La FabriqueNwww.sous-titres.eu
Fellas!
You’ll never guess what happened.NButters just beat up Scott Malkinson.
– Butters? Why?N– It was crazy.
Scott was sayingNhe needed to take his insulin shot,
and outta nowhere, Butters saidNhe’s sick of people with diabetes.
Scott told Butters to shut up,Nand Butters started whaling on him.
You’re talking about Butters.
Butters beat the crap out Scott,Nthen locked himself in the bathroom.
Leave me alone!
– Come out here.N– Get outta here, all of you!
People can’t just go aroundNbeating up people who have diabetes.
– Whatever your problem is…N– You think you know everything!
Every little thing, you gotta shootNyour mouth off like you’re the expert!
You don’t know everything,Nbecause your best friend
thinks the entire planetNrevolves around him,
and he only cares about his image!
You think Cartman is the onlyNselfish piece of crap at this school?
You’re all fake and stuck up,
and none of you have the courageNto tell Jimmy that he’s not funny.
The only kid hereNwith any sense of dignity is Kenny,
and the rest of youNhave your heads up your butts!
Apparently,NKenny is Butters’ best friend.
You guys gonna make out?
That’s another thing!
You always trivialize everything I sayNby getting the last word!
You’re not gettingNthe last word this time!
Double wow!
I’m sorry, but your sonNis distracting the other students,
and his attitudeNis just getting worse.
What on earth has gotten into you?
I don’t know.NI was just pissed off, I guess.
Do you think this behavior is fairNto your teacher and classmates?
I don’t suppose it is,Nbut I don’t give a darn!
Do you have any ideaNhow grounded you are about to be?
Why don’t you shut upNand stick it in your ear!
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Our little Butters is flowering.NHe has reached the age of panua.
Excuse me?
– This isn’t Butters’ fault.N– It’s not?
It has to do with biology.
You’ve maybe noticedNthat Butters isn’t…
exactly like other kids.
You probably thinkNButters seems somehow different.
– All the time!N– It’s because he is.
His mother and I, our whole family…
we’re not of this place.
I’m sorry, I really don’t understand.
Just understand that for our people,Nit’s a very private matter.
He can’t be helped by your discipline.NIt must be dealt with by his own kind.
If it’s all right with you,Nwe’d like an extended leave for our boy.
It’s a cultural thing.
I don’t want him to go.NHe’s too young!
It’s our people’s way.NYou know that better than I do!
– Then we can go with him.N– You know that’s not allowed!
Will somebody tell meNwhat the friggitty fookshmere going on?
You’ve reached the age where you mustNjourney to your birthplace
for the ceremony of hapa noa.
But I’m from here!
We moved hereNjust before you started preschool.
You were born in our native land.
A distant and very secludedNisland world, called…
Hawai‘i.
We’re from Hawaii?
Only Haoles pronounce it “Hawaii”.
But those of us from Hawai‘iNare a very special people.
We have many customs and traditionsNto keep our culture alive.
We drink chi-chisNfrom the coconut.
We eat pokeNthat the Safeway provides.
And when we’ve chosen a mate,Nwe marry at the Fern Grotto,
as your mother and I didNso very long ago.
As a Stotch,Nyou are actually Hawaiian royalty.
Your grandma and grandpaNwere there in the time of the King.
What does it have to do with me actingNlike an emo chick on her period?
Not an emo chick on her period.
Like a salmonNneeding to swim back up river.
All Hawaiians feel it.
It is called hapa hua opae loa,
and it means it’s now your timeNto make your trip to our island home.
You must do your walkaboutNto your homeland.
And you must do it alone.
Take this.
It is our Mahalo rewards card.NIt will provide you with all you need.
And now, I must turn my back on you.
Holy shit balls!
– Guess what, you guys.N– What?
Butters got on a busNwith his bags packed
and said he’s going to Hawaii.
He has to go back to his homeland,
told me it was none of my businessNand to keep my fat mouth.
What the hell?NSomebody’s gotta stop him!
After all the things he said,Nhe can go ahead.
Kenny, you’re his best friend.NStop him.
I’m not his best friend.
Go rescue himNso he can lick your balls some more.
– Butters, come on.N– They won’t let me on the plane.
I can’t do anything right.
I have to go to Hawaii!
I have no idea what’s waiting for me,Nbut I can’t go on like this!
Excuse me, he needs to get to Hawaii.
I told him I can’t allow anyone to flyNwho appears to be intoxicated.
I’m not intoxicated!
I’m just deligerentNbecause of my hapa noa huy loa!
Please let him on the plane.NIt’s really important.
Tell you what, there’s plenty of pointsNon his Mahalo rewards card.
If you fly with him,NI can let him go.
Can’t you see I’m in horrible pain?NDo you have any idea…
I’ll go.
We’re here.NNow, what do I do?
Can I help you?
I’m not sureNwhere I’m supposed to go.
Are you with a cruise shipNor a land tour group?
I’m not a tourist.NI’m a native Hawaiian.
Butters Stotch?
Welcome home, young keiki.
Your parents said you would be comingNfor your ceremony.
– Who’s this?N– This is my friend, Kenny.
Native Hawaiians don’t really approveNof Haoles coming to their ceremonies.
Without him, I couldn’t have come.
Very well, we shall speakNwith the chief of our island and see.
Come now.
You folks are native Hawaiians too?
My wife and INhave been coming for five years,
and Bill and DonnaNown a timeshare in Poipu.
But Poipu is getting overrunNwith tourists, I’m afraid.
Let us eat.
Five orders of saimin, please.
– What’s saimin?N– It’s one of the foods of our people.
I get 20% off, I’m a native.NHere’s my Mahalo rewards card.
Come on, you freaking tourists!NJesus, buy a postcard.
These are the ancient ruinsNof our ancestors.
They say the spirit of the KingNis still in there.
You must stay awayNfrom this place, it is kapu.
That means taboo.NEspecially the Haoles.
That there is Bubba’s Burgers.
In Hawai‘i,Nus natives say “Bubba’s bra”.
Here’s the Sheraton.NAnother mega hotel for the tourists.
Here’s where many of us natives live.
The Sheraton Residences.
It’s all right, we’re natives.
Protector and chief, I present to youNthe keiki Butters Stotch.
Stephen and Linda’s child.
Last time I saw you,Nyou were the size of a coconut.
Who’s the Haole?
My dearest friends.
I am living amongst the nativesNin the remote and tiny island of Kaua‘i.
What can I tell youNof this island and its people?
It is a place of wonder,
and yet, to the outsider like me,Na place of odd tradition.
The people hereNare peaceful and joyous
and seem to care little for the rushNand worry of the outside world.
Their diet is an odd mixture
of coconut milk,Npineapple juice and vodka,
which they call the chi-chi.
As for Butters, he is quicklyNlearning the ways of his ancestors,
and seems to be feeling betterNwith every passing day.
He still seems quite angry at times,
but luckily, his ceremonyNwill finally take place on the morrow.
“On the morrow”?NWhat the fuck is wrong with Kenny?
To wit, I have found nothing wrongNwith this remote place,
and I must admitNit will be with some melancholy
that I will leave this islandNand return home.
I saw this chick in a bikiniNon the beach, too.
She had the nicest boobs ever.
Humbly yours, Kenneth.
In the time-honored traditionsNof our ancestors,
we honor the native HawaiianNButters Stotch with his hapa noa.
The shark’s tooth necklace representsNyour connection to our island.
Now drink the chi-chi.
It’s like gasoline.
Drink, young keiki,
and you will feel the lastNof your aggression melt away.
I do feel butter… better.
Oh spirits of ancestors,
we ask that you blessNthis native Hawaiian with his hapa noa!
– We ask that you…N– Listen!
Listen, everyone.NI have terrible, horrible news!
Do you realizeNthat you are interrupting a hapa noa?
I’ve just come from the front office.
The Mahalo rewards card is…
What has happened?NSpeak!
The Mahalo rewards cardNis being eliminated.
They’re trying to say our points…
are no longer going to be accepted.
I knew one day it would come to this.
To what?NWhat does this mean?
The Haoles are tryingNto do away with us.
With no rewards program,
they’ll be no distinctionNbetween who’s a native and who isn’t!
Why can’t your peopleNrespect our island?
Why do you always want more?
I’m sorry, keiki,Nyour hapa noa will have to wait.
For we must unite togetherNas never before!
It is time to show the HaolesNthat this is our island!
Stop ruining our island, Haoles!NFire!
What are they doing?
Take a swing.NLet them know they’re not welcome.
I’ve never done this.
It’s all right, just try to tapNinto that anger that’s inside you.
My anger…
Stupid Ben Affleck!
Hold on!
I can’t!
I love you!
This is Breaking News.
An insurrection in the Hawaiian islandsNhas escalated to war.
After sinking a cruise ship,Nthe natives of Kauai
continue to go berserk,Nforcing all tourists off their island.
They just pushed us onto airplanesNand said we weren’t welcome anymore.
Then a little boy called me a skank.
The president says he will sendNthe Coast Guard to take the island back,
though he sympathizes,Nbeing a native Hawaiian himself.
Are all the touristsNgone from our island?
All but a few who are hiding outNat Duke’s restaurant.
We’ve sent Bob and Trisha TurnerNto smoke them out.
– What about him?N– What about me?
He’s a tourist and he knows everything.NWe have to kill him.
Kenny’s my friend!
He’s the only kid at schoolNI actually like, you bunch a jerks!
Be careful, young keiki,Nyour anger stills controls you,
because we were not ableNto finish your ceremony.
Perhaps we should finish it now.
Finish his ceremony?NWe are at war, David!
I have lived on this islandNfor ten years!
Every July and part of August.
What we are about to faceNfrom the Haoles
is nothing short of genocide.
He’s right, David.NWe can’t trust any tourists.
– He won’t betray us, will you, Kenny?N– I won’t fucking betray anybody!
Then let him prove himself.NTrial by opaekaka.
He’s only a child.
If he wants to be one of us,Nhe must face the challenge.
Very well.
This isn’t right.
He’s not a native.NHe’s gonna get killed!
Be careful!
Quiet, he must faceNthis challenge alone.
By the gods, perhaps he does haveNthe heart of a native after all.
He still has yet to make the turn.
That’s pretty good.
I told you a Haole couldn’t do it.
Did you make the turn your first try?
Did any of us?
Don’t worry, your friendNwill find his way back to his kind.
The gods will protect him.
We have called for this great meeting,Nbecause if we are to survive this war,
all the native Hawaiian tribesNmust join as one.
We are not joining the peopleNof the Hyatt grand vacations.
They have no rightNto call themselves natives.
And you do?
Your ancestors came on an airplaneNsix months ago!
Our ancestors sailed here.
On a cruise ship, nine months ago.
If we are to fight the Haoles,Nwe have to allow all natives to stay.
It doesn’t matterNhow many tribes we have.
We are but fewNagainst the Haoles’ military might.
We may have passion,Nbut passion does not win wars!
Come up here, keiki.
This child sunk a cruise shipNby himself.
Tell them, keiki.
I don’t know about you,
but I’m sick and tired of beingNpushed around all the time!
I came for my hapa noa ceremony,Nand I can’t even have it,
’cause the fucking HaolesNhave to ruin everything!
Screw them!
If you ask me,Nthe only good Haole’s a dead Haole!
With a stick up his butthole,Nand his wiener cut off!
Let us make a pactNwith more chi-chis!
We’re out of chi-chis.
Oh right,Nwe’ve closed off all the ports.
But they’re still lettingNvodka through, right?
They can’t cut off our chi-chis.
Oh my God.
This is the US Coast Guard.
We have instructions to take youNby force if necessary.
Ready! Fire!
Fire.
Launch the bocce balls!
Goddammit.
Keep fighting!NStand your ground!
– We can’t fight without chi-chis!N– You can and you must!
Stupid! Greedy! Haoles!
Kill! Them! All!
Listen, everyone.
We gave it all we had.
It’s over.
We must go down to Nawiliwili Harbor
and surrenderNto the American government.
Surrender?NTo heck with that!
We can’t hold out here any longer.
I won’t do it, you hear me?NI’m not licking anybody’s testies.
Young keiki,Ntry to control your anger.
This is our home!
I’m sick of everyone who thinksNthey’re better
just ’cause they got good looksNand even after massacring Daredevil,
they happen to come backNand hit a home run that everyone loves!
You shouldn’t be able to be good looking,Nbe with Jennifer Lopez
and be a good director!
All right, fine.NArgo is a good movie.
There, I admitted it!
I told people it didn’t hold up,Nbut it holds up!
Ben Affleck has everything.
Everyone!NLook, I say!
The Haole did it!
My dear friends of the mainland.
What adventures I have foundNon the tiny island of Kaua‘i.
I have truly become oneNwith the natives,
who found new courageNto fight their oppressors.
We are not surrendering today!
Go back and tell your leadersNthat we will fight them until the end!
You people just don’t give up,Ndo you?
The American governmentNfinally gave in to the natives,
and had the Mahalo rewards cardsNreinstated.
Our two cultures, it appears,Nwill once again live in peace.
With the war at an end,
our Butters is able to haveNhis hapa noa ceremony,
and with any help from the gods,
become his old cheery self again.
And so, it is with great honorNthat we recognize these two natives
with their hapa loa.
Take your cards, boys.
It’s finally over, young keiki.NIs your anger at rest?
I guess so.
Except it still doesn’t change the factNthat Ben Affleck is handsome, talented,
and then gets to go homeNand kiss Jennifer Lopez.
Ben Affleck isn’tNwith Jennifer Lopez anymore.
He’s married to Jennifer Garner.
Really?
But I thoughtNI was totally jealous of him.
He’s just married to Jennifer Garner?
I feel so much better!
You do?
I like that Ben Affleck guy.NHe’s a good filmmaker.
Come on.NI owe the kids at school an apology.
Did you see Argo?NIt’s a pretty good movie.
Ben Affleck has a lot going for him.NNot everything, but a lot.