♪ 今天看到的似乎都是 ♪ ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
♪ 电影里的暴力和电视里的性 ♪ ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
♪ 但那些我们曾经依赖的 ♪ ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
♪ 老式美德去哪儿了呢？ ♪ ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
♪ 幸好有这样一个家庭 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
♪ 幸好有这样一个男人，他真的可以做到 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
♪所有让我们♪ ♪ All the things that make us ♪
♪欢笑和哭泣♪ ♪ Laugh and cry ♪
♪他…是…家…伙…！♪ ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
晚上好，我是汤姆·塔克。 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker.
全新的热门约会真人秀《性农场》 The hot new reality dating show Sex Farm
即将登陆夸霍格。 is coming to Quahog.
选手们乔装打扮成农场动物来隐藏身份 Contestants conceal their identities
希望能找到真爱。 by dressing as farm animals in hopes of finding love.
试镜活动将持续一整周 Auditions are being held all week
地点在市中心长期空置的米拉麦克斯办公室。 at the long-empty Miramax offices downtown.
想想看，用你妈妈的名字命名公司 Imagine naming a company after your mother
然后调戏每一个来访者。 and then molesting everyone who comes in.
试镜？[倒吸一口凉气] Auditions? [gasps]
也许我能遇到我的意中人。 Maybe I could meet my person.
你的"意中人"？ Your "person"?
哦，你的"意中人"是个好人吗？ Oh, is your "person" a good "human"?
你会不会发你订婚戒指的照片， You gonna post your engagement ring with,
然后配文："就是这样，事情就这么发生了"？ "So, this just happened"?
你打算玩#VanLife吗？ You gonna hashtag #VanLife?
你不会在佛罗里达被人谋杀吧？ You gonna get murdered in Florida?
没人会找你的，你这个普通的白人女孩。 No one's gonna look for you, you basic white bitch.
这一定会很棒。 This is gonna be awesome.
——我要去试试。——祝你好运。 -I'm gonna try out. -Well, good luck.
希望你的真人秀比我拍得好。 I hope your reality show goes better than mine did.
[播音员] 《单挑荒野》本季 [announcer] This season on Alone,
12名参赛者将被投放到荒野中。 12 contestants will be droppd in the wilderness.
记住，你在镜头前，所以别手冲。 Remember, you're on camera, so don't masturbate.
我甚至都没能走到地面上。 I didn't even make it to the ground.
梅格，谢谢你今天能来。 Thank you for coming in today, Meg.
我们很激动，想看看你 We're excited to see if you have what it takes
是否能胜任《性爱农场》。 to be on Sex Farm.
谢谢。那么，我需要为这次试镜做些什么吗？ Thanks. So, is there anything I need to do for this audition?
不用。现在大多数的试镜， No. Most of modern auditions
都是我们浏览你以前的推文。 is just us going through all your old tweets
看看有没有种族歧视或恐同的辱骂言论。 to see if there are any racist or homophobic slurs.
我发现你好像从来没转发过 Bowen Yang 的东西，这是为什么？ Now, I see you've never retweeted Bowen Yang. Why?
我意识到我错了，我现在明白了。 I see that I was wrong, and I now understand
喜剧大多是关于对好笑的事情感到生气。 comedy is mostly about getting angry at funny things.
［听不清的低语］ [indistinct whispering]
你通过了！ You're in.
♪本季《性农场》来到罗德岛州夸霍格， [Corey] This season on Sex Farm, we're in Quahog, Rhode Island,
♪全新阵容，全是荷尔蒙爆棚的牲畜。 with an all-new cast of horny livestock.
[牛叫声] [moos]
大家好，你们好吗？ What's going on, guys?
我是科里，《科里世界》的科里。 It's me, Corey, from Corey's World.
自从在沃尔玛对着我继母大喊大叫，被人在网上伏击后， After being virally ambushed
我从YouTube降职到了电视网络。 while screaming at my stepmom in a Walmart,
能当今晚《性爱农场》的主持人， I've taken a demotion from YouTube to network television.
我真是太激动了， And I am totally less-profitably stoked
虽然没那么赚钱。 to be your host tonight on Sex Farm.
让我们来认识一下这些肮脏的家伙。 Let's get to know these filthy animals.
[图书管理员] 这儿没有中年老处女， [The Librarian] No middle-aged spinster here,
我只是个活泼的小猫咪。 I'm just a frisky little pussycat.
[笑] [laughs]
[牧羊人] 我来这儿是因为睡在谷仓里 [Shepherd] I'm here because sleeping in a barn
比睡在铺开的摔跤垫上舒服多了。 is preferable to an unfurled wrestling mat.
[梅格] 我准备大吃一顿了。 [Meg] I'm ready to swine and dine.
哼哼唧唧，砰砰砰。 Oink, oink, boink, boink.
【猪叫声】 [snorts]
恶心！猪群会决定谁留下 Yuck. The herd will decide who stays
继续他们的爱情之旅 to continue their journey for love
谁会被淘汰。 and who gets put out to pasture.
都是这里《性农场》大舞会的一部分 All part of the barn dance here on Sex Farm,
我们这儿用“yee”和“haw”做代词。 where our pronouns are "yee" and "haw."
我不太明白。 I-I don't get that.
[梅格] 嘿，你好啊，好屁股。 [Meg] Hey, there. Nice ass.
我在想你愿不愿意来点儿肉体上的欢愉。 I'm wondering if you're down for some porkin'.
[布鲁斯] 哦，我的天，这也太直接了吧？ [Bruce] Oh, my, that's going right at it, isn't it?
对不起，小猪，我觉得你拱错了猪槽。 Sorry, little piggy, I think you's is sloppin'
在错的食槽里拱食。 at the wrong trough.
[梅格]哦，呃，对不起。 [Meg] Oh, uh, sorry.
呃，你好。好屁股。 Uh, hey, there. Nice ass.
我想知道你愿不愿意跟我滚床单。 I'm wondering if you're down for some porkin'.
我得吃80毫克的冬眠灵， [Shepherd] I had to take 80 milligrams
因为我在这儿 of Thorazine 'cause I'm having
幽闭恐惧症要发作了。 a claustrophobic freak-out in here.
所以，别烦我。 So, pass.
哇，你可真能吃啊。 [Chicken] Wow, you really packed that away in a hurry.
多谢了。 [Meg] Thanks.
我可能打扮得像猪一样， I may be dressed like a pig,
但是我像牛一样有两个胃。 but I have two stomachs like a cow.
[金块笑] 你真有趣。 [Nugget laughs] You're funny.
[梅格] 这可不是闹着玩的。 [Meg] It's not really a joke.
我活不过40岁。 I'm not expected to live past 40.
[小鸡] 看来我险些过线了。 [Chicken] Looks like I made it just under the wire.
[梅格] 我才18岁。 [Meg] I'm only 18.
[小鸡] 哦，你的Liberty Mutual手提袋让我误以为你年纪很大。 [Chicken] Oh, your Liberty Mutual tote bag threw me off.
[梅格] 我用来装散装水果的。 [Meg] It's how I carry my loose fruit.
[小鸡] 我喜欢你。你不太费劲。 [Chicken] I like you. You don't try very hard.
[梅格] 哦，我非常努力。 [Meg] Oh, I'm trying very hard.
怎么了，伙计们？我是你们的哥瑞。 What's going on, guys? It's your boy Corey.
记得去Cameo上关注我哦。 Be sure to check me out on Cameo.
制片人说我不许提这个， The producers said I couldn't mention it,
但我敢打赌他们根本不看这个节目。 but I'm betting they don't even watch the show.
所以，在农场寻找爱情的一大重点是 So, a big part of finding love on the farm
让我们的参赛者约会， is having our contestants go on dates
然后被音乐表演惊喜到 and then be surprised by a musical act
你从未听说过。 you've never heard of.
【梅格】我简直不敢相信。我们拐过街角， [Meg] I couldn't believe it. We walked around the corner,
竟然看到了巴顿·詹姆斯。 and there was Barton James.
♪《你愿意牵我的手吗...》♪ ♪ Won't you hold my hand... ♪
—【梅格】哦，我的天哪。—【小鸡】我爱这首歌。 -[Meg] Oh, my God. -[Chicken] I love this song.
♪让我明白……♪ ♪ Make me understand... ♪
巴顿·詹姆斯和一个戴猪面具的女孩？ [Chicken] Barton James and a girl in a pig mask?
是啊，那天过得很不错。 Yeah, it was a pretty good day.
♪男人。♪ ♪ Man. ♪
兄弟们，看看，巴顿·詹姆斯的 Check it out, guys, Barton James'
新专辑《乡村女孩》现已上市 new album Country Girl is now available
仅在Deezer独家上线。 exclusively on Deezer.
我们必须这么说，不然他不会出现。 We had to say that or he wouldn't show up.
[播音员]虔诚的基督教徒巴顿·詹姆斯没有接种疫苗 [announcer] Devout Christian Barton James was unvaccinated
而且是个让人非常头疼的家伙。 and a general pain in the ass to deal with.
大家好，有什么事吗？ What's going on, guys?
约会结束了，差不多要到揭晓时刻了 Dates have ended, and it's almost time
看看谁是万众瞩目 to find out who's got the heat
谁又会被淘汰 and who's being turned into meat.
受大家喜爱的乳牛先生，在团体合作赛中惊慌失措 Fan favorite The Cow is recovering nicely
现在恢复得不错 from his panic attack at Group Coop.
（牧羊人）我不太在意是否會墜入愛河。 [Shepherd] I don't really care if I fall in love.
我真想赶紧看完这个节目， I just need to be done with this show,
越快越好。 like, as soon as possible.
我已经三天没好好呼吸了…… I haven't taken a normal breath in...
【喘气】 [gasps]
……三天了。【呼气】 ...three days. [exhales]
各位，如果你们或者你们认识的人 Guys, if you or someone you know
正与焦虑或抑郁作斗争， is struggling with anxiety or depression,
可以去 SexFarm-BummedOut.com。 go to SexFarm-BummedOut.com.
野牌猪和鸡真是合得来， Wild cards Pig and Chicken really hit it off
在那群体粪浴中。 at the group feces bath.
让我们看看他们的关系是否能持续下去， Let's see if their connection continues
在他们强制的真人秀直升机之旅中。 on their mandatory reality-show helicopter ride.
鸡：和你在一起真开心。 [Chicken] I really like spending time with you.
你太随性了。 You're so spontaneous.
麦格：我也很喜欢你。 [Meg] I really like you, too.
还有，你马上就要闻到一个屁了，对不起。 And I'm sorry for that fart you're gonna smell.
我知道你听不见。 I knew you wouldn't hear it,
但我没想到会那么糟。 but I didn't think it was gonna be as bad as it was.
我确实听到了 [Chicken] I actually did hear it.
我觉得我好像爱上你了。 And I think I might be falling in love with you.
嘿，伙计们， [pilot] Hey, guys,
我的唯一规定是什么？ what was the one rule I had?
[梅格/纳格特] 直升机里不许放屁。 [Meg/Nugget] No farting in the helicopter.
直升机里不许放屁！ No farting in the helicopter.
我干掉了本·拉登，现在却在干这个。 I killed bin Laden, now I'm doing this.
在我们找出哪一对夫妻会先 Before we find out which couple will be the first
被淘汰之前，我们要先放个二维码 put out to pasture, we're gonna put up a QR code
那是Deezer的直接链接， that's a direct link to Deezer,
你可以在上面听到巴顿·詹姆斯和凯尔·里滕豪斯合唱。 where you can hear Barton James duet with Kyle Rittenhouse.
第一个被淘汰的情侣是…… And the first eliminated couple is...
……猪和鸡。 ...Pig and Chicken.
这意味着粉丝最喜欢的奶牛仍然留在农场。 Which means fan favorite Cow remains on the farm.
[牧羊人] 我告诉制片人乔什，我非常想回家。 [Shepherd] I told producer Josh I desperately want to go home.
猪和鸡，把你们的干草交了， Pig and Chicken, turn in your hay
然后去屠宰场。 and head to the slaughterhouse.
[梅格] 嘿，对不起，我把你拖下水了。 [Meg] Hey, I'm sorry I dragged you down.
还有，对不起，我在贝瑟尼·弗兰克尔面前让你丢脸了。 And I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of Bethenny Frankel.
[鸡]那是贝瑟尼·弗兰克尔？ [Chicken] That was Bethenny Frankel?
我还以为是个稻草人呢。 I thought it was a scarecrow.
[梅格]好吧，乌鸦都被吓跑了。 [Meg] Well, the crows were scared.
-她走了吗？-[叹息]我-我不知道。 -Is she gone? -[sighs] I-I don't know.
我-我的意思是，我想要玉米，但我不想听 I-I mean, I want the corn, but I don't want to have to hear
她约会遇到了多少麻烦。 about how much trouble she's having dating.
[呻吟] [moans]
[梅格]好吧，我想这就是结局了。 [Meg] Well, I guess this is it.
曾经拥有，就已足够。 It was nice while it lasted.
[小鸡]等等，猪！ [Chicken] Wait, Pig!
-[梅格]怎么了？ -我甚至不知道你的名字。 -[Meg] Yes? -I don't even know your name.
[梅格]我叫梅格。 [Meg] I'm Meg.
我担心摘下它后，你就不喜欢我了 I'm just worried you won't be as attracted to me
摘下它之后 when I take this off.
你打扮得像头猪 [Chicken] You're dressed like a pig.
我试试看 I'll take my chances.
我就知道 [Chicken] I was right.
你比猪好看多了 You are prettier than a pig.
轮到你了。 Your turn.
我不在乎你面具下的样子。 And I don't care what you look like under that mask.
【鸡】很好，因为…… [Chicken] That's good, because...
我是一只鸡。 I'm a chicken.
我的名字叫纳格特。 My name is Nugget.
等等，你跟那个巨鸡 Wait a minute, you're not related
没关系吧？ to the giant chicken, are you?
他是我爸。 He's my dad.
【倒吸一口凉气】 [gasps]
——怎么了，彼得？——我忘了去上大学了 -What is it, Peter? -I forgot to go to college.
哦，梅格，你在这儿呢。 Oh, Meg, there you are.
坐下，我们正在看《性农场》。 Sit down. We're watching Sex Farm.
-你看过吗？-妈，我上过这个节目。 -Have you seen it? -Mom, I was on it.
-我是那头猪。-什么？ -I was the pig. -What?
是啊，我也不记得了，但你看： Yeah, I don't remember that, either, but check it out:
那头牛跑了，然后粉丝投票让它回来了。 the cow escaped and then a fan vote brought him back.
他们在其中一个Chick-fil-A广告牌上找到了他。 They caught him hiding on one of those Chick-fil-A billboards.
拜托，别再投票给我了。 Once again, please stop voting for me.
我这是在求救啊！我发誓我真要跳下去了！ This is a cry for help. I swear to God, I'll jump.
那家伙真逗。 That guy is so funny.
我一定要给他投一百票！ I'm gonna vote for him a hundred times.
好吧，祝你玩得开心。 Well, have fun.
打扮得这么漂亮，你去哪儿？ Where are you going all dolled up?
什么？哦，这并没有冒犯洋娃娃的意思。 What? Oh, that is not offensive to dolls.
别试图让自己生气。 Stop trying to make yourself angry.
—我有个约会。—和谁？ -I have a date. -With who?
嗯，你认识的人。再见。 Um, nobody you know. See you later.
—[门打开，关上]—她又开始约会了？ -[door opens, closes] -She's dating again?
她之前约会的那位魔术师后来怎么样了？ Whatever happened to that illusionist she was seeing?
我从未离开，彼得。 I never left, Peter.
哇，等等，你怎么还在？ Wow. Wait, why are you still here?
唉，我是魔术师，所以要么无家可归， Well, I'm an illusionist, so I'm either homeless
要么在拉斯维加斯有一套价值一亿美元的豪宅。 or I have a $100 million residency in Las Vegas.
哦，我的天哪，那头牛真的要跳了。 Oh, my God, the cow is really gonna jump.
你逼我的！ You made me do this.
这事儿你得负责，乔希制作人。 This is on you, producer Josh.
【砰】 [thump]
我没事儿。 I'm all right.
我本来就打算这么着陆的。 I landed just so.
了解你的世界真酷！ It's so cool learning about your world.
所以，这样，告诉我： So, okay, tell me this:
桑德斯上校是不是像你们的希特勒？ is Colonel Sanders like your Adolf Hitler?
不，上校是个好人。 No, the colonel is an honest man.
我们的希特勒是肯尼·罗杰斯， Our Adolf Hitler is Kenny Rogers,
还有他那傻乎乎的肯尼·罗杰斯烤鸡店。 with his stupid Kenny Rogers Roasters.
肯尼·罗杰斯？那个赌徒？ Kenny Rogers? The gambler?
唉，不是那个赌徒。 [sighs] No, not the gambler.
他是那个和赌徒相遇的叙述者， He was the narrator who met up with the gambler,
然后分享了他从赌徒那里学到的东西， and then shared things he had learned from the gambler
但赌徒本人并没有出现。 but at no point was the gambler.
好吧，我只知道他从20岁到90岁都看起来像40岁。 Well, all I know is that he looked like he was 40
从20岁到90岁，他看起来一直都像40岁。 from the time he was 20 until the time he was 90.
睁着眼死的，是的。 And died unable to close his eyes, yes.
那，野餐怎么样？ Now, how about that picnic?
《当男人爱上女人》的旋律响起 ["When a Man Loves a Woman" tune plays]
♪当女孩爱上小鸡♪ ♪ When a girl loves a chicken ♪
♪无法让她专心于其他任何事情♪ ♪ Can't keep her mind on nothing else ♪
♪她愿意用全世界去交换♪ ♪ She'd trade the world ♪
♪她找到的美好♪ ♪ For the good thing she's found ♪
[笑声] [laughing]
♪当女孩爱上小鸡♪ ♪ When a girl loves a chicken ♪
♪我完全明白♪ ♪ I know exactly how ♪
♪她的感受。♪ ♪ She feels. ♪
[打哈欠] [yawns]
睡得真香啊 That was the best night's sleep
好久没这么睡过了 I've had in ages.
我爱你，梅格，不只是因为 I love you, Meg, and not just because
你的名字里有“蛋”字 you have "egg" in your name.
我也爱你，小金块 I love you, too, Nugget.
我想继续见你，但如果我们爸发现了怎么办呢？ I want to keep seeing you, but what if our dads find out?
那我们就只能像乔治·桑托斯一样过得不真实了。 I guess we'll have to live a lie, like George Santos.
嗨，我是那个性别认同奇特的犹太人纳粹主义者乔治·桑托斯， Hi, I'm gay-straight Jewish Nazi George Santos,
我支持这个声明。 and I approve this message.
这就是说，这是我最糟糕的经历， Which is to say it's the worst thing that's happened to me
自从我在9/11时去世以来。早安，晚安。 since I died on 9/11. Good morning night.
[旁白] 这段文字是18个月前写的，不包含新的谎言。 [announcer] This was written 18 months ago. New lies not included.
[敲门声] [knocking]
纳格特？你怎么在这儿？ Nugget? What are you doing here?
我正好在附近，想着我们能… I was in the neighborhood and thought we could
一起看看Netflix，或者Peacock…随便啦。 Netflix and chill or Peacock and [bleep].
[旁白] Peacock：不知为何我们没有《宋飞正传》或《老友记》 [announcer] Peacock: somehow we don't have Seinfeld or Friends,
唉，我们不能放《考斯比一家》了。 and we can't show you The Cosby Show.
嘿，梅格，你能帮我一下吗？ Hey, Meg, can you give me a hand
帮我戴上这些Mr. T的奖章？ clasping these Mr. T medallions?
我有个活动。 I have an event.
你这位穿着华丽的朋友是谁？ Who's your fine-feathered friend?
爸，这是我男朋友，纳格特。 Dad, this is my boyfriend Nugget.
他爸爸是只巨鸡。 His father is the giant chicken.
【倒吸一口凉气】 [gasps]
就这样，小姑娘—— That's it, young lady--
一个月内不准看孔雀！ no Peacock for a month.
不准看孔雀？！ No Peacock?
那我上哪儿看《克鲁德一家》去？ But where will I watch The Croods?
那不是我的问题。 That's not my problem.
[播音员]孔雀：我觉得我们没有…… [announcer] Peacock: I don't think we hae
《西翼》也没有。 The West Wing either.
梅格可以选择那么多鸡， Of all the chickens Meg could have chosen,
她偏偏选了那只。 she had to choose that one.
彼得，你得退后。 Oh, Peter, you got to back off.
我爸总是骂我 My father never stopped berating me
我跟你约会的时候，他总是骂我，所以我为了气气他 when I was dating you, so as an act of defiance
就嫁给了你。 I married you just to spite him.
这好像无关紧要。[叹息] That seems irrelevant. [sighs]
我不知道，Lois，感觉就像 I don't know, Lois, it feels like
我失去了我的女儿。 I've lost my daughter.
也就是说我有两个儿子。 Which means I have two sons.
如果我走运的话，他们会去参军， If I'm lucky, they'll join the army,
然后我会收到通知，说他们俩 and I'll be notified that they both died
同一天阵亡了。 on the same day.
[悲伤的音乐] [mournful music playing]
你两个儿子剃头的时候没的。 Your two sons died getting their heads shaved
在新生训练营里。 at orientation.
他们甚至都没到兵营。 They didn't even make it to the barracks.
哦，自由的代价！ Oh, the cost of freedom!
这是一面我们懒得叠的旗子。 Here's a flag we didn't bother to fold.
非常感谢你们邀请我共进晚餐， I really want to thank you for inviting me to dinner,
格里芬先生和夫人。 Mr. and Mrs. Griffin.
嘿，纳吉特，你见过法比奥被鹅打脸的视频吗？ Hey, Nugget, you ever seen that video of Fabio
鹅…打脸？ getting hit in the face by a goose?
太好笑了。对鹅来说可不搞笑。 -It's hilarious. -Not for the goose.
它死了。哦，那可就双倍好笑了。 -She was killed. -Oh, then that's doubly funny.
法比奥鼻青脸肿，一只鸟死了。 Fabio's got a bloody nose and a bird is dead.
格里芬先生，那只鹅有名字的。 Mr. Griffin, that goose had a name.
是伊夫琳，她有23个孩子。 It was Evelyn. And she had 23 children.
我给你看看她的GoFundMe页面。 Here, let me show you her GoFundMe page.
你们家的Wi-Fi密码是什么？ What's your guys' Wi-Fi password?
是“ChickensAreScum”，后面跟着22个感叹号。 It's "ChickensAreScum," and then 22 exclamation points.
它写在公告栏上，到时候我们把房子租出去的时候用。 It's on the bulletin board for when we Airbnb the house.
彼得，我们不会把房子租出去的。 Peter, we are not Airbnb-ing the house.
唉，可能太晚了。 Eh, it might be too late for that.
嘿，楼上浴室里有香皂吗？ Hey, is there any soap in the upstairs bathroom?
如果你看了PDF，上面写着要自带香皂。 If you read the PDF, it said you had to bring your own soap.
好吧，我就用洗发水代替香皂吧。 Well, I'll just use the shampoo as soap.
他是个医学生。 He's a medical student.
喂，你们对我的男朋友太粗鲁了。 You know, you guys are being very rude to my boyfriend.
-我爱他。-我受够了。 -I love him. -I've had enough.
梅格，我给你个老番茄。 Meg, I'm giving you an old tomato.
最后通牒，或者说条件， And a final demand or statement of terms,
拒绝将招致报复 the rejection of which will result in retaliation
或者永久断绝关系。 or a permanent cessation of relations.
要么你和他分手，要么你和我分手。 You either break up with him or you break up with me.
你不能同时和我们俩约会。 You can't date us both.
爸，我和你又不是在约会。 Dad, you and I aren't dating.
哦，看来你已经做出选择了。 Oh, so you've made your choice, then.
好吧，我的番茄我想要回来。 Well, I'd like my tomato back.
我去收拾行李。 I'll pack my bags.
什么包？她真的什么都没有。 What bags? She literally owns nothing.
各位，在我走之前，我想说一件事。 Guys, before I go, I have one thing to say.
这是那种要暂停《最后生还者》才能好好聊聊的情况吗？ Is this a "pause The Last of Us" type of conversation
还是我可以随便嗯嗯啊啊敷衍过去？ or can I "uh-huh" my way through this?
——彼得，关掉它。——嗯。 -Peter, turn it off. -Uh-huh.
如果你不接受纳格特，你就不能接受我。 If you don't accept Nugget, you don't accept me.
我要和他一起住了。 I'm moving in with him.
知道英国人会怎么称呼这件事吗？ You know what the British are gonna call this?
梅脱。他们真是一群聪明的岛民。 Megxit. They're a clever little island.
梅格，别走。 Meg, please don't go.
你是我唯一的女儿， You're my only daughter
我无法想象没有你我会怎么活。 and I can't imagine living without you.
另外，我需要你的选票才能留住比利·巴斯 Plus, I need your vote to keep a Billy Bass
——别把它从我们客厅赶走。——对不起，妈妈。 -out of our living room. -I'm sorry, Mom.
我已经决定了。再见。 My decision has been made. Goodbye.
好吧，现在看来是重新进行比利·巴斯投票的好时机。 Well, now seems like a good time
赞成的请说“aye”。 to reopen the Billy Bass vote.
赞成票 All in favor, say aye.
-同意。-同意。-同意。 -Aye. -Aye. -Aye.
-有反对的吗？-没有。 -All opposed? -Nay.
-出席。-懦夫。 -Present. -Coward.
比利·巴斯批准。 Billy Bass approved.
比利，你说梅格会对 Billy, what do you think Meg's gonna say
优步司机说什么？ to the Uber driver?
♪带我到河边♪ ♪ Take me to the river ♪
♪把我丢进水里♪ ♪ Drop me in the water. ♪
啊，没有梅格我们也过得很好啊。 Ah, we are thriving without Meg.
彼得，你怎么了？你几乎没动我们的食物。 Is something wrong, Peter? You've barely touched our food.
我听邦妮说梅格搬出去了 I heard from Bonnie that Meg moved out of the house
而且洛伊丝也从来没有喂过奶 and Lois could never breastfeed.
什么？你怎么知道的？ What? How'd you hear that?
哦，邦妮订阅了一项服务 Oh, Bonnie subscribes to a service
只要有哪个妈妈失败了，就会立刻通知她。 that alerts her any time another mom fails.
太疯狂了。 -That's wild. -I know.
我知道。 Donna gives Cleveland Jr.
多娜给了克利夫兰小盆友无限的游戏时间，但是…… unlimited video game time, but...
彼得，梅格不在家，是不是有点奇怪？ Peter, isn't it weird with Meg out of the house?
没啊，挺好的。就是老鼠多了一些。 Nah, it's fine. Although we got a lot more mice
——现在家里的老鼠多了。——老鼠？ -around the house now. -Mice?
是啊，梅格负责处理我们家所有老鼠问题。 Yeah, Meg handled all our rodent problems.
她以前直接捏爆它们的头。 She used to just squeeze 'em and pop their heads off.
不过她会留下一只 All except one that she'd leave alive
快去把这事告诉其他人。 to run and go tell the story to the others.
梅格是个好女孩。 Meg's a nice girl.
是啊，我装修房子的时候， Yeah, when I remodeled my house,
梅格帮我把所有废弃的隔热材料都搬走了。 Meg hauled away all the discarded insulation.
不知道她拿那些材料干嘛去了。 Don't know what she did with it.
哦，是啊，梅格真是太好了。 Oh, yeah, Meg's great.
她便宜卖给我好多隔热材料。 She sold me a ton of insulation super cheap.
哦，我的天哪，你们说对了。 Oh, my God, you guys are right.
有一次，梅格从楼梯上摔下来了， This one time, Meg fell down the stairs
然后她…然后她锁骨断了。 a-and she... and-and she broke her clavicle.
【笑】 [laughing]
我说，我想梅格了。 You guys, I think I miss Meg.
关于楼梯的故事，难道还有什么没讲完吗？ Wa-Was there gonna be more to the story about the stairs?
我们去巨鸡家看看吧， What do you say we go to the giant chicken's house
把女儿带回来？ and get my daughter back?
——好啊。——走！ -I'm in. -Let's do it.
所以你们笑是因为你女儿受伤了？ So the laughing was 'cause your daughter hurt herself?
亲爱的，你订了一大堆垃圾吗？ Honey, did you order a fat bag of crap?
让开，我来接我女儿回家。 Stand aside. I'm here to get my daughter back.
她不会跟你走的。 She's not coming with you.
她在这里过得很好。-你确定吗？ -She's perfectly happy here. -Are you sure?
我们可以让你满意。 We can make this worth your while.
我们准备用布里特妮·格里纳交换她。 We're prepared to trade Brittney Griner.
嘿，别把我当交易品。 Hey, stop trading me.
我只想打篮球。 I just want to play basketball.
还得抽点大麻，看来。 And smoke weed, apparently.
我又没抽，只是带着而已。 I wasn't smoking it, I was just carrying it.
随便吧。我还是对交易来你耿耿于怀， Whatever. I'm still mad we traded for you
而不是换来那个家伙，他的名字我 instead of that other guy, whose name
以前都没听过，现在也记不起来了。 I had never heard of and can no longer remember.
是啊，那个可怜的家伙。 Yeah, that poor guy.
把他带回家吧，不管他叫什么名字。 Bring him home, whatever his name is.
爸，你怎么在这儿？ Dad, what are you doing here?
梅格，这些胡闹必须停止。 Meg, this nonsense has to stop.
你是格里芬家族的一员，而且…… You're a Griffin, and...
该…该…行动了… it's time to, uh... Do...
你邻居家总是有蹦蹦床吗？ do your neighbors always have that bounce house
还是…是有什么特别的庆祝活动？ or is this-- is it a special occasion?
——我真不知道。——好吧，是的，但是梅格， -I really don't know. -Okay, yeah, but Meg,
我是认真的。我们都很想你，而且… I mean it. We all miss you, and--
哎哟，一位重量级女士蹦进去了。 Oh, a heavy lady's rolling into it.
可能是个喜欢玩乐的阿姨。 Probably the aunt who likes to have fun.
哇，她脸红得真快。 Wow, her face got red quick.
爸爸，我跟你说过，纳吉特和他的家人 Dad, I told you, Nugget and his family
对我比你们都好。 treat me better than you guys ever did.
我不会回家的。爸爸？ And I won't be coming home. Dad?
这是钢铁侠的房子！ It's a Iron Man house!
好吧，你知道吗， Okay, you know what,
我觉得我们得重新分组。 I think we need to regroup here.
对不起，打扰你了。 We're sorry to have bothered you.
我压到一个男孩了。 I squashed a boy.
哦，来吧，彼得，振作起来。看，最好的办法是 Oh, come on, cheer up, Peter. Look, the best thing to do
把梅格的这些破事都抛在脑后 to put all this Meg drama behind us
这可是我们全家一起参与的趣味活动。 is a fun family activity that we can all do together.
你知道，我今天本来就打算过来的， You know, I was supposed to be here today anyway,
但是泰勒取消了他的生日派对。 but then Tyler cancelled his birthday party.
哈瑞宝软糖的冰激凌圣代自助？ Ice cream sundae bar with Haribo brand gummi bears?
【孩子们齐声高喊】泰勒！泰勒！泰勒！ [children chanting] Tyler! Tyler! Tyler!
嘿，泰勒。看来我们搞错了吧？ Hey, Ty. Guess we got our wires crossed, huh?
这都是数字游戏。 I-It was a numbers thing.
我觉得他父母让他邀请那些T-ball的孩子们。 I think his parents made him invite the T-ball kids.
【梅格惊呼】 [Meg whoops]
——好样的，老爸！耶！【惊呼】——干得好，巨鸡！ -All right, Dad! Yeah! [whoops] -Good job, Giant Chicken!
耶！ Yes!
【叹息】我女儿丢了。 [sighs] I've lost my daughter.
来吧，伙计们。 Come on, gang.
来张全家福，发到咱们家的Ins上。 Group selfie for the family Instagram account.
大家一起喊“种子”。 Everybody say "seeds."
种子！ [all] Seeds!
格里芬？你想要什么？ Griffin? What do you want?
我，我…… Um, I, uh...
梅格，你有一张一美元的平整钞票吗？ Meg, do you have a flat dollar bill
要用来换零钱吗？ for the change machine?
我想去玩街机游戏。 I wanted to play the arcades.
——我们不玩街机。——一群书呆子。 -We don't play the arcades. -Nerds.
因为我们地下室的娱乐室里有大型街机游戏。 Because we have stand-up games
——哦。 -in our basement rec room. -Aw.
凑合着用你那些皱巴巴的吧 Guess you'll just have to make do
哈哈 with your crinkled ones.
嗯 [laughing]
唉 Eh.
亲爱的，撒落的谷粒真好吃 Honey, the scattered grain is delicious.
你做得太棒了！-不用谢。 -You outdid yourself. -Well, don't thank me.
要感谢孟山都那些好人们， Thank the good people at Monsanto,
他们生产美味的谷物，里面充满了 who make delicious grain that's packed with
抗抑郁药和类固醇。 antidepressants and steroids.
梅格，我很高兴你决定和我们一起住。 I'm so glad you decided to come live with us, Meg.
我也是。 Me too.
但我还是有点可怜我爸 But I couldn't help feel a little sorry for my dad
在保龄球馆。 at the bowling alley.
他开着球道护栏打球。 He bowled with the lane guards up.
没有球沟的风险， Without the jeopardy of a gutter ball,
保龄球还有什么乐趣？ what is bowling?
他只是有自己的一套做事方法。 He just has his own way of doing things.
-是啊，走错路了。-亲爱的…… -Yeah, the wrong way. -Honey...
不，她知道。所以她才离开的。 No, she knows. That's why she left.
不，我离开是因为我爱你的儿子， No. I left because I love your son,
不是因为我恨我爸爸。 not because I hate my dad.
梅格，你要么恨你爸爸， Meg, either you hate your dad
要么就离开这个家。 or you leave this house.
[倒吸一口凉气]一个老番茄。 [gasps] An old tomato.
你和他简直一模一样。 You're just like him.
你说什么？ What did you say?
你…你和他简直…一模一样。 You're just... like... him.
等等，我…我不能打你，你是个女孩儿。 Wait, I-I can't hit you. You're a girl.
嗯？ Huh.
[鸡叫声] [chicken family screaming]
哦，梅格，我很高兴你意识到 Oh, Meg, I'm so happy you realized
你应该待在家里，陪着你爸爸。 your place is here at home with your father.
其实没那么严重。 It really wasn't that.
唉，我的东西都在这儿呢。 It's just... all my stuff is here.
什么东西？！ What stuff?!
还有，纳格特是同性恋。 Also, turns out Nugget's gay.
我看到他的短信了，全是小鸡鸡的图片。 I saw his texts and it's all tiny cocks.
哦，你说的是“纳格特”纳格特？ Oh, "Nugget" Nugget?