we're playing.
I really do not understand this holiday.
Um, okay, and you are an incorrigible gossip.
Heather, hey. Are you okay?
We heard what you did. You know, really,
it was for the best.
It sure was, you guys.
Well, we'll miss seeing you come in.
Oh, I won't missing you, Frank, or smelling you
from a mile away, for that matter.
Oh, you're cool with it, huh?
Great. Well, we won't miss you at all.
Good one.
Hey, Heather, sorry about the bad news.
What bad news?
Today is the best day of my life.
Oh, really? Then I want to thank you.
We had a little office pool going and I totally
picked today for the break up.
I was a little iffy about my decision at first,
but then I was like, 'Nope! Wednesday's the day
that this whole ticking time bomb goes off!'
You made me 300 bucks!
Mister Money Bags! Way to go, Jimbo.
- My name's Carl. - Who cares!
Mrs. Worthington.
Heather, you've chosen wisely.
You know, I wasn't going to promote Bryce
because I figured he wouldn't be able to handle
the extra hours with someone as high maintenance
as you on his hands.
You just did your ex-fiancé a big favor.
I commend you.
Well, I don't commend you on those self-proclaimed
world-famous apple pies of yours that you keep
trying to get me to serve at my events. They're garbage!
Everyone, this has been fun.
I'm just going to go back to not preparing my wedding.
See you all never again.
Ah, Ms. Papadopoulos, on behalf of the security force
I thank you.
You have set a good man free.
The security guard and janitor are in on this?
Bryce really went all out.
Thank you, Heather! Way to go!
Team Bryce!
The people who don't even work here are in on it? Ha!
The wedding is back on, people!
God, Heather, we're so tired from last night.
And hungover.
And Cindy made out with Pandora.
Really, Cindy, Pandora?
I'm going through a really difficult time right now.
Anyway, we did a little retail therapy to feel better.
It looks like you looted the entire store.
No we didn't! We paid! Who said looted?
It's cool, Heather. We stayed within your dad's budget.
He said we looked like holy hell this morning
so he gave us his Amex and told us to go have a little fun.
- So, we figured... - Oh my god, you guys,
my dad is already paying all of your expenses.
Including hotel rooms.
Yeah, and you live, like, 10 minutes away, Cindy.
These two aren't staying here without me.
I need this right now.
Cindy, you're an investment banker. Becky, you're
an attorney, and, Gretchen, you work for NASA.
Yeah, that's right. I work at NASA. On... the rockets!
Just chill, Heather. Your dad was totally cool with it.
Anyway, how did the prank go this morning?
Oh, right. The prank.
Why don't you tell me how it went?
Um... it was funny?
Yes, it was hilarious.
Keep it up, girls.
What are you talking about?
Ah, okay, I know what you want to hear. You won!
Okay? Are you happy?
Now, if you don't mind, I have some business to return to.
Um, okay, weirdo.
Come on, girls. I'm ready to trash it up in these new
Louboutin's and jump right on to
that cute bellhop's di...
Huh! Oh, excellent! I got my grand jury indictment.
Ooh, you guys want to call Pandora
and see what she's up to?
I think she only has email.
Mama, the DJ just called. Her wedding's back on.
Good morning, Bryce.
Oh, baby, baby, baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry
if I startled you.
I know you're always so jumpy when you first wake up.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
What are you doing here?
Bravo,
bravo,
bravo.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right, you can stop it now.
Stop what?
What is going on?
Did you sleep in my bed last night?
Of course! I didn't want to wake you when I came in.
You are going to need all the sleep you can get when you get
that new promotion.
I got the promotion?
Oops. Your boss told me when I stopped by
your office yesterday. Act surprised when she tells you.
Why were you in my office?
Well, I had to call you out on your little prank.
Obviously, you found out about my prank and you flipped
it back on me. Very clever. But I figured it out.
Stop! You were kidding about the break up?
It was April Fools' Day. I don't know what came over me.
That is a terrible joke.
I agree. In general, I hate jokes,
so let's just drop it, okay?
I wasn't kidding. I don't want to get married.
We're not right for each other.
Ha, ha, very funny.
No, I'm serious. We're not.
Yes, we are.
No, we're not.
Oh, man.
Heather.
Listen, this is...
You asshole!
I have been planning this wedding for the last seven months,
mostly by myself because you've been too busy to help.
I have been working 16-hour days for the last month
and I rented the ballroom for a week, just to make sure
that everything was perfect, and now you don't
want to marry me?
Screw you, prick!
Hey!
You're the one who pulled this stupid prank on me.
I'm sorry I reacted honestly.
So, what, you've just hated me the whole time
we've been together?
No. I mean, it was great at first.
We had a lot of laughs. It worked.
I loved you.
What's the problem now then? Why don't you love me?
Come on, Heather. You can't see we've grown apart?
Look, some things last and some things don't, that's all.
And it was great while it lasted, but...
You don't really want to marry me.
You just want the Facebook photos.
No, that is not true.
I love you, Bryce.
Fine.
Then, I'm sorry.
I just don't want to marry you.
Why didn't you say something earlier?
I mean, why did you even propose?
I don't know, I mean, because
you can be kind of controlling.
Oh, that's right. I forgot. We already
talked about this.
I bossed you into getting me a ring and then I bossed
you into getting down on one knee and then I bossed
you into proposing to me.
Yeah, you know what? You kind of did.
Really? How?
Heather, you've got this way about you.
It's what makes you a good event planner.
It's what's going to make you great mom someday.
It's what helps you do what so many people in this world
can't do, which is get things done.
Okay.
I get it.
I push people, so I'll stop pushing people, okay?
No, Heather.
What?
What, Bryce? If you have something to say just spit it out.
Sometimes you can be a real bitch.
Ah! Stop hitting me!
I am not a bitch. Go to hell, Bryce.
You know what? I never want to see you again!
- Oh, it is mutual. - Great!
Perfect.
Wait. What am I doing? This is my place.
You get out of here.
- Good! I was just leaving! - Fantastic.
Ugh!
Hey, Heather?
What?
Your key.
Really?
Fine. You can hold on to it if it makes you feel better.
Heather.
Bye, Bryce.
Ms. Papadopoulos...
Beat it, Guillaume. The wedding is off!
Wait. It is or you are messing with us again?
We need to know.
You're torturing us.
Oh, hey, Heather!
Did you know they have kayaks here, too?
Oh, also, bad news.
That French guy Guillaume? Straight as an arrow.
Bryce wasn't joking, Paul.
I can't hear you. Hold on. I'll paddle back in.
I got this. Just give me a sec. Just one second.
Bryce wasn't joking, Paul.
Jesus!
He really doesn't want to marry me.
Oh my god. They weren't joking either.
His coworkers? They all want us to break up.
They had an office pool going.
Jimbo made 300 bucks.
Nice, Jimbo.
Everyone hates me.
Hey, not everyone hates you.
Really? Who doesn't?
Uh...
You?
I'm going to have to tell my dad the wedding's off.
He's going to hate me, too.
I've wasted so much of his money. The dress alone
could buy a decent used car.
Maybe even a new one, you know, since you paid
double to steal it from the Rodriguez girl.
I didn't steal it from the Rodriguez girl.
I outbid.
Hey, it was still really, really mean.
Get back to work. I'm not paying you to kayak.
Fine.
I can come back in, I swear. I just...
What the hell?
Heather, there you are.
Daddy, I have some bad news.
Well, I'm sure we could work it.
You can tell me all about it...
after you see who made it to your wedding.
Your cousin Bobby!
Heather!
You've got to be kidding me.
Hey, Bobby, it is so great to see you.
It is so great to see you, Heather,
I'm so glad I could make it.
Man, it was not an easy trip, you know,
because of my wheelchair.
Right. Yeah. I got that.
So where's Bryce? I heard Bryce was an Eagle Scout
when he was my age. I just made Eagle last month
and I want to compare merit badges with him.
My scoutmaster said I wouldn't be able to get a lot
of the badges, because I can't walk at all,
but I did it anyway!
Bryce is...
not here right now.
He's just very busy at work.
Okay. Excuse me.
Uh, sweetheart,
what was the bad news?
It's fine.
I'm figuring it out.
Everybody, the wedding is back on!
Heather, for God's sake, what are you doing?
I have a plan, Paul.
What plan?
There is literally no other plan.
Groom or no groom? Oh, no groom? Well, no wedding!
Ms. Galápagos?
It's Papadopoulos.
I finished the adjustments for Bryce.
Would he like to try on the tuxedo?
Excuse me.
He's not here right now.
Oh! Use this guy!
Ow!
No, no, no, no, no.
Listen, I can get Bryce to come around.
We just need to sit down and talk this out like grown-ups.
There is nothing in this world that can't be fixed
with hard work.
Oh, right. I'm sorry. It's just that simple.
Uh, Ms. Papadopoulos, I need Bryce's finalized
guest list.
Right. Of course.
Um, okay, there is his mother, his father, his sister, uh...
some other people.
Wait, no, he has two sisters, there's two of them,
and then, um, he has this hairy friend, he looks like
he's a homeless man.
Does hairy friend have a name?
Just "Hairy Friend" should be good.
You want me to put "Hairy Friend" on his seating placard?
Mm-hmm, yup, yup, he will think that that is hilarious.
He and Bryce are old pals, just laughing about that stuff.
Um, you know, Bryce's whole family will be in town
before the rehearsal dinner, so let's just handle that then.
Are you seriously just going move forward with
the wedding without Bryce?
It won't be without Bryce.
I'm going to talk him back into it, okay?
I mean, he was in love with me a week ago.
What's so different between a week ago and today?
It's not something you just turn off like that.
Have you ever been broken up with ever in your life?
No. Why?
Oh, Heather, you don't even know how many siblings
Bryce has. Maybe it's time you consider the possibility...
Enough, Paul, okay?
I have this under control. I can fix this
because you want to know why?
I am an event planner, damn it! I live for this stuff!
- Ms. Papadopoulos? - What!
I have some questions about your music
selection for the DJ.
Ah. Good. Something for me.
What can I do for you?
Okay, um, would Bryce like to add any songs?
Mm-hmm.
I, um...
I, uh, we could try,
what is that stuff I hate so much?
Simon and Garfunkel. Yup, he loves them,
so anything by them you could just play that.
He'll love it at the wedding, which he's going to be at,
it's going to, it's great, Simon and Garfunkel, mm-hmm.
Mama, the catering company just called.
Her wedding's back off again... maybe?
This is bullshit.
- Hey! - Hey, there's a line.
What the hell?
I planned your daughter's bat mitzvah, Mrs. Stein,
your boa constrictor's funeral, weirdo,
and your mistress' birthday party, Mr. Langdale,
which I was very discreet about.
I think you all can wait two seconds.
Espresso. Triple shot. Thanks.
"Hey, you've reached Bryce Collins.
Please leave me a message."
Hi. It's me.
Listen, I get it. Things between us maybe haven't been
perfect lately. Also, I know I can be difficult sometimes.
There. I said it. See? I'm not totally unaware,
but I've learned my lesson, Bryce, I promise, okay?
So let's just get together and talk about it, okay?
Maybe tonight over dinner at the Trattoria. Your favorite.
I'll go ahead and make a reservation for 8 p.m., okay?
Just call me before you leave work to confirm,
and, Bryce, I feel confident we can work things out.
I'm ready to change for you.
Okay, bye. Talk to you later. Ooh!
I love you.
Hi, Ms. Papadopoulos,
Jaime at the tabernacle choir
calling to confirm that we were able to reschedule
our Lincoln Center performance to sing at your wedding.
Hello, Ms. Papadopoulos, it's Bill from
William Morris Endeavor.
Just wanted to let you know that Mr. Summers
will indeed wrap his movie in time to direct your wedding
video this weekend.
Hi, Ms. Papadopoulos, Sally calling
to say that, yes, we were able to teach the monarch
butterflies to perch on top of the harp.
Can you spare some change?
Here is the marriage license. Is your fiancé
on his way now?
You know, um, he's not here right now,
but I have a copy of his driver's license
and his birth certificate, oh, and I have some
of his mail.
So I'm sure you are very busy,
so I could just sign the marriage license
and then we can both be on our way.
Ms. Papadopoulos, I'm going to need to witness
both you and your fiancé signing the license.
All right. He should be done parking shortly.
Hello. Hi.
Do you still need that change?
You're Bryce Collins?
Yup, that's me.
Yup, that's Bill.
I mean, that's...
Rice.
This is my buddy Rice.
What kind of name is Rice?
All right. Can we sign now?
Yes.
After you kiss him.
I'm sorry?
After you kiss your fiancé.
Okay, give me the pen.
Sure thing, just as soon as
you two lovebirds lock lips.
You're serious?
This is ridiculous.
Him?
This is the man you love. What's a little kiss?
Yeah, what is a little kiss?
Yeah, what's a little kiss?
All right. Fine.
Okay, give me that pen now.
Ms. Papadopoulos, I can't let you sign this license.
Why not? I just kissed him?
Clearly, this man is not Bryce Collins.
Sir, when is your birthday?
Trick question. I don't have one.
His birthday is July 15th, and he's just
a little buzzed from his bachelor party last night, okay?
This is my fiancé Bryce.
I kissed him and a deal is a deal. We're signing
that marriage license.
Please vacate the premises.
No!
Goodbye, Ms. Papadopoulos.
- Give it to me. - Not happening.
- Give it to me. - Ma'am, I'm going to need you
- to calm down. - No, let go of me!
Let go of me!
Someone call the police!
Keep moving forward, ma'am.
To serve and to protect, more like to be a couple jerks.
Let go of me!
Hi, Bryce, it's me. Heather.
Um, you know, I was just thrown into jail,
so I am not entirely sure I can make dinner tonight,
but I wanted to let you know that I still very much
so want to work things out.
Okay, just give me a call back.
In jail.
I don't really know what the number here is, uh,
or you can just let my father know that I'm here
because you were my one call.
Okay. Bye!
Hey, I know you.
One of your friends won't stop emailing me.
Oh, great. Shouldn't you be in the other holding cell?
Honey, I'm all woman.
Yeah, and I'm all Hells Angels biker chick.
Lady friend, you need to relax and go with the flow.
You're like a fabulous fortune cookie, aren't you?
You've gotten funnier since I last seen you.
Can I ask you something?
Am I a bitch?
Yes.
Now can I ask you something?
Am I a queen?
Yes.
And is that a drunk over there, and a junkie
right there, and some girl who got mixed up
with the wrong crowd over there?
Yes.
That's right.
But since I've been in this cell, that drunk
bummed me a cigarette she snuck in from outside.
That junkie blocked everyone's view while I used
the toilet, and that girl gave me a sandwich
'cause I was hungry.
They may be this, that, or the other thing,
but they're still good people.
So, yes,
you're a bitch,
but are you still a good person?
Papa John's.
It's Papadopoulos!
You made bail.
How on earth did you get yourself arrested, Heather?
It was blown out of proportion. I just got into
a little tiff at City Hall.
Hey, if we hurry we can still make our reservation
at the Trattoria.
I'm sorry. You got into a fight at City Hall?
What the hell were you even doing there?
Oh, you know. Getting our marriage license.
Getting our marriage license?!
Okay, look, it was on the schedule for today
and I had to stick to the plan even if things between
us are still, you know, technically TBD.
TBD?!
We pretty clearly broke up, like, six hours ago,
for the second time!
And, now, you're back.
Yeah, I'm back because you called me and told me
you were in jail!
What else was I supposed to do?
You could have called my father and had him come
and get me, but you didn't. You came, and I think
that's because, deep down, you still really want to
work this out.
Bryce, we're meant to be together.
I mean, we met because you gave me your jacket
when I got caught in the rain.
I knew right away it was fate.
You hated that jacket. You donated it to Goodwill
without even telling me.
Yeah, it was so ugly.
My father gave it to me.
What about when you threw me that surprise party?
That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
You found out about that party a week beforehand,
canceled all my plans, hired a new caterer, changed
the location, sent out a whole different invite list.
I was an hour late becau...
Yeah, what was that about, by the way?
I couldn't find the damn place!
Oh my god, Heather!
Poor planning, Bryce.
You are so controlling you can't even let people
do nice things for you.
Well, I just wanted your surprise party for me
to be successful, and it was, wasn't it?
Yeah. It was your best event yet.
See?
All these things you've listed, the reasons
why we're meant to be together, those are all things
that I did for you.
Well, maybe that's because it's easier to remember
the grand, sweeping gestures, and that's how you show love.
Maybe I show love in smaller ways that are more difficult
to remember, like how I'll always rub your feet
when you have a hard day at work, or when I would leave
work early and surprise you with a home-cooked dinner
at your place.
Or what about that time I threw that wonderful
little impromptu gathering for you and your friends
while you were watching the barbarian death match?
The Super Bowl?
Did you forget about that stuff while you were setting
tee off times with your buddies, or logging hours on
the slopes, schmoozing your boss and her friends
on her yacht.
It's a catamaran.
Bryce, maybe you just never took the time
to understand me.
You're all about the fun stuff, but you run away
as soon as it's time for the hard work,
just like you ran away the other day at breakfast.
I mean, you left me with this whole mess and you didn't
even think twice about it.
Maybe you need to grow up a little bit, too.
Whatever.
Bryce, come on. We're perfect for each other.
We're Bryce and Heather! No, wait. Heather and Bryce.
That sounds much better.
I'll catch you later.
Bryce, I could push the wedding back and that would
give you more time to think about it.
Bye, Heather.
Bryce, I'm pregnant.
No, you're not.
I could be!
You don't know that I'm not.
Bryce, come on.
Don't give up on this.
- Bryce? Bryce? - I'm going to drive away.
I am pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
You have no messages.
You still have no messages.
Heather, my dear, I'm sorry I'm late.
I got caught in traffic, but you are not
going to believe the surprise I have for you.
Goodness. Are you okay? You look terrible?
Daddy, there's something I need to tell you,
for real this time.
Okay, I'm there for you. Whatever you need.
Thanks, Daddy.
Just say 'hi' to cousin Nancy first!
Hi, Nancy, it's great to see you.
It's great to see you, too, Heather.
My god, you haven't aged a bit.
I just love your skin. I'm so jealous.
What do you use?
Okay, bye, Nancy.
Anyways, I'll tell you, after these last few months
I just need something happy in my life like this wedding.
Okay, I don't need to hear where this is going.
You won't believe it, but, right after my second
botched hip surgery, I find out that Daniel's
been sleeping with the hot tramp behind the reception
desk at his law firm.
Of course, he and the harlot are off in the Barbados
right now while these three little monsters
are draining the life out of me and I'm trying
to figure out how to sue the most successful attorney
in Seattle for divorce with my 21-year-old lawyer
who lives with his parents and just got
his law degree online.
And anyways the airline lost my luggage and I also
have Lyme disease!
Okay.
It's gonna be okay. One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Sweetheart, we can talk now.
Dad.
Oh, also, shouldn't Bryce's family have arrived?
I mean, I only see our family.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I, um...
I just can't find them anywhere.
Oh, gosh, really?
Well, I don't think we should do the rehearsal
until Bryce's family arrives.
You are right, so you know what?
I am going to go and find them.
Yeah, I'll just go and I'll find them.
That's what I'm going to do.
This is Bryce's cousin Reggie
and this is Bryce's other cousin Saul.
- Hi. - Oh, Christos, Christos.
Sweetheart.
Sal. Saul. Sal.
Bryce's cousins are very dirty.
Mm-hmm! Uh, they are hippies. Bryce doesn't like
to talk about them.
Hi.
- Oh, wow, - Do you have a sandwich?
How many winters have you seen?
Hey, "Hairy Friend" really does look like a homeless guy.
Heather, come here.
Where's Bryce?
Um, you know, Bryce called me and, as always, he is stuck
at work, but we can just have someone else
stand in for him.
Who?
Hi.
"Hey, you've reached Bryce Collins.
Please leave me a message."
Hi. It's me.
I know this is stupid and beyond crazy,
but I might as well try. I will be at our wedding
tomorrow morning, and I hope that maybe,
just maybe, you have a change of heart tonight
and you come.
And I wanted to say that you're right.
Things haven't been good between us.
A lot of that's my fault.
I try to control things too much, including you
and me and our relationship, and I need to fix that.
I really hope to see you tomorrow.
Okay.
I love you.
Bye.
Okay, sorry we're late. Took me forever
to kick the cute golf caddy out of bed,
and then I had to take an important call.
Seems like I might be nominated
for a cabinet post or something.
I think I'm the youngest ever for the job.
I don't know. Whatever.
And I had to reply to an email from Pandora.
You know, you wouldn't guess it,
but she's a fantastic writer.
Wait. Where's Gretchen?
How did we lose her?
Heather, have you seen her?
Morning, girls.
Wow.
Look at my beautiful daughter.
My dear, you look wonderful.
Um, sweetheart.
I haven't seen Bryce.
The groom isn't supposed to see the bride
before the wedding.
Honey, nobody's seen Bryce.
He'll be here, Daddy.
All right. We're missing a bridesmaid,
the groom is AWOL, and none of his family have arrived.
I think we've all gathered the wedding isn't happening
so I want you to be ready to shift into freak-out mode,
because I would not put it past her to grab a crucifix
and just start swingin'.
Places!
Well. On with it.
Uh, sweetheart?
Let's go.
Yeah.
Hey, where's Rice?
Who?
Ms. Papadopoulos, is something supposed to happen?
Read it.
Excuse me?
Wait for it.
Read it.
Heather.
I don't think he's coming.
- Read it! - Ah!
How does that hurt so much?
We are gathered here today,
in the sight of God
and in the face of family and friends, to join together
Heather Papadopoulos
and Bryce Collins?
In holy matrimony?
All right. Stop.
He's not coming.
It's on! Brace yourselves!
Why won't the door open?
I think it's locked. Should I open it?
It's him! It's him!
What?
I thought it'd look good for the wedding.
It's not a disguise!
Hey, where's Bryce?
Heather!
- Heather! - Heather!
- Heather. - Where are you?
- Heather! - Heather!
Heather!
Sweetheart, there you are.
We've been looking all over for you.
You okay?
Not really.
It's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Daddy, I'm so sorry.
I wasted all your money. Do you hate me?
What kind of a question is that?
Of course not.
One day you'll look back on all this and laugh.
Hey, I'm surprised you made it this far. I wasn't really
planning on paying for any wedding anytime soon.
What do you mean?
Sweetheart, I don't mean that in a bad way.
You're a strong-willed person,
which you've been ever since your mother died.
You're just like her actually.
That smile in her wedding photos
is the smile of a woman who knew what she wanted
and made it happen.
I want to give you something.
What is this?
I was told to give you this the day after your wedding,
so I guess I'm breaking the rules,
but something tells me it's okay.
Dear Heather, as I write this letter
I'm watching you play on the tire swing in our backyard.
I know how much you've always loved to look at my wedding
album, so, as you read this letter, I'm sure you're basking
in the afterglow of your perfect day.
But, now that you've pulled off your perfect wedding,
I want you to know something. It doesn't matter.
The flowers, the decorations, the food. None of it matters.
Because your life is already perfect.
You'll worry about so many little things from day to day.
Money, career, deadlines. But you must remember to live
every moment of your life, because it can go away
at any time.
So I want you to put down this letter and hold
the person you love, because your life is already perfect.
I love you very much. Your Mother.
Everyone, I want to thank you all for coming here,
some of you from very, very far away.
I'm sorry the wedding didn't happen this morning,
but I'm glad I got to see all of you.
I didn't need to pay $2,000 just to see your face.
I could have logged into the Faceweb.
That's kind of anti-my point, but I'm sure deep down
you don't really mean that, Grandpa.
No, I do.
And Great-Grandmother Adonia, I didn't even stop
to think how lucky I am to see you.
Not many people have great-grandmothers, but I do.
Heather? When is the wedding?
Sorry, baby, she was doing so well.
I have a wonderful family. Thank you all for being here.
Thank you, Ms. Papadopoulos.
Aw.
What?
What's this?
It's for the wedding.
I can't accept this.
I insist.
This is probably all you have in the world.
I have everything I need, Daddy.
Thank, Christ.
We're so sorry, Heather.
I'm sorry I said things would end up in the toilet,
even though I was right.
I'm sorry I slept with, like, half the hotel staff.
I've just been stressed about my upcoming
Senate confirmation hearings.
And I'm guilty... sorry, too!
Do you hate us?
Why would I hate you?
Because we started this whole mess.
No, no, listen, you didn't start this mess.
It was a long time coming. Probably better
to find out now than later.
Besides, you're my friends. Apparently, my only friends.
We really are, aren't we?
I'll catch up with everyone later, Daddy.
There's one more person I need to apologize to.
I hope it's that Rodriguez girl.
Yes, it's the Rodriguez girl. God, I get it.
I ruined her wedding.
Do we have enough chairs, Jenny?
I'll go check the other closet.
Hold on. I can help.
Me, too. Once I'm done with this.
Oh, Mama, there's still so many things
to take care of before tomorrow.
Relax, Maria. Everything is going to be beautiful.
Nothing is going to mess with my daughter's happy day.
It is a time for love and kindness.
What the hell are you doing here,
Uh, I came to speak to Maria.
No. Go.
Leave. You've done enough already.
- Mama. - It'll just take one moment.
No. You go now. Go!
- Go! - Okay, okay.
You wanted to speak to me?
I wanted to apologize. For stealing your dress.
And your flowers. And basically half of your wedding
from right underneath you.
And, uh, I wanted to see if I could help with anything.
You know, I actually do this kind of thing for a living.
Oh? You ruin people's hopes and dreams for a living?
Listen here, amiga.
I will end you.
I am not kidding. I have cut people.
I have killed rabid dogs with my own teeth.
I have fought my way out of South American prison riots.
You do not want to mess with me.
And I will do anything,
anything, to see to it that you come nowhere near
our holy event, so help me God!
I'll bet you're a bad event planner anyway.
Excuse me?
A big meeting? At 20:00 hours?
What is she talking about?
Beats me. Her wedding was a bust. Shouldn't we be
striking everything for the tenth time?
Yeah, I hate her, too.
Good. Our final two troops are here.
Please sit, gentlemen.
Now as you all know my wedding this morning
did not work out.
Big surprise.
'Big surprise,' I'm sure many of you are saying,
for which I would normally fire you, but not today.
Today, my social soirée soldiers, we have another
wedding to save.
The wedding of a kind, sweet girl named Maria.
Per your contracts, I have you all through the end
of the evening and I intend to use you.
We are an army now. You are all participants
in Operation Wedding Surprise "colon"
Nobody Calls Me a Bad Event Planner, You Dizzy Old Hag.
Now our enemy, Maria's mother, has resisted
initial invasion, so our mission will be a covert one.
Under the shroud of night we will infiltrate
enemy territory and deliver our salvos of class
and elegance upon our unsuspecting victims.
Now there's a lot to review, so listen closely.
First!
Ah!
What are you doing here?
What the hell is going on?
State your business.
Take that knife away from my throat, Heather.
Jesus Christ, Heather!
I came here to talk to you while I thought you'd be
taking everything down.
Duly noted and appreciated, but there's no time
to talk, Bryce. Clock's a tickin'!
What's going on?
We're rescuing the Rodriguez wedding.
Why? What happened to it?
I happened to it.
Is that the hotel's china?
It's much nicer than Maria's.
So you're just going to steal it?
It's not stealing if you return it afterwards.
That is not true at all.
- Hey, is that Spice? - No, no, no. Rice.
Okay, I came here to apologize to you
for walking out on you the other day
and leaving you to deal with this whole mess.
I shouldn't have done that.
I'm sorry.
And you were right. I guess I've got some things
I have to work on myself.
But I guess it doesn't matter, because you've clearly
- gone off the deep end. - Cover!
'Sup, hotel worker guy?
I'm taking a smoke break.
What?
Tell him, 'I'm taking a smoke break.'
I'm taking a smoke break.
Okay.
It's good.
I love cigarettes.
I'm trying to quit.
Don't.
I will help you! No, you don't need to throw
that in. I will help you.
Thanks.
And you? Don't give up.
Thank you.
Next time don't say anything I don't tell
you to say, got it?
Oh, got it, 'cause guess what?
There's not going to be a next time.
Okay, Bryce, have it your way.
Yeah, I will have it my way, because my way
doesn't involve stealing everything from the hotel
and cigarettes. I hate cigarettes!
Me, too!
I did that for you, Bryce!
Why do you even have cigarettes?
I should have never come here.
I thought you were leaving.
Yeah, I am. My car's right here.
Ugh.
See you later.
If you change your mind the Rodriguez wedding
is at the Shoreline Clubhouse on Moreno.
It's locked.
You can pick locks?
Event Planning 101, Cindy.
Nice technique.
Hmm.
What? I get locked out of my apartment a lot.
Let's get to work.
All right. The first thing we want to do is...
Oh, god, I hate that woman.
What is she doing here?
- Guarding. - From what?
- From me. - What is she holding?
Maria's wedding dress.
Should we retreat?
No, listen up, troops. Mission adjustment.
First, we move Maria's mother. Then, we redecorate.
Tread lightly. We do not want to wake that woman.
She's like me, but worse.
All right, everyone. Let's move.
Strike these polyester pieces of garbage.
I want 500 thread count Bavarian cotton napkins, Theresa.
What are these plastic monstrosities?
Get me Venetian ballroom fours, Cheryl.
The ceiling lacks ambience. I want Chinese lanterns
set at a default dimmer level eight.
Two.
I beg your pardon?
Default dimmer level at two. You've got the same
number of lanterns you had for the ballroom,
but this room is a quarter of the size.
Default dimmer level at two.
How would you know anything about default dimmer levels?
Sometimes boyfriends listen to the things
their girlfriends talk about
more than their girlfriends realize, sir!
Default dimmer level set at two, please.
Welcome to the shit.
Hooah.
Wait, wait, wait. So you've fallen three stories before?
Yes, hanging banners at events.
How are you still alive?
You just relax your body before you hit the ground,
like a baby falling from heaven.
That is Event Planning 201, Bryce.
Gary, gather the troops so I can dismiss them.
We're done here?
Not quite.
Why not just leave the dress on one
of the tables or something?
Because Maria's mother will throw it away out of spite.
We have to kidnap Maria's other dress so she has no choice
but to wear this one.
How do you know she'll like yours better?
I stole it from her.
I thought you outbid?
El Diablo!
Wow.
You were right.
Relaxing before you hit the ground really does help.
See?
Hey, so, um, great work, Heather.
It really does look better in there.
I'm not done yet. I need to fix up the church.
Right.
Do you want to come?
It's nice.
It is. It just needs some accents.
Flowers?
Flowers.
Hey, Heather?
Yeah?
The sex wasn't bad. It was good.
I just wish that you didn't plan it. That's all.
Well, you know, I have a really busy schedule to work
around so it makes sense to find nights that...
No, no, no. I mean what we actually do, like,
positions and stuff.
You literally made an itinerary once.
For our first anniversary.
Maybe I can be more spontaneous.
Just a bit.
We shouldn't talk about this in front of the church.
Come on.
Right.
That first anniversary was
pretty dynamite though.
Solid itinerary.
Not bad.
Hello? Is someone there?
Huh.
Really push it.
I am really pushing.
All right. I'm going to call for help.
Help!
Do you want to get me arrested again?
He's a priest. We'll just tell him the truth.
Priests are all about forgiveness, right?
Help!
- Help! - Help!
Please! Help us!
I think we're stuck here for a while.
We're going to get tired soon.
Put your head on my chest.
What?
You can put your head on my chest. Go to sleep.
I'll hold you.
Thanks for your help today.
Yeah.
It was... it was fun.
It was fun, wasn't it?
Hey, um, when we were in France and you toured
the Louvre, what was your favorite painting?
The Mona Lisa, of course.
Why?
Because she's complex.
Goodnight, Bryce.
Goodnight, Heather.
Maria!
Mama, where have you been? I called you a million times.
Look.
Oh my God.
Come. Look.
It's wonderful.
And that's not all.
The reception is beautiful, too.
Maria, do you know who made this miracle happen?
We are gathered here today to celebrate the union...
Where am I?
Where am I?!
Be quiet!
Be quiet! Be quiet!
Oh, right.
Sorry.
No, no, no, no, no.
I am so sorry, Maria. I wanted to make it better.
I've been horrible to you.
To everyone.
I wanted to be a better person,
to be a good person.
And now look what I've done.
Oh my God.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
I just ruined your wedding.
No, you didn't. You made it perfect.
Everyone, this is Heather.
She's responsible for all of this.
Richard?
What are you doing here?
He's my older brother.
Oh, I didn't realize.
That's where all my roses went.
I promise to love you and cherish you
for the rest of our lives.
Maria Rodriguez and Antonio Sanchez,
today is the day that you have chosen
to become husband and wife.
We are here not only to witness the commitment
that you are making to each other, but also
to wish you every happiness in your future life together.
So through the power vested in me, I now pronounce you
husband
and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Good work, Heather.
Paul, what are you doing here?
Hey, I had a part in this. I should at least
get some free food out of it.
Also, some good news. I found someone.
Thank you so much for letting us be a part of this,
Rice and Heather.
No, wait. Heather and Rice. That sounds much better.
- Yeah! - Yes!
She looks so happy.
Mm-hmm.
I like making people happy.
I should do it more often.
Heather! A picture!
Oh, no, no, no. I'm fine.
- Yes. - No, no.
Yes. You, me, and my family.
No.
Wait. We need your father.
I'm missing my father today,
but I know he's here with us.
Okay. Smile, everybody.
Ready? One, two, three, cheese!
Yay!
You look beautiful.
Thank you.
So what are you up to now?
I was thinking about hanging out a bit.
You?
I was going to dance a little.
Heather, will you dance with me?
Heather!
Okay, I can't hide it anymore. I need your help.
I accidentally killed a male hooker last week
and things got out of hand and I dumped him in a river
in Litchfield County and the cops finally found me
and they're outside and I need a place to hide.
On April 5th, 2019, Maria Rodriguez
married Antonio Sanchez.
Maria was 26 and Antonio was 28 when Antonio
asked for her hand in marriage.
Their relatives traveled from around the globe
for the happy occasion.
The weather was pristine, the groom was handsome,
the bride was beautiful, and Maria's smile
was the centerpiece of it all.
It was her dream wedding.
Now just wait until you see my wedding.
Ready, Bryce?
Hooah!
Tell him the honeymoon fell through
and you have to stay in a Motel 6.
Tell him you're knocked up.
Tell him you were born with a dick.
Nobody likes a surprise dick.
Don't worry, girls. I've got a great one.